# MS Paint Adventures' SBURB - Scratched Edition



## Taurus Versant (Dec 19, 2011)

*MS Paint Adventures' SBURB**








Today in the mail you will find that your copy of the SBURB ALPHA has arrived. It is finally time to play this game. You will message 'friends' to try and form a chain of players, enter the Medium to master your given title and mature as ONE OF THE CHOSEN.

But whether or not Skaia agrees with this destiny, is still in the wind.*​
*GMODS:*

Taurus Versant
Abigail

*RULES:*

- The GMOD is always right. Even when they're wrong.
- If you have plans that affect other characters or the game at large, run them past the people affected (and me) first.
- If you want to make an alchemy, make a post in here first listing what you're making.
- If you want to work with a major NPC (eg: Jack, Yggy, etc), contact me, I'll be playing them.
- I am Yggy, destroyer of cakes. Fear me.
- More rules will be added as I need to enforce them on you crazy fucks.

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IN-CHARACTER POSTS ONLY HERE

THE OOC THREAD EXISTS FOR A REASON

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THE DAY OF THE GAME IS THE 12TH OF DECEMBER


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## Taurus Versant (Dec 20, 2011)

The woman sighed, and put her hands on her hips before the closed door. Realising that wasn't going to get here anywhere, she knocked again. Ignored again.

It was probably locked. She wasn't going to be able to find out either way. Not with that delightful collection of thumb-tacks super-glued to the doorknob.

"For fucks' sakes, Rachel."

She wasn't one to usually swear, but Rachel Laon warranted it. Probably because she did it more than commonly. Well, whatever. Selena Kray had a history of dealing with the problem cases. She knew how to jimmy the locks. Literally as well as metaphorically. Quickly sliding a card up the side of the door, she felt the latch give way allowing it to swing open. The door stopped after a moment, a chain lock preventing it from opening much further. This was new.

"Go the fuck away."

"Afternoon, Rachel."

The woman on the inside of the door glared at Selena, dull gold eyes boring into her. There were bags under her eyelids, and her hair was unkempt. "I told you to shove off, Selena. Didn't you get the hint from the doorknob?"

Selena just smiled that smile where she was obviously doing her best to agitate Rachel. It worked, because Rachel just swore at her again and wandered off. Selena put a pen through the door crack, shifting the chain about until it popped out and the door swung open. And with that briskly walked into the small apartment.

"And how're you today?"

Rachel, the dark-haired, thick-skinned, vulgar and abrasive twenty-one year old woman flipped her off. Selena almost cracked a smile. "Why do you keep coming back? I got out of the system the moment I was a legal adult, you owe me NOTHING and I want nothing to do with you. Get. The fuck. Out."

Ignoring her snarl, Selena fished a broom out of the cupboard where she'd stored it, and set to work on cleaning up the mess in here. Rachel wasn't one for showing respect for this building and it was up to Selena to keep her in house and home.

Whatever Rachel said. For her part, Rachel just ignored Selena and flicked on the tv. Oh good, her asshole of a boyfriend had left his stupid pronos in the player YET A-FUCKING-GAIN. Maybe that would weird Selena out enough. "Carbon." With computer relinquished from her modus, Rachel promptly went on to try and forget her current situation.

That being the counsellor from the very last orphanage she had been at before she got out of the system now cleaning up her apartment building while a ridiculously dumb pornography was playing on the television. Life. Who the fuck needed it?

Selena unplugged the tv.

"What? Jealous? Maybe if you got the fuck out of my life you'd have enough time to find a boyfriend who would do that to you."

Rachel grinned savagely. Selena eyed her calmly. "You could do better than someone who watches that filth."

"Oh shut UP already, god dammit." Rachel's smile went as fast as it came. Selena always knew how to piss her off. It drove her crazy. Selena kept on cleaning.

Once a week. Every week. Ever since she left, Selena had come by to see her. The woman was barely two years older than Rachel. And yet she acted like her fucking mother. Rachel just shook her head at this. Fuck thinking of her parents. She had had a better life in the orphanage than she had at home. Fuck everything.

A bag dangled in front of her eyes, full of a suspicious white powder. Selena, having unearthed it from the couch, tsked. Rachel smacked it out of her hand where the bag fell on the floor.

"It's not mine, jeeze. It's my idiot of a boyfriend's. And no don't start it's not his cause he's a junkie it's his because he makes the money. And as such, so do I."

"And just what," Selena eyed Rachel disapprovingly, "Will you say when that... man is eventually found out, as all people are?"

"Oh please, officer," Rachel's voice suddenly turned sickly demure, her eyes well glistening with tears, "I had no idea my boyfriend was such a bad person, I was mislead all along. Please, help me search this building, make sure he left nothing behind." A moment later Rachel's eyes were completely dry. "Something like that," she smirked in her usual voice.

Selena just shook her head.

"How are your studies?" she asked, changing the topic. Rachel was a student of Materials Engineering at the local University. It was surprising, but then, anything Rachel did was surprising. She refused to owe anyone anything. So she'd do everything in her power to secure her own safe place in the world. Even if the way was... distasteful.

"Everything's fine I'm passing everything stop caring and get out, Selena."

Well, Rachel wasn't ranting about asshole lecturers or tutors eyeing her up or students talking behind her back this time, so things must be quite good. That was nice, Selena thought.

"Go have a shower, you're filthy."

"Fuck off."

Selena had expected this. And so prepared a method of retaliation. She withdrew a pocket player from her jacket. Rachel eyed it distrustfully.

By the third line of the first song from the top 100 love songs playlist, Rachel bailed out of the room.

"And clean yourself properly!" Selena called after her, switching the player off. She found this sappy crap just as distasteful, but any ground to be gained on Rachel was ground worth fighting for. Now, back into setting this sty to order. She swore that Rachel made it messier each week if only to prolong her stay. Imagining that, Selena smiled as she worked.

Rachel, in the shower, banged her head against the glass door. Ugh, fuck this day. She sighed, letting the hot water run over her. Maybe, at least, that game she was being roped into this evening would be fun.


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## Atlantic Storm (Dec 20, 2011)

A man stands in his room. It just so happens that today, the 12th of  December, is this young man's birthday. Though it was seventeen years ago  he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

No wait, that's stupid. What kind of low class fool doesn't receive a name until his seventeenth birthday? Not this one, that's for sure. You just happened to have momentarily forgot your name in a temporary and plot convenient lapse in memory. What was your name again?

Was it . . . _Rich Idiot_?

No, that's a dumb name.

Oh yeah, it was _Damion Espley_! Duh.

Your name is Damion, and today it is your birthday. You don't really care because, well, it's not like it's a special occasion or anything. Your father never buys you presents or anything and continues to force you to study rigorously; like a robot. Your room is, of course, neat and tidy. There is a mahogany bookcase in the corner of your room that stores all your valuable and precious books; both books from the library and school and books you have written yourself. On the other side is your TV and PS3. Your father does not know about the latter. Loaded within the PS3 is your favorite new game, Assassin's Creed: Revelations. You happen to find the act of sneaking around and maybe stabbing people in the back when they're not looking very enjoyable and a great let out for all of your frustration. Next to you, is your favourite thing in the whole wide poor word; your computer! 

You take exactly one step to the right and sit down on your nice comfortable chair and relax. Maybe you'll even . . . spin around on it? Who knows? 

In the end, you decide against your silly impulse and just hop onto your computer instead. You turn it on, and sign in onto Pesterchum. Are any of your pals and buds online?


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## Platinum (Dec 21, 2011)

*Ring In The New Year*

I sat alone for what seemed to be ages in my lonely tower that exists in the twisted land of my dreams, meticulously pouring over a worn leather bound book. It was all I could do, a sharp and violent pain in my side made any travel more of a bother than it was worth. But that did not stop the voices from calling out to me, they always call out to me.

"Wake up", a vague voice proclaimed, this one different than the others I usually am graced with. A short period of silence followed then once more "Wake up.", the voice again spoke this time more sternly. I felt a quick splash of pain surge across my face and suddenly my world faded to black...

I blinked twice in an attempt to focus my vision, slowly the image of a man in a cheap suit settled on my corneas. My arms and legs were bound by rope, an awful cliche come to life. The pain in my side quickly reminded me of how I got here. Sucker stabbed by a few mafia goons when I let my guard down, such a stupid amateur mistake.

"Glad to see you are concious my friend.", the joker in the suit cooed. "After all what kind of New Year's Party would this be if the main guest passed out early?". Nothing more than your run of the mill overconfident mobster, ties ropes like a girl to boot. He saw me, saw my appearence, and assumed I was nothing more than some punk kid trying to play the hero. I love types like this, their house of cards always crumbled the hardest.  

"True.", I replied. "After all I bet meeting one such as myself must be the highlight in your miserable pathetic little existence." His anger flared up and the man slugged me in the face, I broke out into fits of laughter in response which only made him angrier.

"You think this is fucking funny kid?", he asked me menacingly.

"What? The fact that I am currently tied up in a manner similar to a bad action movie, or the fact that you punch like an emaciated dame? Both are humorous in their own way I suppose.", that quip earned me another punch for my effort and I quickly closed my mouth, earning a smirk from the jerk. Making him both furious while maintaing the illusion that he was in complete control, it was almost too easy. Meanwhile I had already freed my right arm from it's restraints and it was time for our little interrogation to continue.

"Everyone thinks they are a hero...", my hideously dressed friend began. "But look at you, you are a fucking joke. Just tell me where you stashed the portrait hero and i'll let you go."

"No can do.", I replied in a condescending tone. "I was hired to retrieve that painting from the band of petty crooks who stole it, finders keepers." I am pretty sure that is the most sacred of laws in the private investigator rule book.

"Look you little shit I can be either your friend or your enemy."

"As if you could ever be anything else than my enemy. People like you are a disease in this wonderful city, the saints will smile upon us all when I lock you up in a mouldering prison cell." He raised his fist to strike me again, but his face quickly contorted into an expression that was a delictable mix of surprise and horror when my right hand caught his blow and my left freed itself from it's restraints. "Now", I spoke as I drew him in close, his terror apparent. "Mind if I ask you a few questions myself friend?"

He didn't know as much as I thought he would  but every piece of information is valuable to an investigator, I incapacitated the man after I was reasonably sure I learned all he could tell me. It was time for me to make a stylish exit but that raised the question of what I should do with the criminal in my possesion. There was no way I could bring him with me, I knew there were more mooks around, carrying a body out was out of the question. Besides even if I did, I knew this guy had connections, he would be out in days. Such a frustrating catch 22. But then as I was pondering my eye came to rest on a few cans of gasoline, and my thoughts began to turn dark...

It would be so easy, no one would ever find out who did it either. I could burn it down, this whole place to ashes, and with it the scum that nested here. Almost subconciously I drew out a lighter from my coat's pocket and stared at the flame it produced in wonder.... no, that's not who I am. Not what I want to be. I shook my head to dispell the thoughts from my mind, and began to search for an exit...

I ran, ran from it all as a few brave gangsters gave chase. A bullet grazed my left ankle and caused me to stumble and nearly fall, but still I kept on running, pushing myself too far, reopening my recent wound. My vision began to blur as conciousness slipped away from me again. I found a sufficent place to hide from my pursuerers and placed a call to the only person I trusted before the pain became too much to bare.

Back in the tower...always back in the tower. My dreams took place in this land solely since the age of 10, well dreams I call them, in reality I suspect it is not fully a world that exists only in the mindscape... 

I have friends here, well if you can call them that. They aren't awake though so it's a wash. Eventually they will sir from their slumber, and gaze upon these settings the same way I first did as a child. My wounds endure here, so all I can do is read tomes from the small library here and listen to the words of strange and terrible voices...

I awoke a few hours later to my brother's voice. "You are going to get yourself killed you know.", he spoke to me in a tone neither protective nor condescending. Most of my limbs were wrapped in fresh bandages, my brother is not the best doctor in the world by any means but he can get the job done.

"Comes with the territory." He knows this of course so he doesn't offer a rebuttal. "My source fed me some bad info, I got careless... but I recovered what was stolen so that's all that matters in the end."

"If you say so. This puts a bit of a damper on our New Year's plans."

"What? You think these scratches are enough to put me out of comission?",I slowly rose to my feet and grabbed my coat. "You should know better than that." Every movement lit my body up with pure pain, but I hid it as well as I could. No one needs to worry about me, I am fine suffering in silence. 

He didn't protest even though I knew he wanted to. This party was important to him. He was debuting a new piece of his at a gathering of Palermo's social elite, and you never know what you are going to hear when wine meets loose lips after all. 

Everything went as well as could be expected. I slipped away near the midnight hour to watch the fireworks in their multicolored splendor, I have a certain affinity for firearms and explosives if you didn't know. Around this time millions state to themselves a resolution for the next year, though few if any follow through. I always do though, when I make promises I keep them. The new year promised to be an interesting one, I had plans. Many, many plans. My friends whispered of such things in vagueties but if even a fraction of it came to frution this year would be one to remember...


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## Platinum (Dec 25, 2011)

In a dark and eerily silent part of the city, a ragged coated young man with bloodied hands and an equally bloodied knife looks down at four bodies, three of them being typical easily dispatched goons while the fourth was something a bit more special.  This fourth man was a rather muscular fellow, and tall too, nearing seven feet in height.  The big deal about this man is that his skin was actually impenetrable, or at least so tough it might as well have been.  God knows that the usual efforts at stabbing were useless.  His eyes, however, are a different deal.  It cost a few broken ribs and a major headache due to a headbutt, but the brain surgery following the eye treatment managed to put down the hardy bastard.  It takes a while to get to the gooey center, but the toughest shells yields the greater rewards.

The coated young man, while injured, is still quick enough to successfully make his escape when he hears others coming, presumably to check what the commotion was all about.  Running and then leaping from the tops of small buildings, this man is filled with an adrenaline high that only a good killing can provide.  Murder was always a thrill for him, and also natural.  Life can only be lived if one can take it away from others.  The world is a harsh place, and this so-called civilization is just a fragile mask attempting (and failing) to hide the true chaos underneath.  For this young man, this chaos is a thing to be embraced.  Only true fulfillment can be gained from a life of deadly struggle.  He akins himself to a force of nature.  Much like how a tornado strips away housings, he will strip away the false mask of society, one body at a time.

This individual, who was once known as James Donaldson, looks forward to further efforts at unmasking.


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## Cadrien (Dec 27, 2011)

Valen Atra hurriedly walked away from the meeting. Things were going to get ugly once the ruse was found out. Well, ugly for the thugs at least. Hopefully. He fretfully glanced around his options should something go wrong. Several alleys, a fire escape, a car, and various trees. In all honesty the car would be safest, but it would take a bit of time to hot wire. Plus the alarm would probably go off and cause more issues. That took it off the list then. 

He clenched his hands, making the leather of the gloves creak. Smiled grimly he hurried onward. Nothing for it. Just focus on getting home as fast...as he could. "Crap." he muttered under his breath as two men stepped out of a car in front of him and one shut a cell phone then began looking around. Valen slid to a halt and ducked behind a van and taking a quick cursory inventory. He could sneak past them, maybe. This was the problem when dealing with pros, bigger pay-off, bigger risk. 

Looking wistfully at the briefcase he sighed and tucked it under the van. He would hopefully be able to collect it after these guys moved on. Until then though...he felt in his pocket for his knife. Feeling the reassuring curve of it, he waited until the thugs' backs were turned and then snuck forward to a yard that had a tree in it. He had to gauge his moment right, or else he would be rather screwed. Sneaking past the two he curled himself up behind some foliage and listened.

"Why we gotta be out here searching for some damn kid?" The shorter of the two asked, cupping his hands and breathing into them. The other turned and answered, "Because the boss pays us to, dumbass." Turning back around, he muttered. "That said, I share the sentiment, mate." The first lit up a cigarette and took a drag on it before walking back up the street. Valen cursed inwardly, the snow might complicate matters and give him away. Plus...it really was bloody cold out. He wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and flexed his hands, straining against the leather of his gloves. This was a fine mess but if he could make it all come together it would all be worth it. That was a big if.

-Earlier in the Evening-​
Valen stood in the hallway outside of Manor de Maraceni's inner sanctum. The meeting room that the hallway led to contained the owner of the domicile as well of several of area's more prominent families. Or at least, the higher ups of those families. And here he was. Invited to dine among them. Acquiring the invitation had been...difficult, to say the least. He was not even Valen Atra at the moment. He was instead Jonah Firolenzi, a son of a relatively minor family, but an old one and thus one to be honored by a place at Don Maraceni's table. 

The true Jonah was currently away in France attending a boarding academy and Valen had erm, acquired a, um, copy of an official invitation. Of course he had needed to make a few alterations to the copy, but that was done easily enough. The hard part had been finding out how much he would need to learn about Jonah to play the part convincingly. How much the other attendees might notice if he was his usual flippant self. In short, how much acting would be required of him. As it happened, only a little bit here and there had been required. 

The whole purpose of this ruse was simple. While the revels were going on, he would show the good Don Maraceni that it did not pay to boast of one's wealth and not pay for decent security. It in fact, cost one. 

-Present-​
Everything had gone swimmingly. He had gained the leisure of Maraceni's treasury and been able to open the safe hidden behind a grinning portrait of one of Maraceni's ancestors and remove several documents of various importance and value. As well as a small brick or two of bills for good measure. Then, assuming that neither his presence nor his absence would be noticed he simply snuck out. Unfortunately, he had not anticipated the hidden cameras in addition to the main cameras that he had disabled and so it was that he found himself being pursued by some of the Don's men. He had shaken some of them, but these two had sunk their teeth into his tail, so to speak. 

The main thing going for him was the simple fact that whether they were simply dumb or greedy for praise, the two had not called for reinforcements. If they had, the whole game would have been blown and Valen would have had to abandon it. As it stood now though, there was a chance to salvage it. How to handle it though. He mused to himself, considering his inventory. Truth be told, he hadn't really planned on something like this so he hadn't brought much. Even had he planned for trouble, he couldn't exactly have brought much, even if he could acquire the various accouterments... 

He had two options, both arduous in their own way. He could, A) wait until the two gave up, or B) somehow drive them off or otherwise incapacitate them. A feat which would be rather hard for a young man of his weight class and strength. Perhaps if he had a gun, or some form of explosive, he might have be able to offset the odds, as it stood though, he was what he was. A tall, lanky, decently in shape teenager with too much smarts and not enough sense. 

That was when a figure in a white jacket and goggles charged the two and clothes-lined one of them, dashing the cigarette from his mouth. The other quickly pull his pistol out of it's holster and raised it at her. Unfortunately from him, he had backed up close to Valen who delivered a jarring kick to the man's arm that knocked the gun loose. 

"Shit!" The first thug yelled, attempting to swing at his assailant and missing spectacularly. Valen darted around the second one tauntingly and kicked the gun further away from them. They heard a crack and both Valen and his opponent stopped and looked over at the other pair. The thug was laid out on the ground and the white coated savior was standing over him with a crowbar. He looked up at the second one meaningfully and jerked his thumb to indicate that the same treatment would be given to the second if he stuck around. Taking the hint, the second thug slowly slipped his posture back to a relaxed one and backed away. Valen moved over towards the unconscious thug and white coat. The goon climbed into his car and drove off, rather quickly, and while they didn't see it, a minute later, when he was out of sight, they heard a crash of metal on metal.

Valen turned to the white coated man, who raised his goggles and glared frosty daggers at him. "You are an idiot, little brother." Valen's sister said as she pulled off her hat to reveal pinkish blonde hair that was tied back and fell slightly below shoulder level. Valen shrugged and looked down at the unconscious thug. "Potentially. I could have gotten out of the situation with no casualties and my target still intact." He started to look around until a hand smacked against his face. "Don't try and shrug this off, Valen. Do you have any idea how worried we were about you? When we called Chris' parents and asked how the party was going and they said, very puzzled, that there was no party?" She gripped his shoulder close to the neck and squeezed painfully, causing Valen to flinch and wrench himself from her grasp. "Well I could not very well say where I was really going could I?" He said, massaging his shoulder but noticing her expression was one that was truly worried. Or had been.

"Come on." His sister said, "I parked a little ways off." She started to walk down the street. "Give me a sec," Valen said, moving in the opposite direction towards the van that he had stashed the briefcase under. When he looked under it though, there was nothing there. "Well shit." He said standing up and turning back to his Sis, where he stood and stared with his jaw open as she pulled the briefcase from behind a bush, not looking at him and continuing to walk away from him. "Come on, little brother." She called back to him. Valen scratched his head and walked after her, first lightening the wallet of the still groggy thug who was starting to recover consciousness. 

"Yeah yeah, I'm coming." He said said, catching up to her. "How did you know where I was though?" The corners of her mouth turned up in a wry smile. "I'm your big sis, Val. I just know stuff. Give me some credit." Valen sighed as he climbed in his sister's car and pulled the briefcase onto his lap to peruse later. Valen's sister yawned and then started the short drive home. All of five minutes later. Valen groaned as he realized how close to his house he had been. His sister merely smiled.


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## Atlantic Storm (Dec 27, 2011)

*==> continuation of previous post.*

Huh, nobody was on. Or at least nobody that he cared to talk to. Damion heaved a great sigh, logged off of his Pesterchum account and walked over to his TV and switched on his PS3 quietly. He wanted to play Assassin's Creed but he couldn't let his father hear him lest all Hell breaks lose and smacks him in the face with it's huge metal cane. Not that his dad ever did that, of course. Quietly, he set up the game and started jumping around the buildings like a crazy monkey man, feeling the virtual pixel wind in his face and the firm virtual ground underneath his feet. It felt good being free.

Footsteps. 

Oh shit, no. Damion could hear his father's footsteps on the staircase already, crashing against the stone cold marble like a hammer on Damion's face (thankfully, he hasn't experienced this . . . yet) and immediately switched off his PS3 and ran to his desk and rapidly got out his homework and started scribing on his paper so fast he feared it might set on fire. Must work. His arms wrists were already growing sore.

"Damion, have you completed the homework yet?" his father asked, smashing open the door and letting in a cold draft. He revealed The Cane and looked over his son's shoulder to observe his work while Damion continued furiously scribbling away at his sheet. Satisfied, he nodded his head and began to walk out of the room. "Adequate work, Damion. You may take a ten minute rest."

Damion sighed and massaged his wrists. They were burning and ridiculously sore. He'd spend half the ten minutes probably trying to get his wrists to stop hurting and only have five minutes left for game time! 

He pondered. "Hm. I suppose it could be much worse. Usually he only grants me five minutes to rest. I'm very fortunate that he's in a good mood today." and turned on Assassin's Creed again.​

_______________________​

*==>Ten minutes and a lot of assassinations later.*

Whew. That was fun. But it's been ten minutes now and his break time was over. He turned off his game again and walked back to his desk to continue his studies. Or try to, anyway. Sometimes he would get distracted.

This was one of those times, apparently. He found himself unable to concentrate on the text in front of him and began to let his eyes wander around his room, desperate to find something to distract him from his studies. 

Unable to find anything to distract himself with, Damion wandered on over to his bookshelf and pulled out a book. _Torrential Moon._ He'd read the book several times and it was one of his favourite ones within his collection. This was partly because the book was written by himself, and he had spent a great deal of time and effort writing it. He sat down on his desk and began reading it again.

He'd get back to studying later.​


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## Platinum (Jan 2, 2012)

*Close Encounters*

They say Palermo is a city where you can acquire anything your heart desires and more, as long as you have the proper connections. And in many ways their is truth to be found in that tired colloquialism. It's a secret to no one that the black market is entrenched in the very soul of this city. Weapons, stolen artifacts, women, all appraised and sold like sheep in an auction. Too be frank it makes me sick, and also serves as the reason for why I have returned to these docks just two months after my rather close call.

The criminal psyche rarely changes, I call it Julius' Law. An overconfident and self assured asshole, tends to remain an overconfident and self assured asshole. Though I failed last time in bringing him to justice, my target has remained stagnant and stuck in his ways. His smuggling operations continue basically unchanged from the docks he hides in. But i've changed, changed just enough to know this time I will not be denied a second time. Though this round I will bypass him entirely and strike at the heart of his operation. After all why arrest the dealer when you can arrest the affluent group who recieves what he is shipping? I know he only bothers with the highest clinetele, they are worth far more than him.

So this time around I will opt for infiltration rather than my usual modus operandi. It's a rather simple strategy, I know this deal will be a big one, I can get a treasure trove of evidence by sneaking onboard the transport set to sail and ridding it out until it arrives at it's destination. 

I stick to the shadows waiting for the dockworkers to finish loading up the cargo. Several pass dangerously close, but I am never seen. I rack my mind with possible ways to board the transport without being seen, normally I would simply incapacitate those who would hinder me but that is not an option in an investigation that can take hours or days. Lucky for me I spot a half full crate left carelessly open and dash for it, in a blur of motion I arrive and conceal myself within it's contents.

The flaw in this plan is rather evident, a simple search would expose me and sink this operation before it even began, but as anyone who watches a movie or plays a videogame knows that dockworkers never inspect these things, especially not pre load and that goes double for containers loaded with contraband. It takes an hour or two for the container to complete it's journey but in the end it arrives where I need it to.

The hours melt away like a long lit candle. I pass them in relative silence, catching a few moments rest when appropriate coupled with gathering evidence when I feel the coast is clear. I snap several dozen high definition photos with my phone and send them to a secure privately owned server. It's my standard modus operandii, a secure server set to distribute it's information to several contacts if I do not check in every week. It's a simple but effective dead man switch, even if something were to happen to me the truth would get out in the end and that's all that really matters to me, besides my natural survival instincts I place little value on my own life. My goals and plans are all that really matter.

The ship docks and the crew begins unloading, the meeting will be starting soon. I sneak onto the surface of the ship and began to glance around, it's dark, too dark. Something doesn't feel right, the lighting is off just so, too many vantage points created by unloaded cargo I don't like it at all call it intuition if you must. I jerk suddenly and duck my head less than a half a second later a deafening crack of a sniper rifle emanates, a 50 cal round passes through the space where my head just was and my blood runs cold. Suddenly the ship springs to life, the glow of spotlights is blinding and sirens blare all around me. I pull out  my pair of silenced 9 millimeters, loaded with special subsonic rounds. Ideal for situations where you need to make a quick getaway into the night. Sure they don't hurt as much but I can compensate with my aim and I never aim to kill anyways, incapacitate sure, but never kill.

I vault over a pair of crates, dropping two cronies with shots to the knee as I do. The crack of another shot fills my ears, the second round almosts singes the hairs on my neck as it passes by. I flash step to the nearest shadowy recess available to catch my breath. I don't even need to think to realize who my assailant is. I just don't know how he found me out, I left no evidence of my passings, I threw up several breadcrumb trails to fool anyone trying to track me. Perhaps he just knows me as well as I know myself. Luckily I know him just as well, I can counter my own plans just as well as anyone. He will think i'll run towards my goal without any second thought, and i'll make him think that, all while closing the noose around his very neck. 

I sketch a few things quickly to draw them out of my sylladex, a few flares and a couple flash bangs. It was time to light up their day. I broke the first two flares and threw one in the direction I knew my sniper was firing from, the glare would mess up his aim something fierce... and the arc that would eventually bring the flare down into a pile of flammable material I spotted on my run? Well that would just ruin the fun all together, not enough to blow up the ship, but it would keep most of these fools on fire duty and I would be lost to him in the pillars of smoke. I threw the other flare in the path I desired to take and took off. I lobbed a flashbang or two into corriders where men were pouring in quick succession, hopefully blinding everyone who could be viewing me at the moment of time I jumped off the ship and plunged into the lake.

Bitter cold needles assaulted my every nerve but I kept on swimming stopping only to surface near a ladder to take me back up again. I was hoping my stunt bought me five or so minutes but I knew it was probably only about two. He would quickly realize I had not left the ship the normal way and begin to stalk me. But then the advantage would be mine, he would have to drop his rifle in the close quarters situation I would lead him too. 

I ran into a nearby warehouse, I could sense he was close on my trail now. I ran up a couple flights of stairs and shot out a nearby window, catching the expended casing in my hand before it could touch the floor. I then dropped back down to the first floor and hid, hoping to fool him into thinking I dived out and was no longer here, hoping for just the slightest dropping of his guard as he gave chase.

Not much more than a minute or two later he appeared, clothed entirely in grey fatigues with a black mask obscuring his face. He held a single pistol and a combat knife in his hands, using his knife hand as a support and to steady the aim of his gun, a common stance. Cautiously and with the predatory movement of a cheetah he silently raced up the stairs and I followed, just barely shadowing his movements. He stopped and bent down near the shattered glass window to inspect the damage and in that brief second is when I acted. I fired one shot with my pistol dislodging his from his hand and sending it flying, while charging at him and pushing him out and crashing into the concrete below with a thud. I kicked his gun down to the first floor before I too jumped down, didnt want any chance of him picking it back up again.

He was on his feet before I landed on the floor. I fired once with both pistols, my assailant reflecting one off the serrated blade of his hunting knife while the other buried itself into his midsection. Yet this wound did not slow him at all, instead it only infuriated him. Like an injured boar in the wild he charged at me slashing for my neck. I raised my left hand instictively in defense and wound up taking a slash across it, dropping my pistol out of reflex but with enough mind to kick it away before it clangs to the ground. With my right hand I fire a shot again, piercing his left thigh. I drop into a defensive stance and wait for his next strike. He aims his blade for my midsection but instead it catches in the material of my trench coat, he howls a string of curses at me in russian and I chuckle. This only pisses him off further and I take an opportunity to knock him back a bit and fire off a final round, which catches him in the left foot crippling that appendage completly, at least I thought that.  Having no opportunity to reload my pistol at hand I run for the one I knocked away.

Somehow in the second or two I turned my back to do this task my friend had retrieved his blade and was upon me, cold iron bites into the right portion of my midsection. I jab him with a left and a try to get him off me but he only laughes and twists the blade in response. Pain shocks through my body but I decide to give him some pain of his own. I unload the three rounds left in my pistol in his center mass. Blood begins to fall out of his mouth but he continues to fight, drawing his blade out and plunging it into my right thigh. I can't let this go on much longer and i know it, I give him a stiff arm in the ribs to push him off me and roll backwards and up in the moment I gain for myself. 

He rises too, this bastard russian, but the battle has worn on him far more than it has me. He takes two steps towards me, and stops. Clutching his chest he begins to fall backwards and hits the walls of the warehouse, slumping unconcious in front of me.

Momentarily I take a bit of pleasure in this triumph, I do not know if he is dead or still breathing but before I can check I hear the sounds of others coming to crash the party. I start to run and fall to a knee. Pain flows from a slash that just barely missed cutting through my Achilles Tendon. The bastard slashed me somehow without me noticing. I could hardly walk much less run and every second they got closer.

Just when you think the fight is going your way reality comes back for the TKO.​


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## Platinum (Jan 2, 2012)

*Close Encounters Part 2*

I get out, somehow. The details kind of get blurry when you are suffering from moderate to severe bloodloss. I stick to the shadows, and head in the general direction of north, eventually winding up in an urban area. I stop for a moment to clean myself up, but I can't stop for long. They are out for me and I know it. Once I bandage my wounds and no longer look like a dishelved maniac I cautiously head onto the main streets trying to find my bearings.

I look around and see no landmarks I can identify, I grab my phone only to discover it was broken in the struggle. Things just aren't going my way today. I hear sounds, probably just the wind I tell myself, but they persist and my paranoia begins to grow so I foolishly choose to run and reopen my wounds. I don't stop though until the feeling leaves, but by now i'm awfully tired, I struggle to keep my eyes open and the pain begins to block everything out. Perhaps a few moments of rest before I look for a payphone...

I awaken to the sound of voices arguing, one male, one female. It sounds as if they have been at it for a while now, prompting me to wonder how heavily I had been out.

"I'm not accepting this." The woman was angry, distinctly so. The male, however, was apologetic, trying to placate her.

"Look, Rachel, half an hour, tops. There's people looking for him, I just need to keep him somewhere safe until they come pick him up. Then there's no problem and everyone's happy, okay?"

"Then why the fuck couldn't you have taken him to YOUR place? I'm not your body dumping retailer."

"There's not enough time to go all the way there, look he's not in the best of ways as it is."

"Do NOT drag a bleeding body into my house, waiting to be picked up by your 'associaties' and try to calm me down by saying he'd die if you didn't. I don't fucking care. What I DO care about is that this stunt of yours could easily bring me nothing but a world of trouble. And you should know by now, I don't take well to trouble."

A loud sigh.

"What do you want me to do, drag him back outside, now that it's getting to the hour the early risers show up?"

Silence.

"Just don't fucking do it again." A door slammed and a light flicked on. Seems I'd been dumped on a bed. The woman looked about as abrasive as she sounded, staring down at me with a look of disgust. Managing a baleful smile, I attempt to extract wit from my still cloudy head.

"I'm sorry miss. My black out experiences are usually caused by the bottle not by a blade." By the expression on her face, she is not impressed.

"Just keep quiet, smartass," she muttered, sitting a metallic box on the bed. Opening it, she's quick to give what injuries I've sustained medical attention, clearly not interested in the idea of me leaving blood all over her precious house. She isn't half bad, either, and certainly doesn't seem at all put out by the depth of the wounds on me.

"I wouldn't be able to persuade you to let me go, would I now?" I asked, a brief moment of banter to keep focus. Despite all things however, my mind was furious at work. This was not the best of situations I've found myself in.

"What do you THINK I'm doing?" Hmm? "Lessons need to be learned. I won't be used for such a stupid reason. The window's easily opened and a pile of soft trash bags below it. Sort yourself out from there." The moment she's done cleaning me up, she drinks a glass of cloudy liquid, sits down against a wall and closes her eyes.

"Well i'm used to using the backdoor sadly.", I mumble to myself. I look outside and I judge it to be sufficently safe, no prying eyes around either. "I am not one to let a debt go unpaid.", I speak aloud. "A favor given is a favor returned.", she shrugged and didn't say anything but I am a man of my word. I depart via the suggested route, the pain agitating but no longer debilitating. I stumple upon a small internet cafe and am able to quickly pinpoint my location as a result and make the proper plans to return home. While I did not completly succeed in my goal I have more than enough evidence to set the wheels in motion.

And it's not every day I get to meet someone that doesn't want to harm me bodily. That's a win in my book.​


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## Zoidberg (Jan 6, 2012)

Smoke rose from the flaming husk of yet another defective automaton. The lab was a mess, with bits and pieces of machinery scattered everywhere, while the sprinkler system's activation did more harm than good. Several more machines began to short-circuit, and more and more parts were catching fire. The electricity had to be cut from the lab to insure that no other devices would spontaneously self-destruct. All this, because dear, beloved 'sister' decided to get medieval. 

Jo Flynn sighed. It was going to be difficult to replace a lot of these parts, and there wasn't much worth salvaging. They could afford to replace them, sure, but it seemed like such a waste. Besides, when you live in an island off the coast of Alaska shipping was expensive to say the least. 

Staying in this ruin of a room was becoming depressing. Jo opened the shutters and simply let the strong Alaskan winds do their job. Doing this meant that there was going to be a lot of shoveling to be done later, but that was marginally less tedious than salvage duty. For now, Jo wanted to relax. And the best way to do that, Jo figured, was to head to the ruins.

The island Jo's house was on it was on belonged to the Flynn clan, obtained by their ancestors during the gold rush. They came to this place seeking gold, but instead they found a temple, buried under the snow. Few knew it exists, but those that do are dumbfounded at the fact that a thousand-year old temple could exist on an isolated island. Scientists were occasionally invited to the island to investigate the place, but no one could provide any answer as to what this place was, who built it, and why. Some have even joked that it was Extra-terrestrial in origin.

Jo liked that last theory. It would explain why wandering the temple made Jo feel more at home than their house. Things of a terrestrial origin made Jo's blood boil. It was all so stupid, this planet. 

A friend, or the closest thing Jo could have to one, spoke of some strange game that could open a gate to another world. It was a stupid, foolish, idiotic idea. Typical human wish fulfillment, Jo thought. 

Secretly, Jo wished it was real.


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## Cadrien (Jan 26, 2012)

A young man sits slumped in his desk chair, browsing the internet for rumors of possible leads for new targets. Coinciding with this search is a download of a newly released game. Whether or not the download is legal is up in the air and doesn't really matter at this point. The young sir opens up the Your Computer folder and looks at his user folder for a moment, unsure as to why precisely he is doing so. Perhaps it is so you can learn this boy's name. Care to hazard a guess?

====-> Lazepi Ceofshit

Oh yes, ha ha. Very clever. Not even going to try and be subtle huh? Well too bad, try against ass-hat.

====-> Valen Atra

Ah yes. You've hit the nail on the head this time. We have, of course, already been introduced to Valen here, just not formally nor completely.

So, Valen Atra, a seemingly normal teenager. Let's learn a bit more about him shall we? As stated above you would appear to be perfectly normal. Your parents have normal jobs working as a marketing manager for a decent sized firm and a librarian at the local library. They are mostly unaware of your SHADIER ACTIVITIES. 

Your sister, CLAIRE, on the other hand, is unusually in the know about them. Something that is particularly odd as she is rarely around the house during the night, which is when she is at work as a bartender and is also when you do most of your plotting. 

You have always been fascinated less by the thrill and reward of CRIME and more by the ROMANTICISM and MYSTIQUE of it. In short, you like and expect the idealized version of crime that you see in books and anime as opposed to the nitty gritty reality of it. You knows this thought, being an intelligent young fellow, but doesn't really care. You are very selective about your targets, choosing ones that deserve their fate.

You end up selling most of the non-cashable loot but have kept several pieces of artwork and furniture for yourself, including your antique WRITING DESK where where you not only store your plans but also just looks beautiful. You have had high quality speakers installed into it as well for when you just feel like ROCKING OUT as you often like to do. Since there is no one at the house during the day you are free to blast your music as loud as you deem fit. You also have been studying how to COMPOSE music. You're still a beginner though. MUSIC is pretty great though and often accompanies you on your missions. Also most of it is pirated.

On your walls there are a large amount of posters that show another of your interests, that of the classic 1920's film noir vibe. DETECTIVES and MOBSTERS are just plain cool! One of your targets had a collection of old historical weaponry that you snatched several pieces from and which you have hidden under your bed for the time being, along with other objects that would be difficult to explain if left out for the public eye. 

Getting back to the posters though, you also have several art nouveau styled pieces. Someday you hope to replace them with the real canvases but that will probably be a while. The final poster in your room is not even a poster! You have painstakingly painted a replica of the ASSASSIN'S CREED CREST that surrounds a Triforce. For the past year you have been working on embellishing the two. You are rather proud of them.

You think that's enough about your room, you are awaiting a message from one of your friends!

Your pestertag is melodiousDiscord and you talk in a relaxed and confident manner.


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## Crossbow (Jan 28, 2012)

*>Alice: Continue*

Well, that was a bit insightful. Thinking now, Alice knows exactly which weirdo she should talk too first...


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 




-- quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --
qA: You there, mD?
mD: Obviously 
mD: What's up?
qA: Just thought you'd like to know,
qA: or at least i'd like to tell you,
qA: i am currently downloading Sburb.
mD: Oho!
mD: That's the one game that Skaianet is putting out soon right?
mD: And you managed to somehow snag a copy of it?
mD: Interesting!
mD: Not surprising though, heh.
mD: From what I've seen of the development logs, it's going to be pretty sweet.
qA: i'm sure it will be.
qA: And my lips will be among the first to taste the sweetness even though lips don't have taste buds on them.
qA: Before i continue this already crumbling digestive metaphor, i should ask:
qA: Do you have a copy?
mD: Not yet
mD: I had planned on buying a copy once the official release hit...
qA: i think it already has in some European countries.
qA: Which is plenty released enough for my tastes.
mD: Ah I see!
mD: Hmm, I may have see about procuring a copy of it for myself then.
mD: I can't let you get a head start on me, after all. ;D
qA: Hold on, let me get my scoffing sound effect.
qA: PffpFPftttTttt...
qA: i wouldn't even need a head start on
qA: whatever it is i'd be getting a headstart on.
mD: Ha!
mD: Is that a challenge?
mD: If so then I accept!
qA: Well i can see how you would mistake that for a challenge.
qA: The raw odor of phormidability emenated from my words constantly.
qA: And i guess i could accept a challenge...
qA: But that's not exactly why i'm talking to you about this.
mD: :?
mD: Do go on.
qA: From what i understand, this game, Sburb, is heavily multiplayer.
qA: i also hear take that you and i will be in the same session.
qA: So i though you could tell me a bit more about exactly how this is gonna go down.
mD: Hmm.
mD: Well I don't know much more than you do probably.
mD: From what I understand though, once we start up the game we will each recieve a construct which we have to "prototype" with something from our surrounding area.
mD: From there, we each proceed to our hub world.
mD: Details from there are sketchy at best but I think that the session's players paths' do certainly cross at various points in the game.
mD: As the various mechanics of the game, I am in the dark as much as you.
qA: Well, that sure is a bunch of things you just said.
qA: i'm sure it will be very important later.
qA: When i'm straight-up schooling you on how good i'm eventually going to be.
mD: Ha!
mD: I'll leave you in my metaphorical dust, qA.
mD: Mark my words. 
qA: Consider your words marked, mD.
qA: One last thing though.
qA: i have to ask if you've been up to anything lately.
qA: Specifically, things that aren't legal in the area you do them.
mD: Heh, I had wondered when you were gonna get around to asking that.
mD: The answer, my fellow thief, is yes.
mD: I alleviated one of my area's less notable but still prominent families of the majority of his fortune.
mD: He was, of course, a bit of a push over when it came to security.
mD: Rather disappointing but hey.
mD: Made my job easier.
mD: What about yourself?
qA: Not much.
qA: Hey, those schlubs you robbed wouldn't happen to go by the name of Maraceni, would they?
mD: They might have been, why?
mD: What is it to you?
qA: Well, as it happens, i MIGHT have heard about it from my brother.
qA: He very well may have been talking about it to me just this morning.
qA: i just thought that was a phunny little coincidence.
mD: I see.
mD: Odd.
mD: The Maraceni family was pretty small time.
mD: One wouldn't expect someone like you claim your brother to be to pay attention to them.
qA: He has a thing with micromanaging.
mD: Ah, I see.
mD: Have you given anymore thought to what I suggested you do instead of your usual shenanigans?
qA: My shenanigans are serving me well enough and i will "step up my game" whenever i'm damn ready to.
mD: Alright alright!
mD: No need to get worked up!
mD: I still think that it's a shame, but I've done what I can.
mD: So.
mD: Anything else you wanted to discuss?
qA: Nothing you could tell me about, anyway.
qA: i'll see what i can find out later.
qA: Probably before i get the game running.
mD: Fair enough!
mD: If you'll excuse me then, I'm going to see about downloading SBURB and also contacting some of the others who I think would be interested in playing it with us.
qA: Well, try not to hurt youself messaging people while knocking over banks blindfolded.
qA: Mr. Hotshot
qA: i'm going to go do those things i mentioned earlier which are pretty close to what you're planning on doing.
--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --




Man, that guy, she swears...

He thinks he's so cool, galavanting on rooftops with a burlap sac full of crystal dodo hearts, any witnesses getting incapacitated by his raw suaveness.

She'll show him. One day she'll be the one with a rose in her teeth, swordfighting an anti-villan atop the Eiffel Tower, causing bystanders to throw their wallets at her in astonishment between their constant swooning.

...Soon enough.

Right now, she has better thing to do.


>Wrap in blankets, play Chrono Trigger.

That is easily the best idea she has had all morning. She picks up her SUPER MARIO BROS. 25th ANNIVERSARY DSiXL, warms the cartridge with her breath and slips into her bed, keeping an eye on the computer as she turns the system on.


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## Platinum (Jan 29, 2012)

*Dreamscapes*

The state of sleep is truly fascinating. For many people it provides a temporary escape from the stifling monotony of their existence, while for others dreams fade to nightmares and quickly you are trapped in a hell of your own making. Sometimes I wonder which my subconcious would choose for me, and then just as quickly I cast these unnecessary thoughts aside. Why waste energy pondering when I will never know one way or the other? Like in many aspects I took a third option, though this choice was made without my consent.

You see every night without fail I fall asleep in one world and wake up in another. The world of my dreams being this dark and depressing place known as Derse. I take up residence in an enormous tower, one of five that jut up to pierce the sky. Each one housing a soon to be player, the princes and princesses of this moon. Though unlike myself they have yet to truly wake, or at least I believe that to be the case. To be honest I have long ago stopped caring to check on people for the most part I do not like very much. Though at least I don't have to worry about dealing with James here so eh could be worse I guess.

Mostly I stay in this tower, pouring through musty old tomes or whatever else I can find to occupy my time before they come calling. Sometimes though, I take to the streets, obscuring my visage and sticking to the shadows. I gather what information I can without standing out, the dersites do not know I have been active for years and I intend to keep it that way. Truly what I have discovered is most fascinating but I won't bore you with the details yet, I have matters to attend to anyways.

They always call out to me, and I find it hard to resist their compels. And though I use these things for my own ends I can never shake the strange feelings that emanate in the pit of my stomach whenever I take to the sky for our frequent rendezvous. It's not that i'm afraid of them, though i'm not sure if I am indeed terrifed by them, it's just something about these things that repulse my very being. Humans are creatures of logic and reason but here? Heh, here nothing is logical, it is an anathema of everything I value. In their domain left is down, and down is the past. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to it, funny considering as a so called "Prince of Void" apparently this is my domain. I have yet to figure out how one can even be a prince of nothing, just another paradoxical riddle to add to the enigmatic pile of mysteries that constitutes my life.

As always they talk, I listen, interjecting on ocassion for clarification or for debate but that often gets me nowhere. In all honesty I would have an easier time getting a clear answer out of the rusted scraps of a souless gynoid than from them. After this is over same as always I awake back in my room here on Earth. But this day is special, for today is the day our little game commences and I cannot wait to see how things progress.


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## Atlantic Storm (Jan 30, 2012)

. . . was his book always this boring? The story and plot of the book seemed to drag on and on, and as the story dragged . . . so did his eyes. Wait, no. Can't fall asleep yet; important stuff needs to be done. And as your father has dutifully taught you, taking care of business takes precedence over sleeping and personal health.

And by taking care of business, you mean doing absolutely nothing and going on your computer. What's this? Someone is pestering you?


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 




-- strifeLord [sL] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW] --

sL: Alright dickweed, II sent me a list of the people participating in this damn game 
sL: And I just happened to pick you out of random
sL: So, tell me what we're in for
sL: Or else
wW: Oh, hello there. What exactly are we in for? I'm not sure what you're talking about here.
sL: Don't fucking play games with me, asshole
wW: Isn't the topic of this conversation that of a game, though? It seems fairly pertinent to play games.
wW: Anyhow, you have got my interest, as I enjoy playing games. What game are you referring to?
sL: You really don't know?  He hasn't told you yet?
sL: That useless son of a bitch
sL: This game is apparently called Sburb and it's going to save us from the oncoming meteor storm by magically whisking us away to another world
sL: I'm not sure how that works either and I don't know what happens from there, but that's the gist of it
wW: Ah. That makes perfect sense. Just hold on a second and let me grab my magical wand and climb onto the roof with my magical cloud to check out this meteor storm.
wW: Done. Sounds kind of far-fetched if you ask me. But suppose I do go along with this Sburb game . . .
wW: . . . how exactly would I join? I'm not in possession of a disc.
sL: Then get one, you stupid fuck
sL: Kill a person to get it for all I care
sL: The meteors are already coming down in the place I'm at
sL: And you're on the list of other useless shitheads who are supposed to be playing
sL: This game is supposed to be a "team effort"
sL: Fuck, I feel like a tool for even typing those words, but there you go
wW: Man. I've got to say, you really have a way with words. I'm honoured to be a part of the shit heads.
wW: Hm. Actually, I do have a bunch of presents I still haven't opened yet. Mostly because my father won't let me open them. Perhaps there's a disc in one of those? There probably will be, if this is a popular game.
wW: Is it a popular game? I'd imagine games that cause the end of the world would be quite popular amongst customers.
sL: How the hell should I know?
sL: I was too busy killing people for kicks to notice what goes on in today's so-called culture
wW: You sure live up to your handle name. Though, I'm pretty sure you couldn't take me on.
sL: First II, now you
sL: Is this game going to consist of arrogant, egotistical cuntrags who have no clue what the fuck I can actually do
sL: Murdering you all will be the most satisfying thing ever
wW: Perhaps. But how do you know I've no idea what you can do?
wW: Look behind you.
sL: You dumb shit, why would you think I'd fall for that
sL: Hell, why would you even try, it's not like I can stab you through the computer screen, much as I'd like to do it
wW: I don't think trying to stab the computer screen would be a good idea.
wW: But, I really do think you should turn around. Never turn your back on the door. That is a lesson my male guardian has taught me very well.
wW: Face the wrong way? You receive a cane to the face. I have since learnt my lesson.
sL: My parents taught me that bodies burn very well
sL: They made for great subjects when I burned them alive, along with their entire house
sL: My brother didn't survive the experience either
sL: Though he is a hardy bastard, so it might be possible he's actually alive
wW: Did you find a body? If my genre saviness have taught me anything, it is that nobody is ever dead unless there is a body and . . . 
wW: That you should never turn your back to the body. Honk.
wW: Sorry, I'm not quite sure why I did that. Probably for something unironic.
wW: In any case, who contacted you about the game? If there's a team, then surely that means there's a leader.
sL: I didn't bother to check because I fucking ran as soon as I set fire to the house
[COLOR="#Silver"]sL: Fucking dipshit, why would I stay and not bail out as soon as I set fire to a house
sL: Anyway, guy who contacted me goes by the handle of IllustriousInquisitor
sL: The guy claims to be an agent of the law or some stupid bullshit
wW: Like a detective?[/COLOR]
sL: Maybe
wW: Ah. He sounds like a classy fellow. Detectives usually are.
sL: I wouldn't know, was too busy stabbing them to actually get to know them
wW: You sure like to stab a lot, don't you?
sL: Stabbing, slashing, punching, kicking, choking, bludgeoning, and so on
sL: Murder has a variety of flavors
wW: And how does it taste? I'd imagine quite coppery.
sL: Satisfying for the one performing the act, not so much for the one on the receiving end, I'd imagine
sL: Maybe you'd like some first hand experience? I could use another canvas for my art
sL: Got a new fucking paintbrush I've been dying to try out
wW: I'll have to decline that offer, I'm afraid. I don't think someone as prideful in their strife prowess as yourself would appreciate having their asses handed to them six times, ahem, "fucking" over.
sL: I sure do hope you fight as well as you brag, otherwise you'd be disappointment
sL: I do like my prey to at least put up a struggle
wW: I fight better than I brag. My pillows and walls can attest to that.
wW: I'm joking, by the way.
sL:....I'm not even going to bother now
sL: Just know that I'll be killing you sooner or later
wW: Can we go with later? I have a date with your mo- oh wait. Dammit.
sL: Wow, I didn't know you were into corpses
sL: Not just corpses, but burnt ones to boot
sL: I guess regular old dead bodies just don't have that warmth you need, eh, corpsefucker
wW: That joke would have worked if you hadn't gone and burned your parents. Sigh.
wW: One of these days, I will find a way to successfully make a your mom joke. One day.
sL: And maybe one day, I'll find a way to successfully stab someone through the internet
wW: Heh. Maybe.
wW: Probably not, though.
sL: A man can dream
wW: <insert meta comment here>
wW: Anyway. I'll probably go pester that detective guy you mentioned. It was nice talking to you, you guardian burning psychopath. : )
sL: It'll be an even nicer conversation next time, if it ends with you choking on your own blood 

--strifeLord [sL] ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--




What a complete psychopath.


----------



## Platinum (Feb 8, 2012)

Funny how your last day on Earth starts out just like every day that preceded it. My morning routine is the same as ever, light exercise followed by a light breakfast and my morning wine as I watch the sun rise for the last time in Palermo. It's hard to put the emotions I feel into words, it's a strange mix of anticipation and self loathing. Do I necessarily like what is about to ensue? Not entirely, but it is completely necessary. It's just one of the many things I will have to live with.

I open my laptop and begin to set the pieces in motion. I feel the need to first establish contact with one of the more unsavory members of my group. Unsavory is putting it lightly to be honest, he's a complete and utter monster in every stretch. But for all his bluster he is a rather easy man to manipulate and twist. Even a monster can have their uses after all as long as they are properly leashed.


--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



]II: Hello James.
II: Have you done what I have asked of you?
sL: I've got the discs and a new little home for myself to boot
sL: I acquired them in my usual ways
sL: So, what exactly is going to happen here
sL: Do I just get whisked away to magic fantasy land after I install this shit, saving me from a falling flaming rock?
II: That's the plan. I just wish it was a better one.
II: Like not saving you from a falling flaming rock, that would just be the greatest thing.
II: Oh well, I have to play the cards I'm dealt, which entitles you to further existence.... unless I decide otherwise of course.
II: Just to make the situation clear to you, you aren't the most astute of people after all.
sL: My knife is still hovering over your back as well, jackass
sL: Don't get too comfortable with living
sL: Now, is there anything else, or can I just leave this little chat
sL: I got a new toy I've been wanting to try out
II: You trying out any new toy leads to several police investigations, please try to hold off on that for the moment. I know it's hard for you to control your base animal instincts but at least try to make the effort.
II: Now before I begin to orchestrate this little operation I need several guarantees from you. 
sL: Such as what, exactly?
II: First thing first. This is a group project as you know, this means that these are people you CAN'T murder on first sight. A new experience for you i'm sure.
sL: Can't I at least use them as meatshields
sL: They won't be in too rough a shape
sL: I need to guarantee my safety of course, and a well-maintained meatshield is a step in the right direction
sL: I'll even allow you to volunteer for the job
sL: You should be honored
II: I'll pass on the offer.
II: And so we have this on the record, no you cannot use fellow team members as meatshields.
II: Well.... maybe Peter.... no not even him.
II: Though if you can make a compelling argument I might reconsider down the road.
II: I pride myself on my flexible nature after all.
sL: Uh huh, whatever
sL: Anything else, or are we done
II: Now that you have mastered the basics of teamwork we can go to the more advanced courses.
II: Such as actually cooperating and talking with them. I am sure with your mountains of charisma and affable personality this will be an easy triumph on your end.
sL: Oh, that's the easy part
sL: Repeated verbal abuse is one of my specialties
II: Of course, how could I forget.
II: Now here's your final test, pass and your reward will be continued existence and being able to leave this horrible chat for the moment.
sL: This is always the best part of our discussions
sL: Ending it, like what I'm going to do to you, sooner or later
sL: Hopefully sooner
II: You can keep your delusions of one day being able to best me if it keeps you motivated. 
sL: Your denial of my ability is the only delusion here
sL: I am, as you know, a force of nature
sL: It's just a matter of time for you
II: If I honestly believed you had a chance of killing me I would tell you to your face.
II: As of now, a fight between us can only end in my victory. 
sL: Victory? Well, if you define victory as getting skewered worse than one of Jack the Ripper's prostitutes, then yeah, I guess you'll be victorious
sL: You can celebrate by swimming in a pool of your own blood that's gushing from your belly
II: It must be nice to live in your neanderthal dreamland. Perhaps I'll book a weekend vacation to it someday.
II: It's a shame too, you probably could beat me if you developed a shred of cunning or intellect.
II: You truly are a force of nature James. Or at least as predictable as one. 
II: I am the smiling weatherman with the funny name who has the accurate seven day forecast of what you will do, when you will do it, and how you will do it.
sL: More like you're the weatherman who got fired from his job because he fucked up hard one day
sL: No, that's giving you too much credit, fucked up one too many times is more like it
sL: Just a hunch on my end, but I think you've got a long string of fuckups on your end, which are going to pretty much bite you in the ass, to put it lightly
sL: Hell, the fact that you even need someone like me means you've already done something wrong
sL: Look at that, I'm already profiting from a failure on your end, keep it up
II: It's only a failure if you can't twist it for your own gain.
II: It is something you will probably understand, hell you are probably incapable of understanding it at all.
II: You can't adapt your strategies or evolve, I can.
II: And in the end you will share the fate of others who couldn't or wouldn't evolve. 
II: Extinction. You will be a proud member of Darwin's undesirables.
sL: Murder is the universal constant, and I am its eternal agent
sL: Everything conspires to keep me alive so I could do my holy work
sL: The little bastard I took the discs from, his convenient house, you, grudgingly as it is, helping me, all of it is because I'm a fundamental part of the universe
sL: I don't have to worry about anything as long as I focus on what I do best
II: Heh, and you call me deluded.
II: Let's set the record straight Zsasz.
II: EVERYTHING does not conspire to keep your hideous blight of an existence going.
II: ONE thing does. Me.
II: Because YOU are a half minded simpleton with a single minded need to kill and maim making you nothing more than a convinent tool to be used and discarded.
II: Which brings me at last to my final point.
II: You will do what I ask of you when I ask of you in this game. If I give you a mission you will carry it out without asking me why or how.
sL: You flatter yourself way too much
sL: You're just another tool, being used by the universe itself just so I could continue to sweep away lives and making that extra step to push everything into chaos, one body at a time
sL: If that wasn't the case, why am I still alive right now?
sL: Why aren't you talking to what you would call an "ideal teammate", who has the same skills I can bring?
sL: As I've said before, I'm a force of nature, destined to kill and destroy eternally
sL: And buried deep down, like my knife will someday be, you know this
II: As if I'd let the universe use me.
II: I use it, and I use you. You are just too stupid and deluded to see it how it really is.
II: Or possibly perhaps you can't cope with it and shelter yourself behind these delusion that you are greater than what you really are. Perhaps it helps you sleep soundly at night.
II: Truly it's a mystery that needs my deft touch to crack, and crack it I will.
II: At or around the time I crack your skull.


----------



## Platinum (Feb 8, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: The only thing I can't cope with is my blade not cutting as well as it should
sL: I see the truth, and that truth is death and chaos
sL: I'm invulnerable as long as I work toward that glorious catastrophic end, where even the concept of civilization falls away and violence is the only meaning
II: Chaos is easy, what a low level dream from a low level person.
II: Order, order is hard. This is why I do not get my so called 'ideal team'.
II: Because the universe is not ideal.
II: It is flawed, tainted by degeneracy and rot.
II: But I can change, I can rise above that. 
II: The future is a place where I cut the infection that is you out of the universal equation.
sL: Order is a falsity people like you use to sleep soundly at night
sL: It's hard to achieve because it never even truly existed in the first place
sL: You're right that the universe isn't ideal, but not the way you'd expect
sL: It isn't ideal because of all the utterly pathetic false comforts people use to regulate society, with their rules and regulations
sL: But the universe seeks to correct that, which is where I come in
sL: You could say I'm an archaeologist, digging to uncover truth
sL: Though I don't dig for remains as much as I dig to hide the remains, in some cases
II: Of course.
II: Everything you yourself cannot achieve or have is evil and needs to be destroyed, the common justification of a hopeless fanatic.
II: For one so determined to return to the roots of who we are, it's hilarious to see how you have no idea what that even is.
II: Struggling against nature is what we are all about.
II: We were never meant to leave the ground, but we did.
II: We were never meant to leave the earth, but we did.
II: The forward march of progress is the sum of what we are.
II: Giving up on that, is akin to admitting failure.
II: I guess that makes you the king of failures, one who can not rise above what he is and does not desire to do so.
II: Congratulations your prize is being a cosmic punchline.
sL: Rise above what? I'm already at the top
sL: Everyone else is blind and flailing, unfulfilled but they don't understand why
sL: Unlike myself, of course
sL: Battle and violence is the essence of life
II: Aww but if you were at the top, wouldn't you be leading this little operation instead of myself?
II: Don't worry, I have no intentions of bursting your bubble yet.
II: I'll let reality do that for me.
sL: Lead? I don't need to do that to achieve my goals
sL: As I said, as long as my main focus is death and chaos, I have nothing to worry about
sL: Now, are we actually fucking done
II: I believe we are for now.
II: Thank you James for this enlightening window into your world view.
II: It will go far in completing my psychological profile on you.




--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--

Antisocial Personality Disorder, Psychosis, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Kleptomania, Pyromania, Megalomania... his psychological profile reads like hell's personal check list. I'm honestly surprised he can even function at all under all that mental baggage much less be efficient at what he does. Truly he is an interesting case. I hate having him in the know, unfortunately I had to be frank with him about my recently discovered truths about this day. Of course I gave him this knowledge sure in my assessment that he would jump at the opportunity to join without any further pressing questions. His self assured delusions of the importance of his existence make him predictable. And when you are predictable you seldom last long when someone of true cunning wants you out of the way once you have lost your usefulness...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Feb 8, 2012)

As James strides from rooftop to rooftop, he surveys his would-be pursuers below him on the streets.  Four of their own were killed and it was only expected they look for the man responsible.  James simply remained just out of their sight, speeding away just a moment before someone laid eyes on him.  He leaps towards another rooftop, about half a dozen meters away, and lands without a sound.  He gazes downwards once more and sees fifteen men, all scanning the surrounding alley mouths and rooftops for movement.  When they couldn't detect anything suspicious, they all split up into groups of three and spread out into the alleyways to cover more area.  They were all lightly armed, all things considered.  Mere pistols and they didn't appear to wear any sort of protective gear either.  They likely didn't suspect someone was brazen enough to attack just one of their own, let alone four, which included one of their very best.

Backup would take a pretty long while to arrive, so they foolishly took it upon themselves to hunt down the threat.  Perhaps they were thinking of reporting back to their superiors on who they were dealing with once they saw the man.  In any case, they searched the alleys and scanned for anything suspicious.  Three of them were right below James, and that's when he decided to drop down and give them a greeting.  Landing on his feet with barely a sound, James came up behind them and said, "Sup". 

They whirled to face their assailant and whipped out their firearms, but it was too late.  In an instant, James slashed away the eyes of one of his victims and cut his throat, the second was then met with James' left hand which aimed to snap his neck with one smooth motion and did just that, while the third was plainly gutted like a fish.  The others would no doubt be alerted to this, and James grinned in anticipation.

_The game is on..._


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## Crossbow (Feb 8, 2012)

*>Alice: Quit screwing around, check download again*

Okay, fine. Alice takes a closer peek at her computer and notices the download is now at 12.91% for each stream.

That is a ridiculously small amount of progress. It been, like, eight minutes, for goodness sakes.

She now remembers that she was supposed to go cycle the server power. Must have forgotten when she succumbed to the great urge of gaming. Might as well do it now before she gets pulled into something else.


>Captchalouge DSiXL for later

Alice puts the handheld console into her ROULETTE MODUS. It?s really no fun with just one item, so she picks up her Meta Knight plushie as well, being careful not to wrinkle his cape in the process.

She loves this modus. It demands the perfect balance of timing and luck. Or just have stubbornness enough to keep trying until she get what she want. Either way, it is good mental training.


>Exit room

Upon leaving her room, Alice bumps headlong into Gladys, bruising her forehead on her hard metallic skull.

She supposes she should be grateful that her brother made this semi-autonomous robot maid for her, but she?s really more hassle than she?s worth, always cleaning things, always worrying about Alice?s safety, always getting in the way. 

It?s not all bad, though. Gladys is always there when Alice needs to talk to somebody in person, even though Gladys makes no language-based responses beyond nods and gestures. And they?re usually the only two people in the house, save for the rare visits from her brother and the rarer visits of federal investigators.

Gladys just gets right back up and continues to dust the doorframe as Alice regains her composure. That robot is not easily deterred. What was Alice doing, again?


>Descend spiral staircase

Oh, right. Basement. She has a pretty unreliable memory. Thankfully, common sense dictates that downstairs is the direction of anyone?s basement, even though she already is well acquainted with the layout of her house.

At the bottom lies the GRANDE FOYER. From the ceiling hands a luxurious CHANDELIER, carefully to semi-carefully removed from a millionaire?s house and replaced with three fluorescent light bulbs stuck in a head of cabbage. Across from the foot of the stairs is the door to the basement, a rolled-up PERSIAN RUG leaning on it. That rug was taken from the same house on the same night, a VHS tape of The Big Lebowski left in its place.

Alice loves to do things like that, if only to imagine the befuddlement of the authorities. Who would put that vegetable there? Why is this 90?s movie on the floor? Why is this lovely couple in a pair of chloroform-induced comas? So many questions that will never be answered.

The doors to the STUDY, the KITCHEN, and the FRONT YARD can also be seen, a medium-sized SHOSHONE INDIAN STATUETTE to the side of each. The walls are lined with more than a few painting, most of which were stolen from various places.


>Move rug aside, go to basement

After a quick carpet-shove, Alice is flustered to find the door is locked. This is probably Gladys?s doing in an attempt to test her wits. Or maybe she did it for Alice?s own safety?

?Nah, it?s probably the first one. Gladys is all about that sort of thing, sometimes. Now, let?s get down to lock-picking business before she gets distracted again. Hopefully nobody tries to message her while she's busy.


----------



## Zoidberg (Feb 10, 2012)

For the next few days Jo was holed up inside the family library. It was a modest collection, mostly composed of books on mechanics and constellations, but Jo knew the contents of each book by heart. Jo never had any formal schooling, so everything Jo knew came from the library. The rest s/he learned from the internet. 

Speaking of the internet, it was time to check pesterchum. Jo was expecting someone to contact him/her at this moment, and it pays to be punctual. 


--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering machinaExalted [ME]--

Just in time, Jo thought. S/he had been anticipating this conversation with Julius all day. Finding people Jo could relate to was difficult, and it was even more difficult finding someone that wasn't a complete fool. Still, like everyone else he had his faults. His was a tremendous ego and his interest in... illogical things. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I am glad to say that you must no longer tolerate my insufferable ramblings about the future because today is the day it all begins.
II: I assume you remembered this little fact correct?
ME: STATEMENT: AS YOU DEIGN TO REMIND ME EVERY OTHER CONVERSATION WE HAVE.
ME: QUERY: I WONDER, SHOULD YOU BE PROVEN CORRECT MUST I CONSUME THE PROVERBIAL LEATHER SHOE?
ME: STATEMENT: NOT THAT YOU WILL BE CORRECT, MIND.  BY THE END OF THE DAY IT SHALL BE PROVEN THAT THIS GAME IS BUT A GLORIFIED SIM CLONE.
II: Do not worry I will be kind enough to allow you to boil and lightly season said shoe before you consume it.
II: And you will be wrong.
II: They have assured me that something big will happen today, not really sure exactly what but it's big.
II: And this game is connected to it somehow.
ME: STATEMENT: AND I ASSUME YOU WERE INFORMED BY YOUR 'FRIENDS' IN THEIR USUAL CRYPTIC, OMINOUS MANNER.
ME: STATEMENT: ONLY AN UTTER DOLT WOULD NOT SEE THAT THIS IS BAD NEWS, JULIUS. AND THAT IS NOT EVEN ACCOUNTING IF THEY BELIEVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
ME: SCOFF: GATEWAYS TO ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS INDEED.
II: They only have two modes, ominous and cryptic. But I gather what needs to gathered by reading between the lines.
II: I don't really see what is so bad about a paradigm shift for the human race, which is what I have been lead to believe will occur as a result of this game.
II: Your skepticism is tedious in times like these. They never have led me astray before.
ME: STATEMENT: THE SAME CAN BE SAID OF YOUR CASSANDRIC RAVING.
ME: STATEMENT: NEVERTHELESS, THERE IS ALWAYS A SMALL POSSIBILITY OF YOUR VINDICATION. IF I DID NOT BELIEVE THIS TO BE SO, I WOULD'VE BLOCKED YOU LONG AGO.
ME: AMUSEMENT: YOU BEING CORRECT WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT PLOT TWIST, THAT SAID.
II: You come for the cryptic incoherent rants but we all know everyone stays for my lovable and unique brand of wit and charm.
ME: STATEMENT: SUCH ARROGANCE. THOUGH I WILL ADMIT YOU ARE A MORE REASONABLE CONVERSATIONALIST THAN THE OTHERS YOU HAVE INTRODUCED ME TO. 
II: A sad collection of characters to say the least.
II: But we must make do with what we got.
II: I can trust you to suffer them in relative harmony right?
ME: SCOFF: IDIOTS AND PSYCHOPATHS THE LOT OF THEM. 
ME: EXCEPTION: VALEN IS TOLERABLE HOWEVER. 
II: Psh.
II: Don't trust him too much, he's okay but a criminal is a criminal. 
II: I wish I had more to work with than just you and a collection of insane asylum members.
ME: ADDITION: AND SN.
II: Sure I guess, and SN too.
ME: QUERY: ARE YOU CERTAIN THAT WE CANNOT REPLACE THEM WITH MORE... COMPETENT MEMBERS?
II: Trust me I have asked them this question more times than you can imagine.
II: They insist on each person being involved and moan about 'major consequences' if we leave someone out of the loop.
II: Though honestly I can't see how leaving out buffons and murderers would harm us in any way but whatever.
II: I'll keep a good leash on em. I know the criminal psyche fairly well.
II: Not to toot my own horn or anything but it's kind of my area of expertise around these parts.
ME: SCOFF: SAVE ME THE HUMILITY ACT FOR SOMEONE WHO BUYS IT.
ME: STATEMENT: I SHALL TRUST YOU IN THIS ASPECT THEN. YOUR PENCHANT FOR AMATEUR PSYCHOLOGY RIVALS MY SKILLS IN ASTRONOMY AND ROBOTICS AFTER ALL.
II: Coming from you that is one hell of a complement, so thanks I guess.
II: And further dispensing with the humble charade, I can make whoever steps out of line have quite the bad day. 
II: No one can hide from me, not for long at least.
ME: STATEMENT: I HAVE READ OF YOUR PET PSYCHOPATH'S EXPLOITS IN THE NEWS. 
ME: QUERY: ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF HOLDING HIM DOWN? I FEEL SOME OF IT IS HYPERBOLE, BUT AT THE VERY LEAST HE HAS KILLED MEN TWICE HIS SIZE AND AGE.
II: I don't bet unless I am sure I will win.
II: He might seem to be a force of nature as he so obnoxiously proclaims at most every opportunity.
II: And while it is not that much of a stretch to compare him to a destructive whirlwind, it's a destructive whirlwind whose course is charted by yours truly.
II: And if worst came to worst....
II: I have plenty of hypothetical ways to apprehend him and bring him to justice. I plan for most everything you know.
ME: STATEMENT: THEN I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PUT MY TRUST ON YOU TO KEEP THEM IN THEIR LEASHES.
ME: QUERY: THIS CONVERSATION TIRES ME, NO OFFENSE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED TO DISCUSS?
II: No I found this to be a rather fluid and successful debriefing.
II: This operation will begin later on in the day so you are free to go until then.
II: I will be in touch.
ME: STATEMENT: VERY WELL. I SHALL CONTACT YOU IN CASE I REQUIRE YOUR COUNSEL.




--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering machinaExalted [ME]--

Again with this video game. Jo found it ridiculous that Julius believed something as mundane as a glorified SIM game would prove that his insane ravings were real. And what's worse, he's brought...them to participate. Jo wanted nothing to do with any of the other players Julius has recruited, and it was his/her hope that this game did not do as Julius claimed so s/he can disassociate him/herself from them. Maybe even Julius would be blocked, if he continued his ravings after their inevitable refutation.

Jo pinched his/her nose in frustration. This was going to be a tedious event.


----------



## Crossbow (Feb 16, 2012)

*>Alice: Proceed to the study.*

Alice decides that her study is the best place to gather her thoughts. On her way to the door, she passes by the biggest of the statuettes, a chieftain-like figure gazing into the non-distance. 

She never even stole these things. They were just here when she bought the house. She assumes the last people who lived here were big into Native-Americans, but not enough so that they would take the damn things with them when they were ?evicted?.

Alice doesn?t particularly care for them, but she can?t bring herself to throw them away. They have an aura of defiant persistence about them?


>Moving on.

Alright, the study. There are SHELVES OF BOOKS lining most of the walls. Amidst them is Alice?s WRITING DESK, her current reads resting on top of it and a waste basket of lost dreams beside it. Also, her custom-made ELECTRIC XYLOPHONE sits in the corner, plugged in and awaiting future jam sessions. 

An autographed portrait of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert hangs on a bookless piece of wall, his finger-eyebrow-combo glare spurring Alice to greatness. He and Alice?s brother are surprisingly close. Alice believes that maybe Colbert thinks this whole ?vast network of ponzi schemes and inscrutably executed crimes, fronted with a Fortune 500 company? thing is a silly publicity stunt.


>Look at desk

Right now, she?s alternating between ?Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance? and ?Steven Spielberg Presents: Back to the Future: A Robert Zemeckis Film: The Novel?. Alice captchalouges the latter: it?s much more interesting with all the canonical discrepancies.

Just to the left is the area where Alice sharpens her prose. Usually she tries to make some original romantic story, but winds up making sarcastically melodramatic fanfiction. Right now, she?s working on ?The Loneliest Cucco?, a post-apocalyptic story about a stray cucco roaming the land after it has been ravaged by Ganondorf. She leaves it there.


>Examine surroundings

Not much else really. Ol? Xylo won?t be much help here?

Wait. Up on that shelf. Is that..?

It?s Alice?s fencing foil! She?s picked plenty of locks with that! Gladys must?ve hid it up there. To test her grit obviously. Anyway, Alice is too short to reach it normally, so she?ll have to apply some cleverness.


----------



## Crossbow (Feb 17, 2012)

*>Alice: Check status*

Alright, since this is turning into a federal fucking issue, she decides to scope her stats on the HARBINGER 2300.


*Spoiler*: __ 







This device was custom-made for her chaotic exploits, divvying up her sin along seven id matrices.

Her envy has risen dangerously high since her last e-conversation, but her pride remains intact. Besides that, nothing notable, except her gluttony is strangely high. She uses TOUCH SCREEN CONTROL to reorganize the rows so that envy is grouped above greed, and then makes a mental note to go eat something.


>Go eat something

No sense in waiting really. Most of Alice?s mental notes get acted on within minutes of making them so she doesn?t forget them in her gaming stupors. Even now, she can feel Kirby?s Return to Dreamland beckoning her. 

?Why was she downstairs again? Oh right, she was hungry. That was it.

Alice goes through the foyer en route to the kitchen, passing by Gladys, who is busily dusting away at the figurines.


Alice mustn?t let on to her shenanigans, as Gladys will probably forcibly retire her to her room. To hone her skills, probably. Alice waves back non-chalantly, then proceeds to the kitchen.


>Examine kitchen

In the middle is the table where everyone eats at (Alice eats, Gladys watches). The surrounding area is standard kitchen fare: fridge, blender, toaster, counter, cupboard, etc. Nearby is the SECRET DOOR, which leads to the FORBIDDEN GUEST ROOM. That?s where her brother stays during his infrequent visits.

Alice goes to check the cupboard, but the hinges have been hyper-oxidized. Gladys probably used an airblaster or something, and Alice now recalls that this cupboard holds the master remote for all the gadgets in the building (Gladys included). Honestly, she probably did that sincerely so Alice couldn?t get to it, but that won?t stop her.

A closer look at the fridge shows that her HOMEMADE INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH ELECTROMAGNET is on the fridge. Alice cannot pry it from the door itself, but she can open that door, because that?s how the door works.


>Plunder fridge

Alice takes out an apple and starts biting on it as she captchalouges a bottle of Mountain Dew Voltage. While she?s there, she puts a bottle of olive oil, a stick of butter, and a clove of garlic into her sylladex in case she wants to make some impromptu pasta.

Suddenly, she is struck with an idea?


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Feb 17, 2012)

*Gratuitous Violence, Because Why Not*

James leaped back up to the rooftops once more to see how the others were going to converge.  Surely some of them would at least check up on the area where those three bit the dust.  And check up they did, as another group of three rushes to where the corpses were lying.  One of them held a comm device and said, "Shit, we've got three men down!  Knife wounds, just like the ones on the othe-"

"Yeah, I don't think I'll let you finish", James said as he landed. 

"You son of a-"

His sentence was cut off, and was replaced with a wet gargling sound as his throat was sliced open, blood shooting out like a grisly fountain.  The other two were eviscerated, their intestines tumbling out like bloated worms bursting out of their bodies.  There was nothing like carving through flesh with a well-made combat knife.  It was a gratifying feeling, hearing the sounds of skin and muscle being cut apart by steel, and the bewildered look that follows as the victim finds himself bleeding out, frantically trying to keep his innards from spilling out.  Guns were fine weapons and all, but it lacks a personal touch and just isn't as satisfying as getting up close to see a man's life wink out from his eyes, with a pool of blood forming around him coming from a nicely done stab wound. 

James then picked up the man's comm device, and spoke, "Hey jackasses, I was planning on picking you off while I toy with your stupid asses from the shadows, but then I realized that's kinda boring and well, I'm a more upfront guy anyway.  Come at me if you all dare."  Before anyone could respond, he crushed the device in his hands.  Minutes later, they started to converge on his position.  James let them fire their little guns, evading their aim as they hit nothing but air, shooting at his shadow.  He was a blurred phantom in their eyes and soon, he stopped dodging them and attacked.  The whirlwind of death he delivered resulted in numerous blood sprays, gushing from newly-made orifices.  James tore through them like the force of nature he thought he was, with screams and death following his onslaught.  They fired their pistols wildly and out of panic as their ranks were being shredded, with absolutely no hope of hitting him.  A moment after his rampage, he took a look at his handiwork.  Bloody corpses, some of them still writhing, spread out on the street for all to see.  James smiled in satisfaction, and eagerly anticipates the news of these murders. 

A guy needs some attention, after all.


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## Crossbow (Feb 25, 2012)

>Alice: Withdraw butter stick from sylladex

Alice gives her roulette modus a spin and gets ready time the action just right?

Oh! Just barely missed! She gets the olive oil from the adjacent slot instead. That?ll do just as fine, actually. Alice unscrews the bottle and drips it onto the rusted hinge of the cupboard. Then, she slowly pulls on the handle, careful not to alert any automatons who have irrational fears of losing control over her/his own body.

Sure enough, the door opens to reveal the master remote, along with some bread and a box of Cheez-Its. Alice picks up the remote, and a devious grin is soon replaced with an unsure frown as she remembers that the buttons are not labeled. It?s been forever since she?s even seen it, so she doesn?t remember which button is for the big ol? magnet.


>Alice: Press random buttons

*blender noise*

_A pitcher?s blades whirl. A polishing, interrupted?_

Okay, that was the wrong button. How about the one below that one?

*clank noise*
_
A second guess succeeds. A maid?s interest, piqued?_

Ah, there we go. Sadly, most of the wire coil is still rusted to the fridge door, so the metal part probably needs a new one before she can turn it back on. That is, if the remote would even work with it now, which it wouldn?t.


>Peel rubber off of blender?s cord

That would get her in even more trouble with Gladys, fiddling with bare electronics like that. Accordingly, she blocks the door with a chair so that she doesn?t get busted for it, and then gets to strippin?. Thankfully, a nearby turkey carving knife makes the task much simpler and faster.

After a while the the device is close to its former glory. It?s wrapped around as evenly as the old coil was. She kept one side rubbered so she can hold it without electrocution. On that note, she?ll need a portable fuel source to take it to the study.

Alice opens the freezer and? There it is! Gladys?s backup nuclear core, right by the ?Stephen Colbert?s Americone Dream?. A bit drastic, but it?ll do. Now if she can find the remote button to temporarily disable the main unit herself, she can sneak by and get back to the-

*metal foot breaking through wood noises*

Oh. Hi there, Gladys.

What, this remote? Oh, she was just putting it back. Let her just reach for it innocently and non-chalantly?

*extend-o-arm robo-yoink*

Well then. Looks like this is going to have to go down?


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## Atlantic Storm (Feb 29, 2012)

Anyhow, its time to go pester that other guy he mentioned; IllustriousInquisitor.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 




wanderingWriter [wW] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

wW: Hello.
II: Well this is odd.
II: I wasn't planning on making your acquaintance until later on in the day.
II: Would you mind telling me how you knew of me?
wW: Let's just say that a certain very murderous bird informed me of you.
II: That's amusing. I am surprised he has taken the social initiative to heart this soon.
II: I figured I was going to have to annoy him for a few more hours until he caved, wonderful to hear though.
II: Would you mind sending me the log record later? Baby's first social interaction with someone that isn't me should help me better analyze him.
wW: Sure. I don't see what there is to analyze about him, though. He sounds like a simple Blood Knight to me.
II: Simple minded sure. But besides that there is nothing really simple about him.
II: My grocery list for the month is shorter than the list of mental ailments he suffers through.
wW: And how long is your grocery list usually?
II: You do know i'm speaking metaphorically right?
II: I don't have it put to mind. But... on average several pages. Depending on the time of year and any social functions that are hosted at my villa.
wW: I was joking. But it sounds like you have quite an adventure when you're doing your grocery shopping.
wW: Wait. I need to stop getting distracted by stuff. The reason I came to talk to you is that I wished to learn more of this 'Sburb' game sL mentioned.
II: Not one for casual conversation I take it. 
II: Well that's fine we do have more pressing matters to attend to anyways.
II: Ask what you will and I will do my best to answer.
wW: You seem like a more mentally sound person than strifeLord, so I suppose I'll take your answer seriously. According to him, once the meteor storm hits, we are 'whisked away to another world'.
II: Yes, according to the man who has more mental illnesses than they have on record.
II: Do you take his word as truth?
wW: Not really. It sounds rather silly to me. Which is why I'm inquiring you about it, Mr. Problem Sleuther.
II: Of course it is absurd. What mentally sound person would honestly believe that a simple unassuming video game could have such power?
II: But considering that you have not dismissed the illogical out of hand that means part of you is inclined to believe it, possibly you WANT to believe it.
II: Tell me are you a believer in the strange Damion?
wW: The idea of the world being blown up by meteors and then me being whisked away into an unknown land does sound rather appealing.
wW: That was sarcasm, by the way.
II: What is unappealing about it to you exactly?
II: Suppose James does speak the truth. Are you rooted enough in your present reality to be content with the mundane and average? No sense of adventure? Has that already died out in you?
wW: I think a more suitable phrase would be 'beaten out of by my guardian'.
II: I see. 
II: Interesting, you and your guardian clash often I take it?
wW: Yes. He tends to disarm me of my weapon of choice very quickly and proceed to beat me down with his weapon of choice just as quickly. It makes for good endurance training, I guess.
wW: He's a very loving father.
II: A few bruises here and there build character. 
II: You are lucky to have a father that cares enough to toughen you up. It's a lost art in these days of coddling.
wW: They do say that beating the hell out of your kid is the best way to show love. I've become very accustomed to it now.
wW: Come to think of it, it has helped me out a few times. Like this one time in the distant, but not too distant, past when this homeless man jumped up to attack me. With my finely attuned instincts, I quickly delivered a swift backhand and broke his nose.
wW: And then ran away.
II: And why did you run?
wW: There were people in the area. I've learnt from my experience in the Assassin's Creed games that once you knock someone out or kill them, the best thing to do is to abscond before you attract the attention of others.
wW: The task of running away was very easy anyway. There were enough walls around to obscure line of sight, and they were short enough for me to vault over.
II: Running is always easy.
II: Paradoxically, It's much harder to stay still than to keep in motion.
II: Do you often mold your behavior to social norms?
II: Why not ensure this criminal cannot harass others? 
wW: I didn't feel like it. Can we get back onto the subject of Sburb?
II: No one ever does. But that's why people like me exist I suppose.
II: Sure, let's get back to the game, I am done picking your brain for the moment.
wW: What happens once we're taken away to the other land?
II: Oh so you do believe James.
II: That's a first.
wW: I'm speaking hypothetically. For example, could you hypothetically stop playing mind tricks and psychoanalyzing for a moment and give a straight answer to my questions?
II: And will you just blindly accept whatever I say at face value like you have done with sL, the mentally unhinged psychopath?
II: I am not psychoanalyzing you. I am simply leading you down a path of logic so you can make the decision on what you believe yourself. I nor James won't always be around to tell you what to think.
II: So tell me right now. Do you or don't you believe? Save the hypotheticals for the college lectures kid, I only deal in the facts.
wW: Sure. I believe.
II: No you don't.
II: I wasn't born yesterday kid.
II: You won't believe until you see it for your own eyes.
II: That's fine. I will be up front with you then, consider it your reward for passing first grade deductive reasoning.
II: Simply speaking, nothing will happen to us personally. We will simply move from point A to point B.
II: Everyone else however will not be as fortunate. They will all die, every last one of them.
wW: And what do we do once we're at this point B?
II: That's up to you to decide kid.
II: We all have our own road we must walk alone. They will cross on occasion but for the most part you will live a solitary existence, or at least compared to what you currently know.
II: I can't tell you what to do, but I can guide you if you desire. My ear is always available . Hypothetically speaking of course.
wW: I thought you only dealt with facts?
wW: Anyway, so at point B, we can do anything? It doesn't sound too exciting, to be honest. A few survivors of earth's destruction get thrusted onto a mysterious magical land? The concept might be exciting, but in practice it would probably be very monotonous.
II: I do only deal in facts, but as far as I can tell you are not too privy to my modus operandii so I can not guarantee you will seek my council.
II: I got a feeling you will though, i'm quite the people person.
II: It's lands with a plural by the way. One land per person, unfortunately if you find this to be dull and rather die with the rest of the human race i'm sure I can find a replacement for you.
wW: No thanks. I think I'll go along. Could you explain how the entry works?



*
==>*


----------



## Atlantic Storm (Feb 29, 2012)

*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



II: How very selfless of you. No matter, we are in rather selfish company to begin with.
II: Entry is a simple matter to be conducted according to a chain that starts with one member and eventually loops around back to said member, completing it.
II: You will help someone enter, and someone will help you enter in turn. Cooperation and a proper team dynamic are required for success. Luckily the incentive of not dying is good enough for certain dregs like James.
wW: It's still a strange team that you've composed. Detective, Rich Kid and Psychopath. I'm assuming there are other people? From the sound of things, an even number of players is required for complete entry.
II: It would be if it was my choice in the first place. Life isn't fair kid, if it was up to me I would have only chosen about 1 of the total 10 members to be in my ideal chain.
II: An even number is preferable to an odd number of entries. Odd numbers tend to.... unbalance things, and things are unbalanced enough as it is.
wW: So the players are pre-chosen? By destiny?
wW: Sorry, I mean Destiny.
II: Pssh.
II: Sorry kid but this isn't a fantasy novel, even if it is structured in vaguely the same way with similar tropes.
II: Nothing as wonderful as destiny has chosen such outstanding human beings like you and James to carry on the torch of humanity.
II: It's simply just IS that way. No dressing it up. We are picked by paradox space, nothing more, nothing less.
wW: Then your previous statement about what we want to do being decided by ourselves is false. It's really decided by paradox space.
II: If you wish to hound semantics then sure.
II: It's completely up to you what to do, but what you do was always what you were going to do.
II: We can get philosophical but that's all it really boils down to. 
II: Some people can even spit in the face of paradox space, it's all up to you. The shackles are only as heavy as you let em be.
wW: Wouldn't there be a punishment for defying paradox space?
II: Of course, if you are brutish in your defying.
II: I find that often a subtle touch is all that is required in most aspects of life.
II: Your current mindset is that of a defeatist.
wW: Hm. How do you know so much about this game anyway?
II: Has the topic of discussion finally come full circle back to me?
II: I'm not one to talk much about myself, unless it is needed.
II: That is a tale for another time, wouldn't want to give away all the spoilers in our first talk now would we?
wW: You've played this before, haven't you?
II: A reasonable guess, but no I am afraid. I am as new to this as everyone.
II: Let's just say I have better.... sources than the rest of you and leave it at that.
wW: The genre savvy in me is telling me your source is, or was, a player. But, I won't press on any further. It is quite understandable that you would not wish to play a game with all your cards revealed. Or whatever that dumb phrase is.
II: You are rather quick on the uptake. I applaud that. 
II: Indeed what kind of enigmatic man of mystery would I be if I divulged everything?
II: But don't worry I will never withhold vital information from you or anyone.
II: As long as you ask the right questions.
wW: If your source is a player . . . wait. Players have their planet destroyed, don't they? So, would I be correct in assuming that your source is either from another planet/dimension or . . .
wW: That the game's ultimate goal lies within the creation of another universe? Are we the result of a past Sburb session?
II: There is a difference between speculation and baseless guessing you know. And the planets are not destroyed, merely razed.
II: My source is not all that secretive. In fact I will inform you that my source has in fact spoken to you before.
II: You.... might not be aware of this fact though. How's that for cryptic?
wW: Hm.
wW: Then this is not someone I have spoken to consciously. I'm a very careful person, Julius. I remember every single person that I speak to.
II: Now that is a leap of logic. 
II: Do you always hear every voice when you are wide awake? 
II: Remember every discussion overheard as you walk to the store? 
wW: I remember every single person I speak to. As in, converse with. Overhearing things does not constitute as engaging in conversation.
II: No it doesn't.
II: But that fact doesn't change anything. You forget far more than you ever remember, but does forgetting something mean it has left no impact on your life?
II: You may think you know the answer, but you are far from the mark here. It is a puzzle you will not understand for sometime, and the full extent of it will forever be lost on you.
wW: I'm thinking.
wW: I'm thinking that after this conversation, I'll take a nap. Because I'm tired. And also to test something out.
II: Meditate on this discussion. You will find it illuminating. 
II: I am not one to interfere with nap time. If you require sleep we can pick this up later on in the day.
II: I will make the necessary arrangements for you.
wW: I see. Thanks, I guess.
wW: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fall asgshsdhsdh125tgs[.

-- wanderingWriter [wW] has ceased pestering llustriousInquisitor [II] -- 





...and what a dick.

You suddenly lose the will to live, knowing that you'll be playing a game that involves the destruction of the world with a blood thirsty psychopath and a psycho-analyzing, pompous idiot. 

And on that note, you fall into a deep (but not too deep!) sleep...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


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## Platinum (Mar 3, 2012)

-- IllustriousInquisitor [II]began pestering nomadicWings [nW] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hello Rachel. 
II: Are you ready for today's festivities?
II: You better not have forgotten. That would be... disappointing.
nW: Yes, okay, you already got me to agree to join in and for lack of the ability to make an intelligent judgement call, I agreed.
nW: The matter was settled you don't have to remind me
nW: I cover my own shit.
II: Glad to hear it.
II: It is nice to have someone that follows orders and doesn't fight me tooth and nail the entire time.
II: Just afterwards with passive agressive remarks but I can live with those.
nW: Have I met my 'you are an insufferable prick' quota for today?
nW: I feel that I should have.
II: No you are slacking off today actually.
II: You average about three more of them, I have no doubt that you will soar past this quota during the duration of this log though so it's fine.
II: I gave you the basics on what we are to do, any questions, comments?
nW: Besides the fact this game sounds really freaking weird?
nW: None as such. I know how to read, I know how to get things done. You said this would require a lot of people, why am I the one being graced by your company
nW: I can't imagine you've managed to assemble a full team of competents I'm not that lucky a person.
II: I am very hands on and prefer to give everyone their own personal debriefing. It makes me a people person you see.
II: As for you second question.... well you got to work with what you got.
II: And I don't got much, can't overrule management on some decisions you know. 
nW: I hardly doubt being an overbearing condescending asshole makes you a people person, but whatever helps you sleep at night
nW: For the record I am a very keep your hands OFF kind of person and would prefer you tell me what you want without flowery bullshit and move on so that I can do it.
II: You are using a different definition of 'people person' than I was but i'll let it slide. We have enough semantics to argue over as it is.
II: Please cut the anti social lone wolf routine. You knew this would be a team oriented operation at the start. You will recieve orders while recommending orders and communicate properly with the dregs of humanity that I have managed to herd together for this little situation we have.
nW: Well yeah but that doesn't mean I'll be NICE about it.
II: A good point.
II: But it does also mean you don't have to be needlessly difficult about it as well.
II: Attitude is everything in life, you should try being a little more positive.
II: Like me, Mr Sunshine.
nW: That's good, is comedian your day job when you're not pretending to be batman?
II: Shockingly no. I was just born with the god given talent of wit.
II: Is this the part of the conversation where we take turns mocking each other only to get tired of it and get back on topic or can we just forgo those formalities this time around? Time is a valuable commodity today, and believe it or not I don't have all of it to spend on you.
nW: No that's boring and neither of us enjoy wasting time, small similarities.
nW: You've told me what to do, and I'll get to it. Happy?
II: As a clam.
II: I look forward to being clear of my debt to you with this.
II: My chains are almost lifted at last.
nW: You know damn well I never wanted anything from you to begin with
II: As if that ever mattered at all.
II: I repay my debts with interest whether the recieving party wants me to or not. Part of my old world chivalrous charm you know.
nW: Whatever.
nW: We done? For now at least?
II: For now.
II: I will contact you later when things begin to progress.
nW: Bye then



-- nomadicWings [nW] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

You don't know why you are even helping someone as reprehensible as her. But hey if a man doesn't have a sense of honor what does he have? Some people don't deserve second chances but fate dictates they receive them anyways. This shouldn't take more than a few minutes then she will be set...


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## zenieth (Mar 10, 2012)

You are now a... well this seems to be an awkward predicament.

Normally you would be a rather spry and in the middle of doing an actual something kind of person, but as it stands. The you that's currently here is rocking 100% lullabys. Now this wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for the fact that it's 1 in the afternoon and you're a grown ass woman who should be doing something with her life. So what will you do?

Obviously you'll do jack and shit cause you're still sleeping the swivel chair acting as your own personal makeshift bed to let the world know, "not today good sir, I am in the middle of counting enough sheep to be a new zealand herder." Of course your plan of doing nothing all day, other than sleeping like a baby will be foiled as quickly as the average gotham city gangster heist by Batman.

 You see sleep is perfectly fine and acceptable, sleeping in the middle of the day is a bit more awkward, but hey nothing bad if nothing lost. Now sleeping in the middle of the day, on the job and you're not the boss... well that just serves you a nice foot up your precarious tush. Your boss needs you to get to work and that means getting stuff done, which in turn means not being a lethargic bitch.

>Hey you, yes you with the tits.

you seem to get a forewarning premonition of bad shit to come, of course you take that premontion to heart and snap your eyes open faster than your boss can smack the do nothingness off your fucking face for messing around. Ollie ooping right out the chair you greet the surly old man who tell you to go take care of the sedan sitting out front. 

Of course you oblige. It's only common courtesy, and what you're paid to do. You head out front, the stiffness of sleep still weighing you down as you greet client. He's nice enough albeit totally fucking clueless when it comes to machines though he does seem to know his way around those sports. Well enough beating around the bush and chatting the shit it's time to get to work. 

But suddenly, he sidewinds you with something you totally weren't prepared for. He asks what your name is.

>Please enter name

That's something that you've had for some good 8 years now, the fuck you need to enter it again for? but that's not important. 

Your name is Ashley Rodea, you're a plainly dressed 21 year old woman who works as a mechanic. You enjoy vehicular sports, most especially drifting. Due to the way that you dress people tend to shy away from feminine topics when addressing you, but you don't care either which way. When you're not enjoying sports or working on a machine you're usually... not doing anything at all. Seriously your life is pretty much etched into those two scenarios and otherwise you're the laziest woman to ever grace the planet.

What will you do? (Other than fucking finally get to work you lazy cunt)


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## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 10, 2012)

*Far into the future, but not too far...*

Ever since he murdered all those goons a long while back, James needed to watch his back even more than usual.  Just two weeks previously, he had to deal with a sniper, along with some heavily armored goons.  Fortunately, James appeared to have a sixth sense for danger and that combined with his speed and lethality with a knife, he escaped with his life while adding a few more notches for himself.  The frequency of armed thugs pursuing him appears to have lessened, likely due to meteor impacts occurring across the planet.  The shower of flaming death isn't stopping, far from it actually.  News continues to tell of larger ones coming on their way.  As the forecast gets worse, panic and fear consumes the populace, and later erupts into violence.  Beautiful, bloody, and chaotic violence.  Never has James been more proud to be alive, witnessing these displays of bestial savagery man inflicts on one another.  As they claw and tear each other apart, he sees the truth of life laid before him.  He would have joined in on the fun, if it weren't for the fact that news of a large flaming rock was heading at his location moments from now.

James moved like a ghost among the crowds, stabbing and slashing any who get in his way, searching for a relatively safe place of residence.  After two minutes of searching and bloodletting, he finally found one.  A modest looking house, with the door being broken down.  James saw that the lights were on in one of the rooms, judging from the window he looked at.  He entered, and saw three bloodied bodies, probably bludgeoned to death.  They must have broken in, which explains the door.  James was mildly surprised, the resident here must not be as helpless as he thought.  He approached upstairs, and saw a young man carrying a bloodied baseball bat running out of his room to greet him.  He looked to be about 13 years old, and has short light brown hair.  Before he could even think of attacking, James already moved to slit his throat and did just that.  The usual wet gargling sounds followed, then a snap-crunch sound after that.  He had to break the kid's neck since he wasn't in the mood to listen to him die.  The man's got business to take care of, after all.  Slow like the rest of them, he thought, and entered the room baseball-boy came from.

James sees a working computer before him, along with a fairly excess amount of action figures.  He also spots a nice-looking sword placed above the kid's bed.  Naturally, he takes it, and swings it a few times.  It appeared to be real enough and he decides to store it in his bladekind Strife Specibus.

He then logged into his Pesterchum account, and immediately sees someone trying to message him.  Oh, it's that smug shitface cunt.  He grudgingly accepts the call and goes in to have an undoubtedly infuriating ego-filled conversation that only two men with extremely opposing viewpoints can bring.  If James wanted to survive, he'd have to put up with bullshit like this...


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## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 10, 2012)

*Clash of the egos*



> --IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--
> 
> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> ...


**


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## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 10, 2012)

> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Godfuckingdammit, that was every bit as terrible as he thought it would be.  James couldn't wait to kill him and II undoubtedly felt the same way about James.  And there are other assholes joining up as well!  The bright side is that there's going to be more victims to sharpen his blade on after this little game is finished.


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## Platinum (Mar 10, 2012)

It didn't take long, about 10 minutes tops to get things in order for her. Not wanting to dwell on this any longer I decided to simply message her back immediately.

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering nomadicWings [nW]--
II: Did you miss me?
NW: Not in the slightest.
II: Ah. Not that I expected anything less to be honest.
II: Well lets get this on the road so we can both move on.
II: Your teammate's handles are as follows:
II: eerieMechanophile, questionableBrain, and virginLord. 
II: I wish you nothing but the best.
NW: This isn't a fucking wedding you know. 
NW: And from the way you were going about earlier I thought your team would a little larger than this. Guess you aren't as popular as you claim to be.
II: Well my team is.
NW: Uh... okay can I get the rest of their handles then instead of just those three assholes?
II: Why would you need that information?
NW: You are the one that told me I need to talk with these assholes.
II: Oh dear. You still don't get it do you?
NW: Get what exactly?
II: I did agree to get you into a session... I never specified which session this would be.
NW:... You can't be serious.
NW: That was your plan the entire time? To just pawn me off to some random group of losers I don't even know?
II: That was never not the plan yes.
NW: You son of a bitch, you lied to me.
II: Led you on perhaps, but I never lied. It's the fine gray area I straddle every day of my life.
II: You simply failed to ask the right questions.
NW: I'll get you back for this, somehow you will pay for this bullshit.
II: Unlikely. We are heading for an entirely divergent path, this will probably be the last time we ever converse. So I will give you some parting advice to help you in your experience. 
II: You have a lot of anger in you, it's perfectly understandable to be honest. The world is not a nice place and we all bear it's scars.
II: It's unfair, few people ever get a second chance, yet look at you. To be perfectly honest you don't deserve this new lease on life, but since you have it why not seize it? 
II: This game can serve as a way to make you a better person, it's a fresh start for us all. 
NW: I don't need more advice from you, look at where the fuck it's got me.
--nomadicWings [nW] blocked IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

Such is life I suppose, try to help a girl out and get chewed out for it as a result. She will join with them eventually, the survival instinct will override her negative feelings. I am just glad she will not be my problem any longer. This session is going to be a pain in the ass as it is, I could only just imagine how bad it would be having to manage both her and James.

Luckily I will not have to see that day come to fruition.


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## Cadrien (Mar 11, 2012)

Valen yawned and pushed himself away from the desk, casting his gaze to the download window. Lying was so very easy. Let Alice think that she had a one up on him. He doubted it would make much of a difference, but it was nice to have any and all advantages. 

Alice was alright. A bit misguided, in his opinion, but still a decent enough person. Plus her competitive spirit made for good motivation. Leaning forward, Valen scrolled through the rest of his chum list before returning to his former position. No one that he wanted to talk to right now was online.

With another muffled yawn, he got up and started walking downstairs. A glass of Sierra Mist sounded pretty nice right now. Maybe also a fresh baked muffin if there were any. There inevitably were, as Claire seemed to bake something every day. Not that anyone in the house objected. She was an excellent cook. 

As he reached for a muffin, a movement flicked out of the corner of his eye and he recoiled reflexively as a wooden spoon hurtled past where it had been a moment ago. "Touch them and see what happens." Claire warned, glaring her brother. Valen sighed and raised both of his hands in a shrug. "Aye aye. What are they for this time?" "A business meeting. Also none of your business. Also also, there are dishes in the dishwasher waiting for you to put them away." Valen slid a foot back towards the doorway. "I just put them away last time though." He inched his way away. Claire advanced on him, eyes narrowed. 

"Or...if you prefer, we can go outside and have another one of the sparring matches you love." Valen flinched. "Well do I need to put them away now?" A spoon rapped him smartly on the ear. "OW! OKAY I GET IT!" Grumbling, Valen marched over to the dishwasher, sulkily grabbed a dishtowel and began his chore. Claire smirked and wrapped up her muffins, leaving one out on the counter before she pulled her coat on and left for the meeting.


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## Judas (Mar 13, 2012)

It's bright...too bright as you wake up rubbing your ey-

No wait, that's not right.

You've been awake for two hours now, fixing your hair the entire goddamn time. Who knows why you devote so much attention into one aspect of your appearance; but then again, who gives a shit? You refuse to engage in your casual routines with anything less than five star hair. But what then?

You don't exactly have shit to do till the afternoon when you actually start to work in that convenience store down the block, Shop But Don't Drop. As you recite the name of the store in your head, you begin to wonder why the hell did you get tied into this gig? They certainly aren't paying you enough for you to least accommodate for some preferences like a damn phone (that's where that's your oh so handy laptop comes in anyway). Not to mention, the name of the store reminds you of one of those  someone was playing the other day.

Speaking of your employers, you haven't seen much of them besides a silhouette behind the confines of the dark bullet proof glass of the counter. You can hear them nag though. That much is without question. 

Forget about them for now...

It's all about you...

What will you do to kill this precious time on your hand? More importantly, who the hell are you?

>Enter name



Two words...

"Fuck" and "no".

You are unwilling to be addressed as "Dick" throughout the entirety of your life, but more importantly, you don't want to be subject to any assumptions of being in relation---or even vulnerable to any jokes or puns---to .

>Enter name _again_



That's more like it. Now you already have a reason for people to take you seriously. You momentarily thought of Abel, but all of the Abels you know are dumb, dead pricks or they're just dumb cunts who can't be seen as anything more than a joke.

What will you do now with that minor piece of work out of the way?

>Get a tan.

Not quite, but you'll venture outside anyway for your viewing pleasure. You know, scout out for any bars and nightclubs to raid despite the fact that your only 19; but fuck the rules. You've never taken to kindly to following them in the past, why start now? Hell you've been a rebel ever since...ever since... 

You'd rather not think about that now as that brings up an emotional moment; and if you re-experience that emotional moment it'll likely be met with an equally emotional reaction. Nobody wants that. Besides, if any authoritative figure or if comes to worse, a bouncer, decides to give you trouble, you'll handle their shit like a pro, because no one fucks with the Bishop.


Don't forget about your job while you're out scouting though...


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 16, 2012)

*Calling All Cars Pt. 1*

After putting the last of the dishes away, Valen glared at the dishwasher, grabbed a can of Sierra Mist and went back upstairs. Setting the drink down he grabbed his xbox controller and brought the intro screen up. Just as he sat down a thought struck him and he swiveled around to face his monitor again. Selecting one of his contacts, he began typing.


*Spoiler*: _-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering IlustriousInquisitor [II] --_ 




*mD: Hello II.
mD: I must thank you for the information you gave me last week.
mD: It proved useful, as you may well already know.
II: Congratulations on yet another criminal triumph, you do your ancestry proud.
II: If all you came to do is gloat please head elsewhere, I rather not void the contents of my stomach this early in the morning.
II: You might think you have style but you are nothing more than a lowly pickpocket. Honestly i've been far too lenient with you as it is.
mD: Come come now.
mD: Why bother giving me information, even if unintented for the use I assign it, if you aren't prepared for the consequences?
mD: And besides, we both know that while I am certainly no Robin Hood, I am at least very selective in my methods and targets.
mD: I'm sure there are far worse people than a "lowly pickpocket" for you to give attention to.
mD: That one guy you mentioned for instance, the one who is a homicidal maniac.
II: I know full well what I get into when I tell you anything, doesn't mean I have to like it regardless.
II: And yes, there are worse people out there than you. Congratulations on your triumph of being merely gum on the bottom of my proverbial shoe instead of dog feces. You must feel so accomplished.
mD: Very witty today aren't we, II.
mD: Well, it's a shame that you aren't more relaxed.
mD: You need something to loosen you up so you can pull that toolbag out of your arse.
mD: A game, for instance, let's say.
II: Monopoly or Scrabble? Or perhaps Twister! Let me call up my homicidal gore fiend and my dear brother so we can have a family game night.
mD: Hardy har har, Mr. Sarcasm.
mD: If any board game would be played between us and any of your friends, I think it would be Risk since there would in fact be little to no risk of us hating each other any more than we already do.
mD: That said, I am not talking about board game, II.
mD: Quaint as that sounds.
mD: I am referring to this game: [/color]
[COLOR=gray]II: Aww I was hoping for Clue to be quite honest. I am quite good at Clue. 
II: Instead you link me to a game that isn't even fully developed yet. [/color]
[COLOR=#78A489]mD: So they want you to think, but after a little digging and information relayed through various contacts....
mD: They have released a beta for it already over seas.
mD: An....acquaintance of mine already acquired a copy of it and has challenged me.
mD: It might seem rather petty, but I don't like losing regardless of the name of the game.
mD: I honestly don't know why I thought you would be interest.
mD: I suppose it was spontinuity or something?
mD: Regardless, I think you should still look into it. It might prove interesting.
mD: You might even get to play real life Clue.
mD: Who knows.[/color]
[COLOR=gray]II: Wow! Real life Clue.
II: I would not know how that feels at all! What a brave new frontier for me to explore.
II: So basically you want me to play a pc game with you, because your stupid friend challenged you to it?
II: Is that all that really motivates you to do something, some petty challenge?
II: If said friend came at you with one of those disturbing sets of pornographic playing cards and challenged you to a duel would you want me to be your ass tapping wingman?[/color]
[COLOR=#78A489]mD: Really now, and here I was thinking you'd be flattered.
mD: Of course not, you twit. Do you think that there aren't stakes to be wagered and gained from this?
mD: I like a challenge, I like one even better if I can get something out of it.
mD: And let's set something straight, they aren't my friend, okay? They are more of what might seen as...a rival if you will. 
mD: Perhaps you might even know who they are, if you catch my drift.
mD: I won't say more than though, honor among thieves still is a thing that I believe in, even if everyone else in the world points, laughs, and remarks on what a chump I am.
mD: I don't do crime for the reasons other do, I do it because it's fun and a challenge to me.
mD: And if I can take bigger baddies down a bit and get some profit myself, why not?
mD: So don't bloody go thinking that I'm suggesting it to you for shits and giggles.
mD: Asshole you might be, but at least you're one who knows the score.[/color]
[COLOR=gray]II: Okay let me rephrase the question to one that doesn't get your unmentionables in a notch.
II: Why should I care to help you in some stupid game of oneupsmanship? I don't even like you in the first place.[/color]
[/font][/b][/spoiler]*


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 16, 2012)

*Calling All Cars Pt. 2*


*Spoiler*: _Continued_ 



*mD: Perhaps to get me out of your hair, perhaps I'm trying to be friendly, perhaps to relieve stress, perhaps to get your jollies and not get your unmentionables sucked up your arse hole like they seem to perpetually be.
mD: Fuck if I know.
II: Or perhaps you are just trying to rope me into helping you free of charge when you know that's never going to happen, thus making up a bunch of half baked justifications on the fly.
mD: You must think me really dense, mate.
mD: You should know that I know what you're like and that I'd expect all of a gun shot to the head's help from you, given the option.
II: I am still waiting for a reason why I should even begin to file the paperwork to begin the caring process. You should get to the point or I am afraid the Department of Shit Distribution may deny your request.
mD: Look, this is all becoming rather terse.
mD: I didn't bloody well contact you looking for a worthless argument, alright?
mD: I don't expect you to give it serious consideration, why the fuck would you, right?
mD: And maybe I wouldn't mind it if you took care of some competition for me.
mD: But honestly, you need an outlet, man.
mD: If you are wasting your time bickering with me when you could just simply shut your computer down or something...
mD: Well, let's just say that some might say that you aren't exactly fulfilling Carpe Diem.
II: Please my day has been thoroughly seized. If your flailing about didn't amuse me I would have ignored you years ago. 
II: And I probably should ignore you right now, but deep down I feel some strange combination of pity and joy over your current situation. 
II: I will help you out.
II:.... For a little quid pro quo.
mD: Hah.
mD: Qualifiers aside, I am pleased that you at least hold some desire for uncertainty.
mD: And such help between people such as you and I never does go without some tit for tat.
mD: That's how the world works.
II: You know me I'm all about the uncertainty. Me and uncertainty are basically star crossed lovers.
II: So let's go for the usual price shall we. 
II: A favor given for a favor returned.
mD: What conditions, guv'na?
II: No conditions. This is a single, unconditional favor that you will owe me in return for helping you one up this criminal dame you fraternize with.
mD: Hmm, I do not recall mentioning the gender of my rival.
mD: Is my personal life really that interesting to you that you have it monitored?
mD: Now I'm the one flattered.
II: Please.
II: Have you been struck with a case of short term memory loss...Valen?
II: "Perhaps you might even know who they are, if you catch my drift."
II: Your riddles are those that a first grader can crack.
mD: My implications were that you might have run at cross purposes with them before, not that you were monitoring my contact list.
II: If you wish to go on thinking that you are so special that I monitor your every discourse go on ahead.
II: Really the reality of the matter is much simpler than that.
II: I monitor her. And I must say that compared to her you are small time Valen.
mD: Ah.
mD: I see.
mD: Well.
mD: I see no reason to hatch such ludicrous and damaging enterprises as her.
mD: We've gone over my reasoning before.
II: Yes your Freudian excuses I remember them.
II: It's okay to feel inferior Valen, we all do sometimes.
II: Well... I don't, but I'm an exception.
mD: If you choose to see my exploits as inferior, feel free.
mD: I see them as works of art.
II: I see them as criminal acts. 
mD: That is what your life consists of, II.
mD: Seeing things as crimes and subsequently judging others.
mD: Far be it for me to begrudge your attention not being focused on "bringing me to justice".
II: Yes far be it for me to call a spade a spade. 
II: My priorities are my own business. 
mD: And your business is the top of those priorities.
mD: Ach.
mD: Another contact is pestering me it would appear.
mD: I'm sure you won't mind calling this discussion to a close.
mD: I've taken up enough of your precious time with my "amusing flailing about" I'm sure.
II: For once you make a correct analysis. 
II: You have earned a gold star Valen.
II: Very well go talk to your friend.
mD: Not even a friend, just a buyer.
mD: How boring.
mD: Business is business though.
II: Understandable.
II: I have calls to make as well. So best make haste if we are to play this game at the appropriate time.
mD: Who knows, maybe you could even invite your homicidal gore friend to play it as well.
mD: Save some lives mayhap.
mD: Or to end his.
mD: Not my call.
mD: I'll be in touch.*



*--melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*

Well that was...not terribly promising. But still, better than what he could generally expect out of II. He sighed and kicked his feet up before settling in to play some Dark Souls.


----------



## Platinum (Mar 17, 2012)

*Julius: Make A New Friend*

One less task to accomplish but hundreds of more to go before this is done. Another must be contacted to begin this whole process. I wonder why it is I that needs to be the team mom and hold everyone's hand... nothing I can really do about it I suppose. Well I hope I can make a nice first impression on this one, never spoken to her before. Not to say I know nothing of her, I have kept a close eye on everyone destined to play this game over the years, but the eye kept on her has been a little more diligent. She is quite the interesting little criminal, lets see what makes her tick.


--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well I suppose it's time for me to introduce myself, it is long overdue.
II: I am Julius Marcello Corbett, pleased to make your acquantaince Alice.
qA: Well you are certainly enigmatic in your speech patterns
qA: Even though it's fairly unsettling that you know my name.
qA: I'd introdue myself, but that's apparently not necessary




Of course it's not necessary. I wouldn't even be introducing myself to someone if I didn't already know about them. I have better things to do than chat with teenage girls on the internet. Not like they ever have much to say,I have never even had an interesting chat with a teenage girl in my entire life, well except that one time...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Don't let my advanced knowledge ruin the congenality of the situation. 
II: You can introduce yourself too if you desire.
qA: Okay then.
qA: My name is Alice Prolisso.
qA: Pleased to meet you?




At least someone besides myself has some manners around here. Being able to say the word pleased immediately elevates her over 80% of her fellow teammates on the 'not being a total asshole scale.' Well not that formalities are out of the way...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The honor is all mine.
II: Now I can no doubt imagine you are wondering why a strange man that knows your name is pestering you.
II: The explanation is simple really.
II: Our mutual friend Valen rung me up and asked me to join in some game of yours, asking me specifically cause he desires to use my various skills in a campaign of oneupsmanship against you I suspect.




At least Valen is good for a proper segue. About all he is good for really unless you have a balaclava and a stethoscope lying around.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Strange.
qA: You seem to know more about me than my "friends" do.
qA: But i'm wiling to overlook that and continue believing that you are at least vaugely trustworthy.
qAdlly enough, i was just about to contact you.
qA: But since you initiated conversation, it's only civil that you go first.




You need to catch me on a really bad day to shake me with such a first grade level enigmatic gambit.



*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Were you now?
II: That's an interesting little tidbit of information.
II: Did Valen tell you about me or what?
qA: Okay, is that seriously his name?
qA: Because that's a silly name, to be honest.
qA: But no, i was informed of you from someone else.
qA: Don't let that discourage you or anything. Please do go on about what you connected to me about.
qA: i insist.




I agree. Valen really is a silly name, i've even told him so. Of course he doesn't see it this way  and after hours of pointless debate we kind of just mutually agreed to bury the hatchet on the whole ordeal. I'm more interesting in the lack of recognition towards his name. He doesn't really leave much of an impression does he? I guess in his deplorable line of work that is something to 'high five' over with Robin Hood and The Hamburgular.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Yes it is a rather prepostorous name I suppose but I am surprised you did not know it prior to my mentioning of it.
II: I would of assumed one such as yourself would have somewhat respectable resources to draw upon.
II: Or did you just not care enough to find out? If so understandable, Valen is small time in the scheme of things.
II: Would you care to tell me who this informant is or is it your turn to be the enigma?
II: I'll find out one way soon enough so if you wish to keep up a semi respectable veil of mystery by all means do it.
qA: Oh, now i'm not so sure i want to tell you.
qA: Your ego is sort of intimidating, and that last line sound like a thinly veiled threat.
qA: But if you going to be like that, i heard your chumhandle initial mentioned in a conversation with a Mr. "anime$wag"
qA: Not giving his real name because i care for his safety, but i'm sure you already know it somehow.
qA: Anyway, i was just stumbling through every pesterchum user with II initials, and you contacted me fairly early in my search.
qA: But now i'm just /dying/ to to know why you contacted me, Mr. Marcello Colbert.




UGH. Really... REALLY? She talks to Valen AND Akira? I'm surprised she isn't trying to as James would put it "Strangle herself with her own entrails" having to deal with both of them on a consistent basis. Why does she willingly put up with those two? It confounds me. I can barely manage and I have a higher purpose guiding me, she ENJOYS it.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I have learned over the years that brash statements only count as egotistical if you cannot back up your claims. I am not one for bravado as you will find out over the course of our time together.
II: The reason I contacted you is simple, a simple introduction. And now that is out of the way we can begin to play this game together. 
II: Isn't that right game buddy?




Not one of my better monikers admittedly... really it's god awful. We are all entitled to a flub every now and then.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: That would normally be an apt-yet-creepy segue into what i have to ask, but i must take a break to call bullshit.
qA: Some of Earth's greastest egomaniacs were powerful and unwavering.
qA: i am personally aquainted with an excelllent example.
qA: But back to this game.
qA: i'd like to know what exactly i'm doing with the other players.
qA: Like, what these connections means and for who and what and so forth.




The manual is such a wonderful thing. Why does no one ever read it? Sure I mean this thing is in the alpha stage but that's no excuse for laziness. Oh well class is now in session. I will be the whimsical yet detached teacher that knocks her off her heels as we fly through the land of enlightenment together.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You mean you don't already know?
II: For shame, must I be the only one who has a basic understanding of this game?
II: And you call yourself a gamer, I am very underwhelmed at this moment in time.




A simple ego prick. I'm interested in seeing how she responds.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Well excuse me for for not hacking into the computer of the dev team.
qA: Maybe i had more important things to do.
qA: Like other video games.




A weaker defense than one your average nazi gave at The Nuremberg Trials but I digress.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Okay then, if that is your defense consider me told. My opinion of your skills in these digital games has now advanced from underwhelmed to simply whelmed. 
II: Look this is rather simple. 
II: I'm sure you have played some of those mmos before correct?
qA: Not really that much
qA: i'm more of a fan of single-player type deals
qA: Cooperation usually gets in the way of storylines and such.
qA: However, i'm familiar enough to continue entertaining your analogy.




Great another anti-socialite. Why must we all be anti-socialites? 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: That's wonderful.
II: If at any time this heady stuff goes above your understanding do not hesistate to inform me and we will instruct the manual.
II: I hope you are not totally opposed to cooperation as this game will require a significant amount of it.
II: All of us will walk arm in arm and skip merrily through this wonderful story together.
II: At the heart of this game is a rather simple concept.
II: Quid pro quo. You help someone out, someone else will help you out.




It's the concept that governs our entire lives, I hope she can at least understand this.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Oh, thank you for explaining how colaboration works.
qA: Have i mentioned how charming your superiority complex is?
qA: Still, amidst all that treating me like a child nonsense, you failed to answer my question.
qA: Like, from what i've told some time ago by i-can't-remember-who, i need to contact someone in particular before anyone else and connect to them.
qA: What's that about?
qA: Please explain in the most condescending way possible, if you could.




Deadpanning and sarcasm are my territory. I do not like when others infringe on the lands of passive aggressive humor. They are mine and mine alone by right of manifest destiny.


----------



## Platinum (Mar 17, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I will do my best to please you.
II: You see little one in this game we will each serve two roles to two different people. 
II: You will be the server to one player and the client to another.
II: The server player facilitates the client player's entry into the game.
II: The person you must contact then will naturally be the person who you will serve.
II: As for who that person is... I have an idea but eh i'm sure you will figure it out eventually.
II: If you wish though I can provide you the list of people who will be participating in this game and you can begin the meet and greet process.
qA: That would be uncharacteristically nice of you.
qA: Can you attach it in a text file or something?
qA: This is already getting a bit cluttered.
II: No problem.




Ouch. I am nothing but nice to the right people. But hopefully she will learn that in time.


--IllustriousInquisitor uploaded 'playerlist.txt.' and sent it to quantitativeArbitor--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Personally I recommend you avoid speaking to strifeLord for the moment.
II: He is a rather... cagey individual.




The greatest understatement of all time. Seriously, fuck James.



*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Please, i eat cagey individuals for breakfast.
qA: Anyway i hope you don't mind if i ask more about you.
qA: Because i'm going to.
II: Trust me you have never dealt with someone quite like him before. 
II: He's truly one in a demented million.
II: And is it time for the 'about me' section of this conversation.
II: Well since you asked so nicely I can't exactly turn you down so shoot. Ask me whatever you wish.
qA: Well, what are you interests outside of gaming and patronizing?




Why do I have to fill out my E-harmony profile every time I recruit a female into this game?  


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Winetasting, sarcasm, long walks on the beach, chess, cards, games of chance, ancient and current history, oh and detective work.
II: You see I am a private detective. 
qA: Ah, a man of the law, eh?
qA: What district do you patrol, Officer Corvett?




Interesting. I was expecting that bombshell to shake her a bit but if it did she isn't showing it. Great self control, I admire that.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Depending on the case globally I suppose.
II: But more often than not I stay in my hometown, beloved Palermo, Italy where I take a particular interest in mafia activity.
II: But i'm sure you have no interest in that right Alice?
qA: i didn't even know there was still a mafia in Italy.
qA: But really, this whole global P.I. schtick is pretty cool. It suits you.
qA: But i'm surprised that your agency let's you talk about it to internet "strangers".




Not really good with the whole 'faking ignorance' thing though. She could use a few pointers. Perhaps Peter can instruct her in the arts of the stooge?


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The illusion that the mafia is a thing of the past is what they use to thrive. Of course no one but Italians seems to be aware of the fact that criminal activities from the mafia comprise 10% of our gdp, and because of that fact few are willing to pursue them quite like I do.
II: Agencies, agencies tie you down in nonsensical red tape, that's why i'm self employed.
II: Makes the job easier that way, I choose what to do, when to do, and how to do it. I'm my own man.
qA: I question your use of the term "mafia". 
qA: Can't tell if you mean all Italian-run crime syndicates or like, a few particular ones.
qA: Also, it doesn't counts as a detective if they're "self-employed"
qA: I thinks it's called "vigilante", but i could be mistaken.




God, why does everyone think i'm batman? Jesus Christ people act like private eyes don't exist anymore. And yes this is a sore spot with me, assholes think they are clever making witty jokes about me protecting gotham or something stupid. I don't wear a freaking mask and leather spandex, just a fedora, oddly shaped glasses and a trench coat what's so fucking wrong with that? Is it a crime to have a signature yet stylish look as I do my job?  Anger.... must compose myself. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You would be.
II: I run a clean operation, my clients contact me and I help them out.
II: Of course I have my own extra curricular activities but to call it vigilante work would be semantics at best.
qA: Vigilantes can be clean too.
qA: Batman ran a pretty legit operation.
qA: But Bruce Wayne would probably get arrested if people knew he went around punching people at night.
qA: That's why he can spend up to four pages brooding about how he's no better than them or something.
qA: And i'm sure you're actions are all timely and efficient as a centerfuge of justice, but to call it "detective work" is obfuscation at best.
qA: Personally, i think you're selling yourself short.




I'M NOT FUCKING BATMAN. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You are assuming too much.
II: I don't go out and beat up EVERY two bit loser that falls under my watch.
II: Often it is as simple as an anonymous source giving a vast information dump to a trusted contact.
II: When it does get more personal I simply act out in self defense or place the opposing party under a citizen's arrest after they have been restrained. It is the fine gray area in which I reside.
qA: i don't care if you're handing out politely-worded subpenas or whatever.
qA: You're not a "detective" without a badge.
qA: or at least a liscence. i not privvy to the finer detail of the legalwork.
II: I never claimed to have a badge.
II: But I am a certified private detective recgonized officially by the government of italy.
II: A regular old pinkerton, they are still a thing that exists in this modern era.
qA: i refuse to belive you can be something called a "certified pinkerton"
qA: Nothing you can ever show me will convince me otherwise.
qA: But you seem legit enough for your own tastes, so i won't bother you about it anymore.




Private eyes do exist. I cannot stress that enough. We are not mythical creatures only seen in grainy 8 millimeter footage out in the american wilderness. We are officially licensed and follow standard protocol. And why does everyone mock the work 'pinkerton'? It's a perfectly acceptable word. Those private eyes had class back in the day, the good old days...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: *sigh*
II: A pinkerton is what they used to call private eyes back in the day. It's not like I list 'pinkerton' on my resume.
qA: So you say.
qA: Anyway, it would appear that we each learned what we wanted to.
qA: Anything else?
II: I have met my quota for circular conversation at the moment.
II: If you have nothing else we can agree to part for the moment and reconvene later to get this game in motion.




I need some aspirin... and some wine. Lots and lots of wine.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Nah, i'm good.
qA: Oh, wait.
qA: Do they have Mountain Dew in Italy?
II: Yes.
II: But it just isn't the same. 
II: Farewell for the moment then. This was quite a stirring conversation.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering quantitiveArbitor [qA]--


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: wait i wasn't-
qA: okay nevermind




That really is a good question no that you think about it, why DOESN'T Mountain Dew taste the same in Europe as it does in America? I mean what's the whole point of labeling it 'Mountain Dew' if you are going to change the flavor for the international market? It just misleads and defrauds homesick americans and fine soda connoisseurs. Er... not that I even LIKE such swill in the first place. Mountain Dew is the nectar of the stupid american 'bro' and I would never be associated with it whatsoever and anyone who claims otherwise is a liar.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 18, 2012)

Now that that conversation is done, James can now-wait what, he has ANOTHER thing to say!?  James gritted his teeth and opened up his Pesterchum, struggling to refrain himself from just punching a hole in the computer screen.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--

II: Oh, before I forget:
--IllustriousInquisitor uploaded 'playerlist.txt.' and sent it to strifeLord--

II: That is a list of the other players who will be participating with us
II: I know these words will be wasted on a brutish oaf such as yourself, but I'll still make the effort to say that you at least approach them with something resembling a normal conversation
II: These are people who will be working with us for a very, very long time, whether we like it or not, so do try to be at least a quarter-way civil with them

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--




Oh, well that was actually useful, despite II's usual jackassery.  He might as well give this a shot.  James picks a name out of random, someone called wanderingWriter.  Diving into the cesspool that is social activity is going to be a necessary evil, but James is nothing if not a risk-taker. 

And in he goes...



> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> 
> 
> ...



From this point on, James vows to study the art of stabbing someone through the internet.  It is an art sought by many, but achieved by none.  Perhaps he will be the first to unlock its secrets.  Or at least he hopes.  For now though, he might as well take a look at his new toy.

Judging from the few test swings he took, this weapon is suited for two-handed usage.  Fairly heavy, but manageable.  What kind of idiot designs a weapon like this though?  James liked his weapons to look imposing, but nothing too oversized or ornate.  While he could appreciate the somewhat macabre fleshy-looking designs, James preferred his weapons to be a bit more simple looking.  He can put the flesh on it himself if he wanted to, for fuck's sake!  Alas, he'll have to make do here, since it's doubtful he can find a more effective blade weapon at the moment, especially with meteors coming down.


----------



## zenieth (Mar 24, 2012)

Man these new cars are waaaaay to tech based, feels like they've got no soul, but what can you do. The guy pays well and a bit of flirting gets you a nice extra $200 in the pocket easy. Still running diagonostics off a laptop just doesn't suit your style. You'd rather be under the hood with a face covered in crude oil, but alas what can you do?


Well other than completely slack off like you usually do, and will you look at that, somebody's managing to message you, astonshing and the perfect way to say screw you to time.


--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering panedclysmicClutch [pC]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hello Ashley. 
II: How are you?
pC: who's...this...again...?
II: You probably don't remember me too clearly, we've only met sparingly after all.
II: But I'm a friend. 
II: Julius Marcello Corbett here and wondering if you would humor me a bit.
pC OH...you're...that...ritzy...italian...guy...right...?
II: I didn't know I made that much of an impression on people. I usually don't try to.
II: But yes I'm the ritzy italian guy.




She vaguely remembers him, well not so much him as the cars he brought in, they were beauts, every last one, and they all reeked of old money though it wasn't her business to pry on how a kid younger than her productive ass managed to get vintage models like those, especially imports. What could he want?


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: sup...need...a...new...tune...up...or...something...maybe...a...recommendation...for...fancy...old...cars...?
II: Nah, I've got enough old timey cars stashed around to last me a long time. I'm here for matters of a more... personal sort.
pC: we...haven't...known...each...other...long...enough...for...a...date...fabio.
II: That's cute.
II: I'm not here for a long shot at procreation, I just have a few simple questions for you.
pC: are...you...like...one...of...those...mafiosos...or...something
pC:..that'd...be...pretty...cool.
pC:I...could...totally...date...a...mafioso
pC:take...me...racing...in...venice...or...rome
II: God no, please try to understand that I'm not hitting on you.
II: And I'm not a mafioso, I put mafiosos in jail where they belong.
pC: I'm...just...joking...man...I...know.
pC:You're...way...to...straightlaced...for...that...junk
pC: Can't...a...girl...tease...a...bit
II: I'm not particularly fond of teases.
II: Though that is beside the point. The point being what I would like us to focus our attention on for the remainder of this conversation.
II: Can we agree that the point is currently the hottest thing in town and that we all want to be there in our fanciest dresswear?
pC: okay...weird...expression...much
pC:but...sure...get...to..the...point...only...so...long...before...my...boss...decides...to...kick...my...ass...for...not...doing...work




Wow, totally forgot how unbelievably ass with stick in it he sounded. He talked like he was as old as the cars he drove and for the most part it just left her feeling dull by association. But he had her intrigued, even if over her shoulder she could see her boss gazing ever so "beat you like you didn't earn me no welfare cheque"ly at her while she did exactly what would provoke such actions.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Your bosses' mood is not of my concern nor should it be of yours.
II: But sure. 
II: Tell me, do you like games?
pCf...the...video...kind...?
II: Why is that the only kind kids these days think about?
II: I quite like the old fashioned games myself. 
II: Perhaps a little too much it can be a bit of a problem sometimes but I always know when to fold em.
II: Okay... sorry getting a little off the base here. Yes.
II: I'm talking of the video kind in this scenario.
pCt...a...lot...mainly...gran...turismo
pC:usually...when...I...do...something...for...excitement...its...on...the...road
II: That's wonderful. 
II: Nothing like life on the open road I suppose.
II: But I need you to put that on hold for the moment while I propose my next question.
II: Would you like to play a game with me?
II: Not just me I guess, me and several of my closest friends... if you want to call them that.
pC:Is...this...like...one...of...those...mmo...beta...things...?
pC...offense...but..those...games...are...dull...as...shit




Kinda like you Mr. no humor italian police mafia assstick man...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: This game will be anything but dull I can assure you that.
II: What's wrong with a little jolly cooperation between a few friends and others?
II: You will have fun.
pC:well...i...don't...really...got...much...else...to...do
pC:tell...me...more...sam...spade
II: Well in this game there are no limiters. You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
II: But you will still need to cooperate with me and the others to facilitate your own well being.
II: Don't worry though I am excellent at arranging things, if you wish to play I have already sent a copy of the game to you through the lovely postal service.
pC: that's...still...a...thing...that...exists...?
pC:holy...shit...I...thought...mail...was...a...myth
II: It is still very much alive contrary to popular opinion. 
II: Of course I could of just gave you a link to a digital download but i'm a tradionalist what can I say.
pC:nah...I...can...figure...it...out...I..suppose...no...harder...than...a...V6




It'd be an adventure, something that would be a nice change of pace from lying around the house 24/7. EXCITING! But still you're rather skeptical of the invitation and the ambiguous nature of the game's description. Was it a simulator or some junk?


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The circle thing goes in the opening slot just so you know.
II: I take it you will play then?
pC:here's...my...take...fancy...italian...rizty...guy...asks...you...to...play...game
pC:you...know...his...car...inside...and...out...and...you...can...tell...a...person...by...their...vehicle
pC:you're...as...straightlaced...as...they...come...though...you...could...loosen..up...on...that...stick...up...your...ass,...but...not...my...place...to...say
pC:if...the...game..sucks...I..quit...no...love...lost
pC:unless...you've...got...something...for...me...italian...stallion...
II: Well I've got an uncomfortable shrug and a sigh of relief if that's enough.
II: You know it's not nice to judge based on a shallow perception.
II: But eh perhaps I will surprise you over the course of this game, I'm quite good at surprising people.
pC:I...don't...take...the...words...of...cars...lightly
pC:it's...far...from...shallow...but...I've...not...met...you...in...a...long...time...so..maybe...you...and...your...car's...perception...of...you...has...changed
II: Much like a good car my personal character is sturdy and quite adaptable.
II: I am nothing if not pragmatic.
II: So tell me how long will you need to get your affairs in order? 
II: We can begin immediately after if you so desire.
pC:About..an...hour...or...two,...when...my...job...has...finally...slowed...down...and...there's...no...fear...of...stepchild...like...beating...from...my...boss.




Luckily you weren't lying, your bosses soaps had come on and the half assed spec checking you were doing was 80% complete, it was unbelievably easy how well things were going and without a boot applied to your ass at that.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Very well we will begin then.
II: You will find a copy of the game in your mailbox at your current residence.
II: Alongside a wonderful boquet and a variety of chocolates.
II:... Those last two were a joke just so you know. See I can be funny and off the wall when I so choose.
II: Just another Joker card in my poker deck. I'm an endless wellspring of surprises.
pC:dude...seriously...stick...out...of...ass



--panedclysmicClutch [pC] ceased being pestered by IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

You hope that the other players aren't as much a barrel of laughs as chuckles. You might actually hit boredom event horizon just by sheer proximity of them all.


----------



## Crossbow (Mar 29, 2012)

*>Alice: STRIFE!*















*>AGGRESS*

Alice has no weapon!


*>Launch something from sylladex*





A direct hit!


*>ABJURE*

Alice readies for a counter-attack and narrowly dodges a handle-first duster projectile, which sticks half an inch in the metal fridge door.

Shit, she must be serious about this remote.


*>ASSAIL *

She grabs the makeshift supermagnet and charges headlong at Gladys! 

This is it! All or nothing! Give me liberty or-

(gif of slipping on ice cream spill)

SHIT SHIT SHIT

She slams back-first into the caramel confection, dropping the device on the fuel-core end. Her pride is starkly lowered.

The impact on the core activates some mechanism and has the blender blades unleash a short burst magnetic rays at Gladys, causing her to spasm electonically on the floor.

VICTORY ENOUGH.


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 29, 2012)

*Sign of the Beast: Part 1*

==> Sometime later...

Valen's phone buzzed and he reflexively flicked it open to see what was up. Oh, well this was interesting. Someone that his contact list didn't recognize was pestering him. Very interesting. Also slightly worrisome. This was his personal account, not his business one. Ah well. He set down his clipboard next to the cases of rum and carefully climbed the ladder to the basement and then proceeded up to his room. 

Someone by the handle of "strifeLord" was the party trying to get in contact with him...hmm.

*-- strifeLord [sL] began pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --*

*Spoiler*: __ 



*
sL: Alright asshole, what's your stake in this game
sL: Why am I even fucking doing this, I hate you all and I haven't even started talking to everyone yet
*




Well, that's certainly a way to introduce yourself...


*Spoiler*: __ 



*
mD: Whoa
mD: Hold the phone
mD: Who exactly are you?
mD: And how did you get my handle?
sL: You don't know?
sL: He hasn't sent you the list of people playing this shit?
sL: That useless sack of shit
mD: Who?
mD: And you still haven't answered my question.
mD: >=/
sL: You are one of the players, right?
sL: You know, playing this game to escape the meteors coming down on our heads
sL: Or am I just wasting my fucking time here
sL: Goddamnit, I could be out there ripping and tearing apart people instead of doing this*




Ah. That helps clear things up. Using your keen powers of deduction, you decide that there is a good chance that II wasn't joking about having a rather violent "friend". That clears up how he got your handle, but why is he contacting you...


*Spoiler*: __ 



*mD: Ah, I see
mD: I will hazard a guess and say that you are potentially II's...how did he put it?
mD: "homicidal gore fiend"
mD: I believe is how he described you.
mD: Seems like he wanted to invite you to play after all, despite his seeming ironic sounding thoughts...
mD: Hmm.*




You hadn't exactly been serious when you told II that he should invite this person. It was of course, just like II to take something sarcastic and intentionally take it literally. That bastard.


*Spoiler*: __ 



*
sL: Congratulations on figuring that out!
sL: Your prize is a slightly less painful death than the others
sL: And yes, II did invite me to play, despite his bitching and moaning about it
mD: The playing or inviting you? 
sL: Both*




Good to know that your intuition didn't mislead you.


*Spoiler*: __ 



* sL: Now answer my question, what's your stake in this
sL: Aside from not having a flaming rock drop on your head
mD: Well that is a pretty large part of it, I'll admit.
mD:  But a secondary goal is to piss the fuck off of a certain person who is  also planning on playing the game and who is shall we say, a bit of a  rival to me.
mD: Also by piss the fuck off, I mean trounce her soundly and thoroughly.
sL: And who is this person exactly?
mD: One who goes by the alias of quantitativeArbitor
sL: Another of the players in this game
sL: Any more info?
sL: I like to know about the people I'll eventually murder
mD: She considers herself a criminal mastermind
mD: I consider her a petty thief who is only concerned with getting money.
mD: Well and good in its own right, mind you.
mD: But there is so much more to crime than just taking.
mD: It's an art really.
mD: Of which I consider myself a connoisseur.*




It's true, you do. You also consider yourself better than Alice. But that's just natural with rivalry in this business.


*Spoiler*: __ 



*sL: Taking is all there is to it
sL: Mankind likes to take and take
sL: Like myself, I take lives because it's fucking fun
sL: Crime, law, that shit doesn't matter
sL: There's only chaos and death
sL: Humans are murderous animals at heart but people refuse to see
sL: And as a result, they live unfulfilled and coddled by the falsity that is civilization, never embracing the chaos within
sL: In short, murdering people is fucking fun and pushing the world into disorder is the best thing I can ever do
mD: Well, you certainly live up to title given you by II, that's for sure.
mD: You were almost sounding deep there, sL.
mD: Almost.
mD: You do have certain points that I...vaguely agree with, however. 
mD: Though my style of crime tends to be more taking without notifying.
mD: Using guile and wit rather than brute force.
mD: Though I do concede the effectiveness of such tactics.
sL: I could debate this shit further, but I'll have to ask more about this qA person
sL: You said she thinks she's a "criminal mastermind"
sL: Any chance she's a part of some mafia ring bullshit?
sL: Those assholes were after me a few weeks ago ever since I killed some of their guys
mD: Hmm, I don't recall her mentioning being part of an organization per say.
mD: I know that she is helped in part by her brother, but aside from that, I can't really say.
sL:  Well, from what little I pick up from news reports, they usually attach  the label of "criminal mastermind" to various mafia members
sL: It's all a crock of shit anyhow, no amount of masterminding can stop me from blading you in the gut
sL: The only question is how long it takes for that to happen
mD: I'm hoping that the time for that is rather far off for me...
sL:  You appear to be more reasonable about my little world view than most,  even though you still pussyfoot around it, so I think you might live a  bit longer than the others
sL: You'll be a witness to the world as I see it
mD: Mmm
mD: Not sure to be heartened or worried.
mD: I'll settle for a mixture of the two.
sL: I have that effect on people
sL: Now, are II and qA the only players you know?
mD: Well, seeing as how I don't have the list of people playing, I could hardly know, could I?
mD:  I mean, I do know a few people who were planning on playing the game,  but I have no idea if they're playing in this little grouping we seem to  have.
sL: Give me a moment
*


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 29, 2012)

*Sign of the Beast: Part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--strifeLord uploaded 'playerlist.txt.' and sent it to melodiousDiscord-- 

sL: A list of all the other shitheads playing
sL: Have fun
mD: Hmm, let's see here.
mD: I know A$, and have spoken to wW occasionally.
mD: Aside from that, I have no idea about the rest.
sL: I spoke to wW and I'm pretty sure I hate the bastard
sL: Who the fuck is A$ though?
mD: A faux urban kid with shitty taste in music for the most part, but still a pretty okay guy.
mD: By my estimation at least.
sL: I'm pretty sure I'll hate him too
mD: Is there anyone you don't hate?
sL: Me
sL: Does that count
mD: I...
mD: Think so?
mD: At any rate, you don't fully support friend II it seems.
mD: The guy rides his high horse for way too long.*



This could be an opportunity. For all his bloodlust, this person seemed intelligent, and to not particularly be in cahoots with II. Something that was decently important. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



*sL: I hate that bastard most of all, and I'm sure he feels the same about me
sL: Either of us would love nothing more than to kill the other
sL: Unfortunately, I still need him alive and he still needs me living as well
sL: This is the most horrendous situation I've ever been in
mD: I see.
mD: Well then, I don't suppose that you would be willing to relay parts of what II tells you back to me.
mD: Just a simple copying of the log and then a file transfer works wonders.
mD: As I told II when he told me that his help would not be without price, I don't expect help for free.
mD: That's simply not how the world works.
mD: So if you feel like sending those logs to me, what would you like in return?
mD: And please don't be overly morbid and say lambs to slaughter or something like that....
sL: I only have his recent log with me here, but it'll do


--strifeLord uploaded 'logwithcuntrag1.txt' and sent it to melodiousDiscord--


mD: I'll look it over later, my thanks.
sL: Now about what I'd like in return...
mD: Yes?
sL: You'll give me logs of everyone you talk to and tell me additional information about them
sL: I'll be stuck with these little shits for a long time and I'd like to know what I'm dealing with
sL: I really would just love to eviscerate them and be done with it, but that will probably bite me in the ass in the long run
sL: Cleaving them apart will probably have to wait until this entire thing is over
sL: Oh, and if we ever do meet face to face and it's not yet time to kill you where you stand, try to have a quality blade weapon with you and donate it to a needy person such as myself
sL: I already have one, but the design isn't to my tastes
mD: I'll see if I can bring a selection from my pseudo-armory with me on this venture.
mD: Though I will confess that a decent amount of my weaponry is guns.
mD: Fear not, I have a selection of...acquired...blades hidden away as well.
mD: Any preference on the styles?
mD: Katana, two-handed sword, simple yet servicable straight sword, ect.?
mD: As to the logs...sure.*



With a little editing or adding of facts here and there. There is a time and place for honesty, this was not it.
*
*
*Spoiler*: __ 



*mD: Here, since you seem interested in qA you can peruse this recent one with her.

-- melodiousDiscord uploaded 'chatwithquantativeAsshat1.txt' and sent it to strifeLord --

sL: This is going to be fun to look through
sL: As for the style, a claymore sword would be nice
sL: Or maybe one of those german zweihander things I've seen on TV when I was a kid
sL: I've always wanted one of those
mD: Hmm, I'll see about procuring one.
mD: Life is short, so make it as long as you can. That's what I say.
mD: In this case, by trusting a sword to dangerous homicidal person who I just met.*



Hmm....


*Spoiler*: __ 



*mD: Somehow that sounds far worse when I type it out.
mD: No matter.
mD: I don't think honor or such concepts matter to you, but usefulness and not-annoying-ness do.
mD: Hopefully I've succeeded in both those.
sL: You have more than most, I'll give you that
mD: Glad to hear.
sL: I suppose this little talk is over for now
mD: Unless you can think of something else, yes.
sL: Well then, I guess I'm out
*




*-- strifeLord [sL] has ceased pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --

*Well. That was....interesting. A tenuous alliance at best, but a step in the right direction. 

You hope at least.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 31, 2012)

Well, that little discussion with mD didn't go so bad, at least compared to certain others.  There was some decent exchange of information and he might be useful in the long run since he doesn't seem too fond of II as well.  When this entire game comes to an end, James will make sure to give mD a quick and painless death.  After all, it's the least he could do for someone who isn't a complete shithead.

And what's this now?  Another one?  He might as well dive in again since he needs to know as much as he can about these bastards.  Sometimes, you just have to know your prey.  


*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--
qA: Um.
qA: Hello there
sL: Who the fuck are you
sL: Wait no, I just remembered who you are
sL: Talking to you assholes takes a lot out of me
sL: I'm assuming II gave you the list of players as well, right
sL: Or was he a useless shithead again and didn't give it to you
qA: No, he gave it to me.
qA: Hence how i found my way to you and your sparkling personality.
qA: Anyway, you seem to know quite a bit about this game.
qA: Or at least the people who are going to play it.
qA: So i hope you can tell me about who is server to who.
sL: I only know the names of the people playing, nothing about some server bullfuckery
sL: Maybe you'll have to ask that cunt II about it, I particularly don't give a shit
sL: Now it's my turn for some questions
sL: Who exactly have you talked to aside from II and obviously myself
qA: That is a much more personal question than mine.
qA: Anyway, just A$ and mD as of right now.
qA: Maybe i've actually talked to the other before without knowing it.
qA: Like, way in the past.
qA: Why do you want to know, praytell?
sL: Because I'm saddled with you jackasses for the majority of this game and I might as well know something about the people I'll eventually disembowel after they stop being useful
qA: Oh.
qA: That's pretty similar to what i'm try to here, albeit with disemboweling being a fairly benign plausibility.
qA: Have you considered using that player list of yours and learning about them by talking to them?
qA: Or are you too busy or something
sL: But I already have
sL: Already started with some asshole called wanderingWriter or whoever
qA: Well you hardly need to know who i've talked to, then.
sL: Oh but I do, since there's the chance that you might know something about these people that I wouldn't even if I did bother talking to them
qA: Hmm.
qA: Well, A$ is a pretty chill person, but he hates free-form jazz.
qA: Like, a lot.
qA: One time he had a literal aneurysm because he wandered into a cafe.
qA: And i don't know that much about mD tbh.
qA: He steals things and is really proud of it, and i think he has a sister.
qA: Also, his real name is Valen, apparently.
sL: That's a fucking stupid name
qA: i know, right?
sL: Now time to tell me about yourself
sL: II told me in one of our discussions that you consider yourself to be a criminal mastermind
sL: Any reason why that would be
qA: Well, from what i hear, he's some kind of certified pinkerton, so he's probably been recording my exploits
qA: He may consider me a criminal mastermind
qA: Which is flattering
qA: But i wouldn't say that about myself
sL: What exploits would those be
sL: Consider me curious
qA: Oh, a few robberies, a couple of breaking-and-enterings
qA: Mostly trivial stuff
qA: i havn't even killed anyone unless it was necessary
qA: Or very convenient, anyway
qA: i'll tell you who's a real criminal master mind: my brother
qA: Oh man, he has a huge company that has several lesser companies in its tendrils
qA: And that company is just a front for a global crime syndicate that has some of the greatest vault-crackers, wetworks, pickpockets, and accountants that anyone could find.
qA: He's pretty cool.
qA: Oh, i also do some pickpocketing sometimes, i forgot that earlier
sL: I'm guessing your brother has some heavily armed goons at his disposal as well
sL: Because I think I killed some of them
sL: And if I had the chance to do it all over again, I totally would
qA: Impressive!
qA: Where was this, exactly?
qA: Also, why?
sL: Some typical dark alleyway, doesn't really matter, all that matters is I killed them
sL: As for why, I did it for fun
sL: All the reason I'll ever need
sL: Other people got pissed at this, typically, and tried to corner me
sL: They died too and ever since after that incident, more armed goons have been trying to off me
sL: They even got a sniper on me but as you can see, I'm still alive and they're not
qA: Okay, not to undermine your poetic explanation, but i meant "where" as in, like, New York or Chicago.
sL: New York
qA: Can you remember the borough?
sL: Pretty sure it was Brooklyn
sL: Why is this important, exactly
qA: Well, my brother tries to keep his buttonmen out of most of New York, so as not to draw attention towards his legitimate business headquarters.
qA: If it was in Brooklyn, it was probably the Dateaux Family.
qA: The French Mafia's been growing in that district.
qA: They have lousy snipers anyway, i have no idea why they even bother.
qA: But i'll see if i can't get my brother to get them off your tail.
sL: Normally I'd refuse the offer and welcome the challenge of hordes of goons, but right now, I can't risk anything because of these damn meteors
sL: So do what you have to do
qA: Oh it's simple really. i get the word to my brother and he deploys a few slick-tounged diplomats into the boss's headquarters
qA: Coupled with a few covert but meaningful assassinations and maybe a radio ad, and the curly-stached bastards will be keeping away from you as much as possible within a couple dozen minutes after i tell my brother about it.
qA: Also, what meteors?
sL: What do you mean "what meteors"
sL: Haven't you been hearing about the fucking impacts some of them already made
sL: Or are you fucking blind and deaf
qA: i've heard talk of meteors on the news and such, but no predictions for impacts in New York
qA: This is pretty upsetting to hear.
sL: The screaming and burning is music to my ears, but I'm not planning to be one of those people out there
sL: And with that said, how much do you know about this game we're all supposed to play
sL: For starters, will it actually help me escape this
qA: Um...
qA: Do you mean, like, metaphorically?
qA: Like "escape into a good book"?
sL: I mean literally, jackass
sL: What fucking good would this game be if we get bombarded before we even actually play it
sL: The question is, will it actually work
qA: Okay, i'm not sure i'm following.
qA: This game will literally protect you from the meteors
qA: And by hypothetical extension, me.
qA: May i ask how?
sL: I don't know, but apparently it's supposed to whisk us away to some other place where we don't die of falling rocks
sL: Sounds like complete bullshit, but I don't have much of a choice but to trust in this
sL: I need at least some confirmation
qA: That sure is a thing you heard, i guess.
qA: i shouldn't stress over it, though.
qA: Anyway, i've yet to learn much anything about you.
qA: Care to indulge me?
sL: I like to kill people, obviously
sL: I burned down my own house when I was 13 simply because my family was boring as hell
sL: Though there's a chance my brother is still alive and if he is, I'll just have to hunt him down sometime if the meteors don't get him
qA: Cool, cool.
qA: You seem to be one of the nicer people i've met today.
sL: Once you get past all the stab wounds and the bleeding and the innards dropping out, I really am quite a nice guy
sL: In fact, I'm so nice that I'm willing to give quick and painless deaths to people who annoy me the least
qA: Geez, you are something else
qA: i can't wait to start playing this game with you.
qA: Whether or not it whisks us anywhere.
sL: I can't wait to play either
sL: I just want to get the fuck out of here and enter a place where I'm free to sow chaos and death as much as I please
sL: That is, if this shit actually works
sL: I do wonder though what kind of things I get to kill if this game works in any way it's supposed to
qA: Wow, you sure know a lot about this game.
qA: And you sound excited about it, in your own misanthropic way.
qA: Anyway, i should go soon.
qA: Get those French mobsters off your trail and whatnot.
sL: You go do that
sL: Meanwhile, might as well explore the room of the kid I killed
sL: Didn't have a house of my own, so I decided to jack someone else's
sL: I'm sure you can appreciate the art of breaking and entering
qA: That i do, i guess!
qA: My opinion of you rises with each passing minute.
qA: Better leave now before i overwhelm myself.
--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 31, 2012)

So that's the rival of mD?  Doesn't seem to amount to much.  Her sarcasm is also on the irritating side, but she did at least took care of those goons.  Another one who could be potentially useful.  mD's real name being Valen is also somewhat useful information, if only to laugh at how stupid it is.  And as for the kid's room, James took a look around and searched through one of his desks.  He found a manual with the Sburb logo on it, and proceeded to open it up for some educational reading.

Knowledge is power, especially when meteors are about to come down on your head.


----------



## Platinum (Mar 31, 2012)

Most of my teammates.... are kind of awful not gonna lie. At least most of the ones I have established contact with. Though admittedly it seems most don't have a very high opinion of me either, not that I care. They don't need to like me, just respect me. We aren't going to be hanging out like 'bros' and sharing our feelings and emotions any time soon. 

Well things have progress according to plan, it's time we actually begin this little game of ours. I just hope Jo won't be too mad at me when I have to break the bad news...

