# How do you deal with friends leaving you on read?



## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

What do you usually do in this case?  Do you dump them?

Reactions: Informative 1


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## wibisana (Aug 17, 2022)

Y 
Y not


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## Schneider (Aug 17, 2022)

spam the friend





with penis gifs

Reactions: Funny 10


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## Catamount (Aug 17, 2022)

If you do not trust someone has a right to decide whether they should reply right now or not, you are misunderstanding the meaning of a word "friend"

Reactions: Agree 2 | Neutral 1 | Optimistic 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

Catamount said:


> If you do not trust someone has a right to decide whether they should reply right now or not, you are misunderstanding the meaning of a word "friend"


I just wanted to say happy bday.  And he answered to lots of other people but ignored me

Reactions: Informative 1 | Friendly 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Aug 17, 2022)

it depends?

how often do they do it? if it's repeated behavior and it really bothers you, you should sit them down/talk about it. depending on how they handle the conversation, you assess the friendship. if they're refusing to see your perspective/talk down to you, then you settle for being acquaintances rather than close friends.

Reactions: Like 2


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> I just wanted to say happy bday.  And he answered to lots of other people but ignored me



where was this? social media?

maybe he missed your post. it can happen if there are tons of messages. 

i wouldn't take this personally if it's an isolated incident.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 2


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> where was this? social media?
> 
> maybe he missed your post. it can happen if there are tons of messages.
> 
> i wouldn't take this personally if it's an isolated incident.


Whatsapp.  I even called him but he didnt reply.

Reactions: Friendly 2


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Aug 17, 2022)

Catamount said:


> If you do not trust someone has a right to decide whether they should reply right now or not, you are misunderstanding the meaning of a word "friend"



yes and no lol

your friends should always get the benefit of the doubt- however, some friendships can end up one sided. in this case, ignoring text messages could be one symptom of a larger issue.

Reactions: Like 3 | Agree 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> Whatsapp.  I even called him but he didnt reply.



so how do you know he replied to others?

was this a group text?

and how well do you know this guy? if you just see each other in group settings, maybe he doesn't consider you a "friend". or maybe you've done something recently to insult him? i wouldn't send any other messages. just wait to see him IRL and ask if he got your call. see how he reacts- if he's talking down to you, then you have your answer.

Reactions: Informative 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> so how do you know he replied to others?


I saw his posts and stories on instagram


ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> was this a group text?
> 
> and how well do you know this guy? if you just see each other in group settings, maybe he doesn't consider you a "friend". or maybe you've done something recently to insult him? i wouldn't send any other messages. just wait to see him IRL and ask if he got your call. see how he reacts- if he's talking down to you, then you have your answer.


I regularly hang out with him.  We've been doing that for like 2 years.  But he does have a habit of not looking at my messages for a while and not answering my call.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Catamount (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> I just wanted to say happy bday.  And he answered to lots of other people but ignored me


In case with birthdays it depends on the social circle of that person. First of all, you are congratulating them for their sake, not for yours. And second, some people have too many acquaintances and get like 50 "hbd!".
This being said, since they are not replying to your texts and calls both whatsoever, it might very well be the sign they really want to break up the friendship.
When you say in general that friends read and do not reply, it is like their habit. But when someone does that for the first time and moves on to actual ignoring, it is different.


ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> yes and no lol
> 
> your friends should always get the benefit of the doubt- however, some friendships can end up one sided. in this case, ignoring text messages could be one symptom of a larger issue.


Like I said, friends may not always reply as their habit. If there is no such habit and one of them starts ignoring the other, this isn't just being left on read, it is directly beginning of an end of this friendship.
Otherwise, if you are not asking a question and expect and answer to it, people are free not to react to your messages. I find "polite" reactions from one smiley a lot more cringe than not saying anything at all, if being honest.

Reactions: Like 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

Catamount said:


> In case with birthdays it depends on the social circle of that person. First of all, you are congratulating them for their sake, not for yours. And second, some people have too many acquaintances and get like 50 "hbd!".
> This being said, since they are not replying to your texts and calls both whatsoever, it might very well be the sign they really want to break up the friendship.
> When you say in general that friends read and do not reply, it is like their habit. But when someone does that for the first time and moves on to actual ignoring, it is different.
> 
> ...


So i shpuld prob break up with him then 

Guess i need to find some other friends.


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## Catamount (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> So i shpuld prob break up with him then
> 
> Guess i need to find some other friends.


