# What Was the Lowest Point in Your Life?



## DemonDragonJ (Jun 30, 2020)

Every person has both positive and negative times in their lives, some of which are more frequent or intense than others, so I wish to start a discussion about that, specifically, to ask everyone here about the lowest points in their lives.

            For me, the lowest point in my life was when my grandfather died; I was in my freshman year of college at that time, a time of major transition, so the emotional impact of his death was much greater than it would have been if he had died later. He never saw me graduate from college, or my brother graduate from high school, but I am certain that he would be very proud of where my brother and I currently are.

            The other lowest point of my life was from May of 2014 to July of 2015, the longest I have ever been without a full-time job; during that time, I was completely dependent upon my part-time restaurant job and unemployment benefits, and it was a harrowing experience, with the constant uncertainty of wondering if I would ever find another job and needing to save and conserve the money that I had. Thankfully, I persisted, and my persistence eventually was rewarded, for I now have a great job that is permanent with benefits.

            What does everyone else say about this? What were the lowest points in your lives?

Reactions: Like 2


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## Big Bob (Jun 30, 2020)

Probably from when I was 12 until now.


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## Raiden (Jun 30, 2020)

Returning from teaching abroad. I had maybe like 500 dollars to my name and was unemployed. Lol.


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## Sloan (Jun 30, 2020)

Stealing toilet paper from the Pizza store near my then current home.  Couldn't even afford to take a shit.

Those days are long over.  Never again.


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## Mider T (Jun 30, 2020)

Big Bob said:


> Probably from when I was 12 until now.


How old are you now?


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## Big Bob (Jun 30, 2020)

Mider T said:


> How old are you now?



23.


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## Sloan (Jul 1, 2020)

Big Bob said:


> 23.



It’s crazy how trash your life can be one year, and much better the very next one.  This fact seems negligible when you’re at rock bottom, I certainly didn’t see it coming.

Keep ya head up n don’t give up.

Reactions: Like 5


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## Beyonce (Jul 1, 2020)

Uncle committed suicide February of last year and family swept it under the rug b/c of the taboo around taking your own life.


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## Nep Nep (Jul 1, 2020)

My life is just one big meh tbh. Not irredeemable shit and not gloriously happy.


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## jesusus (Jul 1, 2020)

Age 0 - current day.


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## nobody (Jul 1, 2020)

7-14-2014 through the present.


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## DemonDragonJ (Jul 1, 2020)

Big Bob said:


> Probably from when I was 12 until now.



May I ask why that time was so terrible, unless you would rather not discuss it?


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## Mider T (Jul 1, 2020)

I went to the Dead Sea once, can't get any lower than that on Earth.


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## DemonDragonJ (Jul 1, 2020)

Mider T said:


> I went to the Dead Sea once, can't get any lower than that on Earth.



I am speaking emotionally, not physically, and I thought that you would know that; you now have no right to criticize me for not recognizing social queues or understanding jokes or sarcasm.


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## Mider T (Jul 1, 2020)

DemonDragonJ said:


> I am speaking emotionally, not physically, and I thought that you would know that; you now have no right to criticize me for not recognizing social queues or understanding jokes or sarcasm.


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## Fëanáro (Jul 2, 2020)

Joined:
Jul 10, 2017

So, uh, 2017 - present.


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## Big Bob (Jul 2, 2020)

DemonDragonJ said:


> May I ask why that time was so terrible, unless you would rather not discuss it?



My parents split and my relationship with my father was becoming bad enough that we were getting physical. A lot of family members passed away around the same time as well which didn't help.

I pretty much lost all motivation for anything at that point and attempted suicide multiple times over the years which obviously were unsuccessful so that made me feel like nothing I did worked. Just overall not a good place to be in these years.


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## Subarashii (Jul 2, 2020)

Are you starting a cult or something? Trying to get shit on people so you have collateral on them if they try to leave?


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## wibisana (Jul 2, 2020)

In about 2008-09
Missing a lot of credits course in uni
Have to retake Bajjilions course,lied to my parents about my study struggle bcause affrai to be dissapointment to them.

At one point i have this glass of bug poison under my bed if i ever wanted to end my life, but things get way better after aftef i come clean to them, get a job, marry have a kids. I dont have those problem anymore

Reactions: Like 1


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## DemonDragonJ (Jul 2, 2020)

Big Bob said:


> My parents split and my relationship with my father was becoming bad enough that we were getting physical. A lot of family members passed away around the same time as well which didn't help.
> 
> I pretty much lost all motivation for anything at that point and attempted suicide multiple times over the years which obviously were unsuccessful so that made me feel like nothing I did worked. Just overall not a good place to be in these years.



