# Same age, but different 'phase' in life



## Kiseki (Jul 30, 2018)

Hello all. I just noticed how many of my age (28) are living by themsleves, are getting married or even have kids and meanwhile I'm just at home with my parents, watching Boruto and other 'childrens' entertainment as they call it (we all know it's not but people gotta be rude for no reason). Anyone else who's experiencing this too? I don't even want to go on my facebook anymore, because of the huge babyboom and all these couples are 'perfect' together. Buying expensive houses or trips to a foreign country. And meanwhile I have none of that. Literally. I'm just wondering like 'where did it all go wrong?' or 'is that even wrong to begin with?' I've kind of unfriend or GOT unfriended by friends as eventually at some point after the age of 20 you all go through different phases in life. Anyone else?


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## Ashi (Jul 30, 2018)

People progress through life differently, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of

That being said, I do think it's important to set for goals for yourself and work towards something so you don't feel totally useless

Thooooo this is coming from a 20 year old so meh *shrug*

Reactions: Like 1


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## Mider T (Jul 30, 2018)

Some people have kids at 20, some at 40.
Some people find a career at 18, some at 38.
Some people ask someone to be their girlfriend after 2 months, some people take 2 years.

Everyone is different.


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## Kiseki (Jul 30, 2018)

Ashi said:


> People progress through life differently, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of
> 
> That being said, I do think it's important to set for goals for yourself and work towards something so you don't feel totally useless
> 
> Thooooo this is coming from a 20 year old so meh *shrug*


Who says I am not setting goals in life? I don't think that has to do with being in different phases. I set up a thousand goals and none of them worked for me. I had a lot of bad luck and psychological issues that avoided/blocked me from 'succeeding' in my life goals. All and all I'm saying is: Don't judge a book by its cover. I might be older, but that doesn't disregard my attempts at wanting to grow phases in life.


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## Ashi (Jul 30, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> Who says I am not setting goals in life? I don't think that has to do with being in different phases. I set up a thousand goals and none of them worked for me. I had a lot of bad luck and psychological issues that avoided/blocked me from 'succeeding' in my life goals. All and all I'm saying is: Don't judge a book by its cover. I might be older, but that doesn't disregard my attempts at wanting to grow phases in life.



I wasn't accusing you of anything, just saying that it's a good place to start.

The thing about goals is that they have to start off small, so that they're at least feasible and you work your way up to something big. If you're shooting for the stars then that could be an issue since things don't always go as planned.

Why exactly did you have in mind that want to accomplish? Be it long term or short.


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## Stringer (Jul 30, 2018)

I'd say dedicate some time alone to properly figure out what you want out of life, and don't bullshit yourself while doing it.

Once you got an idea how you'd like the rest of your life to look like, go for it 100% and don't make excuses. Like others have said, each of us have a different path to this game we call _life_.

Also, don't forget to enjoy yourself in the pursuit of whatever you end up setting your mind on. For me this is the most important part.


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## Kiseki (Jul 30, 2018)

Stringer said:


> I'd say dedicate some time alone to properly figure out what you want out of life, and don't bullshit yourself while doing it.
> 
> Once you got an idea how you'd like the rest of your life to look like, go for it 100% and don't make excuses. Like others have said, each of us have a different path to this game we call _life_.
> 
> Also, don't forget to enjoy yourself in the pursuit of whatever you end up setting your mind on. For me this is the most important part.


I know what I want, but people don't want it with me.
I wanted a house for myself.
I wanted a partner.
I wanted to get married.
I wanted to have children (?) maybe some day.

But every time it comes to the 'moving in together' part they always bail on me or drag it on until they don't have to anymore. My point here is: You can have goals, but if your partner decides to boycot that... there's little you can do. You would have to start all over again.


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## Kiseki (Jul 30, 2018)

Ashi said:


> I wasn't accusing you of anything, just saying that it's a good place to start.
> 
> The thing about goals is that they have to start off small, so that they're at least feasible and you work your way up to something big. If you're shooting for the stars then that could be an issue since things don't always go as planned.
> 
> Why exactly did you have in mind that want to accomplish? Be it long term or short.


Oh I think I just answered that a comment above this one.
And no worries. I'm not that easily triggered ^^ You are just trying to help/relate, I guess? Much appreciation!