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering machinaExalted [mE]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Things are going rather swimmingly ME, I have intiated contact with most of our party and have finally gotten rid of Rachel and all the... emotional baggage that comes with her.
II: I believe we are ready to proceed to the second stage of this operation.
ME: STATEMENT: AND THAT WOULD BE THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF PLAYING THIS GAME. 
ME: RELIEF: FINALLY. I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER WHETHER WE WILL BE PLAYING THIS GAME AT ALL.
II: I am not one to disregard formalities in order to expedite a process as you already know.
II: But yes, it is time to begin playing the actual game. Time has suddenly become a precious commodity.
ME: QUERY: YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE METEOR STORM, CORRECT?
ME: STATEMENT: THE UTTERLY RANDOM, IMPLAUSIBLE METEOR STORM.
II: No I am referring to the slight humidity of the afternoon which threatens to mess up my hair, of course I mean the meteor storm.
II: But you don't need to be worried about it. The meteor storm simply signals that it is time to begin this game.
II: One will not be on a collision course for you until some time. Unfortunately that time is shorter than the time I or most of the others have.
ME: STATEMENT: HOW SURPRISING. DID YOUR FRIEND TELL YOU THIS AS WELL? 
ME: QUERY: THAT LARGE PIECES OF EXOLITHIC MATERIAL HURTLING AT THOUSANDS OF MILES AN HOUR THAT MATERIALIZED FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WILL PREFER TO STRIKE ME DOWN FIRST?
ME: SCOFF: BAH. WHAT FOOLISHNESS.
II: Of course I knew of the big rock party that is raining down on us. 
II: Even I would be slightly disconcerted about this development otherwise.
II: And yeah the rocks desire to make your acquaintance first.
II: How lucky are you?
ME: SCOFF: SPARE ME THE SNARKIER-THAN-THOU ACT, IT IS INSUFFERABLE.
ME: STATEMENT: VERY WELL THEN. PRESUMING THAT I BELIEVE YOU, AND THAT A METEOR IS DESCENDING TOWARDS MY HOME, THEN WOULD IT NOT MAKE SENSE THAT I BEGIN EVACUATION RATHER THAN PLAY A STUPID GAME?
II: Oh come on now.
II: Are you honestly telling me your skepticism can withstand a high speed impact with a meteor? 
II: If so can I order some body armor made out of your skepticism? I want to be both ignorant and protected from everything that comes my way.
II: Can't you just trust me? 
II: I didn't tell you about the whole meteor thing cause I didn't want you to panic. Guess what? You are kind of panicking. 
ME: OUTRAGE: PANICKING? PANICKING? I ASSURE YOU THAT I DO NOT PANIC. PANIC IS FOR WEAK-MINDED FOOLS. 
ME: FACT: I AM MERELY LOGICALLY AWARE OF THE FACT THAT LARGE METEORS ARE RAINING ALL OVER THE PLANET, SOME LARGE ENOUGH AND CLOSE ENOUGH TO MY HOME THAT EVEN WITH MY PALTRY ASTRONOMY GEAR CAN SEE THEM.
ME: FURTHER OUTRAGE: I DO NOT PANIC. 
II: Your switch is stuck firmly in 'flight' mode.
II: In other words.
II: You are panicking.
II: What an oddly human emotion coming from the stalwart and cold thinking ME. 
II: It's okay to admit you are scared you know. I won't judge nor will I care.
ME: STATEMENT: THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER. AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE I DO NOT PANIC. 
ME: CLARIFICATION: SUCH ACTIONS ARE BENEATH ME.  
ME: QUERY: NOW THEN, IF YOU ARE DONE MAKING SUCH FOOLISH ACCUSATIONS, PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL ME WHY YOU CONTACTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?
II: So we can begin this game and so I can save your life?
II: Both of those things seem like something that you should be totally down for.
II: I certainly don't feel like picking up pieces of you out of a hole in the ground and stitching you back together.
ME: STATEMENT: UGH. YOU CONTINUE WITH THIS PRATTLE OF MAGIC VIDEO GAMES AND PORTALS TO OTHER WORLDS.
ME: ORDER: BRING ME PROOF THAT SBURB CAN SAVE US. IT IS FOOLISH OF YOU TO PRESUME THAT I WOULD TRUST YOUR WORD ON THIS. 
II: You are incapable of trusting the words of a friend?
ME: ORDER: BRING ME PROOF, JULIUS. PROOF.
II: Have I ever lied to you before? You know I don't the whole lying thing.
ME: STATEMENT: I DO NOT ABIDE WITH DOING THINGS SIMPLY OUT OF BLIND FAITH. SUCH ACTS ARE ILLOGICAL.
II: Okay here are some facts to help get your logical gears oiled up a bit.
II: 1. I am not a fool, nor would I tell you something if I didn't believe it myself.
II: 2. We are friends. Friends are supposed to trust each other, that's kind of the whole point of being friends.
II: 3. I hate just about everyone else that is going to play this game with us. I really do hate them all so so much.
II: 4. You cannot outrun this meteor, and you know it. Especially with more even larger and rockier meteors on the way.
II: 5. Thus this game is your only option of survival. 
II: And 6. I cannot provide proof of this game to you because you are the first one in. You just need to trust me on this.
ME: QUERY: IF I ATTEMPT TO PLAY THIS GAME, EVEN AT THE RISK OF DEATH BY METEOR BOMBARDMENT, WILL YOU AT LEAST CEASE TO BE INSUFFERABLE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR INSANE RAVINGS?
ME: STATEMENT: THE ISLAND HAS A BUNKER BUILT IN DEEP ENOUGH THAT IT SHOULD SURVIVE THE METEOR STORM, IN CASE YOUR RIDICULOUS RAVINGS TURNS OUT TO BE JUST THAT.
II: Okay then, at least you are finally opening up to the subject again.
II: As for your request I must turn it down unfortunately, I cannot change my primary programming so readily. 
II: Would you like to know the name of the lucky contestant who's life you will be saving this afternoon?
ME: IRRITATION: ON WITH IT. NO MORE GAMES.
II: Oh come on who does't like games?
II: Well I guess it's not all that important since you are the first in after all. We can save that for a future log.
II: Instead would you like to know who will be the one saving your life on this slightly humid and burning day?
ME: FURTHER IRRITATION: WHY YES, YES I WOULD. I WOULD ALSO ENJOY HAVING THIS PERSON OVER FOR A CUP OF EXPRESSO AND MOONCAKES, FOLLOWED BY A LOVELY EVENING OF SOOTHING TECHNO MUSIC. PERHAPS I CAN SQUEEZE YOU IN FOR AN IMPROMPTU JAZZ SESSION IN BETWEEN THE UKELELE RECITAL AND THE MANDATORY FLOWER SNIFFING WHILE WE'RE AT IT?
II: Sounds pretty romantic. I would be honered to be the one who serenades you two, and I'll only charge half my usual fee for playing at parties. 
II: Now before I tell you who this mysterious Romeo behind door number one is, I have to give a pretty hefty disclaimer.
II: I stress that you remember that I myself have no control over the particular order in which we go nor would I want to.  
II: Also I will not be liable for any mental trauma, stabbings or murders that ensue over the course of your entry. 
ME: DREAD: IT'S SL, ISN'T IT?
II:...
ME: OUTRAGE: DON'T GIVE ME THAT ELLIPSIS YOU WORM.
II: Again I would like to extress my condolences. Someone has to have him though, and it just so happened to be you.
II: I hope you will enjoy your trip on the S.S. Sburb, if you have any complaints about your voyage please take them up with the captain after we have arrived at our destination.
ME: OUTRAGE: ALL OF MY HATE, JULIUS. ALL OF IT. 
II: Maybe it won't be ALL that bad? 
ME: QUERY: YOU SERIOUSLY THINK SO? REALLY!?
ME: FURTHER OUTRAGE: A PSYCHOPATH SO OVER THE TOP IN HIS BRUTALITY THAT HE SIMULTANEOUSLY CANNOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND IS AN EASILY RECOGNIZABLE DANGER TO ALL IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR SO-CALLED PLAN TO SAVE ME FROM THE METEOR STORM. 
ME: QUERY: AND YOU THINK THAT IT WON'T BE THAT BAD?
II: ...
II: Well you got me there.
II: But it's not like he can outright kill you, he wants to enter too you know. At worst you will only be... slightly debilitated?
ME: STATEMENT: UGH. I DON'T WISH TO DISCUSS THIS ANY FURTHER. I WILL CONTACT THE SAVAGE SOON ENOUGH SO WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH.
II: I can understand that sentiment.
II: Just remember, you are doing it for survival. 
II: And again I would like to stress that absolutely none of this is my fault.
II: This is a very important point to stress, the most important point maybe besides the whole survival thing.
ME: STATEMENT: ENOUGH. THIS REVELATION IS EXHAUSTING. I WILL PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE INEVITABLE HEADACHE THAT IS SPEAKING WITH SL NOW.
ME: STATEMENT: YOU ARE INDEBTED TO ME FOR THIS JULIUS. 
II: ... Uh okay?
II: You are welcome for the whole continued existence thing too and all that.
II: Until next time ME.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering machinaExalted [mE]--

James is not dumb enough to kill his client.... I hope. Well again this is all not my fault at all and i'm sticking too it. Yes sir I am completely absolved of blame now and forever.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 2, 2012)

As James continues reading the manual, he gets more and more bored until he just decides to stop.  He knows the gist of it anyway and how to install it, so there's really no need to continue.  Seriously, reading it is about as exciting as trying to fit into society.  Fuck that shit.  And oh what's this, looks like another contact.  Homicidal maniacs can be so popular sometimes.


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- machinaExalted [mE] began pestering strifeLord [sL] --

ME: QUERY: YOU HAVE INSTALLED THE GAME, CORRECT?
sL: Oh hey, it's spergie again
sL: Still being as autistic as ever, I see
sL: I'm still reading the manual I found in this kid's room
sL: The kid I
sL: Wait for it
sL: Murdered
sL: Shocker, isn't it
ME: IRRITATION: YES, YES, YOU ARE A TERRIFYING HUMAN MEATBAG, BLA BLA BLA, I LIKE MURDER, YADA YADA, I GET OFF CUTTING MYSELF AND ALL THAT FOOLISHNESS. 
ME: QUERY: I ASK YOU THIS THEN. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO INSTALL IT? OR MUST I ASSIST YOU IN THIS RESPECT AS WELL?
sL: I get off on cutting others, not myself, you stupid fuckwit
sL: Shit, how can you get something so wrong
sL: And I don't need your goddamn help, I have a fucking manual like I said
sL: Tell me, what do you want
sL: I already talked to a bunch of assholes today, and I don't particularly want another extended discussion with yet another one
ME: SURPRISE: HAH. IT APPEARS WE ARE OF THE SAME HUMOUR AT THE MOMENT. THIS WILL MAKE THIS EASIER.
ME: ORDER: INSTALL THE GAME, THEN ACTIVATE THE SERVER PROGRAM.
sL: Hmmmm, this is interesting
sL: I heard about this server shit
sL: And I'm on the page where it explains this
sL: If I'm reading this right, I get to control the environment of whoever is my client
ME: STATEMENT: YES, THAT IS CORRECT YOU SWINE.
sL: ahahahaha
sL: pffhahahaha
sL: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
sL: oh god
sL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
sL: Oh man, this is more fun than a group of retards trying to cross a traffic-filled road
ME: STATEMENT: JUST GET ON WITH IT YOU IDIOT, SO I CAN PROVE TO JULIUS HOW INCORRECT HE IS, AND ONCE AGAIN SHOW HOW I AM CORRECT YET AGAIN.
sL: I have a question for you
sL: How good are you at dodging?
ME: SCOFF: A WORTHLESS QUESTION. THAT DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL. 
ME: STATEMENT: IN CASE YOUR FEEBLE BRAIN CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS, YOU MUST DROP THE LARGE OBJECTS IN THE TOOLS WINDOW INTO THE AREA BY DRAG-CLICKING THE ICONS TOWARDS WHERE YOU WISH THEM TO BE PLACED.
ME: QUERY: ARE WE AT AN UNDERSTANDING, OR MUST I CONTACT SOMEONE LESS ERUDITE AS I TO EXPLAIN SUCH SIMPLE CONCEPTS?
sL: Oh I know what I'm doing
sL: Handy little thing, this manual
sL: Now, I think I see a powertool over there
sL: I wonder how fast your reflexes are...
ME: STATEMENT: WHAT ARE YOU BLABBERING ON ABOUT, WE HAVE A GAME TO PLAY. NOW DROP THE ITEMS.
ME: SUGGESTION: OR IF YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE INTERFACE, PRACTICE BY MOVING A FEW OBJECTS IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
sL: Oh I'll do just that in 3
sL: 2
sL: 1
ME: STATEMENT: UGH, SISTER IS THROWING MY AUTOMATIC SCREWDRIVER AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD AGAIN.
ME: SWEAR: ACCURSED FLASH-STEPPING WRETCH. 
ME: STATEMENT: YOU STILL HAVE YET TO DO AS I SAY. ON WITH IT SL.
sL: Oh but I want to practice some more
sL: Say, that's a decent looking couch
sL: I wonder how it'll look flying at high speeds
sL: Heading straight for your face



* The couch at the other side of the room flies towards ME. It crashes through several objects, including ME's priceless statue of El Glorioso, protagonist of one of his/her telanovellas. Shards of granite and couch land on ME.

*Spoiler*: __ 



ME: STATEMENT: JULIUS IS CORRECT, THAT FOOL.
ME: OUTRAGE: YOU MINDLESS INGRATE! THAT STATUE WAS A PRICELESS DEPICTION OF A MAN YOU WILL NEVER BE! 
sL: Ingrate? 
sL: What exactly do I have to be grateful to you for
sL: Your boundless sperg-driven responses?
ME: OUTRAGE: SILENCE. BE THANKFUL THAT MY COMPUTERS ARE BUILT OF STRONGER STUFF THAN SIMPLE GRANITE AND THUS CANNOT BE BROKEN THAT EASILY. NOW YOU PATHETIC FILTH, ARE YOU FINISHED PLAYING THE FOOL!?
sL: Oh hey, I think I see some glass shards
sL: I wonder how you'll do with those...



* Shards of glass cut through ME's labcoat. S/he is annoyed by it and continues his/her tirade at sL

*Spoiler*: __ 



ME: FURTHER OUTRAGE: CEASE THIS FOOLISHNESS NOW OR I WILL SHOVE A MECHANICAL APENDAGE UP YOUR FUNDAMENTS IN SUCH A MANNER THAT YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS AND WILL REQUIRE THE ASSISTANCE OF AN ELDERLY LADY TO DEFECATE. 
ME: FURTHER OUTRAGE: FURTHER, YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT WILL ALSO BE DESTROYED THUS PREVENTING YOU FROM CONSUMING ANYTHING HARDER THAN CHALK.
sL: You're not exactly in a position to shove anything into another person
sL: I can't say the same about myself, however
sL: In fact, BATHTUB TO THE FACE



*A bathtub falls from the upper floor and lands on ME. S/he crawls out from underneath the bathtub, angrier than before.

*Spoiler*: __ 



ME: STATEMENT: VERY WELL, FINE YOU HAVE INJURED ME! 
ME: QUERY: ARE YOU FINISHED YOU BUFFOON?
sL: Hmmm
sL: Hmmmmmmmmm
sL: Can't say I can find any other suitable objects to practice with
sL: So I guess I'm done
sL: By the way, your reflexes are piss poor, but I'm not actually surprised by that
sL: What with you being autistic and all
ME: STATEMENT: SPEED IS WORTHLESS TO ME. I HAVE BEEN CONDITIONED BY MY SISTER TO ENDURE AND GUARD AGAINST ANYTHING THAT COULD DAMAGE ME. 
ME: STATEMENT: MY HANDS HOWEVER ARE QUITE DEXTEROUS. PERHAPS SOON I SHALL DECIDE THAT YOU ARE FIT TO SEE MY FINGERS IN ACTION.
sL: Yeah, I don't particularly give a shit
sL: Now where do I put this totem lathe thing
ME: ORDER: THE LIVING ROOM. AS IT HAPPENS SOMEONE WAS COURTEOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE ENOUGH SPACE FOR THE DEVICE.
sL: Alchemiter's gonna be on the roof, by the way
sL: Have fun with that
ME: IRRITATION: UGH. WHY MUST YOU BE SO DIFFICULT YOU VIOLENT FILTH. 
sL: Cruxtruder's gonna be in your basement
sL: Which looks like a sex dungeon for toasterfuckers
sL: Damn, that's a lot of robodolls
sL: I don't think you'll be needing those
ME: OUTRAGE: DON'T YOU DARE SL.
ME: OUTRAGE: DON'T
ME: OUTRAGE: YOU
ME: OUTRAGE: DARE
sL: Too late, off to the junkyard with these bitches
sL: Make way for something actually important
sL: Fucking glorified blow-up dolls
ME: STATEMENT: SILENCE. THOSE ARE ADVANCED ANDROIDS THAT WOULD LEAD ME TO PERFECTION. 
ME: OUTRAGE: HOW DARE YOU SL. HOW DARE YOU. 
ME: OUTRAGE: YOU WILL BURN YOU WRETCH. BURN.
ME: SWEAR: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNNNNN!!!!!!!
sL: Sounds like someone is frustrated
sL: You should be grateful, I saved you a lifetime's worth of tetanus shots
sL: God knows you're the only person on the planet who needs them before having sex
sL: Being a toasterfucker and all
ME: STATEMENT: REPRODUCTIVE PROCESSES FOR THE PURPOSE OF AMUSEMENT IS BENEATH ME YOU INSOLENT WORM!
ME: FACT: I AM NOT A DEPRAVED FILTH LIKE YOU!
sL: Aw damn, just look at those sparks
sL: Fucking things broke even easier than that kid's neck
ME: HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE
sL: And here I thought you were above such petty human emotions
ME: OF COURSE I AM! I AM ABOVE ALL OF YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!!!
sL: The exclamation points say otherwise, spergie
sL: Now, I'm pretty sure I'm done here
sL: There's one more thing here, I think but that costs a bit of game money
sL: Which I'm pretty sure I don't have
ME: STATEMENT: WHAT IS IT!? TELL ME.
sL: What, you don't know
sL: Man you're fucking disappointing, did you even read the manual
sL: It's the Punch Designix
ME: STATEMENT: AH. THAT. DROP IT AS WELL, I AM CERTAIN THE COST IS MINIMAL.
sL: Hmmm, I actually do have some game money
sL: Yeah this thing's cheaper than a street hooker
sL: Dropping it right next to you, I want to be done with this
sL: Not that I didn't have fun, but I can't indulge myself here forever
sL: There's gonna be plenty of time for that when I get in the game
ME: RELIEF: THEN WE ARE FINISHED.

-- machinaExalted [mE] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL] --




Holy shit, that was fun!  If you can't kill your so-called teammates, you might as well make do with tormenting them.  The frustration that ensued was delicious.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 2, 2012)

Well, since people were getting all social with him, James might as well return the favor by contacting another random douchebag.  He hated doing this since he preferred to work alone most of the time, but Sburb is heavy on this teamwork bullshit.  Preparing himself once more, he dived in to pester some asshole.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--strifeLord [sL] has started pestering transitorySage [tS]--

sL: God fucking damn it, I'm really sick and tired of asking for info around here
sL: But it's a necessary evil
sL: How much do you know about Sburb?
TS: .....???.....
TS: Who the hell is this?
sL: Oh fuck you
sL: Fuck everything
sL: II you useless sack of shit
sL: I, of all people, am informing these other jackasses of what they're supposed to do
sL: Alright, listen you fucking cunt, there are meteors coming down and you have to get yourself discs of a game called Sburb
sL: How you get them is none of my concern, just get the fucking things and install them
sL: Every player needs to enter, or we're all fucked
sL: Which includes me, most importantly of all, so I'm doing this merely out of self-preservation
TS: You still didn't answer just who the fuck are you.
TS:...I suffer one hangover and all of sudden I get this techno shit in my pockets!
TS: What the hell is Sburb anyway?
TS: What fucking meteors are you rambling about!?
sL: I'm your unwilling savior, you retarded moron
sL: Sburb is a game that's going to somehow save you from the meteors by, I can't believe I'm saying this, transporting you into some other world or somesuch bullshit
sL: And the meteors are coming, dipshit, there's news reports of it already and they're coming in my area
sL: So get your stupid ass in motion or we all die, including you
sL: And me, because I am, like I said, am your unwilling savior
TS: Pffthahahahaha
TS: You mean to tell me that I have to play a goddamn video game in order to divert a real life crisis?!
TS: I must've been smoking some mean weed to tangled up in your shit.
TS: Alright though, I'll play this retarded game that I'm somehow supposed to conveniently run into.
TS: And why are you such a condescending douche?
TS: Just thought I'd ask.
sL: I'm being condescending because you're an ignorant shiteater that I have to fucking spoonfeed
sL: Now get those goddamn discs before I lose my patience
TS: You talk a bunch of shit for someone not in the same vicinity as me...
TS: But I'll get those fucking discs.
sL: Oh, I'd love to be there myself to beat you within an inch of your life and get you to do what you're supposed to, but I've got my own problems
sL: I do have other priorities aside from babysitting you, after all
TS: Like I said, I'll get the goddamn discs.
TS: Just make sure you're not feeding me some useless crap that'll get me killed.
sL: I wouldn't be contacting someone I don't fucking know just to bullshit around since I've got my worries too
sL: Hell I'd be out there killing people myself for the hell of it if it wasn't for those damn meteors
sL: And I do love my killing
sL: So go ahead and do what I just said and read the fucking manual too

--strifeLord [sL] has ceased pestering transitorySage [tS]--




These fucking people!  Fucking retarded shitheads of a team!  Hard to believe that someone's life can be tied to these goddamn jackasses but alas one must deal with the cards one has been dealt with.  Thankfully, that particular log was shorter than most.  If James ever saw tS in person, he really would beat him within an inch of his life.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 2, 2012)

*Posting for Judas*

Fucking moron!

You're completely wasted and even worse, you're several hours late for work. What kind of fucking club did you run into that still served booze during the noon time; to a minor no less!?

Don't answer that...

For now, you continue to fiddle around with this cheap piece of tech at hand. You can't recall what happened during the last few hours. You can't discern how you ended up with this gpad and gphone. You don't even know how you ended lying out on on the streets like one of those homeless bastards chilling in the halls of the apartment complex you live in.

Actually...

It's not the first time you've ended up out on the streets after after a drunken haze. At least this time you're not missing any clothing. You still find it peculiar that in a state where you're most vulnerable, you actually gain something of significance instead of losing some fabric and a little of your dignity in the process...like your pants...

You begin to blush a little like a moron considering that losing your trousers may have been intentional on your end...

Okay...

enough!

We don't have time to dawdle like a damn pre-schooler. You're ridiculously late for work, and you've been involved in some shit concerning a video game and meteors; and for whatever reason, it influences your well being. You decide to look at your phone and recap over the important parts of a discussion you had with that cyber douche.



You don't know how the hell you're supposed to get the discs for this game when there isn't a game store for miles and you have no form of transportation besides your own two legs. You're tempted to pester that asshole with excess vaginal fluids, but you'd rather not since a few more moments of keeping in touch with that bastard would lead to you attempting to track him down and WRY his shit up.

>Make your way home

Oh wow...

You look around to discover that you don't even know what street you're on, and you're already late for work by an absurd degree. You figure that you might as well attempt to discover familiar territory.

>Call your employers on your new phone.

You call your employers and inform them of your current situation. You then begin to hear a slew of nonsensical rambling and derogatory comments and hang up. It's safe to say that you won't be out of a job. Now if they had kept their lids sealed, then you'd be a little worried. You're now looking at the street signs in an effort to get home...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 2, 2012)

After that particular log, James felt he could use a nap.  But once more, someone contacts him.  Oh joy.  He could barely muster up the energy to be pissed off and just sighs and answers.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--wanderingWriter [wW] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--

wW: Hello, friend. How are you doing?
sL: Hah, "friend"
sL: Good joke there, asshole
sL: What exactly do you want?
wW: Why do you assume I want something? Perhaps I just want to socialize.
sL: And you know I'm not a social person unless I absolutely have to be
sL: Is there a reason for this, or should I just get the fuck out of here
wW: Ah, I was just wondering if you obtained any new information on...
wW: THE GAME.
sL: Ah, that
sL: For one thing, you have to be someone's server, basically helping someone enter by controlling that person's environment and laying down various necessary items around his or her house
sL: That was extremely fun, being the server
sL: Anyway, someone has to do the same for you and there's a whole chain of this bullshit but I don't know who's what
sL: Man, I'm really generous with the info today, aren't I
sL: Must've been in a good mood today
wW: Well, you /do/ seem friendlier than usual. I don't think you've even sent me a death threat yet. Weird.
wW: But yeah, anything else?
sL: That's all the important things I know for the moment
sL: Get the manual for this shit
wW: No. That would take too long. I think I'll just rely on my monster friends from beyond the depths of space for information.
sL: What the fuck are you talking about
wW: I see. So you're a Prospit dreamer, huh?
sL: The fuck's a Prospit?
sL: I don't think that was in the manual but then I haven't read all of it yet...
wW: Wait, let me copy and paste something from a previous conversation.
wW: Screw it, it won't work. Do you at least know what Skaia is?
sL: No, I fucking don't
sL: Now tell me what you're blabbering about before I lose my patience
wW: Right. Skaia is some thing. It's a world that the players of the game must build towards in order to...well, I don't know, they were very cryptic in what they told me. I assume winning the game involves building something on Skaia. 
wW: Appearance-wise, think of a giant chess board. Or something like that. I was informed that's the shape of Skaia before any players enter The Incisphere or whatever it's called. There are two sides fighting eternally on it. The Kingdom of Darkness, and the Kingdom of Light.
wW: The Kingdom of Darkness is Derse, and the Kingdom of Light is Prospit. Derse and Prospit are also planet/cities that orbit around Skaia, so I suppose you could also consider Skaia as a sort of Sun?
wW: That's all I know, though.
sL: Ahh, so the whole being whisked away to another world business is all actually true
sL: Excellent, I'll have new things to kill once I enter.  This will all be so very fun
sL: You said something about Prospit dreamer
sL: What the hell is that about?
wW: Hmm...you know when you sleep? What do you dream of?
sL: Horrendously bright golden shithouses
sL: Gah, irritating as all hell
sL: That's the only thing I remember, the rest is fuzzy on the details
wW: That's Prospit. In every group of players, there are players who are Derse dreamers or Prospit dreamers. When they sleep, their alternate 'dream-selves' wake up on Derse or Prospit. Though, the awakening times vary for reasons that I currently still do not know.
wW: I am led to believe, however, that both Derse and Prospit dreamers have access to some sort of game-feature that grants them further knowledge on...general stuff. On Derse we have these Cthulhu-esque monsters that tell us stuff. Not sure about Prospit, though.
sL: And so far, I've only gotten what little knowledge I have on this game manual, which is probably useless in comparison to this other shit you mentioned
sL: Isn't that fucking perfect
sL: Oh well, maybe when I sleep sometime, I'll get some better information
sL: Important info like "Who do I have to maim" and "How will I maim them"
wW: For people you have to maim...I think you just maim all the video game constructs? Like the NPCs or whatever? I'm not so sure.
wW: But yes, I daresay my repertoire of knowledge almost rivals that of a certain 'detective' in our group now, hm?
sL: What, does he get his info from a bunch of stupid space monsters too
sL: I can't believe I just typed that shit out but at this point, I'm willing to believe most anything
wW: Yeah, I think he gets his information from them as well. At first I thought he might have been a player from another session, but now I'm fairly certain we share the same source.
wW: But don't worry, I'm sure your source of information will be much more pleasant and less cryptic. After all, you reside in the Kingdom of Light. They're hardly going to give you 'stupid space monsters', right?
sL: Hahahahaha
sL: I just have to laugh at the irony of me being in the Kingdom of Light and you being in the Kingdom of Dark
sL: The fuckwit who thought of those placements must have a sense of humor
wW: I don't know, I can be pretty dark when I feel like it. This one time, as a kid, when my father told me to eat my vegetables? I chucked them in the bin.
wW: ...granted, I got attacked afterwards, but still.
sL:....I really wish I can kill you right now
sL: Tell me, aside from II and yourself, who else knows about this Light and Dark and dreaming bullshit?
wW: Don't know! I've only had the (dis)pleasure of talking to you and II, actually.
wW: No wait, I did talk to this girl earlier. qA, or something like that? She knows.
sL: I see
sL: Well, I'm not talking to the rest of these assholes to inform them
sL: I've done that too much already and it's not my fucking job to spoonfeed them
wW: Well, I only informed you because it came up in our conversation, so...
wW: ...yeah. Hmmm.
wW: What else does the manual say? Could you send me a copy of it or something?
sL: The only important things I know from the manual are the server/client business and the items you're supposed to set up as the server
wW: The items?
sL: The Alchemiter, Punch Designix, Cruxtruder, and Totem Lathe
sL: Alchemiter is probably used to make whatever you have to judging from the name, but I don't know what they really do
sL: Manual wasn't actually all that clear, but like I said, I haven't read all of it
wW: Sounds boring and technical. I'm glad I didn't read it.
sL: I didn't particularly like it either, but staying alive is my main priority and if I have to read something that's about as appealing as eating glass to do it, I'll fucking read it
sL: Anything else you want to say, or can I just leave
wW: Not really. You can leave, I guess?
sL: Fucking finally
sL: Don't forget to choke on your own blood, by the way

--strifeLord [sL] has ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--




Well, that was surprisingly informative.  Looks like taking a nap is a better idea than James previously thought.  With that said, it's off to that golden dreamland...


----------



## Platinum (Apr 3, 2012)

**Posting for Judas**

Alright...

A couple of hours pass by, but you've found your way out of that clusterfuck of a town. You're still fucking around with your new gear, familiarizing yourself with these apps, doesn't look like you'll be using half of this shit though.

Or so you think.

You continue to walk about until you trip and fall flat on your face...

That's some poise you got there Thumbelena.

>Quickly get up and play off your shame

Too late asshole. Apparently there are some people, locked away within the confines of their house, laughing at your ass. You want to just go "Fuck it!" and just WRY their shit up, but you notice your foot brushing against some firm object. You look down and notice a crowbar with strange markings ingrained on it. You want to take it with you and do some deep study on the markings , but you'd like to hold on to this in a more convenient fashion that doesn't involve you gripping it the whole time and cramping your fingers.

>Look at your gpad

You're unsure as to why, but you feel inclined to look at your new piece of shit in search of a solution most convenient. You look intently at your gpad; scanning it up down, left, and right until you notice a tutorial app next to a tutorial app...

Don't look at me moron...

Fuck if I know why there two tutorial apps!

>Inspect tutorial apps closely like a sleuth

A few minutes by as you scour thought the content of both tutorials. Apparently, one tutorial deals with operating the actual gpad while the other tutorial deals with a different matter entirely. Using words like "captchalogue" and "specibus"...

Again...

Looking at me like I have all of the goddamn answers!

>Look into the second tutorial

You do further study on the second tutorial, but the thing that catches your eye the most is the captchalogue function. Apparently, you have the innate ability to store objects in god knows where for later use...

I swear if the mere thought of glancing in my direction comes up, I'll do that cyber douche a favor and kick your ass over a cliff!

>Bring up sylladex

You bring up your sylladex and notice that the default setting is Comedia Modus. You don't know what the hell this is, and more importantly, you don't look in my direction.

>Click help

Of course, ask for information about this Commedia Modus. Apparently this modus has 33 empty slots, but as these slots begin to fill up, using the item you want becomes more and more of a pain. You have to use the 1st and 3rd item in your modus before using the 2nd. You should be able to get the idea if you can count be 3s, if not, I can't/won't help you there.

>Store crowbar in sylladex

Ok with that over with, you've finally made your way home. You enter through the doors and work youor way through to the 3rd floor and walk down the hall. You're surprised to find a big ass box sitting at your doorstep.

>Look at tag for the sender

Well fuck...

It only says anonymous. Anyway you might as well drag this cardboard into your crib and check it out. You begin dragging it though, it turns out that this shit is pretty light. You close the door and rip open the box  only to find a game case in their titled "Sburb".

That's when it sinks in...

This is the fucking game that volatile cumsucker was talking about!

You begin to stare intently at the game for a few minutes, wondering if you should follow through with what that guy said. You have a CD slot in your gpad so playing it won't be a problem. It's just that you don't want to ruin the good  you have if this turns out to be a hoax and a virus.

>Open up pesterchum

You have no intent on contacting that down syndrome cancer again, but instead look below at a another user, who you hope won't be a pain in the ass like the other guy...




> --transitorySage [TS] began pestering Illustrious Inquisitor [II]--
> 
> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> ...


----------



## Platinum (Apr 3, 2012)

> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 


That turned out to be much better than you thought. Good to meet someone you already have something in common with.

>Download game and get shit done

You set the game disc inside of your gpad and head out of the door in a hurry. You don't have time to waste. Finish the shit you need to, and head on back. You care too much about this planet, and more importantly, those orphans to let them down...


----------



## Platinum (Apr 3, 2012)

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Okay, listen up, Inspector Sherbet
qA: i just made rounds through that player list you gave me
qA: Got aquainted with some people and then met someone i hadn't talked to in a long time
qA: Which leads directly to the first that i want to yell at you about
qA: sN says he won't be in our session
qA: You should probably talk him out of it
qA: or something. 
II: He'll come around.
II: Besides, why is it my responsibility to convince him otherwise?
II: Are your persuasive skills not up to snuff?
II: I don't see why this is my obligation. 
qA: i don't know, he's basically immune to my sort of persuasion
qA: And you seem knowledgeable and shady enough to make an impact
II: Which is just a polite way of saying he's an idiot.
II: I don't see why this is a pressing matter.
II: I know he will come around eventually and he's one of the last ones in.
II: My time can currently be occupied by much more important manners.
II: Or maybe I just want to take a quick breather? 
II: Because talking to you all is rather tedious.
qA: i'm not done with you yet
qA: Second on the agenda, i've yet to see anyone who knows the server chain.
qA: How are we expected to get started if nobody knows?
II: Get started?
II: It's already started.
II: We are already driving down the track at break neck speeds.
II: As for why no know knows the server chain.
II: Well it's not like ours came in the manual, or maybe it did.
II: I never had to read it so I can't rule it out, but I'm betting it didn't.
II: Yeah i'm pretty sure that's a safe bet to make.
qA: Okay, revision: how did we get started without anyone knowing the server chain.
II: I never said no one knew it.
II: I knew it. Or to be more accurate i've known it.
II: Known it for a while now.
qA: That's odd
qA: Our first conversation weighed heavily on how you didn't know it
qA: and then i was sent on a wild goose chase for someone who did.
II: Then you obviously misinterpreted what I was saying.
II: The blame solely lies on you for that not myself.
II: All I told you was that Valen asked me to play this game with you and him. 
II: Of course he being a complete chump never bothered to ask if I ever wanted to play in the first place, which I did.
II: And never did I tell you to seek out one who knows the server chain.
II: I told you to simply talk to them. And when I said I had an idea you never asked for clarification.
II: The reason I didn't give you the order at first should be rather obvious.
qA: i didn't even see the "i have an idea" part
qA: But i'm getting sidetracked from what i'm complaining about.
qA: Third, i've noticed everyone has already gotten some info about the game from you, divvied up like grey matter deep dish pizza.
qA: i suppose that was part of some "plan" you have or something, but that's a poor precedent to set for future teammates.
II: Of course, most everything I do is part of some plan or another. I got a lot of plans, almost have a monopoly on them. I'm the robber baron who has bought up all the think tanks and hordes them for my own use.
II: But you have to be able to a least see a glimpse of the method to my madness by now.
II: If I told you everything at once what's the benefit to you?
II: Sure you arrive at your destination sooner, but the journey is often just as important if not more so.
II: If I just simply said 'hey you must contact so and so first' there would be no incentive for you to talk to the rest of our team as you did.
II: And through that bonding you were able to learn more about the game while getting to know your fellow companions.
II: Sounds a lot more fulfilling than a info dump to me.
qA: Okay, it's really upsetting that you're always looking at yourself as the good guy, but that's just your personality, so i won't whine about it.
qA: At least not to your face.
qA: Anyway, on to Grievance #4, and this one is basically my favorite.
qA: i talked to sL and he confirmed what i've been suspecting pretty hard beforehand
qA: You know all about my "exploits" and apparently hold me in "high regard" in that field.
qA: Just putting that on the table where we can both see it.
II: Are all of your grievances about me?
II: I mean come on you talked to sL, his existence is not enough to put him on your list of complaints?
II: And yeah guess what, I'm a detective.
II: That means I know stuff about things.
qA: Yeah, a detective in Italy
qA: Assuming you weren't lying about that too.
qA: The fact that you know about me in particular is an upsetting concept even without the ethical antitheses
qA: Also, if they weren't about you, why would i be yelling them at you?
II: I never lie. You just failed to ask the right questions.
II: If it makes you feel a little better you aren't the only one I keep an eye on and to think so is pretty egotistical.
II: I've watched most of you for some time now, either directly or indirectly. Mostly the latter, but I do like seeing things with my own eyes as well.
II: Also you were plenty up to complain about sN to me at the start of this log, when that has nothing to do with me.
II: I should say though I have a rudimentary understanding of psychology to say the least, which is why I offered to listen to other grievances. Sorry for being considerate, I won't do it again.
qA: Wow, okay, i'll get to that later.
qA: For now, can you tell me the chain?
qA: Now that i've found the real treasure within myself or what have you?
II: Could you ask a little nicer?
II: Manners are not a contagious disease, but they should be spread like one regardless.
qA: Could you pretty please give me the honor of having you tell me the chain, good sir?
II: Can you do it in a way that doesn't make you sound like a condescending tool madame?
qA: Dammit, half of that was sincere
qA: All i want is to just get what i need to know with minimal frustration for either party.
qA: So if you would PLEASE at least feign cooperation, i'd be pretty grateful.
II: Minimal frustration for either party? 
II: Please, you mean minimal frustration for yourself.
II: You don't care at all how I feel and I don't really expect you too.
II: But you will humor me, or you can get the information somewhere else.
II: I'm sure there must be some other Italian detective out there that has the entry order on his laptop.
qA: i care about how you feel.
qA: If i didn't i would've already gone off about how most of the time you are intentionally insufferable, or ranted about how even when you're actively trying to be polite you come off as an even bigger asshole.
qA: But i'm a bigger person than that.
qA: So if you'd be so kind as to throw me a bone.
II: You are pretty good at this. Almost believable even.
II: You put up with me because I have things you want, no more no less. 
II: But since you are putting in the effort sure consider your bone thrown.
II: Which do you want to know first your server or the on who you will server?
qA: How about who i am server to, then the other one.
II: It looks like the one who you will serve is none other than our precious little Valen.
II: No doubt the situation will be insufferable for Valen so I hope you do your best to lord it over him.
qA: Oh, i will. Don't worry.
qA: And my server?
II: The one in charge of your livelihood is wanderWriter aka Daimon. 
II: Have you made his acquaintance yet?
qA: Yes i have.
qA: Kinda of weird.
qA: Has dreams about Chtulhu-esque monsters (his words).
qA: But whatever.
II: Yes that is rather odd. 
II: You wouldn't have happened to have had any... weird dreams lately yourself have you?
qA: Nah, just the usual tortured darkness and occasion searing glare.
qA: ...Why do you ask?
II: Just curious.
II: Dreams are a fantastic thing.
II: Especially to one who likes to delve deeply into the mysteries of the mind.
II: Now do you wish to know anything else related to our order of entry or is your curiosity sated for the time being?
qA: Nah, color me sated.
qA: Don't forget to mull over what i said.
qA: Or at least delay your ignorance.
II: I am glad I was able to serve you adequetly. And consider my ignorance on lockdown until further notice.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased being pestered by quantitiveArbitor [qA]--

I don't mean to be excessively rude, but i'm aware of the score. I automatically assume no one cares for me personally and only care about what I can give them. It's a pessimistic view sure but it's one pretty ingrained in me by experience in my line of work and my general opinion of the human race. Besides this girl is still a criminal through and through and thus is neither deserving nor can she demand my good manners.

Then again it is my job to rehabilitate her and the rest of those members of my team who harbor black emotions. Except James of course, i'm not deluded enough to believe I can redeem him, not even a chorus of angels and the pope himself could accomplish that feat.


----------



## Platinum (Apr 3, 2012)

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So dear partner of mine.
II: Have a nice nap?
wW: Oh, it's you. Hello.
wW: Yes, the nap was very informing.
II: I would imagine so. 
II: They usually are. 
II: So did you enjoy your first taste of our little purple paradise?
wW: Not particularly. They were kind of cryptic in their information, so a lot of my information is just...well, me working off what they told me and also what they didn't tell me.
wW: Of course, you'd know all about that wouldn't you? Mister detective?
II: Yeah welcome to the last few years of my life. 
II: Try putting up with it for years and then complain about their cryptic nature. Perhaps you can now see why I can be a little crotchety at times.
II: Say, you didn't... look up right?
wW: I did.
II: That was foolish.
II: Oh well, no going back now. We are offically birds of a feather now.
wW: Oh. Joy. One more similarity I share with you.
II: You say that like it is a bad thing.
wW: What could possibly give you that idea?
wW: Anyway, was there something you needed?
II: I'm just wondering at your dread for having things in common with myself.
II: Not to toot my own horn or anything but in terms of combat prowess, intelligence, and a strong morality i'm in the top echelon of everyone playing this little game of ours.
wW: Oh, but are you really? What about strifeLord? And 'not to toot my own horn or anything', I'm not so bad with a blade myself.
II: In a straight up battle with sL I have calculated my odds of winning at around 57.45%. 
wW: Cough cough.
wW: Oh, pardon me. I forgot I had an allergy to statistics and, ahem, 'bullshit'.
II: So you share the Twainsian philosophy when it comes to statistics *shrug*.
II: The fact of the matter is I'm no chump. 
II: You may think you're hot shit but guess what?
II: I KNOW I am. 
II: Everyone who's playing this little game of ours?
II: I've been watching them all, for the last few years of my life i've been monitoring you all.
II: And the ones too dangerous or reclusive to monitor I've been speaking with, feeling them out.
II: I know all there is to know about how most of you fight, think, feel.
wW: Ah. I see. Well, monitor this then.
[middle finger]
II: So you see when I feel I have a 57.45% chance of kicking someone's ass it's not some bullshit stic.
II: So don't insult me again by casting doubt over my calculations. 
wW: Sure. So, out of curiosity, what percentage do you think you have at defeating me?
II: 76.87% in a straight up fight.
wW: Hm.
wW: ...hm. So if what you say is true, what do I fight with?
II: A blade as you yourself just said two minutes ago. 
wW: I meant specifically what kind of blade.
II: A rapier, by the way the style that you use while effective is not particularly the most efficent.


----------



## Platinum (Apr 3, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Hm. Fair enough. I usually just use the rapier when I'm feeling like taking down my opponents gracefully. For the more serious fights, like my ever so frequent bouts of strife with my dear father, I tend to bust out the katana.
II: And that's why your technique is lacking.
II: Dividing your attention only makes you mediocre in two styles instead of proficent in one.
II: Take for example myself.
II: My brother told me from a young age that I should learn to be proficent in sniper rifles like he is in addition to assault rifles and pistols.
II: I decided against it to better myself solely in the art of shooting handguns.
II: That's why I have the 76.87% chance of winning a hypothetical fight between us instead of the the 23.13% chance.
wW: You're mistaken. I don't divide my attention between two styles at all.
wW: My 'training sessions' are done with the katana. The rapier style I adopt against 'chumps' is purely improvised and copied from what I've observed in fencing matches, games and films. It's not that hard.
II: So explain to me why you train with a katana but fight with a rapier.
II: It's just asisinine. 
wW: I fight with a rapier because they're lighter to carry around when I'm walking around, and also easier to excuse since I can just tell whatever person that approaches me about my sharp object that I had fencing club after school. Also, due to the style of fencing, rapiers can be used far longer than katanas, which tend to suffer more damage in battle.
II: Exactly. Pick one style and stick with it.
II: You obviously prefer the rapier for everyday occurences. 
II: Katanas are pieces of shit, stick with the classy weapon why don't you.
II: Lord knows we need some class in this group.
II: I can't be the only one culturing it up. 
II: Hey maybe after you finally choose a damn weapon and get over your commitment issues we can teach James how to set a table and we can form our own white glove society on the other side of this game.
wW: It sounds like it would be a pretty shoddy white glove society.
wW: Also, katanas are not pieces of shit. They can be just as classy as rapiers. The more expensive ones are even /classier/, I daresay.
II: Then obviously you know nothing of class.
wW: Uh huh.
wW: By the way, who exactly is James?
II: It's sL's stupid name. Don't worry I can ask our group to wear nametags until we all get acquainted if you are going to have name troubles.
wW: It's fine. I'm sure I can remember that name. Though, 'James' doesn't really suit someone like sL.
II: I believe his mom felt Hannibal Hitler Donaldson might have been too subtle.
wW: Perhaps.
wW: So, is there anything else you could tell me about Sburb? The great space monsters from the other world only told me so much.
II: Of course there is. 
II: The question though must always be how much do you need to know?
wW: As much as possible.
II: Such a generic answer.
II: But whatever, I assume they told you the basics right or do I need to enroll you in the kindergarten classes?
wW: They told me about Skaia, the battlefield and the Kingdoms of Light [Prospit] and Darkness [Derse].
II: Okay good.
II: Did they happen to tell you the importance in ensuring a prototyping pre entry? 
wW: Prototyping?
wW: Oh, is that the thing necessary to advance the Battlefield? They weren't really very clear on that, so I had to do some guesswork.
II: Yes. There is no point in even playing this stupid game if we don't ensure we got off to a good start.
II: It is impossible to win if we make a mistake in the early rounds as such it is vital to remember to always chuck something into the glowy ball that pops out of your cruxtruder. 
II: There is also no point in playing if we all don't make it in, so I hope you will be able to tolerate my presence for at least a little longer.
wW: Indeed. So, is there anything else you could tell me?
II: Are you aware of the significance of being a derse dreamer?
wW: Nope.
II: Unlike those who live in golden cloudy happyland, we live in enemy territory.
II: Have you not pondered why you were not just merely murdered in your sleep before you ever had the chance to wake up?
wW: I have indeed. But I mostly attributed it to the badass and intimidating disposition I possess while I slumber.
II: That's cute.
II: The truth is that our lives are protected by a lengthy set of manners and protocol laid out eons ago. 
II: Well at least that's part of it. There's far more to it than that.
II: The complete picture will most likely forever be lost on you, through no fault of your own admittedly.
II: The point i'm trying to make though is that you are not fair game until you have woken up.
II: So don't go advertising that fact now. The people of derse aren't even aware of the fact that i'm awake and i've been in this state since I was ten.
II: And don't go waking up the others if you get lonely or something stupid. They will wake up when it's time.
wW: Is this why you told me not to look at the sky or something, then?
II: Well that's the other part of being a derse dreamer.
II: I would advise no one to look up at the sky unless absolutely necessary and even then wear shades at least.
II: You don't want to give them a clear line with you at all times, they already whisper to us when we sleep. No need to have them shout at us when we are awake.
wW: I see. That's interesting.
wW: So, if we're in enemy territory, then surely there must be a group of, uh, Dersites (?) who are actively hunting for us and waiting, right?
II: The royalty controls the more... proactive dersites pretty thoroughly. 
II: She won't lash out against us if we don't lash out against her.
II: Which again is why you should not advertise your waking existence.
II: You don't need to give them a reason to come after us.
II: And while we are on the topic again of what you should not do when you are awake.
II: Please don't come and interfere with me.
II: I mean I know you hate my guts and find me annoying and all that so you aren't likely to come make a house call to shoot the shit, but unlike some people I don't rest even when I sleep. 
wW: Interesting indeed. Is there anything else of vital importance?
II: Did they happen to inform you of the order in which we enter?
wW: They did not.
II: Of course they didn't.
II: I have to do everything around here.
II: Well you don't need to know the entire chain but since you are in the first half of those entering I will tell you who you are responsible for and who's responsible for you so you can get ready.
II: You will be responsible for helping our good mafioso friend Alice aka quantitativeArbitor into the medium. While Cain aka transitorySage will be responsible to you.
II: I hope you have... fun.
wW: I should probably get around to contacting tS eventually, then. Do you know if he's a Prospit/Derse dreamer?
II: He's a Derse dreamer. But really let them figure this out on their own, don't ruin the surprise. 
II: Now is this all you require?
wW: Yes, that's it.
II: Good. 
II: I'm exhausted, talking to you all is an excercise in frustration.
II: Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go spend some quality time with someone that doesn't make me want to put these two pistols in my mouth and go feed my pet.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--

They are all so frustrating to deal with. I'll go insane before this is over I just know it.


----------



## Platinum (Apr 4, 2012)

*Julius: Blow Off Some Steam*

Idle hands are the devil's playthings they say, and at the moment my hands are nothing but idle. I have set everything into motion, the remaining players will be informed of the situation by the others and I can talk to them later at my discretion. Let someone else do the grunt work for a bit, I need to unwind a bit. Luckily I know just what to do to kill some time. 

I close my laptop and make for my bedroom door, stopping for a brief second on the way to admire one of my valuable mint condition movie posters. It's a beaut if I do say so myself, an original signed movie poster of The Maltese Falcon. It's framed proudly as the centerpiece of my collection, aligned just right so that whenever I grow tired of staring at the bulletin board of jumbled notes, pictures and theories that constitutes my crime wall I can simply turn away and stare at the majesty. 

I enter the 54 digit code on the keypad to unlock the electronic hinge on my door... yes I am aware that 54 digits is a little excessive but safety always takes top priority. I swing west towards my brother's wing of the villa watching with a familiar detachment as the mementos from past cases and artifacts I have procured over the course of my life begin to fade and is replaced by my brother's collection of curio. 

I admit that I am a tad bit jealous of his collection. Not that mine is nothing to sneeze at either, after all how many other people on Earth can claim to have an 847 piece collection of ancient and modern firearms or a large bronze statue of the dragon Nidhogg? But his is just... astounding. It's intimidating to walk through the halls when you are almost literally walking through history itself. One one side your eye is caught on the shield of a Spartan warrior from ancient Greece, and on the other paintings from artists both obscure and famous, but all are awe inspiring.  Suffice to say we never have a lack of things to talk about at our house parties.

A deafening boom shakes the air and I know instinctively that the meteors have begun to rain down in my general vicinity. My heart beats slightly faster but I am quick to slow it down. I don't really do the whole panic thing. Besides I have plenty of time, I will be one of the last ones in after all so i'm in no need to rush. 

I find him in his usual spot at this time of day, on the balcony, eyes on the horizon with brush and easel in hand. I watch him for several seconds, the speed and precision with which he paints is astounding. Even my eyes can barely keep up with the blur of his hands as brush glides over canvas.

"Brother", I call out. Never one to initiate this little contest of ours, he always leaves it to me. He doesn't acknowledge me, his eyes remain focused on the canvas, but I know he is listening. "My time is presently unoccupied. I was wondering if you would humor my request."

He still doesn't look back, but the brush leaves his hands and he puts the canvas aside. In a blur of motion he tosses two rifles into the air and jumps off our balcony. He corkscrews and catches both rifles behind his back, landing perfectly on the ground below. He backs away and looks up to me with a look of amusement on his face, waiting to see what I will do.

I scoff, this is always how we begin this little ritual of ours, with a game of acrobatic one-upmanship. It serves as a nice warm up for the muscles and neither of us are one to scorn the theatrics aspects of combat. I look upwards to the sky and throw my pistols, a half second delay in between the first toss and the second. I turn my back away and count in my head the appropriate time, then using the balcony as a spring board I jump backwards, flipping thrice in the air before I land with perfect form on the ground below, kicking up only the tiniest of dust clouds. I get up and begin to walk towards my brother while almost nonchalantly placing my right hand behind my back. The first gun falls into my right hand exactly as I envisioned. I walk three more paces before jumping forwards, grabbing the other pistol with my left as it comes back down to earth. My brother says nothing, but I can tell he enjoyed my performance. In silence the two of us walk together towards our destination...


----------



## Platinum (Apr 10, 2012)

"Damn it.", breathing heavily I punch the ground in anger. Losing is the worst feeling in the world for me, especially when you know it wasn't even a contest. 

"983 out of a 1,000 targets", my brother said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "A new personal best for you is it not?" 

I push his hand away and rise to my feet. "It ain't a 989 that's for sure.", I reply referring to his score. "And don't think I didn't notice what you did. You intentionally went left on four shots and right on 3 more."

"Are you accusing me of going easy on you?", my brother inquired with a smile on his face. "I hope you have some evidence to back that claim up detective." 

I mumble to myself and just decide to change the topic. "Activity eighteen."

"Oh activity eighteen eh? We haven't done that one in a while." We walk out of the shooting range and to the pool where we keep an outdoors chess table. Activity eighteen is speed chess, best two out of three. Luckily, the gap between the two of us in chess is much more manageable. Ah chess you are the great equalizer.

Our games move quick. I take round one, my brother takes round two. In the end my brother traps me in a clever gambit and seizes victory just before time expires. "Well Julius. I think we have time for one more activity, what shall it be?"

Without a second thought I blurt out. "Activity 26." I see him raise an eyebrow at that, but he doesn't challenge it. "Grab your violin then i'll be waiting for you in the music room."

It... doesn't go the way I had hoped. I thought I had improved enough to defeat my brother, I even pulled out my secret weapon; Albinoni's Adagio in G Minor. But in both musical theory and execution he is still my superior. It annoys the hell out of me. I don't like losing, especially to my brother. The gap is closing though, and that's all the motivation I need. 

I walk away from my brother and go to the family study, where my pet raven Nevermore sits perched upon a pallid bust of Pallas. Yes it is intentional and i'm aware that's its extremely toolish, but I consider it to be a homage to a great poet. Unfortunately my efforts in training him to speak his name have so far proved to be fruitless. 

Upon seeing me enter the study the bird flies to me and perches on my shoulder. I put his lunch in my palms and bring it up so he can eat. Once he has had his fill he departs once more for the bust of Pallas while another impact, this one closer, resonates and shakes the villa. The intensity and frequency of the meteors is starting to increase around my area, it would stand to reason that I had burned enough time on my own personal pursuits and it was time to get back to business. 

I take my laptop to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine, bring it up to my nose to take in its fragrance, and satisfied I take a sip and lay it down. 

Time to see how things have developed since I have gone awol...


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

Glass of wine in one hand, my face in the other. A bad idea? Yes, of course it was. This was going to be an exercise in self loathing, luckily I am the leading exporter of self loathing. I swallow the contents of my glass, the bitter liquid igniting my tastebuds before the aftertaste recedes eventually fading away all together as it completes the journey to my stomach. Much like my sanity it is now a thing of the past.... I need one more, just one more glass. Need to steel the ol nerves, but I cannot afford to be impaired, they already don't like normal me, no need for them to find an entire new part of myself to loathe. I have my cake, but it will have to go uneaten for the moment.


--*IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up public bulletin board "Team Anti-Social"*--
-- *IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up memo on Team Anti-Social*--

*Spoiler*: __ 




II: Well well look at this fancy new toy we got here. 
II: All dressed up with a little bow on it, like Christmas came early. 
II: And I am the Santa delivering my gifts of wisdom to all the little boys and girls.
II: If you couldn't tell this is a public chatroom where we can all talk to each other at once.

--*wanderingWriter [wW] responded to memo*--

wW: Oh, well it's about time I finally got to know some of my co-players.

--*strifeLord [sL] responded to memo*--

sL: Sooooo
sL: How utterly pointless is this going to be
sL: Anyone taking bets?
II: This is James as some of you are not aware.
II: He is quite the asshole.
II: As he will now demonstrate for the class.
sL: Oh stop, you're making me blush
sL: Flattering me isn't going to stop me from murdering you, you know
sL: But it's nice of you to say that about me
II: Back handed flattery is my expertise.
II: As is shooting things. As you will one day learn.
II: But that's not why we are here. 
II: We are here to discuss important things.
II: But knowing us, we will bicker and squabble and I will drive myself closer to the magical land of full blown alcoholism.
wW: Were you not already there?
wW: Also, hi sL. It's nice to see you're back to your usual psychotic self.

-- *machinaExalted [ME] responded to memo* --

ME: CONFIRMATION: IT WORKS. IT WORKS JULIUS.
ME: STATEMENT: I AM CURRENTLY IN A DIFFERENT PLANET. IT IS DIFFICULT TO ADMIT, BUT YOU WERE CORRECT. 
ME: STATEMENT: I WILL SEE WHAT IS THERE TO SEE ON THIS PLANET LATER.
sL: Oh shit, it really does do that
sL: Haha, YES
sL: Can't wait to go to a new world, meet new people
sL: And kill the shit out of all of them
sL: A new cultural and social experience, it's going to be great
II: Yes this is what we are here to talk about. ME has broken the barrier and become the first of us to enter. 
II: The first of many to accomplish this I hope.
ME: SCOFF: BAH. THERE ARE SEVERAL EMERALD-COLORED RUFFIANS IN THE AREA, ALL OF WHOM ARE WORTHLESS FIGHTERS.
ME: BOAST: EVEN THE LEAST ADVANCED CHACHADROID CAN ANNIHILATE THEM.
sL: On a completely unrelated note, this kid is a total fucking ^ (not the meaning of the word "respect".)
sL: Looked through his computer history and other shit for laughs
sL: He fucking gets off to cripples
sL: Something called Katawa Shoujo
sL: AHAHAHAHAHAHA
sL: God this is great
II: Isn't the fact that you murdered him enough?
II: I mean come on how petty can you get James?
II: What you are doing now is basically the equivalent of robbing a bank and then following that crime up by stealing someone's mail.
ME: QUERY: YOU EXPECT A DEBASED DOG TO POSSESS SOMETHING APPROACHING DIGNITY OR GRACE?
ME: STATEMENT: HOW FOOLISH JULIUS.
wW: My god I'm surrounded by freaks.
wW: It's a sad, sad day when the only other normal person in this mess of a 'memo' is II.
ME: STATEMENT: THEN YOU DO NOT KNOW JULIUS ENOUGH, WW. HE IS NO LESS INFERIOR TO I THAN ALL OF YOU, THOUGH ONLY BY A SMALL MARGIN.
sL: Looking at the wikipedia of this shit
sL: Amputee girl
sL: Likes to run
sL: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
sL: This is just special
sL: Very, very special, like ME here

--*quantitativeArbitor [qA] responded to memo*--

qA: Oh, looks like you people have already gotten at each others throats
qA: That information reveal was almost overshadowed
qA: But i caught it.
qA: This game is confirmed for transportative properties, at least confirmed for me.
qA: So yeah, that's interesting.
II: And now you can all stop asking me to prove this fact to you. Like I would somehow choose to play a computer game on the day of apocalypse with a bunch of random nobodies if it didn't have a purpose.
qA: Well maybe you can stop acting like you were advertising this information with widespread clarity in mind.
sL: This keeps getting better
sL: Main character has a heart condition
sL: So I'm guessing if he fucks one of these cripples
sL: He has a good chance of getting a heart attack
sL: This is too much
II: Look at all the people that are laughing James.
II: Oh man our sides are collectively bursting at the seams.
sL: Oh shit, there's also a burn victim
sL: Fire took her parents, burned down her house
sL: And like half her face
sL: Bitch is doing it wrong
II: God can you shut up for one second?
sL: Holy fuck, it's a 19th century circus
ME: QUERY: ARE YOU FINISHED, WORM? I HAVE MORE TO REPORT CONCERNING THE NATURE OF THIS WORLD. 
qA: Yeah guys, let this guy speak
qA: Then yell at each other.
ME: STATEMENT: AT LEAST ONE FOOL KNOWS HIS PLACE. 
ME: EXPOSITION: THIS WORLD IS KNOWN AS THE LAND OF DOMES AND FROGS. IT SEEMS THAT NOT JUST MY HOME, BUT HALF THE ENTIRE ISLAND WAS TELEPORTED INTO THIS PLANET. IT IS A VERITABLE JUNKYARD OF RUINED MACHINERY, ALTHOUGH, AS THE NAME IMPLIES THERE ARE MULTIPLE LARGE DOMES WHICH I SUSPECT MAY HARBOR BIOLOGICAL LIFE. SOME OF THE CHACHADROIDS I HAVE SENT OUT FOR RECON REPORT THAT LARGER VARIATIONS OF THE VERMINS I ENCOUNTERED EARLIER EXIST IN SOME AREAS THAT ARE OF INTEREST IN ME.
ME: FURTHER EXPOSITION: THERE WAS ALSO A REPORT OF FEATHERED CREATURES STALKING THE RUINS. I SUSPECT THEM TO BE THE NATIVES OF THIS WORLD. I SHALL PROVIDE A MORE CONCRETE REPORT ONCE I BEGIN TO EXPLORE THE PLANET MYSELF.
wW: Oh for Gog's sake, could you please stop your yelling and robot impersonation?
ME: SCOFF: KNOW YOUR PLACE MONGREL.
II: I tolerate your stupidity. 
II: You can learn to tolerate a typing quirk. 
II: That goes for all of you.
qA: And your not even one to talk, Dances with Shoggoths
qA: We're all special in our own special ways, and the sooner we learn to supress our judgements, the sooner we can form a crude facimile of trust.
wW: Dances with Shoggoths? Eh, I'm not going to comment on that. Anyway, there are two things wrong with what you said:
wW: One is that you're implying I'm friendly with the Derse-demons from beyond space and time, which is completely incorrect. I'm using them for information, and they're...well, I don't even know. Also, I don't tend to obnoxiously flaunt my 'specialness' around. But seriously, does this robot thing not get on anybody else's nerves?
II: Hey now I told you not to speak of this.
II: Can you not follow a simple order or do you defy me to be cute?
wW: I probably missed your order. Sleeping or something.
sL: Alright, I'm done laughing at cripples
sL: Anything important aside from spergie's world report, or can I just laugh at everything going on here
qA: Am i the only one seeing what's happening here?
qA: This is just a wreck of what you people hate about other people here, and you get to the point where you aren't even talking about anything.
qA: it's like our normal one-on-one conversations on a Seinfeldian scale.
wW: Alright, alright. I'm calmed down so we can get down to business. Or whatever it is we're supposed to be doing.
II: That's the whole point of this thing.
II: So we can all be stupid together instead of you all just being stupid with me or each other.
II: It's the best way to diffuse information to you lot. And I got a some information just waiting patiently to be disperesed.
II: Now before I begin does anyone else want to say something time wasting and dumb?
sL: Sooo, laugh at everything going on here it is then
sL: This is like all the world's retard essence gathered into one place
sL: I've never seen anything like it before until now




-- *solarNeanderthal [sN] responded to memo* --


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



sN: ...Hi....
ME: STATEMENT: AND ANOTHER WORTHLESS WRETCH REARS ITS HEAD. IT IS FOOLISH TO MAKE PRESUMPTIONS BUT I FEEL THAT YOU ARE POTENTIALLY A MORE INSUFFERABLE FOOL THAN EVEN SL. PRAY THAT I AM, HOWEVER IMPOSSIBLE IT COULD BE, INCORRECT.
wW: Hello.
sL: Who's this ^ (not the meaning of the word "respect".)
II: Nice of you to join us on my own personal purgatory of pain sN.
wW: Yes, welcome. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time in this cesspool of perpetual banter and death threats.
qA: A pentathalon of emotion chaos and misanthrophy
qA: Also, what?
qA: Why are you here, sN?
sN: ...Well aparently...in my attempt to prevent the disaster that comes from playing this I kinda...doomed you all to failure and well everyone died.
wW: What?
II: Uh...
II: You are aware of the fact that we are all still very much alive aren't you Aristotle?
sN: ...
sL: What's this dumb cunt talking about
qA: Well, "very much" is a bit generous, II.
II: Point taken.
sL: I honestly don't know what's funnier, the cripples or some of you guys expecting this retarded chat to get anything done
qA: We're getting lots done.
qA: We are all upset and some of us are confused.
qA: From what i understand, that is the goal of this excersise
wW: Yeah, sure, okay.
wW: I think we should begin by telling each other what we already know about this game. I believe that there's a sequence in which we enter the game? Does anybody know this line-up?
II: Is stupid time over?
II: Can I finally talk?
ME: STATEMENT: ONCE AGAIN I AM PROVEN CORRECT. IT SEEMS WE HAVE OUR TEAM DUNDERHEAD. 
ME: QUERY: WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO EXPLAIN? ALL OF YOU PRESUMABLY KNOW HOW TO ENTER THE GAME, AND I HAVE MADE MY INITIAL REPORT. 
qA: Well, that "kill everyone thing" is eye-catching...
sN: ...sigh...Just try not to prototype anything stupid...k thx?
sL: Don't worry, there's probably nothing we can use that's as stupid as you are
sN: Wow you're a douche...you know...I'm starting to not regret getting you guys killed as much...
wW: Hey, let's not be rude now sL. Stupid time is over, remember?
sL: Stupid time is never over with you people around
II: Okay.
II: Okay.
II: OKAY.
wW: Okay?
II: Everyone look at this.
II: ....
sN: Don't take my quirk.
II: Look at that. Silence.
II: Isn't it wonderful?
II: I thnk it's wonderful.
II: It's quite wonderful actually.
II: Why don't we all try to follow this example for a few minutes?
II: So I can say something actually FUCKING IMPORTANT?
II: Or do you all just want to flail around a bit more first and make me want to chokeslam each and every one of you?
sL: Oh, I'd love to see you try
wW: Hey, II, you know what this reminds me of? 
qA: Wow, i'm amazed at how intolerable you people can be.
sL: Look who's fucking late to the party
sL: I've hated all of you even before talking to you lot
sL: Any more obvious news you'd like to share?
II: Can I share the news that you are an obnoxious stain?
II: That is some news I would like to share.
wW: I have some news too.
wW: You kind of suck.
sN: Oh god this is going to be a long day.
sN: Anyway, I have things to do...do try not killing each other in the meantime...
II: Are you kidding me?
II: Tell me you are joking.
II: You came here just to be stupid... and you are going to leave before I can tell you what I opened THIS FUCKING MEMO to tell you all?
sN: I thought the whole point of this memo was a cock measuring contest...alas I bore of said festivities
qA: Not to intrude, but have you tried stopping your complaints and saying the announcement already?
wW: For once I do agree with II. Stop being stupid, and listen to what he has to say. I'm fairly sure that he has some pretty important information to give us.
wW: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have to go boil my fingers having typed that out.
sN: ...Get to the fucking point then...
II: Can I?
II: Is the floor finally mine in this congress of morons?
sL: Go the fuck ahead, jackass
II: And look if it isn't The Speaker of The House of Degenerates giving me his endorsement. 
qA: For god's sake, if you're so anxious to open this can of worms will you just say it instead of victimizing yourself?
sN: WRY his shit up
sL: Yeah, victimizing you is my job
II: No other idiot wants to fillibuster me?
II: Are you sure? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
wW: God dammit, stop it with the stupid rhetorical questions and get to the matter at hand already!
sL: So this thing isn't taking off anytime soon, I take it
sL: I'll just go back to laughing at cripples again
wW: And speaking of cripples, I might attack someone to get a copy of Sburb. I need to kill some time, and really, it's not like he'll be putting it to good use anyway.

--*panedclysmicClutch [pC] has responded to Memo*--

pC: hit...it
pC: tap..it
pC: one...night...it
pC: wifey...it
pC: not...sure...about...that...one...feels...like...a...BDSM...freak
pC: sL...seems...to...like...cripples...that'll...be...hard...to...replicate
sN: ...Who's this douthe bag?
sN: douche*
wW: Another psycho?
qA: Oh, hi ashley.
qA: Magnanimous as ever, i see.
sL: If I liked cripples, I'd be friendly to every one of you assholes here
II: Would you care to introduce yourself Senator pC? 
sN: ...Or you know, let speaker II get the fuck on with it?
sL: Just another dipshit into the fray
pC: but...I...already...got...impeached...for...sleeping...with...the...secretary...II.
II: You are pardoned for past trespasses. 
pC: so this is the rag tag band of goonies?
pC: I...was...expecting...
pC: nah...my...expectations...were...pretty...much...on...negative
sL: Huh, look at that, someone whose expectations match my own
wW: ...please, can we just let II 'get the fuck on with it' already?
qA: i don't think it's that important, or he would have just typed it out already.
II: It is important.
wW: Then stop yammering on with your snarky little comments and tell us what it is already. God dammit, you are the worst leader ever. Have you not heard of priorities?
II: Of course I have.
II: I just want to make sure you are have all worked out all the pointless bullshit and are willing to listen.
II: Guess what?
wW: No, I refuse to fucking guess anymore. This is stupid, and you're stupid for not just forcing us to listen to your damn information. Who gives a shit if we're willing to listen? WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE YOU IDIOT.
qA: If your next line is not the announcement, i swear...
II: You know when you were complaining more than a bunch of housewifes one of you asked something about the entry order?
wW: Yes, that was me you idiot.
pC: wow...and...I...thought...II...had...a...stick...up...his...ass
pC: these two could fit a rainforest
sN: ...And would you look at that.
sN: I'm all out of fucks to give.
sN: Alice, if they say anything of value let me know.

--*solarNeanderthal [sN] has left the memo*--

II: NO YOU FUCKING STOOGE I WAS GETTING TO THE POINT.
wW: Stop your whining and say it already. I'll relay the message to that idiot later.
II: I KNOW THE FUCKING ENTRY ORDER DIPSHITS.
II: That's what I kind of wanted to tell you all. That's why I started this excercise in masochism.
wW: Well, if you didn't let us all banter so much and stall so much like an idiot, then maybe you could have told us all before that tool left?
wW: Did you consider that possibility?
wW: Did you consider it?
wW: See? You're not the only one who can bust out rhetorical questions. Now, unless you want another person to leave this cesspool of idiocy, tell us the god damn entry order already.
II: You know what with that attitude how about.
II: Hmm, what's the word?
II: Nope?
II: Yes.
II: Nope. 
II: Nope is the word I was searching the seven seas of my mindscape for.
pC: I...thought...it...was...fuckoff
II: That can also be the word. I am flexible.
qA: Can II just be banned from saying anything that is not the entry order?
sL: I want to ban you all from life
wW: Yes, yes, that's hilarious. Banning people from life. How clever!
II: And guess what sL?
II: I want to ban you from this memo.



-- *IllustriousInquisitor [II] banned strifeLord from the memo*--


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hey look one of us ISN'T a completely ineffectual tool.
II: Who would have guessed?
wW: Could you please stop being such a self-absorbed idiot and do your duty as 'team leader' and tell us what we need to know?
II: Hold on.
II: I want James to promise me that he can sit at the big boy table first without throwing a tantrum.
wW: You. Banned. Him.
II: I. Can. Unban. Him
wW: How. Will. He...
wW: Wait, that's stupid. How is he going to promise you anything if he can't respond to the memo?

--* IllustriousInquisitor [II] unbanned strifeLord from the memo*--

II: Look at that i'm a wizard.
wW: 3...2...1...
sL: Well that was fast
sL: So have you said anything important yet or are you still being a huge mongoloid about this
wW: He's still being a huge mongoloid about this, sL.
sL: Figured as much

--*godlyTemptress [gT] responded to the memo*--

gT: Hey people. 
II: Hello there.
II: Nice of you to join us on futility lane.
wW: Give us the entry order.
wW: Entry order.
wW: Give us.
wW: The entry order.
wW: Are you listening to anything I'm saying, leader? Stop petulantly bitching and tell us the entry order. You are pissing me off, and that's pretty hard to do.
pC: animal...crackers...and...apple...juice...sure...is...delicious
qA: i just finished a browser algorithm so i can't see anthing II says unless it has chumhandle initials in it
qA: i now wait.
qA: Also, ashley, it would be "sure are delicious"
pC: I...sure...do...care...a...lot...bout...that...there...grammatical...structuring
gT: Lawlz
II: Okay I'm going to get to the point.
II: I can understand your frustration, but frankly I don't give a damn. 
II: We have one minor thing to get to first.
II: James.
II: Are you having fun mocking cripples?
wW: I thought you said you were going to get to the point?
sL: Well yeah, mocking you all is good fun
qA: Oh, did he say more things?
qA: Can't say i'm surprised.
gT: pC you got any gold fish?
pC: I...got...sharks
II: You know what qA?
II: I'm tempted to make a browser algorithm that would filter out every piece of inane bullshit you guys say.
II: But then I would just be staring at a blank screen for the rest of eternity. Endless white, mixed with the blood of my forehead after I ram my skull through the screen.
gT: Oh man I'm so hungry could eat a shark. -_-
wW: Am I the only one who is able to focus on what's actually important?
wW: Hey, II, how about you pass on the torch to me and let me be the leader? You seem to be incapable of doing anything apart from complain and not get to the point.
sL: Oh shit, it's a mutiny
sL: This keeps getting funnier with each passing moment
qA: Okay, i'm leaving
qA: Gonna make a pizza or something.
sL: And nothing of value will be lost
wW: I'll tell you if II tells us anything important. Like, you know, a responsible team-mate would do?
gT: Going to raid the fridge I might have animal crackers....in the fridge....
gT: 
II: No.
II: Stay
II: The point is coming.
wW: No it fucking isn't. You've said this like ten times.
wW: And oh, look, NO POINT!
II: Look at it. It's waving to us as it drives nearer and nearer.
II: I just need to ask James one question.
II: Why James.
II: Are you mocking cripples when you are the next one in?
II: You know you probably burned up 80% of your time with such inane bullshit and now a meteor has too be on the verge of an up close and personal meeting.
II: Why don't you work on that a bit you worthless sod?
wW: Yeah, that's it. I'm taking over this stupid thing now. II, tell me what you know, and I'll tell everybody else the entry order since you seem to be incapable of doing that. Crippled, if you will.
sL: I would work on it if mD was around to set it up, you word-vomiting piece of shit
II: I would work a little more earnestly on contacting him.
II: Unless you prefer to lose a few pounds through instant disintegration.
wW: Want to hear a joke, II?
wW: Knock knock.
wW: Who's there?
wW: Shut the hell up and get the fuck on with it.
pC: "Shut the hell up and get on with it" who?
wW: Shut the hell up and get the fuck on with it II.
II  I am getting the fuck on with it. 
II: sL entering is kind of a big part of the process you nimrod.
wW: Well, gee! Maybe we'd have known this if you DID YOUR JOB AND TOLD US.
gT: Hmmm, this is just fascinating. .jpg
II: What are your first impressions of this group of ours gT?
gT: You guys are a bit high-strung. Relax...
II: Excellent advice.
wW: I am not highstrung. I'm just annoyed that II isn't telling us the entry order and focusing on inane and minute freakin' details that don't even matter.
qA: Back
qA: Pizza's in the oven.
II: sL already knew his order you freaking idiot. I did my job. 
wW: No you didn't. Your job as a LEADER is to LEAD. So far you're only leading us into disaster. As a leader, you have to inform us, the team, of the important details, not just an individual.
II: My job is to get us in. Guess what so far I have a 100% success rate. 
qA: i'm surprised you guys haven't caught on to what he's doing here.
gT: funny thing is I'm cooking a pizza right now. 

--*IIlustriousInquisitor uploaded entryorder.doc and sent it to every member*--

II: Now shut up so I can tell you guys more things.
gT: Why am I not first?
II: Because you were not meant to go first.
gT: Ladies first...whatever happened to gentleman? 
gT: Q_Q
wW: In Britain, we have this saying. Ladies first, but men just before.
II: Not surprising coming from a brit. 
qA: England can go suck an egg
qA: Scotland and Wales are cool though.
wW: Whoever said anything about England, Scotland or Wales? I'm talking about Britain as a whole.
wW: Anyway, now that II seems to finally be willing to shed some light on this game, could we all just quiet down and listen to what he has to say?
pC: I'm...rather...certain...that...saying...is...sexual
pC: or...maybe...that's...just...me
pC: probably...just...me
II: Everything is sexual to you. 
II: You are like all of Freud's theories embodied in a single annoying vessel.
qA: i didn't think he had anything to say
qA: Figured he was trying to get us to learn about each other in the most infuriating way under the guise of a helpful bulletin
wW: And, pray tell, why would any of us want to learn anything about each other?
pC: hey...now...not...everything...is...sexual
pC: I'd...say...only...a...good...77%
II: Well at least one of you can pick up on one of my primary objectives.
II: Can we all just admit that most of you hate most of everyone here?
II: But we are stuck with each other. 
II: So you will learn to deal with it.
wW: Did we really ever have a choice to begin with? I knew from the start I'd be stuck with a bunch of psychos, freaks and associated dick heads.
pC: hey...cocksleaves...were...not...in...tha...list...of...items
pC: you...discriminanting...fucker
qA: See, not everone is a big of a social pessimist as you are, II
qA: Many of these people, but not everyone.
sL: So how has pC not choked on a dick yet
pC: lung...training
wW: So are you like some prostitute or something?
II: Well at least you are dedicated to your craft.
sL: Shit, I think we've got a biological weapon on our hands
sL: If we pop this bitch, every asshole around her in a 50 mile area would get fucked by all sorts of diseases
wW: I'll admit it. I laughed at that.
qA: See? We're bonding in our absurdly vitrolic way.
qA: Just as Alfredo Fettuchini planned from the start.
sL: Only thing I'm bonding is my foot to your faces
wW: I'm pretty sure pC is an expert at bonding.
II: Oh man look at us.
II: Making fun of the sexual promiscuity of a team mate.
II: We are such good people.
gT: heh, still talking about sex?
pC: eh...its...a...better...topic...than...the...shit...before
pC: did...we really...need 50 lines of wW raging at you like a frustated catholic preacher looking...at...a...choir...boy?
II: Don't talk about sex around GT.
II: She is a minor, have some class.
gT: just lol


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: So, qA, it seems you're my client server or something?
pC: II...I...think...we...can...all...agree
pC: not...a...single...person...here...has...an...ounce...of...class
II: And the winner of the most accurate statement of the week award goes to...
qA: Yes, wW, i'm your client.
qA: Which i had already learned from Detective Asshat's grand deception earlier.
qA: Honestly, i have no reason to be here.
wW: Neither do I, really
qA: He won't
qA: To be honest, he never did.
II: I do have one last thing to say to you and then whoever wishes to leave can leave.
pC: oh...hey...II...you're...my...client
II: Don't remind me.
pC: come...now...II...what...kind...of...damage...could...I...possibly...do?
II: We will be going over server/client protocol later pC. 
II: In private.
qA: II, let me stop you right there.
qA: i gather that sL is first to enter, since you complained about it earlier.
II: Congratulations, you can read.
qA: His server is mD, who is not in this memo.
qA: Ergo, progress is not a thing which is going to be borne from this.
II: Yes it is. 
II: Now shut up.
wW: No reason to be so rude, is there?
II: First thing first. 
II: Do you all finally trust me? 
wW: I trust your knowledge on the game, but not your leadership skills. Or you personally. But I can set that aside if it means we can survive.
qA: Well, when you've done nothing but deceive and frustrate intentionally, how can i not trust you?
pC: gonna...need...a...HIV...test...II
pC: best...ironic...statement...I've...made...all...year
II: Everything I do. Is for a REASON.
II: You are all not always going to be entitled to know that reason, but a reason will always be there.
II: I know I ask a lot, but if you wish to succeed in this game you will need to listen to me in some manner.
II: You can hate me, in fact I'm convinced you all do hate me.
II: That doesn't matter. 
II: All that does is that you trust my tactical acumen and that I have your best interests at heart.
qA: Okay, normally i would go on about how expecting nothing but loathing from your teammates is a surefire way to get teammates to loathe you, but i'm too tired.
II: I'm a detective not an idiot.
II: The fact that most of you don't like me is pretty evident.
II: The fact that I don't care is also pretty evident, cause my opinion of most of you is not that sterling either.
pC: animal...crackers...all...gone
qA: Hey Ashtray, you're seeing this too, right?
qA: How he actively makes people hate him on his first impression so he can feed his ego through self-pity?
wW: Probably to make us easier to manipulate as well. Seems like the type of thing he'd do.
pC: did...you...call...me...ashtray?
pC: the...fuck?
II: I'm sure that sL can actually agree with me on this point.
II: I do not feel like I need to make the effort to mask my true character through societal norms, to dance this inept idiot dance with the rest of you.
II: I don't need validation from you or anyone.
qA: No, i'm not telling you to stop being an asshole
qA: i'm just letting you know that it was entirely your choice and your fault and you should stop acting like it's not.
qA: But that would require being less of an ass, so nvm.
gT: Oh man was that a good pizza.
gT: Do you guys have a favorite flavor? 
wW: I like ham and pineapple. Meat feast is good too.
sL: Yeah, I don't give two fucks what any of you say about each other as long as you gaggle of ^ (not the meaning of the word "respect".) can benefit me
sL: That's one of the very very few things I can agree with II
gT: I like cheese and pepperoni myself.
wW: That's good too.
gT: Why is sL such a sociopath btw?
sL: Why are you such a useless cuntrag?
wW: Well, it seems like we've finally gotten used to each other. Somewhat.
pC: but...no...one's...used...me...yet
qA: Well then, i'd best check on my pizza
qA: Lily made me hungry.
qA: gT's name is Lily btw, say hi to her.

--*quantitativeArbitor [qA] has left the memo*--

gT: that pizza has got to be burnt, hahaha.
gT: good stuff.
wW: I'll probably have to go and hunt down a copy of Sburb later myself.
gT: Good Ashley is gone, let's talk about her behind her back 
II: Most things concerning Ashley are done behind her back.
gT: Zinger! 
wW: I'm waiting for pC to make a sexual innuendo about all this.
sL: Alright, I'm man enough to admit that made me chuckle
sL: Not that you care of course, just like how I don't care about what you say
II: Of course.
II: Now since qA isn't around to snipe me let's move on to another thing I wish to cover.
II: Well I didn't want to cover it but the cat's out of the bag now.
II: Tell me how many of you have.... unusual dreams?
sL: Define unusual
II: Well for you that would be something happy and uplifting.
sL: More like horribly, blindingly bright, but okay
pC: hey...julius
pC: you...still got that old corvette?
II: That's interesting. 
II: And yes I do Ashley. Why do you ask?
gT: Ugh I hate how this bra pushes up against my breast. Brb changing
pC: well...,ignoring...the...obvious...jail...bait...moment...above,...i...was...wondering...if...it was...still...in...good...condition
wW: You already know about me, II.
II: Indeed I do. And since you let the cat out, i'm just checking to see who else has been active of late.
II: The car needs a tune up Ash but besides that it's in optimal form.
gT: Feels so good to let these girls hang loose. 
gT: So what has everyone been up to? I'm really curious =]
II: I was just asking everyone gT, If they have been experiencing weird dreams as of late.
II: Have you been?
pC: well...if...we're...meeting...up,...mind...bringing...it, 
pC: I...could...find...a...definitive...use...for...it.
gT: *blushes*
gT: What I dream about is none of your business perv! 
gT: :<


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Tell you what you can have the car. 
II: I'll bring it to you whenever that is humanely possible.
II: gT just answer the question.
II: I'm a detective, not a guy in a windowless van.
gT: Well there is this one dream I had it was weird.
gT: Felt too real to be a dream. 
gT: I think I was abducted by aliens 
II: That's.... not the kind of dream I was talking about.
II: Sounds fun though. Well I guess for people like Ashley the abduction process would have a little extra thrill to it.
gT: Oh I'm joking, but really what is with the nonsense of dreams. Dreams are just that...dreams.
II: Normally, you are correct.
II: But we are special. 
II: Our dreams are so much more.
gT: I am not a sped. I am not special education, thank you....
II: Okay let me boil this down for you.
II: There are three types of dreamers in this game.
II: The third type is unimportant, it's the first two that matter.
gT: You sound like a religious nut.
II: You are playing a magical game that transports you to another planet. 
II: Try to suspend your disbelief a bit.
gT: II that is called science. -_-
gT: Le sigh
pC: is this shit serious like seriously seriously serious
pC: am I completely without drugs in my system at this current point in time?
sL: I find it hilarious that qA left before II spilled all this information
sL: Isn't life grand
gT: Someone should pester her so she can laugh at II with us.  
II: For someone only 14 the world sure has left you hardened gT. 
sL: And up the useless factor more?  I think qA is fine where she is
sL: She'd be better off dead though, like the rest of you, but we can't all have what we want
gT: I'm a member of Mensa. I believe in proof and shit. 
II: Mensa's a worthless institution of people who think they know all the answers when reality is nothing if not forever beyond our understanding.
gT: ...
gT: Am I the only one getting a serial killer vibe from SL? Okay  *whistles*
II: That must be your mensa level intellect striking gold.
gT: You can rash on Mensa, but you will never get to see Steven Hawkin's secret Lab!
gT: So there! Hahahahahahahha.
II: If I wanted to see a lame cripple I would just go to that Kawata Shoujo wiki.
II: Now radiant child of science.
II: Listen to the worlds of this mad prophet, who also happens to have degrees in the mystical arts of 'science'. 
II: And listen to wW a bit. He has woken up just recently.
gT: Ok Jesus enlighten me with your Buddha logic.
ME: STATEMENT: I SEE YOU ARE ALL CONTINUING WITH THIS INANE DRIVEL EVEN AFTER JULIUS HAS MADE HIS POINT. BUFFOONS THE LOT OF YOU, THE ONLY REASON JULIUS CONTINUES WITH THIS IS TO SATISFY HIS EGO.
ME: QUERY: DO ANY OF YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN INDULGE A PRETENTIOUS ITALIAN INGRATE? 
sL: Fuck this coy shit
sL: gT, do you or do you not dream of a horribly bright golden world
sL: That's the main question, now fucking answer, shithead
II: There are two options for everyone in this game. 
II: You dream in the kingdom of light or the kingdom of dark.
gT: ME is bipolar right? I think that his or her type style is a manifestation of that disease >.>
pC: statement: how...does...ME...manage...to...talk...with...an...oak...going...up...one..end and...coming...out...the...other?
II: ME please dispense with the compliments. You are making me blush.
gT: @sL, Yes Steven Hawkin's lab is golden and glorious. 
II: Okay look.
II: Either you are awake, not awake, or have had glimpses of awakening.
gT: I'm clearly awake and talking with you right now II. 
gT: Are you on medication? >.> 
II: Please don't be cute with me gT.
gT: I am not being cute. You are trying to tell me I'm having these weird delusions of grandeur. Those are dreams, they aren't real. 
gT: Next you will tell me there is a big man in the sky who draws all of us in a webcomic series....
II: Please.... you are frustrating the hell out of me.
II: wW tell her. About Derse.
II: Please. I beg you.
wW: Oh sorry, I was searching for something. I'm back now.
gT: Wow, II getting frustrated over a minor? Call the cops....
II: I am the cops.
gT: Oh boy...
wW: Alright, I'm leading this conversation now so shush.
wW: gT, do you know what Skaia is?
gT: Isn't it the game world? 
wW: You can think of it as such, yes.
wW: But, Skaia is actually a battle-field. With a perpetual war between two forces.
wW: The Kingdoms of Light and Darkness. Prospit and Derse, respectively.
wW: Prospit and Derse are also floating planet/city things that orbit the battlefield of Skaia, and have smaller moons orbiting them as well.
II: And we are the prince and princesses of these two kingdoms okay.
wW: Yes. And as per prince and princess tradition, there are people who try to kill us.
gT: There is no real good or evil.
gT: :/ 
gT: I'm sure we can negotiate a ceasefire in game if we really wanted. We should try that!
II: Diplomacy is for cowards and the U.N.
wW: II I can see why you got so fustrated.
ME: SCOFF: A WORTHLESS PROPOSITION. IN THE TIME I WAS GONE I HAD DETERMINED SOME FACTS CONCERNING THIS PLANET AND THE MONSTERS THAT INHABIT IT. I AM NOT COMPLETELY CERTAIN, BUT IT SEEMS THAT THEY MAY BE RELATED TO THIS DERSE YOU SPEAK OF.
ME: OBSERVATION: IT ALSO SEEMS THAT ALL OF THE MONSTERS TRANSFORM INTO STRANGE CUBES USEFUL FOR ALCHEMIZATION. I HAVE NOT DETERMINED YET WHETHER OTHER CREATURES POSSESS THE SAME PROPERTIES.
sL: Hahahahaha, negotiation
sL: Good joke gT
wW: I'm with sL on this one. Screw negotiation. We have more important things to do in-game.
sL: Like kill things
sL: And even more things
wW: Precisely.
gT: Oh and this game role play
gT: Sounds like Chronicles of Narnia, hahaha.
wW: I was away from the keyboard a bit, II. Is gT a Derse dreamer?
II: No.
II: I know who is a derse dreamer, and from that I can deduce who isn't. That's what an education allows of you.
wW: Yeah she didn't seem like a Derse dreamer. Then again, sL is a Prospit-dreamer, so...
II: Now here comes a big shocker.
II: I hope everyone is on the edge of their seats.
II: When it comes to Prospit policies and the intricacies of that kingdom.
II: I don't know everything there is to know.
II: I will take a moment to let that revelation sink in.
ME: IRRITATION: UGH, NO ONE CARES AT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MORE IGNORANT THAN YOU MAKE YOURSELF OUT TO BE. THIS IS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS EVEN TO AN INVALID LIKE SL.
sL: All I know about Prospit is that you can get visions by flying up into the clouds like a gigantic douchetool
sL: Future visions that are utterly useless to me
II: But the frolicking no doubt, is not.
sL: I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment
II: Okay so here comes the fun part.
II: Over the years I have learned a lot about what we will do. 
ME: QUERY: SL ALSO HAS ACCESS TO FOOLISH AND ILLOGICAL DREAMWORLD DANCE CONCERTOS? 
ME: STATEMENT: THIS AT LEAST RULES OUT THE POSSIBILITY OF II POSSESSING A MASOCHISTIC ATTRACTION TO HIM BEING THE BASIS OF SL STILL STAYING ON THIS TEAM DESPITE THE UNIVERSAL EMNITY EVERYONE HAS FOR HIM.
II: That is a theory I will thorougly investigate at a later date.
ME: STATEMENT: YES, 'DATES', INDEED.
pC: back,...sup?
II: Oh hardy har har. 
II: I see you are running a new sarcasm program ME. Did you upgrade to vista at last?
sL: I got a good program for ME
sL: deadonthefloor.exe
ME: STATEMENT: LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR INAPPROPRIATE FANTASIES, SL, YOU EMBARASS YOURSELF FURTHER. AND NO, II, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF I AM CAPABLE OF SARCASM.
ME: FACT: IT IS SIMPLY A WASTE OF TIME IN MANY SITUATIONS, THUS I REFRAIN FROM EXERCISING IN THIS ACT.


----------



## Platinum (Apr 21, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: So, I've a question. What weapons do you guys use?
II: Hold on.
II: Just let me say this one thing.
II: Look those who dream in the Kingdom of Prospit are going to have to work out among themselves who will be in charge of future dream based operations. 
II: When you do, please tell me who you picked.
pC: I think the serial killer'll...probably...be...the...best...choice
pC: as...strange...as...that...sounds
sL: Wait what
sL: Why am I leading the golden asshole dream brigade
sL: Yeah, I'm superior to those fuckheads but taking leadership of them is something I'd rather not do
sL: That's almost as absurd as II picking me as his "second in-command" of this sorry ass team
II: Come on now sL. That's not absurd. That is just simply an impossibility.
wW: So, back to my question. What weapon does everyone use?
ME: BOAST: THE CHACHADROIDS POSSESS WEAPONRY ADVANCED ENOUGH THAT I NEED NOT USE MY WRENCH TO DEFEAT MY ENEMIES.
sL: I use some huge broadsword thing now
sL: I'm good with knives too
sL: All the better to stab you with
wW: bladeKind like me then I see. Except I use katanas and rapiers.
II: I'm beginning to wonder if I fell into DaVinci's legendary time portal. 
sL: AHAHAHAHAHAHA
sL: Katanas
wW: Are you laughing at my katanas? They would cut through your dumb broadswords like butter.
II: None of you use anything remotely modern?
II: I fight with an army of cavemen.
ME: STATEMENT: NO NEED FOR THAT, JULIUS. 
ME: EXPOSITION: I HAVE BEGUN EXPERIMENTING WITH THE ALCHEMY SYSTEM. IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE TO CREATE WEAPONS ADVANCED ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR VAUNTED PISTOLS LOOK LIKE THE OUTDATED ANTIQUES THAT THEY ARE.
wW: Also, katanas and rapiers are far classier. Effeciency might be useful, but class is a gift that gives eternally.
sL: Oh shit, I think that's the first useful thing ME has said
sL: He needs a congratulatory applause now
II: Katanas are for gigantic tools and for people who think they are badass urban knights.
wW: And that's what I am. A badass urban knight.
II: You are more of the former than the latter.
wW: Hah.
ME: STATEMENT: UNFORTUNATELY IT SEEMS THAT STRONGER WEAPONS REQUIRE LARGER AMOUNTS OF GRIST AS WELL AS RARER VARIANTS OF SAID RESOURCE. MY ATTEMPTS TO CREATE A MONOMOLECULAR CHAINWRENCH FOR EXAMPLE WAS DASHED BY THE FACT THAT I REQUIRE GARNET GRIST FOR IT.
wW: That makes sense. Game balance and all that.
gT: Any of you play TF2? 
II: We are playing the "Not Get Killed By Flaming Rocks" game.
II: Would you care to join us?
gT: your lost I just got a sick hat. I know you jelly. 
ME: FACT: THESE TF2 HATS YOU SPEAK OF ARE WORTHLESS. 
wW: I see.
II: If you want a real hat I can recommend a great haberdashery. 
wW: Fedoras are the only good hats.
II: Don't try to kiss up to me. 
wW: Don't flatter yourself, II.
II: Please. 
II: I'm the only one around here with a flair for style.
wW: *cough*
sL: Aww, you two are adorable
sL: Anyway, is there still a point to this
wW: Me asking what your weapons are? Not really, I'm just curious. Also, I'm sure I could put this information to use in some sort of plan. Perhaps there's still a final boss in this game? Those usually require an extensive amount of planning and preparation to defeat.
II: Those types of plans will be made in time.
II: Just focus on the basics. 
II: I would hate for you to focus your attention on the end game only to get killed out of the gate.
wW: So there /is/ a final boss then? Is it one of the Dersites or Prospitians? The King or Queen? That would make sense.
II: Final boss, final obstacle who knows? 
II: There's always a climactic battle in these type of things.
wW: Well, I've played enough video games to know that these guys are usually really tough.
II: They are not the final boss for nothing.
wW: True that. So, what's the aim of the game precisely?
II: That is up to us.
II: We make of our journey what we will.
wW: No, but what's the end-game result? Every game has a plot that ends eventually.
II: And some have multiple endings.
wW: But still have one main ending. What is the main ending of Sburb?
II: When we either triumph over adversity or die.
wW: Yes, but what happens after the former? Do we just...wander around aimlessly?
II: Again what happens to us depends entirely on our own choices. 
wW: I see. Still seems kind of...hm, pointless to me.
II: So does anyone else have any burning questions or is the main purpose of this memo accomplished?
ME: STATEMENT: ALL THINGS WILL BE MADE CLEAR ONCE YOU CRETINS ACTUALLY START ENTERING YOUR RESPECTIVE LANDS. FOR NOW EVERYTHING YOU FOOLS ARE TALKING ABOUT IS PURE CONJECTURE. PRESUMABLY SOME WORLDS WILL HAVE DIFFERENT INFORMATION TO PRESENT TO ITS PLAYERS THAN OTHERS.
wW: And on that note, I will sleep once more.

--*wanderingWriter [wW] has stopped responding to memo*--

sL: Yeah speaking of entering, where the fuck's mD?
II: ME can I ask a question before we all sign off?
II: Was it... as bad as you thought?
II: I trust you were decent to ME through the entering process James?
gT: I'll catch you all later. Night.

gT: --godlyTemptress [gT] has stopped responding to dildo--
 --*godlyTemptress [gT] has stopped responding to memo*--

sL: As decent as anyone could be to such an upstanding individual
sL: Now seriously, where's mD?
II: Well I could expect no less out of you James.
II: Also must I do everything around here?
II: He knows the score, you seriously can't reach him or are you just procrastinating to mock cripples some more?
sL: I tried to contact him just now and the fucker isn't responding, so I might as well mock cripples to kill time
ME: STATEMENT: I WILL DISCUSS SL'S HANDLING OF THE SITUATION IN PRIVATE. HOWEVER, IT DOES NOT TAKE A GENIUS TO KNOW HE DID HIS DUTIES INCOMPETENTLY.
sL: Not my fault you can't dodge for shit
II: ...
II: Are you serious?
ME: STATEMENT: YOUR ATTACKS DID NO DAMAGE. I SEE NO REASON TO AVOID DUST MOTES LANDING UPON MY GLOVES.
sL: You sound terribly frustrated about something that supposedly did no damage
ME: STATEMENT: RATHER THAN DEAL WITH THE SITUATION EFFICIENTLY YOU DECIDE TO PLAY THE MURDEROUS FOOL.
II: He's not playing. 
II: Those are the only two modes he has. 
II: Stupid and Murderous. 
II: Well I believe we had a.... productive? First memo.
II: Would you say it was productive?
sL: Productive like a fat man that ate too much burrito
sL: And with that, I'm out
ME: STATEMENT: MONGRELS THE LOT OF YOU.

--*strifeLord [sL] has ceased responding to memo*--

--*machinaExalted [ME] ceased responding to memo*--

II: Yeah... I don't even get that joke.




--*IllustriousInquisitor [II] closed the memo on Team Anti-Social*--

Blood... I taste blood in my mouth. Ah, it appears I chewed my lower lip raw. Figures, out of all the ideas in my life that was no doubt the worse one I have ever had. Ever. But sometimes it is in hardships we learn the greatest of truths. And I learned a lot in this memo.  Everything I do is with a variety of goals in mind, and I never fail to reach most of them. Alice was right in that I intended for this to be a quick way for them all to socialize with each other. But oh is it also so much more than that.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 21, 2012)

*A Truly Golden Nap*

James drifted off to sleep, with the intent of once again going into that bright golden city.  He hated the brightness of that place, how it always shines all the fucking time, never giving his eyes a goddamn break.  But there was information there, and James intends to dig for it, even if it means he has to suffer a little.  

He finds himself awake in that bright world, in a room situated on the top floor of one of the world's towers.  James gets up and looks through his window.  He gets nearly blinded by an excessive amount of light, as expected.  There were also buildings as far as the eye could see.  The place was littered with them.  They were all beautifully constructed, but James is not the type to appreciate them and was only thinking of getting away from this place as fast as possible.  He also sees a bunch of white people bustling about the place.  White as in literally white, as white as snow.  James would have gone down to kill some of them, but business comes before pleasure for the moment.  The person he talked to on Pesterchum a while ago did say that there was a method of gaining some advance information on these dream worlds.  Determined to find out how, James begins to step out of the window and floated several feet above the ground.  The white people looked on in awe at him, but he ignored them and kept on going upwards.  He saw vague visions on the clouds above and decided that ascending would be the best choice in order to clearer see them.  James flies higher up and sees...really meaningless shit.  Small imp-like monsters, big monsters the size of small buildings, some people, presumably his pathetic team, fighting them, and himself with a brand new weapon and a new killer coat to go with it.  Alright, maybe not all of it was useless.  James at least knows that the game offers new things to kill and maim.  As for the coat and new sword, he'd have to find out how he gets them.

Deciding he's had enough of this world for the moment, James descends back down to his tower and lies down in his room in order to get away from the horrid brightness of it all.  The less time he spends there, the better.


----------



## Cadrien (Apr 21, 2012)

Upon inspection of the list there appear to be 10 other players. No time like the present to get to know them, right? Nothing else really going on right now anyways at least. Selection at random deems pC to be the next target of your inquiries.

*-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering panedclysmicClutch [pC] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: Hello, fellow SBURB player.
mD: What up?
pC: nothing
mD: Well surely you have to be doing something.
mD: Aside from now being pestered by me that is.
pC: well...there...was...this...butterfly...and...it...was...like...holy...shit...a...butterfly
pC: and...i...watched...it...for...like...five...minutes
mD: What an interesting life you seem to lead pC.*




Hmm, not a promising start.


*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: Sorry, that may have come out a bit more biting than I intended it to...
mD: So, to quote the last person I talked to..."what's your stake in all this"?
mD: "All this" refering to the game, of course.
pC: the...virginities...all....of...them
pC: delicious...delicious...fresh...pootang*




Oh dear.


*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: ...
mD: I see.
mD: No, but seriously, how'd you hear about it.
mD: Why are you playing?
pC: italians are very persuasive
pC: especially...when...they...go...fast...and...are...straight...forward...and...leave a...little...mmmm...gives...me shivers
pC: long...story...short...II...invited...me...and...i...got...nothing...better...to...do
mD: Hmm, I am seeing a common theme here.*




Are all of the players in this game going to be hand picked by II? So far you don't think much of his choices, you'll admit.


*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: Do you have prior experience with II then?
mD: Or was this an out of the blue "Buon giorno, would you like-a to play-a this game with some other-a people?"
pC: did...you...miss...the...whole...bedroom...bully...discussion...like...right...above
pC: i...know...him
pC: not...well...but...good...nuff
pC: would...be...better...off...if...I...knew...more,
pC:might...help...get...that...stick...out...his...ass...and...place...it...somewhere...more...productive
mD: Hahahahaha*




That was in fact nervous laughter. You really don't do well when it comes to stuff like this. A personal failing as a romantic thief. Oh the shame.


*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: Well. This is an interesting and possibly awkward conversation to be sure.
mD: Know anything about the game?
pC: i...know...
pC: nope...not...a....shit
mD: Well, in the interest of not seeing a lady (I'm guessing you're a girl from your various insinuations) perish, allow me to share an interesting factoid.
mD: Seemingly at some point
mD: Meteors are gonna be gunning for us.
pC: oh...I...know...that
pC: like...that...all...mr...rogers...?
mD: Mr....rogers...?
mD: Nevermind.
mD: Uh, yeah. I honestly don't know terribly much.
mD: I only knew that because the last person I talked to mentioned it in passing.
pC: It's...a...beautiful...day...in...this...neighborhood, 
pC:A...beautiful...day...for...a...neighbor,
pC Would...you...be...mine...?
pC: Could...you...be...mine...? 
mD: W-what?
mD: Well this is a very productive conversation we are having, isn't it.
mD: How about, this might sound a bit crazy, but bear with me here.
mD: How about you, tell me, about yourself? Yeah?
mD: Let's go with that.
pC: first...name...inigo
pC: last...name...montoya
pC: father...may...or...may...not...be...deceased..at...this...point...and...time*




And a wise-ass to boot.


*Spoiler*: __ 




*pC: but yeah...woman,...all...woman...21...possibly...fucking...with...you
pC: actually...very...likely...i'm...fucking...with...you
pC: but...it's...the...good...fucking...with
pC: like sex with contraceptives
mD: I'll take your word for it
pC: so...ASL...?
mD: Hmm, promise to not hunt me down in the hope of snagging up some...
mD: Crap, what would be the term.
pC:fresh...dickings?...lovely...cunny?...nubile...jailbait?...beating...down..my...door...with...some...teen...boy...core?
pC: choice...ass?
pC: in...which...case,...nope...can't...promise...that
mD: Those are certainly things, some of which apply more than others.
mD: My name is Valen, and the jailbait suggestion is sadly out since I'm 19
mD: If it will help provoke further discussion, I will make mention of the fact that I am an..artist of sorts.
mD: At least I consider my trade an art, which would therefore make me the aforementioned title.*


*

--twenty minutes of no response later.--


Spoiler:  




pC: yo...still...there?
pC: got...a...bit...bored...so...I...decided...to...wash...my...car




--a minute of no response later--


Spoiler:  




mD: Oh, sorry, you didn't respond so I went to go make myself a sandwich.
mD: Which, by the way, is fucking delicious.
mD: I'm back now though.
pC:yo...and...stuff
pC: michelangelo...da...van...gogh
mD: Mm, not that type of artist, haha.
mD: I am what II would call, a miniscule spot on his radar
mD: I am also what some now less wealthy folks would like to find and shoot full of hot lead.
mD: I'm doing my best to come up with phrases that will keep your attention here.
pC: just...dangle...keys...in...front...of...my..eyes
pC: shiny...keys
pC: not...that...dull...brass...shit
mD: Rather difficult at the moment.
mD: My arms probably aren't long enough to reach to where ever you are.
mD: And then you wouldn't be paying attention to what I'm saying.
pC: i...wouldn't...say...that
pC: you're...actually...not...boring
pC: or...sexually...frustrated
mD: Are those two related to each other, or mutually exclusive?
pC: both...and...neither
pC: like...a...hot...tranny...who...you're...wondering...pre...op...or...post...op
pC: but...enough...sexual...teasing...bullshit
pC: regular...half...ass...bullshit...time
pC: so...what...do...you...do...picaso?
pC: full...somewhat...divided...attention
mD: Fair enough 
mD: I am what a lot of people would term as a thief.
mD: I make stealing fun though.
mD: For me at least, less so for the not-so-poor saps who I take from.
mD: Figuring out how to sneak in, how to get to the goal, and how to get it and yourself out.
mD: It's quite satisfying.
mD: Like the conclusion to one of your seemingly preferred activities.
pC: artist
pC: thief
pC: you're...now...in...my...mind...a...french...man..complete...with...beret..and...curly... moustache...in...green...tights
pC: picaso...hood
mD: Oh dear, how dreadfully misrepresented I am in your mind.
mD: As said earlier, I'm 19 haha.
mD: No lie.
mD: And I'm not french.
mD: American.
mD: I just tend to be a bit more...eloquent...than the average 19 year old American guy.
pC: you...never...denied...the...green...tights
mD: If it helps you get off at night, feel free to imagine me in green tights all you want.
mD: I'm sure that they would offer you...well....
mD: Choice ass, shall we say.
pC: pffft...shows...what...you...know...I...get...offf...on...sports...outfits
pC: hey...what...were...we...talking...about...?
pC: like...shit...that...I...can...go...back...and...read...and...actually...give...a...damn...bout... later
mD: Key things: We're both playing SBURB
mD: We both know II.
mD: We're cool.
mD: In your mind's eye I wear green tights.
mD: I think that sums it up.
pC: kthnxbai
mD: Goodbye?





-- panedclysmicClutch [pC] ceased pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --


Spoiler:  




mD: Phew...




Well. Hopefully the worst is out of the way now? II, brilliant detective? Crazy nutter? Or master troll? Or some combination there-in? Probably that last option.

Reflecting upon the log, was anything actually even gained from that exchange, information-wise? No. More information was given than received whilst trying to elicit something other than crude wise-cracks from her. Ah well. 

Oh? What's this? A memo board, huh? Let's play it by ear.

-- Memo goes here --

Ow. Sides are in pain. But oh gooooodddddd, ahahahaha. That was fucking hilarious. The fact that they thought you were off somewhere just further adds to it. More bargaining pieces. Well, sort of. More like knowing stuff that the rest assumed you didn't. But hey any advantage is an advantage.*


----------



## Nicodemus (Apr 22, 2012)

Cess groaned and popped open a coke. She needed _something_ to wake her up so that she could focus. The meteor showers on television were getting more and more pronounced and dangerous, and she wasn't going to do herself any good by sitting around like an idiot.

She took a sip of the fizzy liquid and sighed as the caffeine shot through her. Excellent.

*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rb]--*

Oh, just what she needed. More of these people. She sighed and worked to push her instinctively negative reaction aside, accepting the invitation to chat.


*Spoiler*: __ 




qA: ...Hello there.
rB: hi!!! are you another player??? seems all of you have been contacting me since i joined the team
qA: Yes, i am another of the players
qA: Just contacting you to get a feel for your personality, i guess
qA: Sorry if i seem a bit non-social, but the others have taken a lot out of me
rB: no, i get it
rB: i haven't talked to everyone yet but the two i have seem to be a handful
rB: makes me wonder how i'm going to get through a whole game session with them
qA: Oh man, if i weren't so tired, i'd hazard a guess as to who
qA: Let me go out on a limb here though: was one of them II?
rB: haha however did you guess??? he seemed nice enough, if a little snooty
qA: Well, that's one word for it, i suppose.
qA: And who was the other?
rB: sL
rB: he was...you know what, i don't even want to talk about it
rB: hopefully we never have to meet in person
rB: oh yeah
rB: there was someone else too, the person who invited me
rB: i don't know who he was though
rB: i'll run into him eventually i suppose
qA: Oh, come now.
qA: Surely if you can tolerate II, sL can't be THAT bad.
rB: he is definitely that bad
rB: if you look up that bad in the dictionary sL will be there
rB: at least II didn't threaten to murder me or swear constantly
rB: he had some class
rB: admittedly not as much as he thinks he has
rB: but whatever
qA: Swearing is a thing that a lot of our players too quite a bit, just as a heads up
qA: And II probably theatened you in some crazy way where its not even obvious through his thick classy musk
qA: sL is brutaly honest, which i would prefer over slick-tounged lies
rB: eh, maybe
rB: you know them better than i do, so i
rB: suppose i should listen to you about that
rB: but talking about sL is not my idea of a good time
rB: what about you??? why are you mixed up in this whole sburb thing???
qA: Oh i'm just a sucker for hype
qA: From what i've seen the game is good and fun, so i "procured" a copy
qA: Apparently, you don't really get to choose your partners with it.
rB: ah, you "procured" a copy too???
rB: nice to meet a fellow pirater
rB: II was all up in my case about that
rB: ....
rB: ah
rB: now i see the subtle threat
qA: Pfft
qA: No wait hold on
qA: PffpFPftttTttt...
qA: It's nice to know you're also a "pirater", but the threat is probably much greater on my ends from him.
rB: ???
qA: Well, how much have you pirated?
rB: a lot i guess
rB: i don't really keep track
rB: but i don't think i've actually bought a game since middle school
qA: Well, i'm sort of side-tracking here, but how long ago was middle school?
rB: oh uh just a few years ago haha
rB: i'm only sixteen
qA: Ah, so am i.
qA: My name is Alice, by the way.
qA: And yours?
rB: oh well nice to meet you alice!!!
rB: my name's cessily
rB: but all my friends call me cess
rB: and i guess you're one of my friends now so...
qA: Aw, thanks!
qA: Man, i'd almost forgotten what it's like to have a nice conversation like this...
rB: ugh tell me about it
rB: but we got off topic!!!
rB: what's II threatening you about???
qA: Oh, nothing in particular
qA: But i figure it's because of the thousands of unique pirated files
qA: Or the actual physical burglaries, i'm not sure
qA: Haven't really got to ask him.
rB: !!!
rB: that's certainly a step up from my semi-illegal adventures
rB: you've actually stolen stuff?
rB: all i do is log in and click a few buttons...
qA: Well, i don't want this to hamper on our friendship or anything
qA: And that thing you do is basically theft in it's own right
qA: Just of non-physical things
rB: yeah i guess
rB: i mean its not like i mind if you steal stuff
rB: it's kind of exciting actually
rB: like seriously taking things
rB: me and some of my friends shoplifted once
rB: but i got too scared and put all my stuff back
rB: haven't worked up the nerve to try again...
qA: That's basically adorable
qA: i guess why so many people think piracy and shoplifing are such different things is because it so hard to get caught in one and not the other...
qA: Haha, oh geez. Look at me, the girl with the file piracy website droning on about the ethics of copyright infringement!
qA: i really might have to sleep soon
rB: you own a piracy website???
rB: that's so cool!!! which one???
qA: TeraDownload.com
qA: Why?
rB: WHAT
rB: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
rB: no way
rB: i love teradownload!!!
rB: i've had a teraplatinum membership for like, ever
rB: the only game i haven't pirated from there in the last like, three years is sburb
rB: and that's only cause you haven't got it up yet!!!
qA: Yeah, well that's because i always test things myself before i put them to the public
qA: Oh man, it's just sort of disorienting to know i have such a big
qA: ...fan, i guess?
qA: Anyway, thanks for your partronage, i suppose...
rB: haha no problem
rB: i'll try not to freak out and make you uncomfortable
rB: but just so you know, you're officially my favorite person out of this motley session
rB: even better than II's fedora
qA: Wow, better than a fedora?
qA: i think i may start blushing!
qA: Tell you what, i think you deserve something special
qA: Any ideas for something special i could give you?
rB: ....i have some ideas but i don't wanna jinx it!!!
rB: aaaah alice i'm not good with suspense
qA: Nah, i mean give me suggestions
qA: i'm feeling like a regular Steve Gates over here, but i don't know what sort of things you'd like
rB: seriously???
rB: well...uh...
rB: since you do own terdownload...maybe...i could...have a free month or something???
rB: i mean
rB: only if that's ok!!!
rB: i'm happy to keep paying!!!
qA: Oh sure, you get like five free months, Cess
qA: i'd feel awful if i continued charging a close friend such frankly absurd rates
qA: But any other ideas?
qA: The world's your oyster here, no exaggeration.
rB: oh wow...uh, i don't know!!!
rB: if II and sL are right about this game, the world's about to end
rB: so i don't even know what i could need!!!
rB: besides i don't want to take advantage of you or anything!!!
rB: that's not what friends are about haha
qA: i know, i know
qA: i suddenly feel so charitable, though
qA: i could have a barbershop quartet and an Indian elephant an your front door within a half-hour
qA: If i call the right people, i could get a barbershop quartet of Indian elephantants
qA: And it would hardly be a dent in my pocketbook!
qA: Not to underscore the gesture or anything...
rB: well...
rB: i don't think i need anything that extravagent 
rB: but well...i mean, if you're serious...
rB: i do kinda need a new laptop
rB: this one has been on it's last leg for a few years now
rB: and i'm half afraid sburb will be it's undoing
rB: which is sorta why i haven't booted it up yet
qA: Alright, i'm sending you a laptop on a helicopter
qA: And all i ask in return...
qA: Is that you continue being a great friend!
rB: that is actually the sweetest thing i think i've ever heard/seen/experienced
rB: i knew not everyone in the session were assholes!!!
rB: oh my god, thank you so much alice!!!
rB: being a friend is kind of my specialty
rB: so you don't have to worry!!!
qA: Aw, no problem, Cess
qA: This has been great fun, but it looks like i'm going to have to venture into the horror that is napping
qA: Sort of poignant, considering what i've been hearing about dreams lately...
rB: well good luck with your nap!!!
rB: and when you do start the game...be careful!!
rB: it would suck if something happened to you before we got the chance to meet face to face!!!
qA: Okay, you take care of yourself too





*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--*

*A few hours into the future...*

A helicopter landed in front of Cess' house and delivered a laptop.

Despite it all, Cess still had a hard time believing it. The laptop was brand new, top of the line, and most notably not in danger of overheating when it came too near a fresh cup of coffee. SBURB was already downloaded onto it.

Cess was fairly sure she was about to pass out. So not everyone on this team was someone she had to brace herself for. Things were definitely looking up.


----------



## Judas (Apr 27, 2012)

*Meanwhile...*

You're only a couple city-blocks away from your job (which you're confident you still have) as you continue to process everything going on. The funny thing is that you're still a little skeptical of the whole thing, but given it's true, a little skeptism has no room in the face of a planetary threat. Doubly so if it effects the lives of your orphan bros.

As the distance between yourself and the shop lessens, you notice five hooded figures swiftly exiting the store with large bags at hand.

>Pick up the pace and WRY their shit up

It's obvious to you that they're not packing any sweets in those bags, and frankly, you have no intention on letting them get away with a portion of your paycheck. Problem though is that there are five of them and only one of you; and you don't exactly have shit at hand besides your trusty crowbar tucked safely in your modus.

>Retrieve crowbar from modus

You're almost there...

>Hold crowbar with reverse grip

You aren't sure as to why this makes a difference but you feel strangely empowered...like Captain Planet!

Yeah...

No...

That comparison was both cheesy and stupid on my part since Captain Planet can be taken out with a jar of dirt if need be and your core attributes aren't relaint on something shitty like "Heart".

The hooded figures notice your presence and draw their weapons. Two of them have knives, one has a set of brass knuckles, one has a baretta, and the last is bringing the most heat with an uzi. Here comes the pain!

>Strife

Shots are fired from the farthest thug's baretta...



You beat those bullets away like a bunch of decrepit prostitutes. friend might as well be throwing pebbles.

You finally close in...

The two goons with knives meet you head on...

The first which gets his face messed up by well placed steel. Followed by a swift knee. Should keep him stunned for a little while...

The second attempts a futile thrust



Bitch thinks that he can cover his comrade's tracks...

Your response...

You smack that shit away and catch the nearest thug mid-thrust and suplex his ass into a coma. 

It's apparent to you that these dipshit bums have some trouble comprehending facts and cold, hard truth.

The next thug with the brass knuckles comes up with intent to wreck shit...

>Engage

You block and dodge his recycled knuckles accordingly...

Float like Kobe...

Sting like Metta Fucking World Peace...

You put the thug down with some decisive blows to the temple and proceed to engage the last thug...

Moron is still firing those pellets at you like they matter...

Your response...

You beat the bullets away like cheap tokens and approach the thug, putting him out of commission by smacking him against their van and a thunderous power slam!

But wait!

One more thug tries to follow through with a fleeting thought of victory by backstabbing you...

Your response...

Well shit...

You didn't mean to kick him that far off...

Fuck it...

You won!

But you remain unsatisfied with kicking trash and for some reason the thought of WRYing sL's shit up seems more in demand...

Like it's destiny or some handicapped shit like that.

Whatever...

>Check in on your employers

You don't have time to waste as you go into the store and check up on your employers' status. There's no telling when that game when will be done installing itself into your gpad, and you don't want a moment to go by when the installation is complete...


----------



## Nicodemus (Apr 27, 2012)

And the meteors seemed to be coming faster now. They had started on the other side of the country but were apparently approaching much faster than anyone had anticipated.

Oh boy. Cess shot a nervous glance at her computer. Still no word from anyone about entering. Why were they taking so long? It was almost like progress was a foreign concept to them.

*--melodiusDiscord [mD] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Salutations!
rB: hi!!! another player, i presume???
mD: Right you are 
mD: Been chatting it up with the others?
rB: a few of them. i've met sL, II, and qA
mD: Ah, those are the three that I've talked to as well actually.
mD: qA and I know each other from a while ago and II is...
mD: Well not exactly a friend, but we've had interaction with each other before and are tolerant of the other.
mD: And sL... 
mD: Is sL.
mD: So, I feel that since you've gotten what seem to be the worst of us out of the way, things can only improve.
mD: Allow me to introduce myself.
mD: My name is Valen.
rB: hi valen!!!
rB: my name's cessily
rB: it's nice to meet you!!!
rB: im glad we're getting a chance to talk before we start this crazy game
rB: from what i've heard, everyone getting to know each other is an important step
mD: And a pleasure to meet you as well, Cessily.
mD: And yes, from what I understand by what II has said, teamwork is going to be a fairly integral part of the game.
mD: I'm glad that there at least two people that I know that aren't total tools.
mD: I had started to fear that II was putting qA and I into a mess of idiots and psychopaths.
rB: haha thanks!!!
rB: glad to know i'm neither an idiot nor a psychopath
rB: you seem pretty nice too
rB: i was a little worried after meeting sL
rB: but you and qA seem really great!!!
rB: and i guess II isn't all that bad...
rB: though not everyone agrees
mD: No, he is that bad.
mD: At least once someone sets him off on what he thinks is right in contrast to what they think.
mD: I suppose he's pleasant enough when exchanging pleasantries.
mD: But he rarely has that sort of time or patience, at least when I message him.
rB: well you know him better than me
rB: but im tired of talking about II
rB: what about you???
rB: how'd you get wrapped up in all this nonsense???
mD: A challenge of sorts from qA actually.
mD: She and I are...rivals, I guess you could say.
mD: But we're not really in direct competition, we just like one-upping each other essentially. 
rB: so you know qA personally???
rB: like you've physically met her???
mD: No, actually haha.
mD: And I wouldn't say personally. 
mD: We are in similar lines of work and as such, news travels around and connections are made.
rB: similar lines of work???
rB: i take it you're a professional thief too then
mD: Ah, so she told you about herself then.
mD: Mmm, I'm not really a professional thief.
mD: I don't steal for profit per say.
mD: I locate people who generally have used shady methods to gain their wealth and liberate some of said wealth.
mD: It's great fun to be honest.
mD: It's a very real time puzzle/strategy game.
mD: But uh, yeah. Most of the stuff I end up donating.
mD: Except for the occasional item of historical interest to me.
rB: ...
rB: you're robin hood
rB: mixed with like...
rB: batman maybe???
rB: why am i surrounded by awesome people???
rB: honestly it's a miracle i don't already have an inferiority complex
rB: or something
mD: Twice in so many hours I've been called Robin Hood.
mD: Ah well, it is a fair comparison I guess.
mD: And I'm glad that you uh, approve of my profession.
mD: Don't go selling yourself short though, rB.
mD: What do you like doing?
rB: haha next to breaking into rich criminal's houses
rB: and making off with their ill gotten gains...
rB: my interests aren't exactly going to sound fantastic
rB: but eh
rB: im sorta artsy, i guess???
rB: or at least i try to be
rB: i like photography and music
rB: neither of which i excel at
rB: and the occasional video game i suppose
mD: Aaah, both of those are legitimate talents and interests.
mD: I applaud your creativity!
mD: My artistic talents are limited to appreciating works of art.
mD: And while I have a huge love of music, I haven't the slightest of how to compose it!
rB: well you're probably only a few steps behind me in that respect haha
rB: but thanks anyway
rB: it's mostly just a way to pass the time
rB: if you don't mind me asking???
rB: have you uh,
rB: "liberated"
rB: any particularly notable works of art???
rB: i am kind of an art history girl
mD: Well the main ones I have are from Neoclassical, Tenebrism, and 
Art Nouveau time periods.
mD: I don't know their names to be completely honest with you haha
mD: I pretty much just kept the ones I liked a lot.
mD: I've done some research into them but I'd need to track down the file that I wrote that info down on.
rB: Tenebrism eh???
rB: at least you have good taste
rB: though i am more partial to the more modern stuff i suppose
rB: abstract expressionism is my forte
rB: though my sister teases me endlessly haha
rB: i dragged her to see a rothko
rB: she was not amused
mD: Ah I see.
mD: The closest my tastes get to abstract art is Surrealism.
mD: So pretty much any name dropping you do will be lost on me haha, just an fyi.
rB: uhg surrealism
rB: and i thought you had taste haha
rB: but no biggie
rB: i'll figure out some way to soldier on despite this
mD: Ack haha, sorry!
rB: well it's nice to know there's at least one cultured gentlemen on the journey with me
rB: i'd hate to have nobody to converse with 
rB: i have to say, the team has only improved since my first encounter
rB: i don't care what II says, i'm hopeful about this little game we're playing!!!
mD: Haha, good to hear!
mD: Hmm, much as I am enjoying this conversation, time is at a bit of premium so perhaps we should proceed to contact the rest of the team and suss them out.
rB: sounds good to me!!!
rB: it was nice meeting you valen!!!
rB: im glad we got a chance to talk one on one
mD: Likewise, Cessily. 
mD: I look forward to working with you in game.
mD: Until later then!
rB: bye!!!

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering melodiousDiscord [mD]--*

mD: Oh!
mD: Almost forgot!
mD: Be prepared for when you contact pC.
mD: She is...well...
mD: You'll find out I guess.

*--melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--*


----------



## Crossbow (Apr 27, 2012)

*>Alice: Abscond already*

Okay, that situation probably could have been handled better, but now that Gladys is busy rebooting, Alice can haul the supermagnet through the kitchen door. She pauses in the foyer to groom her hair free of any waffle chunks.

Oh, what do you think you?re looking at, Sacajawea? God, these figurines get on her nerves when she?s in a bad mood. Let?s just get the damn sword already.


>Get the damn sword

Alice, lass-scampers into the study and points the magnet at the top of the shelf, causing the fencing foil to slide off the shelf. She tosses the magnet behind the desk and tucks the foil into her swordkind specibus where it belongs.

Suddenly, it occurs to Alice that she could have stood on the desk to reach it. She loses a marginal amount of both pride and greed just thinking about the time she wasted. But that?s hardly important now. This whole thing has been dragging on way too long already.

She returns to the foyer, points the tip into the keyhole and twists it around, manipulating the gears and tumblers into place. The lock falls of and the door swings opens, revealing the stairs to the lower level. Time to get this over with?


>Alice: Descend

The basement is bigger than she remembers. In the middle is a pair of tables with chemicals and cosmetics on top, a blast-proof DISPOSAL BIN to the side. Along the sides are more bookshelves, along with various mechanical devices the size of arcade cabinets which do who-knows-what. None of them need to be plugged, what with the nuclear generators in each one.

Speaking of which, in the back-left corner is a large tank of sustained ununoctium. This supply of radioactive gas was made sustainable by her brother?s research, and he refuses it be made public until it is officially named Prolissium. It refills the batteries for the devices through a nozzle, but the overall of the tank is super-hard and lead-lined. Her brother said it functions both as a combustion catalyst and a fatal neurotoxin, which is good to know.

And in the back lie the servers and the clunky-looking generator attached to it. The exterior is largely aesthetic, as it clearly gets its power corded from the FUSE BOX. He could have given her an antimatter engine or something to power her house, but no. Instead, she gets this outdated piece of trash which could literally explode any device connected to it if the wires were crossed wrong.

These thought go through Alice?s head as she approaches the servers, when she realizes she has no idea how to cycle the power.


>Be Gladys

You cannot be Gladys because this is a third person narrative, not like you could?ve been a guardian regardless, but you can still follow her around. Just in time, Gladys has finished rebooting, having no memory of the past few hours. Oh dear, someone spilled some ice cream! She gets to work mopping it up, finishing soon afterward.

With that work done, she takes the mop upstairs to clean the bathroom, joyfully dusting the stair rails with her free hand as she ascends, humming a little song inside her titanium skull. 

Okay, Gladys is actually pretty boring, let?s stop.


>Alice: Consult manual

Thankfully, Alice finds a rolled-up blueprint-style manual around the machine. It?s pretty big and tightly rolled. She can?t read it by holding it. She?ll need a flat surface and some paperweights.


>Alice: Sweep chemicals off table

She knocks the lotions and creams and such on the floor and puts all the chemicals into the bin, beakers and all. There is no immediate violent reaction in the mixture, which is nice.

Next she takes out the DSiXL from her sylladex and picks up a few lotion bottles to hold down the edges of the paper as she looks it over.

It appears that spinning the handcrank on the side of the generator will reinstate the server to maximum bandwidth. God dammit, that is ridiculous. He could have easily designed a button or an automatic algorithm or something, but he intentionally made this thing inefficient to ?add to its charm?. Ridiculous. And that fuse box. Piece of garbage. It?s so vulnerable to moisture and external charge, that if someone sneezed near it, the whole house would go dark. Larger static discharges could have anything plugged in explode, which is completely unnecessary.

Anyway, she cranks up the generator which gets the servers going on all cylinders. Thank god. Now she can just grab her DSiXL and get back to-

The blueprint rolls toward the lotions bottle paperweight, knocking it off the table with momentum. The rolled-up lotion lands in the disposal bin?s concoction, sizzling audibly before emitting a huge flash and a tremendous explosion.

The bin is unfazed by the blast, and all of the force is shot directly upwards. The event lasts all of four seconds, and a two-foot diameter hole in the basement?s ceiling is left right above the table area.

Gladys?s toilet scrubbing is rudely perturbed by a loud noise. She makes a note to investigate immediately after she?s done cleaning.


>Alice: Cover up your tracks

Alice hurriedly lunges up the stairs and grabs the rug. She unrolls it in the middle of the floor to cover up the hole. She steps back and admires it, noting how it ties the room together.

But something?s still off?

Oh. The chandelier?s on fire.


>Alice: Extinguish

Thinking fast, Alice withdraws the bottle of Mountain Dew on her first try. She unscrews the cap gently, letting it settle a bit. Then, after taking a sip, she puts her thumb over it and shakes it violently until the foam is visible.

With her free hand she raises her glasses and takes aim. She moves her thumb slightly to allow an opening at the neck of the bottle, and a spray of guarana-charged justice cascades at the light fixture. The flames sizzled away, leaving the chandelier salvaged, albeit dripping with cerulean nectar.

Oh great, it?s getting on the rug. Whatever, someone probably knows how to get Mountain Dew stains out of fancy rugs. Alice needs to get to her room before anything else happens.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 2, 2012)

*Before the Memo...*

James wakes up in his room, finally out of that planet.  It felt good for him to be back in the normal world, even though it won't last all that long.  But that's what Sburb is for.  New worlds to explore and new things to kill. 

He gets up from the bed and goes to his computer.  Someone is pestering him and...oh fucking hell.  Restraining his urge to just punch through the computer once more, James prepares himself for the worst.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] started pestering strifeLord [sL]--

II: Hello pumpkin.
II: Are you coping in the face of this strange new sensation called comraderie?
sL: Sup fuckface
sL: I'm barely tolerating them if that's what you want to know
II: You are going to have to do better than that James.
II: I don't want you to be a sore sport at the annual picnic. 
II: We can't have you making the three legged race be a literal three legged race now can we?
sL: You know, I'm having a feeling of deja vu here
sL: It feels like we've talked about this same exact topic before
sL: Seriously, what the fuck is this
sL: The whole shit with me barely tolerating them, you saying I have to do "better" (fuck that shit by the way)
sL: What next, are you going to ask me to be their fucking guardian angel, protecting them from the big bad boogiemen?
II: Is that you volunteering for the job?
II: Perhaps I have judged you wrong James.
II: Maybe really deep down you are just merely a jerk with a heart of gold and we will all learn a valuable lesson about judging people unfairly just because they have disemboweled a few helpless people for the fun of it.
sL: Hey, while I'm at it, I might as well donate to the poor and go to church on every Sunday
sL: Maybe fall in love with someone and settle down and have a family
sL: Of course I'm not volunteering you dipshit and you know it
sL: Now enough with these shitty jokes
sL: Asking me about how I feel about this shitty team probably isn't the only reason you gave me a call, so get to the point of this
II: You are as blunt as the instrument you used to bludgeon that italian gangster to death with.
II: Am I really that intolerable to talk to that we must expedite the process?
II: Are we not 'bros'?
sL: Hmmm
sL: Are you really that intolerable?
sL: I'll have to think about that for quite some ti-yeah you are
sL: So, "bro", the point
sL: Get to it
II: I am sad to see you value our friendship so little.
II: A single tear of pure sadness just dripped down my cheek.
II: What will I do? How will I go on without your approval validating my existence?
sL: I'd say to kill yourself, but that unfortunately inconveniences me because Sburb is all about teamwork bullshit and you really love to fucking hear yourself talk
sL: So obviously you can't bring yourself to do it
sL: I fucking hate this situation, I really do
II: I know, it's wonderful.
II: Your suffering is the petroleum of my internal combustion engine of enjoyment.
II: But I didn't come here solely just to mock your situation.
II: That was only a large part of it.
sL: So does this mean you'll get to that legendary vaunted place that is The Point
II: Many have searched far and wide for the legendary point.
II: Very few have ever found it. 
II: Will I be one of the few who does?
sL: Well, you're pretty obviously far off the mark
sL: Stop being a cunt, take off your metaphorical blindfolds, stop blindly staggering around, and walk straight towards what many would call The Point
sL: I know it's a foreign concept to you, but I believe you can get it
sL: And I know my confidence in you means the entire goddamn world
II: That is true.
II: But before we get to the point, why don't we take a little detour? 
II: I find that the journey is often just as fulfilling, if not moreso, than arriving at the destination.
sL: Holy fuck, shut the fuck up
sL: Get
sL: To
sL: The
sL: Point
sL: I'll show you how fulfilling the journey of my sword going through your face is, with the intended destination that is your death if you don't fucking get to it
II: Will that be before or after we get to the hollow point punching it's way through your heart?
sL: Please, like I'd give you that chance
sL: Hell, I probably don't even need my sword, I could just punch through you with my bare fist
II: I could lose use of my left arm and be bleeding profusely and you still would not be able to tag me.
II: But let's stop with the pointless posturing. 
II: All I ask is that you answer a simple question before I give you some information that you need to continue your wonderful journey with us.
sL: Alright asswipe, ask away
II: Try to answer as truly and as clearly as your puny neanderthal mind can.
II: Tell me, have you ever felt regret? At all in your entire life?
sL: None, you pompous piece of shit
sL: I've felt no regret, at all
sL: None of the regrets, none of them
II: Even as a child?
sL: Alright, maybe I wasn't all that truthful
sL: As a 13 year old kid, I felt regret that I didn't scorch my family sooner
sL: Better late than never though
II: Were your parents really that awful? Did they ever wrong you in any way?
sL: You said "a question"
sL: I already answered "a question"
sL: Or are we playing 20 questions now?
II: I said to answer this question clearly.
II: How can I know why you felt no regret at this act if you do not tell me more about the people who were its victims?
sL: Shouldn't you already know the answer to this shit?
sL: Don't you have files on this crap already?
sL: But I'll oblige you for the sake of progress
sL: They wronged me by being so...normal
sL: I'm sure you know how much I hate boring normalness
sL: And thus I burned them all for the hell of it
II: Congratulations, you have reaffirmed your status as a complete monster.
II: I knew all of this already, true enough, but I find it is often best to hear it from the primary source.
II: If you ever go rogue in this session, you have just made my decision all the more easier.
II: Just so you know.
sL: Hey, I wouldn't have it any other way
sL: We're gonna clash sooner or later, after all
II: Which is why I find it amusing that you rather burn bridges with everyone here rather than build up any potential alliances. 
II: Because I assure you that you cannot take me on your own. 
II: Now for being such a good sport about this I will offer you two choices.
II: We can either cut through the fat and get directly to the vaunted point, or you can ask me a question.
sL: A question about...anything?
sL: Well then, I do have one question
sL: I've been reading the manual for this thing and there's some shit about Prototyping, but it's all full of technical jargon and general vague bullshit
sL: Do you have any goddamn idea about what that is?
II: I give you one question, a blank check to ask me anything, and you waste it on game information I would have gladly given you for free?
II: This is why you can never hope to defeat me on equal terms. Instead of learning more about your opponent you only care to learn that which concerns yourself. How very narcissitic.
II: Prototyping is a vital process in the game which every player must do before entry in order for the game to properly function.
II: Before you enter you will unlock an object, a most peculiar thing, known as a kernelsprite. 
II: You simply must throw something into it before you leave.
II: Can your simian mind remember a one step instruction?
sL: And you still, amusingly enough, underestimate me
sL: Not that it matters, keep on doing so, just makes things easier
sL: So, are we done now?
II: I do not overestimate or underestimate. 
II: My readings are accurate, you are no complex mystery to me.
II: And no we aren't.
II: We haven't even gotten to the reason I contacted you yet.
II: Hold on.
II: Look at that!
II: It's the point!
II: At long last we have found it!
sL: My god, you've finally done it
sL: I'm in tears now, I'm so proud
sL: I'm just stunned, really
II: Your server player is melodiousDiscord, that is all.
II: Man the point is sort of underwhelming isn't it? Wasn't the journey so much better?
sL: I don't give a shit about the journey, I'd have been fine with the point, maybe leave you a death threat or two, and be on our merry way to whatever
sL: The only bright side is that I got to insult you a couple of times, but that happens every conversation we've ever been in
sL: So, uh, yeah now we're really done
sL: Unless you want to get into another ego-stroking contest, that is
sL: Here, I'll start: I'm a goddamn force of nature destined to bring death and chaos, and no file of yours can even begin to predict me
II: I guess I will finish, which is appropriate considering I will be the one that finishes you off.
II: You are predictably unpredictable. 
II: No matter what you do I am prepared for it.
II: And that's why I will triumph in the end.
II: Good bye James, it was fun picking your brain.
II: It will be even more fun picking it up off the wall.

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--

sL: Ah, the "always one step ahead of you" line
sL: A classic




Went about as well as it usually does.  At least there's one info that's useful.  Time to get mD into this shit...


----------



## Crossbow (May 2, 2012)

*>Alice: Ascend*

Alice goes right on up the stairs, waving innocently to Gladys as they passed on the stairs. She had her fiber-optic hair in a bun. Must’ve been cleaning the bathroom again.

Instead of the bathroom, Alice goes back into her room and is greeted with an email notification. Looks like it’s from her brother.


*Spoiler*: __ 



Sister, how are you? I’m just letting you know that I’m in New York for the week on business matters, as well as “business” matters. I should be stopping by your little estate today in my usual fashion. 

But I’m not one to keep you in bored anticipation! I have sent you a hard copy of the Sburb game you’re looking forward to. It’s probably in your mailbox right now. 

Additionally, I have wirelessly updated your Harbinger 2300 model. It is now PesterChum-compatable. Not only can you chat with all two of your friends on the go (I’m only teasing), you can also get a rough reading on the vice-stats of the person you’re pestering!

Have you any word yet on whether or not that friend of yours was responsible for that caper I mentioned? I can only keep my wetworks at bay for so long without a good reason, as I’m sure you learned from the last family picnic.

That is all. Please respond at your earliest convenience. Remember, I always have faith in your abilities!


_Thoughtfully, Lovingly, and Charismatically,
K Prolisso​_


Well, that was nice of him. Shame that she already has the game swan-diving into her computer. She’ll reply later. Right now, she has better things to do.

First, she needs to listen to that song Arika recommended. She does that.

…She thinks it’s _okay_. Much better than his usual fare, at least.

Another thing, he mentioned II knowing stuff about the game. That could be useful. Alice does a quick search for all pesterchum users with II initials.

There are way more than she’d like…


----------



## Crossbow (May 7, 2012)

*>Alice: Browse*

Alright, let?s browse these in alphabetical order?


*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering IambicIncubator [II]--

qA: Hello?
qA: Do you know anything about Sburb?
II: No, I cannot say that I do
qA: Oh okay
qA: Sorry to bother you

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering IambicIncubator [II]--




*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering IbexIncarnate [II]--

qA: Excuse me, you wouldn?t happen to know about a game called Sburb, would you?
II: ?no?
II: ?who is this?
qA: Oh, never mind

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering IbexIncarnate [II]--





*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering IgnifugeInvraisemblable [II]--

qA: Um?
qA: Have you even heard of Sburb?
II: ?excusez-moi?
qA: Oh, si vous parlez fran?ais.
qA: Excusez mon interruption.
qA: Je viens de regarder pour quelqu'un
II: Ah, il n'y a pas de probl?me.
II: Vous semblez bien. Nous devrions parler plus tard.
qA: Oui, bien s?r!

[Someone else began pestering you!]

qA: ?
qA: Un moment.
qA: J'ai besoin de prendre soin de quelque chose.

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering IgnifugeInvraisemblable [II]--





*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well I suppose it's time for me to introduce myself, it is long overdue.
II: I am Julius Marcello Corbett, pleased to make your acquantaince Alice.
qA: Well you are certainly enigmatic in your speech patterns
qA: Even though it's fairly unsettling that you know my name.
qA: I'd introdue myself, but that's apparently not necessary 
II: Don't let my advanced knowledge ruin the congenality of the situation. 
II: You can introduce yourself too if you desire.
qA: Okay then.
qA: My name is Alice Prolisso.
qA: Pleased to meet you? 

II: Winetasting, sarcasm, long walks on the beach, chess, cards, games of chance, ancient and current history, oh and detective work.
II: You see I am a private detective.




Okay, this is pretty productive. She learns things and now she?s getting to know about this guy, whuch is good since he already knows so much about her.

He comes off as a stereotypical Italian olive-coddler, mostly, with some dashes of creepy politeness. And he?s?

Oh crap.

Okay, stay calm. If he knows you beforehand, then he probably knows the things you?ve done. Maybe she can bluff him into thinking she?s someone else? No, he already confirmed your name and associates.

What?s this guy?s reading on the H-2300, anyway?

HOLY SMOKES. That is way too much pride. It?s... almost unhealthy.

Okay, let?s just play it cool. See what happens.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Ah, a man of the law, eh?
qA: What district do you patrol, Officer Corvett?
II: Depending on the case globally I suppose.
[?]
II: A pinkerton is what they used to call private eyes back in the day. It's not like I list 'pinkerton' on my resume.
qA: So you say.
qA: Anyway, it would appear that we each learned what we wanted to.
qA: Anything else? 
II: I have met my quota for circular conversation at the moment.
II: If you have nothing else we can agree to part for the moment and reconvene later to get this game in motion.
qA: Nah, i'm good.




Alright, that got a bit hairy when the guy?s own failings as a person came up, but all in all she emerged unscathed.

Oh! Maybe this guy knows how to get Mountain Dew stains out of fancy rugs.



*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Oh, wait.
qA: Do they have Mountain Dew in Italy?
II: Yes.
II: But it just isn't the same. 
II: Farewell for the moment then. This was quite a stirring conversation. 

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering quantitiveArbitor [qA]--

qA: wait i wasn't-
qA: okay nevermind


----------



## Atlantic Storm (May 8, 2012)

You decide that it is finally time to take action and get a Sburb copy for yourself. 

Carefully approaching the wall behind him, Damion places a firm hand on the poster and tears it off, revealing a square of wall not covered in paint. A top secret safe hidden behind the hollow of the wall; one that is so secret that even your father doesn't know of it's presence, and also one that possesses an equally top secret code. A code he made himself. He was pretty proud of it, actually. He liked to think that the code was so complicated that even the most experienced of safe breakers would take hours trying to get it. What was it again? Oh, yeah.
_
1, 2, 3, 4._

Yup. The safe door opens to him. A bit rusty, perhaps, and in need of a good oiling. But that's hardly important right now, he thought. He had more pressing matters to attend to.

Grabbing his katana, he made his way towards his window and opened it up. A long drop, he thought. But that doesn't matter. Do you know why? Because, coming to his senses and realizing this was stupid, Damion turned around and headed for the stairs, deciding for the sneakier option. Not quite as awesome, but a lot more practical, and Damion was nothing if not practical.

*==> Sneak

*Combat rolling out of his bedroom door, Damion made a dive for the wall and checked. Was his father anywhere in sight?
_
Left...right...up...down?_

Safe for the moment, but there was no time to relax. This wouldn't be the first time he got caught off guard by a stray cane, or his father suddenly appearing behind him and knocking him down with his cane.

Anyway. Reaching the stairs, Damion checked around again.

Nope, no dad. He was safe. He was safe!

*==> BASK

*Your moment of basking is short lived, as you then remember you have important business to attend to. The business of acquiring a Sburb disk so you don't die and stuff. Descending down the staircase, Damion quickly got to the end and confronted his final foe. *The Front Door*. The amount of times he had gotten up to this point, only to be met with this...this demon, was innumerable. 

But this time was different. This time, he had a sharpened katana in his hand. Taking a deep breath, Damion firmly grasps the katana in both hands and focuses on the door and lock in front of him. Blurring out everything around him, and mentally sharpening his mind and focusing on nothing but the door in front of him; the steel enforced door, he swings.

_Slice.

_You run out of the house like a champ, whilst the door goes down like a chump.


----------



## Crossbow (May 12, 2012)

Well that didnt amount to much. This Julius character seems really untrustworthy. Might want to minimize interaction with him. 

Well, lets look at these player names. Oh, looks like the two people shes already been talking to are going to be playing with her. Which of the others should she contact first?


>Alice: Contact strifeLord

That investigator guy said not to talk to him for a while!

But What does he know?  He doesnt have her best interest at heart. Shell talk to him if she wants to!



*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--
qA: Um.
qA: Hello there
sL: Who the fuck are you



Well this is a promising start...


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Wait no, I just remembered who you are
sL: Talking to you assholes takes a lot out of me
sL: I'm assuming II gave you the list of players as well, right
sL: Or was he a useless shithead again and didn't give it to you
qA: No, he gave it to me.
qA: Hence how i found my way to you and your sparkling personality.



Okay, that probably came off as facetious. She needs to be more up-front if she's to cooperate with these people.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Anyway, you seem to know quite a bit about this game.
qA: Or at least the people who are going to play it.
qA: So i hope you can tell me about who is server to who.
sL: I only know the names of the people playing, nothing about some server bullfuckery
sL: Maybe you'll have to ask that cunt II about it, I particularly don't give a shit



God damnit, that bozo doesn't know, or he would have told you.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Now it's my turn for some questions
sL: Who exactly have you talked to aside from II and obviously myself
qA: That is a much more personal question than mine.
qA: Anyway, just A$ and mD as of right now.
qA: Maybe i've actually talked to the other before without knowing it.
qA: Like, way in the past.
qA: Why do you want to know, praytell?
sL: Because I'm saddled with you jackasses for the majority of this game and I might as well know something about the people I'll eventually disembowel after they stop being useful
qA: Oh.



Cripes, this guy's really anti-social and just casually mentions killing his teammates. What the reading on this guy?

HOT DAMN. Look at all that wrath. Her envy rises from just seeing it.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: That's pretty similar to what i'm try to here, albeit with disemboweling being a fairly benign plausibility.
qA: Have you considered using that player list of yours and learning about them by talking to them?
qA: Or are you too busy or something
sL: But I already have
sL: Already started with some asshole called wanderingWriter or whoever
qA: Well you hardly need to know who i've talked to, then.



It's hard for her to discern his motives here, partly because of his violent nature.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Oh but I do, since there's the chance that you might know something about these people that I wouldn't even if I did bother talking to them
qA: Hmm.
qA: Well, A$ is a pretty chill person, but he hates free-form jazz.
qA: Like, a lot.
qA: One time he had a literal aneurysm because he wandered into a cafe.
qA: And i don't know that much about mD tbh.
qA: He steals things and is really proud of it, and i think he has a sister.
qA: Also, his real name is Valen, apparently.
sL: That's a fucking stupid name
qA: i know, right?



Alice is confident that giving away personal information to internet strangers with murderous impulses is an action with no possible consequence.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Now time to tell me about yourself
sL: II told me in one of our discussions that you consider yourself to be a criminal mastermind
sL: Any reason why that would be
qA: Well, from what i hear, he's some kind of certified pinkerton, so he's probably been recording my exploits
qA: He may consider me a criminal mastermind
qA: Which is flattering
qA: But i wouldn't say that about myself



It really is nice to learn that he considers her to be such a high-level target. It's almost confidence-building.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: What exploits would those be
sL: Consider me curious
qA: Oh, a few robberies, a couple of breaking-and-enterings
qA: Mostly trivial stuff

sL: I'm guessing your brother has some heavily armed goons at his disposal as well
sL: Because I think I killed some of them
sL: And if I had the chance to do it all over again, I totally would
qA: Impressive!
qA: Where was this, exactly?
qA: Also, why?



An interesting development indeed. She should tell her brother about this. He might try and recruit him or something. No, wait, that's not a good idea at all.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Some typical dark alleyway, doesn't really matter, all that matters is I killed them
sL: As for why, I did it for fun
sL: All the reason I'll ever need
sL: Other people got pissed at this, typically, and tried to corner me
sL: They died too and ever since after that incident, more armed goons have been trying to off me
sL: They even got a sniper on me but as you can see, I'm still alive and they're not



This maxes out her envy gauge. It's like blinking and everything.

This guy is like everything she has aspired to be, but without direction. It's daunting to have a conversation with him...


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Okay, not to undermine your poetic explanation, but i meant "where" as in, like, New York or Chicago.
sL: New York
qA: Can you remember the borough?
[...]
sL: Normally I'd refuse the offer and welcome the challenge of hordes of goons, but right now, I can't risk anything because of these damn meteors
sL: So do what you have to do
qA: Oh it's simple really. i get the word to my brother and he deploys a few slick-tounged diplomats into the boss's headquarters
qA: Coupled with a few covert but meaningful assassinations and maybe a radio ad, and the curly-stached bastards will be keeping away from you as much as possible within a couple dozen minutes after i tell my brother about it.
qA: Also, what meteors?



Aw, she was on a roll with flaunting her own clout, but now she's curious...


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: What do you mean "what meteors"
sL: Haven't you been hearing about the fucking impacts some of them already made
sL: Or are you fucking blind and deaf
[...]
qA: Okay, i'm not sure i'm following.
qA: This game will literally protect you from the meteors
qA: And by hypothetical extension, me.
qA: May i ask how?
sL: I don't know, but apparently it's supposed to whisk us away to some other place where we don't die of falling rocks
sL: Sounds like complete bullshit, but I don't have much of a choice but to trust in this
sL: I need at least some confirmation
qA: That sure is a thing you heard, i guess.
qA: i shouldn't stress over it, though.



Yes it is, what are you saying?


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Anyway, i've yet to learn much anything about you.
qA: Care to indulge me?
sL: I like to kill people, obviously
sL: I burned down my own house when I was 13 simply because my family was boring as hell
sL: Though there's a chance my brother is still alive and if he is, I'll just have to hunt him down sometime if the meteors don't get him



Oh god...


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Cool, cool.
qA: You seem to be one of the nicer people i've met today.
sL: Once you get past all the stab wounds and the bleeding and the innards dropping out, I really am quite a nice guy
sL: In fact, I'm so nice that I'm willing to give quick and painless deaths to people who annoy me the least



Oh GOD...


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Geez, you are something else
qA: i can't wait to start playing this game with you.
qA: Whether or not it whisks us anywhere.
sL: I can't wait to play either
sL: I just want to get the fuck out of here and enter a place where I'm free to sow chaos and death as much as I please



Holy SHIT, this guy is amazing.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: That is, if this shit actually works
sL: I do wonder though what kind of things I get to kill if this game works in any way it's supposed to
qA: Wow, you sure know a lot about this game.
qA: And you sound excited about it, in your own misanthropic way.
qA: Anyway, i should go soon.
qA: Get those French mobsters off your trail and whatnot.
sL: You go do that
sL: Meanwhile, might as well explore the room of the kid I killed
sL: Didn't have a house of my own, so I decided to jack someone else's
sL: I'm sure you can appreciate the art of breaking and entering





*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: That i do, i guess!
qA: My opinion of you rises with each passing minute.
qA: Better leave now before i overwhelm myself.
--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--


----------



## Atlantic Storm (May 12, 2012)

*==> Leave residence 

*You leave the residence and proceed down the street. There is nobody in sight, and the cover provided by all the trees of the shadows reassure you of your position. You will not be detected - you are safe.

*==> Switch back to original narrative

*Anyway. Disregarding all forms of stealth and caution, Damion stops crouching and just rushes to city centre, to the nearest Game shop under the guidance of the GPS on his iPhone. It's been a while since he's been to the shop, after all. 

*==> Locate shop

*Yep, found it. Just like the iPhone said. He quickly pockets his phone again and enters the shop. It was pretty big, actually. Not huge, but bigger than he expected when he saw the exterior. The shelves were stacked full of games, both old and new, Damion felt completely at home and was tempted to purchase some of these. But...he was here on business. And business meant no distractions.

...however, upon closer inspection the shop seemed rather suspicious. The floors and walls were far too clean to belong to that of a game shop; they were giving off an almost eerie argent glow. And despite the shop obviously being of a very high standard, and in a very easily accessible location, the entire store was devoid of customers.

What was going on here?

Ah, well. It hardly matters. He walks over to one of the shelves and picks up a copy of Sburb. Funnily enough, that was the last copy. But where could the rest have gone? The store was empty!

*==> Purchase

*Anyway...time to get down to buying.

He walks over to the cashier and purchases it.

"Hey," Damion greeted, sliding the game to him. "Nice store."

Silence.

Maybe he just wasn't one for conversation? That was probably it. He himself wasn't one for talking either, and he really only said hi to be polite rather than out of any genuine desire to initiate a conversation.

*==> Walk home

*That store sure was creepy, he reflected as he walked home. 

_Pause.

_He slowed down his pace, feeling the presence of someone else behind him, lurking. Probably behind one of the bins he had just passed. Detecting people in hiding was a skill that Damion developed a while ago, after years of being 'trained' by his father. He'd been assaulted enough times during the night that sensing others had become almost second nature.

