# Anti-Battleship Thread



## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

> "A 54-year-old Phoenix woman, who has been paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair for the last 25 years, suddenly regained the use of her legs and walked out of Universal?s boxoffice flop "Battleship."
> 
> Upon hearing the news of Richards' miraculous recovery, faith healer Benny Hinn, well-known for his "Miracle Crusades" throughout the world, immediately announced he was abandoning prayer in favor of screening "Battleship" for his millions of disciples who can no longer walk.
> 
> ...


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## αshɘs (May 23, 2012)

.


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## Emperor Joker (May 23, 2012)

So...a movie so bad it makes the lame able to walk

In before it causes the blind to see and the deaf to hear and the mute to talk


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## ~Gesy~ (May 23, 2012)

bumblebee isn't in this?


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## Crimson Dragoon (May 23, 2012)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## Judas (May 23, 2012)




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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

_"but her motorized wheelchair malfunctioned, leaving her stranded and forced to watch singer-turned-actress Rihanna attempt to act. That’s when she felt sensation in her legs for first time in over two decades. Moments later, she stood and walked out of the theater."_


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## CrazyMoronX (May 23, 2012)

So this isn't real.


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

CrazyMoronX said:


> So this isn't real.



No dude, it totally is... just like all the articles from the Onion are real.


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

The Onion is a classic here in Milwaukee lol.


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## Han Solo (May 23, 2012)




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## Judas (May 23, 2012)

Slightly off-topic, but funny and true...



			
				Rotten Tomato Critic said:
			
		

> The whole movie feels like Roland Emmerich's sperm and Michael Bay's sperm fertilized an egg Tony Scott cryogenically froze back in 1986, producing a "baby" with qualities of all of its "birth" fathers.


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

Like Super 8 feels like JJ Abrams was just giving Speilberg a Handy-J the whole movie.


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## dream (May 23, 2012)




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## Ennoea (May 23, 2012)

> but the only thing I saw was the guy from 'John Carter,'



You mean the guy from Speed Racer.


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

Movie woulda done tons better if they hadn't cast Rhianna as a feeble attempt at appealing to a select demographic.


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

MajorThor said:


> Movie woulda done tons better if they hadn't cast Rhianna as a feeble attempt at appealing to a select demographic.



That movie was gonna suck a fat dick based on the concept alone.

Adapting a fucking board game, really? Putting that piece of shit Taylor Kitsch in the lead role? Peter Berg as the director? That guy _always_ sounds like he's speaking with a dribble coming out of his mouth.

'Battleship' flopping is one of the most rewarding things to happen this year as a huge cinema fan.


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## dream (May 23, 2012)

MajorThor said:


> Movie woulda done tons better if they hadn't cast Rhianna as a feeble attempt at appealing to a select demographic.



Movie would have done just as badly without her.


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

You two need to relax and stop yelling at me.


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

MajorThor said:


> You two need to relax and stop yelling at me.



GO FIND THAT FUCKING YOUTUBE LINK ON YOUR OWN!!!!


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## dream (May 23, 2012)

MajorThor said:


> You two need to relax and stop yelling at me.



And you need to stop being so terrible.


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

Eternal Goob said:


> And you need to stop being so terrible.



Did you read his and Krush's philosophical debate a couple nights ago in the "Rate the last move you saw" thread? I was loling like never before.


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## Grape (May 23, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> Did you read his and Krush's philosophical debate a couple nights ago in the "Rate the last move you saw" thread? I was loling like never before.



I don't always discuss Jungian theory, but when I do, it's because I've had to much to drink. 


@OP - Somewhat amusing story. I don't think you're giving Battleship the chance it deserves.


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

I will never watch that movie.


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## Hatifnatten (May 23, 2012)

;ryammy ;ryoma


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## SageMaster (May 23, 2012)

HAHAHAHAHAHA


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> Did you read his and Krush's philosophical debate a couple nights ago in the "Rate the last move you saw" thread? I was loling like never before.



Hahahaha, yeah man. Krush was drunk and I was shootin' the shit and he got all pissed and did a complete 180 out of nowhere lol.


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## Pseudo (May 23, 2012)

Wow! Wow! Wow! You made my day Tetra!:rofl

EDIT: Damn, Onion Articles!


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

I fucking love the Onion.


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## Huey Freeman (May 23, 2012)

Rockem sockem robots did well in the box office .


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

Nice copy-pasta Huey.


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## Huey Freeman (May 23, 2012)

Just mad that my laughing gif works so well.


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

Shaddup Huey.


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## Huey Freeman (May 23, 2012)

MajorThor said:


> Shaddup Huey.



I am typing homeslice  .


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## Magnum Miracles (May 23, 2012)

Damn, shows how bad it is if a cripple started walking just to get the hell out


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## MajorThor (May 23, 2012)

Awesome gif comrade.


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## Huey Freeman (May 23, 2012)

It's official Major is living in the 1960's


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## TetraVaal (May 23, 2012)

ThePseudo said:


> Wow! Wow! Wow! You made my day Tetra!:rofl



Hey, it's what I do.


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## Petes12 (May 23, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> That movie was gonna suck a fat dick based on the concept alone.
> 
> Adapting a fucking board game, really? Putting that piece of shit Taylor Kitsch in the lead role? Peter Berg as the director? That guy _always_ sounds like he's speaking with a dribble coming out of his mouth.
> 
> 'Battleship' flopping is one of the most rewarding things to happen this year as a huge cinema fan.



