# Regular Cops



## ssj3boruto (Jun 14, 2008)

Sign-up Thread here, best to *turn off your Signatures in this thread* so it's easier to read through. This intro focuses more on McShrooms to get things rolling, I've put in a few other characters, but left it somewhat ambigious as to where things'll go.

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McBlue: ::_a young Police Chief, having recently been transferred and promoted into a new district for outstanding work as a Captain in her old precinct. She happily and cheerfully takes the walk to her new workplace, browsing through employee files to remind herself of who she'll be working alongside_:: I've got a good feeling about this job! Finally I'm in a position where I can really help people... ::_It's at this moment the enthusiastic go-getter is struck in the face by a smoking Police Station sign_::

McTig: ::_lighting up a cigarette from the flaming wreckage that is the Police Station's main building_:: And so the case of the who blew up the... ::_sees McShrooms wander out of the fire_:: ...Oh never mind.

McRobo: ::_climbing out from the basement emergency exit_:: Oh what the fuck...

McBlue: ::_wearily crawing up towards the inferno that housed her new office_:: Wha... what happened here?!

McLess: ::_runs up to McShrooms and pats out the flames on his back_:: My god man, you were on fire.

McShrooms: I'm smouldering in every sense of the word. ::_notices the McRobo wandering up, somewhat pissed_:: Yeah sorry about that.

McRobo: You realise the new chief's turning up today you crazy son of a bitch.

McShrooms: Listen McRobo, I appreciate you, maybe even love you in a way that would probably make you deeply uncomfortable in the showers, but YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE STREETS. I get results! And sure there might be some collateral damage, but that's just how I operate and _it works_!

McBlue: ::_stumbles up, her expression warped by the sign's impact and her brewing anger_:: Wait, _you_ did this?! Aren't you the new Deputy here?

McShrooms: Yeah they switched the beat alright, I wasn't expecting much since we've got good coverage in this area, being a Police Station and all. But I went down to the cells and found the place crawling with low-life scum... under our own noses too, frankly I was embarrassed for all of us. Managed to take out the trash before you arrived though Chiefy.

McBlue: ::_emotionlessly begins beating McShrooms to the ground with the sign that had rearranged her features moments earlier_:: Well gang, we need to find a temporary base of operations and then we can start fighting the good fight.


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## Ippy (Jun 14, 2008)

McShrooms: Get off me, woman!  This is how you reward someone who brings results?

McHatin': _::grabs the sign from McBlue before she's able to land one more blow::_ Chief, if you continue to lay your hands on McShrooms, I'll have you brought up on assault charges.

McBlue: .......

McHatin': What?

McBlue: I'm *your* boss.  I tell *you* what to do.  How dare you threaten to arrest me?!


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## KonohaWind (Jun 14, 2008)

McWind: :: Climbs out the basement emergency exit some time after McRobo.   Dusting off soot and coughing.  Walks stiffly and slowly over to her colleagues and stops.::

McShrooms:...........

McWind: Well........WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!

McHatin': Well, as you see...and feel, the police station kind of, burned.

McBlue: But, weve got the situation under contr-

McShrooms: Yeah, I burned it, so what?  I ridded of those scum in the cells.  Now are you gonna kick my ass again or what?!  

McHatin':........:: Facepalm::

McWind: :: Puts on a wide smile approaching McShrooms slowly:: Mcshrooms......McShrooms, c'mon.  Why would I do that.  ::Grasps McShrooms shoulders and places a hand on his face gently.::  

McShrooms: :: Smiling arrogantly::

McBlue: ::Watching hopeful for McWind to give him a nice ass whoopin she was interrupted from.::

McRobo': ::Mutters::  Because your scary.

McWind: Right on! :: Punches McShrooms in the stomach.  He falls flat on the ground and stomps his bum with her foot as he screams.::  

McBlue: :: Smiling:: Now, now McWind, I think that's a bit to far.

