# [warning: kcc-esque thread] how to shut out forum and IM usage completely



## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

last time i ditched nf and the entirety of the internet i mattered to very few people

sadly and for some reason i do matter to much more people now than back in 2013, however, when i ditched everything in ‘13 and returned after nearly a year it was refreshing and healing and i had naturally found the equilibrium between caring and detaching myself from forum drama (observing from afar, etc)

i am an emotional tsunami (yes, regardless if i am on here or in the outside world) and the only way to improve myself is to go away for a long while and stick to it
but due to 1) friends i made and love dearly 2) nf and discord being fiercely and riotously addictive it is nearly impossible to walk away

1. adblocks deter me from using these things to some extent but can be adjusted and defeat the overall purpose
2. website blockers also have the same problem - i need something that permanently blocks websites for an X time that is nearly impossible to undo and fiddle with. if anyone knows of something like this, share this knowledge with me​
this probably goes better in the KCC and i May request for it to be moved. don’t know yet.
i need my laptop for other actually essential things, so storing it away for a year can’t happen unfortunately (which happened on that long hiatus).


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

or! a more unrealistic and crude option: tell me how to detach from my emotions so i can be an empathetic robot of some sort

(would love to hear responses for this, don’t have irl friends anymore so that is less of a problem)


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## Trog (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> or! a more unrealistic and crude option: tell me how to detach from my emotions so i can be an empathetic robot of some sort


I'd like to figure this one out too...


Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. 
I still care about you.


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## sworder (Apr 16, 2020)

in my opinion discord is only addicting precisely because of your lack of irl friends. everyone needs to socialize and you only have one outlet. i also don't think it's healthy to isolate yourself and then have no friends to talk with, probably worse than being on discord all day

anyway i struggle with wasting time too now that i'm working from home. going to the office provides structure that prevents me from browsing reddit or whatever because im on company time

usually having a dedicated work area outside the home helps, that's why a lot of people work in starbucks or mcdonalds. we are fuck out of luck when they're all closed and have to stay home


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

TrogdorMan said:


> I'd like to figure this one out too...
> 
> 
> Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
> I still care about you.


don’t—give your care to someone who needs and deserves it. but thank you.


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## Natty (Apr 16, 2020)

This seems like a cruel method to run away from a problem rather than face it.

You need other outlets rather than just cutting yourself out from the world entirely.


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

sworder said:


> in my opinion discord is only addicting precisely because of your lack of irl friends. everyone needs to socialize and you only have one outlet. i also don't think it's healthy to isolate yourself and then have no friends to talk with, probably worse than being on discord all day
> 
> anyway i struggle with wasting time too now that i'm working from home. going to the office provides structure that prevents me from browsing reddit or whatever because im on company time
> 
> usually having a dedicated work area outside the home helps, that's why a lot of people work in starbucks or mcdonalds. we are fuck out of luck when they're all closed and have to stay home


indeed! i don’t connect well irl and before quarantine i struggled to hold a proper job. 

but you are right, yeah. been downloading friend apps but they’re all kind of vapid, maybe using reddit will be entertaining without the risk of attachment


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Natty said:


> This seems like a cruel method to run away from a problem rather than face it.
> 
> You need other outlets rather than just cutting yourself out from the world entirely.


i wanna clarify i am only cutting off nf and discord with nfers on it

i have faced this problem head on, taken breaks, and done what you usually do to give myself a break from the emotional stress this causes. but this time, i think, calls for a more intensive action


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## Natty (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> i wanna clarify i am only cutting off nf and discord with nfers on it
> 
> i have faced this problem head on, taken breaks, and done what you usually do to give myself a break from the emotional stress this causes. but this time, i think, calls for a more intensive action



I'm saying this because of your second post, which is where I see is actually the source of the problem. Not that it's actually a problem, its just that your see it as a problem.

