# Hinata's Confession, Annd a Twin Rivalry!



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 11, 2007)

Alright, so I skrewd up my other thread kuz i never got to post the actual Fic, so heres a new one. Same story, but different title.
Its a Romance/Action/Adventure featuring NaruHina and LeeNejiTen. I threw Lee into the bunch just kuz I don't usually find Lee in a romance fic. After all, Neji and Lee ARE rivals...


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 11, 2007)

*Chapter 1*

K guys, chapter one here:
___________________________________________________
Chapter 1: A Surprise exercise

It was 3:30 AM and Gai and Lee were just finishing off their daily morning warm up together of running laps around Konoha. Today however, Lee would be receiving a little surprise lesson from his sensei.

?Alright, now that our youthful warm up has finished, let us now begin training!?

?Ossu Sensei!? exclaimed Lee

?But this time it will be different!?

?Oh? What do you mean by that sensei?? 

?T-today, we w-will work on your? chakra gates.? Said Gai reluctantly

?Nani?! Really Sensei?! Will you teach me how to open another gate?!? said Lee excitedly.

?Y-yes Lee. If you work very hard, you may be able to open it by January. But I will teach you on only ONE CONDITION.?

?What would that be sensei?? asked Lee

?It is the same condition I told you the day you were able to open up your gates. DO NOT ? AND I MEAN DO NOT ? UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, open any gates unless I allow you. Although since you are already a chunnin, I give you the option to use it as you see fit. HOWEVER, heed my warning Lee, the use of more than five gates is very dangerous. So treat this jutsu as you always have- a kinjutsu. Got it??

?OSSU! But - ano, sensei, by January? That would be four months! It took only took me one month to be able to open five of them??

?Ah - yes Lee. Although you of all people should know that the more gates you are able to open, the harder it become to open the next one.?

?Ossu!? Exclaimed Lee

?Alright ? now let us begin the training!?

_______________________________________________________

Meanwhile at Naruto?s little apartment, Naruto was having a splendid dream, which flourished with Ramen bowls. ?Hehe ? this is great.? Said Naruto, ?I wish I could stay here forever?? Just then, all of his precious noodle dishes started to bubble violently. ?NANI?! MY RAMEN! WHAT?S HAPPENING?!? The bowls started to bubble even more now. Bubbling and bubbling, until? ?AAHH ~ !!!? His little dream world was engulfed in a mass of red hot bubbles burning away his surroundings until it was a total mass of black nothingness.

?Huh? Where am I?? Said the blond ninja. He was in some strange hallway. It looked similar to an underground sewer, or perhaps a flooded basement. Dim yellow lights showed a way down a hall towards an even greater light illuminating from a larger room. Ever so slowly Naruto remembered where this was. It was his subconscious ? the place where his Demon was jailed. As he turned the corner into the room a rumbling voice spoke to him.

*?Hey brat. Its been a while??*

?I knew you?d be here.?

*?Hmm baka?of course I?d be here. Its not like I could go anywhere as I please??*

?I know that?Wait?were you the one who ??

*?Yeah, I was the one who destroyed your precious noodles??*

?WHY YOU ?? Naruto thought for a moment. He decided that getting angry with the Kyuubi over bowls of ramen was not worth the effort. ?Never mind. So, why did you call me??

*?Hmm, no particular reason really I just felt that I ??*

?No reason?! In that case there?s no reason for you to have taken my ramen away!?

*?Jeez kid. I supply you with an immense amount of chakra, heal you at the slight sign of injury, and even give you a fighting chance against that Uchiha boy? Can?t I at lease see my jailor here and there? I may be the greatest of the tailed demons, but that doesn?t mean that I can?t be civilized??*

?Gomen?okay..so now that I?m here, what now??

*?Hmm actually never mind. This little talk can wait?You might want to wake up?something tells me that if you don?t you?ll be in great danger??*

?Huh? What are you ? uh oh?? Naruto soon realizes what the Kyuubi meant and dashed out of the room. ?Thanks you stupid fox!?

*?Haha see you ?round brat??*

Once Naruto had gained consciousness, he looked frantically to find his alarm clock. It was ringing so it wasn?t too hard to find but then again, his apartment wasn?t exactly the cleanest of places.

Once he found his clock, Naruto?s eyes widened. The time was 6:00 AM ? the exact time he was supposed to be at Granny Tsunade?s office.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 11, 2007)

Chapter 2
_________________________________________________
*Chapter 2: Tardy again Naruto?*

Naruto swiftly leapt from rooftop to rooftop hurrying towards the Hokage?s office. ?Oh crap oh crap oh crap OH CRAP! Old granny Tsunade is gonna kill me!

A few minutes later, Naruto arrived at the Hokage?s office.

?Oi Oi!! Tsunade-obachaaan! I?m not too late am I?? exclaimed Naruto.

?Oh hello Naruto-kun? said a surprised Shizune

?Oh hey Shizune-Niichan! Who else would it be?? said Naruto.

?Haha, indeed Naruto-kun, who else aside Kakashi would be late for a special meeting with the Hokage??

?Haha yeah.said Naruto as a sweat drop fell from the side of his head. ?So where?s Obachan??

?Well, since you didn?t come at the set up time, they started without you. And another thing Naruto-kun, you know that Tsunade-sama is the Hokage and has been so for a while now. Can?t you wrap it around your head that you should stop calling her names like that?? said Shizune.

?Hmm, but Nii-chan you of all people know that Obachan doesn?t mind me calling her that?? answered Naruto.

With a sigh, Shizune answered, ?Well okay, but still. You should have more respect for Tsunade-sama.? She gave Naruto a minute or so to let her message sink in. Sure it mat have been three years since he was in Konoha, but when it comes to non-shinobi related things, knowing him ? it might take a while. ?Okay, the meeting is up top on the roof. They just started a few minutes ago. I suggest you not go up there empty handed,? said Shizune smiling, ?After all, a shinobi must always have a backup plan in case things don?t go right.?

?Hmm?OH, I see where your going??

?Haha still haven?t changed huh Naruto-kun??

?Haha. OH! Nii-chan, would the tamasaburo shop be open at this hour?? asked Naruto.

?Lets see?eight ?o clock? Yes, I think they should start opening so ??

?YATTA! ARIGATOU NII-CHAN!! I?M OFF NOW!? And with that, Naruto leaped out of the nearest window in search for the tamasaburo shop.

?Ah, Naruto-kun. We may be shinobi, but that doesn?t mean you have to leap out of every window you see??


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 11, 2007)

Chapter 3
_______________________________________________________
*Chapter 3: The Mission*

_SWWWIIIIIISH WOOSH!!! _

Wind rustling past this clothes and falling from his previous jump from the Hokage building, Naruto scanned his surroundings trying to find a place to land and go in search for the nearest Tamasaburo shop.

_SWWWIIIIIISH WOOSH!!! _

?Yatta, the rail! Man, with that, I won?t get any distance. I?ll just go down! Ah well, with some Tamasaburo, it won?t matter HOW LATE I am! Hahahahaha?

Unfortunately for Naruto, because he thought of what he was going to do, he didn?t notice how fast he was approaching the stair railing!

?Haha I am SO ??

After noticing the railing rapidly approaching him, Naruto does the very thing all shinobi usually do when they?re about to be hit by something.

?Oh Crap!?

(Lol, no he didn?t just say ?Oh crap?)

Before crashing on top of the stair railing Naruto did some quick hand seals. Instead of hearing painful cracks of breaking bones, a puff of smoke ?poofed? and log hit the railing.

Meanwhile on ground level?

?Phew? I thought I was gonna break my neck! THANK YOU WHOEVER CREATED THE KAWARIMI NO JUTSU! (Replacement technique) Okay, now for the Tamasaburo!?

With that, Naruto swiftly dashed in search of his sweet candy coated savior.

___________________________________________________

(8:03 AM on Hokage building roof)

?So do you have any questions?Lee??
Completed with a notepad and pencil, Lee finished jotting down the important points of his mission. ?No Hokage-sama, I fully understand my mission!? exclaimed Lee.

?Hmm, of course you do Lee, but I must remind you, this is a simple D rank mission. I don?t usually give D rank missions to chunin just so they can have a break.? Said Tsunade.

?B-but Hokage-sama??

?Hush hush Lee, this is a personal request from Gai ?? said Tsunade, until she was interrupted

?Gai-sensei? Why is this so? Gai-sensei knows that working hard is the key to enjoying the springtime of youth!? said Lee with a bit of concern.

With a sigh, the tired Hokage answered, ?Gai has told me about your little exercise on chakra gates.?

?O-oh? said Lee reluctantly

?Yes, he told me that ever since then, in the past few hours, you?ve been energetic - VERY energetic. It seems as though you could pick a fight at a moment?s notice.?

?Well, I kind of challenged Naruto-kun to a sparring match later in the afternoon??

?Hmm, I see. Well, as long as it?s only a sparring match. We wouldn?t want your new found energy to be taken out on your mission team member.? 

?Team member???

?Oh yes, I forgot to mention that your team member would be Naruto.?

?Ossu!?

?Alright now Lee, I?ll leave you to filling in Naruto on your mission. You have tomorrow to prepare. The next day, you are to set off before noon. That is all. You are dismissed.?

?Ossu!?

Lee then quickly stashed away his pencil and notepad (wherever he puts it) flashed one of his and Gai?s insanely bright smile and disappeared in a flash.

_?I figured that telling Shizune to inform Naruto that it was an important mission and pretending to be in a bad mood might help Naruto get here on time?? Said Tsunade with a sigh, ?Guess that boy really can?t take a hint?_


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 11, 2007)

Chapter 4
___________________________________________

_~ Grumble ~ Grumble ~_

Naruto dashed through the busy streets of Konoha and noticed that he didn?t have breakfast that morning.

?Ah, I?m so hungry?I guess I forgot to eat this morning??

Finally, he arrived at the Tamasaburo shop. To his surprise, he found Hinata about to take a seat.

?Hey! Hinata-Chan!? exclaimed Naruto, ?Over here!?

?N-Naruto-kun?? said the surprised kunoichi

?Haha, what a surprise meeting you here.?

?Uhm, y-yes, what a surprise. S-So, um?what are y-you doing her N-Naruto-kun?? asked Hinata

_~ Grumble ~ Grumble ~_

Fully acknowledging how hungry he was, (and completely forgetting the real reason he was there) he decided to have his breakfast right there and now. After all, a small town restaurant can?t just serve candy-coated desserts the whole time can they?

?Oh, I came here to?get some breakfast!? explained Naruto, ? Mind if I sit next to you??
?I-I, Um, I-I ? S-sure N-Naruto-kun! I-I wouldn?t m-mind?? said Hinata slowly getting redder. ?I?d l-like the company??

And thus, Naruto gleefully took his seat next to Hinata.

_?omg, N-Naruto-kun is actually going eat here with me.. He..he?s actually here on his f-free will? Would th-this b-be like a?a?.date? No no, I can?t think like that?Naruto-kun wouldn?t j-just go out with me j-just like that??_

?Great! I guess it?s a date then!?

Being unable to control the joyful sensation his words gave her, eyes widening, Hinata turned a bright crimson red and fainted.

?Woah! Hinata-Chan!?

_________________________________________________________

Lee dashed and left from rooftop to rooftop searching for Naruto.

_?I must find Naruto-kun and inform him on our mission. I hope he will remember my challenge I gave him yesterday as well.? Thought Lee, ? Now where could he be? Perhaps he is still at his apartment??_

With that, Lee sped over to the location of the blonde ninja?s place.

__________________________________________________________

Holding the girl in one arm and a menu in the other, Naruto attempted to waken his pale-eyed companion.

?Hey Hinata-chan! Hinata-chan!? said Naruto fanning her face with the menu, ?Wake up!?

?Hey, is she gonna be okay?? Said the waiter.

?Huh? Oh yea, she?ll be fine.? Answered Naruto

?Alright then. I?m guessing you want a minute or so before you order??

?Actually, no. I?m ready. Hmm, I?ll have two orders of Miso Pork Ramen, and? two orders of Tamasaburo ? To go please.?

?Commin? right up.?

Naruto payed for their meals and decided that it would be best to bring Hinata to a place where she could lay down until she came to. So, with the famous incantation of, ?Kage Bushin no Jutsu!? Naruto and his clone brought Hinata (and the food) to the first place that came to mind ? his little ol? apartment.

_____________________________________________________

On their way to Naruto?s apartment, (with the clone steadily trailing behind with the food) he started to notice the girl in his arms had changed.

Hinata?s short bowl-cut hair was instead replaced by beautiful long straight hair. Its length reached down to her slender shoulders, and her upper chest area somewhat revealed by her usual semi-open baggy jacket. As Naruto?s eyes subconsciously wandered around her upper body, he paused to notice how much she had matured.

_?Gah! Stupid ero-sennin and his stupid books! They?ve done enough damage to me already??_

And as fate would have it, Hinata?s subconscious mind decided for her to awaken?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 12, 2007)

Man, no one wants to read my fic....


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## NinjaStrike77 (Jan 13, 2007)

RengeMaster:  I'll read your fic, I really like it, it was funny when Hinata turned all red when Naruto wanted to sit down next to her.  I'm dying to see the fight between Naruto and Lee, and I want to see how Naruto and Hinata get together.  Hope you update soon.

