# Thoughts on parents



## Lord Valgaav (Feb 12, 2019)

How do you all feel about taking care of your parent(s) when they become too old or sick to care for themselves? Would you do it, or leave it to someone else? 

Or what if your parent(s) isn't too old or sick, but just aren't capable anymore of caring for thenselves due to irresponsible life choices(like an addiction or lack of care for their life anymore, etc)? Woyld you care for them when they don't even care for themselves anymore?


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## Catamount (Feb 13, 2019)

These are two totally different cases. I don’t even know how to imagine the second one properly, except my father not having enough brain to lessen smoking and beer already. 

I would rather have a pro working with them if they needed special care. Meaning, I can clean the house, buy goods, spend time together, but I don't want to mess up medical treatment if is needed.
I would not want to remove them from my life anyway. I am that messed up individual who has a good, loving family, and has almost forgiven parents for what we usually cannot forgive them already.

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## Aphrodite (Feb 13, 2019)

My parents took care of me its only right i would take care of them. I wouldn't leave the care of my parents in the hands of strangers.

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## Skylar (Feb 13, 2019)

Blood bonds are too hard to break for me. I would never abandon my parents or my brothers.

In the first scenario, I would take care of them for sure. I feel like that's how the cycle is supposed to end. I most likely will also rely on someone to give me a hand while I'm at work though, considering I'd have to keep fulfilling my own responsibilities.  So, a combination of the two.

As for the second scenario, I would reason with them in time and get them the professional help they need. If they entered the point of no return even with these measures, I would still care for them in old age. That's the human thing to do.

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## Moritsune (Feb 13, 2019)

I'd support them, but if it's to the point of actually having to care for them I would definitely find a nice retirement home for them. With my other responsibilities it would be quite likely that something would get overlooked if I were trying to balance both, so putting them in an environment with dedicated caretakers and visiting often would be ideal for me.


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## Mider T (Feb 13, 2019)

To the home they go!


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## Jim (Feb 13, 2019)

I still depend on them, so not really much of a choice


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## Catamount (Feb 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> I still depend on them


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## El Hit (Feb 13, 2019)

Father can go to hell, Mother I Will always take care of her.


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## Yamato (Feb 13, 2019)

I’d take care of them. 
If they made the wrong choices, I’d help them go back on the right path. I’ve always been attached to them and when I was younger, it was hard for me to think that they’d have to pass away eventually.


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## Dark Wanderer (Feb 13, 2019)

I don't care about my stepdad but I will do anything for my mom.

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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 13, 2019)

Moritsune said:


> I'd support them, but if it's to the point of actually having to care for them I would definitely find a nice retirement home for them. With my other responsibilities it would be quite likely that something would get overlooked if I were trying to balance both, so putting them in an environment with dedicated caretakers and visiting often would be ideal for me.



I hear about too many stories of nursing home negelct and abuse to ever feel okay putting my parents in one. At most I'd get a day nurse or someone who comes by to care for them medically and for cleaning and whatnot. 

I'll get into the other scenario later. Getting ready for work.


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## Dark Wanderer (Feb 13, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> I hear about too many stories of nursing home negelct and abuse to ever feel okay putting my parents in one. At most I'd get a day nurse or someone who comes by to care for them medically and for cleaning and whatnot.


I work in food services in a nursing home, and a lot of the nursing aides are very rude. I would not put my mother in one of these places.


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## Raiden (Feb 13, 2019)

I'll definitely support them, but they will likely refuse any assistance knowing both (not anything malicious) .


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 13, 2019)

Okay, so the reason I made this thread was because of a situation that's going on with a friend pf mines and her family. 

She's one of 6 siblings, 5 of which including her, are all moved out. Their parents are mid-50's and early 60s of age. 

Their dad lost his job last year and hasn't been looking for a nee one, so only their mom is bringing in money(not much at that). They're thousands of dollars behind on their mortgage payments and are in danger of losing their house. They also have a number of safety and health hazards in their home like black mold they've negelected to take care of, an exposed electrical box, and other things. 