Idk I can't wait for a romcom based on Sorry

this reminds me of the guy who died seeing twilight, except that was real


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## Immortal (May 23, 2012)

This is the funniest thing I have heard all day.


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## TetraVaal (May 24, 2012)

Immortal said:


> This is the funniest thing I have heard all day.



I hardly laugh when it comes to parody articles, but this one was just too good.

Whoever came up with the concept behind it deserves to pat themselves on the back.


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## Soledad Eterna (May 24, 2012)

Judas said:


> Slightly off-topic, but funny and true...



WHY CAN'T I REP YOU?!

This movie was really bad, but in a hilarious way. They destroy alien ships supposedly much more advanced than us with a WWII battleship. And that's not even getting into how they try to emulate the game.


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## TSC (May 24, 2012)

Man that made me fucking lol'd. Too bad this isn't real. That would been even better and more humiliating to the movie.





Soledad Eterna said:


> This movie was really bad, but in a hilarious way. They destroy alien ships supposedly much more advanced than us with a WWII battleship. And that's not even getting into how they try to emulate the game.



I hate American patriotism propaganda type movies like this one and Transformers, especially when they make it out that these un-advance people have the power and capabilities to defeat super advance aliens. Makes me want the aliens to win instead.

Granted Avengers had the defeat advance aliens too but the good guys were fucking hulk and gods like Thor.


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## James Bond (May 24, 2012)




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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

*Peter Berg sentenced to Director Jail for 'Battleship.'*





> "Harrowing new details have emerged about Peter Berg?s first night at the Renny Harlin Correctional Institute where he?s been locked up since being sentenced to Director Jail for his critical and boxoffice failure "Battleship."  Among the abuses Berg has had to endure include being traded to fellow inmate Joel Schumacher, then forced to repeatedly watch Schumacher's "The Phantom of the Opera."
> 
> According to several inmates, Schumacher traded one of his most prized possessions -- an autographed cast album from the original Broadway production of "Dreamgirls" -- in exchange for Berg. Shortly after, the abuse started when Schumacher forced Berg to endure one of his classic bombs.
> 
> ...


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## dream (May 29, 2012)

Meh. **


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Eternal Goob said:


> Meh. **



_"Upon arriving at Director Jail, Berg, who is a diehard football fan since directing 2004's "Friday Night Lights," was excited to learn he would be sharing a cell with Tom Brady. But his enthusiasm quickly vanished when he discovered his cellmate wasn’t New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, but rather director Tom Brady, who is serving eight consecutive life terms for helming last year's "Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star.""_

That was hilarious. If you didn't find that funny, then you're a lost cause.


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## Pseudo (May 29, 2012)

The Onion would have done it better.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

ThePseudo said:


> The Onion would have done it better.



The Onion hasn't been funny in a very long time.


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## Taleran (May 29, 2012)

There is no joke there it is just a statement. Also an unfunny one, like bad article on cracked unfunny.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Taleran said:


> There is no joke there it is just a statement. Also an unfunny one, like bad article on cracked unfunny.



The article doesn't have to be filled with witty jokes and spritely one liners in order to be funny--it's funny because of how true it is. How does a horrible actor in 'Chicago Hope' ultimately end up directing tentpole budgeted films?

But I get it, sometimes I have to remind myself what type of people I'm dealing with on this part of the board.


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## Taleran (May 29, 2012)

There is no funny in truth when that truth is as obvious as it is here. Three terrible directors are put in a wacky situation and no laughs were had by anyone.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Taleran said:


> There is no funny in truth when that truth is as obvious as it is here. Three terrible directors are put in a wacky situation and no laughs were had by anyone.



This post doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

*EDIT:* Also, it doesn't surprise me that the Renny Harlin joke is going over people's heads.

This article is clearly marketed towards people that actually know a thing or two about film history.


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## Emperor Joker (May 29, 2012)

Do we really need fake news stories spamming up the section, especially when said news story is for a movie no one gives a shit about, and it's from a parody website that i've encountered before and even then it was terrible.

also what was wrong with Phantom of the Opera...other than the fact that Butler doesn't measure up to Crawford.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Emperor Joker said:


> Do we really need fake news stories spamming up the section, especially when said news story is for a movie no one gives a shit about, and it's from a parody website that i've encountered before and even then it was terrible.
> 
> also what was wrong with Phantom of the Opera...other than the fact that Butler doesn't measure up to Crawford.



Considering this is only the second time I've posted an article from this site, that's hardly in any way "spamming." How about you just quit your incessant whining and take your petulant temper tantrums elsewhere?

It would be much appreciated.

Oh, and FYI, 'Phantom of the Opera' fucking sucked. Thanks again for reminding me why I never give your movie opinions a second thought.


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## Emperor Joker (May 29, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> Considering this is only the second time I've posted an article from this site, that's hardly in any way "spamming." How about you just quit your incessant whining and take your petulant temper tantrums elsewhere?
> 
> It would be much appreciated.
> 
> Oh, and FYI, 'Phantom of the Opera' fucking sucked. Thanks again for reminding me why I never give your movie opinions a second thought.