NinjaStrike77


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## HudanTatshi (Jan 13, 2007)

nice ff keep it up


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## missing-nin_class-S (Jan 13, 2007)

the stair railing HAHAHA the replacement jutsu *laughing so hard head explodes*

I like this one


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## abichan (Jan 13, 2007)

LOLOLOLOL! i loved it! sorry i havent read it sooner R-master! your DA BOMB! heh-heh. continue, and cant wait till next update!
FINALLY! THE IDIOT RELISES THAT HINATA IS ROCKEN!!!
but he is kinda acting like a pervert, just as you wrte it to be! XD!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 13, 2007)

Awesome, some people actually came to this thread! Haha, ok since I finally got some comments, expect the next chapter updated TODAY.


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## abichan (Jan 13, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Awesome, some people actually came to this thread! Haha, ok since I finally got some comments, expect the next chapter updated TODAY.



YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! come on everyone! cheer with me! R-MASTER!R-MASTER!R-MASTER! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 13, 2007)

I am really antious (yea i spelled ansious wrong..twice ) to write that fight scene. I got some pretty good ideas.   
*Spoiler*: _Heres a little tid bit from the fight scene I'm thinking of..._ 




"Haha, alright Lee, enough of the old tricks...I'll show you....something...that ought to....blow your mind away....'Tajuu, Kage Bushin!' 
Three additional Narutos appeared. One of the clones made the ram seal and started to pump chakra into his arms and legs. Then, all of them started to run at at Lee; One clone at each of Naruto's side forming a rasengan, One of them speeding ahead infrom of the other three. Once the swirling typhoons in naruto's palms were complete, the two clones disappeared....Things were set, Naruto weilding dual Rasengans, and a worried Lee watched in awe.
Naruto jumped toward his clone, and was propelled into the air at an amazing height due to the clones chakra amplified throw.
"are you ready Lee?"
With that last taunt, Naruto slammed both Rasengans against each other and...


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## Uzumaki (Jan 13, 2007)

Nice Work, I Like it. Keep up the work!


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## nat (Jan 13, 2007)

Whow your work is great! Please post more


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 13, 2007)

Haha, don't worry guys, like I said, I'm gonna post an update today 
*Whispers: The next chapter features Lee and Tenten...and...............................SoMeOnE's FiRsT KisS... 

Oh yea, anyone care to rate this thread? I don't wanna "toot my own horn" and rate it so high ppl will think i'm conceited...That'll just suck 
BUT if you DO want to rate it like 5 stars or something, You Go Right ahead =D


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## lilkeebee13 (Jan 13, 2007)

I like your story alot I just wanna see exactly how you pair up Naruto and Hinata


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 13, 2007)

*ALMOST*

OK - I'm still gonna keep my promise and post the update today. Even though its like almost midnight here, I WILL POST TODAY  

I actually just came home from a magic show They were pretty darn good at those tricks...


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 14, 2007)

*The long Awaiter Chapter 5!!!*

Alrighty guys the long awaited chapter 5! Sorry I posted it so late... 

*Chapter 5**: *

Previously on Hinata’s confession and a Dual Rivalry!

On their way to Naruto’s apartment, (with the clone steadily trailing behind with the food) he started to notice the girl in his arms had changed.

Hinata’s short bowl-cut hair was instead replaced by beautiful long straight hair. Its length reached down to her slender shoulders, and her upper chest area somewhat revealed by her usual semi-open baggy jacket. As Naruto’s eyes subconsciously wandered around her upper body, he paused to notice how much she had matured.

‘Gah! Stupid ero-sennin and his stupid books! They’ve done enough damage to me already…’

And as fate would have it, Hinata’s subconscious mind decided for her to awaken…

_____________________________________________

“N-Naruto – K-kun?”

Startled by the sudden awakening of Hinata, Naruto lost his footing and started to slip. Each step he took only worsened the situation; Naruto’s feet would either land too far or too close to his previous step only to make the next step even harder to place. 

“AAHH!!”  screamed Naruto and Hinata

Naruto spun and curved away from his path, hopping on one foot, then spin on the other, and swerve trying to avoid running into a telephone pole. All the while, a VERY dizzy Hinata struggled to stay in the blonde ninja’s arms. It was total chaos for the two. And finally it happened; Naruto’s right foot somehow swung in front of his left causing the pair to fall down into an awkward position…

_____________________________________________

“Good morning Gai-sensei!” chimed Tenten

“Oh, good morning Tenten.” Said Gai

_‘Gee, Gai-sensei doesn’t seem to be his cheery self this morning… Something must be bothering him.’_

“So Tenten, why are you not with Neji? You two are usually seen together.” Said Gai

“Oh haha-haha-ha, I don’t know what’s your talking about! It’s not like we’re dating or anything! Haha-haha-ha” said Tenten waving it off, “So…is there something bothering you Gai-sensei?”

“Uhm…well…”

“C’mon sensei, you know you can tell me. After all, girls are quite good at keeping secrets.”

“Huh?! OH! It’s not like that Tenten! Not like that at all!” said Gai with a tinge of panic, “It actually has to do with Lee’s training…”

“Lee? What’s wrong?”

“Haven’t you noticed? Ever since yesterday, he wasn’t his youthful self…Lee’s been a little… how you say…’Uptight’?”

Tenten Cringed at Gai’s last word.

“Well, now that you mention it…he was acting a little bit strange. ‘For Lee’ said Tenten

“Exactly. I even asked Hokage-sama to give him a little break by assigning Lee only D-Rank missions for the time being.” Said Gai, “I just hope that works…”

“Hmm” Pondered Tenten, “Well, I could go and help calm his nerves. I mean, as a kunoichi, I’ve been trained to be a maid for under cover missions, but frankly, I haven’t done any of the sort in the past few months.” Suggested Tenten

“Hmm” pondered Gai

“So you know, I could help relax him. I’ll just be fluffing his pillow, run a few errands for him and the like.” Said Tenten

“Yosh! That will be most appreciated Tenten! I’m sure Lee’s overflowing fountain of youth will subside to its previous state! Go forth and do your best! Lee should be leaving the Hokage building anytime soon. You might be able to catch him!” exclaimed Gai

“Eh, hehe Hai!”

With that, Tenten sped off to the Hokage Building.

______________________________________________

(In the area near Naruto’s place)

There arched Naruto; beneath him lay Hinata. The pair lay there, stupefied at how they were positioned.  His arms at here sides, her knees as straight as an arrow, and their lips…

…*locked.*

“…”

Like a lava lamp warming up and sending the bubbly red liquid rise to the top, Hinata’s face ever so slowly tinged to a violent shade of red.

*Hinata’s thoughts**:* _‘N-Naruto-k-kun’s lips are…are…are…”_

*Naruto’s thoughts:*_‘W-wow…what…what’s this…this….feeling?…Her lips are so…so…warm…we’re actually…GAH!!!_

Naruto then pulled away from Hinata blushing probably more so than he had ever done in his life. He started to apologize with sheer fear and panic expecting some sort of bash on the head or some lethal attack.

“G-GOMEN! GOMEN! G-GOMEN! G-GOMEN NASAI!” screamed Naruto

“Naruto-kun! Please stop yelling! It’s okay if you missed the meeting!”

“G-GOMEN GOMEN GOM-NANI?”

A few meters away stood Lee.

“Yes the meeting, you were absent during your meeting with the Hokage. Do you know remember?” said Lee

“The meet…ing…GAH! I totally forgot!” exclaimed Naruto

“Hn, that doesn’t seem to be the only thing you forgot. Why is Hinata-san laying down here on a rooftop?” asked Lee

“Oh…Well…I…”

“No need to explain yet Naruto-kun. We should being Hinata-san to a comfortable place instead of this rooftop to regain consciousness.”

“Nani? You mean she’s not awake?”

Naruto looks at the bright red kunoichi by his feet to find her out cold, mouth slightly open and eyes swirly.

(haha like this:        @ _ @    )

“Well, if she was, she’s not anymore…” said Lee

“HEY GUYS, CAN WE HURRY UP NOW? THE RAMEN’S GETTING COLD!”

Both Lee and Naruto looked to their left to see the Naruto clone standing there with the food.

“Ah, right, the food!” said Naruto, “C’mon Lee, I’ll explain later. For now, lets just get Hinata to a safer place.”

With that, the three (4 if you count the clone) continued their way to Naruto’s apartment.
_______________________________________-
Hope you guys liked the chapter!


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## NinjaStrike77 (Jan 14, 2007)

RengeMaster:  Great update, about time that Naruto start to notice Hinata, and it was kinda sweet seeing them kiss each other and it was funny when Hinata passed out.  I really liked Tenten's reaction to Gai Sensei's question about Neji, LOL.  Hope you update soon.

NinjaStrike77


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## Uzumaki (Jan 14, 2007)

more! more! or Ill go look like this : @__@


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 14, 2007)

lol, alright  guys, I'll start writing chaper 6 ASAP.

But don't get your hope up TOO high, It's exam week next week for me, and franky, I've been slacking of in school this year, so....I really need to study!

Okay, lets take a vote:
Who wants me to post a little preview of what will happen in the next chapter?
I'll take in about six to eight votes. 6 at minimum, 8 at maximum.
It all depends on how much you guys grovel and beg. (LOL)
K, 'till then

P.S. I SERIOUSLY APRECIATE you guys reading and commenting on my fic. I mean, this is my first fic, so all this support/good comments really makes me feel more confident. Thanks again.

-RengeMaster


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## abichan (Jan 14, 2007)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! the kiss! HEY!!!!!!! you copied my idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jking jking...but, it did turn out something like that...MORE PLEASE!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 14, 2007)

Wooh, Double posting now are we abichan? the double post is like the same message!

Oh yea, and i'll have you know that the kiss part of my chapter was written before you gave that preview . 

Also, congrats on being a chunin abichan, i just noticed it now.

k, till i post a new chapter or get a new comment.

-RengeMaster


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## yungsung (Jan 15, 2007)

nice ff dude i really like the replacement jutsu part HEY ABI!


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## Sharkman9 (Jan 15, 2007)

great fan fic its awesome keep up the great updates


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## missing-nin_class-S (Jan 15, 2007)

I bow to you rengemaster this is good

By the way you may have Naruto & Hinata kissing 
In the FF i am working on their married *hinata faints an is out for a week*


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 15, 2007)

*Scratches behind head

Haha thanks guys.

One more thing, I'm planning to make this fic kinda long, kuz i still have a LOT of things to put in here. (especially the action scenes like Naruto Vs Lee)


*Spoiler*: _big spoiler. Dont look if you wont want the story to be ruined_ 



Lee will be able to open up his chakra gates much more often without worrying about what happened during the chunin prelims.




Oh yea, and by the way, if you would takea  look at the bottom of my sig, You can see that I'm gonna start a new fic sometime about Naruto and ???. Any guesses who it is?


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## missing-nin_class-S (Jan 15, 2007)

LOL I have seen that picture (the neji one) before RTOFL


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 15, 2007)

haha yea, it is pretty funny - poor Neji

Oh yea, i forgot to mention. If time permits, I'll post up my new fic in a new thread. Just look for the link at the bottom of my signature. If its not there, then I'm still in the process of writing chapter 1.

The ??? in the title of my new fic is not there kuz i don't know who Naruto is paired up with. Its just there to tell you that I'm NOT gonna tell you who he's paired up with....yet. Feel free to post a guess!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 17, 2007)

Sry guys, the next update wont be up until end of next week.


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## L (Jan 18, 2007)

funny as hell....*except for the hell part *


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 20, 2007)

*Nieh...I got impatient...*

Alright guys, I got impatient , so here's the first little bit of chapter 6:

________________________________
Tenten arrived at the Hokage building and went straight to the office in search of Lee’s whereabouts.

_* Knock * Knock*_

Answering the door was none other than the Hokage’s assistant, Shizune.

“Oh hello Tenten-san, what brings you here?” Asked Shizune

“Hello Shizune-san, may I speak with Hokage-sama?”

“Certainly, but as you can see,” said Shizune opening the door wider, “the hokage isn’t here at the moment. She may still be up on the roof.”

“Hmm, the roof huh? Okay, arigatou Shizune-san.”

“No problem. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to get Tonton his hourly snack.”

“Nani? Hourly snack? Don’t you think that’s a little bit much?” said Tenten

“Well…” said Shizune, “He’s been a little too skinny lately, so I’m trying to fatten him up a bit.”

_‘Haha, a skinny pig. Who would have thought.’_ Thought Tenten

“Alright, see you.”

“Bye”

Tenten then went upstairs to the rooftop to further go into search for the whereabouts of her old teammate.
_____________________________

I yea I know it's painfully short, but like I said, I just wanted it to get out there. Don't worry, chapter 6 is much longer than this.

Expect fight scenes and I guess some fluff.


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 21, 2007)

Yet another great ff from RengeMaster.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 21, 2007)

Thanks Uzumaki91, Heres a rep for you for being such a devoted reader! *reps


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## Naruhina417 (Jan 21, 2007)

Wow nice fanfic I'm definatly gonna keep my eyes on this fanfic while I write mines(it's my first one).  Also, I really lie the NaruHina paring so please do that one!!


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 21, 2007)

Heres some rep for you too R-Master. *reps*


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 21, 2007)

Sweet, Thanks uzumaki91! I appreciate that. By the way, nice sig pic. Haha "Stupid, yet perserverent" 

And to you Naruhina417, thanks for reading  , This is a NaruHina story, so do expect some, as they say: "Fluff" I'll go check out yours too sometime, "Under the coat" sounds like an intreeging story. Sure i don't know what the title entails, but it souds interesting all the same.

