# Is it Creepy When Parents Are Overly-Protective of their Children?



## DemonDragonJ (Nov 29, 2016)

It is perfectly natural for parents to wish to protect their children, but there can sometimes be instances in which a parent's desire to protect their children can seem excessive, such as parents attempting to prevent their adolescent offspring from being in romantic relationships with people of whom they disapprove, even when their offspring are old enough to drive a car, vote, or legally purchase alcohol.

I personally find this attitude to be very creepy and disturbing, because it implies to me that the parents cannot accept that their children have grown to the point where they can function independently of their parents, and that the parents wish to have complete control over their children's lives.

One of the newest examples out of many of this attitude is a film entitled _Why Him?,_ which shall open in December, in which a father does not approve of his daughter's boyfriend, and attempts to drive them apart. This plot has been used in countless media, so I believe that it would be a refreshing change of pace to have a movie in which a parent actually approves of their child's choice of partner, even if that partner is drastically different from the parent.

What does everyone else say about this? Do you believe that it is creepy when parents are overly-protective of their children, and wish that mainstream media would stop perpetuating the image of the overly-protective parent?


----------



## Swarmy (Nov 29, 2016)

Almost all mammals are overprotective of their offspring, it's in our genes and they control far more of our behaviour than we wish to accept. Then comes the cultural background, some cultures are more overprotective and caring than others, for example in my country it's common for the boy to stay with his parents even after marrying while girls are supposed to move with the boy


----------



## John Wick (Nov 29, 2016)

No, it's shit parenting if they're not protective at all.


----------



## Saru (Nov 29, 2016)

"Overly protective" is a subjective accusation, but I think what's perceived by most children as "over-protectiveness" from their parents is completely normal. I agree with what Swamy said about being protective just being in our nature. After all, your children are, in some way, a furtherance of your legacy. From that perspective, it makes sense to want to protect your child and be selective about the life decisions you think they should make.

I think the other motivating factor is love, as most parents love their children and simply want the absolute best for them.


----------



## The Gr8 Destroyer (Nov 29, 2016)

When my kid was old enough to walk I have him a dull pocket knife and told him to fend for himself.  My wife called me a pussy and told me to stop coddling him. Apparently I am overprotective.

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 2


----------



## Biothrang (Nov 29, 2016)

Over-protectiveness is more or less annoying, abusive, and/or damaging rather than creepy. A parent living through their child's life is creepy. Being over-protective can damage a child because once they have some sort of freedom from their parent(s), they can become self-sabotaging and more focused to do what they couldn't do while living with their parents. I know I did.


----------



## DemonDragonJ (Nov 30, 2016)

Swarmy said:


> for example in my country it's common for the boy to stay with his parents even after marrying while girls are supposed to move with the boy



What country is that?



Saru said:


> I think the other motivating factor is love, as most parents love their children and simply want the absolute best for them.



Yes, that is true, and, if I ever have children, I will love them unconditionally and more than anything else in the world, but, if I have a daughter, and she eventually has a partner of whom I do not approve, I will express my disapproval (only to her and not to her partner), but not actually interfere with their relationship, since I will trust her to be able to make intelligent decisions on her own, and I will not want anyone to suspect that my relationship with her is something beyond a normal parent/child relationship.


----------



## Saru (Nov 30, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> Yes, that is true, and, if I ever have children, I will love them unconditionally and more than anything else in the world, but, if I have a daughter, and she eventually has a partner of whom I do not approve, I will express my disapproval (only to her and not to her partner), but not actually interfere with their relationship, since I will trust her to be able to make intelligent decisions on her own, and I will not want anyone to suspect that my relationship with her is something beyond a normal parent/child relationship.



That's specific. You sound like you'll be a good parent. 

Having had an overprotective parent and having gained some wisdom over the years, I think I'd much prefer my parent to be "overprotective" than the opposite alternative. Your parents often _do_ know what's best for you, and they often _do_ know more about life than you, so their advice is always valuable. 

But from a parenting standpoint, I think it's probably best to just drill your standards into your children while they're young, that way they don't need you to coddle them 24/7 when they're older.


----------



## Roman (Nov 30, 2016)

That's extreme posessiveness, not protectiveness.


----------



## Deleted member 198194 (Nov 30, 2016)

A good parent does everything they can to equip their child to cope with the world in a positive way.  They let them make their own choices past that point.

Reactions: Agree 2


----------



## John Wick (Nov 30, 2016)

Swarmy said:


> Almost all mammals are overprotective of their offspring, it's in our genes and they control far more of our behaviour than we wish to accept. Then comes the cultural background, some cultures are more overprotective and caring than others, for example in my country it's common for the boy to stay with his parents even after marrying while girls are supposed to move with the boy



pretty much this for me. 

my mum got well upset when I bought my own place and moved out she wanted us to all live together as a family till we died and even then we wouldn't leave


----------



## Drake (Nov 30, 2016)

I don't think the example of _Why Him _you mentioned is a good example of over-protectiveness. I haven't seen the movie, but the common traits of the "bad boyfriend" trope involve someone who is reckless and dangerous and it is natural for parents to want to protect their daughters from strong influences that could end up harming them. It's a matter of having more experience and recognizing that love or attraction can sometimes blind you from seeing someone's faults in that case.