The siblings have tried to talk to them and get them to do better with their lives because they don't want them to be homeless or die early, but the parents are all talk and never actually fall through with trying to get better. 

The two oldest siblings have said that if they lose the house, it's too bad because they can't take them in. 

I agree that their lack of responsibility is disgusting and disgraceful. But the thought of allowing my parents to become homeless or make themselves sick doesn't sit well with me. I'd have to resort to drastic measures to make them get better.


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## Jim (Feb 13, 2019)

sounds like they can't be helped and they should just forget about them.

imagine two scenarios 
situation A, the 6 siblings fight tooth and nail to fix the problem making huge sacrifices to salvage the situation, but ultimately fail and the parents become homeless and/or die early

situation B, the 6 siblings realize that it's a lost cause, go on with their lives without expending any of their time and resources on the parents and the parents become homeless and/or die early

which situation is better?


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 13, 2019)

Jim said:


> sounds like they can't be helped and they should just forget about them.
> 
> imagine two scenarios
> situation A, the 6 siblings fight tooth and nail to fix the problem making huge sacrifices to salvage the situation, but ultimately fail and the parents become homeless and/or die early
> ...



In situation A, at least they tried. To just abandon the people who raised you when they clearly need help is beyond selfish.


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## Drake (Feb 13, 2019)

I'd help them in both situations as much as I possibly could, given that they took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. I don't think I would ever put them in a nursing home or anything unless they specifically requested it.


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## Catamount (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> agree that their lack of responsibility is disgusting and disgraceful. But the thought of allowing my parents to become homeless or make themselves sick doesn't sit well with me. I'd have to resort to drastic measures to make them get better.


Those people are infantile and will never change. They expect others to resolve the issues for them, despite saying "yeah, we gotta do that...".
Not being able to afford normal life and still poping out six children is a proof of that.
It is better to get a tiny and very modest living place for them until it is not too late. Meaning, not too late to cooperate with bank and sell property that is possible to sell.
This is if six adults want to babysit two other adults. There is a difference between caring after parent and babysitting an adult.
Additionally, that might as well expose shit in brothers and sisters, who opt for inheritting that meh property without contributing shit to resolving the debt issue.


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## Jim (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> In situation A, at least they tried. To just abandon the people who raised you when they clearly need help is beyond selfish.


"abandoning" anyone who needs help is "beyond selfish". You just can't help everyone, nor can you even attempt to.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Catamount said:


> Those people are infantile and will never change. They expect others to resolve the issues for them, despite saying "yeah, we gotta do that...".
> Not being able to afford normal life and still poping out six children is a proof of that.
> It is better to get a tiny and very modest living place for them until it is not too late. Meaning, not too late to cooperate with bank and sell property that is possible to sell.
> This is if six adults want to babysit two other adults. There is a difference between caring after parent and babysitting an adult.
> Additionally, that might as well expose shit in brothers and sisters, who opt for inheritting that meh property without contributing shit to resolving the debt issue.



5 are adults. The youngest is only 17 and still with the parents. So he's greatly effected by this, same as the parents.

I agree that they won't change. They literally live in squalor on purpose. Not keeping the house clean and collecting random junk both inside and around the house outside. They're hoarders to the extreme. 

My friend told me last night that the bank finally foreclosed on them, which means they really have to come to a decision soon. I said that the dad needed to quit being lazy/prideful and get a real job(he's been doing odd jobs with friends since he lost his regular job), and that they needed to pack up their stuff and find a motel until they could get a new place.

Their oldest son moved back in with them 2yrs ago and has been saving up to buy himself a house. I said that he needed to sacrifice some of that money to get them a new place since he's been staying with them rent free during that time. 

The whole things a mess really. They're nice people, just...lazy.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Jim said:


> "abandoning" anyone who needs help is "beyond selfish". You just can't help everyone, nor can you even attempt to.



This isn't everyone though. These are your parents.