Oh yea, heres a rep for being a reader and giving a nice comment! *reps


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## abichan (Jan 21, 2007)

more soon dude? oh and o a norelated topic:
"YOU LIVE IN CANIDIA?!?!?"
thays so cool man!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 21, 2007)

XD Thanks abichan


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 21, 2007)

R-Master, I added you to my buddy list. Can you add me to yours?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 21, 2007)

Sure


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 21, 2007)

R-Master, just askin, are you a dude or a girl


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 22, 2007)

Haha, a dude. What did you think I was?


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## Sho Minamimoto (Jan 22, 2007)

Well Sir RengeMaster, I do enjoy this fanfic but may I ask where all the action is?  *Ahem*, well, other than that, I do enjoy this and I do hope on seeing more of your "work".  Take care.
                                                       ~Holocaust Leader


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 22, 2007)

I know I know, this fic doesn't have action in it so far. But like i said before, due to certain circumstances, (Exams) I can't post up my next chaper. THERE, I garuntee action. Fighting with weapons, traps, hand-to-hand, ninjutsu, and the like. Just wait till my next update which will be in about 6 days. (yes it is a damn long wait - well, for some at least)

Other than that, Thanks for reading twilight-trinity, Heres a rep just for being a reader. *reps


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## ANBUash15 (Jan 22, 2007)

tttthhhaaatttsss great !!! cooolll!!!! ^^,


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 22, 2007)

ANBUash15 said:


> tttthhhaaatttsss great !!! cooolll!!!! ^^,


I just wasn't sure if you was a girl or a guy


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 22, 2007)

What, I quoted the wrong one.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 22, 2007)

naruto_uzumaki91 said:


> What, I quoted the wrong one.



Haha, that doesn't happen very often.  w/e

Would you mind not double posting? just edit your last post pls


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 22, 2007)

srry. I didn't see the edit button


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## Sho Minamimoto (Jan 27, 2007)

*plays jeopardy song* *hums* *gets up, goes out with girlfriend, comes back the next day* What? where is it?  Ah...nvm.  I can wait a bit longer.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 28, 2007)

*Finally*

Yeesh, finally my exams are over. I actually came back from a part yesterday too so I was too tired to post up the next chapter. Also I was owrking on my other fic. Anyway, here's chapter 6!

Chapter 6: Mission Breifing

Tenten arrived at the Hokage building and went straight to the office in search of Lee’s whereabouts.

_* Knock * Knock*_

Answering the door was none other than the Hokage’s assistant, Shizune.

“Oh hello Tenten-san, what brings you here?” Asked Shizune

“Hello Shizune-san, may I speak with Hokage-sama?”

“Certainly, but as you can see,” said Shizune opening the door wider, “the hokage isn’t here at the moment. She may still be up on the roof.”

“Hmm, the roof huh? Okay, arigatou Shizune-san.”

“No problem. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to get Tonton his hourly snack.”

“Nani? Hourly snack? Don’t you think that’s a little bit much?” said Tenten

“Well…” said Shizune, “He’s been a little too skinny lately, so I’m trying to fatten him up a bit.”

_‘Haha, a skinny pig. Who would have thought.’_ Thought Tenten

“Alright, see you.”

“Bye”

Tenten then went upstairs to the rooftop to further go into search for the whereabouts of her old teammate.

 - - - - - - --- --- --- -- - - - - - - - 

Meanwhile at Naruto’s apartment, the four ninja finally settled. Naruto’s clone placed the food on the kitchen table and as dispelled. Naruto on the other hand, went into his bedroom and placed Hinata on his bed. In the meantime, Lee sat and waited patiently in the kitchen.

“Three years later and you still haven’t stopped stuttering,” said Naruto with a sigh, “Just what is the reason behind it?”
Naruto gently lay her on his bed placing her head upon the pillows. “Jeez, guess I better go tell fuzzy-brows what happened.”

As Naruto closed the bedroom door as he left, the silent kunoichi shifted in her sleep.
_ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Oi, Naruto-kun! You finished yet? I do not wish to make unpleasant yet youthful assumptions on why you are taking so long!” exclaimed Lee

“Haha yeah, I’m commin’” answered Naruto, “So, what’s this about the meeting?”

“Well,” said Lee, “The Hokage has assigned the both of us to a D-rank mission.”

“NANI?! A D-RANK MISSION?! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?!”

“You see, Gai-sensei and I have been doing rigorous training. As a result, Gai-sensei personally asked Hokage-sama to assign me a D-rank mission instead of the regular C and B ranks We chunin usually receive. It just so happens that you were chosen as my mission partner.” explained Lee, “The mission is quite simple: we must travel to the neighboring wind country and give…”Ero-sennin” this scroll.”

“Hn, I see…”

“Yes. Now I do believe that you own me an explanation on why I found you two together on a roof with Hinata-san laying down?”

“Haha, oh, right. Well, where should I start…”

Naruto then explained all that had happened that morning from waking up in the morning, to Lee arriving at the scene. Of course, he excluded the part about he and Hinata kissing, because after all those years of knowing ol’ fuzzy-brows, he’s adopted Gai’s lecturing on youthfulness and discreet lectures on the “deflowering of another.”

“I see…” said Lee pondering, “Oh! Naruto-kun, I almost forgot! Hokage-sama said that we have today and tomorrow to prepare for the mission.”

“Hmm, that seems reasonable…after all, the fire country is kinda far from the wind country.” Said Naruto, “Okay, that gives me enough time do have some fun!”

“Haha still as exuberant as ever. But, did you not forget my little challenge?”

“Eh? Challenge? What challen- Oh…THAT challenge”

Just then Naruto remembered that he had accepted Lee’s challenge he had given him the day before.

“Ossu! That settles it! We shall have our little match right now! Let us youthfully race toward the training ground immediately Naruto-kun!”

With that, Lee sped off to the training grounds ahead of Naruto.

“MATTE! MATTE! FUZZY-BROWS!” yelled Naruto 

‘Jeez, what is with him? I know I forgot but that doesn’t mean that we have to rush into it now…’ thought Naruto, ‘Oh well, I could use a little sparring match. Hmm, I better eat this ramen quick’

Like he always did, Naruto inhaled the Ramen as humanly (or inhumanly) quick as possible (while trying to avoid getting the meat stuck in his throat)

“Kage bushin no jutsu!” With a *poof a second Naruto stood before the original.

“Okay, I want you to make sure that Hinata-chan is comfortable and that he eats her food. It wouldn’t be good if she didn’t eat.” Said Naruto

“Got it” said the clone.

“Wait for me fuzzy brows!” yelled Naruto as he ran out the door.

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Yea I know there’s no action here. But like I said I had exams and my brain was too tired to post up the next chpater. I also was working on my next chapter of my other fic, so I couldn’t do much at the time. Sorry!

But as you can see, this chapter is just leading to the fight scene.

Chapter preview!
Naruto reveals his new techniques and Lee shows the youthfulness of his hard work!
Chapter 7 coming soon Dattebayo!


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## Big Baller Brand (Jan 28, 2007)

BOOOO....

Keep going....

*CRIES*

Great job on your fic so far!


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 28, 2007)

Awesome chapter. 

 My mom grounded me from the Internet.


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## Sho Minamimoto (Jan 28, 2007)

hm...interesting.  Keep it up ya?  And do you have a reply to my poposal?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 29, 2007)

Oh yea, I forgot about that  sorry.

Hmm.. limme think....reakin' havoc and informing the forum of our existance is cool, but i fear getting neg. repped by people. No offance man, I don't want a rep like yours.

But if I were not to be severely neg repped, Yea! I'll join. Just gimme a bottle of sake and watch the crowd run like there's no tomorrow


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## Sho Minamimoto (Jan 29, 2007)

actually what you do is what you do.  I just wanted to know if you will join our team.  We just spread the word of our existence and tell them (in examples) what we can do.  I got my own rep because of my own personality.  If you join, than you still have the right to do what you wish to do.

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


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## yuugaoambu (Jan 29, 2007)

Its a really good job... I would rate it with five stars... I really want to read some more of it...


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## abichan (Jan 29, 2007)

ME WANTIE MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
sooooo...what exactly does dattebayo mean? i havent heard it on the anime yet, or the manga, so ???


i am obviously not a dub watcher...sigh


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## abichan (Jan 29, 2007)

i know im double posting and you hate that but, whats gonna happen between clone/naruto and hinata? i wonder...
*wink wink*
ew, no im not meaning THAT! pervs!



oh-and somebody reped me and didnt leave their name...who could it have been?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 29, 2007)

Hmm...between clone Naruto and Hinata...

Hmm...*grins

haha j/k the clone will go _poof_ before anything even starts to happen. 

Hmm.. I don't really know what Dattebayo means, but Naruto always says it after he says something. Kinda like the way he says "believe it" in the Eng dub version. Personally, I like dattebayo a little better kuz I notice him saying it less kuz i'm busy reading the subs. But if you listen and hear it, it gets really repetitive.

P.S. My sig is pretty long...


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 29, 2007)

Dattebayo means "y'know".


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

Oh, thanks


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 30, 2007)

No Problem


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## Raul101785 (Jan 30, 2007)

that's not what dattebayo means!  LOL

dattebayo cannot be translated.  It is something naruto usually says at the end of his sentances to make him appear tough.

think of it like this.  when you hear someone yell, "Arrrrr!" you automatically think of a pirate no matter who says it right?

well, naruto says dattebayo so that people will think of him as a tough guy.

makes sence?
---------------

by the way RengeMaster, great fanfic!  I like the way you portray the characters.  The dialogue is smooth and easy to read.  Keep up the good work!  I LOL at the tonton bit you wrote.  (not really, more like smirked, but it's all good!)  *Rep+ for the hard work, you earned it!*

PS:  If any of you guys have spare time, check out my fanfic I started a couple of days ago.  It's called _A Second Chance_.  It should be somewhere at the top of the fanfics list because I try to update ASAP.


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## Swehaan (Jan 30, 2007)

Nice RM, but would you mind applying your vigorous skills at editing on these chapters? It's not right letting such a nice story get bogged down by mistakes made in the "power of your youth".

Or something...


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

*Thanks *



Raul101785 said:


> that's not what dattebayo means!  LOL
> 
> dattebayo cannot be translated.  It is something naruto usually says at the end of his sentances to make him appear tough.
> 
> ...



Hmm, that makes perfect sence. I mean, i would sound weird having Naruto say "y'know" after most of his sentences. Thanks a lot for that comment Raul. As much as I love hearing the usual: "great job" and "nice update" thing, it's nice to have a comment with depth. Thatks for the +rep. You just earned yourself one as well XD. Your fic does sound interesting, so i'll make sure I check that one out.



			
				Swehaan said:
			
		

> Nice RM, but would you mind applying your vigorous skills at editing on these chapters? It's not right letting such a nice story get bogged down by mistakes made in the "power of your youth".
> 
> Or something...



Haha power of youth eh? Haha that's funny considering Lee's one of the main characters.

Anyway, Yea. To be honest, I didn't edit the thing. I just let microsoft word do that for me. But then again, there are some things it doesn't pick up so Your right, I should double check it before posting. 

Thanks for saying it's nice story as well. +reps for you too!

P.S. I gave everyone on this thread at least one rep before XD and none were neg.s.

OKAY - I'm gonna get to finishing chapter 7. This time, it'll be longer than the usual short chaps. Lee and Naruto duke it out! YAY FOR VIOLENCE!

j/k I don't support mindless violence


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

Hi guys. Right now I'm writing a fight scence (Lee Vs. Naruto) in my fic, and I was just wondering if any of you can name some of Lee's attacks?

 example
Konoha senpu
Konoha daisenpu
and the like..

So yea, I know he has others, but I forgot 'em


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## Uzumaki (Jan 30, 2007)

abichan said:


> ME WANTIE MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
> sooooo...what exactly does dattebayo mean? i havent heard it on the anime yet, or the manga, so ???
> 
> 
> i am obviously not a dub watcher...sigh



you havent heard Dattebayo? He Ends Every sentence in the Anime (Japanse talk) With -bayo or -dattebayo. Dattebayo dont mean anything, its jusst one of thoose japanese way of talking. (kinda like a Dialect)



> Hi guys. Right now I'm writing a fight scence (Lee Vs. Naruto) in my fic, and I was just wondering if any of you can name some of Lee's attacks?
> 
> example
> Konoha senpu
> ...



err, All of his skills is basicly Jutus, Call It Kick Kneeing punching... That would wokr? Wont it?


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

*WOOT! CHAPTER 7!*

WOOHOO! This has gotta be the longest chapter I've made. It's finally Lee and Naruto's fight scene! I'm a little disappointed though. I wasn't able to put all of Naruto and Lee's attacks I made up in here. Anyway, HERE'S THE CHAPTER!

*Chapter 7**: Lee’s challenge*

“Okay, so let me get this straight.”

Lee and Naruto stood in the grassy area of the training grounds. Lee had just finished explaining the conditions and rules on their sparring match.

“So,” said Naruto, “So in this so called ‘sparring match’ we can use Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, AND weapons!? Don’t you think that weapons will make this a little…you know…dangerous?”

“Haha indeed! That is why I raced ahead of you to fetch my bag full of wooden ninja weapons!” exclaimed Lee tossing Naruto a green bag, “The kunai are in the left pocket, shuriken in the right, double-edged kunai in the front…”

Lee continued to tell Naruto the various locations of the weapons he had stored in the bag. Naruto rummaged through the bag taking enough weapons he thought he’d need. He was pretty sure that Lee had not done this by himself. He must have gotten help from Tenten. Who else could make so many weapons out of wood?

