# From being a child to an adult.



## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Do things still impact you as an adult that you witnessed as a child? I feel like it does cause i still go through it even just hearing a door slam makes me jump and makes my heart sink to the floor.


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## Mυgen (Feb 25, 2018)

Yes it does, even more so the (traumatic) things we witness as a child, we can carry that with us all our lives and can even shape ur personalities. Events during the developmental stages (year 0-6) have a big impact on the development of ur behaviour and personality. That said the field of developmental psychology is making new discoveries every year, so we could learn a lot more in the years to come about this.


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## Mider T (Feb 25, 2018)

Nothing I can think of off the top of my peel.


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## Unlosing Ranger (Feb 25, 2018)

I've nearly drowned 3 times in my youth and didn't develop anything traumatic towards water.


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## Darkmatter (Feb 25, 2018)

Yes, and there are two instances that has happened to me:
The first one is my trust issues. Between students at the school that I used to go to and a scumbag "friend" who eventually bullied me, it did had an impact on how I trust people. Although I'm mostly a docile person, I tend to avoid talking to people for such (although things have changed up a bit).
The second one is extremely personal and really did fucked my way of thinking. Although it wasn't explicitly stated, my mother attempted to commit suicide. I still remember that day, burned in the back of my head when my mother walked up the stairs with a knife, only to be stopped by my dad, and it still haunts me to this day. Even my mother knew what she did had severe consequence, and she deeply regrets it.

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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Mυgen said:


> Yes it does, even more so the (traumatic) things we witness as a child, we can carry that with us all our lives and can even shape ur personalities. Events during the developmental stages (year 0-6) have a big impact on the development of ur behaviour and personality. That said the field of developmental psychology is making new discoveries every year, so we could learn a lot more in the years to come about this.



Well i know it still has an impact on me even if it was so long ago. However i dont think it affected my personality much because i am still a nice person so it hasnt done anything in a bad way to me, but i feel it has messed me up a little.



Unlosing Ranger said:


> I've nearly drowned 3 times in my youth and didn't develop anything traumatic towards water.



Thats good to hear.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Darkmatter said:


> Yes, and there are two instances that has happened to me:
> The first one is my trust issues. Between students at the school that I used to go to and a scumbag "friend" who eventually bullied me, it did had an impact on how I trust people. Although I'm mostly a docile person, I tend to avoid talking to people for such (although things have changed up a bit).
> The second one is extremely personal and really did fucked my way of thinking. Although it wasn't explicitly stated, my mother attempted to commit suicide. I still remember that day, burned in the back of my head when my mother walked up the stairs with a knife, only to be stopped by my dad, and it still haunts me to this day. Even my mother knew what she did had severe consequence, and she deeply regrets it.


 
Awwww im sorry to hear that. I hope things do get better for you later on and you are able to really open up and trust someone again in time.

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## Darkmatter (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Awwww im sorry to hear that. I hope things do get better for you later on and you are able to really open up and trust someone again in time.



It's fine. I've been leaving that zone for a while now; I got much better over the years, although I still have some trust issues clinging on me.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Darkmatter said:


> It's fine. I've been leaving that zone for a while now; I got much better over the years, although I still have some trust issues clinging on me.



I understand i have trust issues as well. It also stems from childhood to my past relationships. Once its broken its just a hard thing to get back but i tend to try even now cause i dont think its fair to go into something not trusting the person so i do give it my all till im proven otherwise.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Now im crying maybe this thread wasnt a good idea.

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## Unlosing Ranger (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Now im crying maybe this thread wasnt a good idea.


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## Mυgen (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Well i know it still has an impact on me even if it was so long ago. However i dont think it affected my personality much because i am still a nice person so it hasnt done anything in a bad way to me, but i feel it has messed me up a little.



It doesnt have to mean u become a bad person if u witnessed traumatic events during ur developmental years, it just has an effect on people. Im following classes of forensic psychology this year and this an area thats being researched a lot.



Aphrodite said:


> Now im crying maybe this thread wasnt a good idea.



Ah dont cry, if u ever wanna talk about stuff, u know where to find me


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Mυgen said:


> It doesnt have to mean u become a bad person if u witnessed traumatic events during ur developmental years, it just has an effect on people. Im following classes of forensic psychology this year and this an area thats being researched a lot.
> 
> 
> 
> Ah dont cry, if u ever wanna talk about stuff, u know where to find me



Well i feel like it led up to bad choices in my life other then that i dont think it has really affected me as an individual, but i do wonder if i grew up without seeing the things my mom went through as a child and seeing her in a normal marriage if things would of turned out differently for me as i grew up. Also thanks you are sweet as always.