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## Catamount (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> The whole things a mess really. They're nice people, just...lazy.


Nah, lazy is a period in the life of someone who is busy and does if not a lot, then enough. If every single minute of their lives is about not doing shit and not taking any decision, it is not laziness, but a condition. Or a well calculated logical freeloading behavior that mostly requires plenty of plotting and mischievings.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Catamount said:


> Nah, lazy is a period in the life of someone who is busy and does if not a lot, then enough. If every single minute of their lives is about not doing shit and not taking any decision, it is not laziness, but a condition. Or a well calculated logical freeloading behavior that mostly requires plenty of plotting and mischievings.



No offense to them, but I don't think they're smart or clever enough for the plotting. Not sure what you'd call whatever 'condition' they might have though. 

I just know that it's obvious to me that the two can't care for themselves anymore. For whatever reason they at some point they just stopped caring about life. I'm surprised the mom still works.


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## Catamount (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> Not sure what you'd call whatever 'condition' they might have though.


The one that would cause people to lose their social position on purpose, pick up and store garbage (and adult son living in that is a another amusing detail to the picture), have self-destructive tendencies, etc. I am not a shrink ot actual psy doc to suggest a diagnosis, but it is well known that these do not always come from purely having low morals.
Judging from the known part of the story, there are infantile tendencies and some self-destruction in the most of the family. Because getting to the point of barely any return with a debt that might cost the house takes some time. It is not a day and not even a month. Why was the observation so long? It is not like all the children did not know their parents. They have seen them for a while and should have learnt that not any serious desicion would be taken by them. Losing a job is a not a personally made decision. Even giving birth to a child is not an actual decision in this case. It just went with a flow. And part of the family is going with a flow right now.

I can very well understand those of the children who do not want to take the parents in. They might pity them and help financially, but it would turn their lives in a hell full of arguing and yelling at each other daily if they lived together.

Still having a work is also a part of the flow, because she has to and always did that and she has not been fired yet. Most likely, mother also has her own form of depression, because having a pile of junk instead of a husband and father of your six (ffs) children is not something to just float by. I don't know how the social work centers function there, but maybe they can get involved and offer free shrink. It is not likely to be a daily help or a quick result, but seriously, look at this. Do not think that everyone in this story is logical and has self-awarness. Absolutely not. Even your friend is likely to cope with a kind of damage that you cannot really understand, because the mix of guilt (I have to help my parents, it is my fault) and self-saving instincts (I don't want to waste my life on this, why am I the one solving this giant issue out of all the family) is horrible and dangerous for the personality.

There are so many levels of help they all need, that it includes but not limited to financial, psychological, physical (for moving out, sorting the belongings), juridicial, etc.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Catamount said:


> The one that would cause people to lose their social position on purpose, pick up and store garbage (and adult son living in that is a another amusing detail to the picture), have self-destructive tendencies, etc. I am not a shrink ot actual psy doc to suggest a diagnosis, but it is well known that these do not always come from purely having low morals.
> Judging from the known part of the story, there are infantile tendencies and some self-destruction in the most of the family. Because getting to the point of barely any return with a debt that might cost the house takes some time. It is not a day and not even a month. Why was the observation so long? It is not like all the children did not know their parents. They have seen them for a while and should have learnt that not any serious desicion would be taken by them. Losing a job is a not a personally made decision. Even giving birth to a child is not an actual decision in this case. It just went with a flow. And part of the family is going with a flow right now.
> 
> I can very well understand those of the children who do not want to take the parents in. They might pity them and help financially, but it would turn their lives in a hell full of arguing and yelling at each other daily if they lived together.
> ...



The siblings have known for years how lazy their parents were, and saw it progressively get worse. Thing is, they've pretty much done all they could think of honestly.

They've cleaned the house themselves for them, but the parents just let it become a mess again. The second oldest daughter is the one who got a contractor to come and inspect how bad the house was, that's how they found out about the safety/health hazards. They've tried reasoning with them, arguing, but nothing sticks. 