“…and that should be all Naruto-kun!” said Lee finally finishing up

“Haha what? No exploding tags?” teased Naruto

“Ossu! I completely forgot!” said Lee standing tall with his hand making a salute gesture.



_‘Haha that’s not something to be proud of fuzzy-brows… I think your hard work has finally gone to your head…’_

“Are you finished packing the necessary supplies for our match Naruto-kun?” asked Lee

“Just about…” said Naruto pulling out some more shuriken, “Alright, I’m finished. Just let me put away my real ones. We wouldn’t want any accidents.”

“Yosh! Let our match begin!”
__________________________________

“GOMU GOMU NOOOOoooo     BAZOOKA!!!”

“WOOHOO! Go Luffy go!”

Back at Naruto’s apartment, clone-Naruto waited for Hinata to wake up by watching one of his newfound favorite shows he saw during his travels – One Piece.

“GOMU GOMU NOOOooo FUUSEN!” screamed clone-Naruto as he pretended to inflate like a balloon, “Haha it’s just like Choji’s expansion jutsu!”

_________________________________

_Swiiish…swoosh…_

A gentle breeze blew across the training grounds. Blades of grass moved like waves in the ocean. Two leaf village ninja stood at a distance from each other. Both stood there staring at each other, waiting for the other one to make a move.

_Swiiish…swoosh…_

_*Pew!_



The two ninjas suddenly moved and to the untrained eye, seemed to have disappeared. Both ninjas dashed across the training grounds at amazing speeds. As if intentionally mirroring each other, both reached a hand into their equipment pouches.

_*Tok! *Twish!_

Naruto threw several kunai at the green clad ninja and had them deflected by the other ninja’s throwing weapons as well.

“Konoha Senpu!” (Leaf Whirlwind)



Naruto turned his back to his opponent and made a quick sequence of hand seals as Lee’s leg swung against his shoulder. 

_**WACK*   ‘Gotcha’_ thought Lee

_*Poof!_

What would have been Naruto being hit, was a log being smashed by Lee’s kick.

_‘No! A kawarimi!’_ (replacement)

“Over here!”

Lee turned around to see a foot rapidly advancing toward his head. Lee raised his arms to guard against the aerial attack and…

“Don’t forget me!”

Lee failed to notice another Naruto under sliding with his foot outstretched pointing to his stomach.

“Gah!”

Lee was hit in the stomach and slid backwards.

“Hn”



“Haha getting soft Fuzzy-Brows?” teased Naruto standing a few feet from him in a stance.

“Haha I see you’ve improved your Taijutsu. Let us see who truly has gone soft!”

With that, Lee reached down and reached into his leg warmers to reveal a pair of beige weights. With a giant crash, Lee let go of his weights.

“Haha bring it on Fuzzy-brows!” Said Naruto

“As you wish!” exclaimed Lee

The spandex ninja dashed toward Naruto looking like nothing but a green blur. Round and round went Lee, running around Naruto leaving afterimages in his trail.

“I believe you know what come next Naruto-kun?” said Lee still a green blur around the orange clad ninja.

Naruto didn’t respond, but instead said the one he knew would slow Lee down.

“Tajuu! Kage Bushin No Jutsu!” (Multiple shadow clone technique)

Just then, ten additional clones appeared around Naruto.

“Your old tricks won’t stop me Naruto-kun!”

_*Poof *Poof *Poof_

One by one, each of the Naruto clones began to disappear from Lee’s kicks.

_‘Darn, he’s just so fast... I know!’_

One of Naruto’s clones began to form a Rasengan in Naruto’s right hand.



“RASENGAN!”

Naruto slammed the swirling sphere into the ground causing a crater to form large enough to get Lee to slow down. Lee, seeing the crater rapidly forming because of Naruto’s technique, ceased circling him.

Lee jumped a distance away from Naruto only to see more clones after him.



“Now it’s my turn!” said Naruto

“!?” Lee was shocked to see what Naruto began to do.

Naruto closed his eyes. ‘Open!’ When he opened them, they revealed a more serious, more intense expression. Naruto charged at Lee and began to circle around him with his other clones. Lee was stupefied at the sight of what he was seeing. Naruto and seven of his remaining clones were orange and black blurs running around him just as he had a few moments ago. Naruto had assimilated and modified the lotus!

‘Naruto-kun…what you did just now, d-did you just open a chakra gate?’

“Haha ready Fuzzy-brows?”

“More so than you think my friend!” exclaimed Lee moving into a defensive stance.

Then it began, a flurry of kicks attempting to make the green clad ninja airborne. Nine…ten…eleven…twelve…thirteen… Lee was getting tired of blocking all of Naruto’s kicks. Unfortunately, he lost his guard for a split second and…

_‘There!’_

“U…”

Naruto’s clone took advantage in Lee’s opening and gave a kick that sent Lee flying.

“Zu…”

Another clone leapt up and delivered a roundhouse kick to Lee’s side, only to have it block by his arm.

“Ma…”

Yet another clone was at Lee’s side launching a thrust kick to his left side, again, only to be block by Lee’s arm.

Ki…”

This time the attack was an uppercut aimed at his chin. Lee again successfully block this attack. Unfortunately…

“Omote…”

Lee turned his head in horror as he had missed the clone that was behind him. The clone then grabbed on to Lee’s shoulders and began spinning down to the group of clones waiting beneath them.

*“RENGE!”*

The clones who had previously attempted to strike him earlier jumped into the air to barrage Lee with a flurry of fists.

Right before being hit by Naruto’s fists, Lee used his elbows to jab the clone attached to his back in the sides and used him as a shield.

“Gah!” went the clone as it disappeared

“KONOHA, DAISENPU!” (Leaf Hurricane – I think)

_*Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof!_

All of the clones beneath Lee were hit and dispersed. When the smoke cleared, there stood Rock Lee and Naruto Uzumaki in offensive stances, each wielding a wooden kunai in their hand holding it at each other’s thoughts.

“Haha guess it’s a tie.” Said Naruto

“Haha indeed Naruto-kun. And what a youthful tie it was!”

"?!"

"?!"

“Do you sense that?”

“Yeah…” responded Lee

“Who’s there? There’s no point in hiding!” shouted Naruto

A dark silhouette emerged from the bushes nearby. It was…
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yay cliffhangers! Haha....please don't neg rep me for that!

I'd like it if you guys +rep me for such a long chap. *Smiles ear to ear (sarcasm - well, not really. I would appreciate it. XD) Remember! POSITIVE! NOT NEGATIVE. I once got a neg rep, and the comment attached to is said it was +rep.


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## Codi Kenhai (Jan 30, 2007)

Awesome chapter, R-Master, believe it. 
 WHO THE FUCK DEREPPED ME?!


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## WarmasterCain55 (Jan 30, 2007)

I just got around to reading this and it is really good.  I can't wait for the next chapter.


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## Raul101785 (Jan 30, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Hi guys. Right now I'm writing a fight scence (Lee Vs. Naruto) in my fic, and I was just wondering if any of you can name some of Lee's attacks?
> 
> example
> Konoha senpu
> ...



you forgot the Omote Renge.  That's the kick Sasuke copied during the chunnin exams.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

Oh yea, haha.

He's got the Omote Renge, Ura Renge, etc...

There was this one move that translated to: "Leaf Rising Wind" or something. It doesn't matter now though, the chapter's finished. XD

So how'd you like the chapter Raul?


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## Raul101785 (Jan 30, 2007)

It was pretty good.  Not the best fight scene I've read, but I'm pretty sure it was because It was a sparing match.  It's hard to write those types of fights.  It was pretty cool how you put the pictures to help us visualize the fight, pretty creative!

I Noticed a mistake, you might want to edit it before more people read it.  Naruto's combo move is "Uzumaki Naruto Rendan", not renge.

I'm not sure if you did that on purpose though, since I'm not sure what renge means.  Just pointing it out in case it was.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

Raul101785 said:


> It was pretty good.  Not the best fight scene I've read, but I'm pretty sure it was because It was a sparing match.  It's hard to write those types of fights.  It was pretty cool how you put the pictures to help us visualize the fight, pretty creative!
> 
> I Noticed a mistake, you might want to edit it before more people read it.  Naruto's combo move is "Uzumaki Naruto Rendan", not renge.
> 
> I'm not sure if you did that on purpose though, since I'm not sure what renge means.  Just pointing it out in case it was.



Just to clear things up, I did say "renge" on purpose. In the chapter, Lee says/thinks: "Naruto had assimilated and modified the lotus."

Naruto's Uzumaki Naruto Rendan starts off when he strikes his opponent, then three other clones kick them into the air, followed by a Naruto already in mid-air kicking them back to thre ground.

In this new one: "Uzumaki Naruto Renge" he uses the attack pattern of Lee's Omote Renge. The first step is to open the first chakra gate to increase his speed. (In Lee's case, he takes off his weights) The next step is making seven clones and have them (the original as well) run around the opponent to seek an opening and confuse them as well. Then, when the time is right, a clone executes a kick and launches the opponent into the air. This is followed by a roundhouse kick to the side, a thrust kick to the stomach, a uppercut to the chin, and finally a grab from the back sending the opponent toward the ground. This last step of course is also followed by a barage of fists from the clones below.

As you can see, this Uzumaki Naruto Renge is a combination of Naruto's Uzumaki Naruto Rendan & Lee's Omote Renge.

Renge by the way means Lotus. In definition, a lotus is a flower. I don't know the details about it, but it is indeed a flower. It just so happens that Lee's moves that usually have to do with the chakra gates are called "Lotus" in english or "Renge" in japanese. And then you already know that they're separated into different kinds like Primary, Secondary, Initial, and etc... (Omote, Ura etc...)

I hope that mades things clearer. 

P.S.
Thanks for the comment about the pics. I guess it was pretty creative. XD

P.S. again:
The original name for the Uzumaki Naruto Renge was supposed to be: "Uzumaki Omote Renge" or Seven Lotus Garden." But that doesn't sound that good does it? But then again, I guess putting "Renge" instead of "Rendan" would cause confusion. Ah well. They can always read this post for an explanation. Unless someone asks me to change it.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

abichan said:


> ME WANTIE MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
> sooooo...what exactly does dattebayo mean? i havent heard it on the anime yet, or the manga, so ???
> 
> 
> i am obviously not a dub watcher...sigh



Hate to double post, but w/e:

abi, don't you mean your not a "sub" watcher? Not a "dub" watcher? Kuz it's dub watcher who wouldn't know about "dattebayo."


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## HinataSakura (Jan 30, 2007)

I enjoyed reading it


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Jan 30, 2007)

Thank you HinataSakura. Heres a +rep for you. 

I have a favor to ask of all of you. I'd like to have some constructive critisism please.

As much as I like writing this stuff and recieving comments like "Great update keep it up!" "This is a good fic. I can't wait to see the next update" and etc... I'd like to know if there is anything I can do to make my fic formatted better, and even more so: interesting? Like should I make longer chapters? Larger paragraphs? More detail? Less double spacing? I mean, I love comments like those, but it's not as...how do I put it...energizing? I dunno, it just doesn't make me want to write more as much as in-depth comments do. 

The next chapter I will be working on will have hopefully thicken the plot - its goal being to make my fic more interesting. I guess you can say that I'm jsut jealous that other writeres are so good at what they do and get a lot of praise for it.  Yea, it sounds pathetic, but I guess that's just who I am right? Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you guys can make any suggestions on my story or story format.

-Ja Ne


----------



## Raul101785 (Jan 31, 2007)

LOL.  I don't know about you, but I don't like those "in-depth" comments I get.  It makes me feel like the reader didn't enjoy the story at all, which is what is important.  I once got critizised for stealing another person's Idea and being un-original.  I was like, whatever, don't read it then. 

Your doing great.  Don't worry so much on the paragraphs.  As long as someone can read it without too much trouble, it's all good.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 1, 2007)

I'll say this again kuz no one else aside Raul answered:

As much as I like writing this stuff and recieving comments like "Great update keep it up!" "This is a good fic. I can't wait to see the next update" and etc... I'd like to know if there is anything I can do to make my fic formatted better, and even more so: interesting? Like should I make longer chapters? Larger paragraphs? More detail? Less double spacing? I mean, I love comments like those, but it's not as...how do I put it...energizing? I dunno, it just doesn't make me want to write more as much as in-depth comments do. 

The next chapter I will be working on will have hopefully thicken the plot - its goal being to make my fic more interesting. I guess you can say that I'm jsut jealous that other writeres are so good at what they do and get a lot of praise for it.  Yea, it sounds pathetic, but I guess that's just who I am right? Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you guys can make any suggestions on my story or story format.

-Ja Ne


----------



## Swehaan (Feb 1, 2007)

RM, it's almost five in the morning, I have to plan a leader education weekend with someone I don't know AND eat dinner with my family. Can I sleep first?


Btw, I ain't mad at ya or anything, more like giddy from sleep deprivation.

Do you know any other language than english?


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 2, 2007)

critizizm?  I'm very good at that but seeing as though your a fellow member, I won't do much and rip it apart like I always do.  (and that was why I "had" a bad rep.)

1. don't stretch the story, so just limit the details.  Just tell the story and what they do and what they say.
2.  Make them talk more.  People never read the parts that don't have conversations.
3. put much more action into this.  In fight scenes, put as much detail as you can into this.  It makes the story a lot more addicting and enjoyable to read.
4.just chill.  You just write the story the way that you want it to go and just don't care what others say.

A friend and your leader,
~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 2, 2007)

Thanks guys for the feedback, I appreciate it.

