# Confrontation & Intervention



## Stein (Dec 12, 2016)

Just wanted to see how other people on NF handle confrontation and intervention (IRL).
Maybe some of you have become more confident with confronting people as you've gotten older?
Have any tips/advice for getting better at it?
Have any stories?

I know some people would not necessarily confront someone for themselves but would have no problems doing so for a friend or even a stranger that needs help.

I have always sucked at confrontation myself. I don't get bothered by insults to my person, so I generally ignore verbal abuse when it's directed at me. However, today was one of the first times when my ability to intervene/confront for someone else was tested. There was a verbal altercation between customer and staff over an item the customer broke. As I was beginning to leave the store, the customer began to hurl racist insults at the staff, and all I could manage was giving him stern look and saying 'Don't speak to them like that'. I felt pretty shit about myself after that, and wondered if I would be so cowardly if say a friend was the target of abuse.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Dec 23, 2016)

I tend to think very little of the bad behaviour of people I don't know and find it ridiculous rather than offensive. For instance a while ago, my mom got to a parking spot at a crowded mall well before a random old woman and the lady flipped us off.

I just laughed at that but my mom was irritated. Only time I am truly forced to confront anyone in my personal life is when I care to bother/care about the person.

Professionally it is a little different; I have learned that confrontations shouldn't be the first response.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Virus (Dec 25, 2016)

Stein said:


> *I have always sucked at confrontation myself. I don't get bothered by insults to my person*



Apathetic most of the time, generally avoid situations long before they become inflammatory but personal insults make me boil, although it has never happened in my adult life.

When it comes to confrontations in studies/work I don't have any problems. I do point out when someone is wrong, and I do defend myself when it is necessary.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Ignition (Dec 25, 2016)

When younger it wasn't my strong suit because I was awfully shy and sensitive but over time I learned to be indifferent towards it. Sometimes I get assholes at job but I brush them off without much trouble if not taking into account some petty insults, racist russian jokes or stereotypes specially.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Asriel (Dec 28, 2016)

I'm typically a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, but as I've grown older I've learned that often times not putting in my two cents (and often sense) leaves things in dire straights.

There's a proverb: _"A stitch in time saves nine." _and what it means, I try to remind myself of as often as possible when confronted with tenuous situations; that putting things off may leave room for them to worsen later.

It's a pain, and sometimes I have to drag myself to go through with it, and even sometimes it's worse in the short term, but often it's far better in the long run.

Reactions: Like 2 | Friendly 1


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## The Gr8 Destroyer (Dec 28, 2016)

I just challenge fuckers to dance-offs.

Reactions: Creative 1


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## Saru (Dec 29, 2016)

I've never really been tested in this area. No one's ever insulted me and no one's ever insulted one of my friends to my face or in my presence.

... Unless we count elementary school, in which case there are some vivid examples of bullying I can recall being indifferent to. When I was younger, I used to do this routine:

Person gets bullied -->  I do nothing to stop it --> I try to befriend the person and talk them up in the presence of others so that they have a "cool" seal of approval.

I really could've done more though. The approach above is too little too late. I have to echo Asriel's reflections about acting sooner rather than later.

The worst thing I've had to deal with most recently is one of my friends talking about a mutual friend behind their back. I just told this person to stop insulting our mutual friend in my presence because I wasn't comfortable with it.

Reactions: Friendly 2


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## Dayscanor (Jan 3, 2017)

Depends.

I'm not exactly known for avoiding confrontation, but irl I often end up  bottling all my feelings up, the bad ones especially. And when I can't take it anymore, it all comes out at once.
So I think I'm in the middle, I'm willing to look past some insults to my person, especially if they come from strangers irl. Because I know they're often baseless, but I'm less eager to do that when they come from people who know me personally, who are close to me. So if I feel I've been wronged, then yes I can confront them.

Time showed me that it's best not to get involved in something that isn't your business, so I think about it twice before I try to defend someone else, especially if I don't know if that person wants my help.

But if I feel that they're unable to defend themselves and have been really wronged then yes I can try to confront their oppressor (lol). It also depends on how close of a bond I share with that person, for example if it's a family member then yeah I can totally do that.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## baconbits (Jan 4, 2017)

I'm very confrontational in real life.  I think confrontation is like any other skill: you have to practice it to get good at it.  Just like with public speaking sometimes I will randomly get nervous before I confront someone but practice allows you to more easily conquer your fears and get to the matter at hand.