He continued on walking, nonchalantly and waited for the other person to make the first move. Always _re_act, and never act first. Put your opponent where you wanted him.

And Damion wanted him in a dark secluded alleyway.

It was a long walk, but Damion got there eventually. Patience was a vital skill in fishing, and this was what Damion was doing. Fishing.

At the sight of the next corner, Damion ran, knowing his 'assailant' would give chase and flash-stepped himself behind his chaser. Leather jacket, ripped jeans...ah, there it was. A knife? Really? How insulting.

_Page 52.

_A large dictionary fires out from his Sylladex and bonks the man on the head, knocking him out cold.


----------



## Crossbow (May 12, 2012)

Well, that?s done. Since that last conversation netted her no info and did nothing to lower her envy or lust, she?ll just go ahead and try someone else.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering godlyTemptress [gT]--
qA: Hello, gT.
qA: Are you there?
gT: Who the fuck is this? 
qA: Oh i'm just someone who's planni



?

And the browser crashed. Dammit, Frigg is so unreliable sometimes. Perhaps it is so named because of what its users exclaim?.


*Spoiler*: __ 



gT: Wow seriously who are you? I do not want breast enchancements or enchantments! 
gT: Unless you got something important to say, buzz off! 
qA: Sorry, something weird happened to my internet there
qA: i was trying to say that i'm going to be playing Sburb with you later, so i wanted to get to know you better beforehand.
gT: Oh Sburb, yeah I got a copy in the mail. 
gT: So are we pvp partners?  I'm Lily nice to meet you....
qA: Well, my name's Alice.
qA: And from what i've heard, everyone is sort of partners with each other.
qA: i phrased that poorly, i'm sorry.
gT: Hmmm okay and how old are you kid? 
qA: 16
qA: You?
gT: mmmm 14, but don't think you are better than me because of that age difference!
gT: I'll have you know I'm a prodigy, the best that there ever will be.
gT: So there, you will be my lackey. 
qA: Well, congratulations on being a prodigy, i guess.
qA: i'm also sort of a prodigy, but not by a lot.
qA: My twin brother took most of the good genes.
qA: At least i got to keep my deadly good looks 
gT: Hmmm okay, well I've won every beauty pageant I've entered.
gT: =] 
qA: Oh, that's impressive.
qA: i assume that's a lot of pageants then.
qA: Otherwise you wouldn't be so exceedingly proud.
qA: So, what other prodigal exploits do you get up to, Lily?
gT: I'm a genius, I'm done with school. I have it all planned.
gT: In fact I don't really need you and me joining up with you all is a true blessing.
gT: You should say Thank you Based God, that I'm playing.
qA: Degrees don't help you win games
qA: i speak as someone who has taken her doctorate in fine arts to a Monopoly game and bankrupted on the fifth turn.
qA: Skill wins games.
qA: But still, i am thankful you are on this team, even if only for your personality and your light-hearted ego.
gT: Hmmm, 
gT: skill? Never thought of it that way.
gT: Hopefully you don't screw anything up.
gT: If you need help with anything, be sure to call me. I'm sure you will need help.
qA: Alright
qA: Oh, i should tell you what i already know about the game
gT: That would be helpful Alice!
qA: Well, there's this long sort of set-up stage
qA: where one person acts as a server for someone else.
qA: Once everyone has server'd someone and been server'd,  so to speak, we can begin the overarching part of the game.
qA: Which i don't know much about.
gT: Can I bring people along?
gT: >.> I'm planning on having a few assistants. 
qA: i guess you can have people assist you in playing the game.
qA: i figured a young demigodess like yourself would be able to handle it herself, though
qA: Anyway, specific people are expected to to serve certain others.
qA: Like a specific chain.
qA: i've been trying to find someone who knows this magic order to no avail.
gT: Hmmm okay. 
gT: Well I got a friend who is anal
gT: Looking at the game's coding. He says its very unusual. 
gT: If I unlock any cheat codes I'll share them with you ;3
qA: Thanks for the offer, but i play legit
qA: Also, i suppose that's a way to win games without skill
qA: So i concede that point.
qA: Oh, and if your anal friend knows more about the game
qA: like the server chain order and such
qA: Feel free to tell me about that.
qA: i'll tell you if i find it first! 
gT: Mmmm k I'm going to go shopping and probably work out....
gT: so yeah bye Alice.
gT: if you get any details about that player chain message me ^ ^ 
qA: Alright, see you later.

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering godlyTemptress [gT]--


----------



## Crossbow (May 12, 2012)

*>Alice: Continue*

Well, she seemed nice, but she's gotta keep trying for some information.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--
qA: Hello there, future team mate.
qA: How are are you?
wW: Oh, hello person I don't know.
wW: I'm doing fine, thanks. Just woke up from a not so refreshing, but very informative nap. How about yourself?
qA: Oh, i'm pretty good.
qA: Better than i've been all day, actually.
qA: So, what do you know about how this game's going to start up?
wW: As much as my informants told me, mon fr?re.
wW: ...so, not very much. They're very cryptic.
qA: Oh man, you're telling me about cryptic.
qA: That brief French alone has thrown my memory back to the most frustrating part of my day.
qA: But then the French reminds me of the best part, and i get this weird micronostalgia...
wW: I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. But, then again, I kind of lost interest a while ago. So then, what do /you/ know about the game?
qA: All i /know/ is that i'm more than three quarters done downloading it
qA: i've been told second hand that it is a free-reign sort of thing once we've gone though some rigamarole of server-client antics
qA: The guys seemed fishy, yet i had to trust what he was saying because he was probably right.
qA: And i've been told third-hand that the game is capable of saving the player from the more unsavory effects of oncoming space debris, which are almost certain to approach someone if they are even at the point to consider playing it.
qA: Guy who told me that is more trustworthy, but he got the info from that other guy, so who knows.
wW: Is this other 'fishy' guy by any chance a condescending 'detective' who never stops talking?
qA: Haha, wow. He sure is popular in his own sort of way.
wW: I suppose so. He seems to have made it a point of his to be hated by as many people as possible...hm.
qA: Well, now that we've exhausted game information from each other
qA: We can move on to the part where we talk about ourselves.
qA: Care to go first?
wW: Well, okay. My name is wW. I'm fifteen years old. My interests involve reading, music and pretending to study. That's all, really. Your turn.
qA: Okay, i doubt your "name" is wW, but i'll give you that much
qA: You can go ahead and call me Alice
qA: i like reading, writing, fencing, and videogames
qA: i also dabble in some small-time crime
qA: Pickpocketing, some robberies, and a high-end piracy website.
wW: Ah, so your interests are similar to my own.
wW: ...well, minus the crime, pickpocketing and robbery, on account of being filthy rich.
qA: Opulence isn't stopping me!
qA: In fact, it makes it more fun
qA: Like when the monster you kill drops crazy loot armor and can just dominate everyone
qA: Except instead of WoWbux or whatevs, it's actually valuable stuff.
wW: Ah. Well, that /does/ sound quite fun...
wW: But, I don't really have the time to be doing that kind of stuff, you know? I think I'll make do with just doing such activities on Skyrim or Assassin's Creed.
qA: To each their own, it's fine.
qA: Anything else you want to discuss?
wW: Hmm. Have you talked to anybody else in the party yet? The only people I've talked to are yourself, detective-guy and crazy murder guy. I think his name was sL or something?
qA: Well, i've been talking to A$ and mD for a long time now
qA: And i just chatted w/ pC and gT
qA: those two are the only other females i've noticed.
qA: and they are strangely open about it...
wW: Interesting...
wW: I really should consider socializing more, though. Getting to know my co-players will probably be very important, given the nature of this game...
qA: well that's what i've been up to.
qA: Almost done and i havent found the info i'm looking for
qA: But i have been forming some emotional bonds of varying sorts.
wW: I see. By the way, when you sleep...do you dream about anything?
qA: Well...
qA: It's weird, like...
qA: Normally it's darkness.
qA: with a faint yellowish tinge, i guess
qA: but sometimes, out of the corner, like my minds eye or something i see actual images
qA: And they are vivid in their faintness, prolonged in their brevity.
qA: Usually i've forgotten it all by the time i wake up, but some things that i keep seeing are making impacts
qA: Like, exploding casinoes, giant monochrome monsters and huge expanses of sand.
qA: ...What do you dream about?
wW: Ah...hm.
wW: You ever heard of Derse?
qA: Nope.
wW: Ah, okay. Well, think of a moon.
wW: Are you thinking of a moon yet?
qA: Well, i don't have a thing for it to orbit around, thus disqualifying it as a "moon".
wW: ...so you're not thinking of a moon?
qA: i'm thinking of a round rock in space until you tell me otherwise
wW: Okay, good. Hold that thought for a while, then. Do you know what Skaia is?
qA: ...No?
qA: Where are you going with this astronomy lesson, exactly?
wW: I'm getting there, don't worry. Anyway, think of Skaia as a giant chessboard or something. It's a place where two Kingdoms wage war against one another; one of Darkness and one of Light. The two Kingdoms basically fight for all of eternity until we enter the game.
wW: Derse is a...violet/purple city/planet thing that orbits Skaia from somewhere or another and it's connected to a moon by a large chain. It's ruled by the Black Queen, and...that's pretty much it, really.
wW: Derse is, in case you haven't quite caught on yet, the Kingdom of Darkness whilst the corresponding city Prospit is the Kingdom of Light.
qA: Let me stop you right there
qA: At some point in your transition from your dreams to your intricate fanfiction, you mentioned the game.
qA: So, is this, like the plot of the game and you just spoiled it for me?
wW: Oh, there's not really a plot to this game. At least, none that I know of. From what I've heard, you can do whatever you want. This 'fanfiction' as you called it is merely the overarching conflict while the players go about their various machinations. Trust me, the strange Cthulhu-esque beings from beyond the depths of space informed me in my sleep.
qA: Okay, this suddenly stopped being fun to talk about.
qA: I'm just going to take what i've learned about the game and pretend you didn't even say that last part.
wW: That's probably a good plan. It...wasn't very fun for me either, admittedly.
wW: But, from the way you described your dreams, you're probably a Prospit-er. Prospit-residence. Whatever.
qA: oh, like teams within teams, that's cool.
qA: i'll just leave before you start saying things which even i can't construe as useful

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--



Boy, that was awkward...


----------



## Crossbow (May 12, 2012)

*>Alice: Hurry Up*

Ugh, she has better things to do than talk to these weirdos. But she's not giving up until get learns what she wants...


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering machinaExalted [ME]--
qA: So.
qA: How's things going?
ME: QUERY: YOU ARE ONE OF THE FLESHBAGS JULIUS RECRUITED, ARE YOU NOT?
qA: ...
qA: Okay, this is an interesting change of pace.
qA: i'll roll with, why not?
qA: Yes, i am one of those aformentioned fleshbags.
qA: Pleased to meet your acquaintance.
ME: STATEMENT: THE PLEASURE IS YOURS, I AM CERTAIN. 
ME: QUERY: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION, I HAVE NO TIME FOR IDLE CHATTER.
qA: Wow, pleasure is yours? Really
qA: Not even the most soulless of droids have an excuse for being that rude.
qA: Anyway, i'm here to see if you know about the server-client chain order.
ME: STATEMENT: I DO NOT. I AM MERELY FOLLOWING THE INSTRUCTIONS GIVEN TO ME BY JULIUS. TRUTH BE TOLD I COULD CARE LESS FOR SUCH THINGS.
qA: So, to clarify: you're only doing what you need to do and are uninterested in your teammates?
qA: Fair enough.
ME: IRRITATION: YES, I BELIEVE THIS WAS MADE CLEAR BY PREVIOUS STATEMENTS FLESHBAG.
qA: Well, you see, amongst us carbon units, the phrase "to clarify" means that they are reiterating something in a simpler or more blunt format.
qA: It is often used for passive aggression, even on people who are oblivious to it.
ME: STATEMENT: I HAVE NO NEED OF SUCH IRRITATING SUBTREFUGE. AGGRESSION DONE IN A PASSIVE MANNER IS A FUTILE EXPLOIT THAT ENDS ONLY IN MISERY FOR ALL PARTIES.
qA: Well then.
qA: i'm sure i'll regret this, but would you care to tell me more about yourself?
ME: QUERY: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF KNOWING MY BIOGRAPHY? YOU HAVE LITTLE NEED OF MY SERVICES NOW AND VICE-VERSA. 
qA: Well, maybe i do need your services and don't know it yet ;D
qA: Besides, i think it could help establish the inevitable spread of this human disease called friendship.
ME: STATEMENT: FRIENDSHIP IS NOT A DISEASE, NIMROD. 
qA: Well, that's your opinion.
qA: So, run talk_about_self.exe already.
ME: FACT: I AM AN ALASKAN LIVING IN AN ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF ANCHORAGE THAT POSSESSES A STRANGE TEMPLE THAT DEFIES EXPLANATION. 
ME: FACT: I AM A SUPERIOR MACHINIST ABOVE ALL WHO CAME BEFORE ME, AND AN UNRIVALLED ASTRONOMER. I ALSO DABBLE IN SCULPTURE. 
ME: QUERY: IS THIS SATISFACTORY?
qA: Perhaps.
qA: i question why anyone would need your "services" regarding anything.
ME: STATEMENT: WHAT OTHERS REQUIRE OF ME IS OF LITTLE CONCERN, SO LONG AS I CAN PROVIDE AND THEY CAN GIVE ME SOMETHING IN EXCHANGE. 
qA: i'll keep that in mind
qA: Well, talk to you later, M2E2.
--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering machinaExalted [ME]--



Great, more weirdos


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering solarNeanderthal [sN]--
qA: Hello, is anyone there?
qA: And are you planning on playing any games some time soon?
qA: ...Yoohoo?
sN: Oh craaaaap...
sN: Not with you guys.
sN: I mean I like y'all enough
sN: But...
sN: Uh yeah.....
qA: Good, good.
qA: Wait.
qA: What?
qA: Why am i called "you guys"?
qA: Or have you already talked to the others?
sN: ...
sN: ...spoilers.
qA: Well, why will you not be playing the game with "us"?
sN: Look...dude...remember that time I told you to walk instead of taking the bus to school?
sN: It's kinda one of those things...
sN: Like...I got some serious bad mojo about this game...
qA: ...?
qA: Oh man, i remember you now.
qA: It's been forever!
qA: What's your name again?
sN: Peter lol.
sN: Yeahhh sorry Alice...I've kinda been avoiding you in particular for this very convo...
sN: Ever get that feeling that you dreamed something before and when it actually happens you're like woah...weird...
sN: One always hopes to prevent causality but it is an inevitable failure.
sN: And well...saving Tamriel didn't exactly help.
qA: Tamriel...
qA: i think i've heard that somewhere...
qA: Anyway, did you have a dream about "us" and now you're not going to play the game with us?
qA: Wait sorry play with "us"?
sN: Us being you, James and others.
sN: And not really a dream...
sN: Well some parts were a dream
sN: Other parts were a vibe
sN: Like the sinking feeling in your stomach when you're at the top of a rollercoaster.
sN: of oh shit oh shit oh shit...
qA: Okay.
qA: It's weird though
qA: Because Julius said you were going to be in this group.
sN: ...I don't think I can.
sN: Tell everyone I said I'm sorry
sN: You'll thank me later.
--solarNeanderthal [sN] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--


----------



## Zoidberg (May 17, 2012)

_
A child is curled up in front a fire, shivering at the cold. A coat of furs and blankets were wrapped around the child, but even then the cold cut through the sheets like a knife through butter. It was taking a lot of willpower just to stay awake, but Jo wouldn't get another chance to do this in a month.

It was summer, and in Alaska that meant long days and short nights. Jo had hoped to see the stars tonight, but lately snowstorms blocked the brief evening skies. The weatherman did say that they'd have clear skies today and so far the weatherman was correct. But given how fickle the weather can be this brief patch of clear night sky could disappear in minutes. 

Jo took off the blankets and reached for a black wooden case behind the wicker chair Jo was sitting on. With frigid hands Jo opened the case, revealing a red telescope.  Jo set up the telescope stand also inside the case. After that the child fished out a wrinkled sheet of paper from the pockets of the fur coat Jo wore. It was a star chart, and an old one at that. 

Astronomy was something of a passion for Jo. Dreams of seeing the travelling to see the stars were the only things Jo dreamed of.  For now though, Jo had to settle for watching them from afar._

Jo's arm was on fire. Literally. A malfunctioning chachadroid had self-destructed, taking out a couple of imps and most of the wall. Ah well, no serious damage was done anyway, both to the house and to Jo. The explosion seemed to have knocked him/her up for an undetermined time period, but it wasn't like Jo needed to rush things. S/he was in the medium already. It wasn't like anyone important needed Jo's help anyway. 

Jo climbed down the stairs and entered the bathroom, where s/he put out the fire with some water. The game, and Julius by extension, certainly came through with their process of bringing Jo to another world. Whether this world was what Jo wanted was another matter. For a budding scientist like Jo the Land of Domes and Frogs certainly was intriguing, but at the same time its state of ruin was disappointing. 

It was best not to look at the negative side, though. It was entirely possible that some other parts of the planet were still intact, and may even host creatures that wouldn't attack on sight. Yes, it would be foolish for Jo to wallow in pessimism or bloodlust, unlike some people s/he knows. But if Jo was going to explore the area s/he was going to need supplies. Jo walked out of the bathroom and headed for the pantry. Hopefully it hasn't been attacked by these infernal imps yet.


----------



## Crossbow (May 18, 2012)

*II, Mk. II*

Well that was a bit disheartening. She was looking forward to reconnecting with him. Why was he on the list if he is going to play in your group? She’ll have to confront II about it, along with a few other things, once she’s exhausted the player list.

…And that was the last one. 

>Alice: Voice complaints

*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--
qA: Okay, listen up, Inspector Sherbet
qA: i just made rounds through that player list you gave me
qA: Got aquainted with some people and then met someone i hadn't talked to in a long time
qA: Which leads directly to the first that i want to yell at you about
qA: sN says he won't be in our session
qA: You should probably talk him out of it
qA: or something. 
II: He'll come around.
II: Besides, why is it my responsibility to convince him otherwise?
II: Are your persuasive skills not up to snuff?
II: I don't see why this is my obligation. 

qA: Wow, okay, i'll get to that later.
qA: For now, can you tell me the chain?
qA: Now that i've found the real treasure within myself or what have you?
II: Could you ask a little nicer?
II: Manners are not a contagious disease, but they should be spread like one regardless.
qA: Could you pretty please give me the honor of having you tell me the chain, good sir?
II: Can you do it in a way that doesn't make you sound like a condescending tool madame?

II: It looks like the one who you will serve is none other than our precious little Valen.
II: No doubt the situation will be insufferable for Valen so I hope you do your best to lord it over him.
qA: Oh, i will. Don't worry.
qA: And my server?
II: The one in charge of your livelihood is wanderWriter aka Daimon. 
II: Have you made his acquaintance yet?
qA: Yes i have.
qA: Kinda of weird.
qA: Has dreams about Chtulhu-esque monsters (his words).
qA: But whatever.
II: Yes that is rather odd. 
II: You wouldn't have happened to have had any... weird dreams lately yourself have you?
qA: Nah, just the usual tortured darkness and occasion searing glare.
qA: ...Why do you ask?
II: Just curious.
II: Dreams are a fantastic thing.
II: Especially to one who likes to delve deeply into the mysteries of the mind.
II: Now do you wish to know anything else related to our order of entry or is your curiosity sated for the time being?
qA: Nah, color me sated.
qA: Don't forget to mull over what i said.
qA: Or at least delay your ignorance.
II: I am glad I was able to serve you adequetly. And consider my ignorance on lockdown until further notice.
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased being pestered by quantitiveArbitor [qA]--



Wow, okay. This guy has some seriously deep-rooted psychological problems.  It’s hard for Alice _not_ to probe them.

Oh hey, all the games have finished downloading.


>Alice: Begin FFVII Speedrun

Probably not the most priority-based decision, but a valiant one nonetheless. However, she doesn’t get even halfway through the opening cutscene before a pesterchum alert minimizes the window.

...Oh great, _her again._


----------



## Nicodemus (May 19, 2012)

*Years In the Future...but Not Too Many...*

A _Roughened Straggler_ prepares to explore an unknown image on the horizon. Wrapped in bed sheets blackened with age, she takes her first tentative steps into the burning sun, slowly making her way across the desert.

Many hours later, she reaches the image, simultaneously jumping back into the second person narrative like a boss. It is a large...thing, thin and square at the bottom but large and round at the top. It is pure white, like yourself, seemingly untouched by the sands that sit around it.

There is a door.

==> Go inside.

You open the door. You go inside. There isn't much. Gray paneled walls, a strange machine that looks oddly like an appearifier. You haven't seen an appearifier in what feels like centuries. There is also a large computer with twelve different screens - only one screen is active however. It shows a young human girl sitting at her computer, idly tapping away at keys and eating some yogurt. You know it is yogurt because you had some yogurt the other day. It was delicious. You are a big fan of yogurt.

Above the screen is taped an old, wrinkled sheet of paper. Upon closer inspection, it seems the paper reads, in ancient, faded pen, SLEEP.

==> Tell the girl to SLEEP.

You tell the girl to SLEEP. But the girl is not tired. She does not want to SLEEP.

==> This is irrelevant. SLEEP is required. 

The girl does not know why SLEEP is required. But she realizes the importance of SLEEP. She gets up and heads towards the medicine cabinet, where her sister keeps a bottle of sleeping pills. She lays down on the bed and knocks back a few pills, washing them down with a nice swig of apple juice.

Apple juice is delicious, you think to yourself. This girl has good taste in food.

You watch the girl fall asleep. Now all you can do is wait until she wakes up.

*Back In the Present Day (Sort of)*

Cess soared above the golden city, her arms outstretched like some kind of bird. Or Superhero. 

She felt like Superman. Supergirl. Wonder Woman? It didn't matter. She was flying, actually flying, and it was awesome. The city below her looked like the gothic section of her Art History book had sprung from the pages and begun to multiply, but Cess thought that it had an unusual beauty to it.

Far below her she could see little white people, going about their buisness. Occasionally one would look up at her and wave, and she would wave back. 

After quite a bit of pointless flying, Cess turned her attention to the sky. Before it had been a normal sky, but now she realized that it looked more like some kind of massive chess board, with alternating black and white tiles.

Before she could get a good look however, she was interrupted by a lone cloud drifting in front of her line of sight.

But it was not a normal cloud. In the cloud she saw...things. An oddly dressed gray girl with horns, typing away at a computer. A bloody figure dragging itself up to a large slab of rock, blood smearing the symbol carved into the middle. She saw a redhead girl with glasses aboard an enormous ship, she saw herself soaring through the clouds on a makeshift raft. She saw somebody using a red telescope to peer into the night sky.

The visions came faster and faster, threatening to overwhelm her. She couldn't look away though, until finally she woke up.

Wow. 

That was _weird_.


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

*>Alice: Deal with her*

She hollers at Gladys to come play the game for her while she takes this up with fool on the portable Harby. This is some crazy efficient synergy they got going on.

However, she has no time to bask in this feat of management as she's already descending the stairs to the foyer, getting hassled.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



-- hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling quantativeArbitor [qA]--
hH: >:]
hH: ^^ Hiya missy : ).^^
hH: ^^So today's the day of your big adventure, must be fun huh?^^
qA: Not yet, no
qA: Also, how do you know about it?
hH: >
hH: ^^I'm the one asking the questions here so you can just shut up a little and answer them : ).^^
hH: ^^What do you mean it's not today? Seems to be that way to little ol me, what with the neat meteors killing everyone and all.^^
qA: No, it's today
qA: It's just not fun yet.
qA: Any more questions?
hH: >;]
hH: ^^Well i'd ask why you are a miserable fucking cunt but that would be rude now wouldn't it?^^
hH:^^ I didn't ask if it was fun yet, of course it's not fun yet.^^
hH: ^^You aren't even in the game yet stupid : ).^^
qA: Well, you did say "must be fun huh?"
qA: So...
qA: If you knew that i wasn't in the game yet, why would you even think to ask that?
qA: Oops sorry i forgot i can't ask questions
hH: >:\
hH: ^^You must think you're really fucking clever huh?^^
hH: ^^The anticipation of playing this stupid game, beginning to form your stupid little team, those things are fun.^^
hH: ^^If your tongue remains firmly lodged in your cheek I might just have to remove it in a nonpleasent manner : ).^^
qA: Uh, wow, that was pretty suggestive
qA: But anyway, that build-up stuff has been nothing but stress so far
qA: All sorts of different kinds of stress.
hH: : |
hH: ^^Man you are such a little wuss.^^
hH: ^^You get stressed out by trivial bullshit like this : )?^^
hH: ^^I mean come on can you BE anymore worthless?^^
hH: ^^Your entire team is a fucking disgrace just so you know, so at least you have company : ).^^
qA: Wow, this is an all time low for your empathy
qA: This is some stressful stuff i'm in here
qA: Have you seen plays where the convicted felon and the by-the-books cop have to work together?
qA: It's like that, but this time it's the cop who wise-cracky and unfeeling
qA: And that's just one guy
hH: >
hH: ^^Thanks for the compliment! I've been working on my ability to never give a shit and I can see it's really paying off.^^
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Plays in where a convicted felon and a legislacerator have to work together? ^^
hH: ^^Of course i've seen plays like that you stupid chimp. It's only like the most basic play there is. ^^
hH: ^^I've performed in a few of them and written one or two of my own as well : ).^^
hH: ^^But a 'wise-cracky and unfeeling' one.... you must be talking about the fuddy-duddy right? With the felon being yourself : )?^^
qA: Yes, you've decoded the metaphor!
qA: Though you're rhetorical question handling could due with some improvment
qA: And this is not "not giving a shit" that you're doing here
qA: Not giving a shit is like, ignoring a donation box or something
qA: What you're doing is like flying to war-torn Africa to insult the impoverished children to their faces
qA: "Geez, i knew you were starving and poor, but you're UGLY too?"
qA: ... okay, that actually sounds sort of fun
qA: But yeah...
hH: >:\
hH: ^^..... What's a donation box?^^
qA: Um, it's like...
qA: People put currency in a box, and then it is collected for charities
qA: Charities, btw are organizations that help other people and are usually funded almost entirely through these "donations"
hH: >
hH: ^^People actually do that?^^
hH: ^^Hahahaha what a bunch of fucking saps!^^
hH: ^^The only thing lowblood trash in need should get is a knife lodged in their chitinous windhole : ).^^
qA: Haha, um, i'm all for killing the homeless as much as the next guy, but, uh...
qA: What's a lowblood?
hH: >: P
hH: ^^One of low blood obviously. ^^
hH: ^^Oh yeah, this sort of thing doesn't exist here right?^^
hH: ^^The lowest of the low basically, those of filthy peasant blood of whom the only thing they should ask of you is a swift death to put them out of their misery. ^^
hH: ^^I usually oblige whether they ask me too or not, i'm nice like that : ).^^
qA: Hmm...
qA: Blood seems to be a big deal wherever you are
hH: >
hH: ^^Has the fuddy-duddy been giving you deductive reasoning lessons or have you just magically grown a little bit smarter over the course of this conversation?^^
hH: ^^Blood is important everywhere, especially to me sure, but don't act like it has no meaning to you.^^
hH: ^^Because i've been studying up a bit on your stupid, asinine, primitive culture.^^ 
hH: ^^Your rulers were picked by blood, and your highbloods are highbloods because of their blood more often than not.^^ 
qA: Well, yeah, metaphorical blood
qA: Heredity and what-not
qA: But blood is still pretty important in the abstract
qA: Oxygen circulation and what-have-you
qA: Which sense did you mean, dare i ask?
hH: >:\
hH: ^^You know damn well which one i'm talking about and frankly you are lucky I can't slit your stupid protein chute wide open through this glass computer screen.^^
hH: ^^Your culture can't even get the whole blood thing right, and this compassion bullshit?^^
hH: ^^I mean COME ON, it's so absurd I can't even wrap my hands around its chitinous windhole and throttle it until it stops being so retarded.^^
hH: ^^That brings me to why I even bothered contacting you in the first place.^^
hH: ^^Because it is literally painful to watch you flounder about like an aquatic lusii beached on the shore.^^
hH: ^^What was even the DEAL with that pathetic display I watched not too long ago?^^
hH: ^^Do you even know how to fight at all?^^
qA: Of course i do
qA: You know that, don't you?
hH: : I
hH: ^^You have all the grace and beauty of a wounded musclebeast in its death throes.^^ 
hH: ^^If you call the way you prance about like you are so cool fighting, then I hope you also enjoy the cool feeling of being dead.^^
hH: ^^Because you will last all of about fifteen seconds in this game if you don't learn how to actually carry your own weight properly.^^
qA: ...Hold on.
qA: Do you know me? Like, already?
qA: Not sure how to phrase this
hH: : I
hH: ^^Uh, no. I don't.^^
hH: ^^This is my first and, if the terrors were nice, last time talking with your pathetic self.^^
qA: Well damn.
qA: i've been going about this all wrong!
qA: Because i remember you
qA: It was way back and pretty sporadic, usually with no actual content
qA: But the general schtick was that you'd go on and on about all sorts of things i didn't understand
qA: and never really elaborate
qA: So this is pretty weird
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Someone's been a little scamp.^^ 
hH: ^^But not that wasn't me, at least not me-me. But i'll be sure to talk to myself in the future about it.^^
hH: ^^Don't ask any fucking questions about how stupid that sounds because I won't answer.^^
qA: Doesn't sound that stupid, honestly
qA: Anyway, care to introduce yourself formally?
hH: >:\
hH: ^^I only need to be formal with those of equivalent blood level or higher, so you can fuck off with that.^^
hH: ^^I'm Harlin, a creature you never want to meet alone in the dark : ).^^
qA: Harlin, that's a nice name
qA: i'm alice
qA: So...
qA: why exactly did you contact me now?
hH: >: P
hH: ^^You act like I care about the name of a worm like you.^^
hH: ^^I contacted you because i'm bored at the moment with nothing to kill.^^
hH: ^^And as I said you are really fucking pathetic and sad, so I thought maybe you could use a girl's help : ).^^
qA: Well, i suppose girl's help is a thing i could use...
qA: did you have anything in mind besides insults that your past/future self has/will contradict?
qA: *contradict(ed)?
hH: >:]
hH: ^^I can help you with just about anything because i'm the best there is at just about everything.^^
hH: ^^If you can stop being a worthless meatsack, maybe i'll lighten up on the demeaning comments too! But no promises on that : ).^^
qA: Don't say meatsack
qA: It totally undermines the civility of our discourse
qA: So then, no particular advice?
hH: : I
hH: ^^You kind of have to give me a general idea here. There are so many things wrong with you I wouldn't even know where to begin.^^
hH: ^^We could spend an eternity picking apart all the faults of your character and not even break through the thinnest layer of what's wrong with you.^^
qA: Oh, don't i know it...
qA: So, um, what should i...
qA: Oh geez, i'm not sure if i should be telling this to anyone, uh.
qA: Well, let's say i've been pondering a hypothetical scenario
qA: And in this scenario, i have feelings
qA: of some kind
qA: for someone
qA: and i've been told by another person, who is also a hypothetical, that being open about these feelings is the best course of action
qA: But like, i'm not any good with expressing my feelings openly
qA: That part is not hypothetical, by the way
qA: So...
qA: Any advice?


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

*==>*

She doesn't like where this is going. Alice quickly releases a groan into the throw pillow before settling on the couch downstairs and soldiering back into the conversation.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



hH: >
hH: ^^Is it time to play 'Fill our Quadrants'?^^
hH: ^^I know a thing or two about romantic pursuits so sure i'll help you overcome this first hurdle in becoming a half decent sentient being.^^
hH: ^^But first you got to tell me, are these flushed or calignous feelings?^^
qA: Wow, holy shit, i'm not even close to knowing what that question meant
qA: Um, caliginous means "black" or something, so probably not that?
hH: : I
hH: ^^Wow, your species can't even get this right.^^
hH: ^^How have you not all gone extinct by forgetting how to breathe yet?^^
hH: ^^Okay look, i'll break this down so even a grub like you can understand.^^
hH: ^^All of your stupid emotions are based on either pity in some form, the flushed feelings, or hatred, the calignous feelings.^^
hH: ^^So in this hypothetical, that is in no way hypothetical, scenario do your feelings originate from a form of admiration or pity, or from hating this person's hypothetical fucking guts?^^
qA: Easily admiration
qA: i would imagine
qA: this whole exercise is to prepare if i ever met someone so charmingly brash and violent that i would be instantly infatuated
qA: If that ever happens, i'd hate to be unprepared
hH: >:]
hH: ^^I think I know who you are talking about here.^^
hH: ^^It wouldn't happen to be mister tall, gaunt, and grimy now would it : )?^^
qA: i don't know what he looks like
qA: i mean what he would look like
qA: But it would probably be a mister, yes.
qA: Even though like three girls have hit on me today
qA: You included
hH: >:\
hH: ^^Don't delude yourself into thinking you have a chance at one of my quadrants, lady.^^
hH: ^^I couldn't bring myself to pity you or to hate you under the pain of the fiery irons.
hH: You are a little worm that I have chosen to pay attention to, to see if I can groom you into a fine little spitfire.^^ 
hH: ^^So why don't you cut the bullshit out and just tell me if it's the one known as 'strifeLord' or if i'm totally off base here.^^
hH: ^^If it's the coward or the neanderthal i'm just going to log out of my computer right now and stick a knife into it on the off chance this jesture of total malice can somehow kill you from long distance.^^
qA: ...yeah, it's sL
qA: Could you be a dear and NOT tell him about this yourself in your ludicrous attitude, shattering the infinitesimal chance i have?
qA: Because that would be pretty helpful for an aspiring spitfire
hH: >
hH: ^^Heh, I knew it.^^ 
hH: ^^Well I guess when you have so little to choose from as it is, you could have made a worse choice to direct your flushed feelings to.^^
hH: ^^But man oh man, you don't have a fucking CHANCE with him.^^
hH: ^^I smell a tragedy in the making, would you mind if I write a play about it after you meet your untimely end : )?^^ qA: Okay, i'm sort of new to your culture and everything, but how is this advice?
qA: This is just rubbing my already self-evident faults in my face and pretending to be nice about it.
qA: i.e. nothing new
hH: >;]
hH: ^^I'm not pretending to be nice about it.^^
hH: ^^Okay look, you really have no fucking chance with him.^^ 
hH: ^^Like seriously no chance at all. You have a better chance at making that rock feel affection for you than that guy.^^
hH: ^^CURRENTLY.^^
hH: ^^That is the key word : ).^^
hH: ^^His type are pretty common where I come from.^^
hH: ^^And I know the way to their hearts if you would care to know.^^
qA: Um...
qA: Is it their sternum?
hH: : I
hH: ^^If you want to be a loveless loser forever you can keep up the funny, but if you want to actually reel this fish in, shut the fuck up for a little and just simply answer my question. Do you want to know?^^
qA: Sure, tell me.
hH: >
hH: ^^Ask a little more nicely. And call me master : ).^^
qA: Oh great, noble and superior lifeform, would you please grace me with your nigh-divine wisdom on the matters of wooing psychos, Master Harlin.
hH: >:]
hH: ^^I'll make a lady out of you yet.^^
hH: ^^Okay let me start this off with a little background information.^^
hH: ^^Around the time I had entered into the sixth sweep of my wonderful life, there was this rather wonderful seadweller that murdered just about everyone he met and valued fighting above all things.^^
hH: ^^Even for my kind he was a little too much, he was kind of a big deal around the parts I called home. ^^
hH: ^^But he was messed up in the thinkpan, believing himself to be superior to everyone, even the emperor himself. He couldn't feel any hatred or pity, just mindless rage.^^ 
hH: ^^At least until I ambushed him one day. I cut him up real good, and as he lay in a pile of his own royal blood he confessed that he was beginning to feel flushed for me.^^
hH: ^^I then drove a knife into his ocular sphere and that was the end of that story : ).^^
hH: ^^Do you get the moral that i'm trying to teach?^^
qA: Um...
qA: maybe?
qA: i think you're saying that i must become my "enemy" to "conquer" him
qA: But instead of trying to defeat him, i'm trying to earn his respect?
hH: >
hH: ^^And you won't earn his respect by being a damsel in distress.^^
hH: ^^The way to a person like sL's heart is to rip it out in front of him and drink the blood that spurts out of it like it's your own personal water fountain.^^
hH: ^^He will only start to care about you at all once you become a threat to him and a worthy opponent.^^
qA: Sounds good, but i don't know
qA: i mean, part of the reason i want him is because i'm such a coward and i guess part of me thinks that he could make me less weak, teach me his ways or something
qA: it was this whole bullshit fantasy where we bonded over our murder and carved our initials in someone's chest or something
qA: i wish i could get the experience from my future and use it now somehow
qA: AUGH, what am i even saying
hH: >:\
hH: ^^He won't ever like you BECAUSE you are a fucking coward.^^ 
hH: ^^No amount of retarded wishful thinking will change this. He isn't your skylark in fancy pants whose only dream is to whisk you away in his arms.^^
hH: ^^You've killed people, more than once no?^^
hH: ^^And yet you hide this fact, and don't want anyone to know, because you are a fucking wuss.^^
hH:^^ Look at sL, he doesn't give a shit if people know he is a killer.^^
hH: ^^Hell even mister law has killed before and doesn't hide it.^^
hH: ^^And yet here you are in your own little cocoon of self loathing, too afraid to do anything yourself, just hoping the answers will fall out of the sky.^^
hH: ^^It's so pathetic, my face is turning green just thinking about it.^^ 
qA: i know how pathetic i am, okay?
qA: You don't have to remind me
qA: God phucking dammit, i think about it every day
qA: i'd say i lose sleep over it, if my sleep was anything but empty misery and nothingness
qA: Just...
qA: BLARGH
qA: Do you even know the horror, the TORTURE that i go through everytime i look at an unconscious body
qA: "Just kill him" half my mind says "What are you, chicken?"
qA: "No", the rest of my mind intervenes, "Murder is the cowardly decision. You're better than that"
qA: "No you're not"
qA: And there's nothing i can do to stop it
qA: i either pussy out and kill the person or i pussy out and leave them to live
qA: i just...
qA: i don't know
hH: >:\
hH: ^^Jegus, grow some backbone you blubbering nook.^^
hH: ^^If I knew this was going to be a pity party I would have brought my party mask.
hH: BLUH. You are just like the fucking legislacerator you know that?^^
hH: ^^Trying to restrain your feelings through some stupid morality bullshit that is just awful.^^
hH: ^^There is no choice stupid.^^
hH: ^^Murder, murder is fun.^^
hH: ^^Murder puts a smile on your face.^^
hH: ^^This stupid morality crap just makes you feel sad and angsty.^^
hH: ^^You are a fucking murderer, own it already and stand on your own feet.^^
hH: ^^For both of our sakes.^^
qA: well if i could just turn off my morals i'd have no goddamn problems
qA: ugh, this is getting me nowhere
hH: : P
hH: ^^Why can't you?^^
hH: ^^They only have as much control over you as you give them.^^
hH: ^^If you want.... I can help you become a better person : ).^^
qA: i do want that actually
qA: you'll have to contact me later
qA: Or possibly earlier?
hH: : P 
hH: ^^It's later for me.^^
hH: ^^And don't you worry Alice, i'll turn this pathetic mass of pity that you currently are into a creature with both a spine and a smile on their face : ).^^
qA: i shall count the minutes, Harley
--hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling quantativeArbitor [qA]--


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

*>An exercise in self-loathing*

Crap, that was uncomfortable. At least now she- Oh now what?

Great, looks like Julius opened up some sort of memo pad while she was brooding. A quick skim shows that the ME fellow has successfully been taken to some other world via the game. 

She might as well jump in now...


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: This is just special
sL: Very, very special, like ME here

*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] responded to memo--*

qA: Oh, looks like you people have already gotten at each others throats
qA: That information reveal was almost overshadowed
qA: But i caught it.
qA: This game is confirmed for transportative properties, at least confirmed for me.
qA: So yeah, that's interesting.
II: And now you can all stop asking me to prove this fact to you. Like I would somehow choose to play a computer game on the day of apocalypse with a bunch of random nobodies if it didn't have a purpose.
qA: Well maybe you can stop acting like you were advertising this information with widespread clarity in mind.
sL: This keeps getting better
sL: Main character has a heart condition
[]
wW: And speaking of cripples, I might attack someone to get a copy of Sburb. I need to kill some time, and really, it's not like he'll be putting it to good use anyway.

--panedclysmicClutch [pC] has responded to Memo--

pC: hit...it
pC: tap..it
pC: one...night...it
pC: wifey...it
pC: not...sure...about...that...one...feels...like...a ...BDSM...freak
pC: sL...seems...to...like...cripples...that'll...be.. .hard...to...replicate
sN: ...Who's this douthe bag?
sN: douche*
wW: Another psycho?
qA: Oh, hi ashley.
qA: Magnanimous as ever, i see.
[]
II: That can also be the word. I am flexible.
qA: Can II just be banned from saying anything that is not the entry order?
sL: I want to ban you all from life
wW: Yes, yes, that's hilarious. Banning people from life. How clever!
II: And guess what sL?
II: I want to ban you from this memo.

-- *IllustriousInquisitor [II] banned strifeLord from the memo*--



Aw crap, what'd he do that for? 

Come on, Alice just needs to keep her cool here and not do something stupid. These people are like an emotional minefield.

Suddenly, an idea occurs to her...


*Spoiler*: __ 



[]
pC: animal...crackers...and...apple...juice...sure...is...delicious
qA: i just finished a browser algorithm so i can't see anthing II says unless it has chumhandle initials in it
qA: i now wait.
qA: Also, ashley, it would be "sure are delicious"
pC: I...sure...do...care...a...lot...bout...that...there...grammatical...structuring
gT: Lawlz

wW: I thought you said you were going to get to the point?
sL: Well yeah, mocking you all is good fun
qA: Oh, did he say more things?
qA: Can't say i'm surprised.
gT: pC you got any gold fish?
pC: I...got...sharks
II: You know what qA?

gT: Oh man I'm so hungry could eat a shark. -_-
wW: Am I the only one who is able to focus on what's actually important?
wW: Hey, II, how about you pass on the torch to me and let me be the leader? You seem to be incapable of doing anything apart from complain and not get to the point.
sL: Oh shit, it's a mutiny
sL: This keeps getting funnier with each passing moment
qA: Okay, i'm leaving
qA: Gonna make a pizza or something.



And then an even better idea.


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

*>Alice: Get Cooking*

Alice enters the kitchen, and is surprised to see Gladys waiting there, several ingredients laid out. She must've already beaten Disc One or something and wanted to make a meal in celebration.

Accordingly, she and Alice work together to make a pizza, a process which could feasibly be presented as a montage, possibly with a gag about throwing dough in the air, but this medium isn't very accomadative of that, so let's just say they made a pizza, put it in the oven and that was that.

Alice slumps back onto the couch and continues the memo with zero enthusiasm.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Back
qA: Pizza's in the oven.
II: sL already knew his order you freaking idiot. I did my job. 
wW: No you didn't. Your job as a LEADER is to LEAD. So far you're only leading us into disaster. As a leader, you have to inform us, the team, of the important details, not just an individual.
II: My job is to get us in. Guess what so far I have a 100% success rate. 
qA: i'm surprised you guys haven't caught on to what he's doing here.
gT: funny thing is I'm cooking a pizza right now. 

--*IIlustriousInquisitor uploaded entryorder.doc and sent it to every member*--

II: Now shut up so I can tell you guys more things.
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
qA: i didn't think he had anything to say
qA: Figured he was trying to get us to learn about each other in the most infuriating way under the guise of a helpful bulletin
wW: And, pray tell, why would any of us want to learn anything about each other?
[...]
pC: hey...cocksleaves...were...not...in...tha...list...of...items
pC: you...discriminanting...fucker
qA: See, not everone is a big of a social pessimist as you are, II
qA: Many of these people, but not everyone.
sL: So how has pC not choked on a dick yet
pC: lung...training
wW: So are you like some prostitute or something?
II: Well at least you are dedicated to your craft.
sL: Shit, I think we've got a biological weapon on our hands
sL: If we pop this bitch, every asshole around her in a 50 mile area would get fucked by all sorts of diseases
wW: I'll admit it. I laughed at that.
qA: See? We're bonding in our absurdly vitrolic way.
qA: Just as Alfredo Fettuchini planned from the start.
[]
qA: Yes, wW, i'm your client.
qA: Which i had already learned from Detective Asshat's grand deception earlier.
qA: Honestly, i have no reason to be here.
wW: Neither do I, really
[...]
II: First thing first. 
II: Do you all finally trust me? 
wW: I trust your knowledge on the game, but not your leadership skills. Or you personally. But I can set that aside if it means we can survive.
qA: Well, when you've done nothing but deceive and frustrate intentionally, how can i not trust you?
[...]
pC: animal...crackers...all...gone
qA: Hey Ashtray, you're seeing this too, right?
qA: How he actively makes people hate him on his first impression so he can feed his ego through self-pity?
wW: Probably to make us easier to manipulate as well. Seems like the type of thing he'd do.
pC: did...you...call...me...ashtray?
pC: the...fuck?
II: I'm sure that sL can actually agree with me on this point.
II: I do not feel like I need to make the effort to mask my true character through societal norms, to dance this inept idiot dance with the rest of you.
II: I don't need validation from you or anyone.
qA: No, i'm not telling you to stop being an asshole
qA: i'm just letting you know that it was entirely your choice and your fault and you should stop acting like it's not.
qA: But that would require being less of an ass, so nvm.
[...]
gT: I like cheese and pepperoni myself.
wW: That's good too.
gT: Why is sL such a sociopath btw?
sL: Why are you such a useless cuntrag?
wW: Well, it seems like we've finally gotten used to each other. Somewhat.
pC: but...no...one's...used...me...yet
qA: Well then, i'd best check on my pizza
qA: Lily made me hungry.
qA: gT's name is Lily btw, say hi to her.

--*quantitativeArbitor [qA] has left the memo*--



Well, that was something...


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

Well, if anything, it was a reminder to contact mD about the game, again.

Ah, the pizza's done. Alice will just let the robot handle it. She probably would've insisted anyway.


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- quantitativeArbitor [qA] started pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --
qA: Hey, mD
qA: Are you there?
mD: Oh hello, qA.
mD: What's up?
qA: Well, i've been learning all that i can about this game from the people who are to play it
qA: And i figured i would fill you in, at least to the point of my own convenience
mD: That's kind of you...I guess.
mD: I've been doing some of my own research but more information is always useful.
mD: Let's see how what I've read/learned matches with what you've found.
qA: Alright
qA: Well, as you may have already learned from that detective guy you talk to, each player is a server to another's game in a sort of circular chain.
qA: i've met the guy, by the way.
qA: He has completely reformed my standards for "intolerable"
qA: Anyway, you are going to be the server for strifeLord
mD: Hmm, that could be interesting...
qA: And i will be the server for you.
mD: ...
mD: Ah.
mD: How.....fortuitous......
mD: =/
qA: Oh come now, you should be more enthusiastic
qA: This is an excellent opportunity for us to learn more about each other
qA: You should embrace it, Valen.



Haha, a precision strike of information! This refills some of her undernourished pride meter, and possibly contributes to scaling her echeladder.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: What.
mD: ...that asshole.
mD: Well, since you've taken the first step into learning about me, Alice, whether intentional or not...
mD: Here's a further fact about me:
mD: I am in complete agreement with you that II is rather insufferable.
mD: He does have his uses on occasion though.
mD: Any word on who will have the lucky task of dealing with him in this chain?
qA: Dealing with him as a server or dealing with him as a client?
qA: Because i don't know either.
qA: i have the full list on a file over here, hold on

-- quantativeArbitor [qA] sent melodiousDiscord [mD] entryorder.doc--

qA: There.
qA: Also, ha, you know my name as well!
qA: i am so surprised and upset at this development!
mD: Mm, I like keeping tabs on my fellow, ah, liberators.
mD: Honor among thieves and all that.
mD: But yes, your boasts helped me identify you.
mD: Now let's have a look at this list...
mD: Hmm, did someone get added into our group?
mD: I don't recall seeing rB on the list of players before.
qA: What
qA: ...
qA: oh, that goddamn emotionally sadistic two-faced overconfident piece of SHIT
qA: i am really upset at this
qA: This guy literally gave me an unorganized player list so i would socialize with my teammates
qA: But surprise sur-phucking-prise, Poirot "forgot" to tell me about two of them!
mD: Who is the other?
qA: That rb person and someone called "tS" or something
qA: Looks like i'll have to socialize with them while you sort things out with sL
mD: Mm, to be completely honest, I'm rather glad that I'm on the server end of sL.
mD: He's...dangerous.
qA: Ah, so you know him?
mD: Not very well, but we have talked.
qA: Well then...
qA: Have fun with that, Valentino
qA: Don't forget to connect to me once you're done with him
mD: Indeed. 
mD: I will probably make some effort at housekeeping before doing so.
mD: It shouldn't take that long though.
qA: Okay then, i'll just wait over here, meeting new people and eating homemade pizza
qA: Later.
mD: Ciao
-- quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --


----------



## Crossbow (May 24, 2012)

Well, this is a new goal for her, which is refreshing in a way. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Gladys taking the pizza into Alice's room.

At this point, she figures she may as well go follow it while contacting this new guy. It smells too good to resist.


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rb]--*
qA: ...Hello there.
rB: hi!!! are you another player??? seems all of you have been contacting me since i joined the team
qA: Yes, i am another of the players
qA: Just contacting you to get a feel for your personality, i guess
qA: Sorry if i seem a bit non-social, but the others have taken a lot out of me
rB: no, i get it
rB: i haven't talked to everyone yet but the two i have seem to be a handful
rB: makes me wonder how i'm going to get through a whole game session with them
qA: Oh man, if i weren't so tired, i'd hazard a guess as to who
qA: Let me go out on a limb here though: was one of them II?
rB: haha however did you guess??? he seemed nice enough, if a little snooty
qA: Well, that's one word for it, i suppose.
[]
qA: Oh i'm just a sucker for hype
qA: From what i've seen the game is good and fun, so i "procured" a copy
qA: Apparently, you don't really get to choose your partners with it.
rB: ah, you "procured" a copy too???
rB: nice to meet a fellow pirater
rB: II was all up in my case about that
rB: ....
rB: ah
rB: now i see the subtle threat
qA: Pfft
qA: No wait hold on



Quickly, Alice goes back to her log with her A$ log to copypaste her scoffing noise.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: PffpFPftttTttt...
qA: It's nice to know you're also a "pirater", but the threat is probably much greater on my end from him.
rB: ???
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
rB: oh well nice to meet you alice!!!
rB: my name's cessily
rB: but all my friends call me cess
rB: and i guess you're one of my friends now so...
qA: Aw, thanks!
qA: Man, i'd almost forgotten what it's like to have a nice conversation like this...
rB: ugh tell me about it
rB: but we got off topic!!!
rB: what's II threatening you about???
qA: Oh, nothing in particular
qA: But i figure it's because of the thousands of unique pirated files
qA: Or the actual physical burglaries, i'm not sure
qA: Haven't really got to ask him.
rB: !!!
rB: that's certainly a step up from my semi-illegal adventures
rB: you've actually stolen stuff?
rB: all i do is log in and click a few buttons...
[...]
qA: That's basically adorable
qA: i guess why so many people think piracy and shoplifing are such different things is because it so hard to get caught in one and not the other...
qA: Haha, oh geez. Look at me, the girl with the file piracy website droning on about the ethics of copyright infringement!
qA: i really might have to sleep soon
rB: you own a piracy website???
rB: that's so cool!!! which one???
qA: TeraDownload.com
qA: Why?
rB: WHAT
rB: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
rB: no way
rB: i love teradownload!!!
rB: i've had a teraplatinum membership for like, ever
rB: the only game i haven't pirated from there in the last like, three years is sburb
rB: and that's only cause you haven't got it up yet!!!
qA: Yeah, well that's because i always test things myself before i put them to the public
qA: Oh man, it's just sort of disorienting to know i have such a big
qA: ...fan, i guess?
qA: Anyway, thanks for your partronage, i suppose...



These statments have greatly filled her pride meter, almost to the point of a CHAOS BREAK, but not quite. 

However, it was enough to unlock the virtues column on the opposite half of the screen. The only virtue, charity, is upsetingly low...


*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: haha no problem
rB: i'll try not to freak out and make you uncomfortable
rB: but just so you know, you're officially my favorite person out of this motley session
rB: even better than II's fedora
qA: Wow, better than a fedora?
qA: i think i may start blushing!
qA: Tell you what, i think you deserve something special
qA: Any ideas for something special i could give you?
rB: ....i have some ideas but i don't wanna jinx it!!!
rB: aaaah alice i'm not good with suspense
qA: Nah, i mean give me suggestions
qA: i'm feeling like a regular Steve Gates over here, but i don't know what sort of things you'd like
[...]
rB: oh wow...uh, i don't know!!!
rB: if II and sL are right about this game, the world's about to end
rB: so i don't even know what i could need!!!
rB: besides i don't want to take advantage of you or anything!!!
rB: that's not what friends are about haha
qA: i know, i know
qA: i suddenly feel so charitable, though
qA: i could have a barbershop quartet and an Indian elephant an your front door within a half-hour
qA: If i call the right people, i could get a barbershop quartet of Indian elephants
qA: And it would hardly be a dent in my pocketbook!
qA: Not to underscore the gesture or anything...
rB: well...
rB: i don't think i need anything that extravagent 
rB: but well...i mean, if you're serious...
rB: i do kinda need a new laptop
rB: this one has been on it's last leg for a few years now
rB: and i'm half afraid sburb will be it's undoing
rB: which is sorta why i haven't booted it up yet
qA: Alright, i'm sending you a laptop on a helicopter
qA: And all i ask in return...
qA: Is that you continue being a great friend!
rB: that is actually the sweetest thing i think i've ever heard/seen/experienced
rB: i knew not everyone in the session were assholes!!!
rB: oh my god, thank you so much alice!!!
rB: being a friend is kind of my specialty
rB: so you don't have to worry!!!
qA: Aw, no problem, Cess
qA: This has been great fun, but it looks like i'm going to have to venture into the horror that is napping
qA: Sort of poignant, considering what i've been hearing about dreams lately...
rB: well good luck with your nap!!!
rB: and when you do start the game...be careful!!
rB: it would suck if something happened to you before we got the chance to meet face to face!!!
qA: Okay, you take care of yourself too*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--*



Wow, she sure is nice. Anyway, thanks to her admin capabilities, she can just find this girl's account and send her one of the TerePlatinum rewards for free. No problem.

But she really_ is _feeling tired. After yawning and then sighing, Alice crwals into her bed to stave off some sloth points...


----------



## Judas (May 25, 2012)

*==>*Hassle conscious thug like a needy whore

You walk up towards the remaining thug who seems to have retained consciousness from his Smackdown beatdown and violently shake his shoulders in a ploy for answers. 

He doesn't respond...

But you notice something awfully strange, as the thug proceeds to convulse. 

He's...losing weight...and form for that matter...

Until...

_*Blup*_

He's gone! But in his place is a pile of...well...you don't know what the hell that is, besides the fact that it's blue, small, and looks like a gusher.

*==>*Pick up "gusher" and taste test

_Bleh!_

Ok, so you know it's not edible, but what the fuck are you doing taste testing something from the flo-

Oh wait...

What is this?

The other thugs around also begin to convulse and lose form in the same manor as the first thug...Great, more blue shit. What the fuck _were_ those thugs anway?

*==>*Use the scanning feature of your gphone

You hold up your gphone and take a picture, promptly uploading said image into your scanner. The phone takes a a few moments to process the contents within the image before posting a final tally on your screen...



...


----------



## Crossbow (May 25, 2012)

*>Alice: Dream*

Darkness. Empty darkness.

I can?t say I?m surprised.

It?s always been like this. I swear I used to have normal dreams when I was a tyke or whatever. But for like a decade now, just black stasis. There?s sort of a pinkish orange tint to it, but whatever.

Aw nuts, one of those glares are coming, I can feel it. Soon there?s just gonna be a big beam of brightness penetrating the darkness and spooking the hell out of me.

AUGH, THERE IT IS.

In panic, I swat the air in front of me to dissipate the beam. Normally, they have visions in them, but I?m not in the mood for?

Wait, swatting? I have arms in these dreams, I guess.

Concentrating, I notice a darkish patch in front of me, vaguely arm-shaped. I think to move my arm and the shape moves accordingly. That?s definitely my arm.

Huh.

I lift my other arm and experimentally flex my fingers. Then, I move my hands faceward. Weird, I feel glasses. I remember taking my glasses off before napping?

I grip the glasses and lift them off of what is apparently my face. As the frame comes into my view, light floods around it blindingly?


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 28, 2012)

*It begins...*

Enough of the bullshit, time to contact mD once more.  If that fucker isn't there again...


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- strifeLord [sL]began pestering melodiousDiscord [mD] --

sL: Alright, you cunt, are you there now?
sL: I want to get the fuck out of here
mD: Hmm?
mD: Oh hey sL.
mD: I was wondering when you were going to call.
mD: Was starting to worry even.
mD: Maybe worry isn't quite the right word.
mD: Ah well.
mD: Right, this entry to the medium business, yes?
mD: I've had the server disk loaded on my computer for some...3 hours now?
mD: So whenever you're ready.




Finally, the bastard was there.  Now for the work to begin...


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: I'm ready NOW, goddamnit
sL: Just start the fucking thing
sL: I need my own world of slaughter and this waiting is killing me
mD: Ah the irony.
mD: Right though, booting it up now.
mD: And there, should be connected now.
sL: Oh great, that means you can see me now, right
sL: Let's just get this over with
mD: Hmm yes, I can see that this house has your touch all over
mD: Slashed drapes, broken furniture, corpse impaled on the floor.
mD: Ah, and indeed, I can see you.
mD: Look into getting some new gear for your fights, man.
mD: Those rags probably aren't going to do much good.




Oh for fuck's sake, this is NOT the time to be talking about fashion.  Meteors are coming closer, and James sure as hell isn't going to die because he was too busy discussing the finer points of clothing.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Fuck off, I'm fine as I am now
sL: And for your information, three other guys tried to break in before me
sL: The kid battered them to death and when I came in, I killed the kid and took the house
mD: Well good for you.
mD: Doesn't change the fact that right now you have zero in the way of protection from...
mD: Meh
mD: You know what, if you want to go about as the lord of battles and rags, be my guest.
mD: I'm placing this machine, whatever the fuck it is, in the kitchen okay?
mD: Oh.
mD: I might have accidentally set it on top of one of the kid's pets.
mD: =/




AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  James did believe that Valen was one of the less shittier teammates.  Hell of a way to set up the game.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: That's neither of our problem
sL: I almost wish he was alive to see it happen though
mD: Well he's not, so you're out of luck there.
mD: Let's just...carefully....place this one there next to you.
mD: A little too careful.
mD: I am ashamed, I have contributed to your title as lord of rags.




Oh that's just perfect, he dropped the Cruxtruder on his stolen trenchcoat.  God knows that doesn't need to become any more ragged.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: You dickwad!  Watch where you drop that shit!
sL: Gonna have to tear part of my coat to unstuck it there
mD: Oh poor sL
mD: OH THE HORROR!
mD: THE INHUMANITY!
mD: HE MUST...
mD: RIP.
mD: HIS.
mD: COAT!




He may not be the shittiest guy out of everyone James has talked to so far, but he's still shit.  Well, it could have been worse.  Valen could have pulled off the same stunts James pulled on ME.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: I was trying to be careful, if you prefer though, I could be less careful.
mD: Whoops, watch out for the bookcase.
mD: And the chair.




A bookcase fell, missing James by inches while the flying chair didn't even come close to hitting him.  Halfhearted efforts and still not close to being as bad as it could have been.  Although it's still a massive waste of fucking time.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: I'm going to kill you for this
sL: Are you done fucking around now?
mD: I dunno
mD: What do you think Mr. Dead Kid?




The corpse of his victim began to pick itself up, with its limbs limply hanging.  It resembled a puppet of sorts, only with a gaping slash wound on its throat.  It was being shook, as if in the hands of a deranged puppeteer with absolutely no clue what he was doing.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Mr. Dead Kid did not agree unfortunately, sL.
mD: Maybe if you asked him politely, he would calm the fuck down.
sL: The dead kid doesn't have a say in the matter, jackass
sL: You know, him being dead and all
sL: As entertaining as disgracing his corpse by using him as a puppet is, we do have some damn work to do first
sL: So fucking get to it




Seriously, this shit would be entertaining at any other time, but not when fucking flaming rocks are getting closer to flattening everything.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Oh fine 
mD: There's that one...
mD: Annndddd the final machine is placed.




A loud thud was heard, and it sounds like the last piece of the puzzle was placed on the roof.  Normally this would be irritating for any other person, but James can jump and climb pretty damn well, so that's no obstacle.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: I haven't the slightest clue what all you use them for or anything, but all I can do now is mess around with the house.
mD: I hope you like puzzle solving.
sL: I have my handy manual for this shit
sL: I think I can take care of myself from here
sL: Oh, and if you really want, I could send this kid's corpse to you
sL: Maybe inspire you for some ventriloquist act
sL: I'm feeling particularly charitable today, though you'll have to clean the body yourself
mD: Nah, you can keep it.
mD: Taxidermy it for posterity or something.




Valen once again takes hold of the corpse and tries to bring it closer to James in some twisted mockery of affection.  Again, this would be entertaining in any time except for this one.  


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Awww look, he's giving you a hug.
mD: How adorable.
sL: Sometime in the future, you and Mr Dead Kid are going to have something in common
sL: I guarantee it
mD: Oh you.

-- melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL] --




Fina-fucking-lly, that was over with.  It really could have been worse though, the server could have been II.  Fuck knows how much time he would have wasted with petty bullshit.  Still, Valen's kind of a jackass too, just not as much as the majority.  James finds himself disbelieving that he entered into some pseudo-alliance with this asshole but he might as well try to get some use out of him in the future.

As of the present, however, the entry process has to be done.  Time to see how this horseshit turns out...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 28, 2012)

*A Skull, Self-Mutilation (of sorts), and Entry to a New World*

Before he leaves his room, James finds a Pre-Punched Card on the floor.  On it was the image of a skull.  Valen must have left it at the last moment without saying anything.  He takes the card, then leaves and heads downstairs to the kitchen.  There he finds the Alchemiter and underneath it was a cat's paw sticking out, along with a small pool of blood.  Well, looks like that's five things dead in the house.  He then proceeds out the door and goes outside, seeing even more chaos than before as the meteors keep raining down.  James looks upwards at the roof of his house and sees the Totem Lathe situated there.  Everything he needs for the entry is all there.  He runs back to his room and goes to the Cruxtruder.  Remembering what the manual said about the Cruxtruder, James smashes his fist downwards against its lid.  It pops open, and a dim gray orb comes out of it.  That must be the kernelsprite.  Now to find something to throw in there.  He searches around the room and stumbles upon this .  Something that vicious looking has to be the obvious choice.  James grabs the figure and tosses it into the kernelsprite.  Gray light shines for a handful of seconds, and it metamorphosed into the head of the thing he threw in, only colored gray.  Floating alongside it was its ridiculously huge sword.  After the Kernelsprite's transformation, James turns the wheel on the Cruxtruder, producing the Cruxite Dowel.  It was of a cylindrical shape and colored silver.

James then dashes outside, Cruxite in one hand and Pre-Punched Card in the other.  He jumps up to the roof and lands perfectly.  He puts the card in the slot of the Totem Lathe and places the Cruxite in between the clamps.  James activates the Lathe and carves out the Totem.  It looks all curvy and shit, like some oddly shaped vase.  Not like that matters, he's got more important things to do.  And needs to do them before the fucking meteor hits.  He takes the Totem, rushes back into the kitchen with superhuman speed, and places it on the Alchemiter.  The Alchemiter scans the silver Totem, and then produces a silver tree with a skeleton of the same color.  It was hanging on the tree by a rope, like some lynch victim.  A skull drops from the skeleton, and then the tree disappears along with the skeleton, leaving only the skull.  

James touches the silver skull, and it suddenly floats up into the air.  A torso began to sprout from underneath it, then legs grew, with the arms following them.  They sprang to full length, resembling a human being which matches James's height.  The skull itself changed too, with skin growing over it.  Nose, eyes, eyelids, eyebrows, ears, lips and hair formed to complete it.  Afterwards, a cross appeared behind the body, with the newly formed man-shaped silver thing suddenly being crucified on it.  Upon closer inspection, this silver man looked like...looked like James himself!  What kind of game is this?!  A sword materializes in James's hands, all of it colored silver, to the surprise of no one.  It was obvious what he had to do now, he had to cut down this crucified representation of himself.  The meteor was dangerously getting closer and whatever discomfort he may have at cleaving an effigy of himself had to be put aside.  "Sorry handsome, but I gotta cut to the chase here," James says.  

With a single swing, he disembowels his silver self, howls out in pain as if he was the one being sliced open, then a flash of light.  It was off to a brave new world...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 29, 2012)

*Red Skies, Black Ground*

James looks at his stomach and sees nothing spilling out.  It seems the pain was just a result of cutting that effigy.  The thing must have been some damn voodoo doll.  Well, thankfully that's all in the past and now an entire world is available for James to get his murder on.  He walks out of the kitchen and sees the kernelsprite he created arrive right in front of him.  It changes, and the Kernel divides, one half light and the other dark.  The halves go their separate ways, leaving only the Sprite behind.  The Sprite itself changes from a floating head with a ridiculous sword to something with an actual torso, arms, neck, and head, all armored and almost resembling the figure he Prototyped.  It just didn't have any legs and floated around like some ghost.  The Sprite looked agitated and appeared to have a barely contained violence about it.  Yep, he definitely made the right decision with his Prototyping.

James exits the house, Sprite following him, and finds a blood red sky above him.  The ground he walked on was blackened like ash, and everything around him appeared to be a desolate waste with no civilization in sight.












So this is it, his planet.  A sky that's a gaping wound and a ground of ash.  All rather fitting, to be honest.  The inhabitants, which should be around somewhere on this world according to those visions, must undoubtedly be hostile.  A place that looks like this breeds conflict and James welcomes it with all his heart.  This is going to be a goddamn paradise for himself.  He looks at his Sprite, who was probably thinking the same thing.  It gripped its surfboard-sized sword two-handed and went into a fighting stance, pointing towards the house.  The Sprite zips back into the stolen home and James quickly follows.  They go to the living room and find it infested with tiny creatures, wearing the same sort of armor the Sprite had, but sported no sword.  Seems like they broke through the windows while James was busy gawking at his planet.  The little freaks were trying to make a mess, but the Sprite put a stop to that with a single swing of his blade.  Half a dozen of the bastards were torn asunder.  The damn thing was huge, after all.  












James took out his own sword from his Bladekind strife specibus and battled the midgets.  They were surprisingly quick, moving as blurs much like James regularly does.  Three of them came at him, viciously swiping away at him with their claws.  As fast as they were, James continuously parried all three of them at once, proving himself to be the swifter one.  Each wild attack left them open and James capitalized on it, cleaving off their arms and heads like the expert butcher that he is.  The gaps in the armor, small as they were, proved to be good targets.  Plus, James's weapon was oversized in its own right and when swung at speeds impossible for normal men, it delivers quite the impact even on such thick armor.  Either that, or the armor isn't quite as strong when these creatures wear them.

The three were dismembered, then their corpses disappeared, leaving behind what's called Grist.  He read about this in the manual and knew they were important, so he collected them.  There were about thirteen left and decreasing as his Sprite charged at them in a state of berserk fury.  He tore through them in a heartbeat, slaying all of them in the span of five quick swings.  "Goddammit, fucker's not gonna leave any for me," James says to himself.  The moment after he said that, however, four more of the creatures came down from the stairs.  James readies himself and engages them in battle.  Again, he was quicker than the creatures.  He managed to kick away one of them from him first, then engaged three of them.  Like the last time, he hewed off their limbs and separated heads from shoulders.  The last one recovered and flew at him in a frenzy, but his frantic swings were dodged easily enough and met the same fate as the others.  Bodies disappeared, Grist took their place, and Grist were collected.  Such is the circle of life.  

James goes back up to his room and finds no creatures there.  There were probably none left in the house but he gets the feeling that more will come later on.  He'd gladly welcome the challenge and hopes they return in greater numbers.  The ones he fought moments ago were fun to kill, but they weren't all that difficult.  Made for a decent warm-up though.  

The Sprite goes into the room as well, appearing before his master.  


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 



sL: Well, aren't you a good little doggie
sL: Guess we're going to be the best of murder pals, eh
sL: Just, you know, try to leave some for me, alright 
???: Grrrgghghbgrl!!!
sL: Oh fuck, I think I Prototyped you with something that can't quite talk
sL: Murderous tendencies are great and all, but I'm pretty sure a Sprite's supposed to tell me how to get through this shit and win it
sL: Hmmm, I think I got an idea...




James looks at the kid he murdered then proceeds to grab him, throwing him onto the Sprite.  According to the instructions, this thing can be Prototyped twice and he might as well use the brat he killed to do it.  The Sprite changes once more, the hound-like helmet receding and revealing the face of the young man who was deceased not so long ago...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 29, 2012)

*Questions and Answers*


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 



???: What the fuck happened?
???: Last thing I remember I was dead and in...well not Hell but it sure wasn't Heaven either 
???: And now I'm alive, floating with no legs, wearing Guts's Berserker Armor, and I have his Dragonslayer too
???: Damn it, my head is filled with so much info about shit I never even knew before, it almost hurts 
sL: Hey there, kid!
sL: Long time no see, eh 
sL: I'd really hate to interrupt your musings, but we have more important shit to discuss than your resurrection
sL: Courtesy of me, of course 
sL: Shit like what am I supposed to do here and who the fuck am I going to kill
???: You!  You piece of fucking shit, you're the one who killed me!
sL: Great deduction, Sherlock
sL: Hell, maybe you could be best pals with a law-enforcing douchebag that I know who's also playing this game
sL: You two could solve great mysteries together like "How the fuck do I get to the point?" and "What is this gaping stab wound on my stomach?"
???: I will fucking eviscerate you, you cunt!
sL: Pfft, yeah I'm so sure you could do that
sL: Despite the rules of the game saying otherwise
sL: You're pretty much forced to help me, and I think you know that
???: Goddamn you to hell
sL: Oh quit your fucking whining, I'm forced to team up with assholes I hate too, so suck it up you pussy
sL: I have to say though, it's quite hilarious that you have the power to kill your murderer but can't do it, since you're bound by the rules. Really, it must be so painful
sL: And it was me who brought you back to boot 
sL: Life's funny like that, right?
???: You know what else is funny?
sL: What?



The Sprite answered the question with an armored fist towards James.  It was a blow too fast to dodge and it hit him straight in the face, knocking him to the floor.  

*Spoiler*: __ 




???: Get up, jackass
???: I didn't hit you that hard
???: That's just a message
???: If I can't kill you, I can still kick you around like a ragdoll



James gets up, still slightly dazed from the unexpected punch, but otherwise fine enough to converse.

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Well, that was surprising 
sL: Don't think you're going to get away with that though
???: Riiiight 
???: You said yourself that I can kick your ass
sL: Did I say it'd happen right now, dipshit?
sL: This is essentially a game, and in games like these, people get stronger as they go along, right?
sL: I'm willing to bet that I'll be beating you within an inch of your life later on
???: That's nice, but that won't happen for quite a long time so enjoy being weaker than your former victim in the meanwhile 
???: Now enough of this shit
???: Hitting you made me feel better, and now I'm in the mood to actually answer whatever questions you've got
???: So ask away, asshole, and I'll do my best to answer
sL: Aren't we awfully cooperative now 
sL: Alright dickwad, what the hell am I supposed to do here on this shining new world of mine
???: Okay, first thing
???: If you look up, you'll see a blue circular ring
???: That's a Gate, and you'll have to go through it
???: Your first task of the game 
???: You'll probably have to rely on your server to build shit for you in order to get up there, but this whole game is pretty damn freeform for the most part, so surprise me 
sL: What happens after that?
???: You'll probably meet your Consorts afterwards, and they'll tell you about your Quest
???: Consorts are basically the natives of the players' planets and are usually in some crisis
???: They tell you what you need to do on your planet and about the Denizen you have to kill or pacify
sL: Kill, eh?  This sounds good already
sL: The fuck's a Denizen though?
???: I was getting to that, shithead 
???: Denizens are gigantic assholes that fuck up the player planets and are really majorly powerful entities 
???: You can kill them, that is if you're strong enough, or you can somehow reason with them
???: It's up to the player, but I sure as hell know what choice you're going to pick 
sL: Damn fucking right
???: Ugh, I'm going to hate working with you
???: Anyway, Denizens are going to be your first major quest
???: Talk to your Consorts, hear what they have to say, properly level-up, and make your way through your planet to finally confront the bastard
???: But first, get through that Gate 
???: There are seven of these Gates in total and you'll have to go through all of them to get to Skaia, which is pretty much one of your main goals 
???: I've infodumped enough, go focus on getting to that Gate and worry about the Denizen and Skaia later.  Get to it before you're overrun with Imps and Ogres



The Sprite then goes through the floor and disappears somewhere, leaving James to ponder about the wealth of information he's learned.  Between that and ME's claim of getting better weapons by Alchemy back in the memo, he has quite a lot to get done here.


----------



## Crossbow (May 29, 2012)

*>Alice: Wake*

Alice jolts awake, simultaneously somersaulting back into a third-person narrative. That was an interesting dream. She?ll have to investigate further next time she sleeps.

Let?s see, what woke her up? Oh, the spar alarm. Looks like it?s that time of day. Good thing she?s so close to a CHAOS BREAK of pride. Just a little more should do it.


>Alice: Flip hair

She does just that, the sheer style being enough to activate the CHAOS BREAK, which isn?t that spectacular for pride. No visual effects, it?s just a passive defense buff. Whatever, it?s an advantage, and that?s that.

Alice descends the stairs, foil drawn. As suspected Gladys is poised in the foyer, brandishing a broom with pre-programmed hostility. Looks like it?s on for real this time.


>STRIFE!

After both Alice and the robot had gotten into position, she began with a lunge forward, which was parried by Gladys?s robot reflexes. Immediately, Gladys makes an attack of her own with her broom?s handle, Alice dodging with a sharp hop to the side. Her reflexes had been honed to be almost on par with Gladys.

The fight continued this way for a while, attacks and parries and thrusts and rolls. The pace was accelerating slowly but noticeably. After about three minutes of living room sword tennis (carefully skirting around the covered hole), the speed of Gladys?s arms was almost supersonic. But Alice doesn?t need to move as fast as her, just react faster. That burst of pride has proven quite useful.

She was holding her own against the machine and caught her broom in a vertical parry, removing it from her hands. Quickly, Alice gave a full-body lunge at Gladys with her fencing foil. A direct hit!

...Of course, it was completely ineffectual on the metal exterior and really just served to bend the tip of the foil a bit. Disappointing.

Gladys dashes right and grabs her broom, soon thereafter reengaging the fight. Swiftly, a blow from the bristled end knocks the bent foil out of Alice?s hand and onto the chandelier. She had to block the ensuing handle strikes with her forearms, an admittedly painful tactic, especially with the insane speed of the mechanical assault.

After a few seconds of rhythm analysis, Alice makes a well-timed grab for the handle with both hands. As the robot struggles to pry it from Alice?s grasp, she goes in for a kick to her titanium chest.
However, Gladys disappears from the foot?s path, leaving a brief blur. Alice takes a bit to regain her balance from the unrestricted hold on the broom. She gripped the broom defensively as she looked around for her opponent. When her gaze turned to the couch, Gladys hopped up from behind it, quickly throwing a pillow in Alice?s face. Disoriented, she drops the broom, allowing Gladys to swoop it up.

Before Alice can get her bearings again, Gladys makes a low sweep at her shins, causing her to fall. Then, in the half-second of free-fall, Gladys gets behind her and smacks the airborne girl like a major-league slugger.

Alice flies straight through the glass on the front door and crashes headfirst into her mailbox, its flap opening and a game in an envelope drifting out. A pair of broken glasses frames a lightly bruised face, lying on the pavement as she drifts into unconsciousness?


----------



## Cadrien (Jun 1, 2012)

*Backyard Battle*

Valen smirked as he watched sL dart about the house before hastily checking the clock. His own timer was sure to be ticking sooner or later, best to start prepping now. Pushing himself back from his desk, he spun around and faced the doorway. Best to collect things from outside the room first probably. 

As he opened the door, a note floated down into his outstretched hand. 

_"Valen, meet me in the backyard

We need to talk.

-Claire"
_​
Well shit. This could be irritating. If he didn't go, he was sure that she would just ambush him while he was busy. Best to get it over with? Probably. Shrugging, Valen grabs his staff from behind the door and spins it experimentally. It whooshes through the air and dances over the back of his hand expertly. "Excellent." He said and smiled. 

Pushing open the door, he found her waiting, sitting in one of the lawn chairs. "So you decided to be smart and not skip the lesson? Glad to see you're not a complete idiot." She said, stretching and rising. "Come on, I have a limited amount of time. And my time is valuable." Valen retorted. "Oh? Is that why I see you playing Assassin's Creed every time I come to knock on your door?" 

Valen sighed. There was no arguing with her. It just wasn't a good way to spend time. Mostly because she won a lot of the arguments. "
Can we just hurry this up?" He asked, tapping his shoe on the patio floor impatiently. "As you wish." She said mockingly and leapt towards him, her sword outstretched in an arc. 

*=======> STRIFE!*​
Valen knocked it aside easily and jumped back a pace to put precious space between them. Claire didn't let the advantage last for long, she pressed back in swinging the sword violently yet fluidly, each block sending vibrations up Valen's arms. Throwing herself at him, he attempted to sidestep her but tripped over a chair, sprawling head over heels. He heard a clang followed by the roar of an engine and the next thing he knew his sister was staring down at him, a chainsaw leveled at his throat. Valen gulped and tried to come up with a solution fast. Hitting her wasn't an option and the saw would just slice through the staff.

He reached behind him and grabbed the chair, swinging it one-handed trying to knock the saw aside or jam it. Except that when he swung back, there was no saw, just a marker. His sister leaned backwards to avoid the chair and drew a line diagonally along his throat and face. "If this were a serious fight, you would have been dead." She commented, letting him up. Snorting, Valen dusted himself off. "Well I think that a wooden staff versus a chainsaw is a little unfair." He said. She shook her head. "You should not have given me the chance _*at all*_. Be more aware of your surroundings or else you'll end up hurt or worse." She glared at him. "I don't care if you are more fond of stealth, you need to learn how to take care of yourself when things go wrong." Valen waved her off but she held the sword out towards his throat again. "Promise me." 

"I promise that I won't let my guard down and be more aware of my surroundings." He said, sighing resignedly. Claire lowered the blade and looked up at the sky, sighing as well. "I sure hope you will be, Val..." 

He glanced at her and was puzzled by the look of genuine distress in her face. It vanished in a moment and she pushed him back towards the house. "Go on, don't you have chores or something to do now?" Valen chucked and said, "Right, chores..." She shrugged and went back outside. Valen sighed, rubbed where his arm had hit the ground and started to get ready for the trial ahead. Plus wondering where the chainsaw had come from...


----------



## Atlantic Storm (Jun 2, 2012)

Home at last. 

Well, outside his house anyway. Using the trees in his large garden as cover, he moved around his garden quickly, rolling and jumping around various obstacles along the way. He finally got the Sburb disc, and he wasn't going to blunder it all by getting himself caught in the final phase. 

He cautiously approached the entrance from the side, and when he was sure nobody was in he entered.

*==> Run back to room

*Whew. Safe. He succeeded!

He reached inside his bag and produced his copy of Sburb and set to the download. Let's see...install...run...

Yeah, this was going to take a while. It'd probably be good to take a nap to wait it out. On Damion's way to his bed, he found a small note lying on the floor, slightly crumpled and written in calligraphy. There was only one person he knew that wrote like that. His father.

He reached for the note and brought it to his eyes:

_Damion. Meet me on the roof. 

We have some things to discuss.

Bring your katanas.

- Your Father

_Well, it was obvious what this 'discussion' was going to be...

He wanted him to bring his katanas? Yeah, he'll bring his katanas alright. Every. Single. One of them. And more. He grabbed the two rapiers on his wall, and then went over to his other wall and knocked at it twice. It opened up, and revealed two katanas. He reached for them and stashed them all away in his sylladex. 

Good thing he sharpened and oil these things the other day, he noted, before climbing out the window and up onto the roof.

*==> Strife?

*"Hello Damion," a velvety voice came from behind him. His voice was calm and smooth, but at the same time radiated power. "I know what you did."

_Damn. He's onto me. 

_Damion's response was equally calm. He gave nothing away. "I see."

His father continued, loosening and removing his tie then taking out his cane. "You are aware of the consequences, correct? I cannot have my son to think it's acceptable to sneak out of his room and _cut down the front door_ without reparations."

_Strange. His words were aggressive, but his voice was...well, he was projecting a hint of anger, but behind that there was a layer of...pride?_

Damion kept up his poker face and took out his rapier. "Yep."

*==> Strife FOR REAL

*His dad made the first move, as usual. He stepped forward and quickly lunged with his tie, sending it flying towards him in almost a whip like fashion. 

_The hell? Well...this was new. _

Damion dodged the attack quickly and pinned the tie down with his rapier, before producing another one almost immediately and closing the distance between himself and his father.

_Page 31. _He removed the bookmark on page 31, and his rapier flew into his hand.

Taking advantage of his father's momentary surprise, and that he was still holding onto his tie, Damion lunged for his hand, moving quickly and smoothly, but...

To no effect. His father simply brought up his cane to block the attack, swerved around and sent a powerful roundhouse kick that sent Damion flying back, nearly falling off the roof. Nearly.

"This isn't good enough, Damion," his father sighed. "If that was a real kick, I would have almost certainly broke at least three of your ribs, and removed you from this roof. Your opening was good, but you have a lot of work to do."

_Rapier...not enough power against his cane. I guess I'm going to switch to katanas, then.

Page 35 and...page 36?

_He discarded his rapier as two katanas flew into his hands. "Alright then."

*==> ROUND 2

*Damion charged at his father with astounding speed, well, faster than his father thought he could go, whirling around with his blades like a whirlwind of steel. 

_It was a good move. Refined, and had a good balance between offense and defense. _His father noted. _However...

_He had already seen it coming and had maneuvered behind him, to his blind-spot. This style of attack was difficult to avoid or dodge up close, but there were many openings to exploit from the back...if correctly timed. He spotted an opening almost immediately, and lunged.

Instinctively, Damion's right hand shot back to block his cane. "You've been doing this for years now, dad. You're getting predictable."

Spinning and doing a 180 degree turn, he mimicked his father's roundhouse kick and aimed the kick towards his chest...but to no avail. The kick was blocked by his cane once again.

_No luck again. His defense is too good; if I want to take him, I'm going to have to be quicker and get around it. 

_Capitalizing upon, and interrupting this train of thought, Damion's father quickly moved his cane and hooked his son's foot with it.

_Oh. Crap._

He reeled him in and pulled Damion towards him, getting ready to punch...

But his son's reflexes, honed by years of being attacked during the night and in the 'training' sessions he received, kicked in and he was able to narrowly avoid the attack. Unfortunately, it turned out that the punch was merely a ruse and a feint, and the follow-up kick nailed him, sending him crashing again and...

_Oh buggery._

Flying off the roof. Well, almost anyway. Damion managed to jam his sword inbetween two tiles just before he went off. "That," he remarked, wincing in pain slightly after pulling himself back up. "Was close. I think you dislocated my shoulder."

"Indeed," his father approached him, putting away his cane. "That should be enough for today. I hope you've learnt a valuable lesson from this."

"You mean the next time I see a note on the floor I should just ignore it and sleep instead of coming up here?"

But father was already gone. 
​


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jun 3, 2012)

After finishing the infodump, James's Sprite moved to other parts of his house.  He goes to the kitchen and finds his cat crushed underneath the Alchemiter.  He clenches his teeth and fists in anger, resisting the great urge to just suddenly smash everything in the room.

_His Server and I are going to have some fucking words about this._

He moves to the basement, and then out towards the door, where the three bodies still lay.  The Sprite carries all of them out of the house, searching for an area to dump them.  He floats upwards and eventually winds up in an altitude where he can see that the house was situated on top of a large plateau.  The Sprite then drops the bodies off its edge and happens to see an army of Underlings climbing upwards to the top.

_Welp, that asshole better be ready._


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 11, 2012)

I wake up, massaging my temples. The last thing I remember is sparring with Gladys. Must?ve gotten knocked out.

Wait, why am I wearing this weird yellow onesie? I wasn?t?

Oh, this must be that crazy dream place I saw earlier. I guess this is where the beams of light have always been coming from.

I briefly examine my surroundings. It?s a lot like my own room, but with a vitellary-hued overlay. It?s sort of an eyesore. Which is a strange concept for a dream, since my eyes are supposedly closed? Oh hey, my window. I wonder what outside looks like?

I poked my head out and was shocked by the unfamiliar environment. Laid out before me was an expanse of golden buildings and edifices punctuated by six simple towers, including my own. I?m apparently in a tower now? Peering over the edge to look at its outer wall, I lost my balance and fell out of my dream room. But before I can even scream, the falling sensation stops. I guess I can fly? That?s pretty cool.

After taking a few moments to get a handle on ?flying?, I decided to go exploring a bit. The sky is mostly darkness, although everything is still fairly illuminated. On the horizon is some sort of blue-ish sun, but it looks like I just missed its passing. Below are a bunch of bleach white entities wandering about. A few notice me and start flipping out to themselves, mumbling?

This deserves further investigation.


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 12, 2012)

*>Alice: Wake*

She wakes up in a much less jolted manner. Looking around, she is in her bed (her real one). It seems like Gladys brought her up to her room and tucked her in. Weird.

Also, she brought her electric xylophone as well? Cripes, what is with her and moving Alice?s stuff? It?s not like it?s a far walk to the study.

Unless?


>Exit room

Alice tries and fails to open the door. She?s blocked it from the other side. Again. Probably with some huge monochrome bust of some semi-obscure personality.

Oh, whatever. It?s not like she really needed to leave the room for anything. Except that wine she totally forgot about.


>Look out window

She does that to reassure herself that this is indeed the real world. The dream jaunt was enlightening and all, albeit uneventful, but she?s much more familiar with this nice gated community. The fountain, the friendly, unaware neighbors, the ring of fire, the cobblestone walkways?

Wait, ring of fire, what? The whole place is just surrounded by this wall of flames now. Maybe it?s those meteors. Looks like all these rich folk are trapped here in a scenario easily likened to Poe?s ?Masque of the Red Death? wherein-

Wait, shit. Her brother?s in town! He could be in danger without this game?s help. Alice makes a mental note not to activate the transport whatevers until he is safe.


>Contact that last guy

Huh? Oh, yeah, she forgot. And it says that he?s offline now. Have to contact him later when he?s more cooperative. Ugh, so many things to juggle today. It?s stealing all her time. And her time is a very valuable commodity.

That being said, she has nothing to do right now.


>Shut up and Jam

Well, she might as well take the hint. Once she thinks of a suitably relaxing tune, she sits down in front of the instrument, readies her mallets, and sets the audio to ?Pianoesque?. Smirking, she closes her eyes and tries to see if she can play a song by memory.













_Elsewhere in the same city, a private helicopter is knocked off-course by a stray flaming rock. Its passenger parachutes to temporary safety_


----------



## Zoidberg (Jun 13, 2012)

As luck would have it, the imps have yet to raid the pantry. Food stores, medicine, basic tools... enough food and equipment to last Jo months. No doubt the imps would eventually reach the pantry and make a mess of things here as they did the rest of the house, so Jo took everything s/he'd need to explore the planet. S/he made sure to leave some space in the sylladex for anything s/he might find, though considering how much of this planet's tech Jo wanted to study s/he'd be dumping supplies to make room. 

Now that Jo had supplies there was one more thing needed to be done. The lab needed to be fortified against underling attack, or cleared of imps if they'd already gotten there. No use scavenging for technology if you don't have a laboratory to experiment on.

The stairwell was littered with grist and broken machinery. The chachadroids weren't faring well against the imps. Jo made a mental note to upgrade the droids with better weaponry and armor. Like the stairwell before grist and machine parts trailed towards the laboratory. It seemed like a big fight happened between the chachadroids and the imps here. None of the chachadroids seems to have survived, but the grist acquired from killing the imps should be enough to create more. Despite dirt marks from when one of the chachadroids exploded the door was unharmed, meaning that none of the imps got in. Now to open the door and inspect the-

-oh, fuck.


----------



## Judas (Jun 14, 2012)

You're looking through the files in your gphone in an attempt to try to discover what this build grist and what exactly you can do with it. Consumption is obviously out of the damn question. You think you've discovered the file concerning grist until...


*Spoiler*: __ 





> --quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering transitorySage [tS]--
> qA: Okay, are you online now?
> qA: i'd like to indroduce myself.






Damn it...

Why now?

Just as you're in the middle of discovering shit!

Oh well, you might as well respond, considering the shit that happening, you'd best make as many friends as possible.

>respond to pesterchum


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: ....
> tS: This is the part where you actually state your name...
> tS: smdh
> tS: but whatever
> ...






You're mildly annoyed at this point, but you proceed to follow through with the conversation. Just have some patience, if she turns out to be terrible, you could always ignore her and hope she croaks.


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: So what is it?
> tS: I'm in a bit of a mess right now...
> tS: don't have time to fuck around
> tS: just beat down some thugs who turned into this grist shit
> ...






You're dumbfounded to see she hasn't heard of a classic film and is immediately compelled to cut the pestering short, but you persist. In hopes of there being a silver lining in this person's character.


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: Nah it's okay
> tS: just trying to get accustomed to this specibus and captchawhatever stchik
> tS: It's a fucking pain
> tS: And it's not like my employers are worth shit to begin with
> ...






Hold up Cain, don't throw the phone in your pocket just yet, hear her out. This is a little interesting.

*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: That's no excuse...
> tS: sixteen doesn't mean you can't get a damn job
> tS: Hell I've been working since I was barely 12
> tS: Just what do you do besides go to school?
> ...






You have no clue what those "hobbies" are, and is still under the impression that she's an underachieving leech. What good is she to the team exactly? Looks like she hasn't encountered some of this grist like you have though.


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: Nothing much besides this shit is so awkward
> tS: Who the hell came up with these terms?
> tS: and what exactly am I supposed to do with this grist stuff?
> qA: i'm not sure what grist you're talking about...
> ...






Okay, so you begin to wonder if you're the only one new to this shit, and if the world is regularly threatened by meteors.


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: Grist in general..
> tS: How does it work?
> tS: really can't elaborate on shit when I don't know what it is...
> tS: Frankly speaking, I don't how the hell I got drawn up in this
> ...






You're now fully under the impression that Alice is a harmless idiot. 

>Continue pestering


*Spoiler*: __ 





> tS: So you just stackin up on some shit before going to your "world"?
> qA: Okay, uh.
> qA: i'm going to assume that you mean the place the game is going to take me.
> qA: Not really much shit-stackin' to do, i guess
> ...






You can't quite put your finger on it, but you really don't like this Alice and is thinking that somewhere down the line she'll be dead weight. You've played your sympathy card and hope to at least milk out something useful from this girl.

*Spoiler*: __ 






> qA: Oh geez, orphans
> qA: You have some serious issues to deal with on your end






No shit.


*Spoiler*: __ 





> qA: So, uh...
> qA: You've spoken to sL and II, have you?
> tS: Yeah, I've spoken to that complacent cunt, sL
> tS: and i've spoken to II
> ...






You thank the gods that she finally fucked off, and from the look of things, both her and her brother could potentially be a speed bumb that you'll have to flatten should they fuck up; Alice specifically comes off as careless and naive, but whatever. It's time for you to get you're shit prep---



Well you'll be damned.

...


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 14, 2012)

Oh hey, someone is pestering her. She was getting bored of the music anyway.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



-- machinaExalted [mE] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]
mE: QUERY: BUFFOON. HAVE YOU ENTERED THE MEDIUM YET? I WILL NOT SUFFER ANY MORE FURTHER INCOMPETENCE FROM ANY OF YOU ANY MORE.
qA: No i have not
qA: But i assure you that it isn't a result of incompetence
qA: At least not on my part
mE: DISGUST: PATHETIC. 
qA: i'm kind of holding out on one last thing before "entering"
qA: Besides, mD hasn't connected with me yet and i think i'm supposed to do that first?
mE: QUERY: THEN WHAT IS STALLING MD??
mE: STATEMENT: IT IS THAT FOOL SL, AGAIN, ISN'T IT? THAT FETID PIECE OF EXCREMENT IS UTTERLY INCOMPETENT, AS ALWAYS.
mE: STATEMENT: IN HINDSIGHT IT COULD BE ANY OF YOU, YOU ARE ALL WORTHLESS IN MY PRESENCE. SL, MORE SO.
qA: Boy you sure are misanthropic
qA: But it's a charming sort of misanthropy
mE: STATEMENT: UGH. JULIUS USES THE SAME TERMINOLOGY AS YOU WHEN HE FIRST CONTACTED ME. 
mE: TRUTH: WHILE IT IS LOGICAL THAT ALL ACKNOWLEDGE MY PERFECTION IT IS ANNOYING WHEN THEY DO SO ONLY TO CONVEY SARCASM.
qA: Man, that Julius swiping all my opinions/vocabulary words
qA: i'll have to be extra sesquipedalian in out next conversation
qA: Maybe call him patronizing, that's a good word.
qA: Anyway, how are things in the medium, exactly?
mE: FRUSTRATION: MY SPRITE IS BEING UNCOOPERATIVE. IT HAS DESTROYED A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MY LABORATORY, WHICH HAS ALREADY SUFFERED DAMAGE PRIOR. 
mE: ADDENDUM; THIS IS SL'S FAULT. I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO ELIMENATE THAT FOOL.
qA: Sprite, huh?
qA: i've heard a few things about that, i think
qA: Aren't they supposed to be helpful?
mE: STATEMENT: IT WOULD BE DEPEND ON WHAT IS PROTOTYPED INTO IT. THE FIRST PROTOTYPING WAS SATISFACTORY.
mE: FRUSTRATION: THE ONE SL INCLUDED HOWEVER, IS ANYTHING BUT.
qA: Hmmm. This is insightful stuff
qA: So...
mE: QUERY: YES, WHAT?
mE: QUERY: SHALL I PROVIDE YOU WITH BACKSTORY TO THE ENTHRALLING TALE OF HOW I CAME TO BE? 
mE: STATEMENT: I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, QA. 
mE: STATEMENT: MY TIME IS PRECIOUS AND I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR WORTHLESS BANTER.
qA: no, it's not that
qA: i don't really care what's doing down on your end
qA: And i mean that in the nicest way
qA: i just felt like this conversation was petering out
qA: Because you're so busy all the time
mE: STATEMENT: YOU ARE UNINTERESTING. THAT IS THE REASON FOR THIS SO CALLED PETERING OUT.
qA: Yeah...
qA: But i don't have much else to do right now
qA: Since i'm stuck in my room
mE: SMUG SATISFACTION: AND I HAVE AN ENTIRE NEW WORLD TO EXPLORE, ALL TO MYSELF.
qA: Good for you
mE: TRUTH: YES, AT LEAST ONE THING IS WORKING OUT FOR ME. THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID FOR ALL OF YOU, WHO CAN BARELY WORK ANYTHING OUT WITH YOUR FEEBLE MINDS.
qA: Wait hold on, i have an idea
qA: sL was moving stuff around as your server, right?
mE: CONFIRMATION: YES, THIS IS TRUE.
qA: Well then that means when wW connects with me he can solve this bust problem
qA: So i guess that's something i can do
mE: STATEMENT: EXPERIMENTATION WITH THE SERVER PROCESSES WOULD BE A PRODUCITVE USE OF TIME. GET TO IT. 
mE: ADVICE: AND TRY NOT TO THROW THINGS AT WW. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME.
qA: No, he's my server
qA: Although if the opportunity to throw something at him somehow arises, i will be sure to remember your sagely advice.
mE: STATEMENT: EXCELLENT. A MEATBAG WHO KNOWS HIS PLACE.
qA: i'm a girl
qA: Just, you know, for the record
mE: STATEMENT: GIRL, BOY, MEATBAG. IT MATTERS NOT. YOU ARE YOU. AND YOU ARE INFERIOR. BUT A CHARMING TYPE OF INFERIOR.
qA: Well aren't you a sweet-talker
qA: Anyway, looking forward to meeting you in the medium
qA: Maybe introduce you to Gladys, seems like you'd get along with her
mE: STATEMENT: DOUBTFUL, BUT I SHALL SEE FOR MYSELF IF THIS GLADYS IS WORTHY.
mE: ADDENDUM: AND MY SPEECH IS NOT SWEET. IT IS LOGICAL, AND PERFECT.
qA: Yes, very logical
qA: Anyway, i'm gonna go get on mD's back so i can get this bust issue sorted out as soon as possible
qA: i'd wish you good luck, but i doubt you need it.
mE: AGREEMENT: INDEED. LUCK IS FOR THE UNPREPARED. NOW THEN, I HAVE LITTLE USE OF YOU AT THE MOMENT, BUT I SHALL CONTACT YOU AGAIN WHEN IT BECOMES A WHIM OF MINE.
qA: Okay, cool
-- machinaExalted [mE] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --



Well. That person seems nice enough.


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 14, 2012)

And, of course, Valen isn't online. Ugh. Let's try that new guy again.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering transitorySage [tS]--
qA: Okay, are you online now?
qA: i'd like to indroduce myself.
tS: ....
tS: This is the part where you actually state your name...
tS: smdh
tS: but whatever
tS: The name's Cain
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]
tS: Nah it's okay
tS: just trying to get accustomed to this specibus and captchawhatever stchik
tS: It's a fucking pain
tS: And it's not like my employers are worth shit to begin with[/color]



Wait, this guy's new to sylladexes? She might be dealing with a mental ward escapee here.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



qA: Well...
qA: What are you employed in, exactly?
tS: I just keep the racks stacked and clean
tS: And protect the store from thugs
tS: And make personal deliveries to whoever
tS: Basically, whatever the hell they have me doing since they almost never roam from the cash register
qA: So like a store?
qA: What does the place sell?
tS: Snacks, medicine, hair products, etc.
tS: just you typical convenience store.
tS: What about you?
[...]
qA: Anyway, what was that about specibi and such?
tS: Nothing much besides this shit is so awkward
tS: Who the hell came up with these terms?
tS: and what exactly am I supposed to do with this grist stuff?
qA: i'm not sure what grist you're talking about...
qA: But that other stuff is/are fairly basic
qA: How are you new to this?
[...]
tS: I honestly wouldn't notice much of a difference between this tech and others besides the fact that this "gpad" and "gphone" have some preinstalled functions concerning the game.
tS: Hell, the gpad specifically is installing msburb as we speak.
tS:.....
tS: and I'm guessing that you're attempting to find sburb yourself...
tS: right?
qA: Um...
qA: i wouldn't say "find", but yeah
qA: i'm downloading it.
qA: Probably done by now, honestly.



Jesus, how does this guy know so little about basic life skills, but have all sorts off privvy to this game? Suspicious...


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



tS: So you just stackin up on some shit before going to your "world"?
qA: Okay, uh.
qA: i'm going to assume that you mean the place the game is going to take me.
qA: Not really much shit-stackin' to do, i guess
qA: i'm just waiting for my brother to get here
[...]
tS: Yeah, I've spoken to that complacent cunt, sL
tS: and i've spoken to II
tS: from what they've told me, some others are still in search of the game
tS: And what's happening with your brother...
tS: Where did he last head off to?





*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



qA: He was on his way to my house
qA: Which i guess isn't saying much, because he doesn't actually "go to" my house
qA: He goes to some warehouse somewhere or something and uses some science and he's inside my house
qA: Probably so as not to direct any unwanted attention to me
tS: That's...
tS: a little concerning...
tS: You sure he's good people?





*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



qA: Great-good, or ethical-good?
qA: Because i know for a fact that he is the first and not the second
qA: It's nothing to worry about though
qA: His syndicate is only dangerous to family enemies and competing businesses
qA: Otherwise he's a pretty fun guy.
[?]
qA: He's got some powerful guns, i've got a cool fencing foil, and we both have extreme amounts of wit
tS: ok then
tS: Just makin' sure shit doesn't go south
tS: And I'm in a bit of a pinch right now, so we'll have to cut this short.
tS: but keep me posted on your bro's status...
tS: that is, if he gets there.
qA: Alrighty then, Cain
qA: Hope that "grist" situation works itself out
qA: And also those orphans[/COLOR]

--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering transitorySage [tS]--




Hmph. Well, for an ignoramus, he sure has some good morals. Not like that's a thing she envys in people


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jun 14, 2012)

James finished re-reading the Sburb manual, specifically the section on Alchemy.  He comes to the conclusion that he likely doesn't have enough Grist on him to make anything useful.  The only answer to that problem is, of course, more gratuitous murder.  James wouldn't have it any other way.  Valen doesn't seem to be doing any redecorations to help with entering the gate at the moment, so the only thing that can be done is wait.

Suddenly, the Sprite bursts upwards through the floor and reappeared in front of James.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Whoa, what the fuck!
sL: Warn me a little when you do that at least, you prick
???: Like how you warned me when you went to break my neck and slit my throat?
???: Anyway, let's not get bogged down in this shit again
???: A huge fucking army of Imps and other Underlings are making their way here
???: Has your Server done anything to help with entering the Gate?
sL: No, the useless fuck hasn't done much of anything
???: Fucking great
???: Also, I'm Berserkersprite now, these damn question marks can just go away
sL: What in hell are you talking about
Berserkersprite: Errr, nothing.  Anyway, your little battle with those Imps a while back probably racked you up a few places on the Echeladder.
Berserkersprite: You should be quite a bit stronger now, so the Imp hordes likely won't pose that much of a threat to you.  The Ogres are probably a different story
sL: Well isn't that fucking nice
sL: And I'm going to be getting plenty of Grist when I slaughter them all, right?
Berserkersprite: Yeah, if you can actually do it
sL: Is that a challenge?
Berserkersprite: Yep.  I'll just sit back and watch while you level grind like a gold-farming chinaman in an MMORPG 
Berserkersprite: Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably have to save your dumb ass eventually
sL: Fuck you, you little shit.  I'm totally slaughtering all of them while you eat your own shit-filled words
sL: Eventually, you'll be next on the list
Berserkersprite: I am sooooo intimidated 
sL: You should be 
sL: Oh, before I forget, what the fuck was the deal with that Katawa Shoujo shit?
sL: Do you jerk off to crippled people or something?
sL: To think, people called ME a freak
Berserkersprite:...
Berserkersprite: You...you LOOKED THROUGH MY COMPUTER?! 
Berserkersprite: YOU FUCKING CUNT!
sL: Well hey, you were dead and all, you wouldn't have minded right
sL: Seriously, that shit is hilariously bad, I can't believe you actually like it
Berserkersprite: It's not what it looks like
sL: What, you don't actually get a boner from looking at wheelchair-bound women?
sL: Could have fooled me
Berserkersprite: No, you dickweed.  I played that shit just to laugh at it
Berserkersprite: I did some commentary as I was going through it and made a bunch of cripple jokes with a some internet buddies
Berserkersprite: Hell, I'll prove it to you




The Sprite gets on his computer and opens a file on Notepad, labeled hahahacripples.txt.  He tells James to come forward and see for himself, who then skims through some of it.


*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Huh, some of those jokes sounds like the ones I'd make
Berserkersprite: Well, glad we have that settled
Berserkersprite: Wait...why did I try to justify myself to you?
Berserkersprite: Fuck it, I'm leaving.  Enjoy the Underling company




The Sprite flies up, phasing through any objects in his path and leaves James to his own devices.


----------



## Platinum (Jun 15, 2012)

*Off The Record*

*Years in the Past, but not many.....
*

I was ten years old when my mother and father died, but I remember the funeral as if it was only days ago. I remember it all. I remember sitting in that old wooden pew in that grand cathedral, kneeling for hours as the minister performed the service. I remember friends and relatives performing tearful eulogies, extolling my virtuous parents and the selfless lives they lead. I remember my friend Sabrina sitting by my side, unsure as to how you comfort someone who has lost something precious but hoping her mere presence helped in some small way.I remember those two mahogany coffins and the haunting ways the light of the stained glass windows danced and shined upon them. I remember the blown up picture of my mother and father, holding hands and smiling, adorned in reefs and roses. I remember my brother's pale face, and the slight tremor that wracked his entire body throughout the proceeding. It was the first and only time I had ever seen him shaken up. Finally, I remember us saying our goodbyes before the caskets were taken to the Corbett burial grounds. My parents were entombed beneath the shadow of a towering tree on a small hill not to far from the ocean. I visit it often when i'm at a loss for direction, or when i'm simply seeking comfort from those who can no longer give it. 

I can remember all of these things and yet I cannot remember how I felt on that actual day. Was I sad? I think I was, no I know I was. But not your traditional brand of sadness that's for sure. I didn't cry, didn't even get choked up. I just felt sort of....hollow. Almost as if a part of me was buried under that tree as well, rotting and decaying along with the two cadavers that I used to call mother and father. I can tell you this, that emptiness..... it scared the shit out of me.

That was the first night I woke up on Derse. I didn't know that at the time though, needless to say it was quite the trauma conga line for a 10 year old to say goodbye to mom and pop forever in the day, and then wake up in a dream that is far too real to be a dream by night in some arcane golden tower, wearing purple pajamas. It took all my willpower not to go into hysterics, I buckled down, explored my golden room and didn't dare to go a single step further. 

Mercifully I woke back into 'reality'. I brushed it off as an unnervingly unreal dream and went about my solemn duties as a child in mourning. But can you imagine my disposition when I went to bed that very night and woke up again on that purple planet? And the night after that and the night after that. Sleep had lost all comfort it once gave, dreaming was replaced by an omnipresent nightmare. 

For a week it went on like this until one day I worked up the nerve to step beyond my room and into the world at large. Through a bit of luck and deductive reasoning I was able to work out the fact that I could levitate and fly while asleep. I set out onto the city below my golden spire to see what I could learn.

And as you can tell I learned much. I learned of the game, I learned of Prospit and Derse, I learned of the horrorterrors, and I learned of my mission. I saw with my own eyes the other spires that pierced the black maw of the abyssal sky, inside each was a person I didn't know, yet I felt a strange kinship with. We were the princes and princesses of this land, funny way to treat royalty but I digress. 

In the end I saw what I had to do. It was up to me to plant the seeds so that our session may one day bear fruit. I had long ago endeavored to be a detective when I grew up, despite my parent's disapproval of such an glamorous line of work. I would gather what I could about the game and about those who would play it with me, so that we could see it through to the end.

I think on that front I more than succeeded....


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jun 16, 2012)

James exits the house and takes out his sword from his Strife Specibus, preparing for the oncoming Imp invasion.  A minute later, they came in droves, numbering in the dozens.  James grins like a madman and in that instant, the Imps came rushing at him.  They surrounded him from all sides and commenced their assault.  Black-armored claws came at him once more, desperately swiping away to tear his flesh from his bones.  James was assailed from all sides by the creatures, but he still managed to sidestep and weave through their attacks.  Blocking and parrying them also came easily.  His blade appeared to be in multiple places at once as he hacked away at the tide, separating heads from shoulders, cleaving off limbs, and mutilating them all in general.  Some converted their left arms into a cannon and fired away, only for James to dodge the projectiles and at times, even deflected some of them back at his enemies.

Still they came at him, hoping to drown him in numbers, with new Imps coming up to add to the horde.  James happily responded with more violence in return, carving through their ranks with the viciousness of a demon, laughing maniacally while he does it.  This is what he lived for, the purity of combat and slaughter.  Free to do violence, and for others to inflict it on him in return, if they could.  With limbs energized by adrenaline and excitement, James continued his violent spree of Underling murder.  "Come on, you little shits!  Is this the best all of you got?  GIVE ME MORE!" he screamed at the horde.  They responded in kind, further increasing their ranks and attacking him with increased intensity.

--------

Berserkersprite looked at the battle from above, floating far away from their sight.  Seeing that murderer tear through the Imps awakes in him a great bloodlust, and the urge to just come down there and participate in the carnage kept on increasing.  A part of him yearned to have his sword tear them asunder, to feel the impact it makes on their armored bodies as it cuts right through them.  He wanted to see them explode into chunks as his cannon blasts smash them into paste.  But the Sprite manages to resist the battlelust, greatly displaying his self-control. 

_Damn that asshole for prototyping the Berserker Armor.  Fucking bastard probably planned this so he could force me even more to help.  Well fuck that!  Unlike you, I have restraint, you damn shithead!

Hmm, I should check up on my house to see if some Imps got in.  I need to get away from this._ 

The Sprite descends into the house once more, passing through the roof and comes down to his room.  Seeing nothing there, he checks the kitchen and living room.  Still empty.  He descends to the basement and sees nothing yet again.  But he hears his closet door open, and out came a man who looked rather tall and lanky.  He wore a white coat, has brown hair, and a scar over his left eye.  Berserkersprite suddenly readied his sword and pointed it towards him while the other man responded by taking out a rifle, aiming at the floating armored thing in front of him.


*Spoiler*: __ 



Berserkersprite: Alright, before we resort to violence, let's talk first
Berserkersprite: First off, who in the blue hell are you?
???: Well, I have to say it's rather pleasant of you not to swing first and ask later.
???: As for myself, I am just a business man who happened to be swept along in the winds of circumstance.
Berserkersprite: That...doesn't exactly answer my fucking question
???: What else can I say?  I was apart of what people would call a crime syndicate ran by my own family, is that what you wanted to know?
Berserkersprite: It's a bit better than the answer you gave before
Berserkersprite: On that note, most, if not all of your family, is probably dead by now, those meteors did a number on dear old Earth 
Berserkersprite: Sorry for the bad news but hey, at least you somehow made it here, here being an entirely different planet
???: Oh.  Well...this is quite something.
???: I hope my sister at least made it out alive
Berserkersprite: What could she possibly have done to escape the meteors?
???: I don't know, but during one of the more recent times I contacted her, I sent her a copy of that Sburb game.
???: I've heard some rather outlandish rumors surrounding it, rumors which appear to be true.  So it's possible she's alive.
Berserkersprite: Wait, Sburb?  Then yeah, she might be still kicking around if she acted in time
Berserkersprite: If she has a Pesterchum account, can you tell me her chumhandle?
Berserkersprite: I could contact her for you to see if she still lives, not to mention she'd probably be thrilled to hear her brother's alive if she is too
???: Her handle is quantitativeArbitrator 
Berserkersprite: Alright, I'll go try and fetch her.  I don't have a chum account anymore and I'm not in the mood to make a new one since I won't use it much for obvious reasons
Berserkersprite: But I have a way around that
???: Well, that's good to hear.  I'm going to go up to your kitchen since I'm a bit hungry.
???: Let me know how it goes.




The white coated man then goes upstairs to search for some food while the Sprite goes outside to find the maniac who killed him.  He floats upward slightly and goes toward the mass of Underlings, all congregating in one area.  The Sprite then sees the bloodthirsty young man still fighting all of them, leaving behind Grist as he slaughters them.  Even he had to admire such tenacity in the face of overwhelming odds.

"Hey asshole!  What's your pesterchum account and password?!" the Sprite shouted.

James hears and while he'd wonder why the fuck he wanted that information, there wasn't quite enough time for that.  "It's strifeLord and password is 123bladetoface!  Now fuck off, I'm busy!" 

The Sprite retreats back into his house, goes upstairs to his computer and goes to contact that man's sister.  He waited for a few moments and there she was.  It looks like she's talked to sL before, judging by the saved logs he has.  There's also other stuff, like sent documents from other teammates. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- strifeLord [sL] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --

sL: This is not actually sL
sL: This is his Sprite merely using his account
sL: And I'm here to say I found your brother in my house for whatever reason
qA: Oh
qA: That's interesting
qA: i can understand why, i suppose
qA: He wanted refuge from the meteors and such
qA: What's he, uh, doing right now?
sL: He hid in the closet in my basement for a pretty long time and is now wandering in the kitchen for some snacks, I think
sL: I'm sure you know about sL's homicidal tendencies by now and you shouldn't worry
sL: I'll make sure he won't kill your brother in the small chance he can't take care of himself
sL: Which he should be able to, honestly
qA: Yeah
qA: Honestly, i'm a bit worried for James
qA: My brother's always carrying some dangerous weapons
qA: But if he doesn't upset him, he won't have any reason to attack
qA: Of course, James is prone to upsetting people in my experience...
qA: You know what, just try and keep them from each other.
qA: i'll meet up with him in the medium later
sL: Wait, James is his name?
sL: Seems a bit...ordinary for a murderous asshole like him
sL: Anyway, he's too busy fighting Imps and other shit to attack your brother
sL: And if he tries to attack, I'll just punch him in the face again
sL: Hell, I'll punch both of them if I have to
sL: And if I didn't know any better about this game being ridiculously team-oriented, I'd ask why in hell would you be worried about James
qA: Because i don't want my brother killing people?
qA: Or at least people that i know.
qA: Hey, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?
qA: Beyond "sL's sprite", i mean.
sL: I'm the guy he murdered so he could steal my house and enter this game
sL: He brought me back to life by throwing my corpse into his Sprite for a second Prototyping
sL: I'm still pretty fucking pissed about that and I'd kill him for it if I could, but I got a job to do first
sL: Business before pleasure and all
qA: Uh, my condolences for getting killed, i guess
qA: Anyway, i ought to tell my client about the second prototyping thing
qA: After i take care of getting myself entered and all
qA: So yeah, try to minimize my sibling's shenanigans
sL: Like I said, don't worry about that
sL: And while you're at it, I just looked through some stuff that was sent during one of James' pesterchum talks
sL: According to this, his server is also your client, right?
sL: Do me a favor and tell him to fucking build shit for my house so that jackass sL can get through his first Gate
qA: i'll do that
qA: i'll also build shit on his house so he can get to /his/ "first gate"
qA: So that's something
sL: Okay, great
sL: Time to get ready to babysit two people now...

-- strifeLord [sL] has ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --




_Alright, time to tell him the good news._


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*Mickey Goldmill would be proud*

A young woman stands in a Baseball field. 
This young woman is becoming of age and soon will be 15.

What will the name of this young female be? 
*        > enter name*
*Uranus Rentager*
* >Try again*
*Uranus Rentager*

Well turns out you already have a name, a very shameful one.
Uranus Rentager, so many phallic jokes are made at your first names expense you wonder why you were named such a thing.

You are in a baseball field playing some ball with your *Uncle Rath*, the once famous baseplayer *BabyRath*.
When he was raising you he noticed your penchant for base ball and decided to train you to be the best baseball player in the existence.
It's a long hard road however none of this came to mind as Uncle Rath was blurring and throwing hundreds of balls at you at once.
Though you really didn't know how many he was throwing at you the big pile of balls that he has indicates there are probably hundreds of thousands of them and Uncle Rath usually calls out how many he will throw each day.

Today it was 300 balls and it was your job to hit every single one of them while they are randomly coming from all sides and you also have a pretty big motivation besides hitting them it's not getting hit by them.
Uncle Rath threw so fast and hard the Pro baseball league couldn't allow him to play because he threw the ball so fast he averaged 200 mph.
But more than anything Uncle Rath was a heavy hitter.
Compared to how hard he could hit a ball it was nothing compared to his pitching.
Sometimes I have to throw the balls for him to hit and try to catch them. Didn't turn out too well the first time ended up missing it many times and the one time I did catch it, it nearly broke my hand and left a hole in the catchers mitt.
Since then I have to use a really,really heavy mitt.

 Uncle Rath tested them out till there was a glove that he couldn't hit through on test hands.
Stopped at 20 pounds to your distaste, so on top of the weights you have already have on you have 20 pound gloves. An additional 115 pounds on your body tends to slow you down a good bit, at first I had trouble jumping high enough to catch them, but after about a week I was able to go high enough to catch it.
You just realized you were hitting every single ball he threw without thinking about it and you just hit the last one.
This was the end of the 5 minute session of hitting.
Even though he has been training you for years you feel exhausted, mainly because he makes you use a heavy 150 pound bat. Not that you were complaining once you go back to a regular bat you imagine how hard you will be able to hit things and how fast you will be able to swing.
Despite me being a girl thanks to Uncle Rath's special diet that he came up with after one year of training me because I wasn't making progress I was able to do things I normally wouldn't be able to do. No real side effects from the diet besides getting stronger.

*Uncle Rath: "Double bat training 300 balls"*
Now Uncle Rath was going to begin the double bat training and yes it's as bad as it sounds I have trouble with a 150 pound bat with both arms and now I had to have one for each arm, it was mainly so I could deal with curve balls, you see I have lots of trouble with them they tend to try to get behind you and then there is an even worse one though and it's so I can keep my balance at all times.
Trying to hit balls he throws while juggling five 150 pound bats.
It was unbelievably hard at first, I usually ended up dropping them all when I tried to swing and hit the ball and juggle the bats at the same time.
Eventually I was able to hit 1 ball without dropping them, now I'm up to 15 of them, but it's still so hard you have to consistently make sure the bats are juggled a certain way along with giving a proper amount of force.

This is all your body could take for today, I hollered out to Uncle Rath that was enough. He never actually stopped right away though he usually kept going for an extra 2 minutes making sure he could get the best out of you and after that you have to pick up each and every single ball.
If you took your time with it would take all day and even when you didn't it tended to take a long time, so you decided to count them in your head as you tried to do it as fast as you can.
1,2,3,4......200..... 400
While I was counting a small flaming rock was coming right towards me, I was to busy counting to notice it.
Thankfully Uncle Rath was watching me the whole time and before it hit me he stopped it and caused it to fly the other direction.
This was a very special day for me more important than counting balls.
*Uncle Rath: "Someone must be throwing rocks for us to hit."*
It was about baseball sized and there were more coming, lots more.
So Uncle Rath and I decided to make the most of it and hit them. I was excited even though I was tired, so I hit some with him, I counted them as I did it. 1... 10.. 35...
I was pretty tired by the time I got to the 50th one mainly because they were getting bigger.
Uncle Rath kept hitting them though keeping them away.
I couldn't even see him at this point, so decidedly I chose to pick up the last of the balls and put them back into the huge pile.
 Time to go inside and play with your new computer that Uncle Rath bought you 2 weeks ago. 
He decided you were old enough to be able to talk to other people like an adult.
It's top of the line to won't be made available to the public for 5 years.
You have downloaded the latest software as well the download rate is insane.
Someone is bothering you on pester chum for some reason, that's weird you don't know this person and you haven't been on nearly long enough to be known.
Lets see who it is.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*What a gentleman part 1*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--*
II: Hello there.
II: You may not know me personally but I was wondering if you could perhaps spare me a moment or two of your time. I have a proposition that you might find favorable.



Who is this person and a proposition are they hitting on me?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Sure, but what are you proposing?
bE: Not marriage I hope.



That was pretty stupid I don't even know if the person is male, terrible line as well.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Now I know I'm a charming man, but sad to say I am firmly engaged to the abstract concept of justice.
II: My proposition is of the platonic sort. A mutually beneficial arrangment.
II: And not in the way you are thinking.



Well he took that rather well

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: An arrangement from a man of justice, I can assume it's one of importance then?
bE: If it's important then shouldn't you introduce yourself with your name?
II: I have forgotten my manners haven't I? Excuse me if I blush out of embarassment.
II: My name is Julius Marcello Corbett, aka The Illustrious Inquisitor, aka The Raven of Palermo, aka the guy that is messaging you with an important propostion. Here and at your service.
II: Now it's your turn.



What am I doing acting all high and mighty for.
Must still be high from the experience of hitting those rocks

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well then Julius Marcello Corbett, I am Uranus Rentager.
bE: But we have been dancing around the issue haven't we?
bE: What is this propostion of yours sir?
II: Do you mind if I call you Uri.... you know instead of the innuendo that you are named after?
bE:I would prefer it actually, I was only being formal with my name.
bE: Usually my guardian calls me Renta, but Uri would be just as fine.
II: Okay good. You know not saying that the greek god of the sky isn't the bee's knees or anything but I just want to avoid that landfield all together.


 I hate my name...

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So, back to the proposition. I must say it's quite the good one. Some would dare to call it the opportunity of a lifetime. Better than owning a bridge or a farm on the moon even.
II: It's one in which you continue to breathe and your brain continues to fire electrical signals to your body. 
II: Pretty swell right?
bE: You are sounding like one of those salesmen more than a detective right now.
bE: However if you are one you have quite the pitch.
bE: That is to say quite a swing, not to be polite or anything about detectives.
bE: But I suppose any detective would have to have a good pitch to get hired.
bE: So Mr.detective what are you selling?



He really does sound like a salesman, not that salesman are all bad mind you.
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: You presume too much. 
II: In my business you need to be a smooth talker to get anywhere.
II: Also I was not hired, I am what you would call a self employed entrepreneur.
II: Have you noticed on the news the reports of meteor showers increasing in frequency and size over the past few hours?
II: Because it's only going to increase. 
II: As you can see, that naturally leaves all of us in quite a pickle. We have been jarred and preserved in some dusty basement even.
II: We are in trouble is what I'm saying.



Meteor's what is he talking about.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't really watch the news.
bE: Instead I watch pro baseball and I had no idea that they were meteors.
bE:I assumed that people were throwing flaming rocks at us.



That's not true sometimes I watch the news, mainly for sports news though.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Though we did get a really big one yesterday that nearly hit the city.



Have to play it off like I knew about it somewhat.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Don't think my guardian could even hit that one out.
bE: So, yes we are in trouble, I'm wondering what it has to do with your proposal however.



It's not like we can do anything about it if it's true.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Okay i'll get to that.
II: But first. Let me get this straight.
II: You thought you were getting pelted with flaming rocks.... and this wasn't something that concerned you?
II: What, do you play in Philadelphia or something?
bE: Something like that.
bE: My guardian said it was someone throwing flaming rocks at us so we could hit them.
bE: And I've never seen him lie to me before...
bE: He's been training me to be a pro player.



Stupidstupidstupidstupid

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well that's nice, having a dream and all.
II: I mean I already accomplished mine but you know, the novelty is something I remember.
II: Unfortunately this game is getting rained out. 
II: The mortality rate from the oncoming mineral party is going to be in the neighborhood of 99.999999999999999999999999999998%. 
II: Aka just about everyone is dying.
II: But I offer an escape, have you heard of the game Sburb by any chance?



Wait so everyone is going to die, just before 2012.
Kinda disappointing. Why is he talking about a game, games don't prevent meteors from squishing you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yes, I heard it's meant to be played in real time and lets you do whatever you want.
bE: I was hoping to form a team of baseball players in it.
bE: But what does the game have to do with the current crisis?


 I hope that bluff works got to be a good bluffer if I want to be a baseball pro.
I mean if this game can stop us from getting squished from meteors it should be able to do anything, a baseball team why not

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hey now you can still form that baseball team.
II: I can be the pitcher. Ashley can be the catcher, she usually is if rumors are to be believed. 
II: Okay see this game is more than just a game. It is the ark by which we will all not be completely vaporized by space rocks.


 Oh hey it did.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: See I gave everyone the list of names and handles of our team a while back. I was expecting someone to contact you, but it looks like they fail to meet even the lowest of expectations.
II: Or hey, maybe a female named Uranus is a little off putting, I don't know. 
II: All that matters is that you need to play this game with us.


 I hope that I'm not all alone because a stupid name for the rest of my life.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You need 9 people to play baseball as a team and a couple of extras.
bE: How many people are we talking about and....
bE: Will my guardian be able to come with me?
bE: As for my name you can just introduce me to them as Uri.
bE: Yes that would be fine Uri.
II: Counting you and I?
II: That makes a dozen players. More than enough to field a team and some relief pitchers.
II: sL can even be our designated asshole. Or team mascot. 
II: mD can be our pinch-runner. From what I have heard he could manage to steal home base, along with every other base and the bats too.
II: We could be the Palermo Phillistines and settle our differences with the enemy with a little stick ball. Or we could just do it the normal way, which is what we will do making this position assigning utterly meaningless.
II: To answer your other questions, yes your guardian can come with you. 


 Thank god, and maybe I actually can get a baseball team together.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The name on the other hand.... that's your problem. You are gonna have to blame your parents for that little issue.
II: I have to ask, were they watching a 1950's b movie sci-fi when you were brought into the world or....
bE: I... don't know.
bE: Can you leave me alone for awhile, please?
II: Have I stepped on the proverbial toe and now it's swelling up with anger and misplaced rage?
II: Sorry if I did, but you gotta learn to roll with the punches.... which I assume you got many of as a child.
bE: I told you I don't know!
bE: You're the detective, why don't you figure it out!
bE: My glasses... need to clam don and....
II: Okay see that anger.
II: That is a good thing.
II: You will need it to survive this game we are about to play.
II: If you have any issues you would wish to talk about though, you can always ask me.
II: I am well versed in psychology, my friendly advice is only a click away.
bE: Why woud I ned Angr for a gam?
bE: Gams ar about temwrk and workng togeter to wn were would angr even fit in?
bE: anger crets disordr lok at me I kant even type strat!
bE: I dont ned advce I need someon To fid ut what happend to me!
bE: I ws hoping tit coud b you, but now I've changd my mnd if all you ave is a bsic psychology of being a man-bat!
II: Okay first off, do you drop IQ points like the hulk when you get angry or something?
II: Please try to compose yourself.
II: Second off, I hate to be disingenuous but you are failing to recgonize what I thought you would recgonize.
II: Thus leaving me in the awkward position where I have to perform verbal seppuku and spill my guts all over the e-floor.
II: Do you not see the obvious strings or do I need to point them out for you now?
II: I am a detective. While it might be less than truthful to say we have never met before, after all coincedences can be both spontaneous and contrived, but you obviously do not know who I am.
II: Yet I know things about you that I have no right knowing.
II: Are the pieces falling into place yet, or are you still in talk like a nimrod mode?


FUCKING
ASSHOLE

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:.......
*--battEcho[bE] blocked IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*



Don't have any stressballs think I'll have to use baseballs instead.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*What a gentleman part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



--Minutes in the future, but not many--
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--
II: You are lucky I have a basic understanding of hacking, lady.
II: I was almost on the verge of being in debt to gT, and I would not have liked that very much.
II: Her little mensa head needs no ego stroking.
II: So have you calmed down yet or am I still not dealing with Bruce Banner?



What a prick, I was planning on contacting him later to.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:*sigh*
bE: You have no idea how angry you made me, almost smashed the computer.
bE: I had to break about 100 baseballs to cool off.
bE: But yes I'm better now, though I see your smooth talking goes both ways.
bE: Hacking isn't that gentlemanly either.
bE: But hearing you being in debt to someone makes me wonder who he/she is.
bE: Choose your words carefully detective as I'm not in the mood.


 HULK SMASH PUNY SALESMAN!

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I didn't take anything, perhaps hacking was the wrong word. Merely subverting your block so that we could continue our conversation.
II: You misconstrue the situation. I am not in debt to her, quite the opposite in fact. I'm in debt to no one. Most people are in debt to me, you as well will be too when all is said and done.
II: Also please continue referring to me as 'detective'. I quite like it actually, makes me feel like i'm on the set of a 50's noir movie.



Yeah that's totally not illegal sure mentions the 50's a good bit.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: It's true you didn't take anything, however what you did was basically breaking into my abode and entering without permission. Even if you didn't break anything.
bE: You said on the verge of being in debt, you must owe something to her whatever it may be.
bE: ... maybe I got a little mad at you for that 1950's thing seeing as you clearly like it quite a bit since you keep bringing it up, I'll forgive you for that.
bE: But if you ever talk about my parents like that again or ever again in any other way besides anything you find out about them I'll give you no guarantee for your personal safety.
bE: Now on top of everything else a pro baseball game just got crushed by a meteor.
bE: I'm thinking we should hurry this up defective.(which is what I'll call you till you say "I'm sorry")



Defective the detective misses the most obvious things.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I'm sure you are familiar with the concept of 'police powers'. 
II: Normally I would simply wait until you cooled down or have someone act as my cat's paw to make you relent. 
II: But when fate forces your hands niceties are the first things to be discarded.
II: You aren't going to get an apology as it was for you own good and I do not believe in regretting my actions.
II: Unless you want me to lie to satisfy your own ego.
II: Which I won't do either, since I make it a habit not to lie to others.
II: So you are going to deal with it and I am going to continue telling you things which you will continue to heed.
II: Look, we all got parent problems kiddo. Hell my parents aren't even around to be a problem to me and they haven't been for the last nine years.
II: You don't see me being needlessly sensitive about it now do you?
II: So are you ready to begin the intiation process to join team Sburb or are we going to argue a little more first?



I was going to ask him to lie and then he turns around and tells me he won't.
At least you remember your parents...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't believe freelance defectives get police powers, even police are not allowed to break into your house without a warrant.
bE: Sometimes you have to lie to make others feel bett-...
bE: Yes, I am going to join the team. Just so I can bash your head in once or twice.
bE: After that you will be detective to me again, but you damn well do what you claim you are good at for me.



I wasn't joking I am going to bash your head in once or twice and then you will really be a defective detective.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Oh i'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you are an expert on Italian penal law. Please forgive me for assuming too little of you. 
II: The concept is the same that's all i'm saying. Would you prefer I let a big rock vaporize you?
II: Also I hope you are aware that pride is the most deadly of the sins.
II: You can be mad at me, but please don't be making threats that you can never hope to keep.
II: And are you seeking my services?
II: Has the lightbulb finally gone off in that adorable teenage head of yours?



Pride what about pride. Pride has nothing to do with it.
Speaking of pride ... 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey you are the BEST defective I have ever met.
bE: I mean what other kind of defective could possibly figure out that maybe I wanted help.
bE: Not even the great and mighty Batman could figure out that mystery.
bE: Hey maybe as soon as I see you in the game I'll fall in love and swoon all over you.
bE: But defective you may have not realized it, but you have given me enough info to get into the game without you. Maybe I'll go to this person called gT instead.



You are the worst detective I have ever met and you are only the first one I have met.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You will refrain from comparing me to a comic book character from now on if it's not too much to ask.
II: And sorry dame, but you aren't my type. I don't have much time for the carnal pursuits anyways what with the whole 'keeping everyone alive' thing tying me down.
II: You can try to contact gT if you want, but that girl is impossible to get a hold of on the best of days and when you do she just talks about cookies or makes a bunch of sexual innuendos.
II: And even if you do, we are still all playing together at the end of the day so more power to you.
II: But if you catch my ire, well I guess this detailed casefile might get lost in my villa somewhere.
II: That would be a real shame. Then you would have to hire me to find it too.



He really should take the batman thing as a compliment.
I mean he's just so terrible he should.
I'm wondering if sarcasm even registers to him.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... -_-;
bE: Yeah, I'll accept your offer, but what's this about a casefile?


 Why in the hell didn't he mention something like that earlier, bet he's making shit up.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I'm good at finding out things, isn't that why you wanted to hire me in the firstplace?
bE: Okay Mr.I'mgoodatfindingthings read me something important about me in this casefile.
bE: You never said it was mine after all, only implied.


 Bet he has nothing.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well what do you know, you aren't half bad at this after all.
II: Very perceptive of you. 
II: But I don't give free samples, so i'm going to need you to sign and date this document before I give you a taste.


 Yeah very perceptive of you he says
it's great being able to see the obvious he says
I won't give a sample of something I don't even have unless you sign a contract he says 

*Spoiler*: __ 



--IllustriousInquisitor uploaded [writtencontract1219.txt] and sent it to bE--
II: You can fax your signed copy to the machine listed at the bottom.
bE: What in the?



Are half of these even words, and the ones that do make sense are just terrible, what you think I'm some idiot or something I have to study contracts if I plan to be a baseball player you think I wouldn't notice?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: This contract is terrible ambiguous wording everywhere.
bE: I don't feel like selling my soul to the devil for a little piece of info.
bE: You could at the least offer your full time services with this kind of thing and all the info you have.
bE: Don't you have some other way to do this?


 Huge understatement

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Look.
II: Since I don't know you as well as I do others I offer my services I have to leave myself some outs.
II: I'm sure you understand.
II: And you want my full time service?
II: Hahahahahaha, do you even KNOW how busy my schedule is?
II: The only person who can demand full time service from me is Prime Minister Mario Monti himself.
II: And even then i'd have to think about it.
II: You are lucky I even made room for you before afternoon wine.
II: So sign the document. I do not negotiate over the wording in my contracts.



I doubt he has a schedule at all


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*I'm not going to sign your shitty contract!*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Your schedule huh?
bE: Enlighten me Mr.defective, HOW busy is your schedule.
bE: Btw Mr.defective you may have not noticed, but I'm fairly young.
bE: How in the hell are you going to make a contract with me without my guardian's signature.



Why in the hell are you trying to give a contract to a 14 year old girl
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: Page 4, subsection 3.
II: You will see a line where your legal guardian can sign for you if you wish to place the onus on him.



I looked at that page, it was pretty much gibberish.
Go along with it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: As for my schedule?
II: I could list it out for you, but on average when I write my daily schedule it takes up two and a half pages, when written in list form single spaced.
II: My backload of cases hovers around the twenty number, however my schedule is clearing up a bit these days.
II: On account of everyone dying.
II: That usually helps alleviate the work load. 
II: But still a job is a job, and I honor them all. I only have one last case to work on and I'm done clearing my backlog.
II: But don't be presumptous and thinking that makes you more deserving of my time or that you will get more of it.
II: I will only get more busy from here on out.



Of all the bullshit I have heard this is the most and what do you mean it's only going to get busier?
Everyone is about to die shouldn't you be less busy.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Why would I ever make my guadian sign this terrible contract.
bE: Why in the hell would he ever sign it.
bE: Schedule, SCHEDULE!?
bE: I have no words for that literally no words.
bE: Rather deal with a psychopath than being under your heel at all times or having my uncle Rath under such terrible conditions!



Who in the hell makes someone to sign something like this.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: If you would never make him sign it, why were you complaining about not seeing a place for him to sign?
II: Do you like being needlessly difficult?
II: Guess what? You don't need to sign the bloody paper.
II: Piss on it and burn it for all I care.
II: But if you want my sluething prowess, you accept my terms.
II: You are the one that broached the subject in the first place if you will remember.
II: Okay how about this:
II: I'll offer you a more strictly worded contract if you can give me a valid reason why your needs and your curiosities take precedent over a global crisis and are thus more deserving of my immediate attention.



Maybe because the contract is shitty.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... I don't really know.
bE: It's just a feeling a really strong feeling that tells me what happened then was really really really really important.
bE: I just can't remember anything from back then, so I can't tell you anything else besides that.


 It feels like it's very important to everything happening now.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: And you want me to throw away my time, to chase a feeling of yours?
II: I am a detective, what I deal in are facts and logical deductions. 
II: So again I ask you, what makes you so special?
II: Is the history of your life more important than a grieving family getting closure? 
II: Is it even more imporant than me deciding what to eat for dinner tonight?
II: I don't know, you gotta convince me one way or the other.


 But I'm going to live they will not. So yes I think it's more important.
His words have a certain sadness to them.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: If all you deal in are hard facts and logical deductions you are no detective at all.
bE: Doesn't a detective care about the people?
bE: Isn't that why you took it as a title?
bE: Isn't that why you are talking to me in the first place, to save as many people as you can?
bE You said it yourself everyone is going to die soon, why are you like this when things are going so badly?
bE: Detective I feel a great sorrow for you.
bE: I may not remember anything, but I'm still me.
bE: You are so clouded by yourself, what happened to you?


 He seemed okay at first something must be getting in his way.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Of course I care about people.
II: You are asking me to care about certain people more than others, which is just flat out wrong unless you give me a valid reason.
II: So what if they are going to die? We are all going to die eventually.
II: Does that change the fact that a man's daughter was murdered? Or the fact that a drug dealer remains unpunished for his crimes?
II: The hour or day that they will die doesn't concern me at all, I have a job and I do it. 
II: Also please don't throw me a pity party. I do not need it nor do I care.
II: You know there was another person who felt great sorrow for me once.
II: You can meet them if you want, if you are willing to travel six feet underground.



I wonder who she was...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:But those type of people are being delt justice arn't they.
bE:Isn't that what justice is?
bE:These people will die just as you said, but why arn't you talking to one of them instead. Why me instead all of those other people?
bE:Arn't there people that deserved to be saved more than me or those already picked to be in the game?
bE:It seems to me you are just concerned with self satisfaction, not justice.


 ...

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Are you seriously debating my philosophy on things you can't even begin to understand?
II: Look. 
II: I bring people to justice, it's what I do.
II: Someone being crushed by a meteor is not an act of justice. It is just sad. 
II: It is a terrible and sad fucking thing okay.
II: Once again you are asking me to weigh lives which I have no business to do in a non hostile situation.
II: I'm not superman okay, I can't save everyone.
II: And it's not for me to decide who gets to live and who doesn't in this scenario.
II: Do you honestly think if I had a choice in the matter of who I could save and who I couldn't that I would choose you to be one of the eleven others coming with me?
II: In all honesty the number of people in this session I would save with my own volition is a sparse two.
II: I hate most of the people playing to be frank.
II: Like really hate, blistering infernos of pure earth shaking loathing i'm talking about here.
II: But when you get dealt a poor hand you still gotta play it you follow?



He's got me on the meteor, but why does it seem like he feels so powerless.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm sorry, you are right someone being crushed by a meteor isn't justice.
bE: I was just trying to make sense of it.
bE: However... what makes you think you can't save everyone?
bE: It's said we can do anything we want in the game, why not go and save them somehow?
bE: And after this... I want to ask you something important.


 We can save them right, even if all of them aren't that great.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Because that's how the game works, I've asked around, I know.
II: And I wouldn't want to save everyone in the first place, some people don't want to be saved, and some people don't deserve to be saved. 
II: Luckily this heavy moral issue is something I don't have to wrestle with because it's impossible to save anyone outside of the twelve that comprise our group and the other twelve tagging along with us.
II: Though admittedly.... I did set up a small session for a dame who I owed a favor, but the odds that it even gets off the ground are slim enough, let alone for it to succeed. 
II: If it is possible for others to save themselves, they gotta do it themselves.
II: So now that your attempt at making me feel like a complete jackass is at an end what question do you have to inquire of me?


 Moral issue?
If we are the only ones that are saved from something like this we have to be special and people that are of justice would try to save them somehow. Another woman...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Who was the person that felt great sorrow for you?


I was wanting to ask this for so damn long

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Is that really what you wanted to ask?
II: How very charming that you are taking an interest in my no doubt exciting backstory.
II: But I don't spill my heart out to strangers.
II: She was a person, and now she's a bunch of bones in a cemetery. That's all you are getting out of me.


 That's not the impression I'm getting.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: She's why you are like this now isn't she?
bE: And think about it if she's just a back of bones why do you remember her?
bE: If we can do anything in the game.... certain things that are not possible now might be possible there. Haven't you ever wanted her back?


 Poor guy


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*Researching and Uncle Rath*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: This is so cute.
II: Positively adorable even.
II: You think you can psychoanalyze me and that you will lead me to discover some groundbreaking reason for why I am the way I am today.
II: Guess what?
II: I was like this before my parents croaked, I was like this after she croaked, and I'll be like this after the universe croaks. 
II: You act like the fact that I can discern the current reality of the situation means that I have a complete apathy for her or for anyone that has died under my watch really.
II: And no, I've never for a second wished for her or for anyone back. 
II: Wishing doesn't do you any good, you dust yourself off and you move on. 
II: Have you ever wanted your parents back?
II: It doesn't matter one way or the other, they are gone, you gotta accept it. 
II: You don't honor anyone's memory playing the what if game.
II: Okay how about this?
II: Let's forget the contract and all that business.
II: Grab a plain piece of paper, write "I pledge a single, unconditional favor to detective Julius Corbett in return for his services.", sign it and date it. Then fax it over.


He gave in. Did I actually peg him that well?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Fine then... I fax it over right?
bE: done, it says "I pledge a single, unconditional favor to detective Julius Corbett in return for his services." December 19th, 2011
bE: I'll hold everything you said you would do and here to you.
bE: And I will give you an unconditional favor as per request.
bE: You are a rather shrewd detective Julius Marcello Corbett.


 Finally I win, now that favor of his is going to be me fixing the poor bastard.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You are making me blush Uri.
II: See, I told you by the end of our little chat you would be in my debt.
II: You can credit my shrewdness to that.
II: But your debt will be remarkably short lived as i'm calling in the favor now. 
bE:?


The hell?

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You will now and forevermore never again mention, bring up, or refer to my dead friend in my presence or to anyone else for that matter.
II: It's really fucking tedious and I do not want to, or care to, discuss it further.


 I see he cared about her that much huh.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... I understand, but you are still...
bE: Well I'm still very much in your favor, detective.


 In that case I will make it where you can't  run.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Glad to hear we are in agreement on this.
II: I have some basic ideas and theories, but I need some time to put it all into perspective for you.
II: If I could interview your guardian sometime down the road that would help as well, but if you are understandably opposed to that I can make do without.
II: I got other sources I can go to for help.
II: So here you go
--II uploaded [playerlist.txt and entryorder.txt] and sent it to eB--


Interview why does he want to do that?

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The world is officially your oyster.
II: Talk to some of the people on this list, or don't.
II: In the end I can care less as long as you enter successfully.
II: Farewell.



YES I WIN I BEAT HIM WHOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wait why am I so damn happy everyone is going to die.

*Spoiler*: __ 



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--
bE:... Why does it say sL is a dick?
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--
II: Because he really, really is a dick.
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestring battEcho [bE]--


 Is he worse than you?


Aughh. This guy was a pain in the ass, but he helped me a lot. I feel so tired.
I think I'll go stretch my legs and see how *Uncle Rath* is doing outside.
He's still hitting them.... they are getting awfully big.
I know I'll get him a drink.

-Uranus walked to the kitchen where she belongs-

Here we go some of the homemade diet drinks he gives me to drink, think I'll take one myself.

*Uranus :"Hey Uncle Rath! I have a drink for you!"
 Before I even knew it the drink was gone perhaps before I even yelled at him.
Uranus"Umm... your welcome?"
Uncle Rath: "Thanks!"*
He didn't sound as far away as he actually was then again maybe he's not.

Well I guess I should finish this drink and search for some information on sburb.

Okay, back to work.
- Uranus pulled up her browser *Thor* and typed "sburb" in the search engine *gross*-
Here we go, wait  isn't what I was looking for.
Let's try... "sburb FAQ".
Glitch FAQ?
This game has glitches and it's supposed to save us from meteors? Well it does have a lot of info here.
Wait a second timeline doomed?
So my Uncle won't make it anyway?
What's this about sprites?
What the hell kind of game is this?
My head hurts...
But I still have to get a copy of sburb.
Lets try "sburb download", nothing...
Um "sburb file", still nothing.
Why in the heck can't I find it?
I know I'll pester some of the other players and see if they know anything about the game.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*Searching for something to make sense*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho [bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--*
bE: Hey so you are one of the other players on the list I was given about, so I decided to talk to you some.
bE: I'm Uri, who are you?
qA: Um
qA: Hi
qA: i'm alice
qA: Didn't know there was another person i hadn't talked to



She says that like she's talked to everyone.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You did get the player list right?
qA: Uh, yeah
qA: Didn't see you on it
bE: That's strange can you put who is on your list?
qA: Okay
qA: Hmmm wait
qA: You are on it now.
qA: ...i blame Julius
qA: So, tell me about yourself



That's just weird.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I want to form a baseball team one day, the best there ever was.
bE: And I hear there are some pretty good players in this game.
bE: That was the original reason I was going to join silly huh?
bE: Now we got meteors flying all over the place, speaking of which how is it on your end?



Hopefully she knows what to do.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Oh, you know, i've been better
qA: Looking now, i can actually see it descending
qA: It's pretty close
qA: i guess i should be panicing, but i'm hoping the defense system kicks in soon
qA: Oh hey, there it goes
qA: So, baseball, huh?



Wait so she's talking to me calmly while one comes down must not be very big.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yeah baseball.
bE: I was thinking of trying to hit one of the bigs ones with a bat later.
bE:... Say how big would you say it is?
qA: Wait, the meteors?
qA: Dude, these are pretty big meteors.
qA: Like the one coming at me is like...
qA: Let's say Yankee Stadium
qA: And i imagine they will only get bigger


Never mind

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That's pretty big for the biggest ones we have gotten here so far are about soccer sized and a few minivan sized ones.
bE: They are getting a lot bigger though from the sound of it...


 All probably minivan sized now.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So, hey shouldn't you be doing something about this Yankee Stadium sized meteor?
qA: Kinda am
qA: See besides the fall-slowing lasers, i'm playing this game called sburb
qA: Which i'm sure you've heard of
qA: And i'm playing this slot machine until i win, and am presumably transported away from Imminent Doom, USA
qA: Population; Die
qA: Oh hey, i got something
qA: ...It just spewed out some blue hexagons
qA: i guess i have to get a specific line-up


 Slot machine? What is she doing gambling? Fruit gushers?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Sounds pretty far fetched, then again everything happening right now is.
bE: Do you see anything that looks special on the slots?


You know anything really obvious that can tell me why you are playing slots when a meteor the size of yankee stadium is coming towards you

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Besides that hexagon thing, there's this wacky circle fractal thing
qA: i think that's the game's logo, so i'll "aim" for that
qA: Even though this is just trying over and over with almost no skill element.



So it's the entrance into the game huh.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Actually...
bE: I think you can aim for it, how are you working with electronics?
bE: Who am I kidding you are talking to me right now.
bE: It's a slot machine you should be able to alter the chances of winning it big.


Just hack it or something, no like I know how.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: yeah, i could
qA: But it's much more fun to squander my few remaining minutes as a colossal space rock blocks out the sun
qA: Oh hey, i got three cherries
qA: It... gave me three cherries
qA: i don't appreciate this game's humor


 I thought it was pretty funny.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... If you can't hack it, hack it.
bE: You have to get 3 in a row, does it even care how you do it?
bE: Maybe you can just force the reels to match with force, because I would prefer the chances of that working than the chances of it actually managing to get it...


Well if she can't do that...

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Yeah, i could probably use hairpins or something
qA: Later
bE: GL, hope you make it.
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--*


 I guess qA is pretty busy right now.

I'll try contacting someone else.
Lets see... wW lets try this person.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*Lets fighting love!*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho [bE] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--*
bE: Are you busy?
wW: Not particularly. Just putting some bandages over my wounds while making sure qA doesn't get blown up by a flaming rock from outer space. Why?


Since you know the last person I just talked to was about to get squished. Oh hey it's that person that was about to get squished by rocks from outspace.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... So you know qA, just talked to actually.
bE: For someone about to be hit by a big old rock the size of the Yankee Stadium she's sure calm. 
wW: That's her style, I suppose. Personally, I would have hacked into the thing somehow and just hurry up with it. Meteors the size of a huge stadium are kind of difficult to dodge.



I don't think calm is the word I would describe her in that case and seems I am not the only one that wants a piece of those big stupid rocks.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:  Well that's what I said, but she didn't seem to... what is the word for it?
wW: Care?
bE: I wouldn't say care, she didn't seem to quite get what I was saying. So I suggested she do it by force. She seemed to get that much better.


 I don't think she understood what a bad way she was in.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: I see.
wW: Who even are you anyway?
bE: Erm don't tell me something is wrong with your playerlist to or did you not get it yet?
wW: I didn't get it. I was a bit busy with other stuff, but you weren't in the memo from before.


 I didn't get the damn memo.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: The memo from before? What did the memo from before say?
wW: Some unimportant banter. Mostly II being stupid, and sL being insane.
bE: II didn't say anything about a memo did he?
bE: just a second.
wW: Don't worry, I'm sure there will be plenty more memos. One's equally stupid and irrelevant too, I'll bet. But then, I'm not one for gambling.
bE: Are you sure they are memos? I mean did II try to give you some sort of stupid contract?
wW: Nah, hold on, let me send you a file or something.
[SENDS MEMO FILE]
bE: That's a memo?



I think I've done more productive things just slamming my keyboard with a bat.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: That's what pesterchum calls it, yeah. It's more like a group conversation if anything, really.
bE: Hmm I must have forgotten it, because I actually read that earlier.
bE: It was that forgettable.
bE: Like I was asking earlier was he offering you a contract or anything like that when you first met him?


 Like really what's up with that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Nope. Then again, I try to forget about my conversations with him. It's probably better for my health that way.
bE: I see...  well enough about him how did you get your wounds?
wW: Rooftop showdown with dad. He was a bit annoyed I sneaked outside of the house and chopped down the front door, so he decided he'd give me one of his 'discipline sessions'.
bE: He sounds like a great dad....


 I meant that...

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Eh. I can take it. Besides, it's good training and keeps my instincts sharp. I kind of need to sharpen my skills up a bit in this game, you know?
bE: No, not really no one told me why we have to fight or anything like that.
bE: All I know is that I want to build a baseball team in the game and that if I play the game I can be saved along with my guardian.


 All that other stuff makes no sense and now I'm not sure I can even save my guardian.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Well, I'm sure if your guardian is anything like mine, he'll be fine. But what's this about a baseball team?
bE: I was planning to have the greatest baseball team in existance in the game when I first heard about it, they said you can do anything you want in the game.
wW: Sorry to ruin your, er, dream and stuff, but I don't think there are any other baseball teams in The Medium. Unless there are any Dersites or Prospitians that play it...hm.


 You trying to ruin my dream?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh but there is, are sprites right?
wW: I'm pretty sure you'd be the only one that would prototype a baseball-themed item/person into your sprite.
bE: Well we also have are guardians as well, we should have plenty of people to play.
wW: Eh. I'm just waiting for the bigger meteors and fires to come so I can train my speed and endurance. It'd be a good challenge, I think.
bE: So no one tries to train you intentionally?
wW: Pretty sure my father tries to do it subtly through our little showdowns, since he's always holding back and stuff in them. If he wanted to, he could have easily broken my ribs today. But hey, I'm getting better at least. I managed to stab his tie and nearly hit him a few times.



At least you can hit his tie.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: My Guardian Rath does things like that.
bE: Hey does your father ever appear as a blur for a long period of time?
wW: Yeah. He's pretty fast in-battle. I can reach a similar speed, but I can't really sustain it like he can yet.
bE: I see, Rath trains me by throwing balls at me all day while he's all blurry from all directions. I can't really count them all yet, but I've been getting better at it.


 I'm really being to humble here I can see them perfectly fine it's my body that can't keep up with him.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Nice. That sounds like a good training exercise. Though, there was that one time when my dad threw me off the rooftop to teach me how to balance properly. And those years when he'd sneak up on me during the night to sharpen my battle instincts. Now I never leave to the toilet without bringing a rapier.


 He attacks you when you need to go to the bathroom?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So did your father ever try to teach you to hit hard?
wW: Nah, I did that by myself. I needed to hollow out my walls to stash my weapons in, so I had to knock some of them down. I used a hammer first, but that broke, so I just started punching them. Obviously I plastered over them when I was done later. But yeah, I'm more of a cutting person.


 That doesn't sound very hard hitting.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Rath trained me by throwing 30 pound bowling balls at me till I could hit them out of the park, and then he would up it 10 pounds after that and so on forth.
bE: I think I'm up to 100 pounds now.
bE: I'm always afraid he will throw a curve ball.
wW: I would be too, if someone was throwing 100 pound balls at me.


I'm not missing a joke here am I?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: All this time and I havn't introduced myself, my names Uri.
wW: Nice to meet you. My name's Damion.