Reactions: Like 1


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## Stringer (Jul 30, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> I know what I want, but people don't want it with me.
> I wanted a house for myself.
> I wanted a partner.
> I wanted to get married.
> ...


I'll speak from personal experience and give you my honest opinion, looking at what you listed I think the underlying issue is your happiness appears to be entirely dependent on finding a life-long partner.

To me happiness comes from self-realization, if you find a good partner willing to accompany you on that journey and be a complement, then  all the better. But they shouldn't be an integral source of that happiness otherwise you'll be unhappy most of the time.

I'm sure there are worthwhile passions underneath all that you'd like to get done, things that wouldn't necessarily involve having a husband. Give that thought a honest try and write back to me.


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## Kiseki (Jul 30, 2018)

Stringer said:


> I'll speak from personal experience and give you my honest opinion, looking at what you listed I think the underlying issue is your happiness appears to be entirely dependent on finding a life-long partner.
> 
> To me happiness comes from self-realization, if you find a good partner willing to accompany you on that journey and be a complement, then  all the better. But they shouldn't be an integral source of that happiness otherwise you'll be unhappy most of the time.
> 
> I'm sure there are worthwhile passions underneath all that you'd like to get done, things that wouldn't necessarily involve having a husband. Give that thought a honest try and write back to me.


I do have personal wishes/goals/dreams. Such as
having a youtube channel
writing stories/fanfictions
progressing in singing
progressing in photoshop, etc.

I used to have a goal of becoming a photographer and a make-up artist and I accomplished that by myself. I actually accomplished most of my goals, except for having a youtube. The point is: What makes me happy as an individual doesn't grant me an income. I need to maintain a crappy job in order for me to think of hobbies, etc. I didn't finish school, so I'm quite dependant on having someone to live with. The income here is a bit messed up in my country. Many people who live alone are struggling. But its not just for the money... I need a best friend in my partner. Someone who eats, laughs and  cries with me. Basically everything that a relationship is. And even if that isn't romantic... so be it. I'm not the most picky person there is, actually. I need just looking for someone (romantic or just a friendship) that will last for longer than just a few years.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Stringer (Jul 30, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> I do have personal wishes/goals/dreams. Such as
> having a youtube channel
> writing stories/fanfictions
> progressing in singing
> ...


damn girl that last half was deep 

do you already have ideas for a Youtube channel or is it up in the air?


btw about your writing aspirations, why not join writing competitions here to hone your narrative skills. I also submit entries, we could use more participants.

Reactions: Like 1


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## ~M~ (Jul 30, 2018)

Where other people are now has no bearing on where you will go in the future. Don't compare yourself to others because, and I've seen it happen, soon enough you could be where they are at and they will be back at square one. Just do your best and live your breath with honesty and purity.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Kiseki (Jul 31, 2018)

Thank you ~M~ for your response!!



Stringer said:


> do you already have ideas for a Youtube channel or is it up in the air?


I wanted to do some sort of beauty channel, mixed with my weeb life (kpop, anime). But I haven't really figured what I want yet, because I know a lot of people of the beauty community don't always like weeb stuff, so I might make 2 channels? Not sure.



Stringer said:


> btw about your writing aspirations, why not join writing competitions here to hone your narrative skills. I also submit entries, we could use more participants.


Really? Where can I do that? What sub-forum. I would actually love that, even if I didn't win anything.


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## Shrike (Jul 31, 2018)

~M~ said:


> Where other people are now has no bearing on where you will go in the future. Don't compare yourself to others because, and I've seen it happen, soon enough you could be where they are at and they will be back at square one. Just do your best and live your breath with honesty and purity.



Unless you win the lottery, this is a bad advice. There is zero substance to it. Sorry.



Kiseki said:


> Hello all. I just noticed how many of my age (28) are living by themsleves, are getting married or even have kids and meanwhile I'm just at home with my parents, watching Boruto and other 'childrens' entertainment as they call it (we all know it's not but people gotta be rude for no reason). Anyone else who's experiencing this too? I don't even want to go on my facebook anymore, because of the huge babyboom and all these couples are 'perfect' together. Buying expensive houses or trips to a foreign country. And meanwhile I have none of that. Literally. I'm just wondering like 'where did it all go wrong?' or 'is that even wrong to begin with?' I've kind of unfriend or GOT unfriended by friends as eventually at some point after the age of 20 you all go through different phases in life. Anyone else?