I am very sorry to hear that, as that is a most horrible experience, indeed.



Subarashii said:


> Are you starting a cult or something? Trying to get shit on people so you have collateral on them if they try to leave?



No, I am attempting to have a conversation and show depth of personality, so that people shall know that I am not a one-dimensional person.


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## Yoona (Jul 2, 2020)

Since I was conceived it's been shit man.


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## Jim (Jul 2, 2020)

Probably the time before i decided to just give up on everything 
you'd be surprised how much better life is when you just don't care anymore.


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## El Hit (Jul 3, 2020)

Last 10 years


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## Sloan (Jul 3, 2020)

Some of these answers are low-key breaking my heart.

Maybe the mods can create a "safe-place" or a meditative place/thread/area etc where members who are going through it can at least express themselves and what they are going through(With some rules and regulations in place).  

Even if no one answers or responds(Sometimes I don't respond because I'm scared what I say might unintentionally hurt the person) they can still at least type it/say it out instead of holding their emotions in forever.


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## wibisana (Jul 3, 2020)

there are ways to make life better (bearable)

just fuck it (ignore and have fun, dont think too much of your problem)
get new purpose, as am I, having kids really put me into responsible mode, i have to do good for her, she is still depend on me, i cant just run for it. maybe you can go away from your current life/work and join humanitarian effort, join WWF, go on ships and protect the sea or something.
Hope, be hopeful, one day life will get better. i will quote my fave director/great guy on the specific sentence, but you should watch the full video

Reactions: Like 1


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## wibisana (Jul 3, 2020)

stick around guys


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## Nataly (Jul 3, 2020)

Every person who shared their story and part of their life in this thread should be proud of themselves. It takes a lot of courage to do so. Remember not to give up and always believe in yourselves.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Pilaf (Jul 3, 2020)

In early 2019 I almost died of pancreatitis, because of a series of very poor life decisions that basically undid a lot of positive ones I'd made earlier in life. It was 100% my fault. Thankfully I got medical help and am back on track again. Actually living in another golden age of my life currently.


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## Gianfi (Jul 3, 2020)

Probably when 2010 economic crisis hit, my father lost his job and a few months later my parents split because of, you know, some "tensions" within the family


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## Joe Maiafication (Jul 4, 2020)

When suddenly i have depression after i did very badly in my O level after high school that only this vocation accepted me.
I don't like everyone in the vocation and anything associated with it that I dropped out of there after 3 months.

Fast forward now i have a bachelor's degree


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## Sufex (Jul 6, 2020)

Probably when i was failing uni,  depressed and planning on killing myself.

Another one was when my dad died of cancer

I feel like the worst is yet to come tho


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## Son Of Man (Jul 7, 2020)

2015 went into sepsis, spent 2 weeks at hospital. Spent next 6 months living off of chicken broth and leafs. Lost half my body weight. Spent next 2/3 years rehabing. Health really took a shit these last 5 years. Oh well, self inflicted. On and upwards.


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## Harmonie (Jul 7, 2020)

There are a few different times, and it's complicated because some of them, like the most recent had good things going on, too.
*
Late 2007-2008.*

*Spoiler*: __ 



2007 had been a truthfully wonderful year for me. I was feeling much happier than before. I was learning the bassoon and I got to switch to it immediately for my freshman year of college. I felt like I definitely had a lot to look forward to. Life seemed great. But...then the health issues hit. And suddenly everything turned dark and hopeless. If I went into the nature of them, it'd make sense, but I don't like talking about it.

It put a wrench in my life and I began to practice less, I began to do poorly in classes even though my fall semester of the freshman year I made my highest grades. In that Spring semester I ended up failing a course. It felt like my life was coming crumbling down all around me and I was struggling in that class (which was a writing class - if you can't find good subjects to write about, you're done). I began to think I would not last long, so I became numb to my grade lowering. What did it matter if I had no future anyway?

After that, throughout 2008, I really got a steady social life, came out to someone for the first time (aside from my mom, which didn't go well back then), and then we ended up dating. So... There was happiness over the darkness. But that didn't stop it all from sinking back in that fall, and I failed a class again, this time because the health issue flared up during the time I had to write a final research paper and I had a panic attack and came the closest to suicide that I've ever come.




*2015.*

*Spoiler*: __ 



By my account above I shouldn't have even been around during this time. The frustrating thing is my inaction back during 2007/2008. I just threw my hands up, I wouldn't do anything. Turns out things work slower than I thought.