That being said, there are definitely times when parents are actually overprotective. I just don't think something like this is one of them.


----------



## Mider T (Nov 30, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> This plot has been used in countless media, so I believe that it would be a refreshing change of pace to have a movie in which a parent actually approves of their child's choice of partner, even if that partner is drastically different from the parent.


That would be a boring film.

Reactions: Like 1


----------



## Kusa (Nov 30, 2016)

Overly-protective is not creepy, but a lot times the term over-protective is used to make it seem, the parents act in a certain way because they care for their children, their safety and their happiness, when sometimes this is not the reason why they are so obsessed with their children and their choices, but the fear that they will do something that will harm their reputation or other selfish reasons and of course no parent will admit that so they hide behind words like 'caring' 'thinking about your future' and sometimes end up convincing their children that this is indeed the case who then give up on whatever they were doing and end up being unhappy about it or regret it for years and that is, well it is not creepy ( don't think it's right term) but tragic and  honestly just disgusting.



Being over -protective on the other hand really means that they care a lot, but it can also mean that they (if the children have reached a certain age) don't really trust them, it does not necessarily mean  they don't trust them overall or don't have a good reason to not trust them, but they don't believe or are afraid that their children will be not able to do the right choice/choices. Even if the intentions are not _only_ selfish here, it can harm the child a lot, especially when they have to rely on themselves someday.

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## John Wick (Nov 30, 2016)

Drake said:


> I don't think the example of _Why Him _you mentioned is a good example of over-protectiveness. I haven't seen the movie, but the common traits of the "bad boyfriend" trope involve someone who is reckless and dangerous and it is natural for parents to want to protect their daughters from strong influences that could end up harming them. It's a matter of having more experience and recognizing that love or attraction can sometimes blind you from seeing someone's faults in that case.
> 
> That being said, there are definitely times when parents are actually overprotective. I just don't think something like this is one of them.




My mum didn't want me to go into the RAF despite me wanting to pick a non combat role...

she also doesn't want to ride a motorcycle or go parachuting lol. 

but then this is the woman I still haven't told that I eat beef so...


----------



## Stunna (Nov 30, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> Do you believe that it is creepy when parents are overly-protective of their children


Not by default.


----------



## Eros (Dec 1, 2016)

I'm sure everyone is aware of the 4 parenting styles. 

The one that most psychologists suggests is Authoritative.



> *Authoritative Parenting*
> Authoritative parents also have rules that children are expected to follow, however, they allow some exceptions to the rule. They often tell children the reasons for the rules and they are more willing to consider a child’s feelings when .
> 
> 
> ...



In this style of parenting, you're giving your children enough room to learn from their own mistakes, but enough love, protection, and guidance to be prepared for the world and to have a better parent/child relationship. Authoritarian is the one most associated with helicopter parenting and abuse while permissive and uninvolved parenting leave kids to fend for themselves and can be downright negligent. Thus, I find the more extreme parenting styles to be lacking and creepy in their own ways while the balanced style makes the most sense.


----------



## Swarmy (Dec 1, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> What country is that?



Bulgaria  Though most balkan countries are like that


----------



## John Wick (Dec 1, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> Not if the boyfriend was revealed to be a con-man who was using his relationship with the daughter to steal money from the family; in that case, the father would have a legitimate reason to dislike him, because, as the movie currently is, the father seems to be petty, jealous, and terribly close-minded.
> 
> 
> 
> Why have you not told her that? Is she a vegetarian and/or a Hindu?


Nah she's not a veggie but she's a devout hindu prays and everything and she's not very reasonable on the topic


----------



## DemonDragonJ (Dec 1, 2016)

VAK said:


> Nah she's not a veggie but she's a devout hindu prays and everything and she's not very reasonable on the topic



I see; I hope that her love for you is stronger than is her devotion to her religion.


----------



## John Wick (Dec 1, 2016)

DemonDragonJ said:


> I see; I hope that her love for you is stronger than her devotion to her religion.


I'll probably never tell her so....

Reactions: Funny 1


----------



## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Dec 1, 2016)

VAK said:


> I'll probably never tell her so....



it's hilarious to me that across brown cultures, people hide shit from their parents into adulthood.


----------



## John Wick (Dec 1, 2016)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> it's hilarious to me that across brown cultures, people hide shit from their parents into adulthood.


she thought I believed in god up until a few years ago and when she found out I didn't she didn't speak to me for a couple of days lol


----------



## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Dec 1, 2016)

VAK said:


> she thought I believed in god up until a few years ago and when she found out I didn't she didn't speak to me for a couple of days lol



aww. 

are you the oldest?


----------



## John Wick (Dec 1, 2016)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> aww.
> 
> are you the oldest?



yeah only got the one sibling tho.


----------