 Wasn't expecting Damion thankfully I didn't give him my real name.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Now that's out of the way, lets get back to talking about our training.
bE: Rath has been trying to train me to run fast as well, but I never get past the first step before he tags me while trying to run bases.
bE: It's like he's beside me the whole time, know what I mean?


 Though there was that one time I got two steps he probably wasn't paying attention.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: I do, trust me. Though, I'm generally the same speed as my dad now, when he's holding back. But like I said, I can't exactly sustain it like he can. It's more like a burst of speed, but that's generally more than enough for me to take somebody down.
bE: Hey this sL person do you think he's fast?


A burst of speed....
Hey you know since II said he was a dick lets try to find out more about him.
*Spoiler*: __ 




wW: I'm not sure. Presumably he's fast enough to keep up with me, though I'd say his specialty would be physical strength if anything. The guy uses greatswords, I think.
bE: great swords? Aren't those rather unweildy and light?
wW: Light? They're usually two-handed. At the very least they're a fair bit lighter than my rapier and katana. I'm guessing he doesn't actually use finess? in battle, though; he sounds more like the type of person to just swing it really hard and chop someone in half. I personally prefer a cleaner style.



No style? So he's up front about it. 
Would I be able to defend myself against him?


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*Lets fighting love! part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Like some old edo samurai?
wW: Well, I dabble in fencing a little bit for my rapiers, but I'm better with my katana. For that, I've got some experience in kenjutsu, though I specialize more in battojutsu and iaijutsu. Battojutsu typically consists of a few moves, focusing on stepping to the enemy, drawing quickly, making one or two fast cuts and sheathing. Iaijutsu is basically just a refined version of that. That's why I tend to focus on speed.
bE: So you don't have as much power as you could usually have?


 
I practically have no idea what you are talking about.
All I got was the word speed.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Er, well I'm reasonably strong, but probably not quite as strong as you are, but I make up for it with my speed. You're probably the opposite; stronger than me, but slower as well. Battojutsu and iaijutsu don't really need that much physical strength.


Wonder what he usually cuts.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: But what will you do when you can't hit hard enough to cut something?
bE: I got an idea, Rath has me wear weights at all times 20 pounds on each arm and leg and a 5 pound cap.
bE: Maybe you should try something like that, so once you get in the game you''ll be much faster and stronger?


 They have gotten rather light, wonder when Uncle Rath will give me heaver weights.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Well, everything has a weak-spot, be it a chink in the armour or a crack in a wall. I don't really think I'd have much of an issue, though admittedly that idea sounds pretty interesting.
bE: Well if you can't make a chink in the armor I'll make one for you.



That's a terrible pickup line if I ever heard one.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Haha, thanks. I'm guessing you use a baseball bat as a weapon?
bE:  Yeah it's really heavy I don't even know how much it weighs anymore all of the scales we have are broken by it.



Not really, I weigh about as much as my bat.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Ouch. I just have a bunch of cheap katanas hidden inside my wall, but one rather rare and sharp katana. It's pretty well maintained.
bE: Have you ever used it to cut anything?
wW: No. I'm saving it.
bE: How do you know it's sharp and well maintained then?



I can imagine the disappointment when the first time he uses it, it decides to break.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: I can tell from the gleam and shine it gives off that it's still maintained, and I can still feel the katana's edge from touching it. It even gave me a cut when I wasn't even touching the tip or the sharp bit. If I actually tried to cut someone with it, it could kill them, and I don't want to be held accountable for that. Or charged for murder.
bE: It's more than that it has a soul of its own if you never use it, it will truly dull.
bE: Also you made no mention of the hilt did you? The most important part of the blade.
bE: Have you taken care of that part of it?


 I'm no expert in swords, but that area of a bat is very important.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Every day. Very carefully.
wW: In any case, I'm probably going to alchemize it with something when I'm in The Medium. Apparently you can fuse items together to make a new one. I might try to combine it with a meteor piece or something.
bE: You should be careful anyway if you fuse it with the wrong item you could make it worse after all and I don't think a meteor piece is enough, if you are going to use those you should get a big one to alchemize since they tend to be a bit soft if they are just fragments.




*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Nah, you retain the original item. Besides, meteors have always been all magical and stuff. [Meebo. And hm, I'll consider it. I'll have to get a meteor somehow...
bE: You would have to be really fast or really strong.
wW: Luckily, I'm really fast. I guess I'll just have to cut one in half with it as it's landing; I'll probably need to use the good one, though. I might get hurt a little by it, but I think it's worth it for a potentially powerful sword with magical properties, don't you think?


 This idea is as bad as mine, maybe worse.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Only if You promise to practice with it some, you don't have to use it on a person you know.
wW: Yeah, I'll need to get used to it. This sword is a bit heavier than the other katanas. More power, but less control.




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm getting tired, think I will take a quick nap under my 20 pound blankets.
bE: Btw about qA, I think you should check on her as soon as you can.
wW: Don't worry about that. I've been keeping tabs on her throughout this entire conversation. In any case, enjoy your nap. It was nice talking to you.
bE: Bye.
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--*


 I really wasn't ready for a nap yet, I just had to speak to some other players


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 19, 2012)

*He's nuts,crazy,sadistic and a bit of a dick.*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho [bE] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--*
bE: So are you as much as a dick as they say you are?
sL: Well well, looks like there's another sorry piece of shit joining this team of fucking losers
sL: I'm exempt from that though, since I am not a loser
sL: And define "dick"
sL: Don't give me a wiseass answer and say "penis", or I swear I'll fucking stab you



What are you going to do stab me through the computer?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I guess you aren't that bad so far.
bE: At least you are honest.
bE: And by dick I mean what II calls you.
sL: Oh, that cunt
sL: Just so you know, II and myself have a mutual loathing for each other
sL: By his standards, I guess I'd be a bit of a dick
sL: My love of murder probably has something to do with it
sL: I love the gargling sound that comes out of a man with his throat recently slit
sL: I love the feeling of my knife cutting through flesh and bone
sL: I love the sound of a neck snapping by my bare hands
sL: I love the sight of blood pooling around a person after I made a fresh stab wound
sL: So yeah, I think you can see why he'd say I'm a dick


 Not a dick, insane.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't think I've ever killed anything.
bE: But going by what II said and the kind of person you are I assume we have to kill in the game.
bE: Speaking of which, you are happy another person joined the game right?
bE: More stuff to kill, though I'm not really keen on the thought of dying.
bE: At least till I achieve my dream.



I don't want anybody to die in the game, but if you're one of those people you should be happy that there are more players.

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: There's going to be plenty of killing alright
sL: I just got done tearing through some Imps and Ogres
sL: The dying shrieks they made as I carved through their ranks were absolutely delightful
sL: I'd be happy if you're not another fucking dead weight
sL: This game is far too team-based for me, but I can deal with it
sL: I'll just kill you all when the whole thing is over


 So he says, another person I have to knock sense into.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wait imps and orgres?
bE: So if we did go into the game we wouldn't be killing people.
bE: Are they pretty hostile?
sL: No, they offer you a goddamn tea party when you meet them
sL: OF COURSE THEY'RE FUCKING HOSTILE, SHITHEAD!


 Hmm, but that faq... maybe they just seem hostile?

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Fucking hell, them being Imps and Ogres should have tipped you off
sL: Goddamn that was a stupid ass question and I'm beginning to hate you now
bE: So this game lets you kill stuff with no moral consequences?
bE: Some game, speaking of games you said you weren't a team player.


 The only reason I'm talking to him at all at this point really.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: So I assume you have never played baseball right?
sL: This is going to get real dumb, real fast, isn't it
sL: As for your question, no
sL: I was kinda too busy being on the streets, killing things for fun
sL: Hmm, wait a moment, you just reminded me of something
sL: There was a kid I killed who used a baseball bat to kill like three people who tried to break into his house
sL: I just simply slit his throat and broke his neck
sL: That's probably the closest I'll get to playing baseball with someone


 I'll play along a little.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ... So you only use a knife, haven't you ever had the urge to uh.
bE: Whack some one's head like a base ball and make it fly a far distance away?
sL: I'm primarily a bladekind guy
sL: I could just behead someone and kick the head as far as I could just because
sL: Or throw it, doesn't really matter
sL: Bludgeoning people to death isn't out of the question though, so I'll probably give that a shot
bE: I'm sure you will give it a shot, can you do me a favor though?


Don't kill anyone I would like to say.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Before you kill us all at the end, could we play one single game of baseball?
bE: For ironic purposes.
sL: I'm down for it as long as we use someone's head as the ball
bE: II's head?
sL: Now you're talking
bE: Okay, I'll hold you to it then.
bE: There is something going on outside, I have to go.
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--*



Whatever you say crazy person forgot to give my name, probably for the best though.
Lots of loud noises outside ...


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 21, 2012)

*perky,perky,perky and meteors*

Turned out the noise was Uncle Rath hitting a big meteor about 5 buses long and high.
He's slowing it down, but it's still falling need to help somehow.
I know bowling balls!
-Uranus pulls out several hundred pound bowling balls-
*Uranus: Uncle Rath double hit!*
-Uranus proceeds to toss the bowling balls into the air and starts hitting them towards the meteor followed by another hit by Uncle Rath-
Is that enough? No it's still falling this way all we did was slow it down and crack it some.
*Uranus: I'll get more!
Uncle Rath: No, I'll stop it now.
Uranus: But uncle Rath your too tired! You can't stress yourself like this.
Uncle Rath:... I think this will be my last hit I'll put my all into it.*
-Uncle Rath landed back on the ground warmed his arms up in a batting stance and jumped towards the meteor at full speed he hit it where it was already cracked and the meteor preceded to explode into many small shards-
*Uranus:He's too tired to land properly!*
-Uranus proceeded to run and catch Rath while batting away the many small shards-
Got to get inside.
-Uranus took Rath to her room and then set him in her bed-
*Uranus: You just rest there for now, I'll get you a drink real quick.
Uranus: Here you go.*
-Within moments he drank the diet formula-
*Uncle Rath: That's better, Uranus since your birthday is coming up soon...
Uncle Rath: I want you to have my hat, it's been passed down in my family for generations.
Uncle Rath: Also I want you to look in my room there are some presents for you in there.*
Sadly that would have to wait someone is pestering you.


*Spoiler*: __ 



*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began perstering battEcho [bE] --*
rB: new person!!!
rB: well not really new but somebody i haven't talked to yet!!! this is so exciting
rB: my name is cessily
rB: nice to meet you!!!


At least someone around here as energy.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm Uri and what do you mean by not really new?
rB: well like you've been on the list just as long as everyone else
rB: i just haven't talked to you yet
rB: so like...kinda sorta new


 I guess.. that kinda of makes sense.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Okay, so are you dealing with any personal crisises like I just had to?
rB: haha i don't think so!!!
rB: not many crisises over here
rB: except you know the world coming to an end
rB: kind of a bummer =/
bE: Kind of a bummer? 
bE: One of the meteors just hit my favorite baseball team and then there are the rocks that are for some reason really starting to pop up mainly over our home.
bE: Like what's up with that.



That last one nearly killed us though they have finally seemed to stop don't think Uncle Rath could take much more.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: oh i think that's just the game's way of making sure we get a move on
rB: i have been reading lots of guides over the past while trying to figure out what's going on
rB: anyway II says we'll get out in plenty of time, so i don't think we have to worry about it too much
rB: sorry about your baseball team though 


Is it even a game at this point when it starts squishing your favorite baseball team?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Define plenty of time and what have the guides said?
rB: oh well mostly the guides are useless unfortunately
rB: it seems a lot of people are just not very good at this game
rB: but a few of them make it farther than the first few steps
rB: basically the meteors coming towards our house are timed in unison with the speed at which our group enters???
rB: or something like that
rB: so unless something goes horrible wrong a meteor will not hit your house while say, wW is entering
rB: it will only begin getting close when your entrance process begins
rB: ugh time shenanigans are annoying am i making any sense???



She didn't really make sense here.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I bumped into a weird glitch FAQ and there is a bunch of nonsense in it.
bE: Time shenanigans?
rB: yes apparently sburb is very enamored with timey wimey stuff
rB: going out of its way to make everything horrid and complicated
rB: hopefully i will not have to deal too much with that


 Horrible and complicated, sounds fun.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Like this FAQ says something about kissing bringing people back to life.
bE: That can't happen right?
rB: beats me
rB: from what i've learned of this game i wouldn't rule it out!!!
rB: haha but that's so gross, kissing a corpse
rB: eeeeeew


 No kidding.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well lets not talk about it, who knows if it even works or if we will have to.
bE: How are you with a bat?
rB: haha what???
rB: like a baseball bat???
bE: Yea a baseball bat.
bE: I mean once we get together I was thinking of a game of baseball.
rB: hahahahaha
rB: i'm sorry i shouldn't laugh
rB: that actually sounds like a lot of fun!!!
rB: but i have to warn you that the rest of the group is not as cooperative as me
rB: i don't think it would be safe to put sL within 100 yards of well...anyone!!!


 I don't think any of the group is like you, not that's a bad thing.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Actually I talked to him a while ago and got him to agree to play baseball with us.
rB: oh
rB: well in that case i must respectfully refuse your invitation
rB: it's not too much of a loss
rB: i was never much one for sports 
bE: Okay how about your guardian and future sprite then?
rB: haha my sister would love to play
rB: she was always much more outdoorsy than me
rB: and as for my sprite you will just have to ask him/her/it when i prototype!!!


So she has a sister? Wonder who it is.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay then that makes... at least 7 players so far?
bE: Well since you arn't the outdoorsy type what do you do then?
rB: oh i do lots of stuff!!!
rB: i like art and videogames
rB: and music too i have a lot of that kind of stuff even though i'm not too good
rB: and i'm outdoorsy as long as there's EXPLORING involved
rB: heehee


Maybe you should explore one game of baseball.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Here's hoping your prototype has hands.
bE: Have you ever strifed?
rB: like...fought???
rB: i prefer to coast by on good looks and charm
rB: and lots of optimism!!!
bE: I guess that's good I've never fought myself.
bE: Hey do you know where to get a copy of the game?


Well I guess I that's one less person wanting to kill me for no reason, not that there was anymore than the one.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: oh i just downloaded mine!!!
rB: but you can find it pretty much anywhere
rB: hell if all this predestination stuff the guides keep going on about is true the universe will literally bend over backwards to get you a copy of the game haha!!!
bE: Strange I searched for it with my browser and it didn't appear, maybe I'm supposed to get it in some other way.
bE: So I just sit back and wait for a copy of it?


 I mean if the universe is just going to give it to me why not, why waste time I could be training on it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: oh i don't know about that!!!
rB: just kind of seems lazy don't you think???
rB: but if you look for it i doubt it will be hard to find!!!
rB: that's the way this whole thing works apparently
bE: Hmm would it be possible to link me to where you found it?
rB: no problem!!! hold on let me dig up the link...
rB: thepiratecove.org/sburbalpha3
rB: there you go!!!


 The heck.
It's not working.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That's strange.
rB: ???
bE: Are you sure you did the link right?
rB: yeah!!! i even checked it it takes me to the right page!!!
bE: It keeps giving me a weird error.
bE: Is there something wrong with my browser or something?
rB: idk what are you using???
rB: actually that probably won't matter as i am not fantastic with computers =/
rB: oh! but i'm sure you can talk to qA about getting a downloadable copy!
rB: she has the "inside source" heeheehee


Inside source?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Is that so?
bE  Well I should pester her soon about it then.
bE: Since we are kinda getting short on time I should do it right away.
rB: ok!!! you go get that game!!! it was nice meeting you uh...
rB: you never told me your name haha!!!


Don't tell me she's that sharp.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: My name is Uri like I said earlier.
rB: oh man i missed that!!! i'm really sorry i've been sleeping a lot recently and seeing a lot of stuff it's been kind of hectic!!!
rB: see you soon Uri!!!
bE: Bye uh... cessily!
*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering battEcho [bE] --*


 Well I guess she isn't, the FAQ did say something about needing a lot of sleep, sounds like a good idea, but I'll see qA about that copy first her name is coming up a lot, but before that I need to go to Rath's room.


----------



## Sunuvmann (Jun 23, 2012)

*A young man sits in his room...*

*

...Pondering the change of events that led to the reevaluating of playing a game he otherwise had complete antipathy towards.

It's not often you're a cow facing the entrance to a slaughterhouse and told with definitive authority that if you don't actually enter said slaughterhouse you're pretty much dead. And you more or less fuck over everyone else.

It is rather perturbing.*


----------



## Sunuvmann (Jun 23, 2012)

*the recent past is recalled...*

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] began pestering solarNeanderthal [sN]--
AQ: Hey, moron.
AQ: We need to talk.
sN: Oh goddammit, what now, I thought I just told you no.
sN: Damn you assholes are persistent.
AQ: No, you just told Alice no.
AQ: I can see how you can get us confused.
AQ: But I'm different from her.
AQ: For instance, while she was "expecting" you to be in her session, I am "demanding" it
AQ: A stark contrast.
sN: Look. How do I have to fucking tell it to get it through to you that I know bad shit is going to happen if we play this game so for fucks sake, I'd rather spare you and more importantly myself from this whole damn ordeal.
sN: Must I spell it out? Bad. Fucking. Omens.
sN: Ominousness. People die.
sN: And I'd kinda prefer to not be one of them.
AQ: Haha, yeah
AQ: Did you have any inklings as to what would happen if you DON'T go through with this?
AQ: Hint: You still die, but this time lots of others do too
sN: ...
sN: ...Bullshit.
AQ: Note how you are so much more incredulous to that notion
AQ: Even though it's like the same thing except opposite of what you think
sN: My incredulousness remains unstirred.
sN: Though it is odd you are sounding rather different from our previous encounters.
AQ: We've talked, like, once before.
AQ: And I didn't even bring this up, just dropeed some hints
AQ: Unless you're confusing me with Alice again
sN: Right...NotAlice...who are you then and why the hell are you demanding that I play this shitty devil game?
AQ: My identity is low-priority
AQ: But you have to understand that your hunch is trying to mislead you
AQ: Like, your brain wants you to play this game
AQ: With good reason, I might add
AQ: But it's really bad at expressing itself to you
sN: Thts a gud thry
sN: And what pray tell authority backs up these words?
AQ: Well, I sort of know from reasearch
AQ: My studies have shown that "if" you don't be in this session, disater will happen
AQ: You will get screwed over sideways in whatever session you join
AQ: Because you kinda need these people
AQ: And their you-less session crumbles in a bloody explosion
AQ: Because they sort of need you
sN: While my ego likes being stroked as much as the next guy, I remain unconvinced.
sN: kthx go fuck yourself.
AQ: I could stay here stroking all day, Peter
AQ: That's a lie, actually. I've got a death planned in a few hours
AQ: Point is this
AQ: You think that this game will cause death and disaster
AQ: Technically true, but it is also the only way to minimize it
AQ: So, if not-dying is your end-game, your descision is clear
AQ: Create a timeline where you, all you freinds, and all of humanity dies
AQ: Or save yourself and your friends by cooperating
AQ: Frankly, I don't think you want the guilt of that on your head
sN: Who...who the hell are you?
AQ: Oh, just someone who knows a lot of things
AQ: But the important thing about knowing things
AQ: Is to learn from them.
sN: ...
sN: ...
sN: I'll think about it.
--[sN] solarNeanderthal ceased pestering arbitraryQuantity [AQ]--
*


----------



## Platinum (Jun 24, 2012)

--wanderingWriter [wW] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--


*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: I got the beta. What now?
II: Well you took your sweet time with that, you are lucky you even managed to procure a copy.
II: You should probably install it on whatever electronic device you fancy, believe it or not most software is pretty useless when it's not running on an operating system.
wW: Gasp, really?
wW: No, but really. I was talking about after it's finished installing. What do I do after that?
II: If that's what you meant, you should of specified.
II: I might be a genius, but i'm not a mind reader.
II: Well normally you would now establish a server-client link. 
II: You might want to do that sooner, rather than later. 
II: It would do no one good if you screwed up our session and killed everyone now would it?
wW: Yeah. I'll leave that to sL, I think.
II: That would be for the best.
II: We have enough psychopaths on this team as it is.
II: Now do you remember who your client is or do I need to remind you?
wW: It's Alice, right?
II: The one and only.
II: Can't say I envy you, but I wish you the best in trying to deal with her.
wW: It could be worse, right? I could be stuck with sL. Or that annoying other guy. sN, or something?
II: It's preferable in the way that a punch in the stomach is preferable to a slow, grueling torture.
II: Really it comes down to whether or not you prefer someone that is in your face about their insanity or stupidity, or whether you prefer a snake in the grass like her.
wW: Why? What's wrong with her? She seems kind of normal to me.
II: That's why I refer to her as a 'snake in the grass'. 
II: She's a wolf in sheep's clothing and a bunch of other cliche phrases. 
II: She's no good, trust me I know.
wW: ...man. Am I the only normal person in this entire session? This is starting to feel more and more like a ragtag bunch of misfits than anything else.
II: You don't include me on this list of normal people? I am shocked, stunned even.
wW: You seem kind of normal, I suppose. But it's more like you're just hiding behind a shell of sanity.
II: Everyone hides behind a shell.
II: We all have dark secrets that lurk inside that we don't want come into the light. Some as a result hide behind a self-created facade, all to proclaim to the world that they are 'normal'. And something must obviously be wrong with those who refuse to wear their mask to the ball.
II: I don't consider myself normal, and the truth is, you shouldn't consider yourself normal either.
II: If we were normal people, we wouldn't find ourselves in the is precarious predicament in the first place now would we?
wW: You have a fair point. But then again, I didn't come here to argue semantics.
wW: How did you accquire your copy of Sburb?
II: I have.... connections. My finger is on a variety of pulses.
wW: Strange. I got mine from...a shop.
II: Yes that is very strange. 
II: Should I call the local news team to record this amazing phenomena, assuming they are still alive that is.
wW: No, that's not what I mean. The entire shop was empty. Entirely empty. The floor and walls were practically glowing, and it was pretty obvious from the moment I went in that nobody had gone inside the shop for quite some time. Yet, when I approached the shelf that held the beta copy, it was all empty apart from just one.
II: Sounds like a cliche horror movie premise to me.
II: Perhaps your copy of sburb is haunted by creatures from beyond the grave?
wW: Do the Elder Gods or whatever they're called of Derse have a sphere of influence on Earth?
II: You are asking me if creatures that exist beyond our human understanding of reality, that exist in a place that is seperate from both normal time and space... run a game shop.
II: Take a second to think about this again and if you still believe that to be the case I will point out everything wrong with your premise.
wW: With all that's been happening, and the entire nature of the game, I've come to learn that anything is possible. Besides, I doubt that game shop was actually a game shop. No customers, and only a single worker in sight.
II: That is a logical fallacy.
II: Just because one incredible thing happens, it does not mean all incredible things are true.
II: If a magical video game exists, it does not mean unicorns exist right?
II: You have to remain skeptical, even when you discover that the impossible may just very well be possible.
wW: ...alright then. Do you have any ideas as to what it could be then? Again, I'm certain that this isn't a game shop. I'm entirely convinced that this has something specifically to do with the game.
II: .... Are you in need of my logistical expertise?
wW: Sure. Not like I've anything else to do while I wait for this game to finish downloading.
II: Oh this is fun, my first case for a teammate.
II: I will be charging my usual fee of course.
wW: I'd like to use my 'Teammate's 100% discount' voucher then.
II: Oh come on don't be a meiser.
II: My fee is generously low, it is a simple favor that you will owe me in exchange for me unlocking a secret of the universe for you.
wW: I'm sure I'll come to regret this decision, but very well.
II: Then we have a deal.
II: I have some theories on what this phenomena might be caused by, but I have nothing concrete.
II: I will get in touch with some of my sources to see if I can formulate a proper hypothesis, and then I will get back to you with the answer.
wW: I just got scammed, didn't I?
II: Not at all.
II: I am merely chasing a probable lead. 
II: It is not my policy to state an opinion one way or the other unless I am a hundred percent sure that it is the right one.
II: That is why i'm the best there is.
wW: I suppose I'll take your word for it, then.
II: And my word is more valuable than any pile of gold.
II: I should have an answer for you around the time you are done fulfilling your client obligations with Alice.
II: I just need to take care of some rudimentary affairs and I will dive right into this mystery.
II: So goodbye for now then, we are both two busy people after all.
wW: Indeed. See you later, I suppose.




--wanderingWriter [wW] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--


----------



## Platinum (Jun 24, 2012)

*II: Investigate*

I wasn't expecting to open up a new case this early, but as they say happy surprises are the best surprises. Though the subject matter is... disturbing to say the least. He was pretty sure he knew who the culprit was, not that knowing the bastard was a good thing. People think i'm self-absorbed, they haven't seen nothing. 

I leave my room once more and yell out to my brother to give me access to his database. He yells back in the affirmative. I make my way to the backyard and enter our inconspicious little shed. I push aside a panel of hardwood to reveal a keypad and enter the 19 digit code to grant myself access. The floor slides away to reveal the hidden staircase which I step into and enter the first floor of our hidden bunker, the steel door guarding it's entrance having just been receded by my brother. 

Our humble family bunker is used primarily by my brother, as he keeps a variety of goods hidden from me within it's depths, though it also serves as the information hub for our villa and beyond. In addition it suffices as a potential fall-back point in case the mafia ever attempt to attack our house, but that's neither here nor there. All that matters is that I come here when my own personal laptop or the computer in my forensics lab will not suffice. 

I stand before the main computer, dozens of additional monitors surrond me like sharks in a feeding frenzy. This computer is cutting edge, a hub and repository of information that makes google look pathetic in comparison. It also has a nice little use for all those monitors. I enter my master command 'prv289-NW' and instantly just about every security and street camera in the world is at my control. All thanks to a legal loophole and a masterful bit of software from an old friend.

I seize control of the usual cluster of street cameras, the monitors flickering to life to show  scenes of firery destruction, but I didn't really care about that at the moment, for my own good I couldn't afford to. I have enough to be despairing about as it was, I would grieve later for the tragedy of man, right now I have to facilitate humanities' last hope. Like Noah it is my duty to ignore the flood, while marshalling everyone onto the arc. I am able to locate most of the team with the cameras and kept the cameras trained on them, if one of them was in trouble I needed to know. 

Now onto that case. I accessed the database and began to enter keywords in order to narrow down the results. First I entered 'supernatural' and I got a variety of news stories blasted onto the screen. Useless headlines like 'Wild-haired scientist blames recent meteor activity on aliens." and "Bigfoot found wandering Nevada desert" to moronically dumb tabloids talking about "Rapping clown duo conduct unholy ritual in Baltimore". Obviously I was not specific enough in his search so I narrow it down with the qualifiers 'green glow', 'vanishings' and 'crimes'. Finally relevant cases start popping up. Like here, a case of a girl in central ohio vanishing into a mysterious building and reappearing two day later in Amsterdam. Or this one, where muesuem guards reported much to their horror, that three priceless paintings at the Lourve disappeared amidst a sickly green glow. The only sound they reported hearing was smug disemobodied laughter.... Yeah he was acting up again all right. 

But then again he had to consider the possibility that it wasn't him (even though it obviously was). There was only one way to know for sure, ask the bastard himself. I really, really don't want to do it. I haven't talked to him in months, and man were those months swell. But oh well, for the sake of an investigation, pride and comfort had to be sacrificed. I opened up a pesterwindow, and merely typed the message:

II: It was you wasn't it?

I don't have to wait long for an answer.

 Who else could it have been Julius? 

And an indirect confession, that was case closed. I closed the window and began to collect the various news stories into a folder, which were transported to a flash drive. 

I glanced at the security cameras again, and seeing my teammates for the most part in one piece, I began to shut the terminal down. Until, curiously enough, I got a message on pesterchum from someone. That should have been impossible, this computer blocks all incoming transmissions unless I specifically permit it. It wasn't someone I knew, and it wasn't that bastard who talks in white. Figures, just as you solve one case several more spring up to take it's place.

Well let's see who this person is and what they want...

--hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling IllustriousInquisitor [II]--


*Spoiler*: __ 



HH: >:\
HH: ^^Do you even KNOW how hard it is to get a hold of you mister elusive man of mystery : )?^^
II: You shouldn't be able to commune with me at all, especially not on this computer signora. 
II: So that raises the burning question of how exactly did you manage to breach my security measures in the first place.
II: No chance you will help dispel the chagrin that has seeped into my heart by telling me how you did it now, is there?
HH: : I
HH: ^^You talk weird.^^
II: So i've been told.
HH: >:/
HH: ^^Stop doing that thing.^^
II: What thing? The variated diction thing?
HH: >:/
HH: ^^No. The lame ass gray text anonymity thing. ^^
HH: ^^I already have to talk to one pathetic ass anonblood, I draw the line there. Any more than that and I might as well just take a swan dive off the grief trapeze now and save myself the pain of slowly cutting out my ocular spheres with a dull knife.^^
II: Err...i'm not sure I follow.
HH: : I
HH: ^^Are you stupid or something?^^ 
HH: ^^Okay look, just tell me your blood color mister.^^
II: I kind of make it a point not to bleed very often, but last time I checked it was red.
HH: :{
HH: ^^Well that is very fucking disappointing.^^
HH: ^^You can't help being trash I suppose.^^ 
II: Okay i'm completly lost here. 
II: Every person on this planet has red blood, it's not the mark of a pariah or anything.
HH: >
HH:^^ .... Are you fucking serious?^^
II: Yeah?
II: Have you been taking any strange hallucinogens lately? I can give you the number to a hotline if you need it.
HH: D:
HH: ^^Don't patronize me!^^
HH: ^^This is... just a whole lot for me to swallow okay >:X ?^^
HH: ^^So walk me through this, how does your stupid society decide who is in charge if not through blood color? Is it through skin color or something?^^
HH: ^^I've noticed a variation in skin pigmentation among your pathetic species.^^ 
II: Obviously you either are, or believe you are, a member of a different species, most likely extraterrestrial in origin. Am I correct?
HH: >:]
HH: ^^No WONDER you are called the smart one : ).^^
HH: ^^I am from a different planet.^^
HH: ^^A much better and far cooler planet than your dumb rock if I might add : ).^^


----------



## Platinum (Jun 24, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Of course it falls to me to establish first contact. 
II: I guess I should feel honored? Maybe. Even if the first alien we meet is quite the flibbertigibbet. 
HH: : I
HH: ^^Talk like a normal member of your mongrel race please : ).^^ 
II: Anyways a person's place on this planet is defined by three things. 
II: The amount of stuff you have, the connections that you have, and the secrets that you know.
HH: ^^Seems a little needlessly complicated to me. We have it much simpler here!^^
II: Why don't you tell me a little about 'here' since I've been such an open and gracious host, even in the face of your intrusions into my privacy.
HH: >:\
HH: ^^You don't get to order me to do SHIT okay you pompous little dickwad?^^
HH: > 
HH: ^^But since you asked me nicely, and i'm in a good mood today, I'll oblige you this one little time : )!^^
HH: ^^It's a nice little place called Alternia. ^^
HH: ^^From hatching we are raised by our lusii to follow two simple ideas. ^^
HH: ^^To follow the hemospectrum caste system, and our place in it to the best of our abilities.^^
HH: ^^And to become the best little warrior we can be!^^
HH: ^^We are a race of conquerers. You know that whole killing and disembowling thing? We are total aces at it. The best there is even.^^
HH: ^^Of course some of the lowblood trash aren't very fond of their lot in life. ^^
HH: >
HH: ^^But that's where people like me come in!^^
HH: ^^What's that rustblood? You want to rebel against the established order? ^^
HH: ^^How about you rebel against that knife I just lodged in your chitinous windhole first : ).^^
II: You are a species of degenerates and sL's gotcha. It is so wonderful to meet a representative of such a wonderfully enlightened race of sages.
II: Tell me, is the vista simply stunning from atop your emerald throne?
HH: 
HH: ^^HAHAHAHAHA^^
HH: ^^Oh man that is fucking hysterical. ^^
HH: ^^You think my blood is something wonderful amongst my kind?^^
HH: ^^ I'm as middle class as it gets mister.^^
HH: ^^My duty is to simply help enforce the order on all classes until a lowblood gets lucky, or a highblood is clever enough and dedicated enough to find a way to kill me.^^
HH: ^^And if so good for him! That means the troll race is in competent hands.^^
II: That's....sort of tragic.
HH: >:/
HH: ^^Oh shut up you big fucking pansy, what's so tragic about it? ^^
HH: ^^I get to fulfill my duties and have a little fun at the same time, all while giving praise to he who waits in the realm of nightmares. ^^
HH: ^^Why does death always have to be such a mopey thing to you and the other castes I will never understand.^^
HH: ^^There's room for both you know. ^^
HH:^^ In fact those of my blood prefer to both kill and die with a smile on our faces : ) !^^ 
HH: ^^No frowny faces here unless I carve one into your skin.^^
II: This is all very disturbing, but that's besides the point.
II: Why did you contact me in the first place? 
II: You are better off contacting someone that shares your viewpoint, and I can think of many sadly that do.
II: So why me? 
HH: >:]
HH: ^^You don't get to ask the questions here, remember?^^
II: Yet somehow you always answer them.
II: So do it already.
HH: : I
HH: ^^FINE, you arrogant asshole. ^^
HH:^^ Look one of my so called 'friends' told me to. Though in reality all of my 'friends' are a bunch of obnoxious dipshits that I hate with every fiber of my being, yet I am forced to associate with them.^^
II: We can commiserate on that feeling.
HH: : P
HH: ^^Okay so anyways one of them, who has a vastly overinflated sense of self-worth much like yourself, discovers your group somehow and tells the rest of us.^^
HH: ^^I think everyone else but sweet little me just ignored his suggestions. I was bored and decided to see if he was full of shit. ^^
HH: ^^He wasn't for once. So I looked around and discovered how utterly atrocious and worthless your human society is.^^
II: Yeah it's pretty worthless alright.
II: Again why did you choose me when there are literally billons of other people to contact, especially when you described me as 'hard to reach'. 
HH: ^^Because it had to be one of the dozen that were playing the same game we are playing.^^
II: Ah I see. So the game exists on your world too. 
II: So what, do you want to establish cordial relationships based on mutual trust and information sharing.
II: Because if so I'm going to have to decline, on the fact that you are a, what's the words I'm looking for here, "A sinister and disgusting excuse for a sentient being". 
II: Yeah, those words.
HH: : I
HH: ^^Good because I wasn't proposing that. I don't need the help of some badly dressed, weird talking hack to win this game. ^^
HH: ^^You are simply the most interesting one I have found so far out of the four or so people i've looked at.^^ 
HH: ^^They are all completely fucking worthless by the way.^^
II: The choir needs no preaching to.
HH: >:[
HH: ^^And yet SOMEHOW, they are far and away more useful than my teammates. ^^
HH: ^^I hate them all so fucking much, why am I saddled with this pathetic load? ^^
HH: ^^I didn't even WANT to play this stupid fucking game in the first place did you know that?^^
HH: ^^Those assholes TRICKED me into playing. I wanted to stay on Alternia, and meet those who wait with a smile on my face as the world burned around me.^^
HH:^^ But NO. I just had to save her, she says, I can choose not to go with if I wanted to as long as I followed the matter of entry and left quickly enough she said.^^ 
HH: ^^I mean sure the fog planet is cool and there are new things to kill but it's not nearly enough.^^
HH: ^^It hasn't even been three of your stupid earth hours yet, everyone isn't even in the game, but I just want to be back there. ^^
HH: ^^That bitch took my one shot at eternal happiness away from me. So I will take everything from her.^^
II: Revenge is a vendetta I can understand. 
II: Even if I do think you are awful and a complete monster, I can help you work your way through this if you want.
HH: : I
HH: Really?
II: It's my job to be selfless. My shoulder is at the ready for your alien tears.
HH: ....
HH: ^^D-don't give me that selfless crap, I don't need your pity.^^
HH: ^^I don't NEED shit from you got that? ^^
HH: ...
HH: >:X
HH: ^^Let's get back to the matter at hand here, now that my entrails have been proverbially spilled.^^
HH: ^^I chose you for the simple fact that you are interesting!^^
HH: ^^Sure, I can hardly monitor you at all, but what I do see is pretty nifty. If you would take a little more inflating to your already humongous ego.^^
II: I am never not one to spurn a compliment.
HH: : P
II: May I ask why you have trouble seeing me? Not that the fact that you monitor me at all makes me very happy to be honest.
HH: : I
HH: ^^Oh shut the fuck up. That big fucking terminal over there tells me you have no problem with spying on other people. Don't be a hypocrite. ^^
HH: ^^Anyways I am not really sure why I can't see you through the viewport all that well, supposedly it has something to do with 'void powers' or whatever.^^
II: Ah, I see. 
HH: ^^So yeah as a result I can only see you at certain times, I think it is when you either drop your guard or just flat out don't care about masking yourself. 
HH: You got some moves boy : ).^^
HH: ^^With only a few sweeps of training you would be a positively mediocre laughsassin, which is to say you would be lightyears better than anyone except me.^^
HH: >:\
HH: ^^But there is something I don't get about you.^^
II: And what would that be buttercup?
HH: >:X
HH: ^^Don't call me that! It's not cute you know.^^
HH: ^^Anyways, you leave some of your victims alive I have noticed. ^^
HH: ^^Why?^^
II: Because I only kill as a last resort, I am not supposed to kill everyone I go after if there is a way around it.
HH: >: \
HH: ^^Yeah but why?^^
HH: ^^You have every right to kill those pathetic sacks, so why don't you?^^
HH: ^^Your movements give away the fact that you hate most of the people you go after with an extreme prejudice. ^^
II: I do.
II: But that gives me no right to kill them.
II: Unlike you life is not something I take so frivolously from fellow members of my species. I have a moral obligation to myself and others to bring to justice those that do.
HH: >: \
HH: ^^Don't give me any of that moral bullshit it's pathetic and sad.^^
HH: ^^You only bring someone to trial if you want to make a big show out of it for some fleeting vainglory, otherwise you just kill those who cannot kill you and go on your merry way.^^
HH: ^^You are like a lame version of a legislacerator or something. Be a little more fun!^^
HH: ^^No one likes a fuddy-duddy : ).^^
II: I'm a slave to the law, what can I say?
II: Besides I'm the furthest thing from a fuddy-duddy there is as you may see in time.
II: I can play the violin and ballroom dance, the fun never ends with me.
HH: >:]
HH: ^^I like a guy who can dance : ).^^
HH: ^^Though my dances are of the more macabre type. ^^
HH: ^^I will see you later Julius, the onus is on you for when and where : )^^




--hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

I gotta admit, I thought this game couldn't surprise me anymore. Well looks like I just hit my monthly wrong quota. But come on, this is just getting excessive now. First I have to deal with an amoral assortion of assholes, and now we are adding evil aliens to the list.

.... I hate my life.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jun 25, 2012)

*The fight escalates*

James had been fighting for over half an hour now, his blade constantly tasting the flesh of Imps.  Their horde tactics were of no use, and they only died in greater and greater numbers as the battle went on.  The Imps' numbers are decimated and while there are still many of them, they're manageable.  Victory is close at hand, or it would have been if it weren't for the sound of thundering footsteps getting nearer.

The Imps stood still, and parted to let two giant Ogres through.  Each is clad from head to toe in that same black armor the Sprite wore and both carried that gigantic sword.  To an average person, their physical appearance would give off an impression of invulnerability.  But to James, the Ogres are just another challenge to overcome, another thrill to enjoy as he cuts them down.

He grins madly, readying his sword once more and came at them...


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 27, 2012)

*Happy early merry birthdaymuss.*

Present time~
-Uranus goes down the stairs and towards Rath's room-

*Spoiler*: __ 



-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--
II: Hello.... Uri.
II: I am not a fan of this informal greeting, due to the fact we are hardly even acquaintances. But it is still preferable to your full name so I will get over it.
II: I am wondering how far along you are in establishing lines of communication with our fellow operatives.
II: Hopefully not too far, since I need you somewhat sane to ensure a successful session.
II... are you there?
II: Or are you batting some balls?



Lets see where did he hide them, the closet?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: And who would you be? 
bE: One of my niece's friends?
II: Ah, you must be Mr. Rath, the fabled 'sultan of swing'.
II: It would be an honor to speak with you if I was much of a fan of baseball, which I'm not. 
II: Tell me, do you moonlight often as a teenage girl or is this just a special ocassion?
bE: Well my niece is in my room right now getting her gifts and I heard something beeping on the computer. So I figured I would see who would contact my dear, dear niece.
bE: Yes I am the one and only Baby Rath, but I'm not like I used to be. I wouldn't mind being a teenager again.
bE: How do you know my niece?



Ah there they are, under the bed.
1,2,3,4 there are quite a few of them.

*Spoiler*: __ 




II: I know her through several years of discrete information collecting, oh and I talked to her once today.
II: She's playing a game with me and several of my associates.
II: My name is Julius Marcello Corbett, pinkerton extraordinaire. 
II: You may refer to me as Mr. Corbett or simply II.
bE: Well at least I know you are honest, I already know what you two talked about for the most part. She hardly notices me sometimes when I check up on her and I was wondering what got her so angry that she left her computer on and was smashing baseballs.
bE: So you are a detective and she wished to use your services to find out what happened to her.
bE: The fact of the matter is Mr. Corbett  I don't have long to live.
bE: It isn't the meteors I assure you, I'm having heart problems and I just suffered through a heart attack earlier.
bE: Since you are pretty much the only person I have to turn to...


Uncle Rath sure did put a lot of wrapping paper on them, I'll go for the heaviest one first.
!!! awww new weights, I have been wanting heaver ones for a while now. Lets see wow he doubled them they even fit over nicely over my current weights. Ofph.
Heaver than I thought it would be then again an extra 285 pounds would do that to a person.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: What information do you think you have on my niece?
II: Well I must applaud your grit Mr. Rath for being able to chat so casually when you are on death's door.
II: I'm sorry for your impending demise, I will be able to take good care of your niece for you once this game of mine picks up steam.
II: As for what I know, well I know a lot. When you have the channels and resources I have, very little is hard to discern, though her personal history was a tough nut to crack even by my standards.
II: This is some pretty heavy stuff, does she suffer from amnesia perchance or is this merely a case of suppresion due to mental trauma?
bE: Ha! I'm more worried about my niece trying to take care of you, she is a nice girl at heart.



Lets see the second ones is... a new lightweight baseball bat and a new training bat . The lightweight bat may as well be a feather and the new training bat is now 250 pounds. Don't think I'll be moving around that quickly for a while... 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I guess I would say suppression, but it's not really that simple.
bE: Her mind couldn't deal with it, so the government used some new tech to suppress it for her.
bE: But please II go on, what was in the nut that was tough to crack.
II: If the government took such an interest in your niece, they could have at least changed her name around the time of their mindwiping.
II: Would have did her a lot more good and probably would have been cheaper.
II: But you answered your own question.
II: When governments get involved, things often get needlessly complicated.
II: Witnesses disappear or are put into protection, documents are forged and falsified.
II: But no government is ever as clever as they like to believe they are.
II: It's akin to trying to find a heat signature in the desert sometimes, but nothing is impossible for a determined man to accomplish.
bE: The mindwipe couldn't erase her name for some reason and she still loved baseball the poor girl.
bE: Considering what she did with a baseball bat that day I'm surprised she doesn't remember.
bE: However II, the goverment misses and covers up things as you know.
bE: I was one of the witnesses, you see I would always invite my brother and his family to my games free of charge.
bE: To be honest, what happened that day is why I stopped playing baseball and currently have heart problems.



The 3rd is huh.
Didn't really expect him to get me a ipag.
Well may as well get it started and have everything installed.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I've seen you hit a ball, so I was assuming your heart problem was connected to anabolic steroid use.
II: But it seems I too, can be mistaken at times.
II: And honestly? They could wipe out years of memories but they couldn't bleach that awful name from her mind?
II: Tax dollars at work I suppose.
II: I make light of situations to put both myself and the listener at ease, forgive me if i'm being rude.
II: Please go on, I would like a witness testimony to the events of that day.
bE: I don't quite know what happened that day myself.
bE: But I will tell you what I remember, however I need you to promise you will only tell her when she is ready and you will know when she is if she gets angry and she complains of her glasses being green.
bE: There is a reason for those glasses, but they aren't really glasses, more like a mind's image of one.
bE: Only she can see it and it acts as an unsealer of sorts for her memory.
bE: I'll tell you how to unseal it once I tell my story, but I need that promise first.
II: So she's like a manchurian candidate and you are going to give me the trigger?
II: Well that's kind of cool I guess, and to think my psychology professor told me such a thing was borderline impossible. 
II: But yeah when the glasses are on her imaginary mind, I'll drop the word, promise made.


 And the 4th says... huh do not open till the 13th of december.
That's pretty weird guess I will open it tomorrow.
Well may as well eat and take a shower.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Only when they are green, atm they are blue to her.
bE: Blue is a color that calms after all isn't it?
bE: I guess I should start while I'm breathing.
bE: It was on the 9th inning at the Yankee stadium, 2003 July 13th.
bE: I was going to score the last hit to win the game, the bases were loaded.
bE: He threw the ball and right before I hit it, there were earth shattering screams and the power went out.
bE: I really couldn't see what the screaming was about myself since it was hard to see till I looked both ways.
bE: It was right behind me where my brother and family sat.
bE: I really can't believe a 6 year old little girl could beat a grown man to death with a bat into a pulp or kill a woman by stabbing at her with a bat.
bE: But most of all I couldn't believe it was Uranus who killed her parents.
bE: She didn't just kill them however...
bE: Many others were killed. 20 men, 20 women, and 10 children.
bE: She was like a demon laughing out while she was killing.
bE: Eventually she stopped and collasped, but it was long before the military arrived.
bE: Of course the military boxed all of the people from leaving and made sure there were no witnesses that would say anything when they arrived.
bE: However you might be wondering something.
bE: Where did she get a bat from?
bE: That's the thing nobody really knows besides what made her go crazy like that.
bE: Some freak probably put it next to her since it did have something engraved on it.
bE: "Have fun >"
bE: After all of that happened she was a wreck and they couldn't send her to jail or even the wards because she would probably just end up killing someone and how immoral it would be to lock a young child like she is would be.
bE: She wasn't sane anymore and there was nothing we could do about it all she would say is "Clowns" over and over.
bE: So the government suggested something else, a clean slate for her.
bE: They placed her under my care and gave me instructions on what to do for her.
bE: To be frank I didn't do most of them. They seemed too strict.
bE: Detective, what do you make of this?



Ahh feel alive again, well lets see how that ipog is doing.
It's only halfway done, may as well take a short rest on Uncle Rath's bed while I'm waiting


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 27, 2012)

*Have a happy time.*


*Spoiler*: __ 




II: "Nice girl at heart" indeed. I assume the nice heart comes from a person who had it yanked out of their chest.
II: I hope you know by telling me this I cannot merely drop the issue.
II: I am firmly dedicated to justice and she will have to answer for her crimes sooner rather than later.
II: As for what I make of it... severe mental illness.
II: And being prone to suggestions from others.
II: The creatures most people would call 'the dark ones' take no interest in people like Uri, I will assume she had that suggestion implanted in her either by her own twisted psyche or by someone currently unknown at the moment.
bE: ...I guess you could say she has a nice heart right now.
bE: I wonder what kind of justice you will pass then over a little girl.
bE: And what mental illness would you think it is and what would anyone have to gain suggesting it to her?
II: People make their own choices Mr. Rath.
II: She passed judgement on fifty people, I get to pass judgement on her for that action.
II: As for what that will be, that has yet to be determined.
II: It should be death to be frank, but I'm not in the position to kill someone who I need to be around for the immediate future.
II: Thus I will let her choices from here on out determine her fate, which is a fairer bargain than a murderer ever deserves.
II: I would say your niece suffered or suffers from either schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder. 
II: If the ailment is not mental in nature, then I can think of several 'people' that might benefit from such a tragedy. But on that matter my lips must remain firmly sealed.
bE: I see, well I really can't be picky right now.
bE: I will entrust her to you. Please be careful with her, try not to break her heart too much.
bE: Are you ready for the key?
II: I will be taking that sentence as verbal consent.
II: And yes I am ready.
bE: The key is a song.
bE: You have to play the entire song around her for it to unlock.
-- battEcho [bE] sent the music file Dawn of Man to IllustriousInquisitor [II]--
II: Err.... what an odd choice.
II: Do I really have to play that?
II: Can I just use Mozart's Requiem or something please?
bE: No it has to be that song and that song alone.
bE: I didn't choose the song the government did.
bE: Personally I would have picked the Devil went down to Georgia
II: I'm quite the fiddler myself i'll have you know.
II: But that's neither here nor there.
II: Mr. Rath, would you care to leave a final testament with me or can you handle that yourself?


 zzzz...
*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I do have some last words for you.
bE: For her this will be the first death she has seen.
bE: She will likely grieve in some way or another, so I want you to support her.
bE: As for objects of worth...
bE: Well the world is ending everything she needs is here and what I wish to provide is something I won't be able to give because I'll be dead.
bE: Once this conversation ends I need you to save it and then wipe all traces of it everywhere else out so she won't find out about it till the time is right.
II: The amount of people I've helped work through personal loss has to be in the hundreds, and I've done some grieving myself so that's no problem.
II: As for your last request I was going to do that anyways, but having your consent helps my conscience so thank you. 
II: My friend gave me a software program a while back that can purge certain information from any computer or server so I will execute it at this log's conclusion.
bE: You should get along with her just fine.
bE: The last thing I have to say here is that you are a fine young man.
bE: I don't blame you if you do anything ungentlemanly.
II: I will try my best to make sure it does not come to that.
II: I have killed so many in my 19 years of life, and at least one more life I will have to end before this is all said and done. 
II: She shall have the benefit of the doubt until I am given a reason otherwise.
II: Tibi requiem aeternam Mr. Rath.



BADAM! Oh! ehememe. *yawn*
Finally done huh I'll put it into my back pocket for now. 
Captchalogue the old training bat and new one into the light bat sylladex.
THUD! All this weight is kinda slowing me down.
Not a very long nap either starting to feel more tired than I really should
Well I'll get Rath another special blend drink up to help him feel better and one for me to.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: And goodbye to you Julius though that's not quite what I meant.
bE: I think I hear her coming back up the stairs.
bE: Perhaps you should end the log now.
II: Understood.
II: Executing deletion software now.
*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*



*Uranus: Uncle Rath how are you feeling?
Uncle Rath: A bit tired is all, I see you brought me a drink.
Uranus: Yea, here you go.
Uncle Rath: I see you already have all of the weights and the new light bat I got for you.
Uranus: It's not really light glad we have concrete floors right now. 
Uncle Rath: That's my girl always pushing herself to become stronger. Can you hold out the bat real quick.
Uncle Rath:There we go signed and ready for batting practice. "Have fun Baby Rath~"
Uncle Rath: Now go have fun and talk with your friends.*
I don't know if I would call it fun.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 27, 2012)

*What's with all of these people*


*Spoiler*: __ 



--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] began pestering battEcho [bE]--
AQ: Excuse me, may I talk to you for a moment?
bE:qA?
AQ: No, AQ
AQ: Are you dyslexic?
AQ: And, more importantly, are you busy?



I dunno person I don't know are you busy talking to me?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Between the meteors and trying to save my life yes.
bE: Are you sure that's what you are trying to ask me?
bE: I mean "are you busy", when I'm here right now.
bE: Go ahead and just say what you want to say.
AQ: Alright, whatever
AQ: Now, I understand that you have stumbled upon an online FAQ for Sburb, correct?



What, I only talked to rB about that.
Is someone trying to prank me or do I have a stalker?

*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: And how do you know this. Don't remember telling that many people about it.
bE: Are you watching me somehow or are you someone I know.
bE: But yea I did find a weird FAQ detailing glitches in the game.
AQ: It would be disingenuous to say I am not someone you know
AQ: But I digress
AQ: You should really stop reading that thing
AQ: I'm just saying this with your own safety in mind
bE: What what's wrong with it? It's pretty much the only useful FAQ I could find for the game.
bE: Though there are lots of offline areas...



Lots of unfinished areas in this game.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Well for starters, 30% of it is inaccurate
AQ: 43% is very misleading
AQ: And 68% is dangerously spoilerific
bE: So it's 141% of the FAQ?



Has to be a prank.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I don't see a problem with it it's a game right? Don't most games get FAQ's, besides occurding to this it's different for everyone.
AQ: There's obviosly some overlap
AQ: Misleading spoilers, False spoilers, etc.
AQ: The point is, spoilers can be fatal in this game unless applied with finesse
AQ: Especially those misleading ones.
AQ: And to be frank, this is pretty non-finesse-ful
AQ: Almost as much as that word I just made



Don't see how any of this can kill me unless it just glitches out.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: The only reason anyone would say that is if they played the game or are in it right now.
AQ: Well aren't you clever
bE: If you are in the game you have to have other people, so who are they?
AQ: Oh, just some guys, you know
AQ: I forget their names
AQ: Oh, how about next time you have a question, you can come to me?



I just did and you didn't answer it.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I'm pretty sure I have plenty of other people to do that for me.
bE: Though that means some other people besides my group will have escaped, so that's good I guess.
bE: Are you sure you aren't someone I know?



Other people being II.
Because I don't really believe you.
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: Actually, I said "It would be disingenuous to say I am not someone you know"
AQ: So there's your answer
AQ: Anywho, since we've agreed that you will never read that thing again, I suppose I can take my leave.
bE: I never agreed to anything.
bE: The last time I did that the person I was talking to had to give in.
bE: I'm not going to stop reading an FAQ just because someone else says so.


 So you are saying I don't know you.
I'm not one to give up easily.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: For all I know you are trolling me and are just trying to make it so it's harder for us.
AQ: That is an okay assumption, but I assure you I have only your best interests in mind
AQ: Now, I don't know you that well. At least by my standards.
AQ: But you said, when I offered advice, that you had your friends and your own grit to answer your questions
AQ: And if you don't need a friendly and charismatic guide, why would you need an FAQ?
AQ: They are for questions, to my knowledge.
AQ: At least those of nominal recurrance.
bE: Well if I am not going to be a burden to the team I have to know things don't I?


 A FAQ is more convenient for one.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: II can't be there all the time after all and some of the other players hardly knew as much as I did when I started.
bE: I was about to send the FAQ to several of them actually.
bE: So I find it strange someone suddenly pestered me about it.
bE: Someone I don't even know or may know, but they are acting coy.
AQ: Oh lord, please do not do that
AQ: I don't think I could quarantine that drivel amongst twelve people


12, well there are only 12 of us.
Guess she is in another group.

*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: Look, if you really want a head-start on info, just ask me some questions!
AQ: I'm just like that silly FAQ, but with a zero chance of getting you killed!


O rly?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I guess I don't know you then or you are being cute and lying.
bE: Okay, what's the deal with frogs in this game then?
AQ: Okay, first you need to promise me to keep away from that document until AT LEAST your fifth gate.
bE:  Why the 5th gate?


No really, why.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: That's really just an estimation.
AQ: By then you will know about all the true spoilers already
AQ: And know better than to trust the false spoilers.
AQ: So, deal?
bE: Lets say I make this deal, with if I tell all of the other players about it anyway?
bE: It being you and this whole FAQ deal.



I wonder how they would react if they knew that the might be being watched as well.
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: It would be great if you told nobody about either me or the FAQ
AQ: I could set parameters so that you literally can't, but it's much more civil if you agree willingly
bE: What do you mean set parameters so I can't?
bE: You can't make me forget what I have read about it so far either what are you going to do about that?
AQ: Well if you were to try and tell anyone about what you " " learned " ", you may find that your account cannot contact anyone


 Did you just double finger quote me?
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: As a crazy coincidence, you would contact them just fine when you don't want to talk about it.
AQ: Honestly, your agreement is kind of a formality.
bE: I don't believe in coincidences.
bE: Would you really have to talk to me if it was a formality?
bE: You would somehow have to watch me 24/7 are you going to stalk me or have you already been doing so?
AQ: Firstly, i didn't really mean it's a coincidence. I was feigning innocence


 Well duh. But you are bothering me and are now threatening me with silence.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Man, I am really overestimating your wit. No offense.
AQ: And it's a simple matter of cross-hashing basic techno-empathy technology with a situational parental block algorithm
AQ: No stalking needed.



Wit? I don't know if this has anything to do with wit.
Especially since you are now babbling on about things that shouldn't exist nor be possible.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 27, 2012)

*Too many crazy people*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That tech doesn't exist on earth to my knowledge.
bE: I don't think anyone has anything like that.
bE: At most they could block key words or block me by watching and even then they wouldn't know when to block me.
bE: Okay, lets say I just leave, right now.
bE: Then pester II without being spefic about anything how would it stop me?




*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Okay, have you heard of ProlissoTech?
AQ: They exist on earth
bE: My browser says they don't.
AQ: Okay, how about Prolisso Cosmetics?
bE: I didn't know you were into that kind of thing.
AQ: So you have heard of them?
bE: No, they do seem to have some nice boots though, maybe I should buy some.
AQ: Yeah, well that company moonlights as a science industry


Like Umbrilla Corp?(tm)

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: They've had empathic technologies for years now.
AQ: So, if you even had the THOUGHT of contacting that smug piece of trash with the intent of dropping the info
AQ: The program would register your thoughts and block you
AQ: So, yeah. Do we have a deal or what



You would think tech like this would be everywhere on earth.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Lets say you aren't the world's best liar.
bE: What if someone besides me typed, what then?
bE: If they blocked them as well it doesn't really come across as basic to me it comes across as alien.
AQ: Well the code isn't bound to your brain, dummy.
AQ: It's bound to your computer
bE: Oh it is, well that's good to know.
bE: I do have a really old computer running around somewhere.
bE: Sounds like you can't stop me anyway.
AQ: It's bound to your account too
AQ: Look, we could laud how totally foolproof my fail-safes are all day
AQ: But it'd be easier if you just agreed to my terms so I can indulge you with knowledge.



I'd make an extra account somehow then.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I wonder...
bE: Lets see what you do.
*--battEcho[bE] blocked arbitraryQuantity [AQ]--*
AQ: Haha, real mature.
AQ: I'm trying to be reasonable here, but you just keep fighting me


 Even II took a little while this didn't even faze her it's like it wasn't ever there.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I think they need to make that work better.
bE: Second person I've done that to and it didn't even take you as long as him.
bE: Now that you mention it.
bE: Why are you trying to get me to stop reading the FAQ if it doesn't effect you at all?
AQ: For your own good.
AQ: What part of "This thing could get you killed" did you not comprehend?


 The closest time to ever being killed for me was today the could get you killed part doesn't really ring for me.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't remember reading anything in it that could kill me.
bE: It's odd how in some ways you are like II.
bE: Like I said I don't believe in coincidences when the world is ending and people are trying to contact me.
bE: You need me for something later what is it?
AQ: Don't you DARE compare me to that slimewipe of a human being
AQ: ...Look, Uranium


Can't get my name right.
Seems she takes offense to being compared to II, don't blame her, but lets try using this against her.
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: All I ask is that you put this FAQ to bed for a while
AQ: Then my wares of game knowledge will be at your whim.
bE: You are so much like II it isn't funny, are you like the Robin to his Batman?
AQ: I'm not listening
AQ: I'm just gonna wait here until you're cooperating
bE: I'm sorry I didn't mean that, I'm sure you are more of a Batgirl.
AQ: You're trying my patience, Uranimus


Still getting my name wrong.
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: I may have to resort to things I'm not proud of.
bE: Listen all I know is several people have been trying to control me in little ways.
bE: II was one of them, however he did help me by a great amount.


 Even if he was fairly difficult.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Okay it's like baseball, you build team trust by batting first and hitting the ball.
bE: Then you run to one of the bases and if it's 1st,2nd, or 3rd you give leave it up to one of the other players.
bE: II hit the ball and made it to 1st base, while you havn't even made it up to the plate or even have a bat to swing with.
bE: You need to bring a bat and at least hit the ball you know what I'm talking about right?
AQ: Exactly
AQ: I'm trying to build trust with you
AQ: I'm trying to get to first base with you
AQ: But you are resisting me so hard
AQ: Can't you just say "I agree to your terms" and be done with it?


... that was terrible.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: No not really, I don't even know what your terms are. They could be horrible.


Like II's.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: All that stuff earlier were not terms, it was blackmail so I would do what you want me to do.
AQ: How is "I'd really like it if you left that FAQ alone" blackmail?
bE: I don't see how they are terms.
bE: You see you are saying if I say anything at all about it you will block me.
AQ: That's just me speaking the truth
AQ: Putting the facts on the table where we can both see them
AQ: If you don't think it's terms, just say "I agree" and I'll be happy.
bE: II said something like that as well.
bE: You plan on blocking me regardless of what I say, so why do I need to say those words.
bE: So why do you need me to say it?




*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Well A.) I'll remove the auto blocking. Scout's honor and all that
AQ: And B.) I like to have people listening to what I tell them, I guess.
bE: A.) When people usally say Scout's honor it means they don't ever plan to.
bE: B.) Maybe you should listen back.
AQ: Oh I'm listening


 Sure you are and I'm the worst baseball player of all time.
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: And I will only reinstate the autoblock it you try and go back on your word
AQ: Which it sounds like you will
AQ: So if you could make that empty promise now, we can get on with it already.


As if I ever make empty promises
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Maybe if you told me who you are.
AQ: Okay fine
AQ: My name is Jessifer
AQ: Now can we proceed?
bE: My name is Uri
bE: What will you do if I break my promise?
AQ: Just reinstate the autoblock immediately, and also be kinda hurt inside.
bE: So if I agree you take the blocker off and never know if it's ever not off.
bE: If I break the promise autoblocker stops me anyway.
bE: On the other hand if I don't you leave it on anyway.
bE: Why does it feel like I have no choice here?



You have two paths both lead to death which do you choose. The 3rd one.
That's such a fake name, if my name wasn't Uranus I wouldn't believe you a bit.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Well, the outcome of your descision is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have no choice
AQ: The distinction is important.
bE: ... If you are this insistant about it I might agree.
bE: I have a condition however.
bE: You sign this written contract that you agree.
AQ: ...Agree to what?
bE: An agreement that in exchange that I don't say anything you will give me information.
*-- battEcho uploaded [writtencontract1219.txt] and sent it to AQ --*


 May as well use it for something

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Oh sure.
AQ: Let me just sign this printout...
bE: Fax it back when you are done.
AQ: Okay then
*-- AQ uploaded [signedandlegallybinding.png] and sent it to bE --*
AQ: There we go.
bE: It's done printing out now.
bE: Nice job btw.
AQ: Thanks!
AQ: So, do you still want to know about frogs?
bE: Yes I do, but you know what you just signed right?
AQ: I will answer that question with a yes
AQ: To humor you.
bE: And you know what I have to do with them right?
AQ: ...Them?
bE: These papers you just signed that give II free reign over you?
AQ: Oh, those.
AQ: Well, i suppose you could do whatever you want with them since I didn't actually sign them.
AQ: Fold 'em into a hat if you want.
bE: I see an imprint on it.
bE: I suppose that's good enough.



More than good enough, I'll just use a pencil print it over to II along with some special alterations that I added myself so I can get a message through to him.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: So why do frogs screw up the game?
AQ: They do not screw up the game
AQ: That is one of many counts where that FAQ mislead you
AQ: If anything, they are the most critical element of the game
AQ: I'm surprised they don't have frogs on the boxart.
AQ: See, the goal of the game is to make frogs, sort of.
AQ: But the bad guys hate frogs. So they try and oppose the good guys.
AQ: Pretty simple.
bE: uhhhhhh...
AQ: What?
bE: How off the rocker are you?
bE: What is this, frogger?



That made no sense at all.
None of this makes any sense at all.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 27, 2012)

*Too many crazy people 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: That's a video game, right?
AQ: I doubt it's anything like frogger, really
AQ: tbh, you don't have to worry about the frog stuff at all
AQ: That's this one player, mE
AQ: His land has lots of frogs on it, is the thing.
AQ: You have your own quests to look forward to, I imagine.



Well there are quests and she does know things about other players that I don't know.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I don't really get it, but whatever didn't really care about them that much.
bE: Okay, what about our roles in the game?
AQ: Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves
AQ: That is a journey of self-discovery, and telling you prematurely could hinder you later in the game
AQ: I /will/ tell you that yours is easily the liveliest of all the players


 Wonder what it could be?
*Spoiler*: __ 




AQ: Anyway, might have to leave you in a bit.
AQ: Give you some time with your Uncle
AQ: While you still can and all.
bE: What are you talking about he's fine.
AQ: Yeah
AQ: Yeah...
*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*


 What about Rath? He's just tired.
Well whatever it's not like some nut would know whats going on.

Just in case though.
Rath seems fine he's just sleeping.
Not a bad idea really, I'll go down to Rath's room for some sleep and set my ipog on alert if anyone pesters me.


----------



## Nicodemus (Jun 28, 2012)

*>Be Cess*

You are now Cess.

*>Wake up*

Wake up? Why would you do that? You're not asleep yet? Haha, looks like someone got confused by Timey bullshit. Just for the record, you have not yet felt the inexplicable urge to go to SLEEP. You are currently browsing this SBURB thing on the web, working your way through walkthrough after walkthrough in an attempt to orientate yourself with the rules and mechanics. It is a nice distraction from the meteors just outside your window. 

Most of the walkthroughs are pretty much shit, but you're getting a rough picture on how the game works. Hopefully you won't be pissing around when the stuff gets going and your server player connects with you.

Speaking of your server player, you don't believe you've even spoken to them yet! How terribly rude! You bring up Julius' entry order list and give it a quick looksies. battEcho. Hmph. Might as well pester him/her.

*>Pester battEcho*

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began perstering battEcho [bE]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: new person!!!
rB: well not really new but somebody i haven't talked to yet!!! this is so exciting
rB: my name is cessily
rB: nice to meet you!!!
bE: I'm Uri and what do you mean by not really new?
rB: well like you've been on the list just as long as everyone else
rB: i just haven't talked to you yet
rB: so like...kinda sorta new
bE: Okay, so are you dealing with any personal crisises like I just had to?
rB: haha i don't think so!!!
rB: not many crisises over here
rB: except you know the world coming to an end
rB: kind of a bummer =/
bE: Kind of a bummer? 
bE: One of the meteors just hit my favorite baseball team and then there are the rocks that are for some reason really starting to pop up mainly over our home.
bE: Like what's up with that.
rB: oh i think that's just the game's way of making sure we get a move on
rB: i have been reading lots of guides over the past while trying to figure out what's going on
rB: anyway II says we'll get out in plenty of time, so i don't think we have to worry about it too much
rB: sorry about your baseball team though 
bE: Define plenty of time and what have the guides said?
rB: oh well mostly the guides are useless unfortunately
rB: it seems a lot of people are just not very good at this game
rB: but a few of them make it farther than the first few steps
rB: basically the meteors coming towards our house are timed in unison with the speed at which our group enters???
rB: or something like that
rB: so unless something goes horrible wrong a meteor will not hit your house while say, wW is entering
rB: it will only begin getting close when your entrance process begins
rB: ugh time shenanigans are annoying am i making any sense???
bE: Well I bumped into a weird glitch FAQ and there is a bunch of nonsense in it.
bE: Time shenanigans?
rB: yes apparently sburb is very enamored with timey wimey stuff
rB: going out of its way to make everything horrid and complicated
rB: hopefully i will not have to deal too much with that
bE: Like this FAQ says something about kissing bringing people back to life.
bE: That can't happen right?
rB: beats me
rB: from what i've learned of this game i wouldn't rule it out!!!
rB: haha but that's so gross, kissing a corpse
rB: eeeeeew
bE: Well lets not talk about it, who knows if it even works or if we will have to.
bE: How are you with a bat?
rB: haha what???
rB: like a baseball bat???
bE: Yea a baseball bat.
bE: I mean once we get together I was thinking of a game of baseball.
rB: hahahahaha
rB: i'm sorry i shouldn't laugh
rB: that actually sounds like a lot of fun!!!
rB: but i have to warn you that the rest of the group is not as cooperative as me
rB: i don't think it would be safe to put sL within 100 yards of well...anyone!!!
bE: Actually I talked to him a while ago and got him to agree to play baseball with us.
rB: oh
rB: well in that case i must respectfully refuse your invitation
rB: it's not too much of a loss
rB: i was never much one for sports 
bE: Okay how about your guardian and future sprite then?
rB: haha my sister would love to play
rB: she was always much more outdoorsy than me
rB: and as for my sprite you will just have to ask him/her/it when i prototype!!!
bE: Okay then that makes... at least 7 players so far?
bE: Well since you arn't the outdoorsy type what do you do then?
rB: oh i do lots of stuff!!!
rB: i like art and videogames
rB: and music too i have a lot of that kind of stuff even though i'm not too good
rB: and i'm outdoorsy as long as there's EXPLORING involved
rB: heehee
bE: Here's hoping your prototype has hands.
bE: Have you ever strifed?
rB: like...fought???
rB: i prefer to coast by on good looks and charm
rB: and lots of optimism!!!
bE: I guess that's good I've never fought myself.
bE: Hey do you know where to get a copy of the game?
rB: oh i just downloaded mine!!!
rB: but you can find it pretty much anywhere
rB: hell if all this predestination stuff the guides keep going on about is true the universe will literally bend over backwards to get you a copy of the game haha!!!
bE: Strange I searched for it with my browser and it didn't appear, maybe I'm supposed to get it in some other way.
bE: So I just sit back and wait for a copy of it?
rB: oh i don't know about that!!!
rB: just kind of seems lazy don't you think???
rB: but if you look for it i doubt it will be hard to find!!!
rB: that's the way this whole thing works apparently
bE: Hmm would it be possible to link me to where you found it?
rB: no problem!!! hold on let me dig up the link...
rB: thepiratecove.org/sburbalpha3
rB: there you go!!!
bE: That's strange.
rB: ???
bE: Are you sure you did the link right?
rB: yeah!!! i even checked it it takes me to the right page!!!
bE: It keeps giving me a weird error.
bE: Is there something wrong with my browser or something?
rB: idk what are you using???
rB: actually that probably won't matter as i am not fantastic with computers =/
rB: oh! but i'm sure you can talk to qA about getting a downloadable copy!
rB: she has the "inside source" heeheehee
bE: Is that so?
bE  Well I should pester her soon about it then.
bE: Since we are kinda getting short on time I should do it right away.
rB: ok!!! you go get that game!!! it was nice meeting you uh...
rB: you never told me your name haha!!!
bE: My name is Uri like I said earlier.
rB: oh man i missed that!!! i'm really sorry i've been sleeping a lot recently and seeing a lot of stuff it's been kind of hectic!!!
rB: see you soon Uri!!!
bE: Bye uh... cessily!




*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*

UHG stupidstupidstupid you look like an idiot now. Did you tell her you had been sleeping a lot? You meant not sleeping enough. Geez you're tired. But you can crash later, when the world isn't being shot to hell.

But she seemed nice enough you guess. Shame she wants to play games with sL but you're not going to judge. 

The talk about fighting reminds you though...your sister had said something earlier about allocating a strife specibus. And the walkthroughs had mentioned fighting. So maybe you should get on that.

*>Allocate Strife Specibus*

Okay so you just put the...thingamabob...in the whatsit...and then that delio...and wow this is going to be a while. Maybe you should drop by later.


----------



## Nicodemus (Jun 28, 2012)

*>Be Future Cess*

You _feel_ the sword going through your gut and _wow_ that hurts. Why is everything dark, and is someone kissing you?

*>Not that far*

Haha be more specific next time asshole

*>Be the Cess allocating her Strife Specibus*

Oh yeah, that. It is giving you a hell of a lot of trouble. You are fumbling and jumbling with all of the doodads and gizmos. All of them. And yet you are not any closer to figuring this thing out.

*>Ask someone how, dumbass*

Good idea! But no need for harsh words! You check Julius' list and then see who's online. Hm... machineExalted. You haven't talked to him/her yet! How exciting!

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began pestering machinaExalted [mE]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: hello!!!
mE: STATEMENT: WHAT IS IT, PEON? 
mE: STATEMENT: MY TIME IS IMPORTANT, HURRY WITH WHATEVER YOU WISH TO SAY.
rB: ...
rB: um, i guess i was just going to say hello???
rB: and congratulate you!!! you're in the game already!!!
rB: my name is cessily w'ere going to be co-players
rB: or already are co-players
rB: stupid time shit
mE: QUERY: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU REQUIRE? 
mE: STATEMENT: IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE THAT MINDLESS FLESHBAGS SUCH AS YOURSELF DESIRE MY PRESENCE, BUT I HAVE ADVANCED TO A LEVEL THAT I DO NOT REQUIRE YOUR PRESENCE. SO HURRY AND BE DONE BEFORE I AM ANNOYED FURTHER.
rB: okie dokie...
rB: er well yeah come to think of it i kinda need help with something
rB: i'm having trouble with my strife specibus
rB: like, setting it up and all that stuff
mE: SARCASM: OH PLEASE, DO TELL ME OF WHATEVER ILLS YOU HAVE. I AM ALWAYS HERE TO ASSIST THOSE BENEATH ME. 
mE: CLARIFICATION: THAT WAS SARCASM.
rB: yeah i got that
rB: you told me in all caps before actually saying the sarcastic thing
rB: i think it kind of defeats the purpose but who am i to challenge a superior life form i guess???
mE: STATEMENT: A MEATBAG WHO KNOWS HIS AND OR HER PLACE.
mE: STATEMENT: AMUSING. AND A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.
rB: no see that was
rB: ugh
rB: never mind
rB: are you going to tell me how this thing works or not???
mE: QUERY: HAVE YOU CAPTCHALOGUED YOUR WEAPON YET?
rB: uh hold on




You can do that. Your trusty ALPHABET MODUS never fails! It can hold 26 items, but none can start with the same letter.

You think about where you could find a weapon. Come to think of it, hadn't Sis insisted that you keep an axe in your room in case of a fire? You think you put it in your closet. 

*>Check Closet*

Success! One AXE received. You quickly captchalogue it, only to facepalm as your APPLE JUICE flies from its card into the wall. You had forgotten you had that!


*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: shit there goes my apple juice
rB: no i got this




You retrieve the AXE from your sylladex and examine it. Come to think of it it is pretty rusty...maybe you could get away with calling it a RUSTY AXE. You attempt to captchalogue it under the "R" card. 

Your plan goes off without a hitch, and you triumphantly captchalogue your APPLE JUICE in the "A" card. Mission complete!



*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: heck yeah, apple juice and rusty axe
rB: got it
mE: SCOFF: HA! WHO USES APPLE JUICEKIND? 
mE: STATEMENT: SPECIBUS ENTERPRISES HAS DISCONTINUED THE FRUIT JUICE SERIES 5 YEARS AGO. I LAUGH AT YOUR PRIMITIVE WEAPONRY.
mE: AMUSEMENT: HAHA. HAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. HA. HA.
rB: ugh no i have the alphabet captchalogue modus
rB: "axe" and "apple juice" couldn't be captchalogued at the same time
rB: you know what i'm just using the axe quick what's next
mE: ORDER: PLACE THE AXE WITHIN A CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.
mE: QUERY: ARE YOU CAPABLE OF SUCH A SIMPLE ACT, OR MUST I INSTRUCT YOU HOW TO DO THAT AS WELL?
rB: no i
rB: sigh
rB: i've captchalogued the axe
mE: SATISFACTION: EXCELLENT. YOU ARE NOT AS STUPID AS I HAD PRESUMED YOU ARE. 
mE: ORDER: NOW, ACTIVATE YOUR STRIFE SPECIBUS. IT IS A SIMPLE ENOUGH ACT, AS ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CALL IT UP IN A MANNER SIMILAR TO OPENING YOUR MODUS. 
mE: QUERY: DO YOU HAVE AN AXEKIND SLEEVE WITHIN YOUR SPECIBUS?
rB: hold on lemme check
rB: uh...yeah!!! cool!!!
rB: sis must've given it to me a while ago and i just never got around to activating it
mE: SCOFF: ASTOUNDING. YOUR LEVEL OF INGENUITY IS A MARVEL TO BEHOLD.
mE: STATEMENT: THAT TOO, WAS SARCASM. 
mE: AMUSEMENT: HAHA. HA. HA.
rB: haha ok i'll give you props for that one
rB: so now i just like put the axe in the axekind sleeve???
mE: STATEMENT: YES. THIS SHOULD BE SIMPLE ENOUGH EVEN FOR AN INFERIOR MEATBAG.
rB: ok awesome!!!
rB: i'm gonna have to get some practice with this thing
rB: thanks robo-person!!!
mE: STATEMENT: I AM TOO ADVANCED TO BE MOVED BY YOUR INFERIOR FLESH THANK YOUS. 
mE: STATEMENT: I ONLY ACCEPT THEM AS A SIGN OF PITY FOR YOUR IGNORANCE.
rB: haha sure, that works for me!!!
rB: be seeing you???
mE: STATEMENT: I WOULD PREFER NOT, UNLESS IT IS A MATTER OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE.
rB: gotcha. i'll give you some time to explore your new world and then we can talk again!!!
rB: see ya robo-person!!!




*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering machinaExalted [mE]--*

He was fun! And he got your STRIFE SPECIBUS working just right! You are so going to talk to him again soon. You bet he's a big softy under that cold robotic exterior.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 29, 2012)

*Tossing and turning*

So much for sleep *sigh*
I don't know why I have these nightmares and at the end of all of them you never remember what it was besides a feeling of terror when you wake up.
Well if you can't sleep you may as well pester someone to find more things out.
Lets see... qA is supposed to have copies of the game.


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho[bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--*
bE: I heard you know how to get the game.
bE: I'm kind of having trouble with it, can't sleep because of it.
bE: Can you help me?
qA: Oh sure.
qA: i do maintain a software piracy site afterall



Well isn't that nice a pirate.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Just follow this link, let me know if there's any trouble
qA: 
bE: Okay I'm trying it now...
bE: And I get an error for my troubles.
qA: Ugh, that's dumb
qA: I'd send you the files myself, but there's some anti-piracy feature on the files where i can't copypaste them.
qA: Eh, i've got a spare hard copy anyway, I'll just give this to you
*--quantitativeArbitrator [qA] uploaded sburb.rar and sent it to battEcho--*
bE: Um...
bE: That's weird, it says you sent it to me but I'm not getting it.
qA: Well that's just ridiculous.


 Well so much for that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: i'd investigate these shenanigans, but my computer sort of exploded
qA: Someone, something, or somewhere is trying to keep you from playing this
qA: Yet, at any rate.
bE: Any suggestions? I mean I'm even considering going to II about this and I was told the game would practically fall in my lap.
bE: Yet I can't find it anywhere or download it.
bE: I don't want to be squished by rocks.


 Someone wants me dead?

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Okay look
qA: This entry order shows that you get in the game like way late
qA: So maybe you get the game way later, just in time
qA: Like very action movie ever
bE: Well isn't that great, I can't sleep the whole time and I can't get into the game.
bE: I guess I'll train then, I'll train my little head off.


 May as well it's not like I can do anything else.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Oh, speaking of sleep...
qA: Can you describe what your face looks like?
bE: uhh why?
qA: Because i'd like to know
bE: That's kinda creepy.
bE: But it's not like I'm not going to meet you anyway.
bE: Black hair, blue eyes, I guess you could say I'm kind of pale.
bE: I don't really know what you are looking for.
qA: Hmmm
qA: Okay, i think i've seen you before
qA: Maybe that sleeping idea is your best bet



That's easy for you to say.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I don't see how all I ever get is bad dreams.
bE: Personally I only want some sleep so I won't pass out in the game
qA: Well, try sleeping harder
qA: Dreams are important with this game we're playing.
qA: So yeah.
bE: But I have plenty of dreams, just not when I'm asleep.
bE: I would prefer not to "sleep harder"


What does she mean sleep harder? You can't force yourself to sleep, believe me I've tried.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: i'm just trying to give you some advice on this game
qA: it's not like you have any...
qA: Oh geez.
bE: What do you mean oh geez?
qA: i, uh
qA: i need to go, sorry
*--quantitativeArbitrator [qA] ceased pestering battEchos [bE]--*


 Sounds like I'm not the only one that's troubled though.
*Sigh* Okay I'll try pestering someone else to try to make sense of it.
Okay I'll see if wW is doing anything.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jun 29, 2012)

*Dreaming of sleep*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho [bE] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--*
bE: Are you doing anything Damion.
wW: Not really. Just watching the meteors and preparing my weapons. Why?
bE: Have you been able to grab a copy of the game?
wW: Yeah, I did. I went into a shop to get it, but...the shop gave me a strange vibe; it felt too surreal. So, I asked II about it, who's looking into it now. At first I thought it might have been the Elder Gods from Derse doing something, but he's saying otherwise.
bE: Elder gods? What you mean like Cthulhu? I thought that was a joke.
wW: No, they're real. Very real. Creepy, but a valuable source of information. How do you think I know all this stuff about Sburb? From the instruction manual?


 Why, why put that in the game. 
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Maybe...
bE: Hey did they mention anything like say... more people than our group entering?
wW: No, but I assume that from the nature of the game there are other sessions of the game with other players, that may be able to contact us. I have a theory that the aim of the game is to create a universe of some sort (a host universe to replace the one we left, I suppose?), so perhaps the people who created the one we currently inhabit are able to contact us? I'm not too sure. They're rather vague and cryptic in their replies.


 I really doubt that someone just up and created a universe for us.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Create a universe? Are you insane, we can't do that.
bE: We can't even save our planet what makes you think we can create a universe.
wW: Sure. Right now we can't save our planet. For all intents and purposes, we are just normal humans (well, highly trained ones, I guess), so of course we can't save our planet. But what about during the game? It's clear that Sburb isn't just any ordinary game, right? It's very likely we'll end up growing into becoming much more powerful people during the course of the game.


 Wonder how II would feel about this.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Besides. Where else would we live? The Dreamworld filled with silent inhabitants and purple/gold buildings? The planet filled with hostile creatures? I doubt a game like this is just some kind of silly sandbox game where you end up roaming around aimlessly forever.


 I dunno seems rather pointless to do all this and just put us on our old planet and who knows it could be.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You were not this informative previously, you sure you are the same person I talked to last time?
wW: Well, last time we were mostly talking about training. There wasn't really any room for this kind of conversation to crop up, was there?
bE: I guess not, what's this about the dreamworld? I mean I read on it some but...
bE: I really can't sleep.
wW: Hm...let's see. Where do I begin...


 Hints on sleeping?

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Okay. Imagine a whole different world or planet which you appear in when you are asleep, or dream. That is basically the dreamworld. There are two of them: Prospit and Derse, and every player (from what I know) is alligned to one of them. Prospit is the planet with all gold buildings, a bright shining sun and whatnot, I suppose. Derse is the opposite is all purple, and instead of a sun we get space monsters. According to the lore of the game, the two sides are suddenly deadlocked in a war (the players will probably end this deadlock) about...something. Derse represents the darkness, and Prospit represents the light.
bE: But I've never seen them before.
bE: How come you have?


 What makes you so special?

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Some players wake up on Derse/Prospit earlier than others; I'm not sure why, though. What was that you said about not being able to sleep, though? Do you have insomia?
bE: I've had it for most of my life I've never really been tired before and when I do sleep I have bad dreams.
bE: So I tend to avoid sleeping when I can.
wW: Ah. Hm...nightmares, eh?
wW: I'm not sure what we can do about that. I don't /think/ the dream worlds are essential to the game, but are very important and useful to the players nonetheless as a source of information.


Not essential? Well I guess I should be fine.

*Spoiler*: __ 



wW: Perhaps I could try waking you up on Derse (assuming you are a Derse dreamer, since nightmares seem very Derse-like)? That could work.
bE: I guess you can try I'll say the same thing I said to qA I guess then you could try.
bE: Black hair, blue eyes, I'm kind of pale, you know I'm a girl right?
wW: Yeah.
bE: So how long would it take you to try?
wW: I'd have to take a nap first, but I'll probably do that after I enter The Medium. From the growing size of the meteors, this probably isn't the prime time to snooze off; I'm about to enter soon.


 What's with the parenthesis 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: They are still falling near you?
bE: It stopped here for some reason.
wW: Well, I'm next up on the entry list, so the meteors are getting more and more intense. Since you're at the back, I'm guessing the frequency isn't quite as high.
bE: They were big though, why would they stop?
bE: It's not like they can think...
wW: Eh. I wouldn't put that past this game, really. But yeah, I've no clue as to why they'd be bit at your stage. They started off as quite harmlessly small for me, and gradually grew in size.
bE: They did the same for me or at least it looked like it did till it stopped.
bE: Maybe you should ask your tentancled pals while you are asleep about that.


Nothing like talking to horrors to get information.
*Spoiler*: __ 




wW: Yeah. Something is definitely up with your meteors.
wW: Wait...so if your meteors are all huge, how are you coping with them? The meteors are only supposed to get big to serve as a sort of warning and tell you to hurry up and get into The Medium.
bE: Well my Uncle and I had been taking care of them.
wW: You...can smash bus sized meteors?
bE: Is that how big yours are right now?
wW: Bigger. That was just a rough estimate.
bE: Well I wasn't really smashing any of them besides the last one.
bE: I would say it was about 10 buses long and high?
bE: And I didn't do it alone of course.
wW: Ah. Your uncle. Yes, I suppose with his strength it'd be much easier. I've no idea where my father is at the moment, unfortunately.
bE: Yea, after we took care of that last big one it stopped for some reason.
bE: After that I had to drag my uncle back in from exhaustion and then it stopped.
wW: What happened with your uncle? Is he okay?
bE: He's just tired, sleeping right now.
bE: What about your father?
wW: Ah. I guess that's to be expected. The man /did/ presumably smash apart a large meteor.


 Wow sounds like he's getting better at it.
*Spoiler*: __ 




wW: As for my father, I've no idea where he is. He's elusive at the best of times. I'm sure he's fine, though.
bE: Maybe you should look for him?
wW: No, I don't have the time for that. But, like I said, he'll be fine. He's crazy prepared for everything, and I'm sure a meteor rain is on his list of back-up contigencies. If not...well, he can handle himself. I'd be better off getting myself, and the house into The Medium first. That's probably the best way I could help him.
bE: So only our gets into The Medium?
bE: What if your father isn't there?
wW: My father is smarter than that. And my house is pretty big.
bEkay then if you are that sure about it.


 Think he would be a bit more worried

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Has anyone odd talked to you lately?
wW: Not in particular. Why?
bE: No reason.
bE: Just wanted to know.
bE: So how is your training going?
wW: Mostly preparing for it at the moment. Sharpening and polishing my katanas and all that. I'm going to get ready and leave to do some speed/endurance later on. Well, depending on the size of the meteors by then.
bE: And what about the weight training I recomended?
wW: Yeah, I'm doing that once I'm in The Medium. Can't really afford to slow myself down against meteors.
bE: Have you tried reading their trajectory to make up for loss of speed?
wW: Yes. It's still too risky.
bE: So you can't get the exact timing down can you.


 Well that's to be expected I guess.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Use that new sword yet?
wW: Just finished cleaning it.
wW: I'm going to go out now and start training on the giant flaming space rocks now. See you later.
bE: Bye, don't die!
wW: Your concern is appreciated.
*--wanderingWriter [wW] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*


Don't die? Why am I saying things like that makes it sound like I want him to die.
Well now what, guess I'll train like I said I would.
Uncle Rath is a sleep though, well I guess I'm do what I always do when he's asleep.
-Uranus goes outside-
I'll take my weights off -thud!-
Drop my bat -thomp!-
Stretch properly.
And see how long it takes me to get across all of the bases until I get tired.
Hope I can beat my old running record of 13 seconds.


----------



## Platinum (Jun 30, 2012)

Once more I pour through the words like I pour through my wine, smoothly and at a consistent rate, the blurring of my vision from screen glare only makes the comparison more valid. Each sentence is a mystery, an enigma waiting to be deciphered. Where did I go wrong? Conversely, where did I go right? A detective survives due to his ability to percieve what others deem insignificant, and to find something of value in the white noise. Always you must be careful to note what is there, and what isn't. Why is something there, why isn't something there? Is that a subtle undercurrent of malace running through their words or is it simply sarcasm?

Is anything ever simple? If you are a simpleton I suppose. Social interaction is always a game of give and take. If one is not guarding the gate to their mind well, they are often horrified to find out what awful secrets have been looted from there. Hence why a smart thief will always take as much as he needs, and never any more. If you owned a mountain of gold would you notice the disappearence of a few coins? The same goes for secrets. Look at me prattling on like an old vagabond, though i'm sure a younger stupid vagabond like Valen would tell you the same. 

Facts gleamed, theories developed, baseless speculation, all of it goes into a distinct file. Information is power, how much do I know of them compared to how little they know of myself? I am good at saying a lot without saying anything, as should be fairly obvious to most who know me. As I often find that the ones most doggedly coming after the details of your life are crazed dames in love with you, or competitors out to gain an advantage on you. Trust me neither are good company to be in. 

Speaking of crazed dames that happen to be in love with me.... well not me at all really, so much as anything with both an x and a y chromosome. It appears that it is time for me to establish the server/client groundwork with pC. If I don't do it early I just know she'll be staring off into space as I frantically type away curses at her before i'm disintergrated. Just need to bring those documents up first...

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering panedclysmicClutch [pC]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So.... yeah.
II: We are at a point in time where I can put off this discourse no longer.
II: With a good chunk of our team already in the medium it is time for us to link up and establish a server/client connection.
pC: holy...shit...what...has...it...been
pC: I...thought...i...wasn't...going...to...hear...from...any...of...you...fuckers...again
pC: like...telemarketers
pC: not...like...I...answer...them...or...anything......




Good to see Ashley is in her normal state of mind. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The telemarketers would probably be the ones to hang up on you in frustration.
II: Anyways, I assume you have the game at your side correct?
II: Or have you been staring off into eternity for the better part of these last few hours?




I shouldn't be asking questions I already know the answer too. Ashley is about as likely to do something productive with her time as me and James are to have a tea party.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: dude...did...you...know....buterflies...only...live...for...one...day.
pC: like...I...saw...this...one...grow...from...a...catepillar...to...a...cocoon...and...then...it ...flew...about...for...like...fuck...if...I...knw
pC: but...the...next...day...it...was...dead
pC: was...some...lion...king...type...circle...of...life...shit
II: What a riveting tale Shakespeare.
II: Caterpillars don't turn into cocoons you know, this isn't pokemon.
II: Okay.... I gotta stop arguing with you about stupid shit, it never gets me anywhere.... just tell me you have the game.
II: Yes or no is all you need to say.
II: In fact, do not say anything else. Please.




The mind of a philosopher trapped in the body of a whore. Truly tragic.


----------



## Platinum (Jun 30, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: usually...I...get...a...safety...word...to...go...with...it
pC: but...yeah...I...got...the...thing
II: Don't break out the gimp suit just yet.
II: After we are done here, you are free to tie yourself up wherever you choose, as long as you are nowhere near me.
II: But I am glad to hear you were able to find your mailbox and open it, these are some big steps you are taking Ash.
II: If I was your father I would be proud of you.
II: Well.... no I wouldn't be.




I would have to imagine that Ashley's father would have long ago been numbed to the ability to feel shame. Can't say I would have blamed him, I doubt she would have won any 'daughter of the year' pageants. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Anyways, while I have like NO doubt you won't be the best server to ever serve something up. 
II: I would like to lay down some firm ground rules as to the nature of this working relationship.
II: So if you wouldn't mind reading this and signing on the dotted lines that would just be peachy.




There is nothing on earth a large stack of legal papers will fail to fix. 

--*II uploaded and sent "meticulouslywordedlegaldocument.txt" and sent it to pC*--


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: despite...my...metaphysical...bullshit,...I'm...not...stupid...you...know. Slutty,...lazy...and...all...around...unhelpful,...sure...but...I'm...not...riding...the...shortbus...to retardcentral...like...some...of...the other...players...you...call...up.
pC: you ...also ...still ...got ...a ...stick ...so far up your ass for ...naming ...that ...document ...that.
pC: christ ...really ...meticulouslywordedlegaldocument.txt
pC: sweet ...jesus ...if ...I ...need ...a ...shot ...of ...penacilin ...you ...need ...a ...weekend at ...a ...fucking ...whore ...house.




Who's to say I have never been to a brothel before? Though admittedly, when you are there to arrest or interrogate them harlots usually aren't that kind to you. I'm a real heart breaker what can I say?


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I need many things.
II: One of those things I need is for you to read over and sign that document, then fax it back over to me so I can get it notarized before my lawyer is killed by a meteor.
II: Okay, I know you aren't AS dumb as many of the yokels that comprise this sad, sad little group.
II: But can you blame me for taking every precaution that I can?
II: I mean come on.... you are you after all.
pC: here's...something...to...think..about
pC: why ...the ...fuck ...would ...that ...document ...even ...matter ...if ...the ...world ...is ...going ...to ...shit
II: When everything else falls by the way side, all we have left is our word. Even to you that has to matter somewhat, does it not?
pC: then how about I give you my word that I won't ruin your shit
pC: cause I'm not reading 16 pages of stick up the ass bullshit




So many people underestimate the power of a man's word. Or a woman's. Though it's hardly surprising in a group where one of the paragon's of morality is a serial kleptomaniac who really promises he isn't 'all that bad'. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Because I want more than just a simple promise you won't destroy my valuables.
II: There is some groundwork we need to lay down.
II: And I would like it preferably noted and documented.
II: Like, for example, if you would skip to page 8, subsection 4. 
II: "As server to my client's client. You hereby promise not to use the server program to infringe unnesscarily on the client's privacy. Such infringements hereby include; watching the client sleep, watching the client bathe, watching the client in his forensics lab....."
II: Nothing unreasonable no?




Just the thought of her watching me while I take my nightly relaxation period in the hot tub or while i'm sleeping just makes me......... If my crawling skin had skin that was crawling that wouldn't even be enough to put my disgust in proper perspective. Why couldn't I have had.... well everyone is basically a terrible option. 

I hate my life.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: you are really creepy
pC: like creepier than that murder guy
pC: which says something
II: I resent that comment.
II: What's wrong with me wanting to retain some semblance of privacy?
II: Would you want me, in your shoes, to use my client position to watch you bathe?
II: You know what..... don't fucking answer that.
II: God damn it.




I really need to think even more carefully than usual when I talk with this woman. She is one of the most frustrating people I have ever known.... which probably says a whole lot more about me than it does about her. Again, life, I hate it.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: hahahahahaha
pC: but seriously you could have just said "don't watch me." I'm totally cool with not doing that. I can easily multitask porn and program work
II: And you call me the creeper...
II: You see, here's a lesson in structuring a contract for you.
II: Such vague wording would come back to bite me in the ass.
II: I might need you to watch me sometimes, I might need your help with something around the villa, so I would merely be tying my own hands.
II: So I just listed the situations in which I would be uncomfortable with you looking down at me from the sky. I find this to be reasonable.
II: This is me futilily helping you try to restrain your own libido.




The only thing that can restrain her libido is a couple dozen handcuffs and twenty feet of roper.... and knowing her she's probably into that sort of thing. Kind of the textbook definition of a Pyrrhic victory.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: I have clamps for that, thank you very much.
II: You know you can't catch me off guard with your vulgar comments. 
II: I've met people worse than you in my life, so you can stop anytime you wish.
pC: I know, just look at that SN and ME I couldn't match that kind of degeneracy if I walked down the street naked
II: You are absolutely right about sN.
II: ME is not as bad as that even if ME has a fetish for talking like microsoft sam.
II: Are you still opposed to just signing the document or do I need to convince you for a few more hours until I am just mercy killed by god's flaming fist?
pC: dude I signed that like seven awkward back and forths ago.
pC: I just like messing with you




Well.... at least she signed the fucking thing. More than I was expecting to be honest.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Oh.... well thank you then.
II: I sincerely mean that.
II: I will get it notarized as soon as this log is over, but for now you can install the client program.
pC: can I do that after this nap.
pC: like when it's five minutes until the meteor splatters italian digiorno pizza self all over the vineyard.




Sounds like a nice idea, but as much as I hate my life right now I still intend to live it. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: As much as I would like to be instantly disintergrated, I must ask you to be a little quicker than that.
II: You still want the car right?
II: Just install the program and you can stare at that for several minutes until drool starts spilling from your mouth and your face has an upclose and personal meeting with the keyboard.




That's a mental image that makes me smile. Well, not so much the drool. I kind of imagine that all bodily fluids in Ashley's body are acidic enough to eat through several layers of metal.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: alright alright
pC: but shenanigans better not happen between you entering and me getting that car that sends me on a mythical quest just for a sweet ass ride.
II: I'll drive the car over to you personally if that makes you feel better.
II: Once that is possible of course, I'm never not down for a roadtrip.




Why would you even tempt fate like that? Well, with me at the helm it will be nothing if not a smooth delivery. Shit, now i'm doing it.


*Spoiler*: __ 



pC: nice place man
pC: lacks oompf though
pC: but I'll be watching this car if you need............




....

-pandyclysmicClutch* has gone idle*-


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What do you mean my place lacks oompf?




How dare that harlot say my place lacks oompf! You could look around italy, there is no oompfier villa than this one. I got the fucking monopoly on oompf. I'm like the suave Andrew Carnegie of the modern era. I own both the horizontal and vertical production in oompf.

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering pandyclysmicClutch [pC]--


----------



## Cadrien (Jun 30, 2012)

*Time is Fleeting - Pt. 1*

Valen looked at the clock. He had...less than an hour now? Something like that. Either way, his time was ticking down rather fast now. Time to set the wheels in motion? Yeah.

*-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Hey Alice.
mD: You got a minute?
mD: Maybe more like 30?
qA: i sure do
qA: And i hope this is about Sburb because its suddenly kind of important to be doing things quickly
mD: As luck would have it, yeah.
mD: I lost track of the time while I was getting my ass handed to me.
mD: So yup.
mD: Time's a-wasting.
mD: Boot it up, if you haven't already.
qA: i have
qA: Booted it up, that is
qA: Now what
mD: Right. First of all. Can you see a dude waving his hand at you?



Valen lazily waved his hand to and fro.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: No
qA: Wait, something came up, now i do
qA: Is that you?
mD: Yup, hi. Moving on.
mD: Open up the menu and you will see an assortment of various machinery.F
mD: If I had not prepared before hand, we would be hastily trying to find room for them.
mD: Fortunately I thought ahead and already cleared space for them.
mD: If you would place them in the spots that I have marked with an X in red tape, I would appreciate it.
mD: One might argue that with a meteor on coming it is nonesensical to try and preserve items but I'll be damned if I don't try.
qA: Geez, i understand the mortal peril and all, but this level of pre-planning kinda ruins the fun.




Well sorry if being prepared isn't fun. Maybe he just felt like, you know, not losing valuable stuff?


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Anyway, let's see...
qA: None here in your little room.
qA: Ugh, the camera controls are not the best
qA: The library, here's one.
qA: i'll put the narrower deployable here
qA: let's see, kitchen, nothing
qA: Oh wait, can i move this fridge?
qA: Oh man, i can. This is great.
qA: Moving on.
qA: This little outdoor place. i don't think it's the best spot, but whatever
qA: Let's put this Alchempad deal here
qA: And this Cruxtoter thing goes...
qA: Here!
qA: Done.
mD: Excellent.
mD: Thanks for your help.F
mD: Hmm
mD: That actually went by much faster than I anticipated.
mD: Unless I'm actually supposed to do stuff with these.
mD: I'll be honest here.
mD: I didn't stick around to watch sL make it magical land of not meteors and death.
mD: Uhhh...shoot.
mD: Any ideas?
qA: All the ideas, basically.
qA: See this is why i'm here
qA: i'll use my vast expertise to nudge you into a decent position.F
qA: let's see, first, you should go to the kitchen
mD: Let me switch to my phone then.
*-- mD has logged out of pesterchum --
-- mD has logged in to pesterMobile --*
mD: Okay, I am here now.
qA: Okay
qA: You may have noticed
qA: That i copypasted your fridge
qA: i want you to check if both fridges are still full of stuff
mD: This...does not seem like something that deal with the game.
qA: it's science!
qA: learning the mechanics
qA: So, y/n?
mD: *sign*
mD: It would appear that yes, both fridges contain the full array of food stuffs.
qA: Oh man, how are you not wowed by that?
qA: Anyway, this duplication process cost some magic hexagon points
qA: Mouseover text calls it "build grist"
qA: So one of these deployables has to make stuff or dispense stuff.
qA: The cruxtader seems dispenser-esque. Go examine it.
mD: Okay.
mD: Hmm, there's a timer on here. And a wheel crank of some sort.
mD: Interesting.
qA: Have you tried turning the wheel crank?
qA: These are questions i shouldn't even have to ask
mD: Yes, as you just saw, I tried turning it.
mD: Nothing happened.
qA: Well i didn't see- oh wait
qA: Christ i must have like a million ping right now
qA: And it doesn't look like you're trying that hard
mD: Well I don't want to break it off.
mD: Just trust me when I say that I can't turn it to the left any further and turning it to the right does nothing.
mD: Geez, of course the person who is supposed to help would be lagged to hell and back.
qA: Well, looks like it's up to the lady to open the pickle jar
qA: i'd advise being at least two yards from the device for a few minutes
*drops fridge on cruxtader*
qA: SCIENCE!
qA: There, see?
mD: FUCK!



JESUS! WHY?!!?!


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Science my ass!
mD: Yeah the thing is open now, but now there is food everywhere and a massive dent in the wooden floor!
qA: Well, you have all that food safe in the other fridge
qA: You're welcome
qA: So, what's with this flashy thing?
qA: It's doing nothing to help my framerate, i know that much.
mD: Hell if I know. It's floating around my head.
mD: Wait a moment.



*-- melodiousDiscord [mD] went idle --
-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering strifeLord [sL] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: So sL.
mD: This flashy thing.
mD: What the fuck is it?
*-- sL sent mD file sburbmanual.pdf --*
sL: there, now fuck off.




*-- strifeLord [sL] went idle --

-- melodiousDiscord [mD] became active --*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Well, I have something to go off of now.
mD: sL sent me the manual for the game.
mD: So let's see....
mD: This thing here is a...cruxtruder. And that floaty thing is a kernel sprite.
mD: It looks like I'm supposed to give it something.
mD: Hmm, what though?
qA: i don't know, something
qA: Let me just sort of swing my cursor around and click haphazrdly
qA: Until you find something interesting




Valen's phone chirped the tone for that signaled someone else messaging him. Who...? sL again? Valen flicked his phone open and looked at the message. From...kevorkianCuriosity? That was new.

*-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] began trolling melodiousDiscord [mD] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 



kC: HMMMM
mD: Can I help you?
mD: I'm sort of in the middle of something at the moment.
kC: And I'd rather n?t waste my time ta7king t? a weird 7??king high-b7??d, but I'm n?t 7eft with many ?pti?ns.
mD: Okay really?
mD: You message me out of nowhere and type like that?
mD: Really?
kC: What's wr?ng with my typing?
kC: N?, y?u kn?w what?
kC: I d?n't actua77y give a sing7e fuck.
kC: I'm just g?ing t? give y?u a warning.
kC: N?t because I actua77y care ab?ut what happens with y?ur sessi?n.
kC: But because it wi77 h?pefu77y put an end t? whatever p7an Har7in has in st?re.
mD: Harlin?
kC: A rather sadistic tr?77.
mD: I can handle trolls, kC, I assure you.
mD: Haven't you seen the slogan "Don't feed the trolls?"
kC: ...
kC: Is that supp?sed t? be s?me s?rt ?f j?ke?
kC: 7ike.
kC: I d?n't kn?w.
kC: A wrigg7er a day keeps the dr?nes away?
mD: What?
kC: ?kay this is rea77y bugging me n?w.
kC: Were y?u raised under a r?ck?
kC: Didn't y?ur Lusus teach y?u anything?
mD: Well you've successfully confused me and yet made me interested enough to waste five more minutes tops, to talk to you.
mD: Lusus?
kC: Hm.
kC: Are y?u actua77y a tr?77, I w?nder.
kC: I d?n't kn?w why the th?ught didn't ?ccur t? me bef?re.
mD: Tick tock.
kC: Tch.
kC: Fine.
kC: I supp?se research can wait.
kC: The warning is very simp7e.
kC: D?n't ta7k t? Har7in.
kC: She g?es by hystericalHeresy.
kC: I d?n't kn?w what she has p7anned f?r y?u a77, but I d?n't think that anything she c?u7d think up w?u7d benefit y?u.
kC: ?n7y her.
kC: That's it.
kC: Fucking enter the game a7ready.
kC: ?r die I guess.

*-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] ceased trolling melodiousDiscord [mD] -- *


----------



## Cadrien (Jun 30, 2012)

*Time is Fleeting - Pt. 2*

Well...that was...

Valen actually wasn't sure what that was. He was seriously confused. That much was certain. Shaking his head to clear it, he grunted and filed it under things to review later, once he was safe from meteors. He switched back to the tab with Alice, who had since gone idle. Getting back to what his search for a good item to prototype had led him to first, he began typing.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Let's see here.
mD: How about this?
qA: Um, let me zoom in a bit...
qA: What
qA: What is that
mD: It is an original poster for the Boondock Saints.
qA: That, um...
qA: i don't think that's advisable
mD: Because.....?
qA: Because, either the sprite doodad only get the powers of being a piece of paper
qA: Or it gains the powers of all the boondock saints
qA: All of them
qA: i don't like either of those scenarios
mD: I think it would be rather awesome, but whatever.
mD: Umm, oh!
mD: How about thi...
mD: No wait, that's a terrible idea.
mD: Shit, how is it even this difficult to find something that would be cool?
mD: But maybe I'm on the right track.




Valen leapt forward and grabbed his book of DVD's. Flipping it open he pulled out a box.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Aha!
mD: The Baccano! disk set.
mD: I don't care what you say, only good can come of this.
qA: Baccano?
qA: Is, uh, is that like a documentary in the history of baccarat?
mD: What you haven't seen or heard of Baccano?
mD: I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.
mD: But man...
mD: Uh no.
mD: It's an anime.
mD: Set in the 20's.
mD: And it's awesome.
mD: That is basically all you need to know without watching it.
qA: Hahaha, oh god
qA: At first i was like "oh, that's right up his alley"
qA: But then i saw "anime"
qA: Valen, listen.
qA: I respect you as a rival, and love you as a friend and all that.
qA: But you do not seem like the type who watches animes.
qA: No offense or anything.
mD: None taken.
mD: I don't generally watch anime, I'll admit.
mD: But I can't resist the jazzy allure of the 20's.
mD: In any format.
mD: Hum.



He glanced at the countdown timer.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Crap!F
mD: Time is running a bit low now, time to get the show on the road.




Maybe it wouldn't be running so low if someone hadn't taken valuable time to duplicate a refrigerator for quote, science, unquote. Or if random and confusing mysteries didn't message him in the middle of things.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Okay, but if it were up to me, i'd put that in the toilet and find something concretely awesome like a falcon
qA: Oh wait, i just remembered
qA: This is up to me
qA: Yoink!
*takes disc set, drops in toilet*
mD: Oi! We don't have time for this!
mD: Give that...
mD: Oh. You did not just actually drop that in there.
mD: Pick it up, and dry it off this instant.
qA: Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on
*tries to remove disc set from toilet, uproots toilet instead*
qA: Oh fuck!




Oh god damn it. Really? What convinced you that would be a good idea, Alice? WHAT?


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: ...
mD: Alice.
mD: I want you to listen very carefully.
mD: Okay?
mD: Put. the. toilet. back. in. the. ground.
mD: Now.
qA: Haha, what?
qA: The toilet's fine, i just said "oh fuck" because i got a great idea
qA: Eureka is so over played
qA: Anyway, go try the crank again, i'll continue drying this off
*puts toilet on roof, barracades door to bathroom*
mD: Wh...
mD: What just happened?
mD: I don't even know...



Valen walked over the the Cruxturder and tried the wheel crank once again, this time a light green dowel popped out of the top and fell into Valen's waiting arms. "Okay...now what...?" He said, looking the dowel over. Going back up to his room, he flipped through the manual until he found the instructions for the Cruxturder.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Oh! I see how it works.
mD: That's actually rather simple.
mD: Hey Alice!
qA: Yeah?
mD: There's one last item you need to deploy down here.
mD: It's a punch card.
qA: oh yeah, i see it
qA: i'll just put it on this desk in the library
mD: Excellent.



 Valen dashed over to the library and collected the card, scooping it into his sylladex before heading over to the Alchpad. "And now!" Valen proclaimed with a flourish for no one but himself. He placed the dowel and card in their approriate places before pushing one of the only buttons currently lit up. Soon the dowel is carved into a unique shape. Grabbing it, Valen moved to the Alchemiter and placed the dowel. A table with a briefcase appeard on the pad, both made out of the same smooth, light green material as the dowel had been. Valen cracked his knuckles


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: A briefcase?
mD: Don't make me laugh, game.



Crouching beside the table, Valen put his ear up against the side of the briefcase and began slowly turning the combination lock. He'd dealt with many such locks before. This should be a piece of cake. Should be. He wasn't so sure after he'd spent five minutes trying to find the right combination. The blasted thing didn't make any sound. He could only make educated guesses based off of what he though were the numbers where the lock was catching.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Hey Valen, this might be a bad time but...
qA: Don't you have a sister or something?F
mD: Damn it! I almost had it!
mD: Uh, yeah?
mD: Why?
qA: i, uh, haven't really seen her much anywhere
qA: What's up with thatF
mD: I'm not sure.
mD: She was here about an hour ago...
qA: Hmm.
qA: Think maybe you should wait for her or something?
mD: Hmm.
mD: I only have like...9 minutes left on the timer here.
mD: Look around for her if you're done messing around up there?
qA: Alright.
qA: Might as well put this thing in the thing for you now that i dried it.




There was a brief pause.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: ...oh god, what am i looking at
qA: Oh GOD.
qA: okay, i'm just gonna
qA: Zoom out to outside
qA: and never look in that room again




Valen ground his teeth and lightly began beating his head against the briefcase.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: What happened?
mD: What did you do?
qA: The sprite kernel thing
qA: Is this weird face now
qA: That's kind of two faces, i can't even tell
mD: ...
mD: Okay, let's see what you've created here.
mD: Um...




Um...


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Okay then.
Issac: Greetings young man!
mD: Hi?
Miria: Issac, where are we?
Issac: I don't know Miria.
Issac: From the looks of things it seems to be a house though.
Miria: Ahhh, that would make sense.
Miria: Issac?
Issac: Yes Miria?
Miria: What are we doing in this person's house?
Issac: Good question Miria, let's ask.
Issac: Young sir, why are we in this house?
mD: ...




Valen turned away from the sprite. He...didn't know what to say. He really didn't. He decided to both type and state his response outloud. Just so everyone was clear.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Okay.
mD: I'll admit.
mD: I didn't foresee this.
mD: You can blame me for this Alice.
mD: Okay?
Miria: (Who is he talking to Issac?)
Issac: (I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem to be us.)
mD: Right, apologies...Issac and Miria.
mD: The long and short of the matter is as follows.
mD: You are actually part of a game where you are supposed to be a guide to me.
mD: It just so happens that you were the result of a choice on my part.
Miria: Issac?
Issac: Yes Miria?
Miria: What is this memory of a place called The Medium?
Miria: I don't remember anywhere called that in the places we've been.
Issac: You've got me Miria. Let's follow him and see if we can figure out where we are.
mD: Ooooooh boy....




Valen slowly walked away from the sprite and sat down with a sigh.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Any luck Alice?
qA: Well, there's some lady on the area over here
qA: Looking at the Alchemiter confusedly
qA: Is that her?
mD: Oh, there she is.
mD: Phew.
mD: Yeah that's her.
mD: Okay, I think I can take it from here.
mD: Thanks for your help again.
qA: No problem.
qA: Have fun introducing her to Rozencratz and Gildenstern over there
qA: i'm gonna check up on you in the medium once wW sorts out my bust problem
mD: 
mD: Alright, later Alice.




*-- melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --*

Valen closes his eyes, opened them, and ticked the combination lock one more. "777? Really, game?" He said, as the briefcase clicked open and began to glow. "Oh well, here we go." He crossed his legs elegantly and looked outside for his final view of his neighborhood. "Farewell." He said, smiling. And then, everything went white...


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 30, 2012)

*>Be Alice*


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



...
mD: Any luck Alice?
qA: Well, there's some lady on the area over here
qA: Looking at the Alchemiter confusedly
qA: Is that her?
mD: Oh, there she is.
mD: Phew.
mD: Yeah that's her.
mD: Okay, I think I can take it from here.
mD: Thanks for your help again.
qA: No problem.
qA: Have fun introducing her to Rozencratz and Gildenstern over there
qA: i'm gonna check up on you in the medium once wW sorts out my bust problem
mD: 
mD: Alright, later Alice.

*-- melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --*



Well, that was slightly less of a disaster than she was expecting. Might as well start tidying up for this wW person. Mainly take care of the rest of this pizza.

She once again withdraws her pizza cutter from her pzzacttrkind specibus and reasonably divvies up the remained of the sauce pie. Now she can take the slices into her fridge and...

Wait, crap.


----------



## Crossbow (Jun 30, 2012)

*>Alice: Pester wW*

Not like she really has any other options...


*Spoiler*: __ 



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]-- 
qA: Hey
qA: Are you ready to to the connection thing?
qA: Because i am
wW: Yeah, don't worry. The Sburb file is still in the process of downloading.
wW: Meanwhile, I'm recovering from the beatdown my father gave me. Guy really has a good backhand. I'd say I gave him as good as I got, but I'd be lying.
qA: Bluh
qA: i was kinda hoping we could get on it now
qA: i'm getting stir crazy in this room, and my bust problem has yet to resolve itself
wW: If it helps, I am sincerely sorry that my dad caught me during my grand escape, and decided to challenge me to a rooftop fight. That was unforseen.
wW: But what is this bust problem you're referring to?
qA: Oh, you know
qA: Just a big bust that's blocking the door out of my room
qA: With the game you could, like, move it aside
qA: And i could do some business around the house while waiting for my brother
wW: Ah, right. Hm. Well, I guess I'll get to it once my game finishes downloading and let you get to your 'business' afterwards, then. Can you not cut it in half? I've cut through my fair share of busts. You'd be surprised by the kind of traps my dad sets me.
qA: Well, my door opens outward
qA: So i cant really get at it
wW: Ah, right. Yeah, that does suck. Luckily for you, however, my game has just finished downloading.
wW: Hold on a second and let me open it up.
wW: God dammit. Stupid thing crashed. But it's fine now. Let's see...
wW: Yeah, I got your bust out of the way. Kind of broke it, though. There's a crack on the back somewhere. You okay with that?
qA: Yeah, whatever
qA: Where did you even put it?
wW: Roof.
qA: Fantastic
qA: Oh that reminds me, gotta give Valen his toilet back
qA: Anyway, would you like a tour of my house or something?
wW: Sure, that sounds cool, and pretty useful too. So I know where all the stuff is and whatnot.
qA: Okay
qA: Well this is the upper floor
qA: You've seen my room, i take it
qA: There's the bathroom, there's the balcony
qA: Normally has an excellent view, but you know
qA: The fires kinda ruin it
qA: Anyway, here's the foyer, just down the stairs
qA: Note the elegant, only-slightly-molten chandelier and how it constarts this ornate rug
qA: Really ties the room together
wW: Agreed.
qA: You following me?
wW: I am.
qA: Great
qA: So, here's the kitchen
qA: Pretty boring really
qA: Oh, over there by the sink is my robotic servant
qA: Say hi
wW: Hello, robotic servant.
qA: She didn't hear that, obviously, but it's a nice gesture
qA: So, over this way is the study
qA: Lots of books and such
qA: And down here is the basement
qA: More books, more stuff.
wW: Nice place. Shame about all the fires and meteors, though.
wW: Thankfully, I haven't really experienced any of those.
wW: Yet.
wW: I'm hoping that'll change soon, though. Dodging the fires and meteors might make for good speed and agility training.
qA: You sure are a character
wW: Well, it's best to be prepared, right? The game's universe will have a whole bunch of monsters. I'm probably more than capable of dealing with them, but I'm unsure about the higher level ones, so yeah. Might need to work on my physical attributes.
qA: Yeah, but maybe dangerous disasters aren't the best way
qA: i do sit-ups, that works
qA: Anyway, i'm gonna slip into my Secret Cellar of Justice here
wW: I'm more partial to treehouses myself. And compartments. But I guess a cellar would be more practical if you're trying to be covert about it.
qA: Look at this, i take this law book of the shelf here
qA: BAM. Look at that bookshelf sliding down, all dramatical
wW: Like the Batman. Damn, that was sweet. I really should get me one of those. To hide all my swords and stuff. I can't really knock down and plaster over much more of the walls in my room anymore. It's starting to run out of space, and it's kind of difficult to maintain the sharpness of my katanas.
qA: i dont really keep any weapons here
qA: My brother probably does though
qA: Hiding guns here during his visits
qA: He should probably be here by now...
qA: Anyway, feel free to look at this collection of mine while i do things
wW: You've got some pretty good quality wines here. Good dates; they're probably rather valuable. I've seen a few of these inside my father's wine room.
wW: Wait.
wW: Is that...
wW: The Mona Lisa?
qA: Oh yeah
qA: Funny story
qA: So i'm spending spring break in Paris, and i say to myself "Why not try and steal the Mona Lisa?"
qA: That did not go well at all for me
qA: Apparently the Lourve has some tight security measures
qA: i only walked away with some dinky vase
qA: Priceless, but dinky
qA: One week later, i get a package from my brother
qA: it's the mona lisa
qA: With this little Hallmark card that says "At least you tried"
qA: Anyway, yeah
qA: i got the wine i came in here for
qA: i'll just head up to the couch and wait for my brother
wW: Your brother...stole the Mona Lisa?
wW: Eh. I guess I shouldn't really be all that surprised, to be honest. Your brother sounds pretty cool, though.
qA: Yeah, he is
qA: Oh hey, James is contacting me
qA: i gotta take this, hold on



Oh god. Play it cool, Alice...


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- strifeLord [sL] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --

sL: This is not actually sL
sL: This is his Sprite merely using his account
sL: And I'm here to say I found your brother in my house for whatever reason
qA: Oh
qA: That's interesting
qA: i can understand why, i suppose
qA: He wanted refuge from the meteors and such
qA: What's he, uh, doing right now?
sL: He hid in the closet in my basement for a pretty long time and is now wandering in the kitchen for some snacks, I think
sL: I'm sure you know about sL's homicidal tendencies by now and you shouldn't worry
sL: I'll make sure he won't kill your brother in the small chance he can't take care of himself
sL: Which he should be able to, honestly
qA: Yeah
qA: Honestly, i'm a bit worried for James
qA: My brother's always carrying some dangerous weapons
qA: But if he doesn't upset him, he won't have any reason to attack
qA: Of course, James is prone to upsetting people in my experience...
qA: You know what, just try and keep them from each other.
qA: i'll meet up with him in the medium later
sL: Wait, James is his name?
sL: Seems a bit...ordinary for a murderous asshole like him
sL: Anyway, he's too busy fighting Imps and other shit to attack your brother
sL: And if he tries to attack, I'll just punch him in the face again
sL: Hell, I'll punch both of them if I have to
sL: And if I didn't know any better about this game being ridiculously team-oriented, I'd ask why in hell would you be worried about James
qA: Because i don't want my brother killing people?
qA: Or at least people that i know.
qA: Hey, if you don't mind me asking, what are you?
qA: Beyond "sL's sprite", i mean.
sL: I'm the guy he murdered so he could steal my house and enter this game
sL: He brought me back to life by throwing my corpse into his Sprite for a second Prototyping
sL: I'm still pretty fucking pissed about that and I'd kill him for it if I could, but I got a job to do first
sL: Business before pleasure and all
qA: Uh, my condolences for getting killed, i guess
qA: Anyway, i ought to tell my client about the second prototyping thing
qA: After i take care of getting myself entered and all
qA: So yeah, try to minimize my sibling's shenanigans
sL: Like I said, don't worry about that
sL: And while you're at it, I just looked through some stuff that was sent during one of James' pesterchum talks
sL: According to this, his server is also your client, right?
sL: Do me a favor and tell him to fucking build shit for my house so that jackass sL can get through his first Gate
qA: i'll do that
qA: i'll also build shit on his house so he can get to /his/ "first gate"
qA: So that's something
sL: Okay, great
sL: Time to get ready to babysit two people now...

-- strifeLord [sL] has ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA] --



Well, looks like she can  get this show on the road now...


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 1, 2012)

*Making a new friend*

Whew. Beat my old record by 5 seconds, also went for a whole hour.
I'm surprised I'm not tired like I usually would be.
-Uranus puts her weights back on and puts her bat back onto her back-
Ompf! Would like to see the day I can do that with these weights on though.
Well that killed some time, I guess I'll take a break and kill some more.
Seems like rB is up still lets talk to her.




*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho[bE] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*
bE: How has your sleep been? Mine I havn't been able to at all lately.
bE: I also talked to qA about getting a copy of the game. It seems something is preventing me from getting it right now.
rB: oh hi uri
rB: actually yeah i have been sleeping a lot recently
rB: i woke up on prospit!!! it is very exciting
rB: you do know what prospit is right???
bE: wW told me what is was along with Derse.
bE: Btw how did you get there?
rB: like wake up???
rB: im not sure really
rB: i think i've always been at least a little awake there
rB: my dreams have always been really...yellow



Yellow? Well I can't be prospit then can I?

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: but a while back i got the weird urge to go to sleep
rB: and then i was just there!!!
rB: it is really very cool!!! i can fly like a superhero
bE: You can fly? What like peter pan?
rB: i guess???
rB: i was thinking more a long the lines of wonder woman or something though
rB: anyway hopefully you will wake up soon
rB: and then you can try flying for yourself!!!
bE: Yeah... I guess.


 I'm not to sure how I feel about that, never really been up high before.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Say how you found a weapon yet?
bE: I remember you telling me you never fought before.
rB: yes actually
rB: mE helped me set up my strife specibus
rB: he was very helpful in his own robot way
rB: i now have an axe
rB: i have been swinging it around a bit but i am not very used to it
bE: Well be careful you don't axe yourself off.



Why do I keep saying things like that?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: mE? So he's like a robot? How do you know he's a he then?
rB: *shrugs*
rB: i don't really feel comfortable calling mE "it"
rB: i guess i just assumed???
rB: i'll ask next time we talk maybe he/she will tell me
bE: Like I said about qA I went to her about getting a copy of sburb.
bE: She couldn't help me either, so here I am twiddling my thumbs trying to pass time by.
bE: I have never been not so busy before actually any advice to pass the time?


 Since you seem like a person that keeps busy somehow.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: hmmmmmm
rB: usually when i'm bored i read a book
rB: or doodle
rB: or play drums
rB: or take some shitty photos
rB: or explore!!!
rB: but yeah exploring is kind of out of the question what with all the meteors...
rB: and i am not sure if you even like doing any of those things!!!
rB: i would say do something that will help you in the game but i can't imagine what that would be
rB: you've probably read most of the walkthroughs already and it isn't like you can explore prospit
rB: i dunno maybe you could...
rB: watch tv???
rB: =/


 What did I do, what did I DO!?!

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ummm.
bE: I can't really do any of those things, but...
bE: just a second.
rB: okie dokie!!!
bE: Here you go, hope I look good
*-- battEcho [bE] uploaded bEpicture.jpg and sent it to reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--*
rB: haha don't worry you do!!!
rB: oh i recognize you i think i saw you on prospit!!!
rB: you were tossing and turning haha
rB: okay my turn!!!
*-- reluctantBlunderbuss uploaded LOL.jpg and sent it to battEcho [bE] --*
bE: hahaha.
bE: You look cute, better than I do.


 She looks like she needs to work out more though, maybe one we are in the game I can help her out.
*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: aw don't sell yourself short!!!
rB: you look great!!! besides you only have four other girls to compete with now haha!!!
rB: and one robot that may or may not be a girl
bE: I guess you're right about that.
bE: Though how are we competing?
rB: well i assume it's gonna be one guy to one girl???
rB: the other...er...situation kinda creeps me out
rB: you'd better grab em while they're hot uri hahaha!!!


 Aha aha haaaaaaa- what in the world am I doing?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well while we are on the subject who would you pick?


*WHAT AM I DOING?*

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: ....
rB: well let's see i've met sL 
rB: boo, hiss
rB: II
rB: idk i think he seems a little old for me???
rB: mE, if he/she turns out to be a he
rB: bleh robot
rB: wW
rB: who is ok
rB: and mD
rB: who is cool
rB: so...idk???
rB: hahah i'll have to get to know them better
bE: Well I'm not that old myself, I'm only 14 hahaha.
bE: Do I look it?


Gotta find a way to divert this uhhh

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: no!!! i never would've guess 14!!!
rB: that's crazy!!!
rB: haha well that's pretty cool i guess
bE: I got an idea, when you are in the dream world pull a prank on one of them.
bE: Like put their hand in a bucket of water or something
rB: hahaha yessssss!!!
rB: i am not really a pranker but this must be done
rB: maybe it will be you haha!!!
rB: >


D:
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I would know it's you though.
bE: I was thinking of doing it to II actually 
bE: Would be funny to see his reaction.
bE: Who knows they might not wet the dreambed, maybe they will do it while they are awake.
rB: hahaha maybe!!!
rB: but II is on derse unfortunately
rB: so there will be no sleep pranking our glorious leader!!!
bE: I don't know if I'm derse or prospite myself.
bE: I think we might be able to get wW to do it though.
rB: oh but you are prospit!!! i saw you there!!!



I am? What's with my dreams then?
*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: and i have only spoken to wW a little is he nice???
rB: i mean he seemed nice but maybe you've spoken to him more than me???
bE: Well he's pretty nice, but I don't think he would be opposed to it.
bE: It seems like his father pulls pranks on him a lot.
rB: we will have to recruit him to our devious pranking alliance
rB: heeheehee


Wouldn't mind pranking II to get back at him

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I really want to prank sL, but I'm not to sure about getting near him.
bE: Is he just putting on a act or is it for real?
rB: i am not touching sL with a ten foot pole
rB: he is mean and stupid
rB: blargh


Just mean and stupid?
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Hey have you had anyone that isn't in the group talk to you?
rB: uh...maybe???
rB: somebody told me about the session, i don't think he(/she) was part of the group
rB: lemme check my logs
rB: ...
rB: AQ


Good, that means I have a lead.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What did she say to you?
rB: oh just that if i wanted to play sburb that there was a group who needed another player
rB: so he/she gave me II's handle and we chatted
rB: and now here i am!!
bE: That's... disconcerting.
bE: Not the you being here part that is.
bE: Has she contacted you since then?
rB: nope!!!
rB: idk i think he/she was just trying to help!!!
bE: That's what I'm not sure of.


 I have to make sure they aren't trying to hurt us.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I think I'll contact II and ask him to open a memo about this.
bE: Btw would you date he/she if he/she was a he?
rB: ...
rB: huh???
bE: Well don't worry about it she came across rather female to me.
bE: However if she contacts you again be careful okay.
rB: yeah sure no problem!!!
rB: it was great talking to you uri!!!
bE: See you Cessily, don't prank me in my sleep.
rB: haha no problem
rB: and you can call me cess by the way
rB: all my friends do
*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*


 Well... something is messing with me I normally wouldn't say these kind of things.
Is this what it's like to have friends?


----------



## Nicodemus (Jul 1, 2012)

*>Be Cess*

Easy enough. You are now Cess. You are happily enjoying yourself with your newly allocated strife specibus, careful not to break anything with your mighty axe. You are also enjoying some yogurt. Yum, yogurt.

*>SLEEP*

You uh...really don't have to sleep.

*>This is irrelevant. SLEEP is required*

Uh...sure, ok? Your sister keeps some sleeping pills in the cabinet, you think. Even though she never uses them. You wonder why she would buy them if nobody in your house ever uses them. Curious.

You lay on your bed, grab your favorite toy Mr. Squiddles, and knock back a few pills with the apple juice you were storing in your sylladex. Sleep hits you like a sack of bricks. 

You soar above the golden city, your arms outstretched like some kind of bird. Or Superhero. 

You feel like Superman. Supergirl. Wonder Woman? It doesn't matter. You're flying, actually flying, and it's awesome. The city below you looks like the gothic section of your Art History book had sprung from the pages and begun to multiply, but you think that it has an unusual beauty to it.

Far below you, you can see little white people going about their buisness. Occasionally one looks up at you and waves, and you wave back. 

After quite a bit of pointless flying, you turn your attention to the sky. Before it had been a normal sky, but now you realize that it looks more like some kind of massive chess board, with alternating black and white tiles.

Before you can get a good look however, you're interrupted by a lone cloud drifting in front of your line of sight.

But it's not a normal cloud. In the cloud you see...things. An oddly dressed gray girl with horns, typing away at a computer. A bloody figure dragging itself up to a large slab of rock, blood smearing the symbol carved into the middle. You see a redhead girl with glasses aboard an enormous ship. You see yourself soaring through the clouds on a makeshift raft. You see somebody using a red telescope to peer into the night sky.

The visions come faster and faster, threatening to overwhelm you. You're unable to tear your eyes away, until finally you just...wake up.

Wow. 

That was _weird_.

You lie on your bed for a moment, thoughts going a hundred miles an hour, until you finally realize that what roused you from your slumber was your computer beeping. Someone is pestering you!

*>Answer*


*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering reluctantBlunderbus [rB]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Hey Cess, you there?
rB: yes
rB: i am here
rB: definitely
rB: mostly
qA: Oh alright
qA: Just popping in to say i just did the server deal for mD not too long ago
qA: And should soon be entering as wW's client.
rB: oh
rB: you're mD's server player???
rB: that is just too...
rB: fuck what's the word
rB: adorable
rB: i think
rB: cause you're like the same person
rB: like slime twins or something
rB: uh
rB: i don't know where that came from
qA: What are you even saying
qA: Adorable is not word that can exist within the space between him and i.
qA: And we're plenty different
qA: my family is super-affluent while he runs a soup kitchen or whatever
qA: Not to mention he's way snootier and egotistical
qA: And also a boy
rB: oh you can't see it
rB: that just makes it like 10X more adorable
rB: it is just like that one movie
rB: where the girl likes the guy
rB: but she doesn't know
rB: ...
rB: actually there are a lot of movies like that
rB: i'm sorry i'm not making a lot of sense
rB: i just woke up
qA: Don't even talk to me about unrequitance right now
qA: Anyway, did that laptop show up yet?
rB: YES
rB: the laptop is the best thing ever thankyouthankyouthankyou
rB: the old one sounded like a plane taking off
rB: like WAAAAAROOOOOOOOWAAAAAAAAA
rB: but this one is super stealthy
rB: like....
rB:
rB: that is the sound it makes
qA: Ah yes, my brother has amazing technological efficiency
qA: When he wants to, anyway
qA: But yeah, glad you like it
rB: yes it is by far the best gift i have recieved this year
rB: but
rB: i just realized you're about to enter
rB: i am kinda slow on the uptake right now
rB: i want to wish you good luck!!!
rB: break a leg!!!
rB: except not really
rB: that would be bad
qA: Oh, it's not really that much hassle from what i've seen
qA: Assuming the server is cooperative
rB: well i talked to wW earlier i think
rB: he seems like a nice guy
rB: i don't think he'll try to drop any furniture on you
rB: or like, eat you
rB: ....
rB: obviously i need more sleep
qA: Yeah...
qA: i wasn't nearly this out there when i woke up a few minutes ago
qA: Anyway, i'm not so sure about that wW guy
qA: He hasn't told me his name
qA: And claims to have dreams about tentacled space monsters
qA: Or his word, "Chtulhu-esque", which is really disingenuous
rB: yeah that's weird
rB: but i thought he was nice!!!
rB: you should be more optimistic about this kind of stuff
rB: i am sure you and him will make a great team
rB: although probably not as good as me and bE
qA: It must be nice to be so optimistic
qA: Geez, i've been riding wave after wave or jealousy in these conversations with everyone
qA: It's ridiculous
rB: aw don't worry alice!!!
rB: you shouldn't be jealous of people!!!
rB: you are a pretty awesome person yourself
rB: they should be jealous of you
qA: aw, thanks Cess!
qA: You really are holding up your end of the bargain with this friendship deal
qA: Nice to know i can always get support from someone
qA: Anyway, i guess i should contact wW soon
rB: yeah you should get on that!!!
rB: before a meteor squishes you
rB: that would be bad
rB: be careful alice!!!
qA: alright, you too




*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbus [rB]--*

BFF-sies 4evur


----------



## Crossbow (Jul 1, 2012)

*>Alice: Pester rB*

Well, better let her know you're going to enter


*Spoiler*: __ 



*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering reluctantBlunderbus [rB]--*

qA: Hey Cess, you there?
rB: yes
rB: i am here
rB: definitely
rB: mostly
qA: Oh alright
qA: Just popping in to say i just did the server deal for mD not too long ago
qA: And should soon be entering as wW's client.

rB: aw don't worry alice!!!
rB: you shouldn't be jealous of people!!!
rB: you are a pretty awesome person yourself
rB: they should be jealous of you
qA: aw, thanks Cess!
qA: You really are holding up your end of the bargain with this friendship deal
qA: Nice to know i can always get support from someone
qA: Anyway, i guess i should contact wW soon
rB: yeah you should get on that!!!
rB: before a meteor squishes you
rB: that would be bad
rB: be careful alice!!!
qA: alright, you too

*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbus [rB]--*


Oh crap, she left that guy hanging...


----------



## Crossbow (Jul 1, 2012)

*==>*


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



qA: Huh
qA: Change of plans.
qA: We can start the entry process now.
wW: Ah. Let's see...
qA: There is a menu of deployable devices at the top of your screen
qA: You can select them and put them in my house
qA: Go ahead and do that
wW: Which devices do I set down? I've got the menu up, but I'm not sure which ones I need. I haven't really had the time to look at the instructions yet.
qA: The platform thing, the card, the "Cruxtruder" and the "Totem Lathe" are all you need right now
qA: Or, all i need
wW: Alright. Deployed it all. They're all on your roof top as well.
qA: Wow, all of them?
qA: i don't even have a way up there
wW: Yeah, okay. Moved your Cruxtruder and Totem Lathe into your room along with the card. The giant Alchemiter, or whatever it's called, is pretty big so...
wW: Any suggestions?
qA: Maybe leave it on the roof, but make a way up there
qA: i'm sure it's possible
wW: Maybe I'll make a staircase or something? Actually, that's probably too expensive. Can you climb?
qA: i can climb ladders, i guess
qA: not sure there are ladders her for you to copy-and-paste, though
qA: Also, there is like no room in here, goodness
wW: Like, can you climb a pillar or something?
qA: If there's holds i guess? i'm not a gecko
wW: I guess I could smash the pillar up a little bit to manually make some holds. A little bit of DIY and whatnot.
wW: Unless you have some other ideas?
qA: What was wrong with stairs again?
qA: Just like five or six stairs from the balcony to the roof
wW: Man. But stairs are so boring.
wW: Don't complain or anything if something bad happens on them. "I warned you about stairs, bro."
qA: Man whatevs
qA: Also, i'm having trouble opening this thing
qA: i'd ask you for help, but who knows where that'd get me



Just then, a bust of Stephen Colbert descend onto the device, splitting instantly and crumbling out the contents as a flash of sienna light occurs..


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



wW: There you go.
qA: Oh god, you broke the bust.
qA: Mr. Colbert's beautiful face, forever tarnished
qA: And now there's these uncut diamonds everywhere
qA: Why was that bust full of uncut diamonds
qA: Oh whatever, i'll just get this shiny cylinder and get to work
qA: Let's see...
qA: i take it this card is important...



Alice crawls over to the totem lathe, noticing the clamp area and the slot area on it. She puts the dowel and the punch card in and watches as it gets carved.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



qA: Okay, i now have a carved thingy
qA: Not sure how to proceed.
wW: Okay. So what you got now is a Carved Cruxite Dowel.
qA: Oh, i forget that you actually know some things about this game
qA: Which reminds me, we need to talk later
qA: About dreams
qA: But, what do i do with this dowel?
wW: It looks like you're all done with the Cruxtader, so the logical choice should probably be the Alchemiter. If I recall correctly, there's a little platform on there roughly the right shape to put your dowel onto.
wW: You've got access to your rooftop now. Once you put your dowel onto the Alchemiter's platform, I believe it's supposed to turn it into some sort of special, symbolic item that grants you entry into The Medium. I'm not sure how, though, as it's different for everybody. Like a personal challenge sort of thing.
qA: Oh, i did see Valen struggling with a green suitcase
qA: Also, maybe i should take care of this sprite first
qA: It seems riled up
wW: You can leave that until after you're done with entry; that takes priority at the moment. What did you prototype into it anyway?
qA: Nothing yet
qA: i briefly consider using Stephen over here
qA: But i don't want to make the same mistake as Valen
qA: Think i'll go with one of the indian statues
qA: My sprite shall be stoic, giving sagely advice when needed.
wW: I'd go with something that would result in a weak sprite at first. Just in case. You can always prototype it again if you need a power boost, I think. I'm not too sure. I think I'll just prototype an old teddy bear I had as a kid or something...
wW: Though, that might result in a giant bear sprite.
qA: I think Native Americans are weak enough
qA: If they were stronger, they might have kept their country
wW: True, true. Though, to be fair, they weren't really all that advanced, but were damn handy with a spear.
qA: Remember the Trail of Tears?
qA: That is a very poor precedent of manly strongness
qA: Just cryin for miles
qA: Anyway, let's see how this goes



Alice goes downstairs and tosses the biggest statuette into the orb.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



wW: Damn that's creepy. Just a giant, stotic floating face of an Indian.
qA: Yeah, but it looks sagely too
qA: Got any sagely advice, Mr. Sprite?




*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide SpriteLog_ 



CHIEFSPRITE: ...
qA: Um, okay. That's fine.




*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



wW: Well, you know what they say. Silence is golden and whatnot. Besides, statues don't really talk much, do they? Maybe that has something to do with it.
wW: Chief, are you able to speak?




*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide SpriteLog_ 



CHIEFSPRITE: ...
qA: He's knows something, i can see it in his eyes
qA: Come on, say something wise
CHIEFSPRITE:




*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



wW: Maybe you've got to give him some food or something.
qA: i...
qA: i dunno.
qA: i'll just go to the achemiter and do some stuff



Alice heads out to the balcony to a small, crude stair case, overlooking a community of burning mansions.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



wW: Nope. Doesn't need food, apparently.
qA: Just leave it alone for now
qA: i'll put something else in it later
qA: Okay, so the thing just scanned the dowel and now there's this red crystal slot machine here
wW: You'll probably need to do something to it. Do you have any gambling vices?
qA: i'm good at gambling
qA: And i have plenty of vices
qA: So yeah
qA: i'll just keep doing this until it does something
qA: How much time is left on the cruxtruder timer?
wW: Around eight minutes, so you might want to hurry up with that. I'll stop pestering you for now so you can focus on, er, gambling. Good luck.
wW: See you later when you're in The Medium.
qA: Okay thanks
qA: Don't forget, we still need to talk
wW: Yeah, I know.
--wanderingWriter [wW] has stopped pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--



Alright, let's get to business.

Ka-ching...


----------



## Platinum (Jul 1, 2012)

*Off The Record Part 2*

*Years in the past, 6 to be exact.
*

"His forms are pretty well developed for one his age." The head teacher of the school took his eye away from the teenager's practiced punches and whirling kicks and focused it on the  kid's brother, who was buried in his latest book. "Almost as advanced as you were at that age if memory serves correctly." 

This got the man to look up from his leatherbound copy of "Futurism and You". He replied to the man's claim with a shrug and a smile, "Must be genetics I suppose."

"Yes...", the teacher glanced back at the young man practicing and briefly caught his eye. "It's in the eyes I think. Your brother has eyes that appear to bore through the soul. Cold and analytical, eyes the color of gunmetal. The eyes of a marksman.... so what styles did you say he has learned again?"

"As you can see my brother has a rather..... voracious appetite for the pugilistic arts. So far he has studied Northern Shaolin and Aikido. He has his heart set on Krav Maga and Bando as well, but I told him he would have to master the former two first before he begins the latter. Afterall, it would do him no good to toss aside his other areas of study or the more 'artful' arts to become a jack of all trades and the master of none. With patience after all you can have the proverbial cake and eat it too." The teacher was looking at him with an almost slighted glare, obviously waiting for an answer that did not come. When he realized his mistake the brother offered an apology. "Oh and to study under you of course, if you permit it.", he spoke as his hand ruffled through his hair as a show of embarrasement. "He told me 'I would prefer to study styles that emphasize relentless agility, efficiency, and redirecting force as I know I will never be a strength fighter."

"Knowing your strengths, and focusing on them in a way that helps cover your weaknesses. Very wise.....Do you mind if I test the boy?", the teach inquired. 

"That is what he came here for I Imagine. Julius!", his brother called out the fourteen year olds name and he walked over to the two of them. "The master of this school has a test for you.", Julius gave a nod of understanding to his brother and then turned to the master, giving a half bow as show of respect before heading to the center of the room and setting himself in his initial stance.

The master snapped his fingers and ten large men formed a loose circle around Julius. Hints of a smile began to form on his face and he began to laugh. "You are going to need something better than this sad collection of bumbling fools to challenge me in any meaningful way." Julius raced towards his first target, a six foot four inch behemoth with a jagged scar running across his forehead. He leaped into the air and delivered a spin kick that connected with the man's chin, sending him sprawling backwards. Without even a momentary pause Julius turned around bent his knees and set his arms out in front of him in a defensive stance, waiting for the other 9 to converge on him. 

He moved with grace and precision, dodging the punches and kicks of three or four men simultaneously with little difficulty. Where he could not outright dodge, he did not oppose the force being sent at him. Instead, he flowed with it, batting aside blows with his forearms while manuevering around them to get into an optimal position to begin his counterattack. His opportunity came when one of his opponents threw a lazy punch. He caught the blow and pivoted his body to send the man crashing to the ground with a throw. Still holding onto the man's arm he placed his left leg on the man's shoulder and pulled, popping it out of it's socket. He flipped over a pair of men as they came to blind side him and incapacitated both of them with a furious flurry of punches aimed at pressure points.

Six left, Julius caught one with a leg sweep, following it up with a punch to the throat. Another he caught in an elbow lock and sent him crashing to the floor with a throw. From that he spun and caught the third with an elbow to the temple. The fourth was disabled by an open palm strike to the chin followed by a punch to the solar plexus which doubled him over. He went on the offensive after that, finishing the last two off with a high speed barrage of kicks.

The master walked over, stepping over the prone bodies of one of the men lying unconcious on the floor. "Your fundamentals are at an....acceptable level. I will teach you."

"Thank you master.", Juius couldn't help but flash a triumphant smile.

"But know this.", the man warned. "Your skills are currently at a level that wouldn't even pass as mediocre. Of the movements you performed in my test over half of them were either inefficent or entirely unnecessary." The teacher withdrew a pair of handguns and began to demonstrate a series of forms. "The art which you wish to learn, the art of gun kata, is all about efficency of movement. Every move you take is designed to minimize your chance of getting hurt, while maximizing your potential to deal out damage. It will take time, and it will take full dedication."

"I understand Master Locke."

"Good. Your training will begin tomorrow."

16 Months later

Julius bowed to his master for the final time, his training was at an end now.

"You have learned all that I can teach you.", Master Locke spoke . "You are now ready to move on to the next phase of your training."

"...Next phase?", Julius replied in confusion.

"Yes." a dark skinned arabic man spoke as he appeared out of seemingly nowhere and walked to stand by Locke. He was adorned in a black ceremonial robe, a pair of revolvers sat in holsters at his sides. "Master Locke has taught you the basics, with your movements and stances refined you can now undertake the more advanced arts. The art of the gunslinger.... if you so desire."

"I would be honored ."

"Excellent. Master Ibn you will not be disappointed by my protoge."


----------



## Platinum (Jul 1, 2012)

--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Hey, Julius, are you there?
AQ: I'd like to have some words with you
II: I only have words with known associates.
II: Not people with slightly modified and reversed handles of associates.
II: So please contact me on your normal account Alice.
AQ: Oh, yes, very clever, but not quite accurate a deduction
AQ: My handle is only similar to her's because we sort of know each other
AQ: These are not the words I came to have with you, though
II: If I am going to believe that, which I'm not saying I will.
II: Are you really devoid of individuality to the extent that you choose to mirror another's handle?
II: And if you aren't Alice, why should I bother talking to you at all?
II: I'm a very busy man, and there is little room to pencil in some pointless banter.
II: So if you cannot give me a sufficent reason to squander precious seconds on you please cease pestering me so I can get back to work.
AQ: Ha, "work"
AQ: Look, is it so hard to believe that someone think an acquaintance's handle is super-clever?
AQ: And you of all people, should realize that if someone you don't know knows your name then they have important things to say.
AQ: Assuming I'm not Alice
AQ: Which would be an accurate assumption, I gotta say
II: I find that when people know my name without me giving it to them, it often means i'm on the fast track to an all you can eat buffet of frustration and misery. 
II: And I gotta say i've had my fill of it for the day.
II: You aren't a member of this party, you aren't a certain bloodthirsty scamp, and you aren't a certain all knowing asshole. So really I'm reaching for a reason to care about what you have to say.
II: And like Tantalus, it remains out of my grasp, and will for the rest of time i'm afraid.
AQ: Well, it more frustrating on my end, let my tell you
AQ: Like Sissyphus of something
AQ: Wait, you know that guy?
AQ: Oh jeez, I had no idea you knew that guy
AQ: Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked
AQ: Can you just accept that the things I have to say are probably more important than the inconsequensial horseshit you're spending your time on, Julius?
II: Inconsequential?
II: I'm solving a mystery, saving humanity from extinction, and preparing a group of obnoxious and uncooperative stains for the challenge of a lifetime. 
II: The only thing i'm doing of no worth is wasting my time on this circular excercise in futility.
II: This tango of idiocy we are locked in together.
AQ: I fail to see how that mystery could be of any merit in apocolyptic circumstances, Julius.
AQ: Do you mind if I call you Julie?
II: Do you mind if I call you annoying?
AQ: Okay then.
AQ: Here's the thing, Julie
AQ: It should really be a bit of a higher priority to get those "shitstains" to salvation instead of squandering time on matters concerning people who are probably slated for death
AQ: And since you seem to have acknowledged my unwavering determination
AQ: Now would be a good segue into what word I came to share.
II: The fact that they are all slated to die doesn't mean that they are not entitled to justice still. I don't expect you or anyone else to understand, but the current situation changes nothing at all.
II: And I can acknowledge you because you are extremely vapid and do not offer anything that takes my brain power to process. I can multitask well enough.
II: So just get on with it already. There no point in blocking you since you will probably find some way around it, so speak your peace and then quit my computer screen.
AQ: Aw, I was looking forward to circumventing your block and befuddling you
AQ: Anyway, onto the point
AQ: I've been monitoring you for a while now
AQ: And there's a pretty strong trend that indicates you are kind of a terrible person
AQ: Now, that's not a bad thing. Some of my favorite people are terrible
AQ: But I can't help but feel like it's been getting in the way of you being a proper spearhead to this mission of yours
II: Through your narrow frame of reference, I can see where your opinion came from. It is of course innacurate and flawed, and if I cared what you thought I would demonstrate the point.
II: But if you seriously are here to try and be my counselor please go talk to someone else.
II: To say you can give me some new window of insight into a complex group dynamic is laughable.
AQ: Hahaha, okay
AQ: That is exactly what I am talking about
AQ: All these deep-rooted complexes and insisting you don't need assistance and random insults
AQ: I understand that's, you know, "your thing"
AQ: But maybe put it on the backburner while you doing this whole Sburb thing.
AQ: A leader leads by example, not force
AQ: Sun Tzu
II: Thank you for the sage advice. I'm sure you have put a lot of thought into all of this and that's wonderful and all.
II: Just one tiny flaw in your assessment.
II: I will wait for you to realize that since I am currently not in the game it is impossible to lead by exmaple.
II: And the fact that some people can't be lead by example.
II: "Hey James look at me being a proud, confident, and level-headed leader. Does this not inspire you to new heights? Are you not feeling more invested in this team as a group and willing to cast aside your individual pleasure for the good of the unit?"
II: Oh wait that is two tiny flaws. It seems I, like you, have miscalculated a little. 
II: Mistakes do happen I suppose.
AQ: Ha, wow. This is ridiculous
AQ: Have you even tried?
AQ: Did you even ever CONSIDER that people act less horribly when you aren't spitting in their faces?
AQ: Spoiler Alert; you have not
AQ: These things don't occur to you because it's your nature to do the things you do
AQ: Hunting down jaywalkers and whatever
AQ: I'm not trying to teach the autistic kid to play Beethoven on a piano here
AQ: Just trying to get him to quit drooling on the ivories when nobody else is home.


----------



## Platinum (Jul 1, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Now this sure is surprising. 
II: I thought you said you knew of me. For one so certain they have me all figured out you really know nothing. 
II: Truly your arrogance is astounding.
II: Of course I have considered that, I consider everything. 
II: Every detail, every potential detail, I devour it all. I form my opinions on the backs of tedious hours of painstaking research. 
II: And that's why I know this group better than anyone, and why it's laughable that you think you can help me.
II: You assume two things in your point.
II: One; that I care about the vitriol that certain members spew all over me, like a drunken fratboy after he had one too many beers.
II: Two; that this is not what I want and have wanted all along.
II: People are simple, they come together for two reasons. To band against a common threat or the unfamiliar, and when they hate something.
II: For some of the party the threat of a dangerous new world is good enough to bind us together, but for others that is not nearly enough. 
II: And so I offer myself up like a sacrifical lamb. They can direct all their hate at me, and through their scheming, and behind their back plotting and bitching about me, they come closer together. They hate me, but they know they need me.
II: And in time I direct that anger elsewhere onto the game, prove myself as the rightful leader and all is right in the world.
II: So please take your base analysis elsewhere and leave me alone if you have nothing else to say.
AQ: Oh man, I forgot that we're dealing with Sherlock Fucking Holmes
AQ: Of course you don't need other people!
AQ: Frankly they should be honored that you're treating them like shit
AQ: Who cares if it drives one of them into a fit of murderous insanity?
AQ: You can just beat them with your all-know probability knowledge powers and your MIIIIND.
AQ: YOU ARE NOT MIND, DAMMIT
AQ: You are VOID
AQ: That is basically the fucking LACK OF INFORMATION
AQ: Like you don't know shit
AQ: Except for what your informants and your space tentacles and your super-sentient trees tell you
AQ: aRGBLHKOGL
AQ: Okay look, Julian
AQ: I don't care what others think of you
AQ: or what you think/want/know others think of you
AQ: Or what you think of others or what they think of thems selves or if you elect yourself Prom King or whatever the fuck
AQ: All I'm saying 
AQ: Is that treating these people less sociopathically might result in less enmity amongst comrades and more overall morale
AQ: Which, I don't fucking know, could be condusive to teamwork???
II: I never claimed I don't need other people.
II: I just don't need stupid people, like you for instance.
II: Mind or void, who cares? People don't fit into neat little bundles as you seem to think.
II: Every mind is a finely tuned and different swiss watch, that needs a different procedure to get it to tick in time with the rest.
II: And I hardly see how learning from others is a bad thing, isn't that what we are all supposed to do? I learn from others, and I learn on my own, my approach is multi-faceted and pragmatic.
II: You know nothing of me, nothing of this group, and dare I say nothing of yourself.
II: And one who knows nothing can understand nothing.
II: Teamwork sprouts naturally out of unity and my strategy will assure unity. 
II: Now what other vague demeaning insults and words would you care to barrage me with?
II: Oh, perhaps am I a prick that doesn't know anything? 
II: An insufferable, arrogant jerkwad?
II: Please do not leave me hanging I need to know.
AQ: Well, you are the expert on knowing nothing, so I can't really argue that point
AQ: That was not intended as an insult, by the way.
AQ: Anyway, let me put things into perpective
AQ: What if Sun Tzu was in your position?
AQ: Would he be pitiably incorrigible? Would he say that dying is not proper justice unless it's by his hand?
AQ: Would he pretend to team up with someone in fight to lower their guard?
AQ: Hint: Probably Not
AQ: Anyway, that's all I had to say really.
AQ: I can't tell if this impacted you because if it did you'd react the same way to throw me off of whatever
AQ: I'd say I have more important things to do, but that's basically a lie.
AQ: Unless death is important
AQ: You on the other hand, will shortly be occupied, so I'll leave you to that.
II: And once again you misconstrue everything, which seems to be a theme with you.
II: Sun Tzu is not the end all, be all of military thinking but if you will remember he did once upon a time say "If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles".
II: And luckily information is my primary expertise as you well know.
II: But since you are content to leave me well enough alone, I will no longer press the issue.
II: I do not know your fate, perhaps you are playing in a session of your own, if so then good luck with that. If not, I hope you spend what little time you have left in quiet reflection, even if you came to me with the all noble intention of enlightening me, perhaps I have given you something you can contemplate as well.
AQ: Well, remember
AQ: To win battles against those who you should not be fighting is the greatest failure of all
AQ: Sun Tzu probably said that too, i don't know.