I wouldn't bother tbh.
I mean if he does have a habit like that, he will get back to you. If he does have some issues and doesn't want to talk to you, so be it. There is no need to do anything extra because of this.
You may or may not start talking in some time. Just accept the fact that you and everyone else has their own independent lives and while they connect at some points, they also disconnect. No need to analyze why in most of the cases.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 2


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## Schneider (Aug 17, 2022)

Catamount said:


> I wouldn't bother tbh.
> I mean if he does have a habit like that, he will get back to you. If he does have some issues and doesn't want to talk to you, so be it. There is no need to so anything extra because of this.
> You may or may not start talking in some time. Just accept the fact that you and everyone else has their own independent lives and while they connect at some points, they also disconnect. No need to analyze why in most of the cases.


this

unless the n*gga owes you money

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 1


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## Island (Aug 17, 2022)

Double text.

I’m too old to care about that kind of etiquette.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Mider T (Aug 17, 2022)

Doesn't matter unless it's an urgent question or something.

Reactions: Lewd 1


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## Leo Fall (Aug 17, 2022)

Wait and see how long it takes, maybe check up once in awhile if you wanna but overall..


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## savior2005 (Aug 17, 2022)

Like multiple people have said, it depends.

I've had cases where people are truly busy, so I think it's ok if they have read a message but don't get back to me. Heck sometimes they even apologize for not getting back to me.

In other cases, I've seen that some friends are always on their phones texting people, but never text me back, at least not in a reasonably timely manner. In those *repeated *situations I gauge how they act when we hangout. If I feel that the friendship is onesided or I am being used, I tend to just let the friendship fade. I've done it more often recently. It sucks, but it is what it is. You should do your best to cut off toxic people.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Big Bob (Aug 17, 2022)

Unless it's an emergency just leave it.

You'rre only doing yourself dirty by worrying about it.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## pfft (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> I saw his posts and stories on instagram
> 
> I regularly hang out with him.  We've been doing that for like 2 years.  But he does have a habit of not looking at my messages for a while and not answering my call.


What kinda things are you texting him? If it’s overshares or trauma dumping. Things that are highly uncomfortable and out of place then that deserves the ignore.  And tbh you should consider yourself lucky he still spends time with you 

Cuz I wouldn’t want to see some trauma dumping shitty texts. Friends aren’t your therapists people.

Reactions: Like 1 | Lewd 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

pfft said:


> What kinda things are you texting him? If it’s overshares or trauma dumping. Things that are highly uncomfortable and out of place then that deserves the ignore.  And





pfft said:


> tbh you should consider yourself lucky he still spends time with you


Why?  


pfft said:


> Cuz I wouldn’t want to see some trauma dumping shitty texts. Friends aren’t your therapists people.


I am not sending him any trauma dumping texts tho.  I text him find some topics to talk about and never talk about bad things in my life


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## pfft (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> Why?
> 
> I am not sending him any trauma dumping texts tho.  I text him find some topics to talk about and never talk about bad things in my life


Personally and maybe ruthlessly honest opinion is that I get sick of someone who constantly is one note.  If you’re texts have become annoying to someone you will get ignored. 

It’s just how it is.  People online are different too.. it’s easier for ppl to be shittier 

 is this someone you have known for a long time ? 

Just based on your posts alone in this thread I personally find it a bit much.  

What would you like to happen ideally?

Reactions: Disagree 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 17, 2022)

pfft said:


> Personally and maybe ruthlessly honest opinion is that I get sick of someone who constantly is one note.  If you’re texts have become annoying to someone you will get ignored.
> 
> It’s just how it is.  People online are different too.. it’s easier for ppl to be shittier
> 
> ...


I mean,  he could just say thanks.  He had time to answer to others and even put them on insta story.  Yes i did know him for 3 years basically and if anything,  the one who would keep talking about bad things happening was him

Reactions: Like 1


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## Kitsune (Aug 17, 2022)

If it’s a one-off I don’t care, they’re probably just busy. If it happens more than a couple times I figure we’re a bad friend match and find other people to invest in. I can’t stand flakey people.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## pfft (Aug 17, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> I mean,  he could just say thanks.  He had time to answer to others and even put them on insta story.


 why does it weigh heavily on you that he didnt thank you? It’s not required that someone should thank someone for b day wish even if he did with others.
If this is bothersome you could bring it up but this is small thing.. there has to be more that lead up to this for you to be extra upset about the birthday ignore… 




Extramarital Child said:


> Yes i did know him for 3 years basically and if anything,  the one who would keep talking about bad things happening was him


 i would advise you in the future to ignore these if they happen again.  Or confront them and say “ look I get your going through a lot but I have stuff in dealing with atm I’m up for friendly banter but I can’t handle beyond that right now”. 