Kiseki said:


> I do have personal wishes/goals/dreams. Such as
> having a youtube channel
> writing stories/fanfictions
> progressing in singing
> ...



Oh boy. Lots of work to be done here.

You listed all your goals but... have you made any moves? You say that you watch anime, but you see other people travel etc. You probably procrastinate too much. Your need for a partner is such as it is because you haven't gotten used to being dependent on yourself. You need a pillar of support etc.

Toss all that to shit.

Listen. You are stagnant. You need to move. Fast. Drop that 'I'll do it tomorrow" shit and "I have dreams!" stuff. Just drop it. Yes, you have dreams, but you need to make a move for any of them to have any chance of becoming true. Many things that make people happy doesn't grant them income, you are far from being alone in that. I have been writing for 12 years now, so it's not like I am some administrative cunt who doesn't know the woes of artists in capitalistic times. Listen.

Let me give you an example based on yourself:



Kiseki said:


> I wanted to do some sort of beauty channel, mixed with my weeb life (kpop, anime). But I haven't really figured what I want yet, because I know a lot of people of the beauty community don't always like weeb stuff, so I might make 2 channels? Not sure.



You haven't figured out what you want yet. That's the problem. That's procrastination. Take this simple advice: if you have some kind of a goal (try to make it realistic and have enough skills to support it, but even if you don't just read) you just need to do something about it. Want to have a good body? Watch what you eat and train. Sounds hard? No problem. You have to start somewhere so - do a push up. There is no ifs and what abouts there. There is no 'I haven't figured out if want to do a push up like this or like that, or maybe I want do build other muscles? Hmmm...'. No. Just do the push up. It's simple. When it comes to life, action > inaction, even if the action turns out to be bad. You know why? Because you'll learn from it.

Instead of thinking "beauty community doesn't like weeb stuff, what should I do" you just make a weeb beauty channel and maybe even set trends with it. Sure, your market will grab a lot less people but they will be faithful followers because there aren't many people out there who are making channels like this out there, right? Go, do it. I want to see the link here once you have made the channel.

Remember the push-up. You just do it. There is no time to lose. Patience is not a virtue in this modern world. Don't let people tell you that what you're doing now is cool because it's not - for your own sake. Such comments will only make your more inactive, and you don't like that seeing as how you made this thread - you just feel that something isn't right. I said move, now. You have lots of talents, so hone your skills, be persistent and monetize your work. Go!

Reactions: Like 2


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## Ashi (Jul 31, 2018)

Shrike said:


> Unless you win the lottery, this is a bad advice. There is zero substance to it. Sorry.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This dude's got good insight 100% of this constructive btw


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## ~M~ (Jul 31, 2018)

Shrike said:


> Unless you win the lottery, this is a bad advice. There is zero substance to it. Sorry.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


While I agree that action is always superior to inaction, in perspective, you think I don't offer substantive views by suggesting we avoid comparison and look inward for motivation(what does that have to do with the lottery?) yet your advice is to do a push up. Keep working out friend


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## Shrike (Jul 31, 2018)

~M~ said:


> While I agree that action is always superior to inaction, in perspective, you think I don't offer substantive views by suggesting we avoid comparison and look inward for motivation(what does that have to do with the lottery?) yet your advice is to do a push up. Keep working out friend



Lottery has to do with money. Money has to do with stability.

She wants a partner, a house, a normal life. She wants to work with something she likes. Money is stability. She is living with her parents and would like to live alone. For those bills, she needs money. To get money, she has to start somewhere.

There isn't looking inward for motivation. She shouldn't trust her motivation because so far it has done her jack shit. Hell, nobody should trust their motivation because people are inherently lazy (if I ask you to meet me at the airport and you can choose to run 20 miles or get there by car, what would you chose?). She doesn't need any motivation, she needs routine. Routine is achieved by doing something regularly, thus the push-up analogy (btw find that word in your dictionary, it's easy).

So, without getting all dumb, my advice is to start with something and just keep doing that. Every day. Some kind of result will come to her. If it's good - great. If it's bad - cool, she learned where the pitfalls are, and she can keep pushing towards some kind of goal.