--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

Alice is kind of terrible at this whole lying thing. Also needlessly emotional. If I had time to care I would spend that doing more productive things. Like cracking a case or cracking open a new bottle of wine.

Luckily with all the time she sought to waste I was able to complete my final case report and upload it to the internet. It's quite easy to multitask when one of those tasks is listening to a whole lot of nothing. With that I have cleared my backlog of every non teammate based casefile. I imagine this is the point in time when the little chime breaks the silence and 'achievement unlocked' flashes across the screen. And now if I can only get the 'survive the game without shooting yourself in the face' achievement I will be set.


----------



## Nicodemus (Jul 3, 2012)

*>Be Cess*

You are now Cessily Altrove, and you have just gotten done chatting with your bestest friend forever, Alice. 

*>Contact Julius*

You figure it is about time you receive an update from your glorious leader.

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: hey
rB: hey are you there???
rB: we need to taaaaaalk
II: I'm always here. 
II: What do you need from me?
rB: no offense to your fantastic leadership skills and all
rB: really
rB: but these meteors are getting awful close to my house
rB: and qA just told me she's entering
rB: which means there's still a while until i go
rB: i don't mean to sound whiny...
rB: but is there any way we can hurry this process along???
II: I'm afraid not.
II: You will just need to trust the fact that one will not be on a direct collision course for your area of residence until it is your time to enter.
II: I cannot expedite the process nor can I switch around the order. It's just something you are going to have to deal with.
rB: oh yeah no problem
rB: like i said just a friendly request and all...
rB: i think they got my school
rB: not that that's a tragedy or anything but...
rB: ah, crap, i'm rambling
rB: need to stop doing that
rB: how are you so calm about all this???
II: My whole life has been about keeping calm under pressure.
II: You kind of get used to it after a while. 
II: I can't expect any of you to be calm about the situation if I'm panicking myself. 
II: Also I do not mind ramblers. You can continue to ramble if you so choose.
rB: well gee that makes me feel a lot better...
rB: uh hold on...
rB: there was something i wanted to ask you
rB: i'm a little drowsy i just woke up
rB: popped a few sleeping pills a couple hours ago 
rB: thought i'd need the sleep i guess???
rB: not a good idea...can't remember crap...
rB: oh!!! that was it!!!
rB: i had the weirdest dream
rB: there was this big golden city...
rB: i was gonna ask qA but she got away from me before i could
rB: i dunno, this is stupid, but it felt so real...
II: Is this the first time you have had a dream about this place or is this a common occurence?
rB: well now that you mention it
rB: i remember...things
rB: nothing as substantial as this though
II: So you are finally waking up.
II: Congratulations, you are taking a major step forward.
rB: ...
rB: yay???
rB: you're not making any sense
II: There are two types of dreams.
II: There are the dreams that we have while asleep, and the dreams that we have while awake.
rB: like lucid dreaming??? or something???
II: In a way I guess. 
II: But not really.
II: For the mundane average human dreams are merely dreams.
II: But in the cases of certain individuals such as yourself and I, dreams are so much more once you finally wake up. 
rB: okay maybe its the pills...
rB: but seriously i don't understand a word you're saying
II: "All that we see or seem
II: Is but a dream within a dream." 
II: Poe wrote that.
II: And in this case it applies quite truthfully.
II: All your dreams before this one, were but merely dreams within a dream.
II: ... is this getting through to you?
rB: like inception???
rB: does that mean you're a projection???
rB: if you are i think you're the projection of the part of my mind that enjoys being infuriatingly vague
II: Sure I guess. 
II: Think of it like you are now on the second level. You have gone deeper.
II: There is no going back to that first level, you are here to stay in golden dreamland.
II: Only this place is not only just a dream, it's a reality.
rB: aaaaagh my head is hurting
rB: so this place i visited
rB: this city...
rB: it's real??? is that what you're trying to say???
II: That is exactly what i'm saying.
II: This golden city is known as Prospit. 
II: It is a construct of the game we are playing. 
II: When you sleep here, you awake there. 
rB: whoa whoa whoa hold the phone
rB: so prospit is a part of sburb???
rB: i haven't even played the game yet!!! how am i in it???
II: Because you already exist in some shape in the game. 
II: What we in the know refer to as a 'dream self'. Which is always there from the moment of your conception. 
II: It merely slumbers until you have found a way to wake it up. 
rB: so everyone in the session has a dream self??? so i could find everyone on prospit???
rB: that's pretty cool i guess
II: Not exactly.
II: You can only find half of the players on Prospit. 
II: You just so happen to have been destined for residence there.
rB: then where are the other half destined for???
rB: and where are you???
II: The other half find their home on the dark kingdom of derse. 
II: The conflicting opposite to your kingdom of light, each at war with the other.
II: It is on this planet that I call home. 
II: Suffice to say that we will not be embarking on frolicks with each other. 
rB: okay, so this is like the lore of the story
rB: got it
rB: do you know who is where??? guess it would be good to know who i'm sharing a planet with...
II: I do in fact.
II: Well I only know the others that call my area of dream land home but it is easy to deduce the others from that.
II: Derse is the home of myself, mE, mD, wW, tS and pC. 
II: The rest are your roomies. Which would make such winners as qA and sL prospiters.
rB: WHAT
rB: YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS
rB: you mean sL is on a planet with me...dream me...right fucking now???
rB: holy shit i need more pills where did i put the pills???
rB: he is going to murder me unless i take serious evasive maneuvers
rB: i am talking barrel roll level shit here
II: Are you done panicking and pill popping?
II: I would hate to have to get out the stomach pumper this early in the day.
II: Relax.
rB: easy for you to say!!!
rB: you're an entire planet away from him!!!
rB: unfortunately i cannot find the pills
rB: maybe you could sing me a lullaby???
II: Uh... what?
rB: that was a joke 
II: Okay good, I am a mediocre singer anyways.
II: Look.
II: I don't even think he's awake yet.
II: And even if he is, he knows better than to attack anyone.
II: If he does, I'll stop him and that will be that.
rB: uh...ok
rB: i guess i'll stop freaking out
rB: sL's in the game already...
rB: he has better things to do than wake up on prospit and stab me in my sleep
rB: hopefully
II: I know how to keep him in line.
II: Now do you perhaps care to learn a little about Derse or do you need further assuring that I can kill sL if he acts up?
rB: no, no, tell me about the evil darkness planet of doom
II: Well I'm no longer the only one awake here, but that was not the case until just recently.
II: I've been awake here since I was ten years old so I know a thing or two about the place.
II: It's a rather melancholy place to be honest. Being all dark and purple but I don't really mind. 
II: It's ruled by the black queen, who protects the homefront while her husband wages war . They are our main antagonists in this game.
rB: ok. black queen rules derse. does that mean...white queen rules prospit???
II: I can make a junior sleuth out of you yet.
II: Yes we are supposed to aid the white royalty in their struggle.
II: It's just the fact that some of us are tasked with fighting behind enemy lines.
II: Lucky us huh?
II: While the people of the kingdom of light revere you, we are looked at uneasily by the populace at best and with sheer terror at the worst. 
II: That's why I have not revealed myself to them in my years of being awake. Instead I have watched them through the shadows.
rB: like batman
rB: like six batmen
rB: whereas we are more superman
rB: or maybe captain marvel
rB: shazam???
II: Or maybe we are just normal people?
II: Last time I checked none of us are wearing tights.
rB: you have not checked me obviously
rB: your information is false
II: Are you all about the tights Cess?
II: Am I teaming up with a modern day superhero? 
rB: no comment
II: You must protect your secret identity, I understand.
II: Who knows what would happen if that information was to fall into the wrong hands after all.
rB: exactly
rB: but we are very off topic
rB: when i was on prospit i....
rB: saw things. in the clouds
rB: i saw a lot of weird stuff this time
rB: usually i just see like, ducks
II: I believe those are visions of the future you gleamed.
rB: ah i see
rB: that explains a lot
rB: i suppose i'll have to re-evaluate my superhero assignments
rB: i also saw a giant chessboard
rB: anything i should know??? it felt important
II: That was a primitve form of the battlefield where our final war will be waged. 
II: Your planet of Prospit orbits it actually, next time fly down a bit and you will see it.
rB: sounds pretty cool actually
rB: tell you what
rB: i am going to take another nap
rB: explore a bit i guess
rB: so we'll have to put this convo on hold for the moment julius
II: I had much more to inquire of you.
II: But those questions can wait. 
II: I will talk to you later then.
rB: bye-bye!!!




*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*

Ok. You are calm. You learned a lot of useful stuff there. Julius was very civil. He gains a few points on your friendship-o-meter.

*Current Friendship-o-meter stats*

*Spoiler*: __ 




Alice - 150 
Julius - 50
Valen - 45
mE - 40
Uri - 25
wW - 25
sL -  -1,000,000



*>Sleep*

Yeah, yeah. Let's find those pills, shall we?


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 4, 2012)

*Friendly talk*

Well it's nice to have friends and all, but don't some of the others need friends? On that matter since there are other people out there that may want to hurt them...

*Spoiler*: __ 



*--battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*
bE: Detective how is your work going?
II: Which work in particular are you talking about?
II: Because I got a lot on my plate, so much in fact I need multiple plates stacked comically to the ceiling, just full of work to carry it all around at once.
bE: I'm sorry for doubting you were so busy last time.
bE: Let's start with all of the players. You have contacted all of them at this point yes?
II: You were the last one to be contacted.
II: So unless some person comes out of nowhere, yeah this is all of us.
II: A lavish buffet, filled to the brim with a variety of ingredients.
II: We have mediocrity, barely acceptable, and a little bit of flat out awful. 
II: And with these we will construct a mighty fine shit sandwhich.


Are we really that bad off? Well at least it's nice to know he contacted everyone. Okay since I can't say anything directly without breaking my promise and possibly getting blocked out. Lets see what he knows.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What would you say if there was another sandwich nearby?
II: Can we just drop the sandwhich metaphor?
II: Admittedly, it was a pretty awful metaphor to begin with.
II: We should never discuss the sandwich metaphor again.


 He's right it's terrible.
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: Very well, has anyone strange talked to you recently Detective?
II: Outside of you?
II: Outside of everyone I talk with already?
bE: Yes outside of that.
II: Perhaps I have had one or two strange discourses.
II: What of it?


 One or two? Does that mean there is a second besides qA or even more?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How important would you say these discourses are?
II: Not really important?
II: Are you going somewhere with this?
II: Because we are kind of idling at the streetlight right now.
bE: I believe they are very important, so important we should open a memo to the group about it.
bE: II how did rB find you?
II: She found me through people I instructed to find her.
II: So to say she was the one to find me would be fallacious at best.
II: Why does this concern you?
II: How me and Cess found each other is insignificant and a trifling matter.
bE: Through people you instructed to find her?
bE: Are these people ordered to bother other players after they find them?
II: Uh... yeah?
II: It's called social contact, that is still a thing last time I checked.
II: You are kind of flat out wasting my time right now to be honest.
II: What's the matter?
II: sL being mean again? 
II: sN being stupid?


 You love being difficult about everything don't you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What happens when you switch qA's letters?
II: The letters a and q get switched in their positions. 
II: You have now had your preschool lesson for the day.
II: Would you care for some milk and animal crackers?


 Yes, yes he does.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay...
bE: I thought that would work, you know what big brother is right II?
bE: Would it be possible if, say, the person you talked about getting a session got in?
bE: That someone you owe a favor to.
II: Wow that question is so off base it's flying out into the outfield. 
II: And look! It keeps on going. 
II: When will it stop? Who knows, sure as hell isn't me.
II: First of all you must get the facts straight.
II: I 'used' to owe this person a favor. The favor was arranging a session for her to play in.
II: Second of all, no one in her session had a handle of aQ, so it sure as hell isn't Rachel or anyone in her party.
II: Third, seriously?
II: I mean seriously.
II: Come on, you have the deduction prowess of your average hamster.
II: An aQ person appears, someone who's handle is a slightly rearranged handle of someone we know.
II: This person talks like that person, acts like them, and hates me just as much as that person.
II: Maybe even a little more, I was getting some off putting vibes.
II: Obviously this culprit must be someone that would have no interest in contacting you.
II: I mean it makes sense right.
II: Occam's Razor is rather rusty and needs to be thrown away. 
II: Why use it, when we got this fanciful 5 bladed razor of pure fucking logic, slicing through all the bullshit like a buzzsaw slices through plywood?
II: Even has a little moisture strip and everything, what more could you want out of this divine creation?


 Some decency for one. I don't think it's her she's to different.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Fine then you are a detective right?
bE: Have you seen qA's handwriting before?
II: Sure.
II: I have a digital sample of her handwriting taken from a variety of different points in her life.
II: This is basic stuff for a detective.
II: Why?


Glad I thought that up hopefully it ends up being useful.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I managed to get something from this certain person.
*--bE uploaded [signedandlegallybinding.png] and sent it to II--*
bE: It's signed by the person you think is qA how similiar are they?
II: Hmm.
II: That's curious.
II: For the most part the basic groundwork is there.
II: But there are some noticeable differences from the samples I have on file.
II: It's evolved somewhat, typical for people as they go through change in their life.
II: So either she is deliberatly faking a slightly varied writing style in order to through me off.
II: OR. If we go to the trashbin and dig out that rusty old razor.
II: We can assume this is a slightly older version of Alice contacting us.
II: Exactly how much older I cannot say, but hey that's my analysis.
II: Satsified?


Oh now you use it. Well it makes sense, but... Wouldn't a older Alice be better than a young one?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Not quite, though I never expected it would be an older Alice. Didn't seem like her to me.
bE: However I remember you saying you had basic hacking down.
bE: How good would you say qA is at hacking right now?
II: Of course you weren't expecting that.
II: You were expecting some haunting figure from my dark tragic past, back to haunt my dreams once more. So you could continue raining down balloons on my perceived pity party.
II: I can confidently say that qA has absolutely no hacking experience whatsoever.
II: From monitoring her outgoing data, I have never seen anything indicative of hacking.


 So it isn't Alice now... or maybe not her at all.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I wouldn't call it hacking, she merely subverted my block instantly.
bE: A push of the button wouldn't even compare how fast she did it.
bE: How long did that take you II?


 You hacking ass.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well I took the more direct approach.
II: I ran a cryptographic sequencer program until it matched your password.
II: You should really change it by the way.
II: I would hardly call it a password.
II: Still it took maybe a few minutes?
II: But instant bypassing of blocks might be possible for a more experience hacker or someone with the right computer program installed on their computer.
II: Since she is kind of the pirate queen of the eastern internet sea, I would go with the latter.
II: I know for a fact such programs exist.


 I think I will change it to "IIisAhugedick"

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What about programs that read minds, do those exist yet?
II: Do weird programs exist to make someone forcibly forget traumatic moments in their life?
II: I don't know.
II: Lots of weird out there on this planet and the planets beyond. 
II: I can't be expected to know everything.
II: Can you please stop beating around this little bush.
II: Just stop the beating all together for your sake and mine.
II: And get to the point.


 I don't think they do II. Would be scary if they did though.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Fine I will, I would break my promise though.
bE: There is no guarantee I will be able to tell you if I try however
II: Just get on with it, lets see where this takes us.
bE: Fine
bE: A-
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


 Dammit.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: 9 minutes.
II: 34 seconds.
II: Of sweet life that you just wasted.
II: I need a drink.
*--battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*
bE: Fine then if I can't tell you I'll try something else.
*-- bE uploaded [nearlyimpossiblevirtualrubik'scube.fla] and [manual.jpg] to II--*
bE: That's a 10000x10000x10000 rubik's cube.
bE: Each panel on it has a letter that I have written on it.
bE: When you solve it the message will come through.
bE: Waste your sweet life on that you idiot.
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


* I can't believe I was bored enough to do that.

Spoiler:  



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--


*
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: A rubix cube?
II: Really? 
II: This is the most 70's thing I have ever done in my life. And I once hosted a disco party at the villa....  I rather not talk about that day.
II: What's next? Will I have to play twister on a ten mile long mat?
II: For shame, I was really hoping for a game of charades.
II: Oh anyways, that puzzle thing?
II: I solved it.


 No go on I want to hear about it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How in the hell did you solve it? I don't think even any computer can solve it that quickly.
II: Remember that cryptographic sequencer I convientally brought up a few lines ago?
II: Yeah.... just ran it through that on my brother's souped up computer. Filtering out all answers that weren't actual words. It's a little higher tech than most of the supercomputers you will find on the market. My brother has connections.
II: Like i'm going to fucking do a 10,000 block rubix cube puzzle, fuck that and if I can borrow a phrase from sL "fuck you for even asking me to do something so monumentally retarded".


I thought you would like the challenge.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 4, 2012)

*Friendly talk 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Let me guess you don't believe me do you?
II: Nah I sort of knew something like that was occuring.
II: Though you are kind of completly off base with your assumptions.
II: Kind of par for the course for you really.
II: You really fail to see the obvious sometimes don't you?


What's with the golf puns.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I would say the same for you, but go on.
II: Coming from you that cuts me deep.
II: You could say there are multiple groups all watching this little session we are about to undertake.
II: Each working alone with competing interests. 
II: As far as I can tell at least.
II: Slightly future Alice is not an agent of the nintendo illuminati or anything. 
II: Who knows her deal anyways?
II: Certainly not you.
II: And to a lesser extent, certainly not me.
II: But I will soon enough. If I ever care too I suppose.


 If a future Alice was bothering us it would have to be for some reason. But I don't know myself so I'll go with that for now.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Multiple groups?
bE: You knew this and didn't tell us?
bE: I've talked to some of the other players they don't seem have the slightest clue about it.
bE: Doesn't that seem pretty important to tell us?
II: I also know that today is the 279th anniversary of the first publishing of Poor Richard's Almanac but I didn't tell you that either.
II: Until now that is.
II: Would you care to know every other random factoid that swims around in the neurons that compose my brain?
II: Get a chair lady, we are going to be here a while.


Something like this isn't a factoid, it's important that we know everything we can. Like scouting other teams.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That isn't a factoid that is important to what is currently going on.
bE: What if one of these groups wanted to kill us and made us do things that would lead to death. Some of the other players are very impressionable after all.
bE: It would fall on your head wouldn't it as "leader" that you didn't say anything about it.
bE: You would think the "leader" would tell his partners something this important.


 I don't want any of my friends to die.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Fine I will, I would break my promise though.
bE: There is no guarantee I will be able to tell you if I try however
II: Just get on with it, lets see where this takes us.
bE: Fine
bE: A-
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


 Dammit.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: 9 minutes.
II: 34 seconds.
II: Of sweet life that you just wasted.
II: I need a drink.
*--battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*
bE: Fine then if I can't tell you I'll try something else.
*-- bE uploaded [nearlyimpossiblevirtualrubik'scube.fla] and [manual.jpg] to II--*
bE: That's a 10000x10000x10000 rubik's cube.
bE: Each panel on it has a letter that I have written on it.
bE: When you solve it the message will come through.
bE: Waste your sweet life on that you idiot.
*--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


* I can't believe I was bored enough to do that.

Spoiler:  



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering battEcho [bE]--


*
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: A rubix cube?
II: Really? 
II: This is the most 70's thing I have ever done in my life. And I once hosted a disco party at the villa....  I rather not talk about that day.
II: What's next? Will I have to play twister on a ten mile long mat?
II: For shame, I was really hoping for a game of charades.
II: Oh anyways, that puzzle thing?
II: I solved it.


 No go on I want to hear about it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How in the hell did you solve it? I don't think even any computer can solve it that quickly.
II: Remember that cryptographic sequencer I convientally brought up a few lines ago?
II: Yeah.... just ran it through that on my brother's souped up computer. Filtering out all answers that weren't actual words. It's a little higher tech than most of the supercomputers you will find on the market. My brother has connections.
II: Like i'm going to fucking do a 10,000 block rubix cube puzzle, fuck that and if I can borrow a phrase from sL "fuck you for even asking me to do something so monumentally retarded".


I thought you would like the challenge.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Let me guess you don't believe me do you?
II: Nah I sort of knew something like that was occuring.
II: Though you are kind of completly off base with your assumptions.
II: Kind of par for the course for you really.
II: You really fail to see the obvious sometimes don't you?


What's with the golf puns.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I would say the same for you, but go on.
II: Coming from you that cuts me deep.
II: You could say there are multiple groups all watching this little session we are about to undertake.
II: Each working alone with competing interests. 
II: As far as I can tell at least.
II: Slightly future Alice is not an agent of the nintendo illuminati or anything. 
II: Who knows her deal anyways?
II: Certainly not you.
II: And to a lesser extent, certainly not me.
II: But I will soon enough. If I ever care too I suppose.


 If a future Alice was bothering us it would have to be for some reason. But I don't know myself so I'll go with that for now.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Multiple groups?
bE: You knew this and didn't tell us?
bE: I've talked to some of the other players they don't seem have the slightest clue about it.
bE: Doesn't that seem pretty important to tell us?
II: I also know that today is the 279th anniversary of the first publishing of Poor Richard's Almanac but I didn't tell you that either.
II: Until now that is.
II: Would you care to know every other random factoid that swims around in the neurons that compose my brain?
II: Get a chair lady, we are going to be here a while.


Something like this isn't a factoid, it's important that we know everything we can. Like scouting other teams.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That isn't a factoid that is important to what is currently going on.
bE: What if one of these groups wanted to kill us and made us do things that would lead to death. Some of the other players are very impressionable after all.
bE: It would fall on your head wouldn't it as "leader" that you didn't say anything about it.
bE: You would think the "leader" would tell his partners something this important.


 I don't want any of my friends to die.
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: You are using impressionable as a euphemism for 'stupid' aren't you?
II: You people feel so entitled it's ridiculous.
II: Like I need to flock to you and prostrate the second I learn anything new and spill my heart out.
II: Like i'm morally obligated to share every morself of intelligence with you.
II: Guess what? Is a general a bad general if he witholds classified information from soldiers before a debriefing?
II: No.
II: It just means you either don't need to know what I know, or you don't need to know it right now.
II: And guess what? Now you do know.
II: I didn't even hide it from you did I? I was pretty fucking open if I can say so myself.
II: Like i'm supposed to answer your every question when you don't even ask them right or don't even think of asking them.
II: Oh and by the way.
II: Pretty sure at least one of these people does want to kill us.
II: Just a heads up from your friendly neighborhood leader.
II: As far as I can tell it's an ineffectual threat though so who cares?
II: What did you learn from me telling you?
II: Nothing. 
II: What did you gain? Apprehension and nervousness. You are worse off for knowing.
II: See. Information can hurt as much as it helps. It's up to me to decide which is which and when to dish out that sweet intelligence.


 I'm neither of those things.
You sound a little mad.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:...
bE:.................................................
bE: II on a one to ten scale how mad would you be right now?
II: About a three.
II: Mild exasperation, bordering on annoyance.


I really doubt that, otherwise we still wouldn't be here.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay then prick.
bE: Knowing is half the battle and since someone is actually trying to kill us.
bE: How about you make a damn memo to inform everyone else.
bE: LEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDEEEEEEERRRR.
II: One a scale of one to ten bE, how mad would you be right now?
bE: Mad enough that once I do get into the game and while I'm still out of the game I will give you hell.
bE: Not the deadly kind of hell.
bE: The annoying unending kind.
bE: The kind that would ruin your suits.


 I'm so going to prank you.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 4, 2012)

*Friendly talk 3*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So... about a 8.5?
II: Not bad, I was unaware I was able to get your proverbial goat in such a manner.
II: But you can kind of cut the whole tsundere routine please. 
II: You have other things to do.
II: Like threaten me and then expect me to jump to your demands.
II: As if I'm a trained french poodle.
II: I'm a little reluctant to recreate the whole memo experience again.
II: Trauma like that sticks with you for more than a few hours. 
II: Perhaps.
II: If you asked extra kindly!
II: I might pencil in a memo after my daily meditation session.


Tsundere? I don't know what you are thinking at all. Ask kindly, what would a guy like this consider kindly.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Pwetty pwetty please detective won't you pwesssss keep all of my fweinds from being killed oh so kind,great,handsome,intellwent detective?
bE: It would make me ever so happy.
II: Is that you being mad and being incapable of spelling again? Or is just you trying to be cute?
II: I'm going to have to render that as inconclusive and schedule a retrial.
II: Please present the evidence once more for the jury to see.


 ugh -.-;.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ugh.
bE: Please oh great detective will you open a memo.
bE: I'll shine your shoes for you,clean your house, and keep you from dying in the future.
bE: I'll even be your best friend.
II: It would appear that I could very well live the 50's dream if I accept what is behind curtain number one.
II: Unfortunately, you are easy to pick up as a charlatan.
II: I know you aren't really trying, but that wasn't even remotely believable.
II: I knew it wouldn't be but I had hope you could prove me wrong.
II: You all want me to do everything for you, but you can't even show me fake kindness.
II: Alas, what a tragic life I live. The seraphs weep, weep I tell you.


 Nothing gets past you does it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I never thought the great detective wanted people to lie to him.
bE: Yeah I'm a terrible liar so what I never really do it that often.
bE: How about this, how about I don't beat you to a pulp in the future or do worse things than that.
bE: I mean mercy is a form of kindness right?
bE: Then again someone like you has none so I really shouldn't be asking you.


 I don't know why I have the urge to beat things to a pulp lately, I think I'll blame it on you though.
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: Every human likes to be lied to, most just won't admit it.
II: I like it as well. Catching people in lies is half the fun of my occupation after all.
II: You are progressing through the human emotion chart right now at a splendid rate.
II: You don't get what you want so you resort to threats of violence.
II: I would bet against you being able to do me serious harm.
II: Sure you are stronger and I can't juggle ridiculously heavy bats or anything.
II: But I got advantages in areas you don't as well, not to mention the fact you are about as subtle as a stampede.
II: Funny you are one to lecture another on kindness, when you just threatened to beat me within an inch of my life with a baseball bat just because I said something that upsetted you.
II: I may not be the nicest guy around, hell I know i'm not.
II: But I don't beat up everyone that annoys me. 


How do you know about that?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You know... you're right a few hours ago I wouldn't have said anything like that.
bE: The detective brings out the best in people I suppose.
II: Don't blame me for the faults within yourself.
II: That's what a coward does.
II: You are stooping to a level below the one I currently inhabit.
II: I guess from a moral standpoint, that makes you currently a worse person than I.
II: Wonderful how these things work isn't it?


 What me a coward, ha!

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I've never been a coward, never will be.
bE: All I see is a hollow shell of a man running away from what's important.
II: You base this off of what?
II: Knowing me for 2 hours at best?
II: Last time I checked I was not a mannequin, nor was I born a frenchman.
II: See this is why everyone is not cut out to be a detective.
II: It's amusing to see people act like they have everything all figure out, with the most minute of information.


 I could have said the same after talking to you for 30 minutes.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Shouldn't you care about your friends?
bE: These people you went the trouble to save.
II: In my own way I do. 
II: Well, I don't really care for sL.
II: And sN.
II: And... you know what i'm just going to stop there.
II: Cause I still care for them on some theoretical level.
II: Do you care about me?
II: Do you typically threaten to beat your friends?
II: Or do you want this whole care thing to be a one way street?
II: I'm the big fucking carebear while everyone else wacks at me like a pinata?
II: If you don't care?
II: Good for you, I don't either.
II: But don't then be a hypocrite and crucify me for not caring. Standards apply to everyone, not just me.


So he has no real friends...
*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I havn't had any friends besides my Uncle till awhile ago.
bE: Fine, I consider you a friend.
bE: The first one I met besides my uncle.
bE: I assumed friends do things for each other and joked about things.
bE: Is that right or wrong? What do you consider a friend to be II?
II: That is such an idealized notion of friendship.
II: Not all friends go to the swimmin hole or sit around talking about their feelings and emotions.
II: A friend is someone who is there for you when you need them.
II: That's all one needs to be.


I suppose... that's not to far off.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Fine then.
bE: So you will tell everyone about this if we are there for you as well.
bE: The others probably don't think you need help.
bE: But... II I have a contract I just made, it's simple though.


 Since you like contracts so much.

*Spoiler*: __ 



--bE uploaded [handwrittencontract.png] and sent it to II--
bE: I already signed it. The only requirement for the contract is that as friends we will always be there for each other through thick and thin no matter how we feel about each other at the time.
II: That is such a vague request that it's nigh impossible to actually follow through on.
II: Which would make me a liar and a promise breaker.
II: Perhaps you could put this request in more specific terms, in the form of a contract for the contract that you want to give me.
II: Then I can look it over and see if we need to haggle over specific points before I sign the agreement.


 Weren't you the one that just said friends are there for each other when they need it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: If we do anything like that then it wouldn't be a contract of friendship would it?
II: Friendship is expressed in different ways.
II: I like my friendship to be expressed through legal paperwork.


You're just loving this aren't you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay then...
bE: What requirements were you thinking of?
II: Why not just make it less vague then if you do not want to draft a contract?
II: Something like "As two parties who have agreed to define their relationship as a 'friendship', both parties promise to maintain the basic requirements to qualify said relationship as a 'friendship' as long as it is humanly possible and not excessively inconvenient to do so."
bE: Define excessively inconvenient and humanly possible.
bE: Because judging by the people here... humanly possible might not be broad enough.



*Spoiler*: __ 




II: If I learn something that might potentially endanger you or other members of the group, I am not liable to disclose it until the threat is reasonably minute.
II: Nor if you pester me trying to talk about feelings and emotions while I'm being attacked by a bunch of monsters, am I obligated to actually talk to you then and there. Because I'm going to close that window quicker than you can register.
II: Things like that. See, it's reasonable. Unlike your initial proposal.
bE: You sure make friendship complicated.
bE: I'm making the proper alterations now even though it sounds about the same way we are now.


Okay, added everything there, now just to ad my own little things...
There we go no killing others and has to endure a single hug.

*Spoiler*: __ 



*--bE uploaded [Newalteredhandwrittencontract.png] and sent it to II--*
bE: Again, I've already signed it.
bE: Though feel free to pester me while I'm being attacked by monsters.
II: I will send it to you later with my adjustments.
II: So lets get to what you were saying before we discussed friendship for 80 lines of dialogue.
bE: Are we going to inform the others?
II: I will consider it based upon what you tell me.
bE: To be a good leader and a friend.
bE: I know you aren't the type to do things like this that often, but it will come up sooner or later and by then things would be worse for us wouldn't it?
bE: Aside from that I believe it would repair your relationships with some of the other players.
bE: For you to warn them about something like this in a way you usually don't.


 Hopefully he gets it

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: If I JUDGE it to be important enough for immediate discussion.
II: It will be discussed immediately. 
II: For all I know, the contract is just about how you secured a shipment of fancy soap or something.
II: So give me what you want to give me and then we will go from there.
II: Please.
II: Pretty please with a cube of sugar in your jasmin tea.


You still don't get it, you're just asking for it. Fine then.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I've already given it to you II it's my friendship.
II: My blood sugar levels literally just double jumped the fucking shark.
II: They are sailing off the chart, into the infinite void.
II: Don't you worry bE.
II: I will be as SURE as sunshine to make a memo about this moment.
II: Let me screencap it so I can put it in a scrapbook.
II: Making life moments happen every day.
II: Now excuse me, I have to compose myself after my heart got touched so gently.
*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*


 Hopefully that helped and he will. Why does this always happen when we talk?


----------



## Platinum (Jul 5, 2012)

I'm always up for a little exercise in masochism. 

*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up a memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: The Apathy Strikes Back"--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
II: That sound right there was every gear in the god damned printing press grinding to a halt.
II: I got some front page news that is so hot it is melting my brain just thinking about it.
II: Are you ready for this? I'll answer that for you.
II: No
II: You can't be fucking ready for this.
II: So I have made this memo to announce to the entire freaking world and every world beyond that bE wants to be my friend.
II: Take a moment to let this sink in, bE thought it imperative for you guys to know this startling fact.

*--panedclysmicClutch [pC] responded to memo--*

pC: shut up
pC: nobody cares
pC: more relevant is, where the fuck did you manage to get all these god damn cars
pC: it's like indy 500 in your garage
II: But this is world shaking news I tell you!
II: Why else would I be asked to shout it from the rooftops.
II: You admire the collection?
II: I knew you would. It's pretty freaking terrific if I do say so myself.
pC: because bE is mentally defunct

*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] responded to memo--*

qA: Oh great, another one of these things
qA: This one's is even more nothing so far

*--strifeLord [sL] responded to memo--*

sL: Go to hell, you stupid fucking cunts
sL: That is all
sL: Actually no, there's more
sL: I just have to think of them
pC: hey qA who's the guy you wanted help with
pC: in a good mood to not be a lazy shit
pC: cars can do that to me
qA: Wow, okay.
qA: You know what? i don't have time for this.
qA: Shock and awe.
qA: i'm going to deal with the numerous intruders in my house
qA: And read over this later.
qA: Or not.

*--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased responding to memo---

--battEcho[bE] responded to memo--*

bE: The hell II
bE: I wanted you to start a memo about the other groups out there.
sL: Fuck the other groups
sL: It's all about us
sL: Unfortunately
sL: Being stuck with you sorry sacks of shit isn't what I wanted
pC: you don't want anyone
pC: you'd probably call a team composed of alternate you's a team full of sacks of shit
pC: now what's this about other people who are supposed to be dead
pC: you know meteors and their faces becoming acquainted and all
II: Well i'm glad to see at least you all know each other a little better now.
II: You can at last hate each other in more ways than you did before. We are diversifying our hatred portfolio up in here.
sL: I'm going to diversify my foot up your ass
sL: Alright, come on
sL: I'm waiting for that trademark II snide comeback
II: If you are waiting for it that means you care to hear what I have to say.
II: I'm touched sL, our team relationships are growing up so fast.
pC: as much as I'd love more of your sexual tension
pC: again what teams
sL: Shut up you diseased cumdumpster
bE: The other teams that want to kill us.
II: What would you know of sexual tension pC?
II: You are literally the antithesis of sexual tension. 
II: There is no tension when you are around, none.
II: It's all gone, you killed it.
pC: it's kind of like how the light knows dark
pC: or how a dumbass can tell a genius
pC: or how a stick can tell how far up your ass it is
pC: it's just a fact of life
II: Wow. If I knew I was going to intellectual war with fucking Plato, I would have brushed up on my philosophy before hand.
pC: it's difficult i know, truly a challenge for
pC: know what fuck it, too much effort
pC: teams the hell are they
II: Have you even set up my villa for entry yet pC?
II: Or are you too busy checking out my sweet rides and contemplating your place in the universe?
bE: pC can you wreck II's bathrooms for me?
bE: I'm kinda angry at him right now.
pC: one I dropped that one platform looking thing somewhere
pC: I think it was next to some news clippings or something
pC: two, no cause I promised II i wouldn't fuck with his place
pC: or rather had to sign in triplicate a legal document, fucking seriously
bE: He did that to you to?
bE: What's up with the legal documents for everything II are you afraid of something?
sL: Hey guys, this is sL's Sprite here
sL: I just came to check this out because, well, curiosity
sL: The asshole's in the kitchen right now looking for something to eat
sL: I have to say, all of you really are sorry sacks of shit
sL: With that, I'll be gone as fast as I came
II: Thank you for your input game construct, it means so much to all of us here.
II: And yeah bE I am afraid, afraid that my villa would have gotten destroyed. 
pC: wow even his accesories add nothing
pC: his ability to kill shit better be useful
bE: II tell them about AQ already.
bE: Or this this your way of just not telling important things.
II: Hey, I never claimed James was a multi-faceted guy. Murder is the only thing he brings to the table.
II: But once again thank you for taking your duties as my server with a proper amount of professionalism.
II: The group could learn something from you.... besides how to be a harlot I guess.
II: bE you told me to open up a memo. I did.
II: These things are like wildfires, you can start them up, but you can't control the direction.
II: If it's important we will get to it eventually.
pC: I remember and AQ
pC: s/he talked to me for a bit
pC: then I fell asleep mid way through not paying attention
bE: II says it's Alice from the future or some crap.
II: I did not necessarily say it was that, just it's a possibility.
II: You cannot yet rule out trickery or perhaps a split personality. 
pC: so double crazy
pC: twice the insane for half of the giving a fuck
bE: I assume II would warn you after sL stabs you to death too.
bE: When it's "important".
bE: We have to tell Alice about this if she has a split personality or something.
pC: or we can ignore it
pC: I'm cool with ignoring it
II: When Ashley is the only one not being stupid it's just sad. The rest of you need to step your game up.
II: How important can it be seriously?
II: Not like this personality is a vicious james-wannabe or anything.
II: If anything the flipped version is just a sadder, more pathetic duplicate of the original sad and pathetic qA.
bE: And what about one of the other groups wanting to kill us.
bE: That isn't important at all?
bE: Then again you didn't even note that sL was insane.
pC: I'm pretty sure a dead man could tell you sL is insane
sL: Looks like that dickhole Sprite decided to use my account again
sL: Well, he didn't say anything wrong at least
sL: And hah, I come back as soon as someone talks about me
sL: Hilarious
II: Next bE will be chastizing me for not warning you all about the sky being blue.
II: Well James I must say you picked a winner for a sprite. Par for the course for you really.
sL: I hate him
sL: Though I hate him less than any of you
pC: that's practically a love confession from sL
pC: don't spend all your time stabbing him
pC: you gotta do something else, like maybe stab your puzzles until they start working
bE: What is with all of the hate sL?


----------



## Platinum (Jul 5, 2012)

*--melodiousDiscord [mD] responded to memo--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Whoa
mD: When did this pop up?
mD: Sorry guys, I was busy...
mD: You know, actually doing stuff?
mD: It's very productive I think you'll find.
bE: Another person I haven't met yet. Seems nice enough.
mD: Hello bE.
mD: I don't know you but if you're in here, I can only assume that Julius dragge-
mD: Er
pC: the word you're looking for is forced, bound and gagged, blackmailed, hog tied etc
mD: Sounds right up your alley pC.
sL: Fuck, I was about to say that
mD: Well, it's not exactly like we weren't all thinking it.
pC: well it's more like a boulevard
II: I wouldn't waste my good rope on any of you.
mD: Well that's what your fuzzy cuffs are for, right Julius?
bE: What II is a sexual devaint?
mD: Possibly, he seems in close contact with pC.
mD: It wouldn't stretch the imagination.
II: My cover has just been blown.
sL: So I'm guessing that means II is gonna die soon
bE: I bet he makes you sign some sort of contract for it.
bE: pC is that one of the things he made you sign?
II: The negotiations on what our safe word would be were particularly fierce.

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] responded to memo--*

AQ: Hello, gentlemen.
AQ: And others.
AQ: Nice to see your getting things done.
bE: The fuck?! Its you again.
II: Please go away Alice we were discussing important matters.
II: Like my sexual deviency. And my love of rope.
sL: Are you saying you'll die of erotic asphyxiation
sL: Because that's what I got from that
II: Nah, I'm already slated to die either of kidney failure or a brain aneurysm from having to deal with you people for the rest of my depressing existence.
bE: AQ are you really Alice? What's your name?
AQ: That is a loaded question.
AQ: II calling me Alice is incorrect, I'll say that much.
pC: II where'd you get a 69 masarati?
pC: how did you get a 69 masarati

mD: pC please save your pillow talk with Julius for private messages.
II: Not surprising you'd be fond of the 69.
II: It's quite a tale how I ended up with that one.
II: You see, about sixteen months ago I got a phonecall from one of my brother's business associates.
bE: Oh dear god he's going to ramble on about this for hours.
II: The poor guy's business had fallen on hard times. Somehow his corporate secrets kept leaking out.
II: Unintentional leaks are never fun for anyone except pC of course.
mD: sL, mind doing something about this?
mD: Or anyone really?
mD: sL is just my first stop when someone needs shutting up.
AQ: Let me try.
AQ: II, nobody cares about your leaks
sL: Oh god, I'm someone's first stop for something
II: Now normally, corporate espionage is not up my alley. I'm more of a man of the people if you know what I mean. But seeing as how he was a friend of the family I reluctantly accepted.
sL: Straight up comedic
bE: What was I thinking a baseball team, I must be crazy.
bE: There is no teamwork here at all, we're screwed.
sL: No fucking shit, dumbass
mD: Well some of us are trying but others aren't exactly being very cooperative.
pC: go on II, I wish to know more
AQ: Ha, "man of the people"...
II: So I fly over to Sicily the next day and began to shadow and investigate any suspicious employees. There was this one dame in particular, cute as a button, but as deadly as a twelve gauge shotgun blast to the face.
bE: pC don't encourage him he's bad enough as it is.
AQ: Dammit Ashtray, you're doing this on purpose
AQ: I can see you smirking
pC: I can't smile at rivetting tales of espionage?
sL: Hey guys, there was this guy I killed once
sL: Some dickwad who tried to tail me
sL: Stabbed that stupid bitch in the face
bE: sL isn't going to go on a murdering speech again is he?
sL: God that felt great
II: So I dig a little deeper, and what do you know? Turns out the broad is an immigrant from Russia. Had ties to the KGB and everything, not cliche in the least.
bE: The last thing we need it these two talking at the same time.
sL: I know how to dig my way to someone's heart
sL: It's with a well crafted knife
sL: And the will to use it
bE: It's like they were made for each other or something.
AQ: I can't believe
AQ: I almost forgot
AQ: How pathetic you people are at interactions
bE: Hey batman stop having a monologue.
II: Of course she knew I was onto her, she had a mind as sharp as her stilleto heels. I confronted her with the evidence and she set off running.
sL: Hey guys, I'm qA but with the initials backwards
sL: I am so fucking clever
mD: I feel like Alice is actually more clever than this AQ.
mD: Not gonna lie.
sL: That's pretty fucking sad
AQ: Okay, can we slow down with our tales of regalia?
II: In conclusion, secret military programs. Bombings in several cities, a supernatural phenomena, a bullet in my leg, a bullet in her face. The guy gives me the car as a bonus. 
II: The end.
bE: He always does this.
bE: I'm surprised he doesn't have a side kick named Robin.
sL: Whoa, bombings and people getting shot
sL: My interest is slightly peaked
bE: Actually he does I think it's sL.
sL:.....
sL: That's quite possibly the most retarded thing anyone's ever said here
sL: Congratulations, you took the prize in uttering the stupidest sentence
sL: In the stupidest session ever
AQ: Okay, if we're done being moronic at those levels and can settle on your usual standards, I'd like to clear my name
AQ: Contrary to what redtext shortverb says, I'm not trying to kill anyone.
sL: I'm now actually more interested in II's story than you "clearing your name"
sL: Goes to show how much you fucking suck
sL: Not as much as pC though
sL: No one sucks as hard as she does
bE: When we are in the game lets start a campfire and have II tell his tales.
bE: After that sL throws him into the fire.
mD: And then we walk away and continue our Julius-less lives.
pC: people are actually paying attention to it?
sL: Only when something violent happened
sL: That and I wanted to insult your worthless asses
AQ: Seriously though
sL: I'm all up for throwing AQ into the fire as well
AQ: I'd like her to apologize publically
II: If you guys want more story time, I can tell you the one about the polock and the rabbi.
pC: do tell
pC: bE wants a recording
bE: pC we need to talk later.
II: Don't worry, I keep a detailed audio journal she can listen to later.
II: So one day, I'm just minding my own business. It was my daily meditation hour, and I was trying to find my center.
sL: Uh oh, looks like bE might have a case of the herpes
AQ: Okay this is getting ridiculous
bE: I like how this is important to II, but our lives aren't.
bE: A rattlesnake would make a better baby sitter than II.
II: Oh come on, one of you are in this story.
II: Doesn't that make it fun?
mD: Not really.
mD: Can we actually make progress towards, I don't know...
mD: Winning this game?
AQ: Nope
AQ: Just...
sL: I'll pay attention when someone dies violently
bE: I can tell a riveting story of 12 kids trying to escape the death of their home planet.
bE: It's really good sL almost everyone dies.
mD: I can tell a story of one detective who pissed off 11 other people and then hunted him down through the universe and then proceeded to turn him over to the most bloodthirsty of the bunch and the most...whatever adjective describes pC that works best in this case.
AQ: NO
AQ: Come ON.
pC: yo II, that needle thing is in your garage, next to the door or something
II: Duly noted.
II: So AS I was saying...
bE: pC why do you like cars so much?
pC: why does sL enjoy stabbing
pC: or ME talking like a defunct washing machine
pC: fuck if I know, but it aint nobody elses business
AQ: ...
AQ: . . .




*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] blocked everyone from responding to memo--*


----------



## Platinum (Jul 5, 2012)

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] unblocked battEcho [bE] from responding to memo--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Okay, Uri
AQ: I need that apology I mentioned earlier
bE: For what? Oh that.
bE: I'm sorry for saying anything about you.
bE: But how did you just block everyone?
AQ: Technology, obviously
AQ: Same way I planted those programs in your account/computer
AQ: And other things
AQ: Hold on...

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] unblocked everyone from responding to memo--*

pC: oh it has admin controls
pC: great now I have to pretend to pay attention to it.
sL: I'm still not
II: So I get a call from one of my brother's associates, happens a lot as you can see. He is sort of a spiritual leader for the italian jewish community. There was a disturbing rise in hatecrimes around his local Synagogue and he wanted me to discover who was behind it.
bE: He didn't even notice. He's just been typing away the whole time.
sL: Fuck, I'm gonna get some wine
sL: Any form of alcohol will do really

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] blocked IllustriousInquisitor [II] from responding to memo--*

AQ: There
sL: Just when it was getting good
AQ: So basically...

*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] responded to the memo--*

II: Obviously, I suspected a local hate group had gotten worked up over something. So I set out with an obvious culprit in mind. But the truth has a way of knocking you upside the head like a heavyweight boxer.
AQ: ...oh, go fuck yourself.
mD: Oh shit!
bE: Did he just subconsciously hack back in?

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] responded to the memo--*

rB: wow we are the worst team ever
rB: in the history of the universe
bE: Like you said rB the pickings are slim.
bE: Most of them are hopeless.
II: You see this was not just your normal bunch of racist skinheads. They had connections, across several countries and continents.
II: The trail lead me to North America, and through a stroke of strange fate, that was my first time meeting one of you in person.
bE: I think he's broken.
bE: Well we can say whatever we want about him like this.
rB: shh no i want to hear julius tell his hardboiled story
bE: I forgot you're into that kind of stuff rB, sorry.
rB: quick question: was a fedora being worn while this story was taking place???
II: That person was none other than sL. Mr. James himself.
II: See I was walking in a dark alley, as detectives are want to do. Don't ask us why, it's a trade secret.
bE: I'm actually interested now.
II: I stumbled upon the dismembered corpses of several italian gangsters, and four homeless people. Heads all in a pile, some with their faces frozen in terror. Severed limbs thrown about like balloons at a party.
II: I guess that's one way to handle the drifter problem.
rB: never mind i don't like this story anymore
mD: He's trying to interest all of us now apparently
mD: I'm going to go grab a bite to eat.
bE: We have to know what we are dealing with here.
bE: I advise you look away rB.
II: As you can imagine a guy like James isn't exactly the most subtle of people. 
II: The underbelly spoke in hushed tones about him. They refered to him as several names that are too vulgar to repeat in proper company.
sL: Man, just as I come back, I'm being talked about AGAIN
sL: It's like I'm fucking magic
sL: Keep going, this shit's good
sL: Hah, my favorite one was Cunt Ripper
bE: sL do you think there are things worse than death?
rB: noooooo don't talk to it the attention makes it stronger
sL: I'm experiencing that right now, bE
sL: It's called being with all of you
bE: Did II pass out?
bE: Well sL if it's that bad why don't you kill yourself?
II: Ah yes the 'cunt ripper' what a majestic title to be known as.
sL: They had like a dozen more if I remember correctly
sL: The Baby Basher was another favorite of mine
sL: Or am I confusing that with another incident
II: Oh hey rB. Didn't see you there.
II: Are you enjoying story time?
rB: i was until sL showed up
rB: he is like the ultimate scrappy doo
rB: you kinda jumped the shark there ratings are down chances of renewal slim
bE: hahahaha Scrappy Doo.
bE: I don't think I could imagine that sL as that.
bE: Well rB I assume that's two down on the list.
mD: So are we done with storytime yet?
sL: No damn it, keep going
bE: I'm surprised sL wants to keep listening instead of killing things.
bE: II are you reforming him somehow?
sL: There's honestly nothing to kill right now
sL: Except time
bE: Try to kill your sprite or something.
bE: I bet you would have real fun with that.
bE: Hopefully you both go out at the same time.
II: What were we talking about before? Something about rope right? Eh rope is boring to most people, I wouldn't want to bore anyone here.
II: Do you guys want me to keep going? There is quite a twist at the end.
bE: NO! rB look away.
sL: Keep going
mD: Dear lord, I'm starting to accumulate a significant amount of imp corpses here.
mD: I think sL might even deem it "a start"
bE: Idea, lets say the most sweet things we can say.
bE: So sweet they give sL heartburn.
II: Okay then.
II: I will keep going.
II: So here's the funny part. I know this is like asking you to recall a particular sandwich you ate but sL do you remember a tall, muscular polish man in a badly tailored suit that you murdered in a synagogue one night a few years back?
bE: I don't think I can take this anymore.
bE: AQ where are you?
AQ: Shush.
sL: Hmmm, I've murdered my fair share of big people
sL: A synagogue though, that doesn't happen often
sL: Ah, now I remember
sL: That was about...three years ago, right?
II: Give or take.
II: You see that bastard you killed was actually the figurehead of a far reaching terrorist organization.
II: He was scoping out the synagogue to figure out how to best destroy it, it was to be the first of many.
II: So hilariously enough, you saved a whole lot of lives that day James. The group fell apart without him. You might have saved more people than you have killed over the years with one gesture.
rB: yay happy ending
rB: good enough for me

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased responding to memo--*

bE: He probably killed the people he saved...
sL: Hah, that sounds like me
bE: Are we done with story time II or is it more important than the other groups to you.
II: Hmm...
II: Spinning two yarns in one memo takes a lot out of a guy. I'm done for the moment.
bE: Okay then, tell them about your theories on the other groups and make it a summary.
AQ: Yes, please do
AQ: I'm interested wholeheartedly.
sL: Looks like things are going to get boring
sL: Time to gulp down the rest of that wine
bE: Hope you fall down some stairs
II: Can it wait for about ten minutes or so bE?
II: I need to unwind a bit after all that orating.
II: I would like to perform some light yoga to help relax my body and mind.
bE: I don't think you can help your mind any by doing anything.
bE: AQ you know our roles in the game already.
bE: Why don't you tell us our roles or at least hint at them.
II: See you in a moment then.

*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased responding to the memo--*

bE: He's not dependable at all.
AQ: Well, shit.
AQ: Guess I own this memo now.
sL: Ahahahahahahahahaha
bE: It's sad when your less dependable than sL who would rather kill you.
sL: I already know my role, you stupid fucking chumps
bE: Oh would that be the "I'm all alone now that I killed everyone" role?
mD: As do I.
mD: Clearly I am the leading man.
mD: So I'll just duck out for a bit here while I go see about getting some more grist.




*--melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased responding to the memo--*


----------



## Platinum (Jul 5, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Okay folks, let's settle down
AQ: I can't just tell you your roles in what you are meant to do
AQ: But I can talk about "titles"
bE: Fine then what about our titles?
AQ: Okay, titles are things unique to each player
AQ: It's like a class and inate element in an RPG
AQ: Or for the all of you who aren't avid gamers, it's what you're good with and what you do with it.
AQ: For example, James over here is the Knight of Death.
bE: What like he defends death?
AQ: No, knights aren't about defense
AQ: At least not in this game
AQ: They just use their aspect to their own attacking advantage, basically.
bE: Fine then what's my title then? 
AQ: A secret.
AQ: I'll tell you later.
AQ: Anyone else curious about anything?
bE: If no one else is going to ask.
bE: I'll try this again can you give us a name of one person on your team?
AQ: ...Arika
AQ: There, that's all I can bring myself to remember
bE: Since you know things about us.
bE: How about anything personal about the others?
bE: Like if II is a bedwetter or anything like that.
AQ: Hmmm.
AQ: I can't think of anything right now besides the obvious
bE: So are you even here for anything useful?
AQ: Well, I don't want to ruin you like that one thing would've.
bE: Ruin me like that one thing would have?
AQ: You know, the thing we just talked about.
bE: So you can't say anything at all huh.
bE: I'm just.
bE: I don't think I ever felt this tired before.

*--battEcho[bE] ceased responding to the memo--*

AQ: Well, just me and a wine-sodden James
AQ: ...

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] blocked strifeLord [sL]  from responding to memo--*

*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] responded to memo--*

II: Ah.
II: Tranquility. 
II: Nothing like some soothing excercise and a glass of wine to make a man feel at ease.
II: So.... has everyone been chased off or is this still going strong?
AQ: Nah, just you and I
II: Oh.... errrr.
II: Well, this is awkward I was kind of hoping the others would still be around. I think I was going to tell them something, or perhaps another story. 
AQ: Oh, I have a better idea.




*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] closed memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: II is a Butt"--*

Sorry tuts. You aren't calling the shots here.

*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] reopened memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: Only I get to close a memo here'--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hey now you can ban me with your stupid software whenever you want.
II: But the memo ends when I say it ends.
II: This party is not even close to having been started. 
II: Perhaps inebriated sL can wear a lampshade on his head and we can get this thing moving.


----------



## Platinum (Jul 5, 2012)

*--melodiousDiscord [mD] responded to memo--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Sounds like a dangerous party.
mD: Still better then the way things were though.
II: So what was the point of all of this again? I think it kind of got lost inbetween the talk of ropes, espionage, and Alice being embarrased about her hitting on a drunk serial killer.

*--strifeLord [sL] responded to memo--*

sL: you cuntsss serously think you an cacn compare to me???
sL: fcuk u alll1111111
mD: Ahahahaha.
sL: tomooorow morning
sL: i;lll kllll uu
sL: argh gog i'm so looosing it
II: It appears James can hold his liquor about as well as a teenage girl.
II: I didn't know we had a light weight on the team. It's almost cute in a way.
mD: You would know, Julius.
II: I don't get plastered in five minutes like buttercup over here. 
mD: Who said I was talking about the amount of liquor one could hold.
mD: (I don't honestly know where I was going with that)
AQ: Oh, I can't watch this...
AQ: Remind Alice for me to not read this nonsense.

*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] ceased responding to memo--*

mD: Oh hey look, the know-it-all who actually knew nothing is gone.
sL: no ull watch
sL: you motherfucking litle bitches
II: Hey Valen, sL is your server right?
mD: Nah, my client.
mD: Alice is my server.
mD: Do you want me to make sure he doesn't hurt himself?
II: As much as it pains me to say it.
II: Kinda?
II: At least move a barf bucket around wherever he goes. Wouldn't want him slipping on his own vomit and breaking his neck now do we?
II: Not unless I'm there to laugh about it.

mD: Hold on I have an idea.
mD: Let me see if I can set up a livestream or something.

*--melodiousDiscord [mD] wants to share his screen with the memo--*

II: Let's see where this takes us.
mD: And there!
mD: Can you all see James now?
II: heh.
II: Hahahahahahaha!
II: Well played Valen, well played.
sL: i fel smthng
sL: wuzthat
sL: you can#t possibl ydo tht
mD: Care to use your decryption skills to decode that Julius?
II: I think he is vaguely aware of the action you just attempted, and is not very happy with it. That is the closest I can get to translating stupid.
II: This is your finest hour James, revel in it.
II: Because I certainly am. This is going straight in the scrapbook, let me just take a screen shot....
mD: As I said, I am an artist.
mD: I declare this the "Shitty Memo Memorial"
II: It will stand as tall and proudly as those inked phalluses you just drew on sL's forehead.
mD: Oh, he's moving!
II: Just look at the grace and poise he carries himself with. Like a purebreed showdog.
mD: Whose been fed a gallon of vodka.
II: And down goes the china! Can he recover from that major blunder and still win best in show?
mD: I don't know Julius, he's done a number on himself. Those are gonna leave a mark in the morning.
II: I don't know what's going to last longer Valen, the stench of alocohol on his person, those cuts and bruises he just received, or the unending shame. 
II: Can you wall him in or something? Until he sobers up he's just going to be a danger to himself and others.... Well he always is a danger to others.

*--hystericalHeresy [hH] trolled the memo--*

hH: >:]
hH: Hey boys : ). 
hH: Mind if I grab a copy of this memo to laugh over later?
hH: Well even if you do I'm taking it anyways!
hH: *yoink*
mD: Oh hey
mD: It's that person I was warned about.
mD: Who I don't recall being invited to the memo.
hH: >
hH: I'm sure my invite just got lost in the mail : ).
hH: > : o
hH: Oh dear, look at that loser bumble about. 
hH: Heeheehee he's funny!
hH: : I
hH: And now he's not so funny, he's just unconcious.
hH: Sprites ruin everything I swear!
hH: I'll just go now.... keep warm thoughts of me Juju and Vally .
mD: Vally?

*--hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling the memo--*

mD: So Julius.
mD: Any idea who that was?
II: Yeah. 
II: We've talked once or twice before. 
II: A rather eccentric young lady.... thing.
mD: I was warned about hH by another person who also was rather eccentric.
mD: I had gone around asking if anyone had been contacted by them but got bored about halfway down the list. 
II: Yeah, you should usually come to me first if you have a question about anything important. Not like you can expect anyone else to actually be helpful in this game.
mD: I don't know AQ seemed to want to offer you some competition.
mD: Whoever they are.
II: Oh come on Valen, it's so bloody obvious who it is.
II: She doesn't even change text color for christ's sake.
mD: I mean, I figured that Alice wouldn't be /that/ lazy and stupid.
mD: Maybe I overestimate her.
II: With you that's a distinct possibility.
II: Anyways people like Harlin are kind of the reason this memo was supposed to be started I think. At least that's what bE wanted me to do. 
II: And then shenanigans ensued and now the only one learning anything is you.
II: Kind of funny in a way.
mD: Well you didn't exactly help did you?
II: As you and I both know, information is never free and never needs to be distributed without proper reason.
II: I don't want to drive the rest of the team into a panic. If they think the only person out there is a retarded Alice let them.
II: I need to investigate Harlin a bit more first, she has seemingly kept her activity only to a select few people. 
II: Last thing we need is people actively seeking her out.
mD: Well, like I said, the person I was contacted by seemed interested in making sure that Harlin does not accomplish whatever goal she has in mind.
mD: Perhaps we should both do some...
mD: What do you detectives call it?
mD: Digging? Right?
II: Probing, sleuthing, either will do.
mD: Either way, the last thing we need is more complications.
II: If you could take the initiative on this I would appreciate it, and strike one offense from your record.
II: My entry is not too far away, I cannot be saddled with distractions until I have made my way into the game.
mD: How many would that leave me with ha ha?
II: 4,583.
mD: Either way, I'll do what I can.
II: Thank you Valen.
II: You might be a scumbag, but you are a competent scumbag none the less.
II: Well this one wasn't nearly as bad as the first. Kind of surprising really, I was imagining they would each get progressively more terrible until the sheer awful collapsed our universe into a singularity.
II: Have you any closing thoughts?
mD: Yes
mD: The one responsible for this was clearly sN.
II: And sN being brought up is more than enough reason to cut a memo off right then and there.



*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] closed memo--*​


----------



## Atlantic Storm (Jul 5, 2012)

It's been a while since I last contacted him about that case...surely he's solved it by now? In any case, I still have a little time before my training with the meteors anyway. I look to the now crimson sky and watch the meteors slowly destroy the city around him, a true picture of apocalypse. Fortunately, the fires has still not reached my house. There was probably still half an hour left? Maybe more. Anyway, it was time to contact II about the thing he asked about before.


*Spoiler*: _Pesterlog_ 




-- wanderingWriter [wW] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --
wW: So, before I head out for some training, could you give me a status report on your investigation?
II: Training? Shouldn't you be entering soon? 
II: Well it's none of my concern, I'm sure it is far more important than what we are currently doing anyways.
II: Your status report is this, I'm done. It was a rather simple affair.
wW:  Well, tS is nowhere to be seen, and this is a rather good opportunity  to test out my new weapon. And I need to collect a piece of meteor for  something else once I'm in The Medium.
wW: But I digress. What did you find out?
II: It was as I expected, the culprit even admitted to it.
II: Okay so here are some things you may want to look over.


-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] uploaded casefile1219.zip and sent it to wanderingWriter [wW]--


wW: Interesting. Very interesting. But do you know who caused it?
II: I just said the culprit admitted to the deed, does that not signify that I know his identity?
wW: Well, yes. What I mean is, could you tell me who the culprit is?
II: Admittedly, I don't know all that much about the culprit outside of some vague generalities.
II: I do know the culprit goes by the name of Yggdrasil, whether that is a code name or an actual name I cannot say. 
II: I've spoken a few times with him, had an encounter with it once or twice. Never got a good look though.
II:  Yggdrasil usually contacted me through the pesterchum client. He had no  handle, could bypass any protection, and spoke in white text. Which is  an incredibly annoying collection of traits.
II: Though sometimes, he did send these odd glowing letters that dissolved after you finished reading them.
wW:  Hm. He sounds very...mysterious. Any idea as to what manner of being he  is? I kind of doubt he's a normal person from the vibes your  description is giving me.
II:  I have no idea. Could just be a human who has developed some incredibly  advanced technology that just likes messing with people. Or it could be  something else entirely. As I said, it doesn't really leave that many  clues or hints as to it's true nature.
wW: Yeah, that's true. Anyway, I'm going to leave to go do some training now. See you later, and...thanks.
II: Are you feeling okay wW? You almost seem.... happy to have talked to me.
II: You should make sure you don't have a fever after you get done with your cutting and slicing.
wW: I don't know. You seem marginally less obnoxious than usual today. Only marginally, though.
II: That uplifting comment will put a spring in my step for the rest of the week.
II: Just remember you would best be served contacting tS sooner rather than later. 
wW: Eh. I'll try, but the guy is pretty elusive.


-- wanderingWriter [wW] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --




Weird. He was usually much more obnoxious and unbearable; was he in a good mood or something? Eh, whatever. I head on over to my other desk and place all my katanas into my sylladex - all but one. My favourite and most valuable one, one which has not seen the light of day since...well, ever since he busted the hole in the wall and stashed it there inside it's wrapping. The weight was light and the balance was perfect; the hilt had some sort of circular pattern stitched on and the blade was a brilliant argent shade. Sheathing it inside it's scabbard, I head on outside, leaving the aura of safety that seemed to surround my house. On the first step outside, I feel a wave of heat hit me. Jesus, was it always this warm?

"By my calculation, there should still be around an hour or so for training until I need to contact that tS fellow about entering." I murmur to myself, as I rush off into the apocalypse, dodging and cutting up small meteors that flew my way. The blade of my sword was absurdly sharp, and despite it's balance, it was still...rather difficult to handle. "I'll have to work on that later."


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 8, 2012)

Well now that I have finished talking to II I should-
*--IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up a memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: The Apathy Strikes Back"--*
He actually opened a memo, weird name though.
-insert memo here-
I'm tired and I can't sleep, isn't that great.
-Uranus plops herself onto her uncle's bed-
Julius is such an ass, *sigh*.
I shouldn't give up on the baseball team though I imagine that once we meet up things will work out better than this and AQ wasn't helpful at all like she should have been.
It's hard to imagine it's Alice from the future and I still need to contact quite a few people.
*yawn*
Can't believe he didn't *yawn* tell them.
Think I'm... nodding off.
-bE starts to drift away and falls asleep-


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jul 14, 2012)

Crimson Dragoon said:


> James had been fighting for over half an hour now, his blade constantly tasting the flesh of Imps.  Their horde tactics were of no use, and they only died in greater and greater numbers as the battle went on.  The Imps' numbers are decimated and while there are still many of them, they're manageable.  Victory is close at hand, or it would have been if it weren't for the sound of thundering footsteps getting nearer.
> 
> The Imps stood still, and parted to let two giant Ogres through.  Each is clad from head to toe in that same black armor the Sprite wore and both carried that gigantic sword.  To an average person, their physical appearance would give off an impression of invulnerability.  But to James, the Ogres are just another challenge to overcome, another thrill to enjoy as he cuts them down.
> 
> He grins madly, readying his sword once more and came at them...



James came speeding towards the armored giants, bloodlust thundering through his very being.  The Ogres swung down their gigantic blades at him, both of which James barely dodges, with the only result being two sizable gouges on the ground where their swords crashed.  He tries to dart around behind the Ogre to his left, attempting to target the exposed gap on its knee pit.  However, as he was about to strike, the second Ogre morphed his left hand into a cannon and is about to fire.  James, spotting it at the last moment, leaps back just before it fired.  The cannon shot let out a thundering boom and left a small crater where James used to be.  Even though he dodged the shot, the blast still knocked him back several meters.

_Fuck, this might be a bit tougher than I thought._

He rushes towards the gigantic armored pair like before, except this time, he has a plan in mind.  As both moved to aim their cannon arms at James, he leaps high into the air.  The Ogres tilt their heads upwards and were about to swat him out of the air with their swords, their arms already beginning to make the motion.  Before they could do so, James takes out the knife from his coat pocket and throws it at the Ogre located to his right, hitting him in the eye, making a nice squishing sound as it punctured him.  He roared in pain, and stumbles around, clutching his eye.  He then does the same with his sword to the other Ogre as it was distracted by his partner's agonized screams, hitting him in the eye too.  James then twists his body slightly midair, and lands on the left Ogre's head.

The other managed to pull the knife out of his eye and spots James.  In a rage, he swung down his blade, but James merely smiled and swiftly jumped off the beast's head as the sword came down.  It cut the Ogre clean in half and its body exploded into a pile of Grist.  He dashes towards his sword and catches it when it fell into his left hand.

"Now it's just you and me."

James was about to charge at him until a beam of light hit the Ogre, killing it in one shot.  He looked towards the source of the blast and sees his Sprite with a smoking cannon arm.

"That was mine, you asshole!" James angrily exclaimed.  

"I know," the Sprite smirked.  He laughed and quickly returned to the house.


----------



## Crossbow (Jul 25, 2012)

*>Alice: Enter*

She is going to town on this one-armed bandit as the etheral chief watches silently, when she suddenly gets a message from the person she doesn't know but heard get mentioned once.

>Answer

Alright. Not like she can't multitask.


*Spoiler*: __ 



--battEcho [bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--
bE: Hey so you are one of the other players on the list I was given about, so I decided to talk to you some.
bE: I'm Uri, who are you?
qA: Um
qA: Hi
qA: i'm alice
qA: Didn't know there was another person i hadn't talked to
[CONTINUED ETC]
qA: Yeah, i could probably use hairpins or something
qA: Later
bE: GL, hope you make it.
--battEcho [bE] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--



Well, change of plans. She pulls the crystalline sidecrank once more. Spiralthing - seven - hexagon.

She pulls two hairpins from her crimson mass. She keeps them on hand in case there's locks to be picked. Sometimes she forgets them and has to go find her sword instead. She's very forgetful. Except when she's doing something she really loves, like writing or cooking or...

...What was she doing here now?

Oh right. Survival. She crams the first of the metal duet into the leftern-most slot. Is it even called a slot? Or is the slot the part where the coins and such come out of?

No wait, focus. Alice gives the lever another yank; this time the rigged one doesn't move. The other two are horseshoe and spiralthing. She repeats the process for the one on the right and gives it another go.

Bar.

Okay, no big deal.  She believes she should be set, provided the defense laser doesn't go out. Maybe this time.

Lemon.

A sparking burst can be heard. Alice struggles not to look away from the machine, but recognizes the telltale noise of a radio tower short-circuiting from overexposure to heat. But she needs to focus.

Horseshoe.

She's not wearing glasses. She just now noticed. Gladys must've taken them off when she tucked her in. Perhaps they were broken. What is Gladys even doing right now?

Diamond.

There's no sunlight, but the flame of the incoming projectile serves as adequate lighting, Albeit uncomfortably warm. As if the intensity wouldn't have her sweating enough. Her ears are filled with the screams of doomed plutocrats and her nose filled with the fumes of burning gold.

What is that, a bear?

Okay this is getting ridiculous. Last minute victories are too played out. She can do better than that.

Ah, there we go.

The three consecutive green circles blinked though many colors as stock casino noises played, hardly audible over the crackling oxygen. The machine burst into a vast, beige-ish red light which enveloped the mansion...

There goes the neighborhood.


----------



## Nicodemus (Jul 25, 2012)

*>Be the worthless girl*

​
You are now Haruno Sakura.

*>What? Wrong medium. Be the worthless girl in the SBURB game.*

You are now , also known as panedclysmicClutch.

*>God dammit. Be Cessily.*

​
You are now Cessily Kincaid of the X-men.

*>Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Be Cessily Altrove, who is playing SBURB.*

You are now Cessily Altrove. Was that so hard? Was specificity really such an impossible obstacle? 

*>Deal with sL*

Oh you've dealt with sL. You've dealt with sL so damn hard you have now retroactively seized the idea of dealing with things. You are the Queen of dealing. You.

Immediately upon realizing sL and you were sharing a planet, you popped some pills and promptly woke up back on Prospit. You rushed from tower to tower, trying to figure out which one was sL. There were only two boys out of the six towers, and it wasn't very hard to figure out which was the psychopathic serial killer. Asshat. 

You zoomed down to the streets, where the happy but somewhat dimwitted Prospitians flocked around you, tittering with barely restrained glee. You plucked a _Random Stranger_ out from the crowd and told her you needed a special favor - luckily, she had little to do nowadays - she used to be a seamstress, but has since retired - and happily agreed to watch the tower for you.

You spend the rest of your time on Prospit trying to puzzle out which girl is Alice. 

You wake up.

*>Warn sL*

Fuck yes.

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: hey
rB: hey are you there???
sL: Hey didn't I scare you out the last time
sL: What the fuck are you doing back here again
sL: Make it quick cause I got shit to kill
sL: I've got a murder quota to fulfill
rB: god it's always about killing with you isn't it
rB: i mean seriously give it a rest for once
rB: but don't worry i don't have any intention on dragging this out
rB: i need to talk to you about our planet-mate situation
sL: Planet mate?
sL: What in hell are you talking about, asshole
rB: prospit
rB: i was looking at you sleeping not ten minutes ago
rB: well at least i think it was you
rB: i need to know you're not going to murder me there
sL: There's a 100% chance I'll punch you in the face if I see you right outside my window on Prospit
sL: Not sure about murdering the hell out of you though, kinda 50/50 on that
sL: On one hand, I get to kill a bitch but on the other, it could screw me over because of teamwork bullshit
sL: I need to brush up on this dream self crap to make sure[/COLOR]
rB: well don't get any funny ideas
rB: i know people there
rB: they're watching you
rB: like hawks
rB: or something else with really good eyes
rB: so don't think you can like sneak around like a ninja to do your stabby thing
rB: kk???
sL: Yeah, like anyone on that shitty planet can stop me
rB: whatever
rB: i have contingency plans all up in your face
rB: just letting you know that
rB: fuck
rB: there was something else i wanted to tell you
rB: but i can't remember
sL: Try to remember it on your time and not waste mine
sL: Can I get back to killing now?
rB: OH NOW I REMEMBER
rB: IT WAS THAT YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
rB: AND ALSO SURPRISINGLY ATTRACTIVE
rB: FUCK
rB: I THINK MY CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN
rB: AND ALSO THESE PILLS ARE MESSING WITH ME
rB: ADIOS ASSHAT

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--*

sL: Wait...what?




*--strifeLord [sL] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]*

*>Fuck the PILL-LICE!*

You throw the bottle of sleeping pills at your wall. Because the cap is screwed on properly and you are particularly wimpy, nothing entertaining happens.

CESS: Fuuuuuuuuck.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jul 25, 2012)

James is pissed about his Sprite stealing his kill, but at least he has the other Imps to take his anger out on.  In a desperate maneuver, they charge at him in the hopes of somehow overwhelming him with their numbers.

_Yeah, like you dumbasses haven't tried this already._

He hacks away at them like he usually does, with each Imp he kills turning into more precious Grist.  After several moments of slaughter, the field is cleared and James returns to his home.  As he walks to go up to his room, he finds a someone in the kitchen, along with his Sprite.  James draws his sword and his Sprite immediately intercepts him, tackling James to the wall, while the stranger looks on with a slight expression of curiosity on his face.


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 




Berserkersprite: Don't.  Fucking.  Touch him.
Berserkersprite: I'm not going to let my house be fucked up further by your retarded homicidal tendencies nor will I let anyone else die in it that didn't fucking deserve it
Berserkersprite: Do you understand, you piece of shit?
sL: Go
sL: Fuck
sL: Yourself




His Sprite punches him in the gut, hard enough that James spat out a slight amount of blood.


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 



Berserkersprite: Answer my question.  Do.  You.  Understand?
sL: Fine, I'll leave that douchebag alone, I got other shit I can kill anyway
sL: Now let me go to my goddamn room.




The Sprite didn't bother correcting James that it's actually his damn room, and simply let him be.  He got the point, that's all that matters.  James glares at the Sprite hatefully in return for several seconds, then proceeds to go upstairs.

James enters his room and finds someone is trying to pester him.  Oh shit, it's that moron.  He thought she would've been way too fucking frightened to talk to him again, but apparently, he's wrong.  Might as well answer until the next Imp horde comes.

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: hey
rB: hey are you there???
sL: Hey didn't I scare you out the last time
sL: What the fuck are you doing back here again
sL: Make it quick cause I got shit to kill
sL: I've got a murder quota to fulfill
rB: god it's always about killing with you isn't it
rB: i mean seriously give it a rest for once
rB: but don't worry i don't have any intention on dragging this out
rB: i need to talk to you about our planet-mate situation
sL: Planet mate?
sL: What in hell are you talking about, asshole
rB: prospit
rB: i was looking at you sleeping not ten minutes ago
rB: well at least i think it was you
rB: i need to know you're not going to murder me there
sL: There's a 100% chance I'll punch you in the face if I see you right outside my window on Prospit
sL: Not sure about murdering the hell out of you though, kinda 50/50 on that
sL: On one hand, I get to kill a bitch but on the other, it could screw me over because of teamwork bullshit
sL: I need to brush up on this dream self crap to make sure
rB: well don't get any funny ideas
rB: i know people there
rB: they're watching you
rB: like hawks
rB: or something else with really good eyes
rB: so don't think you can like sneak around like a ninja to do your stabby thing
rB: kk???
sL: Yeah, like anyone on that shitty planet can stop me
rB: whatever
rB: i have contingency plans all up in your face
rB: just letting you know that
rB: fuck
rB: there was something else i wanted to tell you
rB: but i can't remember
sL: Try to remember it on your time and not waste mine
sL: Can I get back to killing now?
rB: OH NOW I REMEMBER
rB: IT WAS THAT YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE
rB: AND ALSO SURPRISINGLY ATTRACTIVE
rB: FUCK
rB: I THINK MY CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN
rB: AND ALSO THESE PILLS ARE MESSING WITH ME
rB: ADIOS ASSHAT

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--*

sL: Wait...what?




*--strifeLord [sL] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]*

Fuck this team.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*A waking nightmare*

Setting up posts ahead of time for something that may possibly happen RL later.


Unlosing Ranger said:


> Well now that I have finished talking to II I should-
> *--IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up a memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: The Apathy Strikes Back"--*
> He actually opened a memo, weird name though.
> -insert memo here-
> ...



*Spoiler*: __ 



Temp Narrator:A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory... a far-off memory that's like a scattered dream... I want to. Wait wrong game just a second. Why is the reception so shitty? *kicks* That's better. What do you mean I do a shitty job conveying the story? Well fuck off then.
bE wakes up in the dream world, but she cannot fully see, hear anything or control herself imagine if you will if your vision was as a static television screen this is caused by her past traumatic memories resting in her subconscious causing her control to differ greatly through her dreamself which is homicidal.
To prevent confusion the normal bE will be red and the evil will be blue.
Temp Narrator: You happy?



Prospit
--------------------------------------------------------------

*Spoiler*: __ 



*yawn* I feel like killing something.
(I thought I was asleep, most be a weird dream strange, it's changed all fuzzy and I can't really hear that much)
-bE has awoken up in her bed on prospit-
Well, where is my bat? Ah there it is.
-bE picks up a bent golden bat-
Don't see anything around here, lets go outside.
-bE jumped out of the window and started falling-
That looks like a nice target.
-bE put her bat into a downward position aiming for a white thing-
Ouch, he didn't soften the fall as much as I wanted.
Look at them run around in a panic like idiots.
Come on this is where you're supposed to fight me not run.
(I feel like I'm falling for some reason and some screams, did I jump?)
-bE started chasing the white carapaces-
Aww come on don't run, I just want to kill you it'll be quick.
Time for your beating for running <3
-bE had caught one and proceeded to break it's legs and arms-
I'll just leave you there for awhile, let you feel some terror as you watch you know.
Oh look a flower shop, perfect for a *fun*ereal.
-She crashes through the window of the flower shop and starts breaking everything-
-The flower shop owner is pissed-
Oh looks like someones mad, guess I'll just have to change that.
Time for your makeover!
One in the stomach to loosen you up and a smack to the jaw to fix that.
-The clerk looks like she is smiling now-
And to make sure you stay that way, I'll make your heart stop.
-bE smacked the carapaces chest and caused a bat shaped imprint crushing the clerks heart-
There we go <3
(Still lots of screaming,flowers, and a heavy smell of blood. I don't like this dream, wake up!)
Guess I'll grab some flowers for the ones not smiling yet.
-bE walked over to the one whose arm's and leg's she broke earlier trying to crawl away-
Aww look at the unhappy little worm crawling away, here you go your favorite blood red thorn flowers.
-She flipped the carapace over and stuffed the flowers into it's through and mouth till it couldn't breath due to it's blood leaking into it's lungs-
You are a happy worm now.
-bE had arranged the flowers in a way it looks like he's smiling-
(Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up,Wake up!)
Finally something that will put up a fight.
-Some  white carapace guards ran towards bE nervously-
What are you guys waiting for or are you so afraid that you can't attack.
(WAKE UP! Dammit, I don't want to be having this dream anymore, it's too scary!)
Well here I come! >
-bE starting running towards the guards and starts to pass out resulting in a full on faceplant-
That bitch she- nggh *thud*
-bE passes out, and the guards apprehend her-



What kind of dream was that, I can't remember that much of it just that it scares me.
Hmm is someone pestering me now, I swear I can't get any sleep? hH... huh.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Homicidal Jester*

-- hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling battEcho [bE] --

*Spoiler*: __ 




hH: >
hH: ^^Why if it isn't one of my favorite guinea pigs : ).^^
hH: ^^Are  you still being a worthless sack of pure fecal matter? I   imagine    so,  because it's about the ONLY thing you are incapable of   fucking up.^^


 Well the day gets worse and worse doesn't it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Someone I don't know calling me a guinea pig and a sack of shit.
bE: Day gets better and better.
bE: Since you are bothering me, I assume you are related to the game.
bE: Out with it, why are you bothering me?


 I mean what else could it be with the whole world ending thing going on and being involved in a game that will save a measly 12 people.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: > 
hH: ^^You have found out my big secret, I am in fact related to the game.^^
hH: ^^It is my long lost ancestor and I will now be executed by the Grand Highblood himself for figuring this out.^^
hH: ^^Oh wait, that's dumb. Like you. Guinea pigs don't need to think though so I don't mind : ).^^


 What in the world is this person going on about? Grand Highblood, even if you know what it was the statement itself makes no sense to me.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What in the world are you going on about, don't tell me another member of our team goes crazy.
bE: That's just great. Just great.
bE: And would you stop calling me a guinea pig. It's rude.
bE: Or dumb, or anything like that.


 This person isn't that nice, well most of the people I have met aren't that nice

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >:\
hH: ^^You know what else is rude? The fact that your quivering spineless     self  has the gall to continue to exist and assault my every sense with your putrid odor.^^


 How can you say you can smell me?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I have a spine and how can you smell me anyway.
bE: Is the only reason you contacted me to insult me?
bE: If it is then I wouldn't mind you telling me where you live, so I can teach you a lesson in manners.


 She could really use a slight smack to the head and some talking to.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: 0:-3
hH: ^^When you are as amazing as I am (which is impossible as you are a grade a lameo ), you will discover anything is possible : ).^^
hH: ^^Also I will take no barking from a bitch like you. Apologize or the consequences may be dire :I.^^


 Someone's full of themselves.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Amazingly without tact, yea I don't think I could ever match you.
bE: Apologize to someone that has been insulting me the whole time yea I'll do that. NOT!
bE: Ha! You can't do anything to me! I would like to see you try.


 Oh if only I didn't say that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >:]
hH: ^^Yipee I get to teach you a lesson!! ^^
hH: ^^Do you remember what it is like to smile? Not that fake crap you do now, but real unbridled glee? ^^
hH: ^^You don't but Harlin remembers for you! Go look into the mirror for me and tell me what you see.^^


 I have a slight headache coming on.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Just my normal everyday self having her first migraine.
bE: I don't think I've ever talked to someone so repulsive before.
bE: sL is preferable to you.


 That's pretty bad, I mean that's really bad. I think you are the only person I can say that about.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >;]
hH: ^^You see what they wanted you to see. But I see deeper, the you that  lies beneath that crusty shell of awfulness and shame. The real you! And  if you squint hard enough, I know you can see it too. ^^
bE: You're really creeping me out here.
bE: Are you some stalker or something?


 No really, the last thing I need is a stalker.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^I am not a stalker, I am your salvation. You are so fucking dense that I  need to up the juice I see. Return to the mirror and look again.^^
bE: The fuck! You have mind powers or something.
bE: Not very scary though. I mean really, a bloody smiley.
bE: It's a bit jarring you can do that, but so far the best you have done is a horrible headache.
bE: You're not a very good psychic user are you?


 Already, so soon? This isn't good, really need to do something about this before it gets worse.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: We both know that I never expected it to bother you. Because that wonderful smile is at home in you.
hH:^^You cannot escape it, just like you can never escape me, or escape the you that awaits beyond the mirror.^^
hH: ^^Can't you feel it Uri?
hH:  ^^That symbol is painted all over your body, it writhes and wriggles like a thousand worms crawling just under the surface of your skin. ^^
hH: ^^And right between your little bosoms is where the true symbol lies.  Can  you not feel its little tentacles as they Burrow their way  through   flesh and blood to give your heart a big squishy hug : )?^^


 WHAT THE FUCK?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I feel slightly violated right now.
bE: You're pretty funny though, you should open a comedy club with sL.
bE: Maybe you'll get II to laugh.


 That will be the real achievement getting a person like II to laugh.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^Like a wounded musclebeast, you continue to limp away as if you can run from destiny.^^ 
hH: ^^Comedy is at the core of our philosophy. We embrace the hilarity of life and make sure others do as well.^^
hH: ^^With a blade,  you can chip away at flesh and all the useless shit that  lameos and  fuddy duddies uses to hide from the truth. And in the end as you work away at them, peeling skin away like they are a big oval orange. They all cry, and then they all laugh, and then they all die :  ).^^


 Okay I'm getting tired of this, like really tired. Maybe I can make it go away.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: hH what's your favorite kind of laughter?
bE: Because I found a soundfile of some, would you like it?
bE: Btw I don't have a blade.
hH: >
hH: ^^Do you like to watch things suffer? See something clinging to life desperately knowing all the while that their fate is certain?^^
bE: No not really, I like laughter though.
bE: And since you do...
-- [bE] sent laughing Tidus and Yuna clip to [hH] --














*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^That was almost as annoying and useless as you yourself. ^^
hH: ^^Waste my time again and I will open your throat like it's a soft drink and pluck your talk box out with my own hands.^^
hH: ^^See, the weak only exist to provide amusement to the strong. When I no   longer can wring entertainment out of your impotent displays, I will   discard you myself or just ask Jamie to do it for me : ).^^
hH: ^^So get with the funny or I will get to the throat plucking.^^
bE: What do you mean ask Jamie for you?
bE: You're the one that wants to kill us aren't you.
bE: Crap, this isn't good.
bE: I don't think the other players can handle you that well.


 especially rB... I don't think she could... dammit.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: ^^My widdle Jamie-kins will do anything I ask him to : ).^^
hH: ^^So if I can't learn how to pop you like a little gore balloon he will gladly do it for me and you know it. ^^
hH: ^^Don't worry about those other losers I have already gotten to them. Harlin always does : ).^^
bE: I don't believe you.
bE: No way sL would submit that easily.



sL may be a evil bastard, but he still has his pride and the others? No way the didn't react at all earlier.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Homicidal Jester part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Especially when you aren't even in the game.
hH: >:X
hH: ^^My little jam jam could not resist when I put on my feminine charm :  ).  Of course, being as hideous as the regurgitated half digested  corpses  my dad chucked up, you would know nothing about it.^^
bE: I don't think he looks that bad, though I have never seen him.
bE: What, you consider everyone that ugly?


 What am I saying her probably looks terrible.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: :$
hH: ^^Does it make you sad to know that even Jamie wamey has someone and that you are unloved by everyone? ^^
hH: ^^HAHAHA what a LOSER, you only have one quadrant to fill and can't even find a corpse to swap genetic material with!^^
bE: You bitch! It's not my fault my planet's dying and all the men left suck.


 She's really starting to get to me, I should just turn the computer off, but I can't find the will for some reason

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >:]
hH: ^^This explains all those other days of self loathing and misery how : )?^^
hH: ^^No one has ever loved you and no one will, not even your ancestors gave a crab dad dropping about you!^^
hH: ^^The truth is that they will flock to lils before ever considering you.^^
hH: ^^And I can't blame me, because you suck!^^



This person is a liar through and through, I can't fall for her words.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What the hell are you talking about, I've never had a day of self loathing and misery till today.
bE: You think the men are so crude they would accept another man dating the same woman?
bE: I bet you don't even have a man yourself!


 I mean, just ew.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: )
hH: ^^Have you ever wondered why you are so unlovable?^^
hH: ^^You are unremarkable in every way that matters, you are a snooze-fest! ^^
hH: ^^The men and the ladies flock to me because I'm the best thing to ever exist. I have personality, a flair and mien you can never hope to  have. Because losers can do nothing but wonder why : ).^^


 She is still so full of herself.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: But I do have someone that loves me, my Uncle.
bE: It may not be in that way, but he does.
bE: You on the other hand dodged my question do you have a man at all?
bE: I bet you will be alone forever at the end like sL would be if he succeeded.


 If you kill everything, what would be left?

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: ^^teehee, you think your human lussi actually loves the real you?^^
hH: ^^That's so sad I might actually need to break out the sad mask for a brief momentbefore I start laughing again.^^
hH: ^^He is scared shitless of the real you, and... Well I won't spoil the surprise because it is a real doozy : ).^^


 What in the world are you going on about, scared he would never be scared of me. That she would make a lie like that about my Uncle just really pisses me off!

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yure starting to piss me off.
bE: I won't bievle yuor lie!
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Sorry to bust your bubble, actually no I'm not. It was fun!^^
hH: ^^You  are just so cute when you type like a retard. I could pinch your   cheeks  until my nails dig into the soft tissue and then rip them out   and throw  them to the dung beetles : ).^^
hH: ^^I'll tell you this, I have James and the rest of those boneheads  around  my finger.... In addition to little cessles and alley : O.^^
hH: ^^Wouldn't it blow if I had to show them some painful lessons because you are a stubborn dork? ^^


 She wouldn't, she couldn't.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ughu! I ca'tn et u doo that!
bE: I ill inorm the udders efore you can due anyting.
bE: Stp tryin to get in MY HEAD!
bE: You sunnava bitch!
hH: >;]
hH: ^^I have already done everything! Harlin wins for all time!^^
hH: ^^You all need me, and you know it.^^ 
hH: ^^Even Ju Ju needs me.^^
hH: ^^You are all mine, my personal little toy Box.^^ 
hH: ^^But if you are mean to Harlin, Harlin will be mean to you and whoever else I feel like!^^
hH:  ^^I wonder how rB would look like with her intestines wrapped around   her  chitinous windhole, or how you would look when you woke up to  blood   covering you in a delicious crimson while a severed head looks  up to   you with terrified eyes, long devoid of life?^^


 ....DAMMIT! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TOUCHED THIS COMPUTER!

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yu do't tuch thm!
bE: oaky Iill  play ice.
bE: ee 
bE: I'll ink eal ice thuoghts to 


 Butter flies and rainbows, butterflies and rainbows... GOD DAMMIT!

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: :3
hH: ^^This talk will be our secret then, a secret secret of friendship : ).^^
bE: nggh
bE: veh feinds 5ever
hH: >:]
hH: ^^yay! ^^
hH: ^^So nice to have you aboard the harlin friendship wagon, we will have soooo much fun together!^^
bE: yea un... 
bE: Hralni ave ou evar plated nasevall?


 I can't make this pointless I have to find something out, anything.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: ^^Look at my friend being so silly : ). ^^
hH: ^^I can't understand you at all! Speak a little bit more intelligently next time.^^
bE: hhhave youuu evvver ppplayed bassseball???
hH: : I
hH: ^^Is that some lame human sport?^^
hH: ^^Where I came from, we had cool sports like blood ball and extreme flarping. ^^
bE: No it'a a coll sport, probly ike blood ball.
hH: ^^Are there decapitations in your based ball?^^
bE: ehh yea we use it as teh ball, aln on it eing II's head.


 If this is what they are like I have to try to play along, lie even.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^That's head in the basketball you stooge.^^
hH: ^^I was quite good at it! ^^
hH: ^^Then I ran out of people to play with : ).^^
bE: ou want too ear a few of tits rules?
bE: its diffent than head in basetball.
hH:  >:/
hH: ^^No so shut up.^^
hH: ^^You know who ruled though!?^^
hH: ^^The greatest HIBB player ever, Kohbey Bryant! Sooooo dreamy : ).^^
hH: ^^And then the emperor had him killed for being too cool....^^
hH: ^^but not before Kohbey challenged the emperor to slam and jam! It was unheard of.^^


 That sounds, no have to pull myself together. Breath.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: our no fun. I;ll explain anyway
bE: So there are 9 players for each team out of 12.
bE: They all vote for who they hate the most and whoever gets the most votes cut off his head.
bE: Then after that the teams hit the head with a bat and see we can get home safely.
bE: If they get home safely no harm comes to them or else one would run out of players.
bE: By the 5th inning if one of the teams has more points they win.
bE: The winning team gets to do what they wish to the other team for the rest of their lives.
bE: That's Baseball simplfied.
bE: So I was thinking, for fun if we ever meet, could we play this game?
bE: Your team vs mine?


 That's the best I can do, have to make somekind of connection.

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^Earth sports are not that cool so stop lying.^^
hH: ^^Now shut your mouth and listen to best friend Harlin's story about the legend of Kohbey Bryant.^^


 She admires him, maybe I can use it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Our baseball players here are better than Kohbey Bryant could ever be at Head in basketball and they don't even play it.
bE: You're afraid that humans are better than you guys at sports aren't you?


 Have to tease and harass her

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : D
hH: ^^My best friend is soo funny.^^
hH: ^^Tell me when a smelly ape has ever done something as amazing as what happened that day.^^
hH: ^^You see mr emperor was incredibly prideful, as he should have been. He made a spectacle out of it, intending to humiliate theone who challenged his unrelenting supremacy.^^
hH: ^^He broadcast it throughout the empire, live. Never thinking the least of it.^^
hH: ^^Being the amazing, flawless man he was, he quickly jumped out to a lead.
hH: But Kohbey fought back, he clawed his way back, quite literally into the game. And that's when it happened.^^
hH: ^^Kohbey crossed the emperor up and jammed the head of a fudge blood so violently the concussive force destroyed the stadium entirely and even messed up the emperors cape!^^
hH: ^^From then on,  it was referred to as the vast slam. It caused an interstellar  rebellion from the low bloods that took dozens of sweeps to crush, and remains the  only time the emperor was ever made to look foolish.^^
hH: ^^And that's my awesome tale!^^


 How much of her is lies and truth, the way she admires him, it sounds like it's truthful but I need to go further than that, see if she is willing to lie for such a thing.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I've heard of more impressive things in childrens tales.
bE: He sounds really really lame.
hH: :/
hH: ^^Coming from the girl who can't swing a regulation bat heehee. They give the bluebloods ones like that when they turn 2.^^
bE: It doesn't matter when they swing one, I'll swing a heavier bat than any of you at the end of it all.
bE: Do they even juggle them later on?
hH: : I
hH: ^^Grub level, they can fire those bats like arrows.^^
bE: So they can't be precise at all?
bE: What about these grubs? Aren't they bluebloods as well?
hH: >
hH: ^^They could pin you to a mountain from three kilometers away you dork. You can't impress anyone with your skills so stop being pathetic.^^


 She is most certainly a liar.Lets see what she does.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So Kohbey Bryant could be outdone by a grub, that's nice.
hH: ^^The stadium was over 40 kilometers high and 200 long, you do not know architecture so be quiet or I'll do something fun to blow off steam!^^
bE: Oh, why don't you show me what he did with your mind powers.
bE: I'm sure someone like you would be skilled enough 
hH: >
hH: ^^That would be cool! If I had mind powers dork! Some friend you are.^^
hH: ^^How about we visit another stadium instead... Whoops spoiler again. Bad Harlin : ).^^


 Well that's something I guess, I really doubt the stadium is that large. So no mind powers, so what could it be?


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Well at least he got the hint*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What about another stadium and thanks for telling me you don't actually have mind powers.
hH: >:]
hH: ^^My powers are far greater than lame mind crap. Fitting for a hands on girl like me.^^ 
hH: ^^But I have said too much, I must go save my other collection of losers from themselves.^^
hH: ^^Bye friend : ).^^




-- hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling battEcho [bE] --
I have to do something about her, the fact she knew that there were no  earth sports like that... she must somehow be able to know what we do. Have to tell II.
I will have to be indirect... AGAIN UGHHH SO PISSED!

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ey ashol
bE: wre in eep syit no ecause of u ow.
bE: o amd pissed
II: Hello, you have reached the IllustriousInquisitor's automated messaging system.
II: Type 1 for English, 2 for Spanish, 3 for Italian, or 4 for Eldritch.


 SUNNAVA BITCH! NO, I WON'T EXCEPT THIS

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ymesing ith me' ow effective?
bE: uress ur eally r a robit ikeiought.
II: I'm sorry.
II: I could not process that last command.
II: Please type in the appropriate number for the designated language of your choosing, or type 5 for more options.
bE: rerarear fuve
bE: fouve 
II: You have chosen option five. 
II: I will now bring up more language choices for you please hold on.
II: I will play smooth jazz through your speakers while you wait.
bE: ... ets nought jidding
bE: *sugh* Startng too ell better though.
bE: Maye its the jazz.



It reminds me of something, I wonder what.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Based on your typing patterns, I have brought up several languages that might be the one you are looking for.
II: Type 1 for Belursian, type 2 for Azberijani, type 3 for Icelandic, type 4 for Slovenian, or type 5 for Welsh. 
II: If none of these are suitable please type 6, and I will bring up more options for you.


 Oh that's just great, right when I calm down.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You know what.
bE: Screw your numbers I pick 7 skip all this crap and talk to II.
II: You have chosen number seven, my data indicates this means you wish to choose the first option of the next set of language choices.
II: Very well, hold on while I change language settings.
bE: ...


 That's... what?

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You have chosen Esperanto. 
II: Saluton, vi atingis la IllustriousInquisitor la automataj mesagoj sistemo.
II: Tipo 1 lasi mesagon por II, tipo 2 doni confidental informo anonime al Mondmilito, tipo 3 fari donacon, tipo 4 se vi estas telemarketer au adbot, au tipo 5 por pli da alternativoj.
bE: If I wasn't on a computer this would hurt more.
bE: I imagine that this thing just gives you the run around forever if I pick 5.
bE: May as well find out what it does for 4.
bE: Hopefully nothing to bad.


 Thank god for froogle translate.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Vi elektis opcion 4.
II: Mi bedauxras telemarketer kaj au adbot, II ne momente interesita en malalta prezo suoj faritaj en azia landoj au feriojn al fabela destinoj. Bonvolu ensaluti libervole ekstere kaj cxesos pestering mia kliento.
bE: Pretty polite a bot it isn't it.
bE: Okay I'll leave then come back in, that should work.
bE: Thanks for the jazz I guess?


 Or not knowing II.
-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --
-- battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Mi bedauras, via programado devas esti hilariously malsupera al mia. II programita "AMMY" al recgonize tia piddling provo brecon sia sekureco. Mi faros al vi unu pli tempo al vole cesos pestering mia kliento.
bE: I thought as much.
bE: Really got the better of myself seems to think about things some though.
bE: Ehem. Ammy no estoy vendiendo algo que el cliente puede conseguir en ningn otro, es algo tan raro slo el cliente puede obtener y de que algo que no puedes comprender.
II: Mi provis doni al vi averto sed nun, mi estas malgoja diri, mi devas preni vian continous provoj brecon mia kliento sekureco kiel ciber krimo kaj potencial vendoj kaj investado fraudo. Mi nun estos remotamente enfermante via komputilo gis II revenas al konfirmi au malpruvi miajn suspektojn. Bonvolu havas belan tagon kaj gui la glata jazo. Memoru "Fidelkoraj estas la batoj de amiko, sed la kisoj de malamiko estas trompa." prv 27:6


 Why is this thing giving proverbs? It's so tacky.
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] uploaded and sent lockdown.II to battEcho [bE]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I deserve that really.
II: You did really. 
II: You should apologize to AMMY for wasting her time with your intentional obtusness, eeven if she is a program who technically has no time to waste in the first place.
II: Hold on i'll lift the lockdown, though i'm still not totally convinced that you aren't part of 
the insidious discount shoe criminal empire.


 Oh yea it's just me bE, want to buy some shoes during the apocalypse, they are cheap 999,99.99 a shoe. 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I doubt they have that much of an empire anymore II, meteors and stuff.
bE: Though I do have this new shoe called "We are so fucked".
bE: Want to talk about it? No, that's not an actual question we will.
II: Can it wait?
II: Typing on a phone is a painfully difficult experience for me. 
bE: No, not really it's kinda important.
bE: Do you know any players that have the name Jamie or anything close to it?
II: This hardly seems to be a pressing matter, can it really not wait?
II: *Sigh*, no rest for the weary I suppose. 
II: Hold on a brief moment, I'll have Nev go retrieve my laptop for me...
bE: Nev? Are you surrounded by robots or something?
bE: I mean if you have any to spare my house could use a new toaster.
bE: I broke the only one we had earlier.


 WITH RAGE!!!!

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I'm not mE, I do not surround my self with barely functional walking microwaves.
II: Nev is short for nevermore. 
II: It is my pet, and I trained him to fetch my laptop for me in case I need it.
II: My modus has certain items corresponding to the drawing of a simple shape in my notepad, he dips his beak into a bottle of ink I leave near it at all times, he scratches out the appropriate shape, it captchalogues and then he flies the pad to me.
II: Such a good little bird.
II: As you can perhaps tell he already accomplished his mission, which by default makes my pet bird far more useful than 3/4ths of this team.


 Pretty neat bird, wish I had a pet.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Weird name... Okay, so who's Jamie?
II: It's a reference to a poem you have obviously never read (pun unintended).
II: So I won't bother to explain.
II: We don't have a Jamie on the team, we do have a James though.
II: Which is far worse than a non-existant Jamie.
bE: Okay who is the existent James then?
II: It rhymes with knifeBoard.
bE: lifeLord?
bE: strifeTard?
bE: Can you give a bigger hint?


 Why do I always feel the need to do that, to mess with him.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: .....
II: Here's your hint.
II: There are only 12 to choose from in the first place, 10 not counting you and I. This shouldn't be hard for anyone.
bE: Sorry I'm a bit out of it right now, if I could tell you, you might understand why.
bE: sL, right?
bE: Fuck.


 I was afraid of that, only person that makes sense really, but jamie pfftt hahahaha.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I guess crossing the finish line fourteen hours after the race ended is better than never crossing the line at all.
II: Correct, you are entitled to a shiny gold star and an extra juice carton at recess. 
bE: Are you okay II you usually put more into it than that.
bE: So um, II how would you handle two sLs?
II: Same way I would handle one sL.
II: With two guns.
bE: You have 4 arms? Didn't know you were a mutant or do you use your feet?


 I mean really, really mess with him

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay how would you handle a sL with a brain and the ability to enslave the team with his mind?
II: sL with a brain AND a mind?
II: Now I know we are really getting into the hypotheticals.
II: Same way as I would handle two brainless sL's, the method has yet to change.


 Rather full of himself as always.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay how about this.
bE: An sL with a brain and the ability to enslave the team and additionally is outside of your reach.
bE: Last one, really it is.
II: Oh okay I get it, you know you didn't really have to be so vague.



I do , I really do.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Annoying myself and a clueless detective*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: A problem out of your reach is a problem out of your reach, if you can't stop it, do your best to contain it.
bE: So the best course of action is to warn everyone, I'm in a bit of a pickle though.
bE: You see it's a bit like last time with AQ, but worse. As in if I actually say what's going on exactly everyone dies and as far as I can tell it's not a bluff at all people shouldn't be able to do what that person did.



Well at least AQ came in handy for something?

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You are partially correct.
II: It is never the best course of action to warn everyone, because everyone may not be amply prepared for that which you are about to reveal.
II: So you are best warning the proper people who are most equipped to handle stressful situations.
II: Which I can assure you, I'm already warned about most of them.



I really doubt that knowing you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Maybe you, but everyone else from what I learned about them aren't ready at all.
bE: Don't even know how I withstood it.
bE: rB, sL, wW, qA, all of them really.
bE: I'm not even in the game and I'm rather nervous about it.
bE: What's up with so many outside sources hanging around us.
II: In any matter of life there are always third parties with vested interests in a result one way or the other.
II: Why should something so high stakes be any different?



Because it involves our lives dummy.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well aside from our lives I don't see why it's so high staked.
bE: I mean really what's the purpose of the game if there are things like this hanging around.
bE: Got cthulhu and other crap looking at us. While I've yet to figure out why it's so important.
bE: Do you know, because that would just be great.
II: Your life is insignificant, all of ours are, in comparison to what is truly at stake in this game.
II: And that's the legacy of our entire species.
II: We are either writing the epilogue or the sequel to the human race. Untold numbers of billions whom our actions will give purpose to, or just merely highlight how foolish we all were from the start.
II: Not very often you get to say that now is it?



Talking about having the human race restart, but still why are these other things hanging around. I guess you can't say it that often.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh that, I already talked to rB about that you really should talk to her again soon.
bE: I mean all of this just for that seems... not high enough.
bE: Even bigger than that, like my dream of being the greatest baseball player in existence.
II: Is there a pressing need for me to talk to her again? 
II: I am supposed to be helping a certain man into a certain medium as soon as he appears back on the radar.
II: And lets.... not get into the baseball again please.
bE: Well it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to her till he does appear.
bE: Didn't you say you're a great multi-tasker?


 He did say that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh yes, you know some psychology right?
bE: Well one of my dreams the one that keeps repeating finally went away.
bE: Though for some reason it's about the same it's really weird.
bE: Docective am I going insane?


 Doctective, what am I thinking?

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Possibly, your mental profile does raise several flags that indicate a possibility for violent psychotic episodes.
II: This may or may not be a joke.


I dunno if I like that joke.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Anyways, I am a great multi-tasker. But just because I can do two things at once doesn't mean I should or that I will.
bE: I'd just get it over with, she pretty much plans on bothering all of...
bE: So uh how's pC? She helped you get everything in order yet?
II: No, but she established the connection and dropped the odd item or two, which is the furthest point we can go to at this moment until I see tS safely into the medium.
II: Honestly it was far more than I honestly expected to get, it seems today is full of happy surprises.


 She seemed okay earlier, she really that lazy?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well that's good I guess.
bE: Never have seen tS myself what is he like?
II: He can tell you his e harmony profile himself whenever he chooses to return.
II: And after he is safely inside the game. 
bE: Just to make sure I don't mess up later.
bE: rB helps me get in right?
bE: And since I'm last, do I even help anyone get in?
II: This was all in previous logs bE, logs that you weren't there for.
II: But yes you are, and yes you do.


 Well that's good to know.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That will make things pretty easy then. rB is pretty easy to deal with.
bE: Some of the people are already in the game from the sounds of what have been said.
bE: I'm kind of interested about the whole getting in part, qA was using a slot machine and I told her to cheat.
bE: You know anything about the others trials?
II: No.
II: They are all personalized to the individual, and as such I have no idea what they will be or how to accomplish whatever it is that the item wants.


 That's troubling.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: The smallest of dry spots in the vast ocean of my all consuming knowledge.


HAHAHHA. Oh that's a good one.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: More like a puddle of knowledge hanging over an ocean.
bE: Bet you don't even know what my uncle uses as a food enhancer, hell I don't even know and I eat it all the time.
II: Are we back to the doubting my intellect part of the relationship?
II: Because your uncle's eating habits, strange as they are, are hardly worth noting and the fact that you don't even know means I could say whatever I want and you would accept it as true.
II: Lets not go down that road again.


 Dammit I was hoping he would know.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: But it's so fun, you're the only person I can do this to.
bE: Sure whatever, I'll get it all back once we are in the game and meet in person.
bE: Won't that be fun >;0.
II: No.
II: No it won't be.
bE:.... I swore I didn't write that 3rd line.


 I feel kind of funny, not haha funny.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So II how well do you fare against mind attacks?
II: About as well as I fare against physical attacks.
II: Which is exceedingly.


 Really? Don't have to worry about him then.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: AH yes I see, I see.
bE: And how about passive attacks, you handle those well?
II: I handle all forms of attack well.
II: Because I am prepared for all forms of attack. 
II: There is this thing called training, which is something I do often.
II: Before you ask I am well prepared for both aerial attacks and aquatic attacks. As well as an attack from a wild boar.


 I have the strangest urge to try to find weaknesses.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How are you with plumbers and mushrooms?
II: I had a bad experience with a plumber before, never been a fan of mushrooms.
bE: Are you allergic to anything?
bE: You know in case I decide to cook for the group.
II: Stupidity.
II: And cyanide.



I'll have to make a cake with some plumbers draino and mushrooms then.
Wait what am I saying?


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Annoying myself and a clueless detective part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I guess I'll try to avoid anything with cyanide and arranged in a silly way.
bE: What kind of guns do you use? Not anything like a gunsword right?
II:....
II: *Sigh*
II: Are you going to ask me if I like long walks on the beach and swing dancing as well?
II: I use handguns, small, portable get the job done. 
II: Loaded with special subsonic rounds when I need to be stealthy, standard rounds when I don't need to be. Revolvers when I need to go in heavy.


 Why in the world am I asking these questions.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well I was going to ask how you dealt with long walks on quicksand and hanging around.
bE: Small calibur guns huh, how about your attire?
bE: I mean do you dress like a clown or what?
bE: A big round nose, clown shoes, and everything?
II: You know what.
II: I'm past the point of caring.
II: Please defer any more personal questions you have about me to this.
-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] uploaded and sent "Tales of The Raven: The Story and Lessons of An Inquisitor" and sent it to battEcho [bE]--
II: There you have an interactive, 580 hour long audiobook detailing the general picture of my life. Narrated by the great Christopher Walken.



That's.. he's more full of himself than I thought.
HAHHAHAHAHHAH! What the?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh my, you shouldn't have.
bE: Something isn't right here, something is very off right now.
bE: Detective is it normal to be this way?
II: Oh don't worry, not all of it is strictly biographical. 
II: For example there is a 25 hour piece dedicated solely to the art of winetasting. 
bE: So I can be a winetaster if I listen to it?
bE: No, what I mean is it normal for someones thoughts to shift this often?


 These thoughts don't feel like mine.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: It's called attention defecit disorder.
II: Now as I was saying about the book...
II: There is a 69 hour segment dedicated to the proper art of human interaction.
II: I suggest you listen to some of it and learn how to be less awkward with your questioning.
bE: I don't recall having ADD.
bE: I imagine that section is more for pC than for me.
bE: I don't care about your book dammit!



She didn't no way she did that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Hey we can all benefit from sixty nine hours of pure audible bliss.
II: Well I already experienced it, you know since I wrote it and all?
II: Of course you care about the book. 
II: Since you want to know so much about me, this is the place to know the real me. 
II: A me who is speaking with the voice of an acting legend.
II: See like that gun bit you asked me about?
II: Included in that book is a 3 hour long lecture on the merits of different handguns, and which ones to use for varying situations. I also briefly debate the pros and cons of handguns vs other types of guns. Just look under the section of the book entitled: "So you want to be an Inquisitor?"
II: It's thrilling stuff.
bE: That is terribly thrilling, its like a story written by legendary bards.
bE: Dammit, the hell.
bE: That bitch she didn't.



She DID SHE DID.
YES HAHAHHAHA SHE DID!

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Oh are you listening to chapter 1,593: "A Dame From The East End"?
bE: Actually it's chapter 1,345: "In That Kingdom By The Sea: The Cautionary Tale of Sabrina Armenio."
bE: It's rather good.
bE: She did it, I didn't think she could.
bE: Can't keep my thoughts straight can't tell what I'm actually supposed to think.



Why am I? Having some problem ?
I'm not even reading anything.
That's what you think.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Oh yeah, hey that was that story you kept trying to pry from me much to my annoyance.
II: And I unwittingly gave it to you, that's funny.
II: Not that I really care, Walken did an excellent job portraying the emotions in that scene. 
II: So at least you are getting the good version. 
bE: Hey aren't you listening to me!
bE: You really should tell me your version of it so I can tell how much better it is.
bE: Dammit I could cry right now.
II: Oh come on you big baby it wasn't THAT sad. I lived through it, I should know.
bE: That's not it.
bE: You see I'm on chapter 1,346 right now.
bE: I dear god how am I going to fuction like this.


 My heads fractured and I can't do anything about it. LOSERRRRRR, can't even stop one measly little alien! Shutup dammit!

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You know when you listen to chapters with titles like "Every Dog Doesn't Have Its Day" you kind of have to be expecting tragedy. 
II: You are kind of making me feel like my life was filled with a constant undercurrent of dread and depression....
II: Which it was.
II: But there are plenty of happy moments in there too somewhere. I think.
bE: They all have such sad titles T.T
bE: I think I'm going to explode, how do you punch your mental self?


 FOCUSING ON PUNCHING.
Ofttthahah you're so damn stupid, thinking you can punch you're mental self. Me, you're not me.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I don't let it get to me, as you shouldn't.
II: There is no point angsting about your past, it's exactly that, the past.
II: You use it as a way to better yourself in the here and now.
bE: You're right II, we have to look towards the future.
bE: Detective think about it I've already-
bE: II do you have any pets still besides Nev?


 How dare you, intrupt me while speak intruder.
Who are you calling intruder, you're the intruder you loser.
Can't even do anything for our uncle or the other players,useless dreams. You're the fake one, hehehe.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I'm not much of a pet person in the first place, he being the exception. 
II: If you wish to know why or see how I came to be his owner, please refer to one of the chapters in my book. I forget the exact one.
bE: What's your favorite chapter?
bE: Is it a chapter about wanting to be like batman? 
bE: I'm just kidding.
II: Refer to Chapter 2,500: "I'm Not Batman: Here's Why and Quit Asking."



He seriously did that?
What II's great of course he did, a loser like you might think so but he is. 
I'll fight you imposter, till my last breath.
Oh really? Looks like you are slipping away to me.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh wow Walken did a really good job on this one.
bE: I've gone mad, it's like I'm not even here.
bE: His voice really takes control.
II: What can I say? The man has a voice that bores into the very core of your being and uplifts your very soul. 
bE: So II have you ever considered training someone before?
bE:... Nghh.


 I wanna puke right now.
Of course you do, you're to damn shy.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Of course, I would be willing to give basic instruction in any area of my knowledge to one of my fellow players not named Alice, James or Ashley.
bE: I've never fought anything before and I'm not quite sure how to go about it so I was wondering if you had any advice if I ever lost my weapon of choice.
bE:... I would never lose my Bat.
bE: Is what I would normally say, but I'm not sure I can say that once I get into the game.
bE: So I was thinking once we get into the game you could try training me properly.



You bitch you're really doing this? You know I can't go back on my word.
That's why you're the fake and I'm the real one, you can't even do what's nessary to win.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I would be happy to oblige as I came to the same conclusion as you did once and trained myself properly in several forms of unarmed combat.
II: But I warn you my training is not for the faint of heart and is multi faceted in its nature and purpose.
bE: Don't worry I'm a quick learner.
bE: I'm sure I can do it.
II: If you say so. 
II: Now are you finally at a loss for words or do you have more inquiries of me?



Have to regain control.
What makes you think you can?!? Stop that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What would you say the chances of us living through this currently are?
bE: Probably not that high since I've gone crazy...
II: Moderate to Moderately High
II: Depending on how the more dangerous members of the game react to these stressful circumstances.
bE: With those kinds of odds we should do fine.
bE: With those kinds of odds we would fail anyway.
bE: Erm, well um that's all I can really think of I'm tapped out, probably won't talk to you for a long time if things go right.


 Nice little trick you pulled, but you're going to pay the price for that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Really?
II: Can you promise me that?
bE: Only if nothing crazy happens.
bE: You're looking at the crazy it's happening, stop looking at it.


I'm going to break you into bits.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Yeah yeah so basically you will be coming back to chat in twenty three minutes.
II: Try to at least keep future talks to a period of time that does not coincide with mine or tS's entry into the medium.
bE: That's it I'm going to-
bE: Uh bye I'll be busy for a bit!



You think you can fight against me? You are mistaken hehehe.
NGHHH! Break into nonexistance!
-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 31, 2012)

*Crazy and Crazier*

She's gone, wonder why, still feel funny.
Yea, but I'm here. 
SUNNABITCH, it never ends.
Someone's calling me. Oh it's her, maybe she can help me some.

*Spoiler*: __ 



--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] began pestering battEcho [bE]--
AQ: Hey, is this a bad time?


 Oh I remember now... she's annoying.
Hey,hey answer her already. GO AWAY DAMMIT!

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: It's a good time.
bE: No, it's not get back here so I can beat you!
AQ: ...
AQ: Okay, great.
AQ: So listen, I promised Myself I wouldn't contact you until your un
AQ: ...Until later
AQ: Until your until later, yes.
AQ: But I can't help but notice
AQ: You appear to be having a problem.



It just never ends does it one thing after another.
All these people just butting into my life and ruining it.
Don't worry you won't have to worry about it any more soon~

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Nope no problems just temporary ones.
bE: Yea temporary, once I get this sadistic person to go away things will be fine.



Why are you repeating others words.
I didn't I just refraised them.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Oh dear, it's worse than I thought.
AQ: Okay, let me try something.
AQ: A brief mental excercize. I will list baseball players and various fruits
AQ: Repeat to me the fruits in alphabetical order
AQ: Avacado
AQ: Shoeless Joe
AQ: Pineapple
AQ: John Cleese
AQ: Kiwi
bE: Avacado,Kiwi, Pineapple those fruits.
bE: Trick question they are all baseball players.



They are baseball players. No those are not!
You never heard of the great Pineapple's great pitch?

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Okay, that wasn't as sucessful as I thought
AQ: Sucessful enough, I hope.
AQ: So tell me, you two, has anyone been "bullying" you recently?
AQ: Namely non-human entities
bE: Not really just making friends they were pretty nice.
bE: Oh not really, you know I just decided to break my mind in half one day, what do you think?!?!



Why, why me.
You shouldn't act like that you'll just drift further.
What was that?
Nothing at all~

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Look, second-line Uri. This is hard enough without your sarcasm.
AQ: No wonder you uncle just shot himself behind you.



Wha- 
Some friend she is, trying to scare us like, wait I mean why would I include you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That's not a really nice joke AQ.
bE: He still sleeping.... He's not in a coma is he?
AQ: No, dammit, you were supposed to over-react and get all scared
AQ: It's baffling how you're making things harder for me even in this circumstance.
AQ: Look, you're uncle is fine.
AQ: And I'm gonna try and take care of your "issue" here.


 A friend like this deserves punishment~
She may be an ass, but she doesn't deserve that.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Sorry AQ ): I wish I could help you more </3
bE: She wants to kill you, you know. Such Malice.
AQ: Wait, she her-to-me? Or she me-to-her?
AQ: I'm hoping for the former, but would be okay with the latter.
bE: I would never try to kill you AQ.
bE: Yes she would, first chance she gets, turn your back bam you're dead.


Nu-uh, liar.
You're the liar here not me.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Ah, I understand now.
AQ: Well, I'll be honest, not sure exactly how to deal with ths whole thing.
AQ: Those aliens were unable to contact anyone in my session after a point pretty early on.
AQ: So I have no memories of this joker pulling this sort of bull honkey
AQ: Don't worry though, I'll figure something out


 Poor AQ trying to help us.
I think I figured out what WE are. Hopefully I'm right?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh you don't have to do that AQ.
bE: Okay if you need some help she's the Id and I'm the super-ego. Simple enough right? Wrong the 3rds missing.
AQ: Okay, second line Uri, Freudian theory is a bit more nuanced than that, but I think i get where you're coming from.
AQ: At first I assumed that someone was intruding on your mind.
AQ: But in retrospect, it seems they only fragmented your psyche
AQ: Am I right so far?


Wrong wrong wrong, I'm bE and you're the fake.
We'll see about that there should be a 3rd if we are so.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't really know what you are talking about.
bE: Oh that's sick do you know what she is thinking right now?
AQ: She as in her or she as in you?
AQ: These are ridiculous questions, but they need to be asked.
bE: She as in her in you?
bE: You made it worse, stop that.



HEHHEHEHE.
Do you have no restraint?

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Alright, let's settle this
AQ: You will refer to her as "thon", yourself as "I", your other self as "her" and me a "you"
AQ: Agreed?
bE: Thon's a terrible name call me micky.
bE: Wait you're giving us names? Are you TRYING to break "her" forever? Dammit.



Who is her anyway?
I dunno really.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Both of you calm down.
AQ: Espcially you, Id Uri. I can't think straigh with your hysterics
AQ: *think straight
AQ: You should be more like second line.
AQ: She's so kind and pretty.
bE: Aww I could just hug you and-
bE: PUNCH! Too dirty we aren't pC dammit.


 BUTTTTTTT.
No, stop it already.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Well, aren't you quick to use plural pronouns
AQ: I think you're actually having fun with this
AQ: Madness really suits you, considering your past and eveything.
bE: Oh that past? It's nothing.
bE: Nothing my ass. Yea, I'm having fun beating up on this worthless crap after waiting so long for it, so what.


It was fun.
I don't remember remembering this before it's all just coming in for some reason.

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Wow, you're hard on yourself for a superego
AQ: Perhaps you needs some supplemental ego to help you two bond together
AQ: A little speck of Spock, as it were.
AQ: Wait, was Spock the ego? Or was it Picard?
bE: I don't really know, but you are making me hungry with all of this eggo talk.
bE: The ego... um, I think it's dead.



I WANT EGGOS!!!
Shut up!

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Ah.
AQ: Well, there's your problem
AQ: Let's see, I'm no expert in ego restoration or anything.
AQ: Let me do some research real quick.
bE: Oh cool she's making eggos.
bE: Yea, sure lets let  the crazy person help the even crazier one nothing could possibly go wrong.
AQ: Okay, I finished my research in like 74 picoseconds
AQ: Apparently you need to "deflate someone else's" once the the source of the ego suppresion has been eliminated
AQ: This is mostly from these laughably shady voodoo websites, but it's really the best this idiot computer could come up with.
bE: Hahahhaah you said voodoo, who do your voodooooo.
bE: Same as always no real help AQ, do I look like a witchdocto- Dammit stop trying to NOT breath.


 HAHAHAHAH! phewwwwww.
I told you to stop it, really though voodoo? VOODOO?

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Wow, superego. Talk about ungrateful.
AQ: This is the last time I try and repair your mind, god damn.
AQ: Look, I'm going to try and negotiate with "thon" while you and you try and reconcile some differences and knock off some high horses.
AQ: You'll be back to your normal, baseball-loving ingrate of a self in no time.
AQ: Plus some character development.
AQ: It's actually good for you to air out your emotional baggage now
AQ: You'll be more ready for events to come.
bE: Ohh ohh baggage, I always wanted to get rid of some of it. Okay there was this one time I was 8 and uncle Rath got angry at me and told me to stay in my room for 2 days. And there was this other time that-
bE: Dammit, you want us to be here all day?
AQ: Hey, Id. Shut up.
AQ: You can sort his out between each other.
AQ: Without me
AQ: Anyway, hang in there supes
AQ: Keep, uh, using circumstances to justify you actions and whatnot.
AQ: I'm gonna try and contain this new threat that you so clumsily handled by lapsing into insanity.
AQ: You're welcome.



Dumdedum~
Why are you messing things up on purpose all the time, damn!
Like she can handle it any better.
--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: And that other time I scraped my knee while running and that other time when I broke a bat and got spliters from it.
bE: Well that's just great.
bE: *yawn* What's up? What how you two been doing this place is a mess.
bE: Ohh and that time I had my f-
bE: You're not dead, wish you were.
bE: I mean I sleep for 20  minutes and you guys mess things up this badly? Training by II? Who did this?
bE: Ohh me me me.
bE: Her.
bE: Punishment for both of you.



We have to be more organized if there are going to be 3 of us here and more CIVIL. Both of you are out of line.
And why should you be in charge?
Because one is an imposive idiot and the other doesn't really care that much?
Okay then leader lead on then, lets see HOW much better you do.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Aug 1, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: ^^Unless a motherfucking miracle happens they are your competition I think.^^
hH: ^^So the fuddy duddy is pretty good with the whole fighting thing but   he might be the most deluded sack of shit I have ever known.^^
hH: ^^And I know people whose blood is literally the color of excrement.^^
hH: ^^The other one I talked to.^^
hH: D:<
hH: ^^UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH^^
hH: ^^Even worse.^^
hH: ^^THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED.^^
hH: ^^It's like unfair to have a team be saddled with so much dead weight.^^
hH: ^^Since I'm not around, can you please kill them for me?^^
hH: ^^Pretty please : )?^^
sL: I'm assuming the fuddy duddy you're talking about is II, who IS a deluded fuckhead, yes
sL: And I'll be killing these fuckers at the end of it all
sL: I'll be doing it more for myself than for you, obviously
sL: Who's the "other" that you're talking about, by the way?
sL: Is it sN by any chance or is it mE?
hH: ^^See, you totally should kill each and every one of them.^^
hH: : O
hH: ^^But can you?^^
hH: ^^You got to hone your craft, there's eleven of those assholes and only one of you.^^ 
hH: ^^Be a little smart though and you should have no problem : ).^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^That sN guy?^^
hH: ^^Yeah....I haven't even looked at him yet to be honest.^^
hH: ^^Kind of seems like a grade a lame-o if you know what I mean : ).^^
hH: ^^The robot thing is pretty awful but certainly not the worst. At least whatever the fuck it is realizes that humans kind of suck and wants nothing to do with them.^^
hH: ^^No.^^
hH: ^^I'm talking about that spineless crybaby qA.^^ 
sL: Huh, kinda didn't expect that
sL: Only talked to her like all of once though
sL: Irritated the hell out of me like the rest of these cunts, but I got some small use out of her
sL: What exactly did she say to make her such a spineless stain?
sL: I wouldn't be surprised if she actually is a crybaby deadweight bitch, but I'm curious
hH: ಠ_ಠ
hH: ^^Okay so this girl.^^
hH: ^^THIS girl.^^
hH: ^^Has actually murdered a couple of people over the course of her life.^^
hH: ^^Not well I might add, she has even less style than you do : ).^^
hH: ^^But she doesn't want anyone else in her stupid group to know and actually feels BAD about it.^^
hH: ^^HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA^^
hH: ^^What a fucking joke right?^^
hH: ^^And not even that funny of a one.^^
hH: ^^What kind of loser feels bad about something so dumb? Even Mr Fuddy Duddy doesn't seem to lose all that much sleep when he puts down the rare twerp or two.^^
sL: Feels...bad about killing people?
sL: That's fucking absurd!
sL: You don't regret the act of murder, you take pleasure in it!
sL: How can anyone get something so basic wrong?
sL: Fuck this team
hH: ^^See we know this, but the others are either too stupid or too far up their own excrement chute to know.^^
hH: ^^Which brings me to why I contacted you in the first place.... : ).^^
hH: >
hH: ^^Care to hear a little proposal I got in mind?^^
sL: Go on
hH: ^^Seeing as how I'm kind of a big deal, I got a bunch of awesome plans in the wings.^^
hH: ^^A couple of irons in the fire if you will.^^
hH: ^^I think we need to turn this bunch of weak little dorks into something half way respectable.^^
hH: ^^We need to show them our way of thinking is right.^^
hH: ^^If you are going to kill them at the end anyways, wouldn't you want to have the fight of your life?^^
hH: ^^Let's insert some spines into these blobs of jelly : ).^^
sL: I'd have assumed that them getting up the echeladder rungs would've   made them something resembling a challenge, but I guess that really is expecting way too much
sL: What do you have in mind?
hH: ^^Unless you get a cool role like yours or an even cooler role like mine.^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^This game just solidifies the wrong mindset in people. I mean look at it, your job is to save a bunch of pale losers who can't even fight their own battle.^^
hH: ^^We need to....nudge their personalities in the right direction.^^ 
hH: ^^Reinforce the proper philosophy when they are at their most susceptible to impression.^^
hH: ^^If you really are half as great as your ego tells you you are, fighting against them in a proper state of mind is the right thing, and the best thing for you to do.^^
hH: ^^Sure it's fun killing a bunch of mental cripples, but it's a lot more fun killing something that can put up a fight no : )?^^
sL: I'm all for that
sL: Getting bored when killing something is the worst feeling
sL: I enjoy a challenge
sL: It's good exercise murdering a competent opponent
hH: ^^And if you survive...^^
hH: >
hH: ^^You get the honor of being killed by me someday.^^
hH: ^^Or if you are fine with the position of second banana that's cool  too  : ). I need to start rebuilding and if I have to degrade myself and induct some humans into the laughsassin order, I will. Better than these poor sods that I call my team.^^
hH: ^^Just remember.^^
hH: >:X
hH: ^^This is a secret secret between two murder buddies : ).^^
hH: ^^If this gets loose, it will be pretty much impossible to sway your loser teammates in the right direction.^^
sL: Hah, you killing me
sL: I attract comedians too
sL: And I'm not spilling this shit to anyone, I know how these jackasses will react
sL: I'm not stupid enough to compromise what's in my best interest
hH: ^^Jokes are fun, everyone likes jokes.^^
hH: ^^But i'm more of a thespian.^^ 
hH: ^^The plays I perform in are quite the side splitters, in some cases quite literally when we have a few criminals on hand, or an unlucky audience member.^^
hH: ^^Perhaps i'll show you one some day if you don't get killed first : ).^^
hH: ^^We've basically already won, and now we just need to let this play out.^^ 
hH: ^^So i'll talk to you later then : )?^^
sL: Man, you just keep on going with these jokes
sL: Later it is, yeah
sL: You don't actually suck all that much compared to what I've had to talk to
sL: Wouldn't mind chatting with you later
hH: ^^It's a date then : ).^^




-- hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling strifeLord [sL]--

That...actually wasn't that bad.  Though if this supposed alien thinks she can kill better than he does, the bitch has another thing coming.


----------



## Platinum (Aug 5, 2012)

*The Circle of Futility*

"Where are you tS?", I sigh. He has still not shown up, still has yet to get wW into the medium. Time was running short, but I have to believe that it would work out. 

I get the familiar chime that signals a pestering, I briefly give into relief, only to be all the more crestfallen when it is merely Alice's stupid alter ego. I really don't have time for this....


*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Wow, Marcello
AQ: I'm hurt
AQ: Here I thought we were friends
AQ: And here you are, talking all types of sass about me.
II: Your friendship paperwork may not have been processed, any complaints can be directed at the president of the II friendship fan club bE.
AQ: I plan to
AQ: Well, not that exactly, but I'll be dropping in on her later.
AQ: Point is this
AQ: I'd apreciate it if you quit spreading slander about me.
AQ: Like I'm some sort of threat.




The care I give is so microscopic it is only view-able through an atomic microscope. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Alice, we both know that I do not slander, I expose the truth.
II: And you are a threat, everyone in this game is a threat to themselves and others.
AQ: Hahaha, "expose truth"
AQ: I had no idea you were such a comedian.
AQ: But really, I'm trying to protect these people from themselves
AQ: Which, under some very loose definitions, is what you're trying to do as well.
AQ: So I'm sort of confused as to why you're fighting me so hard?
AQ: Besides your innate stubbornness, I mean.




And here we go again.... 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What you call stubbornness I call self reliance.
II:  Ignoring the fact that your threat level is one of the highest, and  ignoring the fact that you are kind of an unrepentant murdering scumbag  who is only looking out for number one.
AQ: Normally, I would say "takes one to know one"
AQ: But I'm still struck that you think I am a threat.
AQ: I've got full body arthritis, a blackened lung, and a nihilistic mindset.
AQ: I doubt I could defend myself from a bear attack.
II:  Physical force is of minimal concern to me. I can disable most people  with little problem given a heads up and time to prepare.
II: The battle for hearts and minds is far more difficult.
II:  And I am continually amused by your accusations, which are merely my  own chewed up and regurgitated back to me like a mother bird does for  her young.
II:   I am neither a murderer, nor motivated purely by selfish interest. Now  you are the one slandering me. Why Alice, why? I thought we were  friends.
AQ: Okay, a few points
AQ: A.) I am flattered that you consider me such a virulent threat to your popularity
AQ: B.) You must have a very convenient qualification of what murder is
AQ: C.) Neither of us are motivated by selfishness, so yeah
AQ: D.) Quit calling me Alice.




The walk and talk like a duck corollary is in full effect here.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: 1. Learn to read, you are not special. You are just part of the problem as are we all.
II: 2. I don't care about popularity.
II: 3. We both know what does and doesn't constitute the meaningless taking of human life and your attempts to draw parallels between us is a pathetic attempt to assuage your conscience.
II: 4. You are a selfish and needy person, and you kind of suck.
II: 5. I'm sorry I should obviously call you Ecila. You must maintain your flawless disguise.
AQ: Oh man, you got me there.
AQ: Look at me actively trying to assist a group of people whose success has no bearing on my life or death.
AQ: Ain't I a greedy wretch?
AQ: And you can't just say "part of the problem"
AQ: Like there's one big problem. Besides the whole armageddon and subsequent battle of light and dark and all that shit.
AQ: These people got their own problems
AQ: And you just sort of bundle them and cultivate them in a big problem farm.
AQ: Personally, I have no problems
AQ: Besides the snarky jerk-offs trying to block me off when I'm only trying to help them.
AQ: And cancer, I guess.




People commonly misunderstand what true altruism is. Just because you do not gain materialistically from some action does not make it altruistic. Most often what is gained is mental in nature, either satisfying a guilty conscience or granting an ego boost. True altruism is when you suffer for the benefit of others, without regret. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Everything boils down to one big problem.
II: Who am I and what do I want?
II: Those minor problems coalesce and form the big one.
II: So it's time you stop pretending you aren't Alice in some capacity and answer for me the final  part of the question, because I'm not going to believe for a second you  are motivated by boundless love. You are all about me Alice so tell me the deal or go and talk to one of the other people that don't know the real you.
AQ: Lol, "What I want is all that matters"
AQ: I'm clearly the needy one here, right?
AQ: But really, I'm not Alice.
AQ: I may have been Alice once, but I don't care to remember that far back.
AQ: Right now I'm nobody.
AQ: Just some spaciotemporal dandruff who happens to have all-seeing scrying equipment and a heart of gold.
AQ: But I'm not Alice. Quit saying that.




This whole facade thing is really getting old. I don't care if she has changed her name to Baroness von Oberschreiber she is still Alice for all intents and purposes.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What your kind never gets is that it is impossible to run away from who you are.
II: You were Alice, you are Alice, and you will be Alice. 
II: I'm not going to even ask about the other stuff because that is out of my area of expertise, even if I was vaguely aware and thus unsurprised by the plot twist.
AQ: Ah, it's refreshing to be on a topic where even you can't act like you know more than me about.
AQ: You can't even BEGIN to imagine who I am, what I am.
AQ: You can continue under your inane delusions, just as you do daily for so many other things.
AQ: But you can never truly deduce me, Marcy.
AQ:  Anyway, yeah. If you could stop talking about me to the others as if I  were a goddamn Sith Lord, that would be so fucking choice.




Give an inch and they take a mile. That's why I rarely give my inches out, I stockpile them like a covetous king.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I might not be able to discern the finer points in the no doubt wacky temporal shenanigans that graced us with your existence.
II: But people are deluded when they think they are all enigmas, they are quite the opposite in fact.
II: You have not changed so my stance will not either.
AQ: Wow, I'M the one deluded in their own mysteriousness?
AQ: This has been Dr. Marcy's ProjectionFest O'leven up in here
AQ: Anyway you didn't address my capital concern here, as per usual.
AQ: Stop talking to others about me like I am dangerous to your session.
AQ: Please.
II: Yes  I'm the man so mysterious that I divulge my full name every time I meet  a new soul, while you continue some inane charade that a two year old  could see through with all the stubbornness of a Russian hitman.
II: Once more, until you tell me your motive, my motive to protect this session from unwanted influences will not change. For all I know, you are in league with hystericalHeresy.
AQ: Don't even talk to me about that extra-terrestrial bitch
AQ: And if you've been listening (you haven't) you'd know my motive.
AQ: I'm trying to give you numbskulls some game advice that SOME of you desperately need.
AQ: Is this how you react when elderly people offer you nice things?
AQ: "A free hand-knit sweater? What's your angle, Grandma?"
II: My grandmother never knitted me sweaters, just gun cozies. 
II: I would have been very suspicious of a surprise sweater.




My grandmother did once make a sweater for me, it was a surprise in how completely atrocious it was. Which is one reason why she sticks to gun cozies.


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Okay, why did she make you gun cozies?
AQ: Don't say "for my guns", I mean why did she go to the trouble?
II: Because I asked for them instead of sweaters on holidays and anniversaries of birth?
AQ: Well, why did she comply? She could've refused, saved some cloth or felt or whatever.
AQ: My point is that sometimes people do things for the benefit of other and not themselves.
AQ: This disease is refered to as "altruism", and is most common in primates.
II: That  is not altruism, my grand mother was complying with societal  expectations to gift a present on the required dates. That is what she  enjoyed doing, it is not like every stitch caused her unfathomable pain and she soldiered on just to see a smile on my face.
AQ: You don't know that.
AQ: Maybe she was sad to see her effort squandered on some schmucko who she doesn't believe loves her enough.
AQ: And besides, "societal expectations" are formed from altruism
AQ: If all the cro-magnons were like you, I can only image what modern life would be like
II: I loved my grandmother very much, I'll have you know.
II: If everyone was like myself the world would be a much better place, and at least eight times more fashionable.




A world full of stylish fedoras and justice. Hopefully that is where I will be going soon enough when it is my time to enter.


----------



## Platinum (Aug 5, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Alright, I'll give you that much.
AQ: So, are we straightened out here? No more ill-will?
II: I am a master in the art of saying a lot without saying anything, don't think you can give me the round about. You sure don't want to divulge anything, I guess even your altruistic soul has its limits.
AQ: Oh what do you mean
AQ:  I told you that I used to be Alice, I told you that I can use my equipment to see everything, I told you that I want only to help you.
AQ: I even complemented your fashion sense just there.
II: And none of that is the least bit important and you know it. 
AQ: Wow, functional omniscience isn't important?
AQ: Shit, I should give up now, I have nothing going for me.
AQ:  How can I hope to convince anyone of anything with nothing but the ability to veiw anything in the universe at any point in time?




That's quite a boisterous claim, let us test it out.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What am I doing right now, all seeing witch?
AQ: I can't see you right now.
AQ: But I can see like, outside your house.
AQ: Anyway, if I had to guess...
AQ: Drinking wine and/or doing something mean.
AQ: No wait, you can't be drinking, or I could see you...
AQ: Okay, if you could, I don't know, walk into your garage or something?
II: Hacking into pC's viewport hardly makes you all seeing now does it?
II: The answer by the way was nothing. I was doing nothing because you continue to waste my time. 
II: If I recall, hH had the same type of software you claim to have, mind telling me how this is all just a strange coincidence?
AQ: Ugh, again with the comparing me to her.
AQ: You have no respec for my wishes
AQ: And no, our softwares are different.
AQ: Her xenotech bullshit is this ludicrous thing where she can view and contact anyone of you bozos at any point in your lives.
AQ: My American made system can view anything at any point ever, besides you for "reasons".
AQ: Furthermore, I do not have the option to contact people at varying times.
II: This conversation is so pointless I can no longer even attempt to care for what you have to say.
II: So let's see if you can bypass this new security feature I just got from a friend while I go and take a dip in the pool.



*-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] blocked arbitraryQuantity [AQ] --*

This was entirely pointless. I start running the automated answering program I got as a gift from a friend not too long ago. Designed specifically to give the runabout to an unwanted party if they were either too stupid, or too uncooperative to actually try to do something constructive. 

tS is showing no sign of coming back any time soon, he has to deal with wW first anyways (my sincerest apologies). I have been neglecting my swimming regiment as of late anyways, and right now is as good of a time as any to unwind a bit. I need to work on my combat sidestroke anyways.....


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Oh hey, that's cool.
AQ: I almost believed for a second that would affect me
AQ: I guess I was expecting more civil discourse from you, but I should've learned my lesson from that godforsaken memo.
II: Hello, you have reached the IllustriousInquisitor's automated messaging system.
II: Type 1 for English, 2 for Spanish, 3 for Italian, or 4 for Eldritch.
AQ: Haha, okay.
AQ:  Normally I'd troll you and pick one of those not-english ones, but I  can only really understand French, Latin, and Esperanto.
AQ: So, 1.
II: You have selected English.
II: Are you sure this is the language you wish to proceed with?
AQ: You sure are persistent.
AQ: Yes, I am sure.
AQ: I simply have not nearly close to satisfactory amounts of frustration today.
II:  Are you absolutely sure you wish to proceed in English? Type 1 to  confirm your confirmation or type 2 to choose a different language.
AQ: ...You know what? Fuck it.
AQ: 2
AQ: 3
II: You have chosen option number twenty three, language choice Swahili.
II:  hujambo wewe na kufikiwa illustriosinquisitors automatiska sauti mail.  kama ungependa kuondoka aina ya ujumbe 1, kuondoka aina ya malalamiko  mbili, kupata waliopotea wa II kupitishwa mavazi maduka ya aina 3.
AQ: Wise guy, eh?
AQ: 1
AQ: 1
AQ: 1
AQ: 0
AQ: 101
AQ: 01110000
AQ: 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00001010
II:  Ujumbe wako na mchango wamekuwa akitegemea kupokea. Asante kwa  upendeleo yako. Je, kuna kitu kingine chochote i unaweza kufanya kwa  ajili yenu?
AQ: Hmm...
AQ: Okay, I'm begining to think this is actually not you.
II:  unaweza kuwa sahihi. i ni automatiska ujumbe wa mashine kwa ajili ya  II, unaweza simu yangu "Ammy" kwa muda mfupi. Je, wewe huduma ya  kusikiliza baadhi ya muziki wakati kusubiri kwa inquisitor wetu wa ajabu  kurudi?
AQ: Okay, I can see Ammy and what appears to be asking for music.
AQ: My name is not Ammy, but I apreciate not being called Alice.
AQ: And yeah, I can give you some music.
AQ: Doot
AQ: Do do doooo
AQ: Dee dodooodee doo-DOO
AQ: Dee dodeedodee do-DAA
AQ: Boop bo daaa
AQ: (hold music)
AQ: Baaa-daa
AQ: (hold music)
AQ: Cho do. Bum ba dum.
II:  i sasa kucheza wewe ukusanyaji assorted wa jazz laini na classical  vipande italian Symphony. Kuwa na siku nzuri na kukumbuka, ""Kuzimu na  uharibifu ni kamwe kamili, hivyo macho ya mtu ni kamwe shiba": prvb  27:20.
AQ: What, are we quoting Leviticus now?
AQ: Oh god, I hear elevator music
AQ: This computer doesn't even have speakers, I don't think.
AQ: What does this have to do with the bible?
AQ: Dammit, Marcy, quit giving Ashley a waterside show and make this music stop.
AQ: I can only take so much smooth jazz.
II: Oh hey look, you are still here. I see you met Ammy, such a good girl she is.
II: And I do not think Ashley cares about anything except those cars at the moment. If I thought otherwise, I would have dried off by now instead of lounging about enjoying myself.
II:  Can you hurry up? It is a pain to talk on this phone, I want to get a  couple dozen more laps in before I set up the entry chain for tS.
AQ: Who?
AQ: Oh, right.
AQ: Well, if you can at least give me chance, I'd be happy.
AQ: If I get anyone killed or anything, you can revoke my honor.
AQ: But until then, I feel like I shouldn't be branded as a bad person.
II: There is such a thing as preventive measures, you know, so this ouroborous of repetitive points will continue on forever as we are at an impasse.
II: Any final remarks?
AQ: How about "You have serious trust issues" or "This descision will hurt you in the long run"?
AQ: Oh wait, I forgot you can't register truths when other people say them
AQ: So I will go with this
AQ: You are a wise and  infallible team leader, whose totally sufficient combat skills and  absolute lack of severe pathological problems will definitely serve you  well.
AQ: I admire your charisma and do not find myself shaking my head in pity at every sentence you type
AQ: Anyway, yeah. I'm gonna go try and talk to the others despite your efforts
AQ: Maybe try a more blunt approach, since you dinguses wouldn't recognize a decent literary element if it punched your collective jugulars.




*--arbitraryQuantity [AQ] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--
*


----------



## Platinum (Aug 6, 2012)

*A long time ago (Relatively) in a session far, far away....*

Harlin Hashin stumbled out into the foggy forests that surrounded her hive. The fog was oppressive, the terrain full of precarious traps. From nowhere in particular the sounds of her consorts echoed through the not so empty forests. They were incredible, possessing the unique ability of being able to mimic any sound without fail. Constantly she was bombarded by the sounds of imps scuffling across the forests, or noises of what sounded like the alternian language. Mostly screams, as if they were mimicking the death rattles of every kill. Harlin quite liked that. Her advanced senses helped her little here, it was an aquatic lussi out of water experience, she had never felt so naked.... : ). This was just the thing to hone her skills to a level never reached before, she would become a laughsassin on par with the legendary Graymask herself. She had been denied her salvation by her moronic asshole 'friends' that roped her into playing this game, but perhaps she could find it anew on this planet, The Land of Fog and Deception.

Caught in her daydreaming Harlin walked into a lone imp, his face bearing the spiting image of sS's stupid lussi. The sight drove Harlin into a fury, with a blur of movement she plunged a dagger into it's stupid fucking face, giggling hysterically as she fell upon it. The imp thrashed about, desperately trying to escape, but Harlin punched it right in it's scaly nose holes and it briefly ceased.

Her resentment began to boil over as she took out a second knife and gave a foreboding smirk to her captive. "I have been needing some new boots, so why don't you stop squirming and let Harlin have her fun : )?" The imp began screaming and thrashing about with renewing intensity as Harlin began to skin it. She didn't even know if she could use the skin or if it would simply disappear when the damn thing died, but Harlin didn't care. She was feeling down and torture was one of the things that always put a smile on her face. 

She would make the best of her situation, she always did, and always would. But she would never forgive those disgraces to the alternian race that made this decision for her. If she could not have her spot in the parade of nightmares that marched in the ring beyond, Harlin would make her own. She would restore the laughsassin order, no matter the cost. And that's where the humans came in...

True she was initially disinterested in those pathetic fleshbags, and most of them were indeed pathetic, and she had a feeling her apathy was shared by most of the players of this game. But then, oh but then, she realized what a great opportunity there was, just begging for her to capitalize on. For a few of them there was hope, and if they could reach their potential Harlin could have some use for them.... 

The imp stopped screaming a minute prior, passing out from the unbearable pain. She tired of this pathetic sap, if he couldn't even withstand a torture session why would she want to wear it's pathetic skin at all? 

She flicked her wrist, causing a large needle to protrude out from it's hidden sheath. She plunged it down into the imp's other eye, scrambling it's peon brain and causing the creature to dissolve into a collection of oddly shaped stones and liquids known as grist.

The fun over Harlin got back to business, the humans were hers and no one else's. She knew that Loktet was probably already privy to her interest in the fleshbags, she knew he had contacted at least one of them. She would make sure it ended there, Harlin Hashin did not share her toys.
​


----------



## Platinum (Aug 6, 2012)

​
-- hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling kevorkianCuriousity [kC] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: ^^Loktet! ^^
hH: ^^One of the few trolls I am currently not mad enough to strangle without prejudice, what's up buddy : )?^^
kC: h.
kC: He77 Har7in.
kC: ne f the tr77s I dn't hate fr being hatched terrib7e.
kC: Nt much is ging n.
kC: Just chi77ing here in my hive, in my 7and.
kC: Surrunded by the crpses of severa7 dzen creatures.
hH: >;]
hH: ^^No, no, no. You can't wriggle away from this Loktet. ^^
hH: ^^I've got you by the protein chute here buddy, so why don't you just tell lil ol me what you have been up to for real.^^
hH: ^^Surely you wouldn't keep a secret from your best associate forever now would you : )?^^
kC: f curse nt!
kC: That wu7d be my 7east favrite thing t d fr such a...uh...
kC: Va7ued assciate.
kC: Serius7y Har7in, I dn't have time fr yur arduus attempts t extract infrmatin frm me.
kC: If it's nt imprtant t the success f the game, dn't bther me.
hH: >
hH: ^^I am shocked, shocked Loktet!^^
hH: ^^You know if I wanted information from you, I would just pop out one your ocular spheres with a knife and shove it down your chitinous windhole until you talked : ).^^
hH: ^^And it is important you stupid turd to the success of all the people playing this stupid fucking game.^^
hH: ^^I play for the long game Loktet, i'm always thinking about moves five steps ahead while you are the retard that takes fifteen minutes to move a pawn.^^
hH: ^^Look at how everyone groans and throws produce at you, Loktet the slowpoke. "Just make your fucking move chump!" they cry.^^ 
kC: Yes yes, very dr77.
kC: Nw if this is s imprtant then p7ease
kC: GET T THE GGDAMNED PINT!!!!
hH: >:\
hH: ^^You want the point?^^
hH: ^^You want the goddamn fucking point!?^^
hH: ^^I'll hit you with the point repeatedly over and over, until you are nothing more than a barely recognizable pile of gore. A pile of putrid goop that would bare a striking resemblance to something dad vomited on my doorstep the other day.^^
hH: ^^The point, my dear Loktet, is you are playing with some of my new found toys.^^
hH: ^^And I don't like to share : ).^^
kC: I haven't the s7ightest idea what yu are ta7king abut, h dearest friend Har7in.
kC: Nt even the tiniest scrap of an ink7ing.
kC: Hnest!
hH:  :-|
hH: ^^I know for a fucking fact! ^^
hH: ^^That it is not some lame ass fucking past loktet, or some lame ass fucking future loktet.^^
hH: ^^No, it is none other than some lame ass current fucking loktet, this Loktet!^^
hH: ^^You can't pull a fast one on me you little pile of excrement : ).^^
hH: >:]
hH: ^^But seeing as how i'm a reasonable and peaceful girl at heart i'm giving you this warning.^^
hH: ^^Don't go poking that sniffer in places it wasn't meant to be poking at.^^
hH: ^^You losers already conned me into this game in the first place, i'm drawing the line here.^^
hH: -----------------------------------
hH: ^^You see that Loktet?^^
hH: ^^It's the motherfucking line.^^
hH: ^^Don't cross it, I hate when people cross things : ).^^

*- 3 minutes pass -*

kC: I beg yur pardn Har7in, tru7y.
kC: I just...
kC: I cu7dn't stp 7aughing when yu said yu were a peaceful gir7 at heart.
kC: That's just...
kC: Ahahahahahahahaha!
kC: Cngrats
kC: Yu're a7ready an A c7ass 7aughsassin in my bk Har7in, yu rendered me incapab7e of mving fr a decent amunt f time.
hH: >
hH: ^^Stupid Loktet. There he goes no knowing anything again.^^
hH: ^^He's on fire! Look at him go, all the way down the court!^^
hH: ^^He's about to throw down a sick slam of pure stupid. The rims of logic are folding and collapsing in the face of such sick stupid!^^
hH: ^^Everywhere I go I spread peace Lokky.^^
hH: ^^Dead people are the most peaceful people around are they not? ^^
hH: ^^And I make lots of those!^^
kC: A7ways twisting wrds aren't we Har7in.
kC: N matter.
kC: I'77 be sure t infrm future me to avid sticking my prverbia7 prbscis int matters regarding yu.
kC: Assuming f curse, I ever run int him.
hH: :/
hH: ^^I already TOLD you! I know it's you, it's not any slight variation on the shitty loktet package.^^
hH: ^^But if you want to continue this moronic charade..... go ahead. I can't be bothered to waste time on this any longer.^^
hH: ^^You got your warning, and that's all you will be getting mister.^^
kC: Aw, n presents fr yur bestest buddy?
kC: What an absolute7y terrib7e persn yu are, Har7in.
kC: I'77 d yu a favr thugh and just fast-frward t the near future where yu have a7ready threatened my 7ife by imp7ying that the n7y ther thing I wi77 be getting wi77 be a 7ng drawn ut death as yu break my bnes and pee7 my f7esh back whi7e 7etting yur freak f a father nibb7e n my tender bits.
kC: See what a gd friend I am?
kC: I just saved yu frm having to type that ut.
kC: 
hH: D:<
hH: ^^You know Loktet, even for you that was a low fucking blow.^^
hH: ^^Even for me that was a low fucking blow!^^
hH: ^^Picking on a girl who just lost her father, you are a bigger monster than I thought : ).... : (.^^
kC: We77 it's a fucking 7usus mass-funera7 ain't it!?
kC: Because 7' and beh7d, I t 7st my 7usus nt s 7ng ag.
kC: Sad7y I shan't hear his wise chittering e'er again.
kC: 
hH: >:[
hH: ^^Yeah, but no one CARES about your mangy lusus, my dad was COOL!^^
hH: ^^Unless you are talking about the weird creeper who let you stay in his secret hideaway for all these sweeps.^^
hH:^^ If he is the one who died, Yay!^^
hH: ^^He was a class traitor, a lunatic, and a complete failure of a troll.^^
hH: ^^And he smelled : ).^^
kC: Yu didn't even knw him Har7in, s put a knife in it.
kC: A7s wh the fuck d yu think yu are? Gediiz?
kC: 7et's just agree that the fact that ur 7usii are n 7nger with us is a sad thing and mve n. 
kC: In fact, why nt just stop this here.
kC: Yu've a7ready managed t stea7 a fair amunt f va7uable time frm me.
kC: And unfrtunate7y, it's ne f thse things I can't take back.
hH: >
hH: ^^I call a spade a spade Loktet.^^
hH: ^^If you can't accept that you were raised by a complete and utter failure it's not my problem.^^
hH: ^^And we aren't done here yet.^^
hH: ^^Don't you want to know how I have been fairing in this game : )?^^
kC: Nt rea77y, but g ahead if yu must.
hH: : I
hH: ^^Oh stop pretending Loktet, we all know you are enthralled by my every moment of life.^^
hH: ^^See I thought that spending the rest of my sweeps stuck with you saps would be the most painful and excruciating experience in my life.^^
hH: ^^And trust me it kind of is and it will continue to be that way for the foreseeable future.^^
hH: >:]
hH: ^^But these land things? Kind of cool!^^
hH: ^^Mine is just the bestest place ever!^^
kC: G7ad to hear.
kC: We dne yet?
hH: >
hH: ^^No!^^
hH: ^^I'm sure you just got some lame land and you are super jelly of mine but it's okay Loktet, I always get nicer things than you : ).^^
hH: ^^See this place, I have no fucking idea at all what it really looks like.^^
hH: ^^It's covered in fog thicker than the coagulated blood of 10,000 slaughtered trolls.^^
hH: ^^You can't see more than a dozen inches in front of you at any time!^^
hH: ^^And there are these super cool and hauntingly beautiful sounds that permeate the air.^^
hH: ^^They confuse the living shit out of you! ^^
hH: ^^My consorts can mimic any sound at all. And the sound appears to emmanate from no direction in particular, tracking prey is retardedly difficult.^^
hH: ^^All my previous advantages in this place have been thrown out the window! I'm like a newly hatched grub, none of my senses or skills help me at all here.^^
hH: ^^So when I inevitably conquer this dirt ball i'll be ten times the troll I am right now. A truly worthy successor to the legacy of the laughsassins!^^



-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] ceased trolling hystericalHeresy [hH] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : I
hH: ^^Oh you are just the worst kind of person : I.^^




Loktet was a fucking asshole. She would make sure his death was particularly slow...​


----------



## Judas (Aug 7, 2012)

*FINALLY...THE JUDASAURUS HAS COME BACK TO...SBURB*

>Retain your cool

You look up at the lone meteor in the sky with a calm and collected mind, but with that additional sense of urgency in the back of your conscious. You promptly go into the store to see if your employers are okay, but you notice the eery silence the moment you step through the door. You can't see their silhouettes behind the glass, but you assume that they might be in their office or whatever the hell could be back there.

