# Rapid Roleplay: Darth Sauron and Vergil



## Vergil (Feb 10, 2009)

It was all his. The entire fucking planet. Who would have thought his inability to leave buttons that say "DO NOT PRESS!" would have yielded such marvelous results.

Sam couldn't drive but he was learning. Apparently you should only use one foot for brake and accelarator. He had totalled 5 cars before realising that, luckily he had anticipated it and only took cars from the "volvo" dealership. They were true to their word, pretty damned safe, but it was all training for when he could drive that big red penis extension of a car around. The ferrari. Oh yes.

He was amazed at how much damage two people could do to one city. Yes, there was someone else. He rolled his eyes up, it seemed the whole planet wasn't his personal playground but he had to share with some jackass. 

He had only seen him in passing causing Sam to double take and crash into a lampost. He remembered he was present when he pushed the button. Seriously though, what kind of idiot leaves a 17 year old idiot (and he had no problem admitting that he was intellectually challenged, he knew the stuff he did was just short of retarded) in a science lab with a big button that says "DO NOT PRESS". The geniuses that managed to create the device to wipe out every single person on the planet barring everyone in that room were obviously not smart enough to realise that idiocy conquers all. Just look at Bush!

As he went to the cinema to plug in his PS3 to the projector he wondered where that dopey so and so was.


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## darthsauron (Feb 13, 2009)

Jack was extremely pissed.  That stupid idiot had pushed the very last button he needed for his collection.  Jack had found every other kind button in the world.  Hell, he had even gone to the Island from Lost where he took a button from the hatch.  And now this moron just had to come and get rid of every single other person on the world and the button as well.   

Jack saw the teenager who had pushed the button walking down the street.  Jack was only three years older than him, but the teenager seemed to have an intellect of a twelve year old.  Jack got into an empty car in the middle of the street.  The keys were still there.  Jack began to drive straight at Sam, and he could see Sam was holding a PS3.  "You idiot! You ruined everything!" Jack shouted at the window at Sam as he was about to ram into him.


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## Vergil (Feb 13, 2009)

Sam heard some tires screeching and some shouting. The look on Sam's face was one of almost utter boredom. Everyday (well, since yesterday) since he pressed that button Jack-in-box has been trying to kill him because Jack-off wanted to collect the big red, one-of-a-kind, depressable object. 

He wanted to COLLECT them. 

What the hell use is a button if it isn't pressed? It's like having a bike which you're not going to ride, a bed you're not going to sleep in, and as it turned out, Jack-shit was extremely profiecient, to the point of being downright ironic, at pushing all of Sam's buttons.

"Ugh great, It's Captain Jack-ass." he said as he watched the yellow corvette steam towards him. He lifted the huge, beast of a console above his head and hurled it towards the window of the oncoming car before diving out of the way of the stupid, obsessive compulsive, murdering arse bandit, Jack.

As he jumped through the air with all the grace of a turkey being fired out of a cannon, Sam smirked. He hated almost everything about this guy but he was quite literally the last guy on the planet and at least he made things interesting. 

He still had to kill the idiotic son of a bitch though.

As the scene unfolded 100 hidden cameras all adjusted slightly to get the best angle of the random act of violence.


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## darthsauron (Feb 14, 2009)

Jack quickly swerved as the PS3 sailed straight at the car he was driving.  The car went out of control, spinning and slamming into various other cars.  Car alarms began to sound and Jack started to panic.  The car was going straight towards a brick wall.  Jack's finally found the brakes and car came to a screeching halt.  The car was battered and half of the windows were shattered.   

Jack slowly got out of the car and started towards Sam.  The stupid moron was wearing a blue suit and a red tie.  Sam had brown hair and brown eyes.  Jack's hand turned into a fist and he ran straight at Sam.  Suddenly, a bullet slammed into the ground in front of Jack.  

Jack quickly stopped.  Out of an empty store across the street, a robot appeared.  It had a humanoid form and painted white with glowing green eyes.  It held a sniper rifle in its hands.  _"Terminate all humans,"_ the robot intoned.  "My day just keeps getting weirder and weirder," Jack muttered to himself, not realizing that he was heard by thousands of people.


