# Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder



## Skylar (Jan 13, 2019)

I've been very interested in the topic of narcissism lately and wanted to know different stances on it, mostly, on romantic relationships involving one.

What intrigues me about this is not how excessive the narcissist's self admiration is but how hard it is for those involved with one to break free from the toxic relationships. It seems rather illogical to be obsessed with someone who is emotionally abusing you yet that seems to be the case. A lot of factors are apparently at play in these type of relationships. These people are master manipulators.

1. Have you ever dealt with a narcissist? if so, what type of relationship was it?
2. Why do you think it's so hard to break free from a narcissist, even after realizing you've been played?
3. Have you ever experienced trauma bonds?
4. What initial red flags do you think a narcissist shows at the beginning of every relationship?


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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Why do you think it's so hard to break free from a narcissist, even after realizing you've been played?


I blame social norms.


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## Skylar (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> I blame social norms.



What do you mean? Psychologists explain that it has to do with survivor instincts and/or chemical release the brain does during the rolercoaster relationship that works similarly to drug addictions. Do you think that’s not the case?


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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> What do you mean? Psychologists explain that it has to do with survivor instincts and/or chemical release the brain does during the rolercoaster relationship that works similarly to drug addictions. Do you think that’s not the case?


I was saying social norms as to what a relationship should be and how committed one needs to be in them. Also, how one is supposed to be perceived when in a relationship on the outside, and the stigma associated with not actually being in one.

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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 13, 2019)

I have a friend who I believe is a narcissist. He can never be wrong, and when he is, its not really him, it's someone else's fault. He thinks he's smarter than everyone else and has been known to try and manipulate others from behind the scenes. 

He's literally told me before how he doesn't want to be a leader. He'd rather be the puppet master behind the leader who's pulling his strings.

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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> He's literally told me before how he doesn't want to be a leader. He'd rather be the puppet master behind the leader who's pulling his strings.


I wouldn't say that's narcissistic. Nobody in their right mind would want to be a leader, it's far easier to make suggestions, but take none of the blame. I don't think anyone would be ashamed of saying that.


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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> I wouldn't say that's narcissistic. Nobody in their right mind would want to be a leader, it's far easier to make suggestions, but take none of the blame. I don't think anyone would be ashamed of saying that.



So what would you call him based off what I've said?


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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> So what would you call him based off what I've said?


insecure and afraid. I think he's more worried about consequences mistakes than actually appearing to be competent. Appearing to be a great person can help with that.


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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> insecure and afraid. I think he's more worried about consequences mistakes than actually appearing to be competent. Appearing to be a great person can help with that.



Yeah, I can see that in him actually.


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## Nep Nep (Jan 13, 2019)

The real question is if masturbation is narcissism.


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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Nep Nep said:


> The real question is if masturbation is narcissism.


In that case i'm definitely not narcissistic


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## Nep Nep (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> In that case i'm definitely not narcissistic



Boring. Your life is boring.


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## Jim (Jan 13, 2019)

Nep Nep said:


> Boring. Your life is boring.


My life is normal


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## Nep Nep (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> My life is normal



I know what I said.


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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> My life is normal



No 'Get Out' rating here...

Gotta improvise.


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## Skylar (Jan 14, 2019)

Jim said:


> I was saying social norms as to what a relationship should be and how committed one needs to be in them. Also, how one is supposed to be perceived when in a relationship on the outside, and the stigma associated with not actually being in one.



I somewhat agree to be honest. Some people stay on relationships past their expiration date, either because they don't want to be alone or because social standards call for them to stay trapped. Pretty silly in my eyes.


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## Skylar (Jan 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> I have a friend who I believe is a narcissist. He can never be wrong, and when he is, its not really him, it's someone else's fault. He thinks he's smarter than everyone else and has been known to try and manipulate others from behind the scenes.
> 
> He's literally told me before how he doesn't want to be a leader. He'd rather be the puppet master behind the leader who's pulling his strings.



I see he's not even shy about his narcissism. Is he also an attention seeker?


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## Skylar (Jan 14, 2019)

Jim said:


> I wouldn't say that's narcissistic. Nobody in their right mind would want to be a leader, it's far easier to make suggestions, but take none of the blame. I don't think anyone would be ashamed of saying that.



Aren't all narcissists insecure though?  

We still have him thinking he's better than anyone else so I would say he's showing narcissistic traits. Though I do admit narcissists like absolute control so I would say he's maybe somewhat narcissistic but not quite there yet.