Anyway, Yea, ok - more detail in fight scenes and write it the way I planned it to be.

Got it.

Given that, I'll cancel some of the things I put in my other fic: "As We Mature" kuz doing a Harem and keeping in touch with the original plan is killing me. 

Anywho, you can expect this fic's update by tomorrow afternoon unless I am distracted for some reason such as video games, work, or just plain laziness. 

Okay, later guys.

Oh yea, Heres a rep for you guys. (If I can)


----------



## Swehaan (Feb 3, 2007)

Don't bother repping, get updating. And check out Divine intervention if you have the time. I find it quite entertaining (well, I wrote it so...)
Abichan, if you see this, please don't read it, I think you're a bit young.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 3, 2007)

Updates soon guys, I am at a my cousin's b-day party, so distractions are limitless.

Anyway, I'll get back to you as soon as I can with updates.


----------



## Swehaan (Feb 3, 2007)

I really have to stop staying up this late reading, I'm gonna fall asleep during superbowl otherwise. 

That's why I want you to update! I'm sitting (well, lying down) at the edge of my seat (or not)!

Me needs R.M.-kun's fanfics


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 3, 2007)

well I WAS gonna just watch anime or something on youtube, but since you need  my fic real bad, I'll go get to finishing up the chap. 

Thanks for being such a devoted reaer Swehaan


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 4, 2007)

*Kusso...*

Just my luck...

Right now it's like 2:28 AM and I just got back from the my cousin's b-day party. I couldn't get the chapter done kuz I had to get off the computer.  It sucks being told to stop what your doing when what you were doing was kinda important to you. 

Anyway, because of all the distractions, I had to stop in the middle of chapter 8. Therefore, chapter 8 will have to be in 2 parts. Part 2 will hopefully will come soon. I still got h/w and junk to finish as well..._('man this weekend sucks')_


*Spoiler*: _Chapter 8 Part 1_ 





Previously on “Hinata’s Confession and a Twin Rivalry,”

“KONOHA, DAISENPU!” (Leaf Hurricane – I think)

*Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof!

All of the clones beneath Lee were hit and dispersed. When the smoke cleared, there stood Rock Lee and Naruto Uzumaki in offensive stances, each wielding a wooden kunai in their hand holding it at each other’s thoughts.

“Haha guess it’s a tie.” Said Naruto

“Haha indeed Naruto-kun. And what a youthful tie it was!”

“?!”
“?!”

“Do you sense that?”

“Yeah…” responded Lee

“Who’s there? There’s no point in hiding!” shouted Naruto

A dark silhouette emerged from the bushes nearby. It was…
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Haha quite the battle you two,” said Tenten, “I’ve been looking all over for you Lee.”

“For me?” “For Fuzzy-Brows?” said Naruto and Lee simultaneously, “I thought you were with Neji!”

“I am! I-I mean I’m not! I-I mean, NEVERMIND!” said Tenten frustrated. Forgetting why she was looking for Lee in the first place, Tenten (without thinking) stormed back into the woods to look for something to do to take her mind off of  her little outburst.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_‘Oh I can’t stand those two! No, its not just them – it’s everyone! Just because we are always seen together…Neji…we…Oh!’_ Tenten then took out her weapons scrolls from her equipment pouch.

_‘Who am I kidding…Neji and I…we really are in a relationship. Its just because of that stupid Hyashi! Because of him, Neji-kun and I…wecan’t see each other anymore!’_ Tenten unraveled her scroll and bit her thumb violently, causing a trickle of blood run down her hand. Wincing at the sudden pain, she sucked it up like a real ninja should, slid her thumb across the scroll leaving a trail of blood, summoning various throwing weapons in puffs of smoke.

_*~ ~ FLASHBACK ~ ~*

Clinging on to Neji's arm, the two idle ninjas walked around Konoha without a particular destination in mind.

*Spoiler*:  



To be continued in part 2!



_




Yea, I know it's short, I apologize for the letdown, but I am really tired, and I'll try to get back to you ASAP.


----------



## Swehaan (Feb 4, 2007)

Well, It'll do for now.

Ten-Ten? Now I am surprised.


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 4, 2007)

ah, still good.

Kaitar, keep in touch.

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 4, 2007)

Yo!

Hey guys, I come bearing crappy news!

The crappy news is that I may not be able to update for a little bit because I have a test to study for this week, as well as a pop quiz somwhere during the week.

Nonetheless, I will continue to write the next part of the chapter and the next chapter as well so that you will be able to read it once my tests are over!


----------



## Omega (Feb 12, 2007)

I swear the teachers of this world are like demon spawn. Why would you make an innocent soul like RengeMaster study for a test.........PUUUUURE EVIIIIIIL!!!!!


----------



## aznlilboisog (Feb 17, 2007)

think about it this way if his earlier teachers thoguht that he woudlnt beable to think or write very well would he? he wouldnt know the vocabulary that he knows now lol xD heck if it wasnt for teachers period our computers may be made out of sticks and stones dontcha think?


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 18, 2007)

hey Asylum 
i have been Interested in your group the Holocaust for some time and have been Wondering if you could give me and all other Interested persons some general info about the group 

now to the topic of this thread, 

i've been lurking on this page for about a month now and got to say RengeMaster you are an Amazing writer , i'm looking forward to reading your next chapter 

i first heard about your ff on narahina26 's twohalves twiceshy story thread and im glad i did cuz your ff's don't Disappoint 

*Great Job*


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 18, 2007)

hey Asylum 
i have been Interested in your group the Holocaust for some time and have been Wondering if you could give me and all other Interested persons some general info about the group 

now to the topic of this thread, 

i've been lurking on this page for about a month now and got to say RengeMaster you are an Amazing writer , i'm looking forward to reading your next chapter 

i first heard about your ff on narahina26 's twohalves twiceshy story thread and im glad i did cuz your ff's don't Disappoint 

*Great Job*


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 18, 2007)

hey Asylum 
i have been Interested in your group the Holocaust for some time and have been Wondering if you could give me and all other Interested persons some general info about the group 

now to the topic of this thread, 

i've been lurking on this page for about a month now and got to say RengeMaster you are an Amazing writer , i'm looking forward to reading your next chapter 

i first heard about your ff on narahina26 's twohalves twiceshy story thread and im glad i did cuz your ff's don't Disappoint 

*Great Job*


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 18, 2007)

hey Asylum 
i have been Interested in your group the Holocaust for some time and have been Wondering if you could give me and all other Interested persons some general info about the group 

now to the topic of this thread, 

i've been lurking on this page for about a month now and got to say RengeMaster you are an Amazing writer , i'm looking forward to reading your next chapter 

i first heard about your ff on narahina26 's twohalves twiceshy story thread and im glad i did cuz your ff's don't Disappoint 

*Great Job*


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 18, 2007)

*wipes away tear

Wow, thanks a lot zain-za-nara, you don't know how much that means to me! Me? An amazing writer? Haha theres 2 possible reasons for you saying that.

1. You are hunting for some +rep points
2. You really like the story

Haha I sure hope it's the second one. 
Anywho, again, Thanks for the praise, you just earned yourself some +rep from me for the next while XD

This makes me want to continue writing the next chapter right away! (as you can see, this thread is a little old - I was busy with my other fics)

Ja Ne!

P.S.
I'm a member of the Holocaust XD


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 18, 2007)

One little comment:

For some reason, I can't get to the last page in this thread. I keep clicking page 6, the page loads, then I'm still on page 5!

WTF?!?!

Anyway, If worst comes to worst, I'll have to start a new thread and post chapters there.

P.S.
You gots some Quadruple post thingy going on there zain-za-nara?


----------



## Dralavant (Feb 18, 2007)

Whew, Man that was a long story, but I loved it.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 18, 2007)

Woot! okay, skrew what I said earlier about the new thread. For some reason I can now view page 6.


----------



## abichan (Feb 19, 2007)

IM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just thought id tell all of my e-friends and their fics that im back with 7 new chapters! and Adam, i will pay you with lots of naruhina-y pictures!!!!WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 19, 2007)

Haha thanks XD

You finally came back eh? But for how long?

P.S.
Lol, Inner Hinata...

Another thng:

Someone Neg repped me...

What did I ever do to you guys?!? :'(


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 19, 2007)

zain-za-nara said:


> hey Asylum
> i have been Interested in your group the Holocaust for some time and have been Wondering if you could give me and all other Interested persons some general info about the group
> 
> now to the topic of this thread,
> ...



"and all other interested persons..."?!

Who else wants to know about us?  Well, I'm glad that my job is finally paying off.

*ahem*, I am the one called Asylum the Dreamer, Leader of Holocaust.  Holocaust is a condemned team that has one goal: wipe out all humans.  However, in this forum, we only tell people that we exsist and tell them what we are capable of doing.

Unforutunatly, I can not tell who the fellow members are.  They must tell who they are themselves.  Anything else you want to know?

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust

PS- was it necessary to post up four-five times?


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 19, 2007)

Hey just out of curiosity,

If I wrote a Naruto x Ayame fic, would you read it? I know some people don't like the pairing, but I got a few ideas that may change your mind.


----------



## Codi Kenhai (Feb 19, 2007)

I might read it.
P.S: Has anyone heard of a show called "The Sifl and Olly Show"?


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 20, 2007)

if you left out Choji than I would read it.  Ayame and Naruto...I actually like that couple.  Write it.

~Asylum the Dreamer


----------



## Swehaan (Feb 20, 2007)

Gaahh, Renge-kun! There's too many good fanfics! How am I supposed to get anything useful done with you writing so much 

I'm sure it'll be great, just please don't leave your other fictions out in the cold, m'kay?


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 20, 2007)

XD Gotcha.

For "Hinata's Confession..." I got a solid story plot for it
For "As we Mature" I'm kinda on the edge here. I'm still trying to figure out how to put Naruto and _____ together.
For "Naruto's New Messenger!" I can just write it on the spot kuz not all of the content has to make sence. 

So for my next fic featuring NaruAya, may be entitled the following:

1. The Stomach's path to the Heart
2. ___________________________
or
3.____________________________

lol, I'm still deciding. Feel free to PM me for suggestions. I don't wanna spam up this thread like my other one. :S


----------



## BrojoJojo (Feb 20, 2007)

Haha The stomachs path to the heart... its genius!


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 21, 2007)

everyone i'd like to first apologize for the multi posts my pc was pretty messed and i would like to ask a mod to clean that up for me 

next up Asylum would it be possable for my self to join 

and i already know RengeMaster is known as Kaitar the Naturalist 
and finaly RM whens next chapter comming? we need to know


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 21, 2007)

zain-za-nara said:


> everyone i'd like to first apologize for the multi posts my pc was pretty messed and i would like to ask a mod to clean that up for me
> 
> next up Asylum would it be possable for my self to join
> 
> ...



hm...I suppose...
I will need a application first.
Name:
CodenameI give you this)
Abilities:
Personality:
Weakness:
RankingI look over this application and I rank you) member, spy, or co-leader

Kaitar-you have an option, I have re-looked over your app and some of the members believe that you should be a spy.  Since you are allready a member, I will give you a choice, do you wish to be a spy or an official member?

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 21, 2007)

The Next update? Hmm...Expect it in maybe expect it in two days (excluding today) or in three days. In other words, Friday or saturday Canadian time.

:\ Yes, I'm Canadian.

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

What's the difference between spy and official member?

Although, my abilities sort of make sence into making me a spy.


----------



## missing-nin_class-S (Feb 21, 2007)

I've been to Canada it is nice


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 21, 2007)

Hey since I won't be updating for a while, Do you guys want a MAJOR spoiler in this fic?

Tell me and i'll PM you it. I don't wanna spoil it for everyone 

P.S.
I plan this fic to be kind'of a long story.


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 22, 2007)

Asylum said:


> hm...I suppose...
> I will need a application first.
> Name:
> CodenameI give you this)
> ...




and to were do i send this application? post here, in other thread, or by pm directly to you 

btw RM im from canada too what prov/city are you in ?


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 22, 2007)

It doesnt matter where, it would be best here so the other members can know that there is a new member.

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 26, 2007)

Asylum said:


> It doesnt matter where, it would be best here so the other members can know that there is a new member.
> 
> ~Asylum the Dreamer
> Leader of Holocaust



i am an arch angel of darkness who attempted to over through Heaven 500 years ago my Attempt failed and i Escaped to Eden the sinners paradise to plan the take over of an easyer target ... earth 

my abilities include flight, speed, agility as basic physical skills as well as the use of advanced shadow, time, and Dimensional magics 
i use my feathers as tools for my Techniques the greatest of which have erased entire planets from Universal history 

i am weakened by the forces of light but my only true weakness is the fragments of orbos cristalized power from the all father capable of sealing an arch angel within it self then Destroying it 

i wish to join the Holocaust in order to Destroying the earth and eventualy the heaven's to that end i pledge my Allegiance


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 26, 2007)

...another angel...

You are...wait, what's ur name?


----------



## zain-za-nara (Feb 26, 2007)

my character is based off dark from dnangel 
as to my name do you refer to my name, avitar or codename


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 26, 2007)

you're supposed to think up your own character.  I can't allow you to join unless you make up ur own character.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 27, 2007)

Now now, lets not could this thread with too much stuff. Since it's Holocaust business, I'll let it slide.

Anyway, I'm hopefully gonna update this fic tomorrow. it's been what? 3 weeks since my last update - in any of my fics? Haha ok, just wait till then!