The problem isn't necessarily NF and it's related discords, but moreso how you interact with it and in reaction to that, how it effects you. Your emotions and how they work isn't going to go away if you find another community or other people. Nor will they go away if you disconnect yourself entirely from people.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Santí (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> or! a more unrealistic and crude option: tell me how to detach from my emotions so i can be an empathetic robot of some sort



Facetious response: Go work customer service in a Call Center for a few years.

Serious response: Have you ever had romantic feelings you never confessed? I'm not talking some passing crush, but someone you know fairly well and rather than coming out with it you've determined to bury it within yourself and take it to your grave?

It's just like that, but easier.


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## Sequester (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> indeed! i don’t connect well irl and before quarantine i struggled to hold a proper job.
> 
> but you are right, yeah. been downloading friend apps but they’re all kind of vapid, maybe using reddit will be entertaining without the risk of attachment



i get it
but i don't think you'll find the answer you're looking from the very ppl you are trying to distance yourself from tbh

in my time here i have seen similar sentiments bandied about tho

Reactions: Like 1


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## Ryan (Apr 16, 2020)

You have to care for yourself.

I found myself less concerned with the things that would usually stress me when I limited my availability to the few people I can tolerate. Being in a healthy mentality and free of self doubt is far superior to me than anything anyone would offer. Everyone has a threshold, you just need to find yours.

Real change requires considerable, sometimes monumental, effort. It's not easy. You don't want to be distracted with unnecessary shit when you have more important things you need to focus on. 

Don't beat yourself up. You are still very young. You can afford to screw up so many times at that age. Don't worry about it. I switched careers 3 times. Went from IT to finance to ATC. You are very bright and talented. You will get over it. People reinvent themselves at 50 years old.

I also have been in a worse state of mind. Shit happens. We are all human. Good luck.

Reactions: Like 5


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

forgot to add this to op


 “what even are you doing this for? grow some colossal lady balls for your own sake, trin” 
i should and i am very aware of that :} but it is a very very hard thing to do and i hate it so

here is an explanation:


> What it feels like to live with BPD.
> 
> BPD is an emotional mental illness that isn't very well known and difficult to diagnose. Because of the lack of awareness, I am here to give you the ugly but honest reality.
> 
> ...


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## Natty (Apr 16, 2020)

Ryan said:


> You have to care for yourself.



To build off of this

You need to be kind and compassionate to yourself. The same kind you give to others, start to turn it inwards. It's hella hard, and easy to judge ourselves and our own intentions.

But the only thing beating yourself up accomplishes is more pain.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Natty said:


> I'm saying this because of your second post, which is where I see is actually the source of the problem. Not that it's actually a problem, its just that your see it as a problem.
> 
> The problem isn't necessarily NF and it's related discords, but moreso how you interact with it and in reaction to that, how it effects you. Your emotions and how they work isn't going to go away if you find another community or other people. Nor will they go away if you disconnect yourself entirely from people.


correct

but even finding a different community ensures i won’t immediately grow attached and it’ll simply start all over

with nf and with everyone here and on discord there is 10 years of history. 10 years of it. whereas if i go to a different community, it is a clean slate with complete strangers i can interact with without the baggage. 
i am aware baggage will come in the future if i bond with people in communities but that’s for another time. and it’s incredibly hard to attach myself to new communities and be comfortable enough to get to the point i am at right now with nfers. does that make sense?
not saying it won’t happen, but that it’s unlikely too. and yes, there will be off days regardless, but those pass. (and if a smartass wants to add this i will add it for them - bad days and reactions pass too. but i am not rational when it comes to people i care for. >_>)


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Natty said:


> To build off of this
> 
> You need to be kind and compassionate to yourself. The same kind you give to others, start to turn it inwards. It's hella hard, and easy to judge ourselves and our own intentions.
> 
> But the only thing beating yourself up accomplishes is more pain.


easier said than done nat
i think you know this more than anyone which is why ditching nf and stuff will help with that immensely - because it allows me to distance myself from these heavy emotions


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Ryan said:


> You have to care for yourself.
> 
> I found myself less concerned with the things that would usually stress me when I limited my availability to the few people I can tolerate. Being in a healthy mentality and free of self doubt is far superior to me than anything anyone would offer. Everyone has a threshold, you just need to find yours.
> 
> ...


i am in agreement with you 

i can intellectually comprehend all of this very easily and it’s simple on the surface but my brain is a meanie 
good post 

thank you and good luck to you too ryan :)


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## Natty (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> correct
> 
> but even finding a different community ensures i won’t immediately grow attached and it’ll simply start all over
> 
> ...