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## Darkmatter (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> I understand i have trust issues as well. It also stems from childhood to my past relationships. Once its broken its just a hard thing to get back but i tend to try even now cause i dont think its fair to go into something not trusting the person so i do give it my all till im proven otherwise.



I feel that the opposite is true for me: I analyze people and evaluate if they're trustworthy or not, based on their behavior with others (if possible).



Aphrodite said:


> Now im crying maybe this thread wasnt a good idea.


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## Mυgen (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Well i feel like it led up to bad choices in my life other then that i dont think it has really affected me as an individual, but i do wonder if i grew up without seeing the things my mom went through as a child and seeing her in a normal marriage if things would of turned out differently for me as i grew up. Also thanks you are sweet as always.



Yeah those are topics I discussed with my therapist at the time as well. I come from a broken home too and Ive witnessed things I shouldnt have seen. It might be the reason why I have trust issues and had anxiety attacks as a grown up, but it could have been always in me. I can tell from personal experience though that talking to a professional can really help, so if ure having trouble with coping that could help.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Darkmatter said:


> I feel that the opposite is true for me: I analyze people and evaluate if they're trustworthy or not, based on their behavior with others (if possible).



Its not always easy for me to tell if someone is trustworthy or not. Every time i think someone is they usually prove to me they aren't but even so i still try.

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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 25, 2018)

growing up i used to watch tv programs with people talking about the trauma experienced in their childhood and they would say things i really didn't understand or agree with like:

- i dont know myself. I'm having to learn who i am
- what happened changed me for good

and i would think: _how_? having experienced much of what these individuals had gone through, i thought bad events could be boxed into a "bad event" box in one's mind and be locked away forever. just a memory. thats how it worked, and all those people on TV talking about feelings were being dramatic.

well, i believed this up until the start of my 20s, when i began to understand that certain reactions i had, certain issues with anxiety, and other private things all stem from the events of my childhood. it has also had a negative impact on my relationship with my parents- though they had nothing to do with what happened to me. lol, i think that's all i really want to say on this topic.

but to everyone who is going through something similar ITT: you're not a weirdo though others may not understand your moodiness. hang in there

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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Mυgen said:


> Yeah those are topics I discussed with my therapist at the time as well. I come from a broken home too and Ive witnessed things I shouldnt have seen. It might be the reason why I have trust issues and had anxiety attacks as a grown up, but it could have been always in me. I can tell from personal experience though that talking to a professional can really help, so if ure having trouble with coping that could help.



I mean maybe i should have talked to someone about it and with the bad relationship i was in also, but i usually keep trying to hold it in and it tends to work for a while till something triggers it. I just feel like talking to a shrink now is a little late.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> growing up i used to watch tv programs with people talking about the trauma experienced in their childhood and they would say things i really didn't understand or agree with like:
> 
> - i dont know myself. I'm having to learn who i am
> - what happened changed me for good
> ...



Yeah they cant be boxed away thats for sure cause i do that a lot but they always seem to come back out.


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## Mυgen (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> I mean maybe i should have talked to someone about it and with the bad relationship i was in also, but i usually keep trying to hold it in and it tends to work for a while till something triggers it. I just feel like talking to a shrink now is a little late.



It doesnt have to be a shrink perse and its never too late. I was like that too internalizing everything and holding it all in till one day I no longer could. Putting ur feelings away is an excellent short term solution, but it hardly ever works in the long run.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Mυgen said:


> It doesnt have to be a shrink perse and its never too late. I was like that too internalizing everything and holding it all in till one day I no longer could. Putting ur feelings away is an excellent short term solution, but it hardly ever works in the long run.



Yes it like never works in the long run. Maybe one day i will find someone to talk to and just let it all out.


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## Darkmatter (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Its not always easy for me to tell if someone is trustworthy or not. Every time i think someone is they usually prove to me they aren't but even so i still try.



Of course it's not easy, but to me: people proving to me that they're trustworthy leaves me skeptical. I visualize people's behavior and make note of that to eventually see if they're worth trusting.