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## Vergil (Feb 15, 2009)

"Bullcrap!" Sam said as he looked at the metallic harbringer of death and then at the blond, curly haired, white idiot that he was probably going to be forced to team up with. He actually contemplated teaming up with the robot to murder Jack but that was quickly disregarded by the fact that Sam would have the bliss of being the last person on the planet for less than half a millisecond, as the robot would quite happy stick his head up his arse and use him as some human football. If anything Jack would provide a useful distraction as he planned on getting the fuck out of there. 

"Jack-ass, you hold him off. I'll be back with reinforcements!" That blatant lie probably would have worked better had there been another person on the planet to call upon, and had he not casually insulted him. Their current situation was not great; they were in the middle of downtown New York, the heart of Times square, with a rather unfriendly can opener wanting to get into the yummy goodness inside their skin. No police, no tactical nuclear strikes, not even a baby that might cry so much it's wires would overload from too much sensory input. They were alone and Sam wondered if perhaps this robot was the last robot on the planet and really just wanted to some company. As Sam, thought of these ultimately useless scenarios he ran to a car but then stopped suddenly as it blew up from intense fire from the robot. 

"Well that's that fucking theory out the window." he said trying to figure out what this robot wanted. It was then that Sam noticed a gunshop. Full of fun items. He ran in, and looked around the musky surroundings. He broke the display cabinet and helped himself to goodies, namely a shotgun, an uzi and a couple of John Woo handguns. He twirled the handgun around his finger and the thing fired, causing Sam to throw it as a reflex, which caused it to fire again. He decided not to try and do anything too crazy with the guns for fear of shhoting himself in the face.

He had kind of left Jack out there to entertain Mr Roboto, but he shrugged it off and packed one for him too, not because he liked him but more out of begrudgingly admitting that he might need him later to take out pile of metal.

He took more ammo than he would need, loaded all the weapons and walked out muttering at how heavy the bag of guns were.


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## darthsauron (Feb 15, 2009)

Jack rolled his eyes as Sam ran away.  The stupid moron would probably- *Thunk!* A bullet whizzed right past Jack's head into the brick wall behind him.  Jack grabbed a rock lying on the ground and used it to smash open the glass window of the store behind him.  The robot aimed its rifle and fired at Jack once more, but Jack had already leaped into the building.  

Jack looked around and discovered he was in a diving store.  There were various SCUBA diving suits and breathing equipment all over.  Jack began to crawl on his stomach towards a speargun.  Jack could hear the metallic clanking of the robot as it headed towards the store.   

The robot kicked down the store door.  Its head swiveled, searching for Jack.  Jack held his breath and stopped moving, hoping the robot wouldn't notice him.  After several moments that felt like eternity, the robot turned around and left the shop.  Jack reached and grabbed the speargun.  He got up and fired straight at the robot's head.  

The spear slammed straight the robot's head.  The robot shook for a few seconds before collapsing onto the ground, electricity convulsing its entire body.  Jack picked up the sniper rifle which had held.  He was going to kill Sam.  Unfortunately for Jack, dozens of more robots suddenly appeared out of empty alleyways and buildings.  _"Terminate all humans,"_ they chanted.  _"Terminate all humans."_


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## Vergil (Feb 15, 2009)

Sam was pretty happy with his haul of guns but as he walked out of the gun shop he saw an army of robots all chanting to destroy all humans.

"What the hell did you do?!" he shouted at Jack, blaming him entirely for the metallic army. "You know, fuck it. Here. Pick one you like." Sam said as he threw the bag of gun at Jack's feet. Of course Sam had already taken out a shotgun and had holtered two hand guns in the small of his back. They kept slipping down his trousers and wasn't about to try and get his dick blown off. 

He strapped on a holster on each side and slotted the handguns there. The robots, and there were about 40 of them, all started to walk menacingly towards the two.

"Ah, shit! Why didn't that button destroy all the fucking deadly robots? Why did it have to take all the pretty women? Why did it leave me alone on this planet with a twat?!" he shouted, not knowing that about a million people all laughed at his rant. 