This is kicking the can down the road rather than addressing it.



mina said:


> easier said than done nat
> i think you know this more than anyone which is why ditching nf and stuff will help with that immensely - because it allows me to distance myself from these heavy emotions



Lmao I know. I never said it was easy.

Have you worked on the DBT handbook? A lot of what I'm saying is lifted from there and the small amount of dbt I did.


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

I don’t think I have a handbook, no


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Natty said:


> This is kicking the can down the road rather than addressing it.


you lost me

I’m a moron

it’s just how I work is what I was trying to say since I’ve done it before

sorry


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## Santí (Apr 16, 2020)

I'm still not sure if I fully understand what your motive is whenever you do this.

Are these knobs lining up in your DMs to vent about their NF drama and you can't help but to become invested in their everyday pedestrianess?

Because I know what part of that is like, I can help with that.


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## Trog (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> don’t—give your care to someone who needs and deserves it. but thank you.


You do deserve it. You earned it a while ago.
If you think I'd do more harm than good, then I'll stay out of it, but you're never going to stop me from wishing the best for you.

Anyways, since I'm not saying anything useful, I'm gonna be quiet now.


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## Natty (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> I don’t think I have a handbook, no



THE skills handbook. I'm pretty sure we talked about doing it quite a while ago. There's a lot of skills that address exactly what you're talking about.



mina said:


> you lost me
> 
> I’m a moron
> 
> ...



The problems you have about this community would crop up in others too, this problem will not go away if you try the same thing you've been doing. Either you clash with others; you get close to certain people, the new start you created for yourself, eventually the -genuine you- creeps in; then it starts effecting you emotionally.

That baggage is there everywhere, you will learn of it, in the same way I've learned 10yrs of baggage in my short time here.


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Santi said:


> I'm still not sure if I fully understand what your motive is whenever you do this.
> 
> Are these knobs lining up in your DMs to vent about their NF drama and you can't help but to become invested in their everyday pedestrianess?
> 
> Because I know what part of that is like, I can help with that.


not at all, and i am sorry i did that to you 

it's a bunch other stuff, too much shit


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Natty said:


> The problems you have about this community would crop up in others too, this problem will not go away if you try the same thing you've been doing. Either you clash with others; you get close to certain people, the new start you created for yourself, eventually the -genuine you- creeps in; then it starts effecting you emotionally.


please re-read this


mina said:


> i am aware baggage will come in the future if i bond with people in communities but that’s for another time. and it’s incredibly hard to attach myself to new communities and be comfortable enough to get to the point i am at right now with nfers. does that make sense?
> not saying it won’t happen, but that it’s unlikely too.



you are correct (as am i) and i'm very much aware baggage will continue but it will take a long while for it to get to that point

does that make sense


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

TrogdorMan said:


> If you think I'd do more harm than good, then I'll stay out of it, but you're never going to stop me from wishing the best for you.
> 
> Anyways, since I'm not saying anything useful, I'm gonna be quiet now.


nah you're fine dude, chillax, you didnt do anything wrong


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## Trog (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> nah you're fine dude, chillax, you didnt do anything wrong



You're my friend. You know that, right?
I really hope we can hang out again sometime, after this covid-19 stuff calms down some.