Last I checked i'm not angry. you on the other hand certainly do come across as such. secondly again why would this even need a thread made about it when it's not even real, and should only be posted in the Battleship thread several pages back.

it's a pointless thread that didn't need to be made

on the contrary Phantom was a decent movie, had some good music behind it and the only reason people don't like it is because Gerard Butler as Erik the Phantom doesn't measure up to Michael Crawford or Colm Wilkinson in the role

Also I think you have me confused me with someone else, as I don't post in the same threads you do usually


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Emperor Joker said:


> Last I checked i'm not angry. you on the other hand certainly do come across as such. secondly again why would this even need a thread made about it when it's not even real, and should only be posted in the Battleship thread several pages back.
> 
> it's a pointless thread that didn't need to be made
> 
> on the contrary Phantom was a decent movie, had some good music behind it and the only reason people don't like it is because Gerard Butler as Erik the Phantom doesn't measure up to Michael Crawford or Colm Wilkinson in the role



Well, if the mods see fit, they can just merge this thread with the other one. However, considering my posting habits are in stark contrast from MajorThor's, I highly doubt posting two separate articles from one site is hardly going to do any jarring to this board's layout. Again, you're saying you're not bitching and moaning yet every sentence of yours indicates such.

No, it wasn't a decent movie. It was fucking horrible in every conceivable way. This just makes me take you even less serious than I already did. I knew there was a reason I was trying to remind myself of who you even were.


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## UchihaItachimk (May 29, 2012)

well i laughed even if i don't know any of the directors


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

UchihaItachimk said:


> well i laughed even if i don't know any of the directors



It's a funny article. I mean, it's not as funny as the paralyzed woman story, but if you know who the directors are in the article, it does provide some quality chuckles.


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## Huey Freeman (May 29, 2012)

Why are we getting this in Theatre? The first article was amusing this now is just getting over used.


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## Emperor Joker (May 29, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> Well, if the mods see fit, they can just merge this thread with the other one. However, considering my posting habits are in stark contrast from MajorThor's, I highly doubt posting two separate articles from one site is hardly going to do any jarring to this board's layout. Again, you're saying you're not bitching and moaning yet every sentence of yours indicates such.
> 
> No, it wasn't a decent movie. It was fucking horrible in every conceivable way. This just makes me take you even less serious than I already did. I knew there was a reason I was trying to remind myself of who you even were.



Sice when does pointing out something is pointless and doesn't belong as a thread that takes up spcace, count as whining?

Again not really, you've yet to explain what was so terrible and offensive about Phantom, and just keep making vague stabs at it. 

Yes you had to remind yourself of who i was because we almost never  in the same thread that's why. it's also because I don't post unless I have something I want to say. I prefer to lurk when I don't.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Emperor Joker said:


> Sice when does pointing out something is pointless and doesn't belong as a thread that takes up spcace, count as whining?
> 
> Again not really, you've yet to explain what was so terrible and offensive about Phantom, and just keep making vague stabs at it.
> 
> Yes you had to remind yourself of who i was because we almost never  in the same thread that's why. it's also because I don't post unless I have something I want to say. I prefer to lurk when I don't.



And as I stated previously, if it's that big of a deal, the mods can just merge this thread with the other one. I would have no objection to that.

What valuable space is this taking up? How does this even qualify in any sense as spam as you erroneously stated prior to this post?

Anyway, the Phantom discussion is another thing altogether. When it comes to films that I absolutely revile with every fiber of my being, I tend to not to go into in-depth discussions about them, because they're generally not worth my time. That film sucked, period.


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## Whimsy (May 29, 2012)

Trying way too hard


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## Creme egg (May 29, 2012)

he should go to jail, he made battleship. 

also i herd battleship was so bad it brought the dead back to life.


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## Buskuv (May 29, 2012)

It wasn't really that funny.

What was funny, however, was the thread backfiring to hilarious results.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Dr. Boskov Krevorkian said:


> It wasn't really that funny.
> 
> What was funny, however, was the thread backfiring to hilarious results.



Why am I not surprised to see you in here? Clearly, I've managed to garner your interest to the extent you need to follow me onto other boards.

I'm flattered, but then again, I think you're still trying to compensate for the previous attempts in which you tried to put me in my place, yet failed to do so.

Maybe swing a little harder next time, Mark Reynolds.


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## illusion (May 29, 2012)

I thought it was amusing, I didn't fall out of my seat, but it was funny. Made me google Joel Schumacher, wow has he done some stinkers! 

Although A Time To Kill was a good movie.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Looks like there is some hope for this thread after all.

Gee, what was I thinking?


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## Buskuv (May 29, 2012)

You're too much.

I browse the theater all the time.

<3


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Dr. Boskov Krevorkian said:


> You're too much.
> 
> I browse the theater all the time.
> 
> <3



Right.

Just like how you browse Skrillex haircuts... or pop-punk threads... or Linkin Park threads... and now Battleship threads.

You don't have to deny it, sweet-cheeks. I know you're taking a special interest to my posts... and it's only natural, most people do.


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## Buskuv (May 29, 2012)

You only got me on the Skrillex one.

I browse the Blender the most, followed by the music department; both are my regular haunts, with gaming and theater tied afterwards--lo and behold, look at where those threads are. The Skrillex one was for giggles, I admit, but your paranoia and hubris is just too much to pass up.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Dr. Boskov Krevorkian said:


> You only got me on the Skrillex one.
> 
> I browse the Blender the most, followed by the music department; both are my regular haunts, with gaming and theater tied afterwards--lo and behold, look at where those threads are. The Skrillex one was for giggles, I admit, but your paranoia and hubris is just too much to pass up.



