# My (longer than 2 pages) NaruHina Christmas Fan Fic [For request]



## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

PRE REDO
Ok this scene just isn't a great one period. There's nothing wrong with it it's just one of those scenes you need to write to set up the rest of the story so it's pretty much always gonna be just adequit. (I can't spell.) Also the writing of this one just isn't great. It's just adequit. (Still can't spell.) Still, here it is.

(PS: I'm going to write more today. But first I need to fix a Social Studies Essay.)

PPS: Ok this was definately a swing + miss / some other over used metaphor to say its not good enough. I'm gonna do it again as soon as i finish this SS essay.

POST REDO
Ok I'm retyping this. This part's almost done. Sorry.
Ok here it is:

	"Ok, now that everyone is here I think we can start.? Sakura stood with Ino and Tenten at the center of one of the large rooms in the academy buildings used for training. There was a long table behind them with a large plain box on it as well as a large plate covered in the crumbs of cookies she had to make as bribes for half of the group to come. This year it had been left to Sakura to run because Jounin couldn?t be bothered with such a trivial task. Now, it was three days before Christmas day and it had taken the three of them this long to get everyone to meet about the party.  So, it was just the nine rookies that had taken the Chuunin Exam, Sakura and her team, Ino?s Team, and Hinata?s Team. Tenten?s team was there, and by some freak coincidence Gaara of the Desert?s team had been in Konoha. They wouldn?t say why. After a moment Sakura sighed and said, ?All right. We?re going to be passing around a hat with slips of paper in it. Each of the slips of paper has one of our names on it.? As she spoke Tenten picked up the Santa hat with the slips of paper in it from the box on the table behind them. She took a slip of paper from the hat for herself and then passed it off to the nearest person, Neji, who took his slip and passed the hat along. ?The person whose name is on the slip of paper you pull out is the person who you?ll be getting a gift for.?
	At this, Naruto, who had just pulled out his slip of paper and handed off the hat to Hinata, look glanced at his slip and grinned. _Oh no? I think he picked my name?_ Hinata blushed when she saw the name on her slip, causing half of the people in the room to let out a relieved sigh at not having to figure out what to get for Naruto. Sasuke scowled and looked toward the center of the room. Tenten was smiling. Gaara, Neji, and Shikamaru showed no reaction of any kind, and the most anyone else did was go, ?Oh.?
	Finally the hat came to Sakura. She pulled out her slip and handed the bag to Ino. Trying not to seem to eager _I hope its Sasuke._ She carefully and slowly unfolded the slip. 
_Sasuke._
Sakura had to force herself not to show Ino and gloat. She did grin though, at least until Ino screamed. ?WHAT!?? Sakura jumped and looked at Ino, or rather watched Ino as she charged forward a few feet and jabbed her finger at Naruto?s throat so fast he actually jumped back. He looked wildly in all directions and adopted a highly amusing confused expression. ?THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT NARUTO.?
	?Wha?? Said Naruto from his spot behind Hinata. He had his hands on her shoulders and it sort of looked like he was using her as a shield. Hinata didn?t seem to mind or really notice that she was a shield. She looked thoroughly embarrassed but still very pleased with her situation somehow.
	Before things could go any father Sakura grabbed the shaking Ino by the arm and dragged her back to the center of the room. Once she had done that Sakura went back to the reason they were all there, besides the cookies that Naruto ate most of? ?All right, back to planning the party. I need two or three volunteers to decorate Konoha-.?
	Naruto immediately shot his hand into the air and began eagerly jumping up and down, still from his spot behind Hinata. ?OH! MEMEMEME!? Hinata started so violently that Sakura thought she might have winded herself, but even if she did she still managed to raise her hand.
	?All right,? said Sakura, trying not to laugh. ?Is there anyone el-??
	?FINE!? Sakura jumped and looked to her left at Kankuro, the source of the voice. Temari was still nudging him in the back with her fan and his hand was in the air. ?I?ll do it,? he murmured with a glare at Temari. She smiled triumphantly and withdrew her giant fan from her brother?s back. She smiled innocently until Gaara scoffed and she laughed.
	?Okay?? Said Sakura, feeling confused. ?Well let?s move on.? They did move on from there, and without too many hold-ups like Ino and Kankuro?s outbursts. They determined that everyone would bring food to the center of town where Naruto, Hinata, and Kankuro would hopefully have set up some tables. Just about everyone was given their own job to do, though after setting up the decorations, which were Naruto, Hinata, and Kankuro?s jobs, bringing food, and the job of managing everything, which Sakura, Ino, and Tenten would do if they could work together, there really were too many important jobs left to do. Finally they reached the last thing, which Sakura worried might not go over to well with some of the boys. ?And remember, wear formal clothes??
	?
_At least they aren?t yelling,_ she thought optimistically. She spoke too soon.
	?WHAT!?? Screamed Naruto. Then in a slightly quieter voice he added. ?Um, what if we don?t have formal wear??
	?Good question,? remarked Choiji before stuffing half a bag of potato chips into his face. Most of the boys, including Sasuke, nodded. Suddenly, just for a moment, Sakura found Sasuke just a little less cool.
	?Then by some,? replied Ino, who also looked put off at Sasuke?s nod.
	?Yeah and,? began Naruto, ?What if your sensei took all of your money to-.?
	?Relax Naruto we?ll-,? began Sakura.
She noticed Hinata had turned to look at Naruto and was talking to him. She was pushing her fingers together in front of her chest and was blushing but from Naruto?s expression words were actually coming out of her mouth. Sakura couldn?t hear what she was saying but evidently Naruto could because after a moment he looked up at Sakura and said, ?Well never mind I guess.? He grinned and moved out from behind Hinata, who looked a little disappointed. _Odd girl?_
?All right well,? said Sakura finally. ?I guess that?s all for now. You can-.? Before she said ?go? everyone except Naruto, Hinata, and Kankuro started to leave. Sakura shrugged and decided to try to catch up with Sasuke.


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## Organized Chaos (Sep 23, 2006)

It is pretty decent, about 3.5 stars out of 5. But it is hard to read, next time use paragraphs! And brush up on your grammar, and description.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

Organized Chaos said:
			
		

> It is pretty decent, about 3.5 stars out of 5. But it is hard to read, next time use paragraphs! And brush up on your grammar, and description.


I already said this wasn't my best work. Check my first and second links before you judge me too harshly off of this. =/

Your assessment of 3.5 out of 5 is accurate though. =/ I should redo it.


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## Organized Chaos (Sep 23, 2006)

I'm not in anyway judging you. Wouldn't you rather recieve constructive criticsm rather then the countless of "G00D JOBZ!! LOLZ!" you will inevitably recieve merely for writing Naru/Hina?


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

Organized Chaos said:
			
		

> I'm not in anyway judging you. Wouldn't you rather recieve constructive criticsm rather then the countless of "G00D JOBZ!! LOLZ!" you will inevitably recieve merely for writing Naru/Hina?


YES, I'm just irritated with myself for doing such a crap job after doing great working on my NaruSakuraHina. It was mostly you pointing out what I had noticed on my own so I had to force myself to fix it. That, by the way, is what  I'm going to do now. Hi Ho Hi yada yada.

Oh and by the way. I do use paragraphs. I'm just not about to go through and use the space bar when this forum doesn't show the tabs.

Ok I redid it. It's back in the first post. It's better.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 23, 2006)

Hey well I actually liked that a lot. I guess it wasnt TOO out of place, because me, I have a problem with stories with that throw random characters together, like 100 percent could never happen. But yours was good, I think!