-RengeMaster A.K.A
-Kaitar the Naturalist


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 27, 2007)

*FINALLY! AN UPDATE!*

*Chapter 8:*

Previously on “Hinata’s Confession and a Twin Rivalry,”

“KONOHA, DAISENPU!” (Leaf Hurricane – I think)

_*Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof! *Poof!_

All of the clones beneath Lee were hit and dispersed. When the smoke cleared, there stood Rock Lee and Naruto Uzumaki in offensive stances, each wielding a wooden kunai in their hand holding it at each other’s throats.

“Haha guess it’s a tie.” Said Naruto

“Haha indeed Naruto-kun. And what a youthful tie it was!”

“?!”
“?!”

“Do you sense that?”

“Yeah…” responded Lee

“Who’s there? There’s no point in hiding!” shouted Naruto

A dark silhouette emerged from the bushes nearby. It was…
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Haha quite the battle you two,” said Tenten, “I’ve been looking all over for you Lee.”

“For me?” “For Fuzzy-Brows?” said Naruto and Lee simultaneously, “I thought you were with Neji!”

“I am! I-I mean I’m not! I-I mean, NEVERMIND!” said Tenten frustrated. Forgetting why she was looking for Lee in the first place, Tenten (without thinking) stormed back into the woods to look for something to do to take her mind off of  her little outburst.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_‘Oh I can’t stand those two! No, its not just them – it’s everyone! Just because we are always seen together…Neji…we…Oh!’_ Tenten then took out her weapons scrolls from her equipment pouch.

_‘Who am I kidding…Neji and I…we really are in a relationship. Its just because of that stupid Hyashi! Because of him, Neji-kun and I…we can’t see each other anymore!’_ Tenten unraveled her scroll and bit her thumb violently, causing a trickle of blood run down her hand. Wincing at the sudden pain, she sucked it up like a real ninja should, slid her thumb across the scroll leaving a trail of blood, summoning various throwing weapons in puffs of smoke.

_~ ~ FLASHBACK ~ ~

Hanging on to Neji’s arm, the two ninjas strolled along a street in Konoha without a particular destination in mind.

“Nneeejiiii-kuuunn… Where are we going?” asked Tenten playfully

“Hmm…” went the white-eyed ninja.

Just then, the inside of the Hyuuga’s head began to hurt.

“Aahh!”

“N-Neji! What’s wrong?!”

The pain in his head worsened. The burning sensation seemed to spread across his entire skull, each nerve in his head feeling as though a kunai was severing them in half.

“AAHH!!”

“NEJI!” screamed the kunoichi, “What’s happening?”

“T-The seal… the seal…” struggled the prodigy, “The… AAHHH!!!!”

Suddenly the pain stopped.  Neji then collapsed, exhausted by the sever pain his mind had gone through.

“What happened?” asked Tenten in no one in particular.

“You are what happened.” Said a booming authoritative voice, “Neji! Stand up, I would like to have a word with you back at the compound.”

Struggling to get up, “Y-yes Hiashi-sama…ahrg…I shall be there right away…” said Neji

“No! You will come with me at once! Get up now!”

“Y-yes Hiashi-sama…”

With that, the fatigued ninja went up and followed the head Hyuuga.

“N-Neji! When can we-?”

“Enough! I will say this once and once only. You are NEVER to see Hyuuga Neji for ANY reason besides shinobi business.”

The two Hyuugas left the area leaving poor Tenten alone and teary.

~~End Flashback~~_

Throwing her weapons with anger-fueled force, Tenten sulked remembering that fateful day. That day was about a week ago. So far, she and Neji have been secretly writing each other letters without Hiashi’s knowledge.

“You’re throwing them pretty hard Ten-san”

“Who’s-?”

“Haha relax Ten-san, it is but only me.” Said Lee flashing his infamous bright smile and a thumbs up.

Smiling weakly, “Haha, I still don’t know how you get those insanely bright teeth Lee…”

“It is nothing fair Tenten! It is merely the hard work using Crest Whitener everyday, one mile of floss, a toothbrush, and 200 L of Crest Whitening Toothpaste!” Exclaimed the green clad ninja, posing for yet another blinding smile.

“Hn.”

“You said you were looking for me?” asked Lee

“Oh yea,” said Tenten, “I told Gai-sensei that I’d help you relax.”

“Relax?”

“Yes, he says that you’ve been quite energetic the past day or so.”

“Nani? Haha, no need to worry for such things Ten-san! A good workout is all I need to clam the flame of youth burning within my explosive spirit!” exclaimed Fuzzy-Brows.

Still getting her mind off her little fit and memory of her and Neji’s last meeting, she gave the reply, “Alright then Lee. I’ll go report this to Gai-sensei.

“YOSHA! In that case, I leave you now as I will go home to prepare for my mission! Farewell Ten-san!”

With that, the vivacious green ninja jumped to the nearest branch and leaped tree to tree to his place. (Wherever that is)

_________________________________________

Back at Naruto’s apartment

Naruto had arrived at his apartment after leaving Lee to tend to Tenten. At the same time, his clone had reached it limit and had dispersed leaving puffs of ninja-y smoke around the couch.

“Haha watching Once Piece again huh?” Said Naruto in no one in particular. “Well, I got to night and tomorrow to pack for the mission. It’s gonna be a long trip…to the wind country…on foot…damn…”

Being for exhausted by the fight and the mere thought of traveling all the way to the wind country, the blonde decided to take a shower. He then shed his clothes and hopped into the shower.

Meanwhile in the bedroom…


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Feb 28, 2007)

another peice of artwork.  Once again, I'm proud to know you.

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 28, 2007)

Hehe, thanks Asylum  I'll rep you when I can
Anyway, I'm waiting to see what the other Holocaust members will write for "Those of the Condemned."


----------



## jeane84 (Feb 28, 2007)

love your fanfic espically about tenten and neji keep it up can;t wait for the next chapter!


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Feb 28, 2007)

Yay! Another reader! +reps for you!


----------



## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 2, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Hehe, thanks Asylum  I'll rep you when I can
> Anyway, I'm waiting to see what the other Holocaust members will write for "Those of the Condemned."



Sorry, I'm busy with several different stories on different forums.  I will post it up soon.  In the meantime, I will tell you what they can do if you just ask.
(please in that thread)

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


----------



## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 3, 2007)

Sorry for the back to back posts  

I had a stupid moment and had answered the what are  all of Lee's moves that you asked several pages back 

Nice chapter again  

Konoha Daisenpu, ??????, literally "Leaf Great Whirlwind", English TV "Leaf Hurricane" 

but will someone tell me what this Holocaust thing is please PM with the answer so Renge-kohai does not get angery at us or himself for tell me via the thread


----------



## uchiha sandsy (Mar 4, 2007)

really good, I like your ff's, when is the next one coming out?


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 8, 2007)

Dunno... Maybe late Sunday. I'm working on my other fics in the meantime. Today's Thursday for me by the way


----------



## Corey45 (Mar 8, 2007)

nooo why the cliffhanger, sigh oh well, Your fic rocks keep it up


----------



## Uzimakikyuubi666 (Mar 9, 2007)

*Nooo!! why? why? *

...I hate cliffhangers


----------



## MrBradMan (Mar 9, 2007)

First off, it's amazing what you'll stumble into at Naruto-forums late at night.

I've read through this whole thread, amazingly enough, and I thought I'd give you some constructive feedback.

Regarding the characters:
I'm getting a mixed feeling here, Naruto's behavior and speech are reminiscent of his old part 1 personality, and even if that is fun and refreshing, it lacks any hints of the seriousness he gained in part 2, where this fanfic's background setting is placed.
Your portrayal of Lee is, in my opinion, 99% accurate.  Although I'd like to think that Lee isn't someone who lectures others on the moral conduct between men and women, as a fanfic writer you deserve some leeway in certain situations.
Hinata's participation so far has been limited by her unconsciousness.  I see no problems here.
I'm discounting all of Neji, Ten-ten, and Hiyashi's actions as essential to the plot, so no opinions either way for those characters.

Story and Plot:
I see no problems here.  You've put up an amusing and interesting scenario for the characters, and I'm looking forward to how you develop their interactions, hopefully during the mission that you've set up as a catalyst point in the story.

Text, grammar, and Japanese:
I know I'm being a bit picky here, however it's essential to have these things clear and correct in order to preserve the integrity of the story.  Some of the meaning and description is lost when your grammar and spelling is off.  My advice is just to ask a reader with exceptional English grammar skills proof-read and edit your chapters.
Japanese: -- your romanji has only one error that I can see: Ni-chan = older brother.  Nee-chan = older sister.  You used Shizune Ni-chan in chapter 1.  harmless error.
--side note ... Dattebayo is most likely a derivative of the phrase Datte Dayo which is an emphasis on a statement, similar to "that's definitely how it is" -- just to clear things up from a question earlier in this thread.

Descriptive wording:
When writing out a story you need to describe things in detail in order to give the reader a picture in their mind to follow.
example:
instead of using *poof* *poof* *poof*
you would say something like
Thick white smoke began to litter the air erupting forth from each kage buushin exploding until nothing could be seen in the thick soup of fog.

Praise:
The sparring match between Lee and Naruto was creative.  Despite my distaste of writers altering a character's abilities, I found it to be a fun read and interesting portrayal of a friendly match up between the two characters.
Finding an idea that doesn't massively compromise the original storyline is difficult at best, and a side story about Lee working on accessing more gates and working less difficult missions is one that fits in well enough.  It's a good compromise.
The chapters are a bit short, but that's why you're readers keep coming back.  You haven't gone in depth with conversation and interaction between the characters, which is keeping the suspense level up.  I' see that you're very busy and can't write lengthy chapters all the time, so I suggest you write a paragraph per day, keep it short, and then transcribe it here with whatever material you have once a week.  You'll find that should ease the workload.

Overall rating I give you a B+ until you fix the grammar.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 9, 2007)

Haha wow. Some constructive critisism! 

Thanks MrBradMan, I highly appreciate the critisism - especially since I got a B+ as on overall 

Anyway, grammar and spelling huh? Haha okay, I'll be honest. I don't exactly proofread my work before posting.  I think I only re-read my stuff when I had lots of bold, italics and underlined stuff. You know, just to make sure hey work. I'll take your advice and look over and fix my fic before posting to clear up any consution among readers.

I thought that the whole *poof* *poof* thing would suffice for you guys, but I guess a little more description wouldn't hurt. I alwasy thought that the less words there are in a fight scene, the better. I thought this because they'd be more interested in the fight, and would be disturebed by reading so many words. I thought aobut it and figured that _okay, if they visualize the story the same way I do when I read FF's, less words won't really help the fight scene better._

Thanks a lot for the constructive critisism Brad. You deserve a +rep. 

P.S.
If you want to see my how well I can write a descriptive writing piece, go read my NaruAya Fic.


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## MrBradMan (Mar 10, 2007)

Actually I very much enjoyed your use of animated .gif files as a supplement to for description.  Keep up the good work.  +rep for ya ;-)


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 11, 2007)

Gawd, I am so tired of finding out tht someone gave me a neg rep. I really don't understand. Why are people doing this? I mean, I've NEVER neg repped anyone, and so far, people like my fanfic. So why? WHY I ASK YOU!  

Anyway, I just got swamped with school work. I can't really believe it myself. I think that the teachers are just planning specific dates to give us all assignments.

*Shakes fist

Given that, I can't update for a while in either of my fics right now. 

Ja ne
-RengeMaster


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## Omega (Mar 11, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Gawd, I am so tired of finding out tht someone gave me a neg rep. I really don't understand. Why are people doing this? I mean, I've NEVER neg repped anyone, and so far, people like my fanfic. So why? WHY I ASK YOU!
> 
> Anyway, I just got swamped with school work. I can't really believe it myself. I think that the teachers are just planning specific dates to give us all assignments.
> 
> ...


 
*sigh* Dont worry about it, It happend to me to...and all I did was set up a thread in the battle dome, but heres the thing nobody posted anything an the dude called me a biased idiot...*sniff*


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## nanashi666 (Mar 11, 2007)

dude just read this thread and im anxious to know when the next one is really good fanfic, props to you.


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 12, 2007)

...still waitin...

SUP KAITAR?!  Where have you been?...ya, you can tell I'm bored 

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust


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## MrBradMan (Mar 12, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Gawd, I am so tired of finding out tht someone gave me a neg rep. I really don't understand. Why are people doing this? I mean, I've NEVER neg repped anyone, and so far, people like my fanfic. So why? WHY I ASK YOU!
> 
> Anyway, I just got swamped with school work. I can't really believe it myself. I think that the teachers are just planning specific dates to give us all assignments.
> 
> ...



There's a lot of people who are repulsed by a Naru/Hina hook-up because they're so dead set on Naru/Saku that they'll do something immature like neg rep you.  It's the same reason why we don't let kids drive, they're too immature to not use the car as a battering ram on someone they don't like.

They can't come up with a reasonable argument, so rather than attempt to fight with words, they just neg rep.  If you feel like you're being bombarded by these people, disable your rep.

I wanted to send you some more rep to counteract it, but apparently I have to spread rep around first. /shrug

edit: Btw loving all of your fics, keep up the good work, try not to let school overwhelm you


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## Uchiha-Balu (Mar 12, 2007)

This story is awesome, I can't wait till it starts again!


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 12, 2007)

YO ASYLUM!!!! haha
Oh yea, wanna be on my buddy list Asylum?

~~~~

Haha thanks a lot MrBradMan, I appreciate that. Repps for you! (When I can, I too have to spread the rep) Oh yea, Wanna go on my buddy list?