Also next time call him first and wish him hbd if he doesn’t answer don’t text him just say it slipped your mind if it ever comes up

Reactions: Neutral 1


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## aiyanah (Aug 17, 2022)

keep it moving, life is busy.

Reactions: Like 2 | Agree 4


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## ClannadFan (Aug 17, 2022)

I know whenever I leave someone on read, it's because I responded to them in my head and forgot to actually type it up. 

If it happens too much then I just assume they're not that into me, as a friend

Reactions: Like 1


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## Worm Juice (Aug 17, 2022)

I have a bad memory so I forget about them and stop contacting them for weeks or months. Suddenly I remember them and start conversing enthusiastically which usually leads to meeting up once or twice. Then the contact dies again for some time.  Constantly keeping up Whatsapp/Signal conversations seems tiresome.


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## A Optimistic (Aug 17, 2022)

He’s probably just busy enjoying his birthday. Maybe he hasn’t responded to any of his birthday texts yet? You’re assuming that just because he posted on social media, that he’s replied to all of his birthday texts except yours, when in reality he probably hasn’t replied to most of his birthday texts yet. 

His birthday is his special day, not yours lol. Just be patient.

Reactions: Like 1


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## trance (Aug 17, 2022)

i don't think much of it

all my friends have shit like work and kids, so i just chalk it up to them forgetting after being really busy with stuff

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## Flowjr (Aug 17, 2022)

I do the same shit to my friends, and they do the same to me. the older you get the worse off it gets. 

Welcome to adulting.


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## Flowjr (Aug 17, 2022)

trance said:


> i don't think much of it
> 
> all my friends have shit like work and kids, so i just chalk it up to them forgetting after being really busy with stuff



This pretty much. If someone needs to contact me and they text me that its urgent, I get to them immediately tho.


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## LawdyLawd (Aug 17, 2022)

I don’t take it personal since I’m not innocent myself 

but if it’s consistent and pretty obvious they’re just not invested then I just won’t contact them again, no hard feelings though

As far as happy birthdays go, if I remember next year I’ll probably skip out on telling them again unless I see them in person

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## UtahCrip (Aug 17, 2022)

i only communicate with burner phones so this ain't a issue.

Reactions: Funny 5 | Creative 1


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

Wait a bit longer, it was just their birthday. If you do not get a reply in like a week, ask them about when you see them next.



A Optimistic said:


> He’s probably just busy enjoying his birthday. Maybe he hasn’t responded to any of his birthday texts yet? You’re assuming that just because he posted on social media, that he’s replied to all of his birthday texts except yours, when in reality he probably hasn’t replied to most of his birthday texts yet.
> 
> His birthday is his special day, not yours lol. Just be patient.





Kitsune said:


> If it’s a one-off I don’t care, they’re probably just busy. If it happens more than a couple times I figure we’re a bad friend match and find other people to invest in. I can’t stand flakey people.





savior2005 said:


> Like multiple people have said, it depends.
> 
> I've had cases where people are truly busy, so I think it's ok if they have read a message but don't get back to me. Heck sometimes they even apologize for not getting back to me.
> 
> In other cases, I've seen that some friends are always on their phones texting people, but never text me back, at least not in a reasonably timely manner. In those *repeated *situations I gauge how they act when we hangout. If I feel that the friendship is onesided or I am being used, I tend to just let the friendship fade. I've done it more often recently. It sucks, but it is what it is. You should do your best to cut off toxic people.





ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> so how do you know he replied to others?
> 
> was this a group text?
> 
> and how well do you know this guy? if you just see each other in group settings, maybe he doesn't consider you a "friend". or maybe you've done something recently to insult him? i wouldn't send any other messages. just wait to see him IRL and ask if he got your call. see how he reacts- if he's talking down to you, then you have your answer.



These too.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Schneider (Aug 18, 2022)

@Extramarital Child  im getting the vibes that your invested in this relationship more than just friends. romantically perhaps?

Reactions: Funny 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 18, 2022)

Schneider said:


> @Extramarital Child  im getting the vibes that your invested in this relationship more than just friends. romantically perhaps?


Lol nope

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## bil02 (Aug 18, 2022)

It may come off as rude but are you female?
Could explain alot of things.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Schneider (Aug 18, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> Lol nope


okay



....

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 1


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## WhoFedAhri? (Aug 18, 2022)

bil02 said:


> It may come off as rude but are you female?
> Could explain alot of things.


