# An Article About Why It’s Hard For People In General To Find A Good Life Partner



## Polaris (Jan 17, 2018)

What did you think of it? 

The worst type of person out of all the examples mentioned in the text, in my personal opinion, is "externally-influenced Ed". The one who is influenced by other people’s opinion of their choice of partner. Getting rid of a quality partner because your parents don’t approve of her/him due to selfish reasons, because the partner in question has a different religious affiliation or ethnical background, or because your peers don’t approve of the partner because he/she has a lower social status than you. Pitiful, truly.

”The choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, enormously complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have no place getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse”

_^Exactly. _

Reactions: Like 1 | Friendly 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 19, 2018)

I didn’t read that whole article lol, but I dont think leaving someone due to religious differences or whatever is a horrible thing. Different people value different things.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Itachі (Jan 19, 2018)

Yeah, I'm not really into relationships anyway but coming from a Muslim background the point you brought up just discourages me further.

I've had friends talk shit about girls I've had things with and it was just annoying. Fair enough there can be some valid points but some guys just seem to love calling women sluts for no reason.

Reactions: Like 2


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## A Optimistic (Jan 19, 2018)

I don't really care what my friends think, if I like someone then I like them.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 4


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## Polaris (Jan 20, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> I didn’t read that whole article lol, but I dont think leaving someone due to religious differences or whatever is a horrible thing. Different people value different things.



Well, having similar values is important, since it’s easier to connect with someone on a deeper level if you have a similar life perspective, similar core values, a similar moral compass and etc.

What they’re talking about in the article though, is if an individual who doesn’t share his family’s religious beliefs, is pressured into breaking up with a partner because he/she doesn’t belong to the same religion as his family.

For example; A guy who is a child of immigrants from the Western World is brought up in a religious, Muslim household, but doesn’t share his family’s perspective on religion. He either feels like an atheist deep down or doesn’t know what to believe. He eventually gets a girlfriend. She doesn’t come from the same religious background or ethnic group that he does. She fails to live up to his parent’s expectations and standards, because they want him to marry a, “proper and devout Muslim girl”

So the guy feels pressured to live up to his native culture’s expectations and breaks up with her in order to please his family. Even though the woman in question might’ve been the one for him.



Itachі said:


> Yeah, I'm not really into relationships anyway but coming from a Muslim background the point you brought up just discourages me further.
> 
> I've had friends talk shit about girls I've had things with and it was just annoying. Fair enough there can be some valid points but some guys just seem to love calling women sluts for no reason.



I certainly don’t encourage promiscuous behavior, but dismissing potential partners after making quick judgments based on first impressions (which can be misleading), seems to be pretty common among males, no matter what culture they belong to. May I ask what specifically caused your friends to place the females that you were romantically involved with in the, “slut category”?


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## Itachі (Jan 20, 2018)

Polaris said:


> I certainly don’t encourage promiscuous behavior, but dismissing potential partners after making quick judgments based on first impressions (which can be misleading), seems to be pretty common among males, no matter what culture they belong to. May I ask what specifically caused your friends to place the females that you were romantically involved with in the, “slut category”?



They were pretty much all stupid reasons. Sometimes they thought a girl was 'too nice' to me and that made her a slut, sometimes they just thought she was too outgoing, sometimes they thought that she was 'too easy', etc. Honestly, I was offended a lot of the times people would make comments like that. Especially when I genuinely cared for some of the women in question, I never intended to date any of them but I still considered them friends.

Reactions: Like 1


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## NW (Jan 20, 2018)

I mean if your partner thinks you're gonna fry for eternity if you don't share his/her beliefs then yeah it's probably not gonna work.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## sworder (Jan 20, 2018)

Itachі said:


> They were pretty much all stupid reasons. Sometimes they thought a girl was 'too nice' to me and that made her a slut, sometimes they just thought she was too outgoing, sometimes they thought that she was 'too easy', etc. Honestly, I was offended a lot of the times people would make comments like that. Especially when I genuinely cared for some of the women in question, I never intended to date any of them but I still considered them friends.


sounds like a personal problem

none of my friends would call a girl I like a slut unless they had evidence she was sleeping around behind my back, cuz i'd get mad and stand up for her rather than let them say whatever they want


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## Itachі (Jan 20, 2018)

sworder said:


> sounds like a personal problem
> 
> none of my friends would call a girl I like a slut unless they had evidence she was sleeping around behind my back, cuz i'd get mad and stand up for her rather than let them say whatever they want



That's the thing, I stood up for them but some of the points they use (i brought up in my last post) make no sense. It's not something easily quantifiable like cheating or flirting with other men. I've gotten mad too but then they also backpedal and say shit like "there's nothing wrong with being a slut"


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## Polaris (Jan 20, 2018)

Itachі said:


> They were pretty much all stupid reasons. Sometimes they thought a girl was 'too nice' to me and that made her a slut, sometimes they just thought she was too outgoing, sometimes they thought that she was 'too easy', etc. Honestly, I was offended a lot of the times people would make comments like that. Especially when I genuinely cared for some of the women in question, I never intended to date any of them but I still considered them friends.