Bullshit.

Ever since you tried to strike me down for the belittling I did in that Linkin Park thread, which turned around to backfire once I explained my position in a rational stance, you had nothing else to come back with. Ever since then, you've conveniently showed up in threads in which you could manage to get a little jab in here and there. Just admit it, I deflated your ego the second you saw that I deviated from the generalization that you tried to cast me as.

If you actually admitted to the fact that you have an interest in my posts, I might actually end up respecting you.


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## Parallax (May 29, 2012)

oh hey Boskov posting in the theater


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Parallax said:


> oh hey Boskov posting in the theater



I know.

Weird, isn't it?


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## GaaraoftheDesert1 (May 29, 2012)

Whats your problem with the guy tetraval ?
Hancock was enjoyable (the 1st half), FNL was a great show...
Leave him alone...


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Now now, Gaara... don't go all Chris Crocker on me.


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## Buskuv (May 29, 2012)

Parallax said:


> oh hey Boskov posting in the theater



I would say the same about you if you posted in the Music Dept.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Come on, Boskov, I'm waiting for you to tell me that you enjoy reading my posts.


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## Buskuv (May 29, 2012)

>hockey fan

I don't think I can even recognize you as a human being, honestly.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Dr. Boskov Krevorkian said:


> >hockey fan
> 
> I don't think I can even recognize you as a human being, honestly.



I'd be shocked if you were into any sports at all, let alone one as fun to watch as hockey.


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## Stunna (May 29, 2012)

I thought it was pretty funny. Not as funny as this thread though. And _The Phantom of the Opera_ is a guilty pleasure of mine. I recognize everything that sucks about it, but I'm a sucker for that stuff.


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## MartialHorror (May 29, 2012)

I thought it was pretty funny. 

I'm surprised Uwe Boll wasn't mentioned at all. I guess it's become a cliche to mention him. Same with M. Night, i guess.


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## GaaraoftheDesert1 (May 29, 2012)

I heard the film is a satire.....anyways I dont really care about the wrath of the titans, john carter or battleship flopping or making it. I just dont bother... what has Pter Berg done to you Tetravaal ?


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## Ennoea (May 29, 2012)

> Renny Harlin Correctional Institute



I lolled at this one. I can't believe he made the Covenant. 

This thread tho:/

Berg is making a sequel to Hancock, send him to real prison.


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## Cromer (May 29, 2012)

So yeah, this thread...is pointless the right word?


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## Parallax (May 29, 2012)

Dr. Boskov Krevorkian said:


> I would say the same about you if you posted in the Music Dept.



I lurk but I don't post.  I should start again though


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

I want Boskov to come back into this thread.


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## illusion (May 29, 2012)

MartialHorror said:


> I thought it was pretty funny.
> 
> I'm surprised Uwe Boll wasn't mentioned at all. I guess it's become a cliche to mention him. Same with M. Night, i guess.



No those two are in the deepest darkest of dungeons. Think Hannibal Lecter's cell. 

Well not so much M. Night, he made the Sixth Sense, so he gets some what of a parole for good behavior.


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## Rukia (May 29, 2012)

This seems pretty harsh to me.  The film has also managed to do what Jesus was unable to do.  Perform miracles.  A crippled bitch was able to get up out of her chair and walk!  Peter Berg basically healed her.  And this is the thanks he gets?


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## Huey Freeman (May 29, 2012)

I also heard a blind man reported what he saw was so terrible he had to leave. Yep no love for Berg.


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## josh101 (May 29, 2012)

funny thread. the die-hard defending of people who disagree with your opinion bit, not the actual article.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

josh101 said:


> funny thread. the die-hard defending of people who disagree with your opinion bit, not the actual article.



No, what's funny is your poor usage of the English grammar.


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## Stunna (May 29, 2012)

Dang           bro.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Yeah, way to go Huey... let me guess, you finally did some research and saw that "use" and "usage" are contextually the same.



P.S. stop visiting my profile every day, you fucking creeper. When are you gonna get it through your head that I just skip over every one of your posts?


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## Stunna (May 29, 2012)

**


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

Honestly, the guy has a fucking hard on for me. Every single day, his name always pops up in the recent profile visitors list. It's crazy, because I don't read anything he posts.


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## Huey Freeman (May 29, 2012)

Nope I just dont feel like getting into an argument with someone as childish as you are. 

 Edit: Nice flame bait there .


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## GaaraoftheDesert1 (May 29, 2012)

I wish Kubrick was alive to see Berg's genius.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

I love whoever retitled my thread.


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## Rukia (May 29, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> I love whoever retitled my thread.


I'm hoping this idea really catches on.  Can't wait to post in the Anti-Django thread.


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## TetraVaal (May 29, 2012)

We need an Anti-Dark Knight thread.


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## Detective (May 29, 2012)

This thread has my Seal of Approval.


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## Palpatine (May 29, 2012)




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## Detective (May 29, 2012)

​


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## left4lol (May 30, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> We need an Anti-Dark Knight thread.


Nah what we need is an Anti-Avanger thread


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## CrazyMoronX (May 30, 2012)

So, who has actually watched this film and can tell us exactly how bad it is?


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## josh101 (May 30, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> I love whoever retitled my thread.


Should do, it salvaged it.


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## TetraVaal (May 30, 2012)

josh101 said:


> Should do, it salvaged it.