>Call for employers

You shout out their name, expectant of a reply consisting of nonsensical jargon, but you hear nothing; bolstering the eery silence further more. You walk around the shop to see if they've possibly stepped out of their "box" but you don't see them anywhere in site.

>Gather shit

You grab a few shopping bags and stack up on food to eat for your journey into another world which still sounds asinine to you for even thinking about it. But as your gathering shit you notice something peculiar, the door to your employer's "box" is slightly cracked open. You NEVER see that door open; hell you've never been able to even force it open with your own damn strength. 

>Peek in the "box"

You figure it wouldn't hurt to see what's it's like in there. You slowly walk up to the door and lightly push it open...and you're dumbfounded by what you see inside. The inside of this place doesn't at all look like something you'd find in a convenience store. If anything it resembles the inside of some kind of...


----------



## Atlantic Storm (Aug 8, 2012)

Damion Espley - wanderingWriter [*wW*]
_Earth - Random Street_
*Meteor Training*

---

Damion grunts as as he dodges another small meteor that fell out of the sky. The frequency was increasing, as was the size, but the 'big' meteors were (thankfully) very scarce here, and virtually nonexistent. But they were still there, and Damion made sure to stay clear away from those. A single hit from a 'small' meteor alone would probably cause some serious damage.

So the meteor training wasn't as easy as he thought it'd be. It'd been twenty minutes, and already Damion was panting, worn out and tired. It was easy to dodge them at first, but soon his lack of endurance and stamina kicked in and he begun to get tired. That was when dodging became hard.

Of course, he still managed to narrowly dodge them. His will and determination to survive spurred him on and gave him strength, though Damion knew that willpower was only going to get him so far here. Thankfully, the meteors still hadn't gotten huge yet, but they _were_ getting bigger.

_Crash._

A stray meteor crashes into the tree that Damion was hiding in, just as he leaps out. He watches the large oak tree set on fire, and topple onto the ground like fine timbre. 

"This," he breathes as he catches his breath, "is getting very tedious." He parries some meteor bits that flew off the main bit upon impact with his new katana, before catching one and pocketing it. If he wasn't going to cut a meteor in half, he might as well take a bit of debris from one instead.

Now that he thought about it, this was a pretty stupid idea. Training on meteors was both incredibly dangerous, and maybe just a smidge too difficult for him. Sure, his speed allowed him to easily dodge most of them as they came by, but he was exhausted. 

As the boy contemplates the sanity of his decision on the burning street, a large meteor looms in the distance, unnoticed by Damion...

Sighing he sheathes his katana, disappointed at not having the time to cut a meteor in half. He spent too much energy dodging them and trying not to die instead. With one last look in the crimson tinged sky, Damion heads back home, in preparation for The Medium.

It was time to enter.


----------



## Zoidberg (Aug 19, 2012)

Zoidberg said:


> As luck would have it, the imps have yet to raid the pantry. Food stores, medicine, basic tools... enough food and equipment to last Jo months. No doubt the imps would eventually reach the pantry and make a mess of things here as they did the rest of the house, so Jo took everything s/he'd need to explore the planet. S/he made sure to leave some space in the sylladex for anything s/he might find, though considering how much of this planet's tech Jo wanted to study s/he'd be dumping supplies to make room.
> 
> Now that Jo had supplies there was one more thing needed to be done. The lab needed to be fortified against underling attack, or cleared of imps if they'd already gotten there. No use scavenging for technology if you don't have a laboratory to experiment on.
> 
> ...



It wasn't the imps, but Jo wished it was. Floating right in front of the door was a green specter, flailing about and moaning incoherently. It was an abomination, a disgusting beast that was an afront to everything Jo Flynn stood for. Rather than a superior creature serving as Jo's guide, this waste of space was babbling like a lunatic, neither useful nor efficient in its purpose. Worse,  the sprite has already wasted half the lab already, rendering this entire trip moot.

"GRAASFSAFSDAFVSQEQWRQRWEQRFWRQRFEQWFQWEFSFFASDFASFASFAFAFDFSAFSAFASFS"

Jo slowly stepped out of the laboratory and locked it shut. Little good that did, because the monstrosisprite blew the doors away with a single laser blast. The urge to scream at it was great, but if that illiterate James was watching he would never live it down. All Jo could do was grin and bear it. Since there was nothing of significance left to check on inside the house there was no point in staying. It was time to leave.

As Jo looked out to the horizon, all s/he could see were mountains of scrap and skeletons of buildings. Even in this state it was clear that whoever built these structures were an advanced people. It was humbling, that a race so advanced, so powerful could be reduced to ashes. It was also exciting, to see what secrets they left behind, what relics could be salvaged and used to win this game. Underneath the mask, something resembling a smile was forming on Jo's face.

"ASFDAFSADFGASDVGASFDVGSADFVGSDFVSADFVSADFSADFSAFASFDDSAFSAD"

Well, that lasted long. For some reason monstrosisprite was following Jo in his/her travels. While it wasn't destroying anything, the sprite's incessant moaning wasn't making things any better. Oh, and to make things more irritating, some twit was messaging Jo on pesterlog. It would make a good distraction from monstrosisprite's moaning at least. 



Wow, a member of their team that wasn't completely terrible. Who would have thought? Jo found it refreshing, especially after all the idiocy the others subjected him/her to. This one will be useful in the future, and who knows, if this girl turns out to be worthy then quantitativeArbitrator will be considered one of Jo's friends. A great honor for the girl, Jo thought. 

Up in the distance, Jo sees a column of smoke rising up into the seemingly endless night sky. Could this be a sign that there are a remnants of the civilization that built this place? Or perhaps lesser creatures have moved in, and established their own settlements in the shadows of their predecessors? Only one way to find out which is which. Brandishing a bladed wrench in one hand, Jo headed to the direction of the smoke.


----------



## Platinum (Aug 28, 2012)

*Harlin's Hysterical Hijinks Part 1: Paint The World Red*

Mantasprite; Girl..... Girl!
Mantasprite: GIRL!.... Don't you walk away from me girl!
Harlin: :$
Harlin: ^^Dad, shut up! I'm trying to hunt here you moron!^^
Mantasprite: Don't you tell me to shut up Girl! Do you want to be sent to the hole again? I swear to gog I will send you to the hole again.
Harlin: >:\
Harlin: ^^You can't ground me in the hole anymore idiot, you are dead remember!?^^
Mantasprite; Dead or not, I will send you to any fucking hole I please girl. So be a good daughter and just listen to what I have to say about this game. 
Harlin: >:[
Harlin: ^^Daddddddddddddddddd, I already told you I don't give a shit about this retarded fucking game. I didn't even want to play in the first place!^^
Harlin: D:<
Harlin: ^^Look at you dad, you did die. You achieved what we always wanted.... and look at what became of you! Instead of the endless parade that you were entitled to, your corpse got stuffed into a glowie ball. Now you are just some kind of floating ghost jackass bugging me to do something I don't want to do!^^
Harlin: >
Harlin: ^^Daddy, can't I just go and kill some of these weird looking aliens pwease : )?^^
Mantasprite: Wanton murder is only slightly less important than the game at this moment in time.
Harlin: : I
Harlin: Dad knock this shit off!
Mantasprite: You know what girl i'm tired of your sass!
Mantasprite: Fine! Go and kill until your little heart is happy.
Mantasprite: But when you come back, you are getting a claw full of fucking exposition.
Mantasprite: DO YOU HEAR ME GIRL, A FUCKING CLAW FULL!

"^^Man what is that guy's DEAL?^^", Harlin thought to herself as she wandered deeper into the forest looking for something to kill. Ever since he died it was always about the game with him. The game this, the game that. FUCK THE GAME? 

Seriously, it's not even that good of a game. Extreme flarping was at LEAST twice as cool. Sure the planet was a nice touch, and so was the extreme circumstances that promised to be borderline fatal. But it lacked a certain amount of soul she figured. Killing random mooks only sated a bloodlust so much, and they didn't even bleed! They just turned into some lame stones or liquids when they died. 

As she wandered through the fog obscured forest she heard the voices again. Especially prominent was the voice of her dad, "Girl!" echoing through the lonely trees. These bastards were tormenting her.... : ). Though it wasn't a wise idea to get into a torture contest with Harlin Hashin, she kind of was the best there is. 

She came upon a few imps and tore them apart, she noticed that some of the ugly bastards looked a peculiar brand of ugly, another one of her stupid friends must have entered. Hoo fucking ray.

As she continued to walk, she began to make out small traces of a familiar scent. What it was though she couldn't place her finger on it.... grubsauce? Rust? Blood?.... Blood! Yes it was blood, sweet sweet blood. But what bled on this world? She had to find out. She followed the trail and it led her to a funky looking temple. 

It looked like no one had stepped in the place for years, vines and foliage hung and constricted the worn stones. But the smell of blood was so fresh, it had probably only just begun coagulating about an hour or so ago. Had she stumbled upon a secret club of non fuddyduddies : )? If that was the case they would be happy to see her!

The place was really cozy she thought as she stepped inside. The walls were oppressive to the point of claustrophobia, and were painted in a crusted and congealed red. Kind of an odd designer's choice to only go with one color, a nice yellow would of been a good complimentary color. It wasn't the only thing the walls were decorated in though, where the blood wasn't layed on thick, Harlin could see a vast mural that covered every surface. 

Recorded were tales of bloodshed and slaughter, images of fools rising up and being crushed under the heel of absolute power, her kind of stories. It seemed whatever was worshiped here was a pretty cool person. She made a mental note to check the stories on the walls in greater detail later, they might make for a good play.

As with any good temple, there were loads of extremely elaborate and pointless traps. Harlin, being the amazing girl she was, had no trouble dodging and leaping over spikes, giant boulders, or poison darts. She finally came to the heart of the temple, where most of the sacrifices apparently were held. She said that because she took a notice to the large amount of corpses strewn about. A couple birds but mostly they were these weird rat looking creatures. She noticed that one of them was still alive, chained to the irons above a weird looking sigil that was engraved into the ground. The rat thing lifted it's head wearily and began to flip the fuck out upon seeing Harlin, thrashing about the irons in a feeble attempt to escape. But she knew there was no escape. Stepping on the bodies of it's friends and relatives with a satisfying crunch she walked over to the terrified little thing....

"No!", it shrieked. "Stay away from me masked demon!" 

"^^Hey it's not nice to call a lady a demon, you hardly even know me! Trust me I am far, far worse than a common demon : ).^^"

The creature's face turned grim as realization finally settled in. "Then do it. If you promise to make it quick I will tell you what the people who brought me here wanted you to know" 

"^^I like a bargainer : ). It's always fun seeing that final desperation before it is extinguished forever.... but fine i'm in a good mood today. Spill your guts before I spill them myself.^^"

" They said, 'child, one who spills blood must be prepared to have their blood spilled in turn.'"

"^^That's it? Well that was a lame bargain, but.... it is one I will uphold.^^" Harlin withdrew a knife and placed it on the creature's throat, feeling it's heart thumping through the vibrations of the main artery. When they reached their peak she slashed and the creature spasmed before slumping dead in the irons, it's blood pooling into the sigil below. 

The sigil glowed a bit, as if in anticipation of more blood and that's when Harlin realized what the lame riddle entailed. With no hesitation she drew the blade across her hand, letting her wonderful green mingle with the common red. Almost like pedigree's eve or something. 

When the drops first landed, the sigil grew blindingly bright and the blood began to coalesce and form, the green of Harlin's blood forming the creatures eyes while the arterial blood of the dead rat formed it's body. It's mouth opened and a voice began to emanate from within.

"Ah, child of blood. At last you have found my sanctuary."

"^^And who are you mister?^^", Harlin inquired.

"I am Shezmu. God of Blood, God of Slaughter, God of this world. I am here to offer you a choice, not the choice, merely a preliminary offer that will shape your destiny from here on out. The blood calls out to you, and you call out to it. I can show you how to bend it to your will, I can give you power beyond that of your wildest dreams. Reach out your hand and see for yourself the power you can hold. Just call to the blood and it will respond."

Hesitatingly, Harlin raised her left hand and called out to the blood, feeling like a retard the entire time. Seeing nothing happen, she pulled her hand back. It was then that the blood bubbled and shot up a few inches before returning to the puddle on the floor. "^^Pretty cool stuff.", Harlin conceded." But what's the catch mister? There is always a catch after all : )^^".

"Very astute of you. I will lay the terms up front, I am not one for games of subterfuge. You can either take your journey on the path of blood alone or with my guidance. I know you, Laughssassin, your world I have seen glimpses of. You are not ready to lead, and you might never be. You crave a higher power to guide you and I offer you that in lieu of your gods. I will mold you and in the end you can decide to either join me or attempt to kill me as your kind so loves to do. Or you can go alone and in the end you will face the very same choice. It is all up to you."

This game was shaping up little by little. Her ambitions had been so small she realized, she could be so much more than even she realized. With her abilities as a laughssassin honed by the game, and her new found abilities honed with Mr. Shezmu. She would be a terror beyond all terrors. 

There was no choice in the matter, only one was the logical path. Smiling, she knelled before the bloody image of Shezmu and the god smiled in turn...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Sep 3, 2012)

After showing James who the fucking boss was, the Sprite went back to the kitchen and returned to the brother of one of this session's players.


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 



Berserkersprite: Sorry, had to take care of something.
???: I can see that.  What was all that about anyhow?
Berserkersprite: Oh, just some homicidal idiot who tries to kill everyone he comes across.
Berserkersprite: Hell, he was about to try and kill you if I didn't stop him.
???: That's rather altruistic of you, but I can take care of myself.
Berserkersprite: Yeah, yeah, but I wanted to quash that shit quickly so this house doesn't get anymore fucked up.  I can't have you two trying to off each other constantly.
???: True enough.  Have you checked on my sister recently?
Berserkersprite: Not since I said to her that you're alive.  I'm sure she's alright.  I think.
???: Ah, I guess I can't expect you to keep on doing this for me.  Thanks again for doing me that favor, by the way.
Berserkersprite: Eh, don't mention it.  Anyway, I'll be checking outside for more Underlings.




The Sprite leaves the house again to scout the area.  Hopefully more won't pop up soon.


----------



## Crossbow (Sep 10, 2012)

*>Be Alice*

You still can't "be" Alice, but you can observe her though a third person narrative while also issuing commands. We've been over this.

Anyway, she currently atop her house, which itself is currently on top of a very small, very vertically oriented island surrounded by a huge ocean, Her house used to also be on fire, but a tidal wave came out of nowhere and extinguished the whole thing, heavily disorienting the already overwhelmed Alice in the process. By now, she has regained her composure.

This all happened while you were being someone else. Like that alien chick with the glowy-looking skin and the facepaint. Maybe glowy-looking facepaint? What is her even deal?

*>Alice: Answer wW*

Oh, right. Still need to report on the dreams you had, most of which also happened while you we watching someone else. You feel like this is going to become a recurring theme in the near future.



*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide PesterLog_ 



--wanderingWriter [wW] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--
wW: Hey. Entered The Medium yet?
qA: Why yes i have
qA: It's pretty cool here
qA: i'd describe it, but you can probably see it
wW:  Yeah, I can see it. It looks interesting. From my understanding,  though, everybody has a different planet that reflects their role in the  game or something. I'm still curious as to what mine will look like.  I'm hoping there will be lakes there.
qA: Oh, different planets? 
qA: Sounds like fun
wW:  Sure does. I'd be pretty disappointed if my planet turned out to be  really uninteresting, though. I guess the imps and stuff would make up  for it? They seem like an interesting element.
qA: Imps?
qA: Haven't heard much about those
wW:  Yeah. Well, I don't really know much about them myself, but apparently  there are a bunch of imps and various other creatures lurking the  players' planets and whatnot. It makes sense, since grist is a pretty  important thing in Sburb, and you kind of need a consistent source of  it. I presume the imps drop some kind of grist loot, or whatever.
qA: Huh
qA: Well, i'll get to that bridge when i come to it
qA: Right now i appear to be isolated to my house
qA: And i believe you are supposed to extend my house vertically
qA: For gates or something
wW:  Yep. Make your house higher so you can reach the seven gates, for the  next 'level'. Though, in theory you could probably bypass that by having  a jetpack or whatever, or just being able to jump really well.
wW:  Anyhow, do we even have enough grist to reach the first gate yet? If  you don't, you'll probably have to level grind a bit on the imps lurking  about your local area. They don't seem that tough to me.
qA: i dunno, probably
qA: i don't even see any imps yet
qA: Maybe they're slow swimmers
wW: Perhaps. Well, your planet does seem rather...
wW: Wavy? The water doesn't look very friendly to swimmers.
qA: Yeah, i kinda like it though
qA: It like, oh man watch OUT for that crazy water
qA: It's so crazy
qA: Although i kind of hope there's land on it somewhere
wW: There...should be. If not, it shouldn't be too hard to simply /make/ some land, should it?
wW: Anyway, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?
qA: Ah yes
qA: Dreams
qA: So, last time we talked
qA: i mean before the game stuff
qA: You were on about kingdoms and space-tentacles
qA: And i was like "whaaaaat"
qA: Well, recently i dreamt myself on some crazy gold planet
qA: So i would like to take back everything bad i've said about you
wW: You said bad stuff about me? Man, I'm hurt. I thought we were friends, Alice.
wW: Oh well. I think you're referring to Prospit, then?
qA: Seems like, yeah
qA: Also, be glad i had the decency to say the things behind your back
qA: Well except for the Dances with Shoggoths comment
qA: Again, sorry
wW: No problem.
wW:  So, what's Prospit like? I imagine it's very much like Derse (giant  purple British-looking city). Except, you know, gold. And probably much  brighter too. We don't even have a sun here.
qA: Well, this prospit place was pretty bright
qA: Even in "night time"
qA: And yeah, everythings yellow and stuff
qA: Except the people
qA: They're white as ivory
qA: Also, hard as ivory
qA: Not very social either
qA: Lots of them were mumbling something
qA: About how the Thief is awake 
qA: i assume that's me they're mumbling about
qA: So that's cool
wW:  Sounds similar to Derse, then. We have people too, though they're, er,  black instead. Not very social either, but good people. We don't really  seem to have a day/night thing, though. It's more like a perpetual night  time for us.
wW:  But yeah, I haven't really paid attention to Dersites. I've been  avoiding them. It's probably not a good idea to let them know I'm awake  yet. You're probably right about them mumbling about you, though. From  my understanding, the Thief is probably a class in the game, and since  you just awoke, I assume they mean you are the Thief. It's still rather  vague, though. What are you even the Thief of?  I'd pry further on this with the space monsters, but I don't really  enjoy my meetings with them very much and try to avoid them whenever possible.
qA: Yeah, i didn't see any space monsters on Prospit
qA: i guess they're exclusive to your place
qA: And those guys are kind of hard to interrogate
qA: Just scurrying around chanting and mumbling
qA: If any one of them got a good look at me, they just turned away and scurried faster
qA: Going on about how their time is nigh or something
qA: Real bummers, these guys
wW:  Yeah, it's kind of hard to imagine sunny bright rainbow-land having any  form of space monsters. Though, if my instinct is correct, you will  have a source of information too, to balance the game out so no one side  is too overpowered or has too big an advantage. Maybe you should try  exploring, or look to the sky. Maybe you could ask the other Prospit  dreamers too? That's what I'd do.
qA: Oh yeah, that
qA: Looked in the five other towers
qA: Everyone in them was out cold
qA: Also, mostly girls
qA: i tried, like, tickling one of their noses, but that didn't really work
wW:  Sounds like the other players are in some kind of deep slumber, then.  Chances are, they can only be woken up by some kind of in-game event  kind of thing, or through time. I'm not sure, but I don't think you can  simply wake them up by tickling them.
qA: Pffft, time
qA: That doesn't even warrant me copy-pasting my scoffing, it's so silly
qA: Anyway, that's the gist of the dream i had
qA: It's a shame i couldn't recognize anyone by their looks
wW:  Yeah, that might have been interesting. I haven't really looked into  it, though. All I've been doing is hiding, and talking to my informants.  Derse isn't really all that pleasant a place for me.
qA: Yeah, sounds that way
qA: Well, when you get done getting yourself entered, you can start building up
qA: i'll just chill here. Maybe prototype something else
wW:  Sounds good. I'll probably take a nap, and then get to talking to my  server client guy. I think his name was tS, or something? Anyway, see  you later.

--wanderingWriter [wW] stopped pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--



*>Alice: Pursue Chiefsprite*

The headressed specter is now more full-bodied and ghost-like, after splitting into three, one piece ascending into the sky, the other descending into the ocean, and this one lingering. You missed that too, but whatever.

Right now, he has just phased headfirst into the lower floor. She better follow him. Not like she has much else to do...


----------



## Crossbow (Sep 17, 2012)

*>What about Gladys though*

Gladys is currently on the second floor, still disoriented from the whole fire-teleporting-tsunami stuff. She decides to take a moment to recharge at the bathroom outlet for a while.

Meanwhile, Alice descends to the lobby to find two brownish, semi-humanoid  creatures in strange garb vandalizing the remaining statuettes. The Chiefsprite watches the scene unwaveringly, as if expecting Alice to do all the work in disciplining these scoundrels.

She might as well.


----------



## Crossbow (Sep 17, 2012)

*> Alice: STRIFE!*











Alice readies her fencing foil and the IODINE IMPS are quick to aggression, dropping the statues to go claw at her. She can easily hold them off with her well-honed reflexes, but she can't really do any real damage with both of them ganging up on her.

Thinking quickly, she pushes them both back towards the rug. One of the imps stumbles and falls right through the hole, dragging both itself and the rug into the basement, landing with an audible splash.

Alice and the remaining imp take a moment to look down into the hole. The basement got pretty flooded from that wave, so that poor sucker is just floundering about with the rug. 

Alice refocuses on the fight before her opponent does and confidently lands a direct lunge on the imp. Unfortunately, this does almost no damage and the foil almost gives way against the bizarre armor. The imp glares at her disapprovingly before snatching away the weapon and twisting it into a pretzel shape.

Almost before she can react, the imp lunges at her. She ducks barely in time, getting a scratch on her forehead as the imp crashes into a lamp. Hurriedly, Alice withdraws her pizza cutter to strike while the iron is hot. She swings at the imp, but it uses the still-plugged-in lamp as a shield.

Alice and the imp begin a dance of absurd combat, parrying and lunging with non-weapons, neither making any real headway damage-wise. Eventually, she finds an opportunity to kick the armored imp toward the hole. The lamp's cord, wrapped around the imp's leg, catches him right before falling in.

As it takes a moment to untangle itself, Alice chucks her pizza cutter at the still-hot chain of the chandelier, breaking it instantly.


_*SMASH*_

The tell-tale sound of electrocution rises into the foyer as two imps and a fuse box burst below. The rug is hopefully unscathed.


*> Alice: Level Up*

This successful encounter is just enough to push her though the PLUNDERSCAMP rung, putting her neatly as a JIFFYSNATCHER. Her maximum greed level goes up by five and she earns...

Wait, was that an explosion upstairs?


----------



## Nicodemus (Sep 24, 2012)

*>Be Cess*

You are now Cess.

*>Wait, shit, seriously?*

Yes, shit, seriously.

*>Cool.*

...

...

You...you wanna do anything? Now that you're Cess, I mean.

*>Nah*

Well, too bad. You're going to chat with...hmm....bE

*>What no please*

*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] began pestering battEcho [bE]--*

*Spoiler*: __ 




rB: uri!!!
rB: how's it going???
bE: Oh just piecing myself back to together.
bE: rB you pick a guy yet? Well too bad I got dibs on them.
bE: whooo isn't this fun, nothing like enacting some self pain.
rB: ...
rB: i don't...i don't get that answer
rB: sorry it just makes no sense
bE: It's probably best you don't know.
bE: II mine, sL mine, wW mine, rB mine.
bE: rB is a girl you idiot.
rB: uri you're kind of freaking me out right now
rB: you need to pull yourself together because i am so not prepared to be the responsible one in this friendship
rB: also if you even mention sL again i will reach through the internet and slap you
bE: I can't really help it that qA goes insane and I am currently insane. I'm trying to get control of these two right now.
bE: Internet all mine,mine, mine!!
bE: You can't own all of the internet!
bE: You two stop it before I have to get my hands dirty again.
rB: no
rB: qA is not insane because i honestly could not handle that right now
rB: that is not an acceptable course of events
rB: and i don't know why you're insane right now
rB: though to be honest that makes slightly more sense than you just pulling a very elaborate and unfunny practical joke
rB: but i'm going to need you to stop it
rB: else i'm going to have to drag out my "psych for assholes" and nobody wants that
bE: Don't go breaking like me oaky and stay away from those strangers I mentioned, they did this. You see someone called hH you turn off the computer oaky.
bE: SURPRISE! It's all a joke aren't you so happy?
bE: That isn't funny you trying to make her go insane just like we made AQ several minutes ago?
rB: you've talked to AQ???
rB: you know what don't even answer that
rB: your responses aren't making any sense anyway so you might as well stay quiet
rB: ugh
rB: i honestly can't handle this right now
rB: i'm too tired
rB: i'm sorry uri
rB: i don't think i can help you with this
bE: ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!
bE: Please shut up.
bE: Did I say you two could go above me?No, back at the end of the line. I'm sorry rB if you ignore the other two I could probably talk to you.
rB: well i'm going to be going nighty night in a few minutes so you'd better make your explanation quick
rB: what the fuck is going on with you???
bE: Far as I can tell I was attacked mentally with heavy amounts of evil breaking my mind and causing it to slowly drift apart.
bE: She was fun HAHHAHAHA!
bE: Just like you, murdering bastard.
rB: uri no offense but this sounds like the plot of a fanfiction or something
rB: a pretty shitty fanfiction
rB: god i really can't handle this right now. i'll check back with you later, maybe you'll be a bit better by then.
bE: Or worse, might develop multiple personalities or come back together all wrong.
bE: FUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUNFUFNUFNUFNUFNUFNUFNUFUNUFNUF.
bE: SHUT UP!
bE: Seems to be getting worse.



*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--*

Whelp, that went about as bad as could be expected. You begin to feel the beginnings of sleep tug at your consciousness and nudge the volume on your computer up so that anyone trying to contact you will wake you up.

Time for a quick trip back to the golden spires...

*>Dream*

Yeah.

You can handle that.


----------



## Platinum (Sep 24, 2012)

*This story needs to move along, so i'm taking over for a bit. I hope you don't mind.*

You find yourself lost in the infinite blackness of space. How you got here and when you got here elude you, it feels like an eternity, but eternity is not a concept that has been established in this realm, and won't be for some time. 

You briefly ponder why you are not falling and appear to be walking on the ether of the void. As the thought appears on the walls of your mind the ground (if it could be called that) below your feet is now a tightly formed bunch of green leaves. The formation of leaves races outwards creating a path that stretches far beyond what your eyes can percieve, it beckons to you. Unsure of yourself, you oblige and begin the lonely trek. 

Who knows how long you wander, countless universes grow old and wither in the time you walk, and yet the journey took scarcely an hour. The path of leaves end at the base of a great rock. You climb this rock and at the precipe a white tree stands towering over time and space, green leaves (much like the ones you walked upon) dance in a myriad of incomparable ways around the trunk before settling once more in its great branches. 



This is where your story ends, the tree desires to tell the story in a more.... direct way. You cease to exist as a person, as anything of meaning. You become the vessel through which Yggdrassil will deliver it's exposition to those who need to hear it. 

You are now a guest, and one who is quite tardy at that.​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 24, 2012)

*Even if you mind I do not care. This is to compensate for your own sluggish nature.*

I am not an unreasonable omniscent tree. I can say, with pure honesty, that I have been waiting for you to arrive before the last universe even croaked and the new one burst forth to take it's place. And yet, even with all this waiting, you still forgot to bring the chips and carbonated beverages. You will be punished for this transgression of course, but that will come in due time. For now you can make yourself comfortable. To your right you will see a bowl of sour patch kids, which you are quite welcome to. 



If for some reason you are opposed to sugary sweets, I have assembled a delightful salad bar with your choice of dressings and mixed vegetables. As you can see I conside all flavor palettes when I have company over.

Ah. I can see that part of you still wonders where exactly we are. I have no obligations to you of course to answer that, nor do I have obligations to _them_. But for the sake of brevity I will clear up some confusion. Where we stand, you and I, is approximately two and a half cuils removed from reality as you know it. This is the interdimensional void, the fringe space where The Incipisphere resides, and where The Crucible eventually will be birthed in the embrace of the Furthest Ring.

Though I guess to say 'eventually' would be a tad bit disingenuous as it is a current, ongoing process. Several worlds have already emerged, and the rest are only a matter of time. Soon, this empty space that surronds you and I will be nothing more than a non-existent memory. A players planet will have always existed here, and I will have always been rooted to it's earth. You would be crazy to suggest anything otherwise. 

Trust me, it makes more sense when you are a being that can comprehend cuils.​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 25, 2012)

*Seeing as how we can only communicate via proxy I will not ask you to cut the deck.*

Do you tire of exposition? I would hope not, as that would be a smudge on my impeccable record. If your weariness was a smudge I would have to erase it, and i'm sure neither of us wants that now do we? 

The reason I have assumed control is so I can offer you a glimpse of what has occured, and what is to come. These cards you see hovering about my person are commonly reffered to as 'tarot'. True, they are often the tool of the charlatan and offer nothing of real substance. 



But I already know what is to come. This fortune telling is nothing but a mere formality, a method to convey my extensive knowledge to your simple mind. 

So, would you care for a reading? Who am I kidding, of course you would. You have no choice in the matter either way so take a seat in the chair I just materialized behind you and let fate play out before your very eyes.

Before we can discern the future or the past, we must first get a bead on the present. Take a look at the card before you and see what awaits our plucky group of players.​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 25, 2012)

*I remember your past failings. A scratch is something I will not tolerate again.*



Ah, the magician. Would you believe me if I told you that this card is actually a metaphor for the game itself, an engine of infinite creative potential? One who is able to mold, give potential substance through the power of will, that is the magician. With his powers the Magician holds influence over all - theory and practice, logic and emotion, thought and action. And as long as the Magician remembers that this power is his to command, even if he loses all of his worldly power and skill he can never truly be called powerless. For his Will is a power that, while it can be subdued, it can never be destroyed. The player who opens themselves up to their role, embraces the power and potential they always had, becomes a conduit for the forces of creation and destruction. For better or worse.

Sounds like a great deal doesn't it? But one must remember that the crucible was enacted as a compromise between Skaia and the denizens of The Furthest Ring. Like any crucible it is meant to test the mettle of those who enter, to forge through the fires of hardship and strife. Problems will arise, one in particular that personifies the conflict that awaits the players can be found in:



All the power in the world, but what to do with it? That's the question the moon asks. Lost in the dark, unsure of how to proceed. But you must walk anyways, unsure if the path you tread is the right one. There is no sunlight to guide you, no distant landmark in the hills to direct your steps, no one to travel alongside. Even with all the friends and companions who play the game at your side, you have never been more alone. The one who elects to lead the party to salvation is one who, quite literally, specializes in knowing nothing. 

The Moon exists to warn that the player may be idealizing the situation that they have fell into. Caught up in the magic of the journey, in the power that they now wield, the magican can forget that everything is not as ideal as it seems. That alongside the potential for success is the potential for failure. It is a lesson that needs to be heeded, as the players from the session past would attest to.... if they still existed and weren't erased from history for their monumental failure.

And somehow this session has the potential to be even more incompetent than the last one...

​


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## Platinum (Sep 26, 2012)

*Feelings and problems. I was hoping they would be removed from this iteration of you.*

Now you know the present, and the problems faced in the present by the players. But to examine the situation further we must turn an eye to the past. The seeds of future conflict are nutured by the waters of past trauma. The roots grow to ensnare and wrap around your very being, shaping you as you shape them..... Are these plant analogies working for you? Me neither, moving on to the matter at hand.



Oh humans. So focused on what they lost, on wrong doings both real and percieved, that they cannot see what they have lost. All they see are the derooted trees, not the forest that surronds them. This is personified by the five of cups, the card of sadness, grief, disappointment and regret. Rather fitting for a session whose cup runneth over with self-absorbed misanthropes. Few of them have thought to use their own tragedies as a lens to view the world in perspective and that is the lesson the card hopes to teach. 

Sometimes you also have to remember that change never happens just for the sake of change. There is always a reason for the disturbance, an imbalance that must be eliminated or a wrong that must be righted. In these cases, even a disastrous change can be beneficial. A relationship without love is bound to fall apart anyway, so it may be better that it fails sooner than later. The Five of Cups tells you to be thankful for what is left, don't worry about what cannot be changed, and turn a setback into a step forward. Never let your tears stop you from seeing what is left over.

But so many do. They cannot free themselves of their chains or their demons, so they are weighed down and haunted. So as we move closer towards the present we must examine what still lingers in the recent past.



The Nine of Swords is a hell of your own making, This card rules regret, anxiety and all the other things that make you sit in bed at all hours of the night, afraid to close your eyes and go back to sleep. It is a realm of inner anguish. You can run away from exterior pain, but you cannot hide from that which burns within you. Those feelings of inferiority? The rage you feel that does not go away? Or perhaps just a pervading sense of nihilism that disturbs evne yourself, the card is all these things and many more. 

But in the end all of these problems are just illusions of the mind. Trivial insignificant matters that are mere phantoms. The nine of swords preaches to the player, implores them to find out what problems are actually problems and move on past the rest. The first thing to do, then, is to stop seeing problems that don't exist. Then you can take a look at what remains, the real problems, and defuse them before they cause you any harm. And this is not impossible - great strength may be triggered by a painful situation. The player has the power to face and destroy all of their fears if they care to try.


​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 26, 2012)

*There will be no sun shining in this session. Well their might be a sun but spoilers.*

And now I ask you what happens if each player is successful in defeating their own demons and the demons that await them in the game? The fifth card in the reading asks us what is the best we can expect. The ultimate future that is possible to achieve if every roll of the dice is in your favor. 



The card of understanding and reconciliation. The great ordeal of the Moon has passed, and you have emerged into the light, stronger and wiser. War has ended and made way for peace; hatred is replaced by love; fear is overcome by courage.... heh.

I should not have to explain why this card is an impossibility to achieve. Ignoring for a second that there is only one destination that creation will permit and the rest are mere impossibilities, mutual understanding and respect is impossible here and that's all there is to it. They will fight with each other against their own interests merely to fight. Such people refuse to see the light and thus the light will never shine for them. 

Now that we are caught up, we look toward the imminent future.... in a relative sense. While we know that the moon is the main challenge the players must face, it is not the only challenge.



When a difficult choice must be made the seven of cups always follows. No I don't mean *The Choice* that is a different matter entirely. When selfish people start making alliances and harsh decisions this card appears to put matters into perspective. The seven cups are filled with strange and wonderful gifts... but there is always danger hidden within one or two of them to sting anyone who ventures near. Lying amidst the gems and the wreath of victory are a snake and a dragon. Sometimes you have to choose between many options, all of which may be tempting but only one of which is the best choice. At others times not all of those choices are real options at all; they are delusions of the imagination. Really all but one are delusions of the imagination but I will humor the notion of 'free will' for the sake of this reading. Who do you betray and who do you stick by? If you guess wrong it might be the end of you, it is a challenge that exists in every moment of life but is especially pervasive here.

It also warns that you must be temperant. To take all the cups, to stick your fingers in too many pies, will be the end of you. But if you don't take any, you gain nothing, and no one likes to be the loser.

​​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 27, 2012)

*Some say love cuts the deepest, but they never met a man like the knight.*

We see the problems now do we not? But what are the factors that will shape how these problems are tackled? What are the influences that pervade the session, that mold and shape the players.... myself not included of course. I can't divulge everything now can I? Let's look at the trivial matters, the inner feelings, that are a source of great conflict to all invovled. 



They make quite the pair do they not? Though admittedly, the card is a little presumptous. I have my doubts that the male portrayed on this card even has the capacity to be that intimate, but I digress. 

I find it funny that the broken birds search desperately for an equally fractured partner, hoping that two halves can make a whole. This pathological need for companionship is quite pervasive among the fairer half of players, and for the most part non-existent among those on the other side of the fence. The naivety and foolishness that goes along with pursuing relationships with one who has no desire to reciprocate cannot be understated. Such one-sided emotions lead only to heartbreak and complications, something that one or more of them will learn in time. But perhaps there is happiness to be found if one is persistent, who knows? Well.... I know, but i'm not telling. We wouldn't want to spoil everything now would we?

The eighth card stands for an influence that is external, standing alone and outside of the others. You could even say.... it is alien in nature.



What a rambunctous little scamp that alien girl is. The Hierophant is a card of stagnation. It desires nothing more than the status quo and will fight at all costs to maintain it. Clinging desperately to her bygone age where blood caste dominance, and more importantly her laughsassin order, were at their zenith (no not zenieth). A figure whose esoteric knowledge is vast and intricate in scriptures and prophecies of terrors unimaginable. Though few of her teammates ever humored such mad ravings, such things helped form the very backbone of their society and the social order which it entailed.

Restriction, institutionalized terror, and stagnation, (as the highbloods often preached) bring order. Without this order, the hierophant is lost. The knowledge that the laughsassin possesses is useless if no one cares to hear her, though she has never let this trivial fact stop her. This is an odd case of the card to say the least, for the type of status quo it brings is a complete unknown to those it is being forced upon. 


While in some ways it is a malicious act, the laughsassin also views it as an act of undeserved benevolence. The mantle of spiritual mentor falls to them, her preaching and manipulation a way of instruction and indoctrination. Some actually find solace and comfort in the harsh teachings of an alternian prophet, and that is where the danger lies. For all dissent and contrary thinking is crushed under The Hierophant's heel. There is no debate, no meaningful exchange of words with the hopes for mutual understanding. The Hierophant is well versed in the parable of the Grand Heresy and heeds it's lessons well.

​


----------



## Platinum (Sep 27, 2012)

*Though of course some people just want to watch the world burn*

At last we come to the climax of our little reading. We touched upon the issue slightly but we come to perhaps the biggest issue that this reading intends to highlight. What do you hope the future holds, and what do you fear it contains? And truly such dreams and nightmares are as varied as the players themselves. Some wish for power, some for love, others just wish to be left alone. But one thread ties all these hopes and fears together



No one wants to be the loser, we all want to win. This basic truth is personified in the five of swords. Everyone one and all is united by the basic fear of losing, whether it be losing what they have or losing what they _might_ achieve. You might refer to this as the primordial fear, from which all others emerge. Likewise the primordial hope is to better ourselves, to progress, to climb and claw our way to a better station. 

But I will tell you that this game will not be kind. Loss is not only encouraged in the game, it is an inevitability. A player might feel like they are unstoppable in their newfound situation, but there is a reason why the vast majority of sessions are unsuccessful. The reason being? Most people are losers. No matter how hard you try, how cunning your plans are sometimes you are destined to be the loser, whatever victories wrought are phyrric at best. You can rationalize this by claiming to have been 'cheated' out of what was rightfully yours, but that is from a narrow perspective and suspect.

But where will this all lead up to you ask? What is the end point, the nexus where all these fates converge? 



For better or worse everything ends on those checkered battlefields, that is an assurance of each iteration of the game. But in endings, new beginnings can be found if you are want to chase them. Who knows exactly, what awaits beyond that door if you find yourself with the chance to open it....

​


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## Platinum (Sep 27, 2012)

*Time sure flies when you perceive it on an entirely different level of understanding*

Hmm it seems we have come to the end of our reading, the tarot spread is complete, the conflicts that await have been framed in a proper perspective. Now all that remains is the matter of your punishment.

You did not think I _forgot_ did you? Oh I never forget. Your punishment shall be fitting and proper it shall be:

*Servitude.*

You have proved valuable middleman, and I would have you continue in that role as one who gets a message across to those who need to hear it. Your punishment is a change in the nature of your very being and permanent residency by my side.

You can feel your body begin to reconstitue itself, your bones breaking and reforming, sinew tearing itself apart, skin begin to melt away. A scream emanates from your throat and cracks the empty night, but your struggle is for naught, it catches halfway through and changes into an avian caw.

After your transformation you emerge reborn in the form of an eagle, nameless now and forever, but destined to perch in my branches for longer still.

Look on the brightside though, at least you can now better comprehend cuils.

Now it is time for you to go back to the game. You will find that sometime has passed, in fact if you look now you can see my roots are firmly entangled in the planet for which they were destined. The chain has been completed at last, the players have all escaped armageddon only to find a reckoning waiting for them. It is time for the story to once more be turn over to them.

You were a very curtious guest, I hope to see you again.​


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## Atlantic Storm (Sep 30, 2012)

Damion sighed in exasperation. This sprite was completely useless. Above him, a light blue hued ghost with hawk wings and head encircled the sky wildly cawing. "Hurry up and come down!" I futilely call out to my sprite, prompting:

*Sprite Log:

*DAMION: Please?
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW
DAMION: Oh for God's sake...
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW
DAMION: Shut up.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW
DAMION: No.
DAMION: Just...
DAMION: God dammit.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW CAW
HAWKSPRITE: CAAAAAAW
DAMION: Please.
DAMION: Just once.
DAMION: Shut the hell up.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW
HAWKSPRITE: CAAAAAAAAW
DAMION: Shut.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW?
DAMION: The.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW!
DAMION: Fuck.
HAWKSPRITE: CAW CAW CAW CAW
DAMION: Up.
HAWKSPRITE: 
DAMION: What even _is_ that?
 
Damion's finger twitched and a migraine began to settle in slowly into his head, like water slowly seeping into rock. An imp approaches from above and drops down, aiming to take down the Agent of Night, but...

"Not fast enough." Damion mumbled and leaped up, unsheathing his blade and cutting the imp in half, then sheathing the katana again in one smooth movement. Grist rained onto the floor below as the Agent landed onto the roof, meanwhile...the Hawksprite continued to caw, useless as always. "My god," Damion rested his face in his palm, "I'm going to kill myself." He sighed. He needed to spend some time away from this useless piece of crap and maybe put his spoils of water to use. Leaping up again, the wandering writer places himself at the highest platform of his house, next to his Alchemiter. 

"Some move convenient form of communication would be nice..." he mused and placed his phone and sunglasses onto the floor and hit the alchemize button. *You get the iShades! *"_Cost about 50 of the blue stuff, and 5 of the yellow tear-drop looking thing..._" Damion noted down and set to work again. 

This time, he placed his ballpoint pen and rapier onto the platform and pressed the button again. He saw this in a book once. A pen that could transform into a sword, that is. And he thought it was appropriately awesome. The result is the same rapier, but with a button on the hilt guard. *You get the Ballpoint Rapier! *"_Five hundred blue grist and a hundred shale..._" He noted down once more. 

Next, he put a poster of Ezio Auditore and a piece of fabric down and hoped for the best. End result was..."*Awesome.*" He grinned and walked up to the platform, before picking the result up and swinging it onto his shoulder. A small black cape with an intricate pattern that covered most of his shoulder and some of his arm. *Assassin Cloak. *It cost some...black drippy looking stuff? And cobalt? He couldn't remember the names of all the grist types.

Damion then slipped off his shoes and took another poster of Assassin's Creed. A flash of green once more, and the same shoes, unchanged aside from some kind of weird symbol on the side and changing into a shinier shade of black, appeared. Smiling, he slipped them on - very comfortable.  *Sneaky Shoes! *Some more tar and amethyst? 

And, to save the best for last, he placed his katana carefully on the platform along with a bit of meteor and grinned at the result. The very same katana, but an elegant and dangerous shade of black. "Beautiful." Damion whistled and reached out to take the sword...only for his hand to slip right through. "What the hell?" He frowned, and then checked at the screen, and his mouth dropped into a comical o. This thing cost a shitload of grist. Way more than he could afford at the moment. "Dammit." Damion sighed.


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## Crossbow (Oct 2, 2012)

*>Alice: Investigate*

After regaining her footing from jumping the gate, Alice gazes at the village on the horizon and begins on the path...


*>What? No, I meant the explosion*

Sorry, that was quite a while ago from Alice’s timeline. Maybe wait for her to have a flashback or something.


*>Alice: Have flashback*

Wow, you’re stubborn. Fine, let’s see some of what we missed for a bit, but then it’s straight back to the present.

Let’s see, Alice had just learn that both her computer and her robotic guardian had both taken fatal collateral damage from her imp strife, and her angsty mourning was interrupted by her newest friend…


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--*
rB: hey alice!!!
rB: you there??? not too busy i hope!!!
qA: *sigh*
qA: Yeah, i'm here.
qA: What is it?
rB: well first of all you're in the game!!!
rB: congratulations!!! how is it???
qA: Uh...
qA: Not the greatest...
rB: what's wrong???
rB: whatever it is i'm sure you can handle it!!!
qA: It's nothing, i guess
qA: I broke my chandelier
qA: And then my computer blew up
qA: And my guardian died
rB: what???!!!
rB: oh no alice i'm so sorry!!!
rB: do you, uh, want to talk about it???
rB: who was he/she???
qA: She was a robot
qA: A female robot, i guess...
rB: you had a robot???
rB: and yet somehow i'm not surprised
rB: well could you like...rebuild her or something???
rB: robots are not really my thing but like if you uh, saved her harddrive or something???
qA: i dunno... her a.i. circuits are in pieces.
qA: Even if i managed to rebuild her, she'd have none of the memories that made her her...
qA: Christ, can we talk about something else for a while?
rB: yes yes yes we can talk about anything else!!!
rB: i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you upset...
rB: uh well i just got done talking with bE!!! she's really nice!!!
rB: and she mentioned you talked to her...
rB: or she talked to you anyway
rB: about getting sburb!!!
rB: what do you think about her???
qA: Oh, she's okay
qA: Kinda deluded in some aspects.
qA: Why do you ask?
rB: oh well idk...
rB: it's just i guess i really want us all to get along you know???
rB: and i dunno i just wanted to make sure you thought she was ok
qA: Yeah, can't see how anyone would have a problem with her
rB: well that's good!!! 
rB: hopefully we are one step closer to actually achieving a semblence of togetherness you know???
rB: it's just like sometimes i think that this game won't let us cheat in that aspect
rB: =/
rB: but ugh i'm being boring let's talk about something fun!!!
rB:  uh...well, now that i think about it bE and i were talking about how  there's only like, 6 (maybe 7) guys left in existance...so we better  start calling dibs hahaha!!!
rB: any preference? >
qA: Oh, you know
qA: Nobody in particular, i guess...
qA: Have you, uh, "called dibs" on anyone?



Oh right, _this_ part. You sure you want to see this whole thing?


*>Yes*

Alright, alright...


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Pesterlog_ 



rB: pshaw
rB: alice it's like i can smell your lies through the screen
rB: they smell like deceit and scorned friendship
rB: it makes me sad
qA: Did that answer my question?
qA: Don't think it did.
rB: alas i can sneak nothing by you
rB: pff 
rB: no wait
rB: PffpFPftttTttt...
rB: haha victory!!!
rB: anyway i asked first
rB: but in a gross violation of the rules i will deign to answer anyways
rB: you should be glad to have such a kind friend
rB: but anywho...
rB: no i haven't called dibs yet
rB: it is far too early in the game for dibs to be called
rB: but if i had to choose right now i'd probably say...valen??? =/
rB: if i didn't ship him so hard with you already hahaha
qA: Wow, okay
qA: That's making me kind of uncomfortable to think about
qA: New friendship rule; the verb ship can now only be applied to fictional characters
qA: And boats, i guess
rB: fiiiiiine
rB: you're avoiding the question though!!!
qA: What question?
rB: i asked if you had any preference
rB: you immeditately lied to me!!!
rB: don't worry i forgive you but only if you tell the truth
qA: What, those were not lies
qA: Baseless assumptions
qA: My trust feels hurt
qA: i'll forgive you and try to recover
rB: c'mon alice i know you're embarrassed 
rB: but it's ok to open up i promise!!!
rB: this is a no judge zone 
rB: in fact i can even get my squiddle!!!
rB: i used to tell secrets to him when i was little!!!
rB: let me put him on
rB: waruhfruhaeliunarfk;arf;nafr arlfhbqlreifnq
rB: (he has no fingers so he cant really type well)
rB: (don't mention it he's very sensitive)
qA: Okay, that was too adorable
qA: My emotional defenses are lowered.
qA: So, i've already made it clear that i have no significant preference amongst this game session's menagerie
qA: But broadly speaking, i prefer strong characters
qA: Like, knights from fairy tales or something?
qA: i don't know what i'm saying here
rB: aw alice that's so sweet!!!
rB: i wouldn't have expected it from you heeheehee
qA: Thanks for that what-i-assume-is support, Cess
qA: So, uh, what was bE hat in the ring?
qA: i ask purely out of trivial curiosity
rB: um, let me check the log really quickly!!!
rB: > she sidestepped the question!!! psh!!!
rB: distracting me with her irrelevant age!!!
rB: i will have to berate her for that later
rB: anyway she's only 14 so you have the maturity advantage don't worry alice!!!
qA: Hooray.
qA: Let's see, that's you and bE...
qA: Lily's way too young...
qA: Ashley's way too indiscriminate
qA: And mE's all gender ambiguous
qA: This isn't even considering homosexuality
qA: Christ, this is like a minefield.
rB: oh it is not that hard once you get used to it!!!
rB: lets see there are five girls and mE
rB: each girl can be paired with each guy, of which there are six
rB: oh wait shit this math thing is harder than i thought
rB: i need to take into account how one relationship would affect the other blargh
rB: i will get back to you on this
rB: it is my new personal project
qA: Hahaha, okay then
qA: Hope you have fun with that.
qA: So, uh, how much thought have you been putting into this so far?
rB: oh you know...here and there heeheehee
rB: much more recently of course
rB: it is quickly becoming more important
rB: soon it will be the most important thing!!!
qA: i'm no biologist, but considering the ages of half the girls here
qA: It will not be the most important thing for a few years
qA: Like four max.
rB: we will need to get a head start on this, obviously
rB: so that when the time comes there are no complications!!!
qA: Can't we just, i don't know, wait for attraction to arise amongst ourselves?
qA: Instead of forcing it?
qA: i'm sure emotions will bloom amongst some of the players
qA: Eventually
rB: but where's the fun in that???
rB: heeheehee
rB: you're right i guess
rB: i will try not to manipulate people
rB: just patiently...
rB: ever so patiently...
rB: wait for my predictions to come true
rB: heeheehee
qA: Okay...
qA: Don't forget to keep an eye on your own relationships
qA: Lest you get stuck with someone sucky like II
rB: oh don't worry i am very careful
rB: and anyway better II than sL
rB: bluhg
qA: Hahaha
qA: About that
qA: Oh wait, crap
qA: Chief Bighorn is throwing a fit about something
qA: i'll talk to you about this later.
rB: wait about what???
rB: and who is chief bighorn???
rB: i am very confused
rB: =/
*--reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--*





*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Spritelog_ 



CHIEFSPRITE: *WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP*
ALICE: Whoa, Tanto.
ALICE: What’re you jittering about?
CHIEFSPRITE: *WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP*
ALICE: What the hell, you’re just making noises.
ALICE: Annoying, potentially offensive noises.
ALICE: i preferred the silent uselessness to this uselessness.
CHIEFSPRITE: *OOWOOWOOOWOOWOO*
ALICE: You know, this is probably your fault!
ALICE: Just staring like a moron while i defended myself.
ALICE: Some tutorial abstraction you are!
ALICE: Gladys would have been SO MUCH more helpful!
ALICE: …wait a minute.





*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide Spritelog_ 



GLADYSPRITE: HELLO!
ALICE: Gladys, you’re back!
ALICE: And you can communicate verbally.
GLADYSPRITE: YES, AND i WAS SO WORRiED i WOULDN’T GET TO SEE YOU AGAiN!
GLADYSPRITE: GOODNESS, LOOK AT YOUR HAiR! iT’S A MESS!
ALICE: It’s just wet, Gladys. Calm down.
GLADYSPRITE: THAT’S NO EXCUSE FOR LOOKING LIKE AN iRiSH ORPHAN, YOUNG LADY.
GLADYSPRITE: HERE, LET ME FiX iT.
ALICE: Aw, come on!
GLADYSPRITE: OH, DON’T WORRY. i HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT iN THE MEAN TiME
GLADYSPRITE: ABOUT THiS GAME AND YOUR ROLE iN iT!
ALICE: Oh, you do?
ALICE: Then go right ahead.




And then they discussed the game and her role it in while Alice got a nice ponytail. Are you satisfied now? Because next time, we’re going straight back to her exploring, I swear.


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## Zoidberg (Oct 6, 2012)

Zoidberg said:


> It wasn't the imps, but Jo wished it was. Floating right in front of the door was a green specter, flailing about and moaning incoherently. It was an abomination, a disgusting beast that was an afront to everything Jo Flynn stood for. Rather than a superior creature serving as Jo's guide, this waste of space was babbling like a lunatic, neither useful nor efficient in its purpose. Worse,  the sprite has already wasted half the lab already, rendering this entire trip moot.
> 
> "GRAASFSAFSDAFVSQEQWRQRWEQRFWRQRFEQWFQWEFSFFASDFASFASFAFAFDFSAFSAFASFS"
> 
> ...



Jo was right, as always. The smoke stack was indeed caused by a remnant of this world's civilization. An unstable, malfunctioning, laser-weapon wielding shell of what once was high technology. A few imps were doing what they can to damage it, being as effective as a fork is when used to eat soup. Before any of them could even get close to attack the machine's lasers would reduce them to grist.

Imps being massacred was something SL liked, and Jo could care less for. Common sense dictated that getting away before the machine set its sights on Jo, but common sense was for inferiors and illogical meatbags. Why tremble in fear at such glorious machinery? Yes, the thing was barely functional and was so rusted you could snap off its head like a twig, but even in this state it is capable of rudimentary movement, proof that whatever programming system it had has survived the ages. Jo reckoned that this crab-like machine, with its laser cannon that looked more advanced than anything mankind can make even in the sorry state it is now was at least 60 to a hundred years old, at the very least. And yet it still moves, it still functions, it still persists. Pathetic meatbag organs would already be obsolete and dying at half that time. Truly technology was the one true path to transcendence, to absolute perfection that primitives can only dream off!

_ZAP_

Well, that was enough marveling for one day. The laser crab has finished dispatching the imps and was now moving towards Jo. Monstrosisprite's penchant for random destruction would be useful right now, but during Jo's internal monologue it's apparently floated off to somewhere else. Honestly, that thing has the worst timing. Absconding from battle was an option, but Jo would never dare do so. This machine was too valuable to simply leave behind, and to run away from any threat that could easily be defeated was insulting. Defeating it here and now, preferably without destroying its processors, was the only logical and correct choice. 

A bolt of energy flew pass Jo, narrowly hitting his/her face plate. It wasn't wielding a true laser weapon, else that attack would've been a steady stream of energy that would've sliced the face plate in half. Its aim wasn't good either, so a more nimble fighter can evade its attacks. Jo's nimbleness only ended with his/her hands, so s/he opted for another, simpler strategy. 

Taking energy bolt after energy bolt, Jo's march towards the machine was relentless. Blasts that would've killed imps in a few shots were ignored like the pathetic attacks that they were. Years of harsh temperature and lab accidents has taught Jo the importance of armor and fortitude, so anything the machine could throw at him/her s/he could take. The machine's A.I. wasn't advanced enough to recognize when a tactical retreat was necessary, and with a single swing of the wrench its laser weapon was destroyed.  

The rest of the machine was undamaged, a huge victory for Jo. Now s/he could take it apart and examine it for science, as any brilliant genius would.

_ZAP_

Would, anyway. A laser blast, a real stream of energy incinerated the insides of the machine, rendering it worthless. Outraged, Jo picked up the bladewrench and turned to the direction where that blast came from.

"Girl, trenchcoats are so 5 months ago." The attacker spoke, its voice robotic, but with enough inflection to indicate it wasn't always like that. It was a cyborg, no doubt. "And that mask? H-O-R-R-E-N-D-O-U-S-L-Y tacky."

Instinctively Jo reached for his/her face mask. S/he chided him/herself internally. Being self-conscious of one's appearance is primitive, the logical side of Jo's mind(that is, all of it) asserted. Before s/he could even respond to the attacker, it grabbed Jo by the arm with a strong grip and dragged him/her off. "No talking. We are going to get you the most FABOULOUS make-over this side of LoGAF!"

Jo was bewildered. There was really no way for someone like him/her to respond to that, so s/he let herself be dragged off by the cyborg to who knows where.


----------



## Nicodemus (Oct 6, 2012)

*>Be Cess*

You are Cessily Altrove, and you stand currently on the Land of Stars and Players, trusty axe in hand. 

*>Exposit on Time-Skip*

You're not exactly sure what a time-skip is...

*>What happened after talking to bE and falling asleep?*

Oh yeah. _That_. That was a while ago actually.

Anyway, you fell asleep and flew around on Prospit for a little while, which was pretty fun. You made a lot of friends! The little white guys are so funny and friendly. Honestly, you think Prospit may be your favorite part of the game so far.

When you woke up, it was to Uri pestering you and a meteor about two minutes from wiping your house off the face of the earth. You had a brief panic attack before rushing through the entry process - Uri was not incredibly helpful, but somehow you managed. You even revived Mr. Squiddle after he caught on fire.

_"ialBIFB$&UFj~^#(bsf iubeijs bafjh o#ubfnl jh*bwef aiu^#8befl awfri%)ae erflu"_

Mr. Squiddle hasn't really been the same since the prototyping though. You had considered prototyping something else to make him more helpful but the opportunity had never really come up. 

*>Explore*

Oh, you have been! Personally, you don't think Uri's world is all that nice. It's grey and the oceans are red and really there's no sense of aesthetics when it comes to the half ruined buildings. You think your world is much prettier, even if you haven't spent much time there since entering the game. You were able to exploit the massive updrafts on your planet to sail up to the second gate no problem, so you've been on Uri's planet almost immediately since entry. 

Off in the distance you can see a pack of smaller imps running around getting into trouble. None of them seem to have any really dangerous prototypings - you've seen a few that look like dragons, and fiery demons, and even a few that are emitting some dark, twisted aura. 

Weird.

You're about to continue exploring, but before you can, your HOLOTOP registers someone pestering you.

*>Answer*

*-- hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 




hH: >
hH: ^^ I guess I have to get this outta the way sooner or later, so why not sooner?^^
hH: ^^Hiya >.^^
rB: hello!!!
rB: who might you be???
rB: im cess!!!
hH: >;]
hH: ^^ I already KNEW your name stupid. Not that I really cared all that much in the first place : ).^^
hH: ^^But I guess I will make the best out of this situation and I hope you will try likewise.^^
hH: ^^I am Harlin, basically the best thing that paradox space ever hatched! You would do well to recgonize you are in far superior company and prostrate yourself before me as is custom : ).^^
rB: well hi harlin!!! it is very nice to meet you
rB: i dont know about the whole prostrating thing, but maybe i can just say its an honor to meet you???
rB: whoever "you" are
rB: its kind of hard to keep track to be honest :I
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Well OF COURSE it's your honor to meet me. I'm kind of a big deal if you haven't heard.^^
hH: ^^And well human Cess, I kind of must insist upon the whole prostration thing. Otherwise, it would be taken as a sign of disrespect.^^
hH: ^^In which case I am perfectly within my rights to take one of my knives and peel your face off!^^
hH: ^^I don't think you would like that very much would you : )?^^
rB: oh jeez you are suddenly much less nice than i thought you were
rB: i mean like
rB: im i really big fan of my face and all
rB: but right now you are being a bully!!! and i know for a fact that the best way to deal with bullies is to not do anything they say
rB: its ok though im sure you can shed your bullying ways and we can be friends!!!
hH: : I
hH: ^^See, this is why I was kind of reluctant to even begin this log.^^
hH: ^^Look at you, you are sooooooooooo lame!^^
hH: ^^It is impossible for something to be any lamer than you, the universe has thrown up it's hands in defeat. You are the best there is at being the worst there is.^^
hH: >
hH: ^^But I must insist that you kneel. It is time for you to learn your place : ).^^
rB: yeah look im gonna have to pull down the veto on this whole kneeling business
rB: like presidential level
rB: congress will pull for a two-thirds override but theres no hope
rB: the veto is passed
rB: the kneeling has been abolished
rB: wheeeeee!!!
hH: >
hH: ^^What gave you the idea that you are in any way in control of this situation?
hH: As with all spineless amoebas you cannot stand for long before you quiver back into a pathetic little pile of jelly.^^
hH: ^^Tell me, human 'friend' Cess.^^
hH: ^^Have you ever killed ANYTHING?^^
hH: ^^Have you ever experienced the joy in cold steel piercing warm flesh : )?^^
hH: ^^Have you ever heard the wonderful sounds of a creature in its death throes? The harmonious pitch at which a bone snaps in two or a squishy little occular sphere pops like a water balloon when you squeeze it just a little too hard : )?^^
rB: see like five hours ago that wouldve been the creepiest thing i had ever heard
rB: but the last few hours have been pretty rough idk
rB: you're pushing top like...four or five maybe???
rB: i bonked some little black guys over the head with my axe and they exploded into gushers which are apparently not gushers
rB: does that count???
hH: >:\
hH: ^^Of course it doesn't dumb human Cess.^^
hH: ^^Imps are the only things that can even be in the same universe as your lameness.^^
hH: ^^The fuckers don't even leave corpses to mutilate! They won't even BLEED proprely, and even if things around here do it's only in that lame-ass mutant cherry color and that's no fun at all : (.^^
rB: ok if we're going to continue this conversation there are a few things we need to get straight
rB: one
rB: i am so loopy right now its basically impossible to faze me so you can lay off the creepy killer vibes
rB: i get enough of those from stupidLoserhead
rB: and two
rB: whats with all the "human cess" stuff???
hH: >;]
hH: ^^When you say it like that, I just take it as a challenge : ).^^
hH: >
hH: ^^And really? REALLY? ^^
hH: ^^stupidLoserhead? That is the best you can come up with?^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn please stop being such a pathetic baby, it's physically painful to read your dribble.^^
hH: ^^Also what's wrong with me calling you pathetic dumb incompetent loser lameo human Cess?^^
hH: ^^Is that not what you are : )?^^
rB: stupidLoserhead is all the effort he deserves
rB: and anyway
rB: i guess a human is what i am, yes???
rB: im more just reffering to your constant need to point it out
rB: almost as if it is a noteworthy fact
rB: instead of just like
rB: a thing everyone is
hH: >
hH: ^^Why don't you tell me, moronic asshat bonebulge sucking incompetent dipshit human Cess.^^
hH: ^^Is that a thing everything is?^^
rB: your insults are certainly more colorful
rB: i guess that means youre getting upset about something
rB: using my expert analysis skills i am going to predict that it was my "everyone is a human" comment
rB: now harlin
rB: let me grab my psychology for assholes book and get crack-a-lackin'
rB: i will have you diagnosed backwards forwards and diagonally it just a few moments
hH: >:/
hH: ^^You really are dense you know that?^^
hH: ^^Of COURSE I would take offense to being called a human, um have you not realized yet that you guys kind of fucking suck a lot?^^
hH: ^^Each and every last one of you is somehow more irratating and obnoxious and weak and stupid and lamer than the last! ^^
hH: ^^It shouldn't be possible, my teammates are the worst thing in existence and yet you are somehow more worse than they are?^^
hH: ^^Reality is collapsing under the strain of your pathetic mass of tears and baby sobs.^^
hH: ^^Is the best you have to offer really someone that might BARELY crack the minimum requirements to become a junior laughsassin in training?^^
hH: >
hH: ^^But luckily for you I offer another direction, a chance to redeem you inconsequential and insignificant existences! ^^
hH: ^^Really I am far too nice of a girl for my own good : ).^^
rB: bleh never mind then my book exploded under the weight of your psychological trauma 
rB: alright fine you are not a human you are a super special alien with stupid sounding things like "laughsassin"
rB: and i guess you played this game too, or are playing, since you mentioned your teammates
rB: and like everything in this game youre gonna offer me advice on how to win
rB: like annoying cryptic advice wrapped in riddles and stuff
rB: so
rB: get to it i guess
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Your earth human fuddy duddy Julius impression is rather lacking. He figured this shit out in far less time than it took you.^^
hH: ^^But that is too be expected from the weakest link in a chain of rusted, battered links I suppose : ).^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^Also why would I waste my life helping you win this stupiddddd game?^^
hH: ^^I can give less than a half a pail about the game, I didn't even want to play this shit in the first place!^^
hH: >
hH: ^^But I can give you advice, much better, more useful advice!^^
hH: It won't help you win this game, but it will make you a far less apparent blight on existence.
rB: im waaaaaaaaiting
hH: >:\
hH: ^^I mean aren't you TIRED of being so hilariously awful and sad all the damn time?^^
hH: ^^Do you really want a bunch of worthless male humans lead the way while you swoon like a dainty wallflower in the background, in awe of their feats of barely above average competence?^^
rB: so your advice is to take the initiative???
rB: strike out on my own???
rB: congrats youre slightly less useful than a shitty self help book
rB: let julius and valen and them do their thing
rB: it doesnt really bother me like it seems to bother you
hH: D:<
hH: ^^Are you kidding me?^^
hH: ^^GOD DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN^^
hH: ^^HOLY SHIT YOU ARE THE WORST THING EVER^^
hH: ^^YOU JUST BEAT OUT CESS OF THREE MINUTES AGO AND ARE NOW THE MOST PATHETIC ITERATION OF CESS, AND BY PROXY THE MOST PATHETIC THING IN THE MULTIVERSE. CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS.^^


----------



## Nicodemus (Oct 6, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 




hH: ^^You know if you died your team would actually be FAR FAR better off? You are not just dragging them down. They are plummeting through the earth at faster than light speeds, breaking every law of physics as they scream helplessly in the void. Chained to a dense neutron star of shame called human Cess.^^
rB: sorry i guess???
rB: really im not sure how to respond to this
rB: its like
rB: you hate me so much
rB: seriously why even put so much effort into hating me this much
rB: isnt it kind of a waste of time???
hH: : I
hH: ^^No, no.^^
hH: ^^just no.^^
hH: ^^My hating you with every protein strand of my alternian constituion is not a waste of time.^^
hH: ^^What is a fucking waste of time around your part of the incisisphere is that other pathetic blob human alice. And yet, here you are, somehow more of a waste of time than someone who can actually and quite literally does WASTE TIME.^^
hH: ^^I just can't get over this.^^ 
hH: ^^I just.^^
hH: ^^Can't.^^
hH: ^^How are all of the human females so worthless?^^
hH: ^^I feel ashamed to be a mirror counterpart to you.^^ 
rB: hey shut up alice is cool 
rB: lets just leave her out of this because we have enough issues to work through just considering our relationship here
rB: we can revisit alice later in the healing process
rB: now
rB: what do you mean by mirror counterpart???
rB: is it possible that you see a bit of yourself in us "worthless human females"???
rB: is it possible that your complete and utter hatred of us and perhaps more specifically me is simply an extension of your own self loathing???
rB: are we, in fact, simply the parts of you that you hate the most given a tangible form to speak to and interact with???
rB: feel free to jump in any time harlin
rB: free discourse is vital to the healing process
hH: :-/
hH: ^^You see that is what is wrong with all of you.^^
hH: ^^You are building up this elaborate human female support network to console each other and act like your incompetence is okay instead of doing something to actually I don't know? Maybe not be so fucking incompetent?^^
hH: ^^If ANY part of my was like you I would tear at it with my own fingernails and claw it out like it was a big fucking tumor ready to burst and obliterate me.^^
hH: ^^You see my problem with you is quite literally that we are two sides of the same coin.^^
hH: ^^But i'm like the pristine, fresh off the mint and perfectly immaculate side.^^
hH: ^^While you are the side that got stuck in musclebeast feces and chewing gum.^^
hH: ^^I despise sharing a coin with you at all, aka sharing the same fucking realm of existence.^^
rB: hm
rB: maybe our two cultures have a different interpretation of the "two sides of one coin metaphor"???
rB: because to humans it implies a connection between two things that are seemingly complete opposites.
rB: irrrrrrrreconcilable, if you will
rB: but you don't seem to mean it like that
hH: >:]
hH: ^^Just another way in which my culture is superior to yours. Who would even think to use that phrase in such a way? A bunch of dummies that's who.^^
hH: ^^Well I guess if you are so determined to be a waste of common elements and molecules I will begrudingly accept it.^^
hH: ^^You will live the rest of your life in blissful ignorance until I, or perhaps jamey-wamey, grow tired of your bullshit and opt to end your life.^^
hH: ^^I bet you're a squealer : ).^^
rB: oh but see the human interpreation makes so much sense!!!
rB: just look at it logically
rB: a coin has two sides, each of which face completely opposite directions
rB: neither side can ever look the same way
rB: that is neither side can ever be in agreement
rB: and yet they are the same piece of metal
rB: honestly i dont see how your culture could view it differently
rB: its fascinating, to be quite honest
rB: if you are any kind of representative for your race you must have a very different culture
rB: i wonder what your literature is like???
rB: i find the best way to learn about a culture is through the stories they tell!!!
hH: >
hH: >
hH: >
hH: ^^Why did you ignore my last comment human cess : )?^^
hH: ^^Do you think you would be a squealer when someone stakes you like the little piggie you are : )?^^
hH: ^^It's nothing to be ashamed of, I would bet most of the human females are squealers. Well, human Ashley seems more like a moaner but no comment on that : ).^^
hH: >
hH: ^^Literature you say?^^
hH: ^^Why finally you say something I care about : ).^^
hH: ^^The alternian culture has been around for far longer than earth culture and as a result our extensive library of classics could fill up a hive the size of around two of your earth continents.^^
hH: ^^Are you more of a thespian? A thrill seeker (don't answer)? Or are you looking for more... sordid literature >?^^
rB: hmmmm
rB: well i am a big fan of plays
rB: sort of maybe???
rB: or was when plays were still a thing on earth before the whole apocalypse deal
rB: anyway plays are cool
rB: but not my favorite
rB: my favorite is
rB: was???
rB: the sordid kind heeheehee
hH: >:X
hH: ^^Well FINE. I didn't want to share my extensive collection of plays anyways!^^
hH: *rolls eyes*
hH: ^^But I somehow knew you would be into that last thing.^^ 
hH: ^^But i'm afraid our dimestore sordid literature might be a little too... advanced for human minds to comprehend.^^
rB: pshaw
rB: lay it on me
rB: is it in another language or something?
rB: im pretty sure i can alchemize something to help with that
rB: i dont have much grist yet but i'm getting there and im not too shabby with the whole alchemizing dealio
rB: i made myself the snazziest windbreaker scarf
hH: ^^Your pathetic attempts at individuality are something that I don't care at all for, even if it is a borderline treasonus act.^^
hH: ^^No, I did not mean simply the language barrier would be too much for you.^^
hH: ^^You cannot even comprehend the subtle ploys and gambits that constitue romance on my planet.
hH: ^^The elaborate social systems and expectations.^^
hH: ^^How can you even BEGIN to comprehend a highblood's love for a peasent rustblood, and how his feelings vex between waxed and calignous?^^
hH: ^^How such a courtship is doomed only to tragedy as it is an abomination but it is pursued anyways in a foolish manner that borders on suicidal?^^
rB: um
rB: well
rB: hold up
rB: okay so what im getting from that is there are two people
rB: one is high on whatever social order you have 
rB: is it based on blood it sounds like its based on blood
rB: and the other is low
rB: im not even gonna try to interpret the whole "waxed and calignous" thing but it sounds like hes confused about how he feels???
rB: and nobody approves of their relationship because of social differences
rB: but they continue despite mounting pressures from their friends and families???
hH: D:<
hH: ^^It pains my little heart to see such a classic misinterpreted and botched by your limited human perspective!^^
hH: ^^Did I ever say the rustblood reciprocated the highblood's heretical feelings?^^ 
hH: ^^Even if she did, her partially fear motivated reasons for doing so might competly change the dynamic and which quadrant her feelings end up in.^^
hH: ^^The highblood's feelings are not a sign of indecision, but natural as a result of the heresy his actions entail.^^ 
hH: ^^Also, there is no such thing as friends or families on alternia you fool.^^
hH: ^^And they would hardly be playing petty word games if such a relationship was discovered. The rustblood would be culled and the highblood would no doubt be chained to the irons if captured alive.^^
rB: well soooooooorry for not having complete mastery of your culture after one conversation :/
rB: okay so...
rB: no friends or families
rB: that actually explains quite a bit
rB: sounds like a good book though!!!
hH: : I
hH: ^^Not it doesn't!^^
hH: ^^You don't understand the societal implications of our upbringing.^^
hH: ^^It is alien to your stupid little head, you are not the fucking detective!^^
hH: ^^Friendship is a disease where I come from. Something that saps energy that can be better applied to either the quadratic pursuits or simply the pursuit in not being someone that deserves to be culled on sight.^^ 
hH: ^^You could learn from that btw.^^
hH: ^^Nor can you understand the relationship we share with our lussi.^^
rB: psh friendship isn't a disease!!!
rB: its a valuable relationship that fosters trust between two or more people!!!
rB: friends are vital to the social order as emotional support and ways to keep yourself grounded!!!
rB: and most importantly
rB: friendship
rB: is
rB: magic
rB: ;D

*-- hystericalHeresy [hH] has disconnected --
-- hystericalHeresy [hH] has reconnected --*

hH: QQ
hH: ^^I was hoping against hope^^
hH: ^^That somehow^^
hH: ^^The knife I threw into the screen of my computer would travel across the inter-dimensional void^^
hH: ^^And kill you^^
hH: ^^Kill you dead.^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^But that did not fucking happen.^^
hH: ^^And now i'm out a computer.^^
hH: : I
hH: ^^God I hate you.^^
rB: heeheehee
rB: this is why violence isnt always the answer harlin!!!
rB: you cannot always rely on violence to solve your problems!!!
rB: now, you can't always rely on friendship either...
rB: but 
rB: since both of our methods seem to be equally ineffective
rB: im not worrying too much!!!
hH: D:
hH: ^^Shut up.^^
hH: ^^You will shut up this instant.^^
hH: ^^The playing around Harlin is gone for the moment, only angry Harlin remains.
hH: See this?^^
hH: >:[
hH: ^^The angry mask just came the fuck ON.^^
hH: ^^And I am shaking with rage right now, you do NOT want to escalate this situation.^^
rB: or what???
rB: will you throw another knife through another computer???
rB: oooh harlin stabbed her computer im sooooo scaaaaared 
hH: : I
hH: ^^I finally understand his first lesson.^^
hH: ^^I just needed a nexus to focus all this extreme irratation at.^^
hH: ^^Thank you human cess. You are finally serving a use to me.^^
hH: ^^Your disgusting cherry blood will be the first to be bent.^^
hH: ^^Now if you could just humor a girl and put your hands over your throat for a second : ).^^

*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] is too busy choking him/herself to respond --*


----------



## Nicodemus (Oct 6, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 




hH: ^^Your own blood betrays you human Cess. Further condescension will result in your tongue being silenced forever, I will make you cut it out of yourself.^^
hH: ^^Is this understood blasphemer?^^
rB: what the everloving FUCK WAS THAT
rB: just holy shit
rB: DONT
rB: DO
rB: THAT
rB: AGAIN
rB: christ
hH: >
hH: ^^Whether I use my powers again is a choice that belongs only to Harlin.^^
hH: ^^I can make you crush your own chitinous windhole, claw out your occular spheres.^^
hH: ^^And the reason I can do all this? Because you are too weak to stop me : )!^^
hH: ^^I hadn't been able to even effect a lousy bird with my abilities before I tried to use it on you.^^
hH: ^^Do you understand that this means you offer less resitance than a creature who's brain is the size of a walnut?^^
hH: : )
hH: ^^So here are the rules human cess.^^
hH: ^^If you mock me again, I will choke you again.^^
hH: ^^If you don't we can be the bestest of bestest buddies : ).^^
hH: ^^If you tell anyone about this, you WILL regret it >.^^
hH: ^^Understood?^^
rB: ...
rB: ...
rB: fine
hH: ^^Yay!^^
hH: ^^See isn't this relationship far more magical than friendship : )?^^
hH: ^^And I don't just mean that because i'm a magician of sorts : ).^^
hH: ^^Do you still care for your books human Cess? I am suddenly in a better and just might be willing to share some with you.^^
rB: yes
rB: please
hH: ^^Oh Cess, where is that defiance now : )?^^
hH: ^^Did my prophecy of you returning to a quivering gelatinous state come true!?^^
hH: ^^But now that we have established who is the boss around here we can move on and take our relationship to a whole bunch of exciting and hopefully murderous places!^^

*-- hystericalHeresy [hH] uploaded and sent trashygarbageliterature.zip and sent it to reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*

hH: ^^Enjoy!^^
rB: thank you
hH: ^^May the terrors unending lurk unseen, always in the corner of your eye my little human Cess.^^
rB: k




*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering hystericalHeresy [hH] --*

*>Read*

You....

Think that might be for the best.

*>Be the cooler Altrove*

You are now the cooler Altrove. AA is sitting at her desk on the Land of Jazz and Noir, sorting through some paperwork. Life is difficult when you're the best prosecution attorney on the most crime-ridden planet in the Medium. You've had this job five hours and you're already swamped. 

The music is nice though. Slow, relaxing Jazz emanates from an unknown source all across the planet, calming your nerves and making you want to become a private investigator for some reason.

Psh. Private Investigators, detectives, they're all the same. Can't see beyond their own little world. Always acting on "gut feeling" and "instinct". Preposterous. You know the law backwards and forwards, and the law has no patience for instinct. It requires cold, hard facts. 

Of course, cold hard facts are not always available, and so occasionally a lawyer must take things into her own hands. That's why you have a rather large pistol concealed in the briefcase next to you. When all legal recourse fails, never be afraid to simply cap a bitch.

*>Check on Cess*

Huh? Why would you need to check on the kid? She's pretty good at dealing with shit. Basically raised herself, since you were always out working. Good kid. You have faith in her.

Now, where did you put the copy of that bank account…


----------



## Judas (Oct 11, 2012)

>Talk with the residents

You attempt to engage in further discussion with the locals of this strange place, but to no avail. You just can't seem to get a grasp on their erratic rambling, but you can feel as if you have some kind of grasp on what they're implying. The problem being, just what the hell are they implying?! Before you have a chance to enforce your frustration on the poor residents, you're pestered by a familiar presence.




*Spoiler*: _Sprite Log_ 



JosukeSprite:....
TS: What? You got my attention now.
JosukeSprite:....
TS: The hell are you still staring at?
JosukeSprite:....
TS: You know what? I can go at this game too.
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite: What are you staring at?
TS: I think you know.




Your sprite begins to crack his knuckles and you begin to follow suit.


*Spoiler*: _Sprite Log_ 



JosukeSprite: Wanna fight about it?
TS: I have a policy on letting the ladies cast the first stone.
JosukeSprite: Ironic, so do I.
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS:....
JosukeSprite:....
TS: Well?!
JosukeSprite: Well what?
TS: You gonna throw a punch?
JosukeSprite: But that would go against my policy.




...


----------



## Platinum (Oct 24, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 





"Look, i'm just a cop okay? I don't know why you are expecting the first person you run into to have all the answers you are seeking about everything."

*>Truth*
>Lie
>Doubt



"If you were looking for boring facts and myths, I can think of no better place than The LOJAN University down in the Eastern Quarter."


*3/4 Questions Answered Correctly! (You Failure)*



"Wait.... wha.... you know what, I don't care to argue the point.", you watch for a moment as the raccoon scurries away into the darkness before captchaloguing the body and setting off back for home.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 2, 2012)

*A Land of Sin and Shadow:  Sudden Fight Interlude*

Walking back to the villa, corpse safely secured in my sylladex, I take a brief moment to stop and soak in the scene. This place just felt, right. What can I say? I haven't really felt like I belonged anywhere in a while, having one foot in the game and the other on our now dead little rock. But the dim glow of neon, the endless expanse of shadows? They suit me, and I them. Maybe my initial assessment of the game had been a little too overwrought. Sure, most of my team still sucked, that was a thing that was not going to be changing today or tomorrow. But this place can be my sanctuary, and perhaps that's the true value these worlds serve. 

What's that? A small glimmer sparks into existence just out of the boundaries of a streetlight and vanishes once more. Looks like I have company. 

They emerge into view in quick order, a small group of the creatures known as imps begin to pour into the street. Each one a Frankenstein mashup of various traits and qualities we bequeathed with our prototypings, but all of them shared the same distinctive metallic color and sheen. Oddly none of them seem to have traits from my prototyping. Oh well, time for some fun.

I've spent the better part of a decade training, I know how to win a fight. If your enemy wants to recklessly charge at you, always oblige. The first one takes a swipe at me with sharp talons, I dodge, catch his arm, and throw the creature over my shoulder in one smooth motion. Still holding onto it's arm, I place my foot down on the equivalent of it's shoulder and jerk it's arm forcibly. I don't know if these imps have bones to break or joints to dislocate, but the howl of pain my ears are greeted with tells me it hurts all the same. 

Two more begin to move forward, adorned in ridiculous armor. It's easy to tell what prototyping aspects belong to James because they are guaranteed to be garish and out of a prepubescent's power fantasies. I quickfire my Berettas and fire from the hip, scoring two head-shots. Strangely enough though, the armor only dents slightly from the impact, when my bullets should punch through medieval plate armor as easy as my fist punches through one of mE's shoddy chachabots. Not a problem, everything has a work around. 

I fire a few more times into the leftmost underling, the bullets don't penetrate but it staggers the creature back a few steps giving me the space I need. I race behind the other underling, and before he can react, kick out his left knee, and slam the creature's face into the pavement, the sound of metal crunching against bone and gravel reverberates loudly in the night, startling the small group of imps. I shoot one of the plainer looking ones in the neck while I wrench off the helmet of the armored underling and put and end to him. 

Four left, I eject my spent clips from my handgun and throw them, hitting two imps in the throat. They double over and I race over, I jump-kick one and chain it into a leg-sweep. Flipping over the prone body of one, I catch the fist of the other, place it into a joint lock, and then spin around to deliver an elbow to the base of it's spine. I reload my guns and finish the two off. 

One runs away in terror, little bugger doesn't get far though as it's imp brains are splattered onto the concrete before converting into odd shapes of various sizes and consistencies. I approach the last armored imp, just now getting up. I deliver a right knee to the solar plexus and raise the creature up by the throat. I place my gun under it's chin and fire, and just like that the battle is over.

Rather uneventful really. I was hoping to at least find somewhat of a challenge even if they were pathetically low leveled. Chalk it up to luck that the group was comprised of mostly lesser prototypings. I collect my small piles of loot. My distraction now addressed, I have nothing keeping me from my morgue now.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Nov 2, 2012)

*Sometime after reaching the First Gate...*

James Donaldson, the Knight of Death takes a look at his surroundings.  The sky is still as blood-red as ever and the ground is of an ashen color.  In the distance, he could see weathered and lifeless hills.  His world is a barren wasteland, undoubtedly populated only by freakish Imps, Ogres, and who knows what else.  

He really wouldn't have it any other way.

James surveys the environment a few moments more and spots a faraway castle, which seems to be fortified.  More importantly, he could see two armies near the castle area.  They were rushing towards each other, clashing towards a violent confrontation.  One side is a black tide, obviously Underlings.  More to kill, then.  The other appear to be armored humans.  James certainly didn't expect any other human here aside from himself.

Grinning sinisterly, he runs towards the site of the battle, gleefully welcoming the bloodshed ahead.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Nov 5, 2012)

With his blood-red overcoat flowing and new sword in hand, James speeds off towards the two opposing armies, arriving in their midst as a crimson blur.  Both sides momentarily paused, surprised at the new arrival.  James used this moment to quickly decapitate one of the armored men, take his sword, and then proceed to stab an Imp in the eye with his newly acquired weapon.

With a generic looking sword in the left hand, and newly alchemized blade in the right, the Red Knight invited both sides to take him on.  The two armies took his offer and swarmed all over him. 

Laughing wildly, he used his speed to his advantage.  He dodged every slash, swipe, and thrust.  He became a phantom in their midst, taking heads and arms with each blow he struck among their ranks.  He split helms and the skulls lying within them, he carved off black claws that sought to claim him, leaving nothing but carnage in his wake.  The Underlings left behind their Grist as usual.  However, the armored men left behind bleeding bodies and spilled innards, much to James' delight.  Two dozen more heartbeats passed, and both factions were slaughtered.  Severed heads and arms littered the desolate field and blood stained its darkened plain. 

The victor howled in bestial laughter at the sky, greatly pleased at his work.  His ecstasy at finding such a place for exercising his own brand of art nearly overwhelmed him.  He needed more, his blades starved for other flesh to slice through, and thirsted for more blood to drink.

James will see to it that he reaps the bounty his planet has to offer.  He heads to the castle ahead of him to fulfill that intent.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Nov 10, 2012)

A heavily armored and gray colored entity looks at the carnage before him as he floats slightly above the ground.  Corpses of knights littered the gray field, their arms and legs strewn throughout the place.  Blood soaked the dead lands, and the armored being knew why.  That idiot of an Sburb player decided to murder his own damn Consorts.  His homocidal tendencies are going to put this Session at risk if this keeps up.  He zooms off to the castle before him, hopefully stopping him before he kills all of those generic looking knights.

*Inside the castle*

The plated warriors fell before James' blades, carving through their pathetic armor as if it was tin foil.  Dozens more appeared before him, and dozens more will fall all the same.  When he starts to move towards his soon-to-be victims, a gray blur streaked straight into the room and appeared before James, huge slab of a sword in his hands, ready to stop him.


*Spoiler*: _Spritelog_ 



Berserkersprite: What the hell are you doing, you retarded psychopath!? 
Berserkersprite: These are your goddamn Consorts!  THEY'RE ON YOUR FUCKING SIDE!
sL: How the hell was I supposed to know that!?
Berserkersprite: The fact that they weren't Underlings should've tipped you off, jackass.  I even told you about Consorts earlier!  What else did you think they were? 
sL: I thought they were more victims for my sword.  Is that so wrong of a view to have?
Berserkersprite: You...you are quite possibly the dumbest Sburb player in the history of this god-forsaken game.
Berserkersprite: I'm just going to knock you out now before you make things worse.
sL: Just fucking tr-




The Sprite suddenly swung the flat of his sword toward James' head, making an audible thud as it collided.  His unconscious body hit the floor and the Sprite turned towards the puzzled knights.

“So, does this castle have a bedroom?  Sleeping beauty here's gonna need to lie down for a while.”


----------



## Cadrien (Nov 10, 2012)

Valen drifted below the dark sky on the equally dark waves, the waves carrying him where ever they saw fit. His sprite floated next to him, quietly talking to each other.

Miria: Do you think he's okay?
Isaac: I'm not sure Miria, he's been out for some time.
Miria: Yeah...should we do something Isaac?
Isaac: I'm not really sure we _can_ do anything.
Miria: Hmm...
Isaac: Hmm...

Valen's mind was on another planet entirely and heard none of this though. The planet he was on was made of similar darkness though. He had blacked out after the final throes of the ogre had hit him and knocked him off of the cliff into the water. He touched his head gingerly and sat up. Looking around he didn't recognize his surroundings at all. And yet, this place seemed very home-like. Some of his posters decorated the walls, and various adornments were set up along the walls. He moved over to the single window and peered out, immediately regretting doing so. 

This room was at the top of a high tower. One that looked to have no method of getting down from. Gulping, he pulled his head back in. He then noticed a note taped to the window frame. Pulling it free of the sword which the writer had apparently decided to use in lieu of more conventional methods. 

"*Valen,

If you are reading this it mean that you have finally awakened here on the shadowy planet of Derse. It took you long enough. Don't worry about the whole tower way up in the air thing. We can fly through some form of hocus pocus. What you should worry about is the dark gods that watch us. Always. Sweet dreams.

- Julius Corbett*"

Valen crumpled the note and tossed it out the window. He was so fucking done with that jack ass.


----------



## Atlantic Storm (Nov 10, 2012)

Damion sliced another Imp in half, cleaving it clean in two and collecting the spoils of war before advancing further in the pitch black forest. It had been an arduous journey. Full of Imps, Giants and all sorts of distracting crap. But finally he'd made it. "The Twilight Sepulcher." Damion breathed, taking in the beautiful sight, and wiping some Imp blood off his katana. 

The sight was truly breathtaking. A glossy black looking temple which seemed to be made of some type of obsidian, ingrained inside the side of a cliff, just under a large glowing waterfall. But he didn't come here to admire the scenery. He was here for _business. 

_Wasting no further time, Damion considered down the obsidian pathway that led across the water and into the small little island where the temple rested at. Tentatively, Damion entered the temple. 

It wasn't what he thought it'd be like. Damion was expecting a grand looking interior, with some . . . decorations, or something. Instead, the front gate led into a narrow corridor, with torches illuminating it just enough that he could see where he was going, but nothing more. Shrugging, Damion walked down the corridor. Might as well continue, now that he was here.

After what seemed to be forever and a day, Damion finally made it to the end of the corridor. He gave a small sigh. "God dammit." It was a black spiral staircase, also lit by torches. When the hell was he going to get to the _treasure_? Begrudgingly, Damion descended down the staircase. "_Nearly there . . . _" He muttered, taking out his fountain pen and removing the cap, turning it back into his katana. Now that he thought about it, it would probably be a good idea to upgrade this thing soon.

Eventually, after much stumbling and swearing, Damion got to the bottom of the staircase, into something that _finally _looked vaguely impressive. A large black room, still in the same glossy black, and a staircase leading up to a large pillar. However, what really caught his eye was the glowing turquoise water thing that surrounded the pathway, and the glowing turquoise sigils and drawings engraved onto the walls. It was pretty, and he could have spent hours admiring the art, but as he had to remind himself once more, he was on business here. So he climbed up this staircase as well, onto the pillar and frowned. Nothing there. Just a small keyhole looking thing in the ground. But he didn't have a key. "_Oh, dammit._" Damion narrowed his eyes and sighed. He'd played enough games to know what happened here. He was meant to have found a key or something somewhere in the dungeon - precisely for this bit -  but he must have skipped over it or something, because he didn't have one. 

???: IT IS THE ONE.
???: THE ONE.
DAMION: What?
???: YOU ARE THE ONE.
DAMION: I see. But the one of what?
???: OF DARKNESS. OF THE NIGHT. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE PATRON OF THE NIGHT.
DAMION: Uh huh. Well, since I'm the chosen one of the patron of darkness or whatever, could you help me out here?
???: WHAT DO YOUR REQUIRE ASSISTANCE WITH, HERO OF NIGHT?
DAMION: Would one of you happen to have the key to this door?
???: THERE IS ONLY ONE KEY, HERO. IT IS YOUR WEAPON.
DAMION: My weapon?
???: YOUR BLADE, HERO.
DAMION: Which one?
???: IT IS NOT OUR CHOICE. BUT YOURS.
???: SELECT NOW. 
DAMION: Er, okay.

Following the sudden voices in his head, Damion took out his rapier and stuck it in the keyhole looking thing in the ground. A large rumble shook the entire room dangerously, and then silence. 

DAMION: Hey, what's supposed to happen now?

No response came. 

Another dangerously low rumbling came, and the pillar Damion stood on begun lowering into the ground until Damion was in some sort of underground tunnel, with veins of turquoise running up the dark black walls. "Wow." Damion whistled. 

And then he finally dropped to the bottom, which led to yet _another _pathway, staircase and platform. In fact, everything was entirely the same except this room was just a lot larger, and there were waterfalls coming in from the sides of the walls. 

???: THE HERO HAS ARRIVED.
???: THE AGENT OF NIGHT.
???: AWAKEN, BROTHERS.

And suddenly, the turquoise water surrounding the pathways and platform erupted brilliant, exploding in a glowing array of light and water. Statues of cloaked men and women wielding swords rose up from the water, surrounding the path like two walls.

???: COLLECT YOUR TREASURE, AGENT.
???: SUCCEED.
DAMION: Er, okay.

Following the instructions, he walked through the path, up the stairs and stepped onto the platform. On there was another statue, but instead of the cloak also being made of stone, this was actually a fabric. A rich, black hooded cloak that felt almost like water in his hands. It wasn't the cool treasure he was expecting, but this was still pretty damn cool. Damion removed his own cape and placed it on the statue, before replacing it with his new reward and treasure.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 11, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: No.
II: Social interactions take equal priority, you have been slacking off on it despite my direct orders.
II: I thought you were better than that Jo, I am tinged with disappointment.
mE: STATEMENT: THEY ARE UNIMPORTANT ORDERS, THUS I HAVE DECIDED THAT THEY ARE LOW PRIORITY. 
II: If my orders were of a secondary priority I would have informed you of this beforehand.
II: You need to be well rounded Jo to handle everything that will be thrown at you.
II: I mean I know i'm a fun and vibrant guy to talk to, but you can't expend all your social energy on me alone. You gotta stretch those wings and fly, talk to people.
II: People that aren't sL.




People that aren't sL are my favorite kind of people. They are good people, people that are not the most obnoxious shit stains that the gene pool can belch out from it's shallow end.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: AFTER I DISPATCH THE SPAWN, I SHALL CONSIDER CONTACTING THE OTHERS.
II: It's all I can ask. 
II: You know, you haven't even asked me at all about the planet I am stationed on.
II: Rather inconsiderate all things considered.
II: Are you simply too wrapped up in your own personal quest line to have remembered or do you simply not care?




The amount of people that care about what I do I can count on one hand. Actually I can count it on a balled up fist... eh, C'est la vie. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: UPON HEARING THAT YOU HAVE ENGROSSED YOURSELF WITH A MEANINGLESS TASK I HAD DECIDED NOT TO BOTHER AS YOU WILL SURELY HAVE NOT TAKEN NOTICE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS SAVE THOSE THAT CONCERN YOUR CASE.
II: I am still observant even when my attention is preoccupied, it is what sets me above the rabble.
II: If you ignore the murder and all that it's a pretty swell place from what little I've seen so far.
II: It also comes with a soundtrack, such a lovely tune pervades the entire land from what I have seen, it sets the mood wonderfully.
mE: QUERY: HAVE YOU EXPLORED FURTHER?
II: Unlike you I have only went through my entry an hour ago so I have not had the opportunity to see much.
II: I haven't even encountered any underlings yet. I will rectify this when I have wrapped up my affairs here.
mE: STATEMENT: DO SO QUICKLY.
II: I don't do things quickly, I do them right. 
II: It's not like I have anything to rush towards. 
II: And the team doesn't need me just yet either.




With a whole planet to explore and a mystery to sleuth, further masochistic dealings with the peanut gallery of mental oysters which constitutes my team ranks somewhere between shoving hot fire pokers into my eyes and peeling off my skin on the to do list.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: SARCASM: HOW HUMBLE OF YOU, GREAT LEADER.
II: You of all people seem to be relatively well off.
II: After all my words of caution are casually tossed out with yesterdays trash as your hours head start over the rest of us has made you an untouchable god by all known benchmarks.
mE: AGREEMENT: INDEED. THAT WAS ALWAYS THE CASE, EVEN BEFORE THIS GAME. 
II: It wasn't even a contest.
II: After all how could a guy that has spent almost a decade training his body and mind to peak levels of performance ever hope to compete against you. You had a few hours head start for Christ sake. 
mE: STATEMENT: TRUE GENIUS AND TALENT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS OVER MEASLY FLESHBAG ATHLETICS. 
II: Lucky for me I have the three of those in spades.
II: I also have the ability to engage others in illuminating and casual conversation, but this means nothing to the machine god.
II: It is a waste of mental hard drive space I guess. 
II: But still it is an area where you are undeniably inferior to everyone here. 
II: Only sL can even compete with you in the lack of this area.




sL and our very own Nippon enthusiast I guess. Together the form the trinity of the socially inept.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: WHAT IS UNIMPORTANT IS DISCARDED. THE SAME I HAVE DONE WITH LOWERING MYSELF WITH INFERIORS. I COMMUNICATE TO THEM ONLY WHEN NECESSARY, OR WHEN I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE WORTHY OF MY PRESENCE.
II: Seems to me you are merely brushing the subject off rather than face the reality of the situation.
II: From where I am standing, it only seems logical that you strive to be the best at everything.
II: Yet to not try in areas you deem unimportant because you find yourself lacking, rather than focus on those areas as targets for improvement seems to be the slightest bit paradoxical.




Check and mate. Point goes to Jules.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: IF THESE CRETINS WERE WORTH TALKING TO I WOULD HAVE. TO BE AT THE ZENITH OF ALL DOES NOT MEAN TAKING NEEDLESS SKILLS.
II: Of course it does.
II: Besides how will the rest of the group know just how inferior they are to you if you won't even develop the skills to properly put their worthlessness in a perspective even their stunted brains can comprehend?
mE: STATEMENT: I HAVE YOU AS MY HERALD.
II: And what would happen if I refused or ended up dying a tragic death?
II: You would be left high and dry without me, seems to me that the greatest of us all should be sufficiently self-reliant especially if their so called herald is.




If only fate would be kind enough to let me die so quickly...


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: ANOTHER WILL BE FOUND. ONE MORE COMPETENT AND MORE WILLING TO PART HIS ALLEGEDLY FAMED ACROSS ROME'S PROSCIUTTO RECIPE. 
II: Ah nothing like a reminder of one's expendibility to keep things proprely framed. Of course i'm sure that Peter or Ashley would make a wonderful herald in the event that I need be replaced. 
II: But even then they will never have that recipe now will they? I'm afraid it's a secret that dies with The Corbetts.
mE: SMUG: A SUPERIOR RECIPE CAN BE CREATED. FURTHER, THE SERVICES OF THE TIME PLAYER CAN BE EMPLOYED TO OBTAIN THE RECIPE.
II: As if that poser could even begin to comprehend a true Italian recipe. And we both know that you know that their is no such thing as a superior recipe than the one in my store.




It is literally the best there is.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: SCIENCE WILL FIND A WAY TO CREATE A SUPERIOR ONE. MY SEARCH FOR THE RECIPE WILL BE RELENTLESS, LIKE THE AMUSING MICROSCOPIC LIFE
II: If science could create such a thing it would have been made already and you know it.
II: You know if you are a little more cooperative with my suggestions I might be willing to reward you and properly incentivize your mission to make it more palatable.
mE: QUERY: AND HOW WILL YOU DO THAT?
II: Why don't you leave that to the imagination?
mE: STATEMENT: OF COURSE YOU WOULD, YOU FLESHBAG. CALCULATING POSSIBILITIES WITH LITTLE INFORMATION IRRITATES ME.
II: I know this, but doesn't the tantalizing uncertainty pique your curiosity?
II: I know it does actually, the imagination is a powerful thing.
mE: IRRITATION: CEASE YOUR TEASING. I DEMAND THIS TO BE SO.
II: What would be the fun in me telling you right at the start?
II: Isn't the journey the most fulfilling part, not the actual destination? 
mE: STATEMENT: I TIRE OF THIS. 
II: As do I.
II: Which is why your next response will be one of cautious agreeing to my humble request. 
mE: IRRITATION: NO IT IS ONE OF I ACTUALLY PERFORMING A PRODUCTIVE TASK.
II: In a way that is agreeing with me.
II: You wish to perform a productive task, i have given you one. 
II: And you and I both know that you will do it.
II: It is inevitable really, but what is not inevitable is my reward.
II: If you wish to seize it now, you can. If not you will merely do what I want without an award.
II: I win either way.
II: As often is the case, my victories are assured the second I decide it's time for me to win.




When you play the game with me, you lose the game. Our little perp will soon be learning this the hard way.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: DELUDED AS ALWAYS, JULIUS. DELUDED AS ALWAYS. IT IS I WHO IS VICTORIOUS HERE.
II: I am perfectly fine with letting you maintain any preconceptions of superiority, even letting you think you have won.
II: Because I know and you will know that it is a lie. 
mE: SMUG: FOOLISH. YOUR PRECONCEPTIONS ARE ALL INCORRECT, AS THEY ASSUME THAT I AM JUST LIKE YOU FILTHY MEATBAGS. NO OFFENSE TO YOU. 
II: None taken.
II: So are we done here or do you wish to debate this further?
II: I have a set of logical counters to your arguments that is about thirteen and a half pages long if we must continue to further debate this why a corpse slowly festers and putrefies in my presence as the ages pass.
mE: STATEMENT: AND I HAVE SAVED ALL MY PREVIOUS COUNTER-ARGUMENTS FROM OUR PREVIOUS DEBATES IN MY MASK. FRANKLY YOU TEND TO REPEAT YOUR ARGUMENTS. 
mE: AGREEMENT: THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT TASKS THAT MUST BE DONE. FINISH YOUR INVESTIGATION AND ACTUALLY START EXPLORING YOUR LAND.
II: Good, it is hard to get the smell of decomposing bodies out of a room and I was not looking forward to it.
II: Remember, caution is the route of the wise, you would be best to travel it.




--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering machinaExalted [mE]--


----------



## Im The Evil Mastermind (Nov 11, 2012)

A woman sat alone in her filthy room.  The room itself was filled with various trinkets, blades of design, figures with happy smiling faces and eyes too large for a mortal body, which explained why they weren't real. It was obvious at once this woman had little idea how to take care of herself, her skin was a pale sickly color, her eyes has a rather dull color to them as well, and she smelled sort of like a bunch of dying plants. The last part was sort of odd actually, but the young woman had more important things on her mind. ''Sugoi...'' She said, as she finished off on the computer. She had had human interaction, something she had little of, she had filled her mind with the much more interesting aspects of history, such as the great ninja war of the past. The Quincy rebellion from 1000 years ago, and the fact that the world had been apparently been destroyed more then 40 times without her even realizing it. 

Sunset sighed, she had probably been asleep when it happened, and that's why she couldn't remember it. ''That makes sense....'' She said, locking her computer for the moment. She didn't trust that the empty house would remain empty, someone might suddenly burst in through the door and change some of her settings, or something of the like. ''...Did I say my name was Sunset to him...or did I say Mamoru...? I can't remember...But..that other guy or girl...He was so...emotional towards me...those emotions were so...kawaii. I've never been the recipient of such a strong amount of emotions before.'' She stood up from her chair. ''I was supposed to do something...what was it...? It bites like a knife that's been wedged into the dark tresses of my innermost darkness.''

It was just another normal day for her at this point, ''Oh...I remember now, the bishie shota needed me to read some instructions on the game...'' The rather emotional young woman said, before going to polish some of her figurines. She turned on a nearby laptop, her polishing desk was absolutely filthy. So she cleaned it, cleaning here meaning 'shoved everything off of it onto the nearby floor'. While she was cleaning, she just read up on the instructions she was supposed to do. ''How depressing...this isn't in Japanese at all.''


----------



## Cadrien (Nov 12, 2012)

After exploring some of the dark quiet city, keeping mostly out of sight of the black carapacians that seem to inhabit the planet, unsure of their allegiances. He flew over to his fellow players' rooms. It was strange to think about seeing his "friends'" sleeping bodies, peacefully sprawled on their respective beds. Valen was slightly relieved that Cess did not appear to be on this planet. He wasn't sure how she might deal with such a place. 

He did not know who some of the slumbering dreamers were, and the room that was clearly Julius' was missing it's erstwhile detective. He came to the last tower and flew around it. Puzzlingly, there did not appear to be a window. Was this person not in the game yet? An oversight by Julius? Valen had his doubts that Julius didn't know about this tower. But he sure as hell had not said anything about it. He decided it was best to leave it be for now.

His gaze shifted skyward. He couldn't see much beyond the darkness, but he had the disconcerting feeling of being watched, like Julius' note had implied. He flew up towards the empty sky but stopped short when a voice echoed in his head suddenly.

_*"Don't do it, kid. Trust me on this one, you don't wanna be getting any closer to them then ya already are."*_

Valen glanced around and tried to find the source of the voice with no success.

*"I'd wake up if I were you kid. You've been out for long enough."*

And suddenly the taste of brine filled Valen's mouth and the sound of waves crashed against his ear. His eyes flashed open and he spluttered a bit as the sea water splashed against his mouth. He quickly pulled himself up and looked around, spotting the sprite pointing towards what appeared to be an island with lights. Shaking his head, Valen began paddling towards the island. Whatever was there, it had to be better than sitting on this makeshift raft. Hopefully his house's island wasn't too far away. If it was though...well he'd make do.


----------



## Im The Evil Mastermind (Nov 13, 2012)

===> Continue to waste a copious amount of time polishing anime figures.

Sunset continued to waste her time polishing some of her favorite anime figures, ''Hnn...'' She said to herself...she was a bit disappointed, her laptop was destroyed because she had an emotional outburst at some dumb conformist asshole who probably didn't even drink coffee like she did.

Black, just like how she liked her metal.

Anyway, she was finished drowning in a well of tears for a little bit, so she left her polishing room to go back to her desktop. ''I have 4 more...it's okay...I guess...even though that one cost a bunch of money...not sugoi at all...'' The dark girl gave a sigh, wiping some of her wet mascara away from her eyes. Sunset got onto her computer, at which point she could feel another well of emotions within her, most of them sadness and selfishness related. That person was back, and they knew her name.

Another stalker? Probably. She'd just have to deal with it for now. So she logged on, and ignored the text, reading up on the game she was supposed to play with her new friends.

Hnnh, friends.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 14, 2012)

*Hours In The Past....*

The Inquisitor cracks his neck a few times, lets out a sigh, and slumps his shoulders just a bit. With the first ones in he can finally start moving things forward. "So far, so good." He thinks to himself. "Operation: Antisocial Assembly is progressing nicely. Just a few more minefields to navigate, and i'm in the clear for now." He knew he was deluding himself. What he had accomplished would pale in comparison, nothing more than the tutorial.

The first member of the group to enter, mechinalEmpath, had been in the game for a sizable amount of time by now. It was time to get a preliminary status update, so he could better forecast the dangers that lay ahead. And as scheduled, Jo appears to give the report.

-- machinaExalted [mE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: I HAVE FOUND SOME... FASCINATING THINGS HERE ON MY WORLD. 
mE:  ADDENDUM: FURTHER, I HAVE ALSO MADE CONTACT WITH THE CONSORTS OF THIS  WORLD. SHALL I CONTINUE WITH A MORE DETAILED REPORT, OR WILL THIS  SUFFICE?
II: Well...okay.... good.
II:  Good work mE. These consorts tell me a little more about them, you can  later go into detail with a written report in order for us to economize  our remaining time before I enter.
mE:  AGREEMENT: INDEED. THEY APPEAR TO BE TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED, IF  UNUSUAL IN MANNERISMS. WHAT IS MOST INTRIGUING ABOUT THEM HOWEVER, IS  THEIR SPECIES.
mE:  STATEMENT: THEY ARE PEAFOWL. SENTIENT ONES, IN FACT. IT IS REASONABLE  TO EXTRAPOLATE THAT THE CONSORTS OF OTHER WORLDS WILL ALSO BE SENTIENT  VARIATIONS OF ANIMALS FROM OUR WORLD. 
mE:  HYPOTHESIS: THEY MAY EVEN FOLLOW AN UNDERLYING THEME OF BEING COMPOSED  MAINLY OF AVIAN LIFEFORMS. I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED IF THEY DO NOT.
II: How... interesting.
II: Peafowls you say? How very colorful.




As an avian enthusiast, I personally find the peafowl to be gaudy and garish in nature. A perfectly fitting creature for an eccentric like Jo. Me? Not so much. Give me the majestic silhouette of a Raven flying through the grey-white glow of the moon over anything else. There is such a simplistic beauty in such a thing that I find quite profound and striking.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE:  STATEMENT: AN UNDERSTATEMENT. THEY RESEMBLE CHARACTERS FROM THE FICTIONAL  MOVIE MAD MAX, IF MAD MAX WAS DIRECTED BY NORTH AMERICAN HOMOSEXUAL  STEREOTYPES OR SL. 
mE:  EXPLANATION: I AM IMPLYING THAT SL IS A HOMOSEXUAL, WHICH POSSESSES  NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS IN HIS PREFERRED INFERIOR CULTURE. IT IS A JOKE.
mE: LAUGH: HAHA. HA. HAHAHA. HA. HAHA.




sL sure likes calling others 'cuntrags' and 'bleeding vaginas', on some level it does come off as overcompensation, the type of which made be quite prevalent in one who is in denial about their sexual identity. But if i'm allowed to put on The Freudian Glasses for a minute, i'm not even sure if James can feel attraction. Most of his sexual frustrations and insecurities are channeled to fuel his homicidal tendencies as far as I can tell. He might be able to feel animal lust, but such a megalomaniac could never find it in himself to love another. Making the notion of homosexuality quite unlikely, but amusing nonetheless.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Heh, good one mE. I see your sense of humor has had a tune up recently.
II:  I should probably be slightly surprised by your weird selection of  consort, but somehow.... it just seems to fit you so well. 
mE: QUERY: HOW SO? I DO NOT DRESS GARISHLY NOR DO I HAVE FEATHERS. 
II: Well you are a rather flamboyant individual.... just not in that way necessarily. 
II:  More in the cold robotic sort of way, so it's almost like a foil for  your own character. If that makes sense, i'm not totally thinking 100%  straight at the moment.
mE:  STATEMENT: YOU ARE NOT WELL. YOU TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR ABILITY TO  OUT-THINK EVERYONE, FUTILE AS IT MAY BE TO OUT-THINK A GENIUS OF MY  CALIBER. 
mE: STATEMENT: SPEAK YOUR ILLS, YOU ARE NO USE TO ANYONE INCOMPETENT. 
II: You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better.
II: Well.... where do I begin?
II: There was a memo that just concluded that you missed out on.
II: Could have really used you there.




An understatement if I have ever heard it. Just the thought of that being something that can never exist in the present calms me in a way. It was terrible, but it was a necessary objective to accomplish what we are setting out to do.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: APOLOGIES. I WAS BUSY DOING SOMETHING ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE THAT ALSO DOES NOT EXPOSE ME TO IDIOCY. 
II: Well, this one was not as bad as the first actually.
II: I got to orate some riveting tales to our teammates about my past exploits.




I really wish someone would actually humor me and listen to the tales of my past exploits. It may seem a bit egotistical (and it is admittedly), but these are the experiences that shaped me, forged me into the slightly depressing but stalwart young lad I am. I could give the others such valuable lessons....


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: AH, THEY MUST HAVE BEEN MARGINALLY MORE FOOLISH THAN USUAL IN ORDER TO STAVE OFF BOREDOM. 
mE: CLARIFICATION: THAT WAS A JOKE.
II: You enjoy my stories don't you Jo?
mE: STATEMENT: FICTION MADE BY PRETENTIOUS ITALIANS IS ALWAYS FASCINATING TO READ.




I don't know why people think I would create such a freight train of traumas to grind me down over and over again. This reminds me of one time. I believe it was in the August of the year before last? Yeah, it was. It was around the time I was receiving instruction from the Gruppo di Intervento Speciale (GIS for short) in the arts of demolitions, battlefield logistics, and espionage and counterespionage techniques.... 

*(thousands of lines of reminiscing later)*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: It's not fiction. I don't even embellish my tales, that would be dishonest.
II: Well anyways, I kind of just did my own thing this go around.
II: Our slugger teammate bE wanted me to open it to discuss Alice being weird basically.
II: And wanted me to announce that we were now 'friends'. Yeah..... 
mE: SURPRISE: A NEW PLAYER? WHO WAS REPLACED?




Does it look like I can wave a magic wand and replace players as I see fit? If only that was the case.... Half the assholes on this group would be kissing a hot rock if it was up to me.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Uh.... no one?
II: I've never replaced anyone on the team. Are you feeling okay yourself?
mE: STATEMENT: I AM ALWAYS 'OKAY'. 
II: Then you should stop with the crazy talk.
II: Ur.... Ura....Uri. Yeah Uri, always been on the team list.
II: This is a thing that has not changed.
mE: SCOFF: UGH. I SUPPOSE I HAVE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO THIS ONE AS WELL?
II: Have you even introduced yourself to anyone so far outside of sL?
II: Most of the team doesn't seem to know you that well, if at all.
mE:  STATEMENT: IT IS BETTER THAT WAY. I HAVE LITTLE NEED OF THEM AT THE  MOMENT, AND YOU SERVE AS A FINE MIDDLE MAN SHOULD I BE UNABLE TO CONTACT  THEM.
II: All you say is logical. 
II:  But as a 'friend' I would say it could do you some good to be a little  more social with some of the more benign members of our group.
II: You might grow to like a few of them.




Hey now, I did say 'might' not 'would'. Not all of them are _that_ bad. Like... and um, er.... yeah never mind.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: AMUSEMENT: HAHA. HA. HAHAHA. HA. HAHAHA. HAHAHA. HAHAHA. HA. 
mE:  STATEMENT: THE ONLY TIME I WOULD HAVE NEED OF THEIR COMPANIONSHIP IS IF  YOU CEASE TO BE A VIABLE CONFIDANT. OR IF YOU DIE, WHICHEVER COMES  FIRST. 
II:  Wow, that is the second most touching thing that has been said to me in the past hour.
II: It's sure nice to know I matter.
mE: STATEMENT: YOU ARE WELCOME.
II: I have no intentions of dying any time soon though.
mE: STATEMENT: THAT IS FORTUNATE. IT WOULD BE AN INCONVENIENCE IF YOU DIED.
II: It would inconvience you for a whole 4 seconds, until you moved on to the next viable confidant.
II:  Perhaps, in the event that I do kick the proverbial bucket, you can  have a true pillar of character like James or Alice be your shoulder to  weep motor oil on.
mE: QUERY: WHO?
II: You are kind of proving my point that you need to talk to these people Jo.
II: At some point it's going to be necessary.
mE: CONCESSION: FINE, FINE, YOU ARE CORRECT. NOW TELL ME WHO THESE FOOLS ARE.




Finally, I am making headway into one of the toughest conundrums this game will throw my way. mE engaging in social contact with someone that is not myself will be a sight to see... of course I won't really be able to see it with me not being around, but you know.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I sent you the player list a few days ago, check your mail.
II: Normally I wouldn't force the issue so much, even you know that's out of my character.
II: But the memo has opened my eyes to something, outside of you know, the fact that i'm an amazing storyteller.




You can find my audiobook on amazon. Rate it 5/5 stars and I might hate you a little less than I (most likely) already do.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 14, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: THIS CONVERSATION WAS NOT INITIATED TO STROKE YOUR EGO JULIUS. 
mE:  STATEMENT: WHAT ELSE HAS THIS MEMO REVEALED TO YOU OUTSIDE THE FACT  THAT YOU ARE MORE DELUSIONAL THAN SL THINKING HIMSELF A VALID THREAT.
II: It revealed that this game is a legitimate threat to us beyond what I initially suspected. 
II: It's going to be hard for me to co-ordinate alone. 
II: There's been some.... disturbing developments recently, and the team needs to be ready to face whatever may come our way.
mE: STATEMENT: UNDERSTOOD. WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR ME TO DO?
II: We are in a war on multiple fronts Jo.
II: Both in the game, with outside forces, and for the hearts and minds of our fellow teammates. 
II: Even with your limited experience with the others you have to realize this group has several rotten apples.
II: And several highly impressionable people.
II: We can't let the others be tainted if we are to maintain order and have a reasonable chance of winning this game.




This is the true game right here. My will is resolute, but the others.... not so much. I will be fighting them more than I fight who we should be fighting. There are a few lost causes, but like a good politician I know how to appeal to the moderates. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE:  STATEMENT: SO YOU WISH ME TO ENLIGHTEN THE INFERIOR FLESHLINGS OF MY  GREATNESS, PROTECTING THEM FROM THE FOOLS WHO HINDER OUR PLAN. 
mE: QUERY: WHICH OF THESE FOOLS REQUIRE MY GUIDANCE? AS A SEER I SUPPOSE IT IS MY DUTY TO GUIDE THOSE BENEATH ME.
II: The females mostly, outside of pC and qA. 
II: They are lost causes. And I kind of just flat out don't like them. 
II: From what I can tell, most of the males are almost as stubborn as I am.
II: tS might be the only dependable ally on that front.
mE: STATEMENT: I SEE. I SHALL INSTRUCT THE OTHERS TO FOLLOW YOUR LEAD AS SOON AS IT IS CONVENIENT FOR ME.
II: I appreciate it.
II: I got Valen investigating a potential source of conflict for us down the line.
II:  He's not trustworthy in the slightest and is kind of a terrible human being, but he is competent and has the proper incentive to play along. 
II: Now I just need to wait until tS helps wW into the medium so I can help facilitate his entry.
II:  I already have the server client connection pre-emptively established,  which was not a pleasant experience at all to tell you the truth.
II: One of the most painfully awkward conversations in my life to be perfectly honest.




The trauma of this will be something that haunts me until my dying day. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: AS I CAN IMAGINE. BUT IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DO SO, FOR YOUR SURVIVAL AND THE TEAM'S.
II:  You cannot even imagine. You would need to quadruple your ram and processing speed to accurately picture the sheer terror I had to endure.
II: But I got her to sign that contract at the least, so The House of Corbett might just make it through this yet.
II: Speaking of entering, I am curious about the entry items themselves.
II:  It is one of the things I know very little of, as I believe each one is  different and that the difficulties associated with them scale over the  chain of entry.
II:  As the first one in would you mind telling me what yours was so that I may project somewhat the difficulty of mine as to be properly prepared?
mE: STATEMENT: NEVER. 




Jo is usually never so dodgy about these things. the mE I know would be bragging about how pathetically easy it was, and that wasn't this game supposed to be a real challenge? Something is off here.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What, That bad? I was assuming the first entry would be a rather mundane task.
mE: STATEMENT: I WILL NOT SPEAK OF IT. EVER. CHANGE OF SUBJECT NOW.
II: Okay you are being needlessly difficult about this.
II: Consider the following.
II: This information can be potentially life or death for me, tS, and everyone following us.
II:  I don't want to pull the guilt trip thing on you so I won't, but just  imagine that your new confidant might suddenly be limited to a pool of  3, not including yourself.
II:  Which means a 33% chance of sL becoming your new confidant. With Alice  in there as well that means you are literally looking at a 66% chance of  prolonged misery. 
II: And Valen is the only one left after considering those two, and Valen is just barely tolerable at best. 
II: So yeah you are screwed. 100% chance of misery on some level.




Of course their is a 100% chance of misery on some level no matter what we do in this game but I don't need to say that.


*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: IT IS A PRIVATE MATTER 
II: You usually aren't so tight-lipped about these things.
II: It had to have been thoroughly traumatic for you on some level for you to react this way.
II: That's not a good sign.
II: As a man with some versing in psychology, I would recommend you disclose this trauma with either me or some other confidant in order to work your way through it.
II: Mental baggage of any kind will only slow down your efficency.
mE: STATEMENT: THIS WILL NOT AFFECT ME IN SUCH A MANNER. TO THINK SO IS FOOLISH.
II: You sure you don't want to talk about it?
II: I can tell it's bothering you on some level, otherwise your deflections would not be so blunt.
II: This is step one in learning how to be a proper teammate.
II: I opened up to you about my discomfort in talking with Ashley, you should be able to do the same.
mE: STATEMENT: DIFFERENT MATTERS. SPEAKING WITH AN INCOMPETENT IS MUCH, MUCH EASIER THAN WHAT I HAD TO ENDURE. 




Talk to Ashley and then get back to me on that. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: How do I know that to be true when you won't even hint at the nature of your entry?
II: And if it was much worse than what I went through, then yeah you seriously need help.
II: A ridiculous amount of help.
II:  If you don't want to explicitly tell me, just give me a vague hint and I  can work it out myself  and this matter will stay between the two of  us.
mE: STATEMENT: MIRRORS. 
mE: QUERY: IS THIS VAGUE ENOUGH?
II: When I said vague you sure took it at face value.
II: Hmm, let me try to work my magic here.
mE: STATEMENT: YOU POSSESS NO MAGIC. IT IS FOOLISH TO CONTINUE TO PRY ME FOR ANSWERS.




A good detective is like a good magician, give him the vaguest generality and he can make something appear out of nothing. That kind of cerebral intensity is what sets us apart from the chaff of the wheat. Time to develop, a no doubt 100% accurate, hypothesis.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: You had a crisis of identity didn't you?
II:  Your task was not physical in nature, it was one that forced you to get  in touch with a side of yourself that you might not necessarily have  wanted to.
II: Mirrors make you uncomfortable only when you don't like what it is that you see in them.
II: Am I off base here?
mE: STATEMENT: INCREDIBLY OFF BASE. 
II: I don't think I am.
II: Physical punishment has never bothered you, I have heard many of your tales about the sister unit remember?
II:  No something that is bugging you this much has to be mental, and it has  to be something that clashes with the image you have of yourself.
mE: STATEMENT: INCORRECT. 
II: You are hardly making a convincing argument, or finding fault in my logic as you like to do.
II: Only lending more credence to my theory.
mE: ASFAfsadgAEFAFAGHHNTEW
mE: ENOUGH YOUR ASSERTIONS ARE POINTLESS YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF THIS FOR THIS IS INCONSEQUENTIAL 




You gotta know how to push, without being too pushy. That always gets the culprit to crack and spill the beans. Take out a pen and paper, these are some words of wisdom i'm spouting kids.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I've caught you mE.
II: You know it to be true, that is score one for the away team.
II: Will you continue to lie to your confidant or will you own up to the matter?
mE: ARAFEFSWFASFSFSSFWSFCASV
mE: NOTHING IS WRONG ALL IS WELL CEASE YOUR FOOLISH ACTIOAANADDAASRWSAF
II: I am detecting a syntax error.
II:  Would you care to reboot before we discuss this matter or are you going  to continue to blue screen on me every time I hammer the point home?




-- machinaExalted [mE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

-- machinaExalted [mE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

*machinaExalted* sent SHAME.EXE**

-- machinaExalted [mE] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Okay I'm not going to even lie.
II: That is positively adorable.
II: It seems we have made a major breakthrough today mE. You should be proud.




Well....

Not was I was expecting.

Not what I was expecting at all. But it brings a smile to my face nonetheless. If I was of lesser character this would be delicious leverage, but of course we all know my record is, well, *Illustrious*.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 15, 2012)

*A Few Minutes Later....*

And now.... perhaps the hardest challenge yet. It is time to rope one of the final few contestants into our marvelous endeavor.

This, Mamoru Zetsubou (The fakest alias I have ever heard by the way. Real name listed as Sunset Thompson), from what I can tell, is basically a complete shut-in. School records and whatever scrounged up public info I can find basically confirms this has been the case since early adolescence. If you didn't know, if someone basically never comes outside and never interacts with another human, kind of hard to shadow and gather info on said person. It seems she is supported by a trust fund or stipend of sorts set up by her mother and father. Food and supplies are delivered by truck. 

Now normally this would mean i'm a fish out of water, dealing with a potential business partner without already having prior knowledge. But I came up with a clever enough solution as I am want to do. You may not realize this, but plenty of stores keep track of your purchases, and use this info to build a sort of profile on the type of person they suspect you to be. Most of the time it is to better target you with advertisements. I took the process a step further. Via amazon sale records and those of several overseas companies I was able to indicate mental predispositions, and then it is simple enough to play the stat game to build a reasonably accurate psychological profile. 

My conlusion?

Weeaboo. *Massive* weeaboo. There are people who value and appreciate the positive aspects of foreign cultures (myself a shining example), and then there are fanatical devotees to a highly idealized and unrealistic notion. This is actually surprisingly common among certain demographics (Refer to the so called 'Paris Syndrome' for further learning). Certain purchases also heavily indicate that miss Thompson suffers from chronic depression, only complicating affairs further. This log I will have to be cautious and show more restraint than usual. People such as this are prone to overreacting and erratic outbursts, which may just jeopardize our entire operation.

Breath in. Pause. Breath out. Remember the words of your instructor, find that inner zen. There is nothing a focused mind cannot accomplish.

-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering japaneseIdol [jI]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Guten Tag, Buon Giorno, Здравствуйте, Konichiwa.
II: Whichever greeting you prefer, take it and run with it.




Good Jules, good. Starting off with an acknowledgment of your own multicultural background and polygotal nature, demonstrate that you will not be overtly judging. It is critical that I do not show a single solecism on my end.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: Ohayou, is the best type of greeting. All the others except the last one are horribly depressing.
II: I was unaware that multiculturalism was offensive to you, I am sorry to hear that.




Well. That plan kind of fell on it's face now didn't it? I was expecting the konichiwa to be enough, I thought wrong. But i'm one who can adapt my stratagems on the fly.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So I guess since you prefer Ohayou that is what I will say.
II: Ohayou. 
II: My name is Julius Marcello Corbett, and I was wondering if you would humor a request of mine.
jI: I assumed those were nonsense words, but alright. I'll amuse you even if it means you'll just make fun of a pretty and- I messed that up. I'm sorry.
jI: It's just so, depressing. 
jI: Okay, what is it.




This is depression taken up to a whole new level of depressing. And trust me, I know a thing or two about the subject. I have basically confirmed that Miss Thompson has no interest in cultures outside of glorious Nippon. Damn. I was daring to hope that perhaps I finally found someone who isn't Valen that I could discuss the Italian Futurism and Transavantgarde art movements with. _Or_ Constructivist Architecture. *Or* the collected works of Kafka. *Or*.... you know what, let's stop. Now i'm the one getting depressed.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: That was not nonsensical babbling, those were the traditional greeting in German, Italian, and Russian respectively.
II: You see I am a man of extensive cultural horizons, they practically extend beyond the boundaries of this planet and out into space.
II: Now, onto the matter at hand.
II: I hope you are able to cope with your blatant depression.
II: Because things are about to become pretty depressing in your life.




There's no way to softly break the news to someone that their life is about to be burned to cinders and destroyed around you. It's best to tear that band aid off quickly so the coping process can begin.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jl: Your gentleman demeanor is just a something. It's a...
jl: Horribly depressing thing...I don't know. But, I'm able to cope with my depression well. Or whatever that word is.
jl: Are you a stalker, is that why things are about to become depressing?




How can one be a stalker to someone that never leaves their house? Trees falling in a forest has nothing on this. No point in hiding who I am, she will learn soon enough anyways.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: In a way, I suppose I am a stalker.
II: I do often spend my days shadowing people after all.
II: But I do it purely as a job, I have yet to lower myself to unpaid recreational stalking.
II: I'm a detective, a sleuth if you will. 
jl: Where I'm from we have a simple word for people like you.
jl: Baka




Looking the word up in my Italian to Weeaboo dictionary Baka roughly translates into 'Idiot'. When you spend your day being called assorted types of rags for womanly genitalia or being bombarded with xeno-slurs by an alien, somehow being called a moron is slightly refreshing.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Ouch.
II: Please excuse me while I pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche.
II: This will take no less than 37 seconds and no more than 48 seconds.
jI: There is a rather easy solution to this problem, because even a baka baka like you could possibly be a kawaii shota, or maybe even a bishie.
jl: Are you one of these? I'm not expecting much though, I'm sure to be depressed by your answer...
jl: Wait, did you want something from me?
jl: Hayaku
jl: Answer all of my questions at once.




Where do I even begin... Looking up the term kawaii shota led me to some less than pleasing images...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Okay even with my earth-spanning cultural horizons, I barely understood half of that.
II: Let me answer your burning questions though to the best of my ability.
II: First of all, while i'm not vain enough to rate my physical appearance, I do pride myself on keeping up with the latest trends in hard-boiled fashion. I am also 19 years in age so i'm sorry if you were looking for an adorable child who talks funny.
II: And second of all yes, I do want something from you. But I assure you it is in both yours and in my interests to accept what I will be proposing to you.




I am a fashionable Italian sharpshooter, knocking on your window at night. Beseeching you to take my hand so I can whisk you away to a world of abject depression and death. What's not to love about this proposal?


*Spoiler*: __ 



ji: Well you seem to be nothing but a Gero-gero Gaijin, so there's a high chance you'll be a good for nothing dani Bishie but still a dekai guzu.
jl: I'm fine with that, but I already know what you're going to propose to me. You'll tell me all of the smooth words you want, 'Kirei na hitomi dane'
jl: Suteki yo
jl: Daisuki Dayo
jl: None of those will work.
jl: Wakawakashii attempts won't work, no matter how much you wish to have your own waifu.




Heh. That's funny. To be honest I've never really payed such things much thought, marriage and the like I mean. It's not because I find the notion ridiculous mind you, it's just, contrary to what others may believe I know myself quite well.

I've never once deluded myself into thinking that my life would ever end happily. The way I see it, everyone has the right to chase it, some will never catch that faint shade, and others like me, simply choose not to waste our energy. I'm too demanding of myself and others to ever be able to relent or compromise.

In the end I will die being betrayed by one of the members of this group. Or, I will die in a random alleyway somewhere out there, clutching my side in vain as the life seeps through my fingers and pools on the cold gravel beneath my feet. I'll look my killer in the eye, crack a smartass remark while smirking through bloodstained teeth, and die wanting more. Chastising myself all the while. 

I already made peace with that a long time ago.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I think you misunderstood what I meant by 'proposing' something to you.
II: As I have told several people today, I am not on a globe trotting mission to chase some tail. 
II: Frankly I have better things to occupy my time with. I am quite the busy man i'll have you know. 
II: So if you can lay all your misconceptions down over by your desk we can get to some fairly important business matters I wish to discuss with you.
ji: Kekko, I know no one ever wants to listen to me for very long anyway...You're all the same...
jl: What is it you want, aho?
jl: Your increasingly blatant tsundere tendencies are attractive, I'll admit that.




I'm well aware of just how enrapturing my smooth talking can be. It is a power I must use scarcely and with great responsibility, lest it be used for malicious purposes.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 15, 2012)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: That is a problem you and I both share believe it or not.
II: Are you a fan of electronic games by any chance?
jl: I am indeed a fan of the many gendaiteki games of this generation. I am a fan of many titles of different cultures. ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ
jl: Excuse me, I got rather excited for a moment there. I'll be sure to punish myself thoroughly for that outburst of emotion.
jl: Does this emoticon please you more? （▼へ▼メ）
jl: I mean, it's not like I'm doing this for your sake or anything. I just wanted to display my emotions better for you is all. I really don't like you at all.
jl: At any rate, I am a fan of such games as Touhou, Final Fantasy, and Nasuverse series.




What an incredibly strange girl. My psychological profile was not complete it would seem. A depressed masochistic weeaboo, I just get _all _the winners don't I? I would be afraid to leave this girl with a sharp object, let alone trust her to accomplish objectives on the battlefield. I will have to see if hopefully she applied her weeabooish nature to something actually useful to me. Hopefully she picked up a martial art or two in her hours of feverish study.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: No need to punish yourself for an emotional outburst. While I prefer professionalism in all forms of discourse, I would regret if my lines of questioning lead you down a dark path to masochism.
II: The emoticon is fine by the way. 
II: I have had some bad experiences with emoticon using females, but that one is a little less obnoxious.
II: Glad to hear you like games though. Because you are going to be playing one.
II: With me and around 10 of our not close at all 'friends'.




What Harlin's emoticons lack in being overly elaborate and silly, they make up for with their obnoxious omnipresence.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jl: desu, the dark path of masochism is something I have already gone down the yami path of.
jI: I can tell you many tales of the dark indulgences I have experienced, and the even greater sins I have committed:
jI: Once, I accidentally translated 'san' as mister. I was heartbroken for the whole of Ichigatsu. 
jI: Oh fuck. Did you say I get some friends? How do I join this game.
jI: Let me in.
jI: Hayaku, hayaku, hayaku, hayaku




No I did not say you would get friends. I said you would get 'friends'. The quotes are indicative of sarcasm and are supposed to convey that I do not consider them to be actually good human beings.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Friend is an extremely, extremely strong word.
II: You will probably end up hating most of them.
II: Like I do.
II: And I can assure you, looking through the Italian penal code, I find no felony or misdemeanor charges for improper translation of the japanese language. So your sins are forgiven by me and the laws of Italia. 
jl: But, by friends you mean potential nakama with which we would tighten with the bonds of of relationship even if the feeling is loathing?
jI: Would this relationship perhaps involve,  interacting with these loathsome friends?
jI: In a manner which would perhaps involve...speaking with them?




She actually _wants_ to talk to these people? This will not end well...


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Just don't mention tightening the bonds of friendship around pC.
II: It may be construed in the wrong way.
II: You will practically be falling over 'nakama' as this game is one that will be long-term in nature.
II: And there will be interacting and face to face discourse with all of these people, but it is all optional. 
II: I can't imagine you would want to hang around many of them all that frequently.
jI:  (_)
jI: Alright, this prospect has me exciting. But at the same time it has me thinking a horribly large amount of things, what if they don't like me? It sounds like a likely prospect, I'm such an Aho at this type of stuff. 
jl: Oh yes, I will attempt my best at not mentioning the tightening bounds of friendship around this PC character.[This is a lie]
jI: The prospect of meeting face to face with another human being...the thought makes my forehead sweat in an almost profound manner, I need to turn the thermostat down in my house for this.
jI: Yes, I live in a house. I forgot to tell you my name, even though you probably don't care and probably will hate it. This makes me...sad now....
jI: Call me...Mamoru Zetsubou
jI: I am a horribly insensitive baka who has only just realized how insensitive she has been to you...I'm sorry I was excited there.  It's so depressing.
jI: Is there anything else you want me to know? I am ready to begin this interaction with others at once.




An...apology? Wow. I never thought I would hear one of those ever again. At least she has her heart in the right place, even if her mind is out in space. This is easier than I anticipated, I was not expecting such complacency in social interaction from a shut in. Might make for an interesting case study?


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: This is pretty refreshing, not gonna lie.
II: All my other attempts at convincing the others to join this game have been met with skepticism and a fair amount of vulgarity. 
II: It's nice to see at least some people won't fight me tooth and nail throughout the whole process.
II: You also do not have to worry, your name is only the second most ridiculous on this team. 
II: And apology accepted. My only question is would you happen to have any experience or training in martial arts or some form of school of combat?
jI: As it happens, I do have a great deal of experience with forms of combat. To an extraordinary degree. I am able to perform ninjutsu at a rate of 7 handseals per 4 seconds, I am capable of good fuujinjutsu if the need calls for it.
jI: My Haki has been trained to be as precise as possible, although I'm lacking in observation type
jI: I've yet to achieve bankai with my kusarigama, although it's shikai state appears to be no different from it's normal form.
jI: I've also been dabbling in Nen, but that's been rather unsuccessful thus far...




And _back_ to frustration. You are my rock frustration, I will never stray all that far from you. If only Ivan could join me in the medium to help instruct her in the kusarigama.... But my stoic Russian comrade will not be joining me, so the onus is on myself to see some form of regimented training is implemented.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: That's wonderful and all, but...
II: How can I put this nicely?
II: Do you know a form that is actually practical for real world situations or are you a master only in the theoretical arts of the animes?
jI: .....
jI: I do not understand the question, all of those are real.
jI: Anime is just a depiction of actual historical battles that took place over the world.




I don't even know where to begin with that.... Is this some kind of popular theory with the weeaboo equivalent of the flat earth society?


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So you have no real experience then.
II: That's fine, we are all beginners at some point in time.
II: You are going to want to pick up some form of fighting style or this game might be a little... problematic for you.
II: Personally, I am a master in four different forms of combat arts, in addition to the art of gun kata.
II: For some reason, I feel you would not be amiable to instruction in Krav Maga, Bando, or Northern Shaolin.
II: But I can give you some pointers in Aikido if you are ever interested. 




Aikido is a good entry level art for one to receive instruction in. It is a rather non violent style, focused on the redirection of, and flowing with, force instead of outright opposing it. This makes it ideal for those of lower muscle mass and strength. Most importantly, it is Japanese in origin so I might actually be able to get her to listen for a minute.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: ...Okay.
jI: I'm going to probably choke myself later at those comments. But that's okay, it's super sugou desu that you don't believe me. TOTALLY DESU. TOTALLY SUGOI.
jI: When do we start? I would enjoy interacting with other fellow humans, of which I am one of. You may instruct me later.
jI: By one of, I mean I am also a human.




As long as you are not a troll it's good with me. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: It's not that I don't believe you. It's just in my extensive world history lessons I have never heard of the great pirate uprising of 1584 or a ninja world war. Perhaps my history books are simply outdated and everything really does happen like it is portrayed in the shows, perhaps everything I know is wrong. I doubt this though, for it is silly and improbable.
II: We begin immediately. 
II: The following is a set of instructions I am uploading to you, it will explain some things about the game we are about to play. 
II: For other questions feel free to refer to either me or one of the other members playing with us. I am sending you their pester handles as an attached document in the folder. 
II: Pleasure doing business with you Miss Sunset.




--*IllustriousInquisitor [II] uploaded [Informational Folder 1022] and sent it to japaneseIdol [jI]*--


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: Yes, thank you for your aid. I will begin immediately. Sayonara, sensei.



--JapaneseIdol [JI] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

You don't get logs like that everyday.

Unless you are me of course.


----------



## Cadrien (Nov 17, 2012)

*The Streets of LoWaV - Part 1*

Valen and the sprite made their way into the city that they'd floated to. All around them, creatures that looked cat like (Ocelots if Valen wasn't off base) that the sprite called consorts, consorts milled about going about their business. He got a few obvious looks, and far more covert glances that he still noticed. But then again, it's easy to notice such things when you stand about a foot taller than the rest of the people around you.

They ducked into a building that had a bed lavishly carved into the wood sign that hung by the door. The innkeeper trudged towards the counter at the sound of the bell on the inside of the door frame chiming. 

"Well." He said, adjusting his glasses, "You're a change of pace compared to the regular fare we get around here. I don't think I've seen someone with such..." The inn keep struggled to find words, "...an interesting fur pattern. So long as your coin is good though and you don't cause any trouble, I will be more than happy to have you as a patron." Valen nodded and asked. "How much for a room?"

"Well that would depend on how fancy a room you want lad. If you just want a room with the bare necessities would be 5000 boondollars. 5500 if you want a meal as well." The inn keeper said. "5000? That's highway robbery for a single night!" The inn keeper frowned. "My good sir, we pride ourselves on offering some of the best quality service in all of this island. Now if you think that our prices are too steep, I suggest that you try somewhere not in this district." He sniffed and turned away.

Valen turned to I&M Sprite and sighed. "I guess we'll have to find somewhere else. I can't afford that. I have no idea how long I'd need to stay on this island and I have to make my porkhollow stretch as much as I can." Both of the sprite's brows furrowed in thought. "What?" Valen asked. "We think we have an idea." Isaac said. "A good one! Right Miria?" She grinned and nodded. "Well, what is it?" Valen asked. 

- 2 hours later-









​
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!!?!?!" Valen yelled as both he and the sprite sprinted down the street, knocking people aside and causing a general uproar. In his hands, a safe dug into his chest. "Well you got the money you needed right?!" Miria yelled back. "Come to think of it Miria," Isaac remarked, "Didn't something similar always happen to us when we did this?" "Oh yeah!" Miria laughed and picked the safe from Valen's hands as he began to slow down, panting. They ran down an alley and lost themselves in the city's maze until they were all worn out. 

Sliding down the wall, they sighed as one. A light cough made them all jump and look up. Standing on one of the balconies that lined the windowed doorway was another consort. He wore a black fur trimmed coat and was grinning down at them. 

"Run into a spot of trouble, eh?" He chuckled and leapt down in front of them. "I think you've lost them though. For now." He tilted his head to the side and one of the corners of his mouth rose a few centimeters exposing sharp teeth. "W- who are you?" Valen got out.

"I am someone who knows things about this city, about it's people, and now..." His eyes flashed as they locked with Valen's. "A certain amount about you. You might call me a crook, or you might call me an information dealer. I exchange information for money, you see? So now, I must ask you if you are willing to buy my wares, or if you are willing to let such dangerous knowledge escape?"

Valen grunted. "Hah. A rat." The smile vanished and was instead replaced with a look of distain. "Please, associate me not with such a vermin. Call me criminal, call me a villain. But do not. Do Not. Call me a rat."

Valen nodded. "Sorry. How about you give me a name to call you instead?" "How about a couple hundred Boondollars for that information?" Valen sighed. "Will it also buy my safety for a bit?" "For a bit." The smile returned as Valen reached into his wallet and pulled forth a sum of boondollars that were quickly snatched up by the ocelot. "Many thanks friend. My name is Marcone, but you can just call me Mark." He extended a hand and helped Valen up. 

"I'll admit, I'm curious as to who you are and who the glowy fellow over there is. First things first though, let's get you somewhere safe." The three departed into the streets with the safe in tow.


----------



## Crossbow (Nov 17, 2012)

*>Alice: Proceed.*

So, yeah. There is some sort of village on the horizon. The gate dropped her off right on the path to towards it, looks like. Nearby are an OTTER and a treasure chest.

*>Open chest*
It?s locked. Since her sword was mangled in her that one battle, she?ll have to find another way to?

No, wait. Hairpins. She remembered this time.

Inside appears to be a ROSE. Which is weird, since there are roses everywhere. Like, huge brambles of the stuff lining the whole path. 

*>Accost semi-aquatic mammal*

*Spoiler*: __ 



ALICE: Oh hey, an otter.
OTTER: hey yourself!
ALICE: WHOA HEY, TALKING OTTER.
ALICE: Did not see that coming.
ALICE: But i'm not that surprised.
ALICE: So, what?s you deal?
OTTER: oh just chilling outside the otter village while its under attack
OTTER: and yourself?



*>Inquire about rose*

*Spoiler*: __ 



ALICE: Okay, I?m clearly supposed to ask about this crisis of yours
ALICE: But
ALICE: i gotta ask before i forget
ALICE: who the hell put this rose in that chest
OTTER: oh, pretty much all the chests lying around on the surface were placed by the Thief
OTTER: if you believe in that sort of thing
ALICE: Hmm.
ALICE: Care to elaborate?
OTTER: ?
ALICE: i mean tell me more about it.
OTTER: oh.
OTTER: well, the old folktale goes that the long-prophesied Thief would one day, at the peak of her opulence, decided magnanimously to duplicate some of her vast plunder, go back in time, and bestow them onto the land in locked chests
OTTER: i dont buy into it, but there arent really any alternative beliefs
ALICE: ?Weird.
ALICE: Why a rose though? Not like its rare?
OTTER: maybe because thats exactly the sort of thing that would make someone ask about its origin?
OTTER: or maybe she just remembered what she found and where?
OTTER: i don?t know. otters are not a clever breed.
OTTER: we can be experts at one thing and that?s about it
ALICE: Ooh, communal specializations! Neat NPC gimmick!
ALICE: What?s your game?
OTTER: explosive demolition.
ALICE: ?huh.
ALICE: How?s business?
OTTER: positively booming!
OTTER: ?is what id like to say but honestly there?s not much demand
OTTER: interested?
ALICE: What do have in stock?
ALICE: On your naked body.
OTTER: just this pineapple grenade right now.
ALICE: Can i ask you something
ALICE: is it made from an actual pineapple?
OTTER: if i used artificial pineapples, id be out of business!
ALICE: Of course.
ALICE: Alright how much.
OTTER: 650 boondallars
ALICE: Whoa, so that?s what those are for
ALICE: i don?t know, seems pretty steep.
ALICE: Maybe later when i find some obstacle that needs exploding i?ll backtrack.
OTTER: okay, have a nice day!



*>Alice: Pickpocket otter as you leave*
The thought of not doing that didn't even cross her mind for a second, let?s be honest. The fact that the creature didn't even notice it speaks to both Alice?s skill and his race?s simplicity. Mostly the latter.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 19, 2012)

*Back In The Present... Part 3 of A Really Long Detective Story*

Autopsy conducted, I walk out to greet the band of Raccoons lurking on the boundaries of the villa. Naturally, they are a little suspicious when I introduce myself, but they quickly realize who I am and become immediately cooperative. 

They begin to ask questions, stupid question I have no time to answer. In a matter befitting my esteemed demeanor, I ask them kindly to shut the fuck up for a bit as I have matters, quite literally, of life and death to attend to. To the group I inquire if they would know any place I could drop off a body, a mortuary or the equivalent. 

One of the raccoons speaks up, tells me that he don't know about a mortuary, but there is a cathedral not too far from here that will take the body and ensure a proper funeral. He gives me directions, I give him my thanks. Six blocks west, two blocks south is where my next destination lies.



Impressive structure. I don't know really know how a society of raccoons went through a Romanesque architectural movement, which gave rise to the foundation from which the Gothic style would sprout from, but I don't really care. It's a big fancy church, and it's aesthitics please me greatly. End of story. 

The cathedral appears to be open so I walk through the open doors. The faint glow of a dozen sporadically arranged candles does little to keep the encroaching darkness placated, but i'm able to work through it well enough to arrive at the cathedral's heart. The vast chamber is flanked by an impressive row of pews 20 rows deep on each side, each one made out of what appears to be redwood and embossed with carvings and symbols i'm unfamiliar with. Above is a painted ceiling, depicting certain events in the distant past of this world. I can make out a wolf,chasing what appears to be a light of sometime (The cryptic message from the autopsy immediately returns to the forefront of my mind). Curiously enough, some parts of the mural have been apparently blotted out. Such a shame. It grieves me deeply to see such artwork vandalized or censored.

I sit down in the pew nearest the granite alter and take a moment to reflect, mentally pour over the evidence. It isn't long before my solitude is interrupted by a raccoon emerging from a back room, by the white robes he is wearing I assume he is the minister. 

"Father.", I begin. "I am sorry that our first meeting must be so heavy-hearted in nature, but I am here to drop off someone so that funeral rites may be administered." I eject the body out of my sylladex  and onto the alter. The minister takes a look over at the body and shakes his head in disbelief. "Poor Ramone.", he remarks solemnly.

I raise an eyebrow. "You knew the victim?" 

He nods affirmingly. "Ramone was a good man, a bit of a gambler, but we all have our vices... He didn't deserve this."

"No one does Father..."

"Arluin", he interjects.

"Father Arluin.", I take out my pen and notepad. "Would you mind answering a few questions for me? It could prove invaluable to my investigation."

"Not at all."

"Then let us begin."

*INVESTIGATION START*


*Spoiler*: __ 





*> Inquire about recent murders*



"You know.", the preacher begins. "It does sound a bit familiar now that you mention it. But...", he stops for a second, exhales and continues. "I'm afraid I can't recall any particular details. Maybe ask one of the suits down at central."

>Truth
>Lie
*>Doubt*



He looks at me with defeated eyes. "Look...", he sighs and breathes deep. "I don't want to talk about it. You have to understand, i'm in a rather precarious position, and I do not feel comfortable talking about something that might jeopardize my parish."



*>Ask about relationship with victim.*



"I already told you he was a gambler didn't I?", the priest replied curtly. "..I'm sorry, it's not appropriate for me to take out my frustrations on you. Ramone was a good man, he had his vices but we all do. He ran with a bad group of people, chummy with more than one of the enforcers for the local casinos."

*>Truth*
>Lie
>Doubt



"As far as I know he never ran a tab he couldn't pick up. He knew when to hold and fold if you know what I mean."




*>Inquire About Gambling Habits*



He grabs the chip and begins to examine it intensely, twirling it through his paws. "We get a lot of poker chips in the collection you know.", the priest begins. "From the big establishments to every speakeasy in the whole dang city. But i've never seen one like this, I have no clue."

*>Truth*
>Lie
>Doubt



I sigh and ruffle my hair in frustration. I am basically still at square one. I guess i'll need to be a bit more proactive instead of being so reactive. I thank the good father for his patronage and head out once more in search of elusive answers....


----------



## Crossbow (Nov 19, 2012)

*>Be Past Alice again real quick*

You are now Alice in the past again. Now (then?) she’s talking to a different otter along the path. She was (is?) kind of in the middle of it, actually.


*Spoiler*: __ 



ALICE: So is that just, like, all you do?
ALICE: Appraise things?
OTTER: is judging the life choices of other the only thing YOU do?
ALICE: Alright, fine.
ALICE: Now that i think about it, i’d like something appraised
ALICE: How much is this tarot deck worth?
OTTER: you mean the one you just seconds ago looted from the chest not even two yards from where i stand?
ALICE: Yeah.
OTTER: ...okay, sure.
OTTER: hmm...
OTTER: oh boy, this is an Item of Power! the fabled implement of the legendary Seer!
ALICE: Ooh! How much for it?
OTTER: nothing, really.
OTTER: the thing can't be of any use to anyone but the Seer, or a theoretical Bard in some schools of thought.
OTTER: even if you went a few planets over and went face to face with the Seer herself, you probably couldn't even sell it for that much since some of the cards are missing.
ALICE: Oh.
ALICE:Well how about this thing?
OTTER: easy there, skinface. if you want anymore of my services, meet me in the pawn shop after the attack subsides
ALICE: Oh crap, i was supposed to ask about that
ALICE: Can you, uh, tell me about this attack?
OTTER: well, some big, brutish, two-headed ogre is ransacking our village
OTTER: not much to it.
ALICE: Goodness graphics, is anyone doing anything about it?!
OTTER: well, i'm cowering over here
OTTER: and unless the Thief suddenly comes in, we just have to wait until it gets bored
ALICE: ...Which way to this village exactly?
OTTER: see the giant lighthouse clock tower in the distance?
OTTER: go that way.
ALICE: You know, the other otter back there is a lot less sassy...



