# What do you look for in a potential spouse/partner?



## Vix (Nov 8, 2018)

I’m talking about qualities and characteristics you would like in a future spouse. It can be anything from their physical features to their personality etc.

As for me, I’ve always known that I’ve wanted the kind of relationship that my parents have. One where both partners work really hard to build their relationship together, learn to be patient and loving with one another, as well as helping the other reach their personal goals in life. Now, a bit of my personality is very much like my mother’s (who can be very irrational and stubborn at times) so knowing how much of a trooper my dad is in handling her, I also wanted to find the same qualities that he has in a future spouse. For example before I got married, I wanted my future spouse to be someone with a lot of patience, someone loving, hilarious, kind hearted, well spoken, forgiving, understanding, has the ability to cope with my stubbornness, etc. 

With that being said, it’s not something that we can find immediately in someone that we meet, and granted we can’t expext everyone that we meet to be the exact same way as we want, and sometimes you can’t help falling for someone who doesn’t have any of the qualities listed on your criteria. Sometimes you may even get lucky and find someone who meets everything on your list, and sometimes you might only meet someone who meets a few of the qualities on your list.

Reactions: Like 3


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 8, 2018)

I'd like someone who compliments my own qualities or who can make up for what I lack.

I'm very jokey so I'd like someone with a great sense of humor. I'm an emotional tight-ass and to myself, so I'd like someone who's affectionate and outgoing. 

Physically speaking, I'd prefer someone my height or shorter than I am. I'm 5'5, so that's not too difficult. No tats, little to no piercings, and I'd like for them to be as natural as possible.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Natty (Nov 9, 2018)

Ideally, I want someone who can make me laugh out loud regularly. Someone who I can make laugh and crack a smile when they're a bit down.

 I've always been a colossal wreck in terms of depression and mental illness so someone who understands me fundamentally with those things I feel is important to me. I want a hug and kind words when I'm depressed, reassurance when I'm anxious, and occasionally leaving me alone when I need it. Understanding those boundaries when it comes to my problems is something I'd appreciate a lot.

I need someone who can stomach my fucking neediness when it comes to affection. I'm an affectionate person and when I get to that point, I just wanna gush to how much I love them to them and tell them they're the prettiest/beautiful girl in the world and lots and lots of handholding/cuddling. I want to do stuff with them, spend some time with them, but also have a bit of alone time together. Affection in return would be wonderful too.

I had a dead bedroom situation in a previous relationship. I'm not really that thirsty for sexual contact but I do need something. Someone well versed in kink would be great, but someone who can let me practice that outside of the boundaries of the relationship if they can't stomach it would work.

I'm not that picky when it comes to physically. I just need to be attracted to them. Not a huge fan of the masculine girl look but someone toeing the line would be alright. Lipstick lesbo desiring another.

And uh, goal oriented/passionate people really get my gears going. They also help me mentally as it's usually something I can work with them!! A passion is important cause it's such such a huge turn on for me when people talk about what they're passionate about. And I want them to have a life of their own! I'm not their entire world, I'm just a slice of that pie. 

also someone who loves me back. I think that's important.

Reactions: Like 1


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## nobody (Nov 9, 2018)

I honestly have no idea i get a a lot of mixed reviews from older people who are more experienced in life than me.


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## White Wolf (Nov 10, 2018)

I don't think I look for much, in the initial phases just want some strong sense of conversation, where we can lose ourselves in conversation for hours and hours even over the dumbest most trivial of things. I find the best/strongest relationships have some roots in friendship, whether they start out as such or just how the dating grows you have a friendly bond that transcends simply "being a couple". 

Good communication and good conversation are one of the most important things, whether times are good or bad the way you can discuss and work things out is the key to progression. No one should expect happiness 24/7, or that fights won't ever occur, but when you love each other being able to talk and resolve issues reasonably should come naturally. 