"Raaaaaaar! Fuck you all!" he shouted and aimed his shotgun at a robot, however before he could fire, they fired first. Sam jumped into an alley and hid behind a wall

"Oh fuck this, fuck this, fuck this!" He calmed down and felt empowered with his massive gun. "Just think Gears of War...Ok...Chest high walls.....jump out and fire!!"

Sam leaped out and fired two rounds of the shotgun. The first one hit a robot in the face causing it to fall. The second one fired directly up in the air, as the recoil of the first shot caused the weapon to smack him in the face and fire off into the sky.

Same fell on his ass and looked at Jack who appeared to be quite enjoying his obvious struggle. Sam gave him the middle finger

"We got one each! I'm totally wiping out more of these assholes than you!" he said standing up and holding the weapon properly this time before firing


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## darthsauron (Feb 15, 2009)

Jack pulled out an MP5 from the bag.  "If you can do Gears of War, I can do Call of Duty," Jack said.  Call of Duty 4 was the only video game Jack had played in his life.  The only way he could get the power button on the Xbox 360 controller would be to beat Bill Gates in a game of COD4.  Jack had spent most of his life gathering buttons, so he had never spent much time playing video games.  

Jack aimed the gun at a car where two robots were and fired.  Several bullets flew out of the gun and into the car front.  The car slowly shook before exploding, engulfing the two robots in a fiery inferno.  Jack underestimated the gun's recoil.  His grip was too loose, and the gun flew out of his hands.  Jack saw that one of the robots was still alive.  It was missing an arm, but its good arm was holding a pistol aimed at Jack.  "Shit."  

Jack grabbed another gun from the bag and fired at the robot, but the robot had already fired a shot.  A bullet grazed Jack's ankle.  Jack winced in pain, but he had no time to lose.  The robot's finger was on the trigger.  Jack fired the gun he was holding at the robot.  It was an uzi.  

The bullets tore through the robot's torso, but the robot got off one more shot.  The bullet went wild and slammed a store window, shattering it.  Jack turned towards Sam.  "Hah.  I got two," Jack said quickly before ducking as a robot with an M16 opened fire on the two of them from the roof of an apartment building.


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## Vergil (Feb 15, 2009)

"Hah! Fuck Call of Duty, I'm doing Stranglehold bitch!" Sam said pulling out the two handguns. He was absolutely determined to be Chow Yun Fat in a John Woo epic. However before he could do anything he had to run for cover from the sniper on the roof with the automatic weapon. 

Sam blew a few holes in the door of the building the sniper was on and entered the building. It was dark despite being quite bright outside, due to the odd no windows policy they had. There were only lights from bulbs but they were flickering. Sam wasn't about to have an epilleptic fit and shot the offending light, scattering a shards of broken glass across the stairs. Sam avoided the glass, not wanting to damage his trainers. 

He snuck upstairs listening for any sign of other intruders. Nothing. He heard the distant gunfire from outside but in here it was dark and quiet. Scarily so. Sam felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and a shiver run down his spine. What was next, was he going to see dead people? 

Then he heard something that made him freeze. Glass crunching. Someone was downstairs and they had trodden on the broken glass. They were coming upstairs. Sam had his back to the sickly yellow painted wall and breathed in quietly, other than that he was too petrified to move. He had to though. Through the fear he edged closer and closer to the door located on the top floor. He saw it was ajar and there was some light seeping into the dark stairwell. 

"Fuck this sneaky shit. I'm about to have a coronary!" Sam said as he kicked the door open fully and somersaulted into the open space. The sniper had gone, it's original position was nought but an empty space. There was only one place it could be and that was behind the big air conditioner unit. Sam aimed his guns at the unit but again, before he could do anything, the door burst open with a robot holding a shotgun.

"Oh for fucks sake!"

Sam dived backwards and fired his guns at the robots arms, taking off more and more metal as he narrowly avoided a blast of shotgun fire, thanks to the aim being put off. Sam landed on his back, did a backwards somersault, only to find he was staring the other robot behind the Air con unit in the face. Through nought but dumbluck, Sam was so close to the thing, it couldn't use it's M16.