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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> I see he's not even shy about his narcissism. Is he also an attention seeker?



Only when he feels it'll get him somewhere. He thinks of himself as some kind of mastermind, so he'll try to sweet talk women, play the useful beta male to guys of higher positions/authority to him, and whatever else just to get his way. 

But he isn't attention seeking as far as being flashy and all eyes on me. He prefers to blend in with the crowd and go unnoticed unless he feels he needs to.


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## Skylar (Jan 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> Only when he feels it'll get him somewhere. He thinks of himself as some kind of mastermind, so he'll try to sweet talk women, play the useful beta male to guys of higher positions/authority to him, and whatever else just to get his way.
> 
> But he isn't attention seeking as far as being flashy and all eyes on me. He prefers to blend in with the crowd and go unnoticed unless he feels he needs to.



Ouch, it must be a pain working with him.

I'm interested in this topic because long ago, I was in a relationship with a narc. I didn't know the term back then and now that I read about the topic, I would say all the narc flags were there. It was always love bomb, neglect, manipulate. Rinse and repeat.

The mind games were GoT tier. He would do anything to get his way. Whenever he was at fault, he would turn the tables and play the victim. The worst part is, once I decided to walk away (which was pretty hard to do tbh. Felt like I lost an arm or something), he decided to make my life a living hell, sabotaging the two subsequent relationships I was in. A piece of work that guy was.

I have to say, it was a very enlightening experience.

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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Ouch, it must be a pain working with him.
> 
> I'm interested in this topic because long ago, I was in a relationship with a narc. I didn't know the term back then and now that I read about the topic, I would say all the narc flags were there. It was always love bomb, neglect, manipulate. Rinse and repeat.
> 
> ...



Yep, sounds just like my friend.

We don't work together though. I knew him back when we lived in the same town a few years ago. We keep in touch sometimes. He manages a Taco Bell.

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## La Moral Support XXV (Jan 17, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> I've been very interested in the topic of narcissism lately and wanted to know different stances on it, mostly, on romantic relationships involving one.
> 
> What intrigues me about this is not how excessive the narcissist's self admiration is but how hard it is for those involved with one to break free from the toxic relationships. It seems rather illogical to be obsessed with someone who is emotionally abusing you yet that seems to be the case. A lot of factors are apparently at play in these type of relationships. These people are master manipulators.
> 
> ...



I dont like that society treats narcissist as monsters. They are not like psychopaths (who are completely devoid of all empathy and feeling). Narcissist’s deep down really hate themselves or think they aren’t worthy of anything which is why they go to such great lengths for attention and admiration. Their whole persona is a facade and they don’t truly think they’re better than everyone. They just want people to think they are. These people often get treated like shit for being egotistical and it just makes the situation worse. The narcissist might end up hurting themselves in the process of trying to be noticed. Sometimes it’s also a delusional thing. The Narcissist might feel as though they arent good at anything or loved but they actually are but cant see it. 

The best way to help these people, and prevent them from hurting other people as well is to try to have meaningful conversations with them and let them know that they are still loved even if they be their true selves. You should not just play along with their games and manipulations because it doesn’t help anyone.


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## Skylar (Jan 17, 2019)

Imopink1 said:


> The best way to help these people, and prevent them from hurting other people as well is to try to have meaningful conversations with them and let them know that they are still loved even if they be their true selves. You should not just play along with their games and manipulations because it doesn’t help anyone.



I do understand where you're coming from, however, it's not as easy as it sounds. There's a difference between narcissistic traits (those who have this show occasional empathy, even though they can't control themselves from hurting/abusing others) and the personality disorder itself. People with NPD are scientifically proven to have very low empathy considering they did not develop the region of the brain involved in the processing and generating of compassion. Most of the times this derives from their relationship with their parents, which is, a love/hate one. 

I do agree though that narcissists (both those who show strong traits and those who have the disorder) have some personal demons and they need help but they're not so easily changed, if at all. Their need for attention and desire for absolute control is a mechanism to hide their own insecurities (sometimes they themselves don't understand this) but while they're going through their internal turmoil, they're causing destruction to their surroundings and that is a fact. 

You can get absolutely ruined emotionally by associating yourself with a narcissist if you're not a strong individual, considering most of the times you don't even pick up that you're being manipulated. All the narcissistic traits are hidden behind a mask of insane charm.