If you can project that you're comfortable confronting people you can basically always have the upperhand over people you deal with because you can handle disagreeing with them and they might not be able to handle disagreeing with you.  On the other hand you need to manage that advantage because people might just avoid you altogether, so use the skill with discretion.

I think thinking that you can read something and just get good at any skill is some anime level fantasy kind of thinking.  There are some common tips you can follow but there's nothing like just doing it, reviewing what went right and wrong and constantly working to improve.  Avoiding confrontation is like avoiding direct combat in war: you basically give anyone who opposes you the ability to do what they want.  When you are finally forced into a confrontation you'll be mentally cornered and defensive from the start.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## John Wick (Jan 4, 2017)

I'm confrontational by nature.

@baconbits fite me irl bro I been on holiday and I reckon I'm dark enough to take you fam


see.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## baconbits (Jan 4, 2017)

VAK said:


> I'm confrontational by nature.
> 
> @baconbits fite me irl bro I been on holiday and I reckon I'm dark enough to take you fam
> 
> ...



If you were Arab maybe, but I got love for my Indian family.  My uncle taught me that respect for the culture.

Reactions: Like 1


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## John Wick (Jan 4, 2017)

baconbits said:


> If you were Arab maybe, but I got love for my Indian family.  My uncle taught me that respect for the culture.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 6, 2017)

started writing a few things but they sounded gay af so all you're getting is this post

Reactions: Optimistic 1


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## baconbits (Jan 6, 2017)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> started writing a few things but they sounded gay af so all you're getting is this post



Was it as gay as bioness or as tepid as nepnep flirting with Alejandro?


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 6, 2017)

baconbits said:


> Was it as gay as bioness or as tepid as nepnep flirting with Alejandro?



Nepnep flirts with alejandro?


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## Stein (Jan 7, 2017)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> started writing a few things but they sounded gay af so all you're getting is this post



I'm gay af, so don't be afraid. Or do. I won't judge.


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## FLORIDA MAN (Jan 7, 2017)

only in sports, games, or other mediums of competition

otherwise i tend to be very carefree and actually quite difficult to provoke

then again i wasn't always like this i use to get into fights pretty often over pretty much nothing

Reactions: Like 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 8, 2017)

Stein said:


> I'm gay af, so don't be afraid. Or do. I won't judge.



I had a specific scenario in mind as I replied to the thread, but then I realized how uninteresting what I was saying was, and how worthless it is to write things that are uninteresting. So I chose to say something else - equally uninteresting but at least I wasn't sharing _feelings_, you know?

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Bender (Jan 16, 2017)

I stick for people more than I stick for myself.

Example: when people tell me to "Shut the fuck up" because they're annoyed by my voice I'll just go like "k" and be like  . Though, if they do that to a friend of mine I'll tell them to settle down. If it looks like shit is about to escalate I'll tell both parties to "calm down".

I do the same when both mom and dad are fighting. I say "both of you two shut up." 

The only time I actually stand up for myself is if it looks like someone is itching for a fight and shove me. Words aren't really what triggers fights for me. If someone hints that they want to escalate things into a actual fight by shoving me. Other than that I'm a very humble person.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## John Wick (Jan 17, 2017)

most people that make threats of violence are the type that rarely follow through since in my experience every time i've seen a fight no one broadcasts that they're going to hit you they just do, and just standing up to someone verbally is enough to get them to back down since those that make threats like to push and if you don't push bcak then they carry on taking advantage.


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## Tiger (Jan 17, 2017)

VAK said:


> most people that make threats of violence are the type that rarely follow through since in my experience every time i've seen a fight no one broadcasts that they're going to hit you they just do, and just standing up to someone verbally is enough to get them to back down since those that make threats like to push and if you don't push bcak then they carry on taking advantage.



The few whose threats weren't empty carry the many whose are on their shoulders. It's very difficult to assume you're dealing with the latter unless you know more about them or their character.