They've pretty much done everything but let them live with them, and that's not likely since the second oldest daughter lives in Japan, the oldest has a small apartment, my friend is in the process of moving so she's considering it, the youngest daughter is pregnant and can't take anyone in her apartment, and I've already addressed the two sons.

I agree that much work is needed for the family. But right now they first and foremost need to figure out what to do about their parents.


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## Magic (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> I hear about too many stories of nursing home negelct and abuse to ever feel okay putting my parents in one. At most I'd get a day nurse or someone who comes by to care for them medically and for cleaning and whatnot.
> 
> I'll get into the other scenario later. Getting ready for work.


Leaving them to rot in a retirement home. Lol.


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## Moritsune (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> Okay, so the reason I made this thread was because of a situation that's going on with a friend pf mines and her family.
> 
> She's one of 6 siblings, 5 of which including her, are all moved out. Their parents are mid-50's and early 60s of age.
> 
> ...


Given the scenario, I would do what I could help, one time only though. I have little to no tolerance for anyone that won't even help themselves, even if those people are related to me.


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## Catamount (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> I agree that much work is needed for the family. But right now they first and foremost need to figure out what to do about their parents.


Yeah, but they need all of it now specifically for this. If you offer them financial aid, even with your friend being genuine about the friendship, this will lead to nothing. Money will be lost and the situation will not be resolved. The help can only be offered as in offering to hire a truck to move or something like that.

Right now it is just required to kick out the dude who is saving for his own place (wtf other siblings come to clean the house, like the hell) and moving them forcefully to a small place with minimum of needed conveniences. And getting the social aids involved to, again, forcefully get the father back into social structure. This is not going to be clean and nice, of course.

The other option for your friend is run to save her life. She is a woman, she has to look after her female health, both physical and mental sides. It is absolutely normal for her to insinctively want to run away from this kind of danger, even tho she does not have children yet. She will in future and she has to have some strength for that. If her parents move in with her they are going to devour her. Between feeling guilty for living separately and thus having decent life and wanting to get the fuck out of this shithole the second feeling is more natural, however it sounds. She does not have to abandon her family, she can take care of the teenage brother, but again, on a distance. Seeing a difference between normal life and the loop of self-destruction he might actually choose the first one to perceive. However, none of them including the youngest brother should live with her. And none of their debts or credits should feature her name in the documents. This is very likely to end with a loan.


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## Catamount (Feb 14, 2019)

I do not want to sound harsh towards your friend, but I do not know her, I know you. So. Do not let her troubles become your daily routine. Coming from that family she is going to have some tendencies she will not be able to fight. Subconciously she is going to look for a solution that would allow her to remove the responsibilty of making the decisions.
Do not make the decisions instead of her, because her siblings come with her and might very well be looking for someone to blame or work instead of them. Do not give direct advice what they should be doing. Suggest to consider several options and mention that you may not be the one taking the final decision. You do not want to suddenly find yourself the one to blame because the poor girl did not manage with the shit load of stress and responsibility (and she seems to be the one taking on the most of the fight, because that one is pregnant, that one if a freeloader...).

So, be a friend you feel like being and do what you want for the best of her (her, not the family in general), but get a healthy distance from the situation itself. It may take a few ugly turns and you do not want to be in the way of that.


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## nobody (Feb 14, 2019)

I don't know i have enough trouble living on my own.


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## Skylar (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> Okay, so the reason I made this thread was because of a situation that's going on with a friend pf mines and her family.
> 
> She's one of 6 siblings, 5 of which including her, are all moved out. Their parents are mid-50's and early 60s of age.
> 
> ...



This is trickier than what I had in mind when I posted my response. 

I do agree the letting them sleep on the streets, regardless of what they’ve done, is inhuman. 

One starts feeling burdened after a while for sure if this is self inflicted. The father’s lack of motivation even in the face of difficult times could be an indication of depression honestly. Maybe the problem is rooted in more than lazyness and everyone is unaware of it.