Male

Reactions: Informative 1


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## pfft (Aug 18, 2022)

bil02 said:


> It may come off as rude but are you female?
> Could explain alot of things.



Omg 

This whole scenario reads guy

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 3


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## Prince Vegeta (Aug 18, 2022)

It depends on the type of person I'm talking to.


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## CorvetteLife (Aug 18, 2022)

Usually, after a while I get bored of them and block. There’s a few exceptional people, where I don’t do this, so I just stop texting them and find some interesting things to do otherwise. I’ve gotten past caring, as I can’t stand someone enjoying their life at my expense

-
on people saying they might be too busy. That’s very naive, especially in the times we’re living in where most people don’t get past 20 - 30 minutes without looking at their phone. Even if they’ve gone out, you can be sure they still check up on their phone. So if someone I texted didn’t reply in a day, and _they are usually more invested. _It’s probably a sign you matter, but are in the backseat of people that they talk to.

But this wouldn’t really affect you if you weren’t very invested, so it depends _who it is _and where your relationship stands with that person. As for a friend of mine (my same-sex friend), when I don’t reply to him in more than 2 days, I am always quick to realise and I do let them know _why_ I wasn’t replying or make some kind of apology without actually apologising. Something along the lines of, “This test I wrote yesterday was hard”… so he can catch on and understand that I wasn’t ignoring him out of my own volition.

So it depends. But with girls, this kind of common understanding gets blown out of the water, it gets messy, and you just have to read between the lines, and in my annoyance, where I figure, they’re just bored with me, I either bore them until they block me, and I’m happier with that outcome, or I issue a barrage of texts that makes them see where I’m standing, and usually, they’ll take a hint, and continue being, well… the girls that they are.
-

Your same sex friends are definitely more fun to text. Opposite sex friends among females, can be manipulative because they like setting up a web of traps, to make you upset. If you find yourself _defeated, _just_ know there are plenty more battles to win, _and winter doesn’t last

Reactions: Like 1


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## Jim (Aug 18, 2022)

I'd only think it's an issue if you were texting them important information that an immediate reply would be expected. I'm not just saying an emergency, for example, it could be like "hey i'm in the area, can i drop by?"

Even then though, the no reply thing has to be habitual. Even then, it's nothing to get mad about, just start texting less and less.


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## dergeist (Aug 18, 2022)

Extramarital Child said:


> What do you usually do in this case?  Do you dump them?



Tbh, I don't care, could be a number of reasons. People have their own lives that don't revolve around me (even though they should).


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## Catamount (Aug 18, 2022)

bil02 said:


> It may come off as rude but are you female?
> Could explain alot of things.


Can you list those many things from this thread that OP having a vagina would have explained?

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Gerjaffers786 (Aug 18, 2022)

People should reply.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

Gerjaffers786 said:


> People should reply.



I honestly think we should normalize replying (within a reasonable timeframe) or making it clear when someone's making you uncomfortable with their posts or replies. It's honestly kinda tragic breaking up a romantic relationship is relatively easy and accepted (normalized) in society, yet it seems harder when it comes to friends and doing so makes you feel or look like a dick. At least, AFAIK.

Friendships should have breakups too, not all relationships are meant to be and should not be.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

@Extramarital Child I have to echo part of what @pfft said (I don't really agree with the rest of it). If people make you feel uncomfortable with their talk about personal or negative stuff in the future, gently let them know you can't really help there. You'd be doing not just yourself a favor, you'd also be helping your friend by helping them realize they're being selfish, at least entitled.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## pfft (Aug 18, 2022)

Aegon Targaryen said:


> @Extramarital Child I have to echo part of what @pfft said (I don't really agree with the rest of it). If people make you feel uncomfortable with their talk about personal or negative stuff in the future, gently let them know you can't really help there. You'd be doing not just yourself a favor, you'd also be helping your friend by helping them realize they're being selfish, at least entitled.


I do believe in that part the most the part you agree with. Like the rest is speculation because I do hate the trauma dumps.  But it could just be me who truly doesn’t want to deal with it.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Jim (Aug 18, 2022)

pfft said:


> I do believe in that part the most the part you agree with. Like the rest is speculation because I do hate the trauma dumps.  But it could just be me who truly doesn’t want to deal with it.


What happens when a person normal dumps on you?
j/k

Reactions: Funny 1 | Lewd 1


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## Mihawk (Aug 18, 2022)

trance said:


> i don't think much of it
> 
> all my friends have shit like work and kids, so i just chalk it up to them forgetting after being really busy with stuff



This. 