I know you're desperate to get a shot in because of all the previous times I've slapped you upside the head, but it ain't ever gonna happen. You're never gonna recover. You're not gonna redeem yourself. Just give up. Kick rocks. Go do something in a thread where you can maybe contribute something productive.


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## Stunna (May 30, 2012)

left4lol said:


> Nah what we need is an Anti-Avanger thread


We need an anti-illiteracy thread.


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## Huey Freeman (May 30, 2012)

You know what age group you are dealing with when getting one up on the internets matters in your life .


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## TetraVaal (May 30, 2012)

Stunna said:


> We need an anti-illiteracy thread.



Ain't that the fucking truth.


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## josh101 (May 30, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> I know you're desperate to get a shot in because of all the previous times I've slapped you upside the head, but it ain't ever gonna happen. You're never gonna recover. You're not gonna redeem yourself. Just give up. Kick rocks. Go do something in a thread where you can maybe contribute something productive.






This is priceless.


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## Hatifnatten (May 30, 2012)




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## Rukia (May 30, 2012)

I really would like to see more of this.  Not sure why the Spiderman meme isn't more popular.


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## TetraVaal (May 30, 2012)

Vault gave it cancer.


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## MartialHorror (May 30, 2012)

Well now that Battleship bombed, I guess we will never get to see my dream project: "Chutes and Ladders"


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## Palpatine (May 30, 2012)

Rukia said:


> I really would like to see more of this.  Not sure why the Spiderman meme isn't more popular.



Me neither. It's one of my favorites. 



MartialHorror said:


> Well now that Battleship bombed, I guess we will never get to see my dream project: "Chutes and Ladders"



[YOUTUBE]m6WCZ3cZ27U[/YOUTUBE]


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## MartialHorror (May 30, 2012)




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## Detective (May 31, 2012)

CrazyMoronX said:


> So, who has actually watched this film and can tell us exactly how bad it is?



If you were in a post apocalyptic world where Zombies ran rampant in the streets, and were given the option of using a pistol to end your life before they got to you, or given the choice to watch Battleship for it's duration with the comfort that your last hours would at least be in peace before they got to you....

You would take the pistol. Every single time.


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## Linkdarkside (May 31, 2012)




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## TetraVaal (Jun 2, 2012)

*'BATTLESHIP' considered a "John Carter sized flop."*

NEW CLIP GAIS



> "LOS ANGELES (TheWrap.com) - Comcast Chairman Brian Roberts publicly acknowledged Friday what has been largely ignored by the Hollywood media: "Battleship" is a big, bad, "John Carter"-sized flop.
> 
> Speaking at the Sanford Bernstein Strategic decisions conference in New York City, Roberts said that the poor performance of the alien invasion film, which he labeled "an unfortunate, large miss," coupled with the failure of the comedy "The Five Year Engagement," will drag down earnings at NBCUniversal.
> 
> ...



HURRAY! 

How's that proposition of a $150 milliom, R-rated 'At the Mountains of Madness' directed by Guillermo Del Toro with James Cameron producing looking now, Universal?

Fucking morons.


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## Rukia (Jun 2, 2012)

Next major flop: Total Recall.


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## dream (Jun 2, 2012)

Rukia said:


> Next major flop: Total Recall.



That's a reasonable prediction.


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## TetraVaal (Jun 2, 2012)

We can only hope.


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## PlacidSanity (Jun 2, 2012)

Lol, I haven't seen Battleship so how bad is it?  Is it Battlefield Earth type bad?


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## Stunna (Jun 2, 2012)

No one here has seen it. We just imagine it's awful.


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## Rukia (Jun 2, 2012)

PlacidSanity said:


> Lol, I haven't seen Battleship so how bad is it?  Is it Battlefield Earth type bad?


That's why it is considered a bomb.  It was an expensive production and no one wanted to see it.  We can't tell you how bad it is.  We have no idea.  What we can tell you is that most of us rooted for it to fail.  Big time failures shape Hollywood as much as successes.  Doubt the Candyland movie will be made now.


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## TetraVaal (Jun 2, 2012)

Somewhere at this moment, Guillermo Del Toro is sitting in an ILM office, reviewing the post-production work for 'Pacific Rim' so far, and grinning from ear-to-ear at this news.


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## Detective (Jun 2, 2012)

PlacidSanity said:


> Lol, I haven't seen Battleship so how bad is it?  Is it Battlefield Earth type bad?





Page 6 Detective said:


> If you were in a post apocalyptic world where Zombies ran rampant in the streets, and were given the option of using a pistol to end your life before they got to you, or given the choice to watch Battleship for it's duration with the comfort that your last hours would at least be in peace before they got to you....
> 
> You would take the pistol. Every single time.


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## MartialHorror (Jun 2, 2012)

I have a feeling that Battleship is just a really mediocre movie, which I consider to be worse than bad.


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## Ennoea (Jun 2, 2012)

Atleast this kills the chances of more clones of Transformers being made. John Carter will probably make its money back eventually through home video, this one however not so much. Suck on it Universal.

Snow White cost 170 million, the fuck is going on


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## Rukia (Jun 2, 2012)

Well it was pretty.  And I can see some actual rationale behind making that one.  It was a response to Alice in Wonderland making a billion dollars worldwide.


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## Ennoea (Jun 2, 2012)

I can understand them wanting to make it but 170 million, that's far too much for a film that doesn't look very spectacular.