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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> This is trickier than what I had in mind when I posted my response.
> 
> I do agree the letting them sleep on the streets, regardless of what they’ve done, is inhuman.
> 
> One starts feeling burdened after a while for sure if this is self inflicted. The father’s lack of motivation even in the face of difficult times could be an indication of depression honestly. Maybe the problem is rooted in more than lazyness and everyone is unaware of it.



That's what I'm thinking. I think both have some deep depression and it's caused them to really give up.

My friend talked to the bank for them and got their limited options. But they're still acting like they have all the time in the world and that there's nothing they can do about it anyway. But that's not true. They can still edge out a hope of saving the house, but they're just dragging their asses.

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## Skylar (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> That's what I'm thinking. I think both have some deep depression and it's caused them to really give up.
> 
> My friend talked to the bank for them and got their limited options. But they're still acting like they have all the time in the world and that there's nothing they can do about it anyway. But that's not true. They can still edge out a hope of saving the house, but they're just dragging their asses.



Exactly.

 Instead of helping financially, I think the help needs to be elsewhere. Maybe make annapointment with a psychologist and see where it goes from there. The main focus should be to help them get emotionally back on their feet so they can take care of themselves. Solving their problems for them is pretty much enabiling their situation.

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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Instead of helping financially, I think the help needs to be elsewhere. Maybe make annapointment with a psychologist and see where it goes from there. The main focus should be to help them get emotionally back on their feet so they can take care of themselves. Solving their problems for them is pretty much enabiling their situation.



That'll be harder than you think for the siblings. Most of them are out of state and the two that live with them aren't exactly the most proactive of people. The parents are very stubborn, so it'd be very difficult to get them to sticm to appointments like that and actually cooperate. 

I really like their family, so I hope they're able to work things out. I just don't see how when the parents are basically fighting against being helped.


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## Skylar (Feb 14, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> That'll be harder than you think for the siblings. Most of them are out of state and the two that live with them aren't exactly the most proactive of people. The parents are very stubborn, so it'd be very difficult to get them to sticm to appointments like that and actually cooperate.
> 
> I really like their family, so I hope they're able to work things out. I just don't see how when the parents are basically fighting against being helped.



That really sucks. These situations require for the people around them to be strong and firm considering the person in question thinks there’s nothing wrong with them when in reality, they’re self sabotaging every day. 

The siblings would need to unite for this to work

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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> That really sucks. These situations require for the people around them to be strong and firm considering the person in question thinks there’s nothing wrong with them when in reality, they’re self sabotaging every day.
> 
> The siblings would need to unite for this to work



They're trying, but we'll see.

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## Jim (Feb 14, 2019)

Tendou Izumi said:


> I do agree the letting them sleep on the streets, regardless of what they’ve done, is inhuman.


It's more inhuman to force others to go sleep on the streets with them in attempts to help them out.

There's only so much you can do until your efforts are much better spent elsewhere, even if they're your parents. It doesn't even seem like they _want_ help.


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## DemonDragonJ (Feb 14, 2019)

My parents raised me from childhood to adulthood and I still am living with them, so it is only fair that I care for them as they age; I would not trust a stranger to take care of them, but, if it were necessary, I would find a retirement home for them and check in on a regular basis, to ensure that they were being treated fairly and with compassion. I love my parents very much, and would be terribly upset if their final years were not filled with joy and happiness.


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## The Great One (Feb 18, 2019)

Father is an asshole who wasted all of his money on drinks/friends/whores... Then became sick(physically & mentally) and put a massive home loan on me and mother.

Hate that bastard.


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## Rifulofthewest (Feb 25, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> They're trying, but we'll see.