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## Ashi (Jul 31, 2018)

Shrike said:


> Lottery has to do with money. Money has to do with stability.
> 
> She wants a partner, a house, a normal life. She wants to work with something she likes. Money is stability. She is living with her parents and would like to live alone. For those bills, she needs money. To get money, she has to start somewhere.
> 
> ...



Reminds me of a song by Sum 41

*Spoiler*: _if you're into early 00's punk_


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## ~M~ (Jul 31, 2018)

Shrike said:


> Lottery has to do with money. Money has to do with stability.
> 
> She wants a partner, a house, a normal life. She wants to work with something she likes. Money is stability. She is living with her parents and would like to live alone. For those bills, she needs money. To get money, she has to start somewhere.
> 
> ...


If you don't think you need motivation to earn money, yet in another breath you're telling them to just do a push up, you need to admit you either don't know what you're talking about or stop feeding bullshit. Making money is 1000000000000000% about motivation because that's the only thing keeping a McDonalds worker in their job and a cocaine fueled or sober businessman in their career. The more you say the more certain I am you don't know what you're saying. Further evidenced by you complaining about routine because this person is in a rut so a routine is the last of their problems they need to be enabled onto a path (something you also agreed with in your earlier post but now it should also be a routine? I read a mixed and not constructive message). 

I know what an analogy is but I doubt you understand the implications or else you could have digested my original post anyways. 

You literally are telling the OP to "just do something" and attempted to say I was telling her to gamble....My proposal is to do what makes you happy despite how quickly others are moving because it takes that realization and mindset to actualize on success.


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## Harmonie (Jul 31, 2018)

I get what you're going through. I've been through a lot, starting right out of high school and it has set me way behind everyone else. I'm also not in a healthy mindset as a result of what I've been going through, which I'm sure has made me undesirable as a partner for anyone. Even several years ago my ex tried to make up with me, but then that fell apart. Most likely because of something wrong with me.

I'm now eleven years out of high school and it is very bizarre to get on FB and see how much everyone else's life has progressed and mine hasn't... To be fair, I did return to university and graduated and I'm now on path to go into grad school for what I really want (Musicology) but even that's complicated, as I'm not feeling very well right now.

I suppose I don't so much care how I compare to others, it's just everything that has happened in my life. I want to feel better and get my life back. I want to find someone, too. Or at least try.


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## Stringer (Jul 31, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> Thank you ~M~ for your response!!
> 
> 
> I wanted to do some sort of beauty channel, mixed with my weeb life (kpop, anime). But I haven't really figured what I want yet, because I know a lot of people of the beauty community don't always like weeb stuff, so I might make 2 channels? Not sure.


I'd advise against spreading out your content in the begining, test your audience first and see the feedback you get, you can figure things out from there

who knows, if folks appreciate your authenticity and personality enough they might not mind at all, this might give you a varied audience and make you stand out from the flock



> Really? Where can I do that? What sub-forum. *I would actually love that, even if I didn't win anything.*


That's the spirit, you might be underestimating yourself though.

I'm looking forward to read your stuff and trade ideas. 
(it appears you found the section already)


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## mali (Aug 6, 2018)

yeah it gets like that for me too. especially when i see the child of a friend. im not too bothered by it but, every now and then, i feel like im missing out on something profoundly beautiful. its probably just hapless romanticism born from the anxiety that comes with "living a life".


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## Gin (Aug 6, 2018)

i've def been 18 for the last 10 years

prolly won't be able to pull that off for much longer but at least i have tangible goals n stuff now and i'm progressing steadily towards them

Reactions: Like 1


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## Aruka (Aug 7, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> Hello all. I just noticed how many of my age (28) are living by themsleves, are getting married or even have kids and meanwhile I'm just at home with my parents, watching Boruto and other 'childrens' entertainment as they call it (we all know it's not but people gotta be rude for no reason). Anyone else who's experiencing this too? I don't even want to go on my facebook anymore, because of the huge babyboom and all these couples are 'perfect' together. Buying expensive houses or trips to a foreign country. And meanwhile I have none of that. Literally. I'm just wondering like 'where did it all go wrong?' or 'is that even wrong to begin with?' I've kind of unfriend or GOT unfriended by friends as eventually at some point after the age of 20 you all go through different phases in life. Anyone else?