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## Magic (Apr 16, 2020)

Santi said:


> Facetious response: Go work customer service in a Call Center for a few years.
> 
> Serious response: Have you ever had romantic feelings you never confessed? I'm not talking some passing crush, but someone you know fairly well and rather than coming out with it you've determined to bury it within yourself and take it to your grave?
> 
> It's just like that, but easier.



Yeah soul killing work easy way to become robot.


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## JoJo (Apr 16, 2020)

RemChu said:


> Yeah soul killing work easy way to become robot.


I can already hear santi asking me in his most unenthusiastic voice if I “want fries with that”


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## JoJo (Apr 16, 2020)

God bless you santi, you’re on the front lines risking your ass for your fellow Americans


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## Worm Juice (Apr 16, 2020)

If you have BPD it could be handy to see how other BPD people cope with distractions and getting overly attached. You handle these situations differently because your brain operates in a different way. I think if you have BPD, and approach these problems as someone that doesn’t have BPD, you are being harsh on yourself.


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## Santí (Apr 16, 2020)

JoJo said:


> I can already hear santi asking me in his most unenthusiastic voice if I “want fries with that”



First of all: that isn't customer service in a call center, that's just regular service in a drive-thru window.

Secondly: if I'm asking anyone if they'd like some fries, it's coming with a shake and I'm probably catcalling a woman, so I'm very enthused.


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## Mintaka (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> or! a more unrealistic and crude option: tell me how to detach from my emotions so i can be an empathetic robot of some sort
> 
> (would love to hear responses for this, don’t have irl friends anymore so that is less of a problem)


You mean Emotional Numbing?

What makes you think that won't make things worse?


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

Mintaka said:


> You mean Emotional Numbing?
> 
> What makes you think that won't make things worse?


 there's a reason i said 'empathetic robot' 

it's... a bad way to say "find equilibrium and take things as they are and be chill"

in short, teach me how to be a stoner (emotionally)


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## Juan (Apr 16, 2020)

i don't know what to say, except that wherever you go (or stay, i'm no stranger to connecting with a place far more than it is healthy. half the time my brain is inserting me in one tv show and right into the next just to distract me from everything else), you're a lovely person, mina, and take all the time to unload, recharge and "heal" (if that's possible, i mean. i'm not good with mental stuff). 

i think you're amazing, and you'll be welcome whenever, or if ever, you do come back.


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## Didi (Apr 16, 2020)

I'd miss you, but you should do whatever is best for your mental health
If the people of this place and the drama etc is too taxing, go


but yeah it won't be easy
you can't just turn an attachment off if you have one


btw I can find a plethora of options for blocking websites if I google, but I won't recommend a specific one cuz I have no experience with them. But it seems at least there's plenty of options out there.


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## Mintaka (Apr 16, 2020)

mina said:


> there's a reason i said 'empathetic robot'
> 
> it's... a bad way to say "find equilibrium and take things as they are and be chill"
> 
> in short, teach me how to be a stoner (emotionally)


Not sure if that's possible outside of actual drugs.

I would say that you have taken a good step in identifying that you need to do something about this, however I do agree with natty that this is running from the problem.   I'd recommend a psychiatrist for this, if you can see one or have the insurance for it.

Honestly, if you really need to go then go.  Don't neglect your mental health for a shitty anime forum.  Good luck to you.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Oddjutsu (Apr 16, 2020)

Stay with me mina, the drama isn't real if you really think about it

Reactions: Like 1


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## Ashi (Apr 16, 2020)

Santi said:


> First of all: that isn't customer service in a call center, that's just regular service in a drive-thru window.
> 
> Secondly: if I'm asking anyone if they'd like some fries, it's coming with a shake and I'm probably catcalling a woman, so I'm very enthused.


Fuck your face


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

@Whitebeard 

I’d like to see more variety in responses, so kindly move this to KCC 

Thank you muchly.


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## Trinity (Apr 16, 2020)

And thank you all for your responses, it’s appreciated


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## Seraphoenix (Apr 16, 2020)

Get the Waking Up app by Sam Harris and do the daily meditations. I'm sure there is a free trial and if you can't afford a monthly subscription, you can email them and they will give you one for free.

