# Would you break up with your partner if...



## Polaris (Jan 5, 2018)

They unleashed their pent-up anger on you by slapping you across the face?

The thread is inspired by a post that I read on another forum, where a user asked other forum members for advice. Her significant other had slapped her on the cheek when she came home and found him looking devastated. She had tried to comfort him and he yelled at her, “Leave me alone!” to which she responded, “Idiot, don’t be so rude” or something along those lines, which caused him to slap her out of anger.

Apparently his dad had severed all ties with him. It’s understandable that he was upset and found it hard to control himself, since he was overwhelmed by intense emotional pain.

I’m not trying to justify what he did at all, but I was shocked when she eventually announced that she didn’t give him a second chance and decided to end a relationship that hadn’t been toxic or destructive prior to the incident. Furthermore, it had lasted for four years.

Would you have given your partner a second chance if you were in a similar situation?


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## Itachі (Jan 5, 2018)

In that situation I wouldn't break up with her but I would tell her she has a problem she needs to sort out. I know violence crosses the line but since it was a long and healthy relationship I would consider it a slip up. On the other hand, if she told me she kissed someone else or something I would break up with her. Idk why, I guess I just haven't got my 'rules' set in stone and different things make me tick. Obviously violence shouldn't be part of a healthy relationship though.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 2


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## Arcana (Jan 5, 2018)

What slap are we talking about 
soft slap to create space between us, because she was tired of the questioning 
or are we talking full force out of anger 

she's getting a passed for the former, but it also depends on how she acts after the slap


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## selfconcile (Jan 5, 2018)

I don't tolerate that kind of violence in a relationship. I close up when anyone treats me like that. I have given chances with friends who hit too hard before, but even then I didn't give many and our relationship was never the same after that.

That being said, if I had been in that girl's place, and if it *really* had been a healthy long-term relationship and we* really* do have a strong emotional bond and he was *unquestionably *acting out of character, I would have tried to understand even though it's not something I can just brush aside... but the onus is on him to explain himself. I would have given him a fair chance to talk. Regardless if I decide beforehand or afterward to leave, understanding would still be important to me.


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## Vix (Jan 11, 2018)

I wouldn’t be with someone with that kind of personality in the first place


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## Nekochako (Jan 11, 2018)

I just punch back and depending on how violent she continues to be i decide whatever to continue the relationship or not.


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## A Optimistic (Jan 11, 2018)

Never been in that situation before but knowing my petty personality I'd either never talk to her again or call the cops on her.


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## White Wolf (Jan 11, 2018)

Bonds truly are meaningless if someone can trash 4 years over a moment of weakness. If it happened multiple times would understand but one time in all that time and the end. Pitiful.

Reactions: Agree 2 | Winner 1 | Disagree 1


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## Shinobu (Jan 11, 2018)

This is probably the only thing in a relationship I could and would never forgive. Can't think of a way how.
The situation doesn't mather, there's no situation ever that justifies beating, especially not in a healthy relationship. At least that's how I see it and the situation in the op is even worse tbh since she wasn't even the person he got upset over in the first place.

My experience taught me that if the line's broken once, it'll be broken forever. I can think of forgiving lying or cheating to some degree (not everything ofc), but this is just a no-go.
Of course I would give him the chance to apologize and explain himself, but the only thing it would change is that I wouldn't go to the police with it.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Dark Wanderer (Jan 11, 2018)

I don't think I could ever trust them again after that. My mother was abused by my father, and I won't tolerate being treated like that.


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## Itachі (Jan 11, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Bonds truly are meaningless if someone can trash 4 years over a moment of weakness. If it happened multiple times would understand but one time in all that time and the end. Pitiful.



It's understandable though, some people have lines which can't be crossed.


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## Polaris (Jan 12, 2018)

It has been interesting to read everyone's responses in this thread. It’s fascinating how different people have different boundaries.



Itachі said:


> On the other hand, if she told me she kissed someone else or something I would break up with her.



I find cheating unforgivable under any circumstances as well. It’s definitely a deal-breaker for me.
Envisioning your significant other being romantically intimate with someone else, is just too painful.  



Haze said:


> I wouldn’t be with someone with that kind of personality in the first place



Some people just don’t raise any red flags on your radar until they lash out though. Sociopaths/Psychopaths in particular tend to appear charming and easy-going until they go berserk.