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## Mυgen (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Yes it like never works in the long run. Maybe one day i will find someone to talk to and just let it all out.



Yeah like I said it doenst have to be a professional perse, the most important thing is u can trust the person ure talking to. I hope one day u will find the courage to let it all out and find peace of mind


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Darkmatter said:


> Of course it's not easy, but to me: people proving to me that they're trustworthy leaves me skeptical. I visualize people's behavior and make note of that to eventually see if they're worth trusting.



Well i hope it turns out they are. 



Mυgen said:


> Yeah like I said it doenst have to be a professional perse, the most important thing is u can trust the person ure talking to. I hope one day u will find the courage to let it all out and find peace of mind



I hope so to being able to finally put it all behind will be a breath of fresh air.


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## Unlosing Ranger (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Yes it like never works in the long run. Maybe one day i will find someone to talk to and just let it all out.


The best person to talk to that about is a complete stranger that wants to listen in my experience.


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## aiyanah (Feb 25, 2018)

no
if it's still affecting you then you've internalised it for whatever reason instead of letting it out into the world.
perhaps it's too traumatic to relive, perhaps you feel you'll be judged for it, perhaps you feel you were the one in the wrong, who knows.
best bet is to simply let it out instead of letting it rattle around inside for some unknown amount of time, cause those thoughts have energy and personality and a nature, and all of those aspects will affect you at some point as i'm sure you already know.
something that might be useful is a diary cause writing it down helps you make order of what your part in it was and acts as a means of letting it out into the world without having to talk to anyone...of course if you lose that diary or if it's read by someone who shouldn't be reading it it'll be like starting from square 1 again.

pick your poison


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

aiyanah said:


> no
> if it's still affecting you then you've internalised it for whatever reason instead of letting it out into the world.
> perhaps it's too traumatic to relive, perhaps you feel you'll be judged for it, perhaps you feel you were the one in the wrong, who knows.
> best bet is to simply let it out instead of letting it rattle around inside for some unknown amount of time, cause those thoughts have energy and personality and a nature, and all of those aspects will affect you at some point as i'm sure you already know.
> ...



I think flower actually suggested that once using a diary and i actually have one so i think maybe i should start using it.


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## Itachі (Feb 25, 2018)

Nothing traumatic happened to me in my childhood and I'd say that I haven't experienced any trauma so far. But tbh I do sometimes get caught up easily in the past, the thing that I think about most only took place a few years ago. If I even hear the name of the person involved my eyes widen and I just start thinking about it all over again. I knew I would still think about it but in my mind it was over and I'd never see her again. That wasn't the case though, I saw her a few weeks ago and I just felt fucked the entire day. I was kind of in a state of shock and I just kept reliving the whole thing in my head.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Itachі said:


> Nothing traumatic happened to me in my childhood and I'd say that I haven't experienced any trauma so far. But tbh I do sometimes get caught up easily in the past, the thing that I think about most only took place a few years ago. If I even hear the name of the person involved my eyes widen and I just start thinking about it all over again. I knew I would still think about it but in my mind it was over and I'd never see her again. That wasn't the case though, I saw her a few weeks ago and I just felt fucked the entire day. I was kind of in a state of shock and I just kept reliving the whole thing in my head.



Awwww i hope things eventually get better for you.

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## Itachі (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Awwww i hope things eventually get better for you.



thanks, i'm good. i just overthink stuff sometimes :]


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

Itachі said:


> thanks, i'm good. i just overthink stuff sometimes :]



We all do. Or at least i know i sure do.

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## Dayscanor (Feb 25, 2018)

I don't really think I had any major trauma as a kid. There was a thing when as a kid I was very afraid of horror stuff (RE specifically).Or any kind of content that can be disturbing/gory.

Now it's quite the opposite and I love that shit. 

As far as traumas do I'm more impacted by recent stuff from 8 years ago. A string of failures and a long illness have made me even more pessimistic than I already am, and I'm still struggling to get over those till this day. I feel those failed experiences have made me too afraid to do anything. I try to fight it but sometimes the dark clouds come back...

Dunno if that qualifies as a trauma.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 25, 2018)

for anyone who's parents have been divorced- think its messed you up in any way?


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> for anyone who's parents have been divorced- think its messed you up in any way?