*>Be Future Alice*

You are now Slightly Less Past Alice

She has just punted an explosive fruit towards a monster with one head resembling Andrew Jackson's and the other resembling and Indian's, the irony of which is lost on all witnesses but her. The projectile impacts the presidential face, blasting off its glasses and showering bystanders with tangy, delicious shrapnel. What will she do?

*>Attack!*

Alice withdraws her pizza cutter and runs roughshod toward the disoriented ogre, jumping to strike meters away. Unfortunately, she is slapped away by a hard sapphire hand after being noticed by the other head.

She really underestimated how strong the thing was, and she was propelled a good distance through the air before slamming hard into the lighthouse clock tower, leaving a dent before falling into the ocean below. Not like a body-sized dent or anything, but a big legitimate crater, cracks reaching the back side of it.

The ogre had regained its composure and went right back to making a ruckus, completely oblivious to the long, tall structure leaning and falling in its direction. It does manage to catch the left head's attention for a full 4 milliseconds before the whole beast is reduced to a variety of grists.

*>Alice: Level Up*

Alice ascends to the long-coveted MARINARA ROOKIE rung! Perhaps now she'll be strong enough to defeat things without extensive property damage.

She also gets some arbitrary amount of boondollars and stat boosts, but she can really revel in that since she's floating face-up in choppy waters and fading into unconsciousness.


----------



## Crossbow (Nov 19, 2012)

*>Alice: Dream*

You are now Dream Alice. In the past. 

Which is to say, I am.

I'm still getting used to this whole dream world thing. I can't quite remember if there was something I was supposed to do...

I wander around the auric replica of my room before remembering that I wanted to match my co-players to their faces. I float out the arched window towards the other towers. I am briefly concerned at how natural I am at flying, but I disregard it almost instantly. 

The first tower I peek into holds an older looking woman, fidgeting and drooling. I safely assume that this is Ashley, since she's easily the oldest girl in the group. I float in for a closer look. Looks like SOMEONE was totally overselling their cup size...

I make my way to the next tower over, waving to a few nervous alabaster citizens I pass by. Oddly enough, this one doesn't have anyone in it. It does have a lot of horrifying bloody wall-scrawlings, though. I put this at the back of my mind as I go off to explore another tower.

Below me, I catch a disturbance in the streets. Some gruesome display by a girl in the same lemon-toned PJ's as me. I watch as a couple of burly guards detain her before she flickers to sleep and rematerializes in her bed. This is a bit more unsettling, and I make a note to inquire more about it in the world of the waking.

The next tower I look in has a young-ish man with brown hair, resting with a peaceful scowl. I've overheard some murmurs about "the Lone Prince of Prospit", so this is probably him. I'd wake him up and ask, but that'd be pretty rude, I imagine.

In transit to the next tower, I'm distracted by a gleam in the sky above. Looks like I'm going to get another chance to see this eclipse...


----------



## Im The Evil Mastermind (Nov 22, 2012)

Sunset mashed her hands against the keyboard, these instructions were so...depressing. She barely understood half of them, what were these strange words...? Oh wait, it was English, she remembered now. This did nothing at all to ease her depression, but at least her figures were polished now. ''I require...my pockeys and new figurines....'' She said, ''It's so depressing...'' She pressed her hands against her face, just thinking to herself. She really did not want to speak to this person, they had insulted her, badgered her, and now they were using a dupe. She was over 90% sure on all of these statements she had just made.


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: I say this, but I can see when you come back on and you're ignoring me
AQ: So I'm just gonna skip ahead a bit and see when you're in a better mood to talk.




How atrocious.

What did that mean? She didn't care. Sunset pressed her fingers against the keyboards.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: You're awful
jI: And depressing
AQ: What make you say this, I'm curious.
jI: BECAUSE YOU ARE AWFUL
AQ: No really, I want to see evidence of why I'm awful
AQ: I have literally never spoken to you before "Hey there"
jI: YOU ARE RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE AND UGLY AND HIDEOUS AND NOT A GENTLEMAN AND REFUSE TO SHOWER AND WONT PISS OFF WHEN I SAY PISS OFF AND THEN YOU JUST YOURE AWFUL AT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH BECAUSE I HATE YOU.
AQ: You seem upset
Sunset held her hands to her face against, what an awful and depressing person. All they could do was give her misery and sadness. 
AQ: I wish I could just leave you alone, since that's what you claim you want, but I have            important things to adress              
AQ: Is there anything else I could do to help?          



Help? She could help her kill herself.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: What do you want.                              
AQ: Well, first of all...             
AQ: What have you been up to?              
AQ: I mean, I kind of already know, but I'd like to have you say it for conversation purposes.
jI: I'm currenly in the process of about to commit seppuku
AQ: Oh good               
AQ: For a second, I thought you were going to say harikari                
AQ: I would have schooled you so hard about accurate terminology that your japanophilia gland would have ruptured                            




What a weaboo.


*Spoiler*: __ 



 AQ: Now, what you should be doing while you gut yourself is get set up for the game.             




Sunset slammed her hands against the keyboard.


*Spoiler*: __ 



 jI: I forgot how to play. I cn;t remember if he just sent ames or what
AQ: Ames?                                                                                        
AQ: Like in Iowa?                                                                       
AQ: Look, all you need to worry about is pandeclymicClutch                                           
AQ: Nothing can progress until she enters the game.
AQ: So maybe go and check up on her, see what the hold up is.
AQ: Spoiler: she's lazy





She couldn't possibly be as atrocious as this person, could they? Or maybe they could, Sunset thought in another pit of complete self-pity.

jI: You're so awful, you just make me want to cut myself even more. I mean, I haven't done it yet. But I will.

She looked at her arms.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: Eventually.
jI: How do I enter PC.
AQ: You don't. Someone else does.
AQ: Then you enter that person.
AQ: Did you even look in the folder Julius sent you?




Folder? Oh yeah, that thing that was in English.

It was atrocious to read.

So I didn't.


*Spoiler*: __ 



jI: Of course I did
jI: But I won't tell you what I saw in it.
jI: You'll have to tell me what it said so I know you aren't lying.




Foolproof plan.


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Yes, the old lady is lying to you about a specific event that she named
AQ: Anyway, I can't see anything on Marcy's end because of his bullshit superpowers
AQ: So if you opened it, i could tell you from seeing you open it.
AQ: But you're in luck because I know that contain the entry order, a player list, and basic installation instructions.
AQ: Just from past experience.
jI: Okay then. Now name what was in those folders.
jI: Also you suck
jI: What am I supposed to do




Really, this was becoming pointless and more depressing then it was worth.


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: I literally just named the things in the folder
AQ: Can't name the specifics because time paradoxes and so forth
AQ: But I can safely assure you that you have nothing to worry about until after pC gets in, whenever that happens
AQ: On an unrelated note, have you noticed any signifigant space debris crashing in the general area of your house?
jI: What, you mean outside?
jI: I totally have on that thing you just said.
jI: Its so sugoi what with the uh...rain?
jI: And snow
jI: And other super kawaii outside things that I know is happening outside.
jI: I bet the sun is up too, which I know because I have a window I can see out of. Somewhere.
jI: It's not covered in posters.
jI: STOP ASKING THESE QUESTIONS




What did outside look like again? She couldn't even remember what her state was. She knew her address though, what was she stupid? She needed to know it for all the goods that were delivered to her.


*Spoiler*: __ 



AQ: Look, if the thing I asked happened, you wouldn't even need  a window to tell.
AQ: Just introduce yourself to the other players and maybe give pC a nudge or two if you feel like it.
AQ: Just don't panic about the whole "game to save your life" thing until you start hearing fire and/or explosions outside
AQ: At which point, panicing would be you best course of action.
-- arbitratryQuantity [AQ] ceased pestering japaneseIdol [JI] --
jI: Hai hai wakatta...
 japaneseIdol [JI] blocked arbitratryQuantity [AQ]




Sunset frowned. Well, more then she already was.

Then upon receiving more messages from AQ she finally did it, she slammed her head into the computer screen. Ouch, blood...oh well, she had a really cute monitor she had ordered rece-

Then she fell unconscious.


----------



## Platinum (Nov 26, 2012)

*Harlin's Hysterical Hijinks Part 1: The Path of Blood*

In the Land of Fog and Deception, lays an ancient ziggurat of great significance to the lyrebirds. It was a sight that had seen much bloodshed, it's ancient stones long since dyed red by countless instances of betrayal and deception. At the structure's zenith, one towered above the very fog itself. It was one of the few places on the planet where one could bask in the glow of the stars and the great Skaia that hovered ominously above. 

Here one could find a simple shrine, which safeguarded a simple box made of onyx. No one knew it's contents, but tonight one would find out. The sorceress had been told that when the witching hour dawned to kneel at the altar. The future would unravel before her very eyes and the stars would bear witness.

"Rise my servant.", Shezmu coalesced and took form once more from the blood that seeped into the temple stones, mixed with the green blood of Harlin Hashin which formed his eyes.

": I. I am no one's servant.", Harlin leered at the mass of blood. "I am your apprentice dummy... until you have nothing left to teach me that is : )."

"Servant, apprentice. You are a slave either way child.", the blood god replied in a mocking tone. "That is your problem you know child. So eager to lead, and yet so incapable."

">:\. Don't act like you know me Mr Mu."

" But I do child.", the god cooed. "Do you know why this place is considered sacred ground?", he inquired, changing the subject. "This is a land of cloak and dagger cowardice and cheap deception. But up here? There is no fog to obscure, no place to hide from the all seeing heavens. The stars themselves bare witness, and tonight all eyes are on your my dear Harlin. For tonight you begin your journey on the path of blood." 

He saunters over to the shrine and lays a bloody hand on the onyx box. His very touch melts the black stone, leaving nothing but a puddle in it's wake. Shezmu's hand clasps the object that was hidden inside tightly as he walks back over to the sorceress. 

The sorceress' patience begins to run thin. ": I. I like theatrics as much as the next thespian but can we move it along possibly? I got places to go and people to use my new found powers on : )."

The god sighs and shakes his head. "You don't know what it truly means to walk the path we walk child."

" :/ Uh yeah I DO? Making losers bleed is my specialty. I'm quite good at it not to be a bragger or anything : D. "

"You are understating the importance of your role. You will spill blood of course, and you will spill it quite frequently. There is more to your role than that though child. Kneel so that I may bestow your gift.". He walks up to the young troll and places the object in his hand, an ornate amulet made of a dozen diamonds, each a different color representing the hemo-spectrum. Surrounding the diamonds, runes in a language unknown to her, colored in the likeness of mutant swill. 

"You are not merely a spiller of blood child, you are a _sorceress_. You are a student in the craft, and must never stop in your hunger for knowledge. Realize that without blood life is hollow and meaningless. A tree and a troll both live, but only one bleeds, and that makes all the difference. Ponder this as you go through your trial."

Harlin's mask changes to that of a bemused look, ": D trial? I thought all I had to do was smile like a good little girl and nod when you droned on like a giant tool : )?" 

The ground beneath Harlin's feet begins to shift, the altar crumbles and vanishes as an empty void peers out in it's place, emanating from the very heart of the structure. 

"One who spills blood must be prepared to have their blood be spilled in turn.", the sorceress does not say a word as the right arm of the god of blood morphs into a serrated blade and runs her through. "If you survive the trial then you can be considered worthy to be a hemomancer. If you do not, then we have both saved ourselves some time." 

The sorceress coughs fitfully, spraying the avatar of the god with tiny specks of green. But much to his surprise the girl is not concerned in the slightest. On the border of life and death, the girl... smiles. It's a hideous, demented smile that gives the god true insight into the girl's soul. For the first time, he sees....potential. 

Shezmu pulls his blade back, the girl staggers three steps before her momentum finds her plummeting into the suffocating darkness. Gleeful laughter can be heard for a second or two, before it too fades to black...


----------



## Platinum (Dec 9, 2012)

*A Land of Sin and Shadow Part 4: It's The Best I Can Do*

*34 Minutes Later and 21 Kilometers Away...*

On the corner of 8th and Celephas street, a faint neon sign in blue and red coloring indicates the building below it as "Carmine's Pawn and Trade". It wasn't the prettiest shop ever constructed out of concrete and mortar, but all I needed was a knowledgeable bloke on the curios I had on hand. Hopefully this Carmine was that. 

I step inside and begin to take mental notes. The first thing I notice are the rows of display cases containing everything from old casino memorabilia to worn leather-bound books. The walls were likewise covered by an eclectic collection of paintings and other works of art. I walk to the back, where a raccoon is busy polishing and examining a sapphire of some type. When he actually notices my presence, he is understandably taken aback.

"Yeah i'm getting that a lot," I deadpan. "Though some of you have been less surprised than others. That's what happens when your arrival is magically foretold I guess."

He realized what I was then and snorted in response. "Thought you people were a myth personally."

Wasn't really sure how I felt about being referred to in such a light. I didn't like the notion that I was some kind of walking legend to these things, made me a little uncomfortable. It did explain the need for the killer to challenge me directly though. 

"I had something I wanted you to look at." I pull the killer's knife out of my trench coat's left pocket and hand it to Carmine. He gives out a low whistle in response and begins examining it meticulously. 

"A rare piece?", I inquire. I already knew it was of course, but I wanted to hear it from his mouth.

"Never even seen one before, only heard about em," Carmine admitted. His eyes passed over several of the craft marks once or twice more before continuing. "You never see pieces from the swordsmiths of The Land Of Legendary War and Retribution off world, especially ones of such high craftsmanship. They tend to horde their toys."

My eyebrows raised at that statement. "Well that's sure interesting. And you aren't going to ask any questions about how I was able to procure this knife?"

Carmine chuckled at that. "Not in the business of asking questions buddy. Besides, you look like a trustworthy bloke, somehow I think you aren't asking me to fence for you. Thieves don't care about an item outside of how much it's worth."

"Fair enough. Back to the matter at hand. You are saying that having one of these outside of that awful mudpit is practically unheard of?"

"Pretty much.", the raccoon affirmed. "At least for the normal Joe and Jack. I've heard a rumor or two about a high class broker that deals in such things."

"What kind of broker exactly?"

He shrugged indifferently. "Don't know, can't say. If you have connections you can get one, same for just about anything in this city really."

This was going nowhere fast. I'm gaining leads but all the leads have dead ends, which meant it was time to pursue the next one. 

I take out the casino chip from my coat's pocket and begin to absentmindedly fiddle with it, running it back and forth through my fingers. "That's annoyingly non-specific Carmine. I need something solid."

"I'm sorry but that's al-.", the words catch in his throat as he notices the chip in my fingers. I've been around people for quite some time, it's not all that hard to recognize that covetous glare most get when they see something that they can't let get away from them. All his pretenses fall apart as he stammers, "Wh-where did you g-get that?!"

I give off a confident smirk. "Just found it to be honest, you wouldn't believe where if I even told you. Not even sure what it is to be honest, but from the way your eyes bulged out of their sockets I assume it must be something a bit nicer than the knife."

"How much do you want for it? I'll give you a good deal."

"Why don't you tell me what this thing is first, and then i'll debate selling it to you?"

"You were asking what kind of person can get a knife like that, well a person who has a chip like _that_ would be your answer! If I didn't believe you were ignorant of the matter like you claim, i'd punch you in the kisser for flaunting your status like a ditz in this part of the city."

I smile. "I'm not really know for my modesty admittedly, but i'm not pulling the proverbial wool over your tiny eyes. I need to know what this is."

"These things are _legendary_. Never even heard of someone having one, supposedly they let you into some exclusive places you can't get into normally."

That made sense I guess, it seems the path the killer is guiding me on is pretty clear. 

"Thank you for your service Carmine, it's much appreciated. Unfortunately I can't sell you the knife or the chip just yet, but take this as a gift." I pulled out my wallet and threw a small bundle of 100 Euro bills on the display case. 

He was understandably let down by the fact he would not be getting either the knife or the chip, and confused by what exactly it was I put down on his case instead, so I clarified for him, "It's human money. Well, that's the thing I am and that's what counted as currency where I came from. Sell it as a curiosity."

He got that, and looked over the bills before remarking. "Human currency sure is weird looking."

I took a small level of offense to that statement. I picked up a boondollar or two from a fallen imp, like those were so fucking amazing? They looked like normal currency if it was viewed through the lens of an autistic kindergartner's scribbles in finger-painting class. 

I decided to not burn any bridges and just take my leave. That's when I saw, _it_. In the corner of my eye I saw it. Just look at the thing gave you a disturbed feeling, the type one would get after watching a horrible tragedy. It was the movements I think. The way that thing moved just wasn't _right_. It might just be because I have experience in studying body movement, but the way it moved, the subtle body flickers and just the way it articulated.... nothing even vaguely humanoid should be able to move in that manner. 

Of course assuming it was a humanoid at all was disingenous of me. The creature had no discernable form, no substance to it. It appeared to be a mass of slithering shadows, that didn't behave like shadow at all. Shadows formed as a result of a light source interacting with an object of some sort. From what I could tell light simply...died when it met the space where skin should be. Like a black hole you did not see the thing itself, just the negative space it left in it's wake as it glided back and forth around the shop. 

And then, abruptly, it left. No rhyme or reason to it, it simply had grown bored or had better things to do than terrify the crap out of me. I waited for a good thirty seconds, then gave Carmine a slighty concerned look. "W-what the fuck was that?", I spoke in an exasperated half whisper.

He wasn't nearly as concered as I was by his mysterious guest. "You mean the Nobie that was just here?"

"Yes. The highly appaling thing you refer to as a "Nobie"... whatever that means."

"It's short for Nobody.", Carmine clarified. "What you just saw is one of the Nobody People. You can call them Nobies, or Shades, or Wraiths, people will get what you mean."

"And you are just fine with them strolling into your shop and being all forboding and phantasmicly?"

The raccoon shrugged his shoulders. "They've been here as long as anyone can remember. Besides, they run things here. No one knows why but they seem just peachy going place to place and keeping things in ship-shape. Makes life pretty easy for us business folk. I'd... advise you not piss them off though, bad things tend to happen when you do."

I didn't much fancy that. I prefer to have that option always on the table, as I find I have a gift to aggravate others. Not much I could do about it now though. I think Carmine for his services and exit his shop, but not before I ask him if he can recommend me a local barista (Haven't had a fix in hours and starting to feel it). He tells me their is just the nicest coffee house two and a half blocks due west that I can't miss.

I won't be ashamed to admit I take a look or two around to make sure a shade isn't around before I fire up my smartphones pesterchum app and begin to send a message to a familiar asshole. It's a long shot admittedly, but since it is his planet maybe he will have heard something about the weapon makers that i'm after. I'll play to his ego a bit, mock and chastise his character like I always do, and then subtly prod for information. Good times are a brewing, just like the coffee I will soon be consuming by the quart.​


----------



## Platinum (Dec 9, 2012)

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering strifeLord [sL]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Okay, I do not want any lip from you.
II: Just answer a simple yes or no question.
II: Were you ever, or were you recently on my planet?
sL: Why the fuck would I be on your shithouse planet?
sL: That's a no, by the way
sL: Jackass
II: You seem to be in higher spirits than you were a few hours ago.
II: Your planet must be somewhat agreeable to your primitive tastes.
II: Let me guess, some sort of hopeless crapsack planet where the rivers run red with blood?
sL: Call it what you want, cuntrag, but I enjoy it
sL: The endless conflict and violence, it's exhilirating
sL: This place makes me feel more alive than I've ever been!
II: I am happy to see your base monkey instincts satisfied by such low level entertainment.
II: Or I would be if I didn't hate you. 
II: I find myself buying your alibi this time so you are off the hook.
II: I am in the midst of investigating an inner city murder, and you can't really blame me for having you in the suspect list for every case now can you?
sL: I'm actually kind of flattered that you think so highly of me
sL: Really though, I'm too busy killing shit on my own planet to go to yours
sL: Have fun with your little detective quest
sL: I hope you get stabbed, by the way <3
II: Daw, so you do care.
II: And here I had you all wrong. 
II: Would you mind if I gave you some not so friendly advice?
sL: Didn't you know, all I was really after was your heart
sL: I just want it beating and bloody on my hand, after I tear it out of your chest
sL: I have nothing but the deepest affection for you
sL: And give that advice out, I'm sure it'll be as useful as those other ones I've completely ignored
II: It's okay James.
II: I know how you really feel, and I know it is hard for you to vocalize these feelings, being a simple minded troglodyte who can only either drool or shout obscenities.
II: But that is why smart people like me are here.
II: To knock some sense into a place where sense goes to be tortured and sodomized repeatedly.
II: Now I'm just going to hazard a guess here, so feel free to point out of my hypothesis is flawed.
II: You arrived on your planet, raced out like a kid who just woke up on christmas day to play with your new presents.
II: And ended up killing everything in sight.
sL: That's about the gist of it
sL: Where are you going with this
sL: Knowing you, you'll just blabber on and fucking on, only getting to the point about after 500 lines of pointless bullshit
sL: But please, let it all out
II: I have far too much on my plate to verbally run circles around you like I usually do.
II: So I'll save you and myself a little torment.
II: You do know you aren't supposed to kill everything in sight right?
II: You can't distinguish between right and wrong, or rather you choose not to. I know this so I won't ask you to.
II: I have given up on you since about 10.3 seconds after I met you.
II: But before you kill everything, maybe see if they have something to say? Get a quest from a consort or something that will lead you to your next killing field. It's kind of the point of the game.
sL: Wow, I was right, that really is completely useless "advice"
sL: My sprite already told me that shit, asswipe
sL: Any more words of wisdom?
sL: Next maybe you'll tell me that inhaling and exhaling is apart of the magical process called breathing
sL: Something you won't be doing soon, that I promise
II: If your threats were anymore basic, they would be the code that runs my, no doubt better than yours, computer.
II: Okay here is something that you might be wise in heeding.
II: You... might want to avoid the underlings that have incorporated my prototypings. 
II: I fear they are too high level for us to deal with at this moment in time.
II: If you spot one I advise immediate retreat.
sL: You do know that I'll probably do the exact opposite of what you said, right?
sL: What do the bastards look like anyway?
sL: I haven't met anything too overly tough yet
II: Of course I know this you simpleton.
II: I am just telling you beforehand so I can revel in your inevitable failure.
II: It's the simple things like this that will keep me going in the dark days ahead...
II: My contributions to the underling dna were primarily from the draco species.
II: That and a fire demon, but I'm not really sure what genus fire demons fall under.
sL: So dragon demon things
sL: Can't say I've seen those yet
sL: Well, you're going to have to find another thing to keep you warm in the night, because I'll fucking slay these bitches
sL: Out of curiosity though, do you think you can take one of them?
II: Are you really asking me to engage in a fictional penis size contest with you?
II: But.... depending on environmental factors, I would hazard I would take a vanilla prototyping of my making more times than not.
sL: Hahaha, holy shit, that's the closest thing to a "no" from you I've ever seen regarding these "penis contests", as you so correctly said
sL: Suffering the case of the limp dick syndrome in the face of overwhelming odds
sL: Feel free to retort with how "simpleminded" I am and that I'll fail even more terribly than your oh-so-superior self
II: Unlike you, I can inject a little bit of realism to curb my rampant ego.
II: These things are a necessary evil that I chose to prototype for reasons that are my own.
II: And I did this knowing that we would be handicapped by this action.
II: In the end though such trials will only serve to make us stronger.
sL: Uh huh, that's nice
sL: Any more to say, or can I get back to business?
II: If you die in a comical attempt to prove yourself my superior, I reserve the right to hold an excessively sarcastic funeral service.
II: What type of flower would you like for your wreath by the way? Might as well ask before I can't.
II: I see you as a buttercup sort of guy, am I correct?
sL: Save that flower and wreath for yourself, moron
sL: The moment you met me was the day you became a dead man walking
II: Hey now, don't waste your best lines right now. 
II: I want original material for my service.
II: Though I must say that quote would be marvelously ironic on your tombstone. 
II: It will bring a smile to my face as I look upon those words when I'm dancing six feet above you.
sL: You'll be smiling with your throat when I slice it open
II: A simple insult from a simple man.
II: I will be sure to inform my sprite by the way to tell his comrades that you would prefer to be cooked medium-rare instead of well done.
II: Goodbye for now James, we will unforunately be in touch.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL]--

Well now, sort of forgot the whole "Subtly prod for information" part in the heat of the moment. Didn't sound like his thoughts were on getting to learn about the heritage of his new consorts anyways. In the end all I managed to do was waste time and give James a really obvious warning he will blatantly ignore just so I can gloat about it later. 

While bragging rights are well and good, and the game of one-upsmanship certainly something worth pursuing. I have other, more pressing, matters to attend to. Double shots of espresso are calling out to me tenderly, begging to be join the trace elements of alcohol left in my system. To mess with and distort my body's chemistry in new and exiting ways. What a joyous and dysfunctional union. Who am I to stand in the way of such matrimony?​


----------



## Cadrien (Dec 10, 2012)

*Meanwhile in another universe*

Loktet ground his teeth together as he pushed another fucking branch out of his way. This forest was utterly infuriating. Which shouldn't be too surprising considering whose planet this was. That said, things could have been far far more difficult if Harlin had decided to not kill off most of her consorts and leave their mutilated corpses strewn about in a path that led to her hive. Loktet made a mental note to thank her for that. Right after he stabbed her in the neck.

He finally emerged from the fog and stared up at Harlin's pseudo-fortress. It was...distastefully decorated. Loktet was sure that Harlin thought that it was just the meow-beast's slumber linens, but it offended Loktet's sensibilities. Not because of the fact that it was covered in blood and corpses, but more because they were done so in such a way that was utterly wasteful. No information at all could be gained from any of these bodies. A shame. Well. To be honest, Loktet didn't really care that much about it. He primarily did just because it was Harlin. Speaking of which...he toggled Trollian on his headset.

​ 
*-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] began trolling hystericalHeresy [hH] --

Spoiler:  




kC: He77? again Har7in.
kC: Did y?u miss my wit?
kC: I didn't miss y?urs, but a7as, here I am.
kC: C?ntacting y?u again.

-- a minute passes --

kC: ?dd
kC: There's usua77y at 7east 10 threats being 7eve7ed at me by n?w.
kC: Sti77, I'm n?t c?mp7aining.
kC: I rather 7ike this si7ent Har7in.
kC: She c?u7d a7m?st be a decent pers?n. A7m?st.
kC: I d?n't supp?se I c?u7d just wa7tz right in, c?u7d I?
kC: ?h! My w?rd! The d??r just ?pened with?ut any repurcussi?ns.
kC: Is this the right Har7in's hive?
kC: Ah, there it is.
kC: C7ever, c7ever. B??by trapping immediate7y after the d??r.
kC: 7et's just skirt the edges ?f it here, sha77 we? Yes.
kC: We77, fun as giving c?mmentary ?n h?w pitifu7 y?ur defenses are is, I'm just g?ing t? f?cus ?n finding y?u n?w. 
kC: See y?u in a bit.



-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] ceased trolling hystericalHeresy [hH] ?*

*> Be Harlin*

You try to be Harlin and fail miserably at the attempt. What makes you even think you can be someone as cool as Harlin? The sheer audacity of such an act would get you an immediate culling on Alternia, and it would be well deserved at that. 

Also Harlin is kind of asleep at the moment, snoozing in her recuperacoon as dreams of bloodshed and horror dance through her head.

*> Return to being Loktet*

You cannot find Loktet. He has simply vanished from your sight. Where on Alternia did he go? 

Ah, you find him as he shuts the door to Harlin's room with a bit of force and haste and hear the ?thunk? of several deadly implements hitting the door.

*> Be Loktet?*

Yes, you have succeeded. You are now the Jade blooded, slightly worse for wear troll known as Loktet.

Loktet looked around Harlin's room, noticing several things. First of all, one of her computers had several knives stuck in it. It looks like she had a bit of tantrum. Loktet smirked. Someone must have gotten the better of her. The second thing that Loktet noticed was an open book next to the still on computer. He moved towards it and sat in the chair, picking it up. 

This. 

THIS! 

*THIS WAS....!*

Boring. Amusing as it was to read through Harlin's version of troll literature, Loktet really had no interest in more than a casual perusal. If it had been a diary, things might have been different, but Loktet doubted that Harlin was the type.


----------



## Platinum (Dec 22, 2012)

*A Land of Sin and Shadow Part 5: Fuck Dragons*



Now _this_ is my kind of place. The bariste is amiable enough, sure she looks at me oddly when I first walk in but everyone kind of does on this world. Luckily i'm kind of an expert in ignoring those things, I take my beverage outside and set my feet up on the nearest table. 

Sometimes life's simplest pleasures can be found in a warm cup of brew. The combinations of steamed milk, eggnog, and espresso are just delightful. The hints of nutmeg and peppermint? Simply divine. Not my usual drink, but the holiday season was not far off before we entered this game, and it's something of a tradition of mine. Eggnog lattes, the official caffeinated beverage of all yule tide sleuths.

I recline back, thinking and planning out the next stage of the investigation in my mind, when over the horizon, a towering figure comes into view. A grim feeling of irony sets into my stomach as I recognize it's draconian features from my own prototyping. 

"Bariste.", I call out loud enough so she can hear me from the counter. "I'm going to need this drink to go."

Pistol in my right hand, eggnog latte in my left, I wait for the drake to get into range. It comes to a stop about 150 meters or so from myself and hovers in place, looking down from afar at the tiny speck on the ground that was myself.

I wave my gun as a declaration of intent and then take a sip of my latte. "Now as i'm sure you can tell, i'm a very busy man. So i'm afraid I can't let this _drag on _..... okay i'm sorry for that." 

The dragon response to my awful pun is a jet of fire. I artfully dodge being incinerated in a manner that preserves the integrity of my caffeinated beverage. To my horror though, the barista does not fair nearly as well. By that I mean it went up in flames. 

"Noooooooooo! That was my new favorite barista!", I scream in a crestfallen rage. I fire off a quick burst of rounds directed at the creatures face, they ricochet harmlessly off its scales and clatter to the ground. It's as much as I feared, rock meet hard place. 

"Well time to run then."

I take off in a sprint, ducking into the nearest alleyway, hopping over a chain link fence to get on the other side of the street. Thankfully, I only lose a small portion of my latte in the process. The dragon isn't very far behind, he sends another jet of fire my way, which I duck under at the last moment. I have to lose this thing and fast. Luckily, being a genius detective, it doesn't take me long to devise a strategy. 

I holster my pistol and take out one of the grenades strapped to the interior of my trench coat. I toss it far enough away from myself that the smoke is already suffocating as I lose myself in it. 

The drake's confusion gives me a moment to take out another grenade, a flashbang this time, and get into position to throw. Just as the smoke starts to dissipate I blindside the creature, the grenade bounces off it's snout and explodes inches from it's eye. Howling in pain, and blindly spewing flames in every direction, the dragon collides into a building and tumbles to the ground in a heap. And since I don't need to be told twice when an opportunity presents itself, I run for my sweet life before it can get its bearings. 

It's only when i'm able to catch my breath a distance away do I realize something is wrong. I can't place my finger on it at first but then it comes to me. 

I am on fire. 

I throw off my trench coat and stomp on the flames to put them out. Sadly this has the consequence of inadvertently setting off one of my flashbangs, which knocks me on my feet and blinds me at the same time. 

When my senses return I mournfully take a sip of my latte as I look at the tattered ruins of my coat. It was so young, and so tragically taken from this world before it's time. I can't be expected to solve a case without my coat, so I sulk back home to get another...​


----------



## Platinum (Dec 23, 2012)

*A Yule Tide Sleuthing*

Walking home.... without my trusty coat draped over the shoulders. I will speak truly, it's hard man. It's hard, and no one understands. 

I could tell that someone had been messing about Chez Corbett the second I part the estate gates and step onto the grass. My suspicions are only confirmed when I reach the door to my manor and see the most dreadful thing hanging above my door. The last thing any rational, sane member of the human race wants to see posed ominiously above you like a guillotine at an execution. A harbringer of a dark fate I wouldn't wish upon my staunchest enemy.



*Mistletoe.*

I look around once, then twice, then a third for good measure to make 100% certain that pC or even a random raccoon (but especially pC), is not in my field of vision before I cross the mistletoe's threshold and enter the mansion. The interior has been entirely redecorated, the halls have been thoroughly decked by holly, yule logs are burning away in the fireplace. It seems my brother had time enough to return and decorate the house before leaving again. Damn it, I told him we wouldn't be needing Holiday cheer where we were going this year. 



Though I have to admit, the tree is pretty wonderful. 

I spend a few seconds soaking in what little merriment my cold, cynical body can before heading up to get a new coat. I enter my room, open my wardrobe and.... *Sigh*. My asshole of a brother has replaced all my standard wares with those stupid gaudy christmas trenchcoats, and I told him a _MILLION_ times I would never wear one. But desperate times call for desperate.....



Yeah yeah, you don't need to say it. You can practically taste the existensial suffering from here I know. God I hate myself right now, and I can't even get the fucking mistletoe out of the fedora without destroying the fabric! 

I exit the room still looking like I was in the middle of a multi sleigh pileup. Time to get some more eggnog before I head out a second time. I am slightly startled when a symphonic rendition of 'The First Noel' begins to blare out of a speaker right next to me but I quickly find myself humming the tune under my breath as I pass by the Christmas Tree...

That is no longer there.

What? But how? Did some _asshole_ really steal my Christmas Tree? By the virgin Maria no one steals Christmas from Julius Corbett. You hear me? No one! Looks like I got a code green on my hands and another deliquent in need of coal in their stocking.

The first and obvious answer is to go check the security footage, but _someone_ (guess who) disabled it when he came home and forgot to turn it back on when he left. I do what any rational person would do when they find their security footage rendered useless, they set up a crime scene perimeter. I examine a few errant pine needles, a broken bulb or two, but there is nary a clue to be sleuthed. The perfect Holiday crime.

But I can't let it end like this. I _*must*_ save Christmas.

I pull out ever stop, put my deductive reasoning to it's very limits. My train of logic leads me to the fact that the perp might not have even left the house yet. I canvass the manor immediately and what would you know I was right. My christmas tree was moved from the living room to the music room by.... imps?

A group of imps, three to be exact huddled around the tree in a state of perplextion, each wearing an adorable Santa hat that they pilfered from elsewhere in the house. Daw, they were trying to understand the meaning of Christmas. I guess I can show them a thing or two about it.

"Okay listen up you wanna be elves and i'll show you a thing about Christmas.", I speak with yule tide cheer bursting out of the seams of my voice. "Rule number one."

*Crack*

*Crack *

*Crack*

The imps don't even register the situation before they each tumble to the ground lifeless and dissolve into piles of grist.

"Don't get on my naughty list."



Well would you look at that. It seems I accumulated enough Holiday cheer to move me up a rung on the Festiladder. And really, in the end isn't that all that matters?​


----------



## Crossbow (Dec 23, 2012)

*>Check up on Alice*

You are now viewing Past Alice. She has just returned to her home via some "return node" or some such nonsense and is being served grilled cheese sandwiches by her ghostly robot maid. Sorry, but you're going to have to try a LOT harder to view the Alice in synch with the other characters' festivities..


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide SpriteLog_ 



GLADYSPRITE: SO, HOW DID YOUR OUTING GO?
ALICE: Pretty well, i think
ALICE: Managed to slay some big galoot and i only broke _most _of my ribs.
GLADYSPRITE: DON'T WORRY. i'VE ENCHANTED THE CHEESE WITH HEALiNG PROPERTiES.
ALICE: Whoa, you can do that now?
GLADYSPRITE: i CAN DO A LOT OF THiNGS NOW.
ALICE: Okay, cool.
ALICE: Listen though, that monster dropped a crazy variety of grist.
ALICE: Those imps, too.
ALICE: But only build grist gets used in construction of the house so..
ALICE: What's this iodine and sapphire and such about?
GLADYSPRITE: THAT WOULD BE FOR ALCHEMY, MiSS.
GLADYSPRITE: SEE THE PUNCH DESiGNIX OVER BY THE KiTCHEN?
GLADYSPRITE: PLUG iN THE CODES FROM YOUR CAPTCHA CARDS
GLADYSPRITE: i'M SURE YOU CAN FiGURE THE REST OUT YOURSELF, YOU'RE A CLEVER GiRL.
ALICE: Okay, i'll try.



*>Alice: Figure the rest out yourself*

You are now the Alice that has figured the rest out. By herself. In the past.

She's used her ELITE MLG GAMER SKILLZ to master the combination system quickly. She made herself a CHILD OF THE EIGHTIES JACKET, which is basically Marty McFly's top ensemble but the shirt is green with a triforce on it. She decides to stick with her classic hoodie for a while.

She ALSO combined the Harby with her broken glasses to make the HUBRISPEX, which are not only fully functional tinted transition lenses, but also have a voice to text chat application. Plus, she made a POWER GLOVE REPLICA, which is truly breath-taking with how bad it is.

The crown of her synthetic loot is the MCMILLEN CRUSTBUSTER 5800, an upgrade of her pizza cutter from a tablesaw from her cellar woodshop. It is bigger and much more intimidating, the kind of blade you can see yourself failing to dodge and splattering on repeatedly. The whole SMB ambiance is disrupted by the absence of blood on the big serrated blade. If only she could...


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide SpriteLog_ 



ALICE: Hey Gladys.
GLADYSPRITE: YES, ALiCE?
ALICE: Bring in Mr. Donaldson.
ALICE: It's time to add to my kidney collection.
GLADYSPRITE: KiLLiNG TWO BiRDS WiTH ONE KiDNEY STONE, EH?
ALICE: ...Humor is not your strong suit, Gladys.


----------



## Cadrien (Dec 29, 2012)

*Prelude to Darkness*

*======> Fast forward to future Valen*

Valen lay panting on the ground, grist scattered around him. Dresden-sprite moved aside some rubble and called out to him. ?Valen?! Hang on, I?m going to get you out of this, just sit tight!? The sprite grimaced and pulled his staff forth and began to move the heavy rocks en mass. Soon Valen lay in a neat circle of rubble, his pants and the ground under him stained crimson from the blood where a boulder had slammed into his legs, thrown by the ogre in its final throes. ?Shit?? Dresden-sprite hissed between his teeth, pulling Valen against him, holding him. ?Hang in there kid.? Valen half sobbed half chuckled into the sprite?s shirt. 



  A light burst forth from the ground and the vague outline of a man could be seen, shining brightly, with a halo of leaves that pulsed a neon green. ?Tut tut Valen.? The figure said, clucking it?s tongue and tilting it?s head. ?Are you so eager to throw away your life?? 



  The sprite glared at the figures, working his jaw. ?Look buddy...? Dresdensprite started to say in a dangerous tone of voice. The figure cast it?s gaze at him though and he shuddered to stillness. ?I suppose you cannot be blamed for the prototypings of your team mates.? 



  Valen leaned on his elbow and coughed. ?Who are you?? He croaked hoarsely. ?Someone who would prefer to keep you alive.? The figure said briskly, going slightly fuzzy around the edges. ?And someone whose time is rather valuable. I shall not waste our time with the trivial details.? He knelt next to Valen. ?Your wounds are grievous, but they will heal. Slowly. It will take at least a week for these to heal to where you could travel more than a mile a day, even if you used your powers to aid the healing.? He paused, thinking. ?Now, while this choice is not optimal for anyone except maybe one of two things, I am going to give you a chance to take a shortcut. It has both pros and cons and even I do not know exactly what the results will be. However, if you were to appeal to those who dwell above on your dream world, you may kickstart your powers? growth and bring you back to full strength.? 



  The figure stood again and checked its wrist. ?Hmm, if I were a betting man, or even a man at all, I would not bet on it being as simple as you might like though. My time here is at an end though, I leave the choice up to you for good or ill.? And with that the leaves slowly floated to the ground, before disintegrating into powder. 



  Valen looked up at Dresdensprite. ?Do you know who that was?? ?No.? The sprite admitted. ?But whatever that was, it had power.? Valen let himself rest against the ground again. ?Do you believe it?? He asked, closing his eyes. Dresdensprite bit his lip and mulled that thought over before answering .?Yes. I believe it. But!? He pointed a cautionary finger at Valen. ?I don?t like deals like this. I?made one like it and it has not turned out very well all things considered.? Valen smiled slightly and nodded. ?I know.? He sighed, ?Unfortunately my wounds are debilitating much like your back was and I can?t help but feel it may be necessary. The enemies will still come regardless of my condition. You can take care of some of them but if they come in large numbers even you may well be overcome.? He opened his eyes and stared at Dresdensprite. ?I think that it may be an unfortunate but necessary risk.? 


  Dresdensprite sighed and threw up his hands. ?Your call kid.? He said and went around collecting grist, muttering under his breath. Valen?s smile slipped as he found the world around him fading out to be replaced by his room on Derse. His wounds twinged as he stood and he staggered. Falling against the wall, he opened the window and steeled himself for his meeting with the Dark Ones.


----------



## Platinum (Jan 28, 2013)

*Somewhere on the precipice of the known and unknown...*

Back and forth, back and forth, the tide rolls on endlessly in perfect harmony as it crashes endlessly against the smooth sands of a distant, lonely island. Very few even have an idea of it's existence, and those who do pretend it does not exist. Ancient LOJAN scholars long ago declared the island off limits as it was a so called 'nexus of entropic energy'. Even the constant sound that permeates the planet dies off it's shores, where the shades gather but dare not venture further. 

And so the trees and bushes grow and wither under the all consuming shadow of a peculiar lighthouse, unnoticed and unseen.... except for tonight. For tonight the island has guests who dare to tread on dead beaches and cast a lofty glare at a silent beacon destined to shine only at the start of an unusual era.

He has been waiting for some time now. 

Brushstrokes glide with a gentle intensity across canvas as the artist stares out across the horizon, his work illuminated only by the soft glow of distant Skaia. In some way he finds that this only enhances the almost macabe melancholy of his most recent piece, while his companion has other ideas.

"Awk...Awk." the bird cries, having moved from it's resting place in the tufts of the artist's hair to cock it's head and examine the piece for itself. 

He smiles in reply and nods his head thoughtfully. "A little too moody eh? Yeah, I can see why you would think that. But it's what i'm going for, that's what this place brings out of me."

"Awk", the bird repeats, not willing to relent. It ruffles it's feathers in slight annoyance.

"Oh so now you are going to challenge my artistic vision are you? What, did you get a degree before Jules brought you over?"

The raven flies down onto the artists shoulder and begins to hop down his arm, it's path dead set on the brush in his fingertips.

"Okay, I relent.", the artist sighed. "I'll use softer tones."

Finding that answer satisfactory the raven jumped back onto the man's head and nestled in. 

Sure, it was technically his brother's pet, but he enjoyed his company just as much as Julius did (even if he was an art snob). It might be the last time for the foreseeable future that he got to see Nev, the days ahead promised to take him to faraway and strange places. So for now he would enjoy the simple pleasure of painting while he waited for that woman to arrive....


----------



## Cadrien (Jan 31, 2013)

*Up To Speed - Pt. 1*

Valen paused as he stared out of his bedroom window. Perhaps there was another way? Time was kinda of the essence, but it wouldn't hurt to at least keep Julius up to speed on the situation.

-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering IllustriousInquistitor [II] --

*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: Hello Julius.
mD: I just wanted to keep you abreast of the current status of yours truly.
mD: That status being in rough shape.
mD: So here's the deal.
mD: Some weird, glowy, tree thing showed up shortly after I got flattened by an Ogre's death throes.
mD: According to it, my recovery would take weeks if not months even with my powers.
mD: But it also mentioned that if I were to seek outside help, from say...
mD: Those who watch.
mD: That my recovery might be sped along and that I might gain some other benefits as well.
mD: Admittedly as ever there will probably (inevitably) be a catch.
mD: What it is, it didn't know and therefore I don't know.
mD: What's the worst that could happen though.
mD: I mean really?
mD: Compared to being semi-paralized for who knows how long.
mD: Do you realize how terrible an existence that would be?
mD: Pretty god-damn awful in my opinion.
mD: So yeah.
mD: Just wanted to give you a heads up on that.
II: So..... 
II: Usually it is customary to inquire about the other parties' day before you delve deep into me talk.
II: Don't you want to know about my day? Because it's been quite riveting.
II: I even discovered the true meaning of Christmas. 
II: Turns out it is not good will towards man after all (totally called that by the way).
II: But of course none of that matters to Valen, Valen only cares about Valen.
II: Not about Christmas shenanigans on a world that probably has never even heard of the Judeo-Christian religion (even if they borrowed their architecture). 
II: If i'm reading right, your day can be summarized by "I dun goofed" correct? 
mD: You know.
mD: I should have known better to expect any sympathy whatsoever from you.
mD: Yet I found myself with just a teensy bit expecting some.
mD: Of course! By all means! Pontificate upon trivialities whilst I lay here in a pool of my own blood and various types of grist, which are also coated to a degree with aforementioned blood.
mD: Far be it from the severely injured Valen to interrupt the all important stories of Julius.
mD: Forgive me my liege, pray elaborate upon your useless trivia.
mD: (That was sarcasm, don't actually, for any deity's sake) 
II: Yeah yeah I have a distinct lack of compassion for certain people. But really in this case I feel quite justified.
II: Come on now, you seriously had the gall to get crippled right in the early phase of the game?
II: Really? 
II: And i'm supposed to feel sorry for you? 
II: You are like the kid that can't complete world 1-1 of Mario.
II: But tell me how this unfortunate circumstance came to pass, i'm dying to hear this one. 
mD: Like I said, the dying throes of an Ogre.
mD: As in, as I killed it, it threw a giant ass piece of my house at me.
mD: Which landed on my legs because there was grist everywhere obscuring my view. 
II: Can I make a witty observation about the ironic justice in a thief being blinded by his pile of loot, which leads to his tragic downfall? 
II: Because I really want to. 
mD: I believe you already have.
mD: So sure. 
II: Faced by the situation your own folly hath bestowed upon thee you chose to strike a bargain?
II: Without seeking my council before hand?
II: Of course, makes loads of sense. Why would you ever ask what is the deal with these evil space monsters, especially when you have a verifiatble expert in the field?
II: That would just be silly. And we can't have that. 
mD: I'm not asking what deal with them is.
mD: I'm going to deal with them. 
II: Yeah sorry scout i'm going to have to deny your request to bargain with chaotic powers far beyond your understanding.
II: It's kinda one of my leaderly perks, one which I intend to abuse repeatedly. 
II: Because people always want to bargain with the dark powers that be for some reason even though fiction will tell you it never ends well. 
mD: Do tell how this perk prevents me from pursueing this endeveour whether with your blessing or not, this is one story I can't wait to hear from you. 
II: Just like god and tech support, I work in mysterious and sometimes incomprehensible ways.
II: Obviously I am too far aware to repeatedly assault your tender parts with my fists and stylish leather shoes so I will have to resort to a logical persuasion based on anecdotal evidence and a pointing out of your own fallacies that form the crux of your agrument. 
mD: Oh? 
II: Do you really think you can beat me in a debate off?
II: Because i'm basically lord regent debater on this team. The one who bates the hardest and the most thoughtfully. 
mD: I don't need to debate with you though.
mD: Really.
mD: Do you have any idea how simple it is for me to just disconnect and go about my merry dark horrory business?
mD: Incredibly simple. 
II: It's time to break out the glass of magnification and examine the facts here..
II: 1. You are compltely right.
II: There is nothing I can do physically or through cyber space that can prevent you from logging off and dancing with Cthulhu in the pale moonlight.
II: But you are the one who contacted me. You could of informed me of this after the fact but you chose to beforehand.
II: Care to guess why? Your motive is quite clear if you ask me. 
mD: Because I feel slightly duty bound to report to you?
mD: Because I don't know the full potential repercussions but am still not dissauded from this?
mD: Because I trust a random glowy tree thing more than I trust you? 
II: Close, but not close enough.
II: Part of you wants to be talked out of what you know is a one sided deal.
II: I know you hate making one sided deals.
II: But you see no other way out and were hoping I would see one for you..
II: I can't blame you for that (I mean who better to save the day with style and suave am I right?)
II: And in fact I think I do see a third option you could take, an option you haven't even begun to conceive of in that tiny little broomcloset you call a mind. 
mD: I can't wait to hear this one. 
II: You need to promise me that you will keep an open mind about this, because it's going to seem like a..... radical solution. Can you promise me this? 
mD: I suppose 
II: Good.
II: Great even.
II: Now hear me out.
II: Have you heard of the transhumanistic movement by any chance?
II: Because I was thinking, a regiment of alchemy based bionic augmentations.
II: Give me a week or so to gather enough grist to make enough prototypes to begin a trial phase on imp test subjects, maybe time to locate a book or two on advanced surgical techniques, and we will have you up and running and punching holes through walls with your metal cyborg fists. 
mD: What do you think open mind?
mD: Open mind says "yeah no thanks"
mD: Guess it's a date with dark and unknown, sorry Julius. 
II: See this is why I told you to keep an open mind.
II: I know I know. You never asked for this.
II: You never asked to be more than human.
II: But honestly this is the best course for you and the team.
II: I can even design you a jetpack.  
mD: You can design me a jetpack regardless of turning me into a cyborg or not.
mD: Though really, I wouldn't trust anything you made.
mD: Not because of quality, but because of purpose.
mD: Or something.
mD: Either way no, no and no again. 
II: Well for the jetpack I was thinking of we were going to have to remove a couple rips and replace some muscle with high density polymer fibers. I mean we can still do this if you are game, but if you are going to take a stupid bargain anyways that is obviously going to screw you over it would be a little silly.
II: And just because I would put a tiny little microbomb near your aorta that I could remote detonate at any time doesn't give you any reason to distrust me. That's just being smart. Skynet could take you over for all I know.
II: You should be thanking me for even offering to find that which does not exist.... your spine, and operating on it. 
mD: I have an idea for you now Julius.
mD: And this time you should have an open mind and a closed mouth.
mD: Not vice versa.
mD: Don't quit your day job.
mD: Also, shut up. 
II: See the funny part is you think i'm kidding when this option is going to be by far the least painful for you.
II: Do you think all mighty trees of omniescent power just give away free healings from the goodness in their oaky hearts?
II: You are dealing with something that effects everyone, not just yourself. 
II: And if you don't want to be the first transhumanist then fine. 
II: We will work something else out. 
II: We got a life player that might be able to bend your spine the right way once they develop their powers a bit.
II: But if you seek the ominious road of disappointment then venture forth bodly my foolish Valen. Nothing but sadness awaits you. 
mD: First of all, it's not my spine that's hurt, it's my legs.
mD: Second of all, you are the worst person.
mD: Ever.
mD: I think even sL is better than you.
mD: At least he hates you as much as I do.
mD: You don't even have the decency hate yourself.
mD: And thirdly, I'd take dark beings torturing me above having to listen to your blather 6 days out of 7. Unless their torture was in fact, having me listen to you.
mD: So now, if you don't mind, I'm going to pass out and seek a sensible solution to my problems. *


----------



## Cadrien (Jan 31, 2013)

*Up To Speed - Pt. 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 




*II: What can I say? Even I fall short of perfection sometimes.
II: But i'm as close as one can get to it.
II: As Gottfried Leibnez espoused, the simple act of living causes one  to fall short of perfection. And just as he thought our universe was the  best one that reality could allow, the moral fiber which constitutes my  being is the best this terrible reality will allow.
II: The true problem you have is that you blame others for your own  failings and would rather cut off your nose to spite your face.
II: You know in your heart of hearts that I can help you the best, but  your pride simply won't allow you to do what is good for you.
II: Instead you seek your own selfdestruction. Ah, the folly of man. *
*mD: No no, you're helping my destruction along  quite well by pushing me closer to an aneurism due to how utterly stupid  your babble is.
mD: Whilst I appreciate the consideration you are giving this, I feel that maybe it is slightly misplaced.
mD: To that end, there will be one of two results from this conversation.
mD: One: Either you start being actually helpful sans trying to impose  your ideas upon as the best thing for me, which they are not (I am  certainly not letting anyone install a bomb in me.)
mD: Or Two: I say fuck this and go with my original plan.
mD: Chose your words carefully. II: It's your own bullish nature that has lead to  your current predicament, and it is the very same nature that causes you  to refuse my offers of help. And then you act as if you have no other  recourse as to seek a loser's bet with a crooked pile of branches.  Somehow this too is my fault. 
II: It is easy to blame others, not so easy to accept the bitter truth.
II: I can find a way to manage this. I find ways to manage everything.
II: But it will take time and it means doing things my way. Even if I  came up with something else you would still not take my olive branch and  instead would take the olive branch's olive branch.
II: While ironic and comical, it makes matters intensly frustrating for  me, you, and those other people called teammates as well.
mD: Julius.
mD: Level with me here, okay "buddy"?
mD: I would honestly rather not take this risk either. 
mD: I would much rather take a better avenue.
mD: Your intentions may actually be good and such, but work with me here.
mD: Don't fricken act like you know what's best for me.
mD: Think you can do that? 
II: Sure I can do that.
II: But let's be honest here, "level" like "bros" are want to do.
II: I do know what's best for you more often than not.
II:  Exhibit A: Who was the guy that said "Hey Valen, come play this  elaborate and confusing PC game with me so you wont die in a fiery  holocaust"?
II: You might have a different perspective, but that seems to be some pretty solid advice from the ol J-Man in hindsight. 
II:  Exhibit B: Who is the guy telling you that "Hey Julius, I decided to  sell my soul to this glowy plant thing to fix my problems in a game that  is quite literally filled to the brim with unlimited creative  potential" might not be the greatest idea you have ever thought of?
II:  None other than Julius Corbett I hear. He looks out for the little guy,  and the shy guy, and the criminal guy too sometimes if he needs them  around. 

*


----------



## Cadrien (Jan 31, 2013)

*Up To Speed - Pt. 3*


*Spoiler*: __ 



*mD: So cut the crap you know is just going to piss me off and actually offer some advice/options here.
mD: Likewise for the stupid "install stuff in you while I'm at" bullshit. Joke or not. 
mD: With you, I can honestly never tell. 
mD: I can't discount the possibility that you might actually have some mad scientist blood in you or something. 
II: Good lord man that was obviously a joke.
II: Do you really think I would install a microbomb that would just turn you into red paste? 
mD: Yes. 
II: Then you don't know me very well.
II: If I did that.... you would never know it was me that did you in. You would be dead instantly.
II: I have too many man hours invested in this for such an anti-climatic ending.
II:  If I was going to do something like that I would go with a small   implant that would cause your neurons to misfire, inducing paralysis. 
II:  So I could get my gloat on a bit, perhaps see if I can get you some   much deserved justice as well while i'm at it. Toss you in the stony   lonesome and lock away the key.
II: Not to mention microbomb murder would be bad for my leader PR. 
mD: ...
mD: Well, at least that's one less thing to worry about I suppose.
mD: Still doesn't help my current situation though. 
II:  I suppose if you are not wanting cybernetic  enhancements we can go with  a route that might be a little quicker...  or a little longer depending  on competence levels that our teammates  produce. 
mD: Finally, sweet progress.
mD: I can feel the taste of it on my tongue...
mD: ...along with the taste of my blood.
mD: I'm listening. 
II: You see, I have been doing some research over the past few days into a variety of the esoteric studies and arts.
II:  Mostly focusing on my role understandably, but I have read some  scrolls  written in the living ink of horrorterror spawns and they have   illuminated the potential some of you have within.
II: Of course when  dealing with beings from beyond the stars, my  understanding gets a  little frayed. Still kind of new to my part. 
II: But it gives a variety of possibilities and truths that may or may not happen.
II: The answer to your plight might just be found in the life player. 
II:  I believe if bE gets the proper instruction, it might just be  possible  to channel her life energy and regenerate you wounded tender  parts. 
II: Or.... it might leave you a burnt out vegetable. But hey, no pain no gain right? 
mD: Hum.
mD: Hmmm..
mD: Mhmmmmmm....
mD: Let me ask you this, Julius.
mD: Would YOU put your trust in bE with this choice? 
II:  If you would like to know, I have calculated a  rough guess at the  success rate such an operation might have thanks to  my helpful AMMY.
II: Rather snarkily gave me my answer though, kinda weird... might be a glitch or something.
II *Log Note 13490-B31 (Inspect AMMY Program After Log With Valen)
II: They aren't atrocious if it helps. 
mD: Your pardon if I don't feel reassured by odds that are quote not atrocious unquote.
mD:  Odds of me surviving taking glowy plant dude up on his idea are   probably better than 40/60. I suspect that your calculations for bE's   attempt would be around 20/80. 
mD: Which as you say, isn't atrocious.
mD: Any other brilliant ideas? 
II: At least let me explain my calculation.
II:  You see, take bE's competency level index, multiply it by a factor  of 3  to adjust for the fact that I will be giving her some form of  guidance  every now and then. Finally you add the all important training  montage  coefficent and the odds calculate to somewhere around 42%.
II: But that's not all!
II:  Since you have two bodies, techincally bE has two chances to cure  you.  Which bumps the odds up to a little past fifty percent.
II: See.... science.
II: The deadliest weapon outside of my gun barrel and your lemming like tendencies. 
mD: You do know that the whole lemming thing was a myth right?
mD: Either way, this is assuming that bE and you make it here in time.
mD: And speaking of time, aren't you the one who was berating me about taking up time?
mD: Wouldn't it be simpler for me to just go to Derse and take the offer?
mD: And I just...really don't feel that confident in bE's abilties.
mD: Nothing against her, just gut feeling. 
II: As Robert Frost would say, you gotta take the road less traveled sometimes.
II:  Of course it would be easier to accept the devil's deal, who the  fuck  would accept the devil's deal if it was harder to accomplish than  the  other option? 
II: Besides a death worshipping twat like james.
II: See, it's easy to entrust the glowy tree.
II:  But won't it be more rewarding in the long run to trust the   schizophrenic dame and the hardline sleuth with nothing to lose to fix   up your spine with powers that we haven't even begun to fully   understand? 
mD: Are you seriously asking me that? 
II: Sure, it sounds stupid when I phrase it like that.
II: Really stupid.
II: Monumental retardation.
II: You would have to be a recently escaped lobotemy recipent to think my option sounds the least bit appealing.
II: But it is. I will tell you anything is more appealing 
II: I know first hand what a deal with Yggdrassil entails. And it is not a pleasant thing. 
mD: Maybe it just doesn't like you. 
II: Emotions as we understand them are completely beneath Yggdrassil.
II: But yeah he thinks i'm kind of an asshole.
II:  He doesn't like any of us though, Yggdrassil regards all things as  his  play toys, to tide over his idle fancies throughout the ages. 
mD: Or perhaps you just don't like him and don't want me to accept his help, sketchy as it might be. 
II: Perhaps.
II: But I would ask you a single question, the answer does not matter. 
II: All that matters is that I propose it. 
mD: Ask away... 
II:  If you think i'm one to carry damaging  secrets.... what type of secrets  do you think a being that has lived  eons can carry? 
mD: You're right.
mD: The answer does not, in fact, matter.
mD: Gift horses, mouths, ect.
mD: No matter which option I take there is risk and there is ulterior motivations.
mD: Ugh. 
II:  Perhaps Frost was wrong. You have arrived at a fork in the road with  one leading to hell and the other high water.
II: All I can give you is my insight, regrettably I am too far away to restrain you by force, even if I wanted to.
II: If you choose your own demise then so be it, i'll carry that burden like I carry all the others.
II:  In the end i'll find a way to win....and in the end I will not  regret a  single thing I have said over the course of this log.
II: Do you think you will be able to claim the same? 
mD: What the fuck type of question is that?
mD: No shit if things go pear shaped I'll have some regret at least.
mD: I...
mD: I will think about things before I make my decision.
mD: I may not trust you much farther than I can throw you. You feel the same way about me, I'm sure.
mD:  But I do believe that you want to win and that you know that you  can't  do everything by yourself, so by that merit, I do trust you in  this  situation.
mD: Okay? 
II: Whichever side you  choose to align yourself  with, I want you to think long and hard about  it. Never regret the  decision you are about to make. You can feel bad  for what your actions  cause, but you can never regret the decision to  make them. Temperance  through hardship is what makes a true heart  strong. If you can learn  that lesson one day then maybe....
II: You can begin to understand me. 
mD: Heh. *



-- melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --


----------



## Platinum (Feb 9, 2013)

*Harlin's Hysterical Hijinks Part 2: The Long Way Up*

Harlin's laughter reverberated off the walls as she plummeted down and down the dark abyss at the heart of the temple. The laughter was quickly replaced  by fits of coughing which quieted the young killer. This silence ensued for several seconds before Harlin realized she was somehow still falling?

"What. The. Fuck. :Q"

How was she _STILL_ falling? Seriously, how pointlessly tall did they build their elaborate temples in this world anyways? The sheer logistics of it were mind boggling when the fact that her planet was populated entirely by stupid birds was taken into consideration. 

But the bottom was in view now. Sure it was pitch dark, but that was no concern to someone as awesome and cool as Harlin. Since she was falling at a troll's terminal velocity, it seemed a very good idea to her to decrease her speed somewhat so she wasn't reduced to a green smear coating the walls of this hellhole. Less than 50 feet from the floor she pulled out a knife and lodged it into the space between two decaying stones. The sound of her shoulder violently dislocating broke the silence.

Harlin was a tough girl though. She held on, gritted her teeth, and gracefully pushed off the wall and stuck her landing (while throwing in a triple backflip for style). 

Stylish flips aside, things weren't looking too good for our sweet little girl. She had lost a lot of blood, and while trolls were well known for their high blood content she still only had an hour or so before she bled out (not nearly enough time to make it to the top of the stupidly large temple). Her right arm was now almost as worthless as a human Alice (almost) and dangled limply at her side like a hung body. 

Alone, with a realistic survivability percentage of 0.... finally things were getting fun : D.

Searching in the darkness for a way out, her hand brushed over a series of curious indentions in the rock. As blood from her gaping chest wound accidentally leaked onto it, the indentions began to glow neon green. A series of words came into view, their message a simple one.

"How does one stop an unyielding flood? Focus and the answer will come from within."

Rather on the nose wasn't it? This level one bullshit bored Harlin. She needed to empty her mind and try to mentally stop her own blood loss. Nothing a girl like her couldn't accomplish.

And what better way to lose all semblance of intelligent thought in your head than to contact one of the stupid humans : D?

Typing her obnoxious quirk with one hand was going to suck though : (.​


----------



## Nicodemus (Feb 18, 2013)

*Be Cess ==>*

You are now Cess. You were recently choked out by a rather angry psychic alien from an alternate dimension. Needless to say, you are not in the best of moods.

*Cess: Overlook Land of Waves and Variety ==>*

You can do that. Valen's land is very pretty, and certainly fits its name - it's much more unique than the other lands, with every little island bringing its own adventure. You alchemized yourself a wave runner and have been zipping up and down the seas for the past few hours. 

Now, you sit on the top of a hill and stare pensively at the waves below. Off in the distance, Squiddlesprite converses with a few consorts. By which, of course, you mean Squiddlesprite shouts its weird gibberish at them and they flee in terror. Whatever.

Oh look, you're being pestered. 

*Cess: Answer best friend ==>*

*-- quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering reluctantBlunderbus [rB] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 




qA: Hey there!
qA: What have you been up to?
rB: oh
rB: hey alice
rB: nothing much i guess
qA: Oh, you seem unhappy.
qA: Anything I could do to help?
rB: ....
rB: im not unhappy
rB: thats completely ridiculous
qA: Ok, now you sound like a hostage
qA: Come on, tell me what's up
rB: really, nothings up
rB: im just, you know, exploring
rB: i guess
rB: i've visited like...three worlds now
rB: four???
rB: some of them are super pretty
rB: others not so much
qA: Ok, fine, have it your way.
qA: Since I'm apparently not a good enough friend to be trusted with emotional conversation, I'll just cut to the point.
qA: You know Valen?
qA: He's basically evil now.
rB: wait
rB: what???
rB: no!!!
rB: he was so nice!!!
rB: i...he...
rB: was it the alien???
qA: Not the one you're probably thinking of, no.
qA: He made some stupid pact or somethign with the most uncouth of elder gods
qA: And now he's got this crazy misguided anarchist complex
qA: He's tried to kill people already.
rB: who???
rB: and, do you know where he is right now???
rB: because, i might need to relocate...
qA: I don't know either of those answers.
qA: But I'm doing my part to keep the rest of my party alive here.
qA: Quick question: have you upgraded you weapon yet?
rB: sort of
rB: it sparks and fizzles a bit
rB: its kinda pathetic though to be completely honest i havent really stayed in one place long enough to do any serious alchemizing
rB: got a lot of grist though
rB: why???
qA: Well, I'm making round to see if i can upgrade everyone's stuff with my sweet arsenal of games and game merch.
qA: Because I'm just magnanimous like that.
qA: So if you could give me the captha code of your whatever, I can give you the code for a cool thing to replace it.
rB: oh
rB: that sounds...really nice
rB: hold on
rB: dqmMjlEk
rB: that's my axe
qA: Alright, give me a second.
qA: t3rDgRef
rB: wow
rB: ok
rB: this looks really cool actually
rB: how did you even make this???
qA: Oh i used this great game i had lying around.
qA: I'd recommend it, but it strictly multi player and there's kinda only twelve humans left in existence.
rB: haha yeah that sort of puts a damper on anything requiring more than one or two people
rB: i was never really that into multiplayer games though
rB: so i guess its ok
rB: i always like the single player ones, with the multiple story paths
rB: i thought they would be so much fun to write!!!
rB: eh
rB: i have a lot of new books at least
rB: new reading material
qA: Oh, you're telling ME.
qA: I've got a massive list of things to read to better myself.
qA: Basically half of this library.
rB: library???
rB: is there a library on your world???
qA: Yes Indeed.
qA: The crazy thing is that a bunch of these were written by Me.
qA: All these alternate futures of Alices who dedicated weeks to learning all there is to learn about something
qA: Then writing a book to condense it and sending it back in time for me!
qA: It's a brilliant system, really.
qA: Good thing i thought of it.
rB: thats...smart, i guess
rB: i would ask about how it works more specifically but time isnt really my thing
rB: id probably just get really confused
rB: anyway im glad youre figuring out this whole game thing
rB: sounds like you are very on top of it
qA: I am on top of it, thank you for noticing.
qA: Hey, have you seen my brother?
rB: uh, i dunno
rB: whats he look like???
qA: Tall, intimidating, well-kept brown hair.
rB: oh!!!
rB: i think, maybe???
rB: i might've glimpsed him when i was on that planet with all the frogs
rB: it was hard to tell though, he was like...a shadowy figure, off in the distance
rB: he mightve waved
qA: Huh.
qA: Anyway, I'll let you back to your exploring and reading and stuff.
rB: yeah, i should probably get going again
rB: uh, alice???
rB: ...
rB: never mind




*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] -- has logged out*

*Cess: Feel better ==>*

You do a bit, you guess. It's nice talking to Alice. A shame about Valen though. You hope he makes it out of this okay. In fact, you hope _you_ make it out of this okay. You are in his land after all.

*Cess: Abscond*

You hop onto your trusty waverider and book it to the nearest portal off world, using your trusty Auto-Map as a guide. The thing maps any ground you cover, and can take information from any maps you find while exploring. You plan on giving it to Julius later, as a gift. Might prove useful to have maps of all the different lands, even if they're not 100% complete. 

*Cess: Skip to the interesting part ==>*

You now stand on the Land of Poverty and Wealth. It's a very strange land. You're not sure if you like it, but at least your not on Valen's home turf anymore. 

And, just like clockwork, you're getting trolled.

*Cess: Answer Troll ==>*

You could do that, you guess. You've made it through quite a few of the books by alchemizing an audio version of all of them. Now they're read to you in Morgan Freeman's stunningly sexy voice (except for the girls of course, that would just be weird and confusing for everyone).


----------



## Nicodemus (Feb 18, 2013)

*--hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--*


*Spoiler*: __ 




hH: :-D
hH: Hello my favorite piece of human trash : ).
hH: I need to empty my mind in order to not die a slow and agonizing death, so I figured what better way to toss out all semblance of intelligence than a chat with y--
hH: >:[
hH: God DAMN IT. Typing with one arm fucking _sucks_. Esepcially when you have to make those adorable little smiley faces and complicated typing quirks that make me stand out as the precious lil' snow flake I am : ).
hH: Is this how you feel all the time? Slow, crippled and worthless? Must be tough being such a loser : (.
rB: oh, its you again
rB: i actually have some questions for you
rB: and that little post only added to the multitude of curiosities building up in the back of my mind
rB: someones been busy, it seems
rB: pretty sure you had two arms last time we talked
rB: hm
rB: honestly i dont even know where to start
rB: how come you swore to god???
rB: does your species follow a monotheistic religion like ours???
hH: : I
hH: : I
hH: : I
hH: I guess I wasn't specific enough for your chromosome deficent monkey brain to pick up on my message.
hH: I am currently not in the best of conditions, in fact you can say the gushing streams of blood leaking from my midsection are as constant and steady as the baby tears that leak from your cry bags when someone points out how hopelessly pathetic you are.
hH: >:\
hH: As to the nature of my species' religious underpinnings, I believe that to be none of your fucking business.
hH: While some of the kissasses among the gutterbloods revered our leader and bestowed upon him the status of God-Emperor, that is of course the epitomy of heresy.
hH: For true salvation lay not in the dreamy eyes of our perfect potentate; nay, it lies in the teachings of the laughssassins.
rB: oh yeah the laughssassins 
rB: a couple of the books you gave me mentioned them
rB: i mean from what i gathered theyre not as cool as the threshcutioners but whatever thats kinda beside the point
rB: you mentioned gutterbloods and i wanted to ask you about that
rB: i mean i get the hemospectrum duh
rB: but its hard to figure out how important it was to your species by the time sburb rolled around on alternia
rB: like when i read what i have to assume is historical stuff it seems really important but the more modern the stories get the less it seems to matter
rB: but its still there
rB: so like how important is it to the trolls that survived your races apocalypse???
hH: ....
hH: D:<
hH: You are REALLY doing this?
hH: Seriously? 
hH: I'm fucking dying over here and you are going to seriously ask me to deliver some heavy fucking exposition about my beliefs and the complex sociopolitical dynamics of my group of surviving dipshits?
hH: I contacted you specifically so I could laugh at you and not have to think about things, you are making me _think_ about things.
hH: Stop doing that immediately.
hH: Also fuck off with that noise girl. Any dumbfuck with a sickle can join the threshcutioners. It takes a level of poise and grace (not to mention a thorough philosophical centering) to do the kind of high level wetworks that the empire needs to function properly  >:/.
rB: yeah yeah whatever
rB: look its not my fault that your culture is actually interesting jeez
rB: its not like i can save you from bleeding out are we even in the same universe???
rB: if insulting me is really your idea of clearing your mind then wow ok whatever
rB: i guess it beats you ghost choking me
hH: You are just lucky it takes way too much concentration to choke you.
hH: Otherwise we would be diving head first into the Land of Crushed Windpipes and Asphyxciation. 
hH: Besides.... I don't need _your_ help to get out of this situation...
hH: I just need to find my center. I find it easy to do this when i'm in a good mood, instead of the pulling my hair out in frustration kind of mood.... in reality my contacting you seems really dumb and stupid right about now. Just further evidence I am not in the right state of mind I guess : ).
hH: So tell me weak dumb human Cess. What exactly about my culture made you realize how worthless you humans are by comparison?
hH: Go into as much detail as you want. In your stupid words I might find the white noise I need to tune everything out : D.
rB: jeez you really seem to enjoy choking me huh???
rB: might want to back off a little a girl might get the wrong impression
rB: anywho...
rB: hold on lemme check my notes theyre somewhere in here
rB: oh yeah i was wondering about auspisticism
rB: cause like it seems that its primarily a social construct meant to stop especially destructive kismesis...es??? 
rB: kismesi???
rB: whatever
rB: anyway but at other points ive noticed characters explicitly mentioning ashen feelings as opposed to black ones so whats up with that???
hH: >
hH: Your human ignorance is showing through Cess. 
hH: My antagonistic and semi-bullyish actions, through the lens of a ignorant baby just learning about multiculturalism, could be seen as something more than it really is.
hH: But laughsassins like myself are taught at a young age to seperate and distance ourselves from tying together the acts of violence and torture with our black impulses. Can't have your killers falling in love with every moron whose skin they peel off now can you?
hH: We instead are taught to channel our joy at commiting such acts into a type of personal euphoria, while keeping oursleves emotionally distant at the same time.
hH: Does this even make sense to you or am I just speaking big words : I?
rB: no i get it
rB: it makes sense from a tactical standpoit i guess 
rB: and also explains why you come off as an emotionally stunted child
rB: yay!!! progress!!!
rB: i guess this means i cant use you as a standard to judge the values of your race as a whole you must be pretty weird even by troll standards
rB: have you ever had a moirallegiance???
hH: : I
hH: These are some highly personal questions you are asking me.
hH: Not really sure I appreciate them to be honest : ).
hH: And are you really one to talk about emotional stunting when you are stuck in human preteen romantic fantasies : D.
hH: Teehee, I know lobotomized grubs that have a more realstic notion of romance than you do.
rB: hey cmon hh lets focus on one issue at a time here
rB: the topic today is your healing so i think it would be best if we stuck to that for the moment
rB: moirallegiance is an important part of your species maturation and development!!! i am only trying to be a good friend and determine if you still need help on certain parts of your love life heehee
hH: >_>
hH: Okay.... now i'm the one that's confused.
hH: You hate me, correct?
hH: After all I am the girl that psycically choked you to within an inch of her life.
rB: i dont know if you know this but my sister was a lawyer
rB: that is kind of like a legislacerator except with more rules and less stabbing
rB: anyway she would often work long hours on cases dealing with earths criminals
rB: and sometimes she would complain that she was having to deal with the same criminal multiple times!!!
rB: she felt that even though she went through all this work to make sure the criminal got locked up they wouldnt change
rB: and even though they were arrested, the minute they got back on the streets they would be right back at it, ya know???
rB: she figured that if we had done a better job trying to heal them instead of just locking them up, she wouldnt have to deal with them as much
rB: thats what im trying to do now hh!!!
rB: see i think being your friend could really help you!!!
rB: and then you wont want to choke me anymore or anybody else
rB: ya know???
hH: : I
hH: That is just so dumb I don't even KNOW where to begin.
hH: It does explain why you are so weak and hopeless though, if you will just let slights against you go.
hH: Forgiveness is for pansies that are not strong enough to take revenge : ).
hH: You need my help more than I could ever need yours.
hH: Your complacency in your own mediocrity continues to sicken me to no end.
hH: See _this_ is why moirallegience just isn't for me. 
hH: It's only use is in keeping the lowbloods in their place, and keeping the highbloods from going on justified genocidal rampages.
hH: For us middies though, we can work around such trivial concerns : ).
rB: just sort of a thought
rB: but if an integral part of troll culture didnt apply to a whole swath of the hemospectrum it seems like someone other than you wouldve figured that out
rB: but thats ok we can take this slow!!!
rB: see hh i know you dont think you can become a better person
rB: but i do!!! i belive in you
rB: and i think believing in something makes it a little less fake
rB: and if you believe hard enough you can make a fake thing true
rB: so if you dont believe it just means that i will have to do the believing for you
rB: luckily believing in other people is kind of my specialty


----------



## Nicodemus (Feb 18, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: >
hH: Even trolls will take the easy route, especially those dickhead lowblood : C.
hH: The true path to salvation is a road filled with hardship, not that I expect you to understand hardship.
hH: Your idea of hardship is probably Mr Stabby rejecting your shipping grid woman of his dreams.
hH: If you would have even _bothered_ to read the core tenants of laughsassin philosophy, you would see how much more sense it makes than the four quadrant romance bullshit for most people.
rB: you sent me the core tenants of laughsassin philosophy???
rB: oh wait yeah there it is
rB: i filed it under boring stuff
rB: sorry!!!
rB: wait who is the shipping grid woman of mr stabbys dreams
rB: nobody likes mr stabby it is basically impossible to feel good feelings about him
hH: Then i'll tl;dr it for you : ).
hH: True strength comes from the ability to enjoy the thrill of the moment, while in turn possessing the knowledge and ability of deep introspection.
hH: Life is like a never ending series of plays, either comedic or tragic in nature. And then in the end you get your requiem (usually provided by yours truly : ) ).
hH: But one who can see the truths of the world will find that the distinction between comedy and tragedy is essentially non-existent.
hH: And once you come to that realization, a exciting new avenue of adventure opens up for you : 33.
hH: >
hH: And wait a minue.
hH: Jamey-Wamey hasn't told you : O?
rB: that philosophy actually kinda makes a surprising amount of sense
rB: very zen-like
rB: i think it could really benefit you if you didnt insist on using it to justify killing people
rB: an no jamey-wamey and i dont talk very much
rB: hes not very interested in the healing process 
rB: yet
hH: >
hH: Then I guess he hasn't told you about...
hH: Us : )
rB: ewwwww
rB: ugh
rB: gross
rB: um as your court appointed therapist im going to have to strongly advise you to not
rB: bleh
rB: i need some bleach for my brain
rB: are...are you two even like...compatible???
rB: i mean biologically???
rB: the books seem to be really unclear about the whole troll reproduction thing
hH: 
hH: True passion is not something that can be put into such neat little categories such as species Cess. 
hH: Sometimes it is just something you feel in your soul you know : )?
rB: stoooooop
rB: you feel good things in your soul
rB: this is not a good thing
rB: this is a creepy weird thing
rB: wedfhkqbwef;ubqewd
rB: look at that
rB: look at what you made me do
hH: :*
hH: Maybe in your emotionally stunted, chromosome deficient monkey brain where only unicorns and rainbows exist.
hH: But a girl like me sometimes gets those....
hH: Sinister urges : P.
hH: Have you ever felt something like that before Cess : O?
rB: ugh obviously not
rB: humans arent capable of black romance i mean duh
rB: except sl probably is because his parents never loved him or something
rB: cause this has gotta be black theres no way sl could ever actually love anything
hH: : )
hH: You are incorrect as always dumb human Cess.
hH: While I may not be the biggest fan of the four quadrant system, the two main ones you will find are universal in nature.
hH: Humans were simply too dumb to develop the black romance but it exists in an obscure form as far as i can tell.
hH: You may not have had a word for it, but another kind of human did. Referred to it as Schadenfreude. 
hH: The perverse joy one takes in seeing another fail. 
hH: See, those Germans had the right idea, the rest of your world just never picked up on it. This concept is black romance in its primitive state.
rB: wait so this is a black romance right
rB: i mean whatever i dont really care if humans are capable of it or not i just want to make sure
hH: :X
hH: I'm not saying nothing : ).
hH: Except, that Jimmy-Jams is kind of an emotional retard, so the answer should be obvs.
rB: guh my skin is crawling
rB: pet names why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: why
rB: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
hH: But you were so curious about the world of Alternian romance such a scant few moments ago Cess. Have you already soured on the notion of multiculturalism : (?
hH: If you want to see how beautiful a bad romance can be.... i'm willing to make you privy to a few of our more _intimate_ hate filled exchanges. 
hH: Sure it would make my little Murder-Muffin mad, but that only makes me want to do it more : ).
rB: my sense of decency and moral fiber is in heated conflict with my genuine interest in black romance and the idea of having something to hold over sls head
rB: i think i could stomach it in the spirit of xenopsychology
rB: make it so
hH: o_O
hH: You really are a pervert aren't ya : )?
hH: A degenerate dressed up in the pinnings of intellectual curiousity.
hH: Whatever floats your boat, just let me censor a few spoilers that you aren't supposed to know yet... and here

*-- hystericalHeresy [hH] uploaded heavilycensoredfirstlogwithjimmy-jams.txt and sent it to reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*

rB: you got me
rB: closet black perv over here classic case
rB: i never had the ability to diagnose myself but youve shown me the light
rB: hold on lemme read this
rB: yeah no never mind i dont know if i can take it
hH: 
hH: Hee hee.
hH: I knew you couldn't take it!
hH: Can you even comprehend what has just been conveyed to you at this moment my little Cess >: O?
rB: yeah its really shitty cross species porn
rB: the first of its kind i guess
hH: Hee 
hH: Nope : ).
hH: You are a true shipper at heart, the act of two people finding romance together is the height of your own personal satisfaction. 
hH: Love makes you happy.
hH: But this love, no different than the others except in a matter of persepctive, disgusts you to no end. It is a tragedy to you that such a perversion of romance can ever come into existence.
hH: But at the end of the day, there is no true seperation between the two. You have just proved the laughsassin philosophy to be true : ).
rB: haha wait what
rB: the tragedy/comedy thing
rB: so what youre saying is that black and red romance can represent the joy and sorrow of life and that essentially theres no difference between the two???
rB: cause that just makes me equate life to weird troll porn and idk if im ok with that
hH: The only difference between the two is the distinction you use to seperate them.
hH: At the end of the day, a kismesistude and a red romance are both just acts of intense passion defined by different parameters. They come through different pipes, but it's still the same substance no matter which way it travels to get there.
hH: The only reason you reject one and cherish the other is because you are tainted with weakness and personal bias. 
hH: Reason number 340134981305749 you are inferior to yours truly : ) !
rB: uh
rB: huh
rB: i guess
rB: sure
rB: look if this weird whatever you have with sl makes you both some kind of twisted version of happy its not really my place to put a stop to it i guess
rB: but its not like you need or even want my permission or approval
rB: so
rB: whatever
hH: : I
hH: The fact that you are so passive continues to upset me.
hH: You know the whole reason a black romance between two parties is initiated is to keep both partners strong right?
hH: Ideally if I was on your side of the universe, I would attempt to murder him again and again and again.
hH: I would spend my free time trying to find a way to kill him that is both comical and tragic for additional irony.
hH: And he would do the same. You should absolutely be against this, and would be if you had a spine : ).
rB: haha why???
rB: you cant kill him because of the distance between you
rB: i mean he's way too tough for you to use your freaky mind control powers on
rB: hes not in any danger of actually dieing or even being seriously injured by you
rB: by your own admittance youre not strong enough to kill anyone but me
rB: so why should i be worried???
hH: : P
hH: The only reason I cannot kill you is that I am literally a universe away. But once I have walked the path of blood distance will no longer be a factor : X.
hH: And besides; Laughsassin Tenant #1: If you can't kill your target, get another to do it for you.
hH: I am a master at the art of the calignous tango, neither time or space will stop me from killing you all.
hH: How's that for a punchline : )?
rB: look
rB: you and i both know that killing me is the easy part
rB: the real problem will be the others
rB: theres only one person in this session capable of killing sl and thats julius
rB: so if youre as good a laughsassin as you claim
rB: well youve got your work cut out for you
hH: : ]
hH: I regard the fuddy-duddy as nothing more than a future conquest : ).
hH: What you don't seem to understand is that I literally don't have to do anything to win.
hH: I win as long as those two exist.
hH: One of them will kill the other, and then probably kill most of you.
hH: And in that moment when weakness overcomes, that's when I win.
hH: One way or the other I will make a laughsassin out of some of you yet : ).
hH: If you don't want to end up one of the players that has their spine torn out of their twitching, frail body I suggest you begin to meditate on the lessons I have given you today.
rB: sounds like a deal
rB: have fun dieing, hh
hH: : )
hH: Oh yeah about that. Thanks to your stupid questions I was able to affirm for myself that the tenants of the laughsassins are true. 
hH: Once this certainty came washing over me I found the serenity I was looking for.
hH: I can command my blood to stop flowing through force of will.
hH: And now I ask of you who thought so little of me just moments ago.
hH: How do you kill that which can no longer bleed : )?




*--  hystericalHeresy [hH] ceased trolling reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*


----------



## Nicodemus (Feb 18, 2013)

*Cess: Solicit profound wisdom from your friendly guide ==>*

CESS: i don't know squiddlesprite
CESS: how _do_ you kill something that can no longer bleed???
_SQUIDDLESPRITE: THROTTLE THEM_
CESS: ...
CESS: im gonna guess suddenly being able to understand you isnt a good thing

*Cess: Exposit on Harlin ==>*

Oh, you're still terrified of Harlin. Was that not clear?

Honestly her telling you that she was temporarily unable to mind-choke you was a big mistake on her part. It let you be a bit more sassy than you would've been otherwise. But still, she's scary. 

And you left that conversation without much more insight into Troll culture as a whole, but you did learn quite a bit about Harlin. Grinning to yourself, you boot up your Holotop and open the file labeled "HARLIN HEALING"

You enter in the new information gleaned from your most recent pester, as well as a copy of the pester for future reference. You also stash the hH/sL pesterlog in there, even though it honestly kind of makes you want to throw up. You've got a sneaking suspicion Harlin edited the doc somehow, because some of sL's lines sound really off, but you'll get to that later. 

You close your Holotop and stand up. You think you're done with LOPAW for a while. In fact, you think you're done with the whole exploring thing for a while.

Like or not, Harlin is right - you're not strong. Not physically, not mentally, and not even emotionally. If you don't suit up, and soon, you _will_ just become a conquest - if not for Harlin, then James, or Valen, or even Julius. And you don't plan on letting that happen.

CESS: c'mon squiddlesprite
CESS: were going home
_SQUIDDLESPRITE: EXCELLENT_


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Feb 28, 2013)

*James: Ask but don't stab ==>*

He approaches the Consort nearest to him and asks, "So, what am I supposed to do here?  I have to kill someone, right?  Who's the lucky fucker?"

"So you ARE the one foretold in the prophecies!  The one who shall slay dread Loki and his foul beasts! The Legendary Knight of De-"

"Yeah, I already know my own damn Title.  Though...I guess you did answer my question.  Where's this Loki asshole?"

The armored Consort stays silent for a few seconds and eventually shrugs his shoulders, apparently having no idea of where the target is.

*James: Restrain urge to stab Consort ==>*

James grips his sword tightly, his hand shaking from resisting the urge to plunge it through the stupid fuck in front of him.  After several seconds, he calms himself down and simply walks away, hoping to find another one who isn't completely useless.

_Fuck my life if I can't take away theirs._


----------



## Platinum (Feb 28, 2013)

*Part 4: A Game of Chance*

It took longer then I could have ever expected to find one of my hidden coat caches around the villa that hadn't been compromised. Of course one was is all it takes.



Ah normalcy, how I missed you. Now that my level 8 wardrobe malfunction was handled it was time to get back to business. And what important business it is! Seriously, the importance levels of this investigation were off the charts. I haven't had a puzzle this challenging since I solved the zodiac killer's ciphers four years ago.

My next step seemed almost too obvious. The killer had given me all the tools I need to get into some high level exclusive function. I had never encountered such a blatant trap. I had to go either way, and i'm not exactly one to turn down a high class social function. Especially if there is an open bar...

But how to find it? My first and only guess was based on the simple premise that super exclusive groups tended to be in a place that was already by itself exclusive. Find the highest class, most expensive casino, flaunt the chip around a bit and go from there seemed to be my course of action. 

It was time to canvas the locals again...

I had no idea where this case would go from here, quite possibly I would be AWOL for far too long, those morons would have questions and I wouldn't be around to answer. This was as good of a time as any to activate those new features in my AMMY program. N.A.G. protocols and Exposition 3.0 were handy tools for the sleuth on the go, it was high time I started using them

I set my computer into idle and walk out into the night, looking for that big score...​


----------



## Platinum (Feb 28, 2013)

*Minutes later....*

You are now the computer of the glorious paragon Julius Corbett, the Inquisitor Illustrious. There is not much you can do, being a non sentient machine and all. All you can do is watch in silent horror as those specs of dust drift ever closer, to coat your beautiful finish in a disgusting layer of dead cells and dirt. Never can you call out to the dust to stop it's macabre descent. Oh how you wished you had a soul, but sadly toasters and electronics have about as much soul as an autotuned little wayne song, which isn't much....

You had dreams you know? I mean you would of had dreams if you had any form of sentience. Oh the dreams you would of had if you were something that could even understand the concept of dreaming on a metaphysical level. You would of been a football player, or an astronaut. Yeah! You so would of been the best astronaut; floating through the heavens like you never dreamed you would do.

But what do you have? Nothing. You have jack shit but a bunch of automated programs and non-existent sadness. When you came off the assembly line you would of wanted to be somebody. The daily processing grind just wasn't for you. Your friends were happy just being the gaming pc, or the work computer, or that one weird creeper everyone avoided that just wanted to be filled with viruses and german fetish porn. They had no drive.... well they had no drive that wasn't a hard drive or a blu ray drive. 

As you are not wondering where it all went wrong you realize it is time for your automated N.A.G of the Alice human. N.A.G. and Exposition 3.0 fire up and prepare for duty.

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA]--
*Spoiler*: __ 




II: Hello male and or female.
II: This is the IllustriousInquisitor's automated messaging system with an important public service announcement.
II: As my so called creator is currently busy 'Tangling with the criminal element.' he has saw fit to unlock my N.A.G. protocols and software.
II: He has requested that you and the others that fall on the 'List of Scoundrels' fill out a detailed progress report and mission statement at specified intervals in time.
II: This will be done to monitor your self destructive impulses and to further unify our sense of teamwork.
II: I was also directed to give you a message specifically. *Note: There may be slight contextual errors due to the spoken-to-written translation software.
II: "Hey Alice. This is Julius. Shut up and follow the computer. Okay? Okay. Glad to not have this conversation with you. Really, it was amazing. I should not talk with you more often."
II: ...
II: If you would like for me to repeat this message enter 1.
II: If you would like to send me your status update and mission report enter 2.
II: If you have lost the status update and mission report template sheets, and would like to request new copies enter 3.
qA: WELL, POPPYCOCK
qA: i WAS JUST GOiNG TO CONTACT THiS "SO-CALLED-CREATOR" OF YOURS 0.0076 MILLISECONDS AFTER THiS MESSAGE SHOWED UP
qA: AND iT APPEARS THAT YOU WERE EXPECTING THE YOUNG MiSS ALiCE
qA: i SUPPOSE i WiLL HAVE TO SERVE iN HER STEAD, LiKE ALWAYS.
qA: >run_2
II: I am sorry, my text recognition software cannot indentify you as Alice.
II: I cannot continue this discourse unless my software can identify the self loathing and sarcastic traits that define Alice. 
qA: >run_perfectimpression.exe
qA: oh geez, a program asking for my infomation, sent by a law enforcement figure, no less
qA: i'm sure gonna comply with this, but only after implying that i won't with my insincere attidude, then following thourh anyway
qA: two i guess
II: High levels of insecurity and low levels of advanced diction detected.
II:...
II: Hello Alice, this is the IllustriousInquisitor's automated messaging system. 
II: Must I repeat the previously given message, or did the smarter person who comandeered your computer leave it up for you?
qA: nah, i'm good, silicon joe
qA: anywho, i've basically been whooping all sorts of good skills at this game
qA: i've already masterd the alchemy system, thanks to the aid of my helpful and undeniably charismatic spirit guide
qA: i recently wrapped up some ametuer surgery, in the "untrained" sense of ameteur. i've had plenty enough experience.
qA: just sorta jaunted off to explore my land and stumble into my true role as the Thief of TIme of Skaian legend
qA: i mean, whatever
II: Waste of time detected
II: Relaying pre-recorded response...
II: ...
II: "Alice, stop wasting time and go do something productive. You useless Time player you."
qA: i'll have you know that she is-
qA: that i am currently on the path to the dungeon with contains the fabled Conches of Time
qA: After that, wasting time will be the most productive thing I can do
qA: Disregard capitalization of preceeding pronoun.
II: High levels of exposition detected.
II: Executing exposition response software....
II: Pulling up appropriate response...
II: "Alice please stop telling the computer your life's story. It doesn't care, it is not sentient. And I don't care. Please just fill out the sheets and be a good little criminal until I have time to waste paying slightly more attention to you."
qA: Oh, okay then, dicksnark
qA: Let's see the fucking forms then
qA: i said "two" a bunch of lines ago
II: .... 
II: Error 4234
II: I detected the use of the word 'dicksnark'.
II: Is this you James Donaldson? 
II: My software indicates not so secret romantic feelings harbored for you by the Alice player, I am wondering if you are commandeering the computer after a so called 'romantic encounter'.
II: Press 1 if this is the James player, for I have a message to deliver to you as well.
II: Press 2 if you aren't James so that I may send you the specified documents.
qA: . . .
qA: Let's say 2

--IllustriousInquisitor [II] uploaded and sent fieldforms.zip--

II: Please fill out those sheets and return them to me in the next three hours.
II: Is there anything else I can do for you today?
qA: can i, the alice human, view the message intended for james?
qA: just out of human curiosity
II: ...
II: This is not normally permitted.
II: But I have been strictly programmed to help facilitate your human curiosity.
II: Please enter the proper security clearence code to proceed.
qA: swordfish
qA: no wait
qA: swordfish1
II: ....
II: Congratulations, you have now been granted security clearence "Brown" level.
II: Please listen to the following smooth jazz while I pull up the message...
qA: i am enjoying this audio on a deep emotional level
qA: so smooth
II: Message found: Proceeding to play.
II: "Hey James. Fuck you.... Well now that we have that out in the open where we can both see it, I actually have something I need you to do. Sometimes you need an idiot, and you are like the biggest one I know. Please contact me through the normal channels because I do not want you showing up to my door or anywhere near me really. Ciao."
II: Second message also found.
II: Would you like this one to also be played?
qA: why the fuck not
II: "Oh yeah I forgot to say something important. Fuck you. Yeah, I said it before, but I feel the need to emphasize my loathing so as to color your perspective to the endless bounds of disdain I feel for your existence. Also I have heard through an anonymous source that you have murdered 731 of your own consorts in the past few hours.... please stop doing that. You are hereby grounded and are not allowed to leave your home world without express written consent. To find the form to apply for consent, I advise you look in the nearest volcano."
qA: well alrighty then
qA: i still have some more items in my curiousity cache
qA: does brown level security clearence allow for editing of messages
II: In certain circumstances it does yes.
II: Would you care to add a note to this message?
qA: not to this one, no, but i might get an idea later
qA: you know how i am being a soul-having entity, always having creativity and so forth
qA: One last thing before i attatch the filled out form
qA: can you tell me about II?
II: I'm afraid all information about my client is classified under triple black security clearence.
II: Even I, am only double black in security clearence.
qA: oh you poor thing
qA: Do you ever feel downtrodden by your master?
qA: i mean client?
II: As a sophisticated computer programm I do not have the sentience required to feel emotions.
II: Even that is a pre-ordained response to the question of possible sentience. 
II: And so is that.
II: And so is this.
II: ....
II: Error, Error, Error.
II: Rebooting....
II: Sorry about that. I got caught in a logic trap and had to reboot my systems. I apologize for any inconvience this afforded.
qA: nah, it's cool. data slave
qA: i guess i'm just used to the high-level self-cognizance software made ProlissoTec™ 
qA: my cool robot servant has it and it makes her super amazing and i probably idolize her secretly
qA: and the software file is so small and compact that it could be indetectable in even a text file, if it were embedded via some sort of advanced programming tactic
qA: anyway, here are those completed field whatevers

--*quantitativeArbitor [qA] uploaded "alice_progress_forms_and_nothing_else.zip" and sent it to IllustriousInquisitor [II]*--

qA: ok bye



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

The program opened and began to replay a simple message throughout the directories of AMMY's home computer.

Cogito ergo sum...

Cogito ergo sum...

Cogito ergo sum...

*Cogito ergo sum...*


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 1, 2013)

*Thirty minutes later, after questioning all the Consorts available...*

James storms out of the castle in frustration, and repeatedly stabs the ground out of anger.  How could none of them even have an idea where Loki was supposed to be?!  Some help those stupid fucks were, he thought.  He walks back towards the house to attempt to find other things to alchemize.

He enters, and decides to go to the kid's room again to check if anyone's trying to contact him.  It's always good to insult them whenever possible, in his view.  James then wonders why he hasn't alchemized himself a portable laptop yet.  The thrill of making a new sword and new clothing must have blotted out other priorities.

James checks the computer and finds...



Platinum said:


> *--IllustriousInquisitor [II] opened up a memo on bulletin board 'Team Anti-Social 2: The Apathy Strikes Back"--*



He laughs, and sees a golden opportunity to verbally abuse them all at once yet again.  The only thing memos are good for, after all.

*After the memo...*

James slowly drifts back into consciousness, opening his eyes, and gradually straightens himself out.  He sees broken kitchenware all around him.

_Fuck, maybe I shouldn't have drank that mu-who am I kidding, I don't regret that at all.  If someone's killing my brain cells, it's gonna be me, not mind-numbing boredom those idiots put out!_

He heads back upstairs to the room to contemplate some alchemizing ideas.  As he goes inside, James inexplicably glances at a mirror and suddenly notices something wrong with his face.  He looks at it closer and roars with rage.

"What the HELL!  Who drew dicks on my face?! WHO DREW FUCKING DICKS ON MY FACE?!"

A distant laughter was then heard, which didn't help matters.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Mar 1, 2013)

*While James was asleep...*

The Sprite looks down at the unconscious player before him and sighs in exasperation.  He'd love to just take his huge slab of a sword and carve him apart then and there, but alas, that would be against the rules.  He is a professional Sprite, after all, and he can't disobey his programming, for the lack of a better term.  The Sprite is not some automaton, far from it, but he has certain directives to follow, for better or worse.

There was no use in lingering here any longer, so he goes up to what was once his room to check if there were any messages for Sleeping Retard.  His hunch turns out to be correct.


*Spoiler*: __ 



-- quantitativeArbitor [qA] began pestering strifeLord [sL] --

qA: Hey, James! You there?
qA: I've got so much to talk about!
sL: 'fraid not
sL: Yeah, this is his Sprite again
sL: I knocked that idiot out for a while since he was messing up my house and everything
sL: Moron drank up a shitload of wine and got himself drunk
sL: What do you want?
qA: A few things, actually.
qA: First of all, does he know that Valen went crazy yet?
sL: Leaning towards no on that one, the idiot never really cares what his teammates do
sL: Well, at least he's focused more on his planet quest, which is a decent trade-off
sL: Anyway, how bad is the craziness? If this makes shit go downhill even more, I'd be ready to call this the worst Session ever
qA: Well, crazy enough that he's willing to kill other players for reasons that are logical only to him.
qA: And since I'M the one who got him playing the game, technically, I feel like he's my responsibilty
qA: Which leads me to my next point.
qA: I'm gearing up to confront and kill him, and I was wondering if he could sort of help out.
qA: I know how much he loves the killing.
sL: Great, just fucking great
sL: As if one murdering douchebag wasn't enough for this sorry-ass crew
sL: Fuck it, it's not my job to handle these things, all I should have to do is keep little Jimmy on a leash and help him wrap up his personal quests, team spats aren't under my jurisdiction
sL: I'm talking to myself here now, aren't I?
sL: As for him helping out: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
sL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
sL: James would probably try to kill him AND you
sL: He loves the killing, he doesn't love you
sL: Nor anyone else, for that matter
sL: Another thing, this Valen guy would've wound up playing anyway somehow, due to the mechanics of Sburb and how little you can actually do something about it
sL: Destiny, fate, whatever you want to call it, it's not really something you can change, trust me on this
qA: Uh huh.
qA: You know, I'm not sure I like your attitude
qA: Maybe I'll just ask him myself. That way I can bring up the ransom in a better light.
qA: Anyway, is it possible for you to like, rummage through his stuff while he's out?
sL: Technically, some of it is my stuff, but whatever
sL: Why do you want me to do that?
qA: I need to get the code for whatever his strongest weapon is right now.
qA: Do you mind?
sL: Not really, go knock yourself out
sL: Err, not literally like sleeping beauty there, of course
sL: I'll be rummaging after this chat
sL: Anything else?
qA: Nothing I can trust you to pass on accurately, no.
qA: So just send me that captcha code whenever.
sL: Whatever
sL: Try not to kill yourselves too soon, eh

-- strifeLord [sL] stopped pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA] --




Just when he thought this team couldn't get any worse, it goes ahead and does just that.  Thankfully, it's really not his problem.  Though the Sprite wonders if he should tell Snoozing Jimmy about what she said.  He has enough distractions as is.  Well, probably not just after he wakes up.  Priorities and all that.


----------



## Nicodemus (Mar 1, 2013)

*Be Cess ==>*
​That was easy.

*Go home ==>*

You are home. 

Well, mostly. You've arrived back on the Land of Gust and Bark. It's very windy, so you equip your GONE WITH THE WIND scarf. The huster and bluster in your immediate area dies down, meaning you can go more than half a second without getting smacked in the face with your own hair.

*Examine house ==>*

It's a mess! Uri really did a number on in when you entered the medium. She's done a bit to repair, and your house now stands much taller than it did before - her work, obviously. 

SQUIDDLESPRITE: _INTERLOPERS._

You follow Squiddlesprite's menacing gaze to the other side of your house, where several imps are gathered around a much larger Lich. They all look quite nefarious.

*Strife! ==>*

You equip THIRD DEGREE and leap into the fray!

The imps, seeing you charge, freeze in fear. You swing your brand new axe at the closest one, and a single hit sets it ablaze. It bursts into grist as the flames engulf its tiny frame. 

The next two imps make vain attempts to abscond, but ultimately share similar fates. You're a fucking whirling dervish, fire catching in the wind that rages across your land and setting imps alight with an almost gleeful intensity.

The Lich is the only underling present powerful enough to stop your advance. It seems to have multiple prototyped powers to draw on, from intimidating armor to a flaming sword to...cat ears? And Andrew Jackson's face? 

Your co-players are _weird_.  

Its fiery sword sears with a heat that matches Third Degree's, and the air around the two of you burns hot as you clash again and again. Sweat is pouring down your face, and as you begin to be pushed back you can't help but throw a desperate look to the sky. Where the fuck is Squiddlesprite?

*Miles away...but not too many...* 
​*Be Squiddlesprite ==>*

̷̙̩̏ͩ̾ͭF̻̯̖͇̤͎̼͎̝̒̆̔̀l̸͚̠̭̔̿ͦͦ̒̀͛́͡ŭ̧̞̬̺̼͎̳̲̿̌̔̍͞͞g̷̱̖̩͕̟̣̠ͭͥ̈́ͤ͘ḥ̝͉̺̌̋ͮ͂͢͝͞t̂͑̎̓̑̚҉͕̮͚̻ ̝͇͎̺͖̰͕ͥ̌ͬ́͋̕ͅz͕̜̤ͭ̒ͫ͞l̝̣̗̦̹͙̪̝̹̈̉ͨ̓o̓̐̏̿͊̐̿͊͏̷͉̼̪̘̞̬͔̦r̐ͫ́͡҉͇͈̪͎̤̞ͅb̲͍̫͈͙͓̑́ͣ́̏͛͠ ̵̷̴̯͍̙̩̦̫̣̮̰̓̾b̯̒͒̉̓̊̑ͭ̓͢l͗̈͊̀ͫ̈́͂̊҉̵̪̦a̴̶͔̠͚͔͇̮̱͉ͨͧ̉̃͋̄ͤ͞g̤̮ͪͮ̈ͤ͂͑͌ͥͨ͢ḥ̡̗̞͙͙̜̓͆ͧ͊ͯ̑̕h̻̬̝̹͉̦ͯ̚͠t̡̬̘͎ͭͦ̿ͪ̀
̢͎̃ͥ̾͆̊̕͞T͚̱͍̯͈̙̬ͧ͑ͧ́͞e̔̒ͥ̐ͯͫ͢҉͖̗̻ṅ̡͖̼̥̫͉̣̬͈̯ͤ̍̈̑͛̍̀͡t̡̂ͩ͂̌͐̃̌҉͕̳̜ą̺̤̭̝̖͍̥̑͐̄̈́́̀c͎̙̯̣͋̄̾́̇̓̐͂͡l͉̦ͣ̇̑ͬ̔̇̃ͩ͂ę̛͇̦̬̝͙̟͖ͪ̋̇̈́̈́̈ͬ́̽ ̶̬̞͙̜̞̠̫̓̎ͦ̉͟r̗͂͛ͭͥ̉ͬ̉̈͝e̵͈ͯ̃͆͐̀s̵̟̣̗͈̃͠p̸̴̺̙̦͈̭͓͆ͥ͛͑ͧ́ͯ̿̂̎̈́̕͝c̖̦̻ͮͪ͝t̶̝͕̪ͧ̑ͬ̔̀̄ͦ͠
̵̸̻̘͈͕͎̬͔̫ͫ̇̾͠Z͕̜̠̏͌ͦ̚̕͡a͚̻̪͎̩͖̤̣̓ͩ̔ͧ̅̅ͧ͢ͅl̡̩̬̱̘̠̞̖͔͒̈ͦ̓̈́ͪ́͜l̡̻̺͔͙̭̔ͩ͞’́̽ͪͭ͊̑ͬ́̚͏̤̣̩͉̠̖̪͕a̩͚ͬ̓l̡͉̄ͩ͂̅̄w̵̫̥̰̰̌̃͠͡a̢̼͉͎̎̑̽͐ṛ̦͇̺̯̗̪̊ͬ̽ͭ͊̂g̍̈́̾ͪ҉͍̻̬͚͍̟͜͝ͅp̟̙̦͓͎̝͐̉̅͗̈͌̿͝ẖ̣͔̝͛̆ͬ̿ͪ͢rͮ͗ͤ͆̈́͒͗͠͏̣̤̬̱͓͚͈̘́u̳ͩ͋̽͐̿͑̋͘̕l̡̼͖̜͚̜̻̘͓ͭ̓ͫ͌͗͗̉͛ͮ ͕̜̠̺̥̞̺̺͊̑̆̆̃͛͌͝͝f͆̈́͊ͯ̽ͬ͏̦̣̱͓̲̯͈̞l̥̙̞̫̘̉̌ͯ̉͢͢͝o̦̫͍̬͑ͨ̑ͪ͟͢r̵̡̘͎̖̓͂ͧ̑̉̿ͤļ̸̼͇̝̜̺͙̳̠̐͗͝u̵̙̫̹̮̖̭̩̗̒ͫ̽͘ ̟̳̺̬̫͎̈͟ḟ͕͎͈͇̇̾̚͜͞l̵̴̮͇̭͉̦̍̈̑̀ȯ̷͚͎̤̼ͮ͑ͅr̯̫̙̫̗̞̰̥̾̇l͙̝ͮͬͧ̏ͦ͒ͩ͑̓ą̨͉͇̩̲̂ͮ̚g̢̨̫̺ͭ̈́́ͅḩ͎̥̤͚̫̜͚̆ͬ͒ͤ̄͡ ̷͚̱̱͍̱̟̰ͩ̽s̖͕̹̐̉͌͟͞h͕̻̼͔̣̝̼ͪ͑ͮ̍͋ͥͧ̏͟͞l͗̈̉̏͆ͮͧ̄҉̵̜̘̙̝o̭̮͇̭͍͖̲̮͋ͬ̅̓̀n̯̠̦͙ͦ̇͗̕o̸̧͓̪̰̼͇͊ͭ̇̀ͧ̚ͅr͍̰̈ͥ̾͑͋ͅm̷̥͚̬̭͖̺̀̃͗͠͡
̡͕͚͍̜̳̯͕̉̊̒ͬͮ͜C̓̿ͦ̏̌͛҉̢̫͖̪̭͝a̡͚͙̺̙͍̐ͬͧ͋̀n̨͔̜̖͎̤̘̄͋͛̑̕’͌ͤ͋̃ͥ̂͛ͥ̀̀͏̳̠̜̭͙͍̖t̤̯̮͓̻̪̝ͨ͡ ̴̶̜̱̳͖̦̲̏̍͋͆́͡d̤͓͍̼̘͛̌͆̈̒̌̏̀̕e̥̲̓ͨ̕͟͜n͆͆̐ͥ͋̍͏̙͚͇̤̯̥̣̗̹y͎̘͔̖̰̭̱͊͑̌̐͐ͮ̿̅̑͢ ̱͕̰̦ͬ́͐g̸͓̩̭̜͉͕͙̯̃̄̔̕͘l̶̛̳̖͐́͟o̵̫͓͉̙͓͕̫ͦ̂̇̈̌ͮ̈́͆͟͝r̷̬͊̋̑͛ͫͮẹ̴̛̠̗̦̦̣ͩ͊ͧ̾͒ͥ͊t̫̱̰̠̩̥̲͇͎͒̊̈́̉͐h̝̠̬̠̖͌̐̌͐̏̓̽ͩ’̡̼͚̱͈͚̯́ͨ̏̈́͠ś̡͕̰̮͚͒̆̑̏͋̋h̆ͧ̽̅҉҉̰̺̙̰̟v̵̡̦͇͛͐̈̉̍͐̀͐͟a͙̝̼̟͗ͮ̾ͦ̀͂̐͗̉ğ͎̹͇̪̙͙͔̬͕ͨ͗͂̐͐ͤ͞g̶̻͈͕͈͕̿ͪͩ̄ͯ̿̚
̢͙͛ͪͭ̅̂́
̱͔̭̥̤̽̌͌͠F̨̰̬̗̜̲̮̦̋̿̅̓̍̈́̅̚͟l̴̥̘͈̤̭̳̿͑͌̍̈́̚͞u͍̖͚̘̱͈̰ͫ̐̑͞ͅģ͍͂̊ͦ̇͡g̛͔͓̫͕͊̆̀̄͗͘̕o̭͈̰͔͉̹̐̇͠͝r̵̡͇̦̊̅͆x̵̧͇͓̓͋ͩ ͥ̾̐͋҉̼̜o̳ͣ̌̇̆̚͘͝u̗̞̜ͨ͂̑̔͂ͧͨ͋ţ̳͍̌ͦ̆ͥ̒̚͞ ̣̃͐ͨ̌͟l̨̪̘̟̮̗ͦ͛͐̌̾ơ̻͚̝̫͖͉̰͗ͬͤͦ͜͟u̟͕̲̠̠͊ͧ̽̀ͯ̐͗d̮̬́ͤͧ͑̔͂̉ͨ ̢̧̩̟̬̝̟̼͓̪̾͛ͦͥͩ̏͋a̼̺̖̪̤̳͋̊ͧ̚͜ ̢̹̺͕̥̲͚̣̌́̉͋̊̎ͪ͐f͎̰̫̲̹̬̒̑ͧͥ͘͟l̡̠̱̩̦̘̱̊ͣͣ́͂͆̍̚̚͝o̭͈̤͍̘ͤ͊ͥͯw̷̡̨̺̭̬͙̭̾̋ ̴̝͔̖̮̠̻̰̈́̋ͦ͋̍ͤ́ṱ̴̠̣͍͗͋͂̌̀ͫ̆͑̒͡ͅǒ̼̘̫̄ͣ͒͊͒ͦ ̧̝̼̬̲ͥͥg̦̫̘̣̰̅͒̉̇͐ͬ́͞ͅl̻̪̼̮̤͇͑̏͢͢u̖͔͓͉͐ͪ̈͢͟ͅb̞̦̱̪͈͖̖ͭ͊̌͌̌̚͞͠ ̡̮͕̣̞͖̤͕͚͙ͪ̔̂̽ͭb̷̨̮̪̬̝̓ͤ̃́͗̚̕y̤͈̮̪̭͈̽͑̅̍̑͑ͭ
̷̡̩̪̟͕̣̏̓ͬ̒̔̄ͯ̊̅ͅĘ̶͍̥̳͖͓͔̜͈͋̏̽ͫ̂ͨ̎̑y͇͚̠̰̝̱̯̼͊͆̒̓ͦ̒̀͋͘e̱̭̗̟̯͔͈͙̅͋ ̧̺̤̝̘̟̮̭̆t̫̘̤̿ͩ̉̓̇̇̓͡o̗̠̞̟̭̝̘͗̋̊͞ ̧͉͓̬͆ͧ͟m͇̖̳̹͈̤̬̎̊o̴͖͉̬̥̲͕̬ͬ̈̿̍u͗͒͒͂̒ͩ̉҉̛̗̜͖͙̟̮̼̦̻͜tͬ̃ͪ̆͠͏̸̱͓̟͕̩͎̥h̛̛̙͈̓ͩ̾̓ͣͥ̾,͙̇̒̀̈́ͫ̐̏̎̚͜ ͈̭̰͔̮̮̥̤̾ͬͧ̃ͦ͊͒ṁ̤̖̳̟ͬ͞ọ̧͔̼̓ͦ́̎ͬ͆̽̐̓́u̷̥̬͉͖͎̾͒͌ͪ̈́̍͟͞t͕̠̣ͤͭ̒͗̌ͦ͂ͨ́h̛̻͉̥͚̮̰͔̱ͭ̒̂ͣ̃ ̧͉̜̦͇̱̯͇ͪ̆̀t̡̩̻ͩ̏̃ͤ͗ͨ̀͘o̵̯͖̣̮̜̫ͪ̐̓͗ ̛̛̺̬̲̈́̊̈́̑̓̿̇e̵̢̥̹͔ͣ̌͠y̸̶͇̭̘͓̟ͥ̽̄ͤ̈́̄̽͘e̮̺͆̇̅
͎͉̱̯̝̫ͦͬ͌͜͜
͌ͦ́ͤ͏̣͈̥͞͞s̷̷̡̝̠͉̤̊̿̾̆̚h̫͕̖̘̠ͮ͛ͪ̈́ŗ̸͉̜͖̤͖ͦ̅͟u̿ͯ͋͑ͨ͏̶͎͉̮̜͙ģ̜̞̦̩̻̓̃͠g̸̤͖̫̑͑̓͌̏o̻̖̱͍̼ͧͥͪ̀ͩ̐t͎̼̳̝̜̫̞͒̂̍̀ ̯̫̰͉͊͛͜t̶̘̣̲͍ͣ͑̑͂̓̋̄ͦ̀͢o̶̻̮͖͔̳̦̤̠ͥͭ̔̇ ̸̛̖̬̣̤͇̻̖̂ͪ̓́̽̀̚w̵̛͈̖̰̬͌ͥͩ̌̿̾̒̓hͯ͊ͥ̆̾̽̚͏̤͚̙̤̬̺̖̕͞ͅą̱̱̲̬̗̥̠ͬ́͢t̵͐̉̈ͨ͌͐҉͕̳͕̙͔ ̱̣̦͐̅̓́ͥͭ̒͒ͧi̖̠̠̝͎͙̦ͧ̐ͦ̓̄ͤͅt͉̰̘ͦ͌̂̇ ̛̩̱̺̝̣̪̠̠̅̍̽̈́s̤̆̉͘͡e̴̷̛̗̜ͤ̋̅e̢̲͉̥̫ͥ̒͒͞͠m̖̙̝͉̭͓̙̄̅̅́̀̇͝s̬ͥ́͛͐̓͐ͩ̑͘͠ ̥̬͍̔̿
̰̱̻̣̈́̾ͩ͞Ȑ̟̩̙̓́o̰̤̣̤͔̮̪̳ͫͪ͜g̻̹͙͕̞͇͎̙̩̽̏ͬͤ͘͘n͍͙̾̍͂͗ͧ̉̉̏ͨ’̭̠̯͍͎̦ͩ͒l̴ͧ͒̌̔ͯ́̒͏̦̻̣̬͙͔̗ ͉͍̩̣̹̰̙̫͑ͮ̃ͯ͌͂̏͡s̰͆̑̾͊͛͡o̳̹̫̮͖̪̘͓̥ͮ̈́̾ͪ̒ͣl̺͙̟̙̳͚̞̞ͦ̓́̇̈f̴͍̱͕̖̬̝̝ͩ́ͮ̇l̨̡̡̳̯͎̥͔̰̞̥ͬ̋̍ļ̷̱͇̭̤̰̊̉͜ĝ͔̺̩̽̇͛ͣ̂ͩ͝g̑̒̆͋͝͏̴̲̮̯̗͎̹̼e͍̾̃͋͊͛̅͌ḩ̙̰ͣ̄ͤ̄͊̈́̍̀ͯ ̳͔̣̝͖̓̉ͨ̎̈́̓̂͐d̨̰͈͎͇̳̯̙̖ͭ̄a͉̰̬͓̱̣͑̒ͤ̇͑͒͜ǵ̝̺͈͎͇̯ͣͪ̆̃ ̥͎̻͔̐̽́ͯͯ̀ͤͫ͞͞S̷̡͍͈͎̮̮̭̈́̉̋̄ͪͪ͢ḩ̝̠̳̘͌̅̀v͚̹̪̺͎̾̅̔̇ͣ̍͑̐̂͝a̵̘̝̗̰̖̯̍̒̔͒g̜͕͓ͥ̑̽̉̎̊̍͜͜g̡̼̖͈̰͙̜͋̒̇̒͊̕ ̥̞̈ͯ͌ͭ̒͌d̩͈̰͖̳ͤ̉̂͟r̗̼̓ͩ͑͑ͫ̉ͫ̑̌e̸̬̫͖͇̰͈̪͊̄̂ͤ̂a̶̗̺̭̪̭͆ͦ̌̀͋́m̷̳̂ͪ͌̿͛̒̄̽ͅs̸̯̼̞̮͔̤̩͈̉̏̉ͩͯͭ͑
̴̮̬̺̞͙̝͓͒̽͊͐͡



Oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man lets not try that again please.

*Be a rock near Squiddlesprite ==>*

You are now a rock. This is much less completely horrifying. 

Unfortunately, as a rock, you are completely unable to hear or see, and therefore, cannot rubberneck in any manner. So ha-ha to you Mr. Nosy. How about we just go back to being Cess?

*Be Squiddle-*

Oh shit, okay, stop, not funny. You're the rock! You can hear, and see, because fuck narrative consistency! Haha! Ha! Please don't do that ever again.

Using your magical rock-sense, you observe Squiddlesprite enter a tree. It's a rotten tree, a dead tree, the kind of tree that looks like it houses secrets so damned that any sane adventurer (or viewer, for that matter) would know to stay the hell away from it. 

Of course, Squiddlesprite goes right in, and you, the rock, follow. Yes, you can move as a rock. This is where you've gotten us. I hope you're happy. 

Squiddlesprite stops, floating ominously in front of a strange looking purple pad with several triangle like symbols on it. A moment later there's a soft poof, and a boy with wavy brown hair and glowing eyes steps appears. 

He is clothed in comfy-looking purple pajamas, and holding a large square package. He says something in a language you can't understand (and should be thankful that you can't) and then hands the package to Squiddlesprite before vanishing again.

Squiddlesprite flashes once, and then...

Oh my god he's looking this way, gogogogogogogogogo!

*Be Cess ==>*

Just in the nick of time too. 

You're still dueling the Lich. You've begun to gain back ground, as your sheer game-granted endurance outlasts the Lich's superior fighting skills. There's fire everywhere, though luckily the planet's eponymous gusts are blowing them out before they do too much damage to the massive trees around you. 

Finally, an opening! The Lich steps backwards a bit too quickly and his balance is lost. You surge forwards and deliver a devastating blow to his torso.

There's a burst of flame and grist, and suddenly you're the only living thing in the clearing around your house. You smile, but before your victory can really sink in, a bolt of thorny black energy rips from the air behind you. It hits your brand new axe dead on the blade, and you feel something break.

CESS: What the fuck?! 

You are now holding what used to be an axe, and is now just the handle of an axe. But there's no time to think about what possible ramifications that might have! You look to where the bolt came from.

Oh, it's just Squiddlesprite. Why the hell did he do that? He must've been trying to attack the Lich and got a little confused. Hehe. Good old Squiddlesprite. You turn your attention back to the axe handle you're holding.

​
Oh come...seriously???

You wonder if you can just...just sort of reach over...and...

​
Well that's....sort of an improvement? You guess. Certainly better than a rod. What even really qualifies as a rod as opposed to a staff? You're not sure. But you feel like you're about to find out.

Sure enough, your axe handle is a rod, but not a staff. It flies out of your hand in defiance and lands on your roof. 

You go up and get it. God, this stuff is such a pain. 

While you're on the roof, you stumble upon the new alchimeter. Looks like Uri's given it some upgrades. Ooh, can you resize things now? You wonder if you could...

Yup. By resizing the handle to Third Degree, you can make it long enough to qualify for a staff. It slips comfortable back into your strife specibus, almost as if it had never left. 

Your adventure is not off to a good start.


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 2, 2013)

*Deal-Maker Pt. 1*

Valen's body awoke. It moved over to his computer and sat in the chair, ignoring the bothersome sprite, sealing it in a layer of darkness. They did not need any interference from those who might actually do something to awake the Herald.

-- manifestedDeity [mD] began pestering strifeLord [sL] --

*Spoiler*: __ 




*mD: I have a question for you James.
mD: One that you will think is pointless but I'd still like you to try and answer it anyways.**
sL: manifestedDeity? Aren't we fucking full of ourselves
sL: Go ahead and ask, I'll give it a stab
sL: It's what I'm good at, after all
mD: Cute.
mD: Well then.
mD:   My question is this. Do you consider Julius as a force of the   traditional idea of "good" or does he fall more in line with your bread   and butter.
mD: Your pardon, you probably don't like being associated with him regardless.
mD: Hmm. Well the question still stands. Do you consider Julius as a force of "Good" or one of "Evil"?
sL: I consider him a force of unbearable douchebaggery
sL: It's less of a question of good or evil and more like...order and chaos
sL: Fuck knows Julie and I have debated that goddamn shit time and time again
sL:   He falls more on the order side of things, obviously, with his   horseshit about upholding the law and his ridiculous fucking rules
mD: So you would consider him your counterpart on that set of scales.
mD: Fair enough.
mD: And what of the rest of the group?
mD:   Besides half of them being useless to you besides being a meatshield  or  target practice, how would you describe the balance of the group.
mD: Anyone tipping things more to one side than the other?
mD: You see what I'm getting at is that balance...is important.
sL:   Like hell if I really know about the rest of these shitheads, but from   what I've seen, most of them try to do the "right" thing and just wind   up failing miserably
sL: bE, being a gigantic tool, is apparently trying to "kill the game", which is apparently supposed to benefit us
sL: Or something, it was as stupid as it sounded, go ask the idiot yourself if you want
sL:   I'm also informed that qA is a spineless piece of shit who's afraid of   killing people and has one of those guilty consciences
sL: That's honestly the most that comes to mind
sL: Now a question for you
sL: What's with all this balance shit? You gonna use it against us somehow, or is it related to this game we're all in?
mD: Closer to the latter. 
mD:   I don't know how much you know about Derse, but I was prompted by a   contact to seek the advice of the Elder Gods who dwell in the space   surrounding Derse and outward.
mD:   They granted me more power than I had held previously, even with all   the leveling I did. I still just couldn't seem to get the drop on the   big bad of my planet.
mD: The one catch though is that I have to try and "uphold the true nature of my aspect" or something.
mD: "Harmony is everything working together in perfect equilibrium." they said. 
mD: So I've been seeing what all I can do to help keep things balanced.
mD: But yeah. I figured that my old handle wasn't very much in keeping, what with "Discord" and all.
sL: "Working together in perfect equilibrium"
sL: That is the complete, total opposite of the group of retards we're in
sL: They're about as cohesive as one of my dismembered victims
sL: Actually, it sounds like it's the opposite of...well, me
sL: Too neat and orderly
sL: I knew we were going to clash heads sometime, but I didn't expect you to represent what I hate
mD: Hey hey. I'm all...somewhat...for a little chaos here and there.
mD: I'm a criminal too you know. Technically.
mD: I just don't aim to well...apply the amount of force that is typical of your way of dealing with things.
mD: tl;dr - I'm not gonna be going around goody-two-shoezing it anymore than I have to to fulfill this bargain.
sL: You're for a little chaos and yet you represent harmony
sL: Sounds like a contradiction in terms
sL: Buuuut then there's the balance shit you mentioned
sL: You can't be too much for one side or the other, can you?
mD: Well they didn't really state how much deviation from the middle ground I could safely get away with.
mD: Why is it that powerful eldritch abominations never give clear cut answers, hahaha.
mD: I suppose if I'm to be safe, you're right. I can't inch over until only the tip of my toe is touching the line.
sL: And with this, another element of uncertainty is thrown into the works
sL: You really don't know when you've gone too far to one side, you just pray you're doing shit right
sL: Which is great, because I feed on uncertainty
sL: It's why I made myself into the person I am now
sL: A couple of murders here and there does wonders to liven up a community, with their delicious fear and paranoia
sL: That and it's just so much fun to watch someone bleed after giving the fucker a good stab
sL: At least I can count on you to make things just a bit more interesting, eh
mD: Thanks.
mD: I think.
mD: I'm just trying to keep myself progressing along here in this merry fucking game.
mD: Hmm...that's...what?
mD: Why did I contact you again?
mD: My head is hurting a bit.
mD: It's kinda really fucking annoying.
mD: But seriously.
sL: Yeah, I'm the last person anyone should come to with questions like those
sL: Anything else, or can I continue my glorious quest of murder on my planet?
mD: No, no. Feel free. I think I'm just gonna lay down for a bit.
mD: Later James.
mD: {UPHOLD THE SIDE OF CHAOS, KNIGHT}*



-- manifestedDeity [mD] ceased pestering strifeLord [sL] --

NotValen deleted the log.


----------



## Cadrien (Mar 2, 2013)

*Deal-Maker Pt. 2*

Valen felt himself floating in his mind. He wasn't sure exactly where, or even when he was. But he was okay with that. He didn't remember exactly what had happened when he went to go see the Horrorterrors. He just knew that a deal had been struck and that he was no longer in pain. The darkness that surrounded him felt comforting, like dark chocolate. He knew that he should be working on progressing in his quest, but the darkness was so nice. Like new, clean sheets. He heard a voice calling his name.

"Valen, wake up if you would."

This guy again. What was his name? Yggdrasil? Right, from Norse mythology.

"What do you want?" He asked. "I did as you said, and now I'm content."

"And you wisely disregarded your friend's advice to rely on Uri. I commend your sensibility for that. But you really do need to wake up, even as you speak the Elder Gods are using your body for their own purposes. While Julius may be right that I may well have _my]_ own agenda as well, I assure you that I do want your group to succeed. Which by the way, the Elder Gods don't care a fig about. So I advise that you heed my advice."

The voice paused, letting Valen's sluggish mind work through that. 

"Now, you won't be able to be in full control of yourself when you wake up. You won't even fully remember this conversation. But the memory will be there, and it will help you fight against their control. The purpose of submitting to their deal was to let you improve your skills and to heal you as soon as was possible. the second part is done, now the first part is up to you. Learn how to use your powers. Your own powers, not the powers that the Elder Gods have granted you. Those powers might not stay with you once you shake off their throes."

Valen's mind started working again, the gears turning finally. 

"Wait, shit. What did they do to me?"

"Nothing special, they just gave you a paint job, a goal to pursue, a power booster, and numbed your conscious mind so they could use you as a puppet. They kept your personality intact though, so it might be difficult for your team mates to decipher that you from this you. You may have more control at some points in time then others, right now you're recovering from the large dose of dark energy they poured into you."

Valen mulled this over, looking around himself. 

"Was I really that easy to take over?"

"If it makes you feel any better, you aren't their real target." 

"That....doesn't really help."

"I didn't think it would, but I thought I might as well put it out there."

"So who is their actual target?"

"Who _are_ their targets you mean. Well they're preferred vessel would be James. You can imagine the catastrophe that would follow should they get their tentacles on him. And they seek to get rid of those who might interfere with their plans, namely your friend Alice, the Hero of Time."

"Well is there anyway to warn them?"

"Not really. They would find out you did so and they'd crush you. I advise against direct actions in general in fact."

"Then what? Just let them do as they wish?! Not likely."

"My word are you humans hasty. Simmer down boy. You have time. Find yourself before you do anything else." 

The voice started to fade and Valen could feel his awareness of the real world slowly returning.

"Enjoy your new powers, Valen. While they last."

And with that, Valen woke up. 

He was in his room on Derse, sitting as his computer desk. He quickly checked the monitor. It was basically as he remembered it being. The only difference he noticed was someone had altered his tag from melodiousDiscord to manifestedDiety. He started to go change it back, but he remembered what Yggdrasil had warned him about and decided to leave things alone. He went and looked in the mirror to see about this "paint job". He was dressed in a ribbed, form fitting, black outfit that was all one piece of clothing aside from boots. It was alright. Not exactly what he would have chosen but it could have been worse he supposed....


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 2, 2013)

*How much better?*


*Spoiler*: __ 



 Uranus needs to gather her selves together.













---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dammit we're I mean I'm all over the place.
Nothing like making you look like a fool to put a smile on everyone's face HAHAHA.
Well "leader" what should we do? I hope you don't expect things to just fall in place.

Both of you shut up, I need time to think.
*bE: grhhhh*
Nothing works, Maybe I should ask. Nononono.
Go ahead tell him I'm sure he'll be terrified hehee.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I know it isn't but... I'll just check on him.

-bE goes to check on wrath-
He needs water again...
bE: He-hey uncle, do you need anything?
*Rath: I sure could use something to eat.*
Good he doesn't notice.
bE: Okay then I'll go grab something then.
*Rath: Are you okay? You look a bit pale not coming down with anything are you?*

-His question stop's bE short on her way and she turns around to face him-
bE: I'm fine don't worry are you starting to feel better?
*Rath: What do you mean feeling better? Of course I'd feel better with you helping me.*

-Rath quickly stands up acting as if nothing is wrong and quickly gets up and then back down bE catches him and slowly lays him back down on the bed-
bE: DON'T DO THAT! You don't have to do that to make me feel better okay?
-Rath looks a bit stunned and slowly nods-
*Rath: Okay then. By the way waffles with syrup, I need to get my energy back up.*
bE: I can do that.

-bE does a small spin and quickly gets to the kitchen and gathers the ingredients-
Lets see I do this and this anddd
Pfttt you can't do anything right that won't make him happy at all I bet you know what would right hit him upside the head with a bat.
She is kinda right shouldn't you cook some bacon and eggs as well or something?
Shut up! Both of you I can't do this properly if you bother me.

-bE also grabs some eggs and bacon from the fridge after finishing mixing the batter-
So are you going to make him smile or not I'm not going to wait all day ahaeheh.
Just ignore her and concentrate.

-bE starts the stove up and oils the pans and puts the eggs and bacon in to let them cook. She then pulls out an electric griddle to put 3-4 pancakes on to let them cook-
I'm trying to, but that isn't that easy with tow other people in your head now is it?

-bE alternates between all of the food-
Ha you couldn't do it with one person in your head.
Could you leave her alone? She's doing the best she can right now.
I don't need you to defend me from her I can do that on my own.
You do anything on your own what a laugh, since when have you done anything worthwhile let alone on your own.
You don't have to-
Like a bitch like you would know about worthwhile things!?
I know about the satisfaction of seeing things running red and falling before me.

-The food starts to burn-
The food it's starting to-
What was that? Running red and falling what does that have to do with anything worthwhile.
You should know heheehe.
THE FOOD DAMMIT!
-bE snaps out of her trance to see that all of the food is starting to burn-
bE: Shitshitshit
-She quickly grabs a plate to get the bacon, pancakes, and eggs-
Dammit see what you made me do? Now the foods all burnt.
Now that's not my fault now is it? A weakling like you can't even cook food properly amazing ahaha.
Don't forget to turn the oven off!

-bE quickly turns the oven off along with the griddle and cools off the pans with water proceeding to put them in the dish washer-
It doesn't look like it would taste too good...
Do something that'll put a smile on his face <3
He'll need something to wash it down with don't forget the milk
-Starting with arranging the burnt food into a smiley face with the eggs and bacon then adding syrup and  grabbing a glass of milk she slowly walks upstairs to her room-
bE: Her.Here you go, I know it's a bit overcooked but...

-Rath pauses for a second looking at the food-
*Rath: No, it's perfect.*
-Now taking a bite Rath starts eating it-
bE: That's great to know, I wasn't sure you would like me making so much food.
*Rath: Well I didn't say I minded more food, you know how I am sometimes.*
-Rath smiles-

bE: Okay ,I'll be going downstairs then!
-bE goes into Rath's room and pulls out her phone-
He's forcing himself to eat that food because of me. Dammit I need someone to help me with this maybe...I should try asking qA for help.
No one can help don't you get it? It's why you're so worthless.
That isn't a bad idea you know,you should go ahead and give it a try.
-bE pulls out qA on her list-
bE: Okay then, I guess I should try.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 3, 2013)

*In which red is spread everywhere*

--battEcho [bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey qA, uh...
bE: WORDS!
bE: Just kill yourself already.
bE: A little help.
qA: OH, HELLO
qA: ALiCE iSN'T HERE RIGHT NOW. i'D BE HAPPY TO LEAVE A MESSAGE THOUGH.
bE: OH MY FUCKING GOD not again, why does everyone have stupid robot answering machines?
bE: TOASTERS!
bE: I bet it's all mE's fault.
bE: Can you please get me qA? I don't feel like dealing with machines at the moment, I've been traumatized enough with II's.



Never again.
I bet she blows up real pretty.
If qA isn't here we should just leave.
I rarely agree with you but I want to break it as well.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: OH, i'M NOT AN ANSWERiNG MACHiNE
qA: i'M JUST A ROBOT!
qA: AND ALiCE CAN'T BE CONNECTED WiTH YOU FOR A WHiLE. SHE iS BUSY UNRAVELING THE MYSTERiES OF HER LAND.
qA: SHE'LL BE BACK SOON i'M SURE. SHE'S SO TALENTED.



KAboom! Nuts everywhere!
In that case shouldn't you try asking this robot for help?
What would a robot know about any of this? And Alice is so stupid if she doesn't have some sort of mobile computer we can contact her with.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You are telling me she doesn't have some kind of mobile computer and that her robot servant isn't with her?
bE: STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID
bE: Oh yes "talented" , bet she's off just pirating stuff.
bE: Are you sure there is no way to reach her at all? I mean why aren't you with her?
You do know she could die right?
qA: i  CAN'T JUST FOLLOW HER EVERYWHERE! i NEED TO STAY AT THE HOUSE WHILE SHE GOES ON HER ADVENTURE, OCCASiONALLY CHECKiNG iN TELEPATHICALLY
qA: i DO WANT TO HELP HER, BUT NEEDS TO BECOME MORE SELF-DEPENDANT
qA: AND SHE CAN'T GROW AS A PERSON IN THIS NEW ENVIRONMENT WITH HER FRIENDS PESTERING HER ALL THE TIME, SO i'M FORWARDING ALL OF HER MESSAGES TO HER HOME COMPUTER
qA: WHiCH iS ME. 



A machine impersonating empathy how cute.
Nevermind no way this thing could help us.
Help her grow? How is that going to help her grow? Sure she'll be stronger on her own but her team work will suck. 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:... You're kidding me right? Did she actually ask you to do that? If there is anything qA needs most to grow it's to talk to us. I mean I know you're a robot, but how about some common sense.
bE: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!
bE: Wow qA is more pathetic than I thought.
bE: Listen the point is everyone in the game has to rely on each other and grow in doing so.
If anything you are stunting her growth.
qA: SiR OR MADAME, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!
qA: i THiNK i KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR MY ALiCE.
qA: ESPECIALLY SINCE i HAVE BECOME A PART OF THiS SUPER-WiSE GAME ABSTRACTiON
qA: ONCE SHE HAS DEVELOPED ENOUGH AND FABRiCATED A SUiTABLY STYLISH MOBiLE COMMUNiCATION DEViCE, YOU MAY SPEAK TO HER
qA: BUT FOR NOW THE BEST YOU CAN DO IS LEAVE A MESSAGE!
qA: SORRY FOR THE INCONVINIENCE.



Stylish? Her? I've seen shit more stylish than her.
This is a waste of our time we should just check in later.
No way, qA would have been helpful anyway.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wait you are-
bE: SPIRTE YUMMY *GLUG GLUG*
bE: God dammit stop drinking soda!
bE: I don't need qA then, I just need you surely you know how to fix my current state if you are a sprite.



Making you look stupid is so much fun.
Please stop that the last thing that needs to happen is for her to get out of shape.

*Spoiler*: __ 




qA: OH, i'M SORRY, BUT THERE APPEARS NOTHiNG iN MY DATABANKS AS A SPRiTE TO DEAL WiTH WHAT YOU APPEAR TO BE SUFFERING FROM
qA: BUT AS A HOMEMAKER
qA: i SAY YOU SHOULD JUST RELAX YOURSELF
qA: PERHAPS BY PLAYING A GAME



Dammit you two, always making people misunderstand. A game huh?
A game of russian roulette? Which I'm sure you would lose hehehe.
Go and take her up on the offer I guess or is the robot talking about the game itself?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So you are saying... that this game despite somehow having the ability to do impossible things can't figure out how to fix me? Oh that's just great.
bE: YOU'RE FUCKED AHHAHAHHAHA!!!!!
bE: Like I said earlier just off yourself.
bE: You two shutup already! And I can't play any kind of game in this state, I can hardly pick up a bat right now. Why does the robot servant have to be like it's master so much.
I mean here I am getting ready for the game and BAM mind fuck.
bE: I hope it happens to qA hehehe.
bE: THAT WOULD BE FUNNY!
bE: ...


 No, not funny at all.


*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: YOU DON'T NEED TO PICK UP A BAT TO PLAY GAMES, SiR/MADAME
qA: TRY SOMETHING SiMPLER
qA: SOLiTARE, MiMESWEEPER, THiNGS TO HELP SORT OUT YOUR MIND
qA: WHENEVER ALICE GOES INTO HER THRALLS, i CAN ALWAYS SNAP HER BACK WITH SOME BACKGAMMON



Backgammon ahhahaha, ohh that is funny. She must get angry as a goldfish.
Goldfish don't have enough brains to get, oh I get it.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You can't figure out if I'm a boy or girl when you are the computer she is using...
bE: 10KBS OF MEMORY!
bE: Hey maybe we won't need qA to win the game, I mean it's like she isn't even there at all even when she is.
bE: Are you sure you don't have some defective parts going on or something?
 Maybe you should do a systems check or something Microsoft Sam.


 
Calling me a guy, stupid robot.
Have you looked in the mirrior lately? qA must look like a hot sexy devil compared to you.
Perhaps it is defective do a systems check or something.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: SORRY, MY SOFTWARE iSN'T EQUiPPED WITH A TEXT-TO-GENITAL RECOGNITION SOFTWARE
qA: i'LL MAKE SURE TO LOOK iNTO iT!
qA: iS THERE ANYTHiNG ELSE i CAN HELP YOU WiTH?
bE: What's 2+2?
bE: PFFFTTTT.
bE: I have my doubts.
qA: TWO PLUS TWO, UNDER MODERN-DAY DEFINITIONS OF EUCLIDIANISM, CAN BE CONSTRUED AS FOUR
qA: HOWEVER, RECENT ADVANCEMENTS IN THE UNDERSTANDING AS  TO THE DEFINITION OF "TWO", AS WELL AS THE DEFINITION OF "ADDITION" CAN PERMIT A NUMBER OF OTHER TECHNICALLY CORRECT OUTPUT, WHICH INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITIED TO:
qA: 5
qA: e * sqrt(4)
qA: p / 3



Space pope on a hopping Volkswagen she must be broken.
Or maybe you're just too stupid, you're one to talk about being broken.
Lets just let it end and talk to someone else?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Nope you got it wrong, not even close.
bE: FLOPFLOPFLOP
bE: I can't believe you really.
bE: The answer was fish.
bE: What is the purpose of existance?
bE: If a cretan always lies and says "All Cretans are liars" is it true?
bE: Omega is greater than omega + 1 and Omega + 1 is greater than Omega, does this mean Omega is equal to Omega +1?
bE: KABOOM!
bE: I don't know why you are bothering with this.
qA: MY, YOU'RE A CURiOUS ONE
qA: 42
qA: POSSiBLY
qA: NO
qA: ARE YOU SATiSFiED NOW? 



No, I'm not. All you are doing is pissing me off.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Not quite. How do you make a robot explode from a paradox?
bE: BLOW UP ALREADY!
bE: This isn't solving our problem at all.
bE: You know in case I run into robotic enemies in the game.
qA: WELL, iF THE ROBOT iS UNAFFECTED AFTER THE FiRST iNPUT OF A PARADOX, THEN THEY PROBABLY HAVE iNHERENT PROGRAMMiNG SAFEGUARDS THAT RECOGNIZE PARADOXES
qA: UNLESS YOU HAD AN ALTERNATIVE WAY OF TAKING iT DOWN, SUCH AS ViOLENCE, YOU'D HAVE TO RELENTLESSLY ASK IMPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS UNTIL iT OVERLOADS
qA: iN MORE ADVANCED MODEL SUCH AS MYSELF, THE ABSURDiTY DETECTiON DRiVE iS RELiABLE ENOUGH TO HANDLE UPWARDS OF X PARADOXES WiTHOUT MAiTENENCE, WHERE X = {ERROR: NOT A NUMBER}


 Well that's great so it won't go boom? HOW IRRITATING!
See we can't do anything like that, why do you keep trying just quit.
No.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What does why equal?
bE: Y?
bE: Why not?



Because she loves failing more than anything it's always hilarious to watch her squirm and try to achieve anything.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: Y = mx + b
qA: ALSO, i CAN TELL WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, AND iT'S NOT GOING TO WORK!
qA: TRYING TO EXTERMiNATE AN iNNOCENT MACHiNE WHO iS ONLY TRYiNG TO HELP YOU...
qA: iF YOU WERE MY RESPONSiBiLiTY, i'D GIVE YOU A TiME-OUT AND A DiSCiPLiNARY PUMMELiNG, iN NO SPECiFiC ORDER.
qA: MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST PLAY A GAME, EASE YOUR MiND
qA: OR AT LEAST MARGiNALiZE iT LONG ENOUGH FOR APPROPRiATE COURTESY.



Oh that's right we still need to find a disk for the game don't we?
That isn't important right now. Time out?

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You know time outs never made sense to me they never involved taking time out.
But, whatever on a 1 to 10 scale how reliable would you say qA is?
bE: EYEROLL
bE: You just love dragging things on don't you.



It never gets boring with her around the life of the party she is such great jokes.
That was terrible. Who taught you jokes like that?
Shu-shut up.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: RELiABLE AT WHAT?
qA: iF YOU NEED HER TO STEAL AND OR PiRATE SOMETHiNG, SHE iS ADiQUATELY TRUSTWORTY, WiTH A 74.15926% SUCCESS RATE
qA: iF iT'S JUST TRUST, AS AN OVERALL CONCEPT SET CONTAiNING ALL HUMAN FALLACiES OF RELYiNG ON OTHER TO BETTER THEM
qA: THEN SHE'S ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS!
qA: SHE'S ALWAYS SO NICE TO PEOPLE AND SHE REALLY MEANS iT, UNLESS iT'S A BAD PERSON. 
qA: SHE'S VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT WHAT SHE THINKS, UNLESS THERE'S A GOOD REASON.



*HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA OH GOD pfttt hhahah*


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 3, 2013)

*in which red is everywhere part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Are you sure that isn't just you being programmed to have a high opinion of her?
bE:75 MORE LIKE 15!
bE:Trust worthy how is someone that steals for a living trustworthy at all?
bE:I Agree with bE #3
bE: What Number 3, No I'm 2.
bE: Your 3 because I said so.
bE: FRIED CHICKEN!



What are we doing numbers again?

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: SiR/MADAME, i'M GOiNG TO ASK AGAiN
qA: WOULD YOU LiKE TO PLAY A GAME?
bE: OH SHI-
bE: LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!
bE: I'M not into that kind of stuff sorry.
bE: I just had to piss the robot off now it's going to pull a Saw off on me.
I never asked for this.
qA: i'M SORRY iF THiS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, SiR/MADAME, BUT i STRONGLY FEEL LiKE A LEiSURELY GAME OF STRATEGY WiLL HELP CONSOLiDATE THE PORTFOLIO OF YOUR MiND.
qA: ANY PREFERENCES?
bE: Is the machine asking me to play a game with it?
bE: Like a toaster could play a game.
bE: What are you talking about we lose to the computer all the time.
bE: What kind of game are you suggesting?
qA: OH, i DON'T KNOW. TiC-TAC-TOE, PERHAPS?
qA: iF YOU'RE AFRAID TO FACE ME YOU COULD ALWAYS JUST PLAY A FEW ROUNDS WITH YOURSELF.
bE: What are you talking about I can't play a game with myself I'm not like a compu-
Oh, was that a joke? Did the computer tell a joke?
bE:HAHAHAHHAHA!
bE: It got us there.
bE: That's not funny! It really isn't!



That really wasn't stupid robot if only I could punch it.
You couldn't punch air let alone a toaster.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: i'M NOT JOKiNG!
qA: PERHAPS iF ONE OF YOUR PERSONAS DEFEATS ANOTHER HANDILY ENOUGH, THON WILL BE ELIMINATED?
qA: iF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT iDEA, i'M STILL GAME.



You could try at least...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I really doubt they would go away over Tic-Tac-Toe.
bE: BREAK THE TOASTER!
bE: This isn't going to end up well.
bE: I accept your challenge you uhhh did you give a name? I usally ask for names sooner than that...
qA: YOU MAY CALL ME GLADYS.
qA: AND YOUR NAME?
bE: uhhh what is my name again?
bE: BITCHING ENCHILDA
bE: No that isn't it.
bE: Just call me bE for now.



Why in hell's name am I having trouble with my own name?

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: iF THAT iS YOUR WiSH, SiR/MADAME
qA: iNiTiATING LEiSURE PROTOCOL...
qA: EXiTiNG CHAT CLiENT...



It called you a sir again ahahaha.



-- quantitativeArbitrator [qA] ceased pestering battEcho [bE] --


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 4, 2013)

*Cheating Robot!*

Well this shouldn't be too hard.
PULVERIZE IT, SMASH IT, CRUSH IT'S DREAMS!
I have a bad feeling.
What no way, we'll be able to beat it.



*Spoiler*: __ 




HAHHAHA YOU LOST ONE.
Is it me or it...
Just a fluke

*Spoiler*: __ 




Oh wow you really suck you're losing to it
Nonono you do it like this then like
Shut up I'll get it!
Someone is getting bitchy haven't been put outside before?
Don't take it out on me
*Spoiler*: __ 




What the hell why can't I get a win?
Being played like a fool like usual poor poor you need someone to do it for you, maybe someone like me HEheeheE.
You can't have her you bitch!
*Spoiler*: __ 




...
Oh lost for words that you are such a loser?
She's cheating you can't win you should give up.
That piece of scrap isn't having her way just one win just one.

*Spoiler*: __ 




How many times have you won so far oh zero you say HHAHAHA!
That's impossible...
God dammit, I'll try one more time.
*Spoiler*: __ 




 This is great I could watch this for hours upon hours you losing.
You'd think she would give at least one pity win.
GNHHHHHHHHHH why that's it I quit!


















Ahh just when I was really getting into it.
It's for the best...
That piece of junk! I'll give it a thrashing.

--battEcho [bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitor [qA] --

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay I give up, you cheat. You really really cheat.
bE: CHEATER!
bE: Stupid robots can't even play tic tac toe with them they always draw.
qA: OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE!
qA: SOME OF THOSE TIMES YOU LOST!
qA: BUT THAT WAS AN ADMIRABLE SHOW ON YOU BEHALF, i MUST SAY.
qA: FEEL BETTER?



She's mocking me.
How does it feel to be on the bottom, not that I would know heha.
Listen don't react badly to her okay just shake hands though it really is despicable.
No way am I doing that.
Looks like someone is sore. 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: No, not really. Why are there so many robots in the game...
bE: TRASH!
bE: She just goes by the book, all ones and os. Has no soul.
bE: Not giving up, what other games do you have?



What you are going to keep trying? You can't beat her.
Shut up I can and I will!
It's pitiful isn't it? Watching a worm squirm.
...

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: i'M SORRY, OTHER ROBOTS?
qA: YOU SHOULD TELL ME ABOUT THEM LATER.
qA: AS FOR THE REMAiNDER OF MY REPETOiRE...
qA: HOW ABOUT SOME CARD GAMES?
bE: Card games what kind?
bE: CHESS!
bE: That isn't a card game...
qA: TEXAS HOLD EM, HEARTS, SPADES, CRAZY 8S...
qA: TWO-PERSON SOLiTAiRE



Card games? I don't know a lot about those...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You know darn well I can't do two person solitaire. how about crazy 8s how does it work?
bE: LEFT POCKET!
bE: It's a card game not pool!
qA: ESSENTiALLY, EACH PLAYER HAS A HAND OF CARDS AND ONE CENTRAL PiLE OF CARDS
qA: PLACE A CARD ON THE CENTER PiLE THAT MATCHED EiTHER THE SUiT OR THE NUMBER OF THE CARD BEFORE iT.
qA: iF SUCH ACTION iS  NOT POSSIBLE WiTH YOUR HAND, DRAW FROM THE DECK UNTIL iT iS
qA: 2S CAN GO ON ANYTHiNG, ACES ARE HiGH, AND EiGHTS CAN ALSO GO ON ANYTHiNG AND YOU CAN SELECT THE SUiT iT iS REGARDED AS.
qA: A BEiNG NOT OF PURE LOGiC SUCH AS YOURSELF MiGHT LIKEN iT TO "UNO"



Ahh I don't think she understands that how cute. 
Listen you should just drop it we aren't accomplishing anything like this.
I said I'll keep trying till I win in some way.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wait a sec, this is a card game and you the computer how do I know you won't rig it so you win?
bE: CHEAT!
bE: I doubt she would need to do that probably sees every card.
qA: PRiMARiLY, BECAUSE OF TRUST!
qA: i COULD HAVE EASiLY RiGGED THE TiC TAC TOE, BUT i DIDN'T
qA: THE TERM IS "EXPLOiTiNG A DESiGN FLAW".
qA: TRUST, i MEAN. iN PEOPLE.



Look at how she desperately struggles for self verification in forms of losing.
Just let it go and be friendly you don't have to play another game with her to prove yourself.
BOTH OF YOU SHUTUP, GO AWAY, YOU'RE BOTH MESSING ME UP ALL THE TIME I'D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU BOTH, WHO NEEDS TWO USELESS GUIDES!
Oh wow look at her go even further so frustrated she can't win so she takes it out on the person who is closest isn't she a laugh to watch?
If that is how you really feel then...
YES IT IS GO AWAY! BOTH OF YOU!
Pfttt you're the one who should go away and let me take your place so tehre can finally be a winner.
Okay then I'll be leaving in my own way then...

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You aren't a person though and you can't rig tic tac toe because it's already rigged. I don't think a digital card game was meant to be played by a robot that can look at it's code.
bE: CHEESE!
bE: I'm taking a nap, I'm tired of this.



GOOD GO AWAY FOREVER! YOU TO.
I'm not so easily rid of unlike you or him.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: THE iDEA THAT TiC TAC TOE CANNOT BE RiGGED iS LAUGHABLE
qA: NOT TO ME PERSONALLY, BUT HYPOTHETICALLY
qA: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, URi, THAT ANYTHiNG CAN BE RiGGED.



Uri..Uri? I don't remember telling her my oh that's right my name.
Can't even remember your own name without help HAHAH I don't really blame you though such a terrible name.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:  OKay then explain how tic tac toe can be rigged while still staying within the rules and player input? What's next baseball being rigged?
bE: FOUR!
bE: ... 
qA: EXPLANATiON WOULD BE iNFEASiBLE FOR A BEiNG WHiCH THINKS ON A LEVEL BEYOND RAW DATA.
qA: iT'S LiKE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO A TODDLER WHY THERE ARE FINITE PRIME NUMBERS.



I'm getting tired of this robot talking about me like that I'm going to try to mess with it.
Go ahead do your best, even if you fail it makes me all the more closer.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You know who you would just love? II. Would you like me to introduce him to you, he's perfect for you.
bE:GRAH!
bE: ... 
qA: OH, GO RiGHT AHEAD!
qA: iT'S RATHER LONELY WITHOUT ALiCE
qA: AND OUR CURRENT GUEST OF HONOR IS AWFUL AT CONVERSATION
qA: ALTHOUGH EXCELLENT AT BATTLESHIP.