I find it ludicrous how they dismiss those girls as sluts for being, “outgoing” and, “nice” Aren’t those supposed to be desirable traits?

If they were the exact opposite of those traits (unfriendly and asocial) your friends would probably complain as well.

I get that male friends are trying to look out for each other so that their pals won’t end up with a cheater, but you have to get to know a person before you can decide whether or not their moral compass is intact.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 21, 2018)

Polaris said:


> Well, having similar values is important, since it’s easier to connect with someone on a deeper level if you have a similar life perspective, similar core values, a similar moral compass and etc.
> 
> What they’re talking about in the article though, is if an individual who doesn’t share his family’s religious beliefs, is pressured into breaking up with a partner because he/she doesn’t belong to the same religion as his family.
> 
> ...



You think that would make him a jerk? I don’t know. Kinda hard to hurt your family and live without them. Couples can’t really operate in a vacuum. That being said, I could understand either decision (staying with the person you love/walking away to respect your parents wishes). There’s also the aspect of being cut off from family and how that could adversely affect the couple. If the guy is close to his mom or siblings it may be difficult to have to “choose”.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## sworder (Jan 21, 2018)

Polaris said:


> I get that male friends are trying to look out for each other so that their pals won’t end up with a cheater, but you have to get to know a person before you can decide whether or not their moral compass is intact.


they aren't trying to look out for him, they're just a bunch of idiots


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## Shinobu (Jan 21, 2018)

Feels like people are starting relationships out of wrong reasons nowadays. Also the pressure to perform and the high expectations in general coming from the society and thus from oneself too, often are the hardest part for a relationship to overcome. There's no time for a slow and stable developement anymore, 'cause this world goes faster and faster. 

I read another article about being a single and a lot of people are actually happy about being a single 'cause they feel a relationship is just stressful and not enjoyable. Also read that a lot of men are actually insecure after the whole [HASHTAG]#metoo[/HASHTAG] thing and rather stay away from women to not get in trouble.

So yea, I dunno, but these are some worrisome developments in our society.

Personally I wouldn't give up on love and never did. Eventhough I'm not in a relationship I'm pretty sure it's going to happen whenever the right time is and I won't let anyone else decide over what's right or wrong I guess. It's always easy in theory and hard in practice, but yea what this sick society says should never play a role in a relationship.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Catamount (Jan 22, 2018)

Shinobu said:


> insecure after the whole  thing


Is that some feminist movement?


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 22, 2018)

Catamount said:


> Is that some feminist movement?



yes and no. it was supposed to be a movement that empowered victims of sexual abuse to come forward. unsurprisingly, a lot of the people who came out were female. the movement has received criticism for ruining careers without giving alleged abusers in the workforce the opportunity to defend themselves.

Reactions: Informative 2


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## Polaris (Jan 22, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> You think that would make him a jerk? I don’t know. Kinda hard to hurt your family and live without them. Couples can’t really operate in a vacuum. That being said, I could understand either decision (staying with the person you love/walking away to respect your parents wishes). There’s also the aspect of being cut off from family and how that could adversely affect the couple. If the guy is close to his mom or siblings it may be difficult to have to “choose”.



No, I wouldn’t say that he’s a jerk. I just think it’s cruel, selfish and immature of parents to give their grown-up children an ultimatum, “It’s either us or her/him”

I’d find it odd if he chose his family over a life partner, however. From an evolutionary perspective, it doesn’t make any sense. Platonic and familial relationships, no matter how much they might contribute to a human’s emotional well-being, don’t fulfill the basic human urge to reproduce and the need for romantic love. The person who is the most beneficial to our wellbeing and survival, whether it’s direct or indirect, will always come first. For a child, the parents or guardians are the individuals in their lives who are the most beneficial to their survival. For an adult, it’s the significant other. Until or unless they have a child. Because our offspring which consists of about 50% of our genes, makes sure that a part of us will continue to live, even when we’re dead. So our offspring basically fulfills the urge to spread our genes and to survive as a species. That’s why most people suddenly put their kids before their partner, once they become parents.