McWind:  Damn it!  Those men in the cells died because he's such a dumb ass!  ::Near tears::  Their crimes weren't even serious enough to deserve death or prisonment, but he always has to go and screw every thing up!  I just went to the hair dresser and paid $50.  Now my hair's all fucked up!


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## ssj3boruto (Jun 14, 2008)

McShrooms: Ugh... that hairstyle was a crime on fashion anyway!

McWind: Pay with your face! ::_punts McShrooms in the eye_::

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McBlue: ::_the group sitting around a table at the local Pizza Hut_:: Well gang, I've brought those of you that are already out of the smoking rubble and not on other assignments here for a new brief by your new chief!

McRobo: ::_there's a long pause as McBlue waits for everyone to applaud, which they eventually do_:: Good job chief.

McBlue: Thanks, now McShrooms, while I'd obviously fire you on the spot, I've been informed you've somehow managed to get something called 'super tenure'. Well you're demoted to pencil sharpener, you'll get a commission of one thousandth of a cent for every pencil sharpened without any basic wage.

McShrooms: I won't let you down chief.

McBlue: Okay McShrooms get the fuck out of my sight while I continue briefing the people I can still stand to be around.

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McShrooms: ::_walking up to a stationary store to buy some sharpeners_:: Hmmm, I've seen a lot of stores like this before. Honest and seemingly totally un-drug-related. In other words the PERFECT FRONT. ::_loads his glock_:: But I better call in back-up...


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## KonohaWind (Jun 14, 2008)

McWind: :: Calls McBlue on the cell phone::

McBlue:  Hold on, I've got a call.  :: Picks up her cell phone::  Hello?

McWind:  Is that twat gone yet?

McBlue:  If by twat, you mean McShrooms, then yes.  Yes, the twat has left the restaurant.

McWind:  YES!  ::Walks out pizza hut bathroom and approaches the table.::

McBlue: Sit down McWind, we have important matters to discuss.  I know you want to kick McShrooms ass.

McTig: We all do.

McBlue:  That's why i'm teaming the two of you up.  

McWind:  .........This sucks.

McBlue: Your mission is to follow a clown named Funky to Johnny boys 10th birthday party.  It's filled with lots of children.  Funky the clown has repeatedly been attending birthday parties for children, harrassing the mothers and slapping their ass calling them whores.  Can you do this.

McWind: Oh god......that sounds like my dad.  Ill call Shrooms then.  ::Eats pizza and has a soda.  Gets up leaving without paying.::

McHatin':  :: Stands up and shouts at McWind::   Damn it, I'm not paying for you too!  :ther people give him weird eyes and he sits down::

- - - - - - - - - - - -

McWind:  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YA JACK ASS?!  So now you have the nerves to call me asking for back up as _last resort_ in a fucking stationary store?  I can see why everyone else rejected you back up.

McShrooms: Woman please.

McWind:  Don't you _woman please _me!  We have a fucking mission now, get your ass down now.  I've been waiting for you in my car around Johnny's neighborhood and I don't wait for no man.  Ill give you 10 minutes.

McShrooms: Just for that, Ill be there in 11 after I find some ruckus to solve in this store.

McWind: Bastard. ::Hangs up.::


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## Captain Apoo (Jun 15, 2008)

McPooPoo: ::stands outside the Pizza Hut, hand in his crotch knocking the window again and again::

McBlue: *whathafach?!* This guy is impersonating a police officer, get'im McHatin'!

McHatin': ::does his best Eddie Murphy impression, moonwalks out and towards McPooPoo:: That shit ain't funny, matherfacker! :: Proceeds with a baton::

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McPooPoo: Damn those sons of bitches...how many times do I have to say, Taco Bell or nothing! ::Lights a cigar:: That McHater must be one of thse bastards working for the powers that be. I need to come up witha plan quick...:oves tin foil hat and scratches head:: At this rate I'll never find out who had my fambly killed!