So... 2015. Not _quite_ as dark as above, but I was crushed anyway. Long backstory again. I had transferred to a university and ended up dropping out a couple of years before this. I had given up on music almost entirely in doing so. I went to an overnight job that I was really good at and was stable, but really stressed me out. (I also hate working overnight. Give me 9-5 please). Giving up music was a really disheartening thing for me, but in my last semester I had ended up reconnecting with the girlfriend I mentioned above (who broke up with me shortly after all of that). We were building our friendship back up and she had left me before saying "Maybe someday", and the summer of 2013 she began showing signs that maybe she liked liked me again. I was so happy! I thought "Well, maybe I can't have my music dream, but at least I can have my dream girlfriend".

But my late 2013 I had made some mistakes and she grew cold again, but she was still interested in talking to and seeing me every once in a while and I hoped that someday I could make it up to her. I had fallen back deep in love. =/

Well, Spring of 2015, we're continuing this. I get to see her new house for the first time, and she has invited me over to watch a TV show. She has work really early the next morning, so we decide to watch the last half of the season some other time. She was really enthusiastic to make this happen, but then every time we tried to set it up, she had excuses. The excuses seemed very real, and probably were at this point... But then she grew _very_ cold after that.

Suffice to say, there I was losing one thing holding me together. But that wouldn't be it.

Our family dog that we got back in early 2008 (a dog that was honestly very important to my health, as he came into our lives during that very dark time and made me want to live to be with him) randomly passed away that summer. I can not even begin to say how much this destroyed me. I was physically sick from grief. It was right at the beginning of my weekend from my workplace and when I went back to work a few days later I still couldn't stop myself from crying.

So yeah... A big straw broke right there. And then my ex turned colder and colder until eventually after late that year she never talked to me again. No explanation. It's okay. I don't mean to paint her in a bad light here. She has her own life and she can do whatever she wants. She doesn't need to have me in it if that's what's best for her. It just hurt me really bad.

2015 had a good ending aside from that, as I had been reinspired into music and had found an amazing teacher who got me back into college the next year (that's how I switched from bassoon to oboe, and is overall a very long story. I like telling them together, but it's irrelevant to this topic). Also when I returned to college I got a dog of my own who I adore so much.




*2018-early 2020*

*Spoiler*: __ 



Were the health issues mentioned in the first time enough? Yes. Did that stop more from happening? Nope. I was coming out of the college I had gone to where times were just really bliss. That would all come to a halt. I did graduate. Yay! But in my last semester the new health issues started. Plantar fasciitis, or so it has been identified as. It certainly started that way - pain when I got up in the morning. But it would quickly grow into something a lot harder to get rid of. (which doctors are still figuring out - osteoporosis? arthritis? - both showed up in my feet in a recent X-ray).

Despite graduating from college I couldn't immediately transfer to grad school because of a complicated move AND needing foreign language credits which I couldn't get into at the university before because they were so limited in offering and were always taken up by the time I got to registering. So... I needed to come back home and get a job. I returned to my old job, because I was good at it, but no overnights this time. The job did not vibe with my new health issues. I was in horrendous pain. Walking hurt, standing hurt, getting up after sitting down so bad, I couldn't even move for a while. I was very frustrated, because this job was perfect otherwise. It was close, stable, and other things.

So I sought out treatments over and over again. Until finally late last year I had surgery. I had been on numerous leaves from my job, but I told myself "This time things will get better." They didn't. The surgery did not help. This is when things got their lowest. Understand that when I went on leave from my job for this time to get my surgery, it had become impossible to do my job or even walk after being too active because such a severe pain flared up that it froze me in place (which is not plantar fasciitis. Plantar fasciitis is never _that_ painful).

During my leave from this job when I was recovering, I began to look into new jobs. Jobs where I sit. I applied and applied but never even got a call back. I guess retail experience and a degree in music isn't what people want to see... But I needed it for my physical state. Ugh. Well. I failed. And the time to return to the job from before where I got that horrendous stabbing pain after too much activity where I can't even walk anymore was certain to still be there (every other pain when being active was there still).

That's when, for the first time since 2008, I began to have really dark thoughts. I was not in panic attack mode like that one time and was able to think more clearly about the consequences of me doing it and everything that was still good in my life, but it was overwhelming. I absolutely could not return to this job, the pain was killing my mental health. But I wasn't getting any results trying to apply for a job. I had to get back to work because we were incredibly financially strained and paying for me during my surgery leave made things a hundred times worse.

So you have to understand I thought very literally "I can't do this, and there's no way out."