This is sort of me too, at the moment. Most of my old friends are married, having kids, and living the family life while on the other hand, I'm getting by like I'm still in my early 20's doing whatever the heck I want. It's no big deal to me, to be honest. Marriage and kids are something that has only fleetingly crossed my mind, but not something I wanted to go for right away. I know that clock's-a-ticking and all, but I like how things are. It could be better, but we all have our life-crosses to bear.


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## Fëanáro (Aug 13, 2018)

I've had a lot of setbacks, myself, and my life is nothing like that of the people who were my classmates. But that's okay. I'm not them. If it takes me longer to figure myself out, so be it, I'll be learning new things all the time. I pick up new knowledge while immersed in my interests, and that knowledge may help me unexpectedly later.

Who knows, maybe my reading in-depth about Victorian era home life, or the battles of Alexander the Great, or the mythology of the Vikings? Will give me a richer understanding of people and history that could let me write a book everyone will want to read, one day. Or maybe it won't, and I'll go through life as someone with an ordinary job, but who has a number of interesting facts up their sleeve. And in the meantime I can watch and read things, and write bits of stories to amuse my friends, all of which will give me more experience.

We're not all going to do things the same way at the same time. Why not just try something, and see where it leads? You can start small, and who knows? It might stay small, but give you experience for the future, or it might grow, and you could find yourself succeeding more than you thought.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Yamato (Aug 13, 2018)

Kinda in the same boat. 

Wanna move out and live my own life away from the crazies. 
Life for me as I grow older seems more.... dark. Things just don’t seem as fun anymore or things that make me happy don’t anymore.


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## Kiseki (Aug 13, 2018)

Yamato said:


> Kinda in the same boat.
> 
> Wanna move out and live my own life away from the crazies.
> Life for me as I grow older seems more.... dark. Things just don’t seem as fun anymore or things that make me happy don’t anymore.


I hope it all changes for you. Try to seek help with friends, family or professionals if you can. Make sure you are never fully isolated, because it can only grow worse from there on. You're gonna have to muster up courage to socialize. Even if its only one two friends. It works.


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## Lord Valgaav (Aug 13, 2018)

Staying off social media where other people's supposed success and happiness are constant taunts to you would be a start. 

Then you could realize that no matter where a person is in life, they all ha e their own struggles. They all envy others for what they believe themselves to be lacking. 

Decide on one thing you're really good at that can also be profitable and focus majority of your time and resources on building upon that. 

Remember that life isn't a race. We all have our own paths to walk, and some paths have more obstacles and speed bumps than others. But regardless of the difficulty its your life and only yours. Not to be compared to others. That only leads to unhappiness and discontent no matter what you do.    

Lastly but most important is to be patient. Fruit trees don't grow overnight.


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## WT (Aug 14, 2018)

Kiseki said:


> Hello all. I just noticed how many of my age (28) are living by themsleves, are getting married or even have kids and meanwhile I'm just at home with my parents, watching Boruto and other 'childrens' entertainment as they call it (we all know it's not but people gotta be rude for no reason). Anyone else who's experiencing this too? I don't even want to go on my facebook anymore, because of the huge babyboom and all these couples are 'perfect' together. Buying expensive houses or trips to a foreign country. And meanwhile I have none of that. Literally. I'm just wondering like 'where did it all go wrong?' or 'is that even wrong to begin with?' I've kind of unfriend or GOT unfriended by friends as eventually at some point after the age of 20 you all go through different phases in life. Anyone else?



As a father myself, I would advise that your regret should not be about not having children at your age but about the experiences you gain in life. Go travel. Wish I did that more...

Have children when you are ready. Its nothing to be envious about.


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## Kiseki (Aug 14, 2018)

WT said:


> As a father myself, I would advise that your regret should not be about not having children at your age but about the experiences you gain in life. Go travel. Wish I did that more...
> 
> Have children when you are ready. Its nothing to be envious about.


I traveled all my life with my parents and I absolutely hate traveling, unless I can go shopping somewhere in a big city for a week. LOL. I think its fair to say that you maybe would personally desire that, but everybody is different  Your intentions seem legit nice, so I'm still thankful for your comment!


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## FLORIDA MAN (Aug 17, 2018)

eh
as long as you still have desires i think you’re ok
it gets really scary when you crest the 30 marker and ur just like “hm i actually don’t care anymore” and ur being honest with urself for once instead of it being self-deception or a delusion

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