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## blacklusterseph004 (Jun 15, 2008)

McBitter: ::calls the cops at the pizza hut using the police secure frequency:: Could you guys bring me something? The roaches back here in the station basement are nutritious but not too tasty. I'm not complaining or anything. Afterall, back then in the war, roaches were a treat.... yeah, those were different times........


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## tgre (Jun 16, 2008)

McTig: Hey Robo, so my girl just called.

McRobo: Yeah?

McTig: Seems like I'm getting dumped.

McRobo: Sucks.

McTig: She found out about that hooker.

McRobo: No way...

McTig: Yeah. She apparently-

::McBlue clears her throat loudly::
::McTig wearily looks over::

McTig: Yes? Can't you see we're trying to have a chat here?

McRobo: Err, Tig...

::McTig breaks down and slams fist on the table::

McTig: I mean... what the hell does a man have to do to get a damned pizza around here? ::sobs quietly into Robo's lap::

McBlue: What's up with the new guy?

McRobo: Transfer. Down from Detroit... a real mess.

McBlue: I overhead that his girlfriend dumped him.

McRobo: He doesn't really have a girlfriend, it's only a figment of his imagination.

McTig: IT'S NOT REAL IF SHE LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE!

McRobo: We know man, we feel you.

::McTig resumes sobbing into McRobo's lap::

McBlue: Err, I'll leave your assignments for a little later hmm?


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## ssj3boruto (Jun 16, 2008)

McShrooms: ::_keeping his head down as stray bullets fly over his head_::

Shop Keeper: How did he figure out the truth of our perfect front?!

Shop Keeping Assistant: ::_unloading the remaining bullets in his AK-47_:: I don't know... the feds must've investigated this place. I never expected them to bust in and kick grandma through the backdoor though, she didn't even have her pistol drawn, what sort of insane intuition... ::_ducks as McShrooms opens fire_::

McShrooms: ::_successfully hits the Shop Keeper, moments before the shop's sign of the increasingly damaged shop crashes down on him_:: Urgh... organs... pain... ::_grabs his radio_::

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McBlue: ::_picks up her radio, McShrooms' voice audible on the other end, she doesn't say a word then puts it down_:: Yeah anyway, McWind's taking care of what might be the most pressing case.

McRob: Wasn't McShrooms on that one?

McBlue: I believe he's on extended holiday, let's just forget about him for the time being. Now McSaki, McHatin', McBitter and McTig, I want you to go down to the docks and check out some suspicious activity. ::_hands over an envelope to McTig, who procedes to blow his nose with it and then continue bawling his eyes out_:: Well that was the full brief, but I'm not rewriting it.

McHatin': Could you just tell us now?

McBlue: No.

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McSunny: ::_coordinating some traffic, he suddenly gets interrupted by his radio, the distraction starting a pile-up around him_:: McSunny here? Oh McShrooms, organs crushed huh? Really? Really? NO WAY. Uh huh, UH HUH... NU UH! Huh, oh yeah I'll be right over. ::_hijacks one of the crashed cars as a member of the public tries to complain at his lack of attention_:: Sorry grandma, police business!

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McWind: ::_sitting on a badly beaten clown, as some kids are in tears, she gently calms them down. McLess showing up in the yard_:: Oh good Officer McLess, you're here.

McLess: ::_seems quite happy that someone's showing him moderate respect_:: Er, yes Officer McWind. You wanted help bringing this guy to the nearest holding facility?

McWind: Yes, sorry to bother you with this, but I need someone to keep an eye on him while I'm driving. Normally we'd have some cells a few minutes away, but thanks... oh God I'm not even going to get started.

McLess: Well no problem partner! Let's get this rascal behind bars!

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McSunny: ::_skids up to the shop, his car knocking the sign off McShrooms_:: What've we got McShrooms?!

McShrooms: ::_reloads his weapon_:: At least one more inside! Grandma might still be packing too!

McSunny: Fucking elderly... ::_dives into the store, bringing his arm up level to the Shop Keeping Assistant_:: Oh right, I don't have a gun anymore...