A sense of spontaneity and adventure would really do wonders for both of us, being able to just go out into the world and experience things that neither have experienced before together, not only would it be incredible fun, but also a great way to bond and learn more about one another. When you're thrown into the world and into the unknown you can really shed a lot of the uncertainties and layers that you might hide otherwise. Getting a good grasp of one another's character and developing the feelings further. 

Support also is pretty imperative, mutual unconditional support. When you love someone and are loved by someone you shouldn't leave them hanging or to bear all the burden themselves. Neither should they leave you hanging. Being there for one another in the good and the bad is what really makes things strong and long lasting. 

Other things I find important is that she is as excited to talk to me as I am with her, it's never fun being the 2nd/3rd/4th/5th go-to if everyone else is too busy to talk. Some people might expect that if you love them you'll stick around forever while being pushed back in the line of importance, but rarely do things work out like that. Decent sense of humor and liking my own sense of humor to some extent, being able to make her smile and laugh is an amazing feeling and would really lighten up the day(s). 

Physically only really care as much as "I wanna look at you for the rest of my life", shorter than me, blonde, blue eyes, if I really wanted to be picky, but yeah. I think if I love someone then to me they're already the most beautiful person in the world and my eyes are all on them, every day. Whether it's the morning or the night, they're on my mind. 

But I'm rather idealistic and optimistic filled with naivety, so whether that's a lot or not, I don't even know anymore.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Jim (Nov 10, 2018)

I'd probably prefer someone who wouldn't need attention or give it.


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 10, 2018)

This is Jim's wedding photo.


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## White Wolf (Nov 10, 2018)

Jim said:


> I'd probably prefer someone who wouldn't need attention or give it.


Humans are needy beings generally, most crave attention to some extent. Of course that isn't a constant thing, and everyone can use some space at times, but if that's all it is, then it doesn't really define as a relationship in the first place.


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## Natty (Nov 10, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Humans are needy beings generally, most crave attention to some extent. Of course that isn't a constant thing, and everyone can use some space at times, but if that's all it is, then it doesn't really define as a relationship in the first place.




Keep in mind you're talking to Jim. 

Someone who has gotten married, hasn't really touched his wife, gives his wife no attention, and is now separated and he doesn't have any feelings good or bad to it.

I wish I could add a jk


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Keep in mind you're talking to Jim.
> 
> Someone who has gotten married, hasn't really touched his wife, gives his wife no attention, and is now separated and he doesn't have any feelings good or bad to it.
> 
> I wish I could add a jk



None of this was in the Jim thread.


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## Natty (Nov 10, 2018)

Lord Valgaav said:


> None of this was in the Jim thread.



Here's your chance to add it! 

Real talk, I'm being completely serious in that post.


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## White Wolf (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Keep in mind you're talking to Jim.
> 
> Someone who has gotten married, hasn't really touched his wife, gives his wife no attention, and is now separated and he doesn't have any feelings good or bad to it.
> 
> I wish I could add a jk



Yeah I know, he won't get the woes of normal people wanting some love and affection. At least he'll always have vidya and mom.


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## Natty (Nov 10, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Yeah I know, he won't get the woes of normal people wanting some love and affection. At least he'll always have vidya and mom.



Inb4 Jim's post.

"I'm normal"


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Inb4 Jim's post.
> 
> "I'm normal"



j/k


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## Jim (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Inb4 Jim's post.
> 
> "I'm normal"


and you don't believe it


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## Magic (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Keep in mind you're talking to Jim.
> 
> Someone who has gotten married, hasn't really touched his wife, gives his wife no attention, and is now separated and he doesn't have any feelings good or bad to it.
> 
> I wish I could add a jk


was it arranged marriage?

@Jim are you O-okay?


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## Natty (Nov 10, 2018)

RemChu said:


> was it arranged marriage?
> 
> @Jim are you O-okay?



Yes it was


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## Jim (Nov 10, 2018)

RemChu said:


> was it arranged marriage?
> 
> @Jim are you O-okay?