Eddie Murphy had a very funny bit about that in his Raw special. He's a wuss and a coward, generally, but he's learned that if he gets extra aggressive and raises his voice to a certain level and acts like he's crazy...9 times out of 10, the opponent will retreat. But that 1 time, he's like "oh fuck, I'm about to get my ass kicked..."


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## FLORIDA MAN (Jan 17, 2017)

it's all in the eyes 
read their eyes u read their soul 
the japs right about that


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## John Wick (Jan 17, 2017)

Law said:


> The few whose threats weren't empty carry the many whose are on their shoulders. It's very difficult to assume you're dealing with the latter unless you know more about them or their character.
> 
> Eddie Murphy had a very funny bit about that in his Raw special. He's a wuss and a coward, generally, but he's learned that if he gets extra aggressive and raises his voice to a certain level and acts like he's crazy...9 times out of 10, the opponent will retreat. But that 1 time, he's like "oh fuck, I'm about to get my ass kicked..."



True but in my own experiences that's very rare


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## Tiger (Jan 17, 2017)

I've known plenty of loud dogs that bit just as loud. Anecdotal.

Btw ^ not the kind of people I'd ever want to hang out with.


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## baconbits (Jan 17, 2017)

There are a few dangerous ones that like to talk crap mainly because they know they can back it up.  But they are few.  Most of the dangerous ones get quiet before the moment of physical confrontation and often catch the other cat mid sentence.


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## Tiger (Jan 17, 2017)

The ones that talk shit with the intent of picking a fight often get their friends into fights as often as themselves. 

Which is why I mentioned they weren't the type of people I want to hang out with. That said, I don't like keeping company with shit-talkers, period.


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## baconbits (Jan 17, 2017)

No, its normally not a good idea.  I have this personal rule where if we go out together we fight together, too.  At least I used to.  Then we had these chicks that would just talk too crazy.  I had to let them know they were exceptions to the rule until they could chill out.


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## Tiger (Jan 17, 2017)

I'd do the same, but if it was my friend who started a bullshit fight, I'd be just as likely to kick his ass later. And/or stop going out with him.

I worked with a guy who deliberately bumped into people and then demanded they apologize and buy him a drink or he'd just start swinging.

He was also 6'5, 240 with a great deal of strength and fighting experience.

Needless to say I stayed as far away from him as possible. Waste of space.


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## Eros (Jan 18, 2017)

Stein said:


> I'm gay af, so don't be afraid. Or do. I won't judge.


Well, if you're gay AF, you definitely need to learn to stand up for yourself sometimes at least. Of course, you have to be careful about that. You have to pick your battles though. Being too confrontational makes you seem oversensitive while the other end just makes you seem like you allow people to walk all over you. 


ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> Nepnep flirts with alejandro?


You haven't noticed? Like seriously?


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## Dayscanor (Jan 18, 2017)

baconbits said:


> If you were Arab maybe, but I got love for my Indian family.  My uncle taught me that respect for the culture.


Well then I'm your designated opponent...

En garde!!


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## baconbits (Jan 18, 2017)

Law said:


> I'd do the same, but if it was my friend who started a bullshit fight, I'd be just as likely to kick his ass later. And/or stop going out with him.
> 
> I worked with a guy who deliberately bumped into people and then demanded they apologize and buy him a drink or he'd just start swinging.
> 
> ...



LOL!  This dude sounds extremely reckless.  Its funnier to hear about than to experience, tho.



Alejandro said:


> You haven't noticed? Like seriously?



She's oblivious to these things. 



NoticemeEscanorsenpai said:


> Well then I'm your designated opponent...
> 
> En garde!!



En garde?  Sounds like you're using swords or something.  I'm black, not hispanic.


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## Dayscanor (Jan 18, 2017)

baconbits said:


> En garde? Sounds like you're using swords or something. I'm black, not hispanic.


My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father.


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## baconbits (Jan 18, 2017)

NoticemeEscanorsenpai said:


> My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father.



You have me there.  But all along I've been posting with my left hand.  I'm right handed...

Isn't that the trick they pull out in all the old spanish swordfighting movies?

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Stringer (Jan 25, 2017)

there's lots of pussies in canada, so nothing really happens when someone starts shit lmao

and irl I usually have a smile on my face, so when things do get serious I guess whoever I happen to have a conflict with finds it wise to tread lightly


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