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## La Moral Support XXV (Jan 17, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> I do understand where you're coming from, however, it's not as easy as it sounds. There's a difference between narcissistic traits (those who have this show occasional empathy, even though they can't control themselves from hurting/abusing others) and the personality disorder itself. People with NPD are scientifically proven to have very low empathy considering they did not develop the region of the brain involved in the processing and generating of compassion. Most of the times this derives from their relationship with their parents, which is, a love/hate one.
> 
> I do agree though that narcissists (both those who show strong traits and those who have the disorder) have some personal demons and they need help but they're not so easily changed, if at all. Their need for attention and desire for absolute control is a mechanism to hide their own insecurities (sometimes they themselves don't understand this) but while they're going through their internal turmoil, they're causing destruction to their surroundings and that is a fact.
> 
> You can get absolutely ruined emotionally by associating yourself with a narcissist if you're not a strong individual, considering most of the times you don't even pick up that you're being manipulated. All the narcissistic traits are hidden behind a mask of insane charm.




Well then what would be your solution to dealing with them? Isolation and lack of admiration could be very damaging for them. It goes against the core of who they see themselves or want to be. On the other hand if you do enable them, it can become destructive for others around them.


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## Jim (Jan 17, 2019)

if it's very damaging for them then that sounds like the perfect learning experience.


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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 17, 2019)

Very interesting thread. I'm enjoying reading along.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Skylar (Jan 18, 2019)

Imopink1 said:


> Well then what would be your solution to dealing with them? Isolation and lack of admiration could be very damaging for them. It goes against the core of who they see themselves or want to be. On the other hand if you do enable them, it can become destructive for others around them.



That's a good question. Can empathy even be taught or is it inborn? 

If anything, the person trying to help the narcissist should be someone who is not emotionally attached to them.


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## La Moral Support XXV (Jan 18, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> That's a good question. Can empathy even be taught or is it inborn?
> 
> If anything, the person trying to help the narcissist should be someone who is not emotionally attached to them.



True, and empathy can be taught but I think depends on how you were treated as a baby. If you were neglected, you probably can’t develop that area fully. Psychopaths are born without empathy


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## Natty (Jan 20, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> That's a good question. Can empathy even be taught or is it inborn?
> 
> If anything, the person trying to help the narcissist should be someone who is not emotionally attached to them.



It can be. There was a documentary about a 10-ish year old girl with violent psychopathic tendencies (severely abused from family to family). She used to kill animals, hit her brother at full force when he was sleeping (the brother would constantly complain about stomach pains). The parents eventually caught her with a knife at their door ready to stab them. She was fully committed and the psychs eventually taught her empathy using animals and emotional skills via taking care of them. They had an interview after about 6 months in the intervention, she expressed some regret and cried a lot about it.

 I wish I could remember the name of it cause it was incredibly interesting. The girl is now living a completely normal life now AFAIK.

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## Skylar (Jan 20, 2019)

Magpie said:


> True, and empathy can be taught but I think depends on how you were treated as a baby. If you were neglected, you probably can’t develop that area fully. Psychopaths are born without empathy



That makes sense. 

My confusion comes because it is said that psychopaths are born without empathy so there's an inborn quality to it. But we also know that empathy  flourishes during your baby days and the treatment your parents give you. Kind of contradicting.


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## Skylar (Jan 20, 2019)

Natty said:


> It can be. There was a documentary about a 10-ish year old girl with violent psychopathic tendencies (severely abused from family to family). She used to kill animals, hit her brother at full force when he was sleeping (the brother would constantly complain about stomach pains). The parents eventually caught her with a knife at their door ready to stab them. She was fully committed and the psychs eventually taught her empathy using animals and emotional skills via taking care of them. They had an interview after about 6 months in the intervention, she expressed some regret and cried a lot about it.
> 
> I wish I could remember the name of it cause it was incredibly interesting. The girl is now living a completely normal life now AFAIK.



Hmm...That would be a pretty interesting documentary to watch. If you remember the name, let me know.


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## Yamato (Jan 20, 2019)

I used to be more narcissistic


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## Ashi (Jan 23, 2019)

Yamato said:


> I used to be more narcissistic



Isnt it normal for a lot of teenagers to have those kinds of tendencies?


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## reiatsuflow (Jan 23, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Hmm...That would be a pretty interesting documentary to watch. If you remember the name, let me know.



I think natty's talking about child of rage.

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## Lord Valgaav (Jan 23, 2019)

Supreme King of The Alley - Lord Ashi said:


> Isnt it normal for a lot of teenagers to have those kinds of tendencies?



