# How do you deal or cope with a loss of someone you really loved?



## MO (Aug 17, 2017)

for example losing your mom or dad or even your spouse or best friend, someone you really loved that passed away how did you overcome it or deal with it?

Reactions: Like 1


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## John Wick (Aug 17, 2017)

Drugs, lots and lots of drugs.

Reactions: Funny 2 | Winner 1


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## Darkmatter (Aug 17, 2017)

I have never experienced any of that pain yet. The ones who passed away in my family are either related to my distant relatives or family members that I never knew, but the only family member that I do know who passed away was my Great-Grandfather from my father's side almost 2 years ago (he was either 102 or 103), but my mother was devastated over the news. I'm a bit saddened to hear him passing, but at the same time I was a bit happy because he was suffering through hallucinations sometime before I moved to the United States (back in 2010, so roughly around 5 years worth of suffering).


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## Virus (Aug 17, 2017)

By grieving and grieving and grieving and grieving i would say.

I must admit that losing your child is one of the worst things a person can experience. 

My uncle lost his son at the age of 17. Shot at point blank. This was in 1997. 

He is still crushed. Very strong though, it was a miracle that he didn't go blood for blood i.e vendetta, especially when the murderer was released due to no witnesses. That would put the whole kin at danger. 

Off topic but yeah, I don't know since I have not experienced any significant loss (father/mother/sibling).


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## Smoke (Aug 19, 2017)

Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Jeroen (Aug 19, 2017)

By erasing that person from my memory.


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## Itachі (Aug 19, 2017)

I haven't lost many close relatives, closest were my grandmother and grandfather. I was very young when my grandmother died, about 7. We were kind of close but I didn't know how to feel about it, we all knew that she was ill for some time. I remember praying for her a lot and hoping that she'd pull through. I woke up one day and my mum told me that she died, I honestly didn't really feel anything. I just said ok and carried on. When it came to the day of the funeral I didn't feel much either. Later on though, I saw my dad crying. Not just a few tears but actually crying. She wasn't his real mother but I guess he loved her anyway. At that point I had never seen my dad cry, when I saw him cry it all came out and I started bawling my eyes out. Visit her grave with my family quite frequently throughout the year. Honestly, I don't remember much about her but my memories of her are fond.

Most recent death I had to deal with was about two years ago. I just came back from holiday (six weeks) and I left my phone at home, I was actually really eager to get back because there was a good friend I hadn't talked to for six weeks and I missed her. I turned on my phone and I had a bunch of old messages from my friends saying that one of my other friends had died. I was honestly really bummed out. This time I actually felt something, we were pretty close and hearing about his death just made me sad. The year of college after his death was boring as fuck too since I didn't have many frees with my friends. It didn't help that one of our friends was really affected by his death and would talk about him a lot. Anyway, I was ok. It helped to remember the good times, and we had a lot of them. Worst thing for me was thinking 'I wish he was here', it was selfish of me to think that just when I got bored. He was a good man, shame he had to go so young. He had a girlfriend at the time of his death too, never met her but I hope she's doing well.


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## Haruka Katana (Aug 21, 2017)

grieve and grieve and yes grieve forever.

There is no such thing as "let go". I've lost my grandfather 3 years ago and I still miss him. Time only lessens the pain but not the wound. 

And I always avoid thinking about this subject tbh I just cant cope with it.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Nekochako (Aug 22, 2017)

I try to move on as much as possible. Won't forget about the person ofcourse but nothing good will come off just crying about it every day and if someone dear to me gets murdered instead off seeking revenge i just hope the cops catches the murderer. 

The farthest i would go there is that i would try to provide evidence if the murderer got released but i would not go after him on my own.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## FLORIDA MAN (Aug 22, 2017)

by becoming envious of them that theyre free from all the bullshit of life while you're still caught up in the mix 
and also generally becoming too busy with life itself to stop and think about such things


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## mali (Aug 26, 2017)

the drinking/drug littered route isnt one i suggest but if youre going to do that make sure to have someone that really cares about you around at those times, especially if you start faulting yourself for that persons death. grief and intoxication can be a fatal pairing for some.


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## savior2005 (Aug 26, 2017)

it depends on how they die. at the end of the day, everyone dies. someone passing away at an old age in their sleep, i feel sad for and i grieve, but i understand.
but what i see on the media, people getting killed, just pisses me off and makes me sad.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Deidars (Feb 10, 2018)

I cry, go through all the stages of grief, flip back and forth from each repeatedly, and then finally stay in the denial phase for an excessive amount of time.

Yeah, I'm pretty shit at dealing with change.