You get a life or find something else to do...

Why bother being so caught up or anxious if someone replies to your text or not? You have things to do as well 

The only excuse I can think of for this kind of thinking is if it is either a) an urgent matter you need their feedback on or b) confirmation for something like a booking, deadline, or invitation. 

Of course you should categorise someone who repeatedly leaves you on read and fucks around as "unreliable". That's what I do in these situations nowadays.

Reactions: Neutral 1


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

Mihawk said:


> This.
> 
> You get a life or find something else to do...
> 
> ...



Eh, idk. While I see your point of view, I also can see someone being confused and upset at their friend not responding to the former's birthday wishes. 

I think it's completely fair for them to hold it against said friend (unless the latter does reply, even if a bit late), but I also believe it's not something to really stress about. Maybe they just genuinely missed it.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Mihawk (Aug 18, 2022)

Aegon Targaryen said:


> Eh, idk. While I see your point of view, I also can see someone being confused and upset at their friend not responding to the former's birthday wishes.
> 
> I think it's completely fair for them to hold it against said friend (unless the latter does reply, even if a bit late), but I also believe it's not something to really stress about.c



As someone else said though, that friend is probably getting tons of birthday messages. I'm not saying they shouldn't feel upset about it, but they shouldn't take it too personally. Life begins when one realises they are not the centre of the universe. 

Developing a thicker skin also helps.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

Mihawk said:


> As someone else said though, that friend is probably getting tons of birthday messages. I'm not saying they shouldn't feel upset about it, but they shouldn't take it too personally. Life begins when one realises they are not the centre of the universe.
> 
> Developing a thicker skin also helps.



Agree on all counts. It could have been a real mistake from the friend (though, again, the friend should absolutely take the time to say thanks back if they're close). Way I see it, at best the guy messed up and at worst he was a jerk.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## pfft (Aug 18, 2022)

Jim said:


> What happens when a person normal dumps on you?
> j/k


I’ll let them Jim me


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## Leo Fall (Aug 18, 2022)

ClannadFan said:


> I know whenever I leave someone on read, it's because I responded to them in my head and forgot to actually type it up.


Same, my mind just blanks on it sometimes lol


Aegon Targaryen said:


> I honestly think we should normalize replying (within a reasonable timeframe) or making it clear when someone's making you uncomfortable with their posts or replies. It's honestly kinda tragic breaking up a romantic relationship is relatively easy and accepted (normalized) in society, yet it seems harder when it comes to friends and doing so makes you feel or look like a dick. At least, AFAIK.
> 
> Friendships should have breakups too, not all relationships are meant to be and should not be.


Freakin' preach.
My sister's friend since like pre-k(she's in 6th now) is a bit toxic and it's so hard on her. Unless the friend moves schools too(because she's moving houses) I don't think my sister's going to quit hangin' out with her.


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

Lee/Leo said:


> Freakin' preach.
> My sister's friend since like pre-k(she's in 6th now) is a bit toxic and it's so hard on her. Unless the friend moves schools too(because she's moving houses) I don't think my sister's going to quit hangin' out with her.



Wdym by toxic, if you don't mind answering?

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Leo Fall (Aug 18, 2022)

Aegon Targaryen said:


> Wdym by toxic, if you don't mind answering?


I don't see the two interact too often however I have seen her peer pressure my sister into a few lies and something that isn't solved yet but ended in my sister being grounded for the past month(and still is) : /

Reactions: Informative 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Aug 18, 2022)

imo the friends you make should be divided into categories

for example: there are those that you see at work/school, who never want to hang out after hours. doesn't mean you cut them off- you just know the segment they are in and what they are good for 

then there are the ones who are your real friends- you see them often can count on them for anything- you wont have very many in this group unless you are lucky. 

if you expect friends in the first category to act like friends in the second, you'll always be at odds with people.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 3


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## Aegon Targaryen (Aug 18, 2022)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> imo the friends you make should be divided into categories
> 
> for example: there are those that you see at work/school, who never want to hang out after hours. doesn't mean you cut them off- you just know the segment they are in and what they are good for
> 
> ...



I would even argue it is better to see the first group as acquaintances.

It does seem to be a bit of a maxim that coworkers are not your friends. A true one, even.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Leo Fall (Aug 18, 2022)

Aegon Targaryen said:


> I would even argue it is better to see the first group as acquaintances.
> 
> It does seem to be a bit of a maxim that coworkers are not your friends.


Friendly acquaintances, situational friends, friends, and then best friends.

Reactions: Agree 1


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