I had friends where there parents were divorced and it did have huge impacts on them. My parents somehow managed to stayed married even though my dad put my mom through pure hell and now have been married for 44 years.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> I had friends where there parents were divorced and it did have huge impacts on them. My parents somehow managed to stayed married even though my dad put my mom through pure hell and now have been married for 44 years.



interestingly, I've had friends from divorced families with two different styles of handling it:

-parents who hid all the issues from the kids/provided no information, giving the kids anxiety problems and trust issues in their parents honesty
-parents who fought tooth and nail in front of their kids, traumatizing them and subjecting them to every last part of the breakdown of their marriage 

both leave behind their own emotional scars. 

do you have a good relationship with your mom?


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> interestingly, I've had friends from divorced families with two different styles of handling it:
> 
> -parents who hid all the issues from the kids/provided no information, giving the kids anxiety problems and trust issues in their parents honesty
> -parents who fought tooth and nail in front of their kids, traumatizing them and subjecting them to every last part of the breakdown of their marriage
> ...



Yes i love my mom to death. She has been through hell and back with my dad and she stays a super nice and friendly person.

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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 25, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Yes i love my mom to death. She has been through hell and back with my dad and she stays a super nice and friendly person.



well then, that's a blessing. it can be hard to support family members when you disagree with their life choices. though perhaps after 44 years, things with your parents have mellowed out :3


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## Nataly (Feb 25, 2018)

I am still dealing with some fears I got as a child, like fear of swimming and heights.
Also the absence of father model my whole life affected my preferences in relationships, but I don't think it's a bad thing.


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## Aphrodite (Feb 25, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> well then, that's a blessing. it can be hard to support family members when you disagree with their life choices. though perhaps after 44 years, things with your parents have mellowed out :3



Well it has somewhat. I mean my dad still gets mad a lot but he has been through a lot himself throughout the years. Several cancers and other things. Sometimes its still hard on my mom even at the age of 60 cause my dad can still be mean with some of the things he says to her.


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## Harmonie (Feb 25, 2018)

No... Thankfully, I had a childhood free of trauma. I had a peaceful life, with a loving family. I was bullied in middle school, but it never severely impacted me as far as I can tell. Perhaps I have become socially inept because of being bullied and having major trust issues in my later high school years. I don't know. Certainly _something_ went wrong.

Everything that could cause me trauma and inadvertently cause self-destructive tendencies - that all happened once I turned 18.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Feb 26, 2018)

Mider T said:


> Nothing I can think of off the top of my peel.



how dare you edit this post! i saw that mider.

my plans of correcting your english have been foiled again

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## Ashen-Shugar (Feb 27, 2018)

Traumas affecting families is like a shared nightmare with perspectives of both child,siblings and parent(s). A child dying to live and someones decision to be buy insurance (yeah thanks...it is prudent to hedge those kind of bets), or another family  the divorce that takes 3 years to get a "settlement" from the "system", meanwhile kids suffered before, during and after all because of selfish adult egos, and another family just being helpless waiting for their child to die, if only he had the "good" kind at that point in time with the advancements. 

I also dont know about miracles but I am glad something like that it seems to occur too, like a young cousin of mine not far into teaching career, getting sick with yet another one, this time  AML, and then having a baby with those reduced odds.


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## Virus (Feb 27, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Do things still impact you as an adult that you witnessed as a child? I feel like it does cause i still go through it even just hearing a door slam makes me jump and makes my heart sink to the floor.



It has affected me. Mostly when it comes to my personality. I would like to open up 100% with someone but I can't and wouldn't. I just have to live with it.

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## Aphrodite (Feb 27, 2018)

Dr. Negri said:


> It has affected me. Mostly when it comes to my personality. I would like to open up 100% with someone but I can't and wouldn't. I just have to live with it.



Its hard i know.


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## Xen (Feb 27, 2018)

Aphrodite said:


> Do things still impact you as an adult that you witnessed as a child? I feel like it does cause i still go through it even just hearing a door slam makes me jump and makes my heart sink to the floor.



The heart sinkers are some of the worst.

I grew up witnessing many domestic disputes between my parents pre-divorce, then to on-and-off living with my mother and her scummy, abusive boyfriends, it's hard to just forget that kind of stuff. A general feeling I had enough of back then was of being frightened, sad, hurt, and even a feeling of being alone. If I witness similar things now, it mostly just makes me anxious and a little ticked off. Nothing like violent outbursts or anything, but a hot, swelling feeling within.