Shinobu said:


> The situation in the op is even worse tbh since she wasn't even the person he got upset over in the first place.



I know what you mean. It was quite unfair. It also sends a horrible message since she was just trying to comfort him, “Don’t be sympathetic, or you’ll get a punch thrown your way”

Reactions: Like 1


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## Deleted member 235437 (Jan 12, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Bonds truly are meaningless if someone can trash 4 years over a moment of weakness. If it happened multiple times would understand but one time in all that time and the end. Pitiful.


It’s really not though, you could say cheating is. Moment of weakness but its still unforgivable to me and many others. Someone getting angry or upset to the point of actually hitting their significant other is worrying, sure it only happened once but it’s not something to take lightly nor is it pitiful for the other person to leave and not take any chances. Because chances are it’s going to happen again if that’s how they become when they’re angry

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## Kira Yagami (Jan 13, 2018)

That guy sounds like has a really bad attitude,stuff like that is never justifiable
If it happens once due to something completely unrelated to her,It very well could happen again and That could have been the start of an abusive relationship so im glad she left him


Me on the other hand,if my GF were to slap me
I think my reaction would depend on the situation though i do not think i would let a 4 year realtionship down the drain because of a little slap
So I would probably give her one more chance.


Itachі said:


> On the other hand, if she told me she kissed someone else or something I would break up with her.


^this i agree with
I find this much worse than a little slap
If she cheats,im walking out the door without a second thought regardless of how long we've been dating.

Reactions: Like 1


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## selfconcile (Jan 14, 2018)

Kira Yagami said:


> That guy sounds like has a really bad attitude,stuff like that is never justifiable
> If it happens once due to something completely unrelated to her,It very well could happen again and That could have been the start of an abusive relationship so im glad she left him
> 
> 
> ...


Why are these situations different though?


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## Dayscanor (Jan 14, 2018)

I personally don't tolerate physical violence, to me you have to be the lowest of the low to resort to that. Having been subjected to physical abuse myself, I don't blame the girl tbh. And who knows, maybe that's a bad sign, that he can't control himself and it could happen again under different circumstances, like he got drunk or something.

Better leave while you still can.


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## DemonDragonJ (Jan 14, 2018)

If that was the first time it happened, I would eventually forgive my partner, likely after attempting to discuss the situation with them in a rational manner, but, if it happened too often, I would seriously consider ending our relationship, as I would not be willing to endure such treatment; it is practically inevitable that people in relationships will have disagreements, but, if such disagreements are too frequent or severe, then they are not healthy for that relationship.


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## EJ (Jan 15, 2018)

If it's some fling relationship hell yeah I would break up with them. I wouldn't even allow myself to be subjected to that kind of abuse with someone I "sort of" know.

If I was seeing this person for a good minute and we were serious, it wouldn't be too much different. It would have to depend on the situation, what she/I said or everything that took place. Even then, I'd still feel the urge to break things off right there. If you're hitting someone in a relationship you have some fucking problems. It's not cute or funny. Emotional instability, and immaturity. I don't see how you can physically hurt someone you care about.

But this makes me think. I guess some people can stand to be physically hurt as opposed to emotionally hurt. So I understand different perspectives on it, but I operate on my own. No one should be hitting anyone.


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## SkylineGTR (Jan 16, 2018)

Dude cant handle his emotions and seems prone to violent outbursts like that. I dont think anyone would wanna be in a relationship with someone that cant even handle keeping their hands to them self for something so minor. Doesn't matter what the reasons, (unless someone tries to hurt you first, or someone close to you), you cant just go around and slap someone, especially not your SO.


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## Shrike (Jan 16, 2018)

Huh. I'd get pissed off for a split second, but I'd just say "Don't take it out on me. If you need help, I'll be around." and don't talk to her until she has sorted shit out in her head. Now if she took her time and then told me something like "You should have been there, it was really horrible time for me." _then_ I'd burst. Had such situations before. Just sort your fucking head people.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Lord Tentei (Jan 16, 2018)

No matter how angry, no matter how intense the situation, if they truly loved each other, the only thing that could have happened worst case scenario should have been a disagreement.