~~~~

YAY-YUH! A new reader! Glad you like it Balu. Heres some rep to get that thing going! (As soon as I am able)
 Nice sig by the say


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## Omega (Mar 12, 2007)

Uchiha-Balu said:


> This story is awesome, I can't wait till it starts again!


Ahem.......I second that.


----------



## Silent_D (Mar 12, 2007)

Yes great this is a great ff, i cant wait to see what happens when Hinata wakes up, and heres some +rep


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 13, 2007)

> YO ASYLUM!!!! haha
> Oh yea, wanna be on my buddy list Asylum?



Sure, only if you be on my list  

~Asylum the Dreamer


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## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 13, 2007)

Evil Neg Reps.  Evil Teachers  

Great Fanfic are always good stay in school and keep up the goodwork on the fanfics Renge-kohai


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 13, 2007)

YOSHA!

Haha thank for your support guys. The next chap will hopefully come out on saturday. I got a quiz tomorrow, a test the next day, and an acfterschool activity on friday. So yea, on friday.  Hope you can wait! (today's tuesday)

Ja Ne!


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## Codi Kenhai (Mar 13, 2007)

WHAT?! THIS WEEKEND?! WE HAVE TO WAIT TILL THIS WEEKEND FOR AN UPDATE?! *faints*


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 13, 2007)

Haha okay, how about this:

I'll update "Naruto's New messenger!" so you guys have something of mine to read


----------



## Codi Kenhai (Mar 13, 2007)

*wakes up* That'll work


----------



## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 13, 2007)

*anime face drop* Renge-kohai this weekend *gets up and dusts myself off* we understand we will wait *jumps up in the air* Yes a fanfic to read


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 14, 2007)

I don't mind waiting.  I've got a hell of a lot of other stories to type out anyway (5 in other fourms).  Keep up the good work Kaitar and congrats; you're sooo close on being an elite member!

~Asylum the Dreamer


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 16, 2007)

Hey guys, I got some good news, and some okay news:

First off, I'd like to apologize for not updating "Naruto's New Messenger!" Like I said I would.

Second, I'l like to say that beause I'm having this Lenten fast thing during school, I'll have plenty of time to continuing to write my fic. I got some fresh new ideas with the help of a friend for Naruto's New Messenger. This means that when I get back from my Lenten fast thing, I should have a new chapter for each of my fanfictions! Sorry to delay things all the time, but somethings just can't be helped i guess 

'till I update or something,

-RengeMaster


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## Kokusho Tio (Mar 16, 2007)

Really good fic!  
I really like your NaruHina! And also it's cool that you use characters like Lee and Tenten, we dont see them often. I like the way you described the fight scene, with the animated gift hehe. I'm not a NejiTen fan, but now I just want to know what will appened with these two as well  Yes really good so far!

P.S. I'm canadian too!   From Montreal.


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 17, 2007)

Gee, thanks man. I appreciate the praise. 
Haha its cool that you're from Canada as well. Most people here, I don't think come from Canada. I'm in Manitoba. 

Anyway, this is message is just a breif update on what's been happening with me:

I got back from my little Lenten fast thing from school. (A school activity where we sleep over at school and get to play games, watch movies, play sports and etc. in exchange to not eating the entire day and doing to mass that night as well as a stations of the cross session and a prayer every hour.)
I stayed up pretty late until I decided to sleep at two-thirty so I can wake up the next day to update my fanfiction. Seeing as I am still sleepy, I'm gonna go to sleep and then post up the next chapter of this fanfic later on tonight. Maybe you'll get to read it tonight, maybe not. Sorry for the inconvenience, but some things can't really be helped. 


*Spoiler*: _A little spoiler in the next chapter_ 



Hinata sees Naruto in the... nude. OR NOT! BWAHAHA guess you'll hav'ta read to find out! 

Ja Ne 'till I update! 




P.S.

Someone Neged reped me again! I think it's a neg rep anyway. I'm a little confused. The comment said: "Love your Hinata's Confession fic!!!" but the dot on the left was dark and NOT green. which I believe to mean its a -rep and not a +rep. Can anyone help explain this? Kuz I've had more than one of these. They say good stuff in comments like "I love this fic" or "Nice job!" but then the dot thing on the side is black/dark.  I really dont get it. Please help your fellow fic writer pls!


----------



## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 18, 2007)

*CHAPTA 9~!*

*Chapter 9 Part 1**: Wake up Sleeping Beauty*

_Previously on “Hinata’s Confession and a Twin Rivalry,”

Naruto had arrived at his apartment after leaving Lee to tend to Tenten. At the same time, his clone had reached it limit and had dispersed leaving puffs of ninja-y smoke around the couch.

“Haha watching Once Piece again huh?” Said Naruto in no one in particular. “Well, I got to night and tomorrow to pack for the mission. It’s gonna be a long trip…to the wind country…on foot…damn…”

Being for exhausted by the fight and the mere thought of traveling all the way to the wind country, the blonde decided to take a shower. He then shed his clothes and hopped into the shower.

Meanwhile in the bedroom…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hm?”

Slowly waking from unconsciousness, Hyuuga Hinata got up finding herself lying in a small bed with blue sheets decorated with yellow leaf village symbols. Instead of using the advanced sight of the Byakugan to see her surroundings, the white-eyed kunoichi took her time focusing every inch of the place. After all, if you found yourself lying comfortably in a bed in what seemed like a little boy’s room – fully clothed by the way – you’d feel somewhat safe from harm. 

She looked around and found that her location seemed familiar. Bed against the wall, night table on her right, blue bed sheets with yellow Konoha symbols, light blue walls. Indeed, this place seemed very familiar.

_*~~FLASHBACK~~*_​_
A little girl with dark bluish-black hair wearing traditional Hyuuga robes hid behind a tree and watched a boy sitting with some friends in the playground. The boy had blonde hair and wore a bright orange jumpsuit. He was currently talking with three other boys. One had light brown hair and was a little on the chubby side, one had black hair tied up in a pony tail and lay down with a bored expression on his face, and the last one had dark brown hair and had red marks under his eyes.

“Haha are you serious? Don’t on you think that being the Hokage will be hard?” 

“Hey Choiji’s right and besides, you can’t even pass the academy tests let along being the Hokage.” Said the boy with red face marks

“Shut up! I’m telling you! I WILL be the Hokage!”

“Haha yea right Naruto, I have a better chance at becoming Hokage than you!”

“AAHH!”

The two boys stood up glaring at each other clenching their fists. The short blonde boy was just about to smack the other when the boy named Choiji intervened, stopping the other boy’s fist.

“Hey no fighting okay guys? I don’t think I have enough snacks to eat while you fight.”

“Tch. Why do you even wanna become a kage huh, Naruto?” said the black haired boy

“What?” replied the blonde

“Ha, you deaf too baka?”

“Why I outta…” said Naruto sending another glare at the other boy

“Naruto!”

“Oh, right. Why I want to be Hokage huh? Haha that’s easy! I want to become Hokage so that everyone will respect me and have to do what I say!” exclaimed the boy standing up triumphantly

“Haha respect huh? Hn.”

“Shikamaru! We’re going now!”

“You too young man, you come here this instant!”

“C’mon dumpling, hurry on home or else the food will get cold!”

(Please don’t mind the mentions of food for Chouji’s family. Don’t get me wrong; he’s one of my fav. Characters too.)

“Hn, guess it’s time for me to go.”

“Me too” said the others.”

“You should go home too Naruto, it’s getting late.” Said Shikamaru

“Haha at this hour? No way!” exclaimed Naruto

“See ya tomorrow Naruto!” yelled Chouji

“Haha yea, same time tomorrow eh Baka?” asked Kiba

“Hn. Ja Ne Naruto.”

“You bet guys! See ya!” Said Naruto waving goodbye

As the three boys and their mothers departed, the little boy just stood there. He was starring at his three friends leave – with their mothers.

Even without the use of her Byakugan, and even though the boy’s back was facing her, the little Hyuuga girls could tell that he was lonely. She watched him for a minute or so before deciding to leave. When suddenly, she heard the boy speaking.

“Why go home now? … It’s not like I have anyone to go home to…”

‘N-no one to g-go home t-to?’ said the little Hyuuga to herself

Indeed, there was no one to go home for the little blonde boy. The little girl in hiding understood what he meant. Having no one to go home to meant that he was an orphan. She heard of kids like him who lived by themselves and died early because they had lost the will to live. Food, drink, and shelter can only keep someone of little willpower alive for so long.

“Well, I have nothing better to do. Guess I’ll be going home afterall.”

Upon hearing this, the little Hyuuga decided to follow the little boy to his place. She was certain that the boy would stay out there longer and wallow in his self-pity, but she was proven wrong. She was curious as to what his place looked like since he lived by himself. She herself had nothing else to do. The massive Hyuuga mansion was spiffy and all, but when you live in such a large place, you start to think what would it be like to live in a small area.

After the boy got to his place (followed by the trained-at-an-early-age-because-she-was-a-Hyuuga girl) he opened his door and entered. Little Hyuuga Hinata felt that she shouldn’t risk entering the boy’s home, and decided to activate her Kekkai Genkai ability.

‘Byakugan!’

The young ninja zoomed in with her advanced eyesight and took a look around the boy’s home. What she saw somewhat surprised her. She saw a small one-bedroom apartment with nothing but necessities and very few furniture. The kitchen was a small area with a hardwood floor and chestnut coloured walls. It had one table accompanied by a single chair. There was a small refrigerator sitting next to the table, followed by a counter and sink opposite the room. The next room in the apartment was the washroom. Sink, toilet, mirror, shower stall – nothing special there, so she moved on to the next room: the bedroom.

Like the other rooms in the apartment suit, this one was small. It had light blue painted walls, a night table, and a bed with several yellow Konoha symbols scattered about on its blue sheets.

“So this is where Naruto-kun lives?”

Having successfully satisfied her curiosity, the young Hyuuga scurried off to her place.

*~~END FLASHBACK~~​*​_​
“Oh!”

It suddenly hit her. She was lying on HIS bed, using HIS bed sheets, and located in HIS room. Any other girl would have screamed at the thought of being in their crush’s bed, but Hinata was different. She wasn’t the type of girl to go “OMG-I’m-in-his-bed-so-I’ll-scream-my-head-off.” Instead, she did the most sensible thing and… fainted. Haha no I’m just kidding. She just blushed like a red tomato. XD (Anyway, back to the story)

She got up from the small blue bed and began to stretch out the stiffness in her back.

If one would listen and perhaps put their ear to the door, they could hear the faint sound of running water coming to a stop...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YAY! Chapter 9! Hope you guys liked it! Now if you'd excuse me, I got a crap load of homework to finish. 

JA NE!


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## Uchiha-Balu (Mar 18, 2007)

Renge - Black Karma is a +rep that noobs give. It doesn't add to your rep because it's from a noob


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 18, 2007)

OH! That makes sense. So once they're out of the Noob area, the next time they +rep it counts?

Haha that's good to hear. Well, actually, it kinda sucks... but w/e, At least I know they Intended to +rep me


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## Uchiha-Balu (Mar 18, 2007)

Yeah, that's why I never rep someone until I'm not a noob anymore.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 18, 2007)

I see...

So, what did you think of this week's chapter?


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## Uchiha-Balu (Mar 18, 2007)

I thought the chapter was really good, I must read more!!!!!!!!


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## Silent_D (Mar 18, 2007)

great chapter, when are ya going to post the next update? also that flashback was really good.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 18, 2007)

Thanks!

Hmm next chapter? I dunno. I still gotta update my other fics as well. Not to mention I got 3 tests this week...

I'm not really sure. But I'll try to update ASAP.


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## Codi Kenhai (Mar 18, 2007)

Nice update.


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## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 18, 2007)

Good job ocne again man


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## MrBradMan (Mar 18, 2007)

Interesting, I was wondering where you were going with this chapter, but the flashback was very touching.

We always see her following him around during training and such, watching him from the corner of her eyes whenever he comes into view, but this gives more depth to why she admires him as much as she does.

I also liked how she reacted to being in his room on his bed, I've always pictured her as different from other girls, not for her shyness, but for her reactions and how she perceives other people.

Thanks for letting her stay conscious this episode, I think she'll need to move toward facing her own feelings for him in this fic.

A+ - You're writing's taking a much better shape grammatically. Keep up the good work.


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## nanashi666 (Mar 19, 2007)

good job with the flashback and all, wondering when up date will be.


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 19, 2007)

hahahaha!  Not even the pits of hell can keep me away from the one called Kaitar the Naturalist!

hey man, good update...what happened to that lemon idea we all wanted?  or did I miss that....hm

~Asylum the Dreamer
Leader of Holocaust

ps-ava is what Asylum is supposed to look like


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 20, 2007)

MrBradMan said:


> Interesting, I was wondering where you were going with this chapter, but the flashback was very touching.
> 
> We always see her following him around during training and such, watching him from the corner of her eyes whenever he comes into view, but this gives more depth to why she admires him as much as she does.
> 
> ...



Haha YES! A+!!  I feel good now , reps for you man!




Asylum said:


> hahahaha!  Not even the pits of hell can keep me away from the one called Kaitar the Naturalist!
> 
> hey man, good update...what happened to that lemon idea we all wanted?  or did I miss that....hm
> 
> ...



Haha glad to hear from you Leader. *kneels on one knee

About that lemon, I think you got the wrong thread  It's in the fic  "As We Mature."  Unfortuanately, if I put in a lemon scene right now, it will screw up the story for me - so the lemon scene ma not come out for a while.