The story is difficult, but I think the best solution is for an older sons with a firm head to have a time while they look at the depression they probably have, because they really do not have an age where they should be so helpless in normal situation.
Everything you have said about the problems of hygiene and lack of work are indicative of depression, probably need more psychological treatment than a house, but obviously it would be normal for them to have their house separate to not feel useless and to be self-sufficient to the extent as possible.
They do not seem so bad as to require internment but they should be medicated and monitored for it the best thing is that one of the older children has them in his house watched.
With 17 is already more complicated, because he is in a difficult age, but you also have to try to have an orderly life and begin to take responsibility little by little.
It will also sound weird, but if they do not want to do something that is obviously better for them, they should be forced to do it, even if the sons have to argue with them.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 25, 2019)

Rifulofthewest said:


> The story is difficult, but I think the best solution is for an older sons with a firm head to have a time while they look at the depression they probably have, because they really do not have an age where they should be so helpless in normal situation.
> Everything you have said about the problems of hygiene and lack of work are indicative of depression, probably need more psychological treatment than a house, but obviously it would be normal for them to have their house separate to not feel useless and to be self-sufficient to the extent as possible.
> They do not seem so bad as to require internment but they should be medicated and monitored for it the best thing is that one of the older children has them in his house watched.
> With 17 is already more complicated, because he is in a difficult age, but you also have to try to have an orderly life and begin to take responsibility little by little.
> It will also sound weird, but if they do not want to do something that is obviously better for them, they should be forced to do it, even if the sons have to argue with them.



UPDATE: So ever since the matter of this house business has come up, the six kids and the parents have been getting together regularly for a group FB video chat to discuss what they can do. The parents were never fully cooperatove with any of the plans, but now things have gotten worse.

So the mom is trying(supposedly) to get one of those welfare assistance programs to help them either pay off the house or get a new one. This is a start I guess, but even with this she's dragging her ass.

The dad is becoming the major issue though. In their last chat, he actually said he flat out didn't care about the house anymore. That if it goes, it goes, and they'll just find a way to live elsewhere. He also says that because he's old(only early-mid 60s) and sick(sorta) that he shouldn't have to work so hard anymore. He says that he feels like at this point his kids should be taking care of them.

I found this attitude to be so disgusting(and I never use that word in this context). Here everyone else is trying to save your house because of your lack of responsibility and foresight, and not only can you not bother to contribute to the planning, but you actually have the nerve to try and guilt trip your kids into taking care of you? Thats horrible. 

Now the two oldest daughters say that they're done. The oldest son hasn't given up yet, but he made the situation worse by quitting his job recently. Terrible timing with that because with the money he was making he could've potentially put them all up for a temporary living situation. 

Now they're really fucked.the 17yo works a part time job, my friend doesn't work right now and is in school, and the youngest daughter works but is pregnant. I don't know what they're gonna do.


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## Rifulofthewest (Feb 25, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> UPDATE: So ever since the matter of this house business has come up, the six kids and the parents have been getting together regularly for a group FB video chat to discuss what they can do. The parents were never fully cooperatove with any of the plans, but now things have gotten worse.
> 
> So the mom is trying(supposedly) to get one of those welfare assistance programs to help them either pay off the house or get a new one. This is a start I guess, but even with this she's dragging her ass.
> 
> ...



They really need that assistance programs...


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 25, 2019)

Rifulofthewest said:


> They really need that assistance programs...



I'm not sure if it'll cover their entire near 8k debt though.


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## Rifulofthewest (Feb 25, 2019)

No...obiously no


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 25, 2019)

Rifulofthewest said:


> No...obiously no



My original thought was that the two brothers ought to get a place together to save themselves first. But with the grown son now jobless, I'm not sure what he can do because I don't know how his savings look. 

Either way, I think this will cause their family to break up over this. Both literally as the sons and mom look for places to stay, and relationship-wise with how careless both parents have been about this whole thing. 

There's an important life lesson to take from all this.


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## Rifulofthewest (Feb 25, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> My original thought was that the two brothers ought to get a place together to save themselves first. But with the grown son now jobless, I'm not sure what he can do because I don't know how his savings look.
> 
> Either way, I think this will cause their family to break up over this. Both literally as the sons and mom look for places to stay, and relationship-wise with how careless both parents have been about this whole thing.
> 
> There's an important life lesson to take from all this.