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## MartialHorror (Jun 2, 2012)

Actually, I think I prefer "Snow White" costing that much because when you think about it

1) Almost every actor probably wasn't cheap (I mean, 6 of the dwarfs were played by recognizable actors).

2) There was a lot more emphasis on actual sets. 

Battleship just looks like a lot of subpar CGI. With that said, I disagree about it not recouping its costs on DVD. I think it will actually be a hit on DVD.


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## CrazyMoronX (Jun 4, 2012)

For those of you who have seen the movie--condolences--does anyone ever say, "You sunk my battleship!"

If so I will gladly pay the ticket price.


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## MartialHorror (Jun 4, 2012)

I hear there is a variation on the line. 

According to the Arrow, anyway.


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## TetraVaal (Jun 10, 2012)




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## MartialHorror (Jun 10, 2012)

Was that the one where he's bitching at the guy and suddenly realizes he's being a moron and starts talking about how working with Rihanna was great? If so, saw that on "The Soup". Pretty stupid...

(Speakers arent working right now, so cant check myself)


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## TetraVaal (Jun 10, 2012)

Yes it is.

That guy is a fucking clown. I might actually hate Peter Berg more than I hate Michael Bay or McG.


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## Sferr (Aug 15, 2012)

OK, I finally saw the movie that even got a hate thread here, lol. And I'll say, the movie was quite OK after I watched and became really good after I thought about it a bit (ok, after I read thoughts about it of the others in the Internet).

It actually has a pretty damn smart script about what first seems as an alien invasion but in truth being about the prejudices and nature of humans to act hostile to everything that seems hostile. The flaw of the movie is that it looks like a mindless popcorn flick so hard that it forces people to not even try to think about it bit to find a quite obvious subtext that will turn this movie upside down.

IMO, this movie does not deserve the hate it got unlike, for example, the incredibly stupid Prometheus.


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## TetraVaal (Aug 15, 2012)

I would watch a lowlight reel of the poor man's Tom Hardy from 'PROMETHEUS' before I'd ever watch fucking 'Battleship.'

Your post disgusts me.


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## Grape (Aug 16, 2012)

Just out of curiosity, who is "the poor man's Tom Hardy" ?


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## TetraVaal (Aug 16, 2012)

Logan Marshall-Green.

That guy's a knob.


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## Grape (Aug 16, 2012)

Whoa, he does look like Hardy


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## MartialHorror (Aug 16, 2012)

I was going to say "why the fuck are pple still talking about this? Can't we at least wait until it comes out on DVD?", but then I started thinking...Did it already get released on DVD?

If so, they sure aren't doing much to market it. Either that or I just dont watch enough TV....


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## Huey Freeman (Aug 16, 2012)

The best way to boycott a film is to let sink away into the deep blue, which this thread should have done a long time ago.


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> I would watch a lowlight reel of the poor man's Tom Hardy from 'PROMETHEUS' before I'd ever watch fucking 'Battleship.'
> 
> Your post disgusts me.



So you didn't even watch it? Because Prometheus is really just worse.


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## Distance (Aug 16, 2012)

It was a random night and I got a random call from my friends to see this nonsense. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I only went because we get cheap tickets on Wednesday's through Orange. I should have known something was up when the security guard just wanted us to watch the film for free. When it was finally over, we all just drove back home, got in bed, and never talked about that night again.


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## Slice (Aug 16, 2012)

Sferr said:


> So you didn't even watch it? Because Prometheus is really just worse.




*Spoiler*: __ 






*Spoiler*: __ 



I always wanted to do this, i dont think there has ever been a better chance


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

Slice said:


> *Spoiler*: __
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Prometheus is a dumb movie that doesn't make sense and you perfectly know it.


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## Delta Shell (Aug 16, 2012)

Sferr said:


> Prometheus is a dumb movie that doesn't make sense and you perfectly know it.



Dude Battleship is much worse. The movie is complete garbage. Battle LA was worse actually, maybe, I dunno they're both dumb recruitment flicks that had singers in them.


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## Slice (Aug 16, 2012)

Sferr said:


> Prometheus is a dumb movie that doesn't make sense and you perfectly know it.



pretend to not know anything about the movies and look at the things that inspired them. Then tell me which one of the two will turn out to be a massive pile of shit.

Exhibit A:



Exhibit B:


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

Delta Shell said:


> Dude Battleship is much worse. The movie is complete garbage. Battle LA was worse actually, maybe, I dunno they're both dumb recruitment flicks that had singers in them.



Battleship is dumb if you blindly look at it as a movie about how heroic American navy soldiers stop a dreadful alien 'invasion' with cheesy dialogues and stupid patriotic crap. 

But when you try to look at what happened in the movie from aliens' point of view, who came to a place from where the signal was sent to them with 5 ships one of which crashed with a satellite on the way here and was destroyed and the other 4 were destroyed by two American naval ships, who never attacked anyone and tried to prevent as much violence as possible, whos 'soldiers' didn't even have any guns with them and with whom never anyone really tried to make a contact (and the only time when an alien tries to make a contact with a human, he got interrupted and beaten badly) ,this 'invasion' premise falls apart and the movie starts to seem much smarter than it initially looks like.



Slice said:


> pretend to not know anything about the movies and look at the things that inspired them. Then tell me which one of the two will turn out to be a massive pile of shit.
> 
> Exhibit A:
> 
> ...