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## Catamount (Jan 16, 2018)

Polaris said:


> I’m not trying to justify what he did at all, but I was shocked when she eventually announced that she didn’t give him a second chance and decided to end a relationship that hadn’t been toxic or destructive prior to the incident. Furthermore, it had lasted for four years.


And after the four year he got so comfortable with her being a furniture that unleashed his anger at her as if he can easily replace the broken parts.

Additionally, the example itself needs more details. What kind of comfort was she offering that it made him feel even worse? At the same time, what kind of relationship did they have that he did not consider her arms his warmest fortress.


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## Polaris (Jan 17, 2018)

Catamount said:


> Additionally, the example itself needs more details. What kind of comfort was she offering that it made him feel even worse? At the same time, what kind of relationship did they have that he did not consider her arms his warmest fortress.



She hugged him and caressed his cheek.
She claimed that their relationship was a smooth sailing.


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## selfconcile (Jan 17, 2018)

I'm not sure I agree that the guy seems prone to this kind of behavior or has a bad attitude.

I would think that if this was a significant part of his personality or psychology then there would be at least a hint of it in those four years of getting to know each other, and if not then, then maybe in retrospect. They must have has disagreements before, right? But you say that their relationship wasn't toxic, which leads me to think that it was extremely out of character for him. (Unless she really did mean smooth to the point of not having any disagreements...)

I mean, I understand why she would leave, and I understand that this was physical abuse. Even if it was a moment of weakness, even if he would never do it again, I don't think she is at all obligated to give him a second chance. I'm just not sure that he would be a repeat offender.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Catamount (Jan 17, 2018)

Polaris said:


> She hugged him and caressed his cheek.
> She claimed that their relationship was a smooth sailing.


That was what she said. I bet when complaining on something like this people try to make themselves look innocent.
The way the story is perceived is kind of a domestica violance, but we have to also give it a chance of being a bitchslap.


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## Aduro (Jan 17, 2018)

TBH to stay with a partner after physical violence, it would have to be a really important relationship. It would have to be a single instance in exceptional circumstances. And there would have to be an agreement that there's a major problem in the relationship. And serious commitments would have to be made to fix things.

I think you have to be careful not to excuse it as something that's acceptable or okay. My Uncle (one of the most mild-mannered and friendly people you could meet) stayed with this woman who used to be a really mean drunk. He had to leave every family thing before she drank too much and started a row. Which usually led to him getting hit. He stayed with her for years, rationalising her behaviour. But in the end he hit her back. He only did it once, and that's when he couldn't avoid the fact that that the relationship was making him a worse person. So he ended it.


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## Polaris (Jan 24, 2018)

I would have to witness a repetitive behavioral pattern, in order to judge someone and say, “This individual has anger issues, a poor impulse control and will continue to lash out at me violently unless he willingly seeks counseling and commits to it“. Sure, I’ve heard the saying, “someone who hits you once will do it again”, many times. It probably is true in a lot of cases. But every situation and individual is unique. What the guy in question did was apparently out of character. If I was in that girl’s position, I’d have to see for myself if he’d make the same mistake twice. It would feel a bit like a social experiment.


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## Unlosing Ranger (Jan 24, 2018)

Polaris said:


> They unleashed their pent-up anger on you by slapping you across the face?


Ask if they broke their hand.


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## Canute87 (Jan 24, 2018)

Polaris said:


> They unleashed their pent-up anger on you by slapping you across the face?
> 
> The thread is inspired by a post that I read on another forum, where a user asked other forum members for advice. Her significant other had slapped her on the cheek when she came home and found him looking devastated. She had tried to comfort him and he yelled at her, “Leave me alone!” to which she responded, “Idiot, don’t be so rude” or something along those lines, which caused him to slap her out of anger.
> 
> ...



That must have been some michael Corleone godfather 2 bitch slap.

He's in the wrong.  If she got such a slap from trying to actually calm him down, what's going to happen when she actually pisses him off?

She was right to move on before it got worse.


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## Deidars (Jan 29, 2018)

I'm leaning towards not breaking up if this was just one occasion, and the relationship was going great for a few years previously. I don't think I could leave someone that easily. I'm too emotional. Though if my guy slapped my brains out, it may be a different story.. but I'll most likely say he needs to get help, and just not talk to him for awhile.


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