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## El Hit (Feb 10, 2018)

I do not, I still miss them everyday. You learn to live with it.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 11, 2018)

a few years ago, my best friend's brother died. he was in his teens and had gone on a road trip with friends. they were following a car too closely and when that car stopped (wildlife on the road), everyone in both cars lost their lives. my friend's family only found out he was dead two days later. he died alone in some random hospital in a foreign country. the hardest thing for me about it was having to call her mom and offer my condolences. i tried hard not to cry, but it really wasn't possible. 

since then i've lost basically all my grandparents. in 2015 my grandfather passed away. he lived a big life, and was walking on his own and in possession of all his faculties until he passed aged 90, so it wasn't that sad. the following year, in January, i lost my maternal grandmother. she was the sweetest human being i have ever known, and had been bedridden for the last ten years of her life. she was about 67, and could have lived for several years more but she had a debilitating disease that none of the doctors could place. towards the end of that year, my paternal grandmother passed away. I wish I knew my father's family better, and I wish I could have had all my grandparents at my wedding, but life happens. 

dealing with it has been odd. i didn't know my father's parents that well, so i felt guilty about not making more of an effort. with my mom's mother- she was the first person to carry me when i was born, and was a calming force in our family. i felt upset about it, but it didn't bring me to tears until after the funeral. i still think about her almost every day.

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## Aeternus (Feb 11, 2018)

Fortunately, I haven't lost anyone I was close to yet, so honestly I have no idea how I will cope with this.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Dark Wanderer (Feb 11, 2018)

I've lost a couple family members over the years but they weren't ones I was close to or had contact with. I've felt much more upset losing a pet, though that itself is never easy to get through


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## Kuzehiko (Feb 13, 2018)

Drinking.
That personally has relieved my pain but truth is only time will help you deal the loss and sadness


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## Flowjr (Jul 10, 2022)

Smoke said:


> Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry



This pretty much. 

Or whatever it is you need to do to process your emotions. Then get back on the grind after dusting yourself off.


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## Smoke (Jul 10, 2022)

Flowjr said:


> This pretty much.
> 
> Or whatever it is you need to do to process your emotions. Then get back on the grind after dusting yourself off.


I made this post, back in 2017.
And I was wrong.

After truly experiencing loss, in 2020.

I realized it was more like

Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
One day after a few months, you wake up, and you don't cry first thing in the morning.
Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry Cry cry cry cry cry cry cry
After 5 months, their death isn't the first thing on your mind. It might be the 3rd or 4th, but not the first. And now, you can go a few days without crying.
Still cry cry cry.
After a year, you've noticed that it still hurts, but now you've started going entire days without them being on your mind.
After 1.5 yrs, someone tags you in a post you made about loss. Your eyes tear up remembering them, but you're ok. Life moves on. Time may not heal things quickly, but it eventually does.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Karasu (Jul 10, 2022)

I don't know - I think it's too much to unpack because people mean different things to you. I just had a friend take his own life and the rest of us are just reeling from it. It doesn't make any damn sense. He had kids. I still can't believe he did this, and am going through every possible emotion but mostly anger.



Smoke said:


> I made this post, back in 2017.
> And I was wrong.
> 
> After truly experiencing loss, in 2020.
> ...


I am sorry for your loss. That sounds so lame, because I know the words just don't carry enough weight, but I really am.


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## Gerjaffers786 (Jul 10, 2022)

As you move on you forget about it so yeh.


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## Djomla (Jul 10, 2022)

This method only works if a SO leaves you.

1. Cry your ass off, like a little baby
2. Call the hooker. No sex, just talk
3. Buy hardcore laxative and drop everything out of your system
4. Get naked, get in tub, again, cry your ass off
5. 2 pills of bromazepam, one shot of Vodka every 6 hours for 4 weeks
6. Come the 5th week, the decision is being made. You either hang yourself or carry on
7. After 10 years, you're better

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Leo Fall (Jul 10, 2022)

I don't know how I'd handle it to be honest, we all think we'd do something, react a certain way but the majority of the time that doesn't happen. Eight year old me was much healthier so when my papa(grandfather) passed, I grieved normally. I think I was mostly confused about where he went. My sister runs away sometimes, so we all freak, we know she's safe, we know her places, but I still go a bit mad. If someone that close _died_? I don't know what I'd do. So today me, paranoid and when frustrated/upset I cry, and if confused I get aggressive, I imagine I'd do something pretty stupid if someone that close to me would die.


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## Leo Fall (Jul 10, 2022)

Karasu said:


> I don't know - I think it's too much to unpack because people mean different things to you. I just had a friend take his own life and the rest of us are just reeling from it. It doesn't make any damn sense. He had kids. I still can't believe he did this, and am going through every possible emotion but mostly anger.


I wish you and your friends the best of safety and recovery(from what he did).

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Canute87 (Jul 11, 2022)

MO said:


> for example losing your mom or dad or even your spouse or best friend, someone you really loved that passed away how did you overcome it or deal with it?


Depends on the relationship you've had before.

When i was young father always used to come home later than usual  some days l, we tried calling but not getting him.  

After a while I just started to think he died. And it went on for a number of years.  So when he actually died i was already prepared for it.

My mother was a different case but. when she got ill  i saw the decline so I slowly accepted it until it happened. Remember buying an oxygen machine for her that that increased her life by a year.  

It's easier to accept if your life isn't worst off.