I'm normal


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## Magic (Nov 10, 2018)

Natty said:


> Yes it was


Ok, that makes a bit more sense.

Don't mean to pry into your business Jim, sorry.


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## Jim (Nov 10, 2018)

I don't mind, it's funny


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## Yamato (Nov 11, 2018)

Commitment and standing besides me. Being honest and not always so blunt. Can be tender and cuddly especially when falling asleep or waking up, or at most time of the day is nice too 
Being there for me and if not in each other's presence, I wouldn't mind text spams wondering what I am up to.
Is stable, mentally and lifestyle. Going beyond what they are normally used to doing and can make me smile even when I am upset at them.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Jim (Nov 11, 2018)

I think those types of relationships end up with shallow and predictable flattery.


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## Vix (Nov 12, 2018)

I guess I'd like to think that I'm luckier and got lucky with my husband because he meets majority of the qualities, characteristics, and personality that I wanted in a potential spouse. The interesting thing is that I never found this in any of the guys that I had dated in the past, but in the back of my mind these were all of the things I wanted from the person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I will have to be honest and say that as friends, I would've never thought that he and I would be a match for one another and he wasn't ideally someone I would ever picture myself with either. Anyway, aside from him meeting all of the qualifications for me, I feel like I'm able to give him the same things that he wanted in a potential spouse, in return. 

I suppose I should start replying to some of these..



Lord Valgaav said:


> I'd like someone who compliments my own qualities or who can make up for what I lack.
> 
> I'm very jokey so I'd like someone with a great sense of humor. I'm an emotional tight-ass and to myself, so I'd like someone who's affectionate and outgoing.
> 
> Physically speaking, I'd prefer someone my height or shorter than I am. I'm 5'5, so that's not too difficult. No tats, little to no piercings, and I'd like for them to be as natural as possible.


There's nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, having someone with a great sense of humor who also gets your jokes and is able to joke around with you is great. Personally, when you understand each others' humor, it makes the relationship a lot more fun and enjoyable.

Nice, nice. Everyone has their personal preference.



Natty said:


> Ideally, I want someone who can make me laugh out loud regularly. Someone who I can make laugh and crack a smile when they're a bit down.
> 
> I've always been a colossal wreck in terms of depression and mental illness so someone who understands me fundamentally with those things I feel is important to me. I want a hug and kind words when I'm depressed, reassurance when I'm anxious, and occasionally leaving me alone when I need it. Understanding those boundaries when it comes to my problems is something I'd appreciate a lot.
> 
> ...


Humor is great, my friend. I don't know how any relationship would be without humor, then again I don't think I've ever seen any relationship that is completely dead serious unless it's a loveless marriage :/ I think normally, it's harder for people who do have a mental illness to open up completely to their partner, or be comfortable opening up without feeling like it's an inconvenience to them. It really takes a person with a big heart to be open and understanding to be able to absorb it all.

Ah nice.



cobe42 said:


> I honestly have no idea i get a a lot of mixed reviews from older people who are more experienced in life than me.



Eh.. you like what you like I guess, but everyone's preference is different. A lot of the things that people say are all based on their personal experiences. Sometimes people have an idea of what they want, and that eventually turns out to be something that they don't want in the long run. Eventually you'll figure it out and the only way to find out is by dating people.


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## Vix (Nov 12, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> I don't think I look for much, in the initial phases just want some strong sense of conversation, where we can lose ourselves in conversation for hours and hours even over the dumbest most trivial of things. I find the best/strongest relationships have some roots in friendship, whether they start out as such or just how the dating grows you have a friendly bond that transcends simply "being a couple".
> 
> Good communication and good conversation are one of the most important things, whether times are good or bad the way you can discuss and work things out is the key to progression. No one should expect happiness 24/7, or that fights won't ever occur, but when you love each other being able to talk and resolve issues reasonably should come naturally.
> 
> ...