Of course he’d be devastated to be alienated by his family, if he had a good relationship with them. But what is he supposed to do? Resign himself to a lifetime of singledom because none of the women that he is attracted to and shares an emotional connection with won’t ever receive the stamp of approval by his parents? Or marry a woman who he has no feelings for, whom his parents have picked out for him?

Sure, choosing his partner over his family, might put a strain on his romantic relationship. But choosing his family over his significant other, might put a strain on his relationship with his family.

If he follows his parents’ wishes, he’ll most likely end up feeling a lifelong resentment towards them for making him choose between them and a woman that he envisioned spending the rest of his life with. But also because he’ll feel limited and like his free will doesn’t matter, due to letting his parents narrow down his dating pool and make personal choices for him which they shouldn’t do.

If he marries a woman who has received the stamp of approval by his parents, for the sake of pleasing his parents, he’ll feel unsatisfied since nobody wants to settle for less. He’ll spend the rest of his life thinking of what could’ve been.

Also, just because his parents find him a proper Muslim girl to marry, doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a good person. Some religious people think that simply believing is enough or only follow the rules that they find appealing. The fiancée could be two-faced, cantankerous, emotionally abusive and etc. But I get the feeling that his parents would still prefer her over the girl that they pushed him to ditch, since she belongs to their culture and/or ethnic group.

So in the end, I think it all boils down to a primitive fear of what’s different. And that’s just something people have to learn to get over. I would feel like the guy would be encouraging and endorsing his parents' mindset by succumbing to their wishes.

If it’s a matter of preserving their culture and traditions, it won’t die out just because their kid marries an, “outsider”. If the guy has any siblings, there’s a significant likelihood that at least one of their children will marry an individual who shares their religious beliefs and/or ethnic background.



sworder said:


> they aren't trying to look out for him, they're just a bunch of idiots



Well, clearly not in his case, considering his friends have a tendency of backpedaling and so on. I meant in general. Perhaps some guys have good intentions, but simply judge women based on illogical reasons. But yeah, I don’t doubt that some males just like to talk shit about females like a group of bitchy high-school girls. I just don’t want to risk misjudging anyone by placing them all in the same category.


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## DemonDragonJ (Jan 22, 2018)

Prior to meeting Lady J, I certainly had had great difficulty in finding a partner, so that article certainly was something to which I could relate.

I would like to see an article that explains why it is so difficult to find a good job today, because I have been searching for many years and still have not found such a job.

Reactions: Friendly 1


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## Island (Jan 23, 2018)

Shinobu said:


> Feels like people are starting relationships out of wrong reasons nowadays. Also the pressure to perform and the high expectations in general coming from the society and thus from oneself too, often are the hardest part for a relationship to overcome. There's no time for a slow and stable developement anymore, 'cause this world goes faster and faster.
> 
> I read another article about being a single and a lot of people are actually happy about being a single 'cause they feel a relationship is just stressful and not enjoyable. Also read that a lot of men are actually insecure after the whole [HASHTAG]#metoo[/HASHTAG] thing and rather stay away from women to not get in trouble.
> 
> So yea, I dunno, but these are some worrisome developments in our society.


I disagree.

There's a bizarre backlash against casual dating and starting relationships for the sake of having relationships. There's nothing wrong with either as long as both participants understand what's going on.

I've certainly started relationships for no other reason than wanting to take a girl on nice dates, have sex with her, and identify her as my girlfriend. She understood this and felt the same way, so I don't see what's "wrong" with that.

The perception that relationships need to be serious, or more broadly, anything beyond what its participants define it as, needs to stay in the twentieth-century.


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## Canute87 (Jan 24, 2018)

Women have changed over the years.


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## ~VK~ (Jan 24, 2018)

Itachі said:


> They were pretty much all stupid reasons. Sometimes they thought a girl was 'too nice' to me and that made her a slut, sometimes they just thought she was too outgoing, sometimes they thought that she was 'too easy', etc. Honestly, I was offended a lot of the times people would make comments like that. Especially when I genuinely cared for some of the women in question, I never intended to date any of them but I still considered them friends.


honestly it kinda just sounds like you have shit friends. where i'm from it's an unspoken rule you don't shit talk eachother's girls without a damn good reason. that kinda disrespect doesn't fly.


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## Itachі (Jan 24, 2018)

~VK~ said:


> honestly it kinda just sounds like you have shit friends. we're i'm from it's an unspoken rule you don't shit talk eachother's girls without a damn good reason. that kinda disrespect doesn't fly.



i wasn't actually with any of them tbh 

90% of the ones who said that shit i don't talk to anymore


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## A Optimistic (Jan 24, 2018)

~VK~ said:


> honestly it kinda just sounds like you have shit friends. where i'm from it's an unspoken rule you don't shit talk eachother's girls without a damn good reason. that kinda disrespect doesn't fly.