Reactions: Like 1


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## ~Avant~ (Jul 11, 2022)

Hmm I'll speak from my own personal experience from a few years ago. In about the span of just over a single year, my little brother was murdered, two of my friends got killed in gang violence, then there was the Pulse Nightclub shooting, then my first wife passed in a car accident and finally my mother died from Lupus. 

My brothers death sent me all the way to depression, alcohol was first, but i hate the stuff, so I started using lots and lots of marijuana, which then led to use of psychedelics. Throughout this whole time period, I contemplated suicide multiple times (survivors guilt was immense), and it wasn't until my mothers passing that I finally woke up a bit. 

My cure for depression and for loss, is love. Become intimate with yourself again, remember all the things that make you happy, use those things as vehicles to let the pain go. You will be forever marked, but you dont have to hold on to the pain. Its a choice.

Reactions: Friendly 2


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## MrAnalogies (Jul 14, 2022)

I lost both my parents so I guess I have some experience with this. Both my parents were fairly strict and I was a goofball at heart so sometimes I have very mixed feelings looking back at these events.

My mom died of cancer when I was about 20. It started as breast cancer, then it went away with treatment but came back spreading to her brain. At that point I had just mentally given up and prepared for the worst. She was only in her 40's. Tried to be the best son I could be while juggling sports and college classes. Stopped hanging out as much and spent more time home. Other times I didn't even want to be around her seeing how much pain she was in and spent a lot of time on the Internet or playing video games becoming reclusive. Sometimes I did the opposite and became a party animal to avoid thinking about it.

It eventually got so bad she was in the hospital every other month and was bed ridden at home with nurses coming to the house which certainly didn't make things easier for me or my siblings. Everytime I came home she was right there looking right at me, bald, with oxygen machine hooked up. I often felt guilty even when I was actually busy doing things productive and did my part helping clean up and bringing her things or talking to her. She saw how it was eating away at me I guess, because one day she told me to live my life to the fullest and make the world my oyster. I felt a lot of weight lift off my shoulders when she said that. It got even better when I asked her if I was a good son and had several heart to heart conversations about mistakes I made and times I pissed her off. She said she can't possibly hold a grudge over things like that and said not to worry about it. I got all my crying done long before the funeral.


But unfortunately it was several months later that I had I guess a delayed reaction. 6 months after she died I moved out and became a loose cannon. Smoked for the first time, got into some fights, lost a few friends, and literally looked for trouble anytime I was in a bad mood. Went to therapy and he explained that my mom's passing obviously severely affected me and recommend that I dial it down a notch and find an outlet for all my pent up anger. Started dieting, exercising, and became more religious/spiritual. Became more selective about who I hung out with. Meditated to think about my relationship with my mom and lingering issues from the past.


As for my dad, it was less complicated but even more mentally distressing. I'm a lot more like him and he was always my role model. He was a solid rock, a guru with lots of life experience and knew a lot about a lot yet very humble and down to Earth. A big name in the community and lots of people looked up to him. First he had a stroke, and it happened while I was at work. Didn't even tell me or any of my siblings, my step mom is the one who told me about it. At the hospital I demanded to know why he didn't say anything and he said that he knew I had just started a new job and didn't want me to worry. I normally didn't cuss in front of my parents, but I told him fuck a job, his life was more important and said please don't do that again.

I didn't even end up keeping the stupid job, I got laid off a week later. Then my wife and I broke up. I moved back in to help take care of my dad and he saw I was once again becoming a depressed husk and he said "don't worry about me, move out and finish getting your degree and get your life together". No matter how sick he was, he cared more about his kids. So I took his advice. Finished my degree, got a new apartment, got married, then he had his 2nd stroke and didn't recover this time. I had wanted to pay him back for all he had done for me but he died before I got the chance. But I had zero regrets because I had that same heart to heart conversation with my dad like I did with my mom. No stone unturned.


So after all that, I guess my advice would be to handle your stress in a healthy, non self-destructive way, find someone to talk to, don't let your life get derailed by personal issues, and make sure you have a conversation with your loved ones pouring your heart out so you have no regrets. Live your life in a way that would make them proud, they wouldn't want you withering away in a pit of despair.

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## Gerjaffers786 (Jul 14, 2022)

MrAnalogies said:


> I lost both my parents so I guess I have some experience with this. Both my parents were fairly strict and I was a goofball at heart so sometimes I have very mixed feelings looking back at these events.
> 
> My mom died of cancer when I was about 20. It started as breast cancer, then it went away with treatment but came back spreading to her brain. At that point I had just mentally given up and prepared for the worst. She was only in her 40's. Tried to be the best son I could be while juggling sports and college classes. Stopped hanging out as much and spent more time home. Other times I didn't even want to be around her seeing how much pain she was in and spent a lot of time on the Internet or playing video games becoming reclusive. Sometimes I did the opposite and became a party animal to avoid thinking about it.
> 
> ...


I am sorry for your loss R.I.P. to them


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