"Destroy all.." it did not have a chance to finish its stupid repitition as Sam aimed his two guns at each of its eyes and unloaded the clip into it's skull. It fell with a thud, only for Sam to look down in horror as he noticed a timer counting down.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's not for when my dinner's ready." he said as he ran and jumped from one building, across the 5ft gap, to another building and was soon thrown off it as the explosion sent Sam flying through the air. Again luck was on his side as the side he was flung from had the fire escape and he had managed to grab onto one of the railing to stop him from dying a pretty cool death.

He turned his head to the side and although he was sure Jack couldn't hear him, he still felt it neccesary to point out that he too had killed 2 of the bastards


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## darthsauron (Feb 16, 2009)

Jack was slowly starting to panic.  There too many robots.  He had taken cover in a clothing store, he was out of breath and he was in extreme pain.  A robot had thrown a brick at his head.  Jack had no idea where Sam was.  Probably running away, Jack surmised.  Around a dozen robots were searching the store.  Jack was hidden behind the cash register, his back to the wall of the counter and ready to shoot.    

One of the robots walked over to the cash register.  Jack waited anxiously, his finger on the trigger of his uzi.  The robot's electronic fell on Jack.  _"Target found."_ Jack fired before the robot could.  Several bullets tore through the robots head.  The robot fell to its knees and hit the ground, out of commission.  

The other robots turned around and began to fire at Jack.  Bullets flew over Jack's head.  Jack stuck the gun up over the counter and fired blindly, hoping he would kill a robot.  As he did so, Jack noticed a back entrance to the store.  Jack ran towards it, firing backwards with his uzi.    

Jack burst out of the back and found himself in a large street.  Jack saw something extremely useful: an armored truck.  It seemed to be in the middle of picking up some money when the driver had most likely disappeared with everyone else, thanks to that idiotic moron.  Jack ran in and began to drive.  The robots opened fire on him, but their bullets just bounced off.   

Jack drove towards a means of escape: JFK.  In order to collect all of the buttons, Jack had to learn how to fly a plane.  He was sure no one mind if he took one.  After making a quick swerve away from a group of robots armed with RPGs, Jack a saw Sam hanging from a fire escape.  Jack rolled his eyes and was about to drive past him when he saw dozens of robots charging at the two of them in the rearview mirror.  Jack pulled up to the fire escape.  "Get in," he said quickly.  "I'm only saving him because he can shoot out of the window," Jack told himself.


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## Vergil (Feb 16, 2009)

Sam looked down and saw Jack driving the armored car, he drove past him and then reversed telling him to get in. 

"Oh fuck you and your mother!" he spat as he let go of the fire escape and landed on the car. Given the choice of sharing a limited space with dickface or having 10 kilos of lead shot up his ass by the robots, the option with Jack won, but it was a harder decision than one might think.

He got into the truck and immediately said

"I'm driving!", but then he saw 5 totalled Volvos. He wished the damage was caused by the robots but he knew better. "Never mind," he cocked his shotgun and fired out of the window.

Jack revved the accelarator and drove as Sam continually fired with his shotgun. His shoulder hurt like hell from all the recoil and the awkward fall from the fire escape. He also had a bit of shrapnel lodged up his right buttock but was damned if he was going to admit that. The robot fell one after the other

"These things....they're not that well built huh?" Sam said noticing the ease in which they went down. "I mean, in Terminator it took an entire movie to kill the bastards and here we are knocking them down with a single shotgun blast. Something seems fucked up about all this."

Sam wondered why he went off on such verbal diarreah to Jack, he didn't expect anything more intelligent than 'Oh look there's a button!'. His concerns were real, he wasn't complaining that they were as durable as paper kite in world war 2, but it just didn't make sense. They weren't alien as they spoke English, they weren't a new form of intelligence as they sprouted out the same programmed crap. A robot factory gone haywire? Wgere in the Hell were all these coming from? and if they were programmed why in the hell were they programmed to destroy all humans? Surely that's the LAST thing you want to programme into a killing machine. It didn't make any sense.

Sam stopped thinking and kept blasting, there would be time enough to ponder about all this later


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