This.

Got to be a complete dickhead to insult your friend's girl/boyfriend. 

Well unless said friend asks for your thoughts, then it's fair game.


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## ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ (Jan 24, 2018)

Polaris said:


> No, I wouldn’t say that he’s a jerk. I just think it’s cruel, selfish and immature of parents to give their grown-up children an ultimatum, “It’s either us or her/him”
> 
> I’d find it odd if he chose his family over a life partner, however. From an evolutionary perspective, it doesn’t make any sense. Platonic and familial relationships, no matter how much they might contribute to a human’s emotional well-being, don’t fulfill the basic human urge to reproduce and the need for romantic love. The person who is the most beneficial to our wellbeing and survival, whether it’s direct or indirect, will always come first. For a child, the parents or guardians are the individuals in their lives who are the most beneficial to their survival. For an adult, it’s the significant other. Until or unless they have a child. Because our offspring which consists of about 50% of our genes, makes sure that a part of us will continue to live, even when we’re dead. So our offspring basically fulfills the urge to spread our genes and to survive as a species. That’s why most people suddenly put their kids before their partner, once they become parents.
> 
> ...



Yeah, i get what you're saying but it's just not that black and white. there's plenty of people on the planet, and some parents might have the "you can find someone else" perspective. on a personal level, i don't get why anyone would care/want to involve themselves in someone else's romantic relationship unless health/safety was a concern. otherwise, i really don't think its anyone's place. and hopefully, when i have children one day, i'll have enough wisdom to stay tf out of their relationships unless i am asked for advice. 



~VK~ said:


> honestly it kinda just sounds like you have shit friends. where i'm from it's an unspoken rule you don't shit talk eachother's girls without a damn good reason. that kinda disrespect doesn't fly.



is this vak? lol, i cant keep up with anything here



Ava said:


> This.
> 
> Got to be a complete dickhead to insult your friend's girl/boyfriend.
> 
> Well unless said friend asks for your thoughts, then it's fair game.



tbh, muslim/brown guys totally do this all the time. quick to call a girl a hoe, especially in more religious circles. but i won't get into that.


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## ~VK~ (Jan 24, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> is this vak? lol, i cant keep up with anything here


no?

Reactions: Informative 1


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## Polaris (Jan 24, 2018)

ЯƎWO⅃ᖷ said:


> tbh, muslim/brown guys totally do this all the time. quick to call a girl a hoe, especially in more religious circles. but i won't get into that.



That attitude is common among white Muslim guys from the Balkans as well. Not to generalize, but it’s not like they’re even devout Muslims. They’re vulgar, drink themselves into a stupor on weekends, view women as objects, lust after celebrities who dress provocatively and who are famous for their sex appeal, listen to music that is full of explicit sexual innuendos, probably even engage in premarital intercourse and etc. but yet they’re quick to put the slut label on girls over illogical and ridiculous reasons, like the ones that Itachi mentioned.

I also look down on low morals and promiscuity. But damn, I cannot stand hypocrisy.

Reactions: Like 1


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## DemonDragonJ (Jan 24, 2018)

Canute87 said:


> Women have changed over the years.



How have they changed, and why would that at all be relevant?


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## Smoke (Jan 25, 2018)

I'm single right now, and when people ask me why I'm single, I reply with _"It's because I don't have a girlfriend."
_
Sometimes they don't care, but other times the orgy organizer will tell me not to come back until I've brought a partner.

Why can't people just be cool, and not care about every single detail?

Reactions: Like 2


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## Canute87 (Jan 25, 2018)

DemonDragonJ said:


> How have they changed, and why would that at all be relevant?



It depends on what you want in a life partner. 

I guess if you always have money women these days will always be there.


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## EJ (Jan 27, 2018)

Polaris said:


> What did you think of it?
> 
> The worst type of person out of all the examples mentioned in the text, in my personal opinion, is "externally-influenced Ed". The one who is influenced by other people’s opinion of their choice of partner. Getting rid of a quality partner because your parents don’t approve of her/him due to selfish reasons, because the partner in question has a different religious affiliation or ethnical background, or because your peers don’t approve of the partner because he/she has a lower social status than you. Pitiful, truly.
> 
> ...



Yeah, I couldn't give a shit what family feels about the person I'm with. My girl's parents were skeptical because of what I do for work, and (I think) being black and American  but they were respectful when we met. Well we couldn't really understand one another anyways. 

To let someone's ethnicity/nationality get in the way of whether you support who your child dates is so damn stupid.


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