I'm gonna reply even though I don't have to, but I really liked your post. These are great qualities you've listed and I'm positive you'll be able to find that. IMO, I believe there's someone like that waiting for you out there. I never thought that I'd find someone I'd end up with who I feel is a perfect fit for me, and it happened to be someone I was friends with for years. There's someone for everyone out there


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## Kuya (Nov 12, 2018)

I'm a firm believer in the 80/20 rule. As long as she (or he) can give you at least 80% of what you really want, you can have everlasting happiness as you adapt to or accept the other 20%.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Vix (Nov 12, 2018)

Yessss, agreed


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

Haze said:


> I'm gonna reply even though I don't have to, but I really liked your post. These are great qualities you've listed and I'm positive you'll be able to find that. IMO, I believe there's someone like that waiting for you out there. I never thought that I'd find someone I'd end up with who I feel is a perfect fit for me, and it happened to be someone I was friends with for years. There's someone for everyone out there


Thank you. 

I feel demotivated at times (a lot of the times) since I'm in a way really old fashioned. Where some people just wanna quick fuck like a sick fuck I'm more thinking about a nice cozy home with the love of my life. I know though it's bound to happen someday, just gotta keep on trucking. 

That's pretty great that your friendship bloomed into a family of your own. I think we often overlook the things that are closest to us, but eventually everything falls in place the way it's meant to be, if it's meant to be. Coming from a place of friendship I imagine helps a lot too with how close and at ease you can be with one another, lose a lot of the false pretense that comes with "new" relationships where everything is following some kind of ruleset and schedule before you can just be yourself and they love you for it.


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Haze said:


> Humor is great, my friend. I don't know how any relationship would be without humor, then again I don't think I've ever seen any relationship that is completely dead serious unless it's a loveless marriage :/ I think normally, it's harder for people who do have a mental illness to open up completely to their partner, or be comfortable opening up without feeling like it's an inconvenience to them. It really takes a person with a big heart to be open and understanding to be able to absorb it all.
> 
> Ah nice.



A straight up serious relationship would be fuckin BORING. I like a lil bit of teasing, it's fun and loving!! But I'm sure you know this already.

I'm fortunate I have someone who can really understand me, like actually REALLY understand me. I don't feel like I can understand her in the same way, but I try my best and I try to be welcoming and accepting. I hope she can see that, I'm sure she does but I'm an insecure mess of emotions. I don't want my partner to feel inconvenient or a burden! It's actually the opposite to me. She ain't no burden ever, and is never inconvenient.


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> A straight up serious relationship would be fuckin BORING.


sarcastic relationships all the way!
j/k


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

Sarcastic relationships can be cute if both parties know each other's sense of humor well.


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Sarcastic relationships can be cute if both parties know each other's sense of humor well.


Sounds pretty humerus 
Must be nice to have a funny bone


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> Sounds pretty humerus
> Must be nice to have a funny bone



STOP BEING SO JIM, JIM


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> STOP BEING SO JIM, JIM


You mean normal?


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> You mean normal?



...If that gets you to stop? lmao


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## Djomla (Nov 13, 2018)

Money, good looks and unconditional love. 

If I'm not that lucky, somebody who would make me happy.


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Djomla said:


> Money, good looks and unconditional love.


I agree. So many people romanticize about how money doesn't buy happiness even though lack of leads to do much suffering.

Money can make even the most grotesque objects attractive 
If it's for money, abuse can be worth it.


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> If it's for money, abuse can be worth it.


check if you're on your mom's will before agreeing to that


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> check if you're on your mom's will before agreeing to that


I'm not. I'm supposed to be left with nothing


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> I'm not. I'm supposed to be left with nothing


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

You're like the anti-DDJ


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

The anti ddj? Everyone kept saying I was just like him


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> The anti ddj? Everyone kept saying I was just like him



You're like the dark version of DDJ.

A parallel universe DDJ.

Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. It's crazy you have opinions on relationships ngl lmao


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. It's crazy you have opinions on relationships ngl lmao


ngl?


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

White Wolf said:


>


Do you use that emoji a lot? what does it mean?


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## White Wolf (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> Do you use that emoji a lot? what does it mean?


I'm using it far more often since you started posting, everything else lost its shock factor by now. 

It means...


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Lol, but there's nothing shocking?


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> ngl?



Not gonna lie


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> Not gonna lie


oh, well I'm experienced with relationships


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> oh, well I'm experienced with relationships



Where's the jk?


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## Polaris (Nov 13, 2018)

-Has to possess emotional depth and a spiritual/philosophical nature in order to pique my interest.

-Has to share a similar life perspective and core beliefs.

-Someone who appreciates my pensive nature and analytical approach to life.

Being tender-hearted and highly compassionate is certainly a plus. But sadly, I feel like it's a somewhat unrealistic expectation in this day and age. People are progressively becoming more egocentric and emotionally unavailable. It's seemingly cool to "not give a shit" and society encourages people to solely focus on themselves and to always put their needs first.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> Where's the jk?


I'm serious


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## Natty (Nov 13, 2018)

Jim said:


> I'm serious



I'm banning you from talking about relationships.


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## Jim (Nov 13, 2018)

Natty said:


> I'm banning you from talking about relationships.


that doesn't make sense, lol


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 13, 2018)

Too much Jim...


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## MO (Nov 14, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> I think if I love someone then to me they're already the most beautiful person in the world and my eyes are all on them, every day. Whether it's the morning or the night, they're on my mind.


This is so sweet. 

 The girl that marries you is going to be very lucky..:blu


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## Natty (Nov 14, 2018)

MO said:


> This is so sweet.
> 
> The girl that marries you is going to be very lucky..:blu



This whole thread is pretty cozy tbh


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## MO (Nov 14, 2018)

Natty said:


> This whole thread is pretty cozy tbh


Your post was so sweet too.:blu


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## Vix (Nov 14, 2018)

White Wolf said:


> Sarcastic relationships can be cute if both parties know each other's sense of humor well.


Ah, this would be pretty much one of the best kind of relationships


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## Catamount (Nov 18, 2018)

Haze said:


> helping the other reach their personal goals in life.



Ok thanks for the new depression circle


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## Jim (Nov 18, 2018)

Catamount said:


> Ok thanks for the new depression circle


There's nothing wrong with not having goals in life. I don't and i'm perfectly fine


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## King1 (Nov 18, 2018)

Jim said:


> There's* nothing wrong* with not having goals in life. I don't and i'm perfectly fine


There is something wrong with not having goals in life


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## Lord Valgaav (Nov 18, 2018)

Pay no heed to the one called Jim.


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## Jim (Nov 18, 2018)

you grow out of it


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## naturallyselected (Nov 21, 2018)

some1 who loves me for who I truly am. some1 who can deeply understand & connect w/me

Reactions: Like 1


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## StarlightAshley (Nov 21, 2018)

The only criteria I look for in a friend are kind people who aren't judgmental who respect and want the best for me!


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## Island (Nov 25, 2018)

DemonDragonJ said:


> I do have certain traits that I seek in a partner.
> 
> First, in terms of physical traits, my partner must be female, have been born female, been female for her entire life, and not have any desire to change that status. She must be serious about her physical health, but I absolutely will not be in a relationship with a woman who is a vegetarian. I also seek a woman who is Caucasian and a Christian, like myself; I also would prefer that she be a Protestant, but I know that that may be too specific, so any denomination of Christianity is acceptable, provided that she is not super-strict about it and understands that many aspects of that religion are outdated today.
> 
> ...


I came here because I thought this was going to be something outlandish, but tbh, these are respectable standards.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Jim (Nov 25, 2018)

That's a whole lot more than I would look for though


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## DemonDragonJ (Nov 25, 2018)

Island said:


> I came here because I thought this was going to be something outlandish, but tbh, these are respectable standards.