Yeah, hit your parents before they messed up all.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 25, 2019)

Rifulofthewest said:


> Yeah, hit your parents before they messed up all.



Or...make sure you build up a savings and stay on top of your finances.


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## Catamount (Feb 25, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> I don't know what they're gonna do.


I would suggest run for your life. Shrink will help to let go the pointless feeling of guilt and responsibility for two adults later on.


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## Lord Valgaav (Feb 25, 2019)

Catamount said:


> I would suggest run for your life. Shrink will help to let go the pointless feeling of guilt and responsibility for two adults later on.



I sadly agree. I was on board for helping people who didn't want help for themselves. But trying to guilt trip others into taking care of you. No, hell no.


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## Nep Nep (Feb 25, 2019)

Old man's done too much for me for me to not take care of him. He's not the greatest person BUUUT his heart's in the right place. That much I know. Any damage he has caused me has been from good intentions but misguided methods.

I'll take care of him if I can in his old age.

Mom? She's an immature idiot with a heart of gold. I'll do what I can. She doesn't deserve it really but I blame her inability to mature more than anything. Many adults have serious issues properly maturing. It's actually a rarity that someone truly becomes an adult in every way. Maybe even an impossibility.

I think most people that are functionally and mentally adults are simply adults in the most important ways, not all ways.

However, that's assuming I ever feel like doing more than I'm doing now. I'm an ambitionless young man. I couldn't care less about leaving a mark on the world or society as a whole. I simply want to enjoy my life. I don't need a large amount of funds or effort to do that. So I may not even have the money needed to handle them. I hope they'll understand in that case.


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## Dattebayo-chan (Mar 1, 2019)

I would take care of my parents. They have taken care of me all my life so it’s only natural that I give back. It’s with a heavy heart that I watch them grow older. 

The problem is that I live in another country. I have a sibling that will probably have to carry most of the burden, but when our parents need taking care of when day, I will obviously do everything I can to help.


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## trance (Mar 1, 2019)

mom? can't say

dad? yes


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## Lord Valgaav (Mar 1, 2019)

Rakuyo said:


> mom? can't say
> 
> dad? yes



Well that's uncommon. Usually people are mama's baby and daddy's maybe.


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## Jim (Mar 1, 2019)

I just realized i never answered this question, just responded to that specific scenario 
I'd never help my parents unless they told me to, regardless of their situation. I wouldn't even call to check in on them, unless i needed something from them or they gave me a specific time to contact them.


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## Lord Valgaav (Mar 1, 2019)

Jim said:


> I just realized i never answered this question, just responded to that specific scenario
> I'd never help my parents unless they told me to, regardless of their situation. I wouldn't even call to check in on them, unless i needed something from them or they gave me a specific time to contact them.



If even an ounce of your stories are true, I wouldn't blame you.


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## Moritsune (Mar 1, 2019)

Jim said:


> I just realized i never answered this question, just responded to that specific scenario
> I'd never help my parents unless they told me to, regardless of their situation. I wouldn't even call to check in on them, unless i needed something from them or they gave me a specific time to contact them.


Why would you call your parents if you're living in the next room anyway?


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## Jim (Mar 1, 2019)

Moritsune said:


> Why would you call your parents if you're living in the next room anyway?


I was hypothetically speaking as if I weren't. Otherwise, if they were in trouble, id be in the exact same situation


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## Jim (Mar 1, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> If even an ounce of your stories are true, I wouldn't blame you.


I didn't expect you to say that after your other response


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## trance (Mar 2, 2019)

Lord Valgaav said:


> Well that's uncommon. Usually people are mama's baby and daddy's maybe.



mom left when i was born

dad stayed 

ill change that cant say to a prolly not


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## Jim (Mar 2, 2019)

Rakuyo said:


> mom left when i was born


she was there?
j/k


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## trance (Mar 2, 2019)

well obviously not right when i was born but a few months later


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