McShrooms: ::_crashes through the front of the store in the car McSunny'd hijacked, he quickly mows down the Shop Keeping Assistant, crashing into the basement and pinning grandma against the wall_:: Phew... ::_steps out to find a full drugs lab in the basement, comforted by the fact the workers are already jammed into various points between the car's wheels_:: Well I'd estimate there to be fifteen billion pounds of heroine here. But I've always been more of a metric kinda guy.

McSunny: ::_debris of the collapsing building above the shop starting to come down on the pedestrians on the high street. McSunny notices a helicopter in the sky_:: McShrooms! I think some of them are getting away in a copter!


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## KonohaWind (Jun 16, 2008)

McWind: ::smiling:: Goodbye children!  And remember if there is ever a time when a creep is bothering you or your mothers like this ::kicks the clown and he gives a whimper:: give me a call.  ::Grabs the semi-unconscious clown by the collar and drags him out the door to the police car.::

McLess:   C'ya kids.  ::Goes after McWind who just finished stuffing Funky the Clown in the back of the police car::

McWind: Well?  Get in the back McLess.

McLess: Huh?!  I must be mistaken.  Me sit in back?! 

McWind: Well?  What the hell's the matter?

McLess: He's- He's a criminal!  A perverted one at that.

McWind: I beat him pretty bad back there. :: Smiling in spite of herself:: Anyways, just make sure he doesn't die on me.  We ran out of handuffs, but he sucks at fighting.  

McLess: Well....he can't be that bad.  :: sits in back of car.::

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*5 minutes later into the ride.*

McLess: Stop it funky, this isn't right

McWind: What? Is he trying to fight you?  I can't see while im driving.

Funky: Fighting?  These hands are meant for some loving.  You pretty cute too.

McLess: I don't swing that way!

Funky: ::Attempts to spank McLess::  Oh yeah baby!

McWind: ::Abruptly swings car over to side of road, pulls out her shot gun and points it towards Funky.::  

Funky: Are you going to shoot me baby?  

McWind: ::As she stares at Funky the clown, numerous of horrible flashbacks of her father run through her mind and she appears shocked.::

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Younger McWind:  Daddy, McEdward asked me to the prom!  I'm so happy!

Father: What?  You whore!

Younger McWind: ::Tears well up:: Daddy, I swear i'm not a whore!

Father: Why ever couldn't you be born a boy.  :: Slaps her ass:: Get the hell outta here.

Younger McWind: That's the last time you spank me!  

Father:  What? Are you going to kick my ass?

Mom:  I am! ::Gives her father the worst ass whoopin ever witnessed in history:: McWind, when you grow up, I don't want you to let any man ever lay hand on you like  have.  I should have done this a long time ago if my cowerdice hadn't prevented me.  Never let a man take advantage of you, and kick anyones ass who defys your authority.  Be independent, be strong, you don't need a man to make you.  Always remember McWind and you shall be free.

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McWind: :: Shoots near clowns head.:: SIT YOUR ASS DOWN BEFORE I COME BACK THERE!

McLess: You shot him!

McWind: I merely missed his head.  Next time, I wont miss.  ::Turns around and continues driving as if nothing happened.

Funky: ::Whimpering:: I'm scared.

McLess: ::Whimpering:: Me too.


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## Ippy (Jun 19, 2008)

McShrooms: _::looks at the roof of the collapsing building::_ Who the hell's that?

McSunny: _:ches as a uniformed officer runs down the helicopter and jumps into the open passenger section just as it was about to pull off::_ I'd know those rippled pecs and tight buns anywhere... it's McHatin'!

McShrooms: _::gives McSunny a sidelong glance::_ So... you've noticed them too?

McSunny: :ches in awe as the copter spins out of control and crashes into a known crack house, destroying it::  Holy shit!  Is he alright!?

McShrooms: ::runs to the scene with McSunny, surveying the damage:: I like this kid... he gets results!


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