At the same time, I look at it like this -- I'm glad I don't have to be an undesirable individual with a bad, abusive attitude. It helped forge me toward wanting to be the best me I could be and to others. Even though I'm always going to be reminded of those incidents, I'm glad I have that bit of good to take from it all.

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## Ashen-Shugar (Feb 27, 2018)

Sad tune. Probably thing that bothers me the most is all the BS, gaslighting crap. I'll never be that way


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## mali (Mar 3, 2018)

a whole host of shit. i get anxious and immediately confrontational when people knock at my door extra loud, which i assume is from years of seeing bad situations pan out from the sole starting point of an overly aggresive door knock.


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## Ashen-Shugar (Mar 4, 2018)

People just need a break, some boundaries not to disturb and just time to relax with whatever substance.


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## Kitsune (Mar 4, 2018)

I was accidentally locked in the car when I was three. It’s one of my earliest memories. I remember my dad calling AAA and trying to get me to stop crying through the window. Not a terrible memory but I have minor claustrophobia in cars and I dislike driving. I have no idea if these things are connected but it would be interesting if they are.


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## Ashen-Shugar (Mar 4, 2018)

I would agree, CAA is a good membership to have for drivers. Dead battery and need a boost, they're good. Got boost out at the lake too. Remember in highschool having to start your car obviously quite the selection of cool K-cars, had a Pontiac 6000 and  it was so freaking cold windhchill like -40 plus  (Sorry, dont know what else to say just trying relate stories, I'm sorry you had that trauma)

If you are talking about triggers, needles don't bother me (havn't had since failed out of Med Lab but drawing lots would be uncomfortable), but I wouldn't want to go for another bone marrow or Spinal tap. I did faint a in class at highschool while watching a movie think in biology or was it chemistry and it showed heart transplant operation. Tried to make sure One time was at a gym (lol I dont go, that was eons ago). Low blood pressure. 

Bad experiences with cars and do not drive much, especially in the winter. Just in general cars trauma would be drinking and driving and how innocent people may have hurt or killed. So cool to try to avoid a spot check by pulling a u-turn and then seconds later getting T-boned in at the old farmer's market. I wasn't the driver but it was my car. Worst debt I owe to my friend.

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## Trog (Mar 5, 2018)

I had a best friend in middle school that turned on me, so to speak. I won't go into too much detail, but he was at the time a really good friend, and essentially my only friend. Due to influence from other people, he stopped being my friend. There's more to it than that, but that's all I'm going to say.
I think it's caused me to have trust issues with the friends I have now, of which I still only have a few. If anything they do could be perceived as them not caring, or anything else like that, I will typically assume that's the case. It's also made me very afraid of losing my current friends. Despite the trust issues, they mean a lot to me, probably more than anybody else in my life, other than my immediate family, I guess. It's probably bad for me to hold them at the level of importance that I do (people can be fickle, or whatever) but I can't seem to help it.


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## ~M~ (Mar 17, 2018)

Life is traumatic period. Anyone who hasn't experienced that is sheltered.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Smoke (Mar 18, 2018)

Teenagers still scare me.


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## Sassy (Mar 28, 2018)

Abandonmemt issues from my father leaving my mother when I was 1 and my sister was 2. And coming back into my life periodically throughout the last two decades/years yet never staying always breaking the heart and never reaching out or giving two shits to even want to. More severe abandonment and trust issues from past toxic friendships in elementary/middle school. Self worth, insecurities from being bullied in middle school/elementary school. 

Once on accident when I lived in Dallas, Texas in my summer of kindergarten for  I did not realize how big a red fire ant hill could accumulate and how they could look naturally I wouldn't know I was a 6 year old thinking about other things but while waiting for my stepfather to get something from somewhere can't quite remember what it was or where we were but I sat down on a dirty hill that I did not realize was a red fire ant hill, next thing I know I feel stingy bites everywhere and ants crawling on me anywhere and everywhere, then getting hosed with by water from my father and few other people coming to help to calm me down. Ever since then fear of bugs, and anything spider related had extreme acranophobia back in middle/high school. 

Life certainly isn't easy nor is it a fragile thing, but some things certainly impact me as an adult today from the past that I can never shake of. However that means I won't let it define me regardless of what I've experienced I'll still strive to live in my own way through the good and the bad.

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