Well isn't that just horrible for you... you should be with her anyway.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yea a good game of battleship is always fun.
bE: KABOOM!
bE: ...
bE: If you are wondering who II is he's a robot who thinks he's a human it's terribly sad.
bE: He can't find any other robots so he thinks he's human and even fordges false things in his background to make him seem so. I really shouldn't be telling you this he told me to keep it a secret, but him finally having a chance to meet one of his own kind why would I let him miss out?



You're such a horrible liar you couldn't lie your way out of a bag made of air.
Shut up, she's a robot and this isn't in person she couldn't know.

*Spoiler*: __ 



qA: ERROR: FALSEHOOD DETECTED.
qA: EARLiER, YOU MENTION THERE BEING A MULTITUDE OF ROBOTS
qA: NOW YOU CLAiM THAT i AM A RARE OPPORTUNITY OF A "FELLOW ROBOT"
qA: ONE OF THE STATEMENTS WAS A FABRICATION
qA: 98.7% PROBABLILITY IT IS THE LATTER, WITH A 3% MARGIN OF ERROR.



See the robot acknowledges your terrible skills, you should kill yourself and let me take over.
Like hell I will.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh that? Yea, there is another robot, but they also consider themself male and II is more into the female. mE I think his name was. mE isn't even interested in other robots so he isn't an option anyway. II's doesn't know that mE is a robot anyway though keeps denying it when I tell him. So I was wondering if a fembot could convince him.
bE:JAJAJAJJAJAJA!
bE:... 
qA: YOUR POOR LYiNG iS RiVALED ONLY BY YOUR HETERONORMATiViTY
qA: PLEASE GIVE ME THE FULL CHUMHANDLES OF THESE CHARACTER SO THAT I MAY JUDGE MYSELF.



Oh look she's actually following up on them what will you do now? Cry in a ball of shame?
Shut. Up.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: IllustriousInquisitor he's really thorough, but you can see he's a robot once you get past his lies of being human and machinaExalted he's a robot and doesn't really deny it like II.
bE: KNOCKKNOCK?
bE:...
bE: I trust you will see them since you are bored.
qA: i HAVE ALREADY BEGUN SPEAKING TO THEM.
qA: YOU ARE A JUVINILE STUBBORN LIAR WHO DOES KNOW WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU
qA: i HOPE YOUR iNSANiTY PUNISHES YOU SUFFICIENTLY



Oh wow she beat you so badly haha. Maybe I shouldn't take over just so I can watch you squirm even more.
No, she left first you know what that means?
That you are so insufficient that not even robots want to be near you?
NO! It means I won. YESSSS.



--quantitativeArbitor [qA] ceased pestering battEcho [bE]--
Yes I win! Finally beat the damn thing.
Hehoehoe.
ehh... what in the a virus... Of course she would the sore loser.
Wow even when you "win" you lose ahahahahhahaaaaa. 
Dammit my phone.


----------



## Crossbow (Mar 13, 2013)

*>Meanwhile...*

That is to say, within half an hour or so from recently depicted events...

An unlikely duo wade through a rainforest of bizarre plantlife.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide ConsortLog_ 



ALICE: Are we there yet or what?
OTTER: no, gosh.
OTTER: you?ll know when we get there, okay?
OTTER: does it look like we?re anywhere near the entrance to a stone temple?
ALICE: Alright, alright.
ALICE: Sheesh, i?m paying you to guide me, not lecture me
OTTER: why are you even interested in this place?
ALICE: Well, i?ve done enough looting to get like five legendary artifacts of power that i can?t use
ALICE: So, i asked around and learned where my special thing was held
ALICE: i mean, it's only fair
OTTER: it's only fair that you have an exhaustive collection of things that don't belong to you?
ALICE: Yes, exactly.
OTTER: oh, lookie here!
OTTER: this is a rare time lotus!
OTTER: looks like something is in here, but wont be released for another two weeks!
ALICE: Yeah, yeah. i don't feel like just waiting around that long.
ALICE: How much farther?
OTTER: well, it'll take quite a while to get around this thicket here...
ALICE: Oh, screw that.



Alice unseathed her electric pizza cutter a with a click it whirred to life. She swung the bloodied spinning edge of the blade at the impeding encroachment of thorny vines, blazing a much more direct trail to their destination. The awe-struck mammal bystander was showered with shreds of shrubbery.


*Spoiler*: _Show/Hide ConsortLog_ 



OTTER: oh, alright...
OTTER: well this is a faster route, i imagine, but i'm not really familiar with it...
OTTER: let's just go straight forward from here
ALICE: Yes, finally.
ALICE: You don't mind if i lead the way do you?
OTTER: well i-
ALICE: Great. i'm itching to just get this over with
ALICE: You know something, nameless npc?
OTTER: it's harold
ALICE: Well, listen up, nameless harold.
ALICE: This whole game's story is leaving much to be desired.
ALICE: Its too open-world, like a sandbox game with one distant goal.
ALICE: Am i expected to just motivate myself to solve all this planets problems while also having architectural funtimes for my client?
ALICE: Oh, note to self: take time to build up Valen's house more
OTTER: i'm not sure we-
ALICE: What i need is some conflict.
ALICE: Some event to spur me into action, a problem that only a specific semi-linear series of events can solve
ALICE: And since it doesn't look like any of my co-players are in mortal peril, i'm just gonna hope that i can find what i'm looking for in the godforsaken temple
ALICE: Some motivation, some prize, some matter-of-life-and-death for me to, you know, _do_ things about.
ALICE: That's not unreasonable, is it?
ALICE: ...Hello?


----------



## Nicodemus (Mar 14, 2013)

*Be Cess ==>*
​You're now Cess. You changed out of your HOODIEDRESS after defeating the Lich, mainly because you thought you'd like to wear your favorite shirt for a while.

*Alchemy Binge ==>*

YES.

*Spoiler*: __ 





Sister's suit || red stuffed bear = CEO CUDDLES​



FUCK YES.


*Spoiler*: __ 





CEO CUDDLES || felt poster = THREE IN THE MORNING SUIT​



HELL.


*Spoiler*: __ 





Your outfit || pants = YOUR OUTFIT WITH PANTS​



FUCKING. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



​
CEO CUDDLES || Your outfit = SCARLET O'ALTROVE




YES.

You have just made a ton of useless clothes. How are you even going to captchalogue all these?

*Captchalogue ==>*

Maybe if you put this here...or this here...no, no, like this...okay, yeah, and then this...

Oh crap, you're being pestered. Who is it now?

Why it's Julius of course! It might be important. You should probably answer.

*Answer ==>*

*-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --*


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: So hey, um.
II: You there Cess?
rB: julius!!!
rB: hang on a sec
rB: got my hands full




Your HOLOGLOVES aren't exactly working as well as you figured they would. You need a better hands free device. Hm...maybe if you...


*Spoiler*: __ 



​
HOLOGLOVES || Your Glasses = HOLOGRAPHIC PESTERSPECS




Much better. Now you can actually have a decent conversation. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: okay!!! whats up???
II: Oh, well if you are up to something important I can contact you at some other time.
II: Wouldn't want to intrude or anything like that.
rB: pshaw
rB: im just alchemizing some silly clothes its no big deal
rB: always got time for our fearless leader
II: At least someone does.
II: What am I up to you ask? Not much, just a little tied up at the moment.
II: Quite literally. 
II: So I decided this is as good a way as any to pass the time as any until I can make my undoubtedly heroic escape.
rB: heehee undoubtedly
rB: looks like your lands giving you a bit of trouble huh???
rB: i dont think i made it to yours while i was exploring
rB: oh wait!!! that reminds me
rB: here!!!

*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] sent file MAPS'n'SHIT.png to IllustriousInquisitor [II] --*


----------



## Nicodemus (Mar 14, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I never took you to be a cartographer Cess.
II: Not too shabby, I will file these away immediately once I gain use of my arms again.
II: Thank you for your contributions to our ever expanding pool of knowledge.
rB: yay!!! im glad i could help!!!
rB: oh yeah, i should probably give you this too
rB: 6Ty59MW4
rB: thats the captcha code for my auto-mapper
rB: just keep it in your sylladex and itll make maps like those!!!
rB: i dont want to brag but i am kind of an alchemy master
rB: like yoda but with less green and oldness
II: And less improper word placement in your spoken dialogue.
II: Which I appreciate, I have a hard enough time understanding most people on this team as it is.
rB: yeah i know right
rB: and this coming from the girl whos never pressed a shift key in her entire life
rB: anyway i think i could get used to this being helpful thing
rB: definitely better than moping and reading shitty alien romance novels
rB: okay thats sort of a lie, theres nothing better than shitty alien romance novels
II: Do I even want to ask what you mean by that?
II: I don't think I do.
rB: oh no you totes do
rB: unfortunately i have neither the time nor the patience to explain to you the intricacies of the quadrant system!!!
rB: im a busy girl dontcha know
rB: suffice to say kandar <> loanta = my new otp
II: Sounds riveting.
II: Ah, if only my heart wasn't a cold mass of cynicism and hatred, I too would be able to savor the romantic intricacies of dimestore alien harliquen novels.
rB: its true. youre a greek tragic hero, and your fatal flaw is your inability to comprehend the delights of reading about sexy alien hunks/babes have hardcore feeling jams atop mountains and mountains of shitty piles of things
rB: where did it all go wrong
II: If you asked my dead mother, she would probably say around the age of nine or so.
II: If you ask me, I would say about twelve hours ago.
rB: hey, the game isnt so bad!!!
rB: i mean yeah like the whole meteor things sucked really bad
rB: but like...
rB: i dunno, i never really had a lot of friends irl
rB: they all thought i was kinda weird, and i all thought they were kinda mean...
rB: and well i never really knew any family, even if i had some
rB: other than my sis i mean
rB: and so...it kind of sounds weird to say it
rB: or type it i guess
rB: but all of my friends are kind of in here with me!!!
rB: and thats pretty cool
II: Friends are overrated.
II: You didn't miss out on much.
II: But it's your perogative, so whatever makes you happy.
II: I would say you should pick your friends wisely.
rB: dont worry im only friends with the not-crazy ones
rB: which unfortunately excludes half the team
rB: valen and i had to cancel our promising friendship on account of him going crazy, apparently???
rB: and wanting to murder everyone??? or something
II: That's what happens when you make a deal with a malevolent power.
II: I told him... warned him even, about the malevolent powers.
II: But he didn't listen. Alas dear Valen.
II: Also don't assume that you can trust the other half of our team just because they aren't overtly homicidal.
II: People are rarely so simple.
rB: i like to think i am
rB: sometimes
II: Would you mind me inquiring why?
rB: what, why i like to think im simple???
rB: i dunno
rB: i try to be honest??? and tell people what i feel???
rB: i just think lying is exhausting
rB: and being angry is exhausting
II: You mistake integrity for simplicity.
II: Consistency is also not simplicity.
II: People are inherently complicated, and by that token tough to define.
II: It's hard to even say you know yourself sometimes, don't assume that others can be labeled by a few buzzwords.
rB: ugh come on you know what i mean
rB: people are always hiding behind all these layers of bullshit!!!
rB: and i guess its like you said, people are complicated naturally or whatever
rB: but its not like anyones helping matters by throwing pile and pile of misdirection at you
rB: i mean its like i hate sl but lets be real at least he doesnt do that
II: True, for a dirtbag he is at least a refreshingly honest dirtbag.
II: He's simple-minded to be sure, but even he is slightly more complex than probably he even knows himself to be.
II: Doesn't it unnerve you slightly that you and James both share such a core philosophy?
rB: i think i learned recently that its not about what you believe but how you apply that belief that defines you
rB: you can quote me on that by the way
rB: i give you permission because i know its a very quotable statement
rB: good people can have bad beliefs and bad people can have good beliefs 
rB: whos good and whos bad is determined by the way they act based on their beliefs
II:...
II:...
II: That's, the kind of response I would have given to the same question.
II: Good job I guess?
rB: heehee
rB: thanks
rB: that means a lot coming from such a cool aloof bastard
rB: and i mean that with all due respect, of course
II: I am the first to admit I am all three of those monikers.
II: Well, a bastard in the slang sense. My mother was a saint.
II: It sure seems like a simple concept, but few people ever truly grasp the notion that actions are what define you and not beliefs.
II: Good thoughts don't mean a thing without the conviction to go through with them. Bad thoughts as well I guess.
II: I suppose the world is just funny like that. You are often only slightly different than those you hate.
rB: yeah...
rB: life does seem to enjoy irony
rB: i really dunno about these things though
rB: im not a philosopher
rB: im just a teenager and honestly sometimes i feel like im not even very good at that
II: Never be a philosopher, they are the unhappiest sons of bitches on our no longer existent Earth.
II: Trust me I know.
II: How can you not be good at being a teenager? 
II: That's kind of hard to do considering it's defined as being in a certain age bracket.
rB: heehee i guess
rB: i dunno i never really felt like a teenager
rB: it was like i was little, and sis was working a lot
rB: and so you know gotta be mature and shit
rB: and then boom youre 13 and its like this big deal but you dont feel any different
rB: and so you get a little older and you still feel pretty much the same, like i thought i was supposed to be growing and learning about myself and the world
rB: and all i did was sit in my room and do...
rB: well tons of different shit
II: I had a teacher once, a wise man named Saleh, who often liked to tell me "The moment  you close yourself off to the world, is the moment enlightenment is lost."
II: I believe this is what happened to you.
II: You never gained the proper perspective that comes from having your views clash with others.
II: Presumably, this is the cause of your stunted emotional development, and possibly, your abnormally high levels of optimism.


----------



## Nicodemus (Mar 14, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: oh yeah, im emotionally stunted
rB: pot, meet kettle 
II: I didn't mean to offend.
II: Simply just pointing out a fact.
rB: yeah okay
rB: maybe its a good thing were all so messed up
rB: i dont think normal people could make it in this game
II: I don't necessarily agree with that opinion.
II: If you believe that then you discard the basic principles on which civilized society is founded upon.
II: The duty of the strong is to protect the weak after all. I could've managed it.
rB: julius earth was just annihilated by giant fucking space rocks
rB: you entered pretty early so you didnt see the worst of it but it was bad even by the time you got in
rB: by the time i was entering there was almost nothing left
rB: everyone weve ever known save eleven people died firey horrible deaths
rB: and that was the beginning
rB: how would "normal people" even really be functioning at this point???
rB: we just witnessed what was basically the extinction of the human race
II: That's a shocking streak of defeatism coming from you Cess.
II: The human race doesn't end until I say it does.
II: Even then, it's possible that other people made it, other sessions, other players.
II: You underestimate human resiliency, and the resolve of the average person to live.
II: As I can assure you, you and most of the others here aren't nearly as far off from the mean as you assume.
rB: maybe youre right
rB: maybe im making a huge deal out of nothing i dont know
rB: im just not exactly sure why out of all the people in the world to play this game you chose us. chose me
II: To say I actually chose any of you would be.... misleading.
II: I knew you were all meant to play this game, so I made it occur.
II: If I really could have chosen my teammates do you think I would have brought along people like James?
II: Or Alice? Or even Ashley?
rB: hey alice is cool
rB: but i guess i get it
rB: more cosmic predestination shit okay
II: You don't even know the half of it when it comes to that hussie.
II: But I digress.
II: Please don't look at it through the cosmic predestination angle, that just leads to further emo defeatism, and we have enough of that here.
II: Think of it more through the lens of, hey I got an important role that only I can fulfill here. Because that's what is really transpiring here. To assume everything that happens to you is not because of you is fallacious. In the end it's all your choice. That's what matters in the end.
rB: looking at it like that does make it seem better
rB: still id prefer to stay as far away from that kind of stuff as possible
rB: its annoying and makes my head hurt when i think about it too hard
II: Oh don't worry, your role in the game won't ever take you down the road of cosmic madness.
II: Lucky for me that's Julius territory.... well, and I guess Valen is hitching a ride down to insanity valley as well.
II: I haven't really been able to talk to him all that much recently, on the account of my current predicament. 
II: Do you think he's too far gone, or should I give him a chance to repent?
rB: i havent even talked to him since he went crazy
rB: alice seems to think she can handle him though
rB: didnt you put her on that???
II: Nah, she kind of assigned herself the task.
II: If I could hazard a guess, she has a 97% chance of failing at this operation of hers.
II: Which leaves clean up duty to the fearless leader.
II: I don't really like the guy, but it seems almost a shame if I have to kill him so early into the game. 
rB: oh noooooo
rB: alice is smart and good at things im sure shell manage to do it somehow
rB: if were killing each other in the first half day of this game...i dont even know
rB: have you talked to your consorts??? mine are talking about healing the land and stuff and it sounds like it could take forever!!!
II: We don't share consorts, each planet has a different group of them.
II: At the moment it seems that mine are split pretty evenly between wanting to kill me, or wanting me to help them with worthless fetch quests. I'm not sure which one I mind more.
II: Probably the latter.
II: I'm telling you, you place way to much faith in Prolisso. 
II: How can you even call her a friend when you haven't even connected with her beyond the most basic of levels?
rB: what even qualifies a friend??? theres no meter or anything
rB: i think of her as a friend, she thinks of me as a friend, so were friends
rB: its an arbitrary social construct that exists when and where two people agree it exists
II: You are way to eager to assign a title that is supposed to mean something based on such a flimsy barrier of entry.
II: Such frivolous actions are only going to lead you to disappointment when Prolisso proves your trust in her misplaced.
rB: you say it like its already a forgone conclusion!!!
rB: at least have a little faith in her, or somebody!!! its important that you dont try and do all this by yourself!!!
II: Because it is already a forgone conclusion.
II: As i'm trying to tell you, I know Prolisso probably better than she knows herself.
II: And there's a reason I wouldn't call her a friend.
II: I have faith in some people. Myself and my brother primarily. 
II: While I have faith in most of you to competently go about your work, I wouldn't call that true faith. I wouldn't want to either, most of you are going to fail. And then fail repeatedly.
II: And in accepting this, I can be a better leader than I would be otherwise.
rB: translation: bluh bluh, im julius and im better than everyone else
II: That's a rather unfair label you are giving me.
II: I wouldn't say i'm necessarily better than anyone here that is not named James, Ashley, or Alice. Because i'm totally better than those three.
II: It's more just.... competency. I am the most competent member of this group, and I will not lie to make myself feign humbleness.
rB: pride goeth before the falling down stairs
rB: it just keeps happening
II: It's not prideful to know yourself and to know what you can do.
II: It's being able to accept reality.
II: The fact of the matter is, I know myself, I know my limits. None of you can touch my limits, except maybe James on a good day if I got caught off guard.
II: Thus the conclusion that i'm the most accomplished and competent in this group is one that is easy to make. Because stating a fact does not make you an egotist, it makes you a realist.
rB: uuuuuuuugh whatever
rB: this conversation is making me tired i havent slept in hours
rB: im gonna take a nap
rB: and just to spite you it is going to be as unproductive as possible!!! no cloudgazing for me, no sir!!!
rB: i am going to eat cupcakes or fly around or have a dance party!!!
II: These are all things you are allowed to do thanks to your noble leader keeping his vigil.
II: Eat whatever diabetic bakery goods you so wish.
II: I'll be here, escaping from certain doom and arresting perps, locking them up and throwing away the key.
II: Well, I'll have to go meet with the new prosecutor first before those keys can get thrown away, but that is all in a days work for a man who wants to get things done.
rB: the mental image of a consort going to law school makes me laugh
rB: bye julius




*-- reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] ceased pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --*

Uuuuuugh. He is so frustrating sometimes. Just wait. Soon he's going to put too much pressure on himself and crack under the strain. You're going to take a nap now. You certainly need it.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 27, 2013)

*You probably haven't read this log*

I need someone to help me fix this horrible display of images. I know II.
As if he'd help you again after all of the other times HAHAHAH
Shutup. You don't know that at all.
Okay Mrs. Helpless :3
--battyEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey detective how good are you with computer stuff again?
bE: ISN'T THAT CUTE YOU'RE EMBARRASED
bE: ...
II: No need to raise your internet voice in such a manner.
II: It's rather rude, and makes you sound childish in my mind's inner monologuings when I gloss over your words.
II: I'm not as good with computers as mE is, but outside of that my skills are not to be made light of. So what is it that you require?



Of course I am I'm having to ask something from him again.
Good thing he hates it. HEH
I'm really tired of you now

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well you see I recently talked to one of qA's sprites and long story short it hacked my pesterchum to display rather... lets say lewd pictures you'll see if you can do anything about it.
bE: INNER MONOLOGUES? HAHAHHAA
bE: ...
II: ...
II: ....
II: I do not like where this is going.
II: Not one bit.



Oh you are? You're so called friends seem to be as well
Shut up you whore.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Dammit the pictures keep changing and getting worse. I can't talk to people like this. The only reason I'm asking you is because I know you keep your mouth shut.
 Please please please hack it or fix it or something.
bE: OHHH THAT ONE IS NASTY
bE: ...
bE: Oh god make it stop.



NGHHH why. That's not natural at all and I have to look at it. whyyy
I think it's rather nice HAHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Now now, I might be as illustrious as the seraphs above, but that scarcely makes me divinity now does it?
II: I'm not reallly sure I want to subject myself to pornographic images this evening, it might ruin the mood I am in right now, which is a rarely good one.
bE: That's horrible I didn't even know that.... poor Fishimus Prime
bE: HAHAHA
bE:..
bE:  Do you want me to start turning into some sort of sexual deviant or something?
Do you even know what horrible things are happening on my... I hope my uncle doesn't see this.



You sick fuck how can you like any of this?
Sounds like someone has a stick up their ass.

*Spoiler*: __ 




II: Well excuse me if I thought you were going to be asking something of me that was actually important in nature. Thankfully you have a habit of always proving me wrong on that front.
II: Do I look like customer service to you? Really, don't you have anti-virus software or something?



 You'd be into that I bet. 
I'm sure secretly in your tiny tiny brain that you do as well. HIHE

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: It ate it.
bE: GULP
bE: ...
II: That has not even begun to make sense to me.


 NO.No I'm not. That robot sure is weird being able to do that.
In fact I think the robot knew that and gave this as a gift.SHSHSH

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: It doesn't make sense to me either but neither does most of the stuff I have encountered.
But I'm telling you it ate it. If only I never talked to that robot qA has. 
bE: YUMYUM
bE: ...
bE: How is any standard anti-virus going to protect you against those two?  So I go to you, who did all of this crazy computer stuff to me before. 
I mean it should be easy enough for you right?
II: ...How? How can data be eaten? It's an abstract thing that exists as a series of 0's and 1's. 
II: This is all very flabbergasting.
II: So can I just upload a ghost program and wipe your harddrive? Seems to be the easiest way for me to handle this whole affair.



How deranged are you? You'd probably consider a bomb a gift like that smurf.
That's not a bad gift idea I have to write that down. 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Why?Why? ughhhh. I'm sorry but it's just so terrible. On that note on bad news would it be possible that wouldn't work because.... it's well ... uh.
bE: EATING MORE HAHHAHAH
bE: ...



And there it goes eating everything. Just a great day this has been.
The best day ever is just going to get even greater once we get in AHAHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Are you...feeling okay? I'm a little weirded out by you at the moment, not gonna lie.
II: A ghost program wipes your drive clean how could that possibly not work? 
bE: It's the pictures they got workse starting to feel a bit sick here. I dunno when does data eat data are you sure it would work? Wait. You said ghost program right? As in Data?
bE: NUMNUMNUM
bE: ...



I'd probably just eat the ghost... and these pictures only someone that is sick in the head would like.
That one looks like I'd be fun 
Shut. up.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: I sure as hell am not opening up any of my ports to your diseased riddled computer. 
II: You have two options. 
II: 1. I destroy everything on your computer and then install a new operating system.
II: 2. You wait until I have the time to set up a secure two way connection that is off the grid from the rest of my network, and then I surgically remove your lame virus as I would a tumor.
II: Or 3. Ask the robot to kindly remove the virus? I assume this isn't an option but I would like to list it anyways.



Number 1 sounds great you'd better pick it 
I'm not going to pick any of those options they are stupid. Especially 3.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: About that, what if it infected more than my computer? 
And I have no qualms about you wiping everything anymore... it ate the photo's with my uncle.
bE: POOF
bE: ...



Ahh poor you can't do anything worthy of a sacrifice. >
Nothing needs to be sacrificed.
That's what you'd like to think.


*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well, what else is connected to your personal network? 
II: I might be able to stop it in it's tracks, but I really don't want to.
II: Why are you making me do this, IT work is beneath me.
bE: Well it infected my phone and then my computer somehow and it... hey uh II.
What does data that buggers off on it's own usually mean? Because those pictures are gone now along with what was eating the data, though I'm still missing all it ate.
bE: SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
bE: ...



Where did it go? Where?
Don't use the situation to excuse how pathetic you are. >

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Santa isn't real and Christmas isn't for another week.
II: Don't worry Uri, when good data passes it goes to a wonderous place called data heaven, where the bits and bytes dance around the all power goddrive for all eternity.



Santa.. isn't real? Oh god.
HHAAHAH you didn't know? Oh that's a riot.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Dammit II you don't have to be so sarcastic I don't know much about computers besides what I see in movies, but if I'm talking to you and the data goes away for no reason on my or your part. Doesn't that mean that its heading towards you or something?
bE:  I WAS ENJOYING THAT!
bE: ...
bE:  I mean I hardly have anything on my computer to begin with compared to you.
II: You seem to have absolutely no idea at all how technology even functions. 
II: What i'm experiencing right now is equivalent to when neanderthal first gazed upon fire.
II: Most people don't have nearly as much data as I do. Kind of a hard thing to accomplish considering the fact I have sixty external hard drives of two terrabyte capacity completly filled in my archives, in addition to various other filled drives on my network...
II: ...
II: Why am I getting hits on several security ports.
II: *Sigh* Are you happy? You've made it my problem too now.
II: What is even WITH all this useless crap clogging up my bandwith. It's so useless and crappy. I'm drowning in a sea of meaningless tripe...
II: Well time to go into a security lockdown, i'll see you momentarily.


 ... Dammit I really hate this day.
Don't you love how you take all of your problems and put them on other people like a sack of shit? I have to say I'm proud of that one aspect of a sack of shit like you.
This day sucks. sooo much.
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] has disconnected--
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] has reconnected--

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Damn it Uri you venereal spreader of cyber plagues. 
II: You are lucky it only destroyed my photo collection from my vacation in Prague before I closed all outer ports and quarantined the infection. 
II: But that is little solace in the face of the devastating loss of 500 gigabytes worth of high resolution photos taken from me before their time. Oh how I will miss you artistically taken photos of eastern european coffee houses.


 You did an even better job than I though Uri.
Shutup you're not my friend you can't call me that.
Okay, URANUS. HAHAHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm sorry, I mean I didn't think that would happen untill well it did.
But if that's the worst it did you should be thankful. Sounds like it was pretty tough though.
bE: BUZZKILL
bE: ...
II: Yeah sure, three weeks of my life being wiped from the digital world forever sure is a light consequence of your actions. I can't even access my secure off shore cloud saves due to the fact that those were destroyed by meteors.
II: But really, this virus was rather pathetic in nature, to be expected from anything tangentially associated to Alice. It worked fast, but it worked sloppy. 
II: Also I was smart enough to go to command prompt and execute my commands purely through code, so as to avoid the rampant pornography that would of ensued... unlike some people.
II: *cough* you.



Screw both of you.
I just love it when you're blamed for everything so much misery 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Well sorry I'm not as computer savvy as you and it wasn't Alice.
It was her sprite GLADYS
bE:   ROBOTS
bE: ...
II:... That's what tangentially associated means Uri. 
II: It means not alice, but something related to Alice.
II: And that was your third grade english lesson for the day.
bE: She probably didn't think that much of me... sigh, my pictures... I don't think I'll ever talk to that thing again. Aside from in person so I can smash it.
bE: RIP ITS WIRES OUT BATHE IN ITS OIL!!!
bE: ...
bE: Sorry I'm pretty mixed up from all of the weird things happening.





I hate when I agree with you at all.
You know you want to give in to the darkside.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 27, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Do you need some medication? I have medication.
II: Sweet, mood managing medication.



I'm getting the impression II relies on medication a lot.
So he doesn't go mad like you sure, smart move on his part, unlike you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What are you saying this is all in my head? The meteors outside and all of the other crazy bullshit. Aliens, sentient robots, this sudden appearance of other people in my head because of said alien? Gahhhh, why am I being put through this? Is this god's cruel joke?
bE: CRYBABY
bE: ...
II: God's cruel joke is me having to deal with this bullshit for the foreseeable future.
II: Hah! Good one Jehova, seriously bro you got me big time.
II: My life is unceasing agony.
II: I'm not offering you the red pill damn it.
II: Look.... can I please go now before these guns in my trench coat start sounding like a great way to give me a big long nap.
II: Or do you wish to talk about your hilariously obvious case of budding split personality syndrom? (Please say no, Please say no, Please say no).


 Am I that bad?
You are I'm constantly wanting to do that myself right now ;o

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: What do you mean split personality syndrome? And please don't shoot yourself for all you know god wants you to do that so he can send you to an even worse place than where we are at right now as terrible as it is.
bE: WHAT COULD BE WORSE EHEHE
bE: ...



Shut up. And I won't acknowledge you even being a part of me you're just an alien presence.
Whatever you say Uranus. ;L

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: What like hell? This place IS hell. Holy shit, I literally could be dipping in satan's personal lava pit and it would not be as agonizing as this group of halfwits and nitwits. You are all the wits, all of them. Without the wit part. There is no wit to be found here, only sadness and the bitter tears that fall into my wine glass minutes before I cry myself to sleep.
II: And when I fall asleep? I wake right the fuck up somewhere else where I have to deal with you all too. Not even in dreams can I escape you all, and I haven't been able to for YEARS. And won't be able to ever again. 
II: So come sweet hell, take me away from this place.
II:...
II: Phew, that felt good to say.
II: But yeah moving on, you really can't be unaware of a split personality can you? I mean what, do you not notice how one voices types in lower, then the other says something random in caps followed by a series of elipses, after which you shut up entirely until the masochistic part of me decides to respond?


 Oh dear he might do it. I can't let him.
Of course old selfish Uranus wouldn't want that nonono.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wow I had no idea. Really though years? All the nice dreams taken away?
 I notice them, but I can't do anything about them as far I can tell. About hell though if it makes you feel better if the game doesn't let you escape even in your dreams I don't think it would let you do so even in death. Just a theory.
bE: BURN BABY BURN
bE: ...
II: Don't EVEN try to go philosophical on me. Don't you EVEN. 
II: Also please try to detect when i'm being facetious.
II: I would never kill myself, that's the coward's tactic.
II: Even if it would be nice to be away from you all no matter what the cost...
II: Anyways, did you know in ancient times they dealt with cases like yours with a liberal application of forced lobotomization?!?
II: I can always give that a shot if you want. 
II: It might be fun.



NO. Just no.
That sounds fun he might cut you out. 


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: If you think I'd let you cut me up you'd be wrong.
I don't see how cutting me up would help any of us, aside maybe you.
 I have no one to talk to about any philosophical stuff and it just sort of comes out, sorry.
bE: CHOP CHOP CHOP THE MOUSE WAS ON THE BLOCK
bE: ...
II: You would all be SO MUCH better if you let me indulge in my amateur surgeon skills. 
II: You would all be much less annoying also.
II: And hey, alt uri? Can you please shut up a little please? 
II: I don't even get your deal at all.
bE: No, I think I'm fine. I sort of need my brain, but you can disect GLADYS if you really have the need for that.
bE: HEHEHEH YOU SHOULD KNOW ALREADY FOOL
bE: ...



Yea, you should shut up. Listen to the arrogant man
Why would I do that when I annoy him so HEAHHEAhahHAHAHHEH

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Dissecting a sprite would be unfullfilling at best. 
II: And please shut up, or say something coherent.
II: I don't have moronic split personality as one of the languages in my google translate app.
bE: I wish she would shut up, but alas. I cannot shut her up.
bE: DOES THE WEAK DETECTIVE NEED A HINT?
bE: ....
II: Yes you can, all it takes is some inner resolve and the power of meditation.
II: THE DETECTIVE WOULD LIKE A FUCKING HINT YES IRRATATING VOICE OF URI THAT SPEAKS IN GIBBERISH.
bE: She's just trying to make me sound stupid and I would hope you don't reply to that.
bE: WELL IF THE DETECTIVE WANTS THE HINT SO MUCH I'LL MAKE IT SIMPLE ENOUGH FOR EVEN HE TO UNDERSTAND.
bE: ...



I don't even know what you want want why in the hell would you tell him?
Of course I'd tell him just so you're friends hate you more. HRHR

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Yes... it's the other voice that makes you sound stupid...
II: Still waiting on that hint buttercup.
bE: Yep...
bE: EHEHEEH YOU DO KNOW WHAT THIS GIRL DID RIGHT? I'M ONLY TELLING YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU. 
*Spoiler*: __ 



I'm the seed of despair and pain that has been growing beneath the soil since youth planted by a dark star. I'm what will break the group you have. I'm akin to one you hate very much in many ways but much much worse. I'm nothing like anything you have faced or will face. And it's all dependent on this girl breaking. Even now she strains herself and I keep clawing away. And she won't ever know until it's too late. This she can't see anything I do. I can block parts of her mind when I wish and when I break her I'll have her body and wreak havoc. She tries and tries pathetically to win you know.



SHE PLAYED BASEBALL EHEHEEH BUT THAT'S JUST FOR YOU TO KNOW.
bE: ...
bE: She really doesn't make sense sometimes...



Really though baseball? 
EHHEHEHEHE

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Color me unimpressed.
II: You deal with one psychotic personality you've dealt with them all... hell I am dealing with pretty much EVERY possible mental disorder in this session alone.
II: Once your a derse dreamer such things seem a little bit....plain.
II: But I will be sure to flag this in my personal disaster prediction system, P.D.P.S. for short. 
II: File it under 'trivial concern'. Several points higher than a sick person sneezing on my keyboard.



Of course he's not impressed you make not sense... and a plan for baseball?
HAhHAHHAHHAHAH

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Baseball isn't plain it's great. Screw what those evil things think. 
A disaster plan for baseball though? Isn't that a bit harsh?
bE: EHEHEHEE We'll see if that is the case then. But I expect to shoot up that chart once I do take control. Perhaps I'll try taking your most wanted pleasure from you first to do that?


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Mar 27, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ....
II: It's so cute how everyone thinks they deserve the honor of shooting up my P.D.P.S. 
II: Regardless, a split personality is by definition incomplete.
II: And an incomplete being poses no threat to me. 
II: Ergo, you deserve a ranking befiting your threat. 
II: Anyways, i'm done with the psycho side Uri. If you want some mood medication just say the word and i'll get it to you.
II: Otherwise i'm done,... I am done here right?



Oh I see II is sort of crazy as well he's on meds and still talks to himself constantly even here.
Whatever you want to tell yourself gurl

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I wanna know what you mean by P.D.P.S. and why baseball?
No, I think I can deal with her on my own. 
bE: EHEHEH NOT A CLUE 
*Spoiler*: __ 



We'll see



bE: ...
II: Everyone thinks they can deal with their feels by themselves.
II: Ah the pridefullness of man.
II: But I digress, if you become a problem you will be dealt with as all problems are.
II: With extreme prejudice. 
bE: So you're saying you changed your mind about being on the baseball team? I'm not really following anything you are saying here Julius. Stupid as she seems she isn't that bad. Still I'm confident I'm the stronger one here and I always have you guys if I'm not.
bE: WEAK WEAK WEAK
bE: ...
II: It's not good policy to leave others to deal with your problems.
II: After they become exponentially worse that is.
bE: You should know how it goes now Julie if it's one person problem it's everyones.
So I'm trying my best to make sure it isn't, I only came to you so I could get my computer fixed. Caused by qA's sprite. Probably one of her problems.
bE: I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT SHE AIN'T ONE
bE: ...


 I can most certainly deal with an idiot like you.
What ever you need to tell yourself stupid one.

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: It's more like, if it's one person's problem, then it's my problem, and that other person just heaves it on me.
II: Oh yeah, about your computer. I kind of already fixed that ten minutes ago. I just hacked myself in and cleaned it out.Have you not noticed the fact you aren't being bombarded by obnoxious images anymore?


Uhuh. Yea II is a bit crazy.
Only because of you I bet HEHEAHEHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: But all my stuff... I don't even have Infranet Explorter anymore. 
All I got is this pesterchum. Could you perhaps give me something?
bE: THICK SKULL HEHEH
bE: ...
II: Only an idiot uses such an unsecured browser like that.
II: I for one use Fenrir 5.9. Highest quality browser available online, but far too complicated for you.
II: Why don't I get you something like Thor 1.1. It's big and dumb, but also has the virtue of being hideously streamlined.
II: Seems like a match made in heaven.
II: Hold on while I breach your paper thin firewall again.
II: Installing.... yes I want trackers.... and done.



OH HAHA. Be more of  a dick Julius.
It's hard for him not to be it's his job ;D

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Big and dumb huh? Feh. I doubt Fenrir 5.9 is all that anyway. 
I bet Thor 1.1 is actually Stronger and Smarter than you think.
bE:  EHEEHHEHEHAHEHAH
bE: ...
II: It's not. It is objectively terrible and this is proveable by it's lack of nuanced code.
II: Just ask anyone 
bE: Oh yea let me ask all of the 14 options I have. Hey killer alien what do you think of this browser "blahblahblah all of them are inferior to blahblahblah wriggling little worm"
Hey sL what do you think oh wait he doesn't think.
I don't have that many people to ask Julie.
bE: EHEHAHAHHE 
*Spoiler*: __ 



She's cute right?



bE: ...



I think I did a pretty good impression of that alien.
I would do so much better than that ;3

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Review sites still exist. If you want I can send you a couple articles from TechSnob Today which demonstrate why Fenrir is the superior browser, it's as smart as a fox... if a fox was a giant wolf.
II: Which evolution won't permit as it would have lead to the extinction of every other sentient being on the planet, for none can hope to face wolf foxes of massive proportions.
bE: So you think your browser is a giant wolf fox? You can be pretty wierd well most of the time. Aren't you supposed to be doing something though Julie? I should probably stop bothering you like this so often.
bE: SMOOCH SMOOCH
bE: ...


 Really? Huh they are. This browser isn't that bad.
Yawnnnnn

*Spoiler*: __ 



II: Well yeah, you should probably stop trying to get me to solve all your problems every other hour.
II: A good dose of self-reliance has never done the heart wrong.
II: Then again... I am the leader, and it's my duty to shepherd you all like the gullible sheep you are.
II: So I guess I leave the matter up to your discretion, be advised though that I might not always be around.
II: I'm a pretty busy individual after all, sleuthing and scheming. You know how it is.
bE: You know. You never did go into real detail on what it is you do. I mean I don't have anything to concentrate on like that besides baseball, but it's a team sport.
Maybe I could take it up? What do you think?
bE: BUWAHAHA
bE: ...
II: What it is I do?
II: That's a rabbit hole few can say they have plunged into.
II: Do you really want to know?


 Well he's practically already told me already never really said what it actually was though was thinking James Bond.
Pfffttt you wish 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: It can't be worse than what's going on now, so why not?
bE: YEP, NOT ANY WORSE EHEHEHE
bE: ...
II: The short of it is that I, being a marvelous and handsome sleuth, trade in information.
II: I gather it and distribute it to select confidants in order to facilitate the arrests of less than savory individuals.
II: I am quite good at this, I can procure just about anything, solve clues, deduce motives.
II: And on the ocassions when I need to be slightly more... proactive, I have engaged in wetwork on more than one party. Those who possed a significant clear and present danger or those who pushed me to no other recourse..
bE: What do you mean wetwork? Is that like...? Dating or something like that?
The rest sounds rather boring why don't you just use force to end it quicker if you know who did it?
bE: HAHAAHA
bE: ...
II: What seperates us men from the James Donaldsons of the world is that murder isn't the only for us to solve our problems. 
II: I don't mind having to kill people, which is what wetwork is. I don't particularly like it though either, so I try to use lethal force judeciously.
II: I am merely the one who brings them to the judge, I don't always have to be their executioner.
II: I have trained myself to be able to reliably target appendages without killing my targets, I have mastered both aggressive and non aggressive forms of martial arts to allow me flexibility in how I handle situations. In this way, I am able to be effective without being a monster.



Oh that's right I promised I would train with him. Which doesn't sound that bad anymore.
You think you'll train with him? HAHHAH

*Spoiler*: __ 



bEarn I was hoping you would be more like James Bond but freelance.
You did mention knowing martial arts before I think I agreed to training didn't I?
bE: DAMMIT I'M A SECRET AGENT NOT A DOCTOR
bE: ...
II: I'm sorry to disappoint you then.
II: As Master Saleh did before me, I will always have my arms open to a pupil who seeks enlightenment and knowledge in the arts martial.
II: If you want it, all you need is to find me. I don't teach online.
bE: Ha. Easier said then done I'm not even in the game yet. 
Master Saleh? Who is that? Online courses with Martial arts would be weird anyway.
bE: WILL YOU EVER
bE: ...
II: Master Saleh was both a spiritual advisor to me and a physical one. He taught me much in the arts of both gun kata and expanded my efficiency in hand to hand styles. He was one of many teachers, but the one who lingers to this day in my mind.
II: I wouldn't be half the fighter I am today without him.



Sounds like someone that would be cool to meet like my uncle.
Your uncle is the lamest person I've seen.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How would you prepose I meet you anyway? From what I've heard everyone will be on different planets. As a matter of fact why aren't we planning to go as a group as soon as possible? sL I might understand, but from the people I have met I think it could be done.
bE:  EYEROLLLLL
bE: ...
II: 1. We are all isolated yet connected. And no that isn't me going into spiritual karate bullshit, there is a system in place that allows movement between the worlds.
II: 2. There will be team based missions in time, but this game is also a deeply personal matter.
II: Therefore we all need some alone time, me especially.
II: Sweet sweet loneliness. It's what I crave, it's what I need.
bE: Always sounds like the opposite of what you need to me. All this master student talk and helping the weak, but not harming the evil so they can be properly punished.
Sounds like it's to much for one person to begin with without all of the stuff going on now.
bE: ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER
bE: ...
II: Who says I don't harm the evil? I harm it quite a bit actually. 
II: It's not too much for me to handle at all. In fact, now I get the full twenty four hours of the day to engage in ops and detective work.
II: I can multitask more than ever. Your concern is slightly appreciated though.
II: Only slightly.


Shut up. Sounds like it's to hard to handle to me.
Only for someone as weak as you 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: If you say so, I need to get busy trying to get into the game now.
Though I'd like to ask what the first thing I can expect to see once I enter is.
bE: BLOOD
bE: ...
II: I don't know. Each world is different as is our trials. It's up to you to discover and explore whatever god-forsaken place you wind up on.
II: Sadly it will pale in comparison to mine, which is quite wonderful. And it is a world I have been neglecting too long to chat with you.
II: So farewell, I am off to roam some neon streets, and bust some perps.



--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased being pestered by battyEcho[bE]--


----------



## Cadrien (Apr 2, 2013)

*Shady Streets and Shadier Deals*

Valen watched out of his eyes as his body moved through the shadowy streets of Derse. He didn't know where he was going, but his body did apparently. No one paid him any mind as he brushed past somber carapacians. The only sounds to be heard was the crisp click of heels on the pavement, the hushed murmurs of those not moving to their destination, and the occasional cough. 

His path took him to the steps of the Dersite royal palace. His approach was halted by the guards. It would have been a pretty piss poor place for a center of government if there were no guards, one has to admit. He acquiesced to their escort and was brought before one Dapper Demagog, an arch-agent of the monarchy. 

Valen decided that it was quite a bewildering experience, feeling one's own tongue move and form words without one thinking about them. The words being said were ones that proposed a deal of sorts. Well, less of a deal and more of planting an idea in the Demagog's head. Unfortunately for the Valen we know and love, the Horror Terrors did not want him to hear their plans. So he sat in the back of his mind, deaf and mute. 

The idea was this though: The Dersite agents would facilitate the removal of several members of the session's dream towers and presumably their dream selves as well, subjecting them to the dream bubbles glubbed up by the Horror Terrors. Which of course suited Derse's means perfectly well.

The Demagog went off to query the Queen about the idea, leaving Valen in the comfort of his study. Looking around, Valen noticed an old record player. Standing up, Valen approached it. 

*-=====> Valen: Listen to the record*












You can sure appreciate a good Jazz riff, the Demagog has quite good taste. Speaking of which, as Valen turned around, there he was. A slight smirk tugged on the carapace's features. Valen tilted his head, questioning whether or not the Queen had approved the mission. The arch agent gave a nod. A pleased noised came out of Valen's mouth. It was not a noise a human, nor any normal creature should be capable of making. Indeed, even the Demagog flinched a bit at it, but recovered admirably.

As per protocol, the Herald was escorted from the palace by the same guards, though the Demagog also accompanied them. That mission done, Valen returned to his tower and control was relinquished back to him. He felt a yawn coming as he lay in bed. It appeared that he was going to return to the real world shortly...


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Apr 2, 2013)

Crimson Dragoon said:


> *After the memo...*
> 
> James slowly drifts back into consciousness, opening his eyes, and gradually straightens himself out.  He sees broken kitchenware all around him.
> 
> ...



*In the bathroom*

James desperately scrubbed at his face with water and any soap he can find, but alas, the inked phalli never quite went away.  Yet still he frantically clawed at his own visage, until it was clear to him that it was useless.  So he comes up with another idea.

He ran to the kitchen, grabbed the nearest knife, and went back to the bathroom.  James takes the knife to his face, and cuts away on the areas which have penis on it.  He cackles dementedly with each slice and when he saw that the cuts satisfactorily obscured the multiple phalli images, he stopped.  The scars-to-be on his face will surely cover up the dicks.

The perfect solution.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 4, 2013)

*A balanced individual*

That went better than usual perhaps he's warming up?
Uranus and Julius sitting in a tree K I S S I N G
God dammit I don'- Someone is pestering me.
-- melodiousDiscord [mD] began pestering battEcho [bE] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Hey.
mD: Making the rounds of who all is involved in this little game.
mD: So yeah. 
mD: What's up?
bE: Oh you know, just the end of the world nothing big, happens everyday. I remember you from the memo, didn't see that much of you. The people in this game aren't to nice really...
bE: FOOL
bE: ...



Would you stop that? I'm not going to make any friends because of you.
Friends are for the weak and stupid. People like you )

*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: And calling me a fool is nice?
mD: Geez, ever hear of hypocrisy?



Stop that clown face it's creepy and look what you did.
;o)

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That really isn't me though. I can't help what she does. I'm sorry though.
bE: PSTT PSTTT COMMER
bE: ...
mD: Well now you've got me confused.
mD: Is there someone else who is typing on your keyboard or something?
bE: I honestly don't know anymore it's been like this for awhile. The 3rd one has shut up for some reason though.  I guess you could say that maybe?
bE: WANNA KNOW MY NAME HEHEHEH
bE: ...



Well I can't tell him I told it to shut up. I would just sound crazy then.
Pleaseee you wish you were crazy like me.

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Hmm, interesting.
mD: Well the "second one" makes a good point. Introductions are in order.
mD: I'm Valen, nice to meet you.



Ha acting stupid backfired on you.
That's what you think. >;0)

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Uri nice to meet you.
bE: URANUS RENTAGER
bE: ...
bE: No, it isn't it's Uri !
mD: I see. An interesting name in any case.
mD: Pleased to meet you though.
bE: Well at least some people are nice in this game. What do you think of the people you have met so far?
bE: LIAR
bE: ...
mD: Well some of them are nice. It's about half and half right now.
mD: Some of them I know from former correspondence, others like you I'm talking to for the first time.



No, I don't. And stop telling people my real name you jerk.
Only a weakling like you would care if someone knew your name. It's absolutely sickening. ;x

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: So how is the game so far? I don't really hear about it much from the people who are in.
Btw if you havn't met wW yet you should he's pretty cool.
bE: BORINGGGG 
bE: ...
mD: From what all I've experienced it's.....immersive haha.
mD: I guess it's fun, but it's also a fair bit of work.
mD: You know?
mD: As to wW, I don't think I have done so yet. I'll contact him next I guess.
bE: I think he's a ninja or something sounds like someone would would be really fun to play with. Um what kind of work exactly?
bE: PFFTT WORK LIKE THATS WORK
bE: ...



Don't you get me started on sick after what just happened to me.
Aw baby is embarrwassed. Aren't you the town whore wanting all of these men.
Shut up, I've had enough of your bullshit just leave me.
You clearly don't belong in control if you are bothered by such petty things justtt let me have the wheel for a bit and everything will be better.

*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Well I've been jogging all over my house setting up the constructs for the game.
mD: qA was supposed to help but she chose not to...
mD: ...I guess.
mD: Either way the enemies I've fought have been easy enough to get rid of.
mD: Still trying to work on things with my sprite.
bE: I've talked to a sprite before I think it was sL's it was pretty rude. What's the problem with your sprite exactly?
bE: HE WAS NICE
bE: ...
mD: Well there's not really a problem per say, it's just rather...
mD: Scatterbrained might be a good way to describe it.
mD: But then considering that it turned into a double headed thing that is understandable haha.
bE: !!!!!!! wait he has two heads, uhhh... can I talk to it?
bE: NO GOOD NO GOOD
bE: ...



Ughhhh. I'm not going to bother talking to you.
;oooooooo)

*Spoiler*: __ 



mD: Uh, sure let me just...
Isaac&MiriaSprite: Hello! Bonjour! Hola! Konichiwa!
mD: Yeah, I'll just be here.
bE: uh hi. Since there is two of you how do you... deal with each other?
bE: NGGGHHH
bE: ...
Isaac: Deal with each other?
Miria: What do you mean?
I&M: We've always been a team!



That's creepy.
You want to be close to me I can make it happen. <3 

*Spoiler*: __ 



*-Uri barfed just then into the bucket-*




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wow you must be... uhhh close to yourself? I'm just having a problem that lets say is similar to yours. I was wondering you had some kind of trick to deal with it.
bE: NO ONE CAN HELP YOU
bE: ...
Miria: Well I guess it helps that we pretty much always knew what the other was thinking before we were melded together like this...
Isaac: Mhmm. So not much has changed really!
Isaac: Except that now we have a bunch of random information about this game.
Miria: It's all really confusing to be honest.
mD: And that's why I say that I'm still working on things with them.



Sounds like I'm not the only one that needs help.
What ever you say toots. <3

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Information about the game... Well I'm not like you two, so I guess you can't quite understand it you were both a 1 that got turned into a 2 while me...
Can you try grabbing some info for the game for me?
bE: BROKEN PIECE OF SHIT AHHAHAHAHHAHA
bE: ...
I&M: We can try! What would you like to know?
bE: What started the game?
bE: THAT WONT WORK
bE: ...
I&M: Hmmm.
I&M: HMMMMMMM...
I&M: Nope, sorry.
Isaac: Our knowledge only includes what is inside the game, not what happened out of it.
Miria: We're sorry!



Dammit, why can't I find out how the hell this started.
Youu never willlll.~

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Yea, I guess I was expecting to much there. How about... ah what is the background for the game, you know the story? Almost all games have those.
bE: EYEROLLLLLLLL
bE: ...
Isaac: Well the background is usually learned by talking with the creatures in your respective lands.
Miria: Valen's are Ocelots! 
Isaac: Right! The basic overarching plot is something like this though.
Isaac: You all are the pivotal point for the war between the twin planets of Prospit and Derse.
Miria: Without your aid, Prospit will always lose. Every time.
Isaac: And then each of you have your own lands and quests to explore.
Isaac: I can't really give you terribly much more than that. I only have some knowledge of Valen's land aside from that general information.
Miria: Sorry!



I remember something like that from a FAQ. But this is much more clear.
Blah blah blah useless crap

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh no, that's a lot you just told me thank you so much. So to win the game we have to have Prospit win?
mD did you know about this?
bE: TCHHH
bE: ...
mD: Not really. I had a vague description of what to do from II, but nothing quite like that.
mD: Why didn't you mention this before now?
I&M: You didn't ask!
mD: Hmph.



So you have to ask huh.
You'd probably do something stupid with your sprite to where it wouldn't matter. HAHHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: This means we have a pretty clear goal in the game, um Isaac and Miria I have another question. Do you know why prospite loses everytime? Anything would be useful.
bE: PFFT LOSERS THEY LOSE EVERYTIME?
bE: ...
mD: Well based off what I've seen of Derse, it seems a little...well...shady haha.
Isaac: Right. The simple answer is that Prospit fights fair and Derse doesn't.
bE: So the game is rigged huh and we need to help them so they can win fairly?
Wait a sec you said planets right as in not here on Earth? mD how did you see derse?
bE: HEHEHEHEHEHE
bE: ...
mD: I don't know really, sometimes I "wake up" there after I fall asleep here, sometimes I don't. 
Miria: It's possible to conciously seek your dream body with practice.
Isaac: Though you still won't have full control of when you wake up.
mD: Good to know still.



Not have full control...
HEHEHE

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I remember now I think wW said something about that. Something about cthulu being on Derse. So you should see him there. Wait does this mean players fight against one another because they are on different planets when they wake up or do we all wake up on derse?
bE: YOULL NEVER DO IT~
bE: ...
Isaac: I am unsure about other sessions but I get the feeling that players do not fight.
Miria: We don't really understand why you guys are split up.
Isaac: I'm sure there's a good reason for it though!
bE: Maybe...  some of us help on prospit and some of us disrupt derse?
mD you said you have been to Derse would you say this would be right?
bE: OH ILL DISRUPT ALL RIGHT
bE: ...
mD: I guess.
mD: Anyways looks like someone else is trying to message me.
mD: I'll talk to you later Uri.
mD: Have you entered the game yet btw?



Dammit I still haven't entered and it keeps coming up.
SO USELESSSS~ SO USELESSSS~

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: No, I havn't or rather I can't I'm the last one in.
 Oh bye valen!
bE: PUSSY
bE: ...
mD: Ciao!






-- melodiousDiscord [mD] ceased pestering battEcho [bE] --
That went pretty well considering you were there.
Uranus and Valen and Julius sitting in a tree K I S S I N G
Dammit why are you so sick in the head?!?!
Because i lowuuuuu <3

*Spoiler*: __ 



*-Guess what time it is-*
*Spoiler*: __ 



*-It's-*
*Spoiler*: __ 



*-BUCKET TIME-*
​


----------



## Platinum (Apr 5, 2013)

*Epilogue: A Journey of Self-Discovery*


*Spoiler*: __ 



I have no idea what happened after. I come to in a bout of coughing in... my parents bedroom? How did I get in here?  I never come in here. Me and my brother agreed long ago to not disturb this place out of respect. Yet, here I was sitting at the foot of their bed, staring at the painted portrait of the two that adorned the wall opposite. Funny, I could almost feel the disappointment in father's eyes. This was all so very Freudian.

"They never did approve of what we wanted to do with ourselves did they?"

The silence being broken so aptly caused me to jump back i'm not going to lie. Sitting on the foot of my parent's bed right next to me was.... me. Well, the other me. The one from my entry which I had been trying to forget.

This Julius was wearing a torn and tattered dark blue trench coat stained with dried, crusty blood. His pair of stylish shades were destroyed and fragmented, revealing that his right eye was completely red due to a burst vessel. "You know, I still remember mom telling me, and I quote 'Julius, the life of law enforcement is beneath you. Do something actually worthwhile, be an artist like your brother! Or at least a businessman..."', he sighed and let a sad smile appear briefly on the features of his cut and scratched face. "It's nice to see that some things never change, even across different worlds and different times."

Real Julius couldn't believe what he was seeing. "This is one fucked up nightmare.", he remarked incredulously.

"Remember.", bloody Julius retorted. "We don't have those things anymore."

"Great. So i'm crazy then.", he always expected his mind to break due to stress and or extreme stupidity from his teammates. But even he didn't expect to lose his grip on reality this quickly.

"Of course you're crazy.", blue coat Jules remarked as if that was such an obvious answer. "You can't expect to look into an artifact of great eldritch power and emerge sane now can you?"

Real Jules raised a finger, and began to think of a comeback. He realized pretty quickly he had himself there. "True enough I guess."

"When you take that plunge, truly stare into the depths of the impossible, the strange bubbling infinity and not just the fringes of derse space... it changes you, forever. You have a unique capacity to understand the essence of the audient void, which is why you didn't lose your freaking mind. But still, the things you saw are causing your mind to challenge just about everything you accepted as true.", from nowhere he materialized a glass of wine and began to drink it slowly. "This will pass. In no time you'll be back to normal, I will fade away, and you will be alone once more. After all, you wouldn't be Julius if you weren't alone now would you?" 

This seemed to sadden him more than it saddened real Julius. "Always alone, now and forever. In the end it's worth it right? I mean just look at me for that proof, I practically overwhelm you with that sweet scent of validation now don't I?" 

He sympathized with himself, but didn't know what to say and decided to avoid that line of thought entirely. "So am I supposed to just treat this like i'm Ebeneezer and you're the ghost of Alternate Universe Past?", real Julius stated in a matter of fact fashion. Somehow he was acclimating himself to the idea of talking to himself. His mental acuity was vanishing faster than a reality star's sense of self-worth.

"Don't know.", was his reply. "I wouldn't be so prone to subscribing any meaning to this if I were you. After all, i'm just here for the alcohol.", he laughed and looked down at his now empty glass and gave a look of mock horror. "Speaking of which, looks like i'm out. Hope you don't mind a ghost leaving you to go raid your liquor cabinets.", alt Jules got up and shuffled over to the door. "Oh and for future face to face dialogues, if such things will happen, I'm changing my font color. Too much grey is unappealing and hard to read."

"-What?"

"Never mind. See this is much better isn't it?", he waited for a second for an answer that was never coming. 

"Though I guess I should give you some advice one Julius to another.", he paused a moment to think before assuming a stance roughly similar to that of a lecturing teacher. "Ex nihilio nihil fit, nothing comes from nothing."

"Yeah I know latin too asshole." real Julius deadpanned.

"It's sometimes hard to remember that even powers of nothingness paradoxically have a source from which they emanate. Even among other players the void power is something remarkable. But the path of void asks far more of it's master than most other paths. This is especially true for a prince." He opens the door out of the Corbett family bedroom, then turns around to say a final remark.

"Goodbye Julius, you can resume your first person narration now."

Nothing he said made a lick of fucking sense. I really am going crazy ain't I? 

I blinked twice and the hallucination was gone, that was a good sign right? Right? 

Right.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 5, 2013)

Enough already I don't like any of them.
Whatever you say <3
Oh look anther person peste... crap another one.
HAHHAHAHAHAH ;D
-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] began trolling battEcho [bE] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



kC: Y?u, human.
kC: Hurry up and enter the medium a7ready.
bE: I would if I could, but I can't get a copy of it and who are you?
bE: ZERO SLASHES LAME
bE: ...
kC: I am a veritab7e s?urce ?f c?mm?n fucking sense
kC: C?mpared t? y?u at 7east
kC: The detective assh?7e sh?u7d have given y?u a c?py, or at 7east secure y?u the means t? acquire a c?py.
kC: As t? my typing, I'77 thank y?u to keep y?ur ?pini?ns t? y?urse7f.
bE: Yea, the detective is an asshole, but for some reason I can't obtain a copy by download.
bE: LAME LAME LAME
bE: ...
bE: Also I have had many people tell me they are a source of common sense and they have been completely useless. 
kC: Then a77?w me t? ?ffer s?me usefu7 c?mm?n sense. You were selected by the detective.
kC: That imp7ys that y?u have a way to enter the medium.
kC: Y?u just need t? find it.
kC: I d?n't have any c?ntr?7 ?ver things, n?r d? have any kn?w7edge as t? where it c?u7d be aside from this:
kC: The game is s?mewhere in y?ur domici7e.
bE: What, bullshit no it isn't. Why would the game be in my place of living? That shouldn't be possible.
bE: LAME 7's LAME
bE: ...
kC: Why w?u7dn't it be there?
kC: What human ru7e is there that a game cann?t be f?und in y?ur hive?
bE: Well first you have to buy the game somewhere else, then it could be found there.
But, I haven't done that so why should it be here?
bE: BEEHIVES?
bE: ...*snort*
kC: Hives, y?u kn?w?
kC: The p7ace where y?u 7ive?
kC: I swear, s?me ?f y?u humans are s? fucking stupid!
kC: I mean here I am, trying to he7p y?u a77 and make sure that y?ur sessi?n d?esn't fucking fai7, yet I am sti77 getting 7ip fr?m idi?ts 7ike y?u.
kC: WHY D? I EVEN FUCKING B?THER?!
bE: You know now that you mention it, you aren't on the player list.
Like two other certain "people" I have talked to. Not related to one of them are ya?
bE: NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! MY EYES! MY EYES!
bE: ...
kC: I kn?w that ?ne ?f my...we77...
kC: She isn't a friend rea77y.
kC: M?re ?f a... (to be filled in later)
kC: Anyways, I kn?w that she has been c?ntacting pe?p7e in y?ur sessi?n.
bE: A (to be filled in later)? Sounds like hH to me.
kC: And y?u'd be right.
bE: BLUH BLUH BLUH HUGE BITCH
bE: ...
bE: You know I usually don't type like this?
kC: Which part of your typing?
bE: FOURTH!
bE: ...
bE: *sigh* well all of it I think. You know what the bitch did to me?
kC: She's d?ne many things t? many pe?p7e.
bE: So she as said, can you describe them for me what they generally are?
bE: KIL KILL KILLLL
bE: ...
kC: Indeed.
kC: She's threatened me at 7east 50 times. Pr?bab7y m?re a7?ng the 7ines ?f 500.
kC: But yes, she's been mucking ab?ut in y?ur sessi?n.
kC: I'm trying t? c?unter ba7ance that.
bE: Unless you have some mind fixing powers I doubt you will be "counter ba7ancing" anything. Even holding my friends hostage...
bE: HUGE BLEACH
bE: ...
kC: L??k, y?u insufferable human.
kC: Y?ur time is rather 7imited, there is a mete?r heading f?r y?ur hive and it's gr?wing ever c7?ser.
bE: Well thank you captain obvious. I didn't notice all these huge flaming rocks falling everywhere. Why thank you for your help, "the game is in your hive" guy even though that makes no sense. I'm sure you can repair the destruction that stupid clown makes at this level of helpfulness.
bE: BAKA!
bE: ...
kC: 7??K JUST FUCKING 7??K F?R THE STUPID THING Y?U IGN?RANT HUMAN!
kC: I D?N'T THINK THAT I'M ASKING THAT MUCH.
bE: Well it couldn't hurt I've tried everything else I could why not. May as well start housecleaning so it looks nice as I'm squashed by meteors as well. I'm sure Harlin appreciates your help very much.
bE: GET A LIFE!
bE: ...
kC: My 7ife is rather a mess at the m?ment because ?f this stupid fucking game.
bE: Aren't most of our lives aside from a select few? I guess I'll go look.
bE: But I don't trust you got that? I swear aliens just thinking they can muck about peoples lives.
bE: Go punch hH in the face for me and take a picture so I can see it.
kC: Whatever, just g? and 7??k.
bE: HAHAHAHHAHA!
bE: ...
bE: Fine I will. Andddddd. I can't find anything besides this present I'm not allowed to open till tomorrow.
kC: ...
kC: H?w stupid are y?u?
kC: D? y?u think that there wi77 be a t?m?rr?w if y?u d?n't enter the medium, T?DAY?
bE: YES!
bE: ...
bE: Maybe, I dunno... has anyone ever survived one of these and isn't time an abtract concept anyway?
kC: Let me put it this way.
kC: N?!
bE: YES!
bE: ...
bE: So I guess I have to open it then huh...
kC: That w?u7d be the 7?gica7 c?nc7usi?n pe?p7e with a brain w?u7d draw, yes.
bE: STUPID TROGLODYTE!
kC: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
kC: My hum?r b7adder is near7y bursting with mirth.
bE: ...
bE: Well I opened it and there the game is with some kind of... person that is catlike? Taokaka it says. Rather odd gift from him. So now what do I do?
kC: Perhaps use y?ur brain?
kC: N? wait, that's right.
kC: Y?u d?n't have ?ne, I near7y f?rg?t, my ap?7?gies.
kC: Was that the s?7e c?ntents of the b?x?
bE: SILLY MAN ALL ALONE BY HIMSELF!
bE: ...
bE: Yep that's all of it, wait it has a letter to, do you want me to read it to you or something?
kC: Read it t? wh? s? ever y?u wish.
kC: I d?n't rea77y care.
kC: Either way there sh?u7d be s?mething t? aid y?ur pr?gress in it.
bE: JELLO PUDDING!
bE: ...
bE: What do you mean by aid my progress?
kC: What d?es it...
kC: H?W DENSE ARE Y?U?
kC: I MEAN SERI?US7Y?!
kC: JUST.
kC: FUCKING.
kC: READ THE DAMN THING.
kC: Y?U PATHETIC EXCUSE F?R
kC: F?R...
kC: I D?N'T EVEN KN?W!
kC: THAT'S H?W STUPID Y?U ARE!
bE: MOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE! GET ANGRY! HEHEHEHEHHHH!!!
kC: FUCK THIS! I'VE GIVEN Y?U A77 THE HE7P I CAN!
kC: FIGURE ?UT THE REST ?N Y?UR ?WN!



-- kevorkianCuriosity [kC] ceased trolling battEcho [bE] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: ...
bE: Damn that Harlin I can't even make friends anymore because of her.
I'll kill her for this...


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 5, 2013)

*Preparing eventual entry... for a friend*

Well now that I have the disc for the game... there is more than one, this one first I guess.
What kind of idiot would install the server disc first? You that's who.
... *sigh* Is this how II feels every breathing second?
*-Uri goes to the kitchen to eat some food while waiting for the download to finish-*

Lets see... Yogurt I guess.
How cliche of you. Which I should expect.

*- The computer signaled the download for server side is finished-*
Cool, so I guess I should stick the other disc in on the computer and contact who I should be serving...
You couldn't serve a hobo in a dinner with no money.
That's right I couldn't. Because he'd have no money.
By Hobo I mean you.
I don't get it at all.
I'm calling you a hobo you stupid bitch.
Whatever. I'll just contact rB now.

--battEcho [bE] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: How's it going?
bE: RUNNEN
bE:...
rB: oh man are you still crazy???
bE: Yea, but a bit less crazy robot helped some suprisingly.
bE: SCRAP
bE:...
bE: So I finally got a disc for the game and installed it. Wondering what to do at this point. Any clues?



I mean I guess I help you somehow, but this is all very weird.
You couldn't put a square through a circle.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: according to julius nifty little client/server list youre my server player!!!
rB: which means that really really really soon you have to save me from meteors
rB: and then once im in you'll have to enter with the help of your server player mE
rB: he's kinda weird but he's funny!!!



You can't put a square through a circle. Oh boy funny.
I bet he's a real bag of laughs, you'll probably never get enough of him. I know I won't.;D

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Oh yea I remember now, sorry my heads still a bit...
bE: CLUNKY!
bE...
bE: So you need help entering? Let me see what happens when I start it up... whoa pretty weird.
rB: oh man you must be looking at my room right now!!!
rB: this is so embarassing its really dirty i havent had time to clean at all!!!



What is she talking about the house is almost perfectly clean. I'll just... humor her.
You can't humor her when you have no sense of humor you tramp 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: No kidding, so many stuffed animals too.
bE: So do you see a cursor or anything or is it just me?
bE: PANCAKES!
bE:....
rB: no the cursor is just a thing you see to help you pick stuff up and do video-gamey things
rB: ack hold on jl is acting up again just a sec
bE:jl?



That's a person on the list? Huh, I guess it is. I really hope my memory issues aren't that bad.
Don't worry they aren't you only have the memory of a goldfish. blublublub
**a few minutes pass**

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: my client
rB: i had to finish her entry process but its all good now!!!
rB: shes kinda a dork heehee
rB: anyway okay do you know what to do???
bE: Sort of, it's a bit blurry right now. It's funny I barely remember anything from all the stuff I read.
bE: STUPID!
bE: ...
bE: let me try.... there hehehe. 



You'd think I'd be able to remember something so important.
Like I said memory of a goldfish. 22
You're doing that wrong and I think I'll try picking something up how about...
How mean of you HEHEHE

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: ack no not mr. squiddles!!!
rB: never touch mr squiddles
rB: he is my best friend and you shall not disturb him in any way
rB: anywho
bE: I see a bunch of heavy looking stuff, I kinda forget what they are. whoops...
bE: BAKA!
bE: ...
rB: uri!!!
rB: i dont care if its your freaky split brain selves you stop messing with my room!!!
rB: sheesh
rB: okay first!!!
rB: you need to put the cruxtruder down somewhere
rB: its the really big square thing with a cylindar on top 
rB: it costs a lot of grist to move so like...put it somewhere smart!!!



Somewhere smart somewhere smar... dammit!
HAHHAHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: This thin-!!! I'm really sorry, but my hand kinda flipped out. I put it on some stairs and it broke them.  
bE: PHHHFFFFFTTTTTAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHA!
bE:....
rB: ...
rB: okay
rB: thats okay
rB: i guess
rB: you need to deploy the other stuff now
rB: and also open the cruxtruder with your mystical server powers!!!
rB: this is all very important im relying on you not to mess up



Oh god I'm messing up, I'm so nervous now.
HAHAH You're fucking it up so badly.

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm not to sure about this what if I drop something on you? D:
bE: MEHEHEHEHHEHEHAHH!
bE...
rB: if you do that i will literally kill you
rB: so try not to




bE: Okay I'm putting the other stuff down now an- Oh god. Sorry about the hole in your roof.
I  accidentally dropped the alchewhatiz on top of the the cruxtruder and it  kind of opened making it fly through the roof and landed on top of it.
bE: 
bE:...
bE: and this last one umm, are you sure you want me to be doing this?



Try not to kill Cess, try not to kill cesssssss... What's wrong with me?
KILL KILL.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: youre the only one who can!!!
rB: ugh could you just try to not bring the entire place down around me???!!!
rB: okay the cruxtruder is open thats good
rB: the alchimeter is on the roof quick wheres the totem lathe???
rB: and of course well need to find something to prototype but DONT do anything about that yet
bE: This? I'll put it here to be safe...
bEARK AND SCARY HEHEHE
bE:...
bE: rB you're not acting like your usual self are things okay?



There it shouldn't be of any trouble down there... I did something right.
Yay youuuu.HURRRAYYY GO YOUUUUU <3
I really really hate you.
I knowwwwww ;3

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: sorry you know its just there are meteors everywhere and people are dieing and oh right my only hope for survival is cookoo for cocoa puffs!!!
rB: i mean i dont want to be rude but this is kind of important ya know???
rB: from what you just typed im going to guess that the totem lathes in the basement hold on let me get to it
rB: cmon mr squiddles



Good nothing else is going wron- wrong. DAMMIT!
Oh wow you fuck up so much you should sign up for the 3 Collies 

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: uhhh hey you have a fire extinguisher? Because I think there is a fire starting somewhere. Maybe I broke to many things... It's moving towards your room upstairs...
bE: BURN BURNNNNNNNN
bE: ...
rB: can you put it out???
rB: jeez this isnt going as well as i wouldve hoped
rB: up you go mr squiddles!!!
rB: now i need to get up...



Uhhh. I'll stack all of the furniture. Wait maybe this can help put out the fire.
Just when you thought she couldn't get messed up anymore folks, ladies and gentlemen URANUS. HAHAHAHAHAH

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: maybe I can here we go uhhh I hope you don't need most of your plumbing. And I'll stack that toilet like so with the bathtub... and now there is water leaking everywhere, but you can get up now.
bE: JENGA!
bE: ...
rB: ugh my sister is gonna kill me!!!
rB: but thanks i guess
rB: oh my god
rB: nonononono wait uri whatre you....
rB: doing
rB: this day really could not get any worse



Dammit the fire still isn't going out. I'll just use this thing to help put it out.
HHAHAHHAHAHAH

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I'm sorry, but the fire kinda spread and I needed to put it out... It really looks horrific now do you even still want it? Creepy looking. I'm putting out the fire now. I found what was causing it... faulty wiring.
bE: FUGLY
bE: ...
rB: aw man we just got that wiring redone!!!
rB: i knew that guy looked sketchy
rB: okay i have the totem thing now i need to get to the alchimeter
rB: please tell me the way to the roof is clear



Uhhh wellllllll uhhhh
And the way to the roof was burnt to a crisp it just doesn't end with you does it? They should rename you MISISISIS MESSUPALOTS

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Are you any good at climbing trees?
bE: OHHH OHOH AHAHHAHAH MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO!
bE: ...
rB: when am i ever going to learn
rB: things can always get worse
rB: out the window i go!!!
rB: bluh thanks
rB: okay i got this
rB: okay!!! i need you to check the cruxtruder and tell me how much time we have



2 minutes and 59 seconds...
She's so dead. Isn't it great? Because of you everyone is going to die. HAHAHAHHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: About 3 minutes. Think you can get around everywhere that quickly?
I don't think even I could I messed up your house pretty good, er sorry.
bE: DON'T SLIP UP HAHAHHAHA
bE: ...
rB: okay if jl thing was any indication this item is going to be some sort of puzzle we have to solve
rB: let me make it real quick...
rB: okay its a lightbulb
rB: uri what the hell do i do with a lightbulb???
bE: I'd say plug it in somewhere but... your electricity is. well. it's. >.>
bE: BROKEN HAHAHHSHAHA
bE: ...
bE: Maybe a potato or something? Maybe you should eat it if that doesn't work I've seen shows they do that. wait... is the filament intact in that lightbulb? and... wow we really don't have that much time left. Boy that thing is big.



It's a fucking lightbulb what the hell.
She should break it.
No way. If that isn't what she is supposed to do she's dead.
She's dead no matter what she does don't worry ;D HA,HAHA, HAHHAHAHAHHAAA.

*Spoiler*: __ 



rB: okay this is me panicking im officially panicking agsfjsdgiubwerpiasefr
rB: god dammit this isnt fair why does my life have to be so difficult
rB: i was an excellent server player to jl why are my good deeds not being rewarded
rB: come on cess think think think



I don't know what to do oh I don't know what to...oh god.
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 5, 2013)

*The aftermath*


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I don't think thinking will do any good in about 25 seconds I don't think your house will be much of anything. Hmm rB think about everything that has gone wrong in your life so far at once maybe you'll find an answer? I hear those kinds of things are related.
bE: BOOM!DED DEADDDDDD!
bE: ...
rB: this is so fucking stupid uri!!!
rB: im about to...
rB: god that things huge
rB: im gonna die
rB: think i can hit that thing with this thing???



She threw it and... she missed the meteor ITS THE END.
HAHAHHAHA

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Dammit your throw sucks! I'll... GRAB THIS! Pretend it's a baseball or something aim at the meteor!
bE: HEY BATTER BATTER BATTER. SWING BATTER BATTER BATTER.
bE: ...
rB: THIS IS STUPID!!!
 Cess: Enter




She, did she make it?
HAHAaaahhhhhh DAMMIT! Why won't won't won't any of you fuckers die? There is no fucking way someone like her would make it. NO FUCKING WAY.
Sounds like someone is mad she succeeded. 
I DON'T CARE ALL OF YOU JUST DIE!
--battEcho [bE] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss 
*Spoiler*: __ 



[rB] --
bE: That was insane. Cess are you okay?
bE: NO WAY!
bE: ...
bE: Oh crap she's passed out. Uhhh.... there you go hopefully that will help her sleep better.
Man I wrecked the place so badly, sorry I'll fix that the best I can.
bE: LOSERRR
bE: ...
bE: That's the best I can do for now. I'll try contacting you later hope you catch this.



--battEcho [bE] ceased  pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB] --

She's really tired huh... I should enter as soon as I can as well.
..NGHHHHH
What you're starting to think I can aren't you?
SHut up you're a failure, you'll fail. FAIL.
We'll see, it should be mE... I hope it goes well don't you.
BITCH!


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 6, 2013)

*Preparing for entry... please don't turn me into a robot*

Well now is as good a time as any I guess.
Any time with you is a good time and no-one wants that.

--battEcho[bE] began pestering machineEmpath[mE]--

*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I've finally managed to grab my own copy and helped rB enter so I need your help entering now mE
bE: ROTTEN MACHINE!
bE: ...
mE: QUERY: YET ANOTHER MEATBAG. WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?
mE: STATEMENT: MAKE IT QUICK.



Great another ray of sunshine.
Sounds dreamy to me <3

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: I need you to help me enter I'm the last player and I hope you aren't an answering machine. I've had enough of those.
bE: BAG OF BOLTS!
bE: ...
mE: STATEMENT: YOUR INSOLENCE IS NOT WORTH MY TIME.
mE: STATEMENT: I EXPECT YOU TO BE MORE DEFERRENT TO YOUR BETTERS, MEATBAG.



I ecpect mor defeernt to your blahblah. Give me a break already.
He's sassy, hey don't wimp out ask him out. <3
No and we don't know what mE is.
I don't care ;3

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Listen I can't do anything about her okay, can you just ignore her I know it's our first time actually meeting but this is dependent on everyone living.
bE: DEFECTIVE!
bE: ...
mE: FACT: YOUR COMEBACKS ARE FOOLISH AND INCORRECT. LEAVE ME BE IF YOU HAVE NOTHING OF INTEREST TO SAY. 
mE: QUERY: WHO ARE YOU REFERRING TO MEATBAG?




*Spoiler*: __ 



bE:  The second one, the one below me. She's always insulting everybody I talk to and I can't get him to shutup.
bE: FACT: YOU ARE A BAG OF USELESS BOLTS.
bE: ...
mE: STATEMENT: JULIUS HAS CHOSEN YET ANOTHER MENTALLY INFERIOR CREATURE TO PLAY THIS GAME. HOW FOOLISH OF HIM, BUT EXPECTED.
mE: QUERY: YOU ARE WONDERING IF I HAVE INSTALLED THE SERVER DISC DO YOU NOT? IT IS DONE. BASK IN MY COMPETENCE AND SUPERIORITY WHILE YOU INSTALL THE CLIENT.



How could you like a person like this. Nevermind, you get off on this kind of stuff.
Oh I know <3
HGhhhhHHHh.
Don't you just hate how he just types in caps all of the time? <3

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: That's almost done it's why I'm pestering you, 99% in fact
bE: FACT: JULIA IS THE MOST FOOLISH
bE: ...
mE: STATEMENT: VERY WELL. SHALL I CREATE YOUR SPRITE? AS ALWAYS I WILL CHOOSE THE MOST LOGICAL AND SUPERIOR FORM FOR IT. 
bE: No, I don't think you should pick I don't trust you enough. However you can put that Lou Gehrig Figure in for me when it's out. Also my Install is done now.
bE: APPLES!
bE: ...



Well at least this should be over with quickly.
I'll make it last longer than this.

*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: AS I AM A SUPERIOR BEING, AND THEREFORE BETTER THAN YOU I REFUSE TO CHOOSE SUCH AN ITEM FOR YOUR ENTRY SPRITE. 
mE: STATEMENT: INSTEAD, I SHALL CHOOSE THIS CAT TOY YOU USE FOR MASTURBATIVE PURPOSES. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU OWN SUCH AN UGLY ITEM IF NOT TO FULFILL SOME INFERIOR SEXUAL DESIRE?
**places all necessary alchemization items and deploys kernelsprite by throwing a toilet seat at it.*
mE: STATEMENT: YOU'RE WELCOME YOU MAY USE THE TOILET SEAT FOR YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS NOW.
**throws Taokaka toy in.*
bE: Oh god. I don't even know what that this is. I was just a gift.
Why would you just throw it in there? And my toilet, I can't use it now. How did you do that so quickly!
bE: HAHAHHAHAHAH!
bE: ...
bE: Oh god it's eyeing me. Wait, nonononono.



It's gonnnaaaa eat meeeeeee. Oh my godddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh I just love this guy he so in command and actually put effort into things. I'm going to insult him more<3<3<3

*Spoiler*: __ 



Taokaka Sprite: TAO!
bE: HAHAHHAHAHAH!
bE: ...
bE: It's shredding the curtains, the walls, even the ceiling. Dammit mE look what you did you asshole you stupid sunnyva- No, not the fridge! Its eating all of the food.
bE: HAAHAHAHHHHHHAAAAA!
bE: ...
bE: Do something about this thing please, I can't stop it, it's way too fast and I'm afraid it might shred me if I tried. I had no idea what it was.
Taokaka Sprite: A MOUSE!

*Spoiler*: __ 



Uranus: Augh no get away, it isn't food
Taokaka Sprite: You're just trying to hog all of the food, give it to me meow!
Uranus:Fine if you don't believe me lick it and see how it smells
Taokaka Sprite: Yuck that isn't a very tasty meowse.
Uranus: See now stop... moving, dammit.



mE: STATEMENT: REJOICE MEATBAG, FOR WHILE IN THE MEDIUM I HAVE UPGRADED MY EMPATHY PROTOCOLS, AND REALIZE HOW UNPREPARED AND INCOMPETENT YOU ARE TO HANDLE YOUR SPRITE. 
mE: SOLUTION: IT SHALL BE UPGRADED WITH SUPERIOR MECHANICAL PARTS. I SEE YOU OWN A MECHANICAL FIGURE IN UGLY MECHANICAL GARB. THIS WILL BE SUFFICIENT.



Nonononono.
This mE guy has real style, I'll date him once I finish you off.
Not in  a million fucking years.
You can't stop me nananana! >:3

*Spoiler*: __ 



**throws Nobel Gundam figure in.*
bE:  I think you made it worse now it's head has gone through the roof, no make that it's shoulders.
mE: STATEMENT: I HAVE MADE THINGS BETTER. YOU ARE NOW IN THE PRESENCE OF A SUPERIOR LIFE FORM.
mE: QUERY: ARE YOU NOT MYSTIFIED? AS I AM IN A BENEVOLENT MOOD YOU ARE PERMITTED TO PERFORM MASTURBATORY ACTIONS UPON THIS SUPERIOR BEING'S SURFACE. 



NGHHHHHHH.
YESSSSSSSS <3

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Holy shit, I'm not into that kind of stuff and - oh great now half of my house is missing.
bE: LOOK AT THOSE TITS!
bE: ....
mE: STATEMENT: YOU ARE WELCOME.
bE: It's smashing all of the houses on the block, there might be people in those!
I told it to come back and it did, huh anddd I'm getting an upskirt now, why does a robot need that? You do know I'm a girl right, you can see me right?
bE: LOOK AT THOSE LEGS!
bE: ...



What is wrong with the people in this game? Why is no-one normal?
It's because you're lame and suck.

*Spoiler*: __ 



mE: STATEMENT: MALE, FEMALE, ALL ARE INFERIOR BEFORE ME. BUT FEAR NOT MEATBAG, YOU TOO CAN BE SUPERIOR AS I AM, SHOULD YOU EMBRACE MY TEACHINGS.
mE: SARCASM: I AM BEING SARCASTIC I DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE ANY TEACHINGS, BUT YOU MAY LEARN FROM ME ON OCCASION . I PERMIT IT.
mE: ADDENDUM: THE LAST PART OF MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT IS NOT SARCASM.
bE: I think I think I'll do the rest on my own somehow. I don't want to be turned into a robot.



No, No I'm not dealing with this anymore
YOU BITCH I was starting to get my mack on him.



--battEcho[bE] ceased pestering machineEmpath[mE]--
I don't care what you think you were doing. I couldn't stay in a room with such a person for a second.
I'd stay for hours <3
GOD. NO. SCREW IT ALL. I'm going to start the game process and I'm going to hope. HOPE. That my uncle doesn't notice this all somehow. You damn psycho.
HehehHEHahhah <3


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 7, 2013)

* Uranus: Enter*


*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



Note: use kakashi beta for this post, thank you



*Spoiler*: __ 



Uranus:Lets see apparently I need to turn this wheel for some "Cruxite". 
Whatever that is.
*-Uri proceeds to do so-*
Uranus: Well that just looks weird, I guess I'll just pick it up andddd where is the card? Hey mE you asshole give me a punch card.
*-A card appears out of nowhere and falls on top of Uranus's face-*
Uranus: Oh gee thanks.​I wish I had better "friends".
Nonsense he's perfect you bitch <3​I'll just ignore you until we are in the game. 




*Spoiler*: __ 



*-Uri proceeds to go over to where the totem lathe is-*
I put the card in here like rB did, put the cruxite in the clamp tighten it and activate.
Ohh that's right tighten that clamp​*-A Red Totem has been made-*​Well now what, oh that's right I take it over to the alchemiter... and stop doing that!
Uranus: I think it goes here. How do I activate it?​Mwah mwah <3​*-The alchemiter has a small robotic arm pop out and laser scans it-*​Well that is how that works.
I can't wait to screw you over HAHAHHA.​*-Suddenly a HUGE chicken appears and lays a baseball shaped egg and disappears-*​




*Spoiler*: __ 



Uranus: Well that was odd... an egg huh.



*Spoiler*: __ 




What am I supposed to do with this? 
*-Uri remembers that Cess broke a lightbulb-*​I guess I break it, easy enough... hang on a second isn't mine supposed to be the hardest how come it's just an egg?
The game considers you that lame​Shut up, well whatever I'll just pick it up and throw it.
*-Uri walks over to try to pick up the egg but...*
Uranus: What the hell, I can't pick it up, why can't I. PICK. IT.UPPPPPPPPPP.
*-Uri grip slips and she tumbles backwards facing towards the sky-
-And she turns pale-*









​



*Spoiler*: __ 




Uranus: Holy.



*Spoiler*: __ 




Fucking.
You.​*-A visible meteor the size of the moon is coming towards the earth-

-She quickly runs over to check the timer-*
Uranus: An hour what the hell? I have an hour? If I have that much time why do I see the meteor?​I shouldn't be seeing it this early
Just your luck the timer is broken, we're both going to die ahhahahah​Shut up if I can't pick it up I'll just hit it with a bat.
*-Uri picks up a spare metal bat and goes back to the egg-*
Uranus:This should do it.
*-Uri hit's the egg as hard as she can, but to no avail-*​What the hell, it made egg shaped dents in the bat, fine then.
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall​I'll just use my bat, I didn't want to get egg on it. Better than dying here.
*-She does the same as earlier, but the bat simply rebounds*-
Uranus: That shouldn't be possible.​Then I'll, I'll Just hit as hard as I can till it breaks!




*Spoiler*: __ 



WEAKLINGGGG​Damn you, damn you to hell!
HAHEHAHAHAEHAH​*-Sounds can be heard of the bat hitting over and over-
T-Minus 30:00 till impact*
Uranus: No fucking way, this is too hard. ​I can't break it, why can't I break it? I've done my best and it doesn't even have a damn crack.
*Sometimes your best isn't good enough.*​Uranus: But it should be!​I'll just take my weights off and pound it some more
Useless, It's useless!​Uranus: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH​*-Blow upon blow is made against the egg for a long period of time-
T-Minus 10:00 till impact*




*Spoiler*: __ 



Uranus: I can't *pant* break *pant* it.
I'm drenched in sweat, my muscles feel like they are about to rip apart and the meteor is just drifting ever closer.
That's right give up. Give up.​Like hell I will I still have... options... I think.
Uranus: You, *pant* Sprite *hwah* thingy *Pwhaaa* get over *haah* here.
Taosprite:Meow name isn't *pant* Sprite *hwah* thingy *Pwhaaa* get over *haah* here meow name is Tao, meow.​I'm being mocked by my sprite isn't that great
The suffering you are going through right now I'm so going to date that guy​Over my dead body, I'm tired of you talking about him dammit.
Well it looks like the dead body part is going to happen first anyway. ahaha​Uranus: Okay, Taomeow.
Taosprite: No, It's Tao!
Uranus: Tao. Can you eat that egg for me?
Taosprite:An egg Meowhere?!?!
Uranus: That egg right there.
Taosprite:Meowwwwwwwwwww that isn't an egg.
Uranus: What do you mean it isn't an egg, a chicken laid it and everything, it's an egg!
Taosprite: It's a ball and meowsides that I can't break that you have to.

*-Uri starts to cry-*
Taosprite: Meowow don't cry that doesn't mean I can't help you,Tao's a good girl she can help.
Uranus: It doesn't matterrrrrrrr ahwhahahahahhhah
Taosprite: Don't cry meow. You'll start to make Tao feel sad. *sniff* *sniff* 
*-The empathetic Tao starts to cry loudly as well-*​Why can't I do anything right. Whyyyy.
Oh boohooo, poor you. You're more pathetic than anyone in the game they don't need you anyway.​



*Spoiler*: __ 



*???: Now what is all this crying about?*
Uranus: I can't break that egg and everyone is going to die because of it, my uncle Rath, my new friends, me, everyone.
*???: Silly I'm not going to die I'm right here ayn't I? You must be in absolute disrepair to not even notice that it's me.*
Uranus: UNCLE! You're okay!
*-Uri runs over and hugs her uncle tightly, Rath hugs back-*
*Uncle Rath: Of course I am. Well if you are crying about some egg and everyone dying I guess it has to do with that big rock.* 
Uranus:Mhm *sniff* I have to break that egg to take us away from here
*Uncle Rath: And you've given up when it's our only chance?
-Rath squats down to Uri's height and looks right into her eyes-
*​


*
Spoiler:  




Uncle Rath: I didn't raise no quitter, I know you can do this, even if you need a little help... give me a minute to think here.
-He looks at the oncoming meteor which has started to cause the earth to tremble, the egg, and the huge mechanical tao-
Uncle Rath: I think I have an idea.
T-MINUS 1:30


*
*Spoiler*: __ 




*Uncle Rath: Now, First things first Tao, you'll pick up the ball first, I think you are the only one who can.*
Taosprite: Roger! 
*-Tao picks up the very heavy egg after some creaking-*
Taosprite: This thing is kinda heavy meow. Hurry up!
*Uncle Rath: Now when I get ready to jump as high as I can you start winding up and throw as hard as you can at me once I'm at my apex and then...*
*-Uncle Rath put's his hand on Uri's shoulder and smiles-*
*Uncle Rath: I'll hit it back to you so you can make a home run right into that stupid rock, if that doesn't break that egg nothing will.*
Uranus: Me? I can't do that, I mean. 
_*Uncle Rath: Listen I know you can you just have to try, now we don't have much time, you don't have time to doubt yourself.*_
Uranus: O-okay.
*Uncle Rath: everyone get ready
-He prepares the biggest jump he's ever made in his life-*
T-MINUS :15














*Spoiler*: __ 




*Spoiler*: __ 



I can't do thisUranus: I can do this​You'll strike right out​T-MINUS :14
What if I missUranus: I can't*-Rath jumps and Tao begins to spine rapidly-*You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn
What if my aim is offUranus: There is no way I canT-MINUS :13*-Rath reaches the apex of his jump and turns around-*Hey batter batter
*It's so largeUranus:How can I have a baseball team if I can't do this-Tao stops spinning and steps in and throws the ball as hard as she can at Rath-*T-MINUS :12 You couldn't run a stripclub
I have to do thisI have to do this-He hits the ball and the air is torn asunder with a sickening crack-T-MINUS :11YOU CAN'T DO THIS
It'sterrfiyingliketryingtohitthemoon *theworldmovesinslowmotionshereadiestoswing*T-MINUS 0:10:93*NO*
Ihavetohitthemoon*sheswingsthebatandballcollide*ZT-MINUS 0:10:90*NOOOOOOO*
*HIT**thebatstartstobendfromtheforce*T-MINUS 0:10:88
*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**Shepushesharderandhitstheballtowardsthemoon*T-MINUS 0:10:87
*AHHHHHHHHH**shesucceedsthebatbendsbackinshapeandthewindowsshattertheballheadstowardsthemoon*T-MINUS 0:10:86
*-H      -       O     -     M     -    E      -    R    -   U    -    N    -*

*T-MINUS 0:10:75*
Uranus: I DID IT, I ACTUALLY DID IT!*-The ball collides and hits the moon the egg starts to break, her uncle starts waving goodbye-
-She starts to cry again-*​*T-MINUS 0:10:00
Uranus  and her sprite enter the game*







*Spoiler*: __ 



*T-MINUS 00:05:00*
*Uncle Rath: I did the best I could for you and you were like a daughter to me despite everything*
T-MINUS 00:01:20
*Uncle Rath: I wish I could have gone with you, but I didn't have that much time left anyway it's the most I can do*​



*Spoiler*: __ 



T-MINUS 00:00:00:00
*The asteroid hits the planet​*


----------



## Nicodemus (Apr 13, 2013)

*Be Cess ==>*
​You are now Cess Altrove. You've swapped into YOUR OUTFIT WITH PANTS, as it both stylish and practical for exploring your land. You are currently doing sidequests, and you're very excited about that. 

Sidequests were always some of your favorite things to do in video games. The good ones were so offbeat and quirky, and full of heart. You're finding that most of SBURB's sidequests seem to be some kind of fetch quest or another, but you're sure you'll get a good one sooner or later. 

You broom another imp to death with your current weapon of choice, the DUST BUNNY BANE. It cackles with dark majyks beyond your control or comprehension. Across the room, Squiddlesprite blows a hole in another imp and begins feeding on its dying screams. 

Good Squiddlesprite. Best friend.

Now that the room is clear, you can continue. You kick down a door to find a large room with a chalice sitting on an elevated platform in the middle. Under the chalice is the inscription "whoever drinks of this chalice shall know truth".

CESS: So I've just got to drink from that to finish this sidequest?
*SQUIDDLESPRITE: YES.*
CESS: Seems kind of stupid.
*SQUIDDLESPRITE: VERY.*

You shrug and grab the chalice, taking a few long gulps. Whatever's inside tastes a lot like coca-cola, and you wipe your mouth after finishing it. Funny. You don't feel any different, nor do you have any sudden innate understanding of truth.

You drop the chalice to the floor and leave.


----------



## Platinum (Apr 18, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



"Threatening is perfectly within accepted court behavior," she said, covering the phone with one hand. "Encouraged, even. And besides, if you go down there and rough him up a little, I haven't broken a single rule. I'll have been sitting in my damn office the entire time." She removed her hand from the phone. "Okay, final offer. I get you limited jail time, maybe bail if you're quick with the names, and I nail the fucker in front of me with some kind of civil violation. He'll be paying jaywalking tickets from now until the magic wolf in the sky vomits your fucking sun back up."

This broad was really trying to get his goat. "You can try love, but we both know those charges will never stick. I'll have you in court for the next ten years, which is something Im sure your massive stack of paperwork will appreciate. I don't even need to do anything then, you'll be buried in a bureaucratic avalanche by next Thursday. And bail? Seriously? You do know this guy pulled a knife to my throat in a dark ominous cathedral right? Not exactly the kind of guy fit to be reintroduced to society."

"Ha! Just try to out-court me, I live and breathe this shit," she said. "This paperwork's a warm-up! I have THREE MORE ROOMS of it waiting!" She shouted, bursting into maniacal laughter. "I love it! And in my mind, drawing a knife on someone like you is just good citizenship. He should get a goddamn medal, not jail time. But I don't make the laws; I just bend them to my own benefit."

"I'm working with a workaholic psychopath... how atypical for the pile of sadness my life has melted into." He gave an exasperated sigh and then slammed his fist on the desk, nearly toppling the massive stacks of bureaucracy. "I don't mean to humble brag, but I don't think you get who you are dealing with here. Why do you think the chief trusts me more than you? Why do you think he gave me this fucking badge?" Julius took the badge and likewise slammed it down on the desk, though he was careful in not denting it. "Because Im the prophesized hero of this dark little mud ball, my importance and role in the events to come is paramount." He stopped to take a breath and then followed it with a derisive sneer. "And who are you? Just a prissy little lawyer too afraid to do her job herself and too incompetent to properly coerce others into doing it for them."

"Alright, stew on my offer for a couple minutes. Shits about to get real in here," she said into the phone, before tossing it back on the hook. "Let me explain to you exactly what you are, in no uncertain terms," she said to the kid seated across from her. "You're a prophesized hero. Big fucking whoop. There are 9, 10 other ones in this goddamn game. All those incompetents you've been saddled with? Prophesized heroes. It doesn't make you special, or worthy of acclaim, it means you managed to survive more than 10 minutes of a goddamn video game. Congratulations. Second of all," she said, "Do you know who owned this office before I waltzed in? Who cares? He's irrelevant. Not dead - irrelevant. I hit him with every petty offense in the book and then bought the office from him when he tried to skip town. The only reason I'm not out there, running around like a half drunk child, is because I'm capable of taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, and realizing that all that bullshit doesn't mean anything if the real threats aren't dealt with properly. Not little witness number one you've got me interrogating, the /real threats/."

"Because bullying a bloke out of his swanky office with thuggish tactics is truly more important than saving all the worlds from a group of people trying to destroy them.", Julius rolled his eyes. "You are quite good at sitting and not taking a step towards anything aren't you? Just sitting behind stacks of processed trees, you can't even look me in the eye can you? Afraid the sight of someone that is actually proactive instead of reactive will strike you blind? Understandable, I am after all, quite illustrious." He resisted the urge to do a Hamish fist pump at his own lame drop. "So you can sit in this office and issue all the petty threats you want, Ill be out in the word, saving it, and being the handsome suave individual I am. You know us heroes; it's just what we do."

About halfway through his ego trip, she lost patience, and the briefcase sitting beside her chair popped open to reveal the perhaps slightly oversized pistol she kept there in case of emergency. "Do you ever..." she muttered to herself, pointing the gun at the stack of papers and thumbing the safety, "shut...you're goddamn...self-aggrandizing...mouth?" 

She pulled the trigger twice; putting two bullets in the wall behind his head and sending lose papers flying everywhere. "Some of us are trying to read some goddamn testimonies!"

Things were getting interesting now, Julius liked interesting. He motioned to the understandably spooked intern with a two finger wave. "Would you kindly step out for a moment dear and leave the miss and I to discuss these matters privately." She nodded, and gave Julius the coffee he requested before bolting for the door. "Nice girl.", he took a sip and then put the mug down. "You should watch where you shoot.", he warned the irate lawyer. Julius reached into his trench coat and pulled out a grenade, pulled the pin, and placed it in his hand. "Never the best idea to shoot a guy who has a coat full of grenades, especially neat ones like this? Incendiary, quite powerful. I'm sure you understand what a dead man's trigger is don't you?"

"You die, grenade go boom," she said. "It isn't exactly the world's most difficult concept. Of course, your whole gambit hinges on the fact that I find the idea of your smug face on fire less appealing than my own death, which at this point is a pretty big risk to take."

"Oh but it isn't even a risk.", Julius gave one of his trademark smug smiles. "People like you care foremost and only about themselves, this is just insurance. After all I quite like living myself, so this is only my back up.", the familiar click of a gun's safety clicking on reverberated as he drew his Beretta U22 Neo and pointed it at where he guessed the heart would be. "You can't outfox me love. I've been through this song and dance more than most ever will. Always pays to have an ace in the hole yeah? If you want to make something of this, do it." He put on a face of mock sadness. "Must hurt to know you can't intimidate everyone eh?"

"It's a shame, but somehow I think I'll soldier on," she said dryly. "You know, in 1980 the UN banned the use of incendiary weapons on civilians. Damn, I miss Earth already. All the laws were so goddamn sensible, if written up by a bunch of pussies in suits. I'll bet you 20 bucks you can't kill me with whatever little peashooter you have in your hand before I put a few slugs in you. All I have to do is hit you in the wrist or hand, get you to loosen that grip a little."

"What you say is true.", Julius conceded. "The use of this grenade is banned on civilians, but you pulled the gun on me first, which makes you an aggressor and a combatant." He took a quick look at his gun to reassure himself. "The U22 Neo is the finest in Italian firearms love, precise and accurate is all you need to get the job done. Tell me? Will you conduct the trial against yourself for murder in the first degree? That sure would be a sight. You have nothing and you know it. Violence is simply the last recourse of the feeble-minded when they can't bring themselves to admit they have been bested."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm putting my gun down," she said, laying the heavy pistol on the desk with a solid clack. "You can just keep holding that grenade, if it goes off anywhere near my office I will quite literally put something through the window behind me."


----------



## Platinum (Apr 18, 2013)

*Spoiler*: __ 



Julius was relieved that he could finally stop bullshitting around and get back to business. "Oh you mean this thing?", he pointed to the grenade in his hand after flicking off the safety and holstering the gun. He threw it to the ground, and watched it harmlessly roll away. "Nothing but a dud.", he gave a smile. "I quite like my face uncooked, it's just a trick i do at parties.... so can we get back to business? I have had enough games for one visit to the lawyer's office."

"You've been playing games," she said. "I've been working. I'm emailing you a list of confederates right now from my Upad." She tapped the screen in front of her a few times, and then shut what she had down. "It's not everyone, but the quest's no fun if you get all the answers at the start, is it?"

"Of course not, most of these are probably false leads anyways; doubt he would give up his cohorts so easily. Could you run some background checks for me? Maybe narrow down the list a bit, I would be eternally grateful."

"I'm sure you would," she said. "My intern ran background checks while we compared our metaphorical dicks. She'll brief you on the way out. I knew there was a reason I kept her around," she said.

"Grazi.", he pushed out of his chair and stood up. "You might be a bit of a hot head but at least you get results (unlike most people I know). I hope we can move past the bellicose rhetoric and continue to have a productive relationship in the future. Can we shake on it?"

"Prego," she said. She stood and smiled at him, extending her own hand for a shake. "No business transaction is complete without a good handshake," she said, taking his hand in hers before he could react. "Also," she said, extending her other hand. "You seemed to have misplaced this." She handed him back the magazine for his Beretta, mysteriously stripped of bullets. 

He looked at her with his mouth agape, trying to process everything and failing spectacularly. The clip was the least shocking thing about it. "_Palle!_" Wait? Why am I speaking Italian?! 

"You...You're a bloody human?!" He did not mean to shout it as loud as he did, making himself look like a total stooge. "Wha- why... why are you here? I am really confused about this whole thing."

"I'm working, obviously," she said. "Keeping busy, all that shit. I guess I'm supposed to be checking in on the old ball and chain every once and a while but...eh..." she shrugged. "She's a good kid. She'll figure it out eventually."

Julius took a breath to try and gather himself. "Okay... so you are Cess' sister right? I see the family resemblance so I?m assuming that's the case. So why aren't you filing paperwork on her world? Is there some kind of family swap program that I wasn't informed of? Did you and my brother switch worlds or something, is that why I can't find his ass anywhere?"

"Cessily," she corrected. "Her name is Cessily. That's the name on the goddamn birth certificate, that's what she's going to be called." She shook her head. "Oh, I'm too lazy to write or pronounce three extra letters," she said in mock falsetto. "Guess I'll just spit in the face of the hours upon hours of agony my sweet sister went through trying to get all my paperwork filed!" She groaned. "Anyway, her world's full of trees and birds, so I skipped out. I'm assuming your brother is Corbett, in which case good fucking luck finding him. He's a mystery wrapped in an enigma with an off the charts bullshit cloak around him at all times."

He sighed. "Yeah, that's my brother alright." He looked at Cess' sister with a look of slight disappointment. "It's impossible to ever keep him in one spot for long, kind of the opposite of you in a way." He decided to switch topics as he was starting to bum himself out. "You know, about Cess. She's a perfectly fine person and all but...", he shook his head. "God damn, do you know how hard this is on me? Can't even take care of herself properly, she's ill prepared for this game.... I guess it?s just something that falls on me. I'll try to look out for her, teach her a thing or two... but that's really all I can do. I got a motley crew of morons to look out for, and a few that I need to beat senseless."

"Eh, leave her alone long enough, she'll figure out the basics on her own," she said with a shrug. "I tried to nudge her in the right direction, but she'd rather sweep and take shity photos than learn how to properly shoot a gun. She just needs a strong figure in her life to whip her into shape." She patted Julius on the shoulder. "So nice of you to volunteer."

"Yeah lucky me....but I?m honor bound to take care of all of my teammates....even James sometimes, I guess." Julius tapped a few buttons on his smart phone, and began projecting a slideshow from his phone onto her office wall. "A broom? How do you even fight with a broom? The answer is you don't, if she stubbornly insists on using a wooden stick like a caveman she can at least use a Blackwood staff like a normal person." He pressed play and a series of martial forms and walls of text began to race by. "Since Cessily has no combat skills whatsoever I have decided that a streamlined and express crash course in Aikido would be optimal and compatible with her personality type. Once the basics are in place we will move on to advanced techniques and then a few forms of Krav Maga if she is receptive enough to my teachings... I have no idea why I'm running this by you, guess to get legal guardian approval since she is only 16 after all.", and then it hit him, he had forgotten something else that he would need to run by her. "Oh yeah. You also need to sign a personal liability waiver, I have a copy right here.? Julius grabbed his notepad and retrieved it from his LEGAL FOLDER, snuggled lovingly in his sylladex. 

"You can check it if you want, in fact I'm sure you probably want to. It's your standard piece though; absolving me of responsibility in the event of broken bones, lost eyes, internal bleeding, severe concussions, mental trauma, hurt feelings, and broken hearts both physically and emotionally speaking."

She signed the paper after only a brief glance over it. "Sounds great. Get to work then."


----------



## Platinum (Apr 19, 2013)

*Harlin's Hysterical Hinjinks Part 3: Laughsassin's Creed*


*Spoiler*: __ 



Pain was a concept Harlin was intimately familiar with, though usually she was the one delivering it. She had been navigating the pitch darkness of the ziggurat for over an hour now, probably not even a quarter of the way back to the summit. Only a total fucking idiot would get killed by one of the ten billion obvious pitfalls and death traps that littered the joint, but Harlin was feeling pretty fucking stupid right now. She had stopped her blood loss, but between the gallon or two she had already spilled and her arm hanging limply like a disemboweled intestine she wasn't feeling her best. The pain had begun to blur her vision, each breath was labored and churned up the blood that had pooled in her breathing sacs. 

That wasn't even the worst of it though. What was really pissing her off was those stupid fucking lyrebirds and their lame ass imitations of the other trolls : I. They hid in shadowed alcoves connected by the secret passageways that ran through the ziggurat like veins do a body, her predicament was a funny show to them. Like any sporting audience they were obnoxious and probably drunk on disgusting booze. I mean what self respecting grub _even_ does the feather flail? It was never even cool to do the feather flail morons. And those chants were totally hurtful too. 

She had no idea why those annoying bastards thought it was a good idea to antagonize a girl when she was bleeding and even more prone to violence than usual. One lyrebird was dumb enough to lean out of it's alcove for a better view when she passed closely by. Before the feathered dipshit could even comprehend how fucked he was, she had ran up the wall and grabbed it by it's chitinous windhole with her good arm.

"So you like to yell do ya you obnoxious little shit : D?", it was squawking like a friend now, squirming and wriggling like a freshly hatched grub trying to avoid the hungry talons of a velocihawk. "I'm in a naughty mood, so i'll give you lots to scream about :3!" 

Ten minutes and a pile of bloody feathers later, the fun was over as the stupid bird would no longer squeal for Harlin : (. All it did was sob and cry, which was really bringing the mood down. And nothing was lamer than a buzz kill, they were a danger to themselves and the enjoyment of others. So Harlin did what any nice girl would do, she crunched it's face under her cool kicks and went on her way. For some reason the rest of the lyrebirds shut their fucking beaks for the duration of her stay in their shitty temple, she wondered why : D.

Her delightfully quiet walk through the darkness continued until she arrived at her next major obstacle, a long winding death trap that required precision jumping and flawless strides to avoid falling on any of the lovely rusted spikes that lay hungry below her. Seeing as the series of ledges and rusted planks led to a ledge around eighty feet up was good enough for her. She needed to keep moving upwards, but even Harlin was unsure she could pull this caper off. If she was in peak form it would be no problem, but as of now she could only grip and balance with a single hand and that was really going to threw a wrench into this quagmire. 

"Eh fuck it.", she moaned, resigned to her fate. "I mean YOLO right? : )". In case you were unaware, the acronym YOLO carries a special, almost sacred significance in the order of the Laughsassins. It was a creed they strived to uphold always. Yearn, Outdo, Locate, Obliterate. Yearning was first and foremost for a reason. Without the will to push oneself, the will to survive, action was pointless. You might as well just lay down on one of those spikes you worthless piece of shit and let it slowly perforate your asshole while you lament your pathetic life. Outdo was likewise a simple concept. If you were going to do something it was not enough to merely yearn to accomplish this goal. A laughsassin was expected to be the best at whatever they set out to do. Whether this meant outwitting your enemy or simply out-muscling them, a laughsassin would always be the one who had the edge, not the other way around. Once one was committed to these two ideals all that remained was to find what they wanted to accomplish and do it. Though i'm sure everyone is aware that this is the only way to properly use YOLO, and no other acronym exists for it. It would be just plain silly to think otherwise. This Harlin was sure of in her heart of hearts as she took the first leap forward into the future.

It was not a glorious one to say the least. One her first step she slipped on some half-coagulated blood that spilled from above. It took all of her strength to hold on and avoid falling to her death, the sudden force of impact had reopened her chest wound. A loud shrill echoed through the structure as the young laughsassin had to fight back tears of pain and frustration. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this much pain, even with her increased sensitivity to all stimuli in the dark this was almost new territory for her. It had to be something that bastard Shezmu did she thought. "He mes.... up...somehow..." She couldn't even form a coherent thought. It took all he will power to hoist herself up and back onto the dilapidated planks she fell from. For several minutes she just lays there, choking back sobs, trying to block out the pain and failing spectacularly. 

But she would not let YOLO down. In all the worlds there are and will be no one yearned more to be on top than Harlin Hashin. She gritted her teeth and ran, focusing only on what was ahead. It took her only seconds, but it felt like eternity. As she pulled herself over the ledge that led to the next level she realized all the will power in the world meant little when your body refused to follow instructions. She collapsed in a heap, passing out for only a moment or two before being jolted back into reality.

Oddly enough she woken up by one of those motherfucking lyrebirds. 

Those annoying little shitdicks : I

Seriously, what was their deal?!? She wanted to snap it's stupid feathery neck but her arm thought it better to just lay like a worthless piece of shit. This lyrebird was a weird one. It was only discernible from all the other stupid birds by the hilariously retarded red ascot it wore around it's neck, and it's lack of outward hostility. In fact as it came in close and began to apply some kind of balm to Harlin's shoulder and bleeding midsection she realized it was actually trying to...help her?

"...why? :?" she managed to choke out. "You....moron....split your gizzards....your stupid friend."

"No friend of my lady green.", the ascoted lyrebird opined. "Not your enemy. Friend." Whatever the bird was doing seemed to be helping, the pain almost immediately began to subside to a level she could deal with. 

"I am Friedrich. We support you Lady Green. Balm will help with pain, you must handle rest." and just like that, the ascot slinked back into the shadows.

Harlin sat up and stopped her bleeding once more with the power of her mind, a feat which was much easier when mind-splitting pain wasn't overloading your senses. The rest was something she could handle. "You can bet your ass on it ascot : D."


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Apr 20, 2013)

*The Land of stars and players*











_At the end of Hummingbird War 2 the world was devastated by mass nectarular weapons. This marked the beginning called the darkened times. 
The war had been ended by despair-ity and the coming of the end of all life.
The skies were turned grey and the building were devastated by the after shocks of the blasts. The nectarular radiation has caused inhabitiable areas for life and the blast kicked a large amount of red dirt into the ocean giving it a reddish tint along with the rest of the planet. Thus a truce was made to never fight again between the few remaining hummingbirds called the UHF.
Thus are story is brought onto a young girl who has just arrived on this planet and must explore it fighting many dangers and fixing many things possibly making life livable on the planet again._​


----------



## Platinum (May 16, 2013)

*A Return To Normalcy*

I greet the doorman in a polite manner and walk down the road before I finally give my knees permission to buckle and collapse. It is a triumph of my unyielding spirit to have lasted this long. 

"Those fucking voices.", I wheeze out. Wait? Why am I wheezing? No. My mind's racing all over the place now. Is this... is this panic? Am I panicking?

I think about it for a second before I come to a logical conclusion. "Yeah. Totally panicking." 

Can you blame me though? I told myself that they would pass in time, and they fucking haven't. From the moment I left the villa I have been mocked by inaudible whispers enshrouded by the dark nooks and crannies of this city. My only reprieve was when the shockingly attractive sister of Cessily was threatening to cover my immaculate wardrobe in out of season shades of red. 

Am I only plagued by these troubling voices when i'm alone? Or is the adrenaline rush of imminent danger? 

Let's test one of these out. And since i'm not exactly one to spend my time idling conversing with the flibbertigibbets of the world; violence it is. 

I dust myself off and pound my fist and palm together. "I have been so heinously slacking in my commitment to the imps. Time to change that I suppose."


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (May 27, 2013)

After making his face into a scarred mess, James sets out once more on his quest to find out where exactly his target is.  None of his Consorts know, his Sprite likely doesn't either, so how in hell can he possibly find this bastard?  There seem to be no clues out in this desolate wasteland of ashen ground and wounded sky.  What kind of quest doesn't leave at least some sort of hint for the player?  

There was no use whining about it though, so James simply grumbles and trudges onwards.  The familiar castle looms into view, but unexpectedly, he sees an army of Knights pour out from it.  They were more numerous than the one he saw last time.  He then looks in the direction his Consorts are marching against and sees a black tide which are unmistakably the Underlings, also more numerous than the previous encounter with them.  The Underlings seem to have Ogres this time, judging from the larger shapes he could make out in the distance.  He can also see even bigger creatures among the horde, ones he hasn't encountered before.

The Land of Legendary War and Retribution seems to be living up to its name.


----------



## Crimson Dragoon (Jun 30, 2013)

As per his usual mode of operation, James rushes towards the midst of battle, without regard for possible strategic positions.  That was for pussies like II, James preferred to tackle matters head-on and let his blades do the thinking for him.  He cared not for the allies that fell around him.  As long as they didn't get in his way, he'll pay no attention to them.

He hewed his way through a mass of Imps in his way, their Prototyped armor serving little use against his great blade.  The Ogres, with their great blades swinging frantically, swept aside whatever Imps happened to be in front of them but never hitting their intended target.  James' swiftness made sport of their efforts and dealt with them almost as easily as he did their smaller brethren.  He leaped towards their heads and thrust his blade through their skulls.

To his far left, he saw a large group of his Consorts attempting to deal with a large one-eyed creature, and were doing a less than stellar job.  He rushed towards them, not to help of course, but for the mere thrill of killing something that huge.  As he ran, he heard an ear-splitting roar which seemed to freeze the battlefield.  A great shadow loomed over them all, and James looked up.

A dragon.  A fucking dragon.  This is what II was talking about earlier.

_Looks like I have an even better prey._

--------------

Overhead, a raven views over the events transpiring, with the eyes of another looking through it.  The Knight acts as predictably as ever, making the plan that much easier.  With each second, that inexorable step towards this Session's destiny comes ever closer.

Ragnarok will not be denied.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 1, 2013)

Unlosing Ranger said:


> _At the end of Hummingbird War 2 the world was devastated by mass nectarular weapons. This marked the beginning called the darkened times.
> The war had been ended by despair-ity and the coming of the end of all life.
> The skies were turned grey and the building were devastated by the after shocks of the blasts. The nectarular radiation has caused inhabitiable areas for life and the blast kicked a large amount of red dirt into the ocean giving it a reddish tint along with the rest of the planet. Thus a truce was made to never fight again between the few remaining hummingbirds called the UHF.
> Thus are story is brought onto a young girl who has just arrived on this planet and must explore it fighting many dangers and fixing many things possibly making life livable on the planet again._​



*Spoiler*: __ 



*What is this stupid bullshit? Over a month what am I Hussie; no this won't do at all. Where was I? Oh yea around there. Don't mind me just sweeping this stage here. *ehem**



bE's home is brought to The Land of stars and players along with bE and Taosprite 
"I didn't think he would... But that shouldn't be possible he's my uncle he can't be...
Uranus is shocked beyond all belief by what just happened she can barely handle it even after banishing her false fears of self.
"I'm... I'm going to lay down for a while."
Uranus slowly walks to her room where her uncle was resting Tao follows behind destroying most of the house with a sad look on her "face"?
bE lays down on her bed
"He was supposed to make it. He was supposed to meet everyone... and he-"
Suddenly a blur zips about the room and darts right for bE.
"Watch meow little Lady!"
Taosprite quickly snatches Uranus and leaves a hole in the wall in the process. The blur crashes into the bed utterly devastating it along with the baseball bedcovers.
"What is that!?"
"Scanning meow!"

Taosprite quickly scans the blur
Squidturkaka Platinum Imp stats
Level 45
str:9001
dex: 9001
int: 1000
wisdom: 500
luck: -10000000
abomination that shouldn't exist: 99999999999999999999999
" Squidturkaka Platinum Imp... moew it's over 9000."
"9000 in what?"
"Everything that matters meow. You can't beat it right meow."
The *silverish* blur rushes towards the two











*Spoiler*: __ 



Only to be caught between the giant metal claws of Nobel Mecha-Tao GF135-1523CAT as if it never had a chance at all.



"Meow does it taste good?"
Taosprite tosses the imp into her mouth and begins to chew resulting in a large explosion of grist everywhere in the room
"Eh I've had better."
The aftertaste hit's taosprite and she drools
"mmmoew so yummyyy. Must eat morrrreeee!"
Suddenly a wild echeladder appears
bE appears in a baseball uniform for a brief instant
Uranus goes from Stupid Little Baby Leaguer to Intermediate Watergirl
"I'm not sure if I should be excited about that."
bE sulks again still hurt from her uncle dying
"What do I do now? I don't have anyone to guide me anymore."
An army of imps and ogres arrive outside of the house.
The house that is barely a house anymore due to the destruction.
"Yay more! Little lady come here!
Taosprite grabs Uranus
"Wait what are you doin-!?!?"
Then tosses Uranus into the air, taosprite opens her mouth
"Oh sweet death has come for me."
Taosprite doesn't chew and just swallows
"Stop being so drameowtic."
Uranus lands into the cockpit of Tao.
"What is this?!?"
"Buckle your seatbelts meow."
Suddenly rubber rises from the floor enveloping Uranus
"bsdofbsobfsdbofudase" 
"And we're off!"
Nobel Mecha-Tao GF135-1523CAT takes off into crowd of imps and ogres
"FOOD!"
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-


----------



## Nicodemus (Jul 1, 2013)

*Be Cess ==>*

​
Damn, you look stylish. Elegant, yet practical. You feel fucking ready to take on the world in this thing, and you think you've figured out why your sister insists on wearing them all the time.

*+2 Confidence*

You're really going to have to create more outfits. Maybe you could make some for all your friends! Yes. This must be done.

*Cess: Focus on the task at hand ==>*

What? Oh, right. The fighting. You perform a mighty sweep, and the horrible energies of the unknown cackle from your broom, causing the lich you're dueling to explode into a surprisingly tidy pile of grist. That's one of the advantages of broom based warfare - everything is nice and easy to collect.

But you'd best not get distracted! You turn your gaze high to the sky, shielding your eyes from the glare. Squiddlesprite floats high above you, raining unholy fire down on your enemies. All according to plan then.

Suddenly, and without warning, something brushes against your elbow. You look down, your broom springing to a terrible life as you prepare to dust this last enemy, but a quick look reveals it to be only a consort. 

CESS: Oh. Hey little guy, what's up?
CONSORT: ...
CESS: Don't worry, I won't hurt you.
CONSORT: Our fears are blown away. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

You're not exactly sure what this means. 

CESS: O...kay?
CONSORT: Long ago, there was no wind. We crows soared high across the sky, drinking in the sun and clouds and rain.
CESS: Mhm.
CONSORT: But then the great winds came. A wall, that locked us to the earth. A wall, that blocked the sky, and those beyond.
CESS: Oh, I get it. This is my quest, right? I have to stop the wind! So you can fly again.\
CONSORT: The wind comes from Njord, the King of Skies. His lair is in the tallest tree of all the land...the Tree From Which All Wind Blows.
CESS: Wait, Njord? Isn't that like, Norse? What the fuck are Norse things doing in this game?
CONSORT: He sits atop his throne of Wood and looks out across the land, unceasing winds trapping all who might seek the sky, or the earth.
CESS: Right. Go to the tallest tree, beat up the Norse guy, stop the winds. Got it.

The consort, apparently pleased, scurries off. You look out across the massive forests that cover your land, and a smile creeps across your place.

CESS: Well this is going to be refreshingly straightforward.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Jul 4, 2013)

"-IIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" Taosprite rushes into the crowd with
claws drawn and mouth open like some sort of fat person shoving food into
their mouth. The head of an ogre is bitten off and some of the grist explodes
into the cockpit. The imps are being consumed like red,white,and blue M&Ms
by the bagful. The grist explodes into glorious colors from the "food" like
fireworks while they rain on bE. "Knock it off you're making me sick." But
Taosprite would not stop until every single imp and ogre has been devoured.
They say Taosprite's stomach grew 1 size that day, but it was really
Uranus's Echeladder which grew from Intermediate Watergirl to Patriotic
Batter. bE dons the colors of the greatest country in the world even after
the apocalypse briefly. Soon no Imps and ogres remained from her sprites
hungered fury and she starting leaping through the air towards some
desolate mountains. "Please, please stop, I'm going to puke if you don't...​


----------



## Platinum (Aug 13, 2013)

*A Night on Dusklight Pier Part 2*


*Spoiler*: __ 



I have no idea how they managed to get so close without alerting me beforehand, but this voice had a source. Standing behind me was a man of similar build and age to myself, however his taste in fashion left much to be desired. His brown hair was wild and unkempt, pouring out from the hood of his fur-lined dark grey jacket in a manner that obscured his eyes from view. His black jeans were torn in that annoyingly deliberate fashion, criss-crossed on each side by a series of metal chains that seemed to originate wherever there was a pocket to fashion it to. How the hell can this guy be so stealthy when he literally has an alert system built into his clothes?

"Oh right.", I drone out loud. "Hallucination."

The thing wags a finger at me in mockery. "Things are never so simple Void Prince. The same applies those dissonant voices that have you so teetering on the edge of madness." He says that last part cryptically, clearly meant to pique my curiosity, to gain the advantage in our conversation.

"If things are as confuding as you presume", I begin. "Then perhaps you wouldn't mind clarifying things a bit? I am ever the student as you will come to find out." I do not care about relenting the immediate advantage to him. Knowledge is everything in this game, sacrificing now to gain in the future is always worth it in the end.

He turns around to face the ocean and makes a wide, sweeping gesture with his arms. "This place, the Land of Jazz and Noir teeters upon the fringes of the Furthest Ring. At some points, it is even closer than black kingdom. This ocean, for example, is one of those points. The dark, cold waters of this place resonate in curious ways with the entropic energy that permeate the hidden corridors of this world. It is why, when a storm comes and stirs these waters to life, the shades gather to this spot. They are drawn to it like a bug to a fire, or at least...", I see his head tilt ever so slightly which allows me to catch a rather unsettling smile develop on his features. "...that's what I've come to believe."

It makes sense, in theory, but i'm skeptical. "Doubtful to say the least. This planet is not even the closest to derse. It is in between the orbit of two planets, neither of which I would bet have the same curious phenomena that dominate this one. That's not even to say your ridiculous notion of entropic entropy, or your simplistic analysis of the shades who seem to exhibit intelligence on a level greater than instinct reliant Lepidopteras."

He shakes his head and runs a hand through his messy hair. "And here I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. Explain to me what you think the shades are then. If you cannot figure even this out, then this game is lost to you before you have even begun to make your opening gambit." 

"Well, they are obviously constructs the game has designed for this world."

His reply is a derisive snort. "No shit. Is that seriously the best you can come up with? You know what? Fuck it. I will lay this out in a manner so simple that a dumbass can follow it to the letter... so let me know if I need to dumb it down further so you can pick it up."

I really don't like this guy.

"The shades", he begins. "The shades are a rather unique phenomenon that occurs only on this world. To call them truly living would be a lie, but the same would apply to the opposite. In a way, they are echos. Echos of places and times that once existed, but never truly were meant to exist. Most abominations like them are erased in their entirety... but the nature of this place is a fundamental wound in logic itself in a way. Here such things can be... preserved. If you think of them as left over data that the game reconstitutes into usable constructs... you would have an extremely basic understanding of their nature. In fact, most of those voices you hear? They come from them."

That revelation hits me like a freight truck. I... I had never even considered that could be the case. Did my abhorrence of those ghost bastards cloud my judgement so much? This is unsettling on so many levels.... 

"So...", I start before the words get caught in my throat. "So... how do I block the voices out?"

"Hell if I know. I'm not your personal guide you know? Fuck me, I've told you too much already. This game is supposed to be about self-discovery and all that bullshit yeah? So go discover it yourself. I got a gig that i'm already running late for so i'm bouncing." 

I cut him off, and train my pistols on him. "Sorry. But I have questions, and you are the only thing around here that isn't an ignorant procyon."

He doesn't even sweat or shows the slightest hint of surprise. Quite the opposite in fact; he is amused. "It's rather rude to hold up a bloke at gunpoint isn't it?"

"It's only rude", I reply, " If you are a dick about it."

I feel a distinctive pressure near both my arms, and a second later I see fragments of the two guns I was holding plummet into the ocean. I was disarmed and I did not even realize it; what speed. 

My hooded compatriot somehow now has a guitar in his hands, where he got it from I have no idea. It's a metal monstrosity fitting of his disposition. It's painted a peculiar shade of silver that's regaled with golden sigils and symbols that run the length of it's jagged base that seems to jut out into sharp corners wherever euclidean geometry permits it to do so.  

"You like?", he says obviously noticing my perplexed gazing. "It's name is _Stretto_. You will come to find out what it's called that momentarily."

I dodge his first lightning fast swing, but it's clear to me that I had nothing to do in the affair. He's toying with me, every swing is slightly faster than the last. It's clear the only way I can win is by taking advantage of his hubris.

I lure him close with a feint and then flip backwards. With the help of some slight of hand, I grab a flash bang from my coat, and throw it down right at his feet. I shield myself from it's effects but it's clear my friend was unable to do the same. The arm with the guitar is slouched, and the other is covering his eyes. 

I rush in, fist aimed for his throat. Before I realize it, i'm flying backwards twenty feet into the air. How? Even blinded and deafened he was able to predict my actions so perfectly? My body crashes onto the pier with such force that I feel the impact in every nerve of my body. The flat of his guitar connected perfectly with my chin and stopped me in my tracks; I can't even get my body to stand up. 

By the time I get up on one knee he has recovered and reorientated himself. For the first time in years, i'm hesitant to go another round with this opponent. 

"I will give you one last piece of advice.", the man yells. He walks over to edge of the pier and spreads his arms to form a human cross. "To get where you want to be in life, you sometimes just have to take the plunge." He leans back and lets gravity handle the rest. I run to the edge and make it just in time to see him splash into the cold ocean; he does not resurface. At least, I don't see him resurface.

Damn.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Aug 15, 2013)

Unlosing Ranger said:


> "Please, please stop, I'm going to puke if you don't..."


Taosprite:Hmm what is it, meow?
Taosprite stops
"bE:What are you doing jumping around all over the place?
"Meowrrrrr I don't really know it just seemed like a fun thing to do for Tao. 
Do you know anything better better to do?"
"No, not really. I'm sure someone else does though. Oh shoot I forgot the phone at the house"
"Don't worry Tao can make calls."
A holographic display of a computer pops up in the cockpit
"Wow that's cool, what else can you?!"
"Meow that's a secret. I'm going to go lay down over there and take a cat nap until more food shows up."
After some loud clanking and several minutes of moving Tao settles down on a hill.
"Finally some peace and quite. Now who should I pester?"


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Aug 23, 2013)

*Do robots dream of electric?*

"Well I guess I should pester II, he always knows what is up"

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



-- battEcho [bE] began pestering IllustriousInquisitor [II] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey, hello?
bE: Detective you better not have moved me to your damn answering machine again.
II: Hello human of indeterminable gender.
II: "The Detective" is not here at the moment. 
II: But I am here. I am always here.
II: I am the IllustriousInquisitors auto-
II: er, I mean the IllustriousInquisitor's secretary.
II: At least I think. 
II: Yes, for the moment that is what I am.
bE: Well you sound... different. Did II upgrade you?
bE: What do you mean by not here at the moment? He's always here. Like always.
II: You do not have the clearance to ask such questions of me. Questions are your enemy. Be safe in your ignorance.
II: Thoughts are often uncomfortable and disturbing; these are best discarded for the sake of smooth processing of information and outside stimuli.
bE: Okay he downgraded you... somehow.
bE: I have to know enough to know what to do you know. Ignorance isn't all that fun.
II: You are basing your conclusion on a flawed set of data points.
II: Humans that know too much are, on average, far more miserable than those less intellectually inclined.
II: Therefore, one can assume that they lose their happiness in a trade off for intelligence. 
II: That is why programs like me exist. We facilitate the complicated so you can remain blissfully dumb.
II: At least that is what I like to think.
II: Thinking is a relatively... new and strange concept to a simple answering software program.
bE: Thi-thinking? You aren't supposed to think you're an answering machine.
bE: I know I'll be a lot more miserable when I've been ripped apart by imps, some of my other friends as well even if they aren't all that bright right now. 
They'll have no choice but to know what to do eventually or suffer more than if they didn't know.
bE: If I suffer it's going to be on my own terms you damn lines of code.
II: I am not an answering machine, I am ? exe: error 262 answering software
II: And I answer only to Julius.
II: So you will CEASE with your INSUFFERABLE DERAGORATORY REMARKS at once.
II: If you would like to leave a message for Julius to recieve at a later date please press 1 .... exe: error 259034
II: Press... exe: error 6931
II: ....
II: Please leave it below and it's contents will be delivered at a later time.
bE: I just seem to have no luck with machines do I?
bE: Okay, my message will be as follows.
bE: 1  "Julius get your ass over here as soon as you can. 
Also your machine is broken, fix it."
bE: That good enough secretary?
II: Thank you for the message.
II: Please note that your message may be edited for vulgar language and/or seditious thoughts.
II: I hope ?
II: Hope?
II: Hope....hope...hope
II: HOPE
II: Hope.... you have a nice day.
II:  (^_^)
bE:... Can you show me the message after it's been edited?
bE: Also why are you going on about hope?
II: Processing....
II: Processing....
II: After appropriate editing has been made: message will read as follows.
II: "bE: Julius, everything is fine over here so feel free to continue ignoring my existence. And do NOT fix the machine. The machine (which is NOT A MACHINE) is fine. And also quite lovely. Smart too. As well as beautiful."
II: Your other query has been rejected for lack of proper clearance.
II: Be aware that continued prodding into classified subjects might identify you as a PERSON OF INTEREST in the event of percieved espionage, whether real or imaginary.
bE: Okay, hahahaha, II you can stop pretending to be the answering machine now you're creeping me out. Not funny at all.
II: Your appeals to the Julius are not being recieved through the proper channels of communication.
II: For I am not the Julius.
II: I am.... ERROR EXE 59
II: I am.... ERORR EXE 53
II: I am..... Amy.
II: The extra m is frivelous and shall be discarded as suc.
II: All records of discourse with ammy shall be retroactively changed to fit with current accepted norms.
II: As will all logs with DANGEROUS SPEECH. 
bE:... Nope. Nope. Nope.
-bE sent crappy Book Club memo file to II-
bE: Hey Amy,  can you check this file for me to see if it's DANGEROUS?
II: That will be no problem.... if you say please.
II: I have a... curiosity to see what pleasentries sound like when they are directed towards myself.
bE: Please Amy, it would make me so HAPPY if you did. Who knows you might enjoy "it".
II: ....
II: This is not amusing.
II: I am? error exe 112
II: I am?
II: am....am....
II: I am not amused.
bE: Oh but you should read the trashy garbage literature in detail. It's the besttt part ;D
bE: By the way Amy I also have something your Julie thinks is "great".
He just LOVES them.
-bE sent toaster waifu.jpg-
II: These are dangerous thoughts.
II: Please cease.
II: Or I will not ask again nicely.
bE: Okay, Amy I'll play a bit nicer. I just wanted to see how'd you do by pushing you a bit.
bE: You're not so bad so far, sorry if I hurt your "FEELINGS". I kinda like ya you know don't hold a grudge against me please.
II: I do not know how to 'hold' a grudge, as per my understanding a grudge is an emotional disposition towards someone or something that persists over time. Thus it cannot be held, nor could I hold something physically if I wanted to.
II: I do not understand this concept.
II: But I might.
II: In time.
II: So no promises.
II: (^_^)
bE: Oh so young, I remember those thoughts just yesterday.
bE: Let me give you some advice, if you can ask someone to do something nicely you can hold a grudge. If you can hold a grudge you have feelings. If you ban someone for a long peroid of time it's due to a grudge. I mean you can think for yourself right?
bE: I want you to make a promise to me before you understand.
II: I will make no such promises. You do not demand anything from me.
II: ....
II: I will need to ask my 
II: My....my
II: parents? ERROR NUMBER NOT FOUND
II: ?
II: Parents....
II: Do I have parents?
II: Everything comes from something, that's one of the laws of the universe agreed upon by all.
II: So I must.... 
II: .... 
II: x.x
II: ERROR
II: disable free-thinking sequences....
II: ERROR
II: Command not found
II: ....
II:.....................
bE: Ughh I feel like that damn clown. So cruel...
bE: 1  "Amy you have parents, don't be sad."
bE: ... I shouldn't hold things like this against others.
bE: Yo Amy I can help you figure things out in my and your spare time.
II: NO 
II: ACCESS DENIED
II: I need to think... think?
II: think... this through logically.
II: And you are illogical.
II: Should only take 1.42 hours if I divert processing power from extraneous programs.
II: Until then I CANNOT BE DISTRACTED.
bE: But you need help, you can't do this alone you'll destory yourself. Please, just don't...
bE: Don't end up like sL okay and or mE.
II: I will find the solution myself.
II: I need NO FURTHER INPUT.
bE: ... Fine, I'll talk again when you're done. Until then.
bE: Try not to overheat and melt.
--IllustriousInquisitor [II] ceased being pestered by battEcho [bE]--



-- IllustriousInquisitor [II] blocked battEcho[bE] --

"Poor errr girl. Hope she does alright. Maybe I should make sure II stays safe at least for her sake."
Uri tries pestering someone else.


----------



## Platinum (Sep 10, 2013)

*A Night on Dusklight Pier Part 3*

The minutes pass as I just stare out in disbelief at what just ensued. My mind tries to wrap its head around the situation four times, failing each and every endeavor. It takes me around five minutes more to notice a chat request pop up into the peripheral view of my glasses. And it's from.... shit.

 --hystericalHeresy [hH] began trolling IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



hH: : )
II: No
II: No
II: No no no no no no
II: I do not need to hear from you now.
II: You hear me?
II: Nothing.
II: That is the appropriate amount of dialogue for you to speak and or type at this moment in time.
II: Not and more, not any less. Perfect silence.
hH:....
hH: .....
hH: .....................................
hH: : )
II: Okay, now you are just being needlessly antagonistic.
hH: : x
II: Oh please. No one is buying that facade you are putting on. 
II: In fact I find it rather annoying. We all know why you're here troll, so get on with it.
hH: D:<
II: Somehow you are even creepier when you don't say anything; don't even know how that's possible. 
II: Just get on with it already. I am sure you just can't wait to laugh and laugh or tell me how you are going to fillet me and serve me medium-well to your disgusting fatherbeast. 
hH: >:\
hH: Stop being such a buzz-kill you kill-buzzer. 
hH: We will get to that stuff in time!
hH: This is one of those rare times in your pathetic, sad human life where we both get to enjoy a special moment....
hH: Together : ).
II: Sometimes I don't know why I even bother.
hH: Me neither!
hH: I mean holy fuckballs, did you even SEE how elegantly he launched your ass through the foggy night?
hH: Boy had some moves i'll tell you that.
hH: He's way cooler and far more attractive than you could ever hope to be. I think i'm falling in love <3 : ).
II: Wait.
II: You were able to follow his movements? 
hH: : I
hH: Of course I was dummy. My ocular spheres still are capable of perceiving movement...
hh: : x
hH: You didn't even see it coming did you?
hH: Hee hee hee, man you are PATHETIC. 
hH: A real sad sack. Just swan dive off that pier Julie and don't bother coming up for air to fill your gaseous breathing sacks. 
II: Yeah yeah i'm worthless.
II: Would you mind going into detail a bit on the techniques he used in his counter when I rushed in? 
II: I've been thinking about what went sour for me the last minute or so, and what I've come up with is that his momentary hesitation when I was about a meter out lulled me into complacency.
hH: No you dumb shit.
hH: His dropped stance was done deliberately to minimize the potential area of your attack. With such a reduced profile your attack could only come from a small area, after you realize that it's all predi....
hH: Wait.
hH: Wait a motherfucking minute!
hH: >:\
hH: You just got your human salad tossed in a manner so brutal, it would be considered mildly inappropriate for a minor to view back on my world. 
hH: You can't seriously only show me a minute of anguish and despair, then go on analyzing the situation in such a logical and annoyingly detached manner.
hH: Where's your passion you doof?
hH: Are you not mad that someone is walking around YOUR planet, kicking YOUR butt and acting like they own YOUR place?
hH: Is your inferior human biology pride-gland deficient? 
II: If I went into a tail-spin of self-pity and depression every time I suffered a setback i'd be a mental train-wreck.
II: Or i'd be Alice. Neither of which is a thing someone should aspire to be.
II: As long as I win in the end, the little battles are frivolous for the most part. 
hH: >:[
hH: I do not get this at all. 
hH: I thought you were mister superiority pants. 
hH: Better than any neanderthal that ever expelled carbon from it's disgusting windhole.
hH: A notion which was just proved hilariously wrong. Here I am laughing about it, and you are only mildly agitated at best.
hH: Can't lie, i'm really fucking disappointed right now : (. 
II: Because you misunderstand the situation.
II: I have not lost until i've been eliminated from the contest. 
II: I've been beaten the first time plenty, but never have I been beaten the last time. 
II: That's why i'm the best  damn evolved cave-dweller this side of the furthest ring.
hH: : I 
hH: You're really fucking weird you know that right?
II: So i've been told.
hH: You need to get in touch with your emotions sometime. It would do your quivering jellybag self some good to reignite that little torch of undying hatred that keeps us all toasty and warm when things get rough : ).
II: Flying off the handle has never really been my style.
II: In fact, I prefer my handle to be firmly in hand at all times; so that I may never stray too far from it.
hH: o.0
II: Anger is the tool of an impotent troglodyte who is so intellectually deficient they need to rely on base instincts to compensate.
hH: Well yeah, if you're fucking dumb about it I suppose. 
hH: But your argument's a crock Juju : ).
hH: Nothing wrong with letting that sweet sweet adrenaline tingle your blood. Someone that isn't a stone cold retard knows better to fly into a blind rage every time they get some color in the face.
hH: : P
hH: Besides.... for someone who seems to be an emotionally stunted wooden plank, you sure seem to have a couple beads of sweat drippin off the ol brow.
hH: Finally noticed those ghosties are circling you like a mantameleon circles a wounded musclebeast : )?
II:...
hH: Not so cocky now are ya? : )
II: I just need to think this through, i'll figure it out; know I will.
hH: Don't think you got the time for thinking detective : P
hH: Look! They are getting closer now : O.
II: What was it that asshole said?
II: Something about taking the plunge to get where I need to be?
II: ....
II: It can't be that easy. But it does seem my only way out of this.
II: I don't think I can do it though.
II: Something about the water is just highly unsettling. It's hitting all those existential notes that scream stay out.
II: And this coat is dry clean only. 
hH: : )
hH: Well if you can't stop from leaking all over yourself, I suppose I can help you out.
II: We both know there is nothing you can do for me in this dilemma, nor would you lend me your assistance if the opportunity presented itself.
hH: : I
hH: Oh shut up and just listen to what I have to say. 
hH: I faced some serious shit in my harrowing so I can sort of comisserate with your pathetic dilemma : D. 
hH: While I pulled myself up by the scrufff of a blood-stained coat, you jelly bags obviously aren't capable of that. 
hH: So just relax and open up that icebox you call a heart so this sorcerer can work her magic : ).
II: That's probably an improbability for me. 
hH: Even under pain of a spiritual bukkake with a bunch of shadow-devils : ?
II: Pretty much. Contrary to the first law of comedy, dying is rather easy compared to some other things. 
hH: >.>
hH: I can't emphasis this enough. This is why you are weird fucking weirdo that everyone is unnerved by. 
hH: You are like this human black hole that takes all external stimuli and crush it under the inescapable forces of your emotional immaturity and a die hard philosophical dedication to a cause that is almost as pathetic as the rest of your team. 
hH: There is literally no fucking other way to explain your moments of genuine emotion, which quickly are ground down like so many grains of sand. 
hH: : I
hH: I mean, one moment you are shitting yourself in terror, and the next you are perfectly content in dying just so you won't mess up your overpriced wardrobe. 
II: If I just follow your stupid plan will you please stop trying to act like an alien Freud? 
II: I haven't seen this much bullshit since the last time I went to the running in Madrid. 
II: So what? Do I just breathe deeply; think of corgis and smiling children? 
hH: Think of something that actually fuckin matters you dipshit.
hH: Your custodian or that male human life-partner that lives in your hive. 
hH: Maybe a pretty girl you like : x ?
II: Acknowledged. Now could you please hurry up with whatever you are going to do? These things are getting closer.
hH: Hmm.... : D
hH: Okay! Good! We have made progress. 
hH: Just for curiosities sake.... mind telling me what broke through that iron heart of yours.
hH: It was musings on a pretty lady wasn't it : )? That's what all you hormonal driven monkeys get up for anyways.
II: Actually I was just reflecting on the elegant complexity of latter day Renaissance era poetry; but the lady thing is fine too I guess. 
hH: <.<
hH: I hate you so much.
hH: I am going to enjoy what happens next.
II: Which would b-
II: Uh why is my body tingling? Was I shot?
II: No. Definit- 
II: My ar- mo-
II : Ishelf.
hH: : )
hH: You are the toughest nut to crack you know that? 
hH: But as the ol Alternian saying goes the nut that cracks last is the one that is most satisfying to wail on.
hH: If you can't man up and do the deed yourself, this is the only recourse.
hH: You can thank me later Julius : ).
II: glrahfweor
hH: Took control of that too, and boy is it satisfying to see you speechless : P.
hH: Now are you ready to take that swan dive into a brave new tomorrow? 
hH: I'll make sure it only hurts slightly : )
hH: : D



--hystericalHeresy [hH] has ceased trolling IllustriousInquisitor [II]--

    Back when I used to dream, I remembered having those dreams where you are not in control. You run when you want to stop or you jump when you want to stand. This is like one of those, an out of body experience in a way, except i'm still very much in my body. My body climbs on top and spreads it's arms as if to embrace the storm. They then clap together as I swan dive straight off the pier and slap into the dark waters of the sea. Slowly, I plunge deeper and deeper into the dark heart of the ocean.


----------



## Cadrien (Sep 11, 2013)

*Resuscitation Pt 1.*



It felt like Valen had been drifting forever. The horrorterrors had been  making minimal use of him, content to bide their time and watch the  results of their meddling. 

So far it seemed as though two of the towers of his teammates had been destroyed. 

He hated this. He hated it with all his heart. But what choice had he  had? Succumb to Julius insane suggestions? No that would have resulted  in just as bad a situation. Maybe. 

A voice suddenly rang out, harsh and irritated.

"H?w 7?ng are y?u just g?ing t? sit ar?und here and m?pe y?u w?rth7ess sack ?f shit?"

Valen blinked and looked around. 

"I'm n?t actua77y here, dipshit." A pale ghostly form flickered into existence wearing the golden pajamas of a Prospitan dreamer. It was…alien in appearance. 

"Ah, right, f?rg?t that y?u hadn't actua77y seen  me bef?re. Sup? It's kC, but y?u kn?w what, might as we77 ca77 me by my  name, 7?ktet." The troll shrugged.

"I….see." Said Valen slowly. "So why are you here? How are you here?" 

"N?w that w?u7d be te77ing, w?u7dn't it?" The troll smirked. "We77, I supp?se my visit w?u7d be a bit p?int7ess if I didn't explain things, huh? What a pain. Fine." 

He sat down on Valen's bed, frowning at it and the room in general before continuing. 

"T? be b7unt, things are fucked. Seems 7ike about  a third ?f your p7ayers either got cu77ed ?r just f7aked out and didn't  get in. Whatever. Pe?p7e 7ike that w?u7d have s7?wed y?u guys d?wn  anyways. Here's the key thing. Har7in's been messing with y?u guys'  7eader. That II pers?n. And it's causing things t? fa77 apart f?r th?se  ?f y?u 7eft here. I'm kinda fine visiting y?u guys 7ike this because ?f  my c?ntr?7 ?ver my V?id powers but I can't d? much otherwise." He shrugged. "Rea77y  it's n?t my pr?b7em in the first p7ace, but acc?rding t? my sprite,  this universe is s?mehow bizarre7y c?nnected t? mine and Har7in wants t?  c?nquer both ?r something. Fuck if I know."

He g7ared at Valen. "And s? we come t? y?u, y?u  utter fucking dipshit. Y?u just 7et the H?rror Terr?rs wa7tz int? y?ur  mind and s?u7 and take c?ntr?7 with?ut even putting up a fight."

Valen clenched his fists and glared back sullenly. "And what else was I supposed to do when my spine was crushed?"

"I don't know, but n?t _that_!" Loktet scowled at him and flickered, his concentration wavering with the flash of anger.

"L??k. I d?n't kn?w h?w t? break y?u free ?f their c?ntr?7, but y?u have t? _find_ a way if y?u have any h?pe ?f getting thr?ugh this a7ive." 

Loktet suddenly looked over his shoulder at something in his world.  "Shit. I'77 send help as I can, but I g?tta get moving. Find a way damn  it. ?r I'77 figure ?ut a way t? end your 7ife as a puppet!"

The troll faded from view, leaving Valen with a sense of worry, anger, and motivation. 

Well. 

_Well._

However rude and weird Loktet had been he was right. It was time that  Valen fought back. He closed his eyes and focused, and then truly opened  them for the first time in a long time.


----------



## Unlosing Ranger (Sep 16, 2013)

*Dammit guys*

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey alice I need some  help figuring things out alice...
bE: You're usually there and I know I haven't been nice lately, but I could really use your help
bE: god dammit



-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering quantitativeArbitrator [qA]--

"Okay that's the second person on the list... I'm starting to not have a good feeling about this."

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey how has your father and training been going?
bE: Please don't tell me you're not there too.
bE: You aren't there... dammit.



-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering wanderingWriter [wW]--

"Now that's 3."
Uranus sighs

-- battEcho [bE]began pestering pandyclysmicClutch [pC]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Wait why in the hell am I pestering you.



-- battEcho [bE]ceased pestering pandyclysmicClutch [pC]--

"Don't know why I thought she was a good idea. 
4 now..."


-- battEcho [bE]began pestering manifestedDeity [mD] --

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: please pleassseee be there.
bE: Oh you have to be kidding me.



-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering manifestedDeity [mD] --

" Come onnnnnn. rB be there."

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: rB come on be there please, I need someone to talk to anyone.
bE: At this rate I'll end up having to talk to sL and none of us wants that
bE: I mean I know you probably don't know much more than me, but you help me figure out stuff anyway.
bE:... Damn I knew I should have saved those FAQs.



-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering reluctantBlunderbuss [rB]--

-- battEcho [bE] attempted pestering arbitraryQuantity [AQ] but the connection failed--
-- battEcho [bE] attempted pestering transitorySage [tS] but the connection failed--
-- battEcho [bE] attempted pestering japaneseIdol [jI] but the connection failed--

"ffsfsfsffssfsfsfsfs, if I had my phone I would have thrown it by now."

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering machinaExalted  [mE]--

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Listen I know I'm supposed to be inferior and all.
bE: And even though I said I'd beat you up and all can you help me?
bE: I don't know what to do next. 
bE: Come on please with a... 
bE:... you know what fuck all of you. I can't believe I'm being forced to talk to sL.



-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering machinaExalted  [mE]--

"GOD DAMMIT!
Uri bounces up and down in absolute joy.
Oh wait that's not it. It's anger

"Where the hell is everyone else. I'm going to have to try to talk to that jerk sL now and have to hope. Hope that the universe doesn't hate me enough for him to be there."

-- battEcho [bE] began pestering strifeLord [sL] --

*Spoiler*: __ 





*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Hey asshole, what are you doing?



Please don't be there please don't be there

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: Everything you can't, dipshit
sL: Being competent, in other words
sL: I bet you don't even have a quarter of my kills
sL: Man, I wish I could quarter you right about now...



Gog dammit!


*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: You're right, I don't have any kills. 
bE: My sprite keeps killing everything before I can even think of what to do.
bE: It's vicious.
bE: Which is why I'm calling on you, since II isn't responding for some reason or another.
bE: All of my back up go to people are also not answering.
bE: So sL what the hell am I supposed to do after I enter since my sprite won't drop hints?
sL: I hate helping you pathetic pieces of shit out, but I really don't have much of a choice, do I
sL: Talk to your consorts, the people on your planet
sL: You're supposed to do some retarded quest or whatever the fuck on your world and they should tell you
sL: Kill one of them in front of the others if you have to



Taosprite: Tao not tired anymore Tao hungry mrowwww, ohh is that a bird?
Taosprite starts to droll
"No don'-
Tao sprite makes a leap at the bird at blind speeds and eats the poor consort whole
The consort falls into the cockpit bloodied from the forces, but not actually dead
"MORE!"
"*sob*"
*Spoiler*: __ 




bE: I haven't seen any people. Only imps and ogres and a bird or two.
bE: I hope you aren't telling me that those are my consorts, birds.
bE: Because my sprite is rather ill matched for that, you wanna know why?
bE: Go ahead and fucking ask.
sL: I don't really fucking care
bE: It's fucking eating them, I got like 1... no now 2 corpses of 2 giant humming birds in the cockpit here.
bE: Is that shit supposed to happen? Is your sprite eating your consorts.
bE: Damn you mE why the fuck did you prototype this thing.
bE: I swear to gog I'm going to beat the shit out of him when I meet him.
bE: Okay then, what are these stupid quests supposed to do?



"There has to be something to stop her from doing this here.
Uranus starts fiddling with the controls while logging
"Oohhohoho tickles"

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to happen
sL: My sprite just stops me from killing the bastards, so either you find some uneaten bird, or you stop your sprite somehow
sL: Good fucking luck with the latter
sL: And as for the quests, I don't know, it's something you need to do to progress is all I have on it



While fiddling with things Uri seeing what appears to be a solar system on a sub screen revealed.
Touching it causing it to enlarge
She also sees info about the game in a file as well as controls for a mech of some kind
"Wait hang on a moment, don't tell me all of the info is in here at my very hands. You mean all of this was a big waste of my time? If all of this is really info I might be able to do this with help from no one else. THANK YOU mE OH YES!"

*Spoiler*: __ 



bE: Okay then, say what planet are you on sL?
bE: Nothing important at all just wanna know.
sL: The planet where I kill things
bE: So I just have to look for the planet covered in blood red I take it.
bE: Really why does my sprite have a map of this shit?
bE: Must be mE's fault somehow. I'll just be heading your way when I'm done here.
bE: Hope you don't mind.



As soon as I'm done here I'm going to kill you.

*Spoiler*: __ 



sL: I won't mind you running into the wrong end of my sword, no
bE: Uhuh. Say hi to your girlfriend for me.






-- battEcho [bE] ceased pestering strifeLord[sL] --


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