BUT!  at the cost of 1 +rep, I can PM you a custom lemon scene with that has any character in them. 

Just fill out the necessary order form:



> *Order Form*​
> Recipiant:
> 
> Persons:
> ...



P.S.
If the ava is you, then who was the guy with purple hair?


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 20, 2007)

The guy with the purple hair is Gamma...yeah, I liked his character so...yeah.  Not much to say there.

*ahem*  YOU SICK PERVERT!!!!  You don't need to get on one knee just to...do whatever it was that you were doing.

now about the lemon stuff:
sounds good.

Recipiant:  ((what the f**k does this word mean?))

Persons:  Hinata and Sakura...oo!  and Kaitar, if you can 

Location:  Konoha, where else?

Lemon length (Words): as long as it's good...I won't obliterate you like Aaron, Takehashi, Sarah, Bell, Slax, and Silence.  

~Asylum the Dreamer
Su el Leadro...i need a span dictionary

PS- want me to make you one ava with Kaitar?


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## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 20, 2007)

> Recipiant: ((what the f**k does this word mean?))



Receiver  



> BUT! at the cost of 1 +rep, I can PM you a custom lemon scene with that has any character in them.
> 
> Just fill out the necessary order form:
> 
> ...



Renge you are not solisiting fanfics are you  

keep up the fanfics they are good


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 20, 2007)

Asylum said:
			
		

> *ahem* YOU SICK PERVERT!!!! You don't need to get on one knee just to...do whatever it was that you were doing.



Sick Pervert? Haha Asylum, bowing on one knee was the thing knights used to do when they stood before their king. It's like kneeling on one knee and having their head bowed down in respect. I don't know what you mean by sick pev.?  Unless... Ew, nvm. I won't get into that.

Oh yea, and in your order form, please specify the location. Konoha, ok I guess I can accept. But i mean SPECIFICALLY. Like in the Hyuuga mansion, Sakura's house, ... Naruto's apartment? I DUNNO. YOu gimme the scenario, I give you the... Lemon...



			
				missing_nin said:
			
		

> Renge you are not solisiting fanfics are you


i don't think I understand what you mean. I looked up the definition for soliciting, but I still don't get it :S

BTW, you wanna order a lemon to? Haha only 1 +rep!

(You guys prolly think I'm a perv now. )

P.S. Sure, I'd love an ava.


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 21, 2007)

well geez, I wonder why we all think ur a perv.

I know about the whole on one knee thing.  I was just bored so...yeah.  I'll get started on your ava.  I'll give it to you in about an hour or so.

~Asylum the Dreamer

PS.  Done!  Finished it early!


I believe this is the description you gave me.  If not, then I will fix it.


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## Insein (Mar 21, 2007)

Excellent work there, RM.  Looking forward to reading the coming chapters.  I like the pace of this FF.  I also like the inclusion of Lee (who gets left out in most FF's).  I m curious to where your heading with him.  Lee needs Loving Too!!!

Anyway, can't wait.  Unfortunately, I'm still a noob.  So my rep is probably grey.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 21, 2007)

Asylum said:


> well geez, I wonder why we all think ur a perv.
> 
> I know about the whole on one knee thing.  I was just bored so...yeah.  I'll get started on your ava.  I'll give it to you in about an hour or so.
> 
> ...



Haha, am I still a perv even if I don't say or do anything in a suggestive manner to other people?

Anyway, the ava is awesome! I love the sword. I don't have the gold necklace though and I can hardly see my gauntlet. Can you switch the weapons to the other hands? Other from that, its great. 



			
				Insein said:
			
		

> Excellent work there, RM. Looking forward to reading the coming chapters. I like the pace of this FF. I also like the inclusion of Lee (who gets left out in most FF's). I m curious to where your heading with him. Lee needs Loving Too!!!
> 
> Anyway, can't wait. Unfortunately, I'm still a noob. So my rep is probably grey.



Thanks a lot man, I appreaciate that. heres a +rep for you! It's ok if you can't rep me now, It's the thought that counts 

-RengeMaster
A.K.A
~Kaitar the Naturalist
Holocaust member


P.S.
Your Lemon will arrive shortly. I got some hw to finish, but I think I'll be able to send it to ya tonight if I finish quicky. (This is technically my first lemon scene I've ever written - and your a perv to for ordering! ) Oh yea, and this lemon order form is free to anyone XD.



> *Order Form*​
> Recipiant:
> 
> Persons:
> ...


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 22, 2007)

your calling me a perv?  I don't blame you.

*ahem* the ava, I will fix shortly...like after I fix all my other orders *sigh*


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 22, 2007)

Keep up the work Leader, They're lookin' great so far. Does my t=shirt make me look fat? LOL


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## missing-nin_class-S (Mar 22, 2007)

> Haha, am I still a perv even if I don't say or do anything in a suggestive manner to other people?





> your calling me a perv?



All of us males are at some point. (no matter how much I want to deny it)  


Yo Asylum-kohai how did you make those characters. (I've had a hard time with drawing people) :amazed 

And Renge-kohai when should we expect the next update (for any of your fanfics (to lazy to go to all of them and ask))


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 23, 2007)

> Yo Asylum-kohai how did you make those characters. (I've had a hard time with drawing people)  :amazed



you want me to make you one too?  I will.  Just send me this:



> Hair style and color:
> clothing:
> accesories (necklace, gloves, etc):
> weapons:
> other:



Edit:
done!  *phew*


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## nanashi666 (Mar 23, 2007)

how do u do those pics do u hav a special program their pretty cool and i want one, lol


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## Sho Minamimoto (Mar 23, 2007)

if anyone wants them, send me the application and I will make them.


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## Codi Kenhai (Mar 23, 2007)

Asylum said:


> if anyone wants them, send me the application and I will make them.



Or they could go to check out the website


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 23, 2007)

NARUTO'S NEW MESSNGER IS NOW UPDATED! First part down. Second part tomorrow.

My other fics will ALL be updated sometime tomorrow, as I Now am off school for about a week, and I don't have that much hw! Yay! (Your lemon will be given tomorrow. Sorry for the inconvenience... it was a school day yenno?)

P.S.
I'll get to making you a new sig banner soon naruto_uzumaki91. I'm still new at this...


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 24, 2007)

All right. This isn't bad. I feel like each scene is too short. -Not that I'm really one to talk.- It's just you have short scenes that don't quite feel forced, but your transitions from scene to scene and just part of the scene to part of the scene could use a slowing down. Like whenever a new character enters the scene you never really transition them in. It's always "So and so showed up." and you launch forward without describing reactions thuroughly. You didn't do much to introduce the characters - granted this is fanfiction, with other fan fiction, mangas real and fan and anime on the exact same topic, so everyone knows the characters but you seem to have changed Tenten, Neji, and Gai just a bit. Not a lot, but you could explain how tenten and neji got together, what neji's like with her. Gai was just weird in relation to Lee's energeticness, which i didn't really understand. "Uptight?" I don't know but he didn't seem too uptight to me. Also, if Hiashi was so upset about Neji being with Tenten, shouldn't Hinata be worrying about what her father would think of her if he knew what was happening with Naruto. I mean she's so unconfident and worries so much, you'd think it'd be on her mind.

But that's enough ragging on your fic. Here's some stuff I liked:
The scene with Hinata all seem very well done. Especially right after the accidental kiss, having Naruto look away/at Lee then look back at her and have her have fainted was a very smooth way to do it. After all we've all ready "She fainted" in more words or less about a million times. I liked the flash back but you might have mentioned (if just in one sentance) that it had something to do with the room, before the flash back. Just like,
_Wait... blue wall with yellow markings..._ As her thoughts just before going to flash back.

All in all I'd say it's a very good start. Keep it up.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 24, 2007)

Trasitions eh? Yea. I was never really good at those. I always tryed to put them in my ELA assignments with no avail


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## HinaJunkie713 (Mar 24, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> Trasitions eh? Yea. I was never really good at those. I always tryed to put them in my ELA assignments with no avail



ELA? Whats that? And if has anything to do with school and//or english class then this is completely different. Like i said the bits with Hinata are all pretty good. Though the NaruHina in this story has been done several hundred times  before. Just in this case its much better than most of the ones i've seen. Besides Everyone writes the NaruSakuHinaSasu pairings. They've all been done. A lot. HinaSasu is relatively open still. SakuHina hasn't really been touched. And I need to be in the mood for NaruSasu to read it so I'm not sure about that. anyway all the NaruHina plots have basically been done, cept a few really hard ones, so it's more about doing the same thing better than other people have. But i'm babbling writing jargin so I'll shut up.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Mar 24, 2007)

I see. Well, I'll let you guys on something:

This fic, was originally supposed to revolve around Lee. Its jus that when I first started posting up chapters on fanfiction.net, people were not reading it. SO i figured, 'hm, what may attract some readers? Oh yea, NaruHina! That's kinda popular!'. The title for this originally was: "Of ninja's and Demons" for a reason. Then it was changed to "Lee's power! Hard work, Alcohol, and... Demons?" Then it was changed to the one you see today. Right now, my chapters are just the beginning, I have to put in the main plot.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Apr 12, 2007)

KON.NICHI WA!

NO THERE ARE NO UPDATES YET! 

haha sorry to disappoint you, (again) but this weekend I WILL update! I SWEAR IT! BY MY MEMBERSHIP OF THE HOLOCAUST, I WILL   UPDATE MY FANFIC!

" YAR! "     <-----cry of determination


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## Codi Kenhai (Apr 12, 2007)

You better.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Apr 13, 2007)

Hey-hey! You're a Chuunin!


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## Insein (Apr 13, 2007)

Holy SHIT! An update soon.  I almost gave up on this one.  I'll have to reread it to remember WTF is going on.


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## Black_Sakura_Blossom (Apr 14, 2007)

LOL love this ff. im a noob and have no idea how 2 du anything but wuteva. NaruHina's are soooooooooo much better than narusaku. i dont have my sig up cause its hugemongus. 


btw- WHERE THE HECK IS SASUKE IN ALL OF THIS!!!! dont leave him out just cuse he's got a cold heart.

hey RM doesnt it take 4 evah 2 type those thingys???
and i agree that school sucks.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Apr 14, 2007)

Black_Sakura_Blossom said:


> LOL love this ff. im a noob and have no idea how 2 du anything but wuteva. NaruHina's are soooooooooo much better than narusaku. i dont have my sig up cause its hugemongus.
> 
> 
> btw- WHERE THE HECK IS SASUKE IN ALL OF THIS!!!! dont leave him out just cuse he's got a cold heart.
> ...



Where is Sasuke? Well, remember, this is post time-skip time. Meaning this takes place after Naruto leaves for his 2.5 yers of training with Jiraiya. Sorry if that spoiled anything for you in the anime, but yea, unfortunately, Sasuke is not here in this time period. BUT, I MAY add him in if I get any idea how to introduce him into the fic. It will be hard for me yes, but I'm sure I'll get something if I think hard enough - without hurting myself.

Yes it does take a while to type this. Not AS long as a school report obviously. It takes me about an hour or so just to finish one chapter.  lol, some of you prolly think thats still slow, ne? Well, I'm actually not that bad of a "typer," its just that I tend to add in more ideas as I write the chapter.

Thanks for reading Black_Sakura_Blossom, I'll +rep you ASAP. I like give my first-time readers a +rep. 

P.S.
New chapter hopefully today. Stupid geography teacher gave us another group project to do... now i gotta go to my friends house to finish it... at 12:30.. which kinda sucks for me... kuz i dont wanna...


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## Knightblood (Apr 14, 2007)

when are you going to update?  
(off topic) does any one know where Abichan is at? I have not seen her in a couple of weeks.


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Apr 14, 2007)

Next update? Well lets see...
It is now 6:12 for me, after finishing up a project and running some errands...

Uhm.. next update will either be:
A) Late tonight
      OR
B) Tomorrow afternoon

Yes I know it sucks, but it just can't be helped when you live a life like mine. I'm a pretty busy person - at least I think so.


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## Knightblood (Apr 14, 2007)

its alright. I can understand that you are busy.


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## Sho Minamimoto (Apr 15, 2007)

Like I said several times: teh sooner the better.


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## Diamond (Apr 15, 2007)

Ive read the story so far and its very well written, Good job,,  

Characters are in line, funny moments and all.. very nice.!


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## Tenchu Neji (Apr 27, 2007)

awesome fic bro...well delivered...hope you update soon


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## -Kaitar_Hitomuri- (Apr 27, 2007)

thanks guys. I didnt think that anyone would read it since I've been not posting here for a long time. Since you guys actually are waiting, I'll just put my thinking cap on and start writing the next chapters


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## Tenchu Neji (Apr 28, 2007)

RengeMaster said:


> thanks guys. I didnt think that anyone would read it since I've been not posting here for a long time. Since you guys actually are waiting, I'll just put my thinking cap on and start writing the next chapters



nice...and you forget people do wait if the fic is good


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## Pentavus (Oct 10, 2007)

Hey Kaitar! I just got done reading all of this fic you've got down and so far it is a very good one. I liked the way you transitioned everything so smoothly and also the cliffhangers, they are angering but Necessary  in good writing so keep it up!!! 

 Also I'm writing a NaruHina fic and I wanted to know if you would read my first chapter and tell me what you think, you being a writing god and all haha. 

Keep up the good work on the fic and I can't wait to see the next update.


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## gatorboi (Oct 13, 2007)

awesome fic i like the word spiffy


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