I never judge the movie before I actually see one. Yea, from those pictures you can think that the board game movie will be a piece of shit but the result appeared to be much different than it was expected.


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## TetraVaal (Aug 16, 2012)

I don't need to see 'Battleship' on order to know it sucks.

Peter Berg is the director; Taylor Kitsch and Rihanna star in the film; it has some of the shittiest effects rendered for a film having a $200+ million budget; and the overall aesthetic looked no different from all the other dime-a-dozen summer blockbusters that come out nowadays.

No one disliked 'Prometheus' more than I did on this forum. Hell, I made a thread that tore that film to shreds in a way that no one else could. But still, it was far, FARRRRRRRR better than *anything* in 'Battleship.' Peter Berg couldn't direct his way out of a paper bad, where as one of Prometheus' strong suits was the direction of the film (_not to mention the terrific art design and seamless VFX, all of which were done on a budget of $70+ million LESS than 'Battleship'_)--and the fact that even though the screenplay for 'Prometheus' let it down, at least it tried to convey some sort of big ideas. They were just poorly realized by Damon Lindelof. But again, to reiterate, I would watch the worst moments in 'Prometheus' over and over than ever sit through some piece of trash film like 'Battleship.' Get the fuck outta here with your nonsense.


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## Tyrion (Aug 16, 2012)

Rihanna is in this?


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## dream (Aug 16, 2012)

Tyrion said:


> Rihanna is in this?



She's one of the main characters from what I hear.


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## Tyrion (Aug 16, 2012)

Eternal Goob said:


> She's one of the main characters from what I hear.



Please kill me. I don't know what's worse, this or Justin Timberlake's time movie.


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## GaaraoftheDesert1 (Aug 16, 2012)

Peter Berg is also making a new movie with Kitsch and Wahlberg. Man Im telling ya Berg-Kitsch are the new Scorcese-De Niro


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## Ennoea (Aug 16, 2012)

I thought Kitsch gave up films


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## Seto Kaiba (Aug 16, 2012)

Eternal Goob said:


> She's one of the main characters from what I hear.



Chris Brown is the main villain.


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

TetraVaal said:


> I don't need to see 'Battleship' on order to know it sucks.
> 
> Peter Berg is the director; Taylor Kitsch and Rihanna star in the film; it has some of the shittiest effects rendered for a film having a $200+ million budget; and the overall aesthetic looked no different from all the other dime-a-dozen summer blockbusters that come out nowadays.
> 
> No one disliked 'Prometheus' more than I did on this forum. Hell, I made a thread that tore that film to shreds in a way that no one else could. But still, it was far, FARRRRRRRR better than *anything* in 'Battleship.' Peter Berg couldn't direct his way out of a paper bad, where as one of Prometheus' strong suits was the direction of the film (_not to mention the terrific art design and seamless VFX, all of which were done on a budget of $70+ million LESS than 'Battleship'_)--and the fact that even though the screenplay for 'Prometheus' let it down, at least it tried to convey some sort of big ideas. They were just poorly realized by Damon Lindelof. But again, to reiterate, I would watch the worst moments in 'Prometheus' over and over than ever sit through some piece of trash film like 'Battleship.' Get the fuck outta here with your nonsense.



Everything you have written doesn't have any worth because you are bashing a movie you _didn't even see_ and don't even know what is it about. I know you hated Prometheus, I saw your thread but what are saying now about Battleship is the same as to say that Prometheus is undoubtedly a masterpiece based on the facts that it's Ridley Scott, Michael Fassbender and Alien prequel alone. So it should be one of the best movies in the last years. Is it that good as is was expected to be thought?

Battleship may have a terrible premise that looks like to be a piece of garbage but it doesn't prevent it from exceeding expectations and being actually good. It doesn't prevent a scriptwriter from writing an actually good script with some interesting thoughts in it. If Prometheus's weak point is the script, why can't it be Battleship's good point? I agree that it doesn't have some incredible directing, acting or special effects, they are average not that they are actually bad. And calling everything I write nonsense is stupid and immature because you don't even know what am I talking about.



Eternal Goob said:


> She's one of the main characters from what I hear.



She actually isn't, she is just there.


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## Jena (Aug 16, 2012)

Seto Kaiba said:


> Chris Brown is the main villain.



Does it make me a terrible person to admit that I'd watch that?

Or if it was a _Rocky_-esque movie where she spends the whole time training to defeat him but at the end he just punches her in the face and she's like "lol oh you" and then they get together and then as they're walking off into the sunset she's like "lol jk" and then slices his balls off with a pocket knife.

That's Oscar material, right there.


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## Ennoea (Aug 16, 2012)

Okay I've actually seen Battleshit, it was awful ass garbage, poor script and horrible action to boot, this film made Bay look like Cameron in terms of action. 

And the CGI was trash for 200 million, terrible bland designs everywhere. And when you have Rihanna as a the comic relief you know the film is shit. If anything Kitsch was the best thing in the movie.


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## Pseudo (Aug 16, 2012)

I'll never understand why this thread was made.


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## Tyrion (Aug 16, 2012)

ThePseudo said:


> I'll never understand why this thread was made.



People like to be baaaaad


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## dream (Aug 16, 2012)

ThePseudo said:


> I'll never understand why this thread was made.



People thought that it might end up making a profit.