Instead of becoming detached, you'll learn to observe the whirlwind emotion. The energy of it then quickly dissolves. Mindfulness meditation is your best bet outside of professional help or medication for managing emotions imo.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Magic (Apr 16, 2020)

Aside from the alert dopamine cycle, site doesn't really offer much. Lot of old faces are gone in the wind ya know? When I was gone for a few months, I didn't even check the site/ lurk. No adblock shit , no ban needed. 

Just prioritize what's important to you. 

The drama here seems to be going downhill too. I come back and the recent drama looked foolish and childish no offense. I recommend going back to school or something make some friends who share the same goals as you in work/ career etc.

If you can make 1 extroverted friend they can introduce you to all their friends and suddenly your world is much bigger. Or go travel or something. Person to person relationships are usually more fulfilling.

Reactions: Like 3


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## sworder (Apr 16, 2020)

RemChu said:


> Aside from the alert dopamine cycle, site doesn't really offer much. Lot of old faces are gone in the wind ya know? When I was gone for a few months, I didn't even check the site/ lurk. No adblock shit , no ban needed.
> 
> Just prioritize what's important to you.
> 
> ...


really good advice

i'm not extroverted but i have extroverted friends and when you go out and actually do things, not just sit around on your computer all day typing words, you realize there is so much more to do in the world and your life is much better. you can tell the most well composed people here are the people that have social lives outside this place


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## Santí (Apr 16, 2020)

Ashi said:


> Fuck your face


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## Karasu (Apr 17, 2020)

Not that it matters - but I find it difficult to believe you would have problems with people IRL. I used to read your posts all the time (if you are who I think you are...from better than 5 years ago when I left this place).

I think you should stay. I get you're in a difficult place, but wherever you go there you are. Work through some of these issues.


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## Trinity (Apr 18, 2020)

Karasu said:


> Not that it matters - but I find it difficult to believe you would have problems with people IRL. I used to read your posts all the time (if you are who I think you are...from better than 5 years ago when I left this place).
> 
> I think you should stay. I get you're in a difficult place, but wherever you go there you are. Work through some of these issues.


I remember you! It's Trin.

I'm probably going to stay, it's up in the air. I've been a tad better these past few days but it's likely because of the fact I'm detaching from NF bit by bit and trying to get some projects up and running that are long overdue and extremely hard to consistently work on.
I think part of the problem is the fact my persona  sometimes disgusts me on a weird level.

*@ rest of thread: Back to this one topic that's been bugging me a bit with the 'b-but you're running away from your problems!":*
 I've been thinking and it appears people don't understand what I'm getting at when I say ditching this place would be good mentally and finding a new community would_ also_ be good: Yes, problems I currently have will develop but because I know myself better than anyone (I'm a goddess, praise me), those problems that will repeat will take a very, _very_ long time to truly manifest in the way they did here on NF. It's running away, but it's also taking a vacation from the emotional turmoil for however long.

This is how I conquer my problems. It's different, but it's effective. I miss 2013 and being able to think clearly dearly and properly emotionally detach from infantile forum histrionics.

I know this because my original 11 monthish departure back in '13 had me observing certain communities (FF.net, DA, etc) and those communities are ones I used to actively participate when I was a teen.

Leaving NF? Or just leaving to places that I grow too attached to that contributes to my BPD? It's like going to a brain resort and getting nice, tender massages for your gyri and sulci. It's not much different from taking a general break from the Internet to clear your head - everyone does that, and it's rejuvenating and liberating if done right.


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## Mider T (Apr 26, 2020)

"Courtney Love step aside"


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## ssj3boruto (Apr 28, 2020)

Natty said:


> This seems like a cruel method to run away from a problem rather than face it.
> 
> You need other outlets rather than just cutting yourself out from the world entirely.



I would agree adding more to your life is the way to go.


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