It's hard to say what would be normal for a teen since they're a roller coaster of emotions anyway. Some narcissistic, some low self-esteem, etc.


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## Skylar (Jan 24, 2019)

Supreme King of The Alley - Lord Ashi said:


> Isnt it normal for a lot of teenagers to have those kinds of tendencies?



That's true. There are narcissistic traits in all of us (in a healthy dose). Specially in our younger years.


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## Skylar (Jan 24, 2019)

reiatsuflow said:


> I think natty's talking about child of rage.



Thank you! 

Wow, the kid's face...gives me chucky vibes


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## Jim (Jan 24, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Thank you!
> 
> Wow, the kid's face...gives me chucky vibes


that's a response i'd expect from someone who has never stabbed someone


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## Ashi (Jan 24, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> That's true. There are narcissistic traits in all of us (in a healthy dose). Specially in our younger years.


Having a somewhat exaggerated sense of pride to avoid feeling insecure is natural yes

It just becomes an issue when it takes over and your ego becomes overly inflated you lose your sense of self


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## StarlightAshley (Jan 25, 2019)

Yes!! I was friends with a Narcissist for a very long time. I'd known them since childhood. I used to consider them like family to me. We grew up together. They weren't always narcissistic, or at least those traits didn't always show, but as they grew older they slowly grew into being one. It was very hard for me to cut contact with them because I had known them for so long. You dont want to have wasted 10 years of your life building up a relationship with someone, then just letting it go just like that. I wanted to beleive I could convince them to go back to how they were before.

But after I found out the hard way that I cared about them too much, I just left. I promised myself I would never talk to them agian. And getting away from a narccistic is hard, trust me, if they end the relationship on their terms, its fine. But if YOU try to end it and just try to cut them off without their permission, they will get extremley vindictive, and resort to inhumane unbeleivable extreme measures to spite you and try to ruin your life. Do not get involved with Narcistics, as soon as you realize you're dealing with one get out asap!!! :WOW:WOW

 But that was only a friendship, and they didn't start out that way, why someone would date someone like that though I have no idea...


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## Kiseki (May 16, 2019)

*1. Have you ever dealt with a narcissist? if so, what type of relationship was it?*
Yes. My parent.

*2. Why do you think it's so hard to break free from a narcissist, even after realizing you've been played?*
Because they are my family and I used to be financially dependent on them. If I was raised by a normal parent even then I could never see myself date a narcissist. They emotionally drain you til the point where you have no feeling, joy, goals or life of your own. You exist, but you don't even know anymore who you are by nature. You just know the person your parent wants you to be.

*3. Have you ever experienced trauma bonds?*
Please define 'trauma bonds'? The question itself is a bit vague for me. If you mean if I have experienced trauma? Then: Yes. Living together with a narcissist is a trauma by itself. It left me with a life long slur of mental illnesses, such as social anxiety, major depressive disorder and post traumatic syndrome disorder (PTSD).

*4. What initial red flags do you think a narcissist shows at the beginning of every relationship?*
Everything feels forced. They will absorb all your joy and energy. Everything always have to be about them and their ways of life. They're a full on perfectionist. Sometimes even obsessed with certain patterns that have to go in certain orders as well. If you've experienced a narcissist from birth/childhood on then you are NOT able to recognize what it is as you only experience your world from the point of view of your narcissist parent/caretaker. If you grew up normally you can recognize them way faster. 
- At school they will try to be most perfect student ever. They're usually in the spotlight and will try to find ways to make themselves loved by all. It's usually someone you'd never expect. Usually the popular kid in class with the best confidence. They're not the bullies, though, because narcissists don't want to portray flaws.
- And at work they will aim for managing positions, bullying weaker people out of the system and they will try to hire people that will follow them blindly. I have seen multiple narcissists in charge and I had to leave feeling overworked and mentally ill. Whenever your team at worked is fucked up, its usually because of a narcissist. Funny enough people always seek fault in the people of who the narcissistic leader points them out to be 'not co-operative' or 'not good at team work'. Aka... Those are the woke people, who actually see the narcissist for the problem they are.

Tl;dr - Narcissists are sneaky af and you never see them coming until they're pointed out by someone who suffered from them. I immediately can tell by a first impression if someone is a narcissist or not.


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## Skylar (May 16, 2019)

Sounds really hard to grow up with a narcissist parent and not being able to break free from them. It must leave scars. 