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

Ennoea said:


> Okay I've actually seen Battleshit, it was awful ass garbage, poor script and horrible action to boot, this film made Bay look like Cameron in terms of action.
> 
> And the CGI was trash for 200 million, terrible bland designs everywhere. And when you have Rihanna as a the comic relief you know the film is shit. If anything Kitsch was the best thing in the movie.



Just one question: who were the good guys and who were the bad guys?


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## Ennoea (Aug 16, 2012)

Well the Aliens didn't have any weapons but the loser ass Esper saw them blowing up planet so it takes is as you wish. They came for our women and we had to kill them, Team USA.


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## Sferr (Aug 16, 2012)

Ennoea said:


> Well the Aliens didn't have any weapons but the loser ass Esper saw them blowing up planet so it takes is as you wish. They came for our women and we had to kill them, Team USA.



Did he really see that or was the alien trying to tell him something? Was he showing his intentions or was he showing what happened to his planet or what the war could lead to? We don't know. We know only what Esper assumed. And the alien was interrupted, he clearly had something more to say/show and he looked very desperate to show it. The thing is, never did the aliens threaten anyone, never did they attack first. Never did the aliens show that they are hostile but the humans tried to kill them at any chance possible. The navy attacked first and even then the aliens tried to prevent any conflict. 

That wasn't an invasion, it may be even was a peaceful group that tried make a contact with humans that sent a signal to them but they never even got a chance to. They were shoot at as soon as they arrived without any attempt to communicate with them (unless you assume they should know English).

Then all that heroic patriotic stupid crap becomes apparently really stupid and meaningless and it only show how humans try to destroy anything that seems hostile or out of our control. In the end everyone was given medals for what they themselves started and heroically finished thanks to meaningless deaths of innocent people. 

And because of this I can't say that this movie is dumb.


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## MartialHorror (Aug 16, 2012)

I haven't seen "Battleship", so I can't really make any claims as to its quality. But based on what I've heard, I suspect that if there was any attempts at any kind of social message, it was either incidental or tacked in on order to give an air of superiority.

The Transformers films have the same issue. The screenwriter actually tries to have character development and some thematic material, but it's only a desperate attempt at making a shallow blockbuster seem deep. 

lol, you also are sort of making it sound like "Starship Troopers".


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## Ennoea (Aug 16, 2012)

Well you could say that but you're giving this dumb film far too much credit, they were pretty much scoping out the planet for resources after which they'd come back and steal our children. But they didn't expect a 50 year old US ship to still be inside the zone and have the capabilities to destroy a fucking space ship. USA USA!!


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## The World (Aug 16, 2012)

That's Independence Day fanfic tier


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## TetraVaal (Aug 16, 2012)

Sferr said:


> 1.) Everything you have written doesn't have any worth because you are bashing a movie you _didn't even see_ and don't even know what is it about. I know you hated Prometheus, I saw your thread but what are saying now about Battleship is the same as to say that Prometheus is undoubtedly a masterpiece based on the facts that it's Ridley Scott, Michael Fassbender and Alien prequel alone. So it should be one of the best movies in the last years. Is it that good as is was expected to be thought?
> 
> 2.) Battleship may have a terrible premise that looks like to be a piece of garbage but it doesn't prevent it from exceeding expectations and being actually good. It doesn't prevent a scriptwriter from writing an actually good script with some interesting thoughts in it. If Prometheus's weak point is the script, why can't it be Battleship's good point? I agree that it doesn't have some incredible directing, acting or special effects, they are average not that they are actually bad. And calling everything I write nonsense is stupid and immature because you don't even know what am I talking about



1.) I haven't seen any of the 'Twilight' films; or 'The Hunger Games'; or the 'Total Recall' remake; or all the other generic, carbon-copy blockbuster films that come out nowadays, yet I still know all of those films suck.

I've been at this medium for a long time, kiddo--a much longer time than most people my age, I'll tell you that much.

I know enough now--based on the knowledge and education I've received in this medium--to know when a film obviously sucks, and 'Battleship' obviously sucks. Sure, there are films that can surprise, as there's only so much intuition tells you. However, when you have a film that's based off a terrible board game--has Peter Berg as its director (_who has never made a great film prior_)--Taylor Kitsch and Rihanna as your leading actors--and awful VFX and cinematography for a film carrying such an astronomical budget--it doesn't take an established film vet to see that 'Battleship' is an immense piece of shit.

2.) The faults with the screenplay of 'Prometheus' aren't that they're outright terrible--it's that they're not focused or realized--and they also take Dan O'Bannon's original concepts and reduces them to a pseudo-religious ideology. This goes back to how I said that even though 'Prometheus' failed--for as much as I dislike Lindelof--I can assure you that its screenplay still had a lot more effort and ideas put into it than ANYTHING that was put into the 'Battleship' screenplay.

Arguing petty semantics with Ennoea about "how did this happen and who did what?" doesn't make you look knowledgeable or well informed. It just means you watched a shitty movie. There's no top secret, nonlinear metaphor or political statement being made in 'Battleship'--and even if there was, then it ultimately accumulates to nothing but a hackneyed attempt at taking something inherently childish and trying to pass it off as something deeper. There's nothing remotely smart or interesting about 'Battleship'; it is what it is; an overproduced, mega-budgeted piece of trash that tried to capitalize on the idiocy of the Michael Bay demographic, yet failed miserably (_THANK GOD_).


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## Huey Freeman (Aug 16, 2012)

Successful troll is successful .


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