I ended up returning to that job, though. The most severe of pain I mentioned above did not return, so my mental health returned a little bit. But, and I hate to say this, the real turning point to stability was the pandemic. I don't want to downplay the suffering and death of the pandemic, but when the stimulus check was coming and my student loans got delayed for months, my parents encouraged me to leave the job because that would set me okay for a while, and they didn't want me still working when I have autoimmune disorders (arthritis). So I went on leave, but then quit.

(The reason we were confident in doing so were the results of my blood tests and X-rays, which showed my pain was rooted in far more than plantar fasciitis and that I have a real case for going to a rehabilitation service and being set up with an appropriate job.


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## Gin (Jul 7, 2020)

definitely age 13-14

dad died of cancer, mom got advanced breast cancer (but thankfully didn't die and is still here today), i almost died from a burst appendix, was thoroughly depressed and miserable in school, had a brief relationship with my first gf and was plunged into misery for months when that ended


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## Raiden (Sep 3, 2020)

Forgot to mention when my gramps passed in 2013. That was really awful.


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## Yamato (Sep 4, 2020)

Can’t say for certain when and one thing exactly but bits from each year  starting from 2017. Most of it relating to the same things that’s still got me dragged down.


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## Swarmy (Sep 4, 2020)

My respect to you all but if you're willing to share or even talk about some event it's by far not the lowest one you've experienced.


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## Fëanáro (Sep 4, 2020)

Swarmy said:


> My respect to you all but if you're willing to share or even talk about some event it's by far not the lowest one you've experienced.


1. Some people's lowest thus far in their lives still isn't very low. Maybe they're lucky.
2. Some people are open about what they've gone through.
3. Some people can recognise that they were at the worst point in their life at some past point, but have dealt with their shit and can now discuss it.
4. I'm sure the people I've listened to while they discussed absolutely horrifying childhood trauma of the "someone should be in jail for this" kinds would _love_ hearing you say that if they're willing to talk about it, it can't be their lowest point.


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## Swarmy (Sep 4, 2020)

Fëanáro said:


> 1. Some people's lowest thus far in their lives still isn't very low. Maybe they're lucky.
> 2. Some people are open about what they've gone through.
> 3. Some people can recognise that they were at the worst point in their life at some past point, but have dealt with their shit and can now discuss it.
> 4. I'm sure the people I've listened to while they discussed absolutely horrifying childhood trauma of the "someone should be in jail for this" kinds would _love_ hearing you say that if they're willing to talk about it, it can't be their lowest point.


I guess it depends on where you live and where you discuss these matters as well wether it's anonymous or not. My point being that anyone openly telling their deepest darkest secrets or memories to total strangers on the net will end badly in most if not all cases.
I've witnessed people who were sexually harrassed and went public about it, you know how it ended? They lost jobs and "close" people just because they thought they'll find a sympathetic carring person among strangers.
Reality is often not what we want it to be and sadly this is true in most developed countries, people who were assaulted, were in jail, have mental issues or are just different face opression and are labled as damaged goods when they share their thoughts and feelings with people who don't mean well, and this being the net... Well you get me.


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## wibisana (Sep 4, 2020)

Swarmy said:


> My respect to you all but if you're willing to share or even talk about some event it's by far not the lowest one you've experienced.


Because it has passed? And i want other to learn it from me


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## Worm Juice (Sep 4, 2020)

When I just split up with my ex, felt sorry for him left the apartment to him. Moved out and slept in the same bed as my mum for a month cause there was no spare bed yet. To be honest I had about 20-30 cm width space to sleep when I was with my ex. So in a way it was an improvement.


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## Jim (Sep 4, 2020)

Swarmy said:


> I guess it depends on where you live and where you discuss these matters as well wether it's anonymous or not. My point being that anyone openly telling their deepest darkest secrets or memories to total strangers on the net will end badly in most if not all cases.
> I've witnessed people who were sexually harrassed and went public about it, you know how it ended? They lost jobs and "close" people just because they thought they'll find a sympathetic carring person among strangers.
> Reality is often not what we want it to be and sadly this is true in most developed countries, people who were assaulted, were in jail, have mental issues or are just different face opression and are labled as damaged goods when they share their thoughts and feelings with people who don't mean well, and this being the net... Well you get me.


it helps to be anonymous. If people knew who I was IRL, I wouldn't even share what i ate this morning  j/k
Sometimes people think of their lowest point of their life as just an unusual event rather than something that actually occurred. You may even find people who genuinely don't remember or understand what happened to them, or they just rewrite their memory to change what that experience was.


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## ~M~ (Sep 8, 2020)

I can't even go into it but the important part is that I bounced back and you will too


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## Nep Nep (Sep 8, 2020)

~M~ said:


> I can't even go into it but the important part is that I bounced back and you will too



Life took a turn for the better two days after I made that emo post

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