Kiseki said:


> Please define 'trauma bonds'? The question itself is a bit vague for me. If you mean if I have experienced trauma? Then: Yes. Living together with a narcissist is a trauma by itself. It left me with a life long slur of mental illnesses, such as social anxiety, major depressive disorder and post traumatic syndrome disorder (PTSD).



I used trauma bond as a colloquial way to refer to Stockholm Syndrome. Victims feeling inexplicably emotionally attached to their abusers. The most interesting case for me has been the one of Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped at the age of 11. She gave birth to two daughters during her captivity (not exactly willingly) but when she was freed, she said her abductor was a "good man and was great with kids". She even cried when he was imprisoned. 

In the case of this thread, the abuser would be the narcissist. When  it comes to having family ties, I do understand there's already a predisposition to be emotionally attached to ones parents regardless, so it's harder to pinpoint if Stockholm Syndrome is at play when it comes to immediate family I suppose. 

If it's not too personal to ask, how do you think growing up with a narcissist parent has influenced your current self?


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## Kiseki (May 17, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Sounds really hard to grow up with a narcissist parent and not being able to break free from them. It must leave scars.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yeah, the whole Stockholm syndrome does not apply for people who grew up with a narcissist if they haven't reached their point of discovery yet as to what narcissism is. If they get isolated and not told what narcissism is I can imagine people live with Stockholm syndrome. Although if you're free and educated enough you'll sooner or later learn that narcissism is a real mental illness.

If it wasn't for the fact I wanted to study social help then I would've never discovered about it. I only learned about it when I was midway in my 20s. Because you get raised a certain way you don't really SEE that there is an issue. The only way I learned that my family ain't normal was through friends gently telling me and over the fact that I also visited friend's houses and I immediately noticed the difference. I was jealous of people who had parents that spoiled them with love and affection. It was a whole foreign concept to me.

"how do you think growing up with a narcissist parent has influenced your current self?" The irony in this questions, because people who were raised by a narcissist don't really know what 'being yourself' is. Everything you have to do, say or think is scheduled for you and you get tormented if you're entering hormonal phases in your teens if you suddenly want to decide for yourself. They will manipulate you into ways so that you're going back to their desires and ideals again. Usually by threatening that they're paying for your food and that because of them you have a house to live in. The many times I got threatened to live on the streets or to be strangled/choked is insane. Looking back I thought back then that this was normal parenting, but now that I'm away from them I know it's different.

In a certain sense they are also very loyal and giving to you, which surprises a lot of people. My narcissistic parent is also someone who will listen to you more than a normal parent. You think they care, but they just want to make sure you're still on their side. They love listening and talking with you, because they need to have you being depending on them. They need that control. Therefore I never realized something was wrong as my narcissistic parent usually was the person I wanted to talk to the most.

But other than that you find yourself into verbal fights EVERY SINGLE WEEK, which leads to a lot of mental damage. You already didn't know who you are as a person anymore, but you also face constant aggression. Here's a clip of that, which I think is a PERFECT example of how super small things on the daily can escalate to shouting, personal harassment and threatening.


My parent left me with an identity crisis, ptsd, depression and social anxiety and maybe even more my therapist hasn't discovered yet. Basically I'm scarred for life and now that I'm on my own I can't even function normally on the daily. Although I am very determined to make the rest of my life more fun or at least until an extent that is reasonable for me to pursuit. 

The worst part for me is that you're literally ALONE. I had no sibling or other parent to take my side, which usually happens. Normally the other members of the family distance themselves from any confrontation or take sides of the narcissist. Throughout my whole life it's always been 3 vs 1 and the whole concept of 'go home and rest' was never a thing for me. I spent as much time outside, just so that I didn't have to go home. I think this leaves a good impression of my personal example regarding this mental illness.


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## Yubel (May 19, 2019)

Narcissists are always in fight or flight mode, they're always either attacking you or defending perceived attacks from you.

They are in essence, completely overrun by their feminine(need for protection) yet they don't trust anything so they're pretty much animals with human intelligence, power and dominance is all they care about and it's the only thing they respond to.

Because they're always in a hurry to survive, they never have time to see anything beyond the superficial in anyone or anything no matter how long they've known a person.

I don't know how it happened but they were broken at some point in their life, this is all learned behavior, doesn't excuse their actions though.

If you know a narcissist, try get them to meditate, if my theory is correct, all they need is to calm the fuck down.