I am rather displeased at your lack of faith in me; why would you think that I would have outlandish standards for a partner?


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## Jim (Nov 26, 2018)

DemonDragonJ said:


> Be honest, everyone: who here desires a partner who is an opposite sex version of themselves (presuming that you are heterosexual)?


While it would be interesting to meet someone so similar, the novelty of such a meeting would wear off fast.


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## StarlightAshley (Nov 26, 2018)

DemonDragonJ said:


> I am sorry to hear that you believe that, as I know that I almost certailny would not ever tire of having a partner who was an opposite-sex version of myself.


In other words you love yourself


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## Jim (Nov 26, 2018)

StarlightAshley said:


> In other words you love yourself


what is love!~


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## DemonDragonJ (Nov 26, 2018)

Jim said:


> what is love!~



Baby, don't hurt me!


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## ~riku~ (Nov 27, 2018)

i recently came to realise that i can only consider somebody as a partner if i love them first 

i've been failing at traditional style dating (meeting someone, getting to know and like them etc)

so essentially they have to be a friend (with no underlying secret intentions in mind) first, so i can love them organically and then consider them as a partner

Reactions: Like 1


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## Jim (Nov 27, 2018)

~riku~ said:


> , so i can love them organically


I prefer the inorganic love myself because of how much I resemble a robot
Jk


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## ~riku~ (Nov 27, 2018)

Jim said:


> I prefer the inorganic love myself because of how much I resemble a robot
> Jk


i'm....sorry


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## Atlantic Storm (Nov 27, 2018)

i just want jim to make a normal post


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## Jim (Nov 27, 2018)

All my posts are normal


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## Atlantic Storm (Nov 27, 2018)

see what i mean?


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## DemonDragonJ (Nov 27, 2018)

StarlightAshley said:


> In other words you love yourself



I do, indeed, and I cannot imagine that a person may not love themselves.


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## Tony Lou (Dec 11, 2018)

Low standards.


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## Torpedo Titz (Dec 11, 2018)

What are their thoughts on the Warhammer 40,000 universe


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## Azure Ihrat (Dec 11, 2018)

i want a man who talks about me the same way DDJ talks about his tax refund


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## Lulu (Dec 12, 2018)

Gotta be smart. Intelligent.


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## Aphrodite (Dec 14, 2018)

Someone who isnt an asshole and a liar but sadly those are the only guys i ever seem to find.


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## StarlightAshley (Dec 14, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Someone who isnt an asshole and a liar but sadly those are the only guys i ever seem to find.


Aw, sucks. I don't seem to have that problem. I wonder why?  



Nighty the Tighty said:


> i want a man who talks about me the same way DDJ talks about his tax refund


What do you mean by that? Is DDJ tragically poor or something?? 



Luiz said:


> Low standards.


Don't be like that! Nobody is worthless!! Worthless just means you believe you're worth less than you are!?! You deserve something good, don't sell yourself short!!!

Reactions: Like 2


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## Jim (Dec 14, 2018)

StarlightAshley said:


> Don't be like that! Nobody is worthless!! Worthless just means you believe you're worth less than you are!?! You deserve something good, don't sell yourself short!!!


I'm not sure having low standards, believing one is worthless, and deserving something good are related


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## Aphrodite (Dec 14, 2018)

StarlightAshley said:


> Aw, sucks. I don't seem to have that problem. I wonder why?
> 
> 
> What do you mean by that? Is DDJ tragically poor or something??
> ...



Probably because being a lunatic you wouldn’t know. Also you have to be able to actually attract someone to you first so I’m sure you wouldn’t know about that also. Unlike you I don’t have that problem.


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## ~M~ (Dec 15, 2018)

I wish my partner challenged me a little more, but I think he does indirectly in ways. So to clarify I guess I wish he challenged me more directly. If that makes sense.


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