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

I won't be posting anymore scenes for anything until I start getting some comments again. I know people might just not be on today. But just in case...
Oh, and while I'm scaring you (or not, w/e) WRITE REAL FRIGGING REVIEWS!!! Like what Digital Venom does. Cause I'm not posting until I get some real reviews from the lot of you.


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

I find your FICs So great. I can really imagine how everything is going down. Keep up the good work. (dont fall too far behind in school work though)


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> I find your FICs So great. I can really imagine how everything is going down. Keep up the good work. (dont fall too far behind in school work though)


Heh, I'm fine. I get all A's and keep almost all schoolwork within time I'm actually at school


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

What i find so great about your stories is the fact that you can deliver a lot of information  and really create a great scene with your choice of words. I found a few mispelled words but hey no one is perfect. 
Gaara is one of my faves too


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

How long have you been writing? because I can't write worth shit. I can barley type right on this forum.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

I've been learning to write since 7th grade. I'm in 11th now. I started by roleplaying in chat rooms and then I decided to start writing my own book. I write fan fiction for my own resolution with characters and for practice. I'm pretty much self taught because the only useful thing public schools teach you in relation to english is how to read and write it. I bash public school english class a lot.  I'm still not really all that good. I can write a two page scene as good as any proffesional writer now (at least I think I can) even if i can't spell for shit. But I can't do it for 7 to 20 pages like I need to be able to do for my real story. I just burn out and run out of ideas and just steam when I write the scenes. I write them spontaniously, completely off the top of my head, because I'm already in the habit of way over planning my scenes. It's kind of made my real story boring. It's 12 books long right now and I have the entire plot and a lot of the scenes planned. This is just to practice and maintain my skills at writing until I can bare to get back to my real story.
Oh I'm gonna write the story for a cartoon too. I think I'm ready to start now so I'll start writing it this weekend. I still won't post it until I get more reviews though.


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

Thats cool keep practicing. yeah i found engrish class to be pretty lame. I never took a liking to writing, i prefer to draw.Right now me and a couple guys from work are writing our own MANGA series, hoping to publish it. We have a timeline layed out, characters are created and an outstanding story line. It was kind of hard because I watch/read a lot anime/manga's so it was hard coming up with fresh ideas and not try to be like naruto or bleach etc. WE did manage to create something great. I will have to let you read it when we are done writing, ( if you want I could use someones creative overlook). 

I wonder the same thing like what will happen when the manga ends and how the characters would turn out after 3-8 years. I def want naruto and hinata to have a little fox baby with Byakugan.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> Thats cool keep practicing. yeah i found engrish class to be pretty lame. I never took a liking to writing, i prefer to draw.Right now me and a couple guys from work are writing our own MANGA series, hoping to publish it. We have a timeline layed out, characters are created and an outstanding story line. It was kind of hard because I watch/read a lot anime/manga's so it was hard coming up with fresh ideas and not try to be like naruto or bleach etc. WE did manage to create something great. I will have to let you read it when we are done writing, ( if you want I could use someones creative overlook).
> 
> I wonder the same thing like what will happen when the manga ends and how the characters would turn out after 3-8 years. I def want naruto and hinata to have a little fox baby with Byakugan.


Yeah, three year period that the manga skipped. In the anime, its about to end and Akisaku or w/e is about to obduct Gaara, or whatever they'll have them do in the Anime. But this stage of mix and matched teams going on mischelanious (i can't spell for shit) missions is just about over. I could tell the moment I saw how Hinata was at the end of the last episode (in japanese) that was one of the last steps of the Hinata silently worshipping Naruto and their accidental  , hugging, and wife comments. Also because of the structure of the story, every plot is going to come crashing together into an end at once. This once that could take a few days in story time might actually take a few days in real time like that season of the sound five and Naruto's fight with Sasuke. But seriously there's about to be a major shift in the anime. Just wait and see.

As a note (related to this post) : I can read the first 1/4 to 1/2 of a book and then with fair accuracy and without really thinking about it tell you the plot details of the ending. I can't help it though. It kinda sucks when I'm 5 minutes into a movie, or 5 chapters into a book and suddenly a character says something and I'm like "FUCK! Now I know the ending." ;D


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

To your comment in my NaruHina fan fic:
pieces of art?  I've got genious too. I'm just short of someone typing in really big letters:
YOU ARE A WRITING GOD!!!
or something like that.

Anyway, Kakashi/Anko... I don't know the character Anko nearly well enough to right her. Between her behavior in the chuunin exam and then later on that one mission I am very confused about her character.
I did think of writing a young Tsunade/Oorochimaru tragedy though. Cause you know. Naruto=Jiryaiyi, Sakura = Tsunade, and Sasuke = Orochimaru. So wouldn't Tsunade have liked Orochimaru at some point?


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## digital_venom (Sep 23, 2006)

I have to say its a little rushed (I don't know if you were pressed for time to write this one) It has a couple of grammatical mistakes, and sloppy underdeveloped ideas and/or sentences.
Example:
_Tenten was smiling. Gaara, Neji, and Shikamaru showed no reaction of any kind, and the most anyone else did was go, ?Oh.?_

Well, you get the point I don't really need to explain what's wrong because you can tell  And, if you don't, well here I go:

First, you jammed characters into there like there is no tomorrow for the Naruto World  This part that I singled out, is because although you attempted to note character's existence, you *blasted* through it and summed up the rest with:
_and the most anyone else did was go, ?Oh.?_
(GAH! I died a little inside when reading that )
There are a couple of mort parts like this with the same principle I said you gave very little or no detail, but I'm too lazy to point them all out  

Please separate speech dialogue from EVERYTHING ELSE! Its common practice and you did that in your other ff's (I don't know why, you didn't do it here ). On a similiar note, please do use paragraphs. It really does make everything nice and tidy 

You had a couple of small spelling mistakes, but who cares you can still understand it

Unlike your previous works, this was more of a 'dry' read. But, I'm guessing it one of those scenes you just got to go through just for the character development and set 'stage' for next part. I can't comment about the story till you write more and I don't know how people said '3.5/5' or something. Are they commenting on the quality of the material or the quality of the ff so far? IF, its the 'Option B' you can't really rate it because there hasn't been enough of the ff to actually gauge... *sigh* ohs wells I think I need another beer

I've got to say this is *definitely* not your best work, but hopefully you can pull it out of the fiery ashes. You don't need to do a complete re-write, but maybe expand in a just a few areas. The story did have a few strong points that I liked.
i.e. the unknown Naruto and Kankuro 'side deal'

Anyways, keep writing and good luck

-digital_venom


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

I see the shift coming, I watch the sub and sometime the Dub if i am bored. I am up to date with the Manga too. I can't wait.  I did not like how in the manga Hinata got no paper time except for a one pg shot. It made me upset. who else do u think are going to hook up. I like how you brought sasuke back in such a fancy way (ha ha i said fancy). I kind of thinking of my own way this series will end.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

digital_venom said:
			
		

> I have to say its a little rushed (I don't know if you were pressed for time to write this one) It has a couple of grammatical mistakes, and sloppy underdeveloped ideas and/or sentences.
> Example:
> _Tenten was smiling. Gaara, Neji, and Shikamaru showed no reaction of any kind, and the most anyone else did was go, ?Oh.?_
> 
> ...


Ok, if i sound irritated its cause, I am. On the topic of sloppy, (via my writing which it was) you did some sloppy reading and analyzing. I didn't comment on the things I could of for a number of reasons.
1.) Those characters or w/e just weren't very important to the story.
2.) As to the 'oh' thing, they're reactions wouldn't have been much more than that anyway.
3.) IT WASN'T FRIGGING IMPORTANT.
4.) IT WASN'T FRIGGING IMPORTANT.
5.) etc, etc, etc

As to the rest, yeah its a dry scene, but it's not entirely my fault. It *is* just one of those plain scenes necessary to set the stage for stuff. I couldn't have made this scene my best work in a week. I was never going to hook you like Naruto and Sakura's hot spring foreplay or those things I have Naruto and Hinata do. It just couldn't be helped. Yes, I could have written it better, in making more interesting. Most of the mistakes you pointed out were planned and just my not stressing unimportant information and trying to keep a slow scene moving. Cause nobody wants to read 5 pages of this shtick. And its worse for the person writing it.
I hope that cleared some things up. 
As to the paragraph thing. Get over it. I'm not running through all of my work and finding and putting spaces at the start of every paragraph just because copying and pasting from word doesn't do it for me. I'm sorry that it bothers you but it's not relevant to the story and I'm sick of hearing about it. Thank you.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> I see the shift coming, I watch the sub and sometime the Dub if i am bored. I am up to date with the Manga too. I can't wait.  I did not like how in the manga Hinata got no paper time except for a one pg shot. It made me upset. who else do u think are going to hook up. I like how you brought sasuke back in such a fancy way (ha ha i said fancy). I kind of thinking of my own way this series will end.


Brought him back when? Huh? I'm confused.


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 23, 2006)

i thought it was pretty good...but i dont think that temari would be up to doing that kind of stuff...by the way..where in timeline is this supposed to be and please remined me...what is "scoffed"


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

92RASENGANCHIDORI92 said:
			
		

> i thought it was pretty good...but i dont think that temari would be up to doing that kind of stuff...by the way..where in timeline is this supposed to be and please remined me...what is "scoffed"


1) this is really ooc. Japenese don't celebrate christmas like we do.
Also, yeah I know. It's gonna end up being a joke they have or something, I don't know. I'm so sick of defending this crappy ass scene. The scene, just the type of scene, not just as I wrote it, sucks. It's just a boring necessary scene.      

You can all also stopping reminding me that my spelling sucks. I already know. As to grammer, rather than telling me copy, paste it and tell me whats wrong. Unless it's really bad and you tell me what to look for it's not worth my time to go back and fix it.

To scoff is to speak to someone about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way.


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> Brought him back when? Huh? I'm confused.



I think i was refering to one of your other stories, i think it was when sakura and  saskue/oro faced off. other wise i think i am just plain crazy  and dont knwo what i am talking about my self.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> I think i was refering to one of your other stories, i think it was when sakura and  saskue/oro faced off. other wise i think i am just plain crazy  and dont knwo what i am talking about my self.


I figured it was then. I just had to make sure.
Yeah, Sakura totally has to kick Sasuke's ass for the crap he's put her through. Also, Sasuke does have to kill Itachi but he has to do it not out of revenge but to save Sakura, (or naruto i guess maybe) (See 3 page first ff at the first link of my signature.)

PLEASE NOTE: IN CASE YOU DON'T REALIZE THIS FAN FIC IS COMPLETELY OOC, OUT OF CHARACTER. IT'S NOT SERIOUSLY MEANT TO BE CONSIDERED AS PART OF THE STORY. ITS AFTER THE SASUKE OROCHIMARU BIT IS DEALT WITH. ALL THE OTHER WEIRD STUFF WILL BE EXPLAINED ONCE THE STORY MOVES FORWARD.

Thank you very much...


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

Of course if it was in character that would take all the fun out of this. Besides it is great to put a little twist on some of the characters. I mean i always imagined  sakura to turn out to some slut . Do you know what type of gifts they are going to get?


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 23, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> Of course if it was in character that would take all the fun out of this. Besides it is great to put a little twist on some of the characters. I mean i always imagined  sakura to turn out to some slut . Do you know what type of gifts they are going to get?


Well, Kankuro the Puppet Master of love : mistletoe is the hint for one.
Hinata made hers for Naruto. And after Sakura gets one of hers Ino's gonna be pissed. Also after one of Sakura's gifts Naruto's going to have to run away. (Super no descriptive amd confusing.)


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## shadow__nin (Sep 23, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> Well, Kankuro the Puppet Master of love : mistletoe is the hint for one.
> Hinata made hers for Naruto. And after Sakura gets one of hers Ino's gonna be pissed. Also after one of Sakura's gifts Naruto's going to have to run away. (Super no descriptive amd confusing.)


Tee Hee. Puppet master of LOVE. I can't to see what they get, it will be great.
This is off subject but what other anime's do u watch?


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

shadow__nin said:
			
		

> Tee Hee. Puppet master of LOVE. I can't to see what they get, it will be great.
> This is off subject but what other anime's do u watch?


I watch Inuyasha, I watched Igpx, samuri champloo when it's on, I'm an avid digimon fan even though it's really pg. I still watch pokemon from time to time, usually when misty shows up on it cause a part of me is still hooked on the Ash/Misty romance from when I was a fan years ago. I wrote a AAML fan fic a while ago, a long while ago, like 4 years ago. The writing's not great but the idea is. I wanted to rewrite it, finish it, and then send it to the makers so that they'd at least end the crap show well. I'm gonna start writing Naruto ff that I can sell to the makers and hopefully get paid and get a few of my stories into the anime.


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> Ok, if i sound irritated its cause, I am. On the topic of sloppy, (via my writing which it was) you did some sloppy reading and analyzing. I didn't comment on the things I could of for a number of reasons.
> 1.) Those characters or w/e just weren't very important to the story.
> 2.) As to the 'oh' thing, they're reactions wouldn't have been much more than that anyway.
> 3.) IT WASN'T FRIGGING IMPORTANT.
> ...



Here is an example of someone I consider to be a *WRITING GOD* Author DameWren _<- absolutely brillant! SO Worthy of praise and a Shrine and the whole 'sha-bang'_


(covers your point 1 & 2 and the 'shtick' at the end of the post)
You misunderstood what I meant by detail/depth. This is just some suggested reading, take a look at some of DameWren's work... Adding bulk as you said doesn't make it anymore clear or any better... that's true, but what I meant is in detail to specific's (is best represented by DameWren's work...) There is no shtick just clear concise and well written material (uhhhh... just soooo good; you get all warm inside reading it over and over again) You'll also note that Wren doesn't introduce character's to the ff for the sake of it... everything/everyone has a purpose (omg its just well planned...sooooo good )

Note: I used Wren as a comparison between the two of you because although you are a very impressive writer with real potential; Wren is simply put a GOD(sad to see there is no more ffs )! His three ff's that are still unfinished are AMAZING and is someone to aspire to. I know everyone writes differently, but there are just some aspects that make one ff stand out from another and I was just noting it...

Oh yea, the paragraph thing is just common practice... just easier on the eyes  . If its a inconvience no one's forcing you to do it... 

Well, I'm hungry and don't want to type anymore

-digital_venom


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 24, 2006)

@hina junkie
if you do that then id have more reason to watch teh anime!


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

digital_venom said:
			
		

> Here is an example of someone I consider to be a *WRITING GOD* Author DameWren _<- absolutely brillant! SO Worthy of praise and a Shrine and the whole 'sha-bang'_
> 
> 
> (covers your point 1 & 2 and the 'shtick' at the end of the post)
> ...


... I don't entirely disagree, but this scene isn't worth griping over. It's a lame scene to begin with, and honestly i'm growing increasingly sick of NaruHinas. Your right. I could write the scene better, and if it wasn't a fan fiction, and the type of scene I hate most, I would have. I wouldn't have even written the scene if I could work around it. I'd right more but I'm tired and it's late. I'll read some of that guys work and see if I can take something from it. I'm not sure I'm going to be working on much more NaruHina... or I may slow down to Brant's pace, a post about each weekend, while I write my real stories at the pace I was writing ffs before. I can dream I guess... just not until 2 am...


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## shadow__nin (Sep 24, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> I watch Inuyasha, I watched Igpx, samuri champloo when it's on, I'm an avid digimon fan even though it's really pg. I still watch pokemon from time to time, usually when misty shows up on it cause a part of me is still hooked on the Ash/Misty romance from when I was a fan years ago. I wrote a AAML fan fic a while ago, a long while ago, like 4 years ago. The writing's not great but the idea is. I wanted to rewrite it, finish it, and then send it to the makers so that they'd at least end the crap show well. I'm gonna start writing Naruto ff that I can sell to the makers and hopefully get paid and get a few of my stories into the anime.



making the cash. america's dream. i see you writing some better scenes than some of the ones they have now. I def approve of your ideas. Go for it you never know what will happen.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

I just need to add one thing. Venom, I love that you criticise, but I don't think you understand why most of us write or read fan fiction. When I wrote the NaruSakuraHina (my most recent prime as a writer  ) I was going for as well written as a possibly could. But that doesn't necessarily mean everything has a specific and determined purpose. It's based off a cartoon, so we can afford to be a little random with what we right. I was trying to make it funny/hot/adorable in approprate proportions and yada yada. I seem to remember you thinking the way I had Sakura get to the Orochimaru possessed Sasuke was wrong and weird. I told you this isn't serious work. It's still not. Theres more to say and maybe I'll add it tomorrow but right now my tiredness is sneaking up on me again and I need to stop be for I start to start all my sentances with 'duhr'.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

@ Venom
Um well, this guy's work is ok... I guess. It's interesting at least, but what I've read I definately wouldn't call godly. It honestly seems more rushed and random then what I wrote for this ff. But then again maybe I'm tired. I'll look at it again in the morning.


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 24, 2006)

....why does everyone want there work to be flawed? and why does everyone think opening scenes are always shitty? im tired of this....not the ff but almost  everyone here..its rude but im really fuckin tired of all this shit!!!! i know there are mistakes im not blind  nit im trying to give positive reinforcement dont help so ill keep most my comments to myself..and yes thats right i said fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............ok...im done


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

A tip for the lot of you. NEVER give me a link to someone elses work and say: "This is better *I like it better* than the way you do it." This is a massive insult and is mostly going to piss me off a great deal. Especially if what your saying the other person is doing better is just a matter of greater experiance and practice and age on their part. This has nothing to do the scene but with my mid, in-progress style.

PS: Venom this is what I'm doing in place of yelling at you some more. Also the reason I'm posting this now is I just drank about a quart of expresso to wake myself up and am now thinking pretty clearly.


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 24, 2006)

...............i have nothing to say now...to anyone i think....im in bad mood...i feel useless ...no one say anything to me today please...........i wasnt directing that comment at just one person...


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## Chojuto (Sep 24, 2006)

When's the next update going to be?


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## Tanaka Ichiro (Sep 24, 2006)

ok guys, fuck everyone whose complaining about how bad the scene was cuzz it wasnt bad, just lay the fuck off and let hinajunkie concentrate on the next part instead of getting fucking annoyed by pricks.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Ah... I don't know. I'm gonna try to write some more for some of my various fan fics today but mostly I want to start and introduce the character and world of my cartton story. I'm still not posting till I get some real reviews though.



> ok guys, fuck everyone whose complaining about how bad the scene was cuzz it wasnt bad, just lay the fuck off and let hinajunkie concentrate on the next part instead of getting fucking annoyed by pricks.



Yes, yes, yes. Listin to what he says people. 

Oh and for reviews, don't try to be like Venom so much. Just tell me a few things you liked/didn't you though I did well/didn't and a little bit about why. Vemon analyzes my stuff from the perspective of someone who knows how to write. (if sometimes he analyzes the wrong stuff) I want to know what a reader would think.


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## Organized Chaos (Sep 24, 2006)

.:Naruto-Hinata:. said:
			
		

> ok guys, fuck everyone whose complaining about how bad the scene was cuzz it wasnt bad, just lay the fuck off and let hinajunkie concentrate on the next part instead of getting fucking annoyed by pricks.




Shut the hell up man! If hinajunki puts a story up he/she should expect to get reviews whether it is bad or good.


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> A tip for the lot of you. NEVER give me a link to someone elses work and say: "This is better *I like it better* than the way you do it." This is a massive insult and is mostly going to piss me off a great deal. Especially if what your saying the other person is doing better is just a matter of greater experiance and practice and age on their part. This has nothing to do the scene but with my mid, in-progress style.
> 
> PS: Venom this is what I'm doing in place of yelling at you some more. Also the reason I'm posting this now is I just drank about a quart of expresso to wake myself up and am now thinking pretty clearly.



Uhhh... I don't know if you read through or not, but I wasn't comparing that he was better. I was using his work because he *does* have a great deal more experience as you said and more practice too. I was using his work as an example of structure. Well, I'm not gonna repeat myself just look at previous post, because that just a waste of time. Anyways, if you took this as an offense... well I can't help that except explain a little more what I was doing. Which was making a comparison between the work of someone very experienced to someone somewhat experienced in terms of structure *not* the 'ff storytelling abilities'. Here, one more time so you don't miss it: I'm not saying he's better because my personal preference is geared towards it. I'm saying take note of the structure and flow to better your material.

-digital_venom


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

Organized Chaos said:
			
		

> Shut the hell up man! If hinajunki puts a story up he/she should expect to get reviews whether it is bad or good.



There is a difference between narkin' and constructive crit. If its constructive crit. then by all means an author should listen, but if its senseless bashing then... its wrong, unless there is some sort of justification
Organized Chaos is right... an author should be able to 'roll with the punches', because if all a person heard was "That's Awesome" then their work suffers and doesn't 'grow'

My foot hurts... I think I need a doctor  


-digital_venom


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Organized Chaos said:
			
		

> Shut the hell up man! If hinajunki puts a story up he/she should expect to get reviews whether it is bad or good.


I'm actually hoping for some negative reviews. Just while Vemon's review was right on all counts (except perhaps that other guy's writing being godly) he nitpicked over the development of my style, which isn't a mistake so much as my needing a bit more experiance and practice. Also holding up that guys work and basically going "yeah this guy's work is so much better than yours" even if its true (which I'm not sure it is) is a huge insult. If he'd just said you should read this and take a look at how he does 'x'. I wouldn't have gotten so steamed. I don't mind negative reviews. Vemon just hit a nerve.

And it's no problem Venom. it just sounded like this when you first said it: "yeah this guy's work is so much better than yours"
The problem was mostly mine and you needed worry about it. I still love that I get real negative/postive/whatever reviews from you.

And yeah I know your right. You just pointed out all of the flaws I was well aware of and was already annoyed with myself over.

I hate that type of scene.     

Ok now to work, not that I'll post until i get 1 or 2 more reviews from people, even if there just "I like how/that you did 'x', 'y', 'z' and i didn't like how/that you did 'w' because.

I just want to point out what I'm doing. When the last post is mine on forums and I want to say more I just add on to that last post. I've already got in trouble with the administration for double and triple posting, spam, and plain old 'so what are you doing' conversation in my threads. This is my way of at least keeping the double + triple posting to a minimum.


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> I'm actually hoping for some negative reviews. Just while Vemon's review was right on all counts (except perhaps that other guy's writing being godly) he nitpicked over the development of my style, which isn't a mistake so much as my needing a bit more experiance and practice. Also holding up that guys work and basically going "yeah this guy's work is so much better than yours" even if its true (which I'm not sure it is) is a huge insult. If he'd just said you should read this and take a look at how he does 'x'. I wouldn't have gotten so steamed. I don't mind negative reviews. Vemon just hit a nerve.
> 
> And it's no problem Venom. it just sounded like this when you first said it: "yeah this guy's work is so much better than yours"
> The problem was mostly mine and you needed worry about it. I still love that I get real negative/postive/whatever reviews from you.



Naw, that just ignorance if I said that his work was better than yours. I wouldn't be giving credit where credit it due and like I said that would be bashing and not constructive critism.

Anyways, my foot is swelling so I think I need that doctor 

Peace 

-digital_venom


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Bashing does have its uses though. (Don't any of you dare do it or I won't post on here anymore.) Still by having someone flash someone elses work and say "Hey this is so much better than yours,  " besides the very strong urge to hunt that person down and hit them that does cause the urge to write the scene better. It would anyway, if I didn't hate the scene so much.     Die scene die....


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## Chojuto (Sep 24, 2006)

I think the first scene was alright, I just really want to read the next part.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

OK WTF. I like this stupid fanfic. I wanna read more. (OOps that was a subtle compliment I forgot all you want is HATE) You said you wouldnt write until you got more reviews. I wents through 3 pages of reviews looking for a part 2. Can you PLEASE write more now????
  ITS BAD that was HORRIBLE totally OOC!!!!! Ok how about now???


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> ITS BAD that was HORRIBLE totally OOC!!!!! Ok how about now???


Man if that wasn't completely true I would have taken it badly. 
Oh well.  So I'm halfway through the next scene. It's not gonna be much better than the other one though. It's just another annoying, boring, but neccesary scene. =/

Ok since you're impatient I'll give you the half I have done. I'll try to finish it today.

As everyone else made their way out of the large training room Hinata, Naruto, and Kankuro made their way to the center of the room where Sakura, Ino, and Tenten had been standing. Tenten had taken the box with her so the table was left bare and with plenty of room on top for Hinata to sit on it. Naruto sat on it too, but Kankuro just stood off to the side, fidgeting impatiently as they waited for everyone to clear out. Finally they did and Naruto spoke. ?So do either of you have any ideas for the decorations.?
?Don?t you? Asked Kankuro, sounding as impatient as he looked. ?I mean you were so eager to be in charge.?
Hinata didn?t say anything. Really, she had only volunteered to help because Naruto had. She was hoping this would be a chance for, well, _something_ to happen. She didn?t actually have any idea what to do about decorations though. _I?m probably just going to get in the way?_
?Well yeah,? replied Naruto with an embarrassed-looking grin. ?I know how they?re usually set up because well, I used to get in trouble a lot during this time of the year and I had to set up the decorations a bunch of times. I just thought we should try to do a few things differently this time.?
?Um, I think that?s a great idea Naruto,? squeaked Hinata. Naruto actually blushed a little _at what I said_ and grinned much more cheerfully than before.
?Thanks Hinata!? He said, causing Hinata to blush now. She bit down a grin and looked quickly at the floor, and then back up at Kankuro when he spoke.
?Well, I can do something with mistletoe that I know will be new,? he declared in a bit of a dry tone. ?There?s this thing you can do with chakra threads that causes the mistletoe to lower from the ceiling in random places when people trigger them to. The traps for it out invisible so people can?t just avoid them. In fact, they won?t even know they?re there until it?s too late.? He smirked a little as he said this but his tone remained dry. Even so, Naruto got very excited by the sand ninja?s proposal.
?Oh! That gives me a great idea!? Naruto grinned mischievously and Hinata felt sure that this ?great idea? had something to do with Sakura.
?Well, I can-. Um?? Both Naruto and Kankuro looked over at Hinata when she began to speak. Because of that she blushed a deeper red than before and looked away. She had to stop talking as she momentarily forgot what she was going to say when both Naruto and Kankuro. Frantically she tried to remember. She quickly gave up and tried to think of what to say instead. ?I can help put up the decorations.? She flinched and had to look away. Her face grew hot. Naruto laughed, he actually laughed. Hinata couldn?t bare to look up at him. _He must think that I?m an idiot. He must think-._
?Yeah I don?t have the slightest clue either Hinata,? Naruto said, saving Hinata?s hopes a little later than she would have liked. She braved a look back up at Naruto?s face and found he was smiling. ?Don?t worry about it,? he said reassuringly. ?We?ll think of something.? Hinata felt a little better and nodded with a small smile. Kankuro rolled his eyes and turned and started toward the door.
?Well I?ll leave the two of you to think of what to do. I?ve got work to do,? Kankuro said. Naruto sat up suddenly and opened his mouth to say something. Kankuro, as if sensing what Naruto was about to say said, ?Tell me about your ?great idea? tomorrow Naruto, all right??
?Fine,? said Naruto. He slumped back on the table and for a second looked like her was pouting. Unfortunately he slumped too far back and he fell backward off the table. ?AHH!?
?Naruto!? Squeaked Hinata. She dove after him in an attempt to catch him before he landed. She did catch him though. _She caught his hand._ However, she had no success at even slowing Naruto?s fall. Instead he just pulled her down off the back of the table with him. Naruto landed on his back with a grunt and Hinata landed on him.
They lay there for a moment, or maybe a few moments. There was a good chance that Naruto was in a fair bit of pain, or simply couldn?t move, but Hinata found herself more focused on that they were touching. Their bodies? their legs? She was still holding his hand and one of Naruto?s feet was rubbing lightly against hers as he shifted under her and groaned softly. Their faces were very close to. Naruto?s eyes were closed and he was cringing from pain, but he was still very? His whisker scars we just so cute. Just the scars were though. Really, Hinata found the rest of his appearance quite? quite? Finally she remembered that Naruto was in pain and reluctantly she rolled off him. ?Are you all right Naruto?? She asked weakly. She reached out her hand toward him a little before pulling it back. ?Can you move??
?Yeah,? Naruto grinned and lifted his arms and put them behind his head. He opened his eyes and winked at her. ?I?m fine. It?s just really comfortable laying here.? Hinata could help but laugh softly at this. Then she bit down a grin and Naruto slowly sat up. He stayed leaned back with his arms extended behind him to prop him up. He looked at her for a moment in an odd way that made her cheeks feel warm. Then, in a perfectly cheerful-sounding voice he asked, ?Hey do you want to go get some ramen? I?m starved.?
Hinata just stared at him blankly. She made sure she didn?t say, ?Like a date?? or anything like that in case it would make him uncomfortable and change his mind. Not that she really thought she could speak just then anyway. Since she couldn?t she just nodded and flashed another weak smile.


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

short but sweet... I think I need another beer


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

digital_venom said:
			
		

> short but sweet... I think I need another beer


Check again I added a few paragraphs.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

OK thank you finally!!!
OK OK I liked it!!!! Uh, I mean, it was so stupid, and uh, random.
Even if it was I'm easily amused so your writing could be crap but if its interesting to read I'll say its good. Therefore I say it was good.
  OK im awaiting the 2nd half. )


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## digital_venom (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> OK thank you finally!!!
> *OK OK I liked it!!!! Uh, I mean, it was so stupid, and uh, random.*
> Even if it was I'm easily amused so your writing could be crap but if its interesting to read I'll say its good. Therefore I say it was good.
> OK im awaiting the 2nd half. )



Two Words: Psychiatric Help  

You're one messed up youth... you like things that are stupid and random?... just jokin'

Good addition to the previous and my _buzz_ is wearing off  

So, waiting for the next update

-digital_venom


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Oh, yeah. *Changed his signiture and had to go and do some stuff for a bit afterward.*  

I forgot I was going to go on. Ok here I go.

Hi Ho Hi yada yada


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Ok here's some more of the ff. I'm still working on the scene right now so don't worry I'll finish it today.


?Mmm? This is so good!? Naruto exclaimed between mouthfuls of ramen noodles and soup. He gulfed down the last of the soup and then set down his bowl so hard Hinata jumped and thought it might break. It didn?t though, and Naruto immediately said, ?Seconds please!?
?You mean sixths right?? Said the owner?s daughter Ayame. She smirked and rolled her eyes. ?Your not going to make this sweet girl pay for all of this are you??
?No, of course no- oh wait?? Naruto grimaced and pulled out his empty wallet. He, Ayame, and Hinata stared at the wallet for a moment.
?Its all right Naruto,? Hinata said weakly. ?I have-.?
?No! I?ll just have to-.?
?Oh never mind,? said Ayame. ?I can?t ruin your date over the bill. You?re our best customer. We?ll just add this to your next bill.?
?Date!?? Exclaimed Naruto. He suddenly started fidgeting and looking around wildly, just not at Hinata. Before Naruto could say anymore Hinata cut in.
?Thank you,? she said with a smile. While Naruto was still looking the other direction Ayame flashed a small and winked at Hinata before walking to talk to her father at the other side of the small one-room restaurant.
When Naruto did look back at Hinata he was grinning, but he still looked a little uncomfortable. He leaned over a little and whispered, ?Thanks Hinata. I?m really sorry I should have remembered I was broke.?
?It?s ok,? she replied with a small smile. ?I would have paid anyway. It?s not like a need the money for anything.?
Naruto frowned. ?What about your gift, for whoever?s name you pulled out of the hat earlier.?
Hinata blushed a little and looked at her half finished bowl of ramen. By the time she was able to look back Ayame had come over with Naruto?s sixth bowl, but he hadn?t noticed it yet. _He?s more interested in me then the ramen._ This made her blush again and she almost had to look away again. She didn?t though and when she was able she quietly said, ?I already made something for them.?
Naruto seemed to realize there was ramen in front of him again. He started sniffing the air and adopted a dreamy expression. He shook himself though and frowned at her. ?You already made them something? Wow, you must really like them.?
?Well,? began Hinata, looking back at her half-full bowl of ramen. She could feel her face growing warmer. A part of her wished he?d stop being more interested in her than his ramen. But another part? ?I-.?
?Aw, it?s ok,? said Naruto suddenly. She felt him pat her lightly on the shoulder and looked at him. He was grinning. He always was. He always managed to be so cheerful and confident. ?You don?t have to tell me. It?s really none of my business.? She smiled weakly. She did everything weakly. She was in the process of looking back at her bowl and starting to feel a little sorry for herself when Naruto said, ?Hey Hinata, what kind of things do you like?? She just looked at him. It was such an odd thing for him to ask her.
_Maybe he just wants to get to know me better._
No.
_Maybe he didn?t pull Sakura?s name out of the hat. Maybe he got my name._
Then why would he ask me directly? Naruto wouldn?t do something foolish like that and risk the surprise. He?s far too clever for that.
_Well?_
Maybe he just likes me and wants to get to know me better.
_Eh?_
He probably picked my name out of the hat and not Sakura?s.
_Maybe he didn?t though?_
?Hinata?? Naruto prodded her arm lightly causing her to start so violently she almost fell off her stool.
?EE!?
Naruto caught her, but had to get off of his stool to do so. They were close again, but only a little and only for a moment as once he made sure she all right he let her go and sat back on his stool. ?Did you hear what I asked??
?What kind of things do I like,? Hinata echoed, still staring at Naruto. He slowly started to appear more uncomfortable so she looked away. ?Well? why do you want to know?? She asked evasively, as the only thing she could think of that she liked just then was Naruto.
	?Well, don?t tell anyone but I got Sakura?s name in the hat, and I have absolutely no idea what to get her. I figured since you?re a girl, you could help.?
	As Naruto spoke all of Hinata?s hopes were dashed, broken, and otherwise destroyed. She did her best to keep her disappointment from her voice but was so disappointed that a cheery tone would sound misrible to her, so she couldn?t really tell. ?Well, I suppose Sakura would like-.?
	?Sasuke,? Naruto finished for her. ?He?s all she wants. But I want to know the kind of things girls like. I think I should surprise her with something nice that she would like, not another thing she already knows she wants.?
	Once again Hinata felt worse after Naruto spoke. _I wish he would think that way and try that hard for me?_ Whine a voice in her head. With a small sigh Hinata quieted the misrible voice in her mind. ?Well, I?m not exactly sure where to start.?
	?That?s all right,? said Naruto cheerfully. ?I don?t mind if it takes a while. I actually really like talking to you Hinata.? Hinata?s face grew instantly hot. She didn?t look away this time as she already was. She flashed a bit-lipped smile.
_*I* actually really *like* talking to *you Hinata*._


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Oh, and by the way, anyone who spots the really cool thing i did to characterize Hinata gets a prize.
Hint: It has to do with italics.

Now I have to go outside and like spend an hour figuring out what the hell Hinata would like besides Naruto.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

> Two Words: Psychiatric Help
> 
> You're one messed up youth... you like things that are stupid and random?... just jokin'



Sure I like things that are stupid and random



> and my buzz is wearing off



Like that. ) jk

Hina Junkie keep it up I like where your going with it...!


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Wow, theres actually a girl reading one of my fan fics. That's the second time ever, and I've been doing this for a little over 3 years. 

By the way I think I'm done for today.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

You mean girls dont read your fics? I like to think girls make up most of the percentage of readers in general  
Idk why wouldnt they really.....


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> You mean girls dont read your fics? I like to think girls make up most of the percentage of readers in general
> Idk why wouldnt they really.....


It's a fic about a pretty gorey ninja cartoon (for cartoon) that's really kind of guy oriented. (I can't spell) I mean the only other time I got a girl's comment on my ff was my Pokemon ff years ago.
*Sigh* it was a great idea, but it wasn't written great.  I'd love to get a hold of the rights to the pokemon show and fix it. Or at least make the rest of it good. It's rep is doomed though. It's too bad, the story had a lot of potential, but instead the wrote a crap show.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

Oh yeah. I really just forgot about what Naruto actually is. Like I'm always watching shows that that, but it is really uncommon for girls.
Im so dumb sometimes, I mean DUH.
I LOVE Naruto, but I must sadly admit. What got me watching Naruto was....Sasuke. XD
And as for gorey, not really. I can only watch the dub so......preeeeeety pg-13.....


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> Oh yeah. I really just forgot about what Naruto actually is. Like I'm always watching shows that that, but it is really uncommon for girls.
> Im so dumb sometimes, I mean DUH.
> I LOVE Naruto, but I must sadly admit. What got me watching Naruto was....Sasuke. XD
> And as for gorey, not really. I can only watch the dub so......preeeeeety pg-13.....


Yeah pg-13, but its about fighting and death, they may not show lots of decapitation and squirting blood, but that's what the shows about. And just wait until itachi shows up and fucks up Kakashi. Then we get serious gore.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

NO WAY ITATCHI DEOS WHAT?????? HOW????? OMG POOR KAKASHI WHY???? Was he trying to protect Sasuke or something???? real gore????? TELL ME PLEASE


WARNING: Addicted to spoilers


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Ok go to you tube and search "Naruto Episode 82" it should be called sharingon vs sharingon, not that you'll necessarily see the title in english. There should be english subtitles and trust me, Naruto english subs are so much better than english dubbing. There's none of that stupid "Believe it!" for starts. They do often overuse the word definately though...


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

I have dial-up so U tube deosnt work for me. Anyway, I read it up on some review. I cant wait untill i see that episode. Stabbed for for 72 hours in a matter of seconds? I wonder what thats going to look like......
Anyway I'm going to add something much needed to my signiture...


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

Um lets see... as to what it looks like... have you seen Kill Bill, either volume? Though Lucy Lui's section in volume one is a pretty accurate example. In episode 82 its the same as her manga just in excess and minus the squirting blood, at least in visual.



> WARNING: I am a spoiler-addict. Spoliers have ruined Naruto for me. No matter how much I say:
> 
> InoSakuShine: NO WAY HE DID WHAT TELL ME!!!!
> or
> ...


Uh... oops...



> OMG I've GOT to know you KNOW you want to tell me...


Ok as to that, you'd have to be older, adorabe via personality + appearance, right in front of me in real life and doing something cute for that to have any effect.


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

Kill Bill? Dont remember. But I will look it up on manga.....NO! No more spoilers for me......I'm not even supposed to know about Itachi, Yondaime, Tsunade, Sai, Kishi and ANBU. *covers ears*


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> Kill Bill? Dont remember. But I will look it up on manga.....NO! No more spoilers for me......I'm not even supposed to know about Itachi, Yondaime, Tsunade, Sai, Kishi and ANBU. *covers ears*


You are completely and utterly doomed.     



> *covers ears*


 Most people I've seen do that roleplay or are at least familiar with it online. Last time I said this I was actually right about the person so i just thought I'd check here too. I guess you could have seen me do it in the thread though...
Also no one would think less of you for reading the manga. It's not like the anime is going to follow it very well. I personally think the mission with sasori and dis chick ->  is about to happen like, really really soon in the anime. Though I think Hinata might end up going too... They're putting her way more in the anime then they did in the manga. And all parts of the story are about to shift to a new step or they're going to start ending and resolving. I hope that was a general enough comment that I didn't tell you too much.

PS: There needs to be a Gaara Post Icon, and a New Hinata Smilie, like a Naru Hina smilie.

Btw, what would everyone's response be to a Hinata/Sasuke Romance Fan Fic?


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 24, 2006)

> Ok as to that, you'd have to be older, adorabe via personality + appearance, right in front of me in real life and doing something cute for that to have any effect.



But thats not what i meant....I meant people like to be assholes and spoil people even when they dont want it......



> doing something cute for that to have any effect.


  Ok then will THIS change your mind...       no, how about this?


  <----that right there is cute. Small, but cute.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 24, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> But thats not what i meant....I meant people like to be assholes and spoil people even when they dont want it......
> 
> 
> Ok then will THIS change your mind...       no, how about this?
> ...


Yeah, Neji thought so too.
Neji Might Love Hinata, but Neji Loves Naruto. For the same reason: Gaara Loves Naruto. He 'saved them from the darkness' and they think of him so fondly for it...


Finally! My new signiture is done. What do you all think?


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 25, 2006)

nice sig. And thanks for dispelling all that information that I didnt know already.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 25, 2006)

InoSakuShine said:
			
		

> nice sig. And thanks for dispelling all that information that I didnt know already.


Sorry... I think. You're doomed by reading fanfics though. =/


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 25, 2006)

Speaking of fanfic shouldn't you be writing one right now?


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 25, 2006)

I posted this on My NaruSakuraHina ff thread --> I'm going to ask this again cause no one responded last time. What would your/everyone's response be if I made this fanfic/a fanfic into a NaruSakura, but more centrally and HinaSasuke?


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## InoSakuShine (Sep 25, 2006)

That would be really interesting. SasuHina? Ive always imagined that. Go for it.


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## digital_venom (Sep 25, 2006)

I dunno the pairing of Sasuke and Hinata seems weird since they never interact...

But whatever floats your boat


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 25, 2006)

digital_venom said:
			
		

> I dunno the pairing of Sasuke and Hinata seems weird since they never interact...
> 
> But whatever floats your boat


Its just my way of keeping the NaruSakuraHina(And Now)Sasuke Interesting


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## digital_venom (Sep 25, 2006)

or you could steer away from love fics and write something else?

Choices, choice choices... in the end its up to you and like I said before 
"whatever floats your boat"


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## Kouu Koigokoro (Sep 25, 2006)

A SasuHina would be kinda cool. I've never read one before, but I've always likes that ship.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 25, 2006)

digital_venom said:
			
		

> or you could steer away from love fics and write something else?
> 
> Choices, choice choices... in the end its up to you and like I said before
> "whatever floats your boat"


Not only am I sick of romances myself, my real skills/talents lye elsewhere with fight scenes. I'm gonna get to both when I start my cartoon soon. It'll kind of seem like I'm spoofing a few Naruto Characters at first btw but I changed them and the relationships up enough that its really not the case. (Gotta be careful though, naruto's still kind of on my brain.)
Image: Sick looking Naruto stomping over brain with hiking gear.

There are only so many stock characters anyway.



> A SasuHina would be kinda cool. I've never read one before, but I've always likes that ship.



Huh, ship? What ship are you talking about?


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## digital_venom (Sep 25, 2006)

HinaJunkie713 said:
			
		

> Not only am I sick of romances myself, my real skills/talents lye elsewhere with fight scenes. I'm gonna get to both when I start my cartoon soon. It'll kind of seem like I'm spoofing a few Naruto Characters at first btw but I changed them and the relationships up enough that its really not the case. (Gotta be careful though, naruto's still kind of on my brain.)
> Image: Sick looking Naruto stomping over brain with hiking gear.
> 
> There are only so many stock characters anyway.
> ...



well, why not finish your current three unfinished ff's and work towards something more to you liking...I'm kind of interested in the fight scene idea


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 26, 2006)

Mostly cause... The Pure NaruHina does have a clear end in sight, but it's way far off. It'll have fight scenes soon though. (BTW once again, those are my specialty) The NaruSakuraHina(and now Sasuke) I wanted to draw out as long as possible, and make Sakura look like a big hoe all the way... This chistmas one is like 1/10 done though. But really if I worked non-stop for like a week and two days for an additional weekend off for school and was somehow able to write at my best non stop (or close to it) for the entire time, I could probably finish the naruhina and the christmas one, and almost finish the narusakurahina. But with school in the mix. I might not finish that much work until march, cause I also want to work on my original stuff. In fact, i really want to focus on it.

By the way people I plan to start typing up my cartoon (in ff type form for now) today and I'll be posting on my forum (4th link I think).


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 27, 2006)

Shadow nin delete that post. The administrators will do it anyway cause it's spam and then they'll yell at me.


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 29, 2006)

Hey guys whats up! havent been on here in awhile but yea.. i just read this and its pretty good but after reading more and more i do see teh mistakes! and to point out obvious with hinata you mafe the LIKES ME part bold...but you do that in all your ff's


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## HinaJunkie713 (Sep 30, 2006)

92RASENGANCHIDORI92 said:
			
		

> Hey guys whats up! havent been on here in awhile but yea.. i just read this and its pretty good but after reading more and more i do see teh mistakes! and to point out obvious with hinata you mafe the LIKES ME part bold...but you do that in all your ff's


Watch today's episode of Naruto (dubbed) when Naruto talks to Hinata. I think + hope that's the one that's on today. I'ma check. Nevermind, I'm about 2 months off in the release date of that episode being dubbed. It's just a thing that happens in a later Naruto/Hinata scene that I use a lot. I'm not doing the same thing of my own creation for each NaruHina that'd be lame and boring.


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## 92RASENGANCHIDORI92 (Sep 30, 2006)

XP             ok


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## HinaJunkie713 (Oct 1, 2006)

Just so everyone knows I've updated my NaruSakuHina and am trying to add more today.
Ok I finally started my original cartoon idea. Take my forth link to my Forum, its in the fan fiction section cause the forum won't let me make a seperate section. It's pretty clear what topic it is from there.


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## DarkFire (Oct 8, 2006)

wow i only see like 2 updates in 5 pages? wow??????


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## HinaJunkie713 (Oct 9, 2006)

itachifire said:
			
		

> wow i only see like 2 updates in 5 pages? wow??????


Yeah... stuff came up at school and such. I'll get back to this one eventually.

The next post for this one might actually be *in time* with the story date wise. Other/Better ideas. Also I'm tired of fluff. I need something more filling. So either a possible heated affair (NaruSakuHina) or actuall complex plot (One with Anko).

In case you’re wondering what I’m doing with my time (I don’t really care if you do but w/e)…

…Here’s my study/reading list.
*Team 8* – Read it. It’s awesome. It’s a NaruHina. Naruto’s put on Hinata, Shino, and Kurenai’s team. Kiba is on Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi’s.

*Training for the Job* – It’s a NaruSaku. It lacks any kind of emotion or feeling but it’s well written and interesting.

*The Person I Admire* – This one’s pretty good, but it’s got a lot of really tacky bits and annoyingly overused clichés but otherwise it’s just good. There are a lot of relationships. They’re all done really well.


I started a new fic. Don't worry I won't slow down the writing of my other fics. My Kyuubi Fic:
here.

Haha! My screen name is reborn!  And it only took 3 hours to decide on and set up everything.

My New Humor Fic: Naruto's Quest To Lick His Elbow:
here.


Negative Rep:


> you may not realize it, but you are talking down to everyone. im not "nagging about your fic", just telling you that you are being an asshole


Ok. A few things I should point out. I have nicely pointed around that I'm aware I have a lot of fics going, and have nicely said stop reminding me about it (Or if I'm wrong I just did.) Don't fucking rush me at this. My writing turns to shit when I'm rushed too much. I try to post each weekend at least a little bit but if I can't, oh well. So when I do stuff like the last two posts on this thread, or my bullying people into explaining what they think of my anko fic it's cause I'm sick of asking nice cause it's getting me no where. Besides, I may be an ass at times like this, but at least i contribute more than the equivilant of fan mail to this forum, unlike all the people who've negative repped me for being a prick. So, I'm allowed to be an ass, to an extent.
Also, I'm not killing this story because of being called a pussy. I don't really give a shit about that. The rest of this story's plot is basically going to happen in the Anko fic, and then I was going to use a REALLY similar plot in an original piece later, and using the same one 2 times is already a stretch, but two times with the same characters... No. Just thought I'd explain.

The above up to "Negative Rep:" is from my NaruSakuHina Thread, just so you know.


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## fists (Dec 12, 2006)

Need the new update you are like the best writter ever! 
They should make you head writter of the anime series you would make it perferct!





arghhhhh


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## HinaJunkie713 (Dec 15, 2006)

fists said:


> Need the new update you are like the best writter ever!
> They should make you head writter of the anime series you would make it perferct!
> 
> 
> ...



*nods thoughtfully.* Yes. Yes I would.
New smilies --->  :rofl WooHoo!

And I will try to get this fic FINISHED by midnight christmas day.

Well it's not much of an update but it's a start:



> “Well, aside from obvious things like puppies, kittens, and flowers, which wouldn’t be very good gifts anyway…” She bit down a small grin and added, “I like violet lilies though… But the kinds of things I like as gifts are…” _You._ She shushed that thought quickly but not without blushing.
> Naruto laughed and said reassuringly, “That’s ok Hinata. Just think about it and tell me later ok?”
> _That means I get to see him again before Christmas!!!_ Was of course Hinata’s first though. Once again she shushed her thoughts and stammered out a simple, “Ok.”
> “Great!” Naruto grinned but then seemed suddenly uneasy and looked away. “But I have to, um, go and, eh, do something. I’llseeyoulaterbye!” With that he rushed off and left Hinata alone with her feelings, her half-empty bowl of ramen, but mostly, just by herself.


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## Knightblood (Feb 15, 2007)

*Alsome*

YOUR a great writer. A GOD, a little. great plot. better than i am and i am on my school paper. kyu


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## Knightblood (Feb 15, 2007)

*Alsome*

Dude you should go into puslishing or make these into comics.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 16, 2007)

i don't think that's possible. Wouldn't that be like...I dunno, copywright or w/e? But w/e, his work is real good.


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## Vencet (Feb 16, 2007)

i like the story but your slow on the updates try to get chapters up a little bit faster but keep up the good work


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## Corey45 (Feb 19, 2007)

Great story, and your a fantastic writer.  I would rather have quality over time anyday.  I have patience i can wait.  Hope your update to this fic comes soon


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 23, 2007)

Uh.. thanks. Yeah it would be copyrighting fraud. Also I'd rather start my on manga/anime at some point. There are parts of naruto i don't like- WAIT *checks fic title* y'all like my chrismas fic?!?!? I got god out of my chirstmas fic!?!?!? Holy shit. This is my second worst naruto fic. Have any of you even read my other stuff?

Also I cut this fic. I think I told one of my fans they could pick it up. I think i said so in my Anko fic -- which is my main fic!!! Also just started a NaruSaku for something new.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 23, 2007)

Oh yea. I think that was me who was gonna pick it up. Yea, I definitely think it was me.

What did you mean by: "I got a god out of my christmas fic?!!?!" ?

P.S.
If you're not too busy, why don't you read my fics? I Recommend the first one on my sig. It has more effort put into it.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 24, 2007)

Knightblood said:


> YOUR a great writer. A GOD, a little. great plot. better than i am and i am on my school paper. kyu



^-- That's what I meant.

Anyway, sure I guess I could take a look at your fic. I'm currently procastinating on a 2-4 page English reasearch paper comparing the Salem Witchhunt to Bush's terrorist hunt. (DO NOT start a discussion on that in this thread.) So I have time.

Btw are you gonna take up this fic renge master?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 24, 2007)

> Btw are you gonna take up this fic renge master?



If you don't mind. I'm on my spring break off school now, so I got time to do some follow up work.


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 24, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> If you don't mind. I'm on my spring break off school now, so I got time to do some follow up work.



Well I'm actually more interested in seeing chapter ten of your Hinata's admitting/Rock Lee fic. Update that too at least.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 24, 2007)

Oh, I'll update that - no worries. I'm actually gonna update all my fics this week... hopefully.

So, is that a 'yes' to me continuing your christmas fic?

P.S.
(Yay! My 300th post!)


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 25, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Oh, I'll update that - no worries. I'm actually gonna update all my fics this week... hopefully.
> 
> So, is that a 'yes' to me continuing your christmas fic?
> 
> ...



Yeah go ahead and take it. *'EY!!! FANS AND SUCH!!! I'M GIVING THIS FIC TO RENGE MASTER!! JUST SO YOU KNOW!!*


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 26, 2007)

Arigatou Gozaimasu! 

I'll try not to disappoint you fans


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