There is scientific evidence that meditation practitioners have more empathy than non-meditators and I believe it's because of this one factor called stress, only thing is for narcissists, that's their default state.


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## Kiseki (May 20, 2019)

I just found this helpful video.


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## Kiseki (May 20, 2019)

Yubel said:


> If you know a narcissist, try get them to meditate, if my theory is correct, all they need is to calm the fuck down.


First of all: I'm sorry for your personal experiences with narcissists. I hope you do well now.
Secondly: This is possible when the victim and the narcissist are around the same age, but if its a kid vs a parent there is no way in hell the kid is going to tell the narcissistic parent what to do. Basically as a child victim you're fucked regardless. Although I worked hard in school and raised my intelligence fast in order to survive and out-smarten her, so I could 'calm her own' before anything would trigger her.


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## Yubel (May 20, 2019)

Kiseki said:


> First of all: I'm sorry for your personal experiences with narcissists. I hope you do well now.
> Secondly: This is possible when the victim and the narcissist are around the same age, but if its a kid vs a parent there is no way in hell the kid is going to tell the narcissistic parent what to do. Basically as a child victim you're fucked regardless. Although I worked hard in school and raised my intelligence fast in order to survive and out-smarten her, so I could 'calm her own' before anything would trigger her.


You could start doing it yourself and then introduce it to them as something positive, tell them the benefits without making it seem like you're trying to cure them.

Meditation effects all the areas the narcissist is lacking in while reducing stress and increasing empathy which is huge, 8 weeks in and you've developed new pathways in your brain.

I've had maybe one or two people who I think were narcissists and even then they were mild narcissists. Imo everyone has the capacity to be one, it's just a matter of degree.


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## Natty (May 20, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Hmm...That would be a pretty interesting documentary to watch. If you remember the name, let me know.



VERY late reply but:

Reactions: Like 1


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## Kiseki (May 21, 2019)

Yubel said:


> You could start doing it yourself and then introduce it to them as something positive, tell them the benefits without making it seem like you're trying to cure them.
> 
> Meditation effects all the areas the narcissist is lacking in while reducing stress and increasing empathy which is huge, 8 weeks in and you've developed new pathways in your brain.
> 
> I've had maybe one or two people who I think were narcissists and even then they were mild narcissists. Imo everyone has the capacity to be one, it's just a matter of degree.


Thanks! I hope someone will read this and that it may help them.

My parent is extreme and I'm on my own now. I don't live with them anymore.


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## A. Waltz (May 24, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> I do understand where you're coming from, however, it's not as easy as it sounds. There's a difference between narcissistic traits (those who have this show occasional empathy, even though they can't control themselves from hurting/abusing others) and the personality disorder itself. People with NPD are scientifically proven to have very low empathy considering they did not develop the region of the brain involved in the processing and generating of compassion. Most of the times this derives from their relationship with their parents, which is, a love/hate one.
> 
> I do agree though that narcissists (both those who show strong traits and those who have the disorder) have some personal demons and they need help but they're not so easily changed, if at all. Their need for attention and desire for absolute control is a mechanism to hide their own insecurities (sometimes they themselves don't understand this) but while they're going through their internal turmoil, they're causing destruction to their surroundings and that is a fact.
> 
> You can get absolutely ruined emotionally by associating yourself with a narcissist if you're not a strong individual, considering most of the times you don't even pick up that you're being manipulated. All the narcissistic traits are hidden behind a mask of insane charm.


can you elaborate on the last paragraph, what are some examples of how they might manipulate you, what do they do exactly?


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## Skylar (May 24, 2019)

A. Waltz said:


> can you elaborate on the last paragraph, what are some examples of how they might manipulate you, what do they do exactly?



They use emotional manipulation most of the time and love to play the victim. Playing in the gray area is their specialty. I'll use a common example. Let's say you have a boyfriend and you're suspecting he's being unfaithful. You have that inkling feeling inside you that something's going on but you decide to play it smart and instead of being direct, you do a bit of research.

One day, while he's taking a shower, you sneak in the room and check his phone.You find that your suspicions were right and he's been seeing another girl behind your back. You confront him about it and he minimizes his offense and goes over the top because you checked his phone when you had agreed you would both respect each other's privacy. This turns a discussion about him being unfaithful into a discussion about you not respecting his privacy, making it a more important matter (A sign that something's wrong because both offenses are not comparable in the slightest). At some point, you start feeling guilty and even apologize, completely forgetting what the main point of the discussion was.



This example